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Dizi357 Archive

View 2 posts and 67 comments by Dizi357 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
62

Dizi357/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 05:47 PM
2

Dizi357/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 09:04 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Whether you may have caused it or not, the past is the past. Use these lessons to not be that way on the NEXT relationship. This one is not, nor will ever be, salvageable - the damage is done, and even in the ghost’s chance that you two reconciled, on a long enough timeline that old fight will be brought up again and cause a rift; leading you both back to splitting again. The trust is broken, doesn’t matter who broke it first, what matters is the end result. This isn’t a breakup, this is a divor…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 06:59 PM
4

My guy… if you were the love of her life, you wouldn’t be divorced. You yourself are even saying it - she jumped from relationship to relationship, and is breadcrumbing you. She is only keeping the door open because she’s not in another relationship (yet). As soon as she is, she’ll shut that door, and it’ll hurt 10x as badly because you let her keep the door cracked. You divorced, it’s hard to do so but the best (and only) thing you can do is move on. There are 8.3B people in the world, and roug…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 06:10 PM
1

OP I’d recommend that you check into divorce recovery/support groups - depending on where you are, they can be a great resource and the people there are going through the process like you so it becomes a support system where you’re there to tell them “I get it, it’s hard and I feel your pain” and they can tell you the same when you’re actively going through a tough part. Some (most) of them are religious-affiliated and designed to be a pipeline into the host church, but in larger cities you can …
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 05:53 PM
3

That’s actually not what that person said - they said “compliment the things you like and (if your wife still loves you/values the relationship) she’ll naturally start doing those things again”. Communication my guy, communication.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 06:38 PM
8

That guilt feeling is normal for many. I facilitate a divorce recovery group and we hear that often, and it’s usually triggered by seeing the ex-partner struggling when the other is thriving. But you have to bear in mind that you were likely both at fault in the relationship. Keeping the entire picture in check is important too - my guess is when you said “I do”, you meant it for the long haul, good times or bad. Your ex-wife, on the other hand, may not have (I say “may” because I don’t know who…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 04:31 PM
6

Another level in what way?
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 04:31 AM
8

I’m not saying don’t go have fun, and sure hookups are a confidence booster. But actually “dating” that soon is not a good idea. All these guys saying being at home alone sucked - it’s suppose to suck, you spend that time working out your shit and finding out who you are again, what went wrong, etc. Jumping back into dating/relationships so quickly is a great way to end up meeting your ex, just in another body - same personality, same red flags, same end result in the long run. If you don’t know…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 04:49 PM
2

Brother, I love all this and I just wanted to say you’re not the only one that still has the occasional fuck up. Working on increasing my emotional intelligence too, it’s a process for sure. But as I’m sure you also know, what matters the most is that we keep getting back up and learning to do better the next time - 1% better every day! Thanks for reaching into my mind and pulling out some thoughts for me!
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 01:26 PM
6

Happens to the best of us. I had my first post-divorce encounter last weekend. Best thing you can do is take a short break (“I gotta pee, be right back”), switch things up, do what you need to do to get back in the game. But you’ll get there.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 03:37 PM
5

What do I do when I see the ghost? I feel the pain, and then I remind myself that they’re a ghost and the person I loved is gone. But I’ll tell you, it’s easy to say and hard to actually do. It’s often said that divorce is worth than death, and I fully believe it. When someone dies, there’s a funeral, there’s grieving, you grieve with others who also loved that person. And their body is dead too. But with divorce, you often grieve alone, because that person is still alive for others so they don’…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 05:57 PM
9

You need a buddy to point out the red flags, we all do. As men, we dumb sometimes haha I met a girl over the weekend, she was pushing through some boundaries I set. I felt bad that I wasn’t letting her push those boundaries that she wanted to break down (right?!? the fuck is wrong with my mind?). My buddy who was with me was like “man, you set boundaries with her, you even told her the boundaries - you met her as a literal stranger, stand your ground and if she walks then oh well, a stranger wal…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 04:55 PM
5

She may be working through things in a healthy manner, which isn’t something everyone does post-separation/divorce. And if she is, congrats - you may have found a unicorn. But like another said, have your fun but still be cautious - I’m sure your ex-wife seemed “put together and healthier” than the other girls on the dating apps, which is why you ended up marrying her. Not saying be afraid forever, but just bear in mind that seeming healthy/put together vs actually being healthy/put together are…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 04:33 PM
3

This is the way. Those who are divorced - and who actually do the work - understand that marriage in today’s society is probably 60-70% downsides (maybe more if you’re a high earner and she’s a SAH mom).
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 04:30 PM
2

I still have mine, it’s in a box in the closet. Divorce was finalized last week, but we’ve been separated since Oct ‘23 and “divorcing” since March ‘24. I don’t know yet what I’m going to do with mine, but figure I’ll hold onto it for at least a year or two until I can make a decision without emotions involved. What bugs me the most is my ring was made by a custom artist jeweler, so it’s truly one of a kind. I really loved that thing, and not just because it was a symbol of our love - I actually…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 03:19 PM
2

You seem unhappy because you’re not living your life, not necessarily because of your wife and kids. So why don’t you travel more, but if your wife doesn’t want to then let her know you still value the marriage but since she doesn’t want to you’ll have to go alone. You can even take the kids on the trip. Same thing with your business that you tried (and let go) - yes, it sucks to do something and not have your partner champion you, but ultimately that’s on them. Start it back up, and if she does…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 01:33 PM
2

We did the same, not in WA but found a law firm that did uncontested divorces for a flat fee. We gave them our agreed terms, they drafted it up in legalese, and then we reviewed. They gave us one revision in the flat fee, which worked out well as we (I - she was never great with legal details) needed some things clarified. Then we went in, signed, and they e-filed. Still waiting on it to be approved by the judge (they’re in backlog), but the process was fairly easy. And we did have a house to sp…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 03:11 PM
3

Vacuum sealing is your friend, and as others have said it prevents a lot of food waste. Today I’m vacuum sealing half an artisan loaf of bread and will freeze it, for example. No preservatives so there’s no way I’ll eat it all before it goes bad, but at $7/loaf I’ll be damned if I trash half of it. Also, since you’re a chef, take it as a challenge. I’m not a pro chef, but an avid home chef and Chopped enthusiast. I will buy a pack of meat, break it down/freeze some, but then when I thaw it I’ll …
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 02:58 PM
2

Not sure your location, but if you’re in the US chances are your OJ is essentially just sugar water with orange concentrate and vitamin C. I too don’t get enough fruits and veggies, so I’ve tried all sorts of things. I used to drink OJ thinking the same, and also even the expensive “healthy” Bolthouse and Naked juices (they’ve since removed all healthy properties of those, likely in the name of profits). Look on the back of a bottle of Naked juice for instance, there’s little nutritional value a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 02:50 PM
2

This is the way. And if you order Chinese takeout, save the containers. Most of the plastic ones are reusable, so I clean them and then store leftovers in the freezer. Since the containers are “disposable” you can write the date and contents right on them, and on lazy days I’ll take it out the night before and it’s thawed by dinner the next day.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 02:41 PM
2

To clarify, they don’t become someone else’s problem. They are still your problem, and you are the only one who should deal with and fix them. The embracing and being open about them part is spot on though. It’s good to be openly honest with yourself AND others, makes it easier to weed out those you don’t need in your life. Also, if they can’t be honest with themselves then they aren’t going to genuinely work on improving themselves in a relationship either, because they will think “I have no fa…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 09:39 PM
2

Once I knew mine had been dating someone else during the separation, that was it for me and I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t forgive and take her back even if she asked. She and I had a deal, very basic - I help with her bills while we’re living apart, and in exchange we both agree we were taking physical space to come back together at the end of an agreed period of time. I kept my end of the deal in both aspects, but she didn’t. Hasn’t asked for reconciliation and we’re 100% through, …
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 08:43 PM
1

The double standards!!! She was able to have numerous guy friends, some who pined after her, and take her son over to their house to play with their kids. But if I had DARED having a female friend, much less taking my step-son over to their house for play dates, she would have immediately assumed I was cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 06:10 PM
2

Loyalty to a fault and death before dishonor - 10,000% hit the nail on the head. I would have likely NEVER divorced my wife, because to be honest she never did anything that I deemed “divorce worthy” - we had arguments, plenty of things that annoyed me or that I didn’t like, and while she flexed on me a few times she never struck me, and she didn’t cheat until after we were “separated”. But that’s all her loss, not mine - I viewed marriage as a long-haul. Now that our divorce has been filed with…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 06:08 PM
9

Haven’t started dating yet so can’t speak for myself. Also I agree with others that comparing is probably not the right mindset. That being said, a good friend of mine got a divorce a year prior to mine, and he’s dating. His first few girlfriends were clearly rebounds, but his current girlfriend is so much better for him - she actually makes decent money, has a stable life, seems to be a healthy person (especially mentally), and is fun to be around (all things his prior wife didn’t have). So he’…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 03:39 PM
1

Oh my dad was a huge factor in their divorce - he struggled with substance abuse and anger issues. But the thing about that stuff is you can clean it up if you work hard at it (which he eventually did). My mom still sees him as the same guy he was 30yrs ago, and that’s on her - that’s a trait some people will never change, which sucks but it is her choice to live that way. As to when I started seeing that my dad was actually truly sad and regretful about the divorce, I was in my late teens (and …
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 03:34 PM
3

First off, I’m sorry you’re having to go through all that. That’s a shitty situation, and I don’t wish that on anyone. She also seems like a real winner (/s), so you dodged a bullet. Switching to one tiny thing you said though - the “my truth” statement - there is some traction there whether we want to accept it or not. I will say though that accepting it doesn’t excuse actions, it only helps to explain how she thinks about it after the fact. Here’s why - her view of the world is her reality, an…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 03:20 PM
11

Hey brother, son of divorced parents here (I was 8 when it happened). So I have particular familiarity with this from a child’s point of view. My mother HATED my dad post-divorce, while my dad was neutral and said he “still cared about my mother”, basically for 20ish years (and I only think he stopped because he met a new long-term partner). My mother on the other hand, it’s near-30 years later, she’s remarried, and she still badmouths him. As an adult, I talk to my dad 1-2x a week; I literally …
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 02:55 AM
5

As others have said, that doesn’t sound like the typical “walk away” scenario. But regardless, we’d need to hear some of the details of what she asked (and by extension, what you didn’t do). My stbxw had requests for me, and some were reasonable while most of them I quite literally didn’t see issues with (come to find out after we separated, I have a bunch of trauma and shitty coping skills from my childhood, to where I was basically blind to what she was saying as to me, in my own universe, the…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 10:08 PM
2

I’ve done this a few times. Close friends are like “how have you been” and I’ll say shit like “I’m making it - my stbxw has been cheating on me for a few months and we’re getting a divorce, but life goes on so I’m making it a point to be as upbeat as I can since I can’t change any of it”. And I try to do it with a smile on my face, as I need to truly believe that myself - I am in control of my life, but no one else’s, so if I want to have a good life despite all this happening it’s on me to do s…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 07:38 PM
1

This. This so much is the answer. Some days are shitty, some feel fine, some feel awesome. And sometimes you don’t have time for the shitty day so you postpone it to a later time - just make sure you actually feel it later, that’s what matters.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 05:13 AM
2

Like OP said below, we’re not excited to do it, those are just the options by and large. I definitely didn’t hop on the dating apps to meet a single mother, and honestly wasn’t crazy about the idea. But I had hope it could work.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 08:00 PM
2

(I thought) we really hit it off - we had been at literally 50+ of the same concerts, events, and whatnot over the 15yrs prior to when we met, despite her living in Germany, Europe, California, Illinois during that time frame - none of which were the state where we coincidentally were in the same events. I looked at it as the universe trying to put us together - guess it was putting us together so it could yank us apart down the line.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 07:58 PM
7

Mine cancelled 3x on date #2 after our first date (which seemed like it went well - it lasted 10hrs and we didn’t want to end that date so kept extending it). Eventually I said “look, if you’re scared either jump with me or let me know you’re not interested” (mistake #1 - if I have to encourage you to commit to me, that’s a sign). Mistake #2 - she had a ton of guy friends, all of which she turned down but all of which still openly pined after her and all of which she still tried to remain friend…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 04:55 PM
8

For me, my stbxw is doing the same - still with her AP and she’s lost some weight. But I can tell she’s losing due to not eating, NOT due to working out (she has a genetic trait where even with dieting, certain parts of her body grow rather than shrink unless she’s specifically working those parts out, so that’s how I know). I’m also going the therapy route and working on my mental health/childhood traumas. The difference is this - her glow-up is on the outside, and as others here have said thos…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 05:01 PM
1

Such a good song! I have that quote (she’s not mine to die for…) on a post-it on my bathroom mirror, and read that on some of those tougher days to remind me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 03:56 PM
1

Japandroids?
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 01:00 PM
2

Throwing my hat in here to let you know you’re not alone in this - I’ve posted elsewhere in this group but we decided to separate to “take some space” with the express agreement that we would not see other people during and would be working on our faults. My stbxw also started jumping to other guys within the first 2 months of our 6mo agreement. Be lucky you found out early on, I was the fool who didn’t find out until 9mo separated (after she’d stated she wanted a divorce, and I too tried to fix…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 01:22 PM
3

That last sentence sounds like growth my guy! The first step to recognizing you can heal is recognizing that you’re pained in the first place. Once you do that, you can start to dissect where the pain roots from (oftentimes it’s childhood) and work on things and really improve yourself. In theory, you’ll make it to a healthy place and THEN you’ll be exuding that healthy mindset out of your body and mind into the world, and people who are also genuinely working on themselves or have already done …
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 02:46 PM
1

Brother once you can make that decision naturally in your mind, the whole world turns around. You are living YOUR life, not hers - act accordingly, and make it the best damn life you can because you deserve to live the best damn life you can and no one else can give that to you but yourself! Keep at it, it is SOOOOOO worthwhile to hit that spot.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 06:58 PM
2

You said you know you can’t control her or what she says, but I’m going to revise that to say “you think you know you can’t control her” - if you truly knew it, you wouldn’t have these concerns. So turn this thought into a reality - you truly can’t control what she says or does, so live that life. Whatever she says, people will react how they do and not only do you also not have control over that, you shouldn’t worry about it either. Because the reality is how people react is going to tell you a…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 01:22 PM
1

Hang in there man, I promise it does get better. I can’t (yet) say that every day is roses and sunshine, but just this year alone I’ve gone from regularly breaking down to only breaking down once or twice a week, and often only for 5-10min at most. People say “do the work”, and honestly it’s true - you’ll get out as much as you put in, so dive into books about being a better overall human, on communicating better, and maybe even check out a few Gottman books (later on - focus on books that help …
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 12:38 PM
1

Gotcha, this has got to be a societal thing then or something! Shitty parents/step-parents on all sides, parents divorced when we were still kids, no solid relationship role models and so we think we’re doing “awesome” merely being better than our parents were (then you meet people who came from healthy households and you’re like “oh, so that’s what that looks like”, but you don’t seem to notice until it’s too late). I’m glad that you also recognized those past issues and worked to fix them - it…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 12:31 PM
1

And I 100% agree with you that it’s an overused and toxic mindset in the social media age, but unfortunately we can’t always give our best and sometimes we don’t even realize when we’re giving our worst either. This is why the vows are “for better or worse”; you will not always be your “better” version on a long enough timeline - life will happen, people will suffer from depression, close relatives will die, you might have near-brushes with death. (I went through all of those scenarios in 2 very…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 11:19 PM
5

UPDATE: We met today to sign the divorce proceedings and terms of divorce. We’re as amicable as we can be about splitting things, she has ZERO delusions that most things are from my financial efforts so she’s happy getting what she’s getting (and I can sleep comfortably knowing I did right by her kid, and I did the best I could in the marriage, even post-separation). I will also recover quickly because I live within my means, as opposed to well beyond them… I approached the topic of the new guy,…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 07:39 PM
6

To clarify, I wasn’t trying to buy her love. We’d always argued about money and she often said I was too tight with it, so I was taking her advice (Christmas and the trip both) and being more open and free about it. I was very poor growing up, so once I had my own money that mindset of “save or someone is coming to take it if you don’t” stuck with me. Those actions near the end were me recognizing why I was the way I was, and sincerely trying to make amends and correct my own issues. Thankfully …
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 07:08 PM
1

To clarify, I wasn’t trying to buy her love. We’d always argued about money and she often said I was too tight with it, so I was taking her advice (Christmas and the trip both) and being more open and free about it. I was very poor growing up, so once I had my own money that mindset of “save or someone is coming to take it if you don’t” stuck with me. Those actions near the end were me recognizing why I was the way I was, and sincerely trying to make amends and correct my own issues. Thankfully …
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 07:06 PM
2

Exactly, would never start a relationship with that person. But we all bring baggage, and to her the reason I would never start a relationship now is due to the baggage from when we didn’t work out. So I try not to blame her, because she has the feelings she does because in her reality (which is technically reality, as we are all living our own unique realities based on what we see, feel, and experience) things were awful for a long time. On the flip side, in my reality things were awful for ME …
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 06:21 PM
4

Sames, from time to time I run my thumb across that spot and then remember it’s not there. Kind of like a phantom limb scenario of sorts.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 06:24 PM
1

Brother I feel you 100% - mental health isn’t dealt with enough, especially for us guys, and it can be a killer. I went into a pretty bad depression for a few years due to work stuff, and in her defense she tried a lot of the time, but at the same time some of the things she did didn’t matter and some of the things she didn’t do would have really made a difference if she had. And many of those things I wish had happened, I explicitly asked for. At the end of the day, we were both damaged people …
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 05:36 PM
5

In therapy, much like school, you get out what you put in. If you see a therapist and really dive deep, do the hard work, take their feedback and do any exercises they give you, it can perform miracles. So much childhood trauma came up for me in therapy, and then I started reading books about it and am now accepting and becoming more calm with my current place in the world. I still go weekly, but lately I’m just on “maintenance” rather than actually working heavy each week - which is still nice,…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 02:59 PM
2

My stbxw removed me as a friend on her social media, and thus severed the “married to” aspect also. So it just showed “married” on my end. I ended up changing it to single, and am happy to report first-hand that there’s no notifications to people or anything - the only way someone would learn that info is if they went to my page and actually viewed my profile. But at this point, everyone I care about knows we’re divorcing anyways.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 03:47 PM
35

I work in a field where attorneys are my clients, and I routinely testify or am deposed (dozen plus times at this point in my career). What others are saying is true, the attorney’s job is actually to make you look like a jerk, so if you act like one they’ve already won the battle and you’ll inevitably screw up more. This is not an ego moment, if they’re a good attorney you simply cannot battle them (we literally go through training to avoid being rattled by attorneys). I’ve seen professionals g…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 01:50 PM
2

What is male companionship if not guys poking fun at each other whenever we can? Seriously though, like another said dreams can be useful, but you have to do the afterwork to figure out how they’re useful. I don’t always dream, and when I do I don’t always remember them, but I’ve started using my notes app to make a dream journal - if I remember the dream, I write it out and then ponder on it. Oftentimes through stream of consciousness writing, I stumble upon something about myself I didn’t know…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 01:45 PM
3

100% agree, you can’t rely on family and friends forever, most will burnout on it (and when they do, sometimes they forget to tell you that in a polite tone). Look into divorce groups - while they won’t enable you FOREVER, those people are generally more likely to be comfortable hearing you air your feelings (whether it be general bitching, crying, anger, loneliness, or anything else you’ll feel) as they tend to be actively going through it as well and can all empathize. There are people in the …
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 01:29 AM
1

You may love her still, but she doesn’t love you. Do you really want to put your kids in a household where you’re depressed all the time because mom still lives there, and mom is living her best life? To your kids, this is going to look like “mom is a happy person, but dad hates mom when she’s happy so he must be bad/the problem”. Now fast forward to the actual separation/divorce, and who do you think your kids will choose to live with if given the choice? As others have said, it’s a very hard r…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 04:47 PM
1

Just be mindful that they’re not all the same. A lot of them are sponsored by churches, so what I’ve heard over and over is “if anyone asks you to join the church it’s not a good group”. Obviously if you’re religious that may not be an issue, but if you’re not religious then the mindset is you’re not really joining a support group so much as you’re joining a funnel into a religious group. But if you find a group, make sure you give it MINIMUM 3 weeks/meetups - it may feel odd at first or you may…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 08:31 PM
3

You’re 100% not alone in this, this was me a lot of Saturday and Sunday this past weekend, crying for hours at a time and every time I thought I was stopping, 3-5min would go by and I’d start up again. Like others have said, therapy helps (but only some - nothing can stop you from having these emotions, they can only teach you how to better deal with them). Have you looked into divorce support groups in your area? They are a godsend because it’s a place you can go to weekly where everyone is suf…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 12:58 PM
2

That’s a fantastic idea - essentially don’t say “no” to invites?
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 05:48 PM
1

Second the cooking and raised garden bed, plus the outside time helps the mood. Question - how do you handle cooking for one? That’s my problem, I’m used to cooking for 3 and intentionally having leftovers for us both for lunch the following day. Now anything I make last 3-4 days, and I get tired of it after day 2 ends.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 05:44 PM
1

Screw cameras man, I worry about it sometimes too but you’re there for you, they’re there for them. If they choose to film and ridicule you because you’re putting your life back together, fuck ‘em, that’s their problem. You’re going through some shit they probably never have, so don’t compare apples to oranges. You’re stronger than they ever will be mentally, because post-divorce you’re still getting up every day and living life. Divorce is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I feel like that’…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 01:59 PM
2

First, I’m sorry to hear that - sounds incredibly frustrating and you’re 100% right to be confused and annoyed. While I agree with what someone else said RE trying counseling, a lot of relationship failures ultimately come down to communication (at a level which, in my experience, a lot of men just don’t naturally have - most of us weren’t taught those skills). She probably wanted you to have a drink WITH her, but rather than saying that she asked you to make “us” one instead. Not direct, and yo…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 01:49 PM
2

Just to play devil’s advocate that sometimes it’s the guys, not the girl that is the problem… My stbxw had two guy friends, both of which would sometimes spend time with us both when we were together and claimed to want to be friends with me also. One of them she’s known for 20ish years (for context, she and I have only known each other for half that time), the other was our neighbor down the street. We separated, and within 6mo both had made passes on her. Thankfully she turned them both down a…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 07:30 PM
7

Some days you don’t have to do all the stuff that daily life requires. In the situation we’re in RE divorcing, sometimes “good enough” has to cut it for the day, because there’s just so much going on in the brain that you truly can’t give it your all. Take care of yourself, turn on a stupid silly movie or TV show, and try to chuckle. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. If you have a backyard/patio, maybe invest in a fire pit or solo stove and just go out at night and sit by a fire. But you…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 06:27 PM
2

For me, honestly I’ve taken up lite gardening. I bought a raised garden bed and planted herbs and tomatoes. It’s an easy way to increase the tastiness of your food (which has helped me cut back SOME on takeout), but I also go out there from time to time and admire the plants, trim them back to encourage max growth, etc., so it provides a stress-free hobby (that is also forgiving if you neglect it for a week - most herbs grow like weeds if you just water them here and there and give them sunlight…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 10:17 PM
1

I too struggled to take my ring off, and even now, having been about 2wks without wearing it, I still find myself feeling that spot with my thumb from time to time. I feel less naked without it now (the first few nights I woke up here and there because it wasn’t on, and I was panicking), but some days are worse than others. For context, we’re separated and she’s in the process of drawing up the paperwork now. Some days I just go in an empty room in our marital house and scream and cry, and that’…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 08:58 PM
1

My guess? She planned on a life with you, and it’s not happening now. And that’s a tough pill to swallow no matter if you initiated it or not. My stbx is doing all the paperwork, she initiated the separation/divorce, but when we talk I too can see that she’s sad deep down and also angry. Sometimes she gets angry at me asking (rhetorically) why things are this way, and while I hate hearing it I can see her POV. Nobody gets into a marriage planning on a divorce, so (outside of cheating or other in…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 06:38 PM
2

It varies greatly. I have one in my city that is 100% nondenominational - it’s at a church but that’s solely because they started it there 40+yrs ago. No religion at all, no one from the church is even affiliated with it, they basically rent a space from the church. But there is another group that is a gateway to religion, very much “trust God, he knows the path” BS. Best advice I can give, go there and find out. If it’s not for you after 2-3 sessions (believe me, it takes that to realize if it’…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 05:23 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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