FraidyDogBrowse Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
1	Is "she's not yours its just your turn " remotely true in any sense? What kind of men is this true for? I'm not sure how you'd really quantify "the odds" here. What kind of relationship issues are we talking? What factors influence the outcome? Are we counting relationships that end mutually, or don't work out, or just the cases where a partner "jumps ship" for seemingly no reason? I do think it's reasonable to conclude based on evidence, if someone shows you who they are through their actions over time, that they are who they say they are. I don't think most people behave in wildly unpredictable …	/r/ExRedPill	14/10/21 05:16 AM
1	Is "she's not yours its just your turn " remotely true in any sense? What kind of men is this true for? It can be both. If you know someone well, and you've already been through a lot together, that trust can be built on past evidence. Like, you can get in your car to drive somewhere and get hit by a mack truck and die. But you drive carefully, you drive a reliable car, and you've driven countless times before without getting hit by a mack truck. You don't have to live life being afraid of the mack truck. You don't have to refuse to drive. You can reasonably trust the odds of getting hit by that M…	/r/ExRedPill	14/10/21 04:39 AM
2	Is "she's not yours its just your turn " remotely true in any sense? What kind of men is this true for? "she's not yours" True. Nobody belongs to anybody else. Relationships are partnerships, two people coming together on their own terms. "it's just your turn" OR, maybe she loves you and chooses to be with you EVEN if there are other options? Everyone has other options, there are 7 billion people on this planet. Doesn't mean a relationship WILL end - though any relationship CAN, for myriad reasons. You try your best, make things work, enjoy the good times, fight through the hard times. Sometimes i…	/r/ExRedPill	14/10/21 01:12 AM
1	Women either like you or they don't. How is it any other way? I think you're missing the point. Yeah, if a girl doesn't know you or doesn't instantly fall for you, you chat her up, get to know her, attraction forms, sure. But OP said this: She says she isn't interested well I'll find a way to That's why I mention "tricks" and manipulation. I'm not talking about guys who just go out and meet girls and see if a spark ignites. I'm talking about guys who see a girl's "no" as something to manipulate her out of.	/r/ExRedPill	07/10/21 04:44 PM
6	Women either like you or they don't. How is it any other way? I think most people can't just decide to be attracted to someone they're not attracted to. Like yeah if you have the hots for someone you can choose not to pursue them. Alternatively you can choose to pursue someone you don't really have feelings for and hope it'll develop more later.	/r/ExRedPill	07/10/21 06:39 AM
12	Women either like you or they don't. How is it any other way? I think OP's point is more, if someone doesn't like you, there's not some "trick" you can use to manipulate them into changing their mind. Like yes, feelings can change over time, but it comes from them in that case. If someone isn't into you, you can't force them to change their mind.	/r/ExRedPill	07/10/21 06:37 AM
3	A lot of women standards and ideas of romance also come from unrealistic portrayals from romantic comedies and movies and novels One of the most damaging assumptions for men that I see in media is the idea that a woman should be pursued until she accepts. Persistence is rewarded. If a guy never gives up he can get past her initial refusals. That is super damaging to both men and women in real life. It normalizes harassing woman and teaches men to waste time and energy haranguing someone who isn't interested, which leads to more hurt on both ends. There are definitely damaging romantic stereotypes for women too in media. O…	/r/ExRedPill	05/10/21 08:29 PM
3	Why do men fail to see that women are just people and aren't so different from each other? Should clarify I mean patriarchy gives men power as a class. It's not distributed equally especially if you have other intersectional barriers like being poor or a minority race. YMMV. But most people in positions of power are men. Most heads of major companies are men. The system opens the doors for men to assume power over women - provided, of course, that those men are also white and rich. I've never heard a person argue the inherent unfitness of a man for power based on "well he's a man". Bu…	/r/ExRedPill	04/10/21 05:15 PM
3	Why do men fail to see that women are just people and aren't so different from each other? And you also are short-sighted into thinking that everybody is just ignorant Maybe it is short sighted, and I have a bias. But I've seen it in action an awful lot when I challenge women on those beliefs. Also I want to believe that people don't WANT to hurt others. I want to believe that the women who enforce toxic masculinity on men and harm them don't actually want to hurt men. And vice versa tbh. I'm sure I'm wrong about some of them but I try to see the potential in people. just because some…	/r/ExRedPill	04/10/21 05:07 PM
4	Why do men fail to see that women are just people and aren't so different from each other? True that emotion and irrationality play a part. But a good relationship (even a brief one, even an ONS) has actual communication and mutual respect. Talking to someone who sees you as lesser makes for shit conversation even if they're smooth. Some women will put up with that for various reasons - they may be used to people treating them that way or want the guy for other reasons bad enough to take I'll treatment. Some guys like that are smooth enough to hide how they really feel, at first.	/r/ExRedPill	04/10/21 04:51 PM
13	Why do men fail to see that women are just people and aren't so different from each other? Seeing women as people is the first key step in a process. If you see women as people you'll be less likely to make harmful generalizations. You'll be better able to analyze them and your behavior towards them. Hell, good luck having actual conversations with a woman if you don't see her just a person. If you're socially inept or awkward, you'll just have to learn by trial and error. So yeah not "all you have to do" but certainly the first step you have to take.	/r/ExRedPill	04/10/21 05:09 AM
14	Why do men fail to see that women are just people and aren't so different from each other? A man is still expected to act like a 1950s version of a man I mean, this is part of patriarchal, misogynist culture. It gives men power in a lot of ways but also takes power from them. A man is expected to be in charge and lead but then he's also not allowed to have any "weaknesses". Feminism has done a good job questioning assumptions and widening gender roles for women, but the same thing hasn't happened as much for men. There are some branches of feminism that are working to change that. It …	/r/ExRedPill	04/10/21 05:05 AM
4	Do women really have a bunch of orbiters waiting in line for their chance to get with her? I think this is a more accurate way of looking at it. I also have female friends I find attractive and I'd hypothetically consider a relationship with, were we both single. Doesn't mean I'm waiting around for an opportunity to pounce. In most of those cases I value my friendship more than any potential opportunity. We're friends first. That might change if I had strong feelings for someone. But you can be attracted to a friend and choose to remain friends.	/r/ExRedPill	02/10/21 01:55 PM
4	What is the bare minimum that guys do not do? I'm in my thirties so that has changed my bare minimum. My standards are the same in a potential partner, man or woman. 1: Be a decent person. No racists, no Nazis, no homophobes, no transphobes. You have to actually care about my feelings (and I'll care about yours). 2: Be on my wavelength. I'm trans and neurodivergent and mentally ill. I need someone who can kind of sync with my oddities even if they don't have the same ones. Or you at least have to kind of "get" me. This self selects bc if pe…	/r/ExRedPill	02/10/21 07:21 AM
2	Women of exredpill, is it true you don't like it when men are vulnerable with you? Patriarchy? Women overwhelmingly want men to lead. Women often don't want to make the first move. That's patriarchy. Or one of its effects - on both men and women. And yes, while I'm not a woman, I have asked men out. And women. And been asked out in turn. And been rejected. Granted, I haven't asked out a huge amount of people in my life, because I've always been too scared to do so - but that's a part of why I didn't get to start dating until age 25. Patriarchal culture heavily affects gender r…	/r/ExRedPill	01/10/21 12:25 AM
1	Women of exredpill, is it true you don't like it when men are vulnerable with you? Why continually do things that don't work? If what you stated in your comment is true your sample size was 1. It's hard to draw conclusions from a single experience and impossible to make generalizations. You're not wrong to analyze trends and fine tune behavior. But ITT and from this post you seem to be overgeneralizing. And I also suspect some rejection sensitivity. That's not going to help you form healthy relationships. You making this thread for a reality check and getting more feedback is …	/r/ExRedPill	01/10/21 12:11 AM
4	Women of exredpill, is it true you don't like it when men are vulnerable with you? Vulnerability can also be strength. You're trusting the other person to take care of you. Which can be especially hard for men given the patriarchal culture. When a man opens up to me I don't see that as weakness but strength. It also shows he's in tune with his emotions and a good communicator. Most of the women I've talked to about this see it as totally normal (partners rely on each other!), positive (he really trusts me!), or a sign of strength (he's willing to admit he has feelings and expo…	/r/ExRedPill	01/10/21 12:05 AM
1	Women of exredpill, is it true you don't like it when men are vulnerable with you? When I was in middle school I brought roses to a girl I liked. She said no thanks. I never bought roses for a girl outside of special occasions ever again. That honestly seems like an extreme reaction to rejection. Maybe she said no thanks because she didn't like you romantically and knew the gesture was romantic? I'm not sure that counts as a woman rejecting your vulnerability but rather a woman turning you down romantically.	/r/ExRedPill	01/10/21 12:02 AM
3	Women of exredpill, is it true you don't like it when men are vulnerable with you? Not a lady myself, but I know a lot of ladies. I've never met a lady who is disgusted or turned off by vulnerability in a man. My bias is that I've known mostly feminists. Toxic masculinity ( which can affect both men and women) says no emotional vulnerability allowed for men. I have met ladies who are asked to do a lot of emotional labor they don't have the spoons for. So when someone, especially someone they don't know well, asks for a lot of support they're not able to handle it. I also know …	/r/ExRedPill	30/09/21 11:59 PM
29	Isn't hypergamy (or whatever the male version is) something women should worry more about in men? Both men and women have sensory input. We notice other humans. We're attracted to other humans. That is a thing for all genders, yes. Also statistically if you're in a relationship eventually you'll run in to someone who is potentially better. They might be cuter and smarter and make more money than your current partner. So why isn't hypergamy a thing? Two reasons. Empathy. If you care about someone you don't want to hurt them. You want to be with them and spend time with them. You don't want th…	/r/ExRedPill	30/09/21 02:21 AM
2	why/how do bad people get into relationships/have sex? For a lot of incel types I think reframing could be very helpful. Many seem to ascribe their failures of dating to immutable things like height or bone structure and be defeatist. But when people interrogate them here, I usually see themes emerge: social impairment, mental illness, social isolation, difficulty initiating and taking the lead in a patriarchal culture, toxic beliefs, low self esteem, desperation. These are all things that can be worked on.	/r/ExRedPill	29/09/21 05:16 PM
2	why/how do bad people get into relationships/have sex? That's a toxic and harmful way if thinking. Humans are social animals. We all desire intimacy and we all deserve it. You do have value. Everyone does. You also have flaws, and struggles. That's ok. Nobody is perfect. It doesn't make you unworthy. But this idea that you'll take anyone whose standards are low enough is bad for you and bad for your potential partners. It's not a linear scale where there are "good" people that are unattainable and inferior/"bad" people who are. People are incredibly…	/r/ExRedPill	29/09/21 05:00 PM
4	why/how do bad people get into relationships/have sex? Seeking out someone who is also inexperienced is ok. You cannot seek out a vulnerable person because they are vulnerable in a positive way. Even if you don't intend to hurt them that mindset is harmful in and of itself. If you get into a shitty manipulative relationship where you take advantage of someone that's not success. It's shit.	/r/ExRedPill	29/09/21 11:46 AM
6	why/how do bad people get into relationships/have sex? Everybody has room for self-improvement. Everybody can grow and change for the better. It doesn't mean you're not you. Or are you your flaws? Your negative qualities? And why would you want what shitty guys have? Either a woman that's as shitty as them or one that puts up with shitty treatment and suffers herself?	/r/ExRedPill	29/09/21 11:42 AM
7	why/how do bad people get into relationships/have sex? Some men are good at manipulation and hiding or downplaying their flaws. Some have redeeming or attractive qualities alongside shitty attitudes or behavior. Some women are attracted to those that'll hurt them or aren't good for them. Some women are willing to overlook toxicity for other qualities they find attractive. Some women have just learned in life that people will be cruel so they settle. Some women have internalized misogyny and learned to accept it. Some women are also shitty - women ca…	/r/ExRedPill	29/09/21 11:37 AM
6	why/how do bad people get into relationships/have sex? But that's not why you're seeking out a vulnerable person. You are seeking them out because they are vulnerable and you think that will make them easier for you to get. That is taking advantage of their vulnerability. Your mindset seems pretty toxic. To me it seems to imply that you think a vulnerable woman will "settle" for you or that her standards will be lower because she's vulnerable. That's devaluing her and yourself.	/r/ExRedPill	29/09/21 11:13 AM
5	Important question: how is guy supposed to be like to be considered GOOD ENOUGH to date? You might not be ready to date yet. I suspect there are some things holding you back. Some are likely put of your control, but many are likely in your control. Not being ready doesn't mean you're not good enough. You likely have good qualities already that would make for a good partner to someone. Even if you can't see them yet. Becoming ready isn't about changing 100% of who you are. It's about working on your problems and becoming healthier. I'm a chubby, short, mentally ill, horribly anxious,…	/r/ExRedPill	22/09/21 05:06 PM
8	Important question: how is guy supposed to be like to be considered GOOD ENOUGH to date? If asking yourself that question gives you zero clue, that means you either lack insight into examining your own behavior and toxic qualities, or you are unclear on what your own standards are for dating. Which is ok. Those are actually things you can learn. Part of learning to manage your mental health is learning to analyze it. You can't work on what you're not aware of. And when you are ready to date you should have standards as well. To give an extreme example, if you're willing to date a wo…	/r/ExRedPill	22/09/21 05:00 PM
17	Important question: how is guy supposed to be like to be considered GOOD ENOUGH to date? The thing is women aren't a monolith. Different people will have different requirements. There is a base standard - basically not having "red flags". But the base standard differs by age and also likely by culture. You're asking a question that does not have a single simple answer. So with the caveat YMMV here's what I considered the base standard when I was early 20s: Mental Illness Managed: you can be mentally ill, just be working on it. In therapy or on meds if needed. If you struggle with me…	/r/ExRedPill	22/09/21 04:54 PM
7	Can a short man as desirable to a woman as tall man? Or am i just always going to be second option to women. My partner is 5'3" and I'm 5'2". Women who actively prefer short over tall are kinda rare in my experience - but they are out there. And there are plenty of women though for whom height isn't the biggest factor. They care far more that the guy is nice, cool, empathetic, and has a good connection with them. So yes, a short man can be as desirable or more desirable.	/r/ExRedPill	18/09/21 03:11 PM
11	Can someone define "Female Nature?" It's a pretty useless term. Anyone defining "female nature" is making massive generalizations likely informed by their own biases. Nature vs nurture is a false dichotomy but there are certain traits that are more common in women than men. But not universal. Which traits is matter of debate. Humans in general are hugely diverse and complex and there are always frequent and multiple exceptions to any rule. Generalizations like "female nature" and "male nature" are not helpful. I think a more helpf…	/r/ExRedPill	07/09/21 02:52 AM
12	Why do red pill men keep talking about this idea of "only 10-20 percent of men are having sex"? I don't remember the source but I read a survey a while back of college age men and hookups where the majority of the men reported they don't try to make the woman orgasm when hooking up.	/r/ExRedPill	06/09/21 05:42 AM
2	tell me if i'm right I mean it also depends on the girl. Plenty of girls go through a phase where they like "bad boys" and plenty of girls like super traditional manly men. But there's diversity in tastes. Just like some guys like really slender waifish girls, some guys like curvy girls. Some girls like big muscly guys, some like skinny hipsters, etc. I've always been drawn to nerds, men and women. I like passion and intellect. Smooth talking, super confident guys have always been kind of a turn off to me, actually.…	/r/ExRedPill	01/09/21 11:07 PM
5	What exactly is the point? I've never mocked a guy for being lonely or afraid they'll never find love. I have empathy for that, it's why I joined this sub. If you're depressed and lonely and struggling a lot of folks here can and do relate. What I don't have empathy for: -- Guys who say all women are intellectually inferior emotionally stunted overgrown children. -- Guys who think women are corrupted by wanting equal rights, careers, financial independence. -- Guys who think women shouldn't be allowed to choose their own …	/r/ExRedPill	24/08/21 07:09 AM
1	My plan as an incel I have a friend for whom most meds didn't work and she found ketamine helpful. Finding the right med makes it easier to do the work of therapy. But finding a good therapist that you can really work well with helps too. With the wrong therapist you won't make any progress in therapy. I wish I could say that I knew the tricks for curing BDD. I haven't cured mine. One thing I do know is that if you do have it surgery likely won't resolve it. The thing that's worked best for me is reality checking a…	/r/ExRedPill	20/08/21 06:35 AM
2	My plan as an incel The more you post here the more I suspect mental health is a major contributor to your suffering in general. And you're right that unmanaged mental illness can be a further turn off. I saw in another past comment you mentioned some doctors have told you you might have BDD. As someone with BDD I can actually see why. Your argument you don't is that you're deformed. But why would that exclude you from having BDD? Wouldn't someone who does have a noticable physical deformity, especially a facial on…	/r/ExRedPill	20/08/21 06:08 AM
1	My plan as an incel I was curious so I looked at the picture you posted to jaw surgery. I can see what you're talking about when you say facial deformity. It's definitely there but it's not as severe as I was expecting from your posts. Your posts in this thread give me questions about your mental health. That's not to say I'm blaming you for your lack of success with women. But to me it sounds like you're blaming most or all of it on an immutable or near immutable facial characteristic when I suspect your case is m…	/r/ExRedPill	20/08/21 04:51 AM
2	My plan as an incel If you eventually are going to find romance you need to shed more of the Incel belief system. Hypergamy is not a real thing. The Incel belief system takes a few pervasive but not exhaustive/universal truths about dating and warps that into a hellscape, it also tends to deny the existence of diversity and empathy in women. Women are just as diverse as men and date diverse men for diverse reasons. There are 7 billion people on this planet and at least some of them will date the conventionally unat…	/r/ExRedPill	20/08/21 04:44 AM
1	My plan as an incel It sounds like you're already doing a lot of what you can do. Having a facial deformity will definitely present a significant challenge for you in funding romance but I don't think it's impossible. Many people with unusual body types and physical differences find someone eventually. I also know it's hard to find the same kind of intense friendships when you're in your 30s and 40s. But that's not impossible either. That might actually be the easier of the two for you to eventually achieve. It's r…	/r/ExRedPill	20/08/21 04:35 AM
5	My plan as an incel I tend to recommend people pursue platonic relationships first, even if they want a romantic one. Specifically, look for people who are willing to have deep relationships - the kind you can actually confide in, who are willing to talk about feelings and deep, interesting subjects - the big stuff. Pursuing those types of friendships have two benefits. One, you fulfill some of your needs for emotional intimacy and companionship that you're not getting from a romantic relationship. Nobody should re…	/r/ExRedPill	19/08/21 09:52 PM
9	FEMCELS They're literally telling you they can find chubby girls attractive. You can't tell them they're wrong, that's their opinion. Also what's attractive is cultural and can change over time. There are modern and historical cultures where a little extra padding was considered attractive.	/r/ExRedPill	16/08/21 05:03 AM
6	Incelexit has been deleted. I agree with your critiques 100% but I also think the sub had some strengths: as a subreddit, it was culturally adjacent to Incel subs, so it could possibly act as a stepping stone. An Incel looking to get out might be more comfortable visiting another subreddit first and from there be persuaded to seek therapy. Also, it had a lot of ex redpillers and ex incels. Which I think also helps current incels bridge to other sources of help.	/r/ExRedPill	14/08/21 04:49 AM
1	Incelexit has been deleted. Yeah gender identity vs gender role vs gender performance gets VERY complicated. I agree a lot with what u/PM_ME_DNA said about masculinity being comfortable as a man. I think positive masculinity is defined by flexibility. There are a lot of ways to be a man, and I think anyone who considers themselves a man can find their own form of masculinity regardless of gender role or stereotype or whatever. Take submissiveness for an example. Toxic masculinity says if you're submissive you're not manly.…	/r/ExRedPill	14/08/21 04:44 AM
4	Incelexit has been deleted. Toxic masculinity plays a part. The idea that men HAVE to be emotionless, aggressive and dominant at all times is toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity also presses this idea that men have to get laid early and often or they're inferior. I think a lot of incels could be helped by learning about positive masculinity. How you can be emotional or submissive or defy stereotypes and still be a man. I also think more positive depictions of masculinity can help break that black-and-white defeatest idea …	/r/ExRedPill	14/08/21 01:23 AM