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View 1 posts and 338 comments by Elegaunt on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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692

RANTElegaunt/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 04:19 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
171

I'm sure they would not appreciate being constantly fantasized about by gay men, especially if every single one of those gay men could overpower them, and especially if 1 out of every 5 men were raped by these gay men. If the statistics were switched, if men and women suddenly swapped and women were responsible for most murders and most sexual assaults, they would lock women up at birth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 10:16 PM
480

That last slide is excellent. It explains the way women feel in public perfectly. We know, WE KNOW that we are part of their flash fantasies. We know they don't see us as people or fully human. To them, there is man being human, and anything else is an object other than man. So they blame us. They tell US to cover up. They tell US not to go out in public. They create a problem for themselves in their own mind then subjugate all women in order to control the shame they feel. Your average man has …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 05:12 PM
107

Yeah the idea that they get to escape accountability for abuse and manipulation and then expect us to coax them back into trying again to be decent is ridiculous. Weird how women with ADHD can still manage kindness, decency, and respect in a relationship but men can't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 04:09 AM
73

Correct. Additionally, both are ways in which they try to manipulate your schedule and monopolize your time. Constant texting allows them to make sure that you are always focused on them and too busy to entertain other suitors. It's a type of behavior policing. Very long dates are a way for them to dominate your schedule as quickly as possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 08:49 PM
75

They do it very incompetently and when you mention it or are sad then it's "nothing I do is ever good enough for you!" Spot on. You aren't the only one triggered by reading it. Conscious or not their reaction has the same functional result: manipulating you into lowering expectations and doing more work. But here's the thing, your needs for humanity and dignity don't disappear just because a dude wants them to. I will never again acknowledge the comment "nothing I do is good enough!" I will just…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 12:14 AM
74

It’s male contempt for women that they believe whatever a man does to a woman, she somehow brought it upon herself. 100% Great reply.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 02:42 PM
128

“You’re making me feel bad now, you’re making me out to be a monster” This one is so insidious. I heard it a million times. They didn't care that they were a monster, only that what they could see in your reaction was evidence that they were monster. If only you'd stop crying, if only you'd stop having a perspective, everything would be JUST FINE. Ugh. Makes me feel sick all over again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:36 PM
49

The only time they choose to be the "bigger person" after being caught cheating or lying or being abusive etc is because they are TERRIFIED of you getting angry enough to reveal who they are to everyone else. They don't want their "life ruined" aka their reputation corrected, so they keep quiet. They're not being noble after a "mistake," they're being selfish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/22 04:42 PM
28

100%. They just want someone who will never leave, who will never really ask anything of them no matter what they do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 09:13 PM
16

Not only will they use your own trauma against you, they will use others' fears about you against you too. It's so targeted. And it's specifically toward her, not the boss, not anyone else. So he considers those people worthy of his self-control, but he thinks he's entitled to dump his feelings onto his partner and make it HER responsibility to manage HIM. He literally feels entitled to abuse her. I'm glad she's checked out. She's planning on leaving, I'm sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 09:09 PM
20

And if you CoMmuNiCaTe to him about it, all he's going to see is a chance to manipulate the situation. 100%. Communicating to my abuser about my own abuse just gave him new vocabulary words to use against me when he projected, and new behaviors and phrases to mirror when he wanted to play the victim to his mom and therapist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 10:50 PM
174

A man told me once he liked that I threw a tantrum because it meant I cared about him. This is important. A guy who says this is telling on himself. He will consciously choose to rile you up in order to trigger a reaction because he doesn't see you as human; you are his narcissistic supply. He will do whatever it takes to control the terms of the relationship, and causing you distress is a way of deflecting your criticisms and dodging your needs. He prefers a reaction that destroys you over a re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 08:27 PM
149

We need to stop believing men are reliable narrators. Yep. They never are. Not even what they tell themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 12:51 AM
29

There's a quote from the film The Enchanted Cottage (1924), "don't forget that plain women are the bricks of the world." We are the foundation; the structural integrity of humanity relies on women's labor. To the question of what do women bring to the table, should anyone ask it, is, "Hmm, I guess nothing. Goodbye." Because the man who would ask it will never understand the answer, and the woman who feels the need to answer it is not ready to date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 04:22 PM
72

who will never have children They are also now having to pay for domestic services that would normally be done by a wife. These men are losing their mothers and going bankrupt paying for women's labor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 06:27 AM
123

Everything I ever shared in confidence with a LVM was always weaponized against me in my most vulnerable moments.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 05:58 AM
87

Yep. Porn stars and sexually forward women = community objects Girlfriend = personal object and in both cases women are objects that are expected to serve their respective assigned purposes. They don't see us as human. We are objects of service to LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 04:37 AM
77

Because they want to break a strong woman. They want the ego boost and sense of power that comes from turning a strong woman into a broken one. Psychopaths.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 04:32 AM
89

Exactly. HVM are going to realize that you are pulling from your personal experience of interactions with men in all situations, public and private. You cannot afford to give the benefit of the doubt if 60-70% of all your interactions with men in public have been unwanted at best (a weird compliment, leering look, etc) to full-on assault at worst. We pull data from our interactions with men in the world, not from "all men" ever. That said, what can we infer about men if 70% of our interactions w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 07:48 PM
106

Yep. You're wither dealing with a lazy LVM who can't be bothered to plan because it's too much work and he's showing you how little work he's willing to do, OR you're dealing with a LVM who is too insecure and scared to suggest something out of fear of being rejected... he's not scared of making a "mistake" he's scared of facing consequences. And THAT is a man who will lie about everything, mirror your behavior, and eventually become an abusive insecure sociopath. Avoid the low effort LVM, no ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 05:43 PM
77

They also love projecting their bad qualities onto women. Exactly. They always tell on themselves in what they accuse you of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 08:00 PM
41

Kicked in the head by a horse, "hunting accident" or "ran away due to gambling debts" too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 05:53 PM
24

Even when she’s gone she’s still being used to further their own ego and manipulation. Classic way to view the world if you're a narcissist. I can remember being in an argument with a NVX who accused me of seeing "something" on my phone (he didn't, just one in a hundred examples of projection and manipulation) and when I attempted to hold him accountable he lamented how he was "just starting to get good" and the hobby we'd been mutually pursuing, that he would now not get to do because I wouldn'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 06:44 AM
119

You're right, what they admit to is just the tip of the iceberg. They're testing the waters and wanting the praise for "coming clean" over the comparatively less horrible things. They always have "reasons" and none of them would justify the inhumanity of their behavior. They want points for honesty from their victims as well. As if being honest about being a terrible human should absolve you from consequences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 11:08 PM
85

Oof. Hits me hard. You're so right. I'm simultaneously shocked and not shocked about how universal this experience can be. I have been systematically dismantled by an abusive NVX and it was definitely about him using me to feel the way he could never feel in the outside world. Powerful, manly, in control, dominating, etc. He did not care about what his wishes did to my needs. The cruelty and injurious behavior was the point. And they do it in a way which you are presented with the option of eith…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 05:15 PM
27

"a fake concern troll that’s then used as a diversionary tactic from apologizing for the disrespectful behavior you’ve just called out." Yep, it's absolutely meant to blame you for reacting or expressing resistance to their abuse. They want the illusion of peace and expect you to sacrifice yourself in order to give it to them. Existing as a full and whole human who also happens to be a woman is perceived as a direct threat, because having needs is having humanity. They see you as an object of se…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 05:33 AM
27

No man likes reality when they aren't the victim. Well said. LVM are so willfully engaged in protecting their victimhood, they feel antagonized when presented with evidence of other actual victims and even their own victims.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 03:30 PM
8

Agreed. The line could be drawn from a child feeling too scared to mess up out of fear of being unfairly punished, to a woman feeling too scared to say "no" because of fear of being unfairly punished. How do we raise confident children if we demand their gratitude for what ultimately is their right to safety and security? How do we as women do all this work to undo cultural conditioning for pleasantness and compliance, then burden our children with the same kind of forced submission and forced g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 09:11 PM
61

At least there is acknowledgment that this is terrible. No child should have the threat of paying rent hanging over their head when they had no choice in being born or who their parents are. It's...idk...weird to me to think children owe us gratitude for our choice to not make them suffer unfairly. It doesn't teach them to have gratitude, it teaches them to fear the loss of housing, support, dignity, stability. All the while, their brains are growing, they're learning to self-regulate and set bo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 09:05 PM
36

Yep women are just porn tabs they can close when they want us to shut up. Oof. Spot on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 05:53 PM
41

Caring and giving care is seen as the role of women. Even if it means as a man you don't care of give care to yourself. It is why society thinks there is an endless supply of teachers and nurses to make up for the ones who get sick, because they have framed care as "women's work" and consider it replaceable. They undervalue it, underpay for it, and feel entitled to it. They see women everywhere, abundant amounts of women, so they see an endless supply of free emotional labor, and jobs related to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 05:10 PM
28

Most men are too insecure to be honest even with themselves, let alone with a woman. So true. They think they are the guy they imagine they could be in their head. They are 100% satisfied with their hypothetical selves and get mad when we don't see them the same way they imagine themselves to be. Dude, you aren't that guy. It's not my job to turn you into that guy or treat you like that guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 05:15 PM
52

Yep. Also code for "I will commit to nothing, and take no responsibility for what you make happen for us."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 05:25 AM
70

I'm going to offer additional information on this coming from an anthropological background. It simply makes more sense to not have women being able to reproduce until death. Menopause has an evolutionary benefit, in that historically older women help younger women in their family group raise children who reach adulthood and reproduce themselves. In short, having a grandma who is not distracted by raising her own young children allows her to help her older children raise theirs. In the research …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 12:30 AM
17

“how much longer am I going to spend convincing a manipulative person that they’re manipulative?” Couldn't have said it better. Thank you for your kind words and I'm grateful we are both out of terrible situations!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 07:44 PM
67

Yeah therapy is terrible for abusers and narcissists, it only informs them on how to project better, hide their narcissism better, and how to appear healthy and attractive to others. The attention also feeds their ego. I had an abusive NVX use his "therapy" to "describe" me, then "diagnose" me with borderline because "that's what the therapist thinks you have". He had NPD and BPD, it was entirely projection, but he had a bunch of shiny new words to stonewall and manipulate me with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:43 PM
113

Yep, he weaponized language meant for people who are actual victims to appear as the victim himself. He isn't, of course, it's just a manipulation tactic. Abusers love to do that. I'm glad you broke up with him. This kind of guy is a drowning man who is just refusing to stand in shallow water. He would climb on top of you and drown you too just to keep drowning. He's offloading saving himself and healing himself and making it your responsibility.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:04 PM
70

and blaming a woman for why they didn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 11:09 PM
66

They enslaved us Yep. Conscription of women for servitude and service to men. Mom can't cook? Did she ever even want to? She's forced to, few people want to get good at what they're forced to do. They can make it work. Just one example of the loss of creative capital, because who knows what a woman could have been had she not been conscripted first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 06:59 PM
37

"I feel like a bad person" after doing awful things for literally years This one is especially insidious because they're prodding you to reassure them. If you say "yes you are a bad person" because they ARE, then they will break up with you or otherwise use it against you while remaining a bad person. If you reassure them, then they have successfully derailed you and they will still remain the same POS. For anyone reading this who gets this line from your partner, yeah, please go ahead and leave…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 04:58 PM
69

SAME. They love those Law Enforcement jobs, don't they?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 10:58 PM
55

Worst thing I ever did was try to educate my NVX about what was going on in our dynamic, and that there were actual words for his behaviors. He almost IMMEDIATELY used that vocabulary in his projection and accusations. It just became something he added to his arsenal of attack instead of applying it to his life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 10:57 PM
48

Additionally, they think that confessing to lies and crossing boundaries should absolve them of any consequences. I had to literally drag it out of you, and now you're acting like a brave, honest man for telling me. Miss me with that BS. BYE.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 03:55 AM
93

I think a lot of them do find these women unattractive. It's just their depravity allows them to use "ugly women" even easier and with less morality than attractive ones. They value having ANY sex or service of household over NO sex or service of household. While they also express unreasonable standards, they also believe in those unreasonable standards because they see women as objects of service for me. And any sex, even "ugly girl" sex, still uses that woman in service of a man. They are 100%…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 05:09 PM
88

She’s trying to tell him what she wants and needs, but he’s not listening. He's listening well enough to reframe her needs as wrong, as something he doesn't understand, and therefor aren't worthy of his acknowledgment or respect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 09:36 PM
85

It IS sad, but they don't FEEL sad about it. They simply feel relieved to have the pressure off of them, and to get rid of the evidence that someone asked more of them and it made them feel a shame they then projected back onto every woman they could. Penny wise, pound foolish as they say. Frugal with the small things at the loss of the larger thing, hoping some who is desperate enough and unaware will carry both of them through a life they've totally checked out of personally committing to. But…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 05:34 PM
23

Men who complain about a woman's lack of enthusiasm are telling on themselves. They'd rather continue to have sex with a woman who isn't into it and blame her for it rather than ask themselves, "Why am I having sex with someone who is not okay having sex with me?" They see sex as a duty of partnership, and don't care if she is being assaulted or if she is even aroused. We are objects of service to them. It's insane, it's maddening, it explains so much. You are a human, but half the population tr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 08:51 PM
21

Yeah, he's coveting something he's observed, and feels entitled to what he covets. He prefers what he desires to her as a person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 08:47 PM
157

This is how you know that Patriarchy is ultimately a type of Fascism. It's meant to prop up an insider elite group (men) and subjugate a "weaker" group (women). Umberto Eco - "The enemy is both weak and strong. “[…] the followers must be convinced that they can overwhelm the enemies. Thus, by a continuous shifting of rhetorical focus, the enemies are at the same time too strong and too weak." https://www.faena.com/aleph/umberto-eco-a-practical-list-for-identifying-fascists
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 07:41 PM
288

We have consolidated in order to deal with our negative experiences. Our personal and sadly universal, real life experiences. Not hypothetical. We went into all these situations with optimism and let ourselves be convinced that what was true was not true, that we weren't being traumatized, abused, gaslit, used up. They hate us because we exist. They feel entitled to us and everything we do or historically done, our bodies and our labor, and they see us rejecting that entitlement as abusive and t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 07:35 PM
98

It is absurd to the point of insanity that in his mind and in the minds of LVM, a woman is an object whose primary purpose is to serve a man's needs. Like a GD car. They use us up then get grossed out by us showing signs of wear and tear (growing life inside us and getting worn down by doing most of the household management and relationship maintenance lol), then just leave us behind when we don't look new anymore. We aren't people to them. We are property to serve their desires and their househ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 05:46 AM
67

Absolutely. Weird how they ADHD women still end up being the primary source of maintaining relationships because they are conditioned as women before they're ever recognized as a human, especially a human with ADHD. We don't get the flexibility of excuses, and we bear the brunt of all maintenance. And LVM feel entitled to our unpaid emotional labor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 05:43 AM
49

Exactly. Am I supposed to do a little dance and call you mommy's little angel because you told the truth about just how shitty you are? If I have to meet a man in the middle and reward him for being "honest" and how being "honest" was such a struggle for him, I'd be meeting him in hell. It just goes to show how little insight they have, if they think the appearance of insight is worth celebrating. You know you've been garbage? Am I supposed to reward that? And if I don't, are you gonna use it as…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 12:13 AM
29

Spot on. NVX used me as a dumpster for every single insecurity and angry emotion he had, and expected me to just endure it because "love" ... in public he was donating to people in need and hugging homeless people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 03:58 AM
12

This is an absolutely valid one. The biggest abuser NVM I ever knew flinched at having his fingernails painted. Like, they were being painted as a joke, and he flinched like it was unbearable before the brush touched his nails. Unsurprisingly he was also into being violent during sex, he legitimately got aroused by making sure you were hurting and couldn't breathe, but could not handle being on the receiving end of ANY kind of pain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 05:13 AM
22

They're allergic to shame. They get flooded and need to dump it back on you Good insight. It always turns into a starting point for them to feel justified in punishing you for expressing things that made them feel shame. This kind of guy is deeply broken, and he will always blame whichever woman is being patient enough to "communicate" with him. RUN. Just run ASAP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 04:57 AM
73

We exist and we are capable of feeling whole without men. They are NOT capable of feeling whole without women, and they RAGE over it. They target women for existing in any way that doesn't directly serve them. It's absurd.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 07:00 PM
97

Yep, all their "counters" to our complaints are meant to deflect, redirect, and exhaust women out of fighting for their rights as an equal and deserving human being. to maintain status quo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 05:41 PM
119

Spot on. I'll add that anything that allows us to be more than attractive, pleasant property totally controlled by men is seen as a threat to their power and access to us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 05:39 PM
185

Yeah, tell your friend exactly what happened and watch how she reacts. It will tell you everything you need to know about how "sweet" she is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 06:01 PM
31

why don’t they want to improve for themselves? this is the one that bothers me in particular. why does EVERYTHING in their lives have to be externally driven, particularly punishment/reward driven? it's such a superficial way to exist in the world. they treat personal growth like a chore someone else should do, unless they face direct personal consequences for not appearing to grow. then they start to mirror growth and insight, using words they've heard, saying whatever it takes to get what they…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 05:49 PM
38

To him a boundary is "abusive" because anything that stops him from getting exactly what he wants at the cost of others is "abusive"... he views accountability and shared responsibility as abusive. Never let a LVM reframe you having healthy boundaries and rightful disgust over their entitlement as Abuse. It's just them throwing back words at you, it's projection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 04:30 AM
53

Yep, I was looking to see if anyone had posted or suggested Blood in the Water testing. https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ixvzzo/the_blood_in_the_water_test/ Violating your boundaries in one area of life will eventually extend to all areas of your life. He will use a "kink" he has and extend it outside to life outside the bedroom. Eventually you'll find yourself wanting to die and trying to figure out why. It's him. GET OUT. RUN.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 06:58 PM
85

Yep. He knows exactly what he did and why it is wrong, he just wants a dialogue to try and convince you that you can't believe yourself or your instincts. He doesn't like that you see him accurately for who he is, he is so used to manipulating how he is perceived by others. He feels unsettled not because he did something wrong, but because he's experiencing consequences and wants to talk his way out of them. Good for you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 12:44 AM
54

theoretically, he will do all of those things. And intent is enough is enough in their minds because they're delusional. This is 100% the truth. And they will literally get angry for you not "respecting" that they"intended" to be a good, moral person who pulled their weight. They are so self-congratulatory about what they imagine themselves doing, just the thought of it is enough for them. When women call them out they get UPSET about it. But yeah back in the real world we know exactly how much …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 12:08 AM
86

We’ve been taught our entire lives that we are responsible for managing men’s emotions. Yep. They think experiencing ANY emotions is akin to being directly terrorized, and abuse the people who make them feel things as a result. It's a no-win scenario for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 12:16 AM
36

for fun You're touching on a great point here. All of it for them must be "fun" despite contributing very little to the part that takes daily, personal responsibility. They create a no-win scenario for everyone around them because everyone around them knows that the best thing and the right thing is not always the "fun" thing. They feel SO entitled to everything being fun, easy, they expect to be personally delighted and enticed by all aspects of their relationship. When they're not, they blame …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 11:47 PM
77

You are spot on. Exactly right, EVERY SINGLE THING women have been utilized and conscripted to do in society should be removed as an option. We should all go on strike, emotional and household labor strike, motherhood strike, management and shopping strike, family coordinating strike, errand strike, advice strike, EVERYTHING.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 12:21 AM
379

I think it will be 100% necessary for there to be a sex strike as a minimum. But the real damage would come from a women's labor strike. ALL the things that women do, whether it is their 9-5 job or all parenting or all household managing, emotional labor, all domestic talents and labor, strike on all of it. All women, collectively striking on all things that women are and have been conscripted to do in society. No dating no serving of men no serving of the household no sex no intimacy no advice …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 12:18 AM
20

My god, they all write this email/message, don't they? The selfish nightmare love bomb script, all talk and no change, no insight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 10:07 PM
33

being screamed at is my instant dumping, no questions. He flew into a panic and badgered me for the next 20 minute drive home, needing me to soothe and reassure him. I asked him to tell me how he had fucked up. He bumbled some crap about knowing how I feel because he was made to feel stupid by his older brother who was good at debates "You see, I have this darkness within me, about knowing objectively that I was not good enough at something and the existence of someone who WAS good at it made me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 04:10 AM
174

10% "this is important or sentimental to me" despite the update of her being biracial, I still think you were spot on about this. this towel is important to her, and represents something about her. these guys always target something of personal value, something important to or something that represents what their GF values. it's about dismantling her attachments to herself, her values, and her identity. it also sounds weirdly like those people who don't believe you're allergic to something so th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 06:15 AM
28

I think this would work in some situations. But I'd be hesitant to use it with the types of men that mirror a woman and her interests in order to create false intimacy and speed up a timeline.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 03:59 PM
86

It's infuriating, but it has an explanation. When women are viewed as a resource rather than human beings, men give themselves permission to deny us our humanity. It's why they become so unstable when they realize we could leave or change our mind or otherwise withdraw what we give to them and do for them. They feel entitled to us as a resource. It's easy to believe that a man is proud of you and respects you if he shows you off, but it's far more likely that he simply wants other men to desire …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 03:35 PM
93

Yep, my NVX could take a single experience of body shaming from before he met me and use it as an excuse to be abusive toward me for a decade. The experience was so singular to him, and he had no way of relating to what every woman goes through on a daily basis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 03:14 PM
85

I love this show too. It takes a certain amount of intelligence to have this kind of insight, though. The bar is low for men and what is clearly satire for us could fall under Poe's Law for them where the parody is interpreted as sincerity or aspirational. It's aggravating because the commentary they are making is excellent, as you said. They are creating he worst people possible, doing the worst things to each other and the world. Bad people are going to find something heroic about those charac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 03:12 PM
115

future faking It's insidious. Their intention is fully to get whatever they want from you by any means necessary, even if it means convincing you they want a future with you. Meanwhile they go on living their life and nothing changes, it's as if you are not a part of it at all. Access through deception.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 05:39 PM
149

Yeah they really be wanting full credit for "thinking REAL hard" about doing something they never actually intended on doing or didn't manage to get done. They get mad at the mere suggestion that they weren't serious about whatever hypothetical thing they didn't do. If it weren't manipulation and entitlement, you'd think it was insanity. When nothing in their life reflects their stated intent or will, run.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 05:36 PM
27

ex of mine was forcing me to share trauma even though I repeatedly said I don't want to talk about it. YEP. My NVX then used any trauma I shared to further gaslight and manipulate me in the future, saying that my trauma was responsible for me "expecting too much out of him" in which I was expecting support, dignity, and respect on a basic human level. He would play dumb about himself until he wanted to use me to offload all his insecurities. But if I needed the slightest inkling of emotional sup…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 08:25 PM
44

That’s what ‘submission’ is to them - an endless exhausting game of stating your issues & being belittled or ignored- being drained & humiliated Ooof the flashbacks. Never again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 07:05 PM
98

I feel like your response is blaming women for what are inherently patriarchal power structures that often punish and prevent women from making direct confrontations when there is a power differentials in both office environments and social environments. This is what FDS seeks to address. These women don't FEEL at the bottom of the social poll, they are directly told they are. In fact, you chastising them as older women about the way they are dealing with the situation while also being aware tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 02:39 PM
153

I'm glad someone is pointing out that he is literally destroying things that matter to her to get revenge at her for having reasonable expectations. And his manipulation of "I'm trying my best, it's not fair to get mad at me for trying my best!" is, ooooooooh, it makes my blood boil. They both know he's simply not. He would rather her suffer, and make the effort to make sure she does, because he doesn't want the relationship to go any farther with her having normal expectations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 02:16 PM
41

Yep. I could literally see from my own analytics just how much my NVX was checking up on me when we were together. When asked directly about it, I got a "huh?" When I asked why he said anything he had said that was abusive and debasing, all I ever got was a "huh?" The "Huh?" is meant to exhaust you as well as derail and stall you, to put the work of explaining back on you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 11:22 PM
216

This is such a universal experience with LVM. I half expected his text to also mention his childhood or that he "has a darkness within him" or her expectations are too high or him saying "i guess i can't do anything right!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 06:25 PM
23

I'll attribute this slip up to inconsideration and tactlessness And this is exactly the type of sentiment that FDS exists to evaluate and dismantle. Tact and consideration are qualities of a HVM. Inconsideration and tactlessness shows that he lacks empathy, that he is incompetent because it serves him to remain that way. He is a LVM. His wife and his community should have higher expectations, and he should be called out when he is inconsiderate and tactless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 06:02 PM
90

He couldn't compliment her without throwing a "neg" in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 05:55 PM
114

This is a great example of "dread game" where you set up the possibility that you will fail or in his case "forget" her birthday, so that when you come through and do anything at all for the birthday, the woman will experience a sense of relief. It is toxic and meant to create instability while also lowering expectations of the woman. Classic LVM behavior where the man dismantles the dignity and independent mental stability of his target woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 05:18 PM
11

It's no longer about the issue (his behaviour) but about your tone, your timing, how he feels sad too, how he didn't think you were serious, or that you've brought this issue up before. "You've done the same thing. What about the time you did this thing I don't like?" Or he doesn't remember, he doesn't understand, he doesn't believe me, 'give me an example', what exact date and time was this?? oh, you can't remember? Didn't happen then. "That's not what I said. I wasn't lying. I do intend to, le…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 12:06 AM
85

I think you're on to something with this point. They see women as a utility and a necessity, but not as fellow human beings worthy of dignity and self-determination. A goat (or other livestock etc) also does not speak the same language of the man, and the man must have and feed the goat to increase his sustenance and wealth. And he might thank god for the goat, but he doesn't see the goat as human. I appreciate hearing your perspective from where you live, thank you for sharing here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 03:29 PM
27

The key factor is that the ab.user sees themselves as taking back control and dominance that they paranoically (and deludedly) believe their victim has deviously hijacked from them in order to "unman" them. Yep. They feel "terrorized" by any expectations or obligations, or feeling absolutely any feelings about you at all (good or bad), so they terrorize you back and feel justified in doing so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 05:36 PM
19

Yep. Great comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 06:21 PM
118

"we have feelings too" And weird how that statement always comes up as a way to deflect from discussing my own feelings. They don't have any complaints until it's time to discuss their neglect and abuse. THEN they suddenly have complaints and will talk over you, deflect and dismantle your will. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 02:48 AM
11

Spot on. They know what they're doing. They know how acting baffled about us questioning their viciousness serves them and gaslights us. They can function in every other part of their life. Their abuse is directly targeted at their partner because they don't care. They feel entitled to abusing their partner. Using up their partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 07:45 PM
30

Oof. So true it stings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 04:08 PM
116

"ThErEs nOtHiNg i CaN dO.” or he just tried to wait out your anger and come back when you've exhausted yourself and your boundary threshold is lower or broken altogether. I put up with this shit from a NVX for a decade, so I understand what it's like to experience this. It's a form of least resistance, in order to control you. He is leveraging that you want him enough to endure his abuse of you. And this is a type of abuse. He puts in the work everywhere else because he wants to. He doesn't want…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 04:06 PM
27

I did NOT know this about why the flair was assigned. Oof.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 03:47 PM
37

How is someone republican and pro women considering what's happening in Texas? Very valid question.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 03:58 AM
39

FDS espouses that intent doesn't matter when the actions of a LVM causes the direct harm of women. It's truly weird to see this guest have her intent explored, when her actions and her vote results in the direct harm of women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 03:50 AM
34

You are exactly right. This guest was LV and we all know it. But your post explains best why she was LV.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 03:42 AM
31

Yeah this is one I'd like to see evidence of. Particularly when it comes to magnitude and frequency. General percentage of the party in support of each policy as well. I honestly, honestly want to see an example of a targeted anti-woman policy coming from the left that is actively and successfully being passed, that is any way to the same severity and frequency as the right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 03:26 AM
76

You're touching on an excellent point, which is people of privilege like to pretend that morals can be separated from politics. Because they don't suffer the consequences of that blatant lie. Morality may have no place in HER politics, but that's exactly what is wrong with her politics.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 12:36 AM
145

The guest was poorly vetted, spoke with Dunning-Kruger awareness about international sociopolitical issues, and was wishy-washy on her actual stances, which would be described as LV if it were a male guest. By FDS's own principles, we should be pointing out when we come across this behavior in men and women. Which is what people are doing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 10:16 PM
47

Exactly, I'd love to see another single example outside of a LV and poorly vetted guest being pointed out as LV and poorly vetted by the community.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 10:12 PM
304

We spend so much effort learning to respect ourselves, our boundaries and our autonomy, to let go of those parts of ourselves that prevent our growth like pickme and libfem beliefs. To overcome internalized patriarchy, religious oppression, and heal from abusers that would use us up in the name of tradition and God because we were women. Men who didn't earn our respect and men who were treated like experts but in reality were uninformed, Dunning-Kruger nightmares who felt entitled to having thei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 10:10 PM
45

FDS says when men show you who they are, believe them. Same for Conservatives. They might sort of care about other issues, but they are showing you that what they care about most: low taxes and protecting patriarchy. They care about those things more than all other things. They care about saying they are democrat because they say what they want others to believe or what others want to hear, saying that gets less conflict. But they behave like conservatives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 09:28 PM
22

Hit the nail on the head.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 09:17 PM
12

Okay, thank you for clarifying. Even if a woman is asking simply to make the boss indirectly aware of what is going on, for instance if the boss situation was precarious and a direct convo wasn't optional, the boss could not disclose if the person were disabled.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 03:31 PM
322

If you trust your boss, you might could ask them if your coworker has intellectual disabilities. Even if you know he doesn't. You can explain that your coworker is struggling to not touch and pinch you, and you didn't want to get angry at someone who is known to have intellectual disabilities. You could also email yourself through your work email the day and times he did it. Just to have a written record in case it comes up in the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 04:15 AM
22

Explain stuff very slowly to him. Ask him if he needs to take notes. If he asks why, tell him you thought he had memory issues. Alternatively, call him sir or mister. Avoid him for a while then the next time you see him, say, "are you okay?" while you stare at his hairline.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 03:55 AM
12

Yep. And sometimes in more discreet ways, like checking your general mood and tone lately via social media. Or stalking reddit profiles, if they know your name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 06:51 PM
40

Imagine if every single person they encountered in the future just heard that and immediately ran, blocked and deleted. It would be absolutely appropriate, yet they'd pikachu face They want us to say they're wrong about themselves. That we see something more in them. LOL.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 09:30 PM
117

“You’re out of my league” “I’m not good enough for you” “I’m the worst” It's so incredibly sad how universal this is. They all think they're a special unique individual and turns out, they're a ubiquitous archetype of entitlement and failure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 09:26 PM
75

'I have a darkness inside me...." and yeah it's a black hole. RUN!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 09:24 PM
47

Despite her being a woman, she made a mistake that a lot of LVM make: she took your existence in public as an invitation for conversation. Good on you for shutting people down. You don't owe anyone a conversation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 06:27 PM
131

I'm with you, I have very mixed feelings about "demisexual" as it pathologizes healthy, normal behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 04:25 PM
126

I have a working theory that all their disorders come from patriarchy messing up the natural order of things. They installed themselves as kings and leaders yet have none of the skills or abilities to suit the responsibilities. Yet they want all of the honor and respect that comes with the titles. It's like putting a beta dog in charge, and they've screwed it up since the dawn of time because they're betas and deep down they know that women could do a better job because women are the natural alp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 04:48 AM
358

Yep. Women say "i hate men" as a trauma response to mens' treatment of us. The centuries of it before us, and the decades of personal experience we lived through one day at a time. Men say "i hate women" out of misogyny and sexism. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 04:40 AM
56

I think some men are forever incapable of forming this level of relationship with any woman. And when he realizes he can't, he'll blame her for it. He will blame her for his own disrespect of her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 01:14 AM
26

I agree, I replied to a person above about the same thing. True Crime is a genre where by its existence it admits what society won't: men are a real threat to women. In both small everyday draining ways and ultimate lose-you-life ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 07:20 PM
135

I'd offer a different perspective than OP on True Crime podcasts. It's one of the few genres that admits by its mere existence that a woman's world view is accurate, and that her perceptions and raised awareness does indeed benefit her health and safety. Which is exactly what FDS does! One person's "gruesome details" is another persons reality and facts about the depravity men are capable of. In these podcasts, they evaluate a lot of the issues women face. It's reported as fact, and there's not …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 07:16 PM
27

These people think the mirror is the problem. We reflect our experience, we reflect reality, and they think the proof of the problem IS the problem. It's a tale as old as time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 05:22 PM
48

men have the means to deal with preventing an unwanted pregnancy. they just don't care enough about women to do so. this is a fact. they don't care enough about us to do anything, really.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 04:06 PM
15

Yep. We are objects. When we don't serve our purpose as objects, as they define that purpose, they dispose of us. We aren't people to them. In fact, when we don't serve our purpose as they define it, they HATE us. They kill us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 09:49 PM
283

"act like you've been treated well before" I had not heard this one before, so glad you shared! makes perfect sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 06:49 PM
16

You went on a date, but he made you his entertainment instead. He poked and prodded on sensitive subjects to get a reaction, to upset you. Because it's FUN to him. He's a hateful antisemitic narcissist and I'm glad you checked him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 03:37 PM
54

The hours he spent explaining why he shouldn't have to apologize lol Oof, I'd forgotten about that. Right there with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 03:14 PM
13

It's always projection with them. I will never again try to educate a NVX or any man on his problematic and narcissistic behavior. All it did was give him new big shiny words to use when he projected on me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 01:26 AM
117

My NVX blamed me for everything, convinced me I was crazy, and did it all to avoid changing anything about himself. All because I wanted basic dignity and respect. I wanted to feel like I mattered. Like everything I gave had some value to him. It didn't. I meant nothing beyond his ability to fuck me. Anything else I needed was beyond his use for me, so he framed me as crazy for needing it at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 01:16 AM
321

There is nothing worse than seeing a situation where a man is clearly abusing and manipulating a woman framed as a "both sides are toxic" situation. It's not. It's simply not. And it makes me furious. But somehow we never seem to lose control and you know, just murder a man. They get away with murdering us, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 01:13 AM
304

Yep. Yep yep yep. Weird how mental illnesses, particularly anxiety disorders, seem to go away when we get rid of LVM. Depression? Gone. Anxiety? Gone. Self-esteem issues? Seriously, vanished. They know exactly how to wind you up. And because you aren't a psychopath, you can't hide the fact that you've been wound up. They on the other hand can turn it off around everyone but you. Because it's a manipulation. It's an act. They target you specifically then blame you for it. Ladies, you are not ill.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 01:09 AM
19

This is straightforward and perfect advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 09:27 PM
31

I see you've met my LVX too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 08:44 PM
30

Oof, they told on themselves hard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 08:44 PM
47

He admitted he was brutal to women he didn’t care about in bed, but he was like bragging about his size when he said it, and then explained in great length why they deserved it. Same, when LVX texted me shit like that I screengrabbed it because I genuinely felt threatened.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 08:35 PM
29

Spot on. He wants to marry you? Sure bud, so that's why he also just disappear at the least amount of conflict or expectations of decency.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 08:27 PM
9

This Misrepresentation is a big one. It's as if their ability to coerce is the point, they want that victory of getting me to believe in the mask they're wearing, and gaslight me when I can see beyond it. Otherwise, they'd hire sex workers. Coercion gets them off. They want to fool you into believing that they're "one of the good ones" and they simply aren't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 06:16 PM
11

They want a situation where if you ask anything of them, even basic respect and decency, it's asking "too much"...because they want to do whatever they want. They want to use you up, wear you out, and to take on all their baggage, and make sure you get NOTHING in return. I'll pass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 03:38 PM
20

We've all had this experience, haven't we? So sadly universal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 03:28 PM
11

I've heard this one before. It's so revealing. They know EXACTLY how terrible they are. They KNOW. They either want you to coddle them and deny it, or save them from themselves. Meanwhile they will crush you because they can't respect someone who will put up with such a shitty human as themselves. This allows them to deny all responsibility in themselves being the cause of the behavior because you "chose to keep putting up with it" and shrug they already told you they're terrible. So yes, the ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 10:21 PM
69

• Men will lie to you about how they feel if they think it benefits them • Men will marry you for the benefits of marriage, even if they don’t like you much. Then they’ll treat everything about you and your choices as justification for treating you like crap, cheating, and being abusive - and when you try to stand up for yourself, they’ll act like they were doing you a favor. And finally… • Men don’t see women as people who have the right to make their own decisions about their lives. Men will h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 04:46 PM
80

Indecision IS a decision. Hesitancy IS a choice. He's making a choice that he isn't sure about you. Don't wait for anyone who isn't sure about you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 04:17 PM
8

Yep... that sinking, but freeing feeling where you realize that as soon as you aren't available as a piece of ass, they check out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 04:12 PM
34

Interesting and sad how being convenient is pretty much the #1 factor when a LVM chooses a partner. They would choose convenience over actual love. So yes, ladies, be inconvenient. Be a whole human with needs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 05:52 PM
32

no one ever has to explain or beg ME to treat them with the barest of respect and consideration. Exactly. Thank you thank you THANK YOU. I genuinely think you are saving the women who read this today their sanity and dignity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 05:33 PM
46

I agree with you. Undeniable, tangible evidence that YOU are in control of is very healing. It can carry you through tough times of doubt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 06:55 PM
12

Less abusive is still abusive, less of a liar is still a liar. Great insights.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 07:21 PM
45

He wasn't your friend, you were his entertainment, transportation, and resource to use for emotional labor. I'm glad you put that boundary up. We all deserve friends who aren't capable of using others and tossing them aside.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 01:13 AM
117

Standards ARE violence to them in their mind, because their entitlement toward us makes them "feel" attacked when we reject them. If they have to be considerate in any way of a woman's feelings, they compare it to emotional terrorism. Challenging their selfishness is an "attack" because they feel so entitled to be selfish. It would be fascinating if it didn't result in abuse, neglect, and sometimes even the death of women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 03:14 PM
5

Oof. I always feel rage when I think back to how manipulated I was by a LVX exactly like this. His behavior was so textbook that there is literally a book about it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 10:19 PM
47

recounting the event puts you in a vulnerable state and they will weaponize your trauma whilst you're in your vulnerable state to get what they want. YEP. universally true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 02:06 AM
161

Trust me, a LVM ain't laying around at night thinking about the girl they dropped the instant they couldn't get immediate sex from them. "I got needs, baby! Physical affection is my love language!" Yeah? Well, being treated with kindness, dignity, and respect is the baseline for interacting with me at all, and I'm sure as hell not being coerced into sex by a LVM when he does not create an environment of kindness, dignity, and respect within a relationship. I don't waste my time on red flags anym…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 06:31 PM
46

Doctors mistake resilience as a lack of suffering. Just because you have coped doesn't mean it didn't take all of your effort every day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 03:07 PM
6

They want the glory of a hero without doing anything heroic, without commitment tied to the heroism, without limiting their ability to be selfish. They COULD be a hero. Being a hero would be true commitment, true division of labor, true effort, true removal of extra burdens off the backs of women. They don't have to be needed, but to make themselves genuinely kind and helpful? THAT would be heroic. But that's not how they define "hero" and we all know that our opinions about what we need in a he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 01:58 AM
5

"You would marry me but I sure as hell wouldn't marry you." or "Disgusting." or "Good thing you'll never be young ever again."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 01:54 AM
9

A LVM will try to fast-forward you and coerce you into performing behavior that they find open and comforting, even if the LVM himself is not providing openness or comfort. The impatience is a tell: he knows that if you hold out, and go at your own pace, he can't get sex out of you. Because he'd rather fuck you and force you into pretending like you are into him rather than creating actual intimacy, safety, and love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 01:47 AM
20

Their reasons never matter. Anything that sticks in order to justify their own selfishness. That is the underlying motive for every neglectful, abusive, misogynist thing they do. Any reason they give is just the excuse of the moment, meant to exhaust you and deflect from the truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 12:08 AM
14

i could have written this. oof. it's insane and sad that it is a universal experience, but i am not surprised in the least.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 10:43 PM
54

there are so many times when i look back and i realize -i was their entertainment- everything my NVX did, to fuck with me, to antagonize me, any time he spent with me, it was all for his entertainment. i was not a person to him. i was an alternative to boredom, masturbation, and solitude. he would mirror me in order to maintain some kind of relationship with me but not because he liked me as a person. it was because he didn't want to lose his supply of fucking and attention and praise. as soon a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 03:47 AM
343

YEP. This is it. He can't hide her if there is clear evidence of a "her" being at his place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 07:07 PM
60

They want it both ways. They embrace the benefits of patriarchy but don't want to deal with the inevitable consequences. LVM feel entitled to me and my kindness. Miss me with that shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 07:05 PM
3

Sad that it is common but I am not surprised. But wow. How sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 05:01 PM
1

Oh wow. I will check it out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 05:01 PM
44

My LVX literally picked up a guitar and started playing it in order to ignore me when I was upset. Right in front of me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 12:03 AM
47

Yep, this was my experience too. And I went through some pretty significant mental health treatment during the relationship due to anxiety and depression. Turns out, it was him all along. When I left the relationship, every single mental health issue vanished. Now I'm dealing with PTSD and processing the trauma of my LVX. But as far as general anxiety and depression go? Totally gone. LVM are are literally toxic to womens' mental health.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 12:02 AM
10

NEVER AGAIN. I will never again write another heartfelt plea to be treated like a human deserving of dignity and the bare minimum. I used to care if someone thought of me as a good person or not. I now realize it doesn't matter. I don't care if they think I am terrible. Because they clearly don't care about me. There's nothing I can say to make them treat me with dignity or respect my needs. Their values come into conflict with being a kind, decent partner. Can't change that, and it's not worth …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 05:51 PM
4

They literally want praise for successes they imagine. They get mad at you for not buying into the lie, for not praising them for the story they're telling you about their imagined success, imagined thoughtfulness. Then they get angry at you for "not believing in them"...it's disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 05:45 PM
19

Yeah any guy who won't listen to your feedback on kissing is a block/delete. I genuinely think it reflects their values: choosing their own arousal over your comfort and needs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 05:42 PM
48

They are what they accuse us of. It's all projection. It's always projection. I'm truly over it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 05:10 PM
12

Amen. They never get better. They don't want to be better. They just want to lure you back into settling for worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 09:42 PM
6

Great advice. If you start off praising them in this way they will continue to expect the praise but will not behave in a way that earns praise. Then they'll get mad at you for not praising instead of mad at themselves for not being a good partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 06:36 PM
3

I was once that woman. I wish I could get my time, health, and money back. I want a lot more than what I currently have... including my time and my youth. Give it back, Scrote. I feel this in my soul. Abusers owe compensation for damages to mind/body/spirit and wasted time/money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 04:38 AM
65

They want to be able to use the same pet name between women. Whether they date them in a row, or date more than one woman at a time, they want to be able to call every single one of them "baby" or "babe" or something similar. It is purposefully ambiguous and allows them to not make the mistake of using the wrong name, or associating any specific name with a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 04:24 AM
65

Yep, he's offering her a "let me rape you or I will cheat on you" scenario. As soon as she isn't sexually available to him, he has no use for her. She is a lesser being in his eyes. She owes him HIS version of "physical affection"...barf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 02:44 AM
13

yep. they switch out one source of love, support, and attention for another as soon as it serves them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 02:41 AM
3

I was literally bleeding money over health issues caused by my NVX, he stonewalled me but later told me he donated money to a streamer who was "going through a tough time"... He also would hug homeless people and give them money, right in front of me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 06:34 PM
3

Yeah, it is insidious. They will only abuse you and your things, and then say that because they are able to "behave" around everyone else, it is clearly YOUR fault that they behave this way. No one knows how they are in private. No one knows them at all. They just get positive reinforcement from the mask they wear around others. They take off the mask in an intimate relationship, and the person underneath the mask is capable of not only abusing but excusing abuse under certain circumstances.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 06:32 PM
2

I think, depending upon your situation, this could work. I already practice relaxing my face and forehead with some success, when I don't use botox. I have a particularly strong crisscross movement of muscles in my forehead, it moves in nearly every direction. It takes more botox than the average person to minimize movement but still look natural. If I had a less weird and less muscly forehead, I think relaxation and massaging would be enough. I still use massage once the botox wears off to rele…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 12:43 AM
1

I recommend it. Honestly it really helped my face look better. I hope you like the results!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 07:47 PM
2

This is where I'm at. My face genuinely looks better with botox in my forehead. I have way more movement and more wrinkles in my forehead than the rest of my face, it was making my forehead look like someone else's. Now I feel like my face is... mine again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 07:46 PM
4

I'm with you. I am coming from a place of noticing that my forehead looks... honestly, my forehead looks distractingly older than the rest of my face. It is very weird to have a late twenties face with a 40 year old forehead. Botox makes my forehead look like the rest of my face. It helps with tension headaches too, particularly the ones between the eyes. But at this point I get it once or twice a year and I really love the way it looks. I get it for vanity reasons. If it makes a difference to k…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 07:44 PM
4

Men have the worse criminal records and higher rates of drug use and are less likely to get jobs with such a record, therefor more likely to be visibly homeless. But also there are multiple discreet women's shelters in most cities. At least one in most smaller towns. They look like houses or any other buildings with the exception of having security gates and cameras, and perhaps larger parking lots that usual. There are meant to be unlabeled and unnoticed as to hide women and prevent them from b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 06:36 PM
4

Yep. YEP YEP YEP. They seriously are not worth the suffering or the risk. Why engage with their drama for some dick when I can just... not?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 05:57 PM
3

I'd hazard to say that there are more freaks in the wild than HVM. It's just too easy for them to fall into being lazy and cruel and having women to blame for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 04:27 PM
11

"He kissed her then, on the lips, for real; he came for her in a kind of lunging motion and practically poured his tongue down her throat. It was a terrible kiss, shockingly bad; Margot had trouble believing that a grown man could possibly be so bad at kissing." This is an underestimated red flag. A LVM will force his way of kissing on you, and always revert back to whatever trash forceful kiss gets him off, without concern for what is decent and what works for you. He isn't concerned with her a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 12:25 AM
8

LVX said HIS therapist told him I was Cluster B. Abusive, dramatic, Cluster B LVX. It was 100% projection. He is a seriously messed up dude and I can't believe what I was put through for him to reject all responsibility for himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 12:22 AM
37

Good post. LVM bounce at the least little bit of strife. Or stonewall you into compliance to avoid the consequences of their actions. Why in the world should we keep supporting men and a system in general that causes us to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of keeping a bond that was one-sided to begin with? I'm so over it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 07:19 PM
149

Great post. It took me a long time to accept that I need what I need. And that what I need is not unreasonable. Undoing it has taken the good part of a year, but the constant gaslighting and abuse will make you literally insane.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 04:00 AM
15

Any man you have to chase has got his mind or his heart focused on someone else. If he decides to slow down enough to let himself be caught, then he's settling for you. And would cheat on you as soon as something better came along. He'll get used to the labor of the woman that chased him but he will never be content with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 12:47 AM
65

the things men believe to be abuse just...aren't. They think accountability is abusive because it stops them from doing whatever they FEEL they should be able to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 12:43 AM
46

a "toxic relationship where both sides are to blame" started with the man being toxic and physical. You are absolutely correct. Might as well say 100% because it's true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 12:42 AM
5

Oof, I relate. Anything that you need was something he saw as in the way of getting what he wanted. You can suggest foreplay for a decade+ and he'll want you to forget to want it because it is an obstacle to getting his dick inside you. Objectifying, devaluing, yeah I'm not turned on by that either. Good thing he is an EX!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 05:05 PM
61

Yep. We are objects to LVM, we are a punching bag they use up until they get bored. They frame it as passion, but it's hatred.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 10:55 PM
16

You are exactly right. Spot on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 05:11 PM
7

Throw in teeth picking, nose rubbing, foot scratching, and alcoholism, and yep, perfect LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 02:59 AM
2

The will Nickel and Dime your wallet, they will Nickel and Dime your soul.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 10:14 PM
2

If people ask you what happened, tell them the truth. Out his ass. You do nothing wrong by telling the truth. And protecting your mental health by not going is the right thing to do. I'm so sorry this happened. His excuses are bullshit, he did what HE wanted to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 09:39 PM
19

OMG. OMG OMG OMG. It's so sad how much this rings true. Nearly 40 with a drone style job, making sure to never rise to a job with truly significant expectations. Just enough potential to appear like he's worth the work it would take to keep a relationship with him. Oof.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 06:01 PM
13

You're his best friend. He is not yours. And for that I'm sorry. He appeared to be a good man. But the masked dropped, and he is not a good man. And for that I'm sorry. I hope you can spend more time on caring for yourself and getting rest so that your body can heal, instead of wasting time on trying to educate and reform this man. He does not want to be reformed. He wants to keep his marriage, and will wear a mask in order to keep it. It's okay for this marriage to be a failure, as 1/2 of the m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 05:55 PM
8

I'm sleeping better and eating better. My skin cleared up. The time I used to spend arguing for basic human decency I now spend on self care, hobbies, and going to the gym. There could be a whole other discussion about the improved health after breaking up with a LVM. Good for you!!!! And the ADHD thing is almost always an excuse to continue to be low effort on their part. There is no amount of work YOU could have done to make THEM want to treat you better. I'm so glad you got out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 07:25 PM
41

NVX... HID A KID! A new baby! When I found out the baby was 4 months old, i tried confronting the NVX he wouldn't answer my call because he "was stressed out enough" and "didn't want to be yelled at." He wouldn't agree to see me unless I agreed to not "bring up" his lying about having a kid. And I was the clown who agreed to that. SO YES. Please ladies. RUN at the first lie. RUN.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 07:18 PM
28

I'm right there with you. Asexual. Despite being for lack of a better phrase a f*ckbeast, like seriously I could go for hours. But I've realized that part of accepting that I have value, and that LVM are everywhere and that they are a huge turn-off, is that I can't get turned on by men or situations in which my own suffering is supposed to be part of the relationship. In my case the asexuality comes from the lack of HVM, and a change in what I am willing to accept when it comes to interactions w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 07:13 PM
12

Had a NVX complain/mourn that he would no longer get to do a leisure activity we did together because I was mad at him for being abusive. He wasn't upset about the abusive part. He was upset about the lack of access to the activity he "was just starting to get good at"... ugh. Rollerskating. It was rollerskating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 07:07 PM
32

And no parasite will ever think to compensate you for what they've taken. They feel absolutely entitled to drain every resource you have, and would call you a materialistic gold digger for wanting any support, any reinforcement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 03:34 AM
23

The moping and the blaming of everyone but themselves. I can't roll my eyes any harder at their bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 10:19 PM
6

I had an ex who took me to a guitar store then got mad when I paid more attention to the guitar I was playing than I did him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 07:56 PM
44

There was always a sad story based in some childhood trauma to explain his inability (refusal, more like) to tackle problems head-on, and he got a lot of help and use of resources from well-meaning people because of the stories. Ah, the universal battle cry of the LVM. They all scream "childhood trauma" as they fight tooth and nail for things to stay exactly the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 07:40 PM
3

Saying something like, "It appears that you are struggling to understand nuance. I'm sure that's frustrating for you, in that it makes you appear uneducated and emotional." might be helpful. Redirecting the focus to point out that they are in reality not nuanced thinkers, that they are being extreme and emotional, and somehow connecting it to an inability to properly do the other tasks their job requires.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 05:54 PM
24

I'd offer an alternative interpretation in that, it is important to recognize that the way some men behave is actually hateful towards women As women who are trying to grow, to recognize the terrible ways we've been treated and to prevent that from happening again, this discussion is important. This is essentially a discussion on red flags, not a "wallow in negativity" post. What is a glaring red flag for some is not for others who are new to FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 02:32 AM
13

There are horrifying but not surprising responses to this exact same question posed on Twitter a couple days ago: https://twitter.com/Oloni/status/1414891952965816321
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 02:28 AM
5

I briefly exchanged pleasantries with a trainer passing me in the hallway at my local YMCA. About 30 minutes later I get a text asking if I'd had any trouble with a man reported to have been harassing women at that location. It was from the trainer I said "hey have a good day" blah blah blah in the hall. I said no. Then he went on to say how "hot" I was and that he'd be happy to train me or just get to know me. So, this guy, this trainer, went in to his system after talking to me, matched me in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 09:35 PM
12

They always invent reasons to justify abuse. He simply has values that allow him exceptions to the general moral rule of "thou shall not abuse thy partner"...which is something that should have no exceptions. This is totally narcissistic behavior. He feels entitled to any actions because he doesn't know how to handle HIS emotions or his lack of control over you. There is no way a normal, loving human can get used to being treated this way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 09:24 PM
15

Yep. LVM want all the effort to come from the woman. They want her isolated, they want her babied down, that want her to give months and months of effort and attention. They want her self esteem low and her intelligence only average enough (in his opinion) to not see how trapped she is and how abused and used she is. The audacity of their entitlement is astounding, no matter how many times I encounter it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 05:51 PM
55

Seriously. They will simply gain a larger pseudo psychological vocabulary to use when they manipulate and batter you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 05:43 PM
85

I, too, have received the email that very accurately described every single thing that he had done, that had gone wrong. He knew. HE KNEW. He just played dumb to exhaust me and deflect me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 05:40 PM
18

The mask always drops.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 10:52 PM
81

A man will get married and still be on the lookout for his "soulmate"...without consequences and denying these LVM low effort relationships, this will continue to happen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 02:36 AM
30

Because being a pickme involves doing anything it takes to pleasure a NVM. Even if it means violent sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 02:26 AM
59

That must be how a straight man’s entire sexual experience is. So free of fear of physical pain. It’s glorious and I hadn’t realized before how ever present it always was, in the back of my mind. Every time a man noticed me, talked to me, every time I dressed up to go out wanting to catch a guy’s attention. This is incredibly insightful. I had not considered this is why I was always so comfortable during my flirty interactions with women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 02:23 AM
53

This post is literally asking other people to do the work so he doesn't have to, so he can keep bumbling. Yikes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 08:59 PM
10

Even if you have great chemistry, you need him to be able to take that step, to work out for himself that he values you enough to push through his fears of rejection because you're worth it. You need that quality in him. He needs to decide to invest in you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 08:56 PM
2

They are making their intrusive thought YOUR problem. Which is easy to do, since they already blame women for everything wrong with themselves. It's a two birds one stone situation, they get to make their thoughts our problem while also scaring us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 08:51 PM
3

This is absolutely correct. They HATE that they feel a desire for us, that no matter what they have, even if they have everything, if they don't have a woman then they will feel empty inside. They feel entitled to us, and subject to their own desires for us. When we don't just hand ourselves over, they hate it. They hate us for protecting ourselves, for thinking for ourselves, because all that is an obstacle to controlling us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 08:48 PM
33

Yep. Exactly this. No personality and no ambitions outside of ones within the home. They want someone who simply will never leave, no matter how much he mistreats them. He'll call that love, and cheat on her anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 08:39 PM
30

Men react to women's independent thought the same way they would if an NPC in their favorite video game suddenly started going off to finish the storyline by itself. OOF, it's so true it hurts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 08:32 PM
28

You link is great, particularly this section: http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/dysfunctional-beliefs.html It pretty much described my NVX to a T. He was so fucking entitled it never failed to shock me. He believed every single one of those statements.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 07:36 PM
43

Most Men don't want to compromise. Their idea of comprising is the girl giving up things for them. AMEN. They want to wear you down until you give up the dream just to stop the conflict he's creating for dreaming at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 07:19 PM
40

"He lashes out at you for something he’s in the wrong for because he feels stupid and needs a punching bag? You can’t react." So ridiculously common. I was conscripted into comforting my NVX when I called him out for abusive behavior and THAT hurt his feefees. They always play the victim because it will drown you out and silence your legitimate grievances.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 05:25 AM
3

Playing dumb to body language (as well as actual verbal communication) is an attempt to escape accountability. "Bumbling male" is a myth that allows repeat offender males to continue to abuse, manipulate, lie, and neglect valuable women in their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 02:43 AM
20

She is very much a proponent of christian-based traditional relationships, letting the man lead despite his inability to lead, submitting to him and "proving to be a good wife"... the only person this benefits is her husband. I find it very disturbing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 08:11 PM
8

we shouldn’t have to go nuclear to make a person who claims to love us finally claim to hear our suffering. Amen. I have learned this lesson, but I nearly died to learn it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 06:02 PM
382

No one feels more entitled to "being needed" than a totally unreliable man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 02:46 AM
8

You are me. I could have written this, and it's knocking me out. It makes my heart ache for you. But I'm glad you are healing <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 06:56 PM
13

My NVX would say that, because I pointed out how he was mistreating me, he was "too scared" to try to make an effort to be there for me in any way. Stonewalling me into compliance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 06:49 PM
25

No amount of love bombing could override that “I want to die” in plain handwriting. I know how this feels. I am so glad you got out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 06:48 PM
34

Accountability is their idea of ‘violence’ against men. EXACTLY. And no sob story, no deflection, no victim blaming will change this fact.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 06:46 PM
10

You are absolutely right. These are a lot of words and they all translate to, "I am a coward and will do anything to avoid consequences to my actions or changing my life."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 09:07 PM
9

Good insight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 09:05 PM
9

Swipe out "viking" for "i'm adopted so i don't know who i am" blah blah excuses and you have my NVX exactly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 09:05 PM
5

It worked, so he had no motivation to change. I'm glad you recognized the issue!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 09:04 PM
13

omg... the men are different but the LVM template is universal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 08:43 PM
22

Because LVM, no matter their abstract belief system and upbringing, have universally shitty values. Values that allow them to abuse, manipulate, take advantage of, and bow out of anything they want. It's an entitlement to abuse, neglect, destroy and manipulate women into a relationship that serves only the man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 07:40 PM
16

I have wasted so much of my mental and creative energy on exactly this. I can't get that back but I will never do it again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 05:31 PM
36

Nightmare scenario as trauma is cumulative and you may not come out on the other side as easily as you did the last time. It's not worth it to let him retraumatize you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 05:23 PM
34

Yep, he starts mining his past when he sees how dim his future looks. Funny how he can't see himself as the reason everything falls apart. He wants someone he thinks he can manipulate into making things less work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 05:22 PM
105

It sounds like he tried to cut and paste you into the comfort zone of his last long term relationship. LVM will swap out women and use the same approach with all of them, even using the same pet names and same kinds of sexual techniques without ever really learning who YOU are or what YOU want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 05:09 PM
58

yeah the passiveness has to do with ambivalence. when you make yourself too convenient for a man, his laziness and disrespect will only grow. he won't fall in love, he won't love you more, he'll only grow to expect you to work hard and when you try to set boundaries, he'll take it as a personal attack and blow up the relationship. RUN!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 05:05 PM
20

Yeah, this is the most likely scenario. He didn't like the way she looked or he wasn't attracted to her. This doesn't speak to OP's actual beauty only that guy's mindset.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 10:08 PM
20

Insecure Narcissist strikes again. Begging and giving a constant effort just for him to do nothing in return.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 10:35 PM
8

LVM tries to insert himself into her successful and happy formula for life, to everyone's detriment. I hope she gets out ASAP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 04:48 PM
12

I've met men like this before. Narcissists. You're exactly right. Men like this don't think they are narcissists but they are. His post is one of the most hurtful things I've read in a long time because it's so... pervasive. This guy thinks like most LVM, and his entitlement is insidious and toxic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 04:16 AM
21

This is so insightful. thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:08 AM
3

"Who cares if they didn’t meet your needs? You met theirs, so you should communicate until you’re blue in the face with patience bc they LoVe you. You’re their SoUlMaTe because FeElInGs." Oh god, this is causing me flashbacks! Throw in expecting me to withstand his abuse and neglect because he LOVES me, and you have my NVX.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 10:20 PM
9

Men think that if they buy you MacDonald's, you have to have sex with them. Literally. AND, they make sure it's the mcdonalds on the other side of town as to not disturb whatever sexual relationship they've got going on over there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 06:21 PM
21

I told them they had to move to the next car otherwise I wasn't moving the train and I was calling the police. The guy gets mad and tells me ... I stink. Lmao. Projection from NVM knows no bounds!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 03:30 PM
22

I'll add that he may also empathize, or appear to empathize, with others because he doesn't see others as his property or doesn't feel he deserves to control them. However, he will feel entitled to the respect and commitment of his partner without ever trying to earn it, and he will become disrespectful or downright abusive when he doesn't get what he thinks he deserves. His empathy will not extend to you because you are his property.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 03:26 PM
2

Yeah, these are the only male friends I have, the ones from childhood. I would never date them or the kind of dudes they are, and their girlfriends (now wives) are both physically and emotionally very different than me. So, no attraction there at all and there never will be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 06:47 AM
73

I'd suggest that you weren't so much stonewalling as you were "gray rocking" your dad. That's a technique to minimize engagement with a narcissist. It sucks you had to learn to minimize yourself with your own father, though. I'm glad you have been able to work through those consequences and that you have a partner who supports your "bids"!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 08:10 PM
7

Exactly. He knows what he did. He ALWAYS knows. But let's assume he doesn't know, for whatever reason. Do you really want to spend all your time getting an elementary level LVM up to your post grad level? If there is a huge gap between yours and his emotional intelligence, you will always be working, and you will NEVER be happy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 06:11 AM
29

Yep. He will mirror the values of a new partner and go along with her expectations, initially. But HIS values remain unchanged. And it's HIS values that allow him to abuse, neglect, mistreat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 06:01 AM
89

We aren't manipulating them, they FEEL manipulated by having to be considerate of anyone else's pain. That's how narcissistic they are. They are projecting because they would use expressing emotions as a way to manipulate US. Trying to connect with a LVM is like throwing everything you are into the garbage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 06:36 PM
3

A harem of attention, to fill the void. So true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 03:12 AM
9

3 months and you'll be crushed by the abuse and manipulation. Hell, 3 weeks would be tortuous. He'll turn you into a stepping stone for someone "better" in a heartbeat. He'll build is "confidence" on the foundation of your love and attention and use it to leave you. NEVER entertain these insecure LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 03:12 AM
3

EXACTLY. But holy shit that is fucking terrible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 04:20 PM
20

I tried to explain to my LVM ex the exact issues going on, I had tried to inform myself and educate him in order to help him stop abusing me? I cringe at the thought. BUT all it did was give him a better vocabulary when it came to projecting and victim blaming. He used my own words against me, trying to paint me as an abuser because I pointed out his abuse and demanded accountability. I will never, ever explain to anyone ever again why I deserve dignity and respect. I'll just ghost.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 05:06 AM
5

I know this behavior exactly. You can add that he let the cat get exposed to raccoons and didn't take the cat to the vet afterward. He took zero responsibility for the cat, but he couldn't even recognize that because the cat wasn't very demanding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 05:18 PM
7

You should take your cat to the vet occasionally, give them attention as well as quality food and use good kitty litter. 🐈 You can't just leave them alone at home for a long time. They aren't an Xbox or a pickme gf that will just wait for the time you're ready to play with them again. This is a serious tell. They simply don't take their cat to the vet. They don't notice that the cat has gained or lost weight. They don't notice that the cat has scabs and scratches despite petting the cat or letti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 05:14 PM
21

men would rather bully women into being what they want instead of actually bettering themselves Too true. And watch them try to make themselves out as the victim for us expecting things not "not bullying" and "not abusing"!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 04:58 PM
6

Classic narc... always looking for a way to feel morally superior about being selfish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 05:39 PM
11

You are me, aren't you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 05:34 PM
30

Isn't it weird they have trigger words that you must avoid at all cost lest you go absolutely unheard? And they'll always have another new trigger, until all words are triggers, because they associate words with accountability?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 05:33 PM
14

This is such an insightful comment. You've articulated something I couldn't put my finger on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 05:32 PM
12

It's not their chemical imbalances or their experiences - it's their values. I don't know how many times I have heard those excuses. This point cuts to the core of the issue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 04:26 AM
3

YES. 1000x this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 04:23 AM
19

This is very true. Anyone reading this who is on the fence about whether you are "crazy" or traumatized, it's always the latter. PTSD is what happens when you have been abused and had to deal with trauma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 04:20 AM
15

The problem is that misogyny is a fabric woven with endless threads. Yes! I am discouraged to think that us being intelligent, insightful, and comprehensive about WHY and HOW things are the way they are is somehow being seen as "straying" from the FDS purpose?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 04:34 PM
62

We should never have to entertain anyone who views us as an object and resource instead of a human. We can't help that 90% of men do exactly that. I am not going to entertain anyone who doesn't see my humanity. To go out and then date these men, even one date, to put in that work then have to get up and leave and deal with the blowback and the emotional labor of it? No way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 04:31 PM
32

Absolutely. I could never imagine multi-dating right now. I don't need to personally process or weed out or go through 20 LVM right now. It is emotional labor to deal with people, date, reject, and deal with the inevitable blow up or revenge of a LVM. This perspective IS dating strategy, in that, I am choosing not to have to deal with this at the moment, and having a huge shift in whether or not I EVER want to deal with this. I think the OP is trying to make a statement that insulates the commun…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 04:27 PM
2

Thank you for sharing this, though. It makes me feel less alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 05:37 PM
1

I appreciate you posting this so much. You have phrased it better than I did originally, which is, total money lost. I have paid of much of the bills related to mental health and medical issues, not all but most. However, the financial setbacks of focusing on my NVM-ex has cost me so much money/advancement/opportunity. We made ourselves smaller so they could drown us easier with their insecurities and projections. Abuse and neglect. Never again. Thank you for posting and helping others!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 06:25 AM
87

My understanding is that most Realtors have an Ethics Board they must answer to. You could try to research if that's true in your area at the state level and make a complaint. Their behavior is unethical IMO, and severe enough to lodge a complaint to their board.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 03:23 AM
37

I think you are spot on. It's a threat to their narcissist source of attention and the additional responsibility that will suddenly fall on them. The body and attention of their bang maid is about to be diverted to motherhood. They'd rather she die than accept shared attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 05:02 PM
2

This makes me feel good. Yes, please know that while it's harder to be a single person when it comes to making ends meet, what you get to keep are your sanity, your free time, your self-esteem. And those things are PRICELESS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 03:36 PM
1

Stonewalling, shutting down, the silent treatment, all insidious ways to force compliance. You are forced to change while they stay the same. It's infuriating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 03:34 PM
2

And heaven forbid you ask them to get you something in return or to contribute in other ways. It's all projection!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 03:33 PM
5

I'm glad things have turned out okay, but it really does suck to lose a creative outlet, something you're good at, to have that whole genre tainted by a piece of shit. You had the strength to dream a different dream, and I'm grateful for that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 05:29 AM
4

Sometimes it takes seeing concrete evidence. And the numbers don't lie. They can snap you out of a fog.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 05:27 AM
7

It especially sucks to think back about losing your savings over a worthless man, I'm sorry!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 02:55 AM
5

They want the submission without providing in any way. They want respect without earning it, in fact they constantly work against all reasons to respect them. Congrats on paying down the debt and the impending freedom!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 02:54 AM
5

Way to go!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 02:52 AM
6

My goal is to eventually "nothing" him. Feel nothing at all toward him and be so far along in my life that he does not cross my mind. But right now I am definitely still in the processing stage. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 01:50 AM
19

There is too much pressure on women to make sure they never have any residual resentment towards men. Women are never allowed to feel their feelings and process them, they're told to "skip over" feelings like resentment. That only creates more burning rage inside.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 01:46 AM
5

I offer that while being resentful for a long time can be costly, I am trying to process and recognize the totality of the damage done. I didn't let myself get mad at things I should have been mad at for a decade. I pushed thoughts away about the abuse I experienced and the neglect and the medical treatments etc. Now that I am letting myself feel my actual feelings on the matter, I am angry. and I think, rightfully so. Currently resentful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 01:44 AM
105

"Your body, your time, your attention, is not his prize or motivation for taking on the journey to becoming a decent person, you are not a redemption arc, and he won’t change. He won’t change- not because you aren’t good enough, but because he isn’t good." Thank you for saying this. I needed this. It's hard to imagine the joy he experienced treating me like shit. But he definitely knew what he was doing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 01:40 AM
6

It is simply cruel how easily they can divest from their children. They make all these promises to care for children but as soon as they can get away with it they will cut out on them just like they cut out on any other responsibility. Then they get mad that we don't "trust" them. You're right. NEVER again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 01:28 AM
7

Oh my goodness. I am glad you are alive and glad you saved your life but I'm so very sorry about what happened to you and the choices you've had to make as a result. I didn't mention this in my original post but I suffered multiple miscarriages and that last one required a D&C... guess who went gung ho about being a dad to not even helping to pay the medical bills regarding miscarriage and D&C? Not to mention the stress of the ongoing emotional abuse being the #1 contributor to my miscarriages. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 01:13 AM
7

Reparations or damages paid after abuse and wasted time should be a thing, seriously.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 01:05 AM
6

That was a smart approach!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 01:02 AM
16

100% ...no matter the resource, they will steal or take advantage of that resource. money, emotional labor, our bodies, our minds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 10:09 PM
5

I'm right there with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 10:06 PM
4

Oh wow. I'm so sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 10:05 PM
20

You describe what I feel, too, which is personally and financially stunted. We give to help them keep up, they stand on us to get ahead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:56 PM
11

The value these men extract out of women is appalling. I'm so sorry!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:39 PM
12

You are a Queen, honestly. Which is no easy job! What you are doing for your daughter is admirable and loving, and good for your mental health also.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:24 PM
10

Your outlook inspires me. The C-PTSD is a complicated thing to unravel. It takes a lot of work that is not cheap. I am loving my own company and the stresslessness of my life without being abused and neglected.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:22 PM
14

Accurate AF!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:20 PM
19

All of that sounds totally devastating. I'm so sorry! I am wishing you all the success in the world at making your dental school dreams come true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:19 PM
12

Very true. It is so dysfunctional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:10 PM
38

OMG. I am so sorry that you went through that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:09 PM
20

He said he felt "used" when I said that gifts were part of my way of feeling loved and I literally was trying to give him a way to help when he destroyed me in other ways. Meanwhile he had no trouble using me as a therapist, a sex worker, a cheerleader, a life coach, etc etc. while constantly being emotionally abusive. I'm glad you got away without being tied down in any way with property or children!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:08 PM
10

I am so encouraged by the growth of this community and all the young people who are embracing it. They are preventing themselves from wasting years on heartache and trauma!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:04 PM
27

It must feel like a huge weight is gone. I'm glad you got out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:03 PM
28

I am so grateful you got out and got away!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:02 PM
18

to overcome neediness This one hurts me to my core. As if asking for dignity and respect and affection is "needy"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:49 PM
30

Yep. Honestly, I never mattered to him, it was about whichever person would endure him with the least amount of complaining. I was that person for a decade. Someone else was that person before me, and someone is that person after me. He enjoyed reminding me that he didn't actually HAVE to work. And became furious if I refused to support him in huge investments like buying another property.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:46 PM
21

Yes, years of therapy and hospital copays was the bulk of mine. But I feel you on the lost opportunities. I turned down so many offers for creative jobs just so I didn't have to face his wrath and the threat of a breakup, which came pretty much every three weeks anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:43 PM
35

I always laugh at men who think that they're the ones who keep the economy going since it's 100% a fact that shitty male partners are a financial liability that drag other people down with them. It is 100% because these LVM rely on the unpaid and unappreciated labor of the women around them. Life managers, bang maids, cheerleaders, nannies, the list goes on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:37 PM
41

I relate. I bought he bed he now fucks someone else in. I don't want the bed, it's just a shining symbol of what I gave and what he decided to do with all that I gave him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:35 PM
27

Oh wow. I'm glad you have made it this far in the journey but I'm so sorry that happened to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:33 PM
62

This is so important. All that time I could have been creative and used my energy to improve myself and my life, I spent trying to turn an abuser into a decent partner. It ruined my life, not his.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:32 PM
15

thank you. I am also trying to move forward but damn if I don't resent it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:31 PM
30

Oh wow, you are reminding me about the ADHD impulses and forgetfulness. In my case he used it as a "get out of accountability free" card.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:30 PM
21

I don't mean to reduce it to debt. In processing everything that happened I had the realization of how far and wide I have been damaged, including but definitely not limited to my finances.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:28 PM
49

I'm so sorry. And I can appreciate looking forward. Sometimes it's the best way to cope with the past.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:27 PM
116

Isn't it funny how all that "mental illness" goes away as soon as you break up with them and get some distance from them? THEY were the problem. I don't want to go into it but I had some pretty serious treatments for depression and anxiety and I completely regret it. In retrospect I can see just how much of it was valid responses to trauma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:26 PM
40

I am definitely trying to reframe it. The fact that he came from a wealthy family and has never had any worries of financial ruin makes it a bitter pill. He'll always have wealth (I'm talking millions), and I'm left struggling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:24 PM
39

I cannot tell you how many times a conversation about why I was hurt tuned into him dumping HIS feelings, his backstory, his excuses on me. Funny he never wanted to talk about that until after he would be abusive and I would try to confront him. He turned me into a therapist and cheerleader of his own abuse toward me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:22 PM
19

I did leave. It's with the distance and the time to process everything that has happened that I have gotten angry over all aspects of what happened, including the financial situation but definitely not limited to that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:21 PM
5

Total narcissism. If they can't see it and experience it for themselves, they are able to dismiss it as not real, or in fact call the woman a liar. If you've been sick or ill in some way and they didn't see it, they treat it not only as something that never happened, but put you in a position to prove that it DID happen. To prove your own trauma. And once you "prove it" you do all the work to prove it, they still won't believe it or respect it. Because they never respected you to begin with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 01:32 AM
27

Isn't it always... and it will tell you everything you need to know. You know how I knew my LVM ex was going to start fucking other women when we were separated during the pandemic? He started suggesting that I was fucking other men, or at least you know mutually masturbating (???) with another man or some shit like that, and that he could ACCEPT that about me. BTW, he did this while I was seriously ill from a kidney infection, about 3 weeks into lockdown, a kidney infection caused by sex with h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 01:26 AM
15

I work in audio, and he has 100% additionally pitched the audio lower also. This is disturbing. It's like he had an android come in and do ADR over his video!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 03:46 PM
25

I see this advice used all the time by men, but what they mean by it is, "If anything requires me to do the bare minimum, I'm gonna gaslight her until I find another branch to swing to." They assume some kind of victimhood but it's all an act to get out of being a decent person toward you. You can literally be dying from the effects of their trauma and abuse, and they see changing themselves to be a better human as "making it hard" or "asking too much" and use it as an excuse to do further harm.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 04:31 PM
9

oooooh the flashbacks this gave me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 01:19 AM
44

So true, so true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 05:54 PM
40

Agreed. Do not reply in any way. They are framing you to defend yourself for having a life not centered around talking them. Don't take that bait. Block. Delete. And continue living in peace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 09:59 PM
4

It really does take about a year. But you are in the right to protect yourself and well-being. The world is beginning to open back up to you, and you will be ready for it because you are strong. His ship will sink because it depends upon drowning others to hold himself up. Don't let another man ever take you down with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 07:14 PM
23

Too real for me omg
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 06:04 AM
78

The fact that you are avoiding them is interpreted by them as you being weak, or vulnerable to persuasion. I stopped being bothered when I made direct, unbroken eye contact from as soon as they were in my path, with a scowl on my face. If they start to speak, "NO." works. I don't move out of the way. You shouldn't have to dodge them, but taking up space and not cowering might discourage their instinct to chase.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 05:32 PM
12

EMDR therapy helps. But I also grow my own medicinal mushrooms and use them regularly. Little to no risk and I have had a much easier time recognizing and letting go of traumatic things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 09:22 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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