~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
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| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
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| 1 | How long after divorce you felt like you are yourself again?It's about working with the individual to pull that payoff out of the subconscious and find a better update way for the subconscious to serve them going forward. Some therapies focus on naming it, giving it shape and form — that's not really the mechanism here, it's more about the update itself. It was never irrational. At the time, it was the subconscious trying to protect you. The problem is it doesn't always check back in — so something that once kept you safe can end up being the exact thing… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/26 05:50 PM |
| 1 | How long after divorce you felt like you are yourself again?The difference isn't awareness — CBT and ACT are both good at that. It's where the awareness lands. CBT/ACT mostly work at the thought and behaviour level: you catch the pattern, choose a different response, and keep practising it until it sticks. That's genuinely useful and it does work for a lot of people. What I mean by "unconscious payoff" is a level below that — the reason the nervous system built the pattern in the first place, before any thought got involved. You can be fully aware you go… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/07/26 05:40 PM |
| 1 | She moved on first…The confusion of still being tangled up with someone while also finding out they've moved on, plus it being 1am and your brain won't switch off — is a really painful combination. You are human! Obsessing over it isn't a character flaw, it's just what the mind does when it's trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense yet. It doesn't mean you're going backwards. You don't have to figure any of this out tonight, — not what happens next, not how to feel about her. and forget about the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/07/26 10:52 AM |
| 1 | I knew this would be tough. But to see her immediately with another man…The speed of it is often what actually knocks people sideways, more than the fact itself. Eight years doesn't stop mattering just because someone moves quickly — that's not logic, that's just how much space a person takes up in your life for that long. The quick replacement usually says more about her pattern of avoiding being alone with what she's feeling than it does about what those years were worth. You named it yourself — this being her MO tracks with the up-and-down you'd already been livi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/07/26 10:39 AM |
| 5 | How long after divorce you felt like you are yourself again?Those emotions, and the lack of you're describing, and doubting whether talking about it will actually shift anything — that's really common after a marriage that was quietly over long before the paperwork caught up. Seven or eight years of low-grade unhappiness does something different to a person than a sudden break does. It's not just one deep wound, it's a suffocation. The "feeling like myself again" timeline varies a lot, but the thing that tends to actually move it isn't time alone, and it… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/07/26 10:30 AM |
| 3 | HOW DO I LET GO?The mind's exceptionally good at playing the highlight reel from a relationship — you get the rose-tinted version, which doesn't do you many favours trying to get through the other side of it. Something that is worth trying: stop trying to let go of the whole marriage at once — it's too big a target and you'll just keep circling back. Instead, notice specific moments you're replaying (the good ones especially) and ask "what did that moment need from me then, and do I still need that now?" Usuall… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/07/26 10:55 AM |
| 1 | Coming down the wireThat thing where the present takes up so much room there's no space left to think about anything after it — that's not some sort of flaw in you, like you're unable to cope, that's exactly what a 14-month legal grind will do to your head. You don't need a plan for the future right now. You just need to get through the negotiating phase, and you're doing that. The rest of it all — where to live, whether and who to date, who you even are at 58 without this fight taking up every room in your head — … | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/07/26 09:48 AM |
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