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Fit-Plenty8777 Archive

View 7 posts and 106 comments by Fit-Plenty8777 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

No such thing as a lawyer-free divorce with two young kids and a 3x income gap. What you're describing isn't civilized, it's expensive, for you. The we'll figure it out ourselves version is one where you're in a 1-bedroom in fives years still co-signing decisions you have no leverage on. Get a consultation. Not to go to war, to know what the floor is. Alimony and child support exist because the lower earner shouldn't raise the kids in squalor while the higher earner keeps the lifestyle. Respecti…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 03:43 AM
4

When I caught myself rehearsing conversations in the car before walking in door. Not big fights, just regular ones. Realized I'd been managing the temperature of the house for a year and she'd stopped noticing the work. That's when I knew. Filed three months later.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 05:27 AM
2

Then your circle is the problem, not the apps. Grandmas and college students means you're rotating between work, home, and maybe the grocery store. Widen the rooms. Co-ed rec league, a class, a small group at church, volunteering somewhere age-appropriate women actually go. The point isn't to hunt, it's to be regular in three new places by Labor Day.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 06:06 PM
1

Get off the apps. Single dad full custody filtered through swipe interface is bottom of the deck before you've even said a word. Meet people through the life you already have, gym, church, school events, friends of friends. Tge conversation rate brutally higher.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 05:03 AM
2

If they're safe and happy that's the win. Hard to get to that place but it sounds like you're there. Hugs are the receipt.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 07:57 AM
1

The drawer is actually fine. Masking it is it's own kind of tired, but it does get easier slowly.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 03:07 AM
1

Printing the docs is the part nobody talks about. That's the moment it stops being in your head and becomes something you have to hand to someone. You'll go through with it when you're ready, not before.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 02:58 AM
19

Lieutenant Dan in the storm. That one hit. The TED Talk about finding herself while the dude is folding laundry, too real. Two years out and grateful is the part most guys don't believe until they get there. Good read brother.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 03:40 AM
1

She found a way to tell me anyway. That line just landed hard. You're right, that's who she is. Holding onto it. Thanks brother.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 03:02 AM
1

That answer to "do you love mommy " is the hardest one. Yes in a way is honest enough for a kid and steady enough not to mess them up. You handled it right. Thanks brother.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 11:59 PM
2

Appreciate it brother. That conversation is one I'm already working toward. Telling her she never has to feel bad about loving both us, that's the line I want her to grow up hearing. Thanks for putting it that direct.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 10:49 PM
1

Nine year old knows everything brother. They miss nothing. Minecraft me before I read myself most days. Hold yours close. The little moments are the whole record.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 05:53 PM
1

That's the move. Keep it simple, take the weight off them, let them know the love isn't a problem. Thank brother.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 04:52 PM
2

The dark places are the part nobody puts in post. Boundaries built from inside that stretch hold different than ones you read about. You earned yours.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 02:55 PM
3

Appreciate it. I'm trying to make right now count more than any reckoning later. The 18 thing is real but I don't want her to have to wait to be loved out loud.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 02:47 PM
2

Your son worded that better than most adults could. The siloing. That's exactly the muscle they shouldn't have to build this young. The talk you had with him is the one I'm trying to figure out how to have with my daughter. Telling her the love doesn't have to be split, even when the houses are. Sounds like you're already doing that work. Means a lot reading it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 02:45 PM
3

Means a lot brother. The kids didn't ask for any of it. That's the part that stays with me. We're carrying what was handed to them and trying to keep them light enough to still be kids. You're not alone either.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 12:49 PM
2

My part was spending years trying to keep the house calm because I grew up needing the house to be calm to feel safe. I called it being a good husband. It was. I shrunk to keep her steady. Stopped asking for things I needed. Covered the parts of me she didn't like. Told myself that was love. By the end I didn't know who I was outside of who she needed me to be. The work now is staying the same person whether the room is calm or not. Asking for what I need without bracing for the response. Lettin…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 05:07 AM
1

That line is the whole thing. The haha doing good man while the house is burning. Most of us have sent that exact reply from a meeting we couldn't leave. Thanks for naming it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 01:48 PM
2

You named it. Bereavement gets a card and a covered shift. Divorce gets silence and a deadline. Tge grief is real either way, but only one of them is allowed to be visible. The PTSD piece lands. It's not just loss. It's that the loss keeps moving, court dates, messages, decisions you can't opt out of. You don't get to close the chapter because the other person is still writing in it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 01:35 PM
3

I would not confront her again unless you need to document something specific. She will deny it and your don may feel caught in the middle. Just become impossible to mislabel. Stay calm with. Keep showing up. Read to him. Play with him. Let him feel safe with you. Do not talk bad about her back, even when you know she is doing it to you. A 5- year old may repeat what he hears, but over tomorrow he will believe what he consistently experiences. Your job is to make your time with him so steady and…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 03:04 AM
6

A big one is getting your peace back. Not having every small decision turn into tension. Not walking on eggshells in your own place. You start hearing your own thoughts again. Another is becoming more intentional with your kids. Your time with them stops being background noise and becomes something you protect and actually build.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 02:28 AM
1

I appreciate that. That was my focus in the moment. By then she was already upset, so keeping her calm mattered more than making a scene over the device right there.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 01:43 PM
3

What you wrote is serious. Do not wait until Wednesday night. Tell the friend you are staying with right now that you are not safe by yourself and need them involved tonight. Call or text 988 now. If you think you might act on this, call 912 or go to the nearest ER now. Waiting and carrying this alone is not respect. It is danger.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 06:16 AM
5

Then do not be alone tomorrow. That needs to be the next move. Tell your friend plainly that you are not okay and need somebody to stay close. Call or text 988 now anyway, even if you are not by yourself this second. Make a plan for tonight, tomorrow, and the flight home so there is not a long quiet stretch where you are stuck in your head. You do not need to solve your whole life tonight. You only need to get through tonight safely and make sure you are not carrying tomorrow by yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 05:31 AM
8

Man, if you are in immediate danger tonight, call 911 or go to the nearest ER right now. If you are in the U. S. or Canada, call or text 988 now. Do not stay alone with this. What you wrote does not sound like somebody who needs more internet advice. It sounds like somebody carrying too much pain by himself tonight. Stay alive fish. Everything else can be dealt with after that. Put the phone down and contact a real person. A friend. Your therapists emergency line. A family member. 988. Anybody w…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 05:13 AM
5

That is where I am trying to get my head to land. Not on winning her back, not on decoding every mixed signal, just accepting what's in front of me and getting myself back.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 04:47 AM
3

That kind of shame can wreck a man before he even understands what is happening. Once somebody has you questioning your own reality, the damage goes deeper than marriage itself. Good on you for doing the work to get clear and protect your daughter from carrying that forward.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 04:42 AM
2

That is where the context matters. A parent knowing where the kids' phones are for safety or because the devices are theirs is not the same thing as secretly planting something on a child in the middle of a high-conflict situation for the other parent own self serving purposes.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 11:06 PM
2

The therapist situation is exactly what I mean about the gap between what's wrong and what courts and professionals will actually act on. I had to change therapist for my 9 year old three times, but no matter how many therapist my daughter sees, my ex preps her before and the sessions weren't going anywhere or getting her help. Just like your ex she admitted it in the room and still walked out with no real consequences. You stayed calm through all of it. Filed the complaint. Let the kids speak f…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 09:26 PM
1

That's the difference. Yours is transparent and mutual. What I was dealing with was hidden, one-sided, and my daughter already knew something was wrong before I found it. Same device, completely different situation.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 09:16 PM
3

That balance is the hardest part. Staying silent about behavior your kids can already see.You can't validate what they observe without making it worse, and you can't deny it without losing their trust. Most people outside this situation don't understand how much energy that takes every single day.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 05:31 AM
2

In my situation, the low-conflict move was keeping my daughter calm first and not putting more weight on her in the moment. Ignoring everything only works when the behavior is isolated and harmless. When it is part of a bigger pattern, all "so what" does is teach the other parent there is no line. And I get your point about phones. My issue was never just tracking in the abstract. It was secrecy, the context, and what it was doing to my child in the middle of it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 05:09 AM
2

Exactly. A lot of this can be wrong, unhealthy, and damaging to the child long before a court is willing to do much about it. That gap is where high-conflict parents keep operating.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 03:12 AM
5

Legal or not, people miss the bigger issue. A lot depends on how it is being used and what it is doing to the child caught in the middle.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 01:02 AM
5

You handled the part that matters well. Even with the trackering in the background, he still gets to feel trusted and normal when he's with you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 01:00 AM
2

Please do. Your child needs you. I know the feeling all too well. My strength comes from God and my love for my children.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 10:15 PM
6

You owned it. That takes something. And you're still here two days in, working a new job, in SAA, trying to figure out how to be a father through this. That's not nothing. The suicidal feeling, take that seriously. Not as shame. As information that you need support right now beyond what a Reddit thread can give. If it gets heavier, call or text 988. That's the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. They're there for exactly this. You're two days in. That's the hardest part of the whole things.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 10:06 PM
2

That sounds a lot closer to what healthy handling is supposed to look like. Accessible if needed, not as a control tool, and not put the kids like a hidden weight. That is a completely different thing than turning contact or tracking into pressure.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 09:12 PM
1

That is my concern too. Stuff like this does not just create conflict in the moment. It puts pressure on kids that can stay with them long after the incident is over.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 09:06 PM
2

That came later. In the moment my daughter was already upset. The first job was making sure she knew none of it was her fault. This particular incident I had to call the police.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 07:17 PM
2

That would've been the easier move. But she was already upset when I picked her up. Throwing it away in front of her would've made her feelblike she caused a problem. Keeping calm in that moment was for her, not for the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 07:06 PM
2

The studio. The anxiety before your feet hit the floor. Fighting for something you can't even name yet. I know exactly what that feels like. What I can tell you is fighting for something you can't name, that's not weakness. That's the part nobody talks about. You're in the middle of it. The middle is supposed to feel like this. You're still here. That's not nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 06:53 PM
2

Because divorce makes people uncomfortable, and a lot of them would rather simplify it than stay close enough to see what it actually costs you. Some pick sides. Some disappear. Some just do not know how to stand near pain they cannot fix. Either way, it leaves a man feeling abandoned twice.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 11:40 AM
1

That part makes it heavier too. A lot of men do not just lose the marriage. They lose the circle around it and end up carrying the whole thing in isolation.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 11:25 AM
1

And you wouldn't have believed it anyway, that's the part that gets me. You have to burn enough energy on the wrong list before the right one becomes obvious. Nobody shortcuts that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 05:51 PM
2

The game theory framing is real. Especially the court piece, being right in a random argument is worth nothing if it costs you the mediation room. I stopped tracking wins a long time ago. Started tracking what my kids were going to remember ten years from now. Different scoreboard entirely.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 12:34 AM
1

That is the right move. Silence feels strong in the moment, but support is what keeps a man from getting buried under it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 08:53 PM
1

That is the part most men have to learn the hard way. Keeping it together does not mean carrying it alone.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 08:51 PM
1

That empty-house feeling is brutal. Everybody can still be physically there, but once the marriage breaks open, and the whole place feels different. Just focus on staying present for the kids tonight. The big answers will not all come at once.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 04:47 PM
1

That timeline tracks. The first couple years the goal is just structure and consistency. Everything else is noise until the dust actually settles.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 08:01 PM
1

That third one is the hardest to actually live out. But once it clicks it changes everything.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 05:17 PM
1

That third one is the hardest to actually live out. But once it clicks it changes everything.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 05:11 PM
3

The first night alone hits different than anything anyone warned you about. What helped me wasn't filling the silence, it was learning to just sit in it without running from it. That takes longer than one night. But you're already doing it by staying with it instead of numbing it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 03:47 PM
5

That part that stayed with me was your son saying gifts aren't important. That kid is watching you show up consistently while the other side doesn't. He already knows the difference. Thats not something you teach, that's something he's living.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 03:42 PM
2

That happens more than people admit. Your mind can still be attached to what your life already knows even when you know the relationship is done.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 11:52 AM
3

That part is real too. You can hold it together all day and still get hit by it the second your mind finally goes still.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 11:50 AM
3

That is exactly the trap. Most of the men are not staying silent because they are fine. They are staying silent because they think carrying it quietly is a part of the job. By the time people realize how bad it is, the damage is already deep.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 05:25 PM
1

This really hits close to home. Divorce can start stripping a man down faster than people around him realize. Glad your people saw it and stepped in. Not everybody has that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 03:28 PM
2

I hear you. Most men start functioning like survival is the only job left, and after a while it is hard to feel connected to anything. That does not make you beyond repair. It means you have been carrying too much for too long. I hope you do not keep carrying all of that alone.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 02:25 PM
2

That is brutal. Most people really do not understand how dark divorce can get for some men until they start counting what it took.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 02:21 PM
3

I get that. Most people are trying to manage burnout without letting it spill everywhere, but carrying it too quietly can make it worse. At some point it has to be named before it starts taking more from you than you realize.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 12:10 AM
2

That is exactly it. Most of this gets carried in private moments nobody ever sees. You hold together where you have to, then deal with the cost of it alone after. That kind of weight does not show on the outside right away, but it is here.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 09:36 PM
6

Carrying weight is part of it. Pretending it costs nothing is a different point.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 02:08 PM
3

I get that. Some of it shows up as wear, but some of it also forces a level of rebuilding most men would have never chosen on their own. Hard season, real change.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 01:00 AM
1

That's true. A lot of men are harder on themselves than anyone else ever could be.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 11:06 PM
3

Exactly. A lot of people are carrying something devastating and you would never know it from the outside. That is part of what makes ordinary life feel strange sometimes. You realize how much pain can be sitting behind normal conversation.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 10:49 PM
5

That part is real too. Sometimes the stress shows up on your body before you even have words for what it is doing to you. I'm a witness to it, I had to buy new clothes because I had lost so much weight. Keep the beard.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 10:41 PM
7

Exactly. A lot of people think divorce is just sadness and separation until they see how ugly and destabilizing it can actually become. That is part of what I was getting at. Life can be getting hit hard behind the scenes while the outside world still expects you to function like nothing changed.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 10:36 PM
3

I appreciate that, brother. A lot of men do carry more than they say, and too often the strength gets seen while weight gets missed. That quiet part is real.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 10:18 PM
3

That is a heavy load on top of an already heavy season. I respect you even being in the fight with that on your back. I hope rehab keeps moving in the right direction for you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 09:59 PM
3

That is true. A lot of people are carrying far more than they show, which is why a little respect and a little grace go a long way.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 09:54 PM
3

That is exactly the strange split. Outwardly everything looks normal, but internally your life is in a completely different place than the conversation you are standing in.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 08:50 PM
6

I appreciate that. A lot of men are carrying this quietly, so even simple acknowledgment goes a long way.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 08:47 PM
5

That makes sense. Work can become one of the only places where life still feels structured when everything else is shifting. Having a boss respond like that instead of making it harder is a big deal.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 08:12 PM
2

That makes sense. Having some place where you did not have to keep your face set probably mattered more than most people would realize.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 07:24 PM
4

That is the strange part. People read "you handled it well" As strength, but some it just means you got very good at carrying too much without showing it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 07:22 PM
8

That is fair for some situations. I do not think everyone divorce hits the same, and for some men life does get lighter after the split. I was speaking more to the part where even when some things improve, there is still a kind of pressure and silence around what gets carried that people do not really see.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 06:15 PM
5

That part can hit hard too. A lot of this is carrying weight in places where the other person either does not see it or does not care what it costs you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 05:51 PM
6

That is exactly the kind of pressure I meant. It is not just the emotional hit. It is the fact that your body and mind are taking it while life still expects full output.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 05:32 PM
8

Exactly. That is the part that gets missed. People talk about resilience like that solves the fact that a lot of men are in real distress and still expected to perform like nothing is happening.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 05:29 PM
2

That is a brutal load. A lot of men are carrying enough to break their focus and still forcing themselves to act like it is manageable because there is no real room for collapse.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 05:27 PM
5

Thats exactly it. A lot of this gets carried in places where nobody is really asking what it is costing you to keep showing up like that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 05:13 PM
4

Same. That is the part of what makes this so strange. You can still be functioning enough to get through the day, but internally you know your edge is not there the way it normally is.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 05:11 PM
1

High-conflict co-parenting taught me to stop reacting and start operating. Document everything. Stay factual. Protect your peace so you can protect your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 08:08 AM
1

Appreciate that. I'm glad that clicked for you. I'll watch for your DM and get the book over to you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 08:46 PM
1

I appreciate that. I had to learn that too. The conflict between adults can be real, but the kids still need both homes to feel stable and safe. That split became a big part of how I started thinking about all of this. If you want a copy, send me your best email and I'll get it over to you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 03:54 PM
2

Appreciate that. And yes, once kids are involved, the cost of reacting wrong gets a lot higher. That was a big part of why I wrote it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 02:06 PM
3

That's the trap. In high-conflict dynamics, if one person is operating from accusation and emotional certainty, nuance usually dies fast. What helped me was stopping the push for mutual understanding and shifting to structure instead. Clear boundaries, brief communication, and consistent action hold up better than trying to argue your way back into fairness.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 03:00 AM
1

Appreciate that. The biggest shift for me was realizing this is not managed by emotion or repeated explaining. It is managed by staying complaint, consistent, and documented. That is where the book is coming from.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 02:43 AM
3

That was a big shift for me too. High-conflict co-parenting got more manageable when I stopped looking for understanding and started relying on procedure, documentation, and consistency. It does not fix the other person, but it does protect your position and peace.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 02:41 AM
3

What helped most was shifting from emotional reacting to procedural thinking. I stopped trying to correct everything, stopped treating every conflict like it needed a response, and focused on being complaint, consistent, and documented. That changed everything for me because structure holds up better than emotion in high-conflict situations.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 02:37 AM
3

Some people don't need closure because they already decided their version of the story. Real closure is when you stop trying to be understood by someone committed to misunderstanding you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 05:35 PM
3

Half-time with your child doesn't make you half a father. It just means the time you do get matters twice as much. I remember dropping my kiddos off had me in tears in the beginning of my divorce. If its any consolation it does get easier. I definitely have had morning like you had this morning.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 04:31 PM
9

Closure doesn't come from them admitting what they did. It comes from you accepting what they showed you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 04:25 PM
1

You're welcome.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 02:00 AM
0

One thing to be careful of is carrying all the responsibility yours. Wanting to improve is healthy. Feeling like you're the only one who has to improve usually isn't. A marriage gets better when both people feel heard, not when one person feels like they have to earn their place back.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 06:28 PM
5

That mindset right there usually means you care enough to look at your own blind spots, which matters. But marriage can't be one person trying to fix everything alone. Both people have to feel like the other is trying, not just enduring. If he's checked out emotionally, the real question becomes whether he's still willing to invest, not just whether you can improve.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 05:52 PM
3

One thing you're doing right already is separating being a husband from being a father. The relationship can end, but your role with your daughter doesn't. Stay consistent with whatever access you get, even if it feels small right now. Kids remember who stayed didn't disappear when things got hard. Document everything, stay calm, and keep showing up. That pays off long term.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 05:46 PM
2

Rough seasons don't always mean incompatibility. Sometimes they just show where communication broke down under pressure. If both people are still showing up and will to work, that usually matters more than whether feelings dipped during a hard stretch. Effort during hard seasons usually tells the real story.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 05:34 PM
12

That's usually where real peace shows up. When you stop tracking what happens to them and start focusing on what you're building with your kids. Indifference is usually the real closure.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 05:26 PM
3

The fact you're even thinking about this already says you're not blowing it. Most dads who are checked out never question themselves. Kids don't need perfect. They need one parent who stays emotionally predictable even when things are tense. That's usually what they remember.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 06:30 AM
3

I get what you're saying. Kids do remember what was said, especially during hard moments. I was thinking more about what they end up trusting over time. What stays consistent. Probably both matter.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 03:36 PM
1

Wanting to be there already puts you ahead of a lot of people. Stability isn't flashy work, but it's the work kids build their security on. They may never see the weight you carried, but they will live inside the stability you created.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 01:55 PM
3

Kids rarely remember what we sacrificed. They just grow up feeling safe because someone chose consistency over convenience. That's the part that matters.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 01:52 PM
6

That's one of the hardest decisions a father makes and most people will never understand it. Sometimes being a good dad means choosing stability for your kids even when it costs personally. Kids may never know what you protected them from, but they benefit from it every day. That's real fatherhood.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 12:21 PM
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