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Enkendu Archive

View 1 posts and 53 comments by Enkendu on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
9

Dealing with the Ex / STBXEnkendu/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 05:50 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

IF you use AI for this, you have to make sure you can verify the legitimacy of whatever AI tells you. Otherwise, you will look horrible citing it in court if you are called to task on it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 05:06 AM
2

So, you could say maybe we live and let live? This line bothers me. "Men as a whole are hated for the actions of a very small percentage of men who have been proven to commit truly heinous acts." There are bad apples in every bunch, the rest of the apples shouldn't need to shine brighter to make up for it. "It’s important we strive to be better and rise above the anger and lies that SOME modern women like to stir up." Anyone with intelligence can see that it's a tiny percent of men causing probl…
/r/MensRights28/04/26 05:06 AM
2

I'm of the opinion, (though it may be unpopular), that if a woman threatens divorce... You should make their threat a reality. That threat is nuclear and there is no coming back for me, someone who has to threaten you with divorce generally either has no intention of working things out using real communication, etc, OR, has already tried everything else to get you to change things that you are really never going to change, meaning you are incompatible anyway. 5 times my man... You need to build …
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 06:11 PM
8

There is a book called "No More Mr Nice Guy", it was written for men, but good for women too. I'd recommend reading that, maybe having your wife read it too. Be kind, but stop being nice. Once you read to that book, you'll identify how your own action are as toxic as hers in the case of selling your trains, it was done out of anger and resentment, and can only build more anger and resentment. Read the book, or get the audio book and listen to it too and from work. You changing your behaviors and…
/r/MensRights07/02/26 06:55 PM
4

Healing after a divorce takes time, he is likely confused too. After my divorce, I had so many thoughts and emotions that I didn't know what to do with, one day I was happy, the next not so much, on day angry. It's like a death, but the person you are grieving is still there tormenting you in some way. Just be patient with him, and if you both are compatible, it will work out, but he needs to be able to have his ups and downs. It's part of the healing process. (Maybe you already know all that)
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 09:49 PM
3

I've heard a saying... "Love her into someone else's arms". I wouldn't let that come back, not without some serious concessions on her end. I don't know if I could ever trust her again after that. Have you really forgiven her? To me forgiveness means complete trust again, and I don't know if I'd ever be able to do that. I'd always wonder if she was being faithful or not if I'm not around.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 05:21 AM
7

Well. You are already speaking to a lawyer. Which is the best thing you can do. Make sure they are a good one. If you can get custody here (wherever you are at), hopefully there can be some order in the custody agreement that would bar her from taking your sons out of the country long term like that. She is no longer who you thought she was, do NOT play nice when it comes to custody battles. I did and I regret not going for more. I was overwhelmed and didn't think I could do it. Well. I regret i…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 05:08 AM
3

Maybe OP should send them to the ex as a gift. You know as a peace offering? Joking aside, it's too bad they are so toxic, they used to be notorious for having such good cookies. I didn't realize they were so bad.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 05:27 PM
1

Oh man... The new age ideas that encourage selfishness really hits close to home. I watched my mother and many of my sisters use these, and then my ex wife (all divorced)... When you quote the new age idea of "you deserve to be happy, let go of what is no longer serving you"... Omfg the selfishness that these lines of thought and ideologies breed is disgusting and appalling. Of course these ideas are prevalent amongst divorce because I don't believe you can have a healthy marriage relationship w…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 08:42 AM
8

I knew there were women lurking in this sub, but this question sure brought them out of the wood work with the downvotes and attempts at shaming. The woman who chose to walk away, shouldn't walk away with the honor she gained when she made the promise, covenant, and vows to be in that family. If I destroyed the family, the dishonor should be mine just the same. I don't really care anymore (I did once), and I don't think about it much anymore, but if she broke the family, she shouldn't get to car…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 04:18 AM
2

It's also garbage that there are so many women on a men's sub trying to shame them. Weird.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 04:10 AM
3

I mean, if you are wanting to rub it in her face that you now have a lot of money and that she screwed herself by leaving you, but you are above that. So I would only use that money to further cut ties as needed.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 04:30 AM
7

To add further, I would recommend that OP keep his money secret from the rest of the world especially if/when dating new women. Money changes people and brings all sorts of friends and family that will appear out of nowhere to help you enjoy that money. In short avoid the gold diggers.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 04:28 AM
38

This is exactly it. We men are subsidizing our own pain.
/r/MensRights13/02/25 06:13 PM
4

This. Also to note. She didn't go fast, she's been thinking about this for a long time. Rarely is it sudden for them. They just don't want to make the move until they have something "better" lined up.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 12:29 AM
1

You'd maybe be surprised on how common a divorce is after a miscarriage. This happened with me too. We had a miscarriage and in less than 3 months and she left.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 08:00 PM
3

I would recommend reading "No more Mr Nice Guy", if you can, before you make a decision. It's a short time and could give you other options or other ideas before divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 10:17 PM
3

I know I'm late to the thread here. However, what helped me, was getting angry. I get angry a lot. I vented, I bitched it all out, I said so many things I was not proud of just to get it out of my system, but the secret is, I said all those things in a private setting, where no one heard it, or to an anonymous male friend who understood the pain and can just listen without bias, and maybe even vent with me without adding to the drama. After releasing that anger, many times, I actually have a lot…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 04:32 PM
2

I feel you! I dealt with a similar situation. We moved to a new place at her request, uprooted my whole family into a new place, just to have her bounce a year later. The idea of moving again was exhausting just because I had nearly set all my things up in the garage. When you move, the garage is always the last thing to get organized. I barely got it into working shape and she bounced. Something is very strange with our current cultural system and its modern women. It seems loyalty is yesterday…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 03:57 PM
1

I feel for you my man. I am sorry to hear you are dealing with this. I may not have words that can make your life easier, but I am one of the many that are here for you if you need/want just DM. I have been a long time wood worker myself, but during my marriage I gave it up over time, and recently got back into it as my own form of therapy, building something for my kids or my family, siblings, etc has helped me a lot. The wife left suddenly and it was very painful, but, it's been over a year no…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:17 AM
5

I know it doesn't work for cellular data, but "accidentally" blocking Instagram on the local router via pihole is amazing.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 05:32 PM
4

I feel you brother. This has been me this year. Things aren't even tight for me at the moment, but thinking about finances still does this to me. Huge anxiety. I lose a lot of sleep over it. I had a very good thing going financially. I changed them and took some risks at her request and benefit, and then she bounced. Turns out that's typical... I had no idea before this. I didn't even see it coming at all. Now, massive anxiety around financed literally buzzing in my head ears and neck. It's frus…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 05:49 PM
3

So, you are looking for a man then? Lol. I laughed several times reading this. Thanks for the entertainment.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 11:50 PM
1

This... Play the game, come out on top legally. Make sure you are always holding ALL the cards... After that, do whatever you will with her, it doesn't matter.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 06:29 PM
2

"Curiosity killed the cat, but the truth brought it back." That is the whole proverb, or something like it. You're not wrong about the rest though. To be fair I'd be curious too, but I don't think I would take her back. Not after she has moved on with another man and is now considering coming back? Why did she not pause and consider everything was wrong during the four years of the relationship falling down? One thing I hate worse than the betrayal, is being the backup plan afterwards.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 06:28 PM
1

Yeah, that is a good point. I think I'll do something like that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 09:06 PM
1

Thank you. This is where I am torn. You might be right. I have always avoided making any scene in front of my child so that she doesn't see or know of any conflict coming from me. This is one of those moments where I was not sure what to do, as I would like to maintain that persona of non- confrontation for my daughters sake, but also trying to understand how to have some boundaries. I know kids are smart, maybe she will put it together and discard that watch on her own. I'll consider all possib…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 04:05 PM
1

Oh man. I didn't even know about this... Yeah, that's unacceptable.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 03:58 PM
0

Ha ha. I have legit thought about something like this. Only I don't want to break my daughter's heart as she is already set on having the device. If there was a way for me to deactivate the GPS while at my place, or trick its location to bounce around. I'd find that hilarious. Of course, only while at my home. I think the watch is a great idea while my daughter is out with friends.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 04:01 AM
1

It doesn't matter if she knows per se, but I believe she has used her knowledge of our activities to manipulate my daughter in the past. So, I now try to keep everything I am planning and doing on the down low so I can avoid playing her games. For example, when I do something with my daughter, she will try to do something even more extravagant to outshine that experience. Of course, sometimes my daughter tells her of our activities after the fact, and I'm OK with that and I never will put pressu…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 03:59 AM
1

I like this idea too... Getting ahead of the curve.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 03:52 AM
1

Good to know! Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 03:51 AM
2

This is more like what I was initially thinking, because the Ex already got my daughter excited about the watch. However, I'll likely get a Faraday box, and have her leave the watch in that unless she is actively using it to text. I may still have a conversation with the Ex to express my concerns. I don't trust her at all, and I like the no conflict route for my daughters sake.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 03:51 AM
9

Like so many others in this thread... Delete everything, unfriend, unfollow everything that has to do with the ex. Even changing her contact name on the phone. I would block her number altogether if I didn't have to communicate for our child's sake. I deleted every photo that didn't have my child in it. Every. Last. One. It made it easier to move on. The person in those old photos is dead and corrupted. It's refreshing to look at the now Ex as a new person that is absolutely nothing like the wom…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 01:18 AM
2

Oh! Good point. I didn't even think of this... I'll see if I can find some detection devices for that if possible. I don't know if she is savvy enough for that, but I also have zero trust for her at this point, and I wouldn't put it past her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 07:48 PM
3

Good call. Yeah, I think I'll bring this up... I didn't realize the watch had GPS. The Ex messaged me and "informed me" that she was buying this watch for our daughter. I was OK with the idea until I found out it had GPS. That's a no go for me. Thanks for the support my man!
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 07:16 PM
2

I agree with that. Thank you all. I just needed to make sure I wasn't being ridiculous.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 07:10 PM
3

This is about where I'm at. I just wanted to make sure I was not overreacting with my thoughts. I don't mind my daughter texting or calling her mom any time. But the GPS is a huge no for me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 07:09 PM
1

This is gold right here. God was the only one that got me through my struggles. They still come, and instantly I turn to God. God made everything tolerable where I was being swallowed by anxiety, sadness, and depression. Whatever your belief in God is. Sort that out, so he can help you through your darkest hours. "They shall not be ashamed that wait for me." -God I heard this line at some point, and it instantly brought me comfort, and now I turn to God for everything. I'm sure my belief in God …
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 05:14 PM
5

OP, this right here. She is gaslighting you. Any. Normal. Person. Would get angry at their spouse stepping out on them, even if it's "just" on an emotional level. She is the one that did wrong, she doesn't love you anymore, her actions speak loudly that she is looking far past you. You are the plan B while she figures out her plan A.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 04:10 AM
4

I would suggest playing the field... IF she is serious as others have stated, make her prove it through actual work to overcome whatever issues she had that blew up the family in the first place... Unless she has cheated, or even if she has hooked up with another man, because that is still adultery, if she blew up the marriage and slept around and wants to reconcile? Uh no. Hard no. However, read "The Art of War". I would give conditions, like you know, she undoes what she did in the courts asse…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 09:48 PM
1

Genius! Man... I'm kinda thinking people should do this regardless...
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 06:58 PM
1

This all the way.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 06:27 PM
2

I'm going to chime in, and say, he disclosed that he was in a 6 year relationship and obviously it didn't work out. Personally, I think if she didn't inquire, then it's partially on her. I mean, 6 years is a long time for a relationship and it's very common that people are married in that amount of time. TLDR: If someone told me they previously left a 6 year long relationship, I would make assumptions or at least inquire that a divorce was part of that.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 08:46 PM
3

This guy has it right. All of this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 08:44 PM
7

My "healing journey"... Started doing a lot of wood working. I built 7 small wooden boxes for my 7 kids (some adults now). Built a fantastic new desk. Oh yeah, found a better relationship with God along the way, and I pray a lot in my own way. I grew a huge beard and a very nice mustache to remind me to stand up and be a man after so many years of emasculation... Became a stoic of sorts. Read "the art of war", and many other books by very old folks like Marcus Aurelius, and Epictetus. Remove my …
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 04:10 AM
3

This needs to be carved into a stone monument somewhere for all men to read. All men. Everywhere.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 05:10 PM
2

She would likely respect you more when you put up healthy boundaries and stop teasing yourself and giving yourself false hope. You are giving her the best parts of you, while she makes you eat shit. Time to move on my man. When you stand up respectfully and become a man that isn't going to be stomped on, it will demand her respect. You won't likely get her back, but you'll feel better and she will stop effing with your head.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 10:39 PM
2

I like this... I would add to the OP. STOP calling her your wife, she lost that honor when she left you. She no longer deserves that respect. STOP having her over to see the dogs, unless you have some legal obligations to do so. At that point do yourself a favor and just send them with her so it isn't giving you false hope to see her and "make her laugh". In short, get off the hopium, it's super bad for your mental health. It's not real, and she'll likely burn you down at a moment's notice. She …
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 10:34 PM
5

I can agree with the idea of no longer holding the poison and moving on and forgetting the ex and their betrayals. However, in my opinion you cannot fully forgive someone that doesn't ask for it, and they can't ask for it sincerely, if they do not honestly right their wrongs. So, moving on and holding no ill will or contempt towards them is a good thing. But never can you truly forgive evil while it remains evil, you just simply throw it out of your mind and move on. Forgetting them is for you, …
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 08:01 PM
1

I don't remember where I saw this quote. But it goes. "For no reason, the heart knows no reason." It's as true as ever. The heart doesn't always agree with the mind, the mind can see the logic and move forward, but the heart makes us look back often with false hope.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 04:31 PM
3

This^ right here!
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 04:31 PM
3

This right here! Pretend they are dead, except when you have to work with them for the children's sake, and then you grey rock the whole time. It was easier for me to not consider her or look at her at all the same. She is no longer the person I married, no longer the person I loved (that person is dead). She is now an entirely different entity that I despise, and work with only as required for my kids sake and I make it as pleasant for the children as possible. No contact outside of that whatso…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 08:40 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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