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Doc13075 Archive

View 6 posts and 47 comments by Doc13075 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Yeah the last part is very much not part of any future planning on my part. I get it's a number and for me if we click on a more personal level cool. We know each other but in a way been in a passing sense rather than a person I actually know. I'm not after permissiona as such, I was just really after sort of opinions from fellow middle aged guys who've been in the same place. Been out of dating for 25 years. Minefield out there 😱
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 02:25 AM
3

Sorry mate you've got the story wrong. I'm 12 months separated for my wife and as it stands in the beginnings of I don't know what with a youndmger woman. No commitment etc with her atm just 2 people who are enjoying each other.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 02:15 AM
1

This is early days, we are just starting to dig deeper. Music is a massive part of my life and she says the same. We talk about bands, songs, gigs a lot. We are both foodies as well. As I say this isn't anything solid just exploring things together but thats it atm.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 02:06 AM
3

Thanks for your reply and advice. Very much appreciated voice outwith my head.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 02:03 AM
6

I've done my fathering days. Between my older son and he 15+ years fostering kids with the ex I'm don3
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 02:01 AM
1

How do you find the difference in life experience?
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 01:41 AM
2

I'll be honest that this has came from nowhere, I wasn't looking to hook up let alone meet in the sense of what's happened. It felt like after 6 months I was mourning the end of a long and mostly happy marriage for the sake of it. I don't look back at the bad way it ended with fond memories but me and the ex had a lot of good times that I won't let her madness towards the end taint. It ended and as shitty and hard as it was I see no point in spending years feeling angry about someone else's acti…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 12:31 AM
2

Yeah we are trying to arrange to meet up I spend chunks of time overseas for my job and it's unpredictable some times so just trying to nail down a date that we can both do is a pain. She's only 3 hrs away and that work well for me not wanting to be living full time in a relationship atm. Further down the line I'd consider alternatives especially as when I'm home from overseas I don't have any work responsibilities so free to basically live anywhere in the world on my time off. It's just babyste…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 12:25 AM
1

To be honest I could have gone out the weekend after I threw her out and found any number of coke head mentally unstable women to ruin my life a 2nd time round. I spent months barely touch a drop of alcohol, working with my therapist and just being the best dad I could to my 2 grown kids who decided to stay and live with me. This doesn't feel rushed I like her moving on from her AP to a new guy within a month of being caught. But and it's a big but I'm still in the thick of it so not always thin…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 11:53 PM
1

I get the tale of caution. Frankly my oldest friend from back then whom is still my best friend even after 35 years has said pretty much the same. I am very much tapping the breaks lightly atm with her and I think she is as well. I've told her that it will take me a very long time to get over how things ended with my ex, I have managed to get to a place in life that I just don't give a shit what the ex does anymore. The woman I married is long gone and when I see or speak with her I honestly don…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 11:49 PM
2

I don't think anyone could put this simpler. Both want to fight or it's done. I did the blindly trying when my stbxw had brought up confusion , space etc to my own detriment. It's not just waiting for them to say it out loud. It's the actions and behaviour. If they say they want to try but never actually do anything, start spending time and wngery that was once reserved for you in other aspects of their life they've check out and just working on the exit plan. OP if she isn't showing any signs o…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 09:59 PM
2

Well I'm separated since July last year, I tried to push to get the settlement of finances sorted quickly. She pushed back and has funny old things changed from not wanting to be that ex who goes after the money to "just" what she is entitled too. My lawyer has said that if I'm in no rush to actually be divorced then let time take care of that. Scotland the financial clock is frozen on the date of legal separation so I'm in no rush to hand over 50% of everything I've worked my ass off to build f…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 02:09 AM
1

I honestly hate the whole process and how she decided to fuck about and here in Scotland it'll cost me the guts of 50% of everything I've worked for and on top of what it's already cost in over 2 decades of giving her a lifestyle she probably never thought possible. I do however look at the way it works for you guys over the pond in the US and think thank fuck I'm in Scotland. The way you guys can get seriously bent over and shafted dry for years supporting a utter cretin and leech is madness. S…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 03:04 AM
1

It can't be underestimated the support of good friends. I had mates I hadn't seen in 15/20 from my time in the forces calling me. Checking in and trying to get me to visit them. Local friends basically running a shift rota to be around me and making sure I was stable and functioning. Not hitting the drink etc. They knew I had responsibilities at home and without lectures or big deep talks just spent time with me. Sort of effort that I'll never be able to repay but they sure as shit know it got m…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 12:43 AM
1

The house thing is playing on my mind, separated 7 months and in the middle of divorce. I threw her out, stayed in the house with my 2 grown kids and the dogs. Since day 1 I've had it in my head I'm keeping the house. I've worked my arse off and paid every household bill since we bought it over 12 years ago. Last few weeks though I've started to think about it and if it's a comfort thing. This is without a doubt the longest I've ever lived in one house. My kids like our house and I do too. The k…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 12:37 AM
2

Mine has been planning things that suit my timeline, my needs and my budget. When I was with her every holiday would be passed around for dates, location, hotels and budgets. Her dad was widowed and her older brother lives with him. When it came to me wanting a holiday it would straight away be opened up for her dad and brother to come away as they don't and now won't go abroad on their own. We did get plenty trips alone but it was always run past them first. Never had an issue with them coming …
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 12:25 AM
1

Yep, always good to get it out rather than sat going over it time and again. No point letting trash live rent free when they don't give a shit.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 03:05 PM
2

Thanks, I can mostly type or tell the story now without getting angry etc. Accepted what she did and just trying to get through the divorce as best I can now.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 11:22 AM
1

Given the same option to marry her now knowing how it would end I'd probably still do it. 2 good decades followed by a few rocky years and the last 2 years being a rolllercoaster of amazing and terrible that frankly burnt me out and had my emotions all over the place. Mainly worth it for the kids we share but there was plenty good for a long time before she hit that stage of life and it went to pot.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 02:52 AM
3

From the day I knew the writing was on the wall deep down to it actually ending was 7 months. We had gone for a Christmas meal with our neighbours followed by drinks. That was the 14th December last year. The following day I was leaving to fly to the middle East for 2 months with work, was due to be collected by taxi at 8am the next morning so I'd told her and the neighbours I'd call it a night about 22:30. When I was finishing my last drink she had asked if I wanted her to come home with me. I'…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 02:43 AM
10

Yeah the STBEXW has a new fella, think it's been about 5 months. I don't know him but I'm actually best friends with his cousin who had told me he had fell out with the Ex over her drug abuse and party lifestyle. The same shit I'd told her I wasn't happy to deal with indefinitely. Best mate knowsy ex well and said he had thought about warning the cousin but decided in the end that the cousin had been quick enough to be in sniffing around when our marriage ended that as a grown adult man he'd jus…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 02:24 AM
1

Within a couple of weeks of throwing my cheating stbxw out I'd pretty much removed all these little woman's touches to the spare room for her to collect with her clothing etc. My lounge looked a little bare but then I thought what's going to be my idea of my main area I relax and live in. Straight up to my loft and got my old guitars out of the storage that I'd over the years been manipulated to getting out of the way. New strings and now the places she had her lamps, vase and flowery shit is oc…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 11:57 PM
1

I disagree and agree. I have a few very good mates that the first sort of month or so of it all going wrong would sit and listen, call or come to my house knowing full well I was going to vent and rant. The big thing is to know when you've over done it, say thanks for listening and either talk to a therapist or just get it dealt with. I still have the odd rant but they are few are far between. Most of the time if the cheat comes up it's me asking for advice on aspects of the divorce not her. I h…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 02:38 AM
7

Snap, for years my stbxw said that she couldn't understand wife's that tried to take so much of what they hadn't paid for. We spilt July last year and she kept that story going as she was getting settled in her new home and her nice newest fresh meat. I start to push about getting a settlement sorted. Replied that without the figures of property value, pensions etc she wasn't in a position to make an opening offer. My reply was simple, please provide your legal address to my solicitor. All futur…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 02:14 AM
6

So my FiL was not only my Golf partner but also a mate I'd fish with. After the MiL died I arranged family holidays to make sure him and her brother where included.. I did all the planning for his 70th birthday trip from here in the north of Scotland to Mexico. Trip of a lifetime according to him. I have always got on great with him over the 26 years me and his daughter where together. Separated from her cheating junkie arse 6 months now and we'll into the divorce process now. Spoke with him a h…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 09:23 PM
1

Yep 100% when dealing with family and their take on things. Much like friends for both you and her. It's a very tough time for both of you and the need to talk to someone that's not her is real. The main problem is finding someone without skin in the game and in my case that was my therapist. In the end when it all went to past point of no return my therapist was as bad as a friend or relative as we'd bonded to an extent and they took my side rather than maintaining a level of distance. By that …
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 03:30 AM
5

My Dad has been divorced twice, since things started getting shaky last year with my STBEXW he and me pretty much agreed that anything he said was to be taken with a pinch of salt. Not because he didn't have the lived experience but because his bias toward me his son clouded his thoughts. The only thing that has been a constant through the ups and downs of it all is that no matter how much shit she has thrown etc he has always maintained that I step back and keep calm. Invaluable advice I must a…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 02:28 AM
2

I took mine off the day I managed to catch her red handed and threw her out. I kept it in a glass beside my whisky and 4 months after being separated from her I'd not even thought about it. She still had access to my house due to Scottish law and when I was away from my house she would come to walk and feed her dogs. She was handy at just taking things from the house without asking and claiming it was her things only. Pretty early on I had started to photograph and video the house and belongings…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 12:48 AM
1

I sort of know where you are coming from. I'm approaching 6 months apart now. Threw her out when I found out about her "emotional" affair. Married for 24 years, together 26,friends for near 28 years. I still love her and more than likely always will in some way because she has given me my kids. Respect etc and the urge to get back together though? Absolutely chance, they do it once and they'll do it again and again. They'll never respect you for taking them back and it'll always be there under t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 12:26 AM
2

Brother, I like many are there with you. My first Christmas without all the routine, family and comfort also. It's not been great so far and I feel you mate. Son and daughter both grown live with me as do her dogs. My daughter(17)who has cut contact with the ex has gone away for a few days with her partner to get away from the pressure. My son(24) managed a whole 2 hours out of the 6 he said he'd try spend with his mum, no idea who cut it short and won't press that issue. I done cleaning,wrappin…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 05:39 AM
2

For me I'd agree with the above and add that show him appreciation for the things he does for you. I'm not talking over the top type praise but gentle thanks if he does something that makes you happy or something that he has to go out of the way to do for you. A genuine thank you with a touch on the arm can be as big a lift as a man can get.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 01:03 AM
1

What part of the UK mate, England and Wales have different laws to Scotland. I'd suggest bite the bullet and find a lawyer, get proper advice and plan from there on in.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 07:06 AM
1

Mine who under Scottish law still has rights to access of my home until the court and my lawyer can sort that out came in to my house and stole mine while I was away for a night at a gig with my daughter. Unfortunately even though she was the only person other than my son who was in the house I have no hard evidence. Asked her straight and she refused a straight answer. I'd like to keep it to pass to him once divorce is final but hey ho. Occupancy rights in Scotland are a joke.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 07:02 AM
13

I have zero emotion to her latest partner or his career. I'm actually very good friends with his cousin and have specifically said to him I want no stories etc about their relationship after a few times he'd told me a few things about them arguing etc. I'm far from moved on after 5 months separated and mid divorce but tracking her life won't help me any.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 05:11 AM
2

Mate that first few months, hell on earth. Just me with the kids and dogs. Me and the kids all spiralling like mad. Trying to be the stable dad and hold it together while inside being in absolute bits. Slowly I came around, a few very good mates and my dad got me through that time without me doing anything stupid to jeopardise howy kids seen me. They choose to stay with me and that told me all I needed to know. Now I have a home, me and the 2 of them have our routine it does go a bit to rat shit…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 01:16 AM
2

I read this and so many comments like it on here. I get it and I'm aiming for it. The circumstances of leaving the good life for way less again pretty much the same. I will never hear a sorry or get any accountability from my ex and really don't need it now. I'll work when I need to, I'll travel and have memory making trips and experiences with my kids while she now lives in her shitty social housing alone on a massively reduced access to the wealth I brought to our life. She can just crack on. …
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 01:03 AM
1

25 years for me, again I was there for her at her worst. She developed severe Rheumatoid Arthritis and for a period ended up in a wheelchair. I'd left her in and out of baths etc and basically nursed her as well as working full time. All forgotten about though. Supported her and her family, gave her brother a home with us when he was homeless. Forgotten Supported the whole family when her mother was dying of cancer, forgotten. Her rewriting of our history is a fantastic work of fiction.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 03:07 AM
1

2 of my closest friends where I live basically said to keep trying but that it was in my own self interest to watch her and her behaviour towards me and make sure that I had a plan to protect myself if it became any worse. 1 of them was the friend who called to tell me she was at another blokes house. Where it was and if I wanted him there as back up if things got ugly. Both good guys who have supported me through my darkest times. Both have said they seen what was happening and tried to steer m…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 12:31 AM
5

Mine gave the bullshit not seeing and doesn't want to see anyone else story to me when things started to get rocky. 8 weeks later I threw her out the family home for having at least an emotional affair but pretty sure after finding condoms hidden in the house it was more. After I threw her out that wee fling fizzled out and she is now onto victim number 2. Not bad in the 16 weeks since she said she doesn't want to be with anyone. She is a master at saying the right thing that she thinks I want t…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 07:19 AM
2

That will be one of my first tasks when I return home, unfortunately I'm working away from home for another 2 weeks. I have it in writing from her that she will respect my personal space and belongings. Would actually be helpful if she goes against that as my lawyer will then be able to get a court order to prevent her entering the property. All said and done I just want the 12 months to pass quickly so I can get her out my life for good. Kids are adults so don't need to do logistics with her li…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 05:30 PM
2

Green party make the left wing look like the far right!
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 04:25 PM
6

Aye we'll go with that haha. Absolutely wild our laws on this type of situation.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 12:33 PM
1

Sounds like we are in very similar places in life mate. Find what you can deal with from her, anything past that then walk away and don't look back. I've had good communications with her today around our daughter and them planning a lunch. I refuse to be drawn into any type of conversation about me and her now. That's done so pretty much a waste of time poking the wound for me. She is still very unpredictable are her showing up for our daughter though especially at weekends. She was supposed to …
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 01:18 AM
1

I get that in different countries etc the split of assets is different. In Scotland if it goes through the courts it takes a lot lot for it to move from 50/50. Kids are grown so no child maintenance. It's even pretty hard to get spousal maintenance here and that's time limited to three years. For me she may be a cheating twat who has lost the ability to think straight in recent months but when this is all done I'd like to be able to look the kids in the eye over a meal and a beer and know that I…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 12:27 AM
1

I tell you what that's great advice for him right there as well. My 2 closest friends that have been through divorce know I like a drink and both said as soon as they knew it was 100% over to me what ever you do don't hit the bottle. I did say to them that I feel lucky as I have the kids even though grown up and the dogs. That sense of responsibility has kept me although not teetotal but a beer with dinner in the evening with the kids andayne one more a bit later once everything is done around t…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 11:36 PM
14

Most of the men I know who have been through divorce have all told me the same thing. It's a rough time at the start. I will get lonely and be times I'll struggle but as time passes they have all said the same. They started to find the man they where before they got married and are generally happier for it. They all have one thing in common and that when they get a new partner they are very much in the ball in knowing what they want in them and if they don't get it they move on fast. I'm only at…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 02:58 AM
3

This is exactly whee I'm at right now. The daytime I find easy, busy around the home. Jobs that need doing, the kids although grown up are about, the dogs need walked etc. It's that time after say 8pm when the quiet comes and your alone with your own thoughts it comes in waves. Starting tomorrow I'm moving my workout time from the morning to 8pm. I'm not trying to hide from my feelings but at the same time I'm not wanting to sit there for 3 or 4 hrs with them. Time to use this dead time for a be…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 11:50 PM
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