TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Flashy_Yam967 Archive

View 2 posts and 243 comments by Flashy_Yam967 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
11

Flashy_Yam967/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 05:18 PM
8

Flashy_Yam967/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 12:43 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

If the house was paid off prior to marriage, strong argument for it being premarital....if you were still paying on it during the marriage, she likely has claim to some of the equity gained during the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 03:21 PM
2

How will 50/50 work for you being military?? Assuming you have to may to deploy, be gone for weeks at time for trainings, and may/will have to PCS/move throughout your career.....I'd say not favorable to you if she is opposing 50/50. You may be in position of accepting less than 50/50 or leaving the military.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 11:45 AM
1

How long were you married for, for alimony to be a factor? Unsure about the legalize of this, but suppose you were to pay alimony, that could make both of your incomes about equal....equal incomes, equal child time, could equal zero child support.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 11:33 AM
2

I'd say you will have to rough it out. My recommendation is to spend the $200-$300 to get a short consult with a local family law attorney. Considering you have 2-3 years left and its costing you $600 a month in alimony, it would probably be a good thing to do.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 07:40 PM
4

Some states allow for alimony to be cancelled if the ex cohabitates or there is a significant change of circumstances. Is there anything significant going on for a judge to revisit the divorce decree? Judges don't like to revisit divorce decrees. If my ex wanted to revisit our alimony situation 3 years post divorce, I'd have a fit....because I gave up other assets so as to not pay alimony. That is how a judge will look at it, you gave up stuff and she gave up stuff to come to the agreement you d…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 07:30 PM
2

Was the alimony written into the divorce decree? What does your state law say about alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 07:10 PM
1

From your post, "Then I started doing supervised visits in April 2024, once a week".... Why supervised visits? Was there abuse on your part or allegations of abuse? If there was abuse or allegations, it would explain her parents involvement.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 04:01 PM
2

70/30 blame, with more towards my ex
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 10:27 AM
1

Same, I bought out as well!
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 10:40 PM
2

Either do a week on week off, or 5,5,2,2, which alternates weekends. My ex and I do 5, 5, 2, 2. I have M/T, she W/Thu and we alternate F-Sun.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 05:43 PM
3

She is probably owed half the of the equity which is in the house, probably not what you paid in versus what she paid in. You may want to get an updated appraisal to factor in the fence and roof repairs. Subject to her acceptance and if you want the house, you could deduct from her half, half the refinancing costs it will be to pay her off. If you two can't come to an agreement, the house will probably need to be sold, with the equity split.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 04:06 PM
6

So she probably cheats and you're out of the home., and still paying for half of the home. If you think that is fair, then drive on. Don't accept or at least fight for what is fair.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 01:28 PM
3

What does splitting all the bills 50/50 mean in your scenario? Do you have your own place now and she is paying for half of it? Are you now paying half of the marital home, electric, internet and she pays the other half, while she is living there and you not? Or does it mean you pay for your place, she pays for the marital place? I'm wondering if you agreed to screw yourself meanwhile she was cheating on you prior to the separation. I'm actual curious what 50/50 bills mean when the man voluntari…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 11:28 AM
-3

You have a moral obligation to financially support the kids you fathered. Why don't you move back to the U.S. in order to have more income to support your kids? IMO, you shouldn't be able to freely move to 3rd world country and claim you can only make dollars per day and thus, should only pay quarters a day in child support. That's just deadbeat.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 02:58 PM
1

I just don't see attorney fees being ex parte awarded. Did you skip a court date?
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 07:29 PM
3

If you can retain an attorney, do so. You will have to figure out arrangements for the 14 year old and so many other things.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 09:16 AM
4

The law should allow you to sue her and him for that!!!
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 03:26 PM
3

How much more money does she make then you? If you have separate accounts, a good way to split the bills is based on a percentage of income rather than 50/50. She makes 80% of the total family money, she pays 80% of the bills.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 02:33 PM
2

I suspect it will be what you're making right now as long as you can justify why your pay decreased......If you were working 100 hours a week for the last year and had to step down from that, any reasonable judge will understand that and factor that in. What would probably not fly would be for a physician to step down to working fast food.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 09:27 PM
2

How long is the marriage? Was the house paid off before the marriage? If not, she is probably entitled to some part of the equity, even if her part is 5-10%. If she can claim part of the equity, the appraisal should be split between you two IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 09:44 PM
3

With a 50/50 schedule that is one of the ways to make it happen, Alternatively you do week on and week off. My ex and I do 5,5,2,2 and have done that for 2-3 years. It works fine. For my job, it works better than week on, week off. You say she will have five more overnights than you over the summer. Will that change child support? Is that a show stopper? Why not continue your schedule in the summer, or week of week off, or two weeks on two weeks off? In the divorce decree, you could stipulate ki…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 10:12 AM
2

How old are the kids, how close do you live to each other? In the 1990's, my dad did the every other weekend, half the summer, half the holiday thing. 50/50 was not common then as it is now. Coparenting is much more a thing now than it was 30-40 years ago. If you live an hour or more away from each other, 50/50 is not practical because of school.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 03:52 PM
4

Time for a solo vacation
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 09:26 AM
9

By default, she gets half of everything you listed. He was probably looking at a good monthly alimony amount for at least ten years. So instead of paying the alimony, he gave up a larger chunk of the investments. I was in a ten year marriage and padded my ex's half of everything so that I didn't have to pay alimony. It sucks and is a compelling reason for a prenup.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 12:10 AM
2

If you need treatment for your mental stability and for the safety of your kids, get the dang treatment.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 06:54 PM
1

Usually courts will not look at post seperation or post divorce filing debt as premarital. Not all debt acquired during the happy times is marital either....such as college loans, gambling debt, medical debt and probably a few others.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 09:13 AM
11

First I would compare the divorce laws in NC vs. Colorado. At some point she will have residence long enough to file in Colorado. You might want to beat her to the punch so you can do court in NC where you live.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 05:25 PM
3

If you want to save your family, do counseling and talk to an attorney. See if a postnup is doable where you live. Protect yourself legally in case she does it again and you're not stuck with even more alimony than your are now. The longer the marriage, the longer alimony can hook on for. She won't agree to no alimony if she does this again, cut the cord immediately. Talk to an attorney and see how much damage would be now versus 5 years down the road.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 01:05 PM
1

Get out yourself and see other people. Time should do some healing. Cheating is incredibly painful but it can be ripping the band-aid off for healing in the divorce. Imagine if she said she just didn't love you anymore and wanted a divorce. Then you try fixing yourself, trying to convince her to love you all the while prolonging the moving on phase. With cheating, bam it's over type thing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 08:27 PM
7

I have. It is in my best interests and my kids best interests to do so. It helps the coparenting a lot. I will never forget or forgive what she did though.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 12:16 AM
3

Is this a question or are you just venting which is totally cool? Owner doesn't want her there, they can trespass her. I pay for my kids martial arts which is my deal, my ex will still take them to practices and tournaments. My ex has been putting my son in flying lessons and didn't ask me beforehand. I was cool with it but I wasn't going to fork the cash up for it. She pays for it on her own. We split costs other extra curriculars.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 04:41 PM
9

You cosign the loan, that is going to be your loan regardless of what the court says. Court may order her to pay it but you can't get blood from a rock and it will be your credit when payments are missed.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 09:05 AM
-2

I didnt say cheating was illegal. Jail for being a POS husband and probably for playing financial games.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 02:15 AM
-10

Wow, she is getting hosed and he should be in jail for that shit. 30 year marriage and all the wealth was made during the marriage and he was the cheater..... I side with the wife on this one.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 05:19 PM
3

If she ran up debt and bills post divorce filing or seperation, those are on her
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 10:35 PM
6

I'll buck the trend and say it is not a deal breaker. I buried my dad, mom and brother and I was single at the time. It would have been nice to have some support and comfort but I didn't crumble. You are a man, act like man. You dont need your wife to come to the U. S. when your parents die to support and comfort you. Sure it would be nice but you shouldn't toss your marriage over this issue. You toss your marriage over physical abuse and cheating, not this.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 12:13 PM
9

Call it and work on the exit. It won't get better until you end it with a divorce. Be a man not a simp.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 12:30 PM
1

I thought the same.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 06:24 PM
1

What would a cc charge for a hotel really say? What would a cc charge for dinner really say? Are the grounds for divorce infidelity? If not, don't worry too much about the cc... Flip side of the coin, is you could add fuel to the fire. As far as discovery, I gave my cc statements 3 years back up to the divorce initiation date. She never got my solo finances after the d was initiated.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 09:07 AM
1

I went through my wife's bank account discovery to me where I saw cash withdraws and cashapp payments totalling around $40k. She wouldn't provide the cashapp records. I alleged $40k money misconduct which I subtracted from my proposed financial settlement with her. She was in midst of affair fog and wanted the divorce to go quick, so she accepted by offer. You shouldn't go to trial without complete discovery. Child support should be based off a formula. Alimony can get tricky. You shouldn't be r…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 11:15 PM
2

You make no mention about how long your were married for. That has a lot of relevance towards alimony. She is probably on the hook for child support since you are 50/50 on custody and make less than her. Stop with the BS your parents have a vested interest in your marital home. Blah blah they helped with the down payment, the bills and so on. That was essentially a gift to you and your wife. You both share 50/50 in the equity of the home, not your parents. Yours and her finances sound complicate…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 10:29 PM
1

She had you served with an epo. If you think it was unjustified, you should do her zero favors. She is the enemy now.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 08:12 PM
2

Deed in both names, mortgage in my name. For my situation, whose name the deed is in doesn't matter. We bought the property during our marriage. If only my name was on the deed and not hers, I still would have had to buy her out as it was marital property. 80 percent of the property was paid using my premarital inheritance funds..... But when you commingle funds, or in my case, I essentially made my premarital inheritance funds into a marital asset.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 07:35 PM
1

She is most likely entitled to half the equity. I'm in a different state and tried to make the argument that I used a pre marriage inheritance to fund my home build deposit. It was 8 years after the build we got the divorce. My attrorney told me my ex was owed half the equity.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 11:16 AM
10

In my state the law reads there is a presumption of no alimony for marriages under ten years.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 11:26 AM
2

If you end up with 50/50 physical custody and you make more than her, I don't see you getting child support. If she made more than you, yes.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 04:04 PM
3

This is awesome and one of the best posts on here ever. To a very much smaller extent, I did some of things you did.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 09:50 AM
2

I just don't see you being able to use 28k as your AGI. Her attorney can argue that $xxx dollars is your earning potential and that is what should be used during the divorce. You bring to court some BS income figure, that could hurt your credibility. Based on her income vs your income, you could ask her to pay your attorney fees. It would time well spent for you to draft up a proposed financial settlement. If you come to an agreement, attorney fees could be minimized.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 09:22 AM
6

It is doubtful you can change or affect her drinking. Either accept it and live with it or end the marriage. Sometimes the drinker will stop when there are significant consequences like a divorce filing or other significsnlty big event, other times they will be a drunk until they die. Choose the life you want to have or accept the one you're in.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 11:40 AM
3

Yep, went through that with my ex. She got herself two DUIs during our marriage, going to school functions intox and so on. She is now sober almost two years. She seems in aot better place than when she was drunk and in our marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 10:19 AM
3

Yes still with the AP, and with baby. It was devastating to have my marriage fail but I'm alot better emotionally now than when I was in my toxic marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 01:20 PM
5

No, affair number 3 ended things. Two children, demanding career, Me being scared of financial devastation, her mental health issues are we stayed together through affair 2. I'm not sure what life would look like now if I had ended things after affair 1 and 2. I don't think I would be better off now than I am. Affair 3, she was in affair fog during the divorce so I made out okay. If there was no affair fog as there wasn't during affair 1 and 2, the divorce could have been more financially damagi…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 11:33 AM
29

Woke up to my then wife texting in bed at 2am. Asked who it was and she named a friend that made no sense. I checked the phone records and traced it to a local guy. Called him up, bluffed I knew all about them, and he admitted everything. After he admitted the affair, my wife wouldn't admit or deny anything, instead blamed me for going through her phone records. Two affairs after this, it was always straight up gaslighting.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 01:19 AM
6

You can always represent yourself in court and file motions. The question is whether you are competent enough in family court matters to do so.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 09:20 AM
5

Every jurisdiction handles this differently. This is what the law is where I live: Substantial change of circumstances because of variance. If a child support order varies more than 15% from a parental support obligation determined under section 2006, the court or hearing officer shall consider the variation a substantial change of circumstances and if it has been less than 3 years since the order was issued or modified, the court or hearing officer shall modify the order according to the child …
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 05:45 PM
3

In most places with 50/50 custody, the higher earner pays the lower earner. If their initial agreement was no child support, they may have had equal incomes. Even if they didn't, child support can almost always be revisited after a few years because the economy changes, inflation is always happening and so on.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 05:31 PM
5

Generally, child support is changeable because incomes change, circumstances change and children need to be provided for. If she does ask for child support, how much you pay of the children's medical and afterschool care would factor into the child support amount.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 04:50 PM
1

I suspect my ex removed my aunts when we split. I left her brother on my friends, an aunt, a couple cousins. We like each other posts. I wasn't the problem in our marriage and I'm almost positive, her family knows who was to blame.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 08:03 PM
3

It's great you may have come up with a financial settlement without a lot of contention. It would be wise to at least consult with an attorney to review your agreement. You may not need an attorney to represent you through the process but probably to review the paperwork to make sure you're not being taken advantage of somewhere in the fine print.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 09:43 AM
2

Is there a way you can drastically reduce your income over the next 1-2 years, pass a somewhat straight face test and then file? I'd rather go from 200k to 60k, struggle hard for two years financially, do a divorce and then climb back up. You may see child support go back up when your income goes back up, but alimony may be in the mirror and long since settled at small or nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 11:20 AM
3

My attrorney suggested my ex and I try to come to an agreement before mediation and we did. I drafted a financial proposal to my ex and didn't show my attrorney. My ex rejected what I thought was a very fair offer. A few weeks later, she texted me to ask if my offer was the same and I said it was. My attorney then translated my prososal into the divorce decree and we both signed. We never made it to mediation..
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 05:55 PM
3

With exception of your resume, the ask is reasonable. My ex asked the same from me and I did the same to her. It helps to ensure assets are not hidden or undervalued.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 08:45 AM
13

You say you were a commissioned officer, you deployed to Iraq and your family managed your money because they didn't trust you. If you can't manage your own money or take a stand against your family, you had no business and shouldn't have been leading soldiers, marines, airmen or sailors. I call BS on this whole ramble or you should be in some intensive therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 10:22 AM
2

The cliche word for the past few years is "equitable". Many states in their divorce law use this or a similar term. Her Casino money may or may not factor into "income" but it certainly could when an equitable split of assets is factored in when it comes to your 401k/pension. If you married a billionaire and all their money was premarital, and you have a very small pension, for equity/fairness reasons, many judges would say you can walk away with your small pension. Equitable is one of the reaso…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 10:48 AM
2

The sooner you file the better. The longer the marriage goes, the more alimony may factor in.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 09:31 AM
5

Yes she is a hoe but you have your own issues and demons to work through.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 11:00 AM
2

Only you can figure this out. If it was only child support, yes, have it recalculated using your reduced income. But as you said, you have an advantageous alimony situation. Do you want to probably have child support reduced at risk of having your alimony changed, and then, When you have to reset child support when your income goes up, your alimony might get changed again. How long are you on the hook for alimony? Scary part of alimony is unlike child support, many places don't have a hard formu…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 09:00 AM
4

My ex and I live in the same town and do a 5,5,2,2 schedule. It works very good. On her days, I still makes games and importsnt stuff, same for her. If I have a work thing or her a work thing, we help each other out with practices, or switching days. We have a very good co parenting relationship. She has a garage door opener to get the kids stuff but my ring camera keeps a watchful eye lol
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 07:23 PM
4

Are you paying child support for your non bio kid?
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 11:18 AM
11

Bpd and an affair history, there is nothing more that needs saying. I've done the whole affair, bpd thing and promised myself, never again. She almost certainly will cheat again. If you're cool with that, make another run if you want but don't if you're not cool with it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 02:27 PM
4

If there was no way around child support, why is your ex not paying you child support, rather than you paying her? There isn't a state in the U.S that requires child support when both parents share the kids 50/50 and have equal incomes. You are paying 20 percent of your gross income when you have your kids half the time and your ex probably has an earning capacity almost or the same as you, if not more.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 11:01 PM
3

That seems like a lot of child support for your income and having 50/50 kids. Around me bottom starting pay is $16 an hour which comes out to $34,000. Minminum pay for her is almost what you make, 50/50 kids should be zero child support for either party assuming you factored her having a minimum income. Why are you paying child support, what is the story?
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 10:47 PM
1

What does your state law say about alimony??My state says a presumption of no alimony for marriages under 10 years.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 06:34 PM
2

My ex was removed the day after or the month after my divorce was signed. I have govt employee insurance and a judge couldn't have ordered her to stay on my insurance if the judge wanted to. Hypothetically you could be ordered to pay for her health insurance as part of alimony or some other financial settlement. It was not legally possible for me to keep my ex on my plan even if I wanted to or the judge wanted to.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 09:01 AM
3

Generally you have to provide x number of paycheck stubs and the last couple years of tax returns which lidys your income.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 08:50 AM
1

Alimony for such a short marriage would be asinine. In my state, the law says there is a presumption of no alimony for marriages under 10 years.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 04:17 PM
6

That is a stupid settlement offer. She gets almost 100k tax free. After you pay her and taxes you'll be making less than her, working your ass off and her job is the kids. She couldn't have dreamed of a better settlement. This ie exactly why a prenup to exclude alimony is so necessary and it your state doesn't allow for alimony prenup, don't be married and live in such a state.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 11:56 AM
2

I live in a blue purple state. My child support obligation is graduate high school. No college obligation. Screw that 23 or 25 child support or are college cost requirement. I will help my kids quite a bit for college and have a 529 plan, but screw having a court order saying so. My pops helped me for two years, and the army paid for the next two years. I more than paid uncle Sam back with my service. My kids can do the same.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 06:01 PM
0

If she can't touch the inheritance now, it won't factor into anything now. If she inherits a ton of money in the future, you wouldn't be entitled to it but it could be used to recalculate child support and alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 09:03 AM
12

One of the best posts I've seen on here lately.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 11:02 PM
2

It is possible if both parties are sensible and respectful. Generally I wouldn't think it is a good idea.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 08:23 PM
3

Could try listening to soothing music or white noise when sleeping. If you wake and can't get back to sleep, binural beat meditation may help as well.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 12:55 PM
2

How old are your kids? Child support is what it is. How long were you married for? Your ex is a sahm but how much of a potential income is she being factored for alimony and maybe child support. NY minimum wage is $16 an hour but if fast food in your area is paying higher, that is the amount that should be used. I have my kids 50/50 and my state uses a combined income model. It is both good and bad. Since I make more than my ex, I play her but if her income goes up and mine stays the same, I pay…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 08:33 AM
1

I kept my house and refinanced to buy her out which doesn't help now because I refinanced at 3%. She also got her share of my 401k and Ira, though I sweetened it to buy her out of my pension. I your situation, I would significantly sweetened the 401K and keep the HOUSE, that might mean the whole 401k. When I did my math, I factored in what the appraised value of the house was, minus half of the real estate comission to assess what the true cash value of the house would be if it went in our pocke…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 11:51 PM
3

File for divorce now even if you go without an attorney. You have a graduate degree and have more than enough smarts to halfway figure out representing yourself. I used an attorney, but could have actually done it myself. The longer you wait, the more finanacially damaging it will be and an increased possibility of lifetime alimony. Ask the court to appoint a guardian ad litem for your son. If your son is indeed in a milk bottle the court guardian should recognize your wife as mental. The court …
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 08:40 PM
1

Unless there is more to this, custody should probably be split 50/50. A spanking or slap doesn't constitute abuse in any state as far as I'm aware unless it's extreme. As for allegations of emotion abuse, so many spouses on both sides pull that card. My ex did most of the picking up and dropping off as my job was more consuming than hers. I spanked and slapped before as well. I still got my kids 50 50 and she welcomed it. It's really 100 percent, 50/50 or every other weekend and half the summer.…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 01:36 PM
2

Not worth it. It won't help your civil divorce case since it is no fault and probably wouldn't have any bearing on asset division. However if you think she may have hid massive amounts of money and there are messages related to hiding that money, okay then maybe. As a cop and as someone who has got social media data using search warrants, often they don't maintain that data for too long. When I'm seeking that data I send a preservation letter immediately and then follow up with court process. If…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 11:12 AM
3

It is your weekend, full stop. Easter is the most important Christian holiday. Do you want your kids raised Christian, atheist, agnostic? If the answer is Christian, how do you celebrate Easter with your kid if you don't believe. Do you tell your child that Jesus was not real? My ex always has Thursdays with our kids, meaning she has them in Thanksgiving. I haven't asked for every other Thanksgiving but I could. Tday just isn't important to me. My ex is a wishy washy Christian, doesn't go to chu…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 10:29 AM
5

It's not clear to me if your ex married a woman based on how you worded things. IMO, your ex's spouse is a step parent to your son. That is the common understanding of the term step parent. A marriage that puts them into a parental relationship with a child. My ex has a bf and that person is not a step parent to my kid but if they got married, he would be my kids step dad. I may not like that, but that is the common understanding of the term
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:01 PM
3

Absolutely you should have the additional income factored in, she needs to produce all her W2s. Further, if you only considered her 26k W2, that only comes out to $12.5 an hour. You should be using her earning potential. If she has nothing going for her, her earning potential should be the Lowest going rate for work in your area. Around me, all fast food places are $18 or so an hour.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 09:07 AM
3

Every state is different. My state, the law says there is a rebuttable presumption of no alimony for marriages less than 10 years. Between 10-20 years, presumption of half the length of the marriage. Child support can be ordered for non bio children if the person assumed a parent role in the life and depending how long. The longer you wait to divorce, absolutley the more financially damaging it will be.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 08:26 AM
1

In your situation, there absolutley should be no alimony nor child child support. I'm not even going to try to make my argument because the idea of you paying is absurd.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 01:02 AM
3

Pay the $500-1000 and have the house appraised.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 01:26 PM
2

I did because I know my ex couldn't use it against as she was in the middle of an affair, had moved out and her affair partner was already having dinner with my kids. Infidelity was not grounds for our divorce. Hindsight though, I should've waited as I wasn't emotionally ready yet to start dating.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 08:06 PM
1

What is your location? Some states have different child support formulas than others. In my state, we have a shared income model which means based on your wife's and your income, your child support would be around $680 a month.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 06:50 PM
1

What document you didn't sign? Is it signed by judge? If not, medical bills accrued during the divorce and how much each side should pay, should be addressed by the court. Until that time, the person responsible is the person whose name is on the bill.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 06:21 PM
1

Your wife or your ex wife? Are you paying child support to your wife? In my divorce decree with my ex, I pay a percentage of medical, and she pays a percentage. Our decree doesn't mention stuff like camp, sports, extras, so generally we split those costs evenly, usually. I don't nickel and dime her, and she doesn't me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 06:12 PM
6

If the protection order is unjustified, petition the court for a hearing. Devils advocate, if she was legit in fear of her life from you, maybe the best thing for her safety was to get you help manipulating you to seek treatment, then she got the protection order. You committed yourself so that tells me there were issues going on here. Protection orders are abused for sure, but way more often than not, they are justified.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 11:44 AM
2

What does WI specifically say about alimony? That will give you much better advice than what you'll probably get here. Im my state, the law specifically says that there is a presumption of no alimony for marriages under ten years. As far as the house, I think it is protected premarital but she does have an argument that she has an interest in your half of the equity which accrued during your marriage. Example, you gained 20 percent of your share of home equity during the marriage means she could…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 08:30 AM
1

Excellent advice and I'm trying to follow it is as well. I wish my ex would. She doesn't need to call me to say the kids are fighting or not doing their chores blah blah blah.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 08:38 AM
0

So you being NOTHING to this conversion. Why even comment?
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 08:32 AM
4

As a believing Bible reading Christian, struggling through my toxic marriage and not seeking a divorce was very hard. I prayed so many times for the Lord to heal my marriage. My now ex filed on me but it was after calling her out for at least affair #3. I didn't fight the d process, rather quickly embraced it. She filed on and it was for infidelity so I was and still hopeful God won't hold me accountable for the divorce and God will be good with me finding someone new post divorce. I have my kid…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 08:31 AM
3

We do 5,5,2,2 and it works for us. I would entertain week on week off but I do like 5522.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 12:00 PM
4

If you want your kids more and think your legal system will give you more time, I'd fight for it. If the odds aren't favorable for more time and you risk having to pay more, then probably don't rock the boat.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 08:29 AM
6

Why would you agree to pa any child support when you have equal incomes and 50/50?
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 11:32 AM
5

Historical pay but more appropriately, earning potential based off a 40 hour work week. At a minimum, her wage should be computed as what the going minimum wage is in your area for 40 hours a week. If fast food is paying $20 an hour around you, use that at 40 hours a week. Do not use the federal minimum wage of $7 whatever an hour. Earning potential is important, as a physician can't go sweep floors to reduce their income
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 02:01 PM
1

I understand a bit more now
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 09:05 AM
1

What the heck are you talking about....because it's not this thread.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 12:45 AM
26

My advice here, never ever drink alcohol again, seriously. I know a few people that couldn't stay out of legal trouble when drinking. Complete life turn around when they went completely sober. Drinking is okay sometimes by some people, but not everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 08:59 AM
7

I did the same.....as a reminder of the bad times and what I went through. Learn from your mistakes and never repeat them,yhat is why I kept them.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 12:27 PM
-5

When a post almost immediately starts with boomer this or that, I stop reading and just downvote it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/24 09:36 PM
2

How can she afford the house let alone pay it off when she doesn't work? Does she want you to just give it to her? I'm assuming you don't have a child support obligation. 5 years should be too short for alimony but every state is different. Split the marital assets and break free. The longer you wait, the more financially painful it will be.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/24 03:36 PM
2

How long have you been married? Have you looked at your state law and what it says about spousal support?
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 10:09 PM
2

I agree with everything you said
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 07:05 PM
-1

I disagree. Proposing a fair deal shows you're the rational one. My then wife wanted a lot more than was fair and I presented a fair deal. She initially rejected my proposal. I was willing to go to trial rather than cave to her unfair demands. A month later and still in the midst of affair fog, she accepted my fair proposal and our divorce quickly settled.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 11:18 AM
2

If cheating is not grounds for divorce, it's not worth trying to chase down whether she was cheating or not. If it is a no fault divorce, cheating alone won't really matter. If she was hiding money, then that may be worth pursuing.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 11:14 AM
1

Nope not where I'm at. It follows a state formula based on combining the income and percentages. You have to have a strong argument to deviate. Where I'm at is a large fishing community. If anything, women get more screwed on child support because many men are working for cash or can fudge their income as they're self employed.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 12:12 PM
2

That's just not a true statement. I dated a female doctor who had 50/50 on her two middle school kids. She was paying $1800 a month to her teacher ex husband.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 12:02 PM
2

Yep your understanding is correct. My d was filed in the fall and we filed married that year since our d wasnt finalized by the end of the year. In January I changed my withholdings in anticipation of my d being finized later that year and my filing status being changed. I had kids which we split for tax purposes so my filing status changed from married to single head of household. It hurt some but not as bad as single.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 10:41 AM
3

Too many variables and unknowns to answer your question. Suppose you have high blood pressure, a bad back and do concrete work. No way can you be expected to work that job into your seventies. Suppose you're a psychiatrist making 350k, sure you can probably work into your seventies. Suppose your soon to be ex is a physician who is voluntarily not working, you shouldn't pay squat. Full social security retirement age is 57, no one should be forced to work past 67 in order to pay alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 01:03 AM
4

So is the divorce final or not? What state? In my state, if no alimony is awarded, it cannot be revisited. If alimony is awarded in any amount, it can be revisited. My state law says this: Effect of no award or termination of spousal support. A final judgment that does not award spousal support forever precludes such an award in that action. The complete termination of a spousal support award pursuant to the terms of the award or a final post-judgment order forever precludes the reinstatement of…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 09:50 PM
8

I think you have a legit question despite other advice posters have gave. My ex also had a baby which has caused her income to go down because she can't work like she did. She has not asked for more cs from me for our two kids but she certainly could. Then we could have a legal fight as the I would have to argue the change in circumstance was voluntary, baby dad could play a larger role, baby daddy can make up for her loss of income and so on. Bottom line, increasing your cs is a possibility and…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 10:02 AM
2

Call her back and record it. Perhaps she found God and developed backbone and wants to explain apologize. Maybe you have a kid she hid from you. Maybe she has a std she wants to confess to you. Won't know unless you call her back.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 07:05 PM
5

That is horrendous....and the alimony on her end is tax free
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 10:02 PM
3

Of she won't settle with a fair settlement offer, push for a quick trial.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 01:15 PM
1

Are you an alcoholic, do you have a drink or more everyday?
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 12:07 AM
3

Sounds like she is concerned about snooping or doesn't want you to know about things. I was doing a fair amount of snooping when I suspected affairs and that is what I found. I would argue my snooping was justified and my now ex would have said unjustified despite her affairs and other stuff. I was blocked on FB and falsely accused of snooping activities which I wasn't doing. My advice, do your best to move on and being blocked on her FB may actually help you heal faster.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 02:53 PM
1

It will or he can continue to pay half the mortgage for years on end with no end in sight....and not even live there
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 07:35 PM
3

Get three appraisals, average the three and relist/reduce at that price. If she doesn't want to do that, may have to go to court to force her to comply. Not a good option but an option, he stops paying the mortgage and play chicken with her forcing her to pony up all the mortgage or reduce the price to force a sale, with the risk of foreclosure weighing overhead.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 05:34 PM
9

I would say no but possible, income difference is 20%
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 10:32 PM
6

I just did the same today and yesterday. Not for the starky comments, just the red flags that I had been accepting while the relationship continued to move forward. Ya know what, I'm happy being single and not going to settle in order to mitigate the occasional loneliness feeling or lack of intimacy.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 03:24 PM
7

Careful with this. If you think the deal is fair and you can sign the docs do it. If you want to fight over an undisclosed account she has, you may disrupt the fair deal you think you have. I found out my ex was squirreling away money using the cash app and asked for those records. Before she provided those records, she accepted my proposed financial settlement which did not include her requested alimony and attorney fees. I gladly accepted. To this day, I don't know the details of the cash app …
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 02:46 PM
5

Subpoena for a credit report because they include addresses, obtain through foia or dmv records (drivers license address and vehicle registration address), and perhaps subpoena to her cellphone provider for billing address info. Proving recent cohabitation may prove difficult and only obtainable through a PI, longer term provable through PI or possibly records I mentioned. You may wait until after tax filing time and request a copy of tax return to see her income and what address she filed at.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 11:22 AM
5

It does make sense to reduce your income as long as it passes the straight face test. If you're working 60 hours a week and Making 80k, and reduce your hours to 40 hours making 50k, I'd say that passes the straight face test. You can easily argue that 40 hours is normal and 60 hours can't be sustained long term and was affecting your health. I would absolutely cut back on your income.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 11:11 AM
4

Are you paying child support now? If so, how is the payment processed? Can you track down an address by following the money? What would a happen and would she resurface if you stopped paying?
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 12:29 AM
15

Your marriage is over. You need to work through the d process and psychologically heal. Getting revenge, hanging on, being bitter, hurts you and won't help you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 09:21 AM
5

She should move out. You will find yourself later locked out. You will divorce and she will argue that she should stay in the home as that's where she currently lives and you have your own place. She could also argue that you abandoned her and use you moving out against you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 11:33 PM
5

Have you started dating? If not, why not?
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 11:42 PM
1

Responding to your statement/question about what part of two becoming one flesh don't you understand. I understand that biblical view extremely deeply and it was one of the most important reasons for not divorcing my wife after affair number 1 and affair number 2. Come affair number 3, I don't believe my soul was bound to her soul when we became married. The modern legal system has corrupted the religious concept of marriage. I'm doubtful I'll remarry but if I do, zero chance of me doing so with…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 10:24 PM
1

If you are 50/50 and she makes over twice you do, most likely she'll be owing you child support based on whatever child support table/formula there is. Does your user name actually represent your profession? Because a FBI Special Agent in California makes more than 75K unless you are brand brand new.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 10:05 PM
4

You seem very judgemental and a bitter for a man who seems to be professing a strong catholic faith. Her salvation, her actions, her sins, are her own. Let things go, worry about yourself. You seem stuck and still emotionally entangled to her. From one Christian to another, her sins and her salvation are hers, not yours...move on.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 10:56 AM
1

I spent 2500, ex spent 5000. Divorce was uncontested and done in 5 months. I proposed a fair financial settlement to which she immediately rejected. One month later she came back and said she'd accept my proposal. After hearing so many horror stories here, I'm thankful for what our result was. My focus and goal was to remain calm and bite my tongue no matter how pissed off angry and hurt I was because I knew it would prolong the inevitable and cost me financially. I'm thankful my ex was head ove…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 01:50 PM
3

I would think your recourse would be through your state or local eviction process.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 10:49 PM
1

Either have a heart to heart with her and voice your concerns and reservations, or cut your loses and move on without her. If you continue with her as it is, you're a simp and trying to make up for what your ex claimed she didn't like about you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 09:56 PM
9

I dont see courts entertaining this. If the kids are fed and their needs are provided, you don't get a say how the child support is spent.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 09:48 PM
7

You will not file married to each other. Either single or head of household for you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 05:49 PM
10

You need a lawyer and her income for spousal and child support formula purposes should be calculated at her earning potential working full-time!
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 01:47 AM
1

Likely her debt and how she spent down the joint bank account will be subject to financial negotiations, mediation or the judge. Part of the divorce your attorney can request financial disclosures. Divorce settlements almost always take account for financial misconduct. My ex blew tens of thousands in her solo account in cash withdrawals leading up to our divorce. I held that against her during my proposed financial settlement and she accepted my proposal. I learned during our financial disclosu…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 12:26 PM
12

Your thought process is reasonable, hers is not. I would. think paying her now, her not working full-time and paying no bills, might set a precedent for her attorney or the court to use against you. What is the.purpose of paying her alimony and child support when you are still doing all the bills? Don't be a simp, stick up for yourself and dig your heals in..
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 06:25 PM
3

Depending on your state, you should worry about cs increasing. In my state, cs is computed using a joint income model and percentages. My income goes up, or hers goes down by a certain percent can increase or decrease cs if either party files a motion to change.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 08:49 PM
4

Covid vax for kids is just stupid. Stupid drinking the Kool aid. Plenty of research to support not sticking the kids. I'm with the ex on this. The medical community hurt their reputation for a generation with the covid vax bs.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/23 07:37 PM
2

What state is important for alimony considerations. In my state there is a presumption of no alimony for marriages under 10 years. Other states are half or a third the length of the marriage no matter how short of marriage. Most court will look at earning potential if one spouse is voluntarily not working.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 06:19 PM
2

At 19 percent I'd probably just say screw it, let the court make me pay. If it means jail or it means leaving the country, so be it....maybe even pitch a tent and work for minimum wage.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 01:25 AM
0

I agree. It was psychological important for me to know for sure and to have proof. It helped for me to heal, for me to know the divorce was 100 percent on her and not on me.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 05:27 PM
1

It would be an injustice if you have to pay a dime in alimony for a 2.5 year old marriage. Hopefully you can hold her solo responsible for the credit card charges that are solo hers such as nails, hair, court and eating out. She should get half of whatever the marital assets are but fight for everything premarital. Your story is a testament to how screwed the legal side of marriage is and a strong argument to not getting legally married.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 07:56 AM
8

This is excellent advice, all of it including the burner account.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 06:00 PM
1

Most judges in your area disregard prenups....I call BS to that
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 11:22 PM
5

I have 50 50 on my kids and put in my divorce decree the kids will stay in such and such school through middle school. Our district doesn't have a high school so we will have to agree on a local high school.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 01:02 AM
1

Debt up to filing is usually shared, but post filing is normally not shared.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 02:41 PM
3

Best comment in this thread
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 09:45 PM
1

I went with the number one divorce attorney in my area who was a woman. My ex went with the number two attorney who was a man. I was happy my attorney but I did a lot of the work myself knowing that I would take care of me best and save on the lawyer fees.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 11:57 PM
2

You may or may not have pay to alimony. How does your income compare to what her earning potential is? If you make considerably more than what she has the potential to make, you could be on the hook for alimony. If you are making minimum wage and her potential is that or more. Probably no alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 11:44 PM
12

I don't understand how your name can be on the deed to a home and then you find out years later the home was transferred to someone else without you knowing about it. How were the property taxes being paid? Were you totally unplugged from your tax returns? Were you totally ignorant to your marriage finances? This story is so extreme it sounds unbelievable.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 11:33 PM
3

What state or location? My state law says there is a presumption of no alimony for marriages under 10 years.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 05:34 PM
7

The longer you're married, the longer and more painful alimony will be. See if you can start reducing your income while raising hers. Stop with the rough sex especially if she might record it and or falsely accuse you. Time to prep for the inevitable
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 11:02 PM
4

Hard to even comment on this when you provide almost no details. What state, how long was the marriage, how much of an income difference.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 12:43 PM
1

Two important questions, what state and how long you were married? I am doubtful you can be forced to pay a mortgage when you don't live there but the mortgage is in your name so you're responsible for it unless you name is taken off in a refinance. Some states allows you to divorce for infidelity although most attorneys just do the no fault. Fault divorce may absolve you from alimony and the home equity issue, but that's an lawyer question. It sounds like you have a sizeable income and dependin…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 07:57 PM
2

As far as the late night messaging. I cut that out with my ex when I started putting my phone on do not disturb at night. My do not disturb settings will only let calls from contacts through and twice in a row non contact calls. My ex knows that she needs to actually call and not text at night if it's important.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 03:28 PM
1

Are you looking at alimony and it child support in a divorce? What will be the financial impact?
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 10:03 AM
4

Hit the dating scene yourself or go to a strip club and get used to thinking about other women again
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 10:35 PM
1

The divorce would either make the car yours or hers. If your name is still on the car post divorce I would assume the court made the car yours so why would she still be the primary driver? Again more context.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 10:21 PM
3

More specifics and context needed....
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 10:03 PM
2

I used the calculator on my self and it said I'd be writing a check to my ex for over 1000 a month in addition to 1200 a month in child support despite having my kids 50 50. My ex cheated at least three times and I would have quit my job and gone to jail before I paid that much is alimony. Alimony is why I will educate my son that if he ever married to prenup alimony and his retirement/investments. I'm so glad my my state doesn't have an alimony formula yet and so glad my ex bit on the lump sum …
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 03:31 PM
6

My advice, just be a good dad and continue what you're doing. Play nice with your ex as you don't want your relationship with her turning sour as it will jack up your coparenting and 50/50. Some fights are worth having and this might not be one of them. You can play the Facebook game too if you want and start posting pics of you and the kids together and the great things you do with them, and those posts set to public. You can paint your narrative about the wonderful dad you are and let your pic…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 10:20 AM
3

That is such a crock and a huge justification for never getting married or a strong prenup....you're on the hook for 12 years of alimony for 6 years of marriage from the time you separated. I make what you make and I would seriously considering saying fuck it if a judge ordered me alimony for thousands a month in alimony. Fuck her and fuck the judge let the judge throw me a jail. Why make what you do when well over half goes poof for child support and alimony. What do you think you actually make…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 11:17 PM
2

How long was the marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 10:56 PM
5

The longer you wait, the more financially damaging it will be.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 08:47 AM
-1

Have you tried marriage counseling? It doesn't sound like your marriage is unrecoverable yet.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 02:16 PM
4

Sounds like she is playing games. Request all documentation on her new ride. Disregard her mommy loan. I called BS on my ex's mommy loan and didn't factor it into our financial settlement. If she makes 2.5 times as you, ask for alimony if you fit in the state parameters
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 12:41 AM
2

Cash withdraws and cash app transactions totaling 40k over 18 months. I was prepared to demand the actual cash app records when she wouldn't explain but instead she was okay with me taking 40k out of her share of marital assets.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 11:15 AM
2

My ex asked for two or three years of my financials so I asked for the same and I was able to find financial misconduct which I used in my favor for the settlement. I went back 12 years on investment statements to establish premarital value. Getting records that far back was a PITA. Two pieces of advice for someone getting married. Prenup and save bank statements and financial statements at least one year back from the date of marriage
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 09:06 AM
2

I'd say it's better termed the breadwinner takes the financial hit. I dated two different women who were six figure incomes and both took financial hits with their exs who made 1/2 or 1/4 what they made.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 11:20 AM
2

If you're not living there, why is she not paying the rent? My advice, play nice during the d process so that it is not more contentious than it already is.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 10:22 PM
4

My ex and I had our last fight and she moved within the week. One week after that, my ex's AP was having dinner with my kids at her new place. My kids went from thinking things were fine between Mom and dad and within in 2 weeks, they were having dinner with her new guy. I bit my tongue, played nice and the divorce went fairly smooth. Several times I was downright pissed, but I've played nice and our co-parenting is extremely well as a result.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 06:36 PM
4

You absolutely could be on the hook in the future for child support despite having your kids 50/50....but not until you are making more than your ex. Let them revisit the child support issue when you are making the added money, not now when you're not. What is your income difference right now? I have my kids 50/50 and pay child support because our incomes are vastly differently. I dated a physician in the same boat as me. She was 50 50 on her kids but as a doctor, she made considerably more than…
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 02:26 PM
8

Your life will be so much better now. Hopefully you are not taking much if any financial hit.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 11:05 AM
3

At the time of my divorce I was making 125k. I was legit scared that between alimony and child support I'd be at best renting a single wife. Fortianely she agreed with my proposed financial settlement. Alimony in my state was 1/2 the life of the marriage. You could be on the hook for her attorney fees. Alimony should be your greatest fear. You should seriously consider losing your high paying job. No attorney will tell you that though.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 12:53 AM
12

Have a good attorney that will argue that her earning potential is what should be used in any alimony calculation. I gave my ex a lump sump alimony payment that she surprisingly accepted and probably saved me a ton of money. My income was three times what hers was and she was earning her full potential. You could get hammered with 5-6 years of alimony on top of child support. Some states have an alimony formula.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 12:46 AM
1

Mental breakdown that forces you to take a less stressful high earning job? How long are you married for? Is alimony a significant concern?
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 12:32 AM
23

My ex and I exchanged 2 years of bank and credit card statements. That showed me she had spent thousands on the cash app I knew nothing about and tens of thousands of cash withdraws in the previous years I knew nothing about. I alleged it was financial misconduct and it came off our 50/50 split. Get at least 2 years of her financials before you agree to a financial settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/23 10:22 PM
3

Is there an Ohio state law requirement that out of state marriages need to be "recorded"? I'm in Maine, was married in the Bahamas while I was a Michigan resident. We divorced in Maine and I'm pretty sure Maine recognized the foreign marriage without any "recording" requirement. Same with Michigan I believe. Does Social Security have some special "recording" requirement? Why is a divorce decree not sufficient along with a marriage certificate?
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 05:03 PM
1

There has to be some limitations on that. Suppose the court ordered a set amount of child support, I'm doubtful a court could or would change the amount say 10 years later and make the change retroactive back 10 years. That would be insane.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 12:27 PM
2

I checked my state law and that is not the case. It says retroactive support only applies from the date a request to modify was made.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 12:09 PM
5

You're wrong there. There is no retroactive child support going back years. You are ordered to pay what you are to pay from the court order forward which can be changed but the increased or decreased amount is that amount forward. If you fall behind on what you owe, you do owe that amount. My ex could probably hit me and get more child support from me now since I make more now than what I made when the child support order went into effect....but she can not get the increased amount retroactive, …
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 08:43 AM
6

Have you looked at the child support calculator for your state with 50/50 and her having a 55k income and you say 100k income? My income was more of spread than that with 50/50, and I do have child support, it sucks but it isn't sinking. I would think you don't have alimony to deal with. Sounds like you don't get a piece of the house nor should you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 01:33 AM
3

I paid my attorney an hour consultation time. It's the right thing and I didn't want to feel obligated to stay with an attorney if I didn't like them on my 1st meeting. Your idea for your work to essentially front you a little for your consult is probably the best way to go when you don't have completely control of a bank account and don't want to tip your hand. The only other way is squirreling away a little money here or there or sell something.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 08:28 AM
2

You're getting hosed and I have little doubt he is milking you for as much as he can. For reference, I spent 2500 on my divorce Attorney and my ex spent 5000. I only contacted my attorney when it was absolutely necessary as I knew everything would be billed for, every call every email. I learned that the first time I used an estate attorney. Either straighten your attorney out, find a new one or be one of the other posters in here that say their attorney cost them 50k, 100k or 200k.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 09:35 PM
5

Depending on how you and your lawyer played ball, her earning cash may help or support you. Your attorney could argue she makes a lot more than she actually does. And she will argue the complete opposite and nothing can really be proven since it was cash. It could boil down to who the judge believes. My state like probably every state is no fault divorce but at least in my state, adultery is a grounds for divorce as well. I'm not an attorney but if she filed for divorce under no fault and wants …
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 10:48 PM
1

I think the judges generally follow the guidelines unless there are very extenuating circumstances. Suppose you make triple what you ex does but she is deliberately unemployed or underemployed which resulted in her having one third your income....or she is living with someone who is her sugar daddy and she's not working. I made triple what my ex did and we have 50 50 on the kids. I pay child support for what the guidelines say. Since child support was set over two years ago, she is now not worki…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 10:00 PM
3

The only way I would remarry is with a prenup with the core competent that whatever financials or assets are solo and not listed/titled as joint, remain solo.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 01:10 PM
9

Was this a religious marriage, do you and your spouse believe in God? If so, marriage is not just a piece of paper, it is a spiritual bond. Give your marriage 100 percent effort, work on it. I gave everything to make my marriage work until the 3rd affair and so many substance abuse issues. Being bored as justification for tossing a marriage is loser.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 12:21 AM
4

So what country or state does all this legal stuff fall under? What is your understanding of the local laws? I can tell you what I think based on my laws but that has almost zero relevance to you especially if you fall outside of u.s. law. Your ex sounds like a piece of work. If I was totally getting shafted by the legal system and had almost zero money left after the day and paying child support, someone's house, alimony....I'd probably say screwed it, pitch a tent, work a minimum income job th…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 02:24 PM
8

Get out ASAP and if you're only 2 months in, maybe you can get an annulment vs. Divorce. When there is a income difference as large as yours (mine was the same), a prenup is critical. Alimony is the absolute devil. It's so very good you're recognizing this so early.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 08:51 AM
1

I'm sure the legality of a postnup will vary state by state as does prenups. Have you attempted to Google or lookup up the law in your state on post nups?
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 09:31 AM
1

Your financial situation is more complicated than I care to comment on. To expect or ask for alimony for a four year marriage is just BS and a strong justification to not get married or if you do get married, include a prenup that prohibits alimony. I may get married again, but absolutely not without a prenup. Plenty of people represent themselves during divorce, some do well, some do awful. There are plenty of online resources and books on how to represent yourself during a divorce. I'm in a di…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 09:23 AM
2

I don't think income from 4-5 years ago is relevant unless your wife plans to argue that you're intentionally under employed. My state talks about income potential for child support and alimony purposes. Say you're a licensed medical doctor but because you always wanted to be an elementary school teacher you decided to do that for last 3 years making 55k a year. Your wife could argue your earning potential is actually 175k as a MD and fight for that amount to be used as the calculation rather th…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 11:38 AM
10

A religious marriage under God bonds two souls together. When a couple believes marriage is that, divorce rates are much lower. When marriage is just viewed as legal commitment between two persons, divorce rates are higher than couples who view their souls as bonded together under God.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 01:01 AM
17

In my opinion, marriage is largely only right for the religious minded who believe in it as a Godly institution. If both the husband and wife share this mindset, I think it greatly decreases the likelihood of divorce. Take God out marriage and you only have a legal arrangement that will screw over one or both parties.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 12:42 AM
3

Someone has to continue paying the mortgage or your credit takes the hit and the house goes to the bank. My divorce was a six month process and involved a house, kids, retirement and investments, but was uncontested. My attorney cost me 2500, my ex paid hers 5k. We are not in your state so attorney fees may be different. I thought our attorney fees were reasonable whereas others on this site pay their attorney 5 or 6 figures.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 09:21 AM
1

Agree. Most courts will looking earning capacity/potential if someone is not working or underemployed.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 02:33 PM
1

My state laws reads there is a rebutable presumption of no alimony for marriages under 10 years. The longer the marriage lasts, the more financially damaging it will be to the breadwinner.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 09:56 PM
2

My ex and I had separate finances and a joint account during our marriage. Joint account was the discretionary funding, the pay check to pay check money. It was the mortgage payment, restaurant money, car insurance and misc. I made triple what she did. I had an alottement from my paycheck to a separate account that had Christmas money, bday money, heating fuel, car repair, home improvement and so on. Her paycheck basically went into her own account that she spent on her clothes, her hair, her na…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 04:48 PM
2

That change was a crock. IMO the middle ground would be 50/50 tax, meaning the payer could deduct half and the payee would have to claim half as income.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 10:42 AM
1

Have you researched what Florida law says about alimony? Expect to split all assets 50 50 unless premarital. Where I live, alimony is not presumed until 10 years of marriage and it's then half the length of the marriage for marriages 10-20 years. No alimony formula so it's whatever the court decides or is negotiated
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 04:27 PM
1

It's gold, there is value.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 03:39 PM
5

You'd be so better off getting fired and temporarily losing that income in order to significantly reduce your income in order to mitigate the alimony. You could be on the hook for 100k in alimony forever, if you say Colorado is 40 percent. You be better off getting a grand larceny charge, doing months jail and losing your job than that much alimony for rest of your working life.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 10:52 PM
2

Eventually Ill sell my ring that I bought for myself for my ex to give me. It was $800, I'm hoping to get a few hundred.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 11:03 AM
5

What state are you in and what does the state law say about alimony? My state there is a presumption of no alimony for marriages under 10 years. There is no alimony formula or table either....whatever is negotiated or the judge decides.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 08:01 AM
3

Wow, ungrateful shits. I have been funding my own kids college funds since they were babies and now they're teens. I've thought about what the expectation would be if I started dating or even married a woman with a kid or kids where college funding was a question.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 07:53 AM
1

Mine off immediately following the divorce being final...government employee.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 08:34 PM
25

Play nice and bite your tongue so you keep her cordial. Don't unnecessarily flame the fire. My d turned out alright and it didn't turn sour because I kept a level head. Your focus is on achieving a good outcome.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 08:26 PM
2

Keep in mind, almost always the two biggest alimony considerations are income differences and length of marriage. The longer you are married, the more likely you will get screwed with alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 01:44 PM
1

I think we started no later than 7 but have started testing at 6 with a 10 minute run to the store. Maybe we didn't start at 6 but definitely by 7. Many parents will say that is far too early and I will counter that every kid and situation is different. I know parents that won't leave their 11 or 12 year old home alone at all. My state doesn't have strict age limits but a few states do.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 01:37 PM
1

Are you at the point in the d process where he side has to provide all financials? When I was carefully going through my ex's solo bank statements, totalled up all the suspicious cash withdrawls and cash app transactions to support my claim of her financial misdeeds. That saved me about 50k. 50/50 and roughly equal incomes should mean no alimony or child support. What's tricky is whether she has a claim to half your business. If she is able to take half your business, your income may change and …
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 09:48 AM
1

My ex and I typically split all the extras 50/50 separate from me paying her child support. I pay about 75 percent off all medical per the divorce decree.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 05:24 PM
3

Plan a sit down and think ahead what you want to say and be prepared, focused to be calm..Tell her it is monogamy from here on our or divorce. Your marriage became what your vows said it would not. Highly unlikely this approach will right the ship but give it a chance. Five years from now when you are divorced, you will be able to say you marriages got messed up and you tried to correct it. The longer a marriage goes, the more financially damaging it will be so force this to a conclusion.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 09:35 AM
4

In my state, the law says there a presumption of no alimony until 10 years of marriage. Does your state law say something similar? Alimony for 2.5 year marriage is just BS.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 12:42 AM
1

In my state, for someone not working or under employed, their income would be favored as what their earning capacity is.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/23 04:27 PM
1

I've read about commitment ceremonies which are or can be similar to weddings without the legal burdens or a marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 10:10 AM
4

What does your title mean?
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 11:58 AM
1

How does her income compare to yours?
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 10:29 AM
3

I was solo on the mortgage both of us were on the title. I bought her out of her share of the equity. I had to refinance to do so. If I had the cash, I would not have had to refinance. In my state, the divorce judgement took her off the title. I made three times as much as my ex and she had periods of not working. I paid for almost everything. Come divorce time, it didn't matter who paid what, it was all split with the exception of premarital assets.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/23 09:11 PM
1

I don't know. For my state, the word used is "presumption" which allows for wiggle room in either direction....meaning you could be married for one year and have alimony, or 15 years and no alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 05:36 PM
2

Alimony is usually dependent on length of the marriage and unequal incomes. I would argue her income should be considered when she was fully employed vs. her now being unemployed. When someone is unemployed or underemployed, generally the courts consider their earning potential. In my state, there is a presumption of no alimony for marriages under 10 years. 10-20 years, alimony for 1/2 the length of the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 06:32 PM
6

If you live in a one party state, start running a pocket recorder or a recording app on your phone whenever there is a chance of any interaction with her....cya protection
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 09:26 PM
8

As much as this will hurt and the bitterness you should have for her "cheating", play nice, put on a non angry non resentfully face during the d process. That is what I did and the process went good, certainly much better than if I pissed her off.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 09:30 PM
2

Separate houses for us. You said your divorce was finalized. Are you still living together? If so, how long will that go on for?
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 02:08 AM
1

My ex and I have two kids 50/50. We both file head of household, one kid each.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 01:07 PM
1

What GAL and what is OP? You say your income is 3100 and you pay her 2130. Does than mean, you have 970 per month, 11600 a year to live on and that is after taxes? If so, how do you live? How are you able to even afford an attorney? If I had only that much to live on and was giving my ex 2/3rds of my money and she had a nanny, I'd consider walking away and moving to a different country.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 01:27 PM
3

In my state, there is a presumption of no alimony for marriages less than 10 years.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 04:18 PM
1

In my state, the longer you are with your spouse, the longer you will owe spousal support. Get out now if that's your plan; by waiting, the longer you may spousal support. In my state, after 10 years of marriage, spousal support can be half the length of marriage. After 20 years, it can be however long the judge wants but more than 1/2 the length of marriage.in many states, spousal support laws are a strong argument to never get married.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 10:55 AM
2

I tried two or three child support calculators that were supposed to be tailored to my state and none were accurate. I had to use the actual state child support table and the actual state form to accurately estimate what my child support would be. What I came up with what exactly what I was ordered to pay. My attorneys number was a few dollars off and my number turned out to be what was used.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 08:33 AM
4

You asked about alimony. How long were you married? In my state, there is a presumption of no alimony for marriages under 10 years. After 10 years, presumption of alimony for half the length of the marriage and there is no alimony table, meaning it's up to the judge. Most states have a child support table where you can figure out what the child support expectation is. My ex was a cheater, I was the breadwinner. On top of giving her half of everything. I offered her a 15k lump sum for alimony, wh…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 09:34 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter