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Flaneur50 Archive

View 0 posts and 178 comments by Flaneur50 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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–

That's true but it has to feel dismissive to a man (or woman) who is alone and fearing they'll always be alone. So what else ya got?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/26 05:52 PM
–

I think Lemon has something of an agenda here (meaning generally on PPD) but she's right in this instance and her full comment is balanced. About 20% of women in the US experience rape. About 45% or women experience contact sexual violence, which includes unwanted touch or physical contact. Add harassment and coercion and the #s go well beyond half. And because it's stigmatized even on surveys women are likely to under report. Despite your biased narrative it's human nature to discount the sever…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/26 05:29 PM
–

In your op I kind of wondered if you have an agenda. This comment clears that up for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/26 04:55 PM
–

You're redefining a term to meet your needs, that's why. but you do you.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/26 03:38 PM
–

The solution would be to not offer advice to struggling men. Am I missing something?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/26 02:47 PM
–

Then why not call them "thirsty women haters"? Genuine question.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/26 02:41 PM
1

That's a really good answer.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 09:11 PM
5

Guys do it because they think it's a better argument than calling women bitches who won't fuck them. I mean it's a much better argument now that I write it out but still terrible.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 09:01 PM
4

Several people have pointed out the flaw in the line you drew. Feeling owed something is precisely what entitled means. But there is a tendency to over use or misuse the word. Some frustrated men are entitled. But not all frustrated men are. And some successful people act hugely entitled when denied something. We tend to use it to punch down when that's not the only or best use of the word. And here and other places on line there's a strong tendency to respond to men commenting "I think I'm doin…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 03:15 PM
0

The way some women talk about this does betray some basic biphobia or homophobia. But some people have those attitudes and women are people so I'm not sure this is news. And your inference from a pretty common bias people have that some of those people are protecting their turf/advantage is speculative and an un generous reading of the situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 01:58 PM
5

Decent human's want to get laid and form romantic relationships and if the decent human is male he likely needs to give some thought to how he's going to try and meet those wants and needs.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 05:31 AM
13

There's often some seed of truth in the topics you post but you consistently interpret men's dating issues in the least generous way you can. Some men probably do wish they could be assholes just like some women wish they could be bitches, but as many or more reasonably decent men and women watch people behave in pretty crappy ways and still succeed socially. Because they're that attractive or that devious or some of both. And that's a WTF kind of deal. And while it's understandable it really is…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 05:19 AM
–

Being desperate for matches sounds like a terrible idea.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/26 01:31 PM
1

To be clear, it seems you're not saying Gen Z is exceptionally weird about sex, but that they recognize that people in general often are and Gen Z knowing this are either managing their own impulses or seeing sexually impulsive behavior in others and saying "no thanks". If that's your point I think you may be on to something. It's like capitalism in a sense. How much of our capitalist system is consuming for the sake of consuming? That leads to all sorts of similarly impulsive spending and chasi…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/26 02:31 PM
1

Seriously. Be the post you want to see.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 07:43 PM
2

What's not clear to me is what BMI a woman should be. It's like no one perseverates Drops it gratuitously into conversations Grinds his axe to a fine edge ever offers any guidance to those of us who are unsure what we should be telling women. How's a guy to know?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 07:36 PM
1

He might be saying he can be pet by other people but you can't pet other dogs. The head tilt thing usually means that. You have to decide if that works for you. Wouldn't for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 02:38 PM
5

That's between you and your dog. Gotta communicate.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 02:17 PM
2

Which does make it tough because those are the only two ways to go. Can't possibly realize it's a bit of a dance and show interest, see how she responds, be mildly suggestive if she seems interested back, see how that goes, adjust and so on. If only something like that was an option?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 02:13 PM
–

You're really noting that women see more disqualifying issues in men than vice versa, and that's true. Many of them really do matter and in the long run they're doing the man a favor because an incompatibility would impact him even if he was willing to put up with it. One that really does matter. Women also almost recoil from some stuff that really seems inocuous. I mean she knows best what she can deal with but if scuffed shoes really tell her all she needs to know about a man maybe we don't ne…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 02:04 PM
–

I'm not adapting my politics or world view to get a date and I wouldn't date someone who did.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/26 01:55 PM
1

How is that the binary? A standardless free for all where you need only not be a colossal jack off or a jungle where you claw your way past 8 other men in a knock off tournament? There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 09:55 PM
1

I run a program that provides services to adults with autism. My gut reaction to your earlier comment was mostly on their behalf. Autism itself is intractable and minimizing it's impact on social skills if that impact is significant can be nearly impossible. I mean it's not that you're wrong. I guess I just wish you were. Edit: Your comment, not you comment :)
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 09:47 PM
3

What harmful belief needs to be deconstructed?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 08:01 PM
1

You're probably right. Those men should just knock off the autism.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 06:31 PM
41

I was going to ask the same thing. OP is drawing conclusions but leaving out the argument part.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 02:20 PM
3

Legitimate re-set.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 07:13 PM
5

Some of those men don't want to face the shame they feel at being unable to meet a basic need of theirs. And if they're intensely upset about their situation it's likely hard for them to see their part in it to make changes, to accept some pretty unhappy realities that may be holding them back that can't be changed, or to hear offers of help or advice without getting defensive. It's still on the man to figure this out and address it so I fundamentally agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 05:31 PM
5

I'm not sure about some of your supporting examples/evidence but I think you're absolutely right in your title. A lot of men wish women were better than us. More thoughtful, compassionate, empathetic. More refined. Myself included but I know this and awareness does a lot to limit the damage done to my psyche when I see daily evidence that women turn out to be about the same as men on all these points. And I honestly think men are better than we'd like to think. We idealize women because we want …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 03:42 PM
6

Why do you care? Do you want anything to do with men who think that way?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 07:11 PM
3

I'm looking for a side gig so we'll see.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 04:11 PM
3

Your disappointment is palpable OP. Right through the screen. I hope the world changes to better suit your needs and that the change helps you feel better. I'm kind of broken just reading about your struggles.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/26 04:09 PM
2

Humiliating seems like too strong a term, but buying visibility puts in high relief the different experience men and women often have on apps. It's systemic and not really a reflection on men or women, but for a lot of men it seems to be personally discouraging.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/26 07:44 PM
2

That's good. I think. I had to read that slowly and let each adjective settle and I'm still not sure but you seem to be so there you go. :)
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/26 07:40 PM
1

Or how 12 years old.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/26 07:34 PM
3

Regarding picture quality, whether that's about pgoto quality or subject quality or both, aren't apps set up so you don't see the profile until after you've seen the picture? If that's true then the picture is doing way more heavy lifting than the profile. Your claim applies to photogenic men who lose a woman's initial interest with a lazy or crappy profile. It does nothing for a lot of men who are not bad looking so much as they're not especially good looking. Those men can write a thoughtful, …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/26 07:26 PM
4

So a woman who sees injustice inmpacting men is a pick me? Like let's say she ackmowledges that any system that fails one segment of the population needs to examine how it operates. The male suicide rate would be good evidence of a system (mental health) failing men. A woman agreeing with that is a pick me?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/26 04:53 PM
3

Maybe cuz they're 18.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/26 04:43 PM
5

I'm here to say that making that a public criteria in her earflier thread was lovely and I use the word "lovely" the way souther people say "bless your heart".
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/26 04:40 PM
2

I can't imagine any website not tinkering with content to gain more views and engagement. Even with human to human interaction there are ways to encourage posters who promote engagement. It has to be happening to some extent.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 11:43 PM
23

I'm in a bit of a mood today so I'll tone down what I might have said. Men and women having access to each other's unfiltered thoughts online is really distressing for all of us.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 11:17 PM
3

I'm in a relationship with someone my age and were baby boomers. I love her and she loves me. Men who talk about youth and beauty like it's a woman's only value are shit people, just like women who see men as $$ or for his utility only are shit people.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 11:14 PM
4

My point is women who like men for money in particular but also for how well he performs some masculine script are not worth his effort. Men want a genuine relationship based on mutual feelings. You're suggesting those feelings can be bought and still be genuine. they can't. And I mean bought literally and by being impressive solely for the purpose of being impressive (game).
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 09:41 PM
3

Are you saying women don't care about men's beauty? Or that men really want to carry a woman financially? I mean some men here say that but honestly I think a lot of them are 19 with a PT job and imagining life based on worn out stereotypes.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 09:36 PM
6

By that metric how much are you worth? What's your price in terms of investment?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 09:32 PM
4

Does he then purchase a woman's affection with that money?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 09:29 PM
10

This really cuts through the bs and moving goalposts the OP is indulging in.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 09:26 PM
5

would you date a financially stable man who is confident and has game but also has a facial deformity?You're being disingenuous here.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 09:24 PM
–

I don't see that short men are insisting that women find them attractive. They're complaining (sometimes bitterly and almost always ineffectively) that it is in some cases and seems to be in most cases near the top of the list of things women find attractive. I say this as a tallish man.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 04:33 PM
2

Agreed.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 04:19 PM
6

Are you comfortable with TRP ideas like the wall and the implications of it? Women are the oldest children in the room? Negging? AWALT? Or are those things not a part of TRP?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 02:50 PM
1

Do some of the women you find attractive feel the same about you?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 02:42 PM
0

It would be better for women if men took rejection better (the men who don't). It would be better for those men. Your approach to this issue will do little to bring that about.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 02:35 PM
5

I wish more men could express their hurt like you do. I always see the hurt inside even the most hostile things men here and elsewhere say about women. That those men are hurt doesn't excuse their ugly behavior in the least, but seeing the hurt humanizes them for me. Kind, thoughtful comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 02:30 PM
10

One of the things that always confounds me about TRP is the idea that it's proponenets have discovered something. If TRP was really about the idea that "women largely do like men who are good looking, confident, and take initiative" there'd be little push back. I'd venture to say I'm the oldest person posting here and that was the belief in the 70s when I came of age. And it's what my mother and her friends sought in a man in the 40s and 50s. So why do you think TRP exists and why do you think i…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 02:19 PM
1

Don't look beyond the surface of the #s. You'll fall into the abyss :)
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 06:57 PM
1

This is a really good analysis with the inclusion of religion separate from politics. I'd argue though that a 10+ % difference politically is pretty significant. I also think women are more likely to view this as a major issue, for totally understandable reasons. Their welfare seems to be an issue the left and right are going to battle over so their investment is greater.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 06:55 PM
2

That is thoroughly fucked up on a couple of levels but it doesn't prove anything or lead to your conclusion.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 08:55 PM
2

This is a really good and balanced point. It includes some wisdom for people expressing a preference and for people feeling excluded by that expression.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 03:55 PM
2

And probably one they struggled to make, just like men here are struggling to either accept that not dating is the peaceful path for them, at least now, or making some difficult changes that might make them more datable. We see men here in the process of making those choices and it's not pretty. They're afraid they can't change enough and terrified of giving up.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 02:16 PM
1

So they tried to date at some point and found it "not worth it". Their response is a practical one, but don't you think it was a painful one also?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 02:09 PM
0

Why do they choose not to date?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 02:03 PM
2

Good point. On the men who can't see this the site assumes men looking for certainty, even if it's certainty that they're hopelessly unattractive, are autisitic but I think it's hallmark OCD. Hope, a little or a lot is by definition about uncertainty, and they just can't do uncertainty. Now OCD overlaps with autism so maybe.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/26 04:49 PM
1

I agree that men are not the arbiters of reasonable standards in women. I'm old and coupled and likely out of the dating pool for good, but if I became single I would vet for defensive dating/relationship views like yours. I don't have time to deal with someone who puts me as a man in the class of people who are likely to screw you over. If experience has taught you that I feel bad for you but I won't carry the burden those men created. You're right about men's low or non existen standards. Some…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/26 04:42 PM
2

There needs to be a reason to avoid trying to connect with women when you really want to but you're afraid to really try. And "afraid" can't be the reason.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/26 03:32 PM
2

I think PPD can fade away now since this is always the answer to exactly 92% of the questions/comments here. The other 8% are "WTF?"
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/26 03:30 PM
1

And taken.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/26 08:15 PM
1

A mentally stable man who starts balding will likely be sad and scared about the impact it will have on him. And it will have an impact. But he'll adjust and he won't become suicidal.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/26 07:09 PM
0

Well done.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 07:28 PM
1

I think your view can co-exist with a view that in my mind realistically accepts that people date people similar to them, including roughly the same level of attractiveness. It's more complicated than that but still tends to play out that way on average. If you and I walked around I think we could agree on a man who is extremely attractive. Not necessarily to you but in general. Now say we know the woman he is engaged to is about to turn the corner to meet him and 3 women turned the corner, one …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 07:21 PM
–

What do you mean?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 02:18 PM
3

I see what you see and I see it off line more than say 20 years ago. If the other tribe is evil or pathologically self interested we can dismiss their points out of hand. All over politics and culture.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 02:42 AM
0

You're essentially right and this small rebuttal or addition may have been mentioned, but standard advice is standard. It's not a hot take or a novel idea. It doesn't unnecessarily paint you a victim even if it does acknowledge unique challenges men face. It's calm. None of that invites engagement or emotional arousal in the short attention span theater where influencers live and sell.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 02:33 AM
7

How did you pull off being 6-4? Lot of effort?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 06:42 PM
2

I'm male and I feel the same. I've been married and in a couple of long term cohabitations but no "wife" yet. They might be a myth.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 05:42 PM
2

I agree with the OP. I want the woman I'm with to enjoy sex with me and to want to engage. I want to feel the same about sex with her. That defines a good sex life. Why not aim for that? Hope for that?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 05:41 PM
0

There's a decent amount of research suggesting women become bored with monogamy faster than men do, often within 1-4 years of marriage.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 02:48 PM
21

There's scant evidence that men have empathy for women. We often go out of our way to avoid understanding women's experiences. We may feel protective but that's not really empathy and more borne of feelings of responsibility or obligation.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/26 09:41 PM
5

There's a subset of men who engage in magical thinking about ways to be safe from infidelity. Those men are greatly over represented in/on the manosphere. In/on the manosphere those men seem to be especially loud. So we're talking about a subset of a subset whose views get amplified into something like relevance. So while I agree with your take regarding pair bonding as a scam based on a wish, what relevance does it have outside the corner of manosphere where it resides?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 04:17 PM
1

OK. Frustration that a significant # of women who claim to want a functional, balanced relationship set boundaries like yours.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 03:56 PM
2

Some women will choose to fucus on personality rather than looks even when looks are a significant part of the problem. For one of three reasons usually. It makes her feel better It avoids making him feel worse She believes it's more actionable, and sometimes it clearly is What gets left out of the discussion is the slow dying belief some men hold that their personality can or should make up for being less physically attractive. Or that being "nice" should mean as much as being fun and engaging …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 06:29 PM
1

What changed?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 02:24 PM
2

Both men and women here are mostly tilting at windmills. Men more so but there are women doing the same. In the real world we deal with reality and it's not so bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 02:27 PM
1

The idea that women have a clearly defined prime past which they're unattractive to most men is bullshit. That's how.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 02:25 PM
4

I've always paid but I find the justifications for women expecting this and yet some fucking how not being entitled brats to be hilarious.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 02:58 PM
4

Men not wanting to pay for the date indicates lack of interest and low aggreeableness Or self respect.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 02:56 PM
7

Behaving in a manner that'st trustworthy is the right and the practical thing to do. Whay would you argue against that?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 08:19 PM
1

Only if we're willing to give it a little thought, which is kinda rare.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 05:57 PM
–

You immediately jumped from "care" to "fuck". There's a lot of space between those two actions. I make no predictions about a coming apocalypse caused by sexless men. I make no claim that if men's sexlessness is a problem, that women need to solve it with their bodies. But women should care. There are any number of things we all can do to make it more likely that men who struggle to date may struggle less. Why would anyone not care enough to support that?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 02:53 PM
1

Just here to add that at no point in ever has the word need been defined exclusively as pertaining to something you'll die without. Needs also include things fundamental to your emotional welfare and general functioning. Actually that's more often how the word is used. edit: managed to spell welfare incorrectly.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 02:11 PM
3

A little too perfect.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 05:16 PM
0

Your title is accurate. Your evidence is a bit weak or misplaced. Karens (or Kens) are behaving terribly in real life with real people they'll possibly see again. We know about them because someone took a video of their meltdown. That's different from an anonymous forum. We have less reason to believe someone complaining here complains elsewhere or often or in the same intensity. And we have some reason to wonder if the complaining followed the failures and so was a result and not a cause of the…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 05:11 PM
0

I think you've created a bit of a strawman, OP. I don't see people unprompted suggesting that men who can't get a date are necessarily bad people.It happens in context and often when the man in question has shown some evidence that maybe he's self sabotaging at least. And sometimes he's being an ass. What I'll give though is a nod to the just world fallacy. JWF often stems from the cognitive dissonance that bad people succeeding or good people failing often causes. On some level a lot of us pref…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 04:45 AM
1

A select fews men here say they have no standards, and away from here it's even fewer. You're listening to the few dramatc and loud opinions, or you're just being selective in what you choose to report to make a point. I will agree men say they have fewer standards than women, and that's generally true. But when pressed most men come up with a pretty comprehensive list of physical, personality, style, and background traits they prefer.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 03:45 PM
4

That was never the blue pill argument or a main stream belief (which is what blue pill is if it's anything) held by anyone who existed around other people and could see or hear how they interacted. Not ever.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/26 03:11 PM
15

Your answer is by far the most likely explanation but it doesn't fit some men's dating world view. The same dynamic could play out with someone struggling to find work in the field they've trained for. I may know them to be bright, punctual, generally responsible and hard working in non work contexts, but they might bomb in interviews. Maybe coming off as too eager or a sycophant, or lean too far in the other direction and come off as robotic. In any case they don't seem like a "fit" in a genuin…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/26 02:25 PM
8

You can be chill and still be attentive and emotionally responsive.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 07:46 PM
2

If you had said men over index in traits X and Y and this tendency, while not seen in all men or perhps not seen in most is common enough that it makes all men less sympathetic, you'd have a point I'd agree with. But you didn't do that. If your point, the one you made in the page nine retraction is that the distinct subset of men who exhibit these traits shouldn't expect to be seen sympathetically, I'd totally agree. But you didn't clarify that until the last two lines of your post. As to your e…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 03:21 PM
3

Your title seems to say that men categorically are less sympathetic due to.....and then you list traits that are far from universal and give examples of extreme behavior. Your TLDR seems like a corrective, but it's a page nine retraction after a banner headline and some curated details.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 02:53 PM
0

Shit like dread game, awalt, and ideas like women are the oldest children in the room set men up to view women as very different from men. The more we see people as different from us the less regard we have for them as people. Those ideas are ultimately dangerous.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 10:39 PM
1

Trust your gut. If you feel a bad vibe from someone you might end up walking away from a decent man, but you'll survive that. You might be sensing a relatively harmless incompatibility, but still the best choice to walk away. Or you might be saving yourself from real harm.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 10:33 PM
2

In the text box you can see an Aa symbol. Click on that and formatting options appear. B is in the top left corner. Highlight the text you want to bold and click the B.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 07:29 PM
2

I don't think feeling like a victim romantically is gendered. Men are often more hostile about it and there's a whole cottage industry built around exploiting men who have genuine trouble connecting with women, so men's issues are on blast. But go to a site like forever alone or two x or others here and you'll see lots of victim mentality on display from women. There are men and women who are pretty much unwelcome at the romance table. The reasons can vary but I don't think the numbers are very …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 04:18 PM
3

I guess I feel that my own row to hoe in this ongoing discussion will always be: I like men, I love men, I lust after men. I have had experiences where I felt frightened of certain men, I recognize that those experiences made me skittish later on with other men who are innocent. That sucks. For everyone. But it's also nearly universal. As a whole it would be great if we could heal all that. This is 100% understandable. A woman can never really go wrong by trusting her gut when it tells her to be…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/26 03:50 PM
2

It's in my comment. If we're talking about life altering diseaes then absolutely everyone's experience is on topic. If I start a topic specifically about how frustrating Crohn's is and someone with ALS brings up their challenges, as much as I have sympathy for that person their input will tend to shut down the discussion of Crohn's. Can you really not see that?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 09:11 PM
8

I fully acknowledge expeiences outside my own. I'm an older man in a relationship so most of what's discussed here is outside my recent experience or outside it altogether. I'm in no way against discussing issues that primarily affect women. If we're talking about women's challenges then sexual harassment and assualt and rape are top level issues to discuss. If we're talking about dating and relationship dynamics in general, those are all relevant then also. If we're talking about men's particul…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 08:49 PM
12

Rape is a monumental problem. And, men should be able to discuss their concerns without first prioritizing women's.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 06:44 PM
3

100% whistling through the grave yard stuff.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 06:41 PM
0

Show me where I've ever suggested any such thing. when you reply to me I assume, you know, that you're replying to me and not just grinding your axe. Which at this point must be gound to a eazor blade.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 06:40 PM
0

To be clear you seem to not want to solve it. It's not just about information. We know what causes type two diabetes and heart disease and stroke and yet we keep on indulging in known causes.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 06:36 PM
1

Did I, even remotely imply that people should not be free to not date you?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 06:21 PM
1

I get that. I think I've said before that men who want to feel understood often sabotage their own desire. Your distinction in this last comment makes sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 06:20 PM
6

I'm curious why you don't have empathy for men who can't get a date. Wanting romance or even just sex is a pretty normal and even healthy thing to want, and struggling to get something you want is painful, no?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/26 04:24 PM
2

I smell irony somewhere in this thread. I won't babble on about who I'm sensing it from.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 07:28 PM
3

I agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 05:19 PM
5

I don't think that's common. Men and women are pretty capable of being decent in the early stages of dating or work or friendships. In time they show their true colors. If attractive but erratic people can pull this off, why can't the men here?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 04:59 PM
6

If a man's inability to get any attraction in dating and the resultant loneliness and diminished self esteem are real problems, it's also fucked up for women to respond with "go on grindr" or "you haven't been assaulted on your non existent date". Not saying you did but those comments are common here. Regarding the suffering olympics, as an older man those games were on for about 4 decades until women made some genuine progress (which I support and voted for and contributed to as an employer and…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 04:55 PM
6

No, you may not understand my point. Men here you're addressing may indeed disturb a woman's peace if she enters a relationship with him, but that's not why those men struggle. The struggle because they don't get to that point. I'm not claiming the reasons the women they're interested in reject them are invalid but those reasons have little to do with her peace of mind. Probably nothing to do with it. When's the last time you read a post here from a man complaining that he gets lots of dates and…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 04:42 PM
9

I'd bet that 90% or more of the men here (and probably anywhere) who say they have difficulty dating have that difficulty for reasons that have nothing to do with enhancing or diminishing the peace of mind of women they'd like to date. Peace of mind enters the discussion once you're in a relationship. Getting there is what most men who say they're struggling are struggling with. Men who connect with women and then at some point fuck up that connection just move on to the next woman and in any ca…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:39 PM
10

Neither are average women. That's not a "gotcha" but it's true by definition. The idea that most men find most women attractive is what the OP is talking about with the sexes reversed. Most men find the women those men notice as attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 03:54 PM
4

And the sex difference is many men like or are convinced they would like lots of vanilla ice cream if it were available.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 02:54 PM
-1

No one is worth idolizing, but admiring or respecting are valid. If those men you mentioned are the wrong men, and I agree they are the wrong men, who do you believe are the right men for young men to admire or look up to?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 02:51 PM
0

I'm assuming the steroids and the diet were to be as big/muscular as possible? Why do you think he was that motivated to change his body? If the question strikes a too personal nerve I fully understand, but if you're comfortable answering.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 02:47 PM
3

I think there's a somewhat justifiable fear that women generally don't like men much and separately aren't that attracted to us. This makes letting go of the idea of being needed more challenging. And sure, "why would men or a man want to be with a woman if she doesn't like or much desire him?" is a valid quaetion but fears don't care about valid or rational. This fear may not have much or a basis in reality but modern men who have been "listening to women" would be foolish not to have some such…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 06:02 PM
1

Some men want to portray men as simple and straightforward because they prefer to see the world that way. It may be a lack of experience or uncritically accepting what others say. It does do those men and men generally a disservice. Then other men make this claim in opposition to the idea that women consciously portray themselves as more complicated or refined or evolved because this suits those women. Men making this claim are usually wrong but not always.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 02:18 PM
2

If I think about it I see women as yes, no, and maybe. Probably like you a yes can become a no and a maybe can become a yes. What might be different is women I see as "maybe" are somewhat attractive to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 03:34 AM
19

A lot of people and men especially use "unattractive" to mean unpleasant looking or worse. It's kind of a euphemism for "ugly". I think you're saying that men don't often register with you until they say or do or demonstrate something. So isn't it more that they're sort of invisible sexually rather than unattractive?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/26 09:00 PM
11

I disagree somewhat. Some types of competence is desirable. Not in the "men built the Eiffel Tower" sense, but in the "he's a good (fill in blank) sense. Being athletic or graceful, having practical skills, or being artistic are qualities that get men noticed. Competence alone may not mean a lot but it's something like a warm introduction at least for some women regarding some skills. Otherwise you're right though. Contributions made by individual men don't transfer to "men" generally.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/26 07:51 PM
3

Being autistic is a major challenge whatever sex or orientation you are. Like with other issues like being short, introverted, some level of overweight to name a few autism tends to limit men's dating options more than women's. Autism isn't fair to anyone and in regard to making connections with others it's especially unfair to autistic men. Also true that men with autism are way more likely to be sexually abused than men who don't have autism. Not at levels women are, but still significant and …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/26 02:55 PM
0

Right. Like why do people with autism complain about shit so often? /s
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/26 02:47 PM
1

I'm old and love didn't find you 50 years ago either.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 10:25 PM
1

Do you read it as it is your trait and that trait is a fault, or do you mean you blame someone for having autism for example?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 10:22 PM
1

I agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 10:20 PM
3

Social skills can be improved on but some people will only make marginal gains. Still, the advice to work on social skills is generally good but for someone with really significant deficits the advice probably feels kind of empty or even condescending. Like a naturally athletic person telling someone naturally uncoordinated with depth perception issues to practice running an obstacle course.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 02:01 PM
9

Conceptually, isn't the blue pill something the red pill conceived so they could oppose it? The blue pill is the lie and the illusion that the lie "works". And to follow the themes of The Matrix or The Allegory of the Cave some people emerge from the illusion, painfully, and face the truth or the light of life without the illusion in it's painful reality. Others stay locked in the illusion, and a few see the illusion and choose to believe it despite knowing it's falsehood. The lie is told by red…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 02:52 AM
3

Unless you're being sarcastic she's decidedly not mid.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/26 05:16 PM
5

He's also smiling in the "after" pics.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 08:56 PM
4

There's definitely a lot of contention on line. Here where the stated purpose is to "debate" dating trends it's going to naturally split by gender. But beyond that it splits largely between men (many younger) who are some degree of unhappy with their dating lives and women (many older) who are generally more content with theirs. That skews things, obviously. And it can devolve into men here collectively and in some cases per individual alternating between beseeching women for help or hope and th…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/26 02:52 PM
3

Which supports the idea that this may not track generally. Women law students or youger women lawyers are a small subset of women and one where at least operating close to the line between confidence and arrogance is probably necessary.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 04:13 PM
0

You're overselling your already flimsy case. Some women who are obnoxious will claim their indeopencence intimidates men. In my experience those women are rare. If you're meeting a lot of such women then we move in different circles or there's something you bring to the interaction that you're not aware of or not naming.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 03:56 PM
1

I disagree with how you think men expect women to show the things you listed, though the list is fine. I think men want to feel good in a woman's company. I think of it more globally rather than breaking it down but if I broke it down those things you listed are all attractive, but that next paragraph A lot of advice women give each other reflects it: laugh at his jokes, show interest in what he says, praise him, don’t challenge him too much, don’t show that you’re smarter, don’t argue, make him…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 01:59 PM
1

It's been a while but it's one of those things where I pay but if I get the vibe that I was expected to pay it would be the last date. Chivalry, if you want to call paying for a date chivalry is something freely given, not something you're entitled to.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 01:50 PM
2

That's what I'd say also and I'm male.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 01:42 PM
–

When men are most interested in dating they struggle. That means something. It's sad that older women often stuggle to date, but it's also sad that a big part of the reason is that men their age are dead.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/26 01:18 PM
–

Although you've laid this out 9000 times I'm still a little unclear. It seems that you think women are something like a gate. They're squeaky and often swing both ways. Is that it?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 09:14 PM
4

To spend money on them beyond general expectations like paying for a first date and probably some minor imbalance in dating and gift giving that are still customary.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 03:28 PM
7

So women who expect men to do so, either repeatedly manipulating one man or generally believeing that men should "invest" in them are psychopaths?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 03:05 PM
5

Do women who pressure men for money violate those men's boundaries? Edit: better late than never. Women, not men who pressure, though it would still apply.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/26 03:01 PM
0

You're still doing it.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 03:50 PM
2

That's how careers are made.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 03:48 PM
4

There are men who are just spent and another rejection feels like it will finally break him. It probably wouldn't but the feeling isn't just normal fear. They're of course responsible for dealing with being that wiped out emotionally, and the one rule always holds; you miss every shot you don't take.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 03:47 PM
2

It's not rape, pure and simple. And you're entitled to want whatever you want but expressing what you want invites feedback. And lastly, women's virginity is historically a pretty fraught topic. Offer an opinion and expect some feedback.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 03:40 PM
2

You see the world with an unwavering certainty that can look a little narcissistic.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 03:36 PM
4

This OP critiquing narcissism is ironic. Unintentionally but ironic.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 02:56 PM
7

Underrated. My dog brought out the best in me and was a great conversation starter.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 04:25 AM
2

Thanks
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 04:08 AM
1

I'm not at all steeped in this stuff so I've not heard of Tarabon but googling him I think I may have seen him interviewed. If you don't mind what's his take and how is it nuanced?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/26 12:43 AM
–

To be clear I'm not rejecting the idea that empathy, as an acknowledgement of pain and indirectly validation of an experience, is helpful. I think it is. But what a person seeking empathy wants from it or hopes to feel having received it matters, so I ask.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 09:30 PM
–

Who is this "you" you're referring to? It's not always a way to lure someone into a discussion and then demand something more, though I have seen that. You seem certain that that's the game though. Is it always?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 09:27 PM
–

That's a clean enough answer. How would you benefit from a woman or women expressing more empathy re your dating challenges?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 09:23 PM
–

If you feel empathy from women is particularly important, can you explain why that's so?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 08:37 PM
–

I'm not asking whether you'd be happier. I'm asking whether you'd be happy. Satisfied. You'd have no more qualms and just go on your way happy as can be? Why is that the standard?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 08:34 PM
5

I;m thinking about what if anything can be done. I agree that the men Gravel_Roads descibes exist and are weirdly out of touch with reality but I'm challenging the idea that all or even most men who are struggling want a woman assigned to them without having to do anything. The OPasked a question in good faith and acknowledges that an answer like that is off base. Saying it seems gratuitous.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 04:46 PM
6

What about the men who complain but don't have those expectations?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 04:23 PM
2

It's contextual. Outside of dating discussions, the words are very similar. I think of kind as communicating my appreciation for something a bit more strongly, but not much more strongly. Almost interchangable. In a dating context the word "nice" is just worn out. It conveys way less than some people want to claim and more than others. Kind is at least a fresher word with less emotional connotations attached.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 03:03 PM
1

In a dating context "nice" is a Rorschach test.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 02:42 PM
1

That's really cynical. And I totally agree :)
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 05:02 AM
15

That's what I see but I'm male so maybe it's more relatable to me. I also think a lot of men who go online to complain about their dating lives are at least a little depressed. Men tend to lash out when we're depressed, and women tend to internalize so it might be hard for women to see that behavior as depression or pain. And the being attacked part obviously kills the sympathy/empathy mood. Your initial defensiveness is understandable.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 04:54 AM
13

I know it doesn't happen often ,but if a man said something like, "I feel like I can be good in a relationship but I suck at attracting women. I'm not good looking enough to coast on looks but I'm not bad to look at. I just struggle with getting a woman's attention or being seen. I'm really frustrated"? That's not me, at least not now but it probably describes me 25 years ago. I wouldn't expect you or anyone to do anything in response to me saying that, but would you respond? Or would you at les…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 04:33 AM
15

As several women have mentioned, a significant and really loud minority of men make it about impossible for women to hear their pain through their hostility, and those men make it more difficult for women to trust the next man who may really be looking for a little support.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 04:25 AM
6

Women do better than men being single. The reasons may point to a partial solution for single men so your point is valid, but only partial on average because some biological differences and significant differences in socialization. And still, staying in bad relationships isn't a gendered issue. Some women stay due to manipulation but so do some men. Other men and women stay out of fear or insecurity.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 04:21 AM
2

Does it really? I think he's saying that really attractive men get a pass in a lot of cases. Their looks do most of the heavy lifting to get them noticed and and welcomed. Most men have to get noticed and welcomed mostly by other means. Those other means are where attraction gets pretty subjective.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/26 05:11 PM
2

Entitled is the wrong word to use. There's no shame in men pursuing a satidfying sex life, and I think that's what you men.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/26 03:26 PM
3

Right, it's a different misuse of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/26 03:25 PM
–

Blue pill is conventional wisdom. TRP took that conventional wisdom and called it their own and added some stuff about female nature (solopsistic, oldest child in the room, overly emotional, etc.) and ways to combat that like negging, dread game, and spinning plates. The conventional wisdom part, that woman tend to prefer men who are responsible about their body, their space, their finances, and who don't apologize for existing has been around forever. You don't own that. The other part you can …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/26 03:22 PM
3

Don't you want your partner to desire you and also genuinely like you in ways unrelated to that desire? Men want the same. Women worry that men want them mainly or only for sex. Men worry that women want them only for security or some other unsexy reason. Two sides of the same self defeating coin.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/26 04:05 AM
1

No, by definition your type is who you're attracted to especially when it's aconsistent pattern. Who's attracted to you is most often someone who sees you as their type.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/26 05:09 PM
1

My real point is that no one should tell men how to feel. Beyond that, a lot of men believe hookups are for the most attractive few (men). There's some truth to that. So then how socially inept would a woman need to be to tell the man she's with seriously that she wouldn't have hooked up with him? Same with she would have never swiped right on him. Who wants to hear that?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/26 03:53 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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