TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

DeJohn123 Archive

View 3 posts and 129 comments by DeJohn123 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Sitting right next to mine right now. I blame my failed marriage on myself and not vetting the first woman better.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/22 11:00 PM
1

She doesn't have to actually reach a higher status for it to be considered hypergamy. It's her perception of a higher class of man that makes it such.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 12:44 PM
3

He'll most likely pump and dump her anyways. Then you can laugh at her while she holds the scraps of her life in her hand. I agree, she did you a favor. Time to get a head start on her in rebuilding your life so that when she is holding those scraps, she can eat her heart out at the stronger you!
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 12:38 PM
3

Yes. Especially in your case being so young and no kids. You're too young to have that life! Get out.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 12:51 PM
2

This might be the best reply I've ever seen on this sub. I am well on my journey to healing and have done all the things you've said, but it's still good to be reaffirmed of these things. Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 12:28 PM
2

"I would often say, “there’s the door, I’m not forcing you to be with me” This doesn't make you a monster. You're not in charge of her happiness. Her cheating speaks on her character, not yours. She's not a bad person, she made a bad decision. Now you make the good decision to move on. Respect yourself and find someone who really means "for better or worse." Work on yourself, namely your mental health, so you don't make the same "mistakes" next time, but your marriage is over. At least this vers…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/22 12:46 PM
2

I wish I would’ve listened to my dad when he said her mother was a red flag. I told him I believed my ex to be her own person. Luckily he refused to say “I told you so” when everything he said came to fruition.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 09:52 AM
1

Yea my ex MIL is on her third alcoholic husband. She has money from the 2nd ex husbands life insurance policy. She married him while he was in his death bed… She’s the talk of the town, and not in a good way.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 03:23 PM
2

I have suspicions (but unfortunately no evidence) of an EA with her current bf. It’s very similar to what her mother did to her dad. And her mother is her closest friend and confidant…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 02:15 PM
5

Yea, we're living parallel realities. Her leaving kicked me in the ass to get my own shit together. Not that I didn't before, but ALL my attention went to my wife and kids. I'm 20 lbs lighter, bench press is up 40 lbs., my golf handicap is in single digits, I started a new career making decent money with the prospect of making a lot more on this current trajectory, all while maintaining the new house I bought and being a better father than I had been previously. I'd like to yell at her and thank…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 01:52 PM
9

I wanna be you when I grow up. Keep killin it bro
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 01:34 PM
5

Man I feel you. My wife and I hit our first rough patch. The birth of our second daughter right as the country locked down from Covid. I was laid off two months later and then I tore my ACL (she had a good argument that I was too old to be playing basketball). She washed her hands of everything
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 01:27 PM
16

2 - 5 - 6 - 7 Edit: I think emotions regarding divorce are hard to quantify. It's compared to death. I still love her, at least what she used to be to me. I feel sorry for her that she thought breaking up our family was her best option, couldn't have been an easy decision. She gets chastised by family regularly. I'm angry she caused all this and limited BOTH of our time with our beautiful girls to 50% of their childhood. Other - - this is where it's tough. Maybe I picked other because I feel eve…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 12:20 PM
3

Yea... I'm one of the lucky ones whose ex is a good mom. There's a lot bad I can say about her, but at least she's a good mom
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 12:59 PM
2

IDK. I think I agree with this viewpoint. Without knowing the OPs family, it's hard to determine their true intentions. I know them just being indifferent to your ex would be the best case scenario, but them being nice is also better than them being assholes to her every chance they get. That would only cause more issues and stress.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 07:50 PM
42

Please do. Win won for the home team.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 12:37 PM
5

Stop doing favors, period. There is no reciprocation in the world that would even it out now. Grey rock is great advice. Let her see that you're ok, even if you're not. Because you know what... you WILL be ok.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/22 01:04 PM
13

"She works some weekdays and bartends Fri/sat nights." I'd bet a lot on the possibility she's having an affair. Now is your time to strike while she's in the fog. Lawyer up and get things like 50/50 custody in motion immediately. DO NOT ABANDON THE MARITAL HOME. Document the times you watch your daughter alone, I don't care if it's every waking hour. Apart from all that, if you're interested in saving the marriage, suggest counseling. But I would still have your little ducks in a row. Sounds lik…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/22 01:01 PM
1

I took that as a final warning that now I have to try and save our marriage -To me, and many others, this is the final warning the marriage is over
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 12:09 PM
13

Yup... I have chores to do around my house. If I don't feel like doing them, I don't. I clean up my daughters rooms before they come to make sure everything is neat, clean and secure for them to play. Roomba for vacuuming. Dishwasher for dishes. Washer and dryer for laundry. Other than that, I realize I have 30+ years in my home to do any renos I want, they don't all need to be done the moment I come home from a long day at work. Boy, the peace of mind just in that was worth some of the heart ac…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 07:18 PM
3

Learned that the hard way once
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 06:20 PM
11

"Can't handle curves? Swipe left." Yea, no problem
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 12:13 PM
8

I think lifelong marriages ARE possible, but you HAVE TO WORK AT IT. Both sides. I DO NOT believe in soulmates. I think this is what is happening to a lot of marriages. "Oh this is hard. If I was with my true soul mate, I wouldn't have to work so much at this" More women than men fall into this category, as their looking for their knight in shining armor. They quickly give up when they realize that it takes commitment and compromise to stay married.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 12:28 PM
2

She can 100% come back later for child support. Child support, technically, is a right of the child(ren), so she can come back and ask for it up until their of legal adult age.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 03:14 PM
6

LOL... Her actions made you sick to your stomach, so you nailed her three more times.
/r/TheRedPill31/05/22 07:50 PM
7

Yea kids are resilient to that broken home thing. There's been thousands, if not millions, of kids from broken homes. It's more important to have stable happy parents.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 07:07 PM
11

I have a female cousin who constantly does this to her ex husband. Every time he gets a new job, gf, works out, gets a raise, what have you -- she barges her way back into his life. She uses the kids as leverage saying it's "what's best for them." Needless to say a few months later she's gone and he's rock bottom again. She's been estranged from our family since we don't support this crap.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 07:00 PM
11

I’ll say this though, any time I feel lax in the weight room, or in life in general, I think about her walking away from me. The things she said. Etc. instant motivation
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 09:46 AM
1

That's a good start. I would first try and get on better terms with your co-parent. Don't bend over backwards for them, but also remind them you deserve as much access to the girls as they do. Like I previously said, try and make plans for big events to come back into town. Recitals, school dances, homecoming, proms etc. Use tech to keep in contact. A lot of schools are tech based nowadays. Do well in keeping up with their grades, check in with teachers, know assignments and projects coming up. …
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 05:49 PM
1

They're 14 man. They're kids. You don't call them cowardly. You tell them, "Hey look. I respect your decision and I know it wasn't easy, but I'm feeling a little down because you didn't feel like you could be upfront and honest with me." You 100% tried to guilt trip by bringing up that you went through anxiety and dealing with lawyers and whatnot for them. EVERY parents goes through anxiety with their kids in DESPITE the situation. The good ones don't remind the kids of that. I'm sorry to give y…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 05:38 PM
27

It's the hill I die on
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 05:07 PM
0

"I told them numerous times that this was for them, and that if they wanted to go back to live with their mom, that was fine." You say numerous times that it's their choice where they go. It's up to them. You don't care where, just as long as their happy, but when they leave you it becomes betrayal? Shows their (bad) character? C'mon man, you're making it about yourself when you said it was about them! And definitely stop trying to guilt trip them. It's wrong, and it'll only push them away. Your…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 05:06 PM
4

I don’t think it’ll ever get abolished. A governments most precious asset is people to govern. Peoples make products, spend money, pay taxes. The government actually should do more to encourage marriage and family (AND KEEP THEM TOGETHER), but that’s another topic.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 03:23 PM
3

This is a good point. Women only truly realize the odds stacked against men once they have sons of their own. But in all honesty, that’s the only situation will a women might love a man unconditionally-that being the mother/son dynamic. Then again, there’s also shitty moms out there. I’m not sure what men are supposed to do. If anything is brought up in legislation, everyone screams “awww boo hoo” or “PATRIARCHY”. That’s why so many men are infatuated with the Johnny Depp trial. Could be helpful…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 03:21 PM
3

Yes yes yes
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 07:47 PM
6

I would say regret is definitely typical in affairs.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/22 01:10 PM
2

Also I'm a child of divorce, never knew my parents together, had some impact on my life Could you elaborate on how it impacted you? I'm curious
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 12:55 PM
2

Been a year so far and mine hasn't come back. Though I hope she does, not so I can take her back, but more so because it'll signify that I actually am a good man and she's the idiot.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 12:52 PM
3

Not sure if you listen to country, but go check out "When It Rains, It Pours" by Luke Combs. This has felt like my life after divorce lol
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 06:20 PM
2

And I calculate I will save about $160k+ annually being single. Damn lol
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 06:20 PM
5

"Damn, we're in a tight spot"
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 02:46 PM
4

I was lucky enough to have this happen
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/22 02:42 PM
7

Yup, she'll have those moments too. My ex just told me the other day my 3 year old daughter was sleeping in bed with her, rolled over while still sleeping, grabbed my exes arm, and said "I love you daddy". It's not an easy life changing experience, for anyone. Allow it to hurt, it's normal, and will push healing.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 07:51 PM
3

Not sure the reason for the downvotes. 20-30 years ago I’d say a second marriage was okay. With how things are now, I don’t understand the reasoning behind doing it again.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/22 11:54 PM
6

This might mean you’re not ready. I’d put a halt on it. Not fair to compare prospects to your ex wife
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/22 11:52 PM
7

Still not there yet… 11 months into separation and pending divorce. I’ve done okay objectively, but each milestone (me getting a house, her getting her own house etc. ) still stings. But it’s getting better
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/22 11:52 PM
3

Agreed. Don't let others actions guide your thoughts, especially if those thoughts are about you "screwing it up." Their actions say more about them than they say about you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 01:23 PM
2

Good point -- have fun with the sugar babies, don't marry and/or get them pregnant
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 08:28 PM
8

Those are milestones in the marriage (i.e. 5 years - 10 years - 15 years) in which things get MORE difficult. Basically we're saying, if he wants out, the sooner the better. The longer he stays in the marriage, the more he'll owe for alimony. Also, get him off of idiotic sugar baby sites.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 08:09 PM
2

Life's too short man, If you can pay your bills comfortably then -- go on that vacation you want, go to that concert, get those golf clubs etc.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 03:05 PM
2

I don't even recognize the person my STBXW is anymore...
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 01:29 PM
12

I had this battle with my STBXW as well. We bought the house and wihtin the first year, I was tasked with all the remodels (though with some help from my father in law, to whom I am grateful. He's still a great dude). I even had the discussion with my ex that as soon as I was done with the kitchen, it was time to take a break and "enjoy" our home as is until we saved up for more upgrades. Only issue was that as soon as I finished the kitchen, she left, and we sold the home lmao. These shows also…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/22 09:26 PM
47

Not it
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen11/02/22 06:42 PM
1

I can't over-emphasize the importance of figuring out your sleep. If you're exhausted, you have less energy to compartmentalize these feelingS. They shouldn't be squashed- that would be unhealthy- but there's a time and place for them. Might I recommend ZMA (if you workout -also important) OR Ashwaghanda (sp?) is great. Dip into some melatonin if it gets really bad.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/22 01:38 PM
1

This happened to me a lot until I finally found a house back in my home town (15-20 from her hometown, where we lived). I would drive past restaurants with memories. Street corners where we watched parades with our daughters. The spot where I proposed. Where we had our rehearsal dinner etc etc It's tough man. I get where you're coming from. Only thing I can recommend is start making new memories with someone else (kids, friend, new SO)
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/22 01:36 PM
2

New set of golf clubs =)
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/22 12:58 PM
4

I had this happen, but it was an old friend who came back in the picture. The girl was barely invited to our wedding, she had gone MIA after she started dating an over-protective (jealous) man. They broke up, she started hanging around my wife. Boom. I'm divorced. The girl was so MIA, she knew nothing about our marriage. Barely met our children.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 08:39 PM
14

This is the source of the issue. Men need to shuck the "happy wife, happy life" mantra and not be afraid of pissing their wife off. I've watched marriages (including my own) dissolve and end because the man bends over backwards. The marriages that seem to last are the ones where the men have a backbone. I've taken this as a lesson learned and will refuse to break my boundaries in any further relationship. That being said, it's very unlikely I make the commitment of marriage again.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 08:34 PM
1

It put a spotlight on the bad things in our marriage, which I guess should be a part of it. But at no point were ever asked to talk about the things that worked in our marriage. We eventually separated (at the behest of our therapist) and then divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 04:39 PM
3

My daughters are 3 and 1... she left and it kills me to know I see them half of the time I would before. They seem to grow up so fast at that age, even faster when you see them 50% of time. As for staying or going, I can't give you anything from my personal experience, as I didn't want the divorce and would've chosen to stay regardless. But from what I read, if the marriage is hostile (ie fights, shouting etc.) then it's better to split up than risk the kids thinking that's a "normal" marriage, …
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 08:46 PM
1

My question is there a point of no return..? I'll elaborate. I'm recently separated from my wife of 5 years, with divorce papers in the works. She'll deny it, but I believe she was fucking around. For the most part I've been in contact with her sending pictures of our girls when I have them and vice versa. She's sent me weird texts every once in a while that made me think she was still interested ("Did you make it home safe") to which I stupidly respond to. Now, I HAVE to be in contact with her …
/r/TheRedPill28/01/22 08:12 PM
3

I have no answer, just following so I can see responses as I have the same conundrum as well
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 05:23 PM
2

100% normal. I see this as you using your rational side to take care of business in the immediate aftermath. ​ But the emotions were always there, and as you took care of the logistics of what was going on, it allowed you to start feeling the emotions of anger and hurt. This is normal, only a sociopath would not feel those emotions during this situation. ​ My advice... FEEL THEM. Be hurt, angry, sad... it's part of the healing. Ignoring these emotions will only prolong the process. Much love to …
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 01:46 PM
3

What’s ironic about this is child support was set up to support stay at home mothers decades ago… that way if their husband left they wouldn’t be screwed financially. Now they’ve fought to join the work force and achieve equal pay (rightfully), but still want the same post-divorce standards as those SAHM from the 1950s…. Sigh
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/21 11:15 PM
3

I'd focus on finding hobbies. Solid friendships and dates will sprout from that since you'll be around people with common interests.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/21 07:40 PM
2

I see what you did there!! Haha
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 10:12 AM
6

this is beautiful.. Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 05:58 PM
2

Most of the time the mortgage provider will accept a signed and notarized Affidavit stating you are/are not paying CS
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/21 06:02 PM
5

Once you keep moving forward... you start seeing it as a win instead of a loss. I am not anti-marriage, but if someone is able to simply walk away from theirs, then the other person avoided years of misery.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 07:53 PM
3

No offense, but how do you afford golf? Lol
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 02:18 AM
8

Dude -- How I wish I could buy you a beer. To hell with her, and to hell with my wife who seems to be on the same path as your ex. You give me courage to do the same thing you did WHEN mine undoubtedly does crawl back. Cheers bro
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/21 01:01 PM
5

Sure. Many people use many different types of manipulative behavior in order to get what we want. THAT’S hardwired, as it’s is trying to get our needs met. In regards to your anecdote though, most women use crying because ever since they were young, they’re need would be met when they cried bc they’re little girls. Little boys on the other hand, are usually told to suck it up, man up, or quit crying. That’s why boys- and eventually men- learn different ways to manipulate. Edit: I have zero backg…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/21 03:48 PM
3

I disagree about it being hardwired… this is learned behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/21 12:26 PM
2

I completely agree with this. Imagine going out to the park with someone you love... does that mean you hate every other person there because you love the person next to you. No. You ignore every one else - you're indifferent to them.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/21 02:09 PM
6

I once had to randomly paint the bathroom at 10pm on a Thursday...
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/21 01:13 PM
4

Go Pens
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/21 01:13 PM
3

Yup... too many times I've seen men get hurt and the women either leave and don't help their husbands. "in sickness and in health" -- yea right
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 12:58 PM
3

I'm currently separated from my STBXW... she never had hobbies, quit everything she did in high school (cheerleading, band, etc.) When we met she knew I avidly played basketball, baseball, hockey, golf, pool. She knew this was a big part of my life. When we had kids, I slowed down. I wanted to be there for my girls as much as I could, but I still wanted 1-2 nights a weeks to do the things I loved. Many would consider it healthy to get out of the house and blow off some steam competing. I granted…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 12:57 PM
2

Trust me, I've seen guy friends complain what a miserable b*tch their ex was the entire relationship, knowing full well she was not (or at least it went both ways, ie she was a miserable b*tch because you were kind of a dick.)
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 01:25 PM
34

Most people (I'm avoiding just writing 'women' here) rewrite the narrative of the marriage in their heads in order to gain sympathy from themselves and outside sources. Be prepared for her to say she was "always" scared or miserable, even though it's not true.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 11:54 AM
1

I feel this way too. It's an unpopular opinion, but not everyone's ex is BPD and/or narcissistic. It's also dangerous labeling people this way, as it can stop you from truly reflecting on YOUR role in the marriage disintegrating. Not to say some people weren't married to BPD/NPD, but we need to be a little more consistent and cautious about it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/21 12:00 PM
9

Yup. Essentially, when they leave they tip all the power in the relationship by being the only person who can decide to continue. Pulling the plug on that power returns everything to factory settings (weird analogy, I know). The relationship might turn back on again, or it might not ever turn back on again. Regardless you’ll be better for it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 12:15 AM
6

I like this a lot. I find myself telling my own mind to shut the fuck up a lot. All of us have been conditioned for the easy way out. We (as men) need to break free of that. That woman doesn't want you anymore? Fine. I know what kind of man I am. Good luck with all the losers out there honey. Bye.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/21 05:39 PM
21

You still love her... Try tricking yourself by saying the only way you're gonna get her back is by not doing the pick me dance. In all actuality, THAT IS your only hope. You need to make her realize that she can be replaced and you will be ok without her. Otherwise, you're just validating her leaving.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/21 03:20 PM
12

My STBXW did the same thing. For my 34th birthday last December, she wrote 34 stickies in the bathroom with reasons why she loves me. 4 months later I was out on my ass. She's never "seemed" so happy. This person I've woke up to everyday, last person I saw before bed for six years, is now essentially a stranger to me. I can't offer too much advice as I'm basically in the same spot you are. Sending prayers and love man.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/21 07:42 PM
1

Pretty tough when society and the legal systems tells us otherwise
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/21 12:44 AM
1

Can you go further into this? Maybe DM me and let me know what worked and what didn’t in your situation (I’m talking about reconciling). My “estranged” wife is starting to show regrets now.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/21 12:44 AM
1

Hence why I think I am done. I'll go through a cycle of really good dogs and spending my own money for myself and my daughters the rest of my life
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/21 01:18 PM
3

this has been a tough realization for me as well. 6 years together and 4 years married (not as long as you) but over in a split second.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/21 01:12 PM
5

You see a lot of that on Reddit as well. "You don't deserve this!!" blah blah blah "Just go!!" Very rarely you see people recommend exploring all avenues. Divorce has become as normalized as a high school break up at this point
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/21 12:03 PM
7

I haven't gone through this personally, but an older gentleman I confided in during my process had a similar situation to yours. He basically said, "give it time, and the kids will begin to see both parents for what they truly are." My thinking, if you get vindictive against your ex, it's gonna do nothing but hurt your relationship with yours kids. You might just have to be patient with this one, allows your kids some space (even though she'll talk sh*t on you), and then be there for them WHEN t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/21 05:32 PM
17

"my ex cries every time I see her when I pick my daughter? This just pisses me off, as I take it as a way to manipulate, why cry if this is what she wanted, this is the result of her actions. Do any of you experience this?" My wife looks at me with the most evil gaze. She asked for the divorce, has said I'm a good man, husband and father. I didn't cheat or abuse. Her love for me was just gone. But she still looks upon me like I'm scum. I would say that hurts worse than her crying.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/21 08:10 PM
3

I wonder what the percentage of people who have asked for a divorce and then came back asking to reconcile. I have a few friends who were in my position, and the overall sense I get is all their wives at least approached the conversation of halting the divorce that they initiated. It hasn't happened to me yet, but I'd like to prepare myself so that I don't enter the conversation overly emotional. I NEED to tell her no.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/21 12:29 PM
2

One thing you can solace in is you can eventually begin that search for someone who wouldn't do something so heinous to you in the first place, no matter how the relationship is going. Anyone who cheats is extremely selfish.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/21 12:16 PM
7

You brought up trust issues twice... that says enough for me
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/21 12:58 PM
3

I would be super patient, particularly if he's in the beginning stages. His emotions will come in waves. DO NOT PUSH IT. He's already going through a lot, no matter the circumstances. He's basically dealing with a death, as divorce is often compared to.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/21 12:06 PM
3

Yup. Time to turn into a stone and direct that energy somewhere else. Let her see that you've moved on OP. If anything, it'll help you and show her you'll be just fine without her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 12:22 PM
9

Also, the person who ends the marriage has already grieved before actually going through the process of the divorce. She's simply further along the coping mechanisms than you OP.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 12:21 PM
4

Shit, I'll drive you over
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 12:14 PM
1

My comment was meant to sound ridiculous
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen21/09/21 01:24 AM
4

I'm curious as well. My STBXW gave me the ILYBNILWY talk... and walked away. Ok, she made a decision she thought would be happy, and though she broke my heart, I can't be mad at someone who decides to make themselves happy. But now she treats me like I'm the most evil thing in the world. I don't deserve the hatred. Maybe she's doing it to feel less attached, but women can't be this nuts, can they?
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 12:03 PM
2

Some of these people haven't seen "Taken"
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen16/09/21 04:08 PM
1

Two. 3 and 1 yr old
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 12:19 PM
6

I would not put yourself in a situation of "strained finances" man. You sound like a good dude I get it. She is/was your wife and you do/did love her, but she's not your wife anymore. I don't know the details of your separation, but if she wants a divorce, than this is what it is. She needs to find a way to provide for herself outside of the court mandated support. I would say if you were comfortable financially to do this, then it would be your choice, but I wouldn't advise you to put yourself …
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/21 08:25 PM
1

I’ve decided to go out for wings
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/21 09:08 PM
1

You make a good point... I'm a good-looking (if I do say so myself) 34 yr old. I think I'm gonna do just fine.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/21 08:31 PM
3

I like this idea... clear your mind and be honest with yourself of what your ideal life would look like. Now open your eyes and see if you current life falls into that. Make changes based on this, not outside influences.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/21 03:37 PM
3

That is a solid silver-lining
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/21 01:30 PM
1

hypocritical women I guess this was my target audience when I said it would be controversial
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen02/09/21 12:06 PM
1

For the record, I don't look for just under 130lbs. My ex-wife was upwards of 150lbs. It was a hypothetical.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen01/09/21 12:00 PM
20

What's annoying, and this might be controversial, they can ask for tall men, but if I say "you must weight less than 130lbs." then I'm the terrible person. for the record I'm 6'3" and find this annoying as well
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen31/08/21 12:07 PM
-1

I'd recommend counseling both individually and as a couple. You guys need to learn to communicate. Fighting is not the issue, but there should be some "rules of engagement" so to speak. You should be allowed to disagree, but it should come from a place of love and should never cross certain boundaries, ie physical abuse, name calling... basically anything either of you would regret later.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/21 02:37 PM
5

I think your reactions are normal. Validation is a good feeling too. I would say not to revel in your ex's misery, but the rest of your post shows a good level or maturity (not wanting son in the middle of everything, feeling bad for him being exposed to fighting, not keeping tabs on ex.) If I were you, I'd soak it up a little bit. I don't see anything wrong with doing a little dance in your head after the misery of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/21 04:41 PM
3

Also, you get to come with the terms that you no longer have to be with someone who would pull this shit on you anymore. I know it's hard, but that's a silver lining in itself
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/21 07:04 PM
2

My younger sister said the same to me, and I wouldn't think much of it since she is my sister, but I've heard it reiterated from my female friends (who would never see in a romantic light). "What is she doing?!?! It's awful out here!!"
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/21 04:04 PM
6

You set up a boundary, telling them early on commitment is off the table. Them pressing it on you would be unfair. To the point of the matter, it simply sounds like you just need more healing. Whether that happens through time or counseling, only you would know.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/21 04:02 PM
6

Couldn't have reiterated the first paragraph better. Yes, women get a lot of attention on dating apps, but not necessarily good attention, or at least for what most women are looking to get out of the app. Her joy of having attention will soon be replaced by annoyance of the scum on that app and the quick realization that its a microcosm of the scum out in the real world as well. If you can walk away from your marriage knowing you're a good dude and you did everything you could as a good man, yo…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/21 12:20 PM
2

All makes sense. My ex has always been a quitter, starting with extracurriculars in high school. But you’re right. Things got uncomfortable and she left.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 12:58 AM
2

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I’ve delved into the same things you’ve done. Self help books are awesome. I’ve always been athletic but put a few pounds on during the marriage. Those are gone and my bench is up 20 lbs in the four months since (Bigger Leaner Stronger is a good guide for natural lifters). Thankfully, I didn’t lose too much of my identity. I’ve always been a sports nut. It was actually one of her gripes. It was something I did while dating, so I’m not sure why it all of a sudd…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/21 11:57 PM
4

Just to make you aware, your grief or sadness will come in waves, so prepare yourself for the next time you're sad. workout, read, meditate when that undoubtedly has it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/21 07:08 PM
3

They're there, watching the life they had crumble, and aren't even able to start rebuilding their future until the process of divorce is over. They're forced to stand idle and stare at the rubble, when all they want is for it to be over and start rebuilding. Never heard this expressed more perfectly.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/21 02:13 PM
2

Trust me, your comfort will go a long way to being enough. Be there, listen, help him reflect.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/21 02:11 PM
2

My 3 year old daughter does the same thing, and I don't see it ending anytime soon, because hey, that's mom! A child who doesn't want their mother would be something more bothersome since it shows some signs of distress or an abusive inattentive mother (which I can say a million things about my STBXW, but being a bad mother is not one of them). I was in your shoes until I dropped my daughters off the other day and my 3 year old begged me not to leave. It broke my heart in a different, but reaffi…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/21 12:57 PM
14

My experience was more in line with this. After getting up at 5 am (3.5 hours before she had to get up for work) in order to take the kids to their specific places and driving an hour to work, work all day, drive an hour home... I had the AUDACITY to sit on the couch and fall asleep. Mind you, I didn't intend to nap, I was just so tired I fell asleep. The kids would not be home at the time, she would be upstairs working her WFH job, and I would make sure nothing needed done (dishes, laundry, cle…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 08:28 PM
2

this is great perspective, thank you for the insight. Since my separation from my wife, I've turned to a great many motivational, introspective, and self help literature. I will add this to the list.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/21 11:56 AM
3

I'm 34, and just stumbled into this subreddit today...
/r/MGTOW19/07/21 08:16 PM
2

I hope to be in your shoes some day.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/21 01:59 PM
3

I'm pretty sure that depends on the state laws
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/21 03:56 PM
3

Just another thing to keep in mind also, she can always come back and ask for child support at anytime. Child support is meant to be seen as a right of the child(ren), not the custodial parent.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/21 03:09 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter