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Freeman2be Archive

View 3 posts and 108 comments by Freeman2be on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Best of luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 12:05 PM
2

This, I filed and wish I had done so 10yrs earlier...although as my kids are now young adults and in the work place, there are no custody or support issues - for which I am thankful.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 10:26 AM
3

Same boat. I moved out and left behind a large and expensive home for an apartment...while I miss the home, the peace I now have at the apartment is priceless (and I know it's only temporary in the apartment).
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 10:25 AM
3

Just starting the same journey...was regularly put down and rarely complimented over 20yrs of marriage and while on a recent business trip I had two women regularly compliment me, exchanged numbers, etc - a real ego boost and it made me realize that other women consider me high-value and that I will be OK. And same as you, looping back around to hobbies I had set aside during much of the marriage. Good stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 10:23 AM
6

I am an outlier as I filed for divorce from my wife of 20yrs, a high-six figure income earner in finance. I didn't' know at the time we married that she was an alcoholic with mental health issues and a serial cheater. Mid-way through the process right now and at times I question my actions, especially as I am middle aged with the prospect of dating and financial uncertainty (and as you stated, the divorce process is grueling). I still grieve the loss of my family and of being married...but I kno…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 10:19 AM
6

This...I think we grieve over the fantasy of what we wanted the marriage to be (not what it was).
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 10:14 AM
5

Keeping my fingers crossed for the same. While the sex with my STBXW wasn't bad and she has a great body for her age (mid-50s), there was no kissing anymore and it was sometimes like banging a robot. I am hyper sexual and she couldn't keep up. Recently hooked up for the first time with a mid-40s chick (no sex yet) who loves to make out and I was like, "good grief, I miss passionate kissing".
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 01:15 PM
5

Just starting to venture out myself and recently hooked up with a mid-40s chick who is a horn-dog. We haven't had sex yet, but to your point, I am terrified of STDs and haven't worn a condom in 20+ years. I recently underwent a vasectomy, so that's one less thing I have to worry about. But man, navigating these waters is exhausting and terrifying (my primary doc told me a story about a couple, both patients, went through a divorce and they BOTH came back within 30 days of the divorce with STDs).
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 01:08 PM
2

Great post and sage advice.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 03:42 PM
2

Hang in there brother. For no other reason, think of your kids if you weren't around. My wife also triangulated the kids I am half way through the process. I used to live in a large, multi-million dollar home and now in an apartment with shitty neighbors. Self employed and never had to worry about money because my STBXW works in finance and makes high six figures - now I am under immense pressure to make money and wondering, how self employed, I will ever be able to afford to buy a house? Young …
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 03:40 PM
5

I deleted every singe photo of her - before marriage/wedding/and after - all photos without the kids (will share with them when this is over). It was actually somewhat therapeutic.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 12:14 AM
2

Same. Weird, despite the cheating and nastiness, I still miss her hot body. I know this will probably fade (disappear) when I finally hookup with another woman (younger), but until then, I play this dumb game in my head - hate it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 02:11 PM
1

Going through the process now. It's a weird dynamic. My identify was that of a husband, married to a high-earning woman in finance, who lived in a big house and the father of two kids. I have a good career, but was not the primary breadwinner and was constantly reminded of this fact. No matter what I did, it was never enough. Couple with the fact she is alcoholic diagnosed with BPD, a narcissist, and had multiple affairs - I remained in the marriage after promises to get sober and remain faithfu…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 02:02 PM
1

Hang in there brother, keeping working on yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 01:45 PM
2

Damn bro, gambling aside (but I will throw in she was diagnosed BPD), I think we are living similar lives.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 01:41 PM
2

This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 12:17 PM
4

As much as I sometimes question my decision to file, I simply cannot return to her after she chose to again sleep with a previous affair partner during a recent rough patch. It sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 12:14 PM
3

Great post.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:51 AM
4

One of the shocking things during this process, is the lack of guys who I considered friends, checking in on me. I am lucky enough that I do have a couple close buddies who do check in - one of whom went through a nasty divorce himself. Otherwise, not much from anyone else. I know that if I had a good friend that was going through this, I would regularly check in on him - that's what drives me nuts - I guess my idea of a good friend is different from others. I don't think most are being maliciou…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 12:00 PM
6

Brother, I am sorry, this is a really shitty journey we find ourselves on. You have to try to realize that asking "why?" did she do what she did, is a maddening exercise. It doesn't matter anymore, she did it. No way around it, this sucks and it feels like your world is caving in on you. Been there - my STBX even aligned the kids against me, that's when I felt at my lowest. But, we push forward, we have to. First, for ourselves and next, for our kids. The booze isn't helping, it's temporarily nu…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 11:55 AM
2

Sorry brother, I remember finding similar texts...from different guys over the past 20 years, gut wrenching. Buckle up, it's going to be a roller coaster of emotions. Find a very good lawyer ASAP. Focus on your future and that of your kids. Circle the wagons with close friends you can trust. If not doing so already, hit the gym/exercise, eat healthy, and eliminate or reduce alcohol consumption. Consider therapy to process the wave of emotions you are going to experience. Faith is also helping me…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 11:43 AM
1

This. I have one group of family that said to me "we are like Switzerland, we love and support you both". Are you F-ing kidding me? She cheated on me and was an abusive drunk...and you aren't choosing your own blood over the toxic train wreck?
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 12:50 PM
1

Yea, it sucks when you realize that "friends" choose sides, or, are simply indifferent about what we are going through (everyone has their own crap they are dealing with). I was shocked and disappointed when those I considered good friends failed to reach out and check in...as I would do if they were in a similar situation. I am lucky enough that I have a few solid buddies who have always been there for me. Ultimately, we must accept the fact that no one is coming to save us...we can't count on …
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 12:48 PM
3

Sage advice.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 12:36 PM
1

Great post, continue the progress brother. Guys, remember, no one is coming to save us - do the work.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/26 01:18 PM
1

I would just add, "it depends". First, only move out if your attorney blesses it, follow their advice (certainly do move out until after consulting with an attorney). Also, the argument can be made that moving out is a preventative measure - it greatly reduces, if not removes, the possibility of a false domestic violence claim. I was living in a very large house with my STBXW after I filed - discovered she ran back to a previous affair partner during a recent rough patch - despite it being a lar…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 01:30 PM
6

Thanks brother, Merry Christmas to you and everyone else in this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 02:42 PM
2

Yep. When wrestling with what to do before filing, I asked myself "What if your son was in this position - what would you advise him to do?". This hits hard.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 02:41 PM
1

Great post, thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 02:39 PM
5

I remember after discovering over 1,000 texts between my STBXW and a co-worker (who had been to our house with his wife) in a one month period, she had the gall to say "we are just friends". Not surprisingly, turns out they were more than friends. (This was affair #1 of at least 4/5).
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 11:24 AM
4

In the middle of my divorce and started looking at nice watches to commemorate the day when it finally arrives.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 11:39 AM
3

Brother, I didn't even have to read the lengthy post...the title was enough as I lived the same existence. I was happiest when home alone. Despite rampant alcoholism (eventually getting sober but has since relapsed during the divorce), diagnosed BPD, and multiple affair partners, I stayed put "for the kids" and lifestyle (she makes high six figures in finance and I make low six figures). During a recent rough patch, she ran back to the last affair partner (10 years ago) and upon discovery, I fil…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 09:11 PM
12

This. No one is coming to save you. How you respond to the divorce, choosing to thrive or be miserable, is entirely up to you. I have been bummed that so many people I considered good friends, even guy buddies, have not even reached out to check in or call to meet up for a beer or similar (something I have done). A few have and continue to do so, those are my real friends I am immensely thankful for. But ultimately, we have to navigate this on our own and choose our path forward.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 01:21 PM
10

There were many red flags I ignored 20 years ago. "Her drinking will get under control once we get married". Nope. "Her drinking will get under control once she becomes a mother". Nope. "Her drinking will get under control once we have another kid". Nope. Even though I caught her cheating, things will get better now that she has stopped drinking and is seeking help". Nope. Guys, trust your gut - it's there for a reason.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 08:22 PM
5

The baby trap is terrifying to me...one of the reasons I am considering before I start hooking up/dating once my divorce is finalized. I have two young adult kids and at my age, as much as I love kids, don't want anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 11:39 AM
6

Appreciate this thread. Mid-age with young adult kids, divorcing, and considering the procedure to prevent any surprises (and terrified of the prospect of being "trapped" by a younger woman). Honestly, even if irrational, a little scared to have it done.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 11:36 AM
3

Congrats brother, always good to hear from those that made it through the process intact and remind those of us in the middle of it will eventually be over. Some days the end seems but a dream.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 11:25 AM
2

With the correct prompting, I have found Grok (paid version) much better than Chat GPT (version 5, have not played with 5.1 for this purpose).
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 01:17 PM
5

Hang in there brother. Deep breaths and take a walk (seriously). It feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and there's no getting around it, things suck right now. But, the current situation and feelings are not permanent...things will get better. The bad news: you cannot control what she says/does. The good news: you can control what you say/do. I don't know the details of your situation, but before moving out (if you own a home), consult with an attorney. You need to take a wa…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 10:01 AM
2

I am sorry brother, hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 01:12 AM
5

These are questions for you attorney. I moved out and not thrilled about leaving a big, beautiful home for an apartment, but it was probably the best thing I did for my well being. I conferred with counsel before doing so and did not lose any claim to the house/etc. My situation is different (my STBX is very volatile - recovering alcoholic with a recent relapse, diagnosed bipolar, and an extreme narcissist who likely also suffers from BPD...she also started banging a previous affair partner and …
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 11:26 AM
10

After I discovered that my STBX had run back to a former affair partner, I deleted EVERY single photo of her: before the wedding, wedding, her alone, and the two of us together. The only photos I kept are the ones with the kids - I will offer these to them once it's all over. I also removed her from my social media account (account was already set to private - so now she can't see what I post). I also unfollowed her account. I found this exercise somewhat therapeutic.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 12:19 AM
1

Recently started doing the same after moving out - strategically decided on a place within stone's throw from upscale bars, restaurants, etc., I now know the bartenders by name.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 05:00 PM
1

This. I try not to touch any devices for the first 30 mins after waking up. I start with a 2 min cold shower and then coffee. Physical activity makes everything better.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 10:54 AM
13

Ah man, sorry to read this. The good news, you are in control as to how you move forward. Sounds like you are crushing it at work, awesome. Now hit the gym and get in shape and start eating better - not for her, but for you. Your self confidence will begin to climb and believe or not, women will notice (again, not doing it for them, it's a spurious benefit of doing so). As for the house, F-her, she either buys you out or force the sale. Good luck and hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 10:42 AM
1

In the process and my STBXW suggested I join them for Thanksgiving (because it will be sad with out me). It's such a mind fuck, she's banging the guy she previously had an affair with (and unfortunately we recently slept together - completely messed me up and while the sex was great, set me back) and yet she wants me over for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I politely declined (she will use it against me and tell the kids I don't want to be with them over the holidays), but they are young adults and…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 05:49 PM
2

Yea, I will probably schedule the vasectomy in the next couple of months (honestly, terrified about doing so but the risk/reward tells me I should do so and my primary care doc agrees). Glad it worked out brother and no lingering issues.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 12:47 PM
2

In the middle of the divorce process, middled aged. High testosterone and sex drive, but I worry about this having not been with another woman in a long time. During a recent physical, I broached this with my primary care doc and they gave me a low dose Rx for Cialis - just in case. Separately, also considering a vasectomy - cannot risk knocking someone up and one less thing to worry about. Don't beat yourself up, it happens but the good news is that it's something you can remedy. Talk to your d…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 12:27 PM
2

Great post.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 02:43 PM
3

One day I think I should have left sooner and the next I question my decision and wonder if I should have stayed. It's currently a roller coaster.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 02:38 PM
2

Still in the process, but moved out a few weeks ago. Made the mistake of hooking up with my STBX (after moving out) and it was actually great sex, something I very much missed. I realized how much I missed a warm ass next to me in bed. Of course, this was short lived and she showed her true self shortly thereafter. I realized I miss the physical intimacy and female company - not the drama. As I am just starting this painful and exhausting journey, I am not ready to jump into the dating scene yet…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 02:35 PM
1

Thanks for posting this, excited for the next chapter (once I am ready).
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 10:20 PM
3

Love reading this, can't wait!
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 10:19 PM
4

Was in the same situation. STBXW ran back to a previous affair partner during a recent rough patch in which we discussed possible separation/divorce. I filed the next day after I learned they met up for dinner. We continued living together in a house that was large enough that we really didn't have to see each other much. However, living with a relapsed alcoholic who was previously diagnosed with bi-polar disorder (hypomania) all the while she was banging another guy was just too much. I moved o…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 12:36 PM
2

Sage advice here, suggest you heed.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 11:55 AM
4

Did exactly the same. Deleted everyone digital photo of us; pre-marriage, wedding photos, and photos taken up until the day I found out she ran back to a previous affair partner during a rough patch (I filed the next day). I kept all photos of her with the kids and will one day make these available to them, but otherwise, everything is forever gone. I found the exercise a little therapeutic.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 02:47 PM
1

Great post with sage advice.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 10:04 AM
3

This 100%. My STBX has engaged in a smear campaign against me, all the while not revealing that the primary reason I filed was because she ran back to her previous affair partner. In turn, rather than reaching out to me, some have chosen sides based on minimal and false information. Screw them, they were never a true friend to begin with. You are correct, cut them off and move on. One thing to remember: The truth always comes out in the end...always.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 10:01 AM
4

I wrestle with this. Me personally, if I found out a friend couple were divorcing, I would certainly reach out to the husband to check in to see how he's doing - that's what friends do. But that's just me, there is no script for this.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 09:58 AM
8

Those who you thought were "friends" will pick sides in a divorce, I have experienced it first hand. My STBX has talked a lot of shit about me to others, all the while I have traveled the high road and have not spoken ill of her - despite the fact during a recent rough patch she ran back to a previous affair partner (very few know of this). I even know that a few of my guy "friends" have advised her during the divorce process...mind numbing and while I don't hate them, they are now dead to me. D…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 09:56 AM
1

In the process...she's a serial cheater and during a recent rough patch, she ran back to a previous affair partner and I filed the shortly after discovery. With the exception of pics with the kids (which I will later offer to them), I deleted every single digital photo of her. Pre-marriage, wedding, etc. Every. Single. One. I actually found it somewhat rehabilitative. But for the kids, I realized the two-decade plus marriage was a farce. Continue your forward momentum brother, best of luck to yo…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 10:00 AM
2

Ditto. I filed before only to take her back...wishing I had done it sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 10:37 AM
2

So happy for your brother. Currently living with my STBX who is diagnosed bi-polar (hypomania), recovering alcoholic who is periodically drinking again, and an extreme narcissist...and she is currently sleeping with a guy she had an affair with years ago...all the while we are still living together. To your point, I am seeking a place to live for not only my sanity, but for my safety - I am terrified about the false claim of DV - while I bring in low six figures, she's in finance and makes 6x to…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 10:36 AM
19

The only thing worse that marrying a narcissist, is divorcing a narcissist.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 10:26 AM
1

If she is already drawing from the pension, it most certainly can be considered income or an asset - up to the parties to agree as to how it should be treated.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 09:08 PM
1

Is she already receiving payments from the pension? The pension can be considered an asset in need of valuation OR income - up to the parities to decide how it's treated.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 04:40 PM
5

This isn't a club that welcomes its members, sorry you are here. Don't know much about your situation, but first thing to do is get a VERY GOOD lawyer as soon as possible. He/she will then advise on next steps. To the extent you are comfortable doing so, share more information many of the scarred veterans will gladly chime in and offer sage advice. Best of luck and hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 04:27 PM
3

As has been said, you have to right the ship not only for yourself, but also your kids. I appreciate it's easier said than done, but just take that first step...to the gym, therapy, no/less porn, socialize with friends/family, get to the doctor asap for the tumor, etc. Brother, I get it, I am in the middle of a really shitty divorce - we are living together during the process while she sleeps with another guy (previous affair partner) and she triangulates my young adult daughter (who has chosen …
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 06:25 PM
2

It's unclear if you are still married to her. Regardless, a few things that will help mentally and physically: exercise/workout, therapy, dial back the booze, read, socialize with friends/family, and find some hobbies. Good luck brother and hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 11:30 AM
7

Brother, I am glad you are motivated...but you have to do it for yourself and no one else. Your getting in shape, making more money, and landing a hot lady are all awesome things...for you. Keep crushing it and best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 10:04 PM
2

At some point during the process, she will have to disclose finances by way of a declaration. Study and review closely for anything that looks "off". Make sure you have a very good lawyer. Good luck and hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 10:02 PM
4

Love this take.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 12:01 PM
1

Considering this...because I am scarred to death of getting a younger woman pregnant which would likely be worse than staying married to my STBX.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 12:00 PM
1

Love the attitude.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 11:56 AM
2

I am wrestling with the same. For the past 20+ years I have lived in very nice and large homes, but not sure I can afford something smaller, but comparable, in the very expensive area in which I live (I am self employed and barely clear six figures, she was the primary bread winner and by far). I am not looking to buy as I plan on leaving the area (move to another state) in the next 12-18 months after the divorce is final. I want to have a place where my older young adult would want to come visi…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 10:59 AM
3

Ditto. In the divorce process now. She has a history of cheating, but I stuck around for kids and we tried to work through it. Kids are young adults now and we had some recent problems and she ran back to the guy she last had an affair with some eight years ago. I am absolutely repulsed by the sight of her now and cannot wait for the divorce to be finalized (currently still living together which is a nightmare).
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 05:20 PM
2

I recently filed against my wife: recovering alcoholic with a recent relapse, diagnosed bipolar disorder (hypomania) and is an extreme narcissist...and is already sleeping again with a guy she had a previously affair with - all the while we continue living together. Continue getting getting your ducks in a row. You will need to make sure to protect yourself (good move by removing guns). You should avoid interacting to the extent possible and if you must engage, make sure to record the interactio…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 05:20 PM
4

Do your research and retain a VERY GOOD lawyer. Immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 06:26 PM
10

Realizing after 20+ years, that I cannot change a narcissist. Everything was in fact, not my fault - to include her drinking. A therapist telling me "you will never be the best version of yourself as long as you remain married to her". Infidelity. Now, after having filed and the the emotional warfare and abuse she's engaged in, I see her clearly as the person she really is (to include currently sleeping with a guy she previously had an affair with).
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 08:56 AM
2

Thanks brother, as one who just started the divorce process with a recovering alcoholic (recent relapse) who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and has extreme narcissistic traits, I needed to read this. I am exhausted and my journey has just begun.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 04:56 PM
1

Thanks. I have a very good lawyer (I filed). We have started mediation, but it's early in the process. She's losing her mind at the thought she will have to pay alimony and I have a claim to some of her accounts. She wants to mediate and get this wrapped up as soon as possible (don't yet know if she is being honest about this). I have a floor for both assets and alimony - if we can't agree on a settlement, I won't hesitate to litigate and I have already made it clear to her, discovery will not b…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 04:50 PM
4

Thanks for posting this, just starting the process and needed to read this. Glad you are at peace and made it out the other end and in a good place. Wishing you continued success and happiness brother.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 11:24 AM
15

We still live together and my STBX is sleeping with a guy she had an affair with years ago. She reconnected with him before I filed for divorce. She goes away for the weekend and overnights and dinners and comes home as if no big deal. She doesn't know I know (nor do our adult kids, friends, et al). She makes 6x more than I do and will have to buy me out of the house and pay alimony, etc. It is taking all the strength I have to not "go nuclear". If I do, it would likely tank the mediation, so I …
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 08:43 AM
3

In the middle of the same. Recovering alcoholic with a recent relapse diagnosed with bipolar disorder (hypomania) and an extreme narcissist. She's triangulating the kids (adults - but one is barely speaking to me now as my STBX has filled their head with poison) and telling anyone who will listen that I am emotionally abusive (false, it's her) and the cause of the divorce. BTW, she's currently sleeping with a guy she previously had an affair with (doesn't know I know and she certainly isn't tell…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 12:00 AM
3

Just started the divorce process, needed to read this. Thanks brother.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 10:50 PM
3

Don't mess around with this, hire a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 05:07 PM
9

Weeks before I filed, with the same guy she previously had an affair with. She has spent weekends, nights, and has an upcoming trip away with him. She doesn't know I know (keeping in back pocket). I am disgusted when I look at her. I cannot control what she does, but I can control how I react and move forward. It's incredibly hard, but I try to move forward each day. Cannot wait for her to be my "ex-wife".
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 05:00 PM
2

It will depend on the laws of the state OP is in (assuming in US). I am currently in a divorce and inheritance is treated as marital property and on the table.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 09:42 AM
2

As others have suggested, write it down (journal) and share here. Also, find a good therapist and a couple trustworthy friends/family members. Exercise - I cannot tell you how important this is (even if your not a gym guy, start taking daily walks - it's amazing how much better you will feel and the clarity it will begin to bring you). Eat healthy (or at least a little cleaner and healthier than you are now). Dial back the booze (especially when alone). Try melatonin or similar to help with slee…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 09:36 AM
4

Therapy. Prayer. Working out. Eating healthy. Dialing back the booze. Socialize.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 11:51 AM
8

Document and take the high road brother. I understand the struggle - my STBX continues to talk badly about me to the kids and anyone else who listen, all the while hiding the fact she is back with a guy she previously had an affair with (she doesn't know I know - keeping in my back pocket for now). It is taking all my strength and plenty of prayer to maintain the high-road. The truth always comes out in the end. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 11:49 AM
2

Sorry to hear about this brother, I am in the same boat. Fortunately I am in a big enough house where I can mostly avoid her (except for places like the kitchen). Take precautions to protect yourself (camera, recording interactions, etc.). Do not drink at home - you need clarity and calmness. Your number one priority is your child and yourself - everything else is just noise. If you don't already belong, join a gym. Hang out with buddies and family. Find a good therapist. Get a good lawyer. Best…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 10:13 AM
1

Hang in there brother, it's a brutal existence right now (for the both of us). Working out, eating healthy, walks with the dog, time with buddies, and therapy all have helped me.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 10:06 AM
18

Yep, that is exactly what I am doing (she out earns me 7:1). I am also seeking alimony. I jokingly say I am doing this for all of the men who got screwed over in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 05:19 PM
1

Thanks brother.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 02:32 PM
1

Yea, I wrestle with this. My kids would lose it if they knew this - she would simply deny and then we are in a he said-she said scenario with the kids in the middle. Understand I have the receipts. On the advice of counsel, I am keeping this in my back pocket for now as disclosing would likely tank the mediation (but there will be hints as to why lie ahead if this divorce is litigated instead of mediated).
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 02:32 PM
2

Thanks for the link to Parental Alienation - the info is spot on as to what is happening in my situation. Sad. Additionally, I have taken some steps I won't discuss here to protect myself against false accusations of DV.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 12:26 PM
3

Thanks brother, just ordered the audiobook.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 12:22 PM
1

Finance.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 11:51 AM
2

Yea, I do my best to avoid seeing her. We live in a big enough house to where I can avoid her - aside from the kitchen. It really sucks. My lawyer said it would take 3 months to get a court date and petition her to pay for 1/2 of rent/utilities - crazy expensive county we live in and I can't afford living here without assistance from her. I am stuck under the same roof for the time being all the while she sleeps with another guy. Brutal existence (just keep reminding myself it's temporary).
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 11:50 AM
1

One or two very close friends, close family, and monthly meets with my therapist. Otherwise, I try to take the high road and not bad mouth my STBX with friends and adult kids (despite of my learning that she is sleeping with a guy she previously had an affair with - she doesn't know I know - really hard not to blow this up right now). Meanwhile, as the narcissist does, she is telling our entire friend group I am a monster and trying to align the kids against me. The truth always comes out and sh…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 11:04 AM
2

Best of luck with this. The fact you are willing to sacrifice your well-being (moving and letting them stay in the house) already tells us all we need to know. It's ok to like the new town for the reasons you cited. I am just starting my divorce journey and while my kids are grown (one graduated and working and the other a couple hours away in college), I am seriously considering and wrestling with me moving away to another state - it's simply too expensive for me to remain here for long (while …
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 08:05 PM
1

Either way, you wife will retain an attorney and not doing so on your part will spell doom. You stated that you want to know you will be "able to afford living on [your] own" - to increase the likelihood that happens, you must retain a good attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 09:32 AM
3

Absolutely get an attorney. If even without the income disparity, you must to have counsel. I am in a similar situation in that my wife makes almost 7x what I do (she's high six figures and I bring in $100k self employed) and we too are married for 25yrs. To protect my interests, I locked down a well known female attorney and recently filed for divorce. Nothing greedy about it...if the shoe were on the other foot, my wife would not hesitate to come after me for whatever she could - I suspect you…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 06:54 PM
1

This is sage advice. Working out, eating healthy, and maybe dial back the drinking...and working out some more.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 06:45 PM
2

She just saw that the retainer check posted and lost her mind. Called me and said she would rather litigate than give me a dime from the inheritance account (which I have a claim to). She then suggested I move out. Worried about false claims of DV (diagnosed BPD, recovering alcoholic who relapsed a couple weeks ago, extreme narcissism, and likely Borderline Personality Disorder) so I am going to proactively make contact with the domestic violence unit at the local PD to at least make them aware …
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 12:13 PM
3

Just used this last night- after ignoring her initial texts, she followed up with "your lack of acknowledgment to my texts is frustrating for me". I responded with a "k" followed by a thumbs up emoji to her next text. It works and shows you are not taking the bait.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 09:55 AM
2

Hang in there and best of luck...I am about to engage in the same journey myself.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 07:52 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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