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DivorcedDad26 Archive

View 0 posts and 52 comments by DivorcedDad26 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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11

Take the day off of work and go have a consultation and possibly file tomorrow. The person who files first sets the narrative. The narrative is that she is hiding your kids from you, stole marital funds, and stole your wedding ring. Her story if she files first will look different. If you can afford it, therapist/counselor. If you can't, let me know and I'll link some books and YouTube channels for you. Get grounded, keep your head on straight, and don't touch alcohol or recreational drugs (if y…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/26 10:51 PM
1

100%! Silver bullets are not completely dodged when they are manufactured. I was a day behind her filing when I got to a lawyer and I'm still regretting it. Get a lawyer, file ASAP, and sort everything out later.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/26 03:58 PM
1

You need to quickly figure out the cost benefit analysis of everything especially since she is a lawyer and loading you up with paperwork is easy from her side. Two $5000 cars = $10,000 - $1,000 appraisal = 9,000 - 800 (2 hours @ 400/hr for your lawyer to argue) = 8,200. That's the figure to keep in mind and possibly lower if legal time is higher or there are other things you can subtract. Option A: Try to sell them on the open market. That is the price they will draw. Keep offers from multiple …
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/26 04:34 AM
2

It takes time to reprogram your brain from "I care about what my wife thinks" to "That person who used to be my wife doesn't behave anything like the person I once loved and married. I don't care about her opinions anymore." Just keep yourself surrounded by people who love and care for you and you will be OK. Just take it as it comes and make sure to find your old self that you lost over the years of your marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 10:05 PM
4

r/bald
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/26 06:55 AM
1

In that case, keep it as simple as possible. You will want the following: Have the lawyers authorize her selling the home Pay off any liens on the property immediately when the sale is finalized If your STBX is hard up for money, have some funds released to her immediately (this is to keep everything happy and moving forward) Have the rest put back in an escrow account until the divorce is final to ensure you are paid whatever you are due Good luck OP.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 04:46 PM
1

In my location that only matters if payments were made with marital funds. In that event, they would be entitled to the proportional payments and appreciation. If the house needs to be sold either way to make the final payment, you may as well grease the wheels to make that happen though. The funds can be set back after the sale and used in the final payout. Everything is an accounting equation that is completely separate from the sale unless she sells for under market to someone who is a friend…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 04:34 PM
1

Unless I am missing something here, why would lawyers need to be involved for your STBX is selling HER property?
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 04:27 PM
1

Congrats on not having to cut any "recreational" activities from your life. It will make things easier. We all have flaws and thats OK. The problem is that marriage takes work from two people to be successful and only one person to bail out on order for it to fail. Get the help you need and dont take on blame that you dont deserve.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 02:26 AM
4

The good news is that if you are reflecting and asking if you could be a narcissist, you probably are not one. It sounds like you were carrying a large portion of the load. Time to work on yourself. Stop drinking and recreational drugs if you do that, time to start working out, and time to get professional help. After improving g yourself it will become clear if things can be salvaged or not. Hang in there and good luck man.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 09:56 PM
3

Welcome to the party. I'm sorry that you are here. I'm 44, married for 20, together for 28. My day was March 9th. I was logged into Amazon and noticed sex toys and lingerie that never showed up for valentines day. When I started looking closer, I found that they were sent to another guys house. Then I started digging and found even more amazon orders and photos. Your brain is still looking for ways to recover and save the marriage. It's OK and normal. She WILL continue to lie to you. Unfortunate…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 05:01 AM
4

I'm sorry that you are going through this. My wife is a cheater also. She is talking to the kids now on the phone while at a Ranger's game (she claims to not like large crowds in the past) while she is with her boyfriend. It will get better. Now is the time to focus. Focus on yourself, focus on the kids, focus on being the best damn Dad that you could be, and focus on getting to the other side of this divorce as quickly as possible. You've got this man!
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 01:37 AM
4

I'm sorry that you are going through this. You are right though, you can't let it stand. It will only get worse, drive a wedge in your marriage, and potentially cost you your job or land you behind bars. That leaves only two other options, get professional help with how to handle this (you and your wife) OR get out while you can. You need to talk with your wife and let her know how serious this is. Like this is "If you can't get your mother to stop, we will have to move away or divorce" type of …
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 08:59 PM
1

Yeah, I would say to avoid it if there is a way without you getting screwed. After she got her lawyer, life got more difficult. She immediately went for the "silver bullet defense" and made claims that are not true and unable to be supported by anything. This was all after running the "divorce my high income husband" plan of spending all of the cash and running up all of the credit cards. She is also being financed by someone. I don't know if it is family, or inheritance money from her Mom's est…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 06:29 PM
2

I'm in Texas also and you are doing it right based on the facts presented. Just be ready to lawyer up if she changes the game. Just remember, it is a game and the rules can change the longer you play. There is also a cost/benefit analysis you need to go through every month. As for the cooling off period. It really doesn't matter. You can't finalize before the time is up, but you can take as long as you need after the timer ends. Yes, I get that you feel she did you dirty (and she did for that an…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 06:01 PM
1

Man, I need to put this into a notepad where I can copy/paste. There is so much going on here, but you are not alone. The first thing you need to realize is that it takes two people working at it to make a marriage thrive and only one person wanting out to kill it. Any other combination is "life support" and could go either way in the end. The second thing you need to take from my personal experience in that you don't want to give up yourself in order to make her happy only for her to decide she…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/26 02:37 PM
1

I feel you. I have some things I need to own, but I definitely see where I've been killing pieces of myself for years to keep things going and to keep her happy. Once I got it in my head that 1) this isn't salvageable and 2) I'm actually going to be better off without all of the chaos she brings, it has allowed me to heal rather quickly. I'm feeling like my old self again. I just need to get control over my paycheck and then things will REALLY start looking up again.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 04:04 PM
2

Sorry to hear it. Sounds like it is mainly option 2. Make sure to take care of yourself and heal so you can be present in your future relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 03:17 AM
3

There are only two paths on this and im not digging to see which one applies to you. 1) She left you because of her reasons. She wasnt emotionally there or had other mental issues to drive a wedge and kill the marriage. If this is the case, she was not a good wife for reasons only you can list. You need to take the time to list them though. You are looking back through rose colored glasses. 2) You DID loose her. This was your fault and you need to own it and your behavior leading up to the separ…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 08:14 PM
1

I feel you. I'm sure my time is coming. The good news is you have already proven that you've got this!
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 01:55 PM
20

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Integrity is what you do when nobody else is looking. She was tipsy and possibly drunk. You had a previous engagement with your friends. There are all sorts of ways this could have ended badly for you if you let your dick do the thinking. Today you passed the test. Congratulations! May the universe eventually put someone in your path that will wear you out in the best of ways!
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 06:36 AM
20

Integrity is how you behave when nobody else is looking. You passed the test. Congratulations man. May the world eventually put someone in your path who will wear you out in the best of ways!
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 02:58 PM
1

I've been on STEAM since the beginning. My kids friends ask me to adopt them when they figure out how large my library is. With family sharing turned on, the kids have access to my entire library when I'm not specifically playing the game they want to play. You could also look at setting up a family discord channel. Place to chat with everyone and you can easily enable voice for real time chatting as a group.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 05:09 PM
5

This is something that I can get behind. If you like board games at all, look up board game arena and setup an account so you can play with your kids any time across multiple time zones. You can set the play style like that of sitting around a table (faster play) or where someone can take their time to better fit their day (longer play). They have a bunch of excellent games to choose from also.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 05:12 AM
8

I can't tell you that it gets better because I'm not there yet. I can tell you that many people have done this before us, many are going through it now with us, and many others will unfortunately go through this in the future. If they can do it, so can we! Hang in there man!
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 04:35 AM
5

Hang in there man. STBX filed on me with a silver bullet attempt after I found out about her boyfriend in the beginning of March. One court date cancelled because her lawyer double booked and finally have another scheduled in August. She is spending like she won the lottery and she really hasn't communicated anything back to me to advance the court case. Trying to get her to mediate before the court date so hopefully we can use it as a final hearing. Oh yea, her boyfriend is a felon and they are…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 07:09 AM
2

Your anniversary WAS July 16th. It isn't this year though. You can acknowledge it to yourself, but don't let it go any further than that. Don't drink that day so you won't do anything that you will later regret. Make the day about yourself and your recovery. Hang out with a trusted friend if you are able to keep your mind off of things.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 08:00 AM
4

This. OP even said it twice! SHE was the one that wronged you. SHE got into another relationship while still married to you. It sounds like you have never fully processed the things that SHE was responsible for in your divorce. You need to do the work around this area in order to help you move on. You don't have to be a jerk about it, but you don't have to pretend that she didn't cause you and your family huge amounts of emotional harm and distress.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 01:19 AM
3

My STBX just had her birthday earlier this month. I was on vacation (Scout trip) with my oldest two boys and tried calling her multiple times when we had down time, but we were unable to reach her. I eventually texted her and said I hoped she was having a good day and we would try again the next day before we were out of cell service for about a week. The next day it was like pulling teeth to get her on the phone with the boys, but we eventually made it happen. I spoke with her later when droppi…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 10:28 PM
3

The worst is sitting in limbo. If she won't file, do it yourself. You can even look at starting the process without lawyers if needed.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 08:09 PM
1

Reach out to your instructor and let them know you can't make that day due to a legal proceeding you have to attend. Ask what you can do to either work ahead or make up for the day. I haven't mediated in my divorce yet, but I did have mediation for another issue previously. Plan for it to take most the day and for you to be mentally and emotionally exhausted when you are finished. You probably will not want to do anything else that day.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:20 PM
1

She is either lying or being lied to. The good news is its not your lawyers and you know it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 09:25 PM
1

Not yet. Dont have control over my finances yet. Plan to when I am able though.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 09:24 PM
1

Your lawyer works for you. Call them and ask if they subpoenaed this guy or not. Even if they charge you for 15 minutes, it is worth the piece of mind.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 02:52 AM
1

This varies by state and amount of time you have been married. Other details can play into it, but you still have to go back to the first sentence. You are talking having a business, that potentially muddies the waters. If you can, get a lawyer involved. If you want to get into the ballpark, you can ask AI. Don't take everything you get from AI as fact though. The issue is that you promised to care for each other. Based on the facts of your situation, you may be paying more or you may be almost …
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 08:39 PM
5

I hear you and have reflected on this. She was probably done before the book, but I did not ignore it. It lit a fire under me and I was working on things. I had been trying to get her to open up for months. I can blame her for asking me to do the work then starting a relationship with another man less than a month later. There are some things that I need to own, but this is not one of them. I want to end it outside of court and actually made the offer. Instead she got a lawyer and hasn't done an…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 08:30 PM
11

I'm with you. 44m (stbx 43f). Together 28 years and married 20 as of earlier this month. 3 kids from 18 to 9. In Oct she gave me a book to work on myself and our relationship. In Feb, she loves me but is not in love with me. In Mar, I find out about her boyfriend that I can find evidence of him going back to Nov. After the last time we had sex, I had mentioned that I was confused with the mixed signals since I thought our relationship was improving. Instead I got a "I'm sorry, you're right" and …
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 04:42 AM
2

Not going to knock this experience. I utilize the hell out of AI currently. I was mainly getting at the fact that he keeps dumping money at it every week and it seems to not be working. Don't know how long this has been going on, but if it is a significant amount of time, something needs to change.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 12:52 PM
3

Budgets only work if you follow them. My stbx never did. Im going to be on one in the very near future as soon as the courts give me control over my paychecks again. As for therapy, ask why it doesnt seem to be working? Are you not ready, not listening, or do you have the wrong person for you? If you are not making any progress, you are only throwing good money after bad until you address why it is not working for you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 05:52 AM
6

You are just money to the ex family. You are paying 84k per year in support to your ex. Then you have whatever it costs you to live plus additional expenses. You are not inadequate. You are supporting your kids and a princess. Get professional help and stop blaming yourself. Search Rachael Sloan on YouTube based on my guess at your income, she may resonate with you like she does with me. After helping yourself, set a budget and boundaries. You will get through this. You just need to stop letting…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 05:47 AM
1

Glad it can help you. Feel free to hit me up if you need any recommendations. I have an 18, 13 (his birthday today!) and 9. We have gamed for years. Both around a table and on the computer (steam summer sale coming soon!).
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 05:23 AM
5

If they are having fun, you are still kicking ass! My kids love playing games. I'm not talking monopoly, trouble, clue, and the others owned by the really big game companies. I'm talking games like wingspan, cytoplasm, bang!, love letter, and many more. I've also recently discovered boardgamearena where I can play many of those games with them online even when it's a week that I'm away from them. Keep at it SuperDad!
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 04:52 AM
2

Yeah, and I want to pay for the kids. I just cant promise her at this point to give her ~25% in child support AND pay for 50% of everything else for the kids (clothing, pets, school, vacation, everything) when she won't even say with certainty if she is looking for allimoney or not.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 12:38 AM
2

If only I can get that lucky. I work, she hasn't in years (SAHM). She got a boyfriend. She wants child support and for me to pay for 50% of everything for the kids after that. I've tried explaining, I have to have enough to survive before I could even discuss anything else. Even with 50/50, I think I'll still end up paying something for the kids even though they have been very keen to tell me her boyfriend makes as much as I do.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 12:22 AM
3

Sugar kiddo? I have no shame!
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 05:32 AM
3

lmao, are you my new sugar daddy?
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 05:23 AM
2

Man, don't buy trouble. There is a chance that she will eventually meet a great guy and you will get along with him. I'm in the polar opposite side of things. Not even divorced yet, the guy is a felon (multiple times over), last run-in with the cops was less than 5 years ago, they have taken my youngest kids on trips to buy their love, gotten them puppies, he has told me that he loves the kids as much as I do, and he in insecure and likes to swing dick. Fingers crossed my lawyer will be able to …
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 12:10 AM
10

Needed to hear that this week. Been through many of the same pits you talked about. It helps every time I can read about what life on the other side looks like.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 01:22 AM
2

I'm curious about the "help from relatives." Can you expand on that for me? I would think that most divorce decrees in the US would keep you from taking the kids out of the country. I personally couldn't imagine being away from my kids any more than I'm legally required to be. I can't wrap my head around leaving the country and my kids as a US Citizen to get "help" when my finances are jacked up enough so I couldn't cover $2500 to make the passport problem go away. I'm genuinely trying to unders…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 03:33 PM
2

I completely agree with you. I would also think that these jobs fall into the "abnormal" category statistically. Meaning I think it's a low percentage compared to the total number of jobs on the market. I'm NOT saying that this low percentage doesn't potentially impact a bunch of people though. It's just my thought, but I believe that jobs like that require international travel typically pay over 6 figures annually. They should be clearing over 70k annually after tax which is over $5,800 per mon…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 03:29 PM
1

You got me, I skimmed and didn't read in full detail. I had too many friends growing up that the parent (lets be honest, in the 80's and 90's, it was the Dad typically) vanished and didn't support them growing up at all. I agree that every situation is unique and that there are definitely some situations where the court is more heavy handed than it should be. For example, if they didn't index the 2,500 for inflation from the 90's until now then they probably need to. 2,500 in 1996 dollars is mor…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 12:50 AM
2

Umm... If you owe over $100,000 in back child support, you don't need to be leaving the country. Male, Female, or other. It's about the kids, pay your damn bill.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 11:32 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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