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DuelCitizener Archive

View 2 posts and 67 comments by DuelCitizener on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
11

DuelCitizener/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 05:47 PM
7

LawyersDuelCitizener/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 02:47 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Spikes like a mirror of my situation. Literally. Thing is, I know if she said let's give it a go it would be a tough road. Would I be on eggshells waiting for her to say"nope, still not working" The only way to realize truth is to create space and follow your journey. It's REALLY. Fucking. Hard. I still miss her. I still feel the butterflies when i see her. But she ain't coming back any time soon and it sucks balls. This came on my insta feed today https://www.instagram.com/reel/C_ve2pbygMn/?igs…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 03:02 AM
1

On the frickin' nose!! I suspect if you asked many husbands, did they mean to ignore their wife then the answer will be no. It’s the communication style that causes this issue I think – the woman comes to the man with what appears to be blown up and accusatory statements which the man takes as a criticism and then shuts down. Instead, it requires a man to say to the woman what I heard you say is this and this is how it makes me feel… But that’s not how it works in most cases. Both Have a role to…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 02:04 AM
14

There does seem to be a pattern here for women; the modern "social" age has had it's fair share of influence.. instead of"for better or worse", and working through this together, she checks out 1-2 years ahead of dropping the bomb. Talk about shitty way to manage a relationship. I'm not excusing that there are other reasons, with men patterns just at fault (cheating for ex. Just can't get with what goes through a woman's mind that they go "walkaway" (see walkaway wife syndrome)
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 01:52 AM
2

Firstly, I totally understand how you feel this way because you’re in entire world appears to you as if it’s over and there’s nothing more but the truth is this is the start of your second life. Many of us here have shed dark thoughts because we really cared for our wives and feel deep emotions about their action. Lies, betrayal, cheating, duplicity, narcissism… These are all things that have a deep impact on us as men. The good news is that your second life is going to be awesome. But it does r…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 12:33 AM
4

Can you have your own celebration with your daughter? I'm in a similar situation with the ex and separate out everything. Effectively my kids get two celebrations. It's a win for then and me.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 09:53 PM
6

Therapy is for those that need mental/emotional support; agree on the rest.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 12:02 AM
1

I will add i am on that journey right now. Ex initiated and now dating someone else - I never wanted the divorce so have had to go through a lot of grief management - counseling, gym, social life, finding what makes you happy have all helped, but I still get intrusive thoughts daily about her. Sometimes they’re easy to manage, other times they feel all-consuming. Unfortunately, I still have to interact with her as we have kids, which serves are painful reminder and can be quite triggering… Every…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 05:05 PM
2

This is an important step of steps to take. Focusing on your own self is where the difference comes, and that can be incredibly hard. This is your opportunity to learning about yourself through counseling and to do the things you want to do without having to include other peoples consideration. That won’t stop all hurts or thoughts, but it will help you focus and be determined. There will be days of ups and downs, but the downs, subside in frequency and eventually intensity
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 10:32 AM
2

No. I agree to divorce only because to fight it would make matters worse. The time since has been transformational for me. One day she will realize the mistake- but by then it may be too late.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 12:55 PM
3

So much this. Divorce can really fuck with your relationship brain. You need to be happy with yourself before you could be happy with others, and even then some others have fucked up baggage, so being able to have strategies to deal with similar or not so great behavior is important. This only comes through time unfortunately.. if you haven’t already, try Counselling. This can help things through these types of situations too to make sure there’s no hidden trauma
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 12:01 PM
4

This nailed it for me
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 12:50 PM
6

The only reason to get married is for tax reasons. Other than that, being a man in a failing marriage is no bueno.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 03:59 AM
2

It's about that time that the real wants come out on both sides. Sounds like this isn't the one.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 03:52 AM
2

Appreciate you adding your perspective. It’s what makes this a valuable subreddit.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 09:09 PM
2

We all have a story. Yes. Just trying to help.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 08:59 PM
4

First, it’s OK to have those feelings and it’s good to examine what’s causing this feelings. Is it the divorce itself? Or is it investment of time in a relationship which ultimately fell apart, the result of which is where you are today? Is it the way your ex treated you, or managed the last few years with you? Could it be a combination of these things as well as the loss of the relationship itself? You get the point hopefully that there’s more to this probably and it might be an idea to explore…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 01:00 PM
13

I read that 2/3rd of divorces are started by women… so 1/3 of them are devastated
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 04:37 PM
2

This is worth reading https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/divorce-busting/202209/the-walkaway-wife-syndrome-revisited?amp
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 11:34 AM
2

This is good to hear - it does take time. Time to grieve, time to find who you want to be going forward, time to establish new and adjusted routines… there’s no “easy “ button (and I wish there were). Suicidal thoughts aren’t unusual for men going through divorce because you may ask yourself “What’s the point?”… there are many points for all of us - a Big point are your two kids. Can you imagine the trauma and loss they so feel knowing their dad is no longer there for them? Speaking of someone w…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 06:54 PM
2

I can identify with this feeling. I trust my ex that she knows what to do as she is as protective as I am - but still no other adult tells my kids what's what. You have to remember you're not being substituted as a parent. It's a tough one for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:26 PM
1

Virtual beers cheers, my man.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 02:21 AM
1

Redheads man. They are a unique breed.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 02:20 AM
1

Yes! But the new love will be different. When the time is right, communicate your needs and seek to understand and respect theirs. Some days you will give 50/50, or 30/70 or 80/20 .. this seems like invaluable advice https://www.instagram.com/reel/C67zFLFB46z/?igsh=MWJoY3JsYTJpMG5zbQ==
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 01:30 AM
1

Her betrayal will ultimately become her undoing. Have you considered reframing? Think of each house completion as a fresh start for a new family, rather than a reminder of your past. By focusing on the joy and excitement these homes will bring to others, you can transform your role into one of creating new, positive beginnings. Easy to say..
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 01:24 AM
2

I hope healing comes for you. The platitudes mean nothing when you're living the hurt. I can be minding my own business and suddenly a memory or thought and it can be hard to move on from it. But you do.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 01:03 AM
3

I've been there... I'm still feeling the after effects almost 18 months later. The thing that turned the ship was her declaring she had a SO. If you're still feeding a longing for that relationship to come back, know that, even if you were to reconcile, that relationship would not come back – it would be different going forward. someone said to me, this is a perfect time to be selfish and do what you want and not have to answer to anyone. It’s a long road for those of us who didn’t expect to div…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:08 PM
3

What was your version off putting the work in? How did you meet sometime? Which of the 3,000 gods did you put your trust in? /S
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 10:08 AM
8

Oh so much this The grass is not as green as you may think. Communication - possibly over-communication - is what's needed
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 08:11 PM
1

Her being single is a big part of it. In your mind she's still floating (available). I was in a similar situation and then she started dating this guy and it became serious. She's no longer "floating" and this repost of grief really changes your thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 12:30 PM
3

The divorce completely destroyed me emotionally. Found out she'd decided a year previously so was emptier disconnected. She wanted me out the house asap. We have kids and I felt like the outsider. With therapy, gym and social time I got better and realized my role in all of this - but also found out she had fun up debts behold my back, and kept several other things from me which were impactful to our relationship. She was the ying to my yang, but now she sees the difference as negatives. She is …
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 12:16 PM
1

I'm sorry, my dude. I hope you get repaid thrice in time
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 03:13 AM
1

It saddens me to read how children are weaponized or deprioritized for some, and the other parent has to bear the consequences. $40k spent for what? Should have been a divorce lawyer - it's recession-proof...
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 12:46 AM
3

I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't bad mouth you as she realizes she's fucked up and gets angry. I wouldn't bad mouth her but I would prepare the ground. It's not shameful to share with family and friends if done on the right way
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 11:58 AM
17

You provided things no one else could - but she thought she could fuck around and find out... Her "honesty" is clear - she needs to go on her own journey and discover that you were the person she needed after all ... But then regret everything because you moved on. She will get angry and lash out at you. Don't fall into the emotion trap. As much as I'd like to say she's learned her lesson, she has not. She has made a massive mistake that she will take to the grave.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 02:42 AM
4

This is timely. Divorced a year. We were both not in a good place and she called it quits. Today she told me she's seeing someone and it's serious. I knew it was coming and tell myself that I need her to move on so I can too -even though she's destroyed so much. Loyalty and being with someone through thick and thin was what I thought we both signed up for... I've been investing in myself, counseling, gym rat, finding new ways to enjoy life... But it's been hard to let go the rose tinted memories…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 12:49 AM
4

And neither are that great.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 10:16 PM
1

1.5 years here and still on the journey, however I do know that there’s still lots of healing to be done on both sides.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 04:51 AM
1

A gentleman never tells. Except when faced with divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 04:47 AM
9

First I’m sorry you’ve experienced this. Many of us have experienced a version of this so can empathize with you. Secondly there are some common truths: get professional help exercise regularly - the gym helps you get away dial up your support network (aka friends). Get socializing with them do not think the drinks, drugs or fucking around will solve any of your problems - they will not. There is a thing called the walkway wife syndrome. It may not be 100% aligned to what you experienced, but it…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 01:19 AM
5

$2k child + $3k alimony. All because her midlife crisis. In the ass in so many ways and none of them enjoyable.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 10:31 PM
3

Generally, no. If she instigated the divorce and you were not willing part of it, then being friends will only lead to the friend zone. Plus, awkwardness will ensue when one of you starts dating. All this is a course of generalization also common advice.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 03:56 AM
2

I dated this nice woman for two months, but I really felt I wasn’t giving her what she deserved so I broke it off – clearly not ready for serious relationships, so I’ve decided to not try the apps instead just be and find ways to enjoy my life, and if the right person comes along sobeit
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 05:44 AM
2

I can empathize because your story is not too different from mine and I have found incredibly hard to deal with the divorce because I am the sort of guy the ones I marry, that’s really my commitment… There’s a couple of things I would recommend, that have been mentioned here before, but worth mentioning again: counseling and therapy – find someone that will challenge you not just yep you. Be open to what comes out of that journey. Go to the gym or find physical exercise outlets – this is so incr…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 05:42 AM
2

It will only end badly for her. Meanwhile you’re creating the best memories with your daughters
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 02:39 AM
4

Actually no. My social life took off. Hit the gym, adjusted my Diet, took up a hobby. Her family think she’s an idiot but needs to find it out for herself, so she goes out with other bitter divorced girlfriends. She goes out to clubs and date men who look like her previous abusive SO and ghost her. It’s just a matter of time before it all comes back to her. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 02:15 AM
7

I told my ex that I have no intention to be friends, only parents. I will be polite and courteous, will have the kids as the primary care and concern but she left me at a point where we could fix things and instead decided to “find fun” after almost 20 years. You and I call it a midlife crisis.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 12:16 AM
1

Almost a year since the split and I think of her every day. I also remember why we got here and I know that it’s too soon to get back together. We need time apart to go through our own journeys. I have been hitting the gym and getting a great social life. When I least expected it I met this awesome woman and we have made a great connection. Does that mean i stopped thinking about my ex wife? Hell naw. But i know that i have found someone with a connection that’s something special and so im explo…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 03:11 PM
4

I’m just under a year since she dropped the bomb and still have residual thoughts about the situation where she acted on her midlife crisis instead of working through it together (I’m to blame too). Best thing in did was to take advice from this group; hit the gym, no dating, do things that make you happy for 12 months. Create goals for yourself and work towards them. I’ve tripped up a few times but feel like I am making progress. The gym REALLY helps mentally as much physically.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 07:26 PM
2

IL - 2 kids (70/30 custody) - >10 years married -$200k vs $50k $2300/m for child support I cover healthcare
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 11:33 PM
4

What is someone’s race anything to do with it? Genuinely asking.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 01:53 PM
2

There is a common theme here which is the wife gets the itch and decides to be selfish and find “happiness “ because fuck those vows made, she changed her mind… now pay up on that alimony and child support. Living that right now in (month #8) I do think social media has an impact to this - it’s not the only thing - the “walkway wife” is real See https://hellodivorce.com/relationships/what-is-walkaway-wife-syndrome And also https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/divorce-busting/202209/the-walkaw…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 02:43 PM
1

Go to counseling. Either both of you out just you. If you try to solve this in the current path it will be divorce; counseling may reveal tons that could help you both navigate being this - or confirm you are not right for each other.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 02:17 PM
8

The biggest fuck you is to do well without her.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 03:36 AM
2

Get professional help. Seriously. There are underlying things you should address both individually & as a couple. I was married 15 years and don’t regret it. I just regret not using my own advice.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 01:56 AM
1

It’s over. She’s just playing. If you leave it may be seen as abandonment effect her lawyers will take you for every penny. I was 17 years. Wedding vows are worth for shit apparently. Live for yourself and the kids. Put them as the priority and communicate that you want to put them first. As such you’re not moving out but are living separately under one roof. Revolutionary advice is spot on and is based on so many posts you’ll find here
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 02:47 AM
0

A year is an average. The tell is are you happy with you, and happy to be alone, without the need of a relationship to be happy? If you are then go for it. If not, find what makes you happy. You’ll find what you’re looking for and inevitably a fear relationship. Easier said than done - living it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 02:12 AM
1

Preach! (Said the atheist) I did all of this and it really helps. Want to only add a couple of things: Look up “Grey rock” regards your relationship to your ex Discover or rediscover the things you love doing for you - and do them!
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 11:43 AM
2

For what it’s worth I realized that I had let my passions take a back seat and I’d prioritized everyone else over me, which lead me to a less positive mindset overall. So I’ve taken some of those passions and gone further than before to make them real. The impact of that alone has been incredibly helpful to help me understand what personal happiness means… that can lead to understanding what I want
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 10:55 AM
7

The simple answer: get new hobbies and find things that you as passionate about. The hard answer: get new hobbies and find things that you as passionate about. Chances are, You’re not over the divorce and probably need to get closure. You maybe had a walkway wife (https://divorce.com/blog/walkaway-wife-syndrome/#) and maybe are comparing your life to what was… instead looking at your life without a partner and asking “what do I want for me?” (Excluding romantic situations) and building goals and…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 11:52 AM
1

It’s hard as fuck. As you quite rightly say, a flood of emotion. I have swayed from feeling independent to interdependent; from clarity to swirl of noise. I have a clear vision of how we could make our future together happy - i fix things by nature but I’m dealing with an emotive person who “isn’t there” and it can’t be fixed right now
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 06:46 AM
2

She asked in March and we closed it down by mid June. Minimal fuss, if you love someone set them free etc. I accept - but with frustration -that I can only control what I can. Only time will tell. Continue to enjoy my passions , spend time with friends and make the best time with my kids - they are the focus. Everything for a reason.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 04:45 AM
3

ALL THE TIME She’s going through a midlife; I was going through depression. I got my shit together and am more the person I want to be, and she has agreed that it’s what she also wanted but it feels “fake” to her because I could actually change (thanks to professional help). It’s too soon to reconcile regardless but as far as I’m concerned it took a long time to find someone like her and while there’s always another one, she’s the mother to my children.. together we did amazing things. We just l…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 03:15 AM
3

That’s the irony The bad boy only works until they have you hooked. Remain single and the bad boy schtick will work.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 11:51 PM
10

Literally had this conversation with my ex Told her that “for better or worse” means exactly that - I had been going through something and with counseling has worked through it, but after 18 years and 2 kids she threw the ILYBINILWY (I’m not her first husband either). Called her up today and said “we can’t be friends - you’re either in or you’re out and you told me you’re out. You made your choices that includes fucking me and the kids financially, so that’s it” She will live in regret and remor…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 11:48 PM
2

Financially speaking… $600 for the court fees (no lawyers) 50% of my retirement plan US$250k of savings that I had been working my guts off to buy us the place we had always talked about Half my income in child support and spousal support But outside of that… Long term emotional impact to my kids that will be realized in time because she admits she is doing all this for her and no one else. I’m doing all I can to let them know I’m the rock they can rely upon. Priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 01:34 PM
1

This sub is a perfect reason why a pre-nup is mandatory
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 04:43 AM
5

Check out these two articles which relate My ex was textbook. I guess the whole marriage vows thing was just a pleasantry https://www.divorcenet.com/states/nationwide/the_walkaway_wife_syndrome https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/divorce-busting/202209/the-walkaway-wife-syndrome-revisited?amp
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/23 07:07 PM
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