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DedInside_6 Archive

View 3 posts and 46 comments by DedInside_6 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

“again”? Never. Within days of moving out and finalizing the divorce (about a week apart), I started to feel like the person I was meant to be. I don’t know if I had ever felt that way before. 51M. 20y marriage. 1 year post divorce. It just keeps getting better.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 10:20 AM
2

1000%
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 07:14 PM
2

She sounds horrible if she is bringing in boyfriend to live with her son a month after you’ve left the house. Massive red flags all over that for your son’s mental and physical health.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 07:12 PM
4

Right. Even if she is objectively a 3/10 according to someone else’s scale, she should be a 10/10 in your eyes if she is marriage/relationship material.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 04:59 PM
5

Divorce final in July. Snipped years ago. First fertile female I dated was super excited about not having to worry about pregnancy and the option to not use condoms (had recent mutual testing).
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 01:34 PM
2

Hire a CDFA if things are complicated. It’s worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 09:35 PM
9

Just pay lump sum. At least in my state, if there is alimony, it is always something they can try to make worse later. No alimony = no more court for property disputes. Ever. Washington
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 09:34 PM
1

Wright,, early in our couple counseling I suggested maybe we should separate and my therapist shut that down real quick he’s like “nobody ever gets back together, cause they’re always happier when they separate“
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 01:13 AM
2

Child support is maxed out and actually kind of low for my income in my state. And I am exceedingly OK with paying for anything my kids need. And only another like 18 months. And the lump sum has basically kept her from being able to come back and ask for alimony or more money.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 01:12 AM
2

There is difference between being retired and being able to walk away from whatever it is you’re doing. I was hoping to have the ability to walk away from whatever I’m doing within five years. But that was a (easily achievable with the right person) dream from about 25 years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 01:11 AM
3

I definitely feel the lower monthly expenses too. And college is paid for. Loving the apartment lifestyle. Might consider condo as a better means to save. Though then I might get sucked into renovations and all that crap. Fortunately can save a lot pretax through work too (cash benefit plan).
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 08:16 PM
1

Agree. Gonna budget more money for fun while I’m healthy. Not planning on saving like I’m living until 95.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 08:13 PM
5

At least I left her. She would have been happy living separate lives in the same house/bed without touch or connection until she died. As long as she didn’t have to work. Disgusting that I waited so long. But I spent years and tons of effort trying to make it work.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 04:49 PM
1

If you both want the divorce and can get along and are in a state where there is very little leeway in property division and alimony, then this can be cheap and easy. Educate yourself on your state’s laws and local customs. Just go to a CDFA together. Get a financial plan you both generally like. Go to a mediator, together, without lawyers. Divorce by mail if you can. Wait for the paperwork to go through. Done. Unless you’re in a state where court decisions vary wildly, then only the lawyers ben…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 09:17 PM
2

Sounds like you finding the affair led to a better life for your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 03:56 PM
6

I wish I would have cheated very early on. I would have known what real affection was like. Instead it took me a too many years to realize I needed to leave for everyone’s sanity. Divorce final last week, 20 years of marriage. But my moral compass would never have let me cheat, only suffer, thinking that’s what I deserved or was the best I could do. I totally understand some cheaters at this point in my life.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 12:51 PM
2

Just keep not giving her an excuse to take the low road. You guys can do this. Keep reminding yourselves that it is in everybody’s best interest to keep this civil. Especially for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 12:40 PM
3

Make no assumptions.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 12:06 PM
2

JFC. I hope you didn’t pay for the plastic surgery.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 02:29 AM
12

Let it go. She’s just gonna ruin someone else’s life. Or they will both be happy instead of the two of you miserable. What do you care? Get out of the house as soon as you can. Can’t move on until you move out.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 02:27 AM
0

She probably hated him and herself. I hope she didn’t hate her kids. Kinda insane that OP would leave so little to the mother of his children, no matter how horrible she was, when it was mostly, if not all, marital property. A free phone call to any lawyer would have steered her around.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 03:13 PM
8

In my state, the date you file, or the agreed upon date of separation before that, is the day asset values freeze. Call a lawyer NOW. Forget her. Also, maybe learn a little bit about investing vs gambling.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 07:08 AM
16

She probably is done taking shit from anyone. You clearly haven’t reached that point yet. She doesn’t want you back. You shouldn’t want her back. Try to figure out why you “judged her, threw things in her face, and let my insecurities get to me” when things didn’t go perfectly. Be happy she didn’t keep you around and be codependent with your issues. She did you a favor and you have learned something. Other than the attention, you don’t really say anything about actually liking her. That is a pri…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 02:17 AM
10

Work less, get divorced ASAP. Use that low, and recently absent income, in your favor to get alimony and child support from her. Doesn’t matter who covered what bills, your joint standard of living needs to be supported on an individual basis after divorce. Get a good lawyer, get much more money in your pocket every month after the divorce. Watch her see what it’s like to be responsible for the house hold bills.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 09:02 PM
3

It’s hard to say what’s going on in her head. She may just be recognizing how little attraction she has left for you. She may be paralyzed by the recent talk. She may be conniving for the future split. If you two get along well, may I suggest “divorce counseling”? I think helped it my SBXW and I to accept that neither of us is mostly to blame and how we go about things is important for our kids. Or if you need to really figure out whether divorce, separation, or limited time marriage therapy wit…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 03:27 PM
14

These are literally the most formative years of your child’s life. That negative energy isn’t worth her wait in gold. And if you even have a hesitation about that, maybe just let mom have full custody.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 10:19 PM
6

I’m sure there are two sides to the story. But, wouldn’t it be interesting if she set that up to get you to assault her in the middle of the divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 10:33 PM
4

If she’s gonna owe you alimony, get a settlement instead so she doesn’t stop paying while she is out of the country.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 04:19 PM
2

Getting laid semi regularly can make you ignore a lot of $hit. Sorry dude. Absolutely get a lawyer (no matter the cost) to have all your custody and property issues set in stone. You don’t want her taking your money or kids out of the country.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 04:18 PM
5

Easier said than done when you have small kids and other things in life you are focused on. When my kids were small and my career was young, I couldn’t imagine leaving the marriage. I’m the provider type I guess, but my wife always wanted more from me and wasn’t traditional in terms of respecting my values at all (sex, money, health, socialization, adventure, etc).
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 04:07 PM
5

He only benefitted if all that money didn’t go to her wasting it on frivolous stuff that was just for her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 04:03 PM
4

Shared values, including money, is important. Just as important is respecting each other’s values.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 01:14 PM
11

Regardless of the imbalanced divorce settlement (she will get almost 2/3 of everything), the worse part of the deal was the difference we had in regards to the value of money. She was a spender, so I’ve ended up far behind in my retirement goals and never felt like I could spend money on myself since it felt like we were living paycheck to paycheck on a great income. Marriage ending after 20 years. We had nothing when we got married. So, she gets half. She didn’t work for the last 19 years. We a…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 01:06 PM
6

Your debt is her debt also. If it was incurred after you got married.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 06:03 PM
9

The “it’s bad for them” isn’t stressed enough. My soon-to-be-ex-wife has some serious miles to make up on the road to adulting properly. And she’s an intelligent, healthy, able-to-work-hard woman who’s had lots of opportunities. It was just always easier and less scary to stay in the house or go shopping. Definitely not a small part of why we are divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 05:35 PM
1

Though, different monies have different values due to pre/post tax which can be huge. Definitely run it by the CDFA when comparing home equity to 401(k) or brokerage or HSA or pension, etc. $1 of one does not necessarily equal $1 of the other when it comes to cash in your pocket years down the line.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 09:00 PM
1

Get alimony if you can however small. Then when she goes back to work full time after or changes jobs and doubles her income, you can seek an increase in alimony. Might want to talk to a lawyer about opening up a can of worms in case it looks like you might owe. In that case go for a lump sum settlement (no alimony) so that she can’t come after you later. If she gets alimony from you, try to keep the negotiations out of court and put in a non-modifiable clause, so she doesn’t come after you for …
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 07:44 PM
2

Why do you have separate finances? Is one of you a spender? Should still have joint play money after household bills, savings, debt payments, etc. life is too short to make good money and live like you’re poor. I wonder what her side of the story would be. If you’re just as much of a saver as she is and really on the same page with your financial values, then just sounds like she is being a bit cruel.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 03:59 PM
1

Yeah. I supported her being a SAHM when our oldest showed she was going to be a difficult baby. She also dropped out of grad school. Both actions were supposed to be temporary. When full time school for the kids came around, I repeatedly tried to get her to go back to school or get more in imbed out of the house or some kind of work to get her out of the house. This conversation has been going on for about 9 years (when our youngest was in elementary school, probably a few years before that when…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 06:17 AM
3

She is highly sensitive, and dismissive avoidant attachment style. I can compartmentalize and tolerate anything to the nth degree (child of alcoholic) and have fearful avoidant attachment. Basically any combination of our personalities or innate relationship tendencies would look like the worst match on paper that you could possibly concoct. No regrets. But all you kids out there, love isn’t everything. Opposites aren’t better than two people with similar values. If you’re not very happy now in …
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 12:50 AM
3

Thanks. And honestly, although she is objectively attractive, all this parenting/caretaking that I feel I need to do has me literally unable to be attracted to her at this moment in time.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 10:36 PM
3

ADHD. Anxiety. Low self esteem. I make plenty of money. Desire to fully experience children. Perceived need to take care of home, 3 cats, dog(s), husband (lol, kidding, not kidding). Perception that her working “isn’t worth it” because she could never make anywhere near what I make. (I know, I know, it’s not about the money. I’ve said those words to her thousands of times). Her family of origin was a widowed SAHM in the 80s that lived off of CDs half her childhood, so it’s what she is comfortabl…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 10:02 PM
3

She doesn’t have enough emotional trust with me to undergo sensate therapy. She has held a very deep seated resentment towards me since she moved in with me at a time that I had no resources (time, energy, money) to give due to my professional training (think 30 hour shifts alternating with 14 hour shifts with shit pay in a HCOL area. Which neither of us could have predicted (despite foreknowledge) just how bad it would be. But she chose to stay and eventually marry me. But time, energy and mone…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 09:51 PM
1

She doesn’t drink very often. Maybe a couple drinks per week. And out of control every couple years. The MJ is almost daily. But she can easily go a week or two without and it doesn’t seem to bother her. So physical detox doesn’t seem in order. But using it as a crutch to get through life needs to be relearned. Edit. I’m guilty for joining in the MJ some evenings. Definitely makes it easy to forget that sober life sucks. (And me doing that also, along with periodic self love, made it easy to ign…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 08:51 PM
1

lol. We have too much money saved in joint accounts (at the expense of ever spending anything on myself) for her to be truly scared of me not working. She would do fine in divorce. If she downsized houses and stopped spending many thousands a year on makeup and skin care and dog beds and food that doesn’t get eaten and driving every day to shop, she could probably not work the rest of her life. Especially considering social security. But would be lonelier and feel abandoned. So she doesn’t have …
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 07:20 PM
3

I’m about to announce the decision. After over a year of therapy with only more distance between us, it’s become apparent that she could tolerate a sexless touchless loveless marriage indefinitely. Or with some sort of goal years down the line that somehow we would be better connected than when we first met. Even though the youngest is almost halfway through high school, I just can’t keep this up for my own mental health and safety. And I figure that I can at least show my kids that it’s possibl…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 01:49 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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