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DocYoctopus Archive

View 0 posts and 18 comments by DocYoctopus on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I'm not a lawyer and don't know shit. Also my divorce is 5 years+ in the past and no one was accused of infidellity. I will say in my state (PA) I read on some of the lawyer sites that a spouse could lose spousal support if they commit adultery. If that's on the table or off the table, it would suck to shoot yourself in the foot and negate things by also having an affair. Unrelated to custody or child support but potentially a big savings on spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 07:40 PM
2

Not what I said. Your lawyer should be able to tell you if having an affair while your married will allow your stbx who is also having an affair to have an advantage in the court.. Two different things completely.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 06:10 PM
1

You are allowed to feel good and make up for lost time. That said, you have a lot of things moving around, and the faster things go, the harder they might break. Run the idea of having a girlfriend or multiple flings by your lawyer once you decide on who to go with. I think you'd currently have an upper hand if you are not the one having an affair, but dating yourself might neutralize that. YMMV.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 05:24 PM
1

I can’t answer that other than to say it’s a tale as old as time. 😂😭
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 02:35 PM
5

I've seen it in some other posts around here - it's not great to date during separation at all - get through the divorce and then at least a year - allowing yourself to experience all the major milestones that occur within a year to navigate that. More realistically many people are looking to get into something quickly so they can avoid the pain/hassle/inconvenience and you will see this in men and women across all ages. Me personally, it has been over 5 years since divorce and I haven't had ano…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/24 01:39 PM
5

You aren't crazy to grieve and you've said you've been reading here so you see similar stories. I do want to point out you must have an awesome relationship with your daughter (and son) so you've been doing a lot right. That really matters IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 10:56 PM
9

I do. My 9 yo is big into gift giving. It goes both ways. She's had her mom spend quite a bit of money on things for me over the years. FWIW I do it for my daughter and don't even think about the end recipient.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 02:20 PM
2

No reason to wait. Are you concerned it would cause trouble when she finds out? IMO it's more trouble to be connected. I'm not active on SM and I refuse to look at my exes accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 12:46 PM
6

I think a lot of that is up to you and your specific situation. If your kids are older then hopefully you won't have as many encounters with her as things move forward. I find myself still taking steps forward and backwards in this area even after 5 years. Partially because I have a younger child so I'm often interacting with her mom through our coparenting. I'm also prone to letting things bother me and "live rent free in my head" which is why I say some of that will be up to you. Can you focus…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 03:03 PM
3

This is exactly my philosophy and approach. Plus, I figure if my ex has something else they want to be doing, the next step is for them to get a sitter if I say I'm not available. So then a stranger would be watching my kids at a time I could have been spending with them.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 05:00 AM
1

This is exactly right.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 03:03 PM
1

This approach/mindset makes most sense to me. We have little control over most things and even if you want to fight about it in court they will keep doing what they are doing for months or years while that gets resolved. She's decided how to proceed. Ideally, she would have introduced OP to him first, given him a heads up that he would be around your kids, etc. I wasn't given that opportunity and it did throw me for a loop because I thought we were on the same page about introducing people to ou…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 02:57 PM
2

I feel this way often at 45. It can be hard to keep the momentum, but in general it's a good life. Though I'll say I haven't done much dating the last 2 years and I'd like to change that. You sound content and that's something we should all strive for. Congrats and thanks for sharing some inspiration.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 03:04 PM
1

Ooof. You nailed it. Brings back some memories of the last year or so of my marriage. It only feels like it happens overnight when you don't see everything going on.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 02:03 PM
1

Strongly agree with that last part. Kind of makes you wonder how they felt in the first place. Or do we truly experience feelings that differently?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 01:42 PM
1

Congrats! You and your kids deserve the best dad possible. I hope you enjoy your new life with them. Keep in mind it's not always a straight line in feeling better. You might have down days but focusing on those kids and the joy they bring will help you power through that. Best of luck and thanks for sharing something positive!
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 01:41 PM
7

I'm five years post separation/4 years since divorce finalized and in general I feel peace. I can't say I had a process, some therapy, but a lot of it has been time and the opportunity to learn more about what I thought I wanted vs what I need. For example, I always thought I wanted to sleep next to someone. The reality is that I hate having another person around me after 10 pm, particularly if I don't feel that person is meeting my expectations. So, I'm much less frustrated in that particular a…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 03:08 AM
3

I agree with this. As someone whose parents stayed together "for the kids", it just taught me how to have dysfunctional relationships. Thanks for sharing your story. I've had 2 divorces and sometimes romanticize the thought of my next serious relationship. I'm sorry you're going through this again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 12:47 AM
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