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DuePersonality8585 Archive

View 2 posts and 45 comments by DuePersonality8585 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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7

Effing bingo. Mid life crisis, hormones and being surrounded by the poisonous divorcee friends ghat get validation from her crashing the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 02:59 PM
6

I think you’re right. My marriage is on life support because my wife refuses to commit herself to working on the marriage. She has “worked on herself” (emphasis on herself) for the last few years and last few months in particular and has a whole lot of “I don’t need you” confidence, but she hasn’t done a fucking thing about the anger and resentment she has built up over the years. As a result I have been frustrated and outright paralyzed in trying to do the things I need to do to help us thanks …
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 02:57 PM
1

Therapy and lots of work. There’s no abuse or infidelity or other moral shenanigans here. I know there are some that would disagree but I don’t think yours is a reason to blow things up, at least not without exhausting every possible effort. Work on time rebuilding your relationship with her, but also address the elephant in the room re intimacy. It could be linked to depression, exhaustion w the kids or something physical (is she overweight, have medical issues etc.)
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 03:53 PM
1

Both is key. And it’s only one of us has had a constant need to “win” every confrontation over the years.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 04:24 PM
1

And that infidelity is on the part of whom? The ones filing or the served spouse?
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 04:22 PM
1

And why do you say that?
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 04:03 PM
0

If we both acknowledge the situation and that marriage actually means “for better or worse”, is more than any immediate romantic feelings, and that we should put in real work into maintaining and improving our relationship then it is salvageable
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 03:53 PM
1

It’s funny that in your “broad spectrum” you assume a do-nothing husband when I include this: “and parenting for her (and you) becomes being chauffeurs, tutors, cooks and all that thankless stuff.” “You, however, are still bumbling along, doing the same 9-5 thing you’ve done to support the family for years, and when you’re not working you’re taking the kids to baseball or running errands or whatever.” Almost as if you’re assuming husband is to blame for the whole thing. That wife has no responsi…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 03:48 PM
0

The vast majority of divorces are for “irreconcilable differences” or whatever the no-fault term is, not infidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 01:39 PM
0

Lol, I manage most of the household on top of my job and everything else I do. I’m not saying I did nothing wrong but she has the same failings as me and then some. We both have failed to engage with each other and have gotten lost in the day to day, but while I recognize this as a mutual failing, she sees this as my fault somehow. As if I could have created extra time for us to do something when she gets back from the gym at 10pm. Her worst issues - a cold personality with control issues - have…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 01:36 PM
0

“No wonder she checked out. When you're responsible for everything you say she is it's like you become another child to look after.” - really? The post implies equal sharing of responsibility. In my case I take the greater share of many things given my work schedule. She’s the one who gets to make time for the gym, friends and other pursuits while I pick up the slack. I have done nothing but try to make her life easier. And I get blamed for our lack of together time, as if I have the power to ad…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 01:27 PM
1

We share with the kids, always have. I do the majority of the cooking, cleaning, getting kids ready for school etc bc of my more flexible work schedule (nevermind the never ending semi-skilled home improvement projects she requests and I get done). There has been no question that I will pick up the slack when she wants to make time for the gym, her friends, naps whatever. I’ve bent over backwards to give her time to herself, make sure she’s comfortable etc. I am not one of those bozos that’s pla…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 01:21 PM
1

I’m sure that’s the reason
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 02:32 AM
6

lol I really hit a nerve with you people and perimenopause huh?
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 02:23 AM
5

Putting “the” blame? Putting part of the blame. And the point is that both parties are equally stressed and are sharing the burdens but there’s one side that seems to want to burn it down more than the other. And oh boy does perimenopause make a lot of sense
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 02:07 AM
2

I’ve known her for 25 years. She’s got the job she wants, the kids, the house, and everything else. She works, I work, we raise the kids, and we see way too little of each other because we haven’t been prioritizing our relationship. But I’m not the one that’s threatened to burn it all down.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 01:58 AM
1

lol yep that’s exactly what happened.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 01:54 AM
1

I do too. Frankly I think she has more to work on than I do
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 01:53 AM
1

If there was something comparable we would be approaching parity in divorce filers. The fact that it skews ridiculously heavily towards the wife filing really says something
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 01:51 AM
2

Are you saying women are blameless and without agency here? That it doesn’t take two partners to work on a relationship? Gee whiz it would be neat if it was just me that was the problem - I can work on me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 01:47 AM
5

And she doesn’t exactly treat me well either. We’re both in the thick of balancing jobs and kids and other aspects of our lives and have both put attention to each other on the back burner. We both have things to work on. But there’s no “walk away husband” syndrome. A men don’t have a scientifically demonstrated hormone change that can drastically alter their personality. My life is as “boring” as hers. But I’m also not the one constantly putting my spouse down or the one threatening to walk awa…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 10:59 PM
2

I know. It seems like a cheering section for people to end their marriages there
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 10:05 PM
3

I think you’re right about “boring” being the norm. Some people just can’t accept that life is a lot of work
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 10:03 PM
6

I’m sorry to hear that. Divorce seems entirely too easy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 08:07 PM
5

Yep. I was really deflated after reading up on this stuff. I think this is a major contributor to our situation given that her hormones have always been a bit wonky and the changes definitely exacerbated some underlying undiagnosed issues. I did raise my concerns to the therapist and hope he has broached the subject with her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 07:59 PM
4

Fair points and these are things to be conscious of. I think, though, it takes two to make this stuff work. I think that women with bigger emotional swings need to be grounded in the notion that marriage isn’t something to be dropped because things are boring. I think that those who don’t have that mentality are a liability when you get to a certain age. The menopause changes (see the guy below) really play hell with things. I’m dealing with that right now. One of my wife’s issues is that I don’…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 07:54 PM
3

Perimenopause is a big factor. Google it or search up some threads here - it’s hair-raising, depressing and infuriating. I get that there are a lot of dirtbag guys out there, but boy it feels like there are just so many women that blew up marriages because the fell out of love or whatever and didn’t want to work on it. The fact that our society rewards this frivolous behavior is galling
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 07:01 PM
1

What was the cause of the split?
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 06:12 PM
2

I agree completely. It falls on everyone. I got wrapped up in all the doing - like you say, work, taking care of the finances, chores (lots of chores) and didn’t give her the attention she’s been wanting. At the same time, though, she hasn’t exactly been making efforts on her end. Being bitchy and icy doesn’t exactly signal that you want my attention.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 06:11 PM
5

I don’t know if it is lack of fulfillment or that they were busy being mommy to young kids. I think once the kids don’t need them as much and once they hit that perimenopausal hormone culsterfuck they start thinking they should be doing something better
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 06:05 PM
2

That’s awful. I despise the culture that enables and validates this behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 06:00 PM
2

It really is a spiral too - more like a positive/negative feedback loop. I think the attention wife used to give husband gets directed to the kids, H takes lack of attention in stride and understands he’s now after the kid(s). H does the provider thing and focuses on more practical stuff like work, home maintenance etc. and neglects W absentmindedly. W doesn’t notice bc she’s busy being mommy. But then that stops for her - but H keeps doing what he’s always been doing. Now both parties aren’t gi…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 05:58 PM
5

“The peer group toxic spiral is real.“ - when talking to a buddy of mine he coined the term “coven of c*nts”, abbreviated CoC
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 05:45 PM
3

Yes. Absolutely. On its face it signals lack of commitment and that she’d be willing to leave you. I say this bc of the statistics - statistically speaking she probably initiated both divorces for “irreconcilable differences” or some such faithless nonsense. It could be there is a worthy explanation but the burden is on her to prove it to you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 02:41 PM
1

Why? It shows that there is a serious question about her (and his) commitment. As far as “lovers” I doubt that a twice married divorced person, man or woman, hasn’t had a higher than desirable amount of lovers. I agree our society is screwed up. People should be dating for marriage and then should honor their oaths and put in the work to maintain and fix the marriage rather than bailing for frivolous reasons
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 02:35 PM
1

I’d love to know any tricks to reducing either (I want to support my kids at the end of the day but the thought of having to cut her a check sucks). Our finances are pretty uncomplicated - salaried jobs (I make about 50% again more than her) retirement accounts, a bit of savings/investments. If there’s something I can do to reduce my footprint, I’m all ears
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 04:55 PM
1

Thanks, this is effectively my slow and steady gameplan. Cash only. No way to trace it. I might ask a trusted person to open brokerage account with it at some point, with small contributions every month or so. I wish it didn’t come to this and hope this will turn into a magic vacation fund or whatever, but I’d be a chump not to do something
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 04:49 PM
1

Not looking for directions to open a shell company or Swiss bank account to leave her with nothing. Really looking for advice on how to store $60 here, $150 there credibly taken out as gas or grocery money or whatever. Like I said, I’d rather not just put it in a shoebox to be eaten by inflation.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 12:41 PM
1

The system is unethical and I’m done being a pushover. I can say with a good degree of confidence that I’m not the bad guy here and it’s not me that’s going to blow things up if it comes to it. If someone is willing to burn my life down by breaking a contract (not to mention oath) that they benefit financially from breaking I have no moral issue with protecting myself. For context I’m not looking for ways to keep it all in the event of a divorce or hide all the assets I have in my name. I’m look…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 12:37 PM
1

Thank you, but a post nuptial agreement is out of the question. I am hopeful that we can work things out but I am looking to protect myself by any means possible if she gives me the “I’m just not happy” line and hands me papers in a year or two. I want to use this time strategically. Re “marital assets” I get that if it’s in my name and findable it gets put in the pot. I am looking for suggestions (and specific pitfalls to avoid) on how to slowly take some $ from here and there and build somethi…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 12:10 PM
1

Sorry brother, but that’s a deal breaker and you need to look out for yourself. In 10 years you’ll still be young and she’ll be a bad memory. I’m going through a lot with my wife right now but want to do everything to save my marriage, but I would walk away from this without question
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 11:54 PM
2

“Slowly, but surely women made changes to divorce and child’s custody laws that we are all suffering from now.” - one of the worst things we did was give women the vote. Before that it was effectively families as represented by the husband that voted. Now we’re suffering because feminine sensibilities have been injected everywhere
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 11:03 PM
2

I’m sorry my guy. I wish there was something you could do to make the hurt stop. You should talk to a lawyer right away though. If this is about debt and she’s bailing, she’s going to take some of that with her. You also might as well bake your bad financial position into the cake. No sense in dragging things out until you’re making more money and she claims a piece of that. Women just don’t take the vows seriously and they’re basically encouraged to brake the marriage contract.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 10:57 PM
1

Talk to a lawyer first. Is the house in both of your names? Do you have the ability to buy out her share of the equity and assume the mortgage (assuming there is one)? If it’s in your name you might be able to get away with packing her a suitcase and changing the locks
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 10:34 PM
1

“Don’t hide assets.“ - I get that this is a bit of a legal disclaimer, but if you’re in a position where divorce is possible and you have enough lead time I tend to think that regularly taking out small-ish amounts of cash would be good way to build a cushion to fall back on.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 10:23 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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