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Flimsy-Ad-1959 Archive

View 2 posts and 146 comments by Flimsy-Ad-1959 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Flimsy-Ad-1959/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 06:22 AM
1

Flimsy-Ad-1959/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 06:22 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

No lawyers or mediators for my ex and me. No kids either. I think the kids part makes it really difficult on the scheduling part / child support.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 11:51 PM
2

That’s my next tattoo!
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 01:23 PM
2

I think this is 100% true. Nothing hits a woman who wants a divorce harder than a man who doesn’t care and moves on taking care of himself and becoming. Better physically, emotional and spiritually. All the things she probably wanted but never got from him. But I’ve realized you have to do these things for yourself and no one else. That’s the only way it’ll be sustainable.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 01:21 PM
1

I love your perspective. I agree with everything you’re saying. This mindset is the way forward for us men. It’s taken me 2 months of therapy, meditation and working out to realize this. It’s not easy to retrain your brain overnight but with the right help and support from other men it can be done.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 01:17 PM
1

You need to get out and make sure you don’t become the babysitter for her to go out and have fun all the time. It’s not to be mean but for you to be able to have a life outside your family. Instead of trying to date I joined some meetups. I’m doing bowling, football and started dance lessons. Met a couple of dudes that I’m slowly trying to build a connection with. The further you get away from her and the marriage the better you will feel and are able to heal.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 01:13 PM
5

If you are referring to lifting first. I think it has more to do where you first put all your energy at the gym. Your body diverts blood flow to the muscles you are working first. So if you are on the treadmill your expending energy on your legs and the blood starts pumping down the body to those muscles. I’m sure there is a better scientific reason for it. Anecdotally I have lifted more weight when I start with push or pull day versus treadmill day. This may not be true if you are only doing a …
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 01:00 PM
4

Lift first. Treadmill second. It will help you make more progress. But either way I 100% agree with you. I’m down 43 lbs in 11 weeks. It can be done if you put in the work. I’m past my goal weight. Now at 172 lbs. The mental benefits and confidence you get back as a result of the gym or combat sports cannot be duplicated anywhere else in my opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 10:54 AM
3

How are you starting therapy if she controls your entire financial system? It sounds like you’re allowing yourself to be treated worse than the family pet. I get it. You’ve given up your independence and manhood for the safety of a marriage you are not happy jn. I was there when my kids were younger. These should be great topics to discuss in therapy. Good luck to you! Make sure you are honest with yourself and your therapist. It will make a huge difference in your life going forward. Keep us up…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 10:50 AM
9

Yes. Read dead bedroom fix and no more Mr nice guy. She’s stringing you along and you keep making the same mistakes over and over. Stop trying to please her. She doesn’t respect you. Women want a strong man who takes charge over his life and she will follow if she trusts and respects him. I don’t know if you can save your marriage. But the end goal should be saving yourself. The byproduct of this will be loving and respecting yourself and that should be your goal in life. Not to please other peo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 10:42 AM
2

Thank you, sir! Good luck on your journey as well. I think your statement that most women don’t apologize for anything or don’t take any responsibility for their problems in the relationships. That statement is pretty spot on in my experience as well.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 02:55 PM
2

This might happen to me. Who knows. Since I started on my spiritual journey nothing but positive things have happened in my life. We’ll see if this new woman is good for me. She’s been single for a while. So who knows. I will definitely keep my eyes open for red flags. I don’t have time for games. Appreciate the advice!
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 02:09 PM
2

I just started dating someone very spiritual. I’m very similar in that way as well. I don’t use it as excuses for my life. Just as a guide to keep me on track to help me on my life’s journey. But as men we take accountability for our actions and situations. I’ll keep my eyes open to your warnings as I get to know this woman. Either way I’m in a better place in my life that if this doesn’t work out it won’t crush me like my marriages did.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 01:36 PM
2

The mother of my kids called me her sperm donor to my face. It’s something I will never forget.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 06:07 AM
2

They will. I’m 40 pounds in 9+ weeks. But lots of muscle gain. I went from size 38 clothes to 32. I’m looking forward to my summer body which should line up after the divorce is done and I’m living on my own again. At least I’ll feel good about how I look for the first time since college (25 years ago)
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 04:40 AM
1

She knows I’m seeing a therapist weekly. And meditation too. She’s interested in going to yoga with me as well although I’m not sure I want to bring her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 05:02 AM
3

Yes. I’ve thought about it too. I was the happiest with my ex when we were dating and only seeing each other 3-4 times a week. She would sleep over but I would have time to myself and recharge. I’m sure it was the same for her. There are a lot of benefits in this situation. I have a feeling at 47 years old this might be my future if I’m able to find a financial stable woman who has her life together. Why risk your home for a relationship that might not last forever?
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 02:30 PM
1

I think it might be in my future to get lessons. I used to ride a 200cc Vespa in college to save money. It was always a blast. I know it’s not a real motorcycle but it was still fun to ride around Phoenix back in the day.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 04:24 AM
2

Laughing out loud, I think we’ve all been there and experienced this. I didn’t think about that part as being a positive because it didn’t occur to me when I was riding my pros and cons list about being single but I think now it needs to be closer to the top.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 12:35 AM
2

I've thought about getting motorcycle lessons. I still have a 12 year old and a little worried about my safety until he's older. But the freedom and thrill of the wind in your face is exhilarating.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:37 PM
2

Love this one! I never and will never understand it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:34 PM
4

The one thing not on this list is going to Target or other clothing shopping and being bored when I no interest in being there. Or looking at so many different types of shoes!
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 07:33 PM
2

This ⬆️⬆️⬆️
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 12:58 PM
1

Possibly. All I know is that I wasn’t my authentic self with her. So I wasn’t happy with how I looked or my life. My life became 100% about her and her happiness. I know I’m a good person, kind, caring and loving to the right person for me. Looking forward to the day when I’m ready to try and starting dating again when I’ve got my confidence back.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:31 PM
3

I’m the same. Never too high or low. Always calm to never rock the boat. Rarely argued with my ex wife and never fought. She actually told me about a month ago that she really wanted a husband to put her in her place sometimes. To challenge her and fight for her more than I did. But I never spoke my mind and lived off of those covert contracts.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:25 PM
4

You need to read no more Mr nice guy. It’s spells out what most of us do wrong in our relationships. We give up our lives, our friends, our hobbies, sports, whatever to be our women’s everything. It’s 100% the wrong way to be there for our partners. I’m working through my issues because this and emotional immaturity has held me back from being my authentic self. If I can be happy with who I am I’ll attract a women who is more compatible with my needs.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:59 PM
2

Good point. My STBX hates the smell of bacon. I should make some when my son is over. I’m co-habitating for another 5 weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 03:52 AM
0

Same. I would eat it out of the container and my ex amused to complain about it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 03:51 AM
1

Great point! I can make my double decker tacos again with refried beans, ground beef and all the hot sauce I want!
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 03:51 AM
3

If you are looking for an additional support stream on top of traditional therapy let me know. I did a couple of meditation sessions and I’m finding them more helpful than my Friday therapy sessions. I’m going to keep doing both to help on all sides of myself.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 10:42 PM
1

I hear you. It’s a tough choice. But I want to be there better for my kids. So living 15 minutes from them means I can make them dinner on school nights, spend a few hours here and there when they are free versus only one real day a week because they have sports, events, etc on the other side of town. It’s been 7 years living too far from them and missing so many small moments. I can’t do that again. Gotta put them first. But I really appreciate the advice. Maybe I’ll look into the options again…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 05:07 PM
1

And about the interest rate yeah we’re totally getting screwed. We have a 2.75% but to take out $100,000 loan to pay her equity plus the mortgage minus whatever the house would rent, I think I’d only be clearing one to $200 a month max. I don’t think that risk is worth it to me right now.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 04:22 PM
1

If it sells close to what we hope for, There should be $200,000 in equity. So I would need to refi to pay here out. So I’m just wanting my share and get out. Move 15 minutes from my kids versus 45 minutes away where I am at now. But I’ve thought more about it last night and trying to change my perspective and think when she’s gone and if I’m still in that house waiting for it to sell, I will still have plenty of alone time to work on my hobbies like learning that guitar, which I don’t really wan…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 04:20 PM
1

Thanks brother. It’s close. She’s getting the apartment in April. I have to stay in this house until it sells half empty. Then I will get my own place and we split the equity. My kids are from my first wife. I just am unhappy with having to be stuck somewhere for who knows how long when I want this to be over and where I can start over again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 01:08 PM
1

I would. But I would be stuck paying the mortgage. And another place to live. Can’t really afford that more than a month or two.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 07:42 AM
1

Interesting. I kinda like that idea. I can move back into the master and turn that into my main room. Bring my PlayStation up there. Maybe change up the layout to something different and new. Might help change out the mojo and energy. Hopefully it’s not two months. But we’ll see. Thanks for the advice.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 07:39 AM
2

already did :)
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 12:17 AM
1

Great minds think alike I guess. Appreciate you sharing you wisdom.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 08:39 PM
5

Thank you for this great advice! I will definitely use this site. Full body photos is a great idea. I'll bring my portable phone holder to some cool places if I'm going solo (like hiking) to get some better images. Especially since I've lost a lot of weight and added muscle working out at the gym hard for 5+ weeks. I'll need some new photos when I'm ready to start a profile again.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 08:15 PM
1

Get that vasectomy. I got it 8 years ago. I already have two amazing boys. But there is no way I ever want to have more kids. I got that taken care of pretty damn quick after my first marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 07:30 PM
1

Thank you brother. Appreciate the support!
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 04:09 PM
7

Hit the gym. 2.5 miles on the treadmill. 30 minute ab workout with my trainer. Just got home. Got comfy. Poured a glass of wine and am starting a new book.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 04:49 AM
1

I don't think so. You just do a symbolic ceremony with friends and family. But don't pay for a marriage license in the state you live in. I'd be open to that in the future. But going for a third marriage won't be a charm for me. Starting over, not with nothing this time (which I'm really blessed) at 47 is going to be hard. I know I'll probably work until I die. And I'm okay with that. Hopefully at my age I'll find someone close to my age who feels the same. But we'll see. My divorce won't be fin…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 10:38 PM
1

Thank you for this. There are a lot of positives. I need to make a list in my journal. And try to remember those when you start feeling down.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 08:40 PM
3

I’m 47 and starting over again for the second time. I have hope that when I heal myself and come back stronger I’ll be able to find the right woman for me out there. Instead of picking the wrong girls I’m not compatible with. Taking this time to find out who you are again. Level yourself up in whatever way makes you happy. You are so young. And got many great years ahead of you. I promise.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 02:54 PM
8

I’m divorcing during round 2. Thought I found my ride or die. But after 9 years together she’s so unhappy with her life. Some of that is on me and some of it is on her. I don’t want to go for round three. But I do want a life partner. So I’m doing everything I can for myself so I can pick the right person this time. But don’t want to get married again. Hoping to find another 40+ year old woman that feels the same way.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 08:19 PM
1

Smart. I would just take it slow. Especially if you like each other and want to continue to get to know one another. No pressure.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 06:39 AM
2

If it’s a long distance kind of thing that I would keep dating and just take it slow. It’s probably best for him that you’re in different states. Have you discussed anything about moving closer to each other. That’s premature since you r only seen him twice. But yea I would keep pursuing him. There is not reason into couldn’t work out for you both.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 01:00 AM
1

Congratulations on it being finalized soon. I’m sure it’ll still be a little hard. But hopefully freeing for you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 02:58 PM
1

Wow. Okay. I was with my wife for 9 years. But it’s only been a month plus living together but separated.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 02:58 PM
1

It really does. My first divorce was awful and painful with two kids and an ex wife that was very controlling and demanding. I got totally screwed over. So as much as I still hurt and fear the lonely nights in my future, I know I’m lucky and blessed to have a situation where there is no cheating, abuse or anything like that. It’s just too people that have figured out that they’re not right together as romantic partners. Just friends. It took 9 years to figure that out. But in the end we have 9 y…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 04:17 PM
3

Same for me. No lawyers. No mediation. Just two adults working it out. But we have no kids and my first divorce had me starting over with nothing. She knows this and doesn’t want to do the same thing here. So we are both putting ourselves in a better place to move on financially and emotionally. I know it’s going to hurt a lot when we’re both living alone again. For now this seems to be working as we live together until the house is sold. But I also understand the gray rock principle. Just don’t…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 04:06 PM
4

Thank you for the harsh words. Love it! Have a little smile tonight when I was feeling a little self pity. I’m at the gym working that shit out of my system. But the laugh was worth it!
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 02:56 AM
3

How long has it been since the divorce and living on your own? Thank you for sharing some positive thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 08:23 PM
2

The divorce will be over in a month or so. It’s 100% amicable. We are splitting up the house 50-50 in equity and just splitting up our material possessions inside the house and then we’re done. We both really want to remain good friends afterwards because we’re great friends but just not as lovers. We’re just not compatible and I’ve come to the conclusion that after nine years, this part of my life is complete and it’s onto the next chapter of my life. And we both feel 100% the same way I’m defi…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 12:54 AM
1

It was supposed to be a trip with her and my dad. He still wants to go which probably would still be fun. I don’t think there’s any ill feleings or intent for her to want me to go. I think it’s the fact that it’s been a dream of mine to go to Italy and she doesn’t want me to give that up just because we’re not married anymore I even thought maybe I can find an Italian girlfriend while I’m there…lol.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 12:52 AM
1

I was thinking the same thing. My STBX was telling me to go to Italy this year (we were supposed to go in October) Part of me wants to go. Part of my is saying whats the point? I really enjoyed traveling the world with her. It's not the same. IDK.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/24 12:10 AM
2

Yep. That’s the truth. They say one thing but really want another. I’m not a good communicator but most women are not either. At least in what they really need to be happy. They want you to just know what they need. Or more importantly m, they don’t know what they need.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 07:40 AM
5

Please read dead bedroom fix brother. It may help. You doing all the chores, laundry doesn’t work at all. My STBX wife still was crazy unhappy with her life. Had nothing to do with the chores of the house. She isn’t feeling loved. She’s going through an emotional crisis. And probably needs some help. You can not fix her. Only yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 04:16 AM
1

Okay. Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 11:19 PM
1

Makes sense. I guess I can try one of those online places and see what they offer.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 11:06 PM
3

I bought mine online from a custom jeweler in Israel. I have the receipts. I know I would want to do a pawn shop and get nothing. Thought about give it to my oldest son. But the bad mojo may be a bad idea.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 10:50 PM
2

Mine gave me back the new wedding ring set I bought in October for our anniversary. I’m happy about it because it was about $2,500. Still paying it off. Not sure what to do about it now though. Can I sell it? Any recommendations?
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 10:26 PM
1

So true. My sweet tooth has disappeared. It was probably gone when I quit soda back in November. My trainer wants me eating more protein. Do I have to figure out cheap meal prep ideas with chicken and ground beef whenever I get settled in life. In the meantime the divorce diet is a welcome benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 07:14 AM
1

You’ll be there in no time. Just make sure you are eating healthy stuff. No fast food. I started at 215+ and now at 193. I’m still lifting and running. But I also know I won’t make things on until I put down more protein. But that won’t happen until things stabilize more in my life. So don’t stress about it too much. You are doing great!
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 04:18 AM
1

I’m 47! Way to drop the weight. One of the few benefits of divorce. No appetite. I got 13-14 pounds to go. My goal is by the end of February to drop that weight. Than muscle building time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 03:18 AM
1

I hear you. I had a little hope the first two days. Then I killed that shit and started moving on. It’s my second divorce. So I know the drill. Unfortunately. But if you do the work for yourself you’ll make so much more progress. I’m down 21 pounds. It’s been 4 weeks today. I’m finally seeing a little light at the end of the tunnel. And some hope that my life will be better when I’m on my own. Hope it works out for you. If you need to talk or chat let me know. DM me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 03:11 AM
1

If she’s going to stay that’s fine. But work on yourself. For you. Workout for you and not her. Do things for you that you like. If you want her to work out with you that works too. Just be careful.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 03:05 AM
1

I think my STBXW is in somewhat of a midlife crisis. But I didn’t show her my love enough. I know I’m a great guy. And now getting in great shape. But I was content in my relationship and too boring for her. She wanted to go out and party/drink more than I wanted too. Her sleep schedule and mine were different. And we never communicated what we wanted. And when she did I shut down. So she gave up over time. That’s on me for not being more assertive and being the typical nice guy.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 02:49 AM
2

Interesting. I'm sure there is a lot of truth to that. Woman have all these options, social media pressure, etc. I married the wrong woman. Twice.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 01:11 AM
2

Totally understand brother. It's still so early for me so my emotions are at the top of my mind. So I would be the perfect husband now. So the challenge is how to sustain all that in a relationship when you start to settle in a routine. It's something I won't have to worry about for awhile. Sorry you still have unanswered questions. I feel like that's the worst. At least my STBXW and I are still living together and plan on remaining friends post divorce. And we've really communicated well with t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 10:55 PM
-2

you mention a ton of things, acts of service. But nothing about loving her, asking about her needs. I know that is where I failed as a husband. I did everything. But not enough kisses, hugs, intimate moments, dating and keeping the relationship going. So 9 years later she was too unhappy to stay together anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 10:26 PM
1

Maybe time to get some therapy again for yourself. But just give yourself time to grieve this relationship. You are really young still and if you can meet the right woman you can try for kids too. There are a lot of positives going for you. And try and stop those negative thoughts about yourself. The world is trying to tear you down. Don't do it any favors and help it. I tell myself every friggin morning how special I am and how my life is going to get better once my marriage is over and I have …
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 01:21 AM
2

Good start brother. She needs to see all your improvements. Do them for yourself and she'll notice. Don't brag about them and make passive aggressive comments about it. Let her come to you. If she doesn't and you end up divorcing, you'll have a major headstart in your new life and routine in taking care of yourself. I would also look for opportunities with her in terms of foreplay. Like extra hugs, kisses during the day, in the morning before work, etc. but don't put the pressure on getting sex …
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 01:15 AM
0

What are you doing to help yourself? I would recommend reading Dead Bedroom Fix and working our yourself first before moving on to divorce right away. Get yourself in a better place first. That way you'll be a stronger person if divorce is the best option.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 06:13 PM
1

At this point is she can't be reasonable and wants more than what's fair that you have no choice but to put everything on the table and have lawyers and financial people help you both figure it out. Stay strong for you and your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 06:11 PM
4

Okay. You might have to fix all this. Read a book called Dead Bedroom Fix. I also joined the DSO fraternity which will help you. I think there is a free month. Get on there and tell your story. You’ll get some great wisdom from other men. I’m already getting divorced. There is no going back. You are focusing on all the wrong things. Do the dishes and the laundry and all the other chores because you are a grown up and a man. Don’t make it a competition. You grow resentful and start to judge he fo…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 03:10 PM
2

What about you? What do you miss?
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 02:36 PM
10

Traveling with her was the best. We had a lot of great times and going out, getting dressed up for special date nights.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 02:35 PM
5

Gotta end it brother. I'm sure she's just staying there until there is something or someone better. If you can get her to leave I would try. If she really wants to work at your marriage you can do it living apart. Otherwise the pain will continue to be there for you. I'm sorry but keep working on all these things for yourself. You are worth it. If she doesn't see it than that's on her. Please don't take what she says or doesn't say to heart. Her opinion of you doesn't matter. Only your opinion o…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 11:11 PM
3

Yea I get it. My STBX doesn't have a college degree but I have been there for 9 years with her. She was in a call center job when we met and now she's running a department with a lot of employees and making 6 figures. And looking better than she did 9 years ago with weight loss and surgeries. I am secure in my masculine desire for woman. But not anywhere else. She was the boss in the relationship especially more over time. I sat back and let her lead. It was a big mistake. But I was never really…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 11:07 PM
2

My wife has all the respect and security from me. That wasn't the problem. But its not what made her happy. She wanted honest communication and I couldn't tell her what I really wanted from her. So that left the relationship one sided.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 10:58 PM
1

Gotcha, that makes sense. You have a large range of dating ages. So that's good. Do you try and date for yourself first and then figure out if that person is wife material? I assume you are not opening with desiring a stepmom for your child. I'm in Vegas. So there is a lot of weirdo's here. But I'm working on myself first so I don't fall back into the co-dependent nice guy patterns when I start dating again.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 10:14 PM
2

I'm 47. Going through a divorce now. Not ready to date yet. But when I am I won't be interested in flings and meaningless sex. I'm going to want a partner, long term. How young are you dating? What age ranges? Do you have young kids that might make it harder to find wife material? Curious because maybe I'll be ready to start dating again later this year. Not sure what'll be in for.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 09:49 PM
3

This - there is also a Men's group of Facebook/Web/Podcasts called DSO (Dads starting over) i paid for one online session, super helpful. Plus its filled with only guys so you'll get an honest and no bullshit opinion on your situation. I 100% recommend it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 07:39 PM
3

I'm not a die hard trekkie but I can see Jean-Luc delivering this type of message to Data.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 07:37 PM
4

Great quote. I can relate to that for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 07:18 PM
1

I don't. Any tips on what I should google or books to read on that? I was told that I didn't communicate what I wanted so all the conversations were one-sided. I know that's on me. And maybe she was the wrong person for me the whole time. But I did keep quiet when I disagreed with some things she said and did. And she stopped asking for anything from me since I shut down since I avoid conflict. I never asked for anything I wanted. I was way to passive in the marriage. Very typical nice guy syndr…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 05:38 PM
2

Yep. Completely understood. I'm taking it as a positive as I need to be around 180 lbs. I'm at 196 now. So 16 pounds to go. I can get there in a few months I think the way I going at it. Plus with the muscle gains I'm feeling better than I have in a long time.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 06:55 PM
2

I don't think I was groomed. I took an active role into my comfort and being content in my marriage. I gave up on my relationship because we both didn't feel the spark anymore. And instead of being a man I kept my head in the sand and ignored all her requests to open up and talk to her about my feelings. So all the conversations were one sided. I wasn't emotionally available. Didn't speak up for myself and let her control the relationship and be the man while I sat back and went along for the ri…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 06:16 PM
2

That's good to hear. It just makes me realize the healing and growth are going to take a long time. I guess I shouldn't worry about how long it takes to get back to myself and just take the steps to be the best self everyday.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 06:08 PM
2

That's not good. I don't think I can go without enough sleep for years. What keeps you up or waking up? What thoughts are going through your head? Is it just not loving sleeping alone? Comfort level? I know that's part of it for me. Was I was going through the motions in my marriage I could fall asleep at 9 and sleep 10 hours each night. IDK. Maybe that was just some of not being so happy in my life and marriage. And not I don't need as much sleep because I'm out there living and doing things ea…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 05:44 PM
1

This is 100% the right move. Your nice guy patten of asking her what the change? She doesn’t want to tell you. She’s wants and needs you to be the man and take charge of your own life. But do it 100% for yourself. Her actions are leading the way. Yours should be too. Don’t focus on her needs. Just your own. Otherwise when this relationship ends you’ll still be a wreck and she’ll have moved on. If she really wants to work at it she’ll come back to you and hopefully you’ll be in a stronger place t…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 02:10 PM
2

This as well I’m working out like a madman. But still can’t sleep I work out after work at night. Not sure if that helps or hurt my sleeping.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 05:55 AM
3

Same dude. 3+ weeks and still not sleeping well. Up every night at 3 am. Even doing some CBD and THC to help.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 05:53 AM
-9

I have been lucky to have closure as hard as it can be to process and hear the truth. But that’s the only way to see my shortcomings as a man. Plus the therapy is cheaper than my professional therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 01:33 AM
4

3 weeks tomorrow. But I think she's getting emotionally tired. More cold emotionally towards me. I think she's starting to detach from our marriage. I'm working on it too. I love her but the beauty I was seeing started going away this week. So hopefully that is a good thing to help move on.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 08:27 PM
5

No. We hugged some. But no awkward touching so far. I don't even think it's something either one of us have even thought of.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 08:07 PM
2

Good attitude. I'm sure you'll get out of this hell hole a much better and stronger person. And with your head held high. So amazing to hear.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 06:08 AM
1

I wonder if that anger and hate drives you own too. Not sure if it makes it easier or harder to hate your ex for what she's doing versus something like my STBXW which just told me we're not compatible anymore and although she loves me doesn't want to be married to me anymore. Which can be tough to take. I would think it would be easier to hate her. You must have so much patience to put up with her shit. I commend you!
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 06:00 AM
2

I don't know buddy. In my state, Nevada, I think they won't reverse it. They'll still expect you to play even when you are unemployed. I thought they assume you'll make whatever income you had the last couple years. So if you get a lower paying job she can argue that you took it on purpose to get out of the level of child support you've been paying. I would definitely reach out right away to the courts and file the paperwork needed otherwise you'll owe more and more money. It's not normally back…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 05:58 AM
1

Yea sorry. I read that later in the thread. I was just too surprised not to comment right away. I guess the high conflict could be okay as long as you are threatening anyway to get yourself a restraining order. But sounds like if you weren't she would be taking everything but your life from you and leaving you with zero.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 05:50 AM
4

So how are you doing one year later? What parts of your life have changed and how have you changed as well? I'm hopefully by the end of this year I'll be a much different person as well. Way better than I am right now. Curious on your journey and congratulations on such a healthy mindset!
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 05:49 AM
5

Christ. I am so sorry my man. Makes my divorce like a fairy tale. Time to cancel that CC and get a new one?
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 05:46 AM
5

Eventually those memories will put a smile on your face without all the hurt. I don’t know how long it’ll take. I don’t want to forgot all the good memories because they were really special to me. Hopefully I’ll start making new memories on my own and with someone else in the future. Not sure what I’ll feel then but I’m hoping it’s a healthy reaction that shows I’ve moved on.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 08:00 PM
13

I think that sounds like a pretty good recipe for moving on. I have 9 years of amazing fun memories in my head and 1,000s of photos together that’ll pop up on my phone, social media even my stupid fire stick. I’d don’t want to delete them all but I also don’t want to hurt forever either.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 12:37 PM
3

Good for you. I’ve told myself 2024 is the year of me. Being selfish and working on myself and my kids. My divorce should go really smooth and maybe remain friends afterwards. But we’ll see. Either way therapy is helping me see what I’m afraid of and why I’ve had trouble being emotionally available for my partner. Glad you’re feeling more like you. It’s hard but you’ve got to love yourself more than anyone else. Be confident and proud of the man you are. Otherwise you’re going to rely on others …
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 03:27 AM
5

It’s totally different from when we were younger. I’m not thinking of dating or anything yet while we try and sell our house and find places to live. My offer stands, if you need someone to chat or talk to hit me up. We only can move on and get better with the help of others. But my therapy has helped a bit after my second session. Starting to give me hope that I can be myself and find someone more compatible in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 03:18 AM
7

It can be uncomfortable. I’m divorcing again after 9 years with my wife. It’s tough. If you need someone to chat with let me know. I’ve been trying to do the work with therapy, joined a couple of meetups, working out 6 days a week. Anything and everything to get better. But it’s always nice to talk with someone who experiencing the same thing as you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 03:12 AM
5

My first wife kept the name for the kids. It didn't bother me. My second wife, STBXW will probably want to go back to her maiden name versus the hyphenated version. Which would make sense. I don't think it'll bother me because it's her life and not mine.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 12:35 AM
3

I was wondering about that. We're selling the house and splitting the equity and stuff in the house. That is it. I wasn't sure if we should wait until all that is done before filing the divorce paperwork. It seems really simple, cut and dry.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 12:13 AM
3

This is good advice. I'm hoping my divorce is as simple as a couple hundreds bucks and splitting the house equity and stuff inside. No kids thank god!
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 01:51 AM
15

I got remarried. And now starting second divorce. Both relationships lasted 9 years. Financially I shouldn't start over again at 47 years old but I know I'm never going to be able to retire at this point. I wouldn't recommend it. I waited 4 years to get remarried after dating her. Thought I waited long enough to make sure we were going to make it for life. Nope. I have my issues that I need to work through emotionally that caused some of the issues. But it really hurts when she said looking back…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 01:49 AM
1

This 💯
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 01:22 AM
3

I’m 47. So a slim classic style might make sense for my age. But I’ll figure that out when the time is right.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 01:01 AM
3

Awesome. Thank you buddy. I’ll take that suggestion. I’m working on my body at the gym. I’ll give it a few months and see my progress then I’ll get some new clothes for the spring.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 08:19 PM
8

Glad you are feeling way. Very healthy mindset. When you are single you have so much more free time to get shit done. When I don't have to worry about coming home straight from work to take care of her. I have way more time for the gym, grocery shopping, making dinner and still have time to lay in bed a watch a show or do more work on myself. Can't wait to keep feeling better about myself! Thanks for the inspiration.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 06:19 PM
2

Yea, she would help me buy my clothes too. When I get to feeling myself again soon I will start following some YouTube style guys. I need a few new stylish outfits. When I dress nice I feel better and more confident. I'd rather have a few great choices in my closet. Does anyone have any suggestions? I've thought about places like Stitch Fix or similar to help me get nicer clothes to wear.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 06:17 PM
2

oh wow. Okay. Being good financially takes away some of the extra stress during situations like this. We'll you are done I guess. Not to say it's easy. Its the opposite. But its time to move on. It's her loss. Make sure you are the best possible man you can be for yourself. That's all you can do.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 06:14 PM
2

Gotcha, sorry man. What does your wife say is the long term solution to this? If there isn't one you need to be honest with her about how you are feeling. Are you financially secure enough to leave this marriage at the drop of a hat? Make sure you are prepared for whatever happens post divorce. Sounds like she'll choose her son over you which makes sense but maybe she thinks you'll just stick around like you have done so far.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 06:03 PM
3

Those are some strong boundaries! I hope to get to that point. I'm too nice and forgiving in my life. I need to be way more picky in the future when I've done the work on myself, transformed my body at the gym and then write up a list of what I will tolerate and what I won't in a partner.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 05:29 PM
3

You're probably right. Wasn't sure if he's sat back and just accepted the reality in silence. I'm sure that isn't the case. At 25 years old this kid needs a father figure to kick his ass into gear. Maybe it's too late. Or I'm putting on my dad hat and hoping this guy could be the guy to give this kid a dose of real world reality versus just bouncing. Again I'm sure he's done way more than he should have to resolve this situation.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 05:24 PM
3

You are your wife are not on the same page. Not sure divorce is the answer in this situation. I think there is a conversation breakdown for sure. Like you need to have a family meeting, all of you and come up with a realistic plan. 3 or 4 months turned it 18 months. Why? Like you need to take their paychecks and put them in another bank account for savings, give them an allowance to live, don't be an asshole but you can look like a good guy to you wife if you can help support this 25 year old an…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 05:13 PM
3

Get this book. Like now. I have the audible book that I'm listening to at the gym. I need to get myself out of the house soon to work out and feel better. Anyway. Divorce Panic. A Guide for Men. It's 100% on the money for us guys. And fits your situation like a glove. Most of our experiences are damn close. And that is not a coincidence. I'm sorry you are going through all this. Most of us guys don't deserve to be used and tossed away like the trash by our wives who are unhappy with their lives.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 05:07 PM
9

100%. I'm the one paying those A/C and heating bills. Who cares as long as she was comfortable.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 05:01 PM
6

Lol! You are so spot on. I did all the cleaning, laundry, shopping, dishes. Like maybe my wardrobe isn't up to the latest fashions but like I took care of myself before you and can do it afterwards. The only thing she did great was decorate the house and Christmas. It's the one thing I didn't have as much patience for.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 05:00 PM
5

Hahaha, thank you for the the great laugh this morning. I didn't get it that bad but I can relate.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 04:55 PM
2

This. Not sure how and why you know all these details. But it’s not good for you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 02:45 PM
2

Happy things are getting better. How to you make some friends? I’m 7 days in now. And it’s still a rollercoaster. I know it won’t be a linear pattern of healing but glad 4 weeks in is going better. Hope for the rest of us.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 05:21 PM
3

Thank you for the response. You’re right. We just have some differences in our love languages. So I’ve hit the gym, got the EOS membership and weekly trainer setup. Figured now I’ll save lots of money not having to pay for dinners out, Grubhub orders, buying gifts and paying more than my fair share of the bills. Going to keep working on myself and my two boys. I’ve been snipped for a long time. So no more kids coming out of me. I’ve just got to take your advice and stay away from the ladies for …
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 05:17 AM
3

I figured I'd have a shot of something in October on our anniversary to celebrate the good times of being together for 9 years.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 08:31 PM
2

I start my therapy today at 3pm. Looking forward to the discovery phase and eventually understand where I’m lacking in the emotional and intimacy corner. I think that’s the main reason the spark was lost between us. Settling in to being married and not continuing to date my wife and bring the romance. If I can do the work maybe I’ll have more success in my next relationship in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 04:25 PM
3

Another great post. Thank you. Definitely my marriage to a capital T. I got complacent and lazy in certain aspects of the marriage. And I bet if you’d ask my STBXW she would agree that the compatibility and missing spark has a lot to do with that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:07 AM
3

That definitely fits the mold
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:01 AM
6

This was a well thought out response. I commend you for taking the time to write it all down. I think it’s pretty spot on. Certainly helps me realize my situation being “normal” in a fall out of love type divorce. I just want to figure out how to keep that from happening again. I’m 47 and don’t have time to screw it up again in 7-9 years.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 11:18 PM
2

I definitely started to get complacent and routine. I think that’s part of it. Less dating and pursuing my wife and our life became too boring. I still did all the chores around the house. All the boring stuff while she was looking for more excitement in life. And going out to get away from the stress of her job.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 11:15 PM
9

What is it with the 9-10 year mark. Mine just asked for the divorce after 9+ years. Is that a major number for the girls?
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 10:29 PM
2

I like this. I’m trying to tell myself out loud the same thing to stop the self blame.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 10:39 AM
2

I just left the smoke shop with a friend and bought my first weed pen. With a lot of cbd and some thc. We’ll see if it works.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:54 AM
2

You know it. A small noodle with pasta sauce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 11:10 AM
1

That’s definitely me. Starts out small and goes full Italian.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 08:59 AM
4

Neither yet. I think we are both hoping it’ll be easy with no kids and 50/50 down the middle of everything. Not saying it’ll be perfect. But all I can is hope and try to stay positive and not get into fights and arguments.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 12:32 AM
2

Great. Thank you for the recommendation!
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 03:27 PM
2

I’ve start working out much harder now. Been thinking of testosterone as I’m in my late 40s. What’s the best way to figure out what to take?
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 02:12 PM
6

I feel as a man, changing behavior by action is so much easier. I assume that’s why everyone says hit the gym. Changing your mind is so much harder especially at night alone in bed trying to sleep. My wife just asked for a divorce a few days ago and I’ve been unable to sleep more than a few minutes since. It’s so hard to control your mind. I’m hoping it’s gets better in time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 01:34 PM
3

Awesome for you! It’s definitely something I’ll have to get used to after being with someone for 9 years. Once I figure out the next steps.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 02:25 AM
2

Did you go to Thailand on your own? I’m just starting the divorce process since Friday night. The only thing that scares me is doing things by yourself since all my friends are married couples.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 02:10 AM
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