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DivorceBro Archive

View 1 post and 26 comments by DivorceBro on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

DivorceBro/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 09:42 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Congratulations on reaching that milestone, and with an outcome that sounds pretty favorable. It makes sense that you'd still feel a little empty - just another reminder of the end of the marriage. But it looks like there are some things starting too, so you can focus some attention on that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 10:54 PM
3

I'm not sure you're asking for advice, but I'd invite you to slow down a bit. You've got a lot going on emotionally, and a lot of men would probably benefit from taking a pause so soon after separation. Someone from your past - especially your "first love" - is going to have a whole lot of mythology swirling around them in your mind. But this woman has lived 30 years of her life since that first romance. To have a sustainable relationship with her, you'd have to really get to know her all over a…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 10:52 PM
23

I'm really sorry to hear this. Best of luck if you file an appeal. It's not fair that some judges act on their biases. The evidence is very clear that kids benefit a great deal from having an engaged father in their lives.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 08:01 PM
5

If you're like I was, when you're married, most of your friends are married too, and you don't know many divorced people. And then, when you get divorced, married friends don't reach out - probably for a couple reasons. First, since they've never been through divorce, they don't know how hard it is. They don't understand what a complete reinvention of life it requires, and how emotionally tumultuous it is. Second, they're afraid that divorce is "contagious," and they may be right. Research from …
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 07:44 PM
5

Thanks so much for sharing your story. It's so great to hear when a dude ends up in a good place like that. I think it's really important for guys who are in the thick of divorce right now to know that it does get better, and they will eventually have more control over their future. And it's funny how the money paid to an ex is often less than was paid to her as a wife. That's my experience as well.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 02:53 PM
11

To be fair, many of the conversations in this subreddit are full of guys telling other guys to get divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 05:20 AM
2

I don't know what your own financial situation is, but if the $1400/month is manageable enough that you'd consider loaning her more, then maybe you just loan the money as an act of generosity - to the person who has custody of your child - and don't worry about charging interest. You're not doing this as a financial investment. And it's only an extra two weeks' worth, in the grand scheme of things. Clarify with her when you'll get it back, and how, and if she ends up just coming back for another…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 05:15 AM
6

I understand you're in a lot of pain, and you're trying to do the right thing, but you may not be doing your son any favors by staying married. We have this myth in society that an intact family is inherently better for kids than a divorced family, but in many cases, that's just not true. What are you modeling for your son by staying? When he's an adult, if he finds himself in a similarly unhealthy relationship, what would you want HIM to do?
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 05:08 AM
7

It's generally not useful to tell other people to get a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 11:59 AM
1

I think a lot of men (and women) make a big mistake by wanting to just download the forms and do a DIY divorce, without getting even the most basic legal advice from a professional (e.g., a lawyer). What happens is that the same unhealthy dynamic that contributed to the divorce also shapes the outcome of the divorce. People who used coercive techniques in the marriage use coercive techniques in the divorce. People who never spoke up for themselves in the marriage never speak up for themselves du…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 04:54 AM
10

I think there is a VERY IMPORTANT distinction to make between GROWING RELATIONSHIPS and FOREVER RELATIONSHIPS. I think this comes from Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends, a book by Bruce Fisher. GROWING RELATIONSHIPS are great because they help you grow, which could be very useful after a relationship. (I know it was for me - see below.) There's something in that relationship that you can learn from, practice, or just enjoy (e.g., the comfort you mentioned). FOREVER RELATIONSHIPS are exactly…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 04:13 PM
6

Talk to a lawyer where you live to learn about what you might expect. Don't take legal advice from people on Reddit. A lot of people here tend to jump to the worst-case scenario, maybe because of things they've experienced, but that may not be relevant to your situation. I know it's scary, but you can get through this. It's not the end of the world. Just try to go through it in a way you can be proud of 5 or 10 years from now, and that will help. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 04:40 AM
1

At least where I live (Colorado), the child support calculation is quite reasonable and is at about the level of the basics things you'd have to provide for a kid, like food and shelter. But kids need more than that. So my thinking has always been that they're my kids, so of course I'm going to do my best to give them what they need. (And they're with me 50%). I think it's wise not to get too resentful about child support as if kids were a budgetable monthly cost, and then if you can go above an…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 04:32 AM
2

It's a divorce best practice to avoid being alone with her unless it's in a public place, just to avoid any false claims of domestic violence. Also, keep a "divorce journal" to document things on your end, including your conversations with her about the recording.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 12:03 PM
6

It's wonderful that your kids are thriving and that you worked your way back to 50/50 in mediation. Congratulations. Parallel parenting is fine if that's what you have. As you can see from the comments, people carry a lot of emotions after divorce (it's shocking how easily people project their own experiences on to others), so it would make sense if your ex wanted to keep the contact infrequent. You can still be a great dad, and it sounds like you are. I would say, however, that I'd try to menta…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 11:34 AM
4

It sounds like you're feeling very shocked and confused. And probably other things too, like anger and sadness. That's totally normal. You'll get through this, even though it will take some time. And then a new chapter of your life will open up.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 02:08 AM
1

I can see raising the issue with her if it's disrupting your time with them (e.g., morning routine, dinner time, homework time), if the kids are annoyed by it, or if you sense that she's just lonely when the kids aren't with her so she's relying on those phone calls for emotional support and connection. I'm curious how long you've been apart. If it hasn't been very long, maybe the calls will become less frequent once she makes some new friends or gets a boyfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 10:56 AM
1

It sounds like having a lawyer handle this for you is a good idea.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 12:39 PM
5

Congratulations on having the courage to have a direct conversation with her about it. Good for you!
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 05:15 AM
1

I hear you. It's hard. But you're 29. You've got all the time in the world. I wouldn't worry so much about "starting anew." And if you're more concerned about "breaking her heart" than she is about going to couples therapy to try to make things better, then that's a pretty clear sign that you're prioritizing her needs at the expense of yours. Now there are good reasons why people at your stage in marriage start to argue more. You've reached the point where you're no longer head over heels, and y…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 04:22 AM
1

I'm not sure that's the right question ("what if anything can I do to avoid a full split down the middle?") I understand that's a big concern, but at first glance it looks like both of you will come out of this OK. You're kind of at that level where there's ENOUGH money that everyone will be OK, but not SO MUCH money (i.e. Jeff Bezos) that someone's going to get screwed. You're in the generally safe mid-zone, and that's good. I mean, heck, you're both employed, and she even makes six figures. No…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 02:53 AM
1

First, I hear the pain you're feeling in this situation. It's really tough to be with someone with an undiagnosed and untreated mental illness. Second, obviously there's a lot in there that you really need to discuss with a lawyer and/or a certified divorce financial advisor (CDFA). And probably a licensed therapist, too. But a couple things that jump to mind: 1. Where I live (in Colorado), when one party files for divorce, there are "automatic injunctions" that go into effect, basically saying …
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 02:41 AM
1

I hope I'm not out of line in saying this, but If you're really thinking you're at a place where you "no longer care about how emotionally this will play out," I really recommend just taking a deep breath and reflecting for a sec on what you want for your future. It's fine to want out, but hopefully you can find a way to do that that you'll feel good about five years from now. It's great that you have some assets. A lot of guys don't. You have two houses and a good bit of money in retirement acc…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 04:02 PM
1

Congratulations on getting through your divorce at a reasonable cost. Honestly, it seems like you did pretty well! Only $3,400. (My bill was about $10k in total, plus $5k in shared cost with my ex for mediation, which went nowhere.) When you think about what the men on this sub are paying on an ongoing basis every month, that seems pretty minor, although I know it hurts whenever you have to send that much money out the door. Could you have saved a bit more by having fewer emails? Probably. But i…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 03:44 PM
2

I totally get how women might feel trapped with 50/50, but I initiated my divorce in Colorado, which is 50/50, and honestly as I read these comments I don't know if I would have gotten divorced if I didn't live in a state that valued the father's parenting time. The statute even says explicitly that the gender of the parent CANNOT be considered by the judge in determining parenting time. I get that the child support is difficult, and many women may use the kids to get more of it, but in Colorado…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 03:33 PM
5

My status FYI: I got separated 2 years ago, divorced 16 months ago, and like u/miami2881 I couldn't be happier about it. There was no infidelity involved. I feel your frustration. I hear that you're doing your best to work on yourself and on the marriage. And congratulations on starting individual therapy. That could be a huge benefit for you, regardless of what happens with your marriage. Same with the work on the addictions. As a society, we tend to treat infidelity as almost a requirement for…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 02:55 PM
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