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Expensive_Sock_9902 Archive

View 3 posts and 71 comments by Expensive_Sock_9902 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Probably cant handle not having control over you anymore and she's wanting to regain power in the dynamic.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 02:28 AM
1

Dont even worry about relationships right now, sounds like you need to make your "you" time more productive and fullfilling. Stop watching TV so much, get a hobby, make something with your hands, start working out in some capacity. You wont worry about feeling so alone if you have things to do that you are excited about.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 12:46 AM
4

Im 37 now, was 36 when she ended it. We had been together 17 or so years, since we were 19. It's crazy. I also dislike my ex now. She was not a good person throughout the process and has not taken a single ounce of accountability for anything. I have been on one date, just using Hinge occasionally, but not for anything serious. Just want to meet women and get a coffee for the moment. I am mainly focused on rebuilding and stability for my young daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 11:27 AM
2

The first step to working on it is acknowledging you feel it and being honest with yourself about. Your doing a great job. You know its not healthy, you realise its hypocritical to think this way, and you arent excusing yourself for thinking racist thoughts. In fact you are trying to figure out where they come from and how to stop them. Thats more than most people do. You can give yourself a little grace because you are clearly in an emotionally volatile place right now and none of us were reall…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 11:58 PM
1

What you described for men checking out is what i did. I found more validation in my hobbies, in being a father, my friends. I was still present with my ex and tried to contribute, but after she withdrew intimacy and fun from the relationship what else was I supposed to do? I was tired of being rejected, my contributions being devalued. I hoped it was just a season, with us having a young child and all, but no apparently it wasn't. She only told me "she was unhappy" when she was leaving me. Blam…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 07:24 AM
1

One step at a time man. Big decisions can wait, you need to get emotionally stable so you dont make any decisions or concessions you might regret later. Book in with a therapist you can pour your guts out to, find a close friend you trust to lean on. You'll get through this.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 12:46 PM
3

Yep. Mine was pretty shit in the lead up to and following her decision to leave. Uncaring and unkind, manipulative at times. I pulled back to protect myself and to detatch. We have a 4yo daughter, so theres minimal text messages for logistics. I do my best not to see or hear her in person.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 12:31 PM
5

Maybe try another therapist. Also im sure it varies person to person so dont expect it to have a defined timeframe. You could try a new hobby or explore a new interest while your old ones are offline. I read a couple of books and worked out during my adhedonia phase. I will say reading at that time was a struggle too as my mind was constantly on the failure of my relationship, made it hard to focus on what was happening in the book. Re-read pages several times over on some occasions because i wa…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 10:47 AM
2

Yes, absolutely. It took about 6 months to start lifting. Im at 9 months now and im back to my normal self, enjoying hobbies etc. It absolutely affected my time with my daughter too btw. Hard to be fully present.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 10:37 AM
3

Happened to me too, but im ok with it honestly because I have my daughter and also this way I know 100% Im not going to knock anybody up that I don't want to if/when I do start dating seriously.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 08:34 PM
1

No fortunately. We went 50/50 straight away. My ex literally sent me an sms about her also securing a house yesterday too, stole my thunder a little bit i wont lie haha She bought in an area I wasnt anticipating and now she wants to change the plans we put in place our daughters kindy now, so I suspect schools will be a point of conflict in the future. Both kindys/schools we are zoned for should technically be fine though, so now must I weight up whether I want to make it an issue or not.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 08:30 PM
1

I had the same kind of dead bedroom after the birth of our child. Before that too honestly. All other intimacy also disappeared, no hugs kissed or holding hands etc. I went down the patience and understanding route, figured it would come back once our child was a little older and a little less dependent on mummy. I focused on my hobbies to distract myself from the lack of intimacy. Well she left me just after our child turned 3... That was 9 months ago. Hardest shit Ive even gone through. Im doi…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 09:35 PM
1

Yeah I have read that more than once on here. If thats the case she was too much of a coward to tell me and im not gonna go looking for evidence now 8 months out. Would serve no purpose, we are minimal contact since we yave a child. We dont speak in person, avoid each other.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 02:57 AM
2

Ultimately i have to boil it down to "she decided she didnt love me anymore". Beyond that all i can do is speculate because i have nothing else concrete to really go on.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 09:45 PM
5

My female co-workers, all of whom are in their mid-20s (a good decade younger than me and my ex) have been very supportive of me since my ex left. They used to think my ex was cool but now they have pretty low opinion of her after I opened up about how she treated me leading up to and during the separation process. Same with my older female co-workers too actually, and funnily enough nearly all of them have been divorced. They still dont understand why my ex left! Its really nice to have my expe…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 09:20 PM
33

Yep got the lines "choosing myself", "focusing on growing and healing". Healing from what exactly? Im not saying i am perfect, but i treated her with the utmost respect throughout our 17 year relationship. I did my best to support her and our child, was present, patient and loving in the best way that i knew how with zero verbal feedback for what she really needed from me. I think she just decided i wasnt good enough and would never be good enough, so she checked out, zero intimacy, started trea…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 05:15 AM
1

If you are in crisis please call a crisis line. Lock the gun back up. For your kids and for yourself. She has made her decision, she's no longer the person you married and now its time for you to focus on yourself and your kids and start making moves to divorce and get on with your life. As someone else said get yourself out of the basement, tell her that she can sleep in there or find somewhere else to sleep since she wants out. When my ex left i took the bullet and moved out and it meant nothi…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 11:36 AM
7

You're certainly welcome! Sorry you have to be here sharing the same story as us. It's by far the first thing I've ever been through... Do the work, therapy, gym or physical activity, reflect, feel every feeling, and by month 6 give or take you will be in a much better postion. You won't magically be 100% healed, but the cloud will have lifted enough for you to see the situation more clearly and you'll hopefully have a more stable footing to start rebuilding. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 11:25 AM
4

That was my post haha. Im really just summing up a bunch of good advice i have absorbed from here on Reddit and in Youtube videos etc. over the last 8 months since I was discarded. Granted it will take time for you to be able to actually deeply accept and embody that statement, so you need to be patient with yourself. I was stuck in self-blame for months at the beginning. I maintained my integrity and stopped chasing, let her act shitty, took her off the pedestal. It gets easier man, trust me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 08:42 AM
4

Yeah I definitely see her mom in her behaviour now. I feel like we all turn into our parents unfortunately. Seems inevitable.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 07:47 AM
28

Yep, they treat you with open contempt and then they discard you like the last 15+ didnt matter at all. They act like they are the victim. Convince themselves they are the good guy and you are the villain holding them back from their dream life. Its the only way they can internally justify their shitty actions towards you, the the selfishness of their decision and impact of destroying their childs stable family life without trying to fix the relationship at all. They actively sabotage it to fit …
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 03:02 AM
3

Regardless of everything else, parallel parenting is fine. When my ex left, she was kinda shitty about some stuff, including not being forthcoming about things that related to our child, so i decided for my wellbeing I needed to sever contact as much as possible even though i didnt want this. I decided that if she didnt want me in her life as a partner then she wouldn't get anything of me, consequences for her action and decisions etc. Anyways, we parallel parent. I share info about out childs w…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 09:54 PM
2

Questions to consider. Has the emotional affair ended? Can you confirm it? Did she end it or did the other person? If the other person did you are being used as a fallback or she wants to save face socially. It means she didnt really choose you. Also how can you be certain it was only emotional? Is she really coming back for you, or just for the life she had with you? What are her true intentions here? Can you even really trust her now? She hasnt been forthcoming about the affair, you had to fin…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 02:27 AM
12

She monkey-branched. Low character move imo, but apparently pretty typical for women. She probably checked out and started talking to this guy a while ago, so an emotional affair at the very least which is still cheating. Shes a cheater bro. Could very well be physical too but that might not be something you can confirm, and its not important in the grand scheme or things. Maybe she will tell herself she was good because she didnt sleep with him while you were together, but she still wanted to, …
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 02:39 AM
14

First of all, DO NOT send her a song or sentimental msg etc. Itd come off as you chasing her still which doesnt help you or her in any way. You keep those feels to yourself or express them to a trusted friends or family member. Second, she wanted a divorce, to not be part of your life. Why are you sharing information about your life (i.e. holiday) with her? She opted out, its none of her business beyond basic logistics etc. There needs to be consequences for her decisions. She shouldnt get acces…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 02:21 AM
5

It helped get me through the first few months, the lowest ive ever felt in my life honestly. I could cry and speak about my feelings without any fear of judgement for the first time ever. It was something to look forward to every second week. It also helpedplant some seeds early on that I wouldnt fully he able to really understand until later on. I stopped around the 6 month mark after the separation because i felt stable enough to continue forward on my own, but i dont regret it at all. Recomme…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 05:42 AM
2

Ok, im sorry your are going through this then. I mean its either: A. He had already moved on internally some time ago And/or B. He is using other women to distract himself and not deal with his own issues or the reality of the relationship ending. If this is what he is doing you can maybe take some solace in the fact that that doesnt mean he is handling it better than you. In fact what he is doing is very unhealthy and will likely lead to him struggling internally later whether you see it or not…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 01:48 AM
6

Who initiated the separation?
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 09:35 PM
2

Im not dating yet as Im still pretty fresh out of my 17 year relationships, but while I want to spend time with women eventually, I am hesitant to put myself back in a position where someone can unilaterally end it and then have to go through this process again. The heartbreak and grief, losing 50% of my assetts, having to rebuild again. Not sure i can do it again. Not sure i can give that much trust to someone again...
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 09:04 PM
6

Call a crisis line asap please. You leaving will hurt your son more than you can imagine. You will also give up the chance of finding a path forward that gives you joy. Forget about dating right now, you need to work on being ok within yourself first. if you have a close friend you feel comfortable talking to, open up to them. Find your support network. Please stick around!
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 12:05 AM
2

Also why is it that she doesnt have to change at all? The expectation is 100% on him, like she wont even meet him in the middle.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 12:41 AM
1

Yeah dont drink. Also dont just bury your head in work, dont supress it. Feel all the feelings, process all the thoughts. Talk to a therapist, talk to friends and family. Focus on eating and sleeping as best as you can and being there for your kids. You cant help them if you dont help yourself. Good luck man.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 12:31 PM
9

Bro shes a cheater. You're worth more than that. You deserve so much better. Get into therapy, get healed, talk to your friends, take care and be kind to yourself. My partner of 17 years left because she "wasnt happy" too. Couldnt quantity why, at least couldnt verbalise it to me. Its something inside them, not a reflection of you, and its not something you can fix. Only they can, and they probably dont know how, so you unjustly copped the blame. Hard to accept that at first but it becomes clear…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 12:58 AM
2

Yeah it hurt a lot that she asked, incredibly selfish of her. Once i told her no and why she didnt push again though. Didnt apologise either, but i got used to that. No accountability on her end. Thats just how thats is. Seems to be a common thing unfortunately. 50/50 with our child from the get go. No arguments about that fortunately. Yeah absolutely daughter will stay with me at the new place. Im currently living with my brother and she stays with me there too. Alternating nights right now sin…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 12:43 AM
2

It'll be 50/50. Equal income and contributions etc. Even then she still had the audacity and entitlement to ask me to forfeit a decent chunk of my equity so she could afford to buy me out and keep the house for herself. Clearly i refused because she was asking me to give up what would have to be several hundred thousand dollars and the ability for me to ever afford to own a home again basically. Clearly she had a fantasy in her hear that her life wouldnt change and I'd just kindly fuck off and s…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 11:07 PM
2

Yep, I got the "im not happy" line and a couple of post-hoc resentments listed off that she couldnt even 100% stand behind (she backtracked on them as soon as she said them) and they were honestly more about her than me. Some things she said make me think she was having some kind of identity crisis, but we definitely had lack of emotional/physical connection towards the end too, particularly after our child was born. Not sure if that was a symptom or the root cause. I can only really guess becau…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 09:32 PM
12

I got perma banned from there when I semi-called out one lady for saying she "hated" that the courts gave 50/50 custody for dads as the standard. I said something to the effect of "fuck me for wanting to be a part of my daughters life" lol I messaged to appeale the ban as I had made other genuinely nice posts in that forum, but im certain they didnt even look at it, so theres zero recourse when it happens too. Absolutely wild.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 07:27 AM
3

Yeah Ive been using it. I was in therapy up until recently, decided I was okay enough and didnt need it anymore. ChatGPT is handy for those little questions you just want some ideas about. Early on it was useful for asking my silly "will she come back?" questions to. Cant really ask a person that, didnt feel so stupid asking an AI that I know wont judge me for it. I dont love AI and dont want to support/use it generally, dont want to support shitty morally bankrupt companies, but it has been use…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 01:30 PM
7

It sounds like you both want it, so its definitely worth a try. Take it slow, have reasonable expectations for the process and give it time, its not going to magically be better overnight. Good luck man!
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 01:08 AM
1

Man your story sounds a lot like mine. Even the details like trivia night. Also in Aus (SA). 17 years for me. Intimacy was gone, but we had a young child so I figured if didnt pressure her itd come back once our child stopped co-sleeping. Needless to say it didnt. She'd been planning ending it behind my back for some time. Gutted me. I begged at the start, made tangible gestures to show i was serious on working on us. All meant nothing to her. Shes become cold and vaguely hostile, she cant even …
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 04:35 AM
12

I wont lie man, gonna be rough for a few months with regret and rumination, but once that runs its course and your mind settles down you will be able to focus on what ahead of you and start feeling like yourself again. Itll be baby steps, but you'll get there. Focus on eating healthy and sleeping well first. The basics. Then be active, get outside for a walk or a jog, especially before bedtime to help you crash. Im at 6.5 months out. Mostly normal day to day, but i still spend a lot of time thin…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 10:47 PM
2

6 months, got in as soon as she left basically. Stopped going recently for the same reason, once I got through the emotional turmoil and runination and was stable it just felt like an expensive vent. It did help though, she planted some ideas early on that took months to actually accept
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 02:46 AM
2

Thanks brother I try not to think to far ahead at this stage, too much uncertainty to have any sort of idea of where I'll be in a years time. Just focus on today, tomorrow, the next week. Short term goals and whatever is in your control to do right now etc.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 08:40 PM
3

We had a dead bedroom situation before she ended it (we did have a baby in that time mind you) so I 100% feel you. Would be nice feel desired by a woman again. Maybe one day, but not for a while. I have so many practical concerns to address before I even entertain the idea of dating. Exercising is a big one for me as ive never really done it before. Seeing my body put on muscle mass and get more toned has been a nice ego boost. Also nice to feel a sense of control over my body after so much cont…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 08:50 AM
7

Sounds like finding a woman shouldn't be on your list of things to do at the moment. Focus on yourself and building up your self respect. Im 6 months out of a 17 year relationship, so im right there with you homie.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 03:22 AM
15

She almost certainly replaced you before she told you. Sorry dude...
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 10:43 AM
7

Yeah if he genuinely doesnt know and seems like an ok guy, I think a heads up is a basic courtesy between men. He'll probably appreciate it. If he doesnt, well you've still done the right thing. Your stbxw will not be happy though so be prepared for the fallout 😬
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 10:40 AM
1

Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Wants you to still be her support and be able to minimise her guilt/shame by being able go tell everyone "he's fine with it, were still good friends". Then what happens when she starts dating? Really does not sound like a good postion for you to be in. If she wants out, give her out. She has to be able to deal with her life without you. Feel the impact and consequences of her decision without you being a buffer or a cushion for her.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 08:09 PM
3

I was where you are back in early September 2025. I feel you man. I lost like 13kg, it never returned. Part of that was I leant into exercise since, much like you, all my other hobbies felt pointless or were not accessible to me (didnt have access to tools or materials to make stuff etc.). You'll get through it, but it'll take time. Im 6 months in and some of my hobbies and sources of enjoyment like music have mostly returned. Some things just arent the same though. Its super early for you thoug…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 06:43 AM
4

Late 30s here also, she also left me at 17 years (never married as ot wasnt important to us), one kid together 3yo. Owned a house together. She also had zero desire to try marriage counselling or couples therapy. She never tried to communicate with me about what she was feeling or what she needed until she was out the door. She also spent a lot of time on Instagram towards the end, and also i think she got close to a lady at work who was a similar age and single. I cant definitively say this con…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 08:18 PM
3

Rebuilding from scratch in a practical sense, sure. I need to get a new house and a new job becasue we work in the same building. In terms of myself internally, in my case Id say i have a pretty strong sense of self, so I never really felt like I was "not me" in the relationship. Due to the nature of the way she left, I questioned myself for a few months because i took everything she said as gospel and that I was the cause of the relationshop ending. Im at 5 months now and can see that she was t…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 09:13 PM
3

Yes this all sounds familiar for me too. It sucks so much. Im sorry you are in the same boat.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 06:21 AM
4

I am seeing a therapist, but i am using AI to supplement in certain ways. Very aware of its tendency to reinforce what you put into it, so i do take it with a grain of salt.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 06:01 AM
6

She devalued the relationship, withdrew connection without teĺling me what was wrong, and discarded me after 17 years because she wasnt "happy". No attempt at repair despite me being very willing to work with her to improve things. She then asked me to give up hundreds of thousands in our houses equity when her fantasy fell apart and she realised she couldnt afford to buy me out... Treated me like crap in other ways also when I was doing my best to be considerate and act with integrity. I saw he…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 06:31 AM
2

Sorry man this sucks so much, i understand. Now you have to focus on you and your kids. Control what you can control (i.e. your action, not hers) and take care of yourself as best as you can. Stop trying to convince her, clearly its just making matters worse right now. Get into therapy. Focus on eating and sleeping properly first. Then some kind of physical activity even if its walking or jogging. Depending on the situation potentially talk to a lawyer soon. If things are generally amicable and …
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 03:22 AM
5

Yeah man 100%. The first weeks sucked, couldn't sleep at all at first, ended up taking sleeping pills for a few nights to force some sleep. After that it was very interrupted sleep, and I'd hit 3:30am and thatd be it. The rumination would kick in and there was no chance of getting back sleep. After a couple months getting to sleep was fine, but the 3:30am was still an issue. 4 months in now and my sleep is pretty much normal now. Just takez time and processing all your thoughts to the point that…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 09:19 AM
3

For real. My situation is compounded by my ex telling me she resented that I "kept" my hobbies after our child was born. The reality is I cut back on my hobbies heaps, but yes I still liked what I liked and it is/was part of ny identity. Anyways, that resentment passed on to me, and I have had some resentment towards my hobbies now as they were somewhat responsible for ending our relationship. In truth i think she was having an identity crisis to some degree, and that internalised resentment had…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 01:48 AM
3

Hey dude, im sorry this has happened. I barely ate for weeks when it happened to me 4 months ago. It took me a couple months to get a fairly normal appetite back. I lost about 12-13kg. Leant into it and used it to start getting fit. Have started putting on muscle now which had been a nice ego boost! You'll go back an forth through emotions, looking back through the relationship for signs and context, every little detail. And even then you still wont fully know how you got here unless she told yo…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 09:44 PM
3

As a baseline. Get in therapy asap. Go for long walks or jogs. Start working out in some way. Focus on good sleep and eating healthy. From there you can rebuild your identity and self-worth. Find a new hobby. Ideally something you can do with your hands and has a tangible result at the end. Something you are interested in enough to research or think about when you arent actually doing it. Gives you something to focus your mental energy on too. Dont think the nude beach idea sounds like the right…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 01:57 AM
1

No worries! Try not to be too busy though. You dont want to distact yourself so much that you dont process anything. You do need some downtime or quiet time to do that and to practice good self-care.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 09:25 PM
4

17 years together here (never married) with a 3yo. 4 months since she left and my whole life fell apart. It still sucks, but im doing a lot better now though. Cant help with the legal stuff, but things you can do, mostly echoing advice I got here that I found useful: sleep is important, if you cant sleep consider over the counter sleeping pills in the short term eat as healthily as you can. I barely ate during the initial weeks, and it took a couple of months to get a semi-normal appetite back. …
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 09:11 PM
5

Only if you resign yourself to it. Go make yourself some new friends in the new year, you got this 👍
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 07:33 AM
4

About 13kg. Went from 88kg down to 75kg (did hit 73kg at one point) and have settled there. Have been eating better and exercising too. Trying to spin the weight loss into something positive. Aiming to put on some muscle and get fit.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 06:42 AM
21

Feeling this. I did see signs towards the end, but she didnt say anything and I also struggled to broach the subject, i just tried to be present and supportive. I regret not asking, but I have to give myself the grace that by that point even if I had asked it would have been far too late. She had built up so much uncommunicated resentment over potentially years that there was nothing I could have actually done at that point. And i did offer. Couple therapy, individual therapy (which i immediatel…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 03:21 AM
2

Yeah im gonna take it all off of my phone and my PC and chuck it all on an SSD which I will then tuck it away somewhere where its safe but I wont see it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 08:40 AM
5

I had the snip after my child was born. Knew we were gonna stop at one. Did not expect to be on my own at 36 though. Guess I will also be in this situation eventually when I try some dating out.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 01:21 AM
2

Yeah i feel the same way to a degree. I want her to regret it, not in some vindictive way, but i kind of want her to see or hear about me thriving. Sticking to my morals and being a good man despite her cold and callous behaviour. I want her to see me be a great father to our daughter. Seeing me maintain my friendships with our mutual friends while she chooses to isolate herself from everybody. I want to get in better shape for myself, but also so can see a physical representation of me improvin…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 08:35 PM
3

Holy shit, the strongest NO that you can muster.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 08:28 PM
2

I am feeling this also honestly. Very much a double-edged sword.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 07:34 PM
2

Its very early in the process. Im at month two and not much better. Allow yourself to feel the sadness and cry it out. Give yourself a break. Take a day off work here and there you can. Go for a long walk in a park or something. Get into therapy. Make sure you spend as much time with your kids as you can. Im still struggling a lot. Feeling very flst and depressed most days. I find being back up at our house (i moved out to stay with my brother as i figured thatd be easier on our 3yo child) is re…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 08:40 PM
4

If you arent already, please seek some therapy and start going for walks or runs, read a book, eat some good food. Treating yourself with care and having something to do and to look forward to is necessary in my experience, even small things. Has helped me a lot personally.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 04:03 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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