DearElise Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
1	There is a phrase that resonated with me—which I saw in the comments on a video by a "red pill" content creator—that went: "The male psychiatrist falls in love with the female patient, but the female psychiatrist does not fall in love with the male patient." This refers to hypergamy. Yeah of course it’s not ideal and both parties should strive to improve themselves. My point is a lot of women love men that are imperfect. It’s men who are statistically more likely to leave a cancer-stricken wife. Heavily documented. Not trying to attack men. I’m married to a guy who would do no such thing. But it is the reality for lots of women which is why the notion that women only fall in love with perfect men / are “hypergamous” is disgusting. Those women exist but incels constantly maki…	/r/ExRedPill	03/07/26 12:51 PM
9	There is a phrase that resonated with me—which I saw in the comments on a video by a "red pill" content creator—that went: "The male psychiatrist falls in love with the female patient, but the female psychiatrist does not fall in love with the male patient." This refers to hypergamy. Women constantly act as therapists to the guy they are dating. This is well known if you have female friends. It’s not ideal nor is it always the case but you do hear a lot about how women need to train the guy they are dating because they are emotionally stunted and don’t have basic communication skills. Women stay and try anyway. A lot of marriages are built of the patience of a woman. If that’s not debunking this crackpot theory, I don’t know what is.	/r/ExRedPill	02/07/26 11:34 PM
2	Are attractive men rare for women? I agree. Usually I comment nicely and try to be helpful over the last few months but all of this incel beliefs treating women like this make me so upset. It’s like we are not even human beings. It’s all starting to get to me and affecting the healthy relationships I have.	/r/ExRedPill	22/06/26 11:46 PM
-1	Are attractive men rare for women? Do men like Megan Fox? Do men like Gal Gadot? Do most men date only women who look like Megan Fox or Gal Gadot? Will most men leave their wives for Megan Fox or Gal Gadot? Maybe the reason incels cannot get women is because they are retarded.	/r/ExRedPill	22/06/26 03:14 PM
1	Leaving red pill behind The incredible thing about the human memory is that it tends to lie to you and be twisted over time. This is proven in psychology. Really, you want us to believe you stayed in a relationship for 3 years when it was that bad? Surely you guys had good moments too and now your brain is twisting your experiences to catastrophize it so you would feel better about being dumped. The hammer to the nail comment is accurate because if you think you acted like a pushover, you’re going to flip through your …	/r/ExRedPill	08/06/26 12:31 AM
8	About "the wall" I read a comment somewhere that said it’s projection - they are basically describing how they would be like in those situations. Even the studies that state more women in their 30s/40s who are single and take antidepressants don’t link the correlation to loneliness, but to that women are more likely to seek help and try to better themselves (not verbatim as I can’t recall the exact study).	/r/ExRedPill	01/06/26 08:20 PM
4	[29M] Struggling with retroactive jealousy and internalized "Red Pill" logic after a long-term breakup. How do I move past this? The thing about redpill beliefs is that no answer or evidence (eg you snooping through her phone) is going to satisfy that need for certainty. You are aware yourself it is irrational. Both of you clearly have anxiety about each other cheating, so either that is something you agree to work on together to build trust and overcome triggers, or your anxieties are going to rub each other the wrong way. This is unconventional advice but I was in a long term stable relationship before I was affected by…	/r/ExRedPill	28/05/26 05:10 PM
4	What should a man have before even trying a dating or relationship? I don’t think you’re being realistic and possibly are using “women have high standards” as a cop out for fear of dealing with adult responsibilities.	/r/ExRedPill	27/05/26 06:23 PM
2	What should a man have before even trying a dating or relationship? Rather than let others create some imaginary checklist for them, how about you define it yourself? The logic is simple - you can’t ask for something from someone else that you do not have. For example, for a lot of people, the baseline would be good hygiene and puts in effort into maintaining their appearance. If you’re looking for someone like that who isn’t perfect but spends time treating their acne and exercises, then you should be that yourself. No, once the bond is built, you work through …	/r/ExRedPill	27/05/26 02:46 PM
8	UPDATE: Just discovered my BF of a year is red pill and can't reconcile between his problematic views and how well he actually treats me... how bad are these views? See me and my man are actually conservative (not in the politically shallow sense where people make it their identity, but in sharing some values). In all the years we have been together he’s never said anything to put me or my gender down, or even debate on this topic passing it off as “logic”. He also treats me well, not in the romanticized sense but realistically what ordinary couples can manage. I don’t like the global notion that implies all conservative men are redpilled and see women as l…	/r/ExRedPill	25/05/26 11:52 AM
1	I decided to leave blackpill and incel communities. I have a plan to feel better AND look better Great plan especially on the hobbies. If you relapse don’t beat yourself up over it, it’s just the process towards recovery. Go outside doesn’t mean go to nightclubs. Maybe what you need at the moment is a social activity not focused on socializing. For example, hiking, sports, swimming, something that helps your mental health outside of digital inputs. This post has also given me inspiration to take a break from reddit.	/r/ExRedPill	23/05/26 09:07 AM
12	Just discovered my BF of a year is red pill and can’t reconcile between his problematic views and how well he actually treats me… how bad are these views? My husband and I gear slightly more traditional, and he might be slightly old fashioned in some respects, but he has never ever said any of the above nor has he implied anything about my value other than I’m precious to him. The five messages you sent are a big yikes. I don’t typically encourage breakups but the honeymoon period can go on for 1-2 years. Treating you well is one thing, treating you well when you’re in conflict and in stressful situations is another. You’re seeing the real him now…	/r/ExRedPill	20/05/26 07:46 PM
6	Blackpilling experiences: what to do? You should try to fix your r/confidence. If even I as a stranger have to reassure or encourage you to be positive, and get tired by it, it’s probably worse for others. It’s a confidence issue you have not a woman issue or a looks issue.	/r/ExRedPill	19/05/26 04:47 PM
7	Blackpilling experiences: what to do? In this case why don’t you think about the person you’d like to be (looks aside) and work towards that. Activities or hobbies are also surface level. Curiosity is a good trait. What are some other traits? I’m sure you have more than one.	/r/ExRedPill	18/05/26 09:14 PM
11	Blackpilling experiences: what to do? You value yourself based off your looks that’s why you project onto everyone that they have the same value judgement system. Simple statement but think about it. No anecdote or study can convince you because it’s your internal belief about yourself. You will always be questioning it like you do in your replies to other comments sharing their anecdotes, and if anything getting into a relationship would be a miserable experience for the other person because they would always be reassuring you. Wha…	/r/ExRedPill	18/05/26 04:11 PM
1	I might have destroyed my first ever relationship because of my incel thoughts Eh the world pathologizes normal problems too much these days. It’s your first time having sex, no? It’s super normal to be nervous even for a guy. I don’t know why people don’t tell young men this. Porn makes it seem like it’s a magical experience. Sex gets better overtime when you know what your partner likes. You sound normal but overly self conscious. Everything you described though sounds like self sabotage. Why would any respectable woman like you or even be able to love you if you have wa…	/r/ExRedPill	16/05/26 02:07 PM
18	Is it normal to get no attention or comments on your looks as a guy? I used to compliment men without a second thought and would tell them their dressing looked nice, but then they mistook it for interest and thought I was leading them on, getting angry. So yeah. It’s normal to get no comments. Women just trying to protect themselves. And I say this without any bitterness at all, it’s just matter of factly not worth risking trouble these days when young men misinterpret the smallest things. Why don’t you ask your friends which celebrity or public figure you most …	/r/ExRedPill	10/05/26 11:35 PM
1	Is this guy I’m talking to red pilled? You’re in the stage of life where you don’t have enough experience to tell when something is salvageable / requires more effort on your part and when a situation is not worth investing in. In this case, you could possibly rationalize all his actions. I recommend that you get to know more men slowly, or even if you decide to date, to move slowly. Get to know yourself better too. Whoever you decide to date first sets the baseline for what is normal and if you get mistreated down the road, you will…	/r/ExRedPill	02/05/26 11:21 AM
2	I can’t escape Both men and women in this redpilled headspace are quite literally brainwashed by their own set of “rational” beliefs. I know since I was in it myself. We can only try to help where we can but they have to be the ones to seek help themselves. I’m not so triggered by the pick me comment because a) I’m married b) I can relate to the hurt/angry headspace. Thanks for sticking up for me but don’t waste your rage meter on this. Stay at peace and happy 😊	/r/ExRedPill	11/04/26 03:22 AM
1	I can’t escape 4B and RP both consider themselves virtuous “ingroups” that believe they hold the secrets to life majority of the world magically cannot understand, based on inherent beliefs about the opposite sex. You can live 4B lifestyles (no dating, no marriage) and have a supportive women community without the gender ideology or isolating from half the population. That’s not protecting yourself, it’s escape from reality. You’re not more virtuous than RP/MGTOW just because it’s a movement started by women. …	/r/ExRedPill	10/04/26 10:31 PM
1	I can’t escape That’s the same flawed logic rp uses. You can decenter dating, have supportive communities, and focus on self improvement without isolating yourself from half the population out of a false generalization that you need to protect yourself. I considered wgtow after a traumatic event many years ago so I understand the mindset one needs to be in to consider such options. It’s simply a way to cope. Being a healthy adult is accepting that if you put yourself out there (to a reasonable degree) and date…	/r/ExRedPill	10/04/26 03:44 PM
5	I can’t escape I am happily married but discovered rp spaces early on too, but didn’t become rp myself until much later. It has affected my life quite a lot that even now I can resonate with some of your grievances. However, reality is often shaped by your environment. In my case I was lucky to have been surrounded by male figures and friends who were perfectly normal and they make up the large majority of people. At the time I discovered rp I was with an ex. I had the same initial reaction you did. He explain…	/r/ExRedPill	09/04/26 11:21 PM
1	I can’t escape I don’t agree with this either and I’m jaded with misogyny myself. Both RP and 4B are extreme ways to cope as a form of protest.	/r/ExRedPill	09/04/26 11:15 PM
8	“Multiply the number by 3” From a social perspective, body count is a way to demean and control women by putting them on the defensive. From a functional perspective as someone probably older than most of the demographic here, body count is a problem for teenagers and those in their 20s. Your opinion will likely change down the road, when you try to get into a healthy relationship and realize a lot of people are messed up and the main things that matter are personality related. It’s something that organically falls to the…	/r/ExRedPill	07/04/26 11:40 AM
5	My partner is red pill , how to help him ? I was once in a similar position a long time ago, except that I had the luck of experiencing a healthy relationship right before that. So it was easier to tell that it was not a good peaceful relafionship and I got out quick. The thing about it being your first is that the pain will hit the hardest because you’ve given innocence and love. If you’d gotten to know more men (not sleeping with them) but dating, you would have gained experience to know that you can’t save someone. Hopefully I can sav…	/r/ExRedPill	07/04/26 02:47 AM
1	How to handle not getting texts back Nah it doesn’t sound like it’s your fault - she also dropped the ball. I’m not saying this to make you feel better, it’s just what it is. There are lots of people on both sides who don’t know how to build trust or have their own unresolved problems but yet are dating. It’s not your fault. People reveal who they are, you just reserve your energy and heart for a girl who will not let the ball drop. No one is too busy to text more than a week, or there should be some reassurance from their side in …	/r/ExRedPill	06/04/26 11:16 AM
1	How to handle not getting texts back It’s hard to tell from text habits alone. Sometimes when the bond becomes deeper, people also text faster when they feel more comfortable. My advice is not to play games if you’re trying to build something real (eg text back a day if she takes a day). Women pick up easily on these things. Try to create a safe environment. If she doesn’t reciprocate your efforts, that’s all the message you need. Attachment styles aside, let’s assume she is indeed busy or maybe you have anxiety, you should still b…	/r/ExRedPill	06/04/26 03:51 AM
2	Worried I will never get out of this The concept of never having to “settle” is a fantasy sold to the inexperienced. We all do in some way. Once you’re years into a relationship and towards a marriage, you’d realize that both parties have to compromise on what they want to make it work. That’s not choosing you because they couldn’t get someone else, that’s because no perfect person exists especially when two people are continuously growing. At some point you’d both need to “settle” and choose each other. There will always be someon…	/r/ExRedPill	06/04/26 03:01 AM
5	How do you persuade boys and men to drop Red Pill when so much of women’s dating discourse demands 666: ‘6 figures, 6 pack, 6 ft’? It’s the elephant in the room. Haha ok. The irony of a man bringing other men down, and a woman having to school a man that they’re worth more than a caricature described as “mediocre” or letting themselves go” after marriage. Never thought I’d see this day. Thanks for the laugh. I’m out, not going to feed your masochistic kink further.	/r/ExRedPill	26/03/26 01:23 PM
5	How do you persuade boys and men to drop Red Pill when so much of women’s dating discourse demands 666: ‘6 figures, 6 pack, 6 ft’? It’s the elephant in the room. Think what you want dude. I’ll continue pointing out lies that are harming our society as I see them.	/r/ExRedPill	26/03/26 12:56 PM
5	How do you persuade boys and men to drop Red Pill when so much of women’s dating discourse demands 666: ‘6 figures, 6 pack, 6 ft’? It’s the elephant in the room. Why are you on this sub if you want to believe in rp ideology so badly? You sound neck deep in it and so there’s no point saying anything.	/r/ExRedPill	26/03/26 05:27 AM
4	Trying to Unlearn a Damaging Belief About Dating Let me flip this around. The female “equivalent” for this fear would be that they’re merely a placeholder until the guy finds someone they actually want to marry or the man they love are hung up on some girl that has rejected them in the past. In your experience, is this valid or not, or do you have control of your own mind and capacity for loyalty? If your answer wavers a bit, it’s very likely a reflection of how you would act if you had a better option, more so than how a woman might act. Don’…	/r/ExRedPill	25/03/26 09:27 AM
7	Help me not grow resentful Yeah I think you’re having a valid crashout and are self aware. Resentment has to go somewhere, if not external then it will be internal, and neither are healthy. Statistically if it makes you feel better short guys are less likely to get divorced and have more sex. Of course it will be much harder for short men to date, but there’s a huge difference in the chances of maintaining a relationship between dating short guys who are insecure vs secure with themselves. You’d probably have to work hard…	/r/ExRedPill	25/03/26 06:15 AM
6	I'm ditching RPW ideologies You snap out of RPW once you figure out the chief puppet masters are men from TRP. I used to convince myself that “ok, I’ll take only what I find useful” but realized I could have gotten the same advice by just focusing on self improvement. But it’s helped me a lot with empathizing with men who fell in TRP because I understand how everything can look like logic or a solution, when personal life isn’t working out for you. Everyone wants answers from somewhere.	/r/ExRedPill	24/03/26 08:24 PM
6	Do you believe men have a peak? Science shows that men and women are more likely to marry within their class (same educational and wealth status). It’s called assortative mating and couples that do this are incentivized by upward mobility for their children, wealth retention and have lower divorce rates. This is the pairing that is rising the fastest. Men do marry younger but it’s not because of some peak, nor is the age gap big, across most cultures women tend to marry men 2-3 years older. Also the older men are, the wider th…	/r/ExRedPill	24/03/26 08:36 AM
3	How do you persuade boys and men to drop Red Pill when so much of women’s dating discourse demands 666: ‘6 figures, 6 pack, 6 ft’? It’s the elephant in the room. according to the recent manosphere documentary, a lot of them were raised by single parents apparently. So what you said makes sense. I also saw a comment section where men who snapped out of rp said they got out of it because of they thought of their parents and something didn’t add up. I myself also snapped out of it because I have a good father - only fell into it because of one bad breakup.	/r/ExRedPill	22/03/26 07:41 PM
7	How do you persuade boys and men to drop Red Pill when so much of women’s dating discourse demands 666: ‘6 figures, 6 pack, 6 ft’? It’s the elephant in the room. Yep, even the chivalrous influencers innocently telling you about “dating standards” or in my case “princess treatment” are trying to sell you something lol. If it helps, I like objective influencers like drmaxbutterfield. His content can sometimes be quite dry because he’s not ragebaiting so there’s no dopamine hit, but he’s married for 20 years, presents science based advice and his business model depends on donations rather than selling a course. I guess if you don’t ragebait you don’t really…	/r/ExRedPill	22/03/26 07:33 PM
11	How do you persuade boys and men to drop Red Pill when so much of women’s dating discourse demands 666: ‘6 figures, 6 pack, 6 ft’? It’s the elephant in the room. You unconsciously seek out content like this because it’s hard to look away and it validates your narratives - easier to blame something else. I also get served ragebait content on the algorithm about how men are trash and I actively block or quickly swipe away. I rarely see them anymore. I also maintain surface relationships with women who obviously have trauma with men which is why they go around spewing “men are trash” but would never take relationship advice from them. My close circle is mos…	/r/ExRedPill	22/03/26 06:08 PM
4	Why is it redpill guys tend to have more hookups or more causal sex partners ? Yeah exactly haha but maybe not the human sex toy part. Women also want to be loved so sometimes they believe they can change these men. The stories me and my husband hear are honestly so fucked up, we can’t comprehend the actions of our male/female friends sometimes. I think the men who want a relationship think it’s hard to get into one because they’re looking in the wrong place or pining after the wrong women. Both people need to have some maturity, common sense and know what they want. For e…	/r/ExRedPill	20/03/26 09:05 AM
2	I don’t want to be “red-pilled”, but I’ve seen too much and am kinda low-key traumatized (please help me) You lost the genetic lottery. Not going to sugarcoat it. But yes, the way the world treats short men (not just in dating but also in the workplace) is wrong and too normalized. Which means you’re going to have a much harder time not just figuring out dating but also regulating your identity/self esteem. There are also upsides though, like short men are less likely to be divorced after marriage and they also have more sex. There’s also famous short men who have gotten married and tall women / sho…	/r/ExRedPill	20/03/26 01:14 AM
3	I've been cold approaching on and off since 2020's autumn... I think you have unrealistic standards for yourself and have no idea what normal looks like because you’re comparing yourself to what you see on rp. It’s enormously hard for most people to form a relationship. What strikes me about your descriptions is you never once mention what you like about the women. It all sounds very statistical and like you just wanted to get into a relationship at all costs, even if you didn’t really like the women. Maybe you didn’t even know what you like (“they’re all…	/r/ExRedPill	20/03/26 12:49 AM
6	Why is it redpill guys tend to have more hookups or more causal sex partners ? By lying and acting. Some of these men I knew that do this don’t even fit the “high value” trope or have jobs, they just preyed on the inexperience of some women. Sometimes men forget that a lot of young women are also figuring stuff this out too, some might be as immature as the young men would be and these young men who are hurt by them take it seriously. As they should. The group that I feel sad for are the women who have cried in front of me who genuinely wanted a relationship and were good …	/r/ExRedPill	20/03/26 12:26 AM
2	Guys do you think red pill will decline in the coming years? True that the last 100 years have been pivotal. Maybe I am too jaded by my own experiences. Thanks for the dose of optimism.	/r/ExRedPill	18/03/26 08:28 PM
4	Hi, has anyone noticed “red pill” content spreading in other languages/cultures ?? True on the presidential election I forgot about that. I just googled what you said and I found out some platforms cracked down on videos with manosphere-related keywords. Yeah lol I sometimes wish I had no conscience whatsoever. I’d imagine I would be very rich proliferating ragebait and trafficking people. Looks like we are staying poor. I jest of course. I’m annoyed and saddened by society.	/r/ExRedPill	17/03/26 10:31 PM
4	Hi, has anyone noticed “red pill” content spreading in other languages/cultures ?? I kinda agree but also I think it’s not funded directly for most microinfluencers, it’s just that they already have an audience to continue feeding off. I don’t want to discount the audiences themselves too because I think many people go into these things out of a desire to self improve initially (there is also a rp women which was the initial rabbit hole I fell in after a bad breakup - later I found out it was run by rp men……..) Billionaires are funding media that amplify these influencers thou…	/r/ExRedPill	17/03/26 09:59 PM
12	Hi, has anyone noticed “red pill” content spreading in other languages/cultures ?? Yes. It’s profitable and is probably funded by ogligarchs, just like how the other mass propaganda spread. Sorry if this is dipping into conspiracy zone, but something sinister is happening here.	/r/ExRedPill	17/03/26 09:46 PM
3	Guys do you think red pill will decline in the coming years? Hmm I really appreciate that you have thought of this. Building on your idea, socializing mental health care could work only in a society where it is not seen as a shameful thing because of masculine ideals. Statistically, women seek mental health care much more than men, and are also referred for mental health help more than men. My proposal is counter propaganda to introduce healthier ideals of masculinity and feminity. Instead of ragebaiting either sex, figure out a way to make healthy relati…	/r/ExRedPill	17/03/26 08:26 PM
3	Guys do you think red pill will decline in the coming years? I 100% agree with all your statements that it shouldn’t be the case. I’m just not betting on this mindset being drastically reduced in our lifetime, especially when it has not for centuries. While I do feel annoyed and appreciate the empathy, I’m trying to focus on what can be done. Unlike the manosphere, there is no mass movement funding male influencers who are advocating for healthy relationships and trying to change this mindset, even though these men are married and appear more qualified to…	/r/ExRedPill	17/03/26 08:14 PM
3	Boomers vs. women… who truly harms men? I actually find myself agreeing with some of your points and trying to see things from your pov. You raise an interesting point that young men see themselves as “punching back” rather than “punching down”, which I do see myself doing since in contrast to you I work in a male-dominated field. I wonder if your experiences are isolated in the sense that you could change environments and experience a different treatment, and thus worldview that men have it “bad” on similar levels. My goal is not to …	/r/ExRedPill	17/03/26 05:54 PM
2	Guys do you think red pill will decline in the coming years? I find myself sharing a lot of the same sentiment with your comments. So what do you think is the fix here? My thoughts are in counter propaganda but for good purposes, although I have no clue what form would de-radicalize these people. Let’s just say the goal is a healthier society where both men and women are happy.	/r/ExRedPill	17/03/26 05:26 PM
2	Guys do you think red pill will decline in the coming years? I agree with you on learned behavior, but I don’t think “men are destined to become misogynists” as much as “people are hypocritical and look for scapegoats to blame for their personal failings rather than address the problem”. In this sense, I am more of anticipating for things to get way worse as backlash. Look how feminism and related advocacy have been around for decades now but it hasn’t changed the mass behavior of men. I want to believe in what you believe, but as a woman I don’t see hope…	/r/ExRedPill	17/03/26 05:21 PM
1	Guys do you think red pill will decline in the coming years? I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted but I also think the same thing - and worse, that it’s already happening with certain billionaires. The U.S. is the leader of this propaganda though, so my guess is that a lot will hinge on what happens to all “the other stuff”. I am also anticipating a worse backlash, unless there is counter propaganda.	/r/ExRedPill	17/03/26 05:16 PM
1	What does healthy intimacy actually look like after leaving Red Pill thinking? My husband in our early years of dating, being an ex rp tried to do this to me and as you predicted it eroded our trust to the point I was not going to stay. After the course of over 10 years together, funnily enough he expressed similar concerns to me about me and my growth. That’s when I also came to the same line of questioning as you and realized it’s a natural reaction to change, since both people have become part of each other’s stability. Idk your girlfriend obviously, but my husband and …	/r/ExRedPill	15/03/26 10:26 PM
3	I fear I’m going back to my incel way of thinking. If you’re autistic, wouldn’t the smart decision be to meet women that shares the same interests as you, perhaps in interest groups? Science shows that women are more receptive when there is already familiarity. By going to the bar, it’s like you skipped the tutorial and headed straight to hard mode. From your description alone a lot of this has to do with your own anxiety and not a real depiction of reality interacting with women. Maybe start with trying to make women friends purely for the sake…	/r/ExRedPill	15/03/26 09:45 PM
5	I’m having a hard time with wanting to be nice to women who I meet who are interested in me and vice versa who I am interested in This sounds like a problem many people have tbh, even if they haven’t consumed redpill content. It stems from being afraid to be vulnerable and your authentic self for fear of rejection, being taken advantage of etc. Some of my female friends have it. The balance is something in communication science called self disclosure theory (you can find papers on it), where you mirror the other person’s willingness to be vulnerable. So you can be nice first, see if they’re receptive and also willing to be…	/r/ExRedPill	15/03/26 09:37 PM