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Friendly-Platypus607 Archive

View 2 posts and 151 comments by Friendly-Platypus607 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
14

Need SupportFriendly-Platypus607/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 04:44 AM
11

Getting StartedFriendly-Platypus607/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 07:21 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Oof. Look up "Nice Guy Syndrome" The book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" might also be something of interest to you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 06:28 PM
3

Well good on you for being such a good dad. If your wife is as terrible as all that I hope you find out how you fell for such a terrible person and seek to fix that. Don't want to be making the same mistake again if you choose to get married again. Glad to see you are in therapy. That is always a good sign. And yeah good thing you saw how doing the whole "Trad thing" is just pure garbage that only screws over men. And your attorney is right when he says that conservative judges are the ones that…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 07:35 PM
2

Fantastic advice!
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 01:29 AM
1

Real. Just when I was thinking about getting a divorce and started talking to a lawyer. The retainer was 5k and just for barely getting started, within a few weeks over 1k had already been spent. Literally like 300 for a single email sent to me. 200 for a voicemail he left me, etc. Freaking wild dude.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 01:28 AM
10

Yeah its a sucky situation for sure. If she was less than a stellar wife I think nobody here would have a problem with you choosing to divorce her. Its the fact that you yourself admit she is a good woman and has given no real cause for you to be unhappy her that is making everyone upset at you for even thinking about leaving her. But at the end of the day its your life. None of us can live it for you. It is important to recognize the damage divorce does have on children. So you just need to con…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 12:24 PM
1

Great answer and advice.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 07:08 AM
1

I agree conservatism DOES get old real quick.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 02:03 AM
1

Try applying for medicaid. Not sure what state you are in but if you really are broke you might qualify. Especially with a kid. Depending on the managed care insurance you choose once you get approved you might have psychology/psychiatry as a covered service. Look up doctors who take the state insurance in your area.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 10:45 PM
3

I mean if what you did was genuinly bad then she has cause to feel the way she feels. Some things arent easy to move passed. Cheating isn't the only relationship ender. Hard to say since we don't know what it is. Hang in there but use the opportunity to self reflect and grow.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 10:40 PM
1

So you can't. Fine. But I can elaborate how conservative judges screw men over in divorce court. Conservatism adheres to traditionalism and traditional gender roles which puts women as mothers and the primary caregiver of children, not men. Therefore in divorce court a judge will see a woman and automatically want to assign her that role. She will get primary custody bc to them that is her job. Whereas the duty of a man is to work and provide for them. Hence why he will get assigned alimony and …
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 05:15 PM
0

Please elaborate how "woke judges" are bad in divorce court.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 10:02 PM
1

Dude seriously need to stop condemning an entire gender and half of the human population just bc of a few bad relationships...
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 12:22 AM
1

Facts.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 09:16 PM
6

What about your happiness? Would you be happier staying married to a selfish person or no longer being married to a selfish person. At the end of the day kids are going to have trauma either way. Either by living in a household where their parents hate one another or a divorced home. So best for you to focus on what you can control which is being the best dad you can be to your kids to ensure at least one of their homes is happy. Forget about the mother, you will just drive yourself crazy about …
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 09:15 PM
2

This doesn't sound like a healthy person to be around. At some point you need to start standing up for yourself and your kids. You aren't doing them any favors by enabling her toxic behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 12:15 AM
1

Its just crazy to still have to pay child support even after you get primary custody.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 12:13 AM
2

Everything IS split up. Gender is irrelevant. They look at the money and property. That is split. They look at custody and who was the primary parent. And even then custody is decided on what is best for the child and usually that is also split unless the dude doesn't fight for custody which is common.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 11:27 PM
2

What exactly does she have to do to get you to stop loving her? Is there anything you aren't willing to tolerate? If she said she no longer wanted the divorce, would you take her back? You mentioned your kids. Many children of narcissistic mothers mention how their fathers were cowards who allowed her to do whatever she wanted to him and to them. Would you want your kids to say the same of you when they are older?
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 11:24 PM
2

Any reason why it took you 23 years of living with this person before finally divorcing? Also crazy that it's her filing and not you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 06:40 PM
7

100% fantastic post. Nothing more to add. We need more good advice like this on this sub
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 03:39 PM
8

The reason "no-fault" exists is bc both are at fault. It takes two to make a marriage and it takes two to break one. And trying to split hairs as to who was "more" at fault is a fool's errand which is why the court doesn't even bother. Instead their job is to split things and force everyone to compromise. Now that looks different from case to case of course. Some men were the sole providers and so of course they will be on the hook for alimony/child support depending on custofy arrangements and …
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 10:25 PM
9

The trap for men is that we are taught that our "Duty'"(providing, protecting) is our primary love language. We think that is the emotional connection. 'I work hard because I love you.' We are lied to, you mean. That is at the root of the problem. The system lies to us. We are told that men are logical and women are emotional. Lies. We are both emotional. We are just told to suppress that since childhood. And as children we develop coping mechanisms like emotional dissonance and avoidance. We th…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 10:10 PM
7

The problem with focusing on logic and duty is that it can completely cause you to neglect your own feelings and that of you or spouse's. Ya'll need to seriously stop thinking humans are logical beings, we arent. We are predominantly emotional and social ones. And that includes men. We are just taught to suppress that part of ourselves bc that is what the system demands of us, to our OWN detriment. We develop a coping mechanism to disconnect from our emotions and walk around like emotionless aut…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 08:56 PM
1

Unborn baby though. Probably different under law.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 08:48 AM
2

Are you implying that Red states are more unfair to men?
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 05:47 AM
9

The advice to marry somone that is equal to you financially seems solid. I cringe at dudes who insist on being the sole provider and then cry at being gutted in a divorce. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes gentlemen.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 04:13 AM
1

And I've seen cases where women got primary custody and she still had to pay him bc she made more during their marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 04:11 AM
0

The problem is they THINK that's what women want. And they are taught that primarily by other men. The idea that men do it for women is misguided. Both sexes perform more for the approval or to complete against members of the same sex. Women behave mostly to signal to other women. Men stupidly think its for them when its not. Same for women. They think men act a certain way for them but in reality its to signal to other men.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 10:01 PM
-8

Sounds like the typical BS internalized by men and women to their own detriment. OP example is a perfect case. Basically this garbage you are spewing is probably the same BS his wife was raised on and hence why she acts the way she does. Lol "don't show weakness, never be vulnerable, not even on the comfort of your own house" Evolutionary biology my ass. So many women aren't like this. And actually love and care about their husband and don't get turned off when he is vulnerable. And can and do s…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 04:49 PM
4

Wife sounds like a terrible human being. But depending on where you live that could just be the dominant culture. And its a culture made by men for the most part. Which is just weird. Never understood this BS or why men seem to love believing in it and teaching others both men and women to believe it too. So might not even be your wife's fault that she has this mind set. Probably internalized it from what her daddy and other men in her life taught her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 04:45 PM
2

1000% Love this take!
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 04:24 AM
3

Very well put and explained. I agree 100% We need to stop being doomers about women. Women, like men, are human. There are good ones, bad ones, and some that are just straight up evil. That's humans for you. Also I like your point at the end about age and marriage. I know there is a statistic that shows most marriages where both are over the age of 30 the likelihood of divorce takes a nosedive. That makes a lot of sense. Young marriages are the ones ending in divorce most of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 04:22 AM
1

This is making WAY too many assumptions and massive generalizations. First off common sense dictates that neither men nor women exist in a vacuum. We only have each other on this planet and what one does has an impact on the other. So to talk about the reason women do this or that without even acknowledging how men have contributed to that is illogical. Also to say all women who get divorced are just emotionally immature and didn't communicate is wild. So many have communicated their feelings to…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 04:01 AM
5

Nope. My a-ha moment came after the wedding. But that's mostly on me. I was desperate for love, affection, and attention. I ignored warnings from family, mostly my mother, and rushed into marriage. I can try and blame other things, my wife herself, my religion, my trauma but at the end of the day its all on me either way.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 09:19 PM
1

My ideal woman: fiercely intelligent, unbelievably kind, and horny AF.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 03:59 AM
4

I wanted to get one but I chickened out... Now I'm expecting my 4th child. I don't regret it but man probably should still go ahead and get it now. It just makes me feel weird thinking about them cutting me down there.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 03:29 AM
3

I feel for you brother. If your boys are older and can understand what is going on they might be more supportive than you think. Most men here state their lives have gotten significantly better post divorce but I 100% understand your reluctance due to the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 05:30 AM
0

Honestly happy it worked for you and the kids. If she really is as bad as you say then the kids are better off with you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 09:56 PM
4

The only reason women initiate more is bc men have a tendency to STAY in bad marriages. Even toxic abusive ones. Bc they were raised that "men should strong and blah blah blah" pure patriarchal BS that hurts men as much as women. I honestly men would take a page out of women's book and start divorcing more. Plenty of reddit threats where talk about the bull crap they put up with from toxic spouses. They shouldn't. They should divorce too. But many don't bc they still believe this BS myth that pp…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 09:52 PM
5

Facts. Nobody wants to think critically. I get that emotions can run high here due to the subject matter and real life experience ppl have with this stuff. I myself am guilty of the same. You can find posts of me talking about it. And yeah some of us DO have legitimate grievances with our spouses or ex spouses. But there is an overall tendency to just avoid all accountability and just blame an evil system out to get us. Extremely ironic since that is the very thing we like tk accuse women of doi…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 09:41 PM
4

Yeah and I know a girl who got full custody and yet still somehow has to pay her ex money every month bc she made more than him. Case by case basis but generally the person who makes more has to pay. And in your case I'm sure there are several things you can do to get your ex to pay the amount she has to. Whether or not you think its worth the effort is up to you. I'm sure its just much easier to blame the system instead.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 09:38 PM
1

Lol not sure how they would benefit me. They are designed to benefit the child above all. The only reason it SEEMS like it benefits women by extension is bc, thanks to a little thing called patriarchy, women were seen as the automatic child caretakers. Also they historically didn't work. Hence why the common trope of women getting custody and men having to pay to support his children. That changed as the way society viewed women changed. Now they can work and many are making way more than men no…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 09:35 PM
3

So you got custody, you don't have to pay alimony or child support. Sounds like an absolute win. It is odd that the whole trick of getting a lower paying job worked. Most judges see straight through that crap but sometimes you can get a bad judge with their own biases. That's the nature of the beast for all justice systems.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 09:30 PM
1

Ok so no alimony but you have to pay child support. First off, you SHOULD pay for your children. So child support is not a bad thing in of itself. So you are sharing physical custody. What about legal custody? The fact you are paying child support tells me she is considered the custodial parent and that you make more money than she does. Child support is usually determined by an equation and the number that comes out is what comes out. But it should factor the money you both and the difference i…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 08:57 PM
5

Its not rigged for women at all. Most family courts are focused on what's best for the CHILDREN and not a man's bottom line. If the woman makes more guess who pays? It has nothing to do with gender and instead money.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 08:22 PM
3

Of course. But my point is that ppl in love don't cheat. So if she cheated its bc she fell out of love with you. Just accept it and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 05:49 PM
8

She fell out of love with you. That is the reason. Now why she fell out of love is a different story and the only person who can answer that is her. I wouldn't bother trying to understand otherwise. Try therapy and working on yourself and looking for other meaningful pursuits. Move on as best and as quickly as you can.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 04:53 PM
7

Eeeeh while I agree with some of this I do have to disagree slightly. You don't seem to realize you are also doing the very thing you are criticizing. By saying this nonsense stereotype of "women just FEEEEEEL instead of think" you are also ultimately just excusing them. Bc you are basically saying, its not really their fault, its just who they are. And this is just BS. No, the reason his wife acted like that wasn't bc she's a WAHMAN, no, its bc she is a garbage human being. That's the truth. Me…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 03:56 AM
22

She screamed at you in public. You set a boundary and she violated it and tried to call you controlling for not letting her abuse you. Aaaaand still you stayed. It was her that left you. Meaning if she hadn't you'd STILL be with her now. Even though you recognize your life has gotten so much better without her. THIS is the problem with men today. We just don't leave. We stay in our abusive toxic relationships and just take it. Take it and take it. It annoys me when I see men complain about women…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 03:46 AM
0

If you wanted me to DM you a dic pic homie, all you had to do was ask.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 04:52 AM
0

Then the 2nd paragraph applies.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 03:13 AM
5

Eh I don't buy into this idea that women (or anyone for that matter) can be influenced into divorce. If it happens its bc she was already thinking about it or going down thay road anyway. It could be there are some ppl that really are that gullible and easilly influenced by others. But if that's the case then why would you want to be married to that type of person? Hell, I'd say you were a fool to marry them in the first place. Then again a lot of men marry a girl for her looks and not her brain…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 06:15 PM
1

Not sure what any of that has to do with my comment. Didn't address my point at all. Yes men are more aggressive than women. That's indisputable and not at all what I was talking about. Ofc women want men who at least seem capable of protecting themselves and others. Duh. Again not what I was talking about. Nor what you were talking about in your comment that I was responding to.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 01:48 AM
3

That's bc online dating is garbage. Go back to normal dating. Meet women through work, school, church, or wherever offline. I'm not in the dating market. But if for whatever reason I would be and we're looking for another relationship then that's where I would find it. No idea why ppl, especially men, are wasting their time on dating apps. If you arent super good looking then online dating simply isnt for you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 04:50 AM
12

Sorry but I'm just picking on the beginning portion of your comment talking about early humans. The idea that women only ever dated with the "violent successful men who had all the resources" is just laughably false. Humans would never have become the dominant species on the planet if thats really how we mated. And even today, you think we got to a 8 BILLION ppl by women only mating with the ultra rich? Bruh what planet are you living on? The fact is most women date and marry and have kids with …
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 04:43 AM
25

"Basic qualities" after listing like 20 different things lol
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 04:38 AM
3

Facts. Good on you. Hope you are able to move on to better things.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 12:11 AM
3

Why is this emasculating tho? You are getting divorced. She basically isnt your wife anymore so why does it matter that she is doing all that post relationship? I'm trying to flip it around and say you were going around having all the sex you wanted and then you EX said it bothered her. Like who cares? You arent together anymore. Both of you can do whatever you want.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 08:54 PM
8

Dope! Modest Mouse rocks! I had a chance to see them when they were playing the anniversary of Good News for People who love Bad News but I couldn't go. I've seen them before but I really wanted to see them perform the whole album.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 12:02 AM
2

Not sure about this. Isn't the statistics about likelihood of divorce more for couples who get married younger and it only goes down the older you go. So that mean the most of the men getting divorced are doing so pretty young and that means they aren't losing much net worth, well, becuase they have none yet lol So its rarer older divorces that are doing a lot of the heavy lifting in terms of any statistics of men losing net worth post divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 03:06 PM
4

Do everything you can to keep a positive relationship with your child. Don't be afraid to show your feelings and be vulnerable. How hard do you think this is being on her? Ask how she is doing. Conmiserate with her, cry with her, let her know you are there for her. You'll both feel better and create this sense of being all in it together. I think that will go a long ways in helping her feel more secure than being emotionally withdrawn and stoic. Not saying that is what you are doing just giving …
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 11:07 PM
5

Nah lawyer is wrong. What is more likely to happen is that the custodial parent will just neglect the children. Pride and spite will keep them from letting the other parent share the load and custody.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 08:20 PM
1

Yeah sounds about right. Its permanent victim mentality. Some ppl have this mindset and no matter what happens or what they get, its always somebody else's fault and not fair to them. Amazing how some parents can't understand that having and raising kids is hard. And so it might behoove them to share that load with the other parent, like sharing custody and thus sharing responsibility. Instead it seems like they want the custody for whatever selfish reason but none of the responsibility that com…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 08:19 PM
1

A lot of ppl showing their bias in the comments here. At the end of the day you had the emotional affair first and expected to be forgiven for that. Fine. But then she went and did the exact same thing and you responded with divorce instead of equal forgiveness. Now imo this marriage was over long ago and divorce should have happened BEFORE your emotional affair. If you were already willing to entertain other women then the right thing to have done was gotten a divorce already. Divorce is happen…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 08:36 PM
1

Not in this position (not yet anyway) So all I can do is speculate and imagine. I think its good to vent. We are humans too. We have feelings too. Those feeling need to go somewhere. Otherwise they fester and turn to bitterness and none of us want that. I think self reflection is good. Recognizing our part in why the relationship didn't work. And working on those things. To use this as an opportunity for growth and bettering ourselves as ppl. So that history doesn't repeat itself in our future r…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 04:36 AM
4

This is the story of too many men. I think our fears are worse than what reality ends up being. But even if our worse fears were to be realized we should still ask ourselves, is it any worse than living unhappily in a loveless marriage? I don't think enough of us ask that question. No matter how hard divorce is, I reckon the peace that comes from finally being out of a toxic relationship is worth it. Finally, being able to live our own lives on our terms.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 03:58 AM
3

Doubling the workforce as a bad thing? Homie, just say you don't understand capitalism. There is no world where America can be the economic powerhouse that it is with only men working. The American workforce generates trillions of dollars a year. Being a HUGE part of our GDP. And saying there aren't enough jobs? Bruh unemployment is like 4.1% and even as low as 3.4% not that long ago in 2023. There seems to be plenty of jobs. Now if you want to talk about the need for higher pay for these jobs w…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 04:48 AM
2

Who said the idea of "men being providers" started 5 years ago. You don't need to strawman me dude. Just make your counterpoint. You want the definition of red pill? You know Google is a thing right? Here you go: "The term "red pill" has become closely associated with the "manosphere," a collection of online communities focused on men's issues, often with a strong critique of feminism and traditional gender roles." If you think Andrew Wilson doesn't fall into that category then you either have n…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 04:35 AM
10

As messed up as it sounds, I'm sure there are a lot of ppl who went through messy divorces that wish their spouses would've killed themselves...
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 03:34 AM
3

Most career women only stay at home for the first few years, if even that. So that seems to naturally work itself out. While keeping a house clean and all the household chores isnt necessarily the same as a full time job it is definitely work. As almost any responsible adult that has lived on their own can attest to. Women not being as loyal as men is total BS. I don't know where you'd get that mentality from. Humans are human. There are good ones and bad ones. Decent ppl and selfish ppl. Gender…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 02:12 AM
7

Most men aren't high earners. Only 17% are making 100k or more. The vast majority of us are making somewhere around 50k or so. But yet every Tom, Dick, and Harry uses these same talking points as if they were high earners. "Well if I'm paying ALL the bills then she-" homie odds are you ain't paying all the bills and couldn't even if you wanted to. Now you might be, I don't know you. Your comment seems to indicate you are. In which case, good for you. But you don't represent the majority. And it …
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 05:17 PM
3

Don't they factor that in when determining alimony? Like the potential income of the non working spouse if she were to start working.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 05:08 PM
9

1000% THIS! I honestly can't believe how many men, especially young men, are falling for all this red pill BS talking about how men are supposed to be the providers and women should stay in the home raising kids. I swear the amount of times I've seen dumb clips from morons like Andrew Wilson bitching about feminism and how its ruined women bc now they just want to work and have the same opportunities as men and then to see in the comments a bunch of dudes just sucking him off and agreeing with e…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 05:06 PM
1

You either have no comprehension skills or are intentionally misrepresenting what I said.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 08:45 PM
1

I don't think that is what he is talking about. He specifically mentions religious POACHING. So like ppl who come into these spaces not with the intention to help and offer support but to target ppl they think are ripe for conversion. That is malicious and predatory. And you can always tell the difference between that and someone who is just sharing how their faith helped them through the tough time they were going through.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 06:10 PM
3

True but I noticed way more on No Fap spaces or communities that are meant to help dudes who want to quit addictions like porn. But you can always find one where Mods make it clear that while you can share your own views and things that have helped you personally you shouldn't be trying to preach or convert ppl. You can always tell the difference between those things. So its cool for you to share your own personal experience on how you think God helped you through your divorce and whatnot but do…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 06:05 PM
3

Sucks that you are the one footing the bill for everything. Were you the only one working and was she just a stay at home mom? If so then this is a perfect example of why that kind of setup does nothing but screw over men....
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 09:33 PM
2

Were you paying everything or just your own legal and living expenses?
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 08:46 PM
6

I feel so bad for your daughter. Children need and crave security and safety above all. Messy divorces destroy that so brutally. I know its not you causing the messiness but its still your daughter that will pay the price more than anyone else involved.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 07:36 PM
1

Not sure what you mean by "gaming them" But I agree its a mistake to make anyone you're whole world. You need to focus on your own goals and desires, needs and wants. That doesn't mean you disregard hers tho. A healthy relationship is one where both parties work together and fulfill and respect each other's needs. Men just need recognize when a relationship has become toxic and be unafraid to leave those relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 07:55 PM
6

I'd say being a good mother (which OP admits) IS contributing to the marriage. What no one is asking OP is what exactly does he want/expect out of her. He says he wants some common interests. OK so name and few. Which of those has he tried to get her to get into? Also maybe OP should just find some male friends who share those interests. Marriage doesn't and shouldn't be the ONLY source of companionship in life.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 11:37 PM
-1

18 years? Seems like she gave it a good go. I doubt she just up and left like that. Probably lots of times she brought up all the things that bothered her that you either ignored or didn't care about. Were you even happy in the marriage? Bc happy men don't ignore their wives or disregard their needs. It doesn't take 1 to end a marriage. It takes 2 and 2 are always at fault one way or another. Men who aren't attentive to their wives usually aren't in love with them anymore. Were you just staying …
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 10:22 PM
1

I'm not convinced. Many animals are monogamous and mate for life, which is pretty much what marriage is. And I dont think you'd argue those animals are religious. So even without religion I think humans still mostly stick to mating for life in a monogamous relationship. As far as why marriage rates are going down. Well I think that has a lot to do with young ppl seeing how unhappy married couples are plus all the horror stories of either staying in abusive and toxic relationships or messy divorc…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 04:44 AM
13

What's wrong with her working? BTW in the event you guys do get divorced, it will actually be in your benefit that she works.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 12:00 AM
1

I think there seems to be a misunderstanding. Just bc we say that divorce is a legitimate option, which it most certainly is, does not mean we are saying that you should just leave at the first sign of problems. Of course not. And nobody thinks that way. Well... most don't. Be careful about what you teach your son. Your intentions might be good but you also could just be instilling in him this sense that no matter what, he should just "stick it out" and "take it like a man." Typical BS that has …
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 10:20 AM
2

I feel for you brother. That sucks. I hope you have good legal counsel and hopefully things can work out for you. At least getting shared physical and legal custody so you still get to have a meaningful relationship with your kids and still have a say in their life. While also getting to keep your peace and hopefully finding your way back to happiness. You deserve it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 10:07 AM
1

I agree that Hollywood and pop culture can present a false vision for marriage but in alm honesty so does the religious view of marriage that you described here to a T. The idea of marriage as purely an institution for children; commitment and vows, etc. I'd argue that also presents a false vision for marriage. A real marriage is one where both ppl genuinely love one another. And that entails much more than just passionate romance. It entails forgiveness, kindness, understanding, compassion, emp…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 10:04 AM
1

This is smart but also use the time to see if the marriage can still work for you. Try to see potential solutions to whatever the core problem is between you two. Most likely you both need to learn how to resolve conflict better. And how to apologize to one another and not be so stubborn and prideful. Of course things are complicated and there will be no easy solution. But I'm just saying learning this things can go a long way. Either to save your marriage or at the very least make the future di…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 09:53 AM
2

I've been married for 9 years going on 10. I can say with utmost certainty that they do NOT in fact resolve themselves. No problem just goes away by ignoring it. Doesn't matter how many years go by. The resentment just gets internalized and turns into bitterness. You NEED to learn good conflict resolution skills. And hopefully she will start to as well. But no marriage can survive if neither tries. And argue its highly doubtful it can still survive if only one is trying.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 09:50 AM
1

This is very true! Just like there is no perfect marriage, there is no perfect divorce. And we all need to be aware of that. Thats why we need communities like this so we can hear about each other's experiences and learn from them. So we can know what is the best plan to make when considering divorce. We have to be honest about how divorce harms our children. But we can minimize that harm as much as possible by having a well thought out course of action prior to filing for divorce. It's obviousl…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 09:47 AM
1

That's not what he said. He said to put in the work and gave several other options. However, ONE of those options is divorce, and it is a legitimate option. You could be willing to put in the effort to foment change for the better in the relationship, but sometimes she isn't. You're right about both being immature, and I'd say that is most likely the case, especially for ppl who get married young. Of course, they'd both be immature. But sometimes, one starts to mature with age, but for some reas…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 09:39 AM
11

I think that's kinda what this Reddit community is no?
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 07:57 PM
1

Wonderful advice! This is what this reddit community is for!
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 12:05 AM
2

Sounds like divorce would be best for you. She makes more. You'd probably get alimony. Any kids? If not then that simplifies things even more. You don't need to put up with that toxic behavior. Divorce can be very beneficial for men too. Don't believe that nonsense that it always screws men over. That was only the case back when men always made more. We ain't living in those times anymore and thank god for that.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 12:04 AM
1

No, I am not a woman. I am a 33 year old married man. Look at that! A man can disagree with you, crazy I know. First off I never claimed that divorce did not impact children. Of course it does. Does that mean men must now suffer in abusive marriages in a misjudged attempt to spare the children from divorce trauma? I think not. I think men have every right to leave unhappy marriages, regardless if they are children or not. Just bc divorce is damaging to children doesn't mean those damages can't b…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 11:58 PM
0

"Divorces that don't need to happen" According to who? Who gets to be the arbiter of whether or not someone can get divorced? Sorry but this is a free society not an authoritarian hellscape. And no fault divorces are there bc it's faster and easier than having to prove fault. This benefits men as much as it does women. I hate how you guys always think its just women who want divorces. There are plenty of dudes who were married to horrible ppl and who are now MUCH happier post divorce. And no fau…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 09:06 PM
1

"Modern" is not the right word. You can say "radical" and I'd agree with you. But family courts of today have nothing to do with radical feminism.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 09:02 PM
1

Yes, my issue was with the comment about "feminism" It's such a lazy way of thinking. "Oh women wanting to be equal is what's caused all these problems" Such laughable nonsense. And nobody who has daughter's, like I do, think this way. We all want them to be just as free to pursue whatever makes them happy. No about your point as who gets custody. Well that has a lot to do with men choosing to not fight for their kids. Dad's win a good percentage of the time when they do fight. And for your pers…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 09:00 PM
3

Been married 2 years but can't get a divorce yet? Huh what freaking state is this!? Crappy state with crappy laws.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 06:11 PM
-9

Yeah how terrible of women for wanting to be equal under the law and the freedom to live their lives on their own terms.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 10:34 PM
1

I have 3 young ones. They are crazy about me and I'm crazy about them. But I know things will change drastically in a divorce. I could hope that things would eventually subside and we could learn to co-parent but thats not guaranteed. And I worry very much for their safety without me being involved. Their mother can be very much oblivious to certain dangers and she has plenty of blind spots that worry me. Maybe I overthink it too much. Maybe I'm just overly anxious about it. But I'm basically sa…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 06:16 AM
2

Most ppl are only vocal when they have something to complain about. That's why we tend to believe these myths that all men get screwed over in divorces.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 05:35 PM
2

Facts. But I dont know what divorce poison is tho.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 03:27 PM
8

I dont think its a good idea to just stay away hoping that somehow things will change when they are "older" what does that even mean? Is it when they are 18, 25, 35? When? Teenagers are already capable of critical thinking skills. It's not an issue of thinking but of emotion. They clearly feel some type of way about you and that won't clear up until you TALK with them. It will be tough at first but if you are consistent with them and show them that you are there for them and want to connect even…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 03:23 PM
2

What state is this in? Bc how the hell are you paying Child Support when you have 50 percent custody and are considered the residential parent? Like what!?
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 02:28 PM
4

Seriously! Those lawyers must have been incompetent. Most courts look down on ppl intentionally quitting their jobs or working cheaper ones to lower their income. How did they not flag this? And I'm sure you definitely can take her back to court to show her much higher income now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 02:27 PM
3

Yup. I had a laywer and was gonna file myself but like you I decided to stay for the kids. About a year or so ago she had this big fight and it seemed like we were finally gonna do it. And I honestly felt immense relief. Then she came and said that she wanted to work through things and I caved... I'll never forget that terrible feeling in my chest when I agreed to stay. Felt like whatever life I could've had was gone for good. I still think about it to this day.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 09:12 AM
15

Red flag. GF should be happy you spend time with your kids. If she isn't then she isnt the one for you. Run away.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 10:40 PM
5

Sounds like divorce is in your immediate future...
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 06:45 PM
3

There's obviously a lot there but one thing that's confusing is you said you wanted her to start working to help out but you also don't want her to have a car... so she can go work? Saying you don't trust her driving ability... I'm sorry but she's not a child. This is a grown ass woman. Seems like you are getting in your own way with this. All I can say is divorce will not be pretty given that she is 100% financially dependent on you. And that is partially your fault.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 08:45 PM
2

If you want to seriously improve in your life I think you will always have ppl in your corner. Whether that's friends, family or fellow dudes here and other online communities. But you know who is especially in your corner? Your kids and yes even your wife. I think she wants you to change for the better but maybe has lost hope that you will. So its up to you to show her you can and will.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 04:02 AM
1

Sounds like you are admitting you are the problem and she seems to be fine. What she means by "cant keep going back and forth" and "doesn't want you to do this with her" is that she doesn't feel she can rely on you. You're an adult, a father, and a husband. Its time to start acting like it. If you want to make things work for the sake of your family then you need to show up and show her you are putting in the effort. Only you know if you are or not. I think if you are consistent in that she'll s…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 03:58 AM
2

Facts!
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 02:56 AM
3

Give me that espresso machine brah!
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 02:48 AM
4

For the love of God DO NOT BELIEVE HER. Mine said the same thing before we had our first child. And now after having 3 total she is exactly the same. They just say whatever you want to hear in order to get what they want. Trust me kids just make things harder. Cut your loses and get out while you can. DO NOT BRING KIDS INTO THAT TOXIC MARRIAGE!
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 02:16 AM
1

How old were they?
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 01:46 AM
4

I feel this man. This is the main thing keeping me from wanting to proceed with a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 01:45 AM
5

Congrats on finally being free
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 01:38 AM
3

Sounds like she is being pretty reasonable to me. Most wives who ask for separation or divorce try to kick the guy out, not the opposite. Also why do you want to leave anyway? She is willing to move into the garage. What's your deal? Idk but as someone who knows for a fact he'd get kicked out and be homeless in the case of divorce I feel you should count yourself lucky she is being so reasonable and amicable. Don't know why you would try nuking that for no reason at all. Maybe I'm missing someth…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 09:04 PM
0

In that case you really need to consider if this is the life you want. Because at those ages the issue with the kids and his ex isn't going to change anytime soon. And you are able to support yourself and dont really need him in that way then yeah you should be OK with having an honest conversation about your boundaries and expectations in the relationship and if he can't or isn't willing to accommodate that then I think there's your answer.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 03:54 PM
2

Very true. But it seems weird that he clearly is making bank as OP says he is supporting her and her kid. In this economy and to still be paying alimony and child support, yeah bro has to be making bank. He's almost 50 so I assume those kids must be close to being adults and at that point he needs to stop caring what his ex would or would not do.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 12:50 PM
13

This is the effect being in a toxic relationship has on us. It turns anyone into a pathetic shell of a man. Its debilating and leaves us broken. Its a recurring theme for a man to build himself back up and become the best version of himself AFTER and only after leaving the toxic relationship. Everything you described; Being out of shape, the drinking, lack of motivation, etc are all symptoms of having little to no self esteem. And of course you didn't. Constantly being called a useless worthless…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 02:27 AM
0

Biblically speaking Adam was the one to doom humanity. And Eve didn't make Adam do anything. He made his own choice to rebel against his own creator. He just tried to use Eve as an excuse to justify his sin to God and God wasn't buying it. Jesus died for Adam's sin not Eve's.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 01:45 AM
9

This is what I'm most afraid of and will gut me the most. Bc I see how important it is for my children especially my eldest to see her mommy and daddy together. She always likes it when she sees us hugging and always wants to join in to make it a family hug. Children's need for security and safety and finding that primarily in their parents marriage is astounding. And divorce just destroys that. It's the main thing that keeps me from wanting divorce... until my wife starts with her crap again an…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 07:45 PM
3

7? Thought it was only 5. They added 2 more???
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 09:46 PM
3

You sound like a good dad. Don't beat yourself up too much. You're doing fine. It's ok to not be perfect and lose your patience. I know I do. Nobody has infinite patience even those guys you say LOOK like they do. You clearly aren't being abusive or anything. I have ADHD too. Go see a psychiatrist. Even if you choose to not medicate it will still help talking to someone about it and listening to advice. It will probably help with your child if you suspect he also has it. The tips that will work …
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 04:28 AM
1

Wow that sounds horrible. She has issues. But those aren't your fault or problem. Prioritize yourself. She clearly is. Move on with your life. Divorce will be best for you in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 04:24 AM
2

Makes sense. Divorce worked out for you in the end and that's good. Those women were trash. You were the bigger and better person in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 04:17 AM
3

Yeah I would have definitely called the cops and made the report. Even if they didn't end up doing anything about it. The report may have helped you in the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 04:15 AM
1

Scary how women are being raised. That it's OK to be aggressive and violent if they get angry. If it's the man's fault. None of which would be acceptable the other way around. If your daughter doesn't wise up she isn't going to be very successful in relationships... and what's worse is she'll never understand why.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 04:13 AM
1

Wow. I can relate to this so much. I didn't know about the personality stuff you mentioned but you just described me and my wife to a T. Maybe we have the same personality types and you and your wife. I too am going to therapy and confronting my childhood trauma but she refuses to do the same. She makes the smell complaints. That I don't show her that I love her and that I am not romantic enough. All that is the same. Only difference is we have 3 kids and you don't have any. Honestly this is a b…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 04:02 AM
2

Divorce. She will just keep cheating. I know it's hard but she just doesn't love you anymore. It's ok. That doesn't make you inferior or less than. You deserve to be with someone who loves you. Or maybe be alone for a while and focus on raising your child. Hopefully she co parents but being so infatuated with her boy to maybe it's best if she's willing to give you full custody. Let her leave and live her life. That's on her. You focus on yourself and your child.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 03:37 AM
3

I think it's bc most of the dudes having a hard time are the ones that post about it. The guy who had a great divorce that was mutual and amicable probably isn't coming to Reddit to complain or vent about it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 03:06 AM
2

I understand. I posted about my experience and how I am also unhappy in my marriage and am seriously considering divorce. Seems like you may be in a far better place financially than me but still keep in mind divorce, especially contentious ones, can be expensive and long. Your family won't end up on the street. She'll get a lawyer and you will have to pay for it. Courts will make it so. And you will lose half of everything and you will pay a good amount in child support and alimony. If you are …
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 02:58 AM
2

I appreciate this. Yes I want to be there for my kids. I have no plans or desire to abandon them hence why I want to fight for shared custody. Even just getting weekends would be something but I'd try to get more. But I might not have a lot of room to work with since she'd be seen as primary parent or whatever. Mainly I want to make sure I get to stay in their lives and have a meaningful relationship with them. I agree to not bad mouth her or try to weaponize them in the divorce. I have no inten…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 10:42 PM
2

The house thing won't work as it belongs to her family. Plus all she has to do is call the cops on me and lie and say I hit her so it's best to leave to avoid more trouble like that. Leaving to keep the peace won't be seen as abandonment. I make more than her a year. She makes like 41k and I make 47k so I don't know about asking the court to pay for my lawyer... The car thing is interesting. Don't know about that I'd have to ask the lawyer during the free consultation.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 10:39 PM
2

No she makes less. Like 41k a year.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 10:36 PM
1

The moving of the goal post thing is correct. She does that all the time. I know that's how she is and that she won't change. I know what I need to do but I don't know how to go about it in a way to make the best possible outcome for myself and kids. That's what I'm trying to figure out.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 06:31 PM
1

That seems to be the ideal but I know my divorce won't be that amicable.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 06:29 PM
1

What does "Grey rock" mean?
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 06:27 PM
1

That's what I'm leaning towards. I want to see what steps I can take now to make divorce easier for me in the near future. Problem is we are very dependent on her family (by her design) and that is going to make things very difficult for me at the beginning of the divorce. I will be homeless and without a car even. And I'm not in a good place financially to just get a replacement willy nilly. My credit is shot due to credit card debt that she was a big part of though she'll never admit it. And I…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 06:25 PM
3

I've recommended couples therapy but she refuses.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 06:21 PM
2

Man do I daydream about this... a lot. Currently married but have been seriously considering divorce. Even though I know it will be hell I still feel just a taste of what the freedom would be like...
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 07:15 AM
5

Don't feel bad at all. It's your life. Not theirs. And best you get the divorce with no kids. Having kids in a toxic relationship is terrible! Trust me. And divorce with custody battle even worse. You are living on easy street my man.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 07:09 AM
1

That sucks man but sounds like it's for the best. You deserve better. Even better that it seems she is fine with you having full custody. So you'll save yourself so much trouble avoiding a nasty custody battle. But definitley go talk to an attorney ASAP! And if you do end up with full custody you don't have to let your kids go to Peru or anywhere for that matter. I wouldn't trust my kids being out of the country either! And I don't want to sound mean but it doesn't seem like she has the best jud…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 06:52 AM
3

I appreciate this. A lot. I don't think she'd ever cheat tho. And I while I agree the kids might be better with 2 households where each parent is happy but I don't think that'd be the case for us. She'd be angry, bitter, resentful, and hateful towards me for ending things. And they might not even be with me much if she has her way. So idk... plus there more I'm not going into but I'm really fearful of what my kids might go through if I'm not there for them.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 06:20 AM
1

I appreciate this. A lot. I don't think she'd ever cheat tho. And I while I agree the kids might be better with 2 households where each parent is happy but I don't think that'd be the case for us. She'd be angry, bitter, resentful, and hateful towards me for ending things. And they might not even be with me much if she has her way. So idk... plus there more I'm not going into but I'm really fearful of what my kids might go through if I'm not there for them.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 06:17 AM
1

I've honestly resigned myself to this for years but she is the one that keeps bringing up divorce and one of these days I might do it. But idk again my kids... I put up with all this for them.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 06:12 AM
1

Just want to say I can relate to everything you just said. Man I feel your pain. It's a very similar situation with me. Very unhappy marriage on both sides. But I'm afraid to divorce both for my kids and not cause them trauma and bc I know it would be so horrible for me. But that even then I still feel like it would be a relief bc that's just how bad and toxic she can be. Like somehow no matter how mad divorce will be it will still be worth it to finally have some peace away from her. It's tough…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 05:01 AM
1

Geeze. Why has it been so expensive? And why so long? Who or what is causing the holdup?
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 04:56 AM
2

Honestly so great that it's amicable. I know it may not seem like it but you're really lucky. I know if I get a divorce it would not be amicable and it's be a bitter fight... and I'd still probably lose...
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 04:54 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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