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Eterfinifrete Archive

View 4 posts and 153 comments by Eterfinifrete on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

I want to be more assertive. I have a whole thread about my issues with my husband's busy times at work. And I think this problem is aggravated by me acting too passive...falling into feeling sorry for myself, and sulking, rather than figuring out what I need and asking for it. I'm not sure if this is exactly red pill thinking. In my mind it is...I think it's easier for me to be a supportive partner when I'm expressing myseld.
/r/RedPillWives29/07/16 01:38 AM
1

I think you're right about the quick unload. To be honest I always have the chance for it...it's just that I'm not always very good at collecting my thoughts, after a scrambling, busy kind of day. But I can try harder, and it would help to spend more time with my friends. I guess I do sometimes sulk and brood because I resent him not being home. I can try to replace that sulking with something more useful : )
/r/RedPillWives28/07/16 04:11 PM
1

Sorry, I don't really mean that you have to answer that : ) I'm just thinking out loud and trying to figure out what's been bothering me!
/r/RedPillWives28/07/16 01:38 PM
1

YES, I want his attention. And I want the kind of attention that allows me to just slowly open up, rather than having to quickly unload the pressing things that are on my mind before he gets distracted by work thoughts. Most of the time I get this, no problem. These periods of intense work focus never last too long: usually by the time I start freaking out, theyre just about over. Last night he was already back to his usual self. But still, these periods freak me out, and not just because I want…
/r/RedPillWives28/07/16 01:31 PM
1

Wow, thanks for the understanding, this really helps. I think you are right about him wanting praise and wanting to impress me! That's a really good reminder. Interesting what you said about that advice from the Victorian age. I remember reading a Dickens novel where a young wife spent a part of her day reading the newspaper so that she'd have something to talk about with her husband...I should do that.
/r/RedPillWives27/07/16 07:15 PM
8

Wow, I think you are right about finding more outlets for myself! I used to make more of an effort to do that and I've slipped lately. You're right about him thinking in terms of problems that need to be solved...it would help to have more women to share my day to day with.
/r/RedPillWives27/07/16 04:32 PM
4

This is it exactly!!
/r/RedPillWives21/07/16 01:00 AM
6

This is timely for me. I've been dealing with a lot of extended family lately...they are all good loving people but wow, so negative! As soon as we get together the judgements begin. The tricky part, for me, is that it's all phrased in a jokey, teasing way so that I can never quite pinpoint what's making me feel bad! But I always leave our visits feeling worn out!
/r/RedPillWives20/07/16 11:34 PM
5

Of course! I'm sure it'll seem very very basic to you... Every day I have a morning and evening routine. Morning: Make breakfast; make lunch for husband Wash dishes, clean counters and stove top, wipe table and high chair, sweep floor Water plants as needed Evening: After dinner, wash dishes, clean counters, stove, table, sweep floor. Tidy up any toys, books, etc that are still out (but I am working really hard on cleaning as I go and getting the kids to do more cleaning so that the clutter does…
/r/RedPillWives18/07/16 03:56 PM
6

The good: I created a cleaning schedule too! I was afraid I'd feel trapped by it, but so far I love it. The house is clean and I don't get flustered wondering which chore to tackle first. I had a hectic week with extended family in town and more work to do than usual, but for the most part I kept my cool. A few times I could feel myself revving up to get bitchy but I restrained myself. The bad / ugly: I had a stupid misunderstanding with my husband and instead of addressing it I just went to sle…
/r/RedPillWives18/07/16 03:27 PM
2

This post really made me think -- I think I have a lower dominance threshold than I'd realized! Likes: Clear communication. I love being able to tell my husband when I'm upset about something, and knowing that he'll listen to me carefully. I also love that he will cut me off if I start going on and on about my moods : ) I DON'T like when we have bad communication. Sometimes I tell him about a concrete problem and he's totally silent. It always turns out that he's thinking about a way he can fix …
/r/RedPillWives16/07/16 04:08 PM
1

I second all the advice here about taking responsibility for your own life and not blaming your problems on your mother! I know I tend to do that too...victim hood is a tough habit to break. That's what I really appreciate about this place: nobody lets you get away with it. Besides that, it sounds like you're feeling stressed about your nursing school applications. I know I act badly when I'm feeling stressed out and insecure. The pressure builds up inside and I look for someone to attack and un…
/r/RedPillWives15/07/16 05:21 PM
3

In my experience, little kids ask questions for 2 different kinds of reasons: because they genuinely want to know, or because they know that asking questions is an acceptable way of acting kind of pest : ) Around age 2, kids start asking "why" a lot. Sometimes they really want to kmow why. But a lot of the time, they just want to keep the conversation going, and "why" is an easy way to do that. Some parents tie themselves up in knots explaining the meaning of the universe to their 2 year olds; o…
/r/RedPillWives13/07/16 06:59 PM
6

The part about the doctor's office made me laugh because I DO offer my kids a small treat if they are good at the doctor's. And being good means not screaming and fussing. I think it's all about balance. I do really encourage my kids to be in touch with their feelings, to recognize when they're angry or sad or whatever. I think that's important. But I also think that learning self-control is hugely important. So I tell them, for example, I know you're scared of getting that shot, it's fine to be…
/r/RedPillWives13/07/16 03:45 PM
6

Ironically, I find that helicopter parents also tend to be much too critical of their kids. All that hovering and micro managing makes them obsess over every little move the kids make...which tends to lead to perfectionism and criticism. Helicopter parenting is so normal in my neighborhood that I have to constantly remind myself to BACK OFF! I do think that, even as helicopter ing becomes the new normal, we are failing to protect kids' innocence. I don't think very small kids should know about t…
/r/RedPillWives10/07/16 04:28 PM
1

I have a rough schedule for jobs like laundry, deep cleaning bathroom and kitchen, changing sheets...I guess I need to schedule in things like dusting, washing floors, so that I don't just wait for them to drive me nuts before I do them. But honestly, what really drives me nuts are the endless daily tasks: washing dishes, cleaning up toddler food messes, sweeping bread crumbs, supervising toy clean-ups. Well, maybe if I had everything else running smoothly, I'd be cheerier about the other stuff.
/r/RedPillWives06/07/16 03:40 PM
3

Thanks for this, I really appreciate it. I guess it all comes down to being more organized and focused, and less emotional about the whole thing. I've tried to make schedules in the past and it feels wonderful to be on track -- I always fall off track eventually but I guess that's no reason not to get back on schedule. I still wish I had a magic housework wand to wave...I guess I will focus on training the kids so that they can take over more of the work as they get older.
/r/RedPillWives06/07/16 03:13 PM
3

I think you're right. Somehow I need to shed this grumpy attitude, because I'm stuck in a bad pattern here...
/r/RedPillWives06/07/16 03:09 PM
3

I kind of struggle with this. My mother was kind of a domestic dictator; as a child I used to wonder why she was so often grumpily cleaning rather than having fun with us. Still, her house was always clean and fresh and orderly. Maybe I unwittingly became a domestic dictator after the kids were born. I am not a great housekeeper, but I do have high standards, and I'm always frustrated that I can't live up to them. I can see myself falling into my mother's patterns, grumbling as I clean and resen…
/r/RedPillWives06/07/16 01:43 PM
1

Sorry you are dealing with this. I wonder though: is it at all possible that you're exaggerating this problem? You said he's working long hours, playing golf, and acting disengaged...but you also said he's a doctor, so I assume he always worked long hours and he probaby alays player golf. Is it possible that his routine isn't that different, but that you're more aware of the long hours now that you're home with a newborn all day, depirved of adult company : ) I have been there too, I know it can…
/r/RedPillWives01/07/16 06:22 PM
10

This girl sounds insane. There's a big difference between control and boundaries. The boyfriend in the story didn't try to lock her up in the basement, he just respected himself enough to leave a woman who was going to another country with her ex. This has never actually come up for me. But if my husband didn't want me to travel with someone, I would respecially his wishes. I'd ask him WHY he didn't want me to go, because I'd want to understand his thinking. And I'd also want to make sure that h…
/r/RedPillWives29/06/16 06:31 PM
5

I LOVE cooking and I have to really force myself to clean...for me, cooking is creative, whereas cleaning is the very opposite of creative, you're just putting things back the way they were before! I love to cook for the people in my family but I can be shy cooking for those I don't know well. The article made it seem that cookers are more expansive whereas cleaners are more inner-focused...I'm definitely inner-focused. Cooking is one of the ways I look inwards and center myself.
/r/RedPillWives28/06/16 10:52 PM
2

I lIke this : ) Our fundamental selves don't change, but we can choose to develop different aspects of ourselves that may have been dormant. Ir, we can give in to our lazy fat sides : )
/r/RedPillWives21/06/16 05:19 PM
2

Well to some extent I agree: if you have good social skills in high school, then you will likely always have good social skills, and if you were shy and noncomformist, you will also remain that way! But the world outside of high school is a whole lot bigger, and so the simple high school hierarchy no longer applies in many situations. Things change. We all either try, or fail, to improve ourselves -- we try, or fail, to find the right niche for ourselves. I've definitely met former cheerleaders …
/r/RedPillWives21/06/16 04:26 PM
3

Yeah of course. Within the larger context of the school, we were low value. But what I meant was, within our group, we did not consider each other to be low value...we liked each other, we desired each other. The writer makes it sound like drama kids can't truly desire each other because only the football players are desirable. I just don't think that's true!
/r/RedPillWives21/06/16 03:37 PM
5

I think it's bizarre that the writer says that the drama club kids aren't capable of truly desiring each other. That makes it sound like our desires are entirely controlled by social hierarchy and people on the lower rungs will never be happy...what a sad thought. This was not my experience at all. In high school I hung out with the other outsiders and the nerds...we were all late bloomers so we started dating later than the popular crowd did, but once we did, I don't remember any sense at all t…
/r/RedPillWives21/06/16 02:40 PM
2

I stay at home, but I have kids and a work-from-home job, so, different situation. I think in your place, I'd struggle a little with boredom. Keeping the house clean and making dinner is not going to take up a lot of your time, and if you're not careful to stay organized and active, you might find time sitting heavy on your hands. Personally, if I were you I'd take this time to go back to school. That way, you will have an automatic social outlet and a sense of purpose. Otherwise, as someone sai…
/r/RedPillWives20/06/16 05:17 PM
1

I think sometimes, we want so badly to feel SAFE and CARED FOR that it's easy to get resentful when we aren't getting those feelings. I don't know, maybe I'm just projecting and if so, sorry! A couple of months ago my husband was having real job struggles. He was at risk of losing his job and totally refused to even look for a new one -- instead he insisted on fighting to keep his job. I was totally freaked out, because it left us in a tense limbo and it made me terrified that I might have to go…
/r/RedPillWives15/06/16 06:38 PM
2

For what it's worth, I'm sure he doesn't really want to dip into your inheritance. If he's anything like my husband, he might just be talking out loud and preparing himself for the worst worst worst possible scenario, ie you both get hit by lightning and can't work for two years. I'm sure he doesn't realize that you're latching out to what he says and taking it seriously...
/r/RedPillWives15/06/16 03:38 PM
4

Glad I'm not the only one! I am completely challenged in the decorating department. I like to think our house is "charming" because it's furnished largely from the thrift store...but sometimes I wish I was better at creating a beautiful home. Anyone want to write a tutorial??
/r/RedPillWives15/06/16 03:35 PM
1

If I'm reading your replies right, you each have a six month emergency fund, is that right? So you shouldn't even have to think about touching your inheritance for a year. I'm sure that within a year, you'll have a new job and your husband's position will have taken off. I agree with everyone that as far as possible you should try to pinch pennies and not dip into your savings. But with two emergency funds, IRAs, AND an inheritance, I guess this doesn't seem like such a dire financial situation …
/r/RedPillWives15/06/16 03:19 PM
2

All this is premised on the idea that lots of women don't want to have sex with their husbands! And I don't know of that's actually true, or if it's just a kind of sad cliche... I think its really depressing that we have this stereotype that married women are always turning down sex, and then at the same time every magazine aimed at young women is full of stories about one night stands, hook ups, etc etc. And I don't think it has to be this way. There are plenty of old married women who still se…
/r/RedPillWives14/06/16 06:38 PM
1

: ) totally agree. Of course no pregnant woman should be carrying heavy loads, and it is important to feel cared for when you're pregnant but I think all that "pampering" talk is weirdly destructive!
/r/RedPillWives04/06/16 02:34 PM
1

Yes! And it was mostly my single friends who kept score for me. I don't know where this comes from but there is so much anxiety attached to it!
/r/RedPillWives04/06/16 02:28 PM
1

Yes. And really, I find it bizarre that feminists urge women to become utterly helpless during pregnancy. Suddenly "strong independent women" turn into fragile flowers, all in the name of women's rights? I mean obviously men should treat their pregnant wives (and their wives in general) with love and care, but the way it often gets presented is out of control.
/r/RedPillWives04/06/16 02:23 PM
2

Thanks for posting this! I have struggled with score keeping CONSTANTLY since having kids. Before that, there was never a problem, we had an easy and fluid system for getting everything done. After kids, he started to work harder, and there was also a LOT more housework so I felt really overwhelmed when it fell on my shoulders. That's when I became a score keeper. I also feel like a lot of people ENCOURAGED me to keep score. From the time I got pregnant, I was constantly being asked if he was do…
/r/RedPillWives02/06/16 06:23 PM
10

This has been a really interesting discussion...I'm still just as horrified by Roosh's post but I understand better WHY it's so horrifying to me. Women make dumb choices. Roosh spends a lot of time talking about this one -- he's so eager to prove it that he throws in a lot of things, like educational and voting choices, that are by no means unique to women. But sure, some of the bad decisions women make are absolutely unique to women: getting pregnant out of wedlock, say, with no means of suppor…
/r/RedPillWives01/06/16 02:22 AM
2

I've seen that and never understood why. I get that some women use "travel" as code for no string attached, spring break style loose behavior. But there's also plenty of women who behave badly right here at home, or who use other code words (karaoke night, happy hour, whatever!) so I don't get why travel gets such a stigma... Anyway, that's just a side note. My point was more that I know plenty of women looking for commitment and plenty of men who claim they are not ready to settle down yet.
/r/RedPillWives01/06/16 12:17 AM
7

I don't know. The men I know -- well, I think the best men DO commit, I mean the most confident, capable, warm hearted men. But there's a whole strata of men who just noodle along through their twenties and thirties and into their forties because they're in no rush to settle down. I am not sure what's going to change that man-child culture! I guess what I'm trying to say is that the problems Roosh is pointing to are pretty real but I don't think they can be fixed just by all men controlling all …
/r/RedPillWives31/05/16 11:46 PM
6

Haha, inbred low IQ warlords! I agree that the idea of involving the government makes this seem particularly awful. Do you mean that traditional European patriarchy is more family-based?
/r/RedPillWives31/05/16 11:28 PM
1

Hm.What kinds of rights are you thinking about? Roosh's jab at women who travel the world in order to "find themselves" made me laugh, since I can think of SO MANY MEN who talk that way about their travels. Whereas the women I know, for years every time they go on a trip fantasize about finding their dream man and settling down... I
/r/RedPillWives31/05/16 11:23 PM
3

Also -- there's a lot of wonderful men out there, sure. I have a strong wonderful husband. But there's also plenty of awful men out there! So any system where women are going to be automatically under a man's control, well, things aren't going to add up unless you also create a system for getting the lower-value men to shape up. Ive been told before that this site doesn't talk about how men should behave because we're focusing on women's behavior...but if you're saying women have to be under mal…
/r/RedPillWives31/05/16 11:15 PM
2

Got it. Thanks for answering : )
/r/RedPillWives31/05/16 11:03 PM
11

Okay. Where to begin...I think it's bizarre that Roosh mentions the Muslim world as a shining example of how to treach women. Are we meant to be imitating Saudi Arabia, which chiefly exports terrorism? Are we trying to be more like the Muslim Brotherhood? Most of the examples about the allegedly poor choices women make -- voting for handsome idiots and getting expensivr liberal degrees, for example -- well, men make those very same mistakes. Should everyone who studies pottery or votes stupidly …
/r/RedPillWives31/05/16 11:02 PM
9

Is this meant as satire, or is it serious? Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs but if this is meant seriously then I guess I've totally misunderstood what this sub is about.
/r/RedPillWives31/05/16 10:37 PM
7

I'm confused -- I read the comments on the Female Social Matrix post and I guess I don't see the problem. Almost everyone agreed with the idea behind Ian's post. But his post is theory, and how else are we supposed to deal with theory other than by engaging with it? Examining it from various angles, poking it to see if it holds water, etc. I am honestly confused. What kinds of responses what this post meant to provoke?
/r/RedPillWives29/05/16 04:18 PM
3

What an interesting article! It rings very true for me -- and yes, I see tiny girls in the playground already playing intensely social games, constantly reorganizing their own little hierarchies. One thing, though -- while the FSM may seem disfunctional compared to the super straightforward, goal-oriented male matrix, there are still plenty of situations where the flexible hierarchy of the FSM is useful. The obvious one that comes to mind is childcare. Women work really well together when they h…
/r/RedPillWives29/05/16 12:08 PM
3

Thanks! I get tripped up a lot by "urgent but not important" - as well as "important but not urgent," ie breadmaking- good to keep in mind.
/r/RedPillWives27/05/16 09:27 PM
3

: ) may just do that. Although I'm pretty happy with my weekly Moleskin...the issue is more remembering to use it!
/r/RedPillWives27/05/16 09:25 PM
2

This post is AMAZING!! Thanks
/r/RedPillWives27/05/16 04:38 PM
1

Thanks! I had a good rhythm going with schedules but my new boss will do things like call me with a quick question when I'm in the middle of something, and it totally throws me off. I guess I need to get better at dealing with those quick questions quickly and not letting them get me unfocused. A list of things that need to get done every day is a great idea. Editing to say this was meant as a response to SuperSlavisWife...
/r/RedPillWives27/05/16 04:35 PM
2

Wow, thanks for this. It really hits home. First of all, I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets stuck in the boom-and-bust cycle! And second, I know that you're right about aiming for neutral. It's just harder for me to aim for "neutral" than to crazily aim for "superwoman". The other day, in the midst of doing my extra work, I decided I should ALSO be baking bread (doesn't every good mother bake the family's bread? It's ridiculous, the ideas that run through my head). Being superwoman is SO uns…
/r/RedPillWives27/05/16 02:31 PM
2

I've been having a LOT of hamster moments lately. I'm a SAHM but I also have a part-time job that I do from home. It's always been a very very easy, no-stress job -- but recently I got a new boss and wow, I have a lot more work than before. I really hope that either the workload evens out or I adapt, but right now I'm struggling to re balance work, kids, housework, relationship. And I keep getting mad at my husband because he is not taking over my duties. Don't get me wrong, he is helping, but n…
/r/RedPillWives20/05/16 05:36 PM
2

I tend to worry also. There was a beautiful post here a few days ago, about the difference between smashing down your feelings and accepting them. So, rather than trying to force yourself not to feel worried, accept that yes, you feel afraid. Somehow taking that approach -- rather than trying desperately to distract myself from the fear -- helps me to calm down more truly and quickly. Once when I was worried about my kids for some silly reason my father said something like, this fear comes out o…
/r/RedPillWives12/05/16 04:33 PM
5

I dont know if this is RP advice, but i really believe there are times when you have to tell your man that a situation is hard for you to deal with. Yes, obviously you have to be understanding of his extremely tough work schedule, especially since he is working for your shared future. Yes you have to be supportive. But it's only natural to be upset if he is really never available for you -- if he always asks you to "knock it off" when you talk, or never has time for a real conversation, or works…
/r/RedPillWives08/05/16 11:40 PM
2

Absolutely! For my parents, there was really no way they could have afforded to help. And they were always straightforward about that.
/r/RedPillWives03/05/16 06:46 PM
3

I hear you! Although frankly, my parents never paid a penny for our college education -- it was always understood that we'd have to work our way through. But I think the cost has really skyrocketed so maybe that's not possible any more...
/r/RedPillWives03/05/16 06:31 PM
6

I agree. I have a degree in a pretty impractical subject...but having that degree, and some work experience, allows me to earn pretty good money working just a few hours a week from home. I'm a stay at home mom but I'm also able to contribute a bit to our income. I am happy to be home with my kids, but I was always happy in my work life and I like still feeling connected to the working world. My college debt is almost paid off actually -- I worked very hard as a student, always had scholarships …
/r/RedPillWives03/05/16 06:13 PM
5

Off the top of my head, I can think of 2 women I know who moved across the country to be with a boyfriend. One was a close girlfriend of mine. She had never spent more than a week outside of our city -- and she wasn't engaged -- but she loved her boyfriend and really believed in his plan. She's kind of my model for supportive, feminine behavior, although she has her own issues, but that's not my point here. She moved with him and really threw herself into their new life: got a job she loved, dev…
/r/RedPillWives24/04/16 03:28 PM
2

To me, one problem is that, as you say, you look to your husband too much for reassurance. You are feeling anxious about all this debt and you want him to take that anxiety away, either by getting a better job, or by telling you to get a job. But he's not taking away your anxiety, and you resent him for it. I think you need to learn to live with a little anxiety. Debt is stressful, but it's not the end of the world. Besides, with three small kids, the cost of daycare might swallow up your whole …
/r/RedPillWives17/04/16 01:42 PM
7

The author isn't saying that these things are awful and horrid. She's saying that these things -- love and generosity -- are more important than short-term happiness. Aure, in a good marriage, most of the time being loving and generous will also make you happy. But in a long marriage, there will also be times when your spouse needs something that's tough! My grandmother often told me about my grandfather's but of depression when he hit middle age. He became withdrawn and distant, and less suppor…
/r/RedPillWives09/04/16 04:09 PM
1

My husband is a lot like this -- very strong and driven, and determined, absolutely determined to be self-employed and avoid compromising his integrity in any way. I love this about him. But it does mean that he works a LOT of hours doing freelance work. And, like your guy, he often needs to talk and talk and talk about his work issues. I try to be a loving and supportive listener but sometimes it brings me down. Like some have said, for me the best solution has been to be remain positive around…
/r/RedPillWomen07/04/16 01:48 PM
1

I hear you. Still, ugh, that title rubbed me the wrong way. Glad everyone else was able to get past it : )
/r/RedPillWives06/04/16 06:12 PM
1

I dont think it's ludicrous to say women give up something when they get married. But i also dont think its a bad thing. To put it another way: I think for a lot of women -- myself included -- getting married and having babies means CHANGING our dreams. Amending our dreams. I actually think that's a good thing, it's part of the process of maturity, learning to be a good wife and mother and put others first. But it's definitely a process.
/r/RedPillWives06/04/16 06:00 PM
2

I get what you're saying, but the headline calls women "ball busting shrews" and wow, I don't see why it had to be so hostile! That's why I wanted to point out, sure, men give up things, so do women, and yeah, let's try to understand each other...
/r/RedPillWives06/04/16 05:58 PM
3

But this says that for a woman, marriage is the fulfilment of all her lifelong dreams. And I just don't think that's true. A lot of women have dreams which are not just pink collar fantasies. Just as men have a lot of dreams! Sure, I get that this article is about the man's side. I'm just pointing out that on some level, marriage is the end of liberty for BOTH people. And maybe that's not such a bad thing. By coming together we can create something bigger and more meaningful than our own selfish…
/r/RedPillWives06/04/16 05:42 PM
2

Interesting article, but I think it leaves out the struggle on the woman's aide. This makes it sound like a woman's only dream, ever, is to be a wife and mother. Yes, that's a wonderful dream. But every woman has to figure out how to reconcile her individual needs with her role as a wife and mother...just as every man has to reconcile his individual desires with his role as a husband and father. We all give up SOME THING to be part of a larger whole. I just don't think it's helpful to pretend th…
/r/RedPillWives06/04/16 05:18 PM
5

Congratulations!! Sadly, I think women are really encouraged to expect princess treatment during pregnancy. When I got pregnant for the first time, people who barely even knew me immediately asked whether my husband was being "a good husband" and "pampering" me...it's weird, the expectations that are set up. Remember, you are still a couple, enjoy each other! You will probably be more tired than usual in the first trimester, so you should try and make some arrangement (OTHER than expecting your …
/r/RedPillWomen31/03/16 12:08 PM
2

Are you sure that he didn't want you to just stay by his side? Maybe he would have liked to have you there, even if you weren't necessarily getting as deeply into the conversation as he was. All men are different, so I wouldn't just assume that he wants you to work the room while he does the same -- he might be very happy to have you peacefully keeping him company. This man must have known you were fairly introverted when he chose you -- why assume that he wants you to change?
/r/RedPillWomen25/03/16 12:35 PM
1

I try to get lots of exercise -- I like fitness blender too! And I like to stay active in little ways too: I try to stand rather than sit, walk rather than ride a bus or subway, and bustle around clearing up after dinner rather than relax immediately on the couch! All that activity keeps me from mindless snacking. Because no matter how much I work out, the best way to stay fit is to just not eat when I'm not hungry. For those evenings when I want to have a glass of wine with my husband and snack…
/r/RedPillWomen22/03/16 01:12 PM
-1

As you said, it is stressful having a new baby -- but I'd imagine it's a hundred times more stressful if you come from an abusive home. Your husband probably doesn't have any good models for parenting and must feel lost. Sometimes that kind of anxiety can make people behave badly. I'm not trying to excuse him insulting the baby. That would be devastating for me too. But it sounds like he's terrified of doing something wrong, and he can't tell the little things (like clothing choices) from the bi…
/r/RedPillWomen21/03/16 05:41 PM
2

This is good advice! I do find, though, that I sometimes go too far in the opposite direction -- as an introvert, I sometimes tend to bottle up my little problems rather than share them, and inevitably, this leads not to peace but to resentment. I realize this is MY problem, which has affected me throughout my life, in my relationships with family and friends too. I have to remind myself to tell my husband (in a calm way) about all the little problems affecting our household and kids, because if…
/r/RedPillWomen21/03/16 12:33 PM
1

The good: I've been doing a pretty decent job affirming my husband. I had somehow forgotten how much he loves to HEAR that I believe in him. It just takes a few words and makes a world of difference. The bad: things have felt a little hectic and I have a tendency to start feeling sorry for myself. I am really sttuggling with this -- I've managed not to grumble out loud, but I'm kind of sulking on the inside. Its been rainy and cold, and painters are working in our apartment so I have to keep the…
/r/RedPillWomen16/03/16 01:10 PM
2

I agree one thousand percent about not initiating contact! It is SO wonderful to be courted by a man, and I think that for men, courting, pursuing is also a wonderful experience. I think it just starts the relationship off on the right foot. And come on, do you really think a man who doesn't have the courage to call you on the phone would make a good captain of your ship? Obviously, as others have said there are feminine ways to flirt and indicate interest. You shouldn't be slamming doors shut i…
/r/RedPillWomen13/03/16 02:27 PM
1

A spring lamb! That sounds so hopeful. Your winter sounds tough, with a broken pelvis on top of the usual sick kids and nasty weather...by the summer, though, your baby will be able to sit and play and you'll hopefully feel a little freer. Running sounds like a wonderful release and can I say, you sound very strong.
/r/RedPillWomen06/03/16 09:56 PM
1

Octavia, are your oldest kids old enough to babysit the little ones sometimes so that you can go out and have some time to yourself? I only have two kids and, while obviously I am crazy about them, I really do value my moments away from them... Similarly, can your kids help with housework and with all the work that goes into hosting guests? That might make it less daunting to get reconnected to your old friends. Your husband is probably dealing with all kids of stresses that you don't realize. I…
/r/RedPillWomen06/03/16 08:48 PM
2

Yes, I've seen that nitpicking dynamic!
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/16 07:30 PM
1

I see. Well, maybe hanging out with this guy as a friend will be good practice -- maybe it'll help you get over the sheer fear of men so that you're ready when the right guy comes along. Edit to say I see the point about NOT using men to practice on. Very good point.
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/16 07:05 PM
1

You seem very, very focused on figuring out how dominant this man is, but I don't really understand what that means to you. Do you want a dominant man? Are you afraid of a dominant man? It's not clear which is true for you. Also, I can't tell from this post whether you actually like this man or just enjoy his pursuit of you. Id say, stop worrying so much about evaluating him, just decide whether you enjoy his company. If you do, then make that clear to him -- touch his arm, smile, laugh, and tel…
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/16 05:21 PM
7

I think a clear division of roles is important. In my house, we pretty much divide responsibilities along gender lines -- and it works beautifully, because we each respect what the is doing and take an interest in it. But I also know plenty of women who work full time outside the home -- not because they are necessarily career driven and ambitious, but because they and their husbands have decided that they need the money. These women still end up doing the housework, the shopping, the doctor's a…
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/16 03:10 PM
3

I suffer from similar insecurity and have really been appreciating the comments here! Thanks especially for that analogy about the colander and the advice to just pause and let yourself feel the insecurity before rushing to fill the void with words. What a lovely, helpful piece of advice! I think I'm older than the OP so I'll just add that for me, at least, the struggle to deal with my own insecurity has never quite gone away and I need to periodically remind myself of it. This may be coming up …
/r/RedPillWomen04/03/16 02:08 PM
2

Do you find him attractive, though? This field report is a little confusing and it's not clear whether you're frightened or attracted. All you've said is that he's assertive and knows how to lead! Those are wonderful masculine qualities but you do need to like the man as well. Especially if you have a history of being scared of men...
/r/RedPillWomen02/03/16 02:05 PM
1

The good: I had a big inner struggle accepting one of my husband's decisions. (I posted about it and people really helped me out.) I've been working on being supportive and understanding, which he appreciates, and it's made me feel really close to him. I also kept up my exercise routine, went to yoga class, and started reading a new book JUST FOR FUN because I'm trying to keep up my self-care. The bad: I'm a little overwhelmed with work. I'm a stay at home mom but I do some freelance work -- rig…
/r/RedPillWomen29/02/16 05:10 PM
2

I'm not against arranged marriage as an idea...and I'm sure it works in some cultures. In our society, I don't know. 18 years old seems terribly young to be making a lifetime commitment. Some 18 year olds in America are mature enough to settle down, sure. Others are barely more than children and are still in flux. At 18, I had a very sweet boyfriend...but we were both SO immature, we were lIke co-dependent children. There is no way he was ready to support a wife and family...just as there's no w…
/r/RedPillWomen29/02/16 02:54 PM
1

But also, make sure he knows about your friends' wonderful attributes! You said they've been good friends to you, so make sure he knows about the times they've been there for you. It sounds like you and he agree on values, which means that if you show him the VALUABLE aspects of your friends (as opposed to their club-hopping side) he may grow to appreciate them too...
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/16 07:23 PM
3

I read a study (can't find it now) attributing the wage gap to the fact that many women either drop out of thw workforce after having kids, or else choose jobs with flexible hours and the option to work from home, so that they can care for their children . Obviously those more flexible jobs don't pay as much. Makes sense to me, and feel like a sensible trade-off. Of course, that study really only addressed highly efucated, professional women.
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/16 06:39 PM
3

I think this is a really good point. I flinch a little at the idea of training my brain and controlling my thoughts but then it hit me -- I have spent so much time training myself to be negative! When I'm upset about something, I tend to create an internal monologue to work myself up to be MORE upset! So why not take that energy and apply it in a positive direction? I'll look at the books you suggest. .
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/16 02:39 PM
4

I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who gave me advice yesterday. I did apologize to my husband, briefly (didn't want to dwell on the fact that I'd doubted him) and when he got home, made it clear that I supported him and was behind him. Now, my husband is a strong guy, so sometimes even I forget how much he needs to feel supported -- he started beaming, told me how wonderful I make his life, and even started to discuss his own doubts and fears. It was SO MUCH BETTER than me express…
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/16 03:29 PM
1

Very true...he does a lot for the household, not only in terms of providing, but also in terms of teaching the kids, playing with them, fixing things around the house, and intangible things... setting a really happy family mood.
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/16 07:09 PM
1

Yes. I know that what he does is draining too -- and I really do know that he does a lot for me and our kids. Not only in terms of working hard but in daily household life as well. I'm not forgetting that, I'm just trying to find a way to get over my own sense of being drained, so that I can be more THERE for everyone.
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/16 06:54 PM
3

Thanks, that's really helpful advice. But also, in your mother's defense -- and in my defense -- the trouble with having a husband who works a lot is that it means the day to day responsibilities of the household and kids fall on your shoulders, by default. And that can be kind of draining. This thread has made me think a lot about how I need to look for ways to nurture myself and make time for my own interests, instead of getting buried under the domestic stuff. I don't mean I want to neglect d…
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/16 06:21 PM
2

Nicely put...he is fighting for something that is his. The sentiment is kind of hard for me to relate to but it is pretty much EXACTLY how he would put it himself! Thanks.
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/16 05:49 PM
2

Yeah, maybe you are right. Not maybe. I'll apologize...
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/16 04:09 PM
2

Well, I am looking at how it affects our family life -- I wish he had a job with fewer hours and less stress, because I think that'd be better for all of us. But from his point of view, this is work that he feels passionately about, and that allows him to support us so that I can stay at home. It really means a lot to me to be home with our kids, we are thinking of homeschooling them and thats an exciting idea for me. He's really supportive about that. Hm, it's nice to write down all this positi…
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/16 04:03 PM
2

I know. I know. Thanks for reminding me. I haven't been voicing my opinion but I have been a little sulky and I need to let go of that. I guess I'm finding this to be a bitter pill to swallow!
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/16 03:51 PM
2

Thanks. And thanks for the reminder that I chose him -- it actually helps, thinking back to those early days and remembering that he is the same guy : ) I know I need to be supportive now, I am just looking for advice on how to get over myself so I can do that!
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/16 03:46 PM
2

Thanks so much for this, and thanks for understanding that it is tough! That really helps. I've been feeling terribly conflicted -- wanting to be supportive, feeling guilty for not being supportive, and at the same time wondering if I should keep pushing my opinion! I saw your question about someone to vent to in the other thread and actually that's what got me thinking. I don't have a lot of people to vent to, which does make it tougher. But I do have someone in mind I can reach out to, and tha…
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/16 03:22 PM
1

I have never been through a residency, but my husband works long hours...I agree that it's important not to do a lot of negative venting -- don't dump your minor problems all over him. And be patient, be positive, be a cheerleader. He is doing this for both of you. But still, I do think you guys need to stay connected, and that means not only listening to him but also talking to him about your life, your studies, even your problems. I think that connection to you and to the world outside his res…
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/16 01:03 PM
2

Honestly, I think you might be a little hard on yourself. I think neuropsychology is one of those fields that a lot of people find interesting --and have strong opinions about -- without truly understanding, and I'm not surprised that plenty of guys seem to kind of have a chip on their shoulders about your field. It's like the way some people have strong attitudes about investment bankers, or astronauts...maybe instead of second guessing your instincts about these guys you should trust yourself …
/r/RedPillWomen22/02/16 12:47 PM
6

Everyone is giving you great advice about not dismissing people as "simple" and I couldn't agree more. I'd add that you might need to look for a new outlet for your intellectual energy. If you used to get a kick out of ranting about feminism, wekl, it's great you've stopped doing that but maybe you need something new to write about? Cultivate your interests, read a good book, don't get the idea in your head that being feminine means being simple.
/r/RedPillWomen14/02/16 02:19 PM
4

I really like the way you put this -- the idea of women looking for fulfillment in the relationship as opposed to men looking for fulfillment outside of it. Thank ypu!
/r/RedPillWomen06/02/16 05:38 PM
21

I don't know, I mean it's cute, and I guess the part about what women expect is kind of accurate, but it also kind of reduces the man. My husband definitely wants more from me than just food, sex, and being left in peace...he wants me to share his passions, listen to his dreams, admire his hard work, play with him. I actually feel like sometimes I read something on the Internet about how "simple" men are and I experiment with treating my husband in this "simple" way but he does not appreciate it…
/r/RedPillWomen06/02/16 04:58 PM
1

Do you mind me asking, how did you get started finding work? I do some freelance writing too, but it's for art blogs and literary magazines and it pays pennies; I do it because I love it, but I'd love to find a way to make some extra income off of it.
/r/RedPillWomen04/02/16 10:50 PM
2

It sounds like you're in a very tough position -- you're both very young and inexperiejced, and, as you say, your country is in an economic crisis. Normally, I would say that you should not be accepting help from your parents --- but these are extraordinary circumstances. It sounds like your husband is a little depressed. Maybe it would help to talk about your big picture goals? Sometimes thinking about the future can be energizing. Will it be easier for him to find work once he has a degree? Ha…
/r/RedPillWomen04/02/16 01:44 PM
2

You sound like a lovely friend! For me, it meant a lot to have people come over, hold the baby, and have a little tea and cake with me. My mom used to come over bringing some silly present for the baby, something sweet for me, AND lots of encouragement and solid advice...plus she'd wash the dishes. Those visits meant a lot to me, especially if I'd been up half the night with a fussy baby! Oh, and my husband would take the baby out for walks and then come back with takeout for dinner -- little th…
/r/RedPillWomen03/02/16 01:23 PM
2

Hm, maybe it would help if you told him, directly, what you need from him in that moment? I don't mean that you should order him around : ) just say something like, I'm feeling kind of low about myself and I can't help but compare myself to my friend -- can you build me up a little? I don't know if this is Red Pill advice. My other thought is, if you're more in the mood for wallowing and having a pity party (sometimes you have to!) go to a girlfriend, or write in a journal.
/r/RedPillWomen01/02/16 12:44 AM
3

I know what you mean. It gets harder to be generous about your husband's night out when you've been alone with the kids all day! Of course, that doesn't mean we shouldn't be working to overcome those selfish impulses. I think part of what feels "off" to me in the original post is how very dependent the writer is on her husband. If she had girlfriends, sisters, a mother who could keep her company, it would be easier for her to be generous with her husband. I know that's how it works for me, at le…
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/16 10:19 PM
2

It's tough being a new mother. Get as much fresh air as you can -- every day, put the baby in his stroller and go for a long walk. Also, look for ways to meet other moms. Does your library have a baby story time? Or is there a local church with a regular baby playtime? At this age, your baby might not get much out of it, but YOU will get to be around other moms and have adult conversation. That should also take some of the pressure off of your relationship with your husband. And hopefully you'll…
/r/RedPillWomen27/01/16 06:34 PM
2

This is a lovely post, thanks! I've been thinking about it a lot, because I do have a few friends who like to tell me that I "deserve" to have nights out away from my kids -- or I "deserve" to go out to dinner with them -- etc. And it kind of hurts me. It's hard for me to do those things, because my kids are very small and my husband works long hours. I really value my old friends but sometimes it hurts to have to face those "you deserve" comments. I mean, I don't say to them, "you deserve to me…
/r/RedPillWomen27/01/16 12:55 PM
3

If I'm understanding correctly, sounds like you want more commitment from him. You want him to like kids...because someday you might want kids with him. You want him to like cats...because you have 2 cats. And you'd really like him to at least think about moving in with you. There is nothing wrong with wanting commitment! But you are going to drive yourself crazy looking for signs and meaning in every little thing he says. In general, how does he act/talk about your relationship? I do NOT mean t…
/r/RedPillWomen25/01/16 05:32 PM
1

Oh absolutely, I feel very sorry for all those husbands coming home to do endless chores. But that was definitely an issue for me to overcome. The root of it, I think, is that in my neighborhood (middle class part of a big city) there is a LOT of anxiety around child rearing. My kids aren't school age yet but already moms are stressed about monitoring their kids' development and giving them plenty of exactly the right kinds of interaction etc etc...it means that instead of kids being an organic …
/r/RedPillWomen25/01/16 03:40 PM
4

I always wanted to be a SAHM -- my mom stayed home with us, and I have very fond memories of parks, baking, simple at-home crafts. I feel like she taught us to appreciate the simplest, most important things in life, which is what I want to pass on to my own kids. We aren't rich but we have enough for our needs plus enough to save, so, I'm not worried financially. Being a SAHM has been a blessing for me, and my husband says the same. We'd both like it to continue as long as possible. My main issu…
/r/RedPillWomen25/01/16 01:59 PM
2

Hm, example 2 is the only one that seems problematic to me -- it sounds like you guys are turning this temperature issue into a power struggle, and you need to figure out a way around it. Why do you need to stay up to turn the AC back off at all? Can you use an extra blanket, or can he help you set an automatic timer on the AC so that it goes on and then off on its own? Like someone else said, this doesn't really seem like a Captain First Mate issue, it seems more like a logistical problem that'…
/r/RedPillWomen10/01/16 02:37 PM
2

I don't think anything is permanent, these are just stages in life that we move through...for a while, sure, having kids might redirect our energy (not that I myself was ever an award winning artist) but before long, they become more independent and we discover that creative energy again, maybe stronger than ever.
/r/RedPillWomen06/01/16 06:59 PM
1

I have so much trouble with this too...I don't have any advice, just empathy. Like poorsay, I also manage to do some (not much) freelance writing, which I suppose is easier because it comes with a deadline. I find it VERY tough to give myself permission to sit and write when there's always a child wanting attention, or a chore that needs to get done. I'm hoping that getting a little more organized with the housework will help, and I'm also trying to start writing a little bit -- even if it's jus…
/r/RedPillWomen02/01/16 07:56 PM
2

Is there any way you could do more of the weekly tasks instead of the daily housework? Maybe you could do things like laundry, or deep cleaning, on a Saturday as your contribution to the housework? And maybe you and your boyfriend could do a big grocery shop once a week? That way you'd have your mornings free to exercise, or whatever you like...
/r/RedPillWomen01/01/16 03:19 PM
3

Get more organized with the housework so I have more time for other things! Spend more time on my hobbies -- the only hobbies I've worked on regularly this year are cooking and baking, if you can even call those hobbies. I want to do more writing, reading, creative projects. Do a better job keeping up with the news. Practice my languages Spend more time with my childless friends. Because I love them, but also because I spend a little too much time talking about kids. Do a better job decorating m…
/r/RedPillWomen31/12/15 11:12 PM
1

From some of your responses to others, it sounds like your parents are divorced. I do think that divorced parents can be especially over protective. Frankly, in the back of their mind they know that they disrupted your childhood. Now, they want you to have all the stability and support possible. I think this makes some parents over emphasize the importance of soft, protective partners. I might be completely off base here. Mainly, trust that your parents love you but remember they may have their …
/r/RedPillWomen30/12/15 12:34 PM
2

I don't really see this as a communicaton issue. You told your boyfriend how you feel -- maybe you expressed yourself in a wishy washy way, but he definitely knows how you feel. And it's absolutely legitimate of you to be upset about this, whether or not he is actually having an affair. Stop trying to squash your own emotions!
/r/RedPillWomen19/12/15 08:43 PM
2

Oops, my post broke off! I meant to say, it sounds like you need to do some introspection and come to terms with your past and what you want for your life. I agree with others who'very said you need to look at how you're dressing, your behavior around men, etc. But also, try to find a man whom you are attracted to, not just someone you enjoy talking to.
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/15 12:08 AM
4

You were in a serious relationship from age 16 to 19? That's young to be in a long term relationship...sure, some people are ready to settle down at that age but for others it can be confusing. Sounds like you've been spending the last 5 years deliberately avoiding settling down -- you've beenoing from place to place, studying, living a very "youthful" life. Frankly, it sounds like you weren't ready for another relationship. Even the
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/15 12:03 AM
1

Sure, I'm against open relationships too. One thousand percent. But I'm puzzled by the angle here...why is this written as though open relationships are more a problem for men? I don't know any woman who'd be happy to enter an open relationship. It'd be considered a stigma and a sign that the man is likely to leave. I'm also surprised at the idea that women have more sexual power than men. I'd say about half my friends are single. They're getting neither alpha Fuchs nor beta bucks...they are lon…
/r/RedPillWomen17/12/15 05:09 PM
1

I'm very new here too, so, curious what others think. But yes, I take this approach too: say my piece and then leave it up to my husband to decide what to do. Obviously it's hard to change long-standing, ingrained behavior around mothers. But at least OP could make it clear to her husband that the behavior is a problem for her...and then leave it up to him to address it. To me, this would be wiser than trying to diagnose him...
/r/RedPillWomen14/12/15 01:23 PM
1

Thanks : ) I did read that post -- liked it very much.
/r/RedPillWomen13/12/15 06:20 PM
8

Sorry but I found this blog kind of disturbing...and it's making me realize that maybe RPW is not for me. I am absolutely on board with deferring to my husband, but I guess I don't mean the same thing as you all do...I mean, I'm respectful, I give him the final say on big decisions, I treat him lovingly and don't try to make him into a woman. I would NOT be happy if he ordered me to clean up the kitchen and then yelled, I want to you do what I say when I say it. I also wouldn't want to have to a…
/r/RedPillWomen13/12/15 02:22 PM
4

I'm very very new to this myself...the only thing I'd say is, and I think others have already said it, don't make this moment into a test of your husband's leadership skills. If he's not doing anything towards painting the walls and fixing the tiles, maybe he just isn't worried about those things -- most likely he's already evaluated them and decided that the tiles aren't a safety concern. He is probably worried about other issues. But I'd say that if you are going to be home all day with a new …
/r/RedPillWomen12/12/15 05:59 PM
2

Just a thought -- maybe don't worry too much about teaching your daughters to avoid your mistakes. They will already be aware of that issue. My mother went through almost exactly what you did -- married, stay at home mom with a degree but little work experience, and she had a VERY tough time financially when she and my Dad got divorced. She managed to take great care of us and provided us with a good stable home; she was incredible. HOWEVER I think she told us much too much about her struggle. I…
/r/RedPillWomen11/12/15 08:10 PM
1

Thanks Stingray and Tintedlipbalm, this helps! How can you tell the difference between hamstering and real concerns? I mean, in OP's example it was pretty obvious, but sometimes I find it hard to tell -- especially at certain times of the month -- whether I'm identifying real problems or just hamstering. Is this just a matter of being patient and logical?
/r/RedPillWomen11/12/15 06:52 PM
2

Thanks, this is an interesting read. So, if I'm understanding correctly, hamstering means burrowing into a negative imaginary world.
/r/RedPillWomen10/12/15 09:26 PM
3

I love this explanation of the hamster, thanks! I don't know if I'm understanding right but -- is there sort of a dark thrill in letting your hamster take over? Sometimes, just when I think I've fought off my irrational fears, my "hamster" jumps back on its wheel and starts running faster than ever. It always feels horrible and yet kind of cozy -- you know, the way that, say, eating cold pizza in your sweatpants can feel lousy and yet cozy. I'm very very new here so I'd love to hear what others …
/r/RedPillWomen10/12/15 08:36 PM
3

You sound like you feel really attacked! And of course, it must be painful to think that that all these years, when you thought your family was doing great, your husband was feeling kind of frustrated and unmanly. I can see where you'd feel confused and kind of blind sided! But according to your own post, he said that it's not about you -- it's about him trying to get in touch with his own masculinity. So think of yourself as lucky! Your husband becoming more manly can only be a good thing for y…
/r/RedPillWomen08/12/15 02:48 PM
2

I love the idea of keeping more toys put of reach, thanks!
/r/RedPillWomen07/12/15 10:49 PM
2

I like the sound of that book, thanks! All these responses are making me realize I need to declutter. I'll look for the book at the library (so as not to add to the clutter...)
/r/RedPillWomen07/12/15 10:48 PM
1

So true : ) it's hard to dust when there's a pile of clutter in your way!
/r/RedPillWomen07/12/15 10:47 PM
1

Thanks for the reminder of cleaning as you go...that definitely keeps stuff from building up!
/r/RedPillWomen07/12/15 10:46 PM
1

Thanks, I'll look into it!
/r/RedPillWomen07/12/15 10:45 PM
1

Yes! I didn't even realize how cluttered our place had gotten until getting these responses...I've always been so proud of being a minimalist, but stuff has built up over time.
/r/RedPillWomen07/12/15 10:45 PM
4

I really don't think you should be allowing your Dad to ask you questions about your sex life! Does he often ask you that kind of question? Personally, I wouldn't want to have my friends second-guessing me in that way either. You need to establish better boundaries with people. Get your friends and family out of your head so you can decide for yourself whether this relationship is working!! Only you can decide whether this man is right for you. Right now I can't help but feel a little sorry for …
/r/RedPillWomen03/12/15 06:10 PM
3

It's been a long time since I've been through this, but I think I know what you're going through. It is hard to get over this kind of crush, because you're in love with an idea, rather than a person. You are obsessing over trying to get this man's approval, trying to get him to think well of you, because you've decided that he's someone whose opinion you value. You want him to acknowledge you and admire you. But it doesn't sound like you're actually interested in a relationship with him -- you j…
/r/RedPillWomen30/11/15 03:21 PM
1

You're getting a lot of good advice already, and I especially agree with all those who've said you should try and go out more with your girlfriends -- that would probably take a lot of pressure off of your relationship, making you both much happier and more relaxed! Some other thoughts, though...is your guy under pressure from his friends to hang out with them, maybe the way they used to hang out "in the old days" when he was single? Is he feeling like he has to "prove" to them that he's still f…
/r/RedPillWomen29/11/15 03:09 PM
6

I'd be very cautious about getting into a situation where you are trying to "convince" your boyfriend that you're worthy of marrying him. Yes, we should all be striving to improve ourselves, and yes, you should be working on your eating issues and on your stress-management skills. But frankly, you are six months into a relationship and it seems to me that you should still be in the honeymoon period! You should be saying, I love this man and I want to improve myself to become the best partner I c…
/r/RedPillWomen25/11/15 07:29 PM
2

We very rarely fight -- we get along well, and my husband is a patient guy : ) But sure, fights do happen, and I don't think they always have to be a bad thing, as lon as they are good clean fights. For a while we were struggling over some parenting issues. (They felt huge at the time but now i cant quite remember what they were.) We'd gotten into a bad dynamic where I was nagging and he was becoming incommunicative. Fighting cleared the air! It gave us the chance to "talk" about what we wanted …
/r/RedPillWomen20/11/15 06:36 PM
7

Makes sense that this list wasn't actually written in the 1950s. I try to do most of these things anyway, and definitely notice that my whole household is happier when I do! But one thing on this list stuck in my craw -- the idea that the husband's day was "more important" than the wife's day. I don't think they would have written that in the 1950s, because it seems to me that in that period there was far more respect for the real work of housekeeping. Seems to me that part of why most women don…
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/15 03:31 PM
1

I wouldn't push the team sports too hard if they really aren't interested. The MMA sounds great -- they're meeting other kids there, right? Or, there are more individualistic sports, like track and field, or tennis, where they can be part of a team while also being free to do their own thing...
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/15 01:07 AM
2

I agree that some kind of group sport is a good idea -- it's a great way to bond with other guys and to let out some of that masculine energy! I agree with everyone who suggests talking with your husband. My kids are much younger, but I am always amazed at how my husband understands aspects of them that I dont. I'm sure this is all the more true for pre-teen boys! I'm also sure that, even if they seem gentle and "feminine" sometimes, they have lots of very masculine qualities that you can nurtur…
/r/RedPillWomen17/11/15 10:15 PM
2

Is it possible that your boyfriend is trying too hard to make everyone happy -- his friends, who want to hang out as a pack of guys with no plans, and also ypu, his girlfriend, who wants to spend the weekend with him?. probably this situation isn't really working for anyone but I can see how, if all his friends are single, he might feel awkward bringing you along. Can you skip the occasional Friday night out, so that they can have a guys' night all to themselves? And can you occasionally invite …
/r/RedPillWomen10/11/15 06:11 PM
2

I agree with others -- it doesn't sound like you need to hand over the finances. If anything, it sounds like your husband is pretty clear that he does not want to handle them and he gets stressed out when you try to involve him in discussing them. If I understood right, you are comfortable on his salary and are doing okay with money overall; sounds like your issue is more that you kind of want him to take more interest in the budget. Understandable, since this is an area you take pride in, but m…
/r/RedPillWomen08/11/15 01:39 PM
1

I meant to add, I see you said you have a profoundly disabled child -- what a blessing for you to be able to stay home and care for that child. I know it's not easy; I have a friend with a severy disabled child. But she is a single mother who works long, long hours to provide for her family, and I know how tough that is on her.
/r/RedPillWomen04/11/15 03:10 PM
1

Thanks for this! You are so right about woman to woman negativity; it's insidious. I'm pretty good at shutting down any direct criticisms but I have trouble with the subtle digs. I always think, am I just being paranoid, or did she just put down my husband? I think you're right, keeping an attitude of gratitude is the best approach. What a blessing to take my kids to the park on a sunny morning, instead of being stuck in an office somewhere, missing them. (Not putting down office work, I just fe…
/r/RedPillWomen04/11/15 03:02 PM
3

I sympathize, I know it's easy to get caught up in the outward appearance of wife ly duties, like cooking and cleaning. But of course your real duty is to create a strong relationship and a happy home. Your husband has, in fact, told you exactly what he wants: he wants you to be happy. That means he wants a cheerful, upbeat, supportive partner. NOT someone who's constantly stressed out trying to make elaborate meals. NOT someone who doesn't have time to talk to him because she's too busy dusting…
/r/RedPillWomen03/11/15 12:34 PM
5

Find someone with real, immediate problems who needs your help. This can mean anything from volunteering in a soup kitchen or mentoring kids to helping one of your friends fix up her resume. Just doing something concrete, which doesn't revolve around you, will take you out of yourself and give you a break from all your self-doubt. You sound like you've had a lot of struggles and you've often felt powerless in the past. Well, you're stronger now, go out and use that strength!
/r/RedPillWomen31/10/15 03:44 PM
2

Thank you, ladies!! This was exactly the kind of encouragement I needed!!
/r/RedPillWomen31/10/15 12:01 PM
1

Hi all! Thanks for this thread. I've been working on maintaining a positive attitude and becoming more organized. Been trying to do more cleaning in the evening so I wake up to a clean kitchen, coffee maker already programmed and all I have to do is pour coffee for myself and my husband and cook breakfast for the kids. But somehow, it's never as easy as it should be...every morning, it seems, one of the kids make a big mess just as my editor (I freelance from home) calls with a sudden assignment…
/r/RedPillWomen29/10/15 04:29 PM
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