I know she's playing, but it's not even a good advert for friendship. For some reason that bugs me. Is it so hard to write, "I play pool on Tuesdays."?
OMG, she was wet-nursing a beached whale calf!!! You R so Brett Kavanaugh right now, IDEK!!! UGH, he was checking her mouth for DEHYDRATION becuz he's a GOOD FRIEND!!!
Read the first article. If Boring Matthew had stuck around while she casually dated and then taken her back at the end, it would be a different article ("I found myself.") If she'd managed to lock down High Value Richard, it would be a different article ("I found the one!") If Interchangeable Rob had wanted more children, it would be a different article ("I learned to settle and found happiness.") If she'd never left Boring Matthew in the first place, it would be a different article ("My husband…
She's Marilyn Monroeing. "Oh my goodness, my skirts!" Then, a wrinkle at the end, "cuz this is how I want it all the time #facepalm" On one level, the wrinkle is manipulative, "Fancy malls, tasty balls." On another level, it's honest, because the instinct to lock you down is genuine. On a third level, she's redflagging you with her (bad) attitude and (wholesome) expectation, because she wants you to snort through your ringnose at her. (The level that you respond to will reflect what kind of man …
She's one of those people on a deckchair with a hundred balloons attached. Terrific views, tons of excitement, but totally at the mercy of forces outside her control. That's her life now, for better and worse.
"Grammarly for thots." is a billion dollar idea. "I'm a career driven woman." Did you mean, "I'm a career driven woman but still make time for fun and family."?
This is very funny and well written. At the same time, "I can only take the same scenario playing out over and over again a certain number of times. Some people refuse to learn from experience, so Captain FreeTherapist is now on strike. No more will I allow a woman to cry on my shoulder, sobbing, "Oh, why can't Mister Asshole treat me just like you do? I want someone who will treat me like you will, only he'll be someone I can have sex with in the shower, against the cupboards and on the kitchen…
I don't think it's very complicated. She's trying to win at love by having a bikini body and succeeding in her career. It would be like a guy saying, "If I NRA hard enough, I'll find a wife. I just need to hand out one more flier...." TL;DR: Don't mistake the Second Amendment for Second Base.
