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Eve-3 Archive

View 3 posts and 409 comments by Eve-3 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Or you could actually read what I've written in this sub and that's that my son - the he in the story - was going through a divorce. You don't have to be a man to be in this sub. The purpose is to talk about men's divorce, which is exactly what I did. Why would you search this up months after it's over and then only research it at such a surface level so as to get it completely wrong? I never for a moment hid it from these people that I was a mom looking for help on behalf of one of my sons. The…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 01:22 AM
1

I found this a fantastic idea so I looked at it some. Then I found the catch. What happens if a parent violates the Children’s Bill of Rights in Texas? If the Children’s Bill of Rights is part of your divorcee decree or child custody proceedings, the judge can impose penalties for those who intentionally ignore or violate the Children’s Bill of Rights in Texas. Speak to a family law attorney to find out if this is an avenue that may be pursued in your case. So if it isn't already in your decree …
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 09:13 AM
1

I'm all for fighting for your rights. I think the best way to emotionally support someone that is fighting for something that isn't their right is to tell them the truth and then help them pick up the pieces afterwards. If I said I wanted to run for president would you explain to me why that wasn't possible or tell me that you are sure if I work hard I can be on the ballot for the next election? I'm not an American, the constitution would have to be amended.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 01:23 PM
2

Ah ok. That we are indeed expecting. Especially since she ended up without a lawyer. Just so long as she has to start something completely new and that this portion really is over, I can breathe. Currently I think she's too poor to do anything. Minimum wage and paying child support based off of a non minimum wage salary doesn't leave enough to pay rent let alone go back to court. We're figuring 5 years he's back in court to redo the whole thing. Time to sell the house, which she'll find a way to…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 10:24 AM
1

What is left to do? He doesn't have a clue either. He says he's basically done but doesn't know why the word basically is needed. He knows he's waiting on something, but no idea what.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 09:17 AM
2

I hope things straighten out soon for you too.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/22 09:13 PM
3

He is doing so much better just having her out of his life. You really don't know how much someone is weighing you down until that weight is suddenly removed and then you just feel lighter than air. It's so nice to see him no longer looking worn and stressed.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/22 09:02 PM
1

It's something to do with Harry Potter and earning freedom. Not really sure myself. But I've come to accept that when referring to divorce it means the day your divorce is final and you're finally free.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/22 08:53 PM
2

Sadly he didn't. I'm sure I'll be back in 2-3 years asking what's changed. Such a smart boy, except about women.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/22 08:51 PM
3

There's nothing stopping her from creating new debt that you'll be required to pay if you stay married. You can say you cut her off but nothing is stopping her from getting a line of credit now. Have her income determined by a specialist and use that number to calculate alimony. You can't force her to work but no reason you should be the one to suffer for it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/22 04:21 PM
9

Make a trust, appoint a conservator that you trust, allow funds to be dispersed at their discretion for your children's needs, including saving some of it for when they reach adulthood. You know, the same way you would have set it up had your spouse died before you. Now instead of a guardian who raises them and deals with the funds you only need the second half.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 01:44 PM
6

The way she's spiraling you need to lock numbers in while she still has a real income. File and get temporary orders giving you primary custody and support. Sorry you're going through this. It sounds remarkably similar to my son's situation. She's (was) law enforcement not military. She spiraled so much she now has a job as a telemarketer making ⅔ what she used to and hasn't seen the kids in months. Moved out of state and thought she'd get primary. She kept delaying the divorce process (the one …
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 10:44 AM
4

Please see a financial advisor. You make 150k and couldn't afford a lawyer. You have 75k and are having trouble making ends meet even without her spending habits. A financial advisor won't fix your ex but it might help you figure out money a bit better. Not the advice you were looking for but it might help you feel more in control of your situation. As for the agreement, you'll need a consult with a lawyer to find out if you have grounds to have the settlement vacated. If not then I think you're…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 10:15 AM
1

You know women claim this crap and win yet you still think it's a good idea because the consequences for op are 6 months away?
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 09:20 AM
2

If he gets rid of his as well then he can claim he's streamlining. If he takes away all her stuff and not his own equivalent no judge will view that as streamlining. Her lawyer will argue financial abuse and likely win.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 12:47 AM
1

You're saying it's better if he doesn't accept the reality that in a divorce things are generally split 50/50? He should ineffectively fight for more and become bitter when he doesn't get it because all women are obviously the problem. I'll admit it didn't register with me that he's in England, so the rules are probably different there and I don't know what they are. As a generality though, realizing what you thought of as "yours" is actually an "ours" sooner will save many men a hell of a lot o…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 09:14 AM
4

Go look in your sock drawer, I left some last time I came for a visit.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 12:42 AM
0

As if you'd ask your mom's advice on how to get a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 12:36 AM
0

My son is going through a divorce. I came looking for advice specific to his needs. Most of the guys here are great so I stayed.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 11:30 PM
4

Definitely don't go. I see all the benefits for her if you go, I don't see any benefit for you and a whole lot of potential to make this an awful relationship. One reason is because I would hate to have her have both kids (7 and 2) all alone on long trip from NJ to SC to visit him. She might as well get used to being a single mom, that's the future she picked. If she can't handle the kids by herself for a few days I'd remind her of that when you are discussing custody. But likely she can handle …
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 11:24 PM
-6

Learn to accept reality. Being mad that you didn't understand the rules isn't going to cause a rule change. You voluntarily entered into an arrangement with someone not good with money. Now that arrangements is ending. The "business" that was your marriage has assets and those are getting split in half. Pick better next time. Or don't pick at all, marriage isn't a requirement.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 11:05 PM
1

They were married 20 years and he makes twice as much. If that's all he has to pay I think he'll be jumping for joy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 01:39 PM
3

All of this!! Accept her second offer gladly. Nice to know you won't have to fight to have your child.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 11:10 PM
2

I believe that's how it works, yes. And, depending on her income, she might still be responsible for part of the mortgage. Unless she's abandoning her claim to the asset. Legally requiring her to pay a portion is not the same as her actually paying a portion, but it's another nail in her coffin if she doesn't. It takes a lot of nails for a woman to lose in family court so don't get too excited.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 09:26 AM
0

A restraining order would force her to stay away from you. At that point the only way you could abuse her is if she violated the restraining order. That seems like an easier option than domestic abuse charges for things that didn't just happen.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 02:32 AM
2

What do you hope to gain by pressing charges or getting a restraining order? Make her lose her job? No, not worth it. That just means you'd probably get stuck with alimony since she has no income. Make her look bad to everyone else? You don't need court for that. Wait until the fight is over and then share the evidence with everyone she knows. You want her in jail because you fear for your life? Legitimate reason to pursue that course of action. There's a million reasons you might want to do thi…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 01:24 AM
5

Get temporary orders that make custody time clear so you don't have to fight every single day about the same crap.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 11:23 PM
1

Good choice. I can't speak for everyone, only offer it up as I am seeing it happen for someone else. Maybe he's got a decent ex and kids he doesn't want to see forced out of the family home and into something far lesser. I'm assuming that's the reasoning behind my stbx dil doing it. I'm curious, I never owned a house in your country. How do you sell a house with a mortgage on it without the mortgage company getting paid first? That just couldn't happen here, even if the mortgage had two names an…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 08:55 AM
2

Not every ex is the worst person on the planet. It does require a bit of trust and I wouldn't advise it for everyone. But if you have a decent human being for an ex who you consider responsible then it's not the worst idea on the planet. Have a lawyer shore it up so you have the security you are worried about.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 05:41 PM
2

Hey sir, I was wondering, if you were married to a royal cunt what would you do?
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 10:44 AM
3

Everyone is saying no. I'll give you the yes in a way it can (not necessarily will) work for you. Put all of this through a lawyer to make it legal. You agree to stay on the mortgage and that she is responsible for the payments 100%. If she gets into trouble with the mortgage to the point that you will take a negative credit hit she loses her claim to the property and it becomes yours, assuming you make the payments. All equity is then 100% yours, you owe her nothing no matter what you do with t…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 09:58 AM
2

Everyone has already told you not to move out and I deed you shouldn't. Your wife has no income. She's come up with this brilliant (/s) idea of separating and dating. Did her plan include how this would be funded or is she completely in fantasyland? If you go the separation route make sure to do it legally. Have a document drawn up stating not only who lives where but who is required to pay for it and that you are not giving up your stake in any assets by moving. Also figure out custody. You thi…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/22 11:01 PM
1

Both are legally acceptable so figured out which of the two has more favorable laws for you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 09:05 PM
2

Definitely true. You'll have to fight tooth and nail to try to get 50/50 custody and the odds are you still won't get that much time. Don't go there.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 08:52 PM
1

She knows it's a bargaining chip and is using it that way to get more out of you than she deserves. There's a fair chance that if you dropped the desperate quest to get the dog that it will suddenly be a gift she is willing to give you out of the kindness of her heart.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 05:12 PM
2

What does your divorce decree state? You might be required to pay 75% or 50% or nothing at all. It's all a matter of what you negotiated to begin with.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 03:12 PM
4

How dare you have gotten along just fine without her. You were supposed to be a disaster so she could feel superior. Oh well, she'll just make you feel like a disaster so she can still feel superior. Time to point out every tiny mess and make sure you realize it's huge not tiny. Also glossing over the fact some of those things existed before she left for her trip. I'm glad you see it for the bullshit it is.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 11:49 PM
2

Her parents are still relatively young (younger than me). Why does she want them living with you already since they don't (probably) need care and she doesn't need help with children? I like my in-laws and if push came to shove I'd let them live with us. But I wouldn't allow it just because everyone wanted to be under the same roof. That said, my kids already know the only thing I don't want in my old age is to be alone and if my partner (12years younger than me) dies first I want to live with o…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 08:22 PM
4

Does it matter if a lot of other people do it or not in determining whether you will enjoy or even be comfortable doing it?
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 07:47 PM
2

What you need to consider before you can make a decision is what you want to do with your child. Do you want full/primary custody? Do you want your ex in the picture at all? Would you rather only 50/50 custody? Or visitation now and then? If you are fine with full custody then let her sign the kid over to you and she can join the military. She can have visitation whenever she's in town. But if you don't want primary custody then she can't join the military. Help her do what she wants to do if an…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 04:13 PM
2

I read it differently. I thought he used her saying that as grounds for the divorce. I assumed, I don't actually know India's laws, that it was an at fault divorce country and he found justification for the divorce in her slanderous attacks. And a judge agreed with him that it was fault enough.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 01:53 PM
3

I can't decide if this is good or not. It started off fantastic, but in the end after deciding what she did was utterly unacceptable, so much so that he does deserve a divorce, she still got alimony. If you have to prove fault to get a divorce then the one at fault shouldn't get a lifetime payout.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 11:04 AM
1

Has he threatened your children?
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 01:45 AM
2

Because your wife said she would have him do violent things? First, that's your wife that is dangerous and second there's every chance he has no clue what she is saying about him. Now if he is making threats, that's something real. But you haven't shared that bit of information yet.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 01:39 AM
8

Unfortunately he isn't doing anything wrong. He didn't make any vows to you so him fucking your wife isn't any crime of his. Not sure why you care about this guy so much when your wife is cheating on you, threatening you, and most likely mistreating your children. Stop procrastinating. File for divorce. Protect your children, get them away from her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 01:28 AM
6

Even if she doesn't, it's still her place of residence.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 01:23 AM
2

Try talking to the women at the grocery then. Single women shop for groceries too, it isn't only married ones. Nothing wrong with older women if that's what you are attracted to.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/22 08:56 PM
1

Are you going anywhere/doing anything that would allow you to meet single women? A lot of people don't like to date coworkers and the number of women to men at many gyms makes that not the best place either.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/22 07:06 PM
4

It doesn't pay as well but you can still make a living driving locally. That may be your best option if you want to be home for your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/22 01:05 PM
3

After the few weeks are over then what happens to the children? Great plan to get rid of her but doesn't solve the real problem of caring for his children.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/22 01:01 PM
1

I'm really glad it worked out so well. Especially with your mom because I remember your other post.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/22 09:05 AM
0

Explain, maybe not. But tell, yes. People in your life need to know your new address. They need to know your wife is no longer your wife. It's not their business why, but knowing that things occurred in the life of people significant to you is reasonable. Otherwise they'll show up at the wrong house next time you invite them to dinner.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/22 09:03 AM
1

Good luck. You got this. And if it goes to shit just remember you may be her little boy but you aren't a little boy any longer. Stand up for yourself and if necessary remove yourself from the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/22 09:45 PM
4

Babysitters exist. That's preferable to a toxic parent.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/22 03:02 PM
4

Is this going to be an easier conversation later? Or are you just procrastinating? If something about today makes the conversation harder then yes, postpone it. If you simply don't want to ever have the conversation then you're going to have to suck it up and do it eventually, today is as good as any other day.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/22 02:57 PM
1

I'm sorry, you misunderstood. I didn't mean you were lying. I'm quite certain a woman has expressed something similar to you. I'm telling you she was lying to you. Unless she is actively trying to get pregnant she doesn't view your sperm as a gift nor does it give her pleasure to receive it. It's something women say because they think men like hearing it. It is not true for the extreme vast majority of women. Women lie to men constantly, so much so that after awhile we don't even realize it is a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/22 08:52 AM
1

It's usually the man bending over and taking it up the ass in a desperate attempt to keep her happy and get it over with quickly. Be happy someone will point out you're being an idiot. (not that you are, but if the mediator says it's too lopsided then you are)
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/22 10:12 PM
2

it was always explained to me they love feeling the "gift" they receive inside them That was a lie. Oh there may well be some women that like it for a variety of reasons, but this is not a common thing women enjoy nor do we lovingly refer to it as a gift. The use of condoms shows she doesn't want another child right now. That's it's main purpose. That it also helps prevent sexually transmitted diseases is a bonus. No babies is why they exist.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/22 10:07 PM
14

The sooner you file the less likely you'll lose half your inheritance to her. File now. Get everything in order and get it done. You don't need to tell her first but really it doesn't matter since she already knows the marriage is over. You're the one slow to figure it out and now you have, time to get on with it. If it helps you to tell her you understand now then go ahead, otherwise just file.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/22 01:20 AM
5

Take Monday nights. If she puts up a fuss tell her she can refinance the house and buy you out of your half of the equity. You should get your half of the house anyway and if that means she doesn't have a place for the kids then she can come visit them at your place. Play hardball now. After the divorce is over you can give her any gift you want. But no gift should ever be at the expense of you losing time with your kids. It sounds like you giving her the house is causing her to think you should…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 06:58 PM
2

Is the Monday night visitation instead of custody because she thinks you're going to cancel regularly due to work? If so, is she right? Otherwise why is she suggesting visitation?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 06:47 PM
8

My thoughts are that I have no idea where these children are on Wednesday. To be honest I can't understand any of it, but I have my moments of stupidity so I'm sure others can understand the rest.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 06:36 PM
3

You're divorced, what kind of custody do you legally have? You need to find a way to move on from her without abandoning your child. That may mean going back to court to get parental rights. It may mean moving out and getting on with your life and exercising the rights you already have.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 01:46 PM
3

If she can't afford to live there then that's her problem. The kids stay though. She can get herself a small apartment and have the kids over daytime only for now, until she can afford better. There are always other options besides take the kids and run away from dad, she just doesn't want to be the one to adjust. Which is too bad because she's the one with a problem. Find a solution that works for you, one that doesn't involve paying less child support on her word that she won't ask for more la…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 08:58 AM
1

Thank you all for the supportive words and great advice. Advice has been passed along. Mediation is today, keeping my fingers crossed. I know it should be straightforward and easy, but she's nuts. If she's in a sane mood it'll work out fine. Otherwise no progress and we're off to court. My biggest concern is my son's got a big heart and genuinely likes to give. He's got one big ask and if he realizes how big an ask it is he's likely to give her way more than she deserves to counter it. He curren…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 08:04 AM
1

My son goes through waves. He'll call every day for a couple weeks, venting or talking about random stuff, then he won't call for a month. He's got a couple close friends that he can talk with about this stuff too, that goes in waves too. Find a friend or family member you can share your thoughts with, you'll need it. But it's ok to not share every single thought every single moment. A bit of peace and quiet helps too. That said, I'm sorry your mom isn't what you need her to be right now. If her…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 08:11 PM
1

If it isn't specified in your orders then it's just a normal day.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 12:09 PM
3

I think the big question is why do you want to respond. Your response is great, but what will it do? Do you want to hurt her? Get her to finally understand things from your perspective? Just really, really need the last word? She's never ever ever going to see things from your perspective. So if it's anything remotely related to that then this won't work. It'll just fuel the fire and she'll feel the need to point out all the ways she's sure you're wrong. If you want to hurt her, well, this would…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/22 02:16 PM
1

It seems to be standard in Texas for both parties. My son was given a list from his lawyer including an online choice. He found it interesting (as in not preaching but actual things that are helpful to know about trying to coparent) and it didn't take very long. It needs to be one that the court acknowledges as legitimate. Ask your lawyer, her lawyer if you don't have your own, or the court system (should be a clerk somewhere that can answer questions) for a list of court approved courses.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/22 01:53 PM
3

Could you file for a change of venue? I can't see that this is any of America's concern since neither of you are citizens. Let India deal with it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 11:11 AM
4

Please don't let her pettiness deny your child a father. She's trying to punish you, you're saying you are ok with punishing your child to spite her. Reject her offer and make your own counteroffer. Consult an attorney and find out what you can reasonably expect with a newborn and how it changes over time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 08:40 AM
6

But OP doesn't understand and he needs to. We can tell him she's cheating but we're strangers who don't know anything more than that is typical for what we see here. Personally I can't imagine an answer that isn't a polite (or forget the polite) way of saying "because I can't stand to be around you one minute longer but I really like your paycheck". But OP needs to hear that himself or he's going to keep holding out hope like you see a lot of guys here doing. "MY wife would never do that". Lol. …
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 01:10 AM
4

Ask her what she sees as the difference between divorce and separation and why she wants one but not the other.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 12:03 AM
1

Safe crackers are a thing. Call one. "I lost the key". Schedule it while she's at work. Leave her her half and move out.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 02:36 PM
19

You are allowed to stop answering her cries for help.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/22 12:21 AM
7

She'd likely move in with her boyfriend, possibly removing your need to pay alimony. You'd rather give your ex wife a free place to live than have your kids with you and let a fully able-bodied and mentally competent adult take care of herself? https://www.newhomesource.com/learn/best-suburbs-baltimore-maryland/ Lists crimes, schools systems, median house prices of neighboring areas. If you aren't paying for her house and yours you can afford for yours to cost a little more than what you are pay…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 11:03 PM
3

Couldn't the children live with you and too bad if mom doesn't have a place to live, that's her problem?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 09:48 PM
1

I don't know the details of anybody else's situation but mine Enough said. I'm glad you found a way. Which probably sounds insincere at the moment, but I'm serious.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 01:46 AM
1

Calling my disagreement of your opinion verbal vomit is hardly respectful. Why start with a lie if you want any of it taken seriously? The sub isn't called men_men_men it's called divorce men, I'm here for advice on a man's divorce. Tell me, if you think the sub is a guy thing why are you the one attacking some of your own? Some mothers-in-law do definitely suck. Probably because they're human. I'm sure the future ex thinks I'm in that category now.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 01:37 AM
1

I've raised 4 sons, I know full well men are not angry, violent, lazy people. I'm saying sometimes good men aren't left with any options that are good and attacking them for doing the best they can doesn't help anyone. I'd love an example of how you stay involved in your children's lives when they are adamant that they don't want you there. Because that stuff that's been listed so far isn't going to do anything. Show up in class, which means missing a day's pay and not everyone can afford to do …
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/22 01:11 AM
3

Planning to go into her house and drag them out kicking and screaming because they refuse to go to your house? I hope you can get them both strapped in the car at the same time, otherwise the first one is climbing out as you go for the second. Your ex is filming the whole thing too, it'll be used to show you are abusive.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 11:51 PM
2

It took a fully grown man possibly decades to realize what a piece of shit she was and you expect a child who is literally dependant upon her to realize it "soon enough". Some men suck. Some very good men don't have an option that is any good. I'm thankful every day that my stbx daughter in law is demonstrably unstable because my son lives in a state that really doesn't like men. 50/50 is a rarity in Texas, or at least where he is. If she could even fake being stable he'd see his kids every othe…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 11:44 PM
10

Good job! Hold strong! Sorry she did you so wrong but I'm glad you see it now and are moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 06:48 PM
11

Walking away from as in abandoning? Or losing a custody battle and only seeing them as much as you are legally allowed to? Big difference between those two. It sounds like you are describing the guys who are in the second category as if they were the first category. Fighting and losing is vastly different from not fighting or not caring.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 05:39 PM
2

Mom is the one that makes you feel better when you're sick because mom is the one that did it. That's the only power she's got. It's not some magic that comes with motherhood. Now it's your job and you will figure it out. Think about the things your mom did/does for you when you're sick and do them for him. For my boys it was Jello, reading aloud with character voices, and rubbing their heads. (Something to eat, something to do, something purely for comfort) You can also ask him straight out if …
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 08:08 AM
1

Most of the guys here are fighting for 50/50, which is considerably more time than what you are dreaming of. 50/50 is literally half the days. 7 with your ex, 7 with you, broken up into different arrangements depending on your situation but still 7 out of 14 days. What you are describing is everyone's worst case scenario. Every other weekend and one evening is the standard default some places if you did nothing wrong (abuse etc). Some states are stricter than others, but none (that I've heard of…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 07:55 AM
1

Not to be a math asshole, but wouldn't it be 10%? 4 of 20 years, then each of them get half the amount from that time.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/22 12:44 PM
1

And if she says no then you stay married?
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/22 07:18 AM
5

Why do you want primary custody? If there's something wrong with her and you can prove it you might have a chance. Otherwise you aren't even getting 50/50 in Texas, not for an infant. The good news is you probably don't have to worry about alimony. Did she attend college or any sort of training beyond high school? Even something she isn't using now, but she could use it if she wanted to. Basically does she have any income earning potential? How low is next to nothing? 15k is very different from …
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 08:48 PM
3

Do they have to? No. You can agree that it isn't necessary and draw up a contacting saying exactly what you both agree to. But if you want your name off of her property it is completely normal and common to insist she refinance. If she can't afford to that's her problem. Maybe she should stop thinking her imaginary dreams will magically happen.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/22 01:21 PM
3

Now that you understand the process and what is reasonable/realistic you can try the cheaper route of an arbitrator. Keep in mind all that you've learned and if you think it isn't going appropriately you can always get a lawyer then. Just don't sign anything you don't agree with. At any point in the process you can get a lawyer, it's not a one time option and you're stuck with it. If the agreement looks very one sided a judge can step in and modify your agreement. Well, he can any time. But is v…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 02:44 PM
8

Tell her plainly. Seeing you or talking with you hurts me. I'm not interested in hurting more than I already do. Do not contact me unless it is something necessary about my child. I do not want to meet for lunch, I do not want to plan a party with you, not even one for my child. In time the pain will subside, but that isn't where I am at yet. Respect that and give me the space I need. After that communicate with her only through text. That avoids actually seeing her or hearing her voice as much …
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 12:08 AM
1

You know about the offers. How did you find out? Text message from her is a start. Other people present when she stated there was an offer. They can give a statement about it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 10:44 PM
1

Aren't you friendly! Thanks for noticing me, I feel special now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 08:16 PM
0

We can’t even afford to pay for our own childrens dental That's disturbing. That is his own child. He'll (or you'll) have to read his paperwork to see what it says about medical expenses. If he can't figure it out then copy/paste it here and we can help make sense of it hopefully. There's too many things it could say for us to do more than guess.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 05:16 PM
8

This was not you, this was all her. Normally both parties are at least partly to blame when a marriage falls apart. Yours lasted a week. Unless you said I DO and then started beating her or something else horrific this wasn't you at all, there wasn't enough time for it to be you. Self improvement wouldn't hurt, we can all be better than we are. But you don't need to blame yourself for the marriage falling apart. You made a really poor choice in partners, that needs some work, but even if you wer…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 10:01 AM
1

That's so fucked up. Good job naming her here, hopefully nobody else will hire her. I'd be tempted to take out a billboard in Dallas across from her office.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 09:55 AM
1

You're in Texas and got hit with spousal support? You're a high earner but not ridiculously so. What happened???
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 09:25 AM
6

The question has to be answered and sworn because it was asked. The answer is "none of your damn business. If you want to accuse me of adultery and use that as grounds to file a fault based divorce you're an idiot interested in wasting a lot of time and money unnecessarily. We live in a no fault state. What you are asking is completely irrelevant." Tell your lawyer to find a legal way to say that. Refusing to incriminate yourself is a normal thing. That your lawyer thinks you should volunteer th…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 12:12 AM
1

The rest of that sentence is the important part. No attorney can knowingly support perjury.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 11:59 PM
9

TX doesn't care if you cheated, it's a no fault divorce state. Your ex might care. Tough shit, she's your ex. It might make her negotiate like more of an asshole but let's face it, she was likely to do that anyway. What I don't understand is why is this something your attorney wants to volunteer? I completely agree that you can't lie about it legally, but that isn't a relevant question they should ask. Your own lawyer needs to know, but should not be sharing that info.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 11:12 PM
2

If she doesn't want a lawyer that's her business. You two are not required to do the same thing. You get to make your own decision about what you want and you need a lawyer. Her wants, needs, and desires are no longer your responsibility.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 03:40 PM
2

Aren't they both in California?
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 11:19 AM
2

If you haven't already, please seek therapy. You sound like you are in so much pain and it's crushing you. I'm sorry you're living through this, I hope it gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 10:37 AM
2

Oh hell no. You can't stop her from spending money meant for the child any way she wants, including on a car for herself, but you sure as hell aren't going to condone such behavior by actively blocking your child from receiving any support. Personally I'd show her request to my lawyer and ask if it can be used to help illustrate a pattern of behavior that is financially reckless and irresponsible towards the child and use that argument for more parenting time for you. The less time your child sp…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 10:09 AM
4

When your son is 12 he still needs you. That might be when he needs you most. I don't know anything about age activated clauses but I hope you don't use one for custody. If she wants to move, let her, but she can do it without your child. She can have visitation.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/22 03:04 AM
2

I don't think it's ban worthy. Indeed I would have rather discussed it with you than have them ban you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 06:03 PM
3

If you and everyone you know are 100% positive that nothing could ever change her mind even a little. The upside of getting a temporary order is you have the security it promises, your rights are established and protected. The downside is, uh, well you have to pay a lawyer for two or three hours of his time.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 12:10 AM
3

Child support is based solely on income levels.** The court doesn't care if you are responsible with your money or not, they are happy to have the money withdrawn directly from your paycheck if you can't be responsible. So whether you keep the car, sell it, or buy 6 others it won't change how much you have to pay in child support. **There are other factors, but this isn't one of them.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 02:09 PM
3

Oh ok. Sorry then. Vent away.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 10:59 AM
1

He was responding to someone who was expected to use the child support to provide for the kid while the child was at dad's house. No, that isn't what child support is for. I agree many women misuse the money, but advocating for it to be misused by more is leveling the playing field in the wrong direction.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 08:15 AM
3

What she is saying is utterly fucked up, but she wasn't talking about sex. You're welcome to figure out the cost per fuck if you want, but that's sad if that's all a relationship means to you is someone on call to fuck. If that is how you view relationships then what she said is no longer wrong it's pretty accurate. Someone at your beck and call for 1500 per month is cheap. No other servant, sex or otherwise, would be so cheap. If that's not how you view relationships then why are you doing that…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 06:54 AM
1

On the plus side the phones are now yours so if you want to turn off and permanently keep off the tracking you definitely can.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 09:30 PM
13

You matter. You matter to your son. Imagine how devastated he would be to lose you completely. Imagine him getting off that bus and no one greets him. How long will he stand there alone wondering what happened to the man he trusted the most. Someone has to help that little boy grow up to be a good man. He's put all of his trust in you. Don't fail him.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 08:38 PM
5

I don't understand this. You taking a DNA test isn't going to prove that some other guy is the father it will only prove that, of all the men in the world, you specifically are not the father. I don't know how that would get her any death benefits from some other person. She likely needs a DNA sample from him, or barring that, a close relative. I'd wonder if she was actually up to something else because it doesn't make sense for this. If it can be shown to you that this is legitimate then I thin…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 06:36 PM
16

Divorce now. You want kiddo to have a happy home with two loving parents then go make one, with someone you don't hate. It's not possible with this one so don't waste more time and effort trying.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 07:40 AM
5

I'm assuming prostitution is illegal where you are. The family law judge might not care about that but whatever law it counts as, that department should care. Take your proof in and see what they say. If you can get her arrested a few times and hopefully even some jail time or a conviction you could have something. Child services may remove the child for you or you at least have grounds - ongoing criminal activity - to have your case reheard/appeal/whatever legalese they want to do. I don't know…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 07:32 AM
2

Ok then, that really is weird behavior. I've got no rational guess.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 09:39 AM
1

Well now I'm showing my age. Thanks so much! But seriously, what does fb official mean? I assumed it meant that he wasn't just planning it anymore but last night it all came out - they had the talk or she got served or however.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 09:21 AM
1

Everybody else is going to give you the evil answers and they're probably right. But I'm going to share the innocent answer anyway. Not every woman is the devil trying to destroy everything. You know her better than us, you decide. Because she's known for less than 24 hours that she's getting a divorce and she's still sort of in shock trying to figure out what it all means. Maybe since she's freaking out she thinks they are too because divorce messes up kids quite often. Sure that's wrong, they …
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 07:27 AM
4

Next year they'll both fall on her days and she'll be expected to give them up with "nothing in return" because that's what you both agreed to in the custody agreement. Gotta say, you have an unusual agreement if she got three extra days of custody for a one day holiday.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 06:34 PM
1

Do you have kids?
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 05:39 PM
-1

Glad you cleared that up. It's a characteristic of women. Which doesn't mean every woman has it. Kind of like having two arms is a characteristic of a person, but not everyone has two arms. Women outnumber men. If this were always true and there were no outliers possible then Hillary would have been elected. It wouldn't matter what party she was in or what her stance was, she was facing a male opponent so you vote for her. Sadly some women did exactly that. But not all of them. Not by a long sho…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 04:06 PM
-4

Your study is flawed or your interpretation of it is. I don't doubt most women choose other women over other men. But no way possible is it all women.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 03:24 PM
4

I think marriage contracts need to become real contracts. Like a prenup but more inclusive than what I imagine is in a standard prenup. (I don't really know what is in one). I don't understand why it is a contract but most don't understand that until it is too late and it is so vague it only causes more issues. Alimony needs to go away with the exception of both parties agreeing one isn't working and the other will cover all expenses. It takes time to financially recover from years of unemployme…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 02:01 PM
3

Except that half of his hard work will likely be awarded to her. More if she can start spinning her tale a bit better.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 01:47 PM
1

I completely agree with that. They're grown, what was she waiting for.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 01:42 PM
1

I don't understand staying for the kids when there is physical abuse. Are you trying to get them hurt too or just want them to grow up witnessing domestic violence regularly?
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 01:16 PM
3

You're not missing anything that isn't to be expected. She didn't get the sympathy she wanted for him being a workaholic so she remembered some abuse. But she's still divorcing him for being a workaholic. I guess she wants him home more so he can.... Yeah, that makes sense. She deserves happiness but she's worried that'll be expensive so he needs to pay for it. Her words below for anyone curious but unable to see it : --*- Because he's abusive, and made a threat on my life right after I was diag…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 01:12 PM
2

It doesn't have to stop someone from giving advice they think the other needs. It just stops you from being offended when your advice isn't well received because you are aware it probably won't be. Maybe it even helps you approach that advice giving more gently because you know what you are about to say is offensive.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 11:35 AM
1

Gee, I wonder why they take offense.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 11:51 PM
10

YES, Bob, it is a good idea to marry that unemployable single mom of 3 and yes it is a good idea to have a joint bank account and yes you should put her name on the deed of your primary residence. Hey! Stop talking about me. But back to topic. You're butting into their personal lives uninvited to share your knowledge because they're too stupid to see the truth on their own. Any response, including fuck off, isn't them being condescending to you, it is them not appreciating your condescension tow…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 08:33 PM
2

Why marry? You can live together and have a family without involving the government in your business. The only thing a marriage is is a legally binding contract. If you need a law to enforce her staying it's because you already know otherwise she won't.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 08:56 AM
2

From how I read it his biggest issue is having to see her go on dates. I don't know how he'd feel about her dating if he couldn't see it, but I can understand why seeing it would be painful. Emotions are raw in a divorce, it takes time to heal. He's still in that process. Her living there is exacerbating the issue. He could (I would) kick her out. Then he wouldn't have to see her dating. He believes she can't find another place right now and doesn't relish the idea of forcing her into homelessne…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 11:35 PM
1

and definitely not spending the money on the kids It's Texas. They consider child support to be used for the basics like mortgage/rent or groceries. Unless you are paying an extreme amount and she's living like she impoverished then it counts.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 05:26 PM
4

Now I feel extra stupid for telling my son happy mother's day. His future ex is barely in the picture and doesn't behave like much of a mother when she is. Both roles are his now.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 03:02 PM
1

Then I guess there's no lunch date and mom needs to learn to plan in advance. Dad still doesn't have to talk to mom about it. The girl is 16 (ish) years old, she does not need her father to organize play dates for her. (If she'd asked dad to do so that's different, but this isn't coming from her desires this is coming from the ex who op needs to learn to deal with better)
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 06:42 AM
2

You can still look at your phone. Respond to work stuff too. But when your ex asks you things she already knows the answer to you can ignore it. When she shares random tidbits of information like what makes her happy you can ignore it. When she asks for extra time with the kids you remind yourself that someone mentally unstable should be around your children as little as possible and you type NO. When your daughter texts you and asks you something you respond, including when that something is 'c…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 12:22 AM
7

It depends where you are how fast it can potentially go. Different courts are busier than others. After that it depends on how agreeable the parties are and if they drag it out or not. Contact a lawyer and ask about optimal time frame and what can be done to hurry it along if there are issues.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 12:13 AM
5

Accepting she is dating is a bit different than accepting she is dating while still sponging off of him and living in his home. If he doesn't do something like this the alternative is kicking her out. Personally I like that solution better but op seems to be a nice person trying to avoid being unnecessarily harsh. His sanity is more important than her dating. She's free to decline his offer of temporary lodging if she doesn't like the conditions.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 12:07 AM
3

I'm also wondering if my gf is looking for a way to sabotage... she's constantly thinking there's something going on... when their isn't. No, she isn't. She is wondering why you are though. If you turn away from one person to answer another person and it wasn't an emergency you are showing which person is more important to you. You keep picking your ex. You think you have firm boundaries but I can't for the life of me figure out why you think that. Casual conversation is not firm boundaries. Mak…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 10:56 PM
5

She's at sat? Could have been ignored entirely if she already had the schedule, which she should. It isn't your job to give it to her multiple times, once is sufficient. Kids and I were hoping for lunch with her can also be ignored. If it's her custody day then do whatever the hell you want. If it isn't custody day then fuck off. Feel free to ask daughter yourself if she wants to go to lunch, she's a big girl and can handle invitations to things just like she does from anyone else. Conversation …
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 10:49 PM
30

You're divorced, access to your kids should be legally established by now. The house is yours, if she doesn't want to be homeless she needs to stop dating. That's a reasonable compromise for you both. If she's that desperate to date she can move out faster like she's supposed to. Not your problem to deal with that it's hard to find something.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 01:49 PM
5

I think you may have accidentally selected the wrong sub for your question.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 07:57 AM
4

Does it matter anymore whether she did or not?
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 10:39 AM
2

She can talk about how a married couple can arguably fit in s and navigate ocial circles better That's not a reason to get married. It might be a nice bonus if you do get married, but it isn't a reason all on its own. (Assuming you even think it's true, which is highly debatable) She can also talk about the financial and some other legal benefits that some jurisdictions and even companies bestow on married men and women. Now you may have something there. Is she correct? Do those benefits outweig…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 08:37 AM
3

I have no idea if your financial situation can handle it but if you can manage 50 a week hire a cleaning lady to come over and clean. The hours you spend not only cleaning but stressing about it knowing that when you get home you don't get to do anything but a laundry list of housework, all those hours are suddenly yours again and it only took the cleaning lady a couple hours total. Also realize that the bathtub in the spare bathroom doesn't need to be cleaned ever unless you decide to have hous…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 07:32 AM
5

Well that's new and random.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 07:17 AM
5

As long as you actually know what you are getting into it isn't a problem. Sometimes divorcing people had no idea what a marriage contract meant until it was too late. "Sure I love you and your kidney failed so you can have one of mine....hey! I only have one kidney! WTF!" Do both you and this girl a favor and sit down to talk. Tell her plain and simple that you do not believe in marriage but you do want to spend your life together with her. If that's a deal breaker for her you have two options.…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 07:11 AM
1

You chose your parents over your wife and now you think she's behaving poorly. That's rather messed up. I'm all for you helping out your family. Even chosing them above your wife if that's what you want. But you can't blame her for being pissed about that choice and behaving accordingly. You told her through your actions that she wasn't important. Who wants their spouse to do that?
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 12:22 AM
3

Did you talk with her about moving your parents into the home before you did it? Was she ok with that idea?
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 11:49 PM
1

Can alimony be increased too?
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 12:50 PM
2

I think I'd piss myself laughing if I saw that on someone.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 12:41 PM
9

Do it now while you can. The sooner the better. Ask a lawyer about fixing your income to time of separation versus time of divorce. If it has to be the latter then sacrifice a bit in the divorce knowing that time is very important. Also ask your boss to delay your pay increase if that's possible.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 06:03 PM
3

First consults are often free. If that's the case where you are as well, what could be the harm in finding one now. Have a little chat so if you do need someone you are ready for it and then if you don't need it oh well you're only out an hour of your own time. I wasted more time on reddit today than an hour, at least that would be for something that could potentially really help you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 10:24 AM
1

Wouldn't there be another camera showing her doing this? Kind of hard to claim he moved the camera when the hallway camera shows her walking down the hall holding it at the time it moved. I'd think one in his room, the living room, kitchen, and hallways. If there's another public room then there as well. Plus outside. I don't see it as any different from a nanny cam. Having one only does you any good if the child and nanny can't leave that room. For him, if he doesn't have one in the kitchen the…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 08:19 AM
2

Not sure, hopefully someone else will answer. I know my sister didn't have to file it herself but I don't know if her lawyer did that or if the mediator did it. I'd guess the mediator writes it all up because she's been taking the notes and then presents it to both sides (through attorneys if applicable) to sign. Once signed I'd like to believe she files it but that doesn't sound like a mediator any longer but more like an attorney. I have a feeling you have to take the signed documents she prep…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 09:03 PM
1

I only know the details of one mediation and in that both parties had lawyers as well. In it though, no she didn't offer opinions. More guided through the process. "Are the parties agreed on term xx, no, is there something we can do to come to an agreement?" It helped that both parties were sane and everything was agreed to in theory before mediation occured. Some guys here have shared stories about the more reasonable person being talked into giving more at mediation. But I don't know if that w…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 08:45 PM
5

If she agrees in mediation to split things how you consider fair then a lawyer isn't necessary. Heck, agree before mediation and that isn't necessary either. As soon as she stops agreeing then you need a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 07:50 PM
2

If your state is not a one party state you can tell her they are there. Sure she'll be less likely to incriminate herself. But crazy rarely remembers there's a camera until too late. Get her consent for the cameras on the recording. Even if she remembers forever and behaves because of it, that's a nice bonus too.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 04:46 PM
1

Generally I'd say no, but make sure the kids do something even if that means make sure her new guy or mom or whomever helps the kids. But given your situation it sounds nice if you do something because you appreciate the mom that she's being.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 04:08 PM
1

Assuming you have already filed something to get it started, yes. Though she may be able to appear by video. If you haven't filed anything yet then she could do it there and you would be the one that had to appear there.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 06:07 AM
1

Somewhere you don't have to talk constantly. A meal means sitting around the table talking. Did you like extended family dinners when you barely ever saw the people and now you're stuck sitting next to your weird aunt on one side and a cousin you are fairly certain was dropped on his head as a baby on the other side of you? Nobody likes that. Don't do that to your teens or that's how they'll view her, a chore dad forced them into, and they sure hope they don't have to do it again any time soon. …
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/22 08:44 AM
2

Not a lawyer, not a banker. Within reason. If it happened for a month or two, sure. That means he's acting responsibly and she isn't. But with it going on for so long he is acting just as irresponsibly. He still might get a few months but it's unlikely he'd get the whole year. He should have addressed the issue immediately. And again every time she did it after that. Escalating each time until finally going to court. Instead he is showing that unless he is grossly uninformed about his finances h…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/22 08:33 AM
10

If she's insisting it is a friend then your children should not be seeing anything that would confuse them or need explaining. Treat it like a roommate scenario and help your kids learn to share but also have healthy boundaries. (You don't have to share the bathroom with anyone when someone is using the toilet. It's fine to share the bathroom when you are both brushing your teeth) Tell your ex that you don't care who she dates but whomever she dates and whenever that happens could she give you a…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/22 07:28 AM
1

Thanks. Exactly what the name says but indeed I just never heard the term before. Sorry about your mom. Crazy she'd put an outsider's needs over her own kid's. If I knew more women I'd set you up. I only know one and I'm keeping her for my son. A son dead set on trading in a psychotic cunt for a doormat. Sigh. He really shouldn't be allowed to pick for himself. proto-dependapotamus. Lol. Best new phrase I've heard in quite some time.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 01:16 PM
1

I'm sorry, I don't understand what you are saying. Could you explain?
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 09:51 AM
20

Depending on where you live you could get alimony. You can also get her to pay for your attorney. Child support goes to you. Half the assets are yours. The only way you are coming out the loser in this divorce is if you volunteer to be the loser. And she's not coming back. If she wanted to be with you she wouldn't have filed for divorce. Every minute after filing she likes you that much less. Stop worrying about her happiness and needs and start worrying about your own and that of your children.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 07:06 AM
1

Have you considered asking your mother for help? Good chance she works with some nice girls she doesn't consider hoes. If it's too weird to ask your mom how about an aunt or sister. Someone female who you don't consider hoe-like to suggest someone with similar values.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 06:08 AM
2

My disability is off the table for her and I am reasonable about our joint assets. Depends on what you mean by reasonable whether you'll be shocked or not. Some people think they earned 80% of the money and paid 80% of the bills so when divorcing it seems reasonable they get 80% of the joint assets. Others are shocked to learn that everything is a joint asset. So if you understand that half really does mean half then you won't be in for any surprises. Expect to lose half and if your lawyer can c…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 05:56 AM
3

How is this system still in place? I do believe they broke me. I may need to change careers and fight for change. This cannot continue. If there is any seriousness in that, please do! So desperately needed. I'm sorry you went through hell. It would be great knowing there's one more voice trying to stop it from happening to anyone else.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 05:44 AM
6

As a woman, can confirm. If she wanted to actually be with you properly she wouldn't be doing any of this shit. She wants to stay married because she's getting older not because she cares about you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 05:37 AM
2

I'd be ok with jail. I feel like if there's no consequences you can spend as much time making rules as you want but nothing stops her (or you) from ignoring it. Accountability is important. If both parents are going to be great you don't have to bother making rules, they'll just naturally behave and can discuss issues sanely as they occur.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 05:35 PM
2

What happens if you break one of the rules?
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 01:21 PM
4

Often in divorce you aren't allowed to generate any new debt except lawyers fees. Have your lawyer hire the financial accountant and now it's part of divorce expenses so you can use joint account finances to pay for it. Obviously check that that's the case where you are first.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 08:42 PM
2

I don't know about Canada but my son's initial orders show the date each of them hired their lawyers. Fairly useless information for them. For you, I'd make sure the sell date was 6 months or more before you hire a divorce lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 07:08 AM
2

What does your attorney say about the situation?
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 08:09 PM
7

Oh dear God. Do not have the same lawyer and stop telling yourself or letting her convince you that this is amicable, because it sure as fuck isn't. Yes some divorces really can be. Yours isn't one of them. You are already fighting about custody. You may be doing it while still smiling but it's a fight nonetheless. Get a lawyer and have temporary orders drawn up giving you shared custody. Protect your assets while you're at it. You might not need it now but you may later. There's no need to thro…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 12:50 PM
2

Is the item valuable? You don't have to list the toaster, nobody will care or notice. While you could leave it off if it's valuable, why would you want to? Assuming you are making the list anyway, of course. Sure let her have it, but why not get something equal for yourself? That list isn't a list of things you want it's a list of things to be evenly split. That ghastly handbag collection she bought herself worth 10k will offset the difference in values between your two cars. Unless you don't li…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 08:52 AM
6

I was thinking the same. Plus women have a tendency to arrange these group get-togethers. Their wives can't ask your wife because there isn't one. Your wife isn't reaching out to them to invite them because she doesn't exist anymore. If you aren't actively seeking group gatherings that include the wives you can pretty much kiss these friendships goodbye until they get divorced or you get a serious relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 08:44 AM
1

Well said.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 07:41 AM
1

The thread you are talking about, the person who started it and you jumped in to agree is a female. Sounds like it isn't all women or even all women who are in that sub. It's not even all women in commenting in that particular topic. It is all women who are disagreeing with you in that topic. That's a pretty small group of people, about 4 maybe. I'm not saying that sub isn't biased in favor of women, because I agree that it is. I'm saying that's a poor example to show it. Especially since your c…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 07:35 AM
4

Some of them. But nowhere near a majority if you're talking about the party that initiated. Probably a higher number but still less than half for those that were unaware it was coming until it came.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 05:51 PM
12

The only judgement you will get from me is to stop blaming yourself for this. You were in this together, there's enough blame to go around. (And I'm the judgemental one here). You're in the right place. The guys here are super. They all come from different situations and are sharing that to help each other through a crap time. They've even made me feel welcome and I'm a woman - my son is going through a divorce in a foreign country, I was lost about what happens there in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 04:46 AM
4

Most of that is great advice. Take criticism as a compliment. Most people will leave you alone if you’re struggling or aren’t doing anything noteworthy. You only become a significant target of negative comments if you’re doing well. If you’re taking a lot of heat, you must be doing something correct! Nope. While it's true sometimes it's just as often the exact opposite. Some people completely suck and those around them are so god damn sick of dealing with them that it boils out and they tell you…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/22 08:37 PM
3

Seconding this.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/22 08:20 PM
3

What's up with the horses?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/22 12:54 AM
7

Have you already filed for divorce? If not then hurry up or she'll establish residency there and that's where the divorce will happen. If you have already filed get temporary orders now stopping her. Texas really likes their kids and doesn't want any of them to leave. She can go without the kids and let them visit, but unless you agree to it she'll have a hard time getting approval to take them. That being said, Texas also sucks for men's rights in a divorce. You may be better off with her new l…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/22 02:10 AM
4

Sounds like a toddler who doesn't want to play with a toy until someone else does and then it's her favorite thing and she can't share. Great for temporary attention for you but unless that other woman is going to keep poking her head back in to see if the toy is available then the toddler will once again grow bored with her toy and ignore or mistreat it. Did you want to be married to a toddler?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/22 01:34 AM
6

When the money was put into the 401k does that mean that it was no longer available to the family to use for anything else? Was everyone's assumption at the time the contributions were made that it would be something to benefit you both later in life? It's no different than if she'd bought a car that only she drives. Marital income was used to get it that means it belongs to each of you equally. (For the amount that was gained during the marriage, not what she built up pre-marriage)
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 09:33 PM
7

I think you'd still be the great guy you are, but I'm glad you found this way and those kids to show your amazing-ness (is that a word?) to. Kids really do have a way of bringing out our best or worst, I'm glad for you and them that it is best in your case. Hug them now while you can, it goes so fast. Thank you for your post. It was perfectly timed for me. I'm ready to beat my grown son for being an idiot (aside from the fact who would do that or the fact that he's a lot bigger and younger than …
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 07:51 PM
2

Well sure but the op is asking about 1-2 portion cooking.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 05:38 PM
2

A jar of sauce and a few onions? That doesn't sound like a one person recipe it sounds like a family portion. I love the calling mom idea. You know you have to call periodically anyway, might as well have a purpose for the call. (As I sit here knowing I'm overdue to call mine and wishing now that she cooks)
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 04:48 PM
3

Couldn't agree more. First lawyer better be in the hospital or we have a serious problem.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 04:42 PM
2

Yeah I guess I've seen some of those here. I think maybe I'm a 3. She's not getting a payday but I don't think she understands that yet.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 07:19 AM
2

Interesting thoughts. I definitely wouldn't have come up with any of that on my own.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 07:06 AM
2

He listens to my advice but he's a grown adult that makes his own choices. Generally really good choices, but he's an idiot about women. Sadly, he's going to marry again. He tells me he won't, but he'll meet someone and do it again. My only hope is that he's learned to pick better. Two successful marriages so I don't think he grew up understanding that that's uncommon, it was just how life was supposed to be.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 06:15 AM
1

My son's stbx is doing it too, we have no idea why. She says she wants to drag it on as long as possible. There's already temporary orders where my son receives child support and has primary custody so it's not like she's avoiding paying or she risks (lol, you can't get her to visit the kids unless there's a photo opportunity so risk is a weird word) losing the kids if it gets resolved faster. All she's doing is wearing out his patience so now he's finally adding things to his demands that he sh…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 05:00 AM
2

Is it court mandated? If so, let her fuck herself by not showing up to something a judge ordered. Otherwise get a court date set because it sounds like she wants to drag this out. I don't understand the benefit of that but some people prolong it as long as they can.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 04:21 AM
1

Did she say why? I have an important meeting that day I can't reschedule is a lot different from I feel like being a cunt. If it seems reasonable then agree to reschedule. If it doesn't seem reasonable then ask your lawyer to set a court date asap. Heck, even if it does seem reasonable still set a court date. One step closer to the finish line if mediation doesn't work plus realizing the court date is scheduled might be incentive for compromise.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 04:08 AM
2

They're adults now, that doesn't negate that they were raised wrong and had no say in the matter. Do you think with a snap of the fingers that they'll suddenly realize they were raised wrong and know how to correct it and develop the character traits necessary to correct it? They got fucked in life and now one of the two people responsible for that is told to blame them for what he created. I'm not saying op should provide everything for them forever, or even for another minute, but blaming them…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 03:10 AM
1

Oh, I thought they were his kids too. He could have put his foot down 20 years ago instead of waiting until now. Either way, the kids aren't to blame for how they were raised.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 02:09 AM
3

"Every day I raised you wrong and now that you are grown I don't know how to fix it so I blame you for ruining my marriage". Yeah, not their fault, they're the victims.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 12:23 AM
7

No idea the laws everywhere but logic to me says that whoever moved away caused this to be a cost so that is who should pay for it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/22 09:40 AM
5

Take your girls out. In fact, try to make time to take them each out individually too so each understands that they are special and unique. And when your girls aren't there take her girls out too. If you think you are staying and this is going to be permanent then they need to be included in special things. So take them out for a special outing with you and bond with them and get to know them. Don't wait for your new partner to start this routine with them, it isn't her thing. Hopefully she does…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/22 02:43 PM
7

Anyone besides you yourself who wants you to cut contact with your mom needs to go away. Especially as she seems to have no reason at all.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 05:37 AM
1

I agree with you that it seems like a terrible thing, but it is a standard terrible thing in some states. His lawyer seems less than and the judge definitely biased, but that part hold true for most in some states.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 04:00 AM
5

For some people that's more than they make in a week. If you haven't got anything, or barely anything, you don't want to spend your rent money fighting over it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 03:50 AM
2

No worries. We've all read too fast at some point and missed something.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 02:34 AM
5

Georgia and Florida are both in the US.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 11:08 PM
1

I'll agree with your last sentence wholeheartedly. You picked and chose through what I said and completely missed every point. Like the first paragraph where I say there's no point in marriage if you aren't having kids. Why discuss something we both agree is pointless? So yes, once there are kids someone has to take care of them all day every day. Which is why nanny is relevant. The four jobs were clearly spelled out: cook, maid, nanny, household manager. A maid doesn't cook unless you're a chea…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 03:05 PM
2

Same in my country, even during marriage (NL) but most of these people are Americans and they got some fucked up rules there.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 08:18 AM
2

Shouldn't be, I agree. But every state has different rules and who knows what mistake he made along the way that might somehow screw him. Hopefully her debt her problem will be the reality.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 07:39 AM
3

Easy stuff. Split it all in half. No spousal support. She's possibly stuck with all her student loans too but don't be shocked if it is half yours.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 04:00 AM
7

Most people don't come to vent about what they themselves have done wrong or how they screwed their exes over. Sharing the responsibility for the failure of the marriage doesn't mean you can't be annoyed about the other person's role in it too, especially if said other person is refusing to accept any blame at all. People come here for advice, support, camaraderie, and a place to vent. And yes, sometimes that is someone saying I fucked up, now what do I do.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 03:08 AM
5

Son! You found reddit. Sorry, sounds like my kid could have written this. His stbxw pretty much abandoned the kids and every responsibility they had and is off discovering herself. She shows up every now and then so she can take pictures with the kids to post wherever the fuck she posts stuff and try to convince everyone she loves her kids and this is all the fault of her evil husband that she can't see them more. Neglecting to tell them that the temporary orders gave her time with them almost d…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 11:25 PM
1

I can't imagine why anyone would bother getting married if they weren't planning (hoping) for children in the near future. Maybe because I don't see much point in it in general. If a wife cleans once a week and cooks once every other day you got a really bad deal unless she's also earning money which I assumed she wasn't otherwise income difference is way too variable to discuss in generalizations. It also completely changes the dynamic of the relationship and what each should expect from the ot…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 10:40 PM
9

When you marry her you'll be living with her kid. Who annoys the fuck out of you. Has his life not sucked enough already from having a broken home that you feel the need to force him to live with someone who is constantly angry at him? Sure his behavior is inappropriate. You being angry about it isn't helping him. Please do not marry her or live with her until you can spend a week straight with the kid without being angry.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 07:42 PM
1

You could try asking her to claim one/some/all. If she agrees it might not be legal but it probably isn't illegal if that makes sense. Maybe get her consent notarized so that it is legal? (I do not know the law around it, this is a suggestion of something you could ask her and your lawyer about) Otherwise no. And sadly that part I am sure about. Sorry you screwed yourself with the debt. Wish I had better ideas to help.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 05:42 PM
1

In family court the women attorneys seem more than willing to fight and the men more paper pushers. I see a very small percentage of them so am grossly overgeneralizing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 12:07 PM
2

Sadly it is true for all extras too, not just daycare. If it isn't spelled out in the decree it isn't happening and standard is child support only. No day care, summer camp, sports, after school activities, driving lessons/car insurance. Also 50/50 isn't standard. If both don't agree to it then it's unlikely to happen. (That varies by county but there's a heck of a lot of them that don't like it). Food for thought before calling someone a deadbeat dad for not doing 50/50, he likely wanted it and…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 11:56 AM
2

I always thought it was for men. He gets a full time cook, house manager, maid, and nanny. Accepting that half of that is for herself that still leaves two full time jobs. Unless he's a high earner half of his paycheck doesn't cover what he's buying. Now I understand a lot of women don't do all of that. I never understood why someone would want to marry them then. Then indeed it is in women's favor. I guess it's just a matter of how well each of you picks who benefits more from marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 07:48 AM
2

“Nope. I was very specific about behaviors on this sub. I am basing that on observable data So was our guy. He didn't say anything about women in general, he said that sub isn't great for guys advice.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 07:34 AM
1

Welcome to Texas. Daycare is paid by whoever wants the daycare unless it was previously agreed to in the divorce and it isn't a standard thing at all.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 07:15 AM
6

If they're here they probably aren't reconciling.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 06:50 AM
3

Frustrating. And I'd be wondering about the competence of the lawyer too. But does it actually matter who files first? I thought the reason for filing first was so you had time to prepare, not just react. You're clearly prepared and whether yours went through first or not, so is she. Request a refund from your attorney. You paid him to do something and he got it wrong. Not by not being first but because he couldn't find something it took you ten minutes to find. Whatever hours he is billing you …
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 11:00 PM
3

Highly unlikely she won't put the child in care if you don't pay. What she is saying is that she doesn't want to give up any of her luxuries and could you do it instead. You have three options. 1 tell her yes, if and only if you get something legally binding in return. Such as extra summer time visits, longer/more vacations, whatever your heart desires. But get something. Also include the condition that this is temporary. Not only will child support payments not be going up as she is nearly scho…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 08:48 PM
5

Tell her you are done dealing with her crap. Forget about the past unless you really are going back to court. Document everything from now on. Tell her the contract will be followed and if she doesn't like it then her idea of going to court suits you fine since you didn't do a damn thing wrong. Tell her there will be consequences if she doesn't follow the contract and you are done with her games. If it is your parenting time and the children are not exactly where they are supposed to be and you …
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 08:57 PM
2

Why are you two communicating through the children? They are not responsible adults. You tell her and she tells you. No games of pass the message through them because children don't participate.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 08:48 PM
1

Talk to a lawyer. Such similar incomes often means no alimony at all, depending on where you are. If you are living together and sharing child expenses then it also means no, or very very low, child support. If instead you both agreed that she would be responsible for all childcare costs and you would only pay in a monthly lump sum then a standard payment is about 25% of your income. If that's the route you go realize that the children are each using ¼ of the electricity, water, etc so when you …
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 08:45 PM
3

This doesn't sound like healthy co-parenting at all. She can't ignore your request for valid information like medical or school information. What they did at lunch break today, sure, but not real things.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 08:15 PM
2

It's not too soon if you feel ok about it. Don't be surprised or beat yourself up about it if you backslide at some point. That's ok too. You'll work through it all when you work through it all. Edited to add:. By backsliding I mean getting angry again, not getting back together.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 02:59 AM
1

Fill it out both separately and together and see which way comes out best.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 10:42 PM
3

Put them all on a stick or something and delete them from places you see daily. That way you have them when or if you want to look at them but you don't have to worry about coming across one unexpectedly and having it ruin your day.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 05:08 PM
3

In "my" case it counts overnights. Not sure if that's standard or not.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 01:31 AM
3

I took it more as an exclamation anyway. Considering where I am it's quite understandable. And thanks for the compliment. If I'm honest my hope is that with time he won't care about pettiness. Or it'll come out some other way.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 04:31 AM
74

A happy ex puts up less of a fight in a divorce. If you disrupt her and her fling too much he may break up with her, which means she's not happy any longer and will fight for more in the divorce. So you need to decide what is more important to you, ruin her affair now or ruin her affair later after you got the best deal possible from your divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 03:54 AM
2

If you are going to talk with them please do it gently. They're children and they've clearly been through more than anyone would ever wish their children had to go through. I don't know why they kept the secret but just the fact that they knew must have hurt them terribly. Offer them your love and support, keep any accusations to yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 07:51 PM
1

None. My son is divorcing and everyone's expectations, including her lawyer, are that he'll end up with full custody. I find her behaviors appalling and I can't wait for her to finally be out of their lives. She definitely qualifies as a shit person and shit parent. But I'm not so ignorant as to believe this is what happens in every divorce. Life is messy. I agree that many people make excuses for not doing what they should. That doesn't mean that everyone does. There are legitimate reasons and …
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 05:18 PM
12

Good news, she is someone else's problem. Feel happy he's dealing with her uselessness now instead of you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 07:27 AM
1

Lol I was thinking about banana bread too. I guess it matches up with another old piece of fruit. A 40 year old who still wants kids. I see two options, green psychotic banana or good banana and adopt some kids (or surrogate or whatever other choices there are). I can't see choosing someone horrible on purpose when other choices exist. But at least in this scenario there would be a good reason to pick a green banana, one much better than they think green is prettier. Everyone can do as they plea…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 02:08 AM
2

Ever seen a parent petition the court for permission to move out of the area with the kids and win? Explain to me how the remaining parent needs to grow a pair. Not every person is a shit person for not living in a perfect world where what they want is always possible. Ever read the stories here about women successfully claiming domestic violence? Hard to get 50/50 when the courts have decided you are a danger to your children. At that point you're lucky to get supervised visitation after taking…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 12:37 AM
1

61, so a fully brown banana. (Also a happily married woman but shhhh don't tell.) One (of 4) of my boys (28) is divorcing. Looking at the choices of women his age or younger is sad. Fortunately he's got two kids from his future ex and he's content to not have more. My hope is he doesn't do more than casually date for awhile and somewhere in his 30s he can find someone suitable. He's determined to send me to an early grave though, convinced he needs a mother for the kids (future ex really sucks, …
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 09:16 PM
1

I remind my son what feels like daily to not marry again. But I hope he has another (a first as the original wasn't meaningful it was psychotic) meaningful relationship with someone who is a good match for him, not just a pretty thing to look at but horrible under the surface. The people here mostly already started a family, then it fell apart. No need for a fertile young wife once you already have kids. Pick a ripe one for your second partner, someone age appropriate so you don't end up with an…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 07:50 PM
1

Oh what a shit loophole. Probably meant to allow a houseguest for a week. Sorry the solution won't work. I wish you luck.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 07:30 PM
1

Water won't sustain you. I want a ripe banana, not a brown mushy one and not a too green one either. I think a lot of men choose green ones and are then surprised it wasn't yet ready. They see a ripe one as too close to expired.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 07:26 PM
2

I don't know about where you live, you'd have to find that out yourself. But, there's a good chance she can't do it legally. Oh the courts might approve her doing it. But the apartment can't legally rent a one bedroom apartment to 3 people-adult and children. Call where she wants to rent and find out their rules. No need for a battle you'd likely lose when you can take a different route entirely and get what you want.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 07:17 PM
2

I think you're completely right on so much of this. So much. Sure there's plenty of men who will be a one night stand or an F buddy, but the men who want relationships have the option of younger women. That's really the only place you went wrong. And you didn't go wrong, it's still what happens. But a relationship with a younger woman is going to lead to the same damn thing. Dating someone who has matured enough to figure out exactly who they are will make your life a lot easier. It's really har…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 07:04 PM
1

Does that mean you are hurting? Is that why you harassed OP with your comment? Lashing out at those who shared their thoughts. He wasn't asking for your judgement or advice, why scold him?
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 06:47 AM
4

To me? The only thing that happened to me was I got stuck reading some shit judgy post from a holier than thou hypocrite.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 04:52 AM
2

So pot then, glad that's cleared up.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 04:15 AM
1

Must be nice to have the world all figured out, not only for yourself but for everyone else in every situation too.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 04:14 AM
2

Op is down, he just got banned from a forum. Your comment is equivalent to a kick. Are you the pot or the kettle in this scenario?
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 02:53 AM
5

What sort of bizarre scenario is that? A dad that only has 50% custody after his ex dies isn't normal either. But nobody in this scenario is dead so why jump to an irrelevant extreme? Sometimes parents don't live near enough to one another for 50/50 to make sense. Driving hours each way (or flying) for school every day is not realistic. A parent that works nights with school aged children is possible, but why hire a sitter so your kids aren't alone constantly just so you can claim that yes you h…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 02:29 AM
5

I presume you want 50% of the parenting time, otherwise you are a terrible father. You realize that's not realistic for everyone and you just went out of your way to make some good people feel like shit.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 07:32 PM
3

Cohabitating while separated, that sucks, all the hell and nothing positive. Check with your lawyer before doing that. She's a resident and that's something she probably has a legal right to use. I don't blame you for wanting to, I just don't want you shooting yourself in the foot because of it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 08:59 PM
5

If it's her house that's her problem. If it is yours then lock the damn thing and tell her she isn't welcome to use it because she refuses to use it properly. You could try locking the door that connects the garage to the house. It doesn't protect your things in the garage but at least your house is still secured.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/22 08:30 PM
2

I'd say your lawyers probably know the laws and judges for your area a hell of a lot better than a random person starting the divorce process so listen to them.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 06:22 AM
10

If you are debating breaking up then marriage is a terrible idea. All those things you don't like will become a permanent part of your life. That's not an improvement. Please don't marry to please other people. If they are that desperate for a wedding tell them to have their own.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 09:54 PM
4

Child support is child support whether you were ever married or not. The amount doesn't change based on whether you were married or not. Alimony doesn't happen automatically everywhere. If you're that concerned about it get a prenup, postnup, and live in a state where it's rare. So your real risk is that what both of you make during marriage will be split evenly between you should you divorce, just like it belongs to you both while you are married. That's kind of what marriage is, sharing everyt…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 09:50 PM
2

Do you have any reason not to? Are you concerned she'll run off with them, or is she abusive or neglectful? If you have a reason then don't give them to her. If it just feels different and you're unsure what the rules are then go ahead and let her have them. Plan ahead when she's expected to bring them back. (And if she sucks at being a mom don't be surprised if she brings them back early)
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 07:31 PM
8

Don't walk away, you are the only stable person in your child's life. If your ex is that bad try to get the mindset that you are the one with custody and now and then mom will show up for an unexpected visit and give you a few free hours. It may help save your sanity. If not find a different way of looking at it that works for you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 02:16 AM
3

Not all daycare workers are adults that have gone through an educational course in child care. Not all childcare is done at a daycare facility, teenage babysitting really is a thing, au pairs are young too. So no, I am not comparing an adult daycare provider to a teenaged babysitter, I'm stating very plainly that an unqualified child stranger is just that. Something that many people hire regularly without batting an eye because it's considered normal. And unless you picked the absolute bottom of…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 07:09 PM
11

Watch it and see if there is sound or not. If you can clearly hear both of you then turn it over to your lawyer. She knew it was there, as evidenced by her trying to take it (and being too stupid to understand how) so it's a perfectly legal recording. What you are doing with that tape isn't blackmail it's evidence. Very damning evidence. Use it. The more time your kids spend with someone like that the more time she has to instill her values to them.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 06:34 PM
0

Are you seriously comparing a doctor to a teenaged babysitter?
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 06:25 PM
2

Very clear answer, thank you. I'm not american, nor is my son. But he lives there and files taxes there. Your taxes are a challenge to figure out and this made that portion of it so much easier to understand. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 06:21 PM
1

Sorry, didn't mean to imply I thought you had your panties in a wad. I meant she's just not thinking about you one way or another, in general. Kids are one part of her life and she has to deal with you regarding that. But her name or what she wears to work or a new hairstyle, you don't usually cross her mind for that stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 03:49 AM
1

Because it is her name now and your thoughts on what she does don't matter anymore. Why should she change a name she's used to because someone she'll hopefully never see again might have his panties in a wad about it?
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 03:32 AM
2

I can't help it if someone choses wrong. OPs situation is hypothetical. My thoughts are don't get a girlfriend if you don't want to and don't marry if you don't want to. I see very little point in marriage in general, I only have one exception. I am not suggesting OP must get a SAH partner, these days that's a rarity. I'm saying it's the only situation where I ever see any point in marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 03:21 AM
1

A person willing to be a SAH parent. I'm not saying every SAH parent is great, but the expectation should be a better quality of care than received by hired help. Is that worth something to you? If not, don't partner with someone who wants to do that. Partner with someone with the same outlook as you. (Which should always be the case) But if you do want that for your family then there are reasonable tradeoffs. So what it gives him is exactly what he wanted, a partner willing to throw her career …
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 07:41 PM
1

I'm at an age (mid 50's), where because I don't look my age, I can attract women that are quite a bit younger than I am. That always seems to go nowhere. I'm like... Wait you had fun, you are totally attracted to me and you enjoyed spending time but when you find out my age, it's a no go? Try dating women near your age. They'll be closer to the same stage of life as you. Sure a younger woman can enjoy a few fun dates with you, but her goals in life are to start a life. You might be willing to do…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 04:02 PM
4

My son's future ex kept quitting counseling because the therapists were all against her. They had the nerve to tell her she wasn't always right. She was sure it was all my son and hearing that it was only partly him was a clear indication they were biased, didn't like her, and didn't know what the hell they were talking about. Oh, and clearly manipulated by my son to not even bother hearing her side. Nothing's ever her fault. So I easily believe a therapist told her that. I'm amazed she accepted…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 08:40 AM
-4

If you change and want to have a relationship then go ahead. Unless you want her to be a stay-at-home mom there is no need for marriage. Just live together. If you want a SAHmom it gives her security to be married and she is giving up advancing her career so it can be a reasonable tradeoff.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 08:34 AM
7

You are not required to move out until a court says you have to no matter how much she says it. So if you can't afford it, that's that. I'd suggest that since she's unemployed anyway that she can move to the California house. Or if you work remotely then that's an option for you too. If the California house is currently occupied then both stay in the house until the California lease ends (can you cause it to end earlier) then one moves there. You might think the divorce is your fault, you might …
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 08:23 AM
8

If you do it now you may inadvertently give her ammunition. And you'll be giving her a reason to want to use that ammunition because she's going to come out of that talk with hurt feelings most likely. This is not your best idea ever. Reconsider.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 04:04 AM
3

No idea, haven't used them, but going to guess anyway. (Not that this was your primary issue) You may not have selected that you want an Asian partner but perhaps most of those specific women put Asian partner in their preferences, you match their list and they aren't excluded from your list.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 07:42 PM
1

My son's in the same boat and I feel your pain. They have temporary orders and it is supposed to work out to awake time is 50/50 but they sleep 5 nights with my son. His stbxw works nights. In reality, she picks them up as late as she can, makes excuses why she can't do her days, can only handle one at a time (there's two) and basically just can't be bothered. The only time she actually does a proper day with them is when someone else can see her. If her new friend is coming over then she presen…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 07:13 PM
1

How about something simple like "Friday is mommy's birthday so when you see her on Saturday don't forget to tell her happy birthday. Do you need help making her a card?" She's a grown adult, she can wait to have a birthday celebration. No need to give the kids early.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/22 03:53 AM
2

Having requirements for a partner isn't controlling. Telling them that those are your requirements isn't controlling either. Not breaking up with them when you realize they don't meet your requirements and instead trying to force, demand, coerce, or what have you so that they do things your way instead of theirs is controlling. So go ahead and announce that common sense is a requirement for you. Then use some of it and ask her to put the needle away with an explanation of why it matters to you. …
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 05:41 AM
1

You found affordable (free because it's you) child care for her working hours when she needs child care. Is that for the occasional day or every work day? While you may be capable of working and having the kids she isn't required to want that same arrangement. That's why childcare is a thing to begin with. If you are willing to have them every day then I would say you have offered the best financial deal for childcare and she can pay all costs above that if she opts for something else. But if yo…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/22 04:54 AM
1

I don't think it is wrong to want a lawyer, even if simply to double check that everything really is as friendly and fair as it seems. The part that had me concerned is that you want to hide it from her. Which is also fine. But when she finds out that you have one secretly she's not going to be happy. That's also fine so long as you are fine with it. But don't expect her to feel amicably towards you when she finds out you have been going behind her back.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 12:07 AM
1

You want it to be amicable and you want to know how to go behind her back? If you go behind her back it isn't going to stay amicable. If you truly think things can be amicable then be straight with her. "I think we need to consult a lawyer to make sure we are doing this right. Can we schedule an appointment for a group consult?" Either that or I didn't understand your question.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 07:51 PM
1

Not to be a dick, but I'm about to be a dick. Kids wake up in the middle of the night, after you've had the hit. The only way to do drugs and have it not effect them is to do it on days/nights that you don't have custody. That's true whether you have a prescription or not and if the drugs are pot, alcohol, or Xanax or anything else.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 06:54 AM
2

When the wife is a raging bitch who can't figure out ever that it's time to shut the hell up would be my guess. How many times do you have to be told that nobody here is interested in your man bashing even if you think it's justified. Yes some women really do get the shit end of things. Go to a woman's forum and let them comfort you if you're one of them. And men are pretty straight forward, you are making this unnecessarily difficult. "I'm not ready to talk about that yet, let's talk about some…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 05:45 AM
1

I'm stunned by all the responses and most stunned not to see my first thought. What free time? Put the house back together, get the laundry caught up, do some grocery shopping, clean some more. If there's any time left that's prime nap time. Two days goes quick! How are you all fitting in real lives?
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 05:29 AM
2

Instead of hers or two policies? For me fair would be that she would cover half of your premium if it's only your policy or you each pay for your own if it is two policies. Either way all uncovered costs would be split evenly. I'm not a lawyer and none of that is in your paperwork. It's just a neutral party's utterly uninformed (I know nothing about your situation beyond this) opinion. To me when it comes to kids fair means half of all necessities, half of all luxuries you agree on (if you both …
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 05:18 AM
2

Then I think you should pay half. And so should she if things change later. An actual half. She's spending money every month for insurance, that cost should be split between you both too, not just the costs after insurance covers its portion.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 04:55 AM
2

Your decree may well state that you have to provide insurance and in the event that you don't any and all medical costs are 100% yours even though she has them covered. She's not the one legally responsible, you are. That she has additional coverage doesn't negate your responsibility to provide coverage. Or it could just state one of you have to cover them but it doesn't matter who, in which case you only have to pay half. In short, read your paperwork. That's where all the info is and we're pla…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 04:30 AM
1

Fuck. That's one too many zeros for a mini cooper. I think I'm happy I don't live where you do and 4k now sounds like pocket change.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 03:19 AM
2

4k a month, where do you live that she can't afford a car?
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 03:06 AM
3

You hate Penny because Leonard put her on a pedestal? Because she openly dated other people? (She didn't cheat on him). Because he's desperate to get her attention and willingly volunteers to do things for her? Sounds like you hate her because he's an idiot. Only thing she did wrong was live in the wrong building, the rest of it is all him. And Leonard is a pathetic simp from episode one, you just didn't notice.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/22 01:45 AM
2

I'm not sure I understand your point. I mean I understand it, you said it clearly enough. I don't understand how it relates to this guy's issues and my comment about them.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 11:08 PM
4

That's a really good point. Marriage should be fair not imbalanced but fair doesn't have to mean both sides are exactly the same.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 02:42 PM
2

Hey I think that's great! She's going to be nasty either way so you might as well get what you want while dealing with her nastiness instead of just dealing with her nastiness. I hope it all works out in a way that you can live with. Have fun with your daughter, I'm glad you didn't give up on her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 03:00 AM
2

Congratulations!
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 03:11 PM
1

I keep coming back to this post. I really want to slap you. How do you not see what exactly this means. She's saying it point blank. Something doesn't work. It's your responsibility to fix it because she can't be bothered. (I'm assuming she isn't literally too stupid to figure it out from google or YouTube). Also, that you somehow didn't know in advance of her needing it that it was broken and fix it for her is something that must be punished. You have inconvenienced her. So instead of her doing…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 02:05 PM
9

Try reminding yourself of the reason you broke up. Seeing as someone else just dumped her for the same reason she isn't any better than she was when you dumped her. Were you hoping to dump her a second time? Nice petty revenge but you'll fuck your kids up doing it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 08:44 PM
7

Uugh this is exactly my son. Every week it is something new from his ex. Help I'm helpless and can't do it myself. While simultaneously saying she needs nothing from him. Now she's out of money and asking to borrow some. He's paying for the mortgage, the cars, daycare, everything. So much so that he's supposed to get temporary child support from her, which doesn't even cover half of day care. But she "only" wants to "borrow" 100. Well since she didn't pay child support that's actually 600 she bo…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 03:28 PM
4

Most of it I learned here. My own divorce was decades ago, not in the US, and quite easy. My son is going through it now and it's anything but easy. The people here are really helpful. Hopefully someone will share a link to a men's divorce website, a lot of useful information there too.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 12:14 AM
3

If the kids aren't yours you won't have to pay child support. Alimony depends on length of marriage and where you are. If she can't afford the house in her own name and nobody else will cosign for her then the house gets sold. You can always offer to give her your half of the equity immediately instead of monthly alimony payments. The alimony would be more money total but if she needs money now it could solve both your problems.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 12:08 AM
9

This is the exact type of situation where planning is so important. Talk with a lawyer and have everything organized before you take any steps. Have her served with divorces papers and at the same time a petition for temporary custody orders and a restraining order that she can only see and talk with you about the child. Move out in the morning and have her served in the afternoon. No need to worry about or deal with her insanity, it won't be your problem any longer. If possible bring a witness …
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 11:58 PM
3

Maybe look into adoption?
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 12:32 PM
1

Ah I see. Weekend not week. Try finding the most father friendly county near you and move to that farm she wants in that jurisdiction. Rent at first because it's such a drastic change you should make sure you like it. File for divorce after residency is established.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 01:14 AM
1

Is EOW not every other week?
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 12:36 AM
1

I'm not sure I understand what the problem is. Most divorced people work at some point during their custody hours. Hire someone/a service to care for your children when you aren't available.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 11:42 PM
1

No need, I can see how you read it the way you did. I'm really good at making too long posts. When I try to make them a normal length I over-edit myself and end up confusing people and then having to explain anyway. I should stick with the long posts and anyone that doesn't have the attention span for 20 sentences can skip it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 04:12 PM
1

Sure, but I didn't mean doing it secretively. As part of the divorce you sell the house and split the equity. He's willing to just flat out give her the house but can't afford an attorney so if he uses his half to pay the attorney he'd most likely have some left over that he can give her in lieu of alimony or a share of his retirement accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 04:01 PM
1

Depends on where your money is whether she can get it or not. If you sold the fully paid for home you could pay for the lawyer and give her what is left as alimony (assuming you are from an alimony state) and then you don't have to flee the country. Though you can if you want.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 01:54 PM
5

Stay at home isn't the problem so much as not having a grasp on reality. There's normal people that raise kids and clueless ones that work for money.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 11:35 AM
6

Poor communication, lack of common goals, no real partnership or teamwork, yep that's how it starts. Those issues should have been addressed a few kids ago, now it's growing and festering. Soon enough it'll be out of control. He'll file for divorce and she'll be surprised because they didn't communicate properly. Or she'll file and he'll think it's all her fault because he gave her everything and it wasn't enough.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 01:55 AM
3

Exactly this. And also don't worry if she's getting a good deal out of this or taking advantage. It doesn't matter. You're doing it for yourself and your kids, if someone else benefits too that's ok, even if it is your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 08:14 PM
1

Get her into therapy
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 04:04 PM
1

I understand you don't want to fill in the paperwork yourself. If you download it all you can look through it and see exactly what information she needs and what is extra. Then you'll know. You can still leave it up to her to do all the work.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 12:40 PM
1

She wants 100% custody and you want to keep the peace more than you want to raise your child. Seems like that's the obvious answer. If you decide that being a part of your daughter's life is more important than your ex not being a toddler having a temper tantrum at any given moment then you'll have to fight for custody and deal with her nastiness. She is not going to suddenly become a better person who won't act horribly if she doesn't get her way. So how much custody should you get? As much as …
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 12:50 AM
2

Exactly. If they can't explain a benefit for you then why would you consider doing it? "So I can take half your stuff when I get bored of you" isn't the best selling point. My son is going through a divorce right now. I asked him why he got married in the first place and he said because she said it would make her happy. Lovely that you care about someone else's happiness but that's a huge commitment just to make someone smile.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 06:08 PM
2

Start now with showing you are an active and involved parent in your child and future child's lives. Learn the daycare worker's names, go to all doctor appointments including for the unborn one. Find an activity to do with the child, a play class of some sort and get to know the other parents and teachers there. Become superdad. You need to be an active participant in your children's lives now if you want to be given that privilege in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 03:10 PM
2

If you get an agreement in place that everyone signs that states that she is responsible for the mortgage and in the event she doesn't pay it and it goes into foreclosure then she must pay you a specific sum. Because that would be a legal contract. You would still take the credit hit of having your property foreclosed though. Still a headache. And it'd just be a new thing for her to fight you about. (If you'd been more reasonable about agreeing to utterly fuck yourself with this one thing she wa…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 10:53 AM
21

Then she'll understand that love doesn't have anything to do with a legal ceremony and you two can live happily ever after together forever without being married. If she's dead set on marriage ask her to explain exactly what it is that changes between the day before you are married and the day after. Then listen very carefully and critically to the answer.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 04:33 AM
1

I hope she doesn't go after it. But at least now you won't be blindsided if she does. If you've got a buddy in the business see if you can get a good (low) appraisal for them. Not the "I hope we can sell it this high" price but the "with some luck we could buy it this low" price. Be careful though, as soon as you get an appraisal you are acknowledging they have value. Up until now you could claim you just thought they were shoes and what does some internet stranger know anyway so you didn't take…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 04:28 AM
1

My truck: $47k owed Her car: $7k owed = $54k debt split equally between us, is $27k each It does. If your truck is worth exactly what you owe on it (47k) and hers is worth 23k then that means you vehicle plus loan balances to 0 and her vehicle plus loan balances to 16k asset. She owes you 8k, then you both have equal asset to debt ratio. Very different from 27k that you originally thought. It does depend on what your truck is worth obviously. The less it is worth (remember to point out all flaws…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 03:11 AM
1

It's even worse than you think. That truck debt you want to share, you get to. But you forgot it was attached to a truck. That's half hers. If her car is worth about the same as your truck then they balance out, otherwise you keeping it puts you above 50/50 and you'll have to give her something else to balance it back out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 01:19 AM
2

Instead of letting a term in a sub and a bit of googling diagnose you perhaps discuss your proposed diagnosis with your therapist. Not only could she possibly give you a correct label but learn how to deal with it as well. You don't have to lose your daughter and learning how to control yourself means you won't harm her by being in her life.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 09:18 PM
6

You'll need an apartment with multiple bedrooms. You could sell the house, split the equity, and both get a place lesser than the current house but better than an apartment. Or you could, I have no idea what your ex could do.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 04:29 PM
1

Good luck! Hoping for the best for you in your mediation today.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 03:42 PM
0

If neither of you pays the mortgage that is not her fucking you, that's both of you not paying it. So it won't effect alimony at all. Sell the house now before telling her you want a divorce. Then you don't have to worry about paying for it later and you can split the equity easily when you do file.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 11:36 AM
2

I didn't think he would be buying a house with her. He, as a single man, would buy a house and then let her live in it as his roommate. Her name nowhere on the paperwork and they're divorced so no other claim to it. *Edit. I'm sorry you deleted. I'm genuinely curious what the traps could be and I'm sure op is too. I don't know if you got it wrong or not but the ideas give op and the rest of us something to think about.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 02:47 AM
2

What would be the potential traps that you see?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 02:13 AM
1

I'm naive too so who knows.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 02:12 AM
3

I can see a lot of potential pros in this for you so indeed it would be worth asking a lawyer about. If she's out to screw you then it's because she doesn't want to be married any longer anyway so getting an easy divorce before you hit the 10 year alimony marker is a huge bonus. If the paperwork/division is equal that's better than you'd probably get in the divorce. Any chance she thinks she's about to come into some money and she doesn't want to share with you?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 02:12 AM
1

And with recordings to prove he didn't then even if he gets arrested temporarily he'll be released. And she can only do it once. It doesn't evict him either. It would require her to intentionally break the law. Yes, some people do that. OP hasn't given any indication that he believes her to be the sort to engage in criminal activity. There's not much you can do if she cheats, but these are all honest things he can do to keep himself sheltered without going bankrupt. She can also kill him and bur…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 01:03 AM
3

Who is frog marching you to the curb and why?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 12:22 AM
2

You stopped paying the mortgage and you think it would be against the rules if she stopped too? (You haven't yet, but that would be your plan because you can't afford to pay it any longer) So to answer your question, yes she can stop paying it, just like you could. Your solution is that you both stay in the home for as long as both of you are co-owners of the house. Draw up a separation agreement that states you will both continue to reside in the house, separately. If you have concerns set up c…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 10:41 PM
1

Or I yours. I was definitely not in the best mood.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 11:42 AM
1

Maybe that's it, I'm getting too old to appreciate their youthfulness any longer.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 03:53 AM
2

Anyone, male or female, fighting to get more than their share and screw over the other party is an asshole in my book. If that's a guy being greedy, ok, if it's a gal being greedy, same thing. That lawyer, also an asshole. A tirade about the injustice of the court system doesn't negate any of it, it just adds another layer of assholes. (The courts). It still isn't an excuse to try to intentionally fuck over someone.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 03:51 AM
5

You could do something small that you know will irritate her so she doesn't want to be cuddly. Small. Like a dish in the living room or don't rinse the coffeepot, cap off the toothpaste or don't replace the toilet paper.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 01:53 AM
-2

Sorry, I forgot. Women evil. Government bad. Men helpless victims.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 11:33 PM
0

But deciding half the population is equally wrong isn't justified. He also doesn't see any of the blame his friend deserves. Only that his friend is a victim, not an active participant. Let's say there's two types of flowers, one is a cactus and the other a water lilly. Pretty much opposites. You want a cactus. You see a flower and start treating it like a lilly. All the cactuses don't respond to that. But the water lilly thrives. It's happy being a lilly and glad you appreciate it for what it i…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 11:31 PM
3

If you divorce her before you start it you don't have to give her any of it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 10:51 PM
1

I also said fine details versus broad strokes. The name of something which gives the state the right to deal with child support isn't really relevant. (I hadn't heard it either) You can go through a whole divorce without ever needing that term. Who has kids and has never heard child support and has no clue what it means? I'm not american. My kid is married to one for now. It's amazing researching this stuff for the state he's in, TV pretty much sums up the general knowledge of it. Exactly how 50…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 10:48 PM
-2

I'm great, thanks for checking. Op seems to be hurting though. Deciding his friend made multiple extremely poor decisions means his friend is blameless and that not just his friend's wife but all women are awful is not a healthy outlook.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 06:32 PM
4

Do you want to go with because you can't handle her and/or the kids being out of your sight or doing something fun without you? Or are you afraid she plans to leave the state and never return? The first one isn't ok, the second is. The faster you get paperwork the better, then she can't run away with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 05:11 PM
1

I think he's going to too. The good news is that it'll be a short marriage and after he eventually recovers he'll still be young enough to have a good life.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 05:05 PM
2

So why do you see post after post of "do I really have to give her half" because she cheated/didn't work/is a bitch/all of the above/some other crap? It's not just men. I can't stay on the basic divorce sub for long because it's too petty for me. So I see the male side more which means I also see the male side completely confused by reality more. I understand some are getting screwed over. Hard. But I see more that have put themselves in the role of victim when the reality that they present is e…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 04:07 PM
8

Generally speaking that debt remains hers. However, nothing is stopping her from not paying her half of the mortgage and instead pay down her loan. Then you get to choose (what a choice) to pay her share or have your home foreclosed. If you have a joint account and she pays for the debt from it that is you accepting the debt and if you separate it's half yours. From only what you put here it sounds like she is in a hurry to get married so you'll be responsible for her debt. If that doesn't sound…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 03:49 PM
4

I'm often surprised by just how unaware people are about what divorce could mean. How did you manage to have no knowledge of this? I don't mean the fine details and the differences between one area and another, but the general broad strokes. Community property, child support, alimony. Those are words most people know. Why do you think people don't understand that it will apply to them as well? Do you think it is the emotional attachment that people have which causes them to think the rules shoul…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 03:35 PM
0

The good news is that you seem to hate women so much you'll never be in the same situation as your friend.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 11:17 AM
4

Child support is a standard rate in many places. In that regard your attorney is correct. I'm sorry that your wife has fewer expenses but that has nothing to do with your responsibility to take care of your child. Perhaps an attorney could help more with asset and debt distribution, then you won't be so tight on funds.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/22 09:11 PM
2

She's hellbent on destroying you so you can't understand the lawyers you've spoken to? I think you're going to have to focus a bit a listen to what they say. Even if she's the most vindictive person on the planet and has piles of dirt against you a lawyer can still tell you what that means legally. I'd also suggest talking with your consulate/embassy. I can't imagine an American court doesn't have jurisdiction over two americans getting divorced and the custody of their american child even if tw…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/22 12:47 PM
1

What do Spanish lawyers think of your case once you have been there 6 months?
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/22 12:16 PM
1

Since your attorney is aware of your hard line if he says on the same page then it's safe to assume it is within the boundaries you have set.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/22 11:47 AM
2

I just reread your post because something was nagging at me and I couldn't figure out what. I have 50/50 of our two young kids (6&3). Ex is demanding in court 10minutes daily/private/uninterrupted FT calls She wants you to leave a 3 year old unattended with only a telephone and a 6 year old as supervision? 3 year olds don't get privacy. The best interest of the child is to deny the request as it is a danger to your children.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/22 11:31 AM
3

Any situation you think up has happened to someone at some point unless you go truly fiction and include unicorns or something. Some divorces are easy, some are hell.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/22 02:20 AM
3

If you can't afford to move then you can't afford to move. There's really no way to walk you through that. Stay where you are, file for divorce, stay where you are until the divorce is final. Use your half of the equity from selling the house to help pay for your new residence. Yes it sucks to keep living with someone you are divorcing. Your alternative is homelessness.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 10:16 PM
10

No official time. That's just crazy. She gets custody half the time as it is. Those phone calls are for her, not the kids. A custody arrangement is for their best interest and this isn't. If the kids ask to talk to mom then please call, but they aren't asking for it. Her demanding this time is simply a desire to impose herself on your time limiting your ability to bond with them. If she can't survive a day without kids suggest she see a therapist to deal with her giant pile of psychological issu…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 08:02 PM
35

I'm glad you got the information you need to be able to move on. Best of luck.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 11:18 AM
2

If someone cussed me out for doing something I didn't do, after I told him to fuck off I'd unfriend him as well. And if I felt like I was getting the same attitude from everyone else then his actions would be the catalyst to cut them all off. I don't know if she cheated on you or not, and since your divorce is final and you are free of her then it doesn't really matter any longer. But her actions don't prove guilt.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/22 10:55 PM
1

Both. It covers a period of time. So your current lower rate will be averaged in to your former higher rate.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/22 01:10 AM
3

Are you from some weird country? Otherwise if you had a legal marriage in your home country then you are married and the US recognizes it as a valid marriage. You have to get divorced. Though I don't know which country you have to get divorced in or if you can pick.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/22 01:08 AM
4

She's hoping you'll give in just to be done with it. A last ditch try. Good chance if you say no she'll sign the original in a few days, after she sees that you really aren't going to sign her new version.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 07:59 PM
2

Even more reason to cut her off.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 03:26 PM
7

Do you have 30k to give her for her half of the house profits? If not, do you have something worth that much which she might want? She can say now that she doesn't want child support and the day after the divorce is final file for it. Don't let that be a bargaining chip because only she benefits from it. If she keeps her word you'd benefit, but nothing, absolutely nothing, is forcing her to. Whereas whatever you give her in the divorce is final without some serious extenuating circumstances, and…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 02:50 AM
6

I keep coming up with excuses.. birthdays for ourselves, the holidays, our children's birthdays now, her mom's best friend passed away this week... As soon as you file you no longer have to suffer through these things with her. More importantly you get to give your kids these moments without them being destroyed by insanity. I don't know what you'd pay in alimony but it sounds like she blows through that much on unnecessary shopping whims anyway so you may be better off financially without her a…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 01:50 AM
2

My son (18) likes to type acronyms at me. Mostly I think he just likes laughing at my guesses. Feel free to borrow.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 01:07 AM
1

Oh I thought your babysitter yelled at your ex for being late and your ex said then fuck it, I'm not doing it at all any longer. Her sitter. Same result, slightly different story. I don't think so, but I'm not a lawyer and have no clue where you are (which since I'm not a lawyer doesn't really matter). It could be worth a quick chat with a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 01:04 AM
1

I hope you fired the babysitter. I understand that you want more for your child and I think that's great. You can talk with your ex about more custody time, she might agree. But what you listed doesn't sound like legal grounds to win in court so she'd have to agree.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 11:12 PM
2

Oh of course! Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:41 PM
0

Yeah a tall woman is definitely over a size 10 with that guideline. Never heard it before but it sounds like a pretty reasonable guideline.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:38 PM
1

I don't mean to be rude but being poor isn't being a bad parent. You said they can't take care of the child but the only detail you gave is all the hobbies the kid doesn't have. That's not neglect, it's just life. If there's something more and you skipped it because you didn't want to spend hours trashing your ex then good job you're awesome. But what you shared isn't enough to me. You could offer not only to pay for these extras as you already have but to take the child to and from since the ot…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:15 PM
3

It's not so much about how tall you are as how tall she is. 100 pounds on a 5 foot woman is very different from 100 pounds on a 6 foot woman. Enjoy your preference, it's no problem with me. I was surprised, not offended. Sorry if it sounded judgemental.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:08 PM
7

Prenups exist. More people should use them.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:02 PM
5

An American size 10 isn't that large. Or maybe I'm just tall.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 10:00 PM
2

YMMV? Only guess I have is You Make Me Vomit but I'm guessing that's not it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 09:56 PM
12

That's illegal and not a good idea. But you can cash out things and enjoy yourself. Take a vacation, buy you and the guys tickets to the big game, or drink that fancy bottle of expensive wine. All of those things don't result in any assets you'd have to share and are perfectly acceptable for a married person to do. When that's done a big fat retainer to the lawyer before funds are split/noted is a good choice too.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 02:51 PM
3

If I were you I'd consult a lawyer. Good chance you're entitled to a lot more than you are going for. Get a real child support agreement because that's easy to change later separately from everything else. Negotiate the rest however you want.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 10:03 PM
0

Speaking in generalities (and I only really looked into one state because that was the only one relevant, but seen many other states weigh in so I think it's similar). Each person pays the other child support. If you make similar incomes they cancel each other out and nobody pays anything. But op says he makes double. So if he pays her 200 and she pays him 100 then end result is he pays her 100. It's primarily to put them somewhere near a similar financial position regarding the child(ren) so th…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/21 01:12 AM
1

Under those conditions about 10-15% of your income is typical. Use that as a starting point, not a hard and fast rule. States vary, conditions vary.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 11:04 PM
6

The good ones have no reason to post about it here.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 04:21 PM
2

She could pay it off in full herself with the equity buyout from the house. Do you know how much equity you currently have in the house and is she asking for half? The jeep payment sounds unreasonable but if the equity buyout should be higher that balances it out.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 04:09 PM
1

Why not tell her you are recording, then it isn't illegal?
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 04:30 AM
1

Good tips, thank you. Passing it along to my son as soon as I finish saying thanks. His future ex misses days regularly (1+ a week).
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 04:13 AM
5

Good tips, thank you. Passing it along to my son as soon as I finish saying thanks. His future ex misses days regularly (1+ a week).
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 04:13 AM
5

I don't know what sort of things you're getting stuck on but could we all help you find a solution together and lower your stress? For example, a lot of false claims can be proven false if you record everything. If you inform the other person they are being recorded it is legal many places. (Ask your lawyer) You aren't trying to catch her in anything so there's no reason to keep it a secret, plus it might cause her to behave better. At the very least fewer claims since she knows up front that yo…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 04:08 AM
3

I'm not trying to be a jerk but I'm pretty sure that's what you'll read. Hopefully you'll see it as I meant it. She's completely wrong for cheating, no other words needed there. she still continues to lie and hide shit from me You're going through a divorce. Is it that surprising that you aren't her confidant any longer? She's going to avoid telling you anything she doesn't want to tell you, including lying to you. It's not great, but it shouldn't be a surprise. going so far as to put a time on …
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 03:30 PM
1

Taking money out of the account can be a problem. Not adding money to it isn't. He's not obligated to pay for her holiday, which if she isn't filing or separating then she's on a holiday if she goes somewhere else for an extended time. She's also most likely got credit cards or other monies. No need for him to constantly refill the trough. If he makes a new account it's to keep her from taking everything except the bills. Her renovating mom's house from bank account money leaves him with nothing…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 02:38 PM
0

Legally she can take them since they're her kids. Legally you can say no, even loudly, and whatever else you want short of abuse/violence. Is she planning to take a car with her? You can give it a few flat tires. It's your car too, if you want your car to have a flat tire that's your choice. Don't do permanent damage to the car. I'd suggest telling her she can go if she wants (because obviously she can) but that the kids are staying here because that's where their friends, school, and home is. S…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 12:53 PM
3

As someone else suggested, first consult a lawyer to see what it would look like. You're basically asking "should I do this random thing that I don't understand and have no idea how it'll end". You shouldn't take that step until you understand what it is. After that, what do you think of that new picture? Can you live with the probable worst case results. Not the best case results, it's really easy to live with the best case scenario and there's no guarantee that's what'll happen. If you can liv…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/21 01:46 AM
1

Next time she says it remind her that SHE is the mother of your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/21 01:56 AM
1

Oh I see. I missed that you were a plane ride away from the children, I thought you wanted to take them somewhere else for the holidays. Do you have a friend where she lives that could pick them up and take them to the airport for you? Could you hire a legal/court person to do it? She may get a slap on the wrist for not bringing them to the airport, but that's not sufficient for denying you your kids and you are still without them. Finding a legal way around it is your best bet. Something offici…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/21 05:03 PM
1

She's your ex, this is what custody papers are for. Do you have custody for those days? Then do what you want with them. If she has custody then it also doesn't matter how sane your request is, she can still say no.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/21 02:34 PM
1

Take them, put them in the attic for a year or two, tell her you threw them away. When they no longer hurt bring them down and see what you think of them.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/21 07:45 PM
2

Would you be paying them in that quantity? A single person can happily and comfortably live in a studio apartment. Add three kids to the mix and now you can't. I used to spend $30 a week on food. That hasn't happened since another life entered my world. It feels like a good week when we keep it under $100. I think 50% is ridiculous too, but I think that the extra costs of a kid include part of the mortgage, utilities, and groceries. Especially since kids can't seem to remember to turn a light of…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/21 05:16 PM
1

You realize she is the only one getting what she wants, right? Your paycheck without your presence. Now you spent all that money on a flight you won't use, you don't get to see your kids, and your kids learn they aren't a priority to you, which she will remind them regularly. But sure, you're right.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/21 12:12 AM
1

She's going to punish whoever broke it to a degree greater than warranted for what happened. Pick. Are you adult enough to accept this so he doesn't suffer? Or is it more important to be right and not see you're kids. Which is probably what she is hoping for anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/21 12:01 AM
4

I agree. But for some reason that seems to be what he wants to do. He didn't ask if it was a good choice, he asked if it was possible. It is possible. I wouldn't do it, but it's quite possible. Some people take their vows very seriously. Til death us do part. If he can find a way not to break his vow then he'll do it, even if that makes him utterly miserable for the rest of his life.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/21 10:32 AM
6

So long as you are ok with her having sex with other people in the future as well, and anything else she feels like, then sure it can still work. Not sure why you would want it to though.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/21 05:39 PM
5

More to clean that way.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/21 04:24 PM
4

Makes a lot of sense. Also, if you are going to question everything your lawyer advises maybe you need a different lawyer, one you feel comfortable with. During this time you can make sure to really put yourself in your child's life. Go to every doctor's appointment, get to know the daycare workers, sign up for a gym class and you take him every week. Establish a good, strong, positive example of you being in this child's life in the future, and not just as a weekend dad. You don't have to push …
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 10:15 PM
1

You need some single time. If you are even considering getting back with your wife you clearly aren't serious about your girlfriend, but you talk about her as if you are. You sound like you really want to be in a relationship and are trying to figure out which is best. Neither is best. If one was best you wouldn't be uncertain. Take some alone time. When you are happy with who you are and don'tneed someone then start dating, ex wife, this same girl, someone new
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 02:30 PM
1

It boils down to one simple question Which is more important, being there for your kids or not being there because your ex is? Sometimes the answer will be one and sometimes the other. Is this something you promised your kids, have they or you been looking forward to it, if you are both there can you behave yourself and not spoil your kids' time, is this important to you or them? Take your wife completely out of the equation because her wants/needs/desires are irrelevant. Just you and the kids. …
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/21 09:21 AM
11

I don't know your situation or your wife. This is generalization. If a woman files for divorce because you weren't emotionally there for her then for her the marriage ended a long time ago and the day she told you was the day she finished grieving. It's the day you started grieving. You two aren't on the same schedule at all. There is no reason for there to be another man. If it really makes you feel better you can pretend there is until you don't need that crutch any longer.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/21 09:11 AM
1

You not pursuing something you are entitled to in no way guarantees or even suggests that she won't when it is her turn. Stay in your house, pursue temporary alimony to finish schooling, get child support. I'm saddened by every man that doesn't want child support. Your pride or sense of self sacrifice or whatever bullshit you justify it with isn't hurting you, it is depriving your children. There's no justification for them to live like kings at one house and peasants at another. Take care of th…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/21 08:52 AM
1

Why did you divorce wife two and why does your family think you did. What I read is she was a lovely woman very unlike your first and so you divorced her. If that's all your family knows too then it would make sense for them to not want to embrace your new partner, you are too fickle. No telling how long it will last so no getting close to her. I'm sure you had an actual reason though. If they supported you enough to completely dump your second I would guess they'll welcome a new girlfriend, tho…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/21 08:38 AM
2

Glad to hear it and glad to be wrong. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/21 02:52 PM
1

These are better than most of what is on that list since many of those are just a sign of a mentally healthy person. (Please continue to get new hobbies and make new friends and just live whether you are happily married or not)
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/21 10:59 AM
1

I'm not a lawyer, hell I'm not even american. I think if you have a studio apartment you will have trouble getting 50% custody of your children. Where is everyone sleeping, changing, having a bit of privacy? It may be okay temporarily, but doubtful if that is your long term plan. 50/50 is a lovely concept but seems very difficult to afford, both parties have to have a residence suitable for the kids. Financially speaking it sounds like your choices are reconciliation, full custody, or visitation…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/21 10:34 AM
1

Sorry, I overspoke. I'll edit easily out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/21 03:11 PM
2

If you live in a place that considers alimony routine I think this is definitely in your favor. 10+ years of marriage could be lifetime alimony. She's getting 14% for a year, then 10% for a year, then nothing after that. Common methods for calculating spousal support typically take up to 40% of the paying spouse's net income, which is calculated after child support. 50% of the recipient spouse's net income is then subtracted from the total if he or she is working. https://www.sterlinglawyers.com…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/21 07:54 AM
1

That sentence actually says she will have a lawyer and you won't.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/21 10:46 AM
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