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FutileFighter Archive

View 2 posts and 1,370 comments by FutileFighter on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
43

FutileFighter/r/MarriedRedPill16/11/23 10:35 PM
43

FutileFighter/r/MarriedRedPill18/07/25 01:16 PM
Showing the 1,000 most recent of 1,370 comments.
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Mf is in the “best shape of his life” and his legs are “getting stronger every week.” Great, maybe soon you will start squatting. HB9 in your office wasn’t “fun” bc you’re unattractive and she’s at work. Wife / bar - whiney & covert contract. Doubly unattractive. Oh, and “great looks” + “sharp mind” is a child-like mentality. Yes, women care about looks, but they will take a rough, scarred competent man of action over a “smart pretty (whiney) boy” all day long. “Smart” people protect their ego a…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/26 03:11 AM
2

Guilt, comparison, et al mean you haven’t transitioned to being your own point of origin / the only judge that matters. That’s a lot easier to say than do though. I’d suggest working through (writing out) what your values are and what that looks like in action across different aspect of life (social, professional, family, physical, romantic/sexual, spiritual, etc.) and different timelines (over the next year, 1-4 years, 5-10, 11-20, beyond). It’s not a one session exercise. Consider how they rel…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/26 02:40 AM
3

Why would “the idea of ex wife vs 1st new woman” make you sick to your stomach? And why compare them at all? Also, you don’t owe anyone anything unless you explicitly agreed (or implicitly agree) to it…though I would advise doing whatever you need to in order to sort of liberate your thinking. GFTOW or some version of it can help wipe away illusions.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/07/26 08:30 PM
2

Yea, counterpoint wasn’t quite right. Co-point is close. And I agree one doesn’t ever fully strip all ego. It’s a process of adding (through experience and imperfectly trying to make sense of or cope in the world) and removing (through self-honesty & reflection). I guess what I was trying to say was not to add unnecessary layers of ego back on. Btw, my vacation experience is usually the opposite. I can’t just sit at the beach or be a tourist. I get bored, catch up on workouts & sleep, walk / hik…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/04/26 03:39 AM
2

The reply is relevant because if you cannot know someone else, then you cannot realistically create a "we" in your head of who you both are. You can, however, pretend. Counterpoint: Then by extension, the guys that don't know themselves can't create their own "me" in their heads, no? Whether she's going to Vegas or staying out late, or doesn't really seem to worship your cock or just gives you a couple hard no's in a row. You can always choose to fill your life with the things that, in the momen…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/26 06:23 PM
2

You touch on some interesting / relevant points, but I view some of them differently…I’m laying it out here to see if I’m missing blind spots. I also like and want to emphasize/ highlight your comment (paraphrasing) that anything done for a specific response / woman” is dancing monkey. Good comment. And your comment about what I really want (self-motivated) is correct. However, I don’t think I was still in the anger stage when I initiated divorce. I was over 2 years into doing OYS and I’d had at…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/26 04:00 AM
1

Additional value…for context, my wife doesn’t work and we have meaningful household help. Maintaining an orderly house. Preparing a healthy dinner for the family a few times a week. Being a better role model (proactive / supportive / etc.). Seeking personal growth and improvement (you’re growing or you’re going) —> better, more positive energy.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/26 01:15 AM
2

Your wife has seen years of behavior indicating you don’t respect yourself enough for her to respect you. Even if she didn’t like the prior status quo, it was familiar and she was in control. So now you are trying to convince her to ignore years of evidence with your Lester Burnham routine and some out of the blue demands. At the same time, you are threatening to turn her life upside down (deserved or not). And now she has to fuck a guy that she hasn’t viewed sexually for years. No one wants the…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/26 01:04 AM
1

Always welcome your input.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/26 08:38 PM
2

Despite the bitching and complaints, over time is she doing what you want? Ebb and flow. I'd like to say the general trend is up and to the right, but if it is, it's not a very steep line...We share many values, have a decent understanding and appreciation for the other's strengths, and I like her when she's not getting in her own way. Is this difficult for your because you harbor resentment or because you fear falling back into a supplicating pattern? I let go of the past pretty cleanly during …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/26 03:08 PM
3

Yea, it’s indicative of her mental health. Leading…I lead by example, I’ve encouraged her and offered to help in big or small ways. She disengages and avoids the topic. Being at peace…it’s not a DEEP peace. Haha. It’s an “I know the trade offs and I am choosing this direction (for now).” Knowing that and framing it as my choice helps. Of course I would like to have it all, but i have to accept what I can’t change and I have agency over direction in light of these conditions. That agency gives me…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/26 11:33 PM
1

This isn’t who I want to be in the relationship generally, but it is how I want to be in the face of dysfunction (or at least I think it’s the best way for me to be for me). The potential concern is that I might be locally (short term) optimizing (for me) when I should be globally (long term) optimizing (for me). Re slack - yes, I’d love to see progress, but I also know that she has to want to change. I praise effort when I see it. Interesting take on your own situation. Are you saying you wish …
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/26 11:22 PM
1

I meant that I’ve probably dialed up the IDNGAF too high in an effort to not be impacted by her dysfunction. I’m willing to invest more if it’s worth it, but I haven’t gotten much ROI… The notable shift lately is that she briefly acknowledged it’s her issue, not mine. Usually, she looks for some way to blame me for her troubles. I’ve been on a heater lately though — focused, driven, getting shit done and quietly carrying the load. Having gone down the divorce path but reconciled, I am pretty rel…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/26 01:01 PM
2

Im not looking for some grand transformation. Im looking for function and order. I dont need her to lift me up, just not create extra obstacles. I came to terms with the fact that I wouldn’t have the relationship that is possible until or unless she chooses to do her own self-work. I adjusted how I operate to reflect the reality of the situation. As such I’m fine if she doesn’t do the self-work — I can find fulfillment elsewhere and I will consider divorce when the kids move out if she hasn’t pr…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/26 12:44 PM
2

Tbh, I’ve never understood what a shitty comfort test is. I’ve laid out my wants and needs, starting with sex, followed by maintaining an orderly house, and then cooking / coordinating meals. It’s not a high bar, but there are still so many complaints and so much resistance that I kind of shut down and check out. IMO, she’s got some shit to work through but she avoids facing it like the plague bc that’s always been how she copes. Instead, she seems to want to continue being the adored child rath…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/26 05:11 AM
2

How about some outcome independence? She knows the boundary. It doesn’t matter whether others agree with it or not. It DOES matter if you are willing to actually enforce it. How effective have words been so far? If she goes, she is telling you she will always challenge your boundaries. Having that information and being clear-headed about it now is valuable. My wife tried something similar at one point. Called me controlling for saying that coming home at 3am was unacceptable. Bad FOMO is not an …
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/26 02:12 AM
7

OYS #7X Early 40s, married with young kids. 5’8” - 177 lbs - 13.5% body fat Lifts: Squat 445x4 - Bench 245x4 - Wtd Chins BW+90x6 Physical I’ve been more intentional about how I dress and present myself. Besides clothes, I’ve been working on speaking more from my diaphragm, walking with my phone put away and eyes up. Finally fully healed from torn shoulder ligaments and back to playing tennis again too. Really enjoying that for the exercise and social element. Work Starting a new business. I’d be…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/26 12:08 AM
1

It’s really not a big task. It can feel awkward and scary to shine a light on the darker corners of one’s l own psyche (that’s the daunting part), but ignoring it means you (generally, not you specifically) are more likely to continue “serving” your subconscious distortions (usually some variation of fear or insecurity). The exercise illuminated a common thread among my past relationships, fears, and resentments. For me, it was a fear of not being worthy of love. Identifying it, naming it, and t…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/04/26 11:34 PM
8

She told me that her mom is bipolar This is the part that should have you alarmed, not your suspicion that she's fucking other guys. so to protect my level of emotional investment (overinvesting) i'm matching the energy. I thought she was special and LTR material. There aren't "special" women. There are some that you line up with better, but there is no "special" woman. Yes, some are more attractive, kinder, smarter, more energetic, etc., but get the Madonna thing out of your head. She's a 42 ye…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/04/26 03:17 PM
2

Teenager - Seems like you're spinning / over-thinking it, but whatever. I wasn't there and don't care to go on about this. AA - If you can find a good local group, all the better but here's a quick overview: https://www.mountainside.com/blog/recovery/personal-inventory-navigating-steps-4-and-5/ and a worksheet: https://aahomegroup.org/12_Step_Workshop/Step%204%20Inventory%20Worksheets.pdf another worksheet: https://www.aacle.org/docs/Fourth-Step-Guide.pdf There are lots of free resources and app…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/04/26 03:02 PM
3

She genuinely sounded surprised, “I’m interested, what could you be struggling with?”. I’d stopped drinking a little over a year ago, and I knew I lied to myself about myself to comfort/cope/soothe. I thought correcting that would fix a lot of things, but I’m still unpacking where I’m deluded by my ego. Even if you aren't / don't identify as an alcoholic, the 12 step program (particularly steps 4-9) might be helpful around this. I'd argue everyone should do this process in their early 40s. She s…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/04/26 02:03 PM
2

In general, I’m more comfortable telling people to fuck off (literally and metaphorically). I’m nervous about this as I was very stressed last time I was in a similar role. The majority of my stress came from caring way too much what people thought about me - not so much from the logistics of the job. Fear and shame...are they serving you or are you serving them? Another epiphany I’ve had is that some of my best memories and experiences are actually with my bros and not with women. Need to lean …
/r/MarriedRedPill08/04/26 02:31 PM
2

What is your freedom and limited time on this earth worth?
/r/MarriedRedPill08/04/26 05:01 AM
1

What is the date (deadline)? And what would make you change it? I don’t care if you do or not, but alluding to vague deadlines begs accountability.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/04/26 04:57 AM
3

A few thoughts / comments / related observations: 1) (as you allude to) your wife isn’t responding to your muscles. She is responding to the confidence that results from your muscles. Men (try to) deal in facts / deduction. Women deal in inference. Neither is necessarily “right” but the difference in perspective drives a lot of confusion. 2) (less confident but still believe this to be mostly true) — it’s often the pace and of change that triggers response more than the level at which you are at…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/04/26 04:53 AM
1

Now i see this comment…already responded there.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/26 04:28 PM
3

Even though it wasn’t directed at me, I’ll jump in with my thoughts… Frame (to me) is something like: “I know who I am, I own my reality, I’m true to myself and my values, and while I’m always going to be working on some aspect of myself, I accept and am good with who I am in this moment.” In most cases, it requires a lot of mental and physical work to get to that level of zen-like self-/reality-acceptance. Ego stripping peels away the distortions and ego-protective behaviors. As for the beauty …
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/26 04:24 PM
3

(Paraphrasing bc I can’t copy paste on mobile) “FF rec’d a book Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life…”The ego wishes comfort, security, satiety; the soul demands meaning, struggle, becoming.” Two thoughts on this. (1) I think of ego as more than just the prideful part that is the common understanding. Instead, I think of ego (as used here) more broadly to mean any protective, defensive, coping or other layer, prism, or distortion that I’ve adopted in life that stands between me and the tru…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/26 01:35 PM
1

Goad to hear it. I thought it offered a different (and worthwhile) perspective than what I’d read and heard in other books and interviews, etc.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/26 12:52 PM
4

My expectation is to be in a relationship based on love, affection and sex. Tbh, this seems reductive. You seem to want to be showered with affection more than anything else. That's not attractive, it's needy and validation-oriented. As proof: My wife was affectionate, fun and respectful. So it was not a bad week. But it wasn't a good week either because there was no sex. To me, "love, affection and sex" are part of a relationship, but not what they are based on. It obviously starts with mutual …
/r/MarriedRedPill31/03/26 02:00 PM
4

Like I said above, a guy that represents himself as worthy because he’s a plowhorse (offers commitment) gets categorized that way. Your own mindset drives this. And idc if you actually go fuck other women. The real point is your mindset. But rarely can you think your way to it without proving it to yourself with action. Going out into the wild (separated) for a while kind of proved (for me) the vast majority of what I’d learned / come to believe about intersexual dynamics. That really freed me t…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/26 06:07 PM
2

Don’t be petulant. The point isn’t to get some strange just to get it. The point is that you are operating from fear (by your own admission). You were contemplating divorce a few months ago and now you’re implicitly committed to the first chick. It belies your fear and lack of self-confidence / respect. Holes in your spirit So what are you doing to address them? No third party can do it for you. A victim mentality sure as shit isn’t going to help. Start a daily gratitude practice and go help som…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/26 12:19 PM
1

“Wifing” (or serious LTR-ing) the first decent girl It’s the definition of scarcity mindset. Trying to say this honestly but without bragging…it’s not hard to line them up (and knock them down) if you’ve done the work. Others here can attest if you don’t believe me. Btw, I’d say I played in the 7-9 range with a few 6s thrown in for fun. The hottest was used to guys being lap dogs and possessive AF. I declined a couple invites from her that weren’t appealing and/or left early even when other guys…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/26 12:08 AM
3

“She has noticed and is starting to worry slightly - good.” Wrong. She can worry or not. Doesn’t matter. You have a path regardless. Focus on that. “Keep the diet” Going on a “diet” is kind of silly IMO. People tend to put the weight back on as soon as their diet ends and resist the diet because they frame is as deprivation. Instead, consider a shift in mindset. I don’t have a diet. Food is fuel. My fuel is high protein and nutrient dense because I value myself / my body. Why would I want to put…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/03/26 12:55 PM
1

Scared to be viewed as a bad person or having wasted her time is nice guy shit 101. The rest of it all centers around not being willing or confident in your own opinions. Are you living your life according to your own values and perspective or what you perceive others expect of you? Don’t get me wrong, making the shift isn’t easy. But it makes all the difference. And short flings can be great (especially when there isn’t a candidate for a medium to long term relationship around) but constantly c…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/03/26 03:18 AM
1

You aren’t married and don’t have kids. Your barriers to exit are effectively nil. Why not next her? It’s been 8 years of frustration, right? Iron rule #7. Since you referenced a 12 step program, are you familiar with the “spiritual axiom”? “Every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.” So what is it inside you that is activated or irritated? Also, WISNIFG, especially negative inquiry can be helpful. Logic and reason don’t have the effect you think the…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/03/26 12:16 AM
2

PPL. I over-index on legs, and lift M-F, so I do PPLPP and throw in barbell lunges on Friday. 7-10 lifts of 3-5 sets / 6-15 reps depending on the muscle group. Agree. Chins / pull-ups are a great compound lift. Lots of guys like to do iso stuff, especially bicep-related ones. And I love the positivity of the gym. I actually make a point of encouraging people that look like they are new or really struggling because I know they are often the ones that are most self-conscious about being there. Jus…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/03/26 03:22 PM
1

I’ll add that often that the fear(s) I’m talking about aren’t usually obvious to the self. Instead, they are usually subconscious patterns developed over time that may have served a purpose or made sense at one point but no longer do.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/03/26 03:10 PM
2

Yes, reconciled (before divorce was final but well after filing). You probably have fear both ways. Shit, I did too even after a lot more work / OYS, planning, and effort and with a very clear / good financial picture. For background, I made the most of my time out in the wild. What I’ll say about that is…there’s always hot woman, wilder sex, etc., but after scratching those itches, I decided that I wanted the time with my kids more than I wanted to find better sex. No judgment whatsoever to tho…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/03/26 02:09 AM
2

Physique Yes, palms towards for those #s, but keep mixing it up. And yeah I have a low center of gravity. Not thunder thighs, but I can’t buy off the rack. Look like I was a RB in college (but D2…). Relationships It’s not about fucking around for the hell of it (unless that’s what you want). I care(d) about quality (looks, personality, and fit). I prefer a more “girl next door” look and style + intelligence to carry on a conversation. Idc where she went to college, but I care that she is interes…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/03/26 09:28 PM
2

Physique Weighted chins my bro. That gives you everything you say you want. IME, deadlift (and squats to a lesser extent) beyond certain #s become an injury risk if pushed too far. I don’t recall my peak DL, but peak squat was 445x4 (DL slightly higher) so I feel like I have credibility here. Btw, my peak for weighted chins was ~BW+90x6. Tore shoulder ligaments a year ago, so still working my way back up. Relationships It’s not that you are at risk if you don’t fuck other women. It’s that you ar…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/03/26 07:10 PM
3

Physique I’m 5’8” too and have relatively similar lifts. Anytime I push above 185 lbs at 15% or below, I feel like I lose mobility. Plus, eating enough to sustain that is more of a chore than it’s worth. Relationships You are less than three months from filing for divorce and already talking about “my woman”? GFTOW. I filed and moved out, so I know where you are. You’re giving away (implied) commitment for nothing. Prove to yourself that you can fuck just because you want to and you’re attractiv…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/03/26 04:00 AM
3

Self-curious, being present, and dealing with what comes up… Check out James Hollis “Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life.”
/r/MarriedRedPill18/03/26 03:21 AM
9

“…no close circle of friends. This is an issue that I’ve struggled with all my life, and now at this stage of my life…” Others have made great points, but this line struck me because it belies an attitude that comes through even when you are performing the actions. It’s the opposite of an abundance mindset. And this relates to how you (think you) have your own frame but your wife just refuses to enter your frame — if you are still looking at her, you aren’t living in your own frame (presumably /…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/03/26 06:48 PM
11

Anger You say you can’t pinpoint the origin or original source of your anger… Anger is a secondary emotion. Underlying that anger is almost certainly some type of fear or insecurity that you can’t pinpoint because you’re not willing to be fully honest with yourself about those fears / insecurities. Until you do, the “evasive” underlying motive that’s so powerful that it takes over your daily life will lurk just below the surface and have a disproportionate influence on your life. You also say yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/02/26 11:48 PM
1

Cold or not, clearing a property is satisfying AF. I do a lot of solo work like that and love it.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/26 03:35 AM
2

Re wanting wife to initiate I take the other side of this. I don’t care if my wife (or anyone else) actively initiates. I do care that my wife responds positively when I initiate. Why? Because I have agency. If I want to fuck, I take action. If I’m not compelled to initiate, then I don’t care enough to fuck. I probably would anyway, but it wouldn’t make me feel like more of a man just because she initiated.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/26 03:32 AM
3

You can stay stuck on the past or let it go. IME, eyes forward and working on yourself puts you in the best position regardless of what your wife does.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/02/26 04:21 PM
2

MMSLP - I don’t really consider Atol Kay an authority. It’s an ok starting point, but he’s got some goofy ideas too. With that said, yes, direct your energy towards constructive activities and bettering yourself. Two in the kitty. This is a choice you have to make for yourself, but at a minimum I’d suggest getting to really solid footing SMV-wise before considering it. Until or unless you are well above your wife’s SMV for a sustained period of time, I’d argue your time is better spent working o…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/26 07:28 PM
2

Yea, similar. Reminds me of the saying that straight girls are like spaghetti…they are only straight until they get wet. And I agree that they respond best to authentic / congruent desire. But I don’t try to gauge whether she’s game (I tend to slow down a little to introduce something new just in case, but I don’t try to get in her head).
/r/MarriedRedPill06/02/26 03:13 AM
2

Spot on. I’d add that owning my own freakiness and being open about it has seemed to put women at ease about their own desires. And I’m more than happy to guide a woman where I want to go with it in a low pressure way. They often like the “it just happened” (but I kind of liked it) sort of plausible deniability as a way to try / do things that if you straight up asked them about cold, they’d say no.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/26 08:10 PM
2

10% body fat Imo, not worth it. You’re forgoing a lot of time you could be building muscle trying to eke out a little more lean-ness that women don’t care about. And it especially doesn’t matter if you don’t have sufficient mass. Your lifts aren’t terrible, but at that height and weight you can’t have much mass. I’d argue 13-15% is the general sweet spot for aesthetic even if I’d like to be closer to 11-12% for my own vanity. But I’m also 5’8” / 170 with 150 lbs of FFM. Altruism and overwhelming…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/26 07:49 PM
5

Lifts Squats will do a lot for your core focus on bracing and breathing. I don’t put a belt on to squat unless I’m going 315 or higher for this reason. Bench is shit? Do incline for 6-8 weeks, then switch back to flat bench. And/or, engage lats. Also depends on where you fail…bottom: do some heavy dumbbell flat bench; top: extra tricep work. Sex Period week. Why are you giving up fucking for 25% of your time? I’ve never understood this. I’m unfazed by it. My wife usually has one day where she wo…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/26 07:29 PM
3

You say “only my interests matter to me”, but your “it really doesn’t matter to me how it looks from the other side” belies what I suspect is the truth — you wish you didn’t care how it looked, but you are worried about appearances (external / opinions of others) instead of your values (internal). My frame: “my interests are not subordinate to those of others and I am the only person I can rely on to look after my interests…and I’m good with that.” It doesn’t mean that I can’t or won’t consider …
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/26 06:48 PM
2

I’m going to chime in because I was separated for a bit (my choice). Women ask where they stand, sometimes as comfort, sometimes wanting direction. I was clear and direct that I was not in a rush to get into anything serious, but that if something worked out, I wasn’t categorically opposed. It had the added benefit of being true, and that authenticity and directness seemed to be appreciated. Authenticity and being integrated reverberates. One woman took offense at not being automatically conside…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/01/26 05:29 PM
2

“Is your wife more assertive about her needs?” My wife doesn’t know what she needs. When she talks about her “needs,” she is talking about her feelings and her feelings change constantly. Focus on actions, not words. DEER-ing Also keep in mind that you don’t have to respond to a comment. Ex: Wife announces the dog stinks. — I don’t say anything. — She’s hoping I hop up and give the dog a bath. I’ll take care of it when it works for me. If she wants it done sooner, she can take care of it. If she…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/01/26 05:25 PM
1

This is an awkward, forced anthropomorphism to encourage the oversimplified and idealized way the masculine and feminine interact. I get it, but it’s been said better before in other posts.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/01/26 06:07 PM
3

Stop analyzing and interpreting other people, and start living your own life. They’ll do what they do anyway. Ex: In my early days of MRP, I was focused on my wife’s SSRI as the problem. TLDR: She’s still in one and libido / orgasms aren’t a problem anymore. There was no magic change, just a gradual but steady shift away from focusing on her / others and towards what I wanted and what aligned with my values. Guess what, that’s attractive.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/12/25 08:45 PM
4

Those are actually OVERT contracts. Funny that women will make overt contracts to get something but men usually think (but don’t say), “if I do X, surely I’ll get laid.” (covert means only one side is aware of the “contract”). “Unworthy” of posting OYS. Effort, action and direction make someone worthy, not the status. SMV of 4-5. I really think almost any guy that puts in the work can probably get to a 6 or 7 because our attractiveness is less inherent / beauty-oriented. ETA: Shark week is no re…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/12/25 08:31 PM
1

Who knows what your woman is doing or thinking. It doesn’t matter though (and yes, that was a bitch move). What matters is what you are doing and thinking because that’s all you can control.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/11/25 02:35 AM
3

This was painful to read. Lifts are bullshit and you emotionally vomit when moderately tested. Btw, going to the gym with your girl is a win. Pick better battles, dipshit. Idk where you live, but $65k doesn’t go far in many places. Money is certainly not the most important thing, but financial security and the ability to procure resources is a trait women tend to value.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/25 06:03 AM
1

The issues that you are avoiding lurk just below the surface and drive WAY more of your behavior than you realize or are willing to admit. You can either remain a pawn to your fears and insecurities OR you can face them, acknowledge their existence, let them go and move forward. The choice is yours.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/25 05:50 AM
6

Here’s a little trick that might help… “And?” (Or silence). If something isn’t phrased as a request or question, it doesn’t require a response. I used to get annoyed when my wife would comment as if it was a request without actually being a request…that was actually my own issue. Now, my wife comments about something (likely implying a request), and I don’t respond or react. If I do respond, I say, “and?” or, if my silence prompts a complaint: “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear a question” (if applicable…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/25 05:33 AM
0

The emptiest and most disappointing feeling often comes when you achieve a long sought after goal because you suddenly lack purpose. All that was leading up to it had meaning. Once “achieved”, your actions are not meaningful. Ever read any Albert Camus? Re The Myth of Sisyphus via Wikipedia… The essay concludes, “The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.” (Bold is mine) The struggle must not for others as a beast of burden though, b…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/25 09:50 PM
2

Once you really accept that your [sister / wife / parent / etc.] isn’t going change, the options (and path) tend to become a lot more clear. You may not like the options, but you’ll see them a lot more clearly and hopefully stop wasting your time and energy wishing the options were different.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/11/25 02:08 AM
1

Sounds like a good place to be (mentally).
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/25 04:47 AM
1

Isn’t that still trying to prove something to someone (even if it’s just yourself)? Who gets to say whether you have “done well”? To relate, I used to think I hadn’t accomplished much (ie, not “done well” at what I valued at the time). In reality, I’d accomplished a lot, but I was programmed to diminish anything I had already done and then go after something bigger / better. It took stepping back and looking at it with a different perspective to acknowledge what I’d done. That doesn’t mean I wan…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/25 12:02 AM
2

Journey > destination I love the effort, but what is the effort for? Is it for the goals? If so, why do they matter? OR, is the effort and exertion its own reward?
/r/MarriedRedPill06/11/25 10:48 PM
1

Family shit… I get that. I used to keep making an effort with one of my sisters until I realized she doesn’t give a shit and i was just being an idiot for hoping a deeply-engrained pattern will change. It probably won’t. Btw, it definitely won’t change through logic and expressing feelings. Realize that it’s ultimately their issue. You can be open to it if they want to put in effort, but until then, f it. I just stopped trying with her and the only thing that’s changed is I no longer get frustra…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/11/25 12:24 AM
4

I’ll throw you a bone. This was progress. Don’t forget to throw your wife a bone when she makes progress too. (Pun intended)
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/25 08:20 PM
1

Control Game I don’t think we’re that far apart here. Boundaries, expectations, rewarding good behavior and punishing bad behavior (in a controlled, proportionate way) are all pretty straightforward. I don’t lack assertiveness or confidence, and (ironically?) it was me being possessive (a girl friend was repeatedly overstepping bounds) that catalyzed some of this. MRP vs RP Bruh, really? I’ve experienced both in recent years. There’s no comparison. I made my choice with full awareness of that, b…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/25 08:06 PM
1

If that’s how you feel, idk why you are trying to keep her here.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/25 06:23 AM
1

Game I remember control game and a lot of discussion about it from before. TBH, “control game” feels like an excuse to try to “fix my wife” and/or exert maximum leverage under the guise of conditioning. I strongly prefer (and try to keep my focus on) indifference game. Whoever cares less has the most leverage, no? (Will come back with link) Distilled down, the only real tool men have is a willingness to pull / walk away from commitment (indifference). “Control” is just a monetization (and possib…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/25 06:23 AM
1

Taped conversations - noted. Lead / fix wife - This is what I’ve been trying to avoid. I run my life, not hers. I could enforce compliance but that is temporary relief. If / when she wants help, I’m here to help. “Up the alpha.” You might be right, in which case it’s “frame, then game, then looks,” no? Taking them in reverse order… Looks: not to sound conceited but idk what there is to do that I can actually do anything about would move the needle. Physique is 13.5% bf with good mass for my size…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/25 11:25 PM
2

I was referring to the passport for the baby. The wife is an adult. She’ll do what she does. You signed for a the baby’s passport unless I misunderstood you before.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/25 11:23 PM
1

Taped conversations - noted. Lead / fix wife - This is what I’ve been trying to avoid. I run my life, not hers. I could enforce compliance but that is temporary relief. If / when she wants help, I’m here to help. “Up the alpha.” You might be right, in which case it’s “frame, then game, then looks,” no? Taking them in reverse order… Looks: not to sound conceited but idk what there is to do that I can actually do anything about would move the needle. Physique is 13.5% bf with good mass for my size…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/25 03:44 PM
1

Was the baby planned? Why did you allow her to get the baby a passport? I believer that requires your signature… If you want to make sure they can’t leave “temporarily” and not come back without your explicit permission, I’d suggest having that passport under lock and key. If I were you, I’d speak to a family attorney in your state to know what rights and obligations you have as well as any immigration related considerations (if pertinent). Sounds like it was a difficult setup even before pregna…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/25 02:49 PM
1

Do I like my wife? Yes, most of the time. She’s beautiful, fun when she wants to be, intelligent (enough), charming, and we are pretty complementary and operate well together. If you are referring to my OYS from 18+ months ago when you say you got the impression I didn’t like my wife, you’d probably be correct. I filed for divorce, moved out and spent some time out in the wild. Somewhere in that process, I let go of all the stupid resentments that had no bearing on the present / future. That sor…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/10/25 03:32 AM
1

I don’t think she wants out. Certainly not consciously. Thinking about this though, she struggles to really form her own opinions. She’s much more comfortable taking a poll (ideally with a unanimous opinion) and following consensus. I suspect she is lost in the maze. I think I can and would be happy to lead her out. However, I think she subconsciously sabotages that process. Like most people (but especially women), she is driven much more by fear+ than she even realizes. And like most women, she…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/10/25 03:03 AM
1

Wanting to fix her I really believe that trying to change someone else doesn’t work. It has to come from within or it will just be temporary compliance followed by reversion (and possible resentment). With that said, I’m a bit of a self-improvement junkie, which is a pretty stark contrast to her…approach, so I often struggle to understand why she wouldn’t want to work on her own stuff. I certainly don’t expect radical accountability, but being accused of exaggerated flaws was crossing the line. …
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/25 10:12 PM
1

I do think she knows my expectations, but she is resistant to them. She at least partially knows what it would mean to keep up. The challenge is that I am inherently a much higher energy, more driven person (even after adjusting for gender). I think what triggered me is that I sort of lowered the bar for her by accepting her where she’s at while hoping without expectation that I could lead her to improved behavior. But instead of appreciating the benevolence, she sought to lower the bar further …
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/25 06:50 PM
1

I was accused of having anger problems. I consider it a frame test. I explained what I thought the real underlying issue is and what I’ve done to date, but also why I’m concerned nonetheless. My decision to reconcile had nothing to do with an inability to hack it in the wild. I don’t feel a need to prove that. Instead, I made that decision based on a refreshed and considered assessment of my goals, purpose, and values. Going out was (a lot of) fun, but it also clarified and highlighted some thin…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/25 08:58 PM
1

Why now? I’m not aware of any discrete events, but my best guess is a combination of: She hasn’t been back at work long but it’s now been long enough that the newness (and associated enthusiasm) has worn off; She’s got multiple people close to her that are threatening or under the threat of divorce (misery loves company?); Her sister is a cunt that hates feeling inferior to her; My frustration / disappointment has been higher in the last ~2-3 months as the disappointments accumulate and she fail…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/25 08:21 PM
1

It’s dread, yes, but it’s also the tension between what she is able to do with the relatively little effort she’s always gotten by with and the level of effort that she knows it will take to continue leveling up. I’ve heard, “I’m not the one that changed” a lot. My standard reply is “yes, I’ve changed. I’ve grown and will continue to pursue growth in a variety of forms. I would encourage you to consider where you want or feel the need to grow too, and I’m here for you if you want any help.” Re m…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/25 06:48 PM
1

As I touched on in my reply to Horns, I think her desire to believe the narrative is because blaming me is easier than doing the hard work necessary to address her weaknesses and shortfalls. So it would allow her to remain in her current state, which is more comfortable. What is happening in her life? She’s stretched too thin (and/or just lacks the energy bandwidth due to unaddressed anxiety that limits her capacity) but isn’t ready to admit it and/or do the hard work to address her anxiety. The…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/25 05:06 PM
1

Menopausal? Could be peri-menopause related, but not full menopause. That wouldn’t be an excuse though. Mentoring Lack of mental models - this is true. And I think they reach out because they see me as someone who has a somewhat unique perspective (probably the only guy in my broader network who filed for divorce but changed my mind and was able to reconcile), has his shit together, and is open about having had some challenges. 3-5 are related and yes, it’s often the case. See my reply to Horns …
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/25 04:41 PM
1

Narrative… On the one hand, you could be right. I don’t actively supply a narrative, in part because it seems so obvious that we’re very fortunate. However, someone(s) might be supplying an alternative narrative and/or she could be cherry-picking comparisons. On the other hand, my wife followed her critique with “We have such a great life (lists things off) — why can’t you be happy?!” I’m no psychologist, but that seems like projection… Anger There is some anger. The underlying drivers of it are…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/25 04:29 PM
3

My mindset is…of course we’re going to fuck because we’re attractive and it’s fun. KNOWING we’re going to fuck means I’m not worried about that and my actions aren’t driven by it. And then, I’m relaxed, fun, attractive, etc. and we fuck. And if we don’t? Nbd. I know it’s not about any deficiency or defect on my side and we’ll fuck again soon. That’s when OI becomes natural — because my ego isn’t wrapped up in whether I get laid or not. I am no longer deriving any validation from whether, how oft…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/25 03:57 PM
6

Honest, albeit crude question…would you be better off if she and went to China and didn’t come back?
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/25 03:48 AM
3

OYS #7X Early 40s, married with young kids. 5’8” - 177 lbs - 13.5% body fat Lifts: Squat 445x4 - Bench 275x4 - Wtd Chins BW+90x6 Looks Physique is largely in maintenance mode. Like my look / style. Possible area of improvement: I probably tend toward athleisure a little too often because it makes transitioning to the gym or other physical activity quicker. Passion / Focus vs Presence I tend to get lost in projects that keeps me from being present and playful but that ability to focus is also a s…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/25 01:32 AM
1

Lifts. Go harder. You’ve barely scratched the surface. Being tidy. Your kids are following your example on not cleaning up. Being tidy will clear up more mental bandwidth. Step up, set the example and then bring your kids along. Shit tests. Don’t forget the other WISNIFG tools, including negative assertion. Also, consider shit tests a positive sign. It’s testing your changes for reliability / sustainability.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/25 12:38 AM
2

I agree, but I’d emphasize “subtly”, especially if newer. I’d suggest guys lean towards playful, flirty, and good-natured teasing. Fun is attractive.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/10/25 10:03 PM
2

Fewer words…irl and here. Let your actions demonstrate your direction and value instead of lighting fuses by using terms like “emotional affair” bc I doubt you would have been ready if she had freaked and hit eject. YOU WILL NOT CONVINCE YOUR WIFE SHE IS WRONG. Women love to play in the grey because they can always re-write the narrative when there is ambiguity. What they need is a firm boundary / clear expectation from someone they respect. It should be generalizable and unambiguous. Ex: My wif…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/10/25 08:31 PM
6

This is gold. To add to this, elevating yourself doesn’t relieve you of frame tests along these lines. I’m in the midst of a massive frame test because my wife is having bad feelz. Instead of dealing with them herself, she’s trying to blame me for those feelz. Apparently, I’ve committed such crimes as having an “angry face” at times and raising my voice (not yelling) when I don’t get a response. The horror….In her view, this necessitates intensive therapy and lots of graveling. Those won’t be ha…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/10/25 07:01 PM
1

How to respond? Her ability to trigger you is shining a light on what you need to work on. As a starting point, SHUT.THE.FUCK.UP. Listen. Observe your feelings but don’t (re)act on them. The magic of STFU is that there is no winning argument or comment when a woman is worked up, so you don’t try to “solve”. She’s being emotional and wants some rocks to crash those waves onto. Those rocks should be immovable. Listen, but don’t react. Acknowledge without agreeing. Let her spin her wheels for a bit…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/10/25 03:58 AM
1

Ok, same advice as I gave there then.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/25 04:37 AM
3

The good news is you know she likes to get fucked. She’s imminently trainable. To answer your question: Yes, it would be wrong for the same reasons I stated above. Own your shit / part, but not hers. Unless you want to be “responsible” for every emotion she feels no matter how invalid it might be. My wife tries that now and then, and I make clear that i no can and will only be responsible for my words / actions (and I voluntarily address it if I think I screwed up). Ex: Wife’s friend got drunk o…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/25 04:32 AM
1

(1) Stating that you are working on being the best version of yourself should be unnecessary bc your actions demonstrate it, but I gave you a pass on that. (2) “but if she cannot accept that…” is passive-aggressive. Of course people want their partner to be the best version of themselves, so it’s basically a statement disguised as a statement. Wake up and be self-aware. You are lying to yourself right now.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/25 04:13 AM
1

Also, “perfect” isn’t just boring, it’s bullshit. “Perfect” (as most think of it) is almost always just at the surface level — it lacks depth and character. Wabi Sabi is a concept in design that accepts imperfections as being natural and authentic. It effectively accepts and celebrates the natural cycle of growth and decay. “Perfect” is plastic. The imperfections are what make things real and authentic. And when was the last time you really connected with someone about something that’s perfect? …
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/25 05:34 PM
1

Your (fragile) ego is what makes you add unnecessary passive-aggressive BS like, “but if she cannot accept that…” What 12 step group are you in? The steps are a bit different for different groups.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/25 03:15 PM
2

Her anxiety isn’t your responsibility. If you said something or acted in a way that wasn’t in accordance with your values & standards, make amends. That’s where your responsibility ends. If you take responsibility for her anxiety, she has no reason to address it herself.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/25 03:11 PM
2

Read my recent comment to another OYS. Does it resonate? https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/s/YYipTZFNPf Also, look up Horns’ recent comment that links to a post about anger being a diagnostic tool. It jives with step 4.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/25 03:01 PM
1

You sound like a whiney, insecure little girl. Work on yourself and learn not to be so emotionally reactive / dependent.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/25 02:50 PM
1

Nice guy syndrome. Read and re-read NMMNG. Do the exercises too. Don’t discuss with your wife. Also, put your kid in the stroller and go for a walk. It’s good for both of you. And plan your eating ahead of time. Enter it into MyFitnessPal (or similar) before putting it in your mouth. Emphasize protein and fiber first with each meal, and drink a lot of water.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/25 02:12 PM
4

Gym & Insecurities / Ego I’m certainly not the biggest guy in the gym, but I’ve got a pretty good physique/ lift #s. All that to say, when I see an out of shape guy or noob in the gym, I think “Hell yea! Good for you for showing up and working on yourself.” And I find the biggest guys are often the most encouraging. Alcohol You mention this but you don’t say what you’re doing about it or what your goals are on this front. I’d suggest reporting the # of drinks you had in the last week in your nex…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/25 01:57 PM
2

FF = FutileFighter. You’re 5’9.5” and 182 lbs with weak to mid lifts. At 5’8” / 175 lbs and slightly better lifts (when I started out) a DEXA scan had me at 23.5% bf. That’s how I came to that estimate of your bf%. It surprised me at the time, but that’s what it was. I’m now 5’8” / 177 lbs, BP 245x5 & squat 445x4. BF 14%. Get a tailors tape and measure everything. Then re-measure every three months. My waist went down 2.5” and everything else grew significantly. Old pants are too tight in the th…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/10/25 12:17 PM
2

Victim shit Drop the victim shit (ex: your GF’s near death experience…that’s her trauma, not yours). And Fuck your whiney feelings and your “disappointment” with your dad. That man takes care of your incapacitated mother despite her poisoning the well with you and you have the audacity to keep resenting him for having sought a little relief when married to a cunt? Whether I agree with his choices or not (any of them), I have the mental dexterity to see that he might have been in a tough spot and…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/10/25 03:15 AM
2

Squats (1) Learn to love leg day. I fucking love it. Legs feed the wolf. My craziest leg day was 305 on the bar…and however many sets it took to get to 100 reps. (2) Often the second (or third or fourth) plate is as much or more a psychological hurdle as it is a physical one. Now you know you can do at least a couple. Build back to it, bust that threshold and then you’ll be amazed at how quickly your strength improves until you approach the next (mental) threshold. Vasectomy I’m not going to com…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/10/25 12:55 AM
1

I gave it more consideration than it deserved. Especially if you’re going to whine and delete your account (?).
/r/MarriedRedPill09/10/25 12:32 AM
2

It feels supplicative and unattractive because it is. Also, you don’t “get” better sex, you make it happen. Don’t be passive. Drive that bus where you want it to go.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/10/25 04:48 AM
1

“Finesse” = bullshit. So you lack substance, you’re fat, and you are weak. I can’t fathom a 200 lb man squatting less than 100 lbs. I don’t care how many reps you did or how much you can do on your slight knee bends (leg press). I really doubt your bench press at this point too. And you put on 20 lbs but you “carry it well”?!? JFC. I’m 5’8”, 175 lbs, bench 265x4 and squat 435x4 (current, not peak), and I could stand to lose 5 lbs. Go ask u_environmental_top (username?) about lying to yourself ab…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/10/25 04:32 AM
2

Step 4 Resentments are just one component. Don’t sleep on sex/relationships, harms done, and fears. Do fears last and don’t just think of obvious fears. Anger is a secondary emotion, often driven by fear of one variety or another. Think about what triggers your coping mechanisms. What is lurking just beneath the surface that you pretend isn’t there but actually drives a lot of your behavior (good and bad). Once you uncover it, face it, acknowledge it, understand & appreciate that it was adaptive…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/10/25 04:07 AM
2

Lifts Squat like you mean it, pussy. It’s a huge driver of mass, strength, metabolism, testosterone, confidence…nothing extinguishes fear like driving 455 lbs up out of the hole. At this stage, program doesn’t matter. Intensity does. Go put 225 on there and do as many 2 / 1 rep sets of squats as you can and report back. You should feel like your hamstrings are being unzipped. Until or unless you feel that, you aren’t pushing yourself hard enough. Leadership Insecurity Most people are too busy th…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/10/25 03:54 AM
3

So just a cheeky old broad? It’s just a joke…roll with it…”don’t tempt me” (with a wink). 1) when it’s obviously not a consideration, it’s “safe” to run with it. 2) a wink lets everyone know you’re just fucking around (in case the tone doesn’t make it clear). It’s when there is the chance that both sides might be interested that you have to be careful.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/10/25 03:22 AM
1

At this point, who cares? Unless it affects the divorce outcome, it’s irrelevant. My first comment to him stands. Those are HIS issues to own and address whether married or divorced. I was separated for a while and chose to reconcile, but my time in the wild was illuminating…and a lot of fun. Of course, I’d spent ~24 months doing the work beforehand, but Flounder here has the gift of desperation now, so he can either use that as fuel for deliberate, consistent growth, or he can wallow in it. The…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/25 07:17 PM
3

You don’t even realize what a gift this is. Time to get your shit together and write a new chapter.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/10/25 10:16 PM
1

Fuck that. Make a mess. Towel for easy cleanup if that matters, but I kind of like the “murder scene” aftermath. It’s so funny to me that guys are grossed out when a woman’s body does what it’s supposed to do (and then wonder why she won’t be a freak on demand). You know what liberates a woman? A man who appreciates the female form and function as it is and isn’t afraid to show it. Women get freaky for an attractive man who is unabashedly sexual, kind of freaky and owns it (but doesn’t force it)…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/10/25 10:12 PM
5

Did you actually whine about your daughter being less affectionate? How fucking needy are you?!? I’d be willing to bet that what’s going on is this: You don’t respect yourself because you don’t do things that earn respect. You have tried to use validation from your wife and/or others as a substitute, but what you perceived as sacrifices (like adopting her sons?) went under-appreciated and didn’t get you the love and validation you expected. Somewhere along the way, you probably also accepted the…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/25 11:15 PM
2

It’s a lot of bluster, buzz words, and bullshit. Starting with the idea that he’s “~20” body fat. I’d put him closer to 27%+. He’s also trying to rationalize a BP approach using RP language. It’s like sugar-free jolly ranchers…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/25 10:14 PM
2

It just means women are more wickedly self-interested. They are “loyal” when it suits them.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/25 09:41 PM
5

You can denounce external validation all you want, but it won’t do anything for you. Developing a real, thoughtfully-constructed, yet adaptable perspective and valuing your own opinion most is what I think you want. But congruence in thought and deed requires having your own thoughts. Instead, you have (and continue to) rely on the thoughts and opinions of others, acting on them, and being upset that your interests weren’t considered. If you don’t advocate for yourself, who do you expect to do i…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/25 03:25 PM
1

Gym - are you saying that the savings is going to fund your personal gym or that it will motivate you? Either way, seems like mental gymnastics. Weakness - Are other peoples’ feelings or emotions your responsibility? AA- Relating to the point above. Own your part if you make a mistake or something, but that’s all you can do. Don’t apologize for things that aren’t your responsibility.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/25 03:24 PM
2

What’s keeping you from joining a gym? Btw, MRP doesn’t demand anything of you. It’s just a group of guys sharing notes about what has and hasn’t worked for them. I.e., it’s a resource. Don’t abdicate responsibility for yourself. Difficult = challenge —> opportunity for growth. “Weak beta nice guy”. - Weak how, specifically? - Beta. Not all beta is bad. - Nice guy. Think of this in terms of steps 4-7. Apply the same approach / principles. AA - Have you worked the steps fully? Do you have a good …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/25 02:27 PM
5

Iron rule #7. Also, Acta non verba. And if you don’t level the fuck up really soon and/or hit eject, you will be back here in 5-7 years, or less. I’m always a little shocked by people with issues before kids, let alone before marriage. It only gets harder.
/r/askMRP30/08/25 01:20 AM
2

You replied in a passive voice. “Energy levels and libido are fairly low…” Hers or yours? If I understood it correctly, it’s hers but there is a lot of ambiguity. Whoever it is, energy & libido are related. Movement and blood flow are critical, but so are motivation and attraction. Control what you can control…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/08/25 05:18 AM
2

Touché…this was probably not OYS1 type feedback.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/08/25 01:32 PM
2

Pleasure vs joy. “Pride & satisfaction…” Daughter’s test (and teaching her to ride a bike)…(1) seems success (outcome) dependent and (2) rather reliant on someone else’s efforts. Retiring after a career brings fulfillment? Focus on the journey (process) not the destination (outcome). Can you think of a time where the result was negative or disappointing, but you still enjoyed the process / journey? Ex: I spent years chasing a proverbial white whale. I was dead on and it was the best work I’ve ev…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/08/25 07:30 PM
1

Have anything to say about the underlying ideas, especially the ones I made in my post? Otherwise, this is just ad hominem (af).
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/25 10:55 PM
2

You’re chasing pleasure - sex, retiring early, ego-boosting stuff. There’s nothing necessarily wrong with that (and I’ve been there too), but it’s one of the reasons there is a lot of talk here about mission / purpose. Because once sex / relationship is at a certain level (different for everyone), there are pretty diminishing returns to “more” (same applies to money, et al). Can you distinguish between pleasure and joy?
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/25 04:05 PM
3

One of the better OYS 1 I’ve seen. You are doing all the right things…but for the “wrong” reasons. It’s how we all start. The main work ahead of you is mental. You are getting sex and other positive feedback (validation) like you wanted, and you feel like you’re in-charge, but you have really just been playing a different video game (and enjoying it / playing it well). What I’m getting at is this: at some point, you will likely realize you’ve still been doing this all for her (which came through…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/08/25 01:53 PM
2

I did this and suggested something to someone else here as well… Each day, note someone you admire, respect, and/or for which you are grateful. For me, it helped highlight what I valued about others. Preview: it’s not the performative shit. Doing that for a month helped me shift my self-perception.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/07/25 11:28 PM
1

Awareness is the first step. Next is a desire to/ willingness to change combined with action. It’s never “done”, but the great thing about killing enough of your ego is that it really eliminates a lot of emotional distortions and then compassion and empathy become assets instead of being liabilities (as they are for a “nice guy”). But you have to focus on you and only you. Even if you have the “right” answers for someone else, they have to come to it themselves. Model it, praise good behavior, s…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/07/25 07:49 PM
3

I was sex-obsessed at one point too. Separated, had a lot of great sex with a good variety, and the itch just wasn’t ever really scratched…that’s when I realized it wasn’t about sex for me. i was pretty good at NGAF about most peoples opinions, but I was using sex, quantity, quality and the hotness of the woman as a proxy for my self-worth (along with work / achievement). Tbh, it took some serious internal work (via a 12-step program) to unravel the problem and truly become my own point of origi…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/07/25 08:29 PM
1

IOIs since getting bigger? You can’t even rep plates in the bench. GTFO. You might be carrying yourself a little better because you feel good about the progress you’re made, but no woman is eye-fucking you for your 14” arms. Don’t confuse the two… Otherwise, lots of analysis and dissection. Focus on yourself and being awesome (assuming that’s what you want) in whatever ways you choose to be awesome. Being real and acting authentically from your own, well-developed point of view is the ultimate g…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/07/25 08:10 PM
4

I get that you think it was low effort. My point was that it incorporated and expanded on something I’d discussed a lot before. Sure, I could have claimed credit for the idea and fleshed it out more, in which case maybe it gets more attention. But…I DNGAF about Reddit karma and I’m just being honest. Regardless, like everything else here, take what works for you and leave the rest.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/07/25 09:02 PM
2

You write how you think…ex: “… generously offer my abundance so she feels safe to fully let go.” If you’re doing it to get something from her, it’s still a covert contract. Give because you enjoy giving from abundance (or not), but make it your choice to give. And it has to be without expectation or it’s not giving. Also, when it’s natural, you won’t have to worry about maintaining a constant level of dread. Instead, just worry about being awesome. ETA: This perspective is for the short to mediu…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/25 12:58 PM
2

Do you respect people that push themselves to / beyond failure? If so…add it to the list. Btw, I tore 80% of the two main shoulder ligaments 3.5 months ago. I’m back doing pull-ups and bench now, etc. If I can push past the fear of injury from it, so can you.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/25 04:36 PM
2

Stop worrying about her. It’s not a video game of dialing up dread. The best kind of dread happens naturally because you have an awesome life shit to do. It’s about you being what you want to be, which releases you from the outcome with a given woman mattering. Your wife may or may not respond how you hope. Control what you can control and accept the rest (and/or make whatever decisions you deem appropriate given the new information).
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/25 08:51 PM
4

What’s the skin issue? Idk how you haven’t been banned a dozen times. You flirted a bit and you sound like you’re talking about your first crush. “She sees the man I have become”. No she hasn’t. She barely knows you. She’s just making positive assumptions about the vast majority of you that she doesn’t know bc you haven’t stepped on your dick enough to change that. Go lift. Your numbers are sad.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/25 02:00 PM
1

Adding to this…why is an ability to be vulnerable an important strength to develop? Because honest, authentic, and vulnerable = ability to connect on a deeper level. One can feel an authentic connection (and/or the degree of authenticity) and it reverberates like a giant gong for the soul when it hits. And for me, that kind of connection inherently fulfilling (def not just talking about wife or a close friend…it can be small moments with people I barely know.)
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/25 08:05 PM
3

Minor point of emphasis: You have to be willing (if necessary) to nuke it…you don’t necessarily have to nuke it. It can be hard to distinguish between the two when you’re in the thick of it and be neutral / objective (because you were frustrated enough to do all the work), but it’s the mentality that you have standards and expectations and that if your wife is unwilling to meet them (or unwilling to try to meet them), you are willing to hit the reset button because you actually value your own li…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/25 04:20 PM
7

“You only want me for one thing.” I got this a lot back when along with, “all you care about is sex.” Develop some default responses to recurring themes. “Babe, if all I cared about was sex, we wouldn’t be together” usually shut that down for me. Or, “would you prefer I wanted to fuck someone else?” Also, “That’s not true. You also make a great (pick your favorite dish).” I’ve also found it useful to praise non-looks / non-sexual stuff (not in response to those comments, just separately). Ultima…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/25 04:04 PM
1

Suffering is pain * resistance. Accept reality, and start moving toward a better way of life. Pain will still happen, but you won’t suffer as much. Get a handle on your affair? What does that mean?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/25 03:52 PM
3

“The hotter I got the more interesting my babbling became.” Background for others: I dropped 20 lbs of fat and put on 25 lbs of muscle. I upped my style, game, and how I carried myself, etc. I became way more fuckable…and of course we have a lot more sex. To this day, my wife swears she found me just as attractive before. In a way, I believe her. A few things help reconcile this… 1) I became way more fuckable to other women, and I was demonstrating (through action) that I wasn’t ok with the stat…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/25 03:44 PM
2

Each day, write down one person you respect and why. Then use those as a roadmap for developing self-respect. I did something similar…it was a daily gratitude list of one person each day and what I appreciated about them - kindness, generosity of spirit, authenticity, honesty, etc. It helped me recognize, appreciate and emphasize those same qualities in myself (and they weren’t the performative ones that I had been applying to myself).
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/25 03:21 PM
2

Sudden and gradual. Sudden… It’s going to sound lame, but there’s a Brene Brown special on Netflix (also Ted talks on YouTube) where she discusses vulnerability. During it, I think she mentions a group of Navy Seals that she spoke to and she asked if they considered themselves brave or courageous. Yes, of course…Then she asked if they could feel courageous without fear / vulnerability. The answer was no… That opened the door for me to realizing that a willingness to be vulnerable, put your ego o…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/25 02:59 PM
2

The *soul** acknowledges its vulnerability to (failure).* One of the biggest shifts for me was when I learned to consider being vulnerable an act of strength instead of an act of weakness. But to do so, I had to change the narrative first. Now, I can discuss my struggles in life as a means of connection and to help another man. Before, all weakness was a (negative) vulnerability.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/07/25 02:14 AM
2

This kind of sounds like how a woman would try to get what she wants. Talking, forcing, and then withdrawing. Get your inner (mental) game right about this and own your own sexuality. I like what I like and do what I want, but obviously listen to cues if the woman isn’t game or ready. Also, know how and when to raise the stakes — it’s not with words when the clothes are on, it’s with calm, confident action when she’s revved up. Then introduce whatever you want to do slowly (without words), so sh…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/25 04:18 PM
3

Reread my tldr… And realize that women are anything but rational, so stop expecting what they say to align with that they actually think. They don’t even realize it.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/25 04:02 AM
4

Wanting to move internationally right after having a baby is not ideal… In evo-psych terms, your wife is trying to ensure the best chance of survival / thriving for her baby, her other kids and herself. Now more than ever. It took me a long while to even remotely understand just how important safety and security are to my wife. And some of my understanding came from observing and listening to my (still very young) daughters and how my wife responded to concerns they expressed along those lines. …
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/25 03:59 AM
2

Maybe she’s trying to tell you she’d prefer the taste of ass…
/r/askMRP02/07/25 12:19 AM
2

Newborn…hormones and extra stress. It’s not the time to go Rambo.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/25 12:10 AM
1

Self-pity is a helluva drug (personal experience…). It’s an odd manifestation of ego, but ultimately it is ego because it’s an unwillingness to accept reality (whether reality is “just” or not).
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/25 12:04 AM
1

What do you think leading in the sex department would look like?
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/25 11:49 PM
1

Re-read NMMNG. You clearly haven’t internalized it (at all). You need to develop self-respect before anyone else will respect you. Which means right now you’re an awkward nice guy LARP-ing as an “alpha.” I can only imagine how painful those interactions must be.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/25 11:44 PM
3

I can’t emphasize enough how true this is. During my time in the wild, women were surprisingly honest about how attracted they were and what they found attractive… Approximate order… Frame. Number one was a DNGAF attitude in the sense that I couldn’t be rattled and didn’t get jealous (aka frame). Frankly, it’s easier as a single guy bc the friction costs are so low (compared to marriage with kids), but most single guys don’t realize that. Game. Number 2 was intelligence, depth, and conversation …
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/25 11:37 PM
1

Maintenance or bulk, intensity at the gym will determine his success or lack thereof. I tend to think the body is most primed to grow when lean. There’s a reason bodybuilders inject insulin (def not a recommendation - dangerous). My point is that is insulin sensitivity can be beneficial. And, yea, the other side of this whole thing is a funny thing. Wife is hotter than ever, we have more and better sex than ever…and I’m focused on other frontiers for growth and challenge. Don’t get me wrong, I a…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/25 11:17 PM
7

Action > perfection. Get started and then adapt. NO plan is ever perfect anyway. At 20% bf, I wouldn’t think you need to est above maintenance. Focus on nutrient density and protein goals. I spent the first two years at 175 +/- 5 lbs and re-comped from 24% to 13% in the process. Sex - i rarely “initiate” as a discrete event. Sex happens as a result of us having a good dynamic that includes polarity and playfulness. And if she’s not feeling it a given time, I’m not bothered bc I know it’s not a r…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/25 05:12 PM
3

7-8 weeks? Lol. Idk your stats or anything, but… Be.Awesome. Focus on making yourself great, and the rest will fall into place. You are your own biggest problem.
/r/askMRP20/05/25 09:28 PM
1

“I am actually at step 1 and 4-7, albeit inadvertently.” The steps are in order for a reason, especially 4-9. Do step 4 thoroughly but don’t linger on it. Then find a good person to do step 5 with as soon as you’re ready. Workaholic Yea, it’s a convenient outlet until you realize that it won’t ever get you where you want to go. Career choice The great thing about being a man who is more than just his career is that I don’t have to do what others expect of me out of some sort of ego protection. I…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/05/25 04:31 PM
5

OYS 70-something 40s - married with kids 5’8” - 175 - 14% bf Lifts: Squat 455x5; Bench 275x4; Chins BW+90x5 (upper body on pause while some ligaments heal). Diet: I’ve been especially tight with the diet since I can’t lift upper body right now. Down several pounds and leaning out with extra cardio. Sex ~4x a week. Sometimes life gets in the way or it might be higher. I’m pretty content, but also pushing some boundaries where I’m curious. Wife is on her period now. Fucked anyway…women make rules …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/05/25 03:19 AM
3

I get the difficulty in accepting it. I chased my white whale for 8 years. It was epic. David & Goliath, good vs evil, they hired former spies, all the shit you can imagine. And I was DEAD MF RIGHT. It didn’t matter. The institutions and politics above were never going to allow me to get a true win out of it. I got FUCKED by intermediaries, authorities, etc. If I’d just accepted that the game was rigged and folded, I could have saved immense amounts of blood, sweat, tears, frustration and hearta…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/05/25 01:35 AM
8

What you have is a perception problem. Stop the magic thinking (“If I just… / get the job / leave my wife / etc.”). None of that will make a difference until or unless you change your perception. Last week I had three significant things not go my way…or at least that was my initial take. I was frustrated until I looked for the lesson and silver lining in each and let the rest go. And I can let it go because I’m capable, disciplined and willing, so I will find a way. It just might not be how I in…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/05/25 03:34 PM
1

Rehab / Detox Never done this, so idk if they are useful or not. I’d suspect that the more “wellness” the less you’ll get out of it. So why not just do the vacation you want instead of bs-ing yourself about it? Sponsor I’d look for someone with more tenure. A relapse in and of itself isn’t the end of the world, but I’d want to understand what triggered it, how bad it got, etc. I.e., if he just had a glass of wine, I’d be less concerned than if he went on a multi-week bender bc he wanted the esca…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/05/25 06:59 PM
1

Sounds like you’re saying that “Acta non verba” and acceptance / “surrender” are hard to reconcile — am I understanding that correctly? If so, one thing that helped me get over my negative connotation with the word surrender was to distinguish between positive and negative acceptance. Negative acceptance is defeat. You don’t want to give up but you don’t know what else to do. Positive acceptance is simply acknowledging that you can’t (and don’t have to) have the answers to everything — so do wha…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/25 09:05 PM
1

Unreasonable professional expectations put on you by whom? Yes, your family (wife & kids) depends on your ability to generate income, but is that the “family” to which you’re referring re unreasonable expectations? And why isn’t your extension (projection) of some perceived standard to those around you just another covert contract? Do a lot of / demand a lot…covert contract. “I should be around high performers”. Every time I hear “should” I think, “according to whom”? Cutting people off…if your …
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/25 02:53 AM
4

Not quite what I said, but I won’t nitpick that. However, the mistake you make is that you’re trying to subconsciously convey a message. You’re starting from inside her head. What do YOU want to do? What is fun for YOU? Do that, and throw her an invite, but go do it whether she comes along or not. Where you start is an important distinction.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/04/25 08:15 PM
2

You’re in a stupid pissing contest and neither wants to admit fault. This is the relatively rare time when a brief conversation can shift things. You don’t have to go into the past…”hey, seems like we’re in a bad loop and kind of devolving. How about we set things aside for a bit and hit reset?” Then go do something fun (ideally active / adventurous) together (have a plan) and then fuck like monkeys.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/04/25 02:42 PM
3

Man, you’ve been around so long and made so little progress… How have you not learned to push through some light LMR? This morning I woke up horny. Start making a move, wife says “there’s not time.” “Let me worry about that.” Smash.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/04/25 02:31 PM
1

“Negative Emotions” There aren’t positive and negative emotions. There are only “emotions.” Think of emotions are heuristics — they are shortcuts to interpret information that you haven’t fully processed. Her Drinking I go to AA meetings on the reg…and I hid my drinking for a time. Plus my MIL is a bad alcoholic. Look, your wife knows it’s a problem or she wouldn’t be hiding it and you’re probably only aware of some of the hidden drinking. Most likely, she’s drinking to avoid or escape some “pro…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/04/25 02:05 PM
1

Mid life is about having developed the ego strength to assert yourself in the world and realizing that doing so isn’t as satisfying as you expected…then a new journey begins. Why do you think you cut off relationships? What are the common themes? Unreasonable expectations with nothing in return…whose expectations?? Are they the expectations of you that you project? Or are they really your wife’s expectations? ED. Idk about finasteride, but stress is a bitch for the dick. If you can, find a guy y…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/04/25 05:25 AM
2

To chime in…authenticity is the name of the game. I’m certainly not a larger than life personality, but I can slay because I have confidence grounded in competence — I know who I am, what I’m capable of, and what I’m about. I’m kind, generous, and playful, but I also think for myself, I’m a bad man when I need to be, and I carry myself accordingly. And if I want something, i go for it. Unapologetically. Unabashedly. The honesty (congruence / authenticity) in that is disarming to women. It’s not …
/r/MarriedRedPill30/04/25 05:06 AM
4

Good shit. Re: Parenting fails / resetting generally. Acknowledging and owning it can be a great tool, especially when voluntary (not reactionary), from a secure place, and paired with action. Ex: I was kind of irascible late last week and didn’t know why. I told my wife, “hey, I know I’m being a little irritable. I’m not sure why, but regardless, I recognize it and will get myself right.” It reduced the tension and after some exercise and fresh air I was straightened out.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/25 03:44 PM
1

Ego Drop the pathologizing (psychosis archetypes…self-aggrandizing (delusion)). That just makes it bigger than it actually is. “Should be” according to whom? That’s ego creeping in. Deal with what is. IOI / Career Ok, got it. I really took that in a different direction, but maybe it will be of use to someone. IOIs are cheap. Closing is what counts. The old dream is dead. Now let the new dream begin. Now / Presence Narrow it further. A singular moment. Ex: I’m in my home office, it’s calm and qui…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/25 04:29 PM
2

Ego You’ve only just begun to be open to the idea that what you perceive, however “right” you may or may not be, might not bear fruit. It’s frustrating and deflating. I’ve been there. And I was subsequently proven correct in spades. Didn’t matter…I lost because I didn’t control the situation and couldn’t compel the powers that be to do their job even though they actually understood and agreed because there were elements of politics and corruption at play above their pay grade. My ego couldn’t ac…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/25 03:07 AM
2

Trust & Safety She can’t trust your “yes” (or actions along those lines) because you can’t say “no.” Which means your yes isn’t honest. In other words, your kind gesture might just be a kind gesture, or it might be a begrudging one that will fuel future resentment. And that self-contorting incongruence makes you mad because you don’t know how to get your needs met / desires met in honest, straightforward ways…so you pull nice guy shit. And then you get mad that others don’t appreciate how you do…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/25 06:36 PM
1

Amen on the lifestyle piece. Food isn’t a reward or to comfort you, it’s fuel. It should serve you and your objectives. My diet is almost the same every day. I know my macros and I don’t waste time, energy, or food because it’s 80% on autopilot. And if I go to a restaurant, I’m ordering protein & veg anyway.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/25 04:11 PM
6

Fuck all that. You don’t enforce boundaries because you are afraid. What are you afraid of happening? Most likely, that you’ll “lose” this person that treats you like shit because you allow them to. You allow them to treat you like shit because you don’t value or respect yourself. So, this journey starts with your relationship with yourself. Step 1: Do whatever you need to do to believe that you are worth dignity and respect. Physical, mental, professional, emotional, whatever. Start with the lo…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/25 03:40 PM
2

She either lied to you, or was just turned on by the taboo. Once the need to lie and/or taboo was removed, the orgasms (or “orgasms”) disappeared. With that said, 4 kids 8 & under + one on the way is a pretty good formula for not fucking. Don’t go Rambo on a pregnant wife. IME, the youngest kid needs to be near 2 before things can actually settle in, and even then it’s a progression. Youngest kid being 3, shit needs to be moving in the right direction though.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/25 05:46 AM
8

Bruh… No sex in 2025 but she’s waiving total submission and anal in front of you as incentives…and you fall for it?!? She’s more likely to submit to me, and I’m a long flight from anywhere that uses the metric system. The bus driver isn’t the elephant. The elephant is that you’ve allowed someone to treat you like this for long enough that it’s become normal. YOU allowed this to happen. Let that sink in because it’s important. You lack self-respect. Until you develop that, no one else will respec…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/25 04:54 AM
2

You need to change your relationship with food. Shredded chicken breast and eggs alone is a relapse waiting to happen. You need to decide whether losing weight and getting healthy actually matters to you. Some teenage girls convince themselves it matters and they fucking starve themselves despite being skinny already. It matters more to them than it does to you. So get honest — does getting healthy matter to you more than the satisfaction of binge eating your feelings away? If it does, then you’…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/25 04:42 AM
1

In AA, they refer to it as the “Gift of desperation” (at which point they often “find God” and start listening to others because their “solutions” didn’t work).
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/25 04:32 AM
0

This is the most honest and genuine you’ve been. I’m glad to see it because I’ve been hard on you for the ego-driven stuff you were posting. Golden Boy Being the “Golden boy” is a fiction and chasing it will only lead to disappointment because you’ll take on the next challenge thinking that will make you feel whole… until you fail. Bug in search of a windshield. It’s time to replace that desperate need for external validation with a new approach because I’m here to tell you that the hole inside …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/25 03:53 AM
1

Just that you can vary the lunge to hit different parts of the leg.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/25 02:36 AM
3

Do you log everything you eat BEFORE you eat it? What’s your daily step count? I’d suggest 20k. No excuses. Bio-impedance #s sound questionable. Are you saying that it told you that you are 27% bf at 336? Because that’s not remotely possible at your lifts. Leg press / plates / squat — do barbell lunges. Vary the heel / toe and the back leg. Do walking lunges, etc. You don’t need more plates for those. But here’s the real answer: If you make health and fitness part of your identity, it becomes a …
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/25 04:41 PM
2

Sure, go with that. You’re a bug in search of a windshield.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/25 01:44 AM
5

You act like a woman. FYI, women are way better at acting like women than men are. But also, drop the delusion that your wife will love you like some fairy tale. STFU (obviously) and stop emoting. It’s unattractive AF. Get busy building the life you want and don’t even think about the relationship. Initiate if you want to fuck. Move on to the next thing when done (whether you fuck or not). If you really feel the need to talk about your feelings, find a trusted guy friend. Your wife is not the ou…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/04/25 11:06 PM
1

That’s not what I meant, but I don’t think that’s a bad idea for you (or anyone, frankly). What I meant was, each week you come in with a hyper but unfocused energy and act surprised that the inevitable happened. Go back and read your prior OYS — you went all in on a project that didn’t have support from your boss(es). What did you expect? And now you say that it lost funding because it threatened some people’s jobs…i doubt it threatened your boss’s job. More likely, he was tired of funding your…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/04/25 10:14 PM
1

That’s not what I meant, but I don’t think that’s a bad idea for you (or anyone, frankly). What I meant was, each week you come in with a hyper but unfocused energy and act surprised that the inevitable happened. Go back and read your prior OYS — you went all in on a project that didn’t have support from your boss(es). What did you expect? And now you say that it lost funding because it threatened some people’s jobs…i doubt it threatened your boss’s job. More likely, he was tired of funding your…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/04/25 10:12 PM
1

Yes. Slow your roll and look at your part in all the shit.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/04/25 07:44 PM
1

Adopt an “attitude of gratitude.” It’s not a one-time thing. It’s a way of life. I grew up around a scarcity mindset despite material abundance. The difference it makes for me is insane. I don’t stress over things because I’m confident that I can always find, secure, earn, etc. more than enough. And in the end, it’s all rented (in a sense) anyway, so enjoy & appreciate the present because nothing else is guaranteed. Giving it away. Start small and report back. Notice how it feels. I tipped $30 o…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/04/25 02:04 PM
2

Abundance Mindset 1 - It’s all about perspective. One of my favorite quotes about this is: “Sometimes Heaven is just a new pair of glasses.” You know you “have abundance around” you (an interesting wording that is passive and distancing), but you don’t say you have abundance and you certainly don’t feel abundant. My mindset changed well after my circumstances did. I just needed to really hear it and then feel it. 2 - It’s going to sound trite, but make a gratitude list. I prefer to make it about…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/04/25 10:44 PM
1

Physique Quite the difference from a year and 30 lbs ago. Money Don’t let your stated goal act as a constraint. I think you might surprise yourself. Mom I think I had told you your wife isn’t your adversary (or something like that). Well, your mom isn’t your adversary either. She’s got her own shit to sort out. Stop playing into it. Your desire to “solve” something with her and create a “new frame of connection” belies a need for her approval. You say you’d rather walk away, but you’re still sea…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/04/25 09:49 PM
3

Nutrition Enter what you’re going to eat into MyFitnessPal (or similar) before you eat it. Also, figure out what works for you and eat it over and over. Food is fuel, not reward. Generally… Nutrition Adult child Video games You’re on the right track though. Instilling discipline by stacking good habits is a lot more repeatable than always finding the motivation. Honestly though, you sound bored. Find something that matters to you, something bigger than you to invest your energy into. Ideally, we…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/04/25 09:12 PM
2

You are delusional. You imagine yourself as having way more power and control than you do. All I see is frantic, frenetic energy desperately seeking a “fix” that you hope will solve your problems. Btw, the suggestive texts didn’t make her wet. That was your way of making sure you wouldn’t have to face resistance. IUD - I froze sperm and then got snipped. Preserved optionality but also put me in control of who could actually get my seed.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/04/25 07:03 PM
7

Indifference / Asshole / Resentments I went through the indifferent —> asshole thing. It’s kind of a cope. I was just mad that for a long time I didn’t know how to set boundaries and expectations, so I felt like I was owed something. It was stupid. Your wife doesn’t owe you anything for your past deficiencies. Resentments only hold you back. It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Unless it’s a recurring issue or somewhat likely to happen again, let it go. If it’s still …
/r/MarriedRedPill08/04/25 06:31 PM
0

Mindset Crowd or “leading” there is still an emphasis on others. What if you just focused on actions from your perspective. Crowd or not, followers / teammates or not. Frame / OLD At what points are you getting nexted? Social / Fatherhood Why does it matter whether 43-46 year old hags are open to kids or not? My divorce plan was to find a 27/28 year old who was ok with having one kid (and see how that went)…because that’s what I wanted. CEO Prep What you describe as next step is performative. I …
/r/MarriedRedPill08/04/25 01:16 PM
1

Do you believe your ego serves you (helps you towards your objectives) or do you serve it?
/r/MarriedRedPill03/04/25 11:40 PM
1

In that case, what does it mean to you to be fully present and how often do you feel fully present and open?
/r/MarriedRedPill03/04/25 02:36 PM
1

It IS logical that your brain has a system of heuristics to keep you alive. That system identifies threats (fear) and food that might kill you (disgust), among other problems. It didn’t evolve to make you feel a balance of emotions. This part especially overlaps with other mammals and primates. … What is the opposite of ego?
/r/MarriedRedPill03/04/25 02:03 AM
2

I’m familiar with the “one and done” thinking. Don’t argue, just teach / coach her to relax and breathe through it. You might need to throttle back whatever you’re doing for a bit as she builds back up, but I’ve converted a few that were sure they could only have one.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/25 04:49 PM
2

My wife couldn’t orgasm except with a vibrator (and only solo) for a LONG time. Pre-MRP, it became a goal for me. Eventually, I got there, but there was still too much pressure and validation tied up in it, which frankly got in the way of my enjoyment and prevented her from letting go I might make a post about the path I took around this, but for now, I’ll just say that proving to myself that I was a good lover and getting rid of all the pretense (?) allowed me to let go of the outcome for any o…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/25 04:14 PM
1

Sex You say you really enjoy when your wife orgasms. Do you enjoy it because you feel like a good lover (hint: would you enjoy it as much if you weren’t involved?)? Look, it’s nice to be validated as being good at something, especially something as rife with insecurities as sex. But wanting proof that you are a good lover (paradoxically) keeps you from being a great one. You need validation and can’t be fully present and those things can be sensed, which compromises the experience. I’d estimate …
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/25 03:09 PM
2

When you were young, you weren’t into “nerd” stuff. You were just curious about the world. Why label it? Frame in the absence of a challenge isn’t frame. You lack the ability to set boundaries and reasonable expectations and then you get mad at her about it, but it’s your fucking fault. Then you flirt with the idea of a plate because you don’t know how to get your needs met/ desires met in a forthright way. Covert contract. What work? You’ve been pussyfooting around the whole time. You haven’t b…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/25 02:12 PM
2

Might be worth editing that post. “Caretaking” is a siren song for nice guys and that post gives them an excuse to do so even though that’s not what you meant.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/25 01:58 PM
1

Or just stop enabling her. Handle your share of the load and don’t quibble about if it’s 50/50 or 60/40, but don’t offer a free ride in life.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/25 01:56 PM
2

Sex Not being disturbed about coming quickly (or her mini test about it) is great. I probably would have said “take it as a compliment” but yours works too. At some point, you’ll probably be on the other side of that anyway. Going forward You start with a sentence about how you’re going to allocate time and then say “need to” about the yard. Choose to (or choose not to). I’ve trained myself so that whenever I think or hear “need to” or “should”, I think “according to whom?” Then I choose to do t…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/25 01:47 PM
1

One can also feel and identify emotions without allowing them to dictate how one acts / responds. Another way to think about it: there aren’t “good” or “bad” emotions. There are just “emotions” which are an evolutionary adaptation that emanate from our lizard brain, most of which were heuristics to keep us alive (hence the 75%+ negative). However, they aren’t calibrated for the modern world, or at least typically don’t serve our purposes in it.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/25 01:34 PM
1

I take back my “good job” then. lol.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/04/25 08:05 PM
2

Nutrition Why is a work trip an excuse to lose discipline? I had a work dinner last night. Big, long, boozy steakhouse thing... I drank club soda and ate sashimi, a beet salad and a steak. Noting the baked buns and donut too…why do you think what you eat doesn’t matter? 12-step program ACOA/DF? Video Games Good for you dropping them. It rarely, if ever, serves a real purpose. Game Authenticity and being present goes a long ways.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/04/25 08:03 PM
3

Truth. I’d generalize that even further and say that fear (and variations thereof) drives a lot more behavior than I ever thought in both genders. Women have an understandably greater fear of physical violence, so they seek safety & protection (and resource provisioning) and almost always operate with that concern pretty central in their minds, as you point out. I’d argue that most men’s behavior is also largely driven by fear. It’s just not as frequently the obvious, direct fear of physical vio…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/03/25 11:42 AM
3

One can like (or dislike) one’s self and still acknowledge flaws. Also, self-loathing and ego go hand-in-hand. Ego is self-protective. The more you loathe yourself or have insecurities, the more you will compensate (most likely). Conversely, the more you learn to accept yourself as imperfect (but dynamic and growing), the less need you will have for ego. There’s a chicken and egg question there, but I’ll leave that for another time. … I didn’t actually like myself until pretty recently (<6 month…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/03/25 04:37 PM
2

And cognitive dissonance is excruciating.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/03/25 03:55 PM
1

You don’t really like yourself, do you? Before you answer, drop all ego and facade. At least give yourself an honest answer.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/25 08:46 PM
1

We train people to treat us the way they do. That cuts many ways. Wives are typically the most extreme example of this. And the reason you get so upset is that you are upset-able. If your wife’s tirades had no basis in fact and/or didn’t resonate to some degree, you wouldn’t be bothered. Why so much self-loathing?
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/25 08:18 PM
1

I would add that to the extent anyone has control, it is quite limited and/or illusive. Our ego fools us into thinking we have far more control than we really do. Instead, embrace the chaos. Ride the wave, channel and harness energy, nature, etc. Fighting nature or the natural order is futile (yea, that’s ironic from me — talk about a Jungian (fore)shadow…). Find the tension and figure out how to release or relieve it so you can flow WITH energy.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/25 08:01 PM
1

Breaking down validation-seeking behaviors… Look for reasons to say “no” (to anything) and don’t volunteer an explanation. Don’t take that too far, but if, on the whole, you would rather not do something, then just say “no” (or “no thanks” or whatever the relevant equivalent is). It’ll be awkward at first, but with some practice, you’ll get over it. Liberating.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/25 07:43 PM
1

Just some notes… I get what you’re saying about her following instructions and maybe it’s just me, but girl on top doesn’t register as submissive (btw, doesn’t always have to be…it’s whatever you want). I’ll allow it once in a while if the girl really wants to ride me, but it’s not my jam. Fwiw, I prefer to tell them they aren’t allowed to cum until I say so. Tease, deny, build the tension, occasionally don’t let her cum at all. Mix in blindfolds, restraints, pinning her down, spanking, blood fl…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/25 01:27 PM
1

Club soda - US-based, but I used to think the same. Devi - I use a lot more D & V, and to a lesser extent I, than E. I’ve been moderately surprised how much women enjoy D, even from a higher starting point, they love to be taken where they wouldn’t go on their own. Just make sure you go slow and pay attention to cues, then adjust accordingly. There also has to be the right dynamic / mindset (for both, but most importantly for you), but that’s easier to establish in a new relationship.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/25 06:47 PM
1

Frame Frame is the hardest part, but when it clicks, it clicks. You mean you didn’t understand or ignored that having your own, full life was attractive? Your weakness of leaning in and wanting more affection…why do you want to punish her for good behavior? She responded to you being a man, so you turn into a boy? Reward her with the man (action, independence, initiative) she craves, instead of reverting to a validation-seeking boy. Better yet, just be that man regardless and reap the rewards. G…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/25 06:17 PM
1

Mission “…acting from abundance and _______ (rather than scarcity and fear.” What fills in that blank? Food Discipline & Dates Do you know what women find wildly attractive? A man with self-discipline. Whether it’s food, alcohol, or something else, demonstrating your ability to maintain self-discipline in the face of temptation is attractive. Try ordering a club soda next time and, if asked, just say that you’re taking a break from drinking for a bit. I guarantee it will increase attraction. Fra…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/25 02:53 PM
3

Your lifting #s are kind of mismatched (mainly bc high rep # for squats?). What’s your goal weight? What would put you at 15%? Id guess you are at least 25% right now. DEER-ing I don’t think guys appreciate how unattractive DEER-ing is. Women want something solid. They have enough rationalization going on in their own minds and don’t want more. My take… Step 1: Do whatever you have to do to pause before reacting / responding. Step 2: Acknowledge and own / address mistakes. It’s the obvious / rig…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/25 02:35 PM
1

I ask because of the vitriol of your comment. It seems personal. If it’s not, why does it seem to trigger you?
/r/MarriedRedPill22/03/25 02:31 PM
1

Is that the story of your wife?
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/25 03:56 PM
2

Your mentality is shit. You’re whiney and make excuses. I’m continuously surprised you haven’t been banned. Plus, you want her to fuck you and make you feel special. That’s literally how a woman approaches sex. And would you rather take a cheap, safe pill and have a hard dick or is your ego so fragile that doing so undermines your sense of manhood? The masculine acts, the feminine reacts. When I fuck, I bring the energy and desire. An attractive man expressing desire and being confident, asserti…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/03/25 02:14 PM
2

Gracias.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/25 08:07 PM
2

Car buying - I expect you’ll be treated the way you allow them to treat you / how you signal for them to treat you. Just as before…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/25 12:17 PM
2

The inner work (and frame in particular) is always the hard part.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/25 12:12 PM
1

His goal for DL is 225. I think last week I said his DL was telling on his squat. SQ < DL —> likely BS squat.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/25 12:22 AM
2

My point was just to ease into it or expect to step on a rake. With that said, by all means allow yourself to be a sexual being. There’s absolutely no reason to deny something so essential to your self and the number of eunuchs walking around is kind of absurd. Just make sure it’s congruent. Also, some subtlety and discretion may be in order. You get the point… ETA: I’ve been there. I started with shame about sex and it got worse as wife and I had a terrible dynamic for a long time around sex. I…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/03/25 09:22 PM
3

Good OYS. Ego What deficiency or insecurity are you trying to protect? What weakness or behavior pattern are you trying to avoid acknowledging even though it is probably apparent to a couple people that know you well? Social Be careful about being too open about RP stuff. I present ideas from it in different packaging sometimes, but even that’s rare. Action Items / Nice Guy Stuff It can be a challenge to find the right balance between being demanding / setting expectations / micro-managing. I pr…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/03/25 09:15 PM
3

Frantic. Reactive. Fear of inadequacy. Day sex is the bomb, especially with the kids out of the house. Sometimes having a session to look forward to can be fun (for both). It’s an opportunity to build tension (just don’t innervate). Compliments. Fear of inadequacy. Not believing in yourself + compliment = dissonance —> awkward. Tbf, I wouldn’t believe a compliment about my glutes with those lifts either, but that’s kind of secondary.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/03/25 06:23 PM
1

STFU and lift like your life depends on it. I’d suggest tunnel vision on building yourself up physically. For a month (to start), consider everything from that perspective — does this help me grow or not? If so, do it, no matter how hard. If not, don’t do it no matter the pressure (within reason…don’t quit your job). U/environmental-top (idk his full handle) had a good comment or post about becoming. You might try to find that too.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/03/25 03:12 PM
2

STFU and lift like your life depends on it. I’d suggest tunnel vision on building yourself up physically. For a month (to start), consider everything from that perspective — does this help me grow or not? If so, do it, no matter how hard. If not, don’t do it no matter the pressure (within reason…don’t quit your job). U/environmental-top (idk his full handle) had a good comment or post about becoming. You might try to find that too.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/03/25 03:12 PM
3

So you’re going to go from asexual robot to unapologetically lewd and untamed? You do you, but I wouldn’t step under 405 lbs in the squat rack my first time in the gym. And you will be shit tested (likely shamed hard) if you go full throttle because you’re altering the balance. Do you have the frame for that?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/03/25 03:03 PM
5

The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. -Chinese proverb (or something like that) But also, it’s about learning to appreciate the journey. Struggles and challenges become opportunities to grow. Necessary, in fact. And when you look back, you’ll realize that the greatest joy was in struggling to overcome something, whether you succeed or not. AGO: Another growth opportunity. Perfectionism Narratives and stories help us make sense of things when we can’t see the whole picture. U…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/03/25 02:46 PM
1

Sex: You missed a golden opportunity, but it wasn’t to tell her that “sucking (your) cock will (you) happy.” You have toddler level awareness.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/03/25 03:25 PM
2

Also, how did I deduce fear? (1) “…brittle, energy-hungry, destructive supply chain…” You sound worried that you / others will be left without. Scarcity is fear. (2) Anger is a secondary emotion, the root of which is often fear, especially in men. (3) There are only a few core motivators. Fear is the most basic. Greed & lust in its various forms are a step above. Beyond that you honor / duty / pride and eventually, fulfillment and self-actualization. In some ways, you need to have the layers bel…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/03/25 03:30 PM
2

Fear of failing (“didn’t really try”), fear of wasting time, etc., and fear of being wrong are all ego protection. What self-image are you trying to preserve that you don’t really believe? Spoiler alert: people already see or sense it. Separately, what’s one meaningful step you could take THIS WEEK towards the vision? Clear and short. And don’t come back until it’s done.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/03/25 02:22 AM
2

Remember: The marriage isn’t yours to fix. Fix your own life for you and the rest will work itself out. To steal a line from AA, MRP is a program of attraction, not promotion. In other words, when you have a “product” that is worth wanting, it sells itself. ETA: Your wife’s sex life sounds lame.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/25 03:16 PM
5

Fat, weak, weak-minded. The initial steps for you are obvious. Don’t waste our time or hours whining about squats. You know what is infinitely worse than heavy squats? Being a fat, weak, weak-minded guy who whines about squats.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/25 03:09 PM
5

Talk about the blind leading the blind…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/25 03:06 PM
1

You’ve been in the same loop for at least a year, probably much longer. Pick a direction and go. Failing > inaction. How’s your wife’s alcoholism? Edit: Failing, not falling.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/25 02:53 PM
2

“I’ll allocate my time to things that give me satisfaction.” FTFY If it matters to you that it’s appreciated, you still aren’t your own mental point of origin. Allocate your time, energy, and resources to the people / things you choose and choose them for your own reasons.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/25 02:49 PM
2

Every time you get some oneitis, think about how quickly and enthusiastically she’d hop on a new dick. The 25 year old good girl will decline a marriage proposal and take it in the ass a week later from the guy who doesn’t think she’s special at all. The 35 year old? She’ll do ANYTHING. Iykyk. But also, iron rule #7. If I were you, I’d consider this relationship over already. Treat her as a new girl (as any girl). And eat your protein first. Whey, chicken breast, tuna. It’s not hard, you just ar…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/25 02:42 PM
5

Everything about your OYS’ say that your own opinion isn’t enough, that you consider yourself inadequate. Shame and fear drive you. Hell, you even seemed to be thankful for a new fear to motivate you. What if you were motivated by purpose and meaning instead of fear? What are your biggest flaws and insecurities? Admit them to yourself. Then say them out loud to someone. Then own them and bear them to the world.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/25 01:08 PM
1

Madonna-whore. I’m not describing the women. I’m describing your mentality. Before, you were caught up on your wife’s virginity. Now, your gf being a slut doesn’t bother you. Don’t get me wrong, sexual history has some informational value for LTRs, I’d just keep it right-sized.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/25 12:55 PM
2

There’s an anger and despondence in how you talk about your vision / purpose. What’s the fear behind it?
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/25 12:47 PM
2

What makes the sustainable food thing so important to you? My HRV is erratic AF. I stopped looking at it bc knowing it was unhelpful.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/03/25 03:40 PM
5

There’s a reason MRP is hard mode. (1) New women don’t know your history of BP shittiness. (2) New women haven’t figured out your weaknesses and interactions are more limited / controlled. (3) Women want to believe in men, and if there’s attraction she’ll give the benefit of the doubt. Those aren’t criticisms, just observations. Younger Women IME, an age difference (assuming a concomitant life experience differential) fostered a more polarized relationship, especially wrt sex. Being a man with e…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/03/25 03:19 PM
1

Search bar You remind me of the Ben Affleck character in Good Will Hunting. And no, that’s not a compliment.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/02/25 05:31 PM
1

Lifts: do it and report back, don’t tell us what will happen. Lust: Don’t DEER me. This is your fragile ego. Game: Why are you trying to fuck other women if your mission is related to having kids (presumably with your wife)? Fixing shit: Ask for help when you need it, not just to ask. That’s what (little) children do. Do you want to be treated like a child or a man? Edit: Lust, not list
/r/MarriedRedPill28/02/25 04:03 PM
3

You want feedback? You are needy, arrogant, and ungrateful. You have a fragile ego and over-compensate. DL - excuse + fragile ego that you had to mention what you could easily do (but don’t). Lust - Congrats. You managed to find a high libido woman only to be so needy, arrogant (and apparently bad in bed) that she doesn’t want it. Game - What’s your objective? Work - You lack tact. Fixing shit - there’s this thing called YouTube. It can teach you any & all of that. Men try to help themselves bef…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/02/25 03:50 PM
2

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/s/OD5iv6HQmK
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/25 08:09 PM
2

Ever work from a coffee shop, WeWork, or a friend’s office? I could WFH, but I have no interest in doing so. I’m not a CrossFit guy, but they have a sense of community. Find groups like that. F3 Nation is another one. AA - having a good home group definitely makes a difference. But also, there’s no obligation, so I’d suggest just trying some out. OI - see my comments elsewhere this week re expressing desire without expectation. Might be too soon for you, but it won’t hurt to plant the seed.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/25 07:54 PM
3

Might be worth eating at maintenance for a couple weeks to get your metabolism back up. As for the rest of your OYS… Your wife’s vicious honesty was a gift. Alcohol - have you considered AA? It’s been a blessing for me in surprising ways (not drinking is the least of it). Either way, being able to face reality head-on is a helluva drug too. Plateaus - switch up exercises. If you stall on bench, switch to incline for a stretch and build that up, then switch back and take a fresh run at it. I find…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/25 04:46 PM
2

Ok, so 5lbs difference but I was still off - I apologize. Maybe your Asian genes are beneficial in that regard? Idk. My strongur # is 11.8% but my last DEXA was 14.8%.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/25 04:00 PM
1

Mental Summarizing… From grumpy / angry to withdrawn / sully… Mentally weak Needy for external validation. Overly sensitive and reactive to others’ emotions. Lazy and lacking initiative. It’s really fucking hard to be attractive when you’re so unattractive… What are the opposites of each of the things listed above? And what is a step you can take to move in that direction for each?
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/25 03:51 PM
1

Dexa does not match Stongur, ever. And there is almost zero chance you are 19.5% with those stats. When I was 5’8”, 175 lbs and had better lifts, I was 18.2% per DEXA. I’d wager you are closer to 24/25%. So why start this whole thing with what is almost certainly a lie? If you post a pic of a dexa with your height / weight and bf%, I’ll apologize. ETA: Just look at u/wood_stove_heat. He’s an inch taller, 10 lbs lighter, v similar lifts and reports 24%.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/25 03:10 PM
2

This is the way. It is also how you actually hit macro targets.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/25 03:02 PM
2

Frame & Her Emotions I also find that, “I’m sorry, that sucks” (but nothing further) is a useful phrase when my wife is complaining about something. I’m acknowledging it, but not taking responsibility for it. Otherwise, it sounds like progress on this front. I’d just caution you not to get too focused on how or whether your wife is responding or if you are pulling her into your frame. Control what you can control and the rest will fall into place (it may or may not be how you expect). But when y…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/25 02:52 PM
1

CarboHYDRATE. Each gram of glycogen stores 3g water. Doesn’t make them bad, necessarily, just be aware of the effect. My wife was sensitive and shutdown too. Do the work and don’t worry about her. Women and children wait around for others to take action. Action, direction, ownership, & accountability = masculine. Develop & bring the masculine and the feminine responds. Hit the gym hard. I started out at 24% bf too (5’8” / 172), and I’m 14% now at 177 lbs. You’ll be amazed what lifting can teach …
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/25 12:17 AM
1

Checked your prior OYS - you can keep the 45 year old Russian “6” to yourself. Enjoy living life on her terms…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/02/25 03:47 PM
2

So your purpose is…to have a sense of purpose (and belonging), and building stuff and learning + eat well & be active. Ok, I’ll bite. Which cult? I’ve never understood wanting to join a cult. Form one, maybe, because the leader always has to sleep with all the women, of course.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/02/25 09:36 PM
2

BCAA I’m not a fan of them. I seemed to hold onto / put on bad weight when I was taking them. Bottles and Diapers Phase Yea, it’s exhausting at times, but there’s also a beautiful simplicity about it. I try to enjoy each kid phase for what it is and not get caught up missing past stages or worrying about future ones. You can only do something about the present, and appreciating the good of it is a helluva lot more fun than whining about the challenges of it. Communication skills Radical idea her…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/02/25 09:30 PM
2

Reconciling with wife Who was leaving whom? And what changed? Is this really what you want? Anger Anger is a secondary emotion. The root of it is almost always fear. What fear(s) are behind it? Drunk Captain At least you are acknowledging it. Forget shit tests and comfort tests, how about you just stop sucking and start pulling your own weight for a while? Any time you get resentful at your wife, remember the toilet bowl that you mentioned. And anytime you get mad (at anything), think of somethi…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/02/25 09:19 PM
1

Your DL is telling on your squat. Sex. I’ll re-word it for you. Wednesday - I didn’t initiate. Thursday - I didn’t initiate. Friday - I initiated, had sex. Saturday - I didn’t initiate. Sunday - I initiated, didn’t have sex. Monday - I didn’t initiate. That’s 2/7. Excuses and vowing to do better. Drinking…excuses and vowing to do better.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/02/25 08:07 PM
4

Madonna-Whore complex Plate 2 (aka only plate) sounds like she knows what she wants a lot more than you do. Maybe she can teach you how to develop a frame. If she’s hot, send her my way. I like sluts.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/02/25 04:14 PM
2

What is your definition of a “good life”? Direction: Physical Community So you’re going to form a cult? But seriously, community doesn’t have to be singular. You can belong to a few different tribes and develop community that isn’t all or nothing. I’m part of a bunch of different groups that have varying degrees of group identity. - My tennis tribe doesn’t have a group identity, it’s just a loose conglomeration of good tennis players. - My AA tribe has more of a group identity. - My small group …
/r/MarriedRedPill25/02/25 04:00 PM
2

Ego Wtf is this? Retroactive jealousy about something that might have happened? I have no idea whether my wife was banging someone else when we first met. I doubt it, but theoretically it’s possible. And we didn’t fuck right away. I was also fucking someone else until my wife and I started having sex. I spend zero time worrying about what she might have been doing before she and I agreed to be exclusive, mainly because it wouldn’t serve any purpose. Step 4 inventory might help you process and mo…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/02/25 03:49 PM
1

Step 4 is about an honest, detailed self-review. Step 5 is admitting it to someone else (taking ownership). Step 6 is about identifying the why. Step 7 is about addressing the underlying why. [Don’t get caught up on the wording of the steps and/or the use of “God” in them.]
/r/MarriedRedPill24/02/25 12:20 PM
1

What is it about you that you are reluctant to admit to others? I’d suggest doing a Step 4 inventory (google for details). Ex: I’ve been pretty selective about telling people that I go to AA. It’s uncomfortable because I worry about feeling judged or talked about, especially if I later choose to start drinking again. But you know what? It is what it is and I think I’ve benefited a lot from doing a 12-step program, so I’ve been challenging myself to be more open about my experience in AA. Ex2: Th…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/02/25 09:12 PM
1

This reads manic / frantic. I’ll repeat: If I were you, I’d start thinking about where the highest ROI is on my time & energy (I.e., start working on you…lift, learn to stfu, and really learn to use and incorporate the ideas in the sidebar). Sidebar: NMMNG, WISNIFG, and posts linked on the sidebar. I’ll also repeat: Your ego is fragile AF. This will get in your way. What insecurity is your ego trying to keep from being exposed?
/r/MarriedRedPill20/02/25 04:07 AM
1

Health & Fitness This is the mentality. Sear that into your brain. Macros: Why so low fat? Cardio - Diet will almost always trump cardio, but if you want to do it, I’d suggest LISS (incline walking or rucking). Plate Bruh…she just wants some real D. Don’t overthink it. But also, you really don’t have to answer questions that haven’t even been asked. So stop guessing what might (but v well might not) what’s coming and try being present. Rest Lots of self-congratulatory notes. What purpose do they…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/02/25 02:30 AM
1

Sourdough indulgence i assume you are low carb. The same thing happens to me. Carbs cause you to hold more water. Focus on your weight under the same conditions (or just body fat, but I get using the scale as a day-to-day check). Sex Initiating with “jokes” belies a lack of confidence. Women abhor that. Strong, steady, assertive desire and unabashedly masculine sexuality is catnip. Ex: With others around, I might walk up to my woman and whisper an observation about her (like a compliment but mor…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/02/25 06:30 PM
6

I appreciate when guys actually implement (or at least try) the advice given. Helping others and knowing it has a positive effect makes it worth the effort (plus it helps me stay on track), so I’m glad to hear it.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/02/25 05:49 PM
1

OLD is providing you cheap, empty validation. There is no risk, so of course it’s easier to be OI. But you also just laid out your real problem. You are willing to give away your time, energy & effort without any return (like “chatting up hotties”). It’s a giant covert contract. By doing so repeatedly, YOU are the one who is teaching your wife, job, etc. that they can get the same or more from you with less because, apparently, YOU don’t value yourself or believe that you could get the same or b…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/02/25 03:21 PM
8

STFU Never underestimate the value of a vague “huh.” Worst case, it buys you time. Why? Because Ben Stiller looks like a chimpanzee. Or something else absurd that’s more clever. [The point is that I’m not going to defend all my answers.] Mission You know why you get upset? Because you are upset-able. To operate in the world is to accept that you can’t control everything. So why are you going to get upset when one of the million factors doesn’t go as planned? You’re just guaranteeing your own dis…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/25 10:47 PM
6

“I feel pressured” I use negative inquiry when I hear this or similar — “what did I say or do that implied pressure or obligation?” (Likely answer…well, nothing). Follow-up: “then why do you feel pressured?” Reality is that she feels pressure because she knows she’s falling short if you’re actually pulling your own weight, but she’s got her own hang-ups that she doesn’t want to face and would rather put the blame on you. This requires real OI and an ability to hold the mirror back up to her. “Yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/25 08:35 PM
3

12hr fuckfest? Who are you trying to fool? Meanwhile your wife carries your balls in her purse, yet you are supposedly pulling quick and easy? Your ego is fragile AF.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/25 07:57 PM
5

Fwiw, I’ve struggled with identifying a clear, specific mission. However, I do have purpose and direction. My purpose and direction will almost certainly change over time, but I have found that having direction & purpose has been immensely helpful.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/25 05:49 PM
4

Disagree. I think I’ve only ever turned down sex once, maybe twice, but saying you can’t turn down sex is saying you should give up your agency.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/25 02:10 PM
1

We’re online strangers to one another. Idk why you care, but either way, my real question this week is: how did you go from being so (over-(?)) confident to being so lame and lacking in confidence?
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/25 04:35 AM
3

Wtf is this garbage? You went from an arrogant liar to a pathetic depressed pussy in record time.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/02/25 04:09 AM
1

So if your stated values / purpose aren’t your own, is it because you believe something else or because you haven’t taken ownership of your stated values / purpose?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/02/25 03:35 AM
2

Similar to what u/wmp_v2 was telling you… If making decisions causes this much internal strife for you, I suspect the decision either conflicts with your stated values (seemingly not the case) or your stated values aren’t really tour own.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/02/25 03:55 PM
2

You can’t think of a way to possibly make friends? How about anything with a modicum of community — CrossFit, toastmakers, dancing classes, tennis or pickleball club, running club, volunteering, the list goes on. That’s your one freebie from me. I wont waste my time on your OYS if you’re not going to put in any effort.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/25 08:02 PM
4

“20% BF” “Been avoiding weighing and tracking food” This tracks. It also pairs with the skinny fat and weak lifts. NMMNG No friends you can talk to about it = no real friends. Or maybe you’re just ego protecting…Whichever way it is, this needs to be addressed. Btw, I just got back from a guys trip with a couple longtime friends. Three years ago, I wouldn’t have shared any about whatever struggles I’m going through at the time (fear of feeling judged). Now, I’m an open book in large part bc I am …
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/25 03:55 PM
4

Your leg press and incline press are sad. These are the first lifts you’ve posted, so idk if you’re progressing, but I question the intensity. Past injuries…unless severe & permanent, come on. Shit happens. Recover and progress…which gets to my main point… “Suffer in silence” is a victim mentality. Suffering is pain without acceptance. Pain with acceptance is just pain. In other words, shit that you can’t control is what it is. Accept it and move forward. Adapt and use challenge to grow instead …
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/25 03:27 PM
4

Mindset I mean, basing your self-approval on external outcomes is kind of oxymoronic. Exercising the “right” choices and actions…I’d change that to “acting and making choices congruent with my values….” (Essentially combining with part of the next point). Doing these things may or may not lead to self-approval. One has to also believe that one’s own approval is enough. One doesn’t “build” self-approval. It has to be chosen. It’s kind of hard to choose if you’re not worth a damn though, so self-a…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/25 03:11 PM
2

5’6” - 134 lbs with garbage lifts (DL, but no squat for bench?). Agree with the other comment about the #s. I’m glad your social skills are on point though. Ego protection at its finest. “Suffer in silence” That’s your problem right there. Not the silence part, the “suffer” part. Do you know why that’s your problem?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/25 01:31 PM
11

Wasn’t there a guy a few years back who got HJs but tried to defend it bc his wife was “really good at them” or something to that effect (And then later he came back and admitted how weak that was…)? Found it: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/s/jnlmWo9cBY
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/25 03:41 AM
27

It’s not a shit test if you actually suck. “The moment I enter the flat, I can feel the vibe is not good.” ”The moment I enter the flat, I enter her frame, as usual.” “I’m thinking…” ”I hamster hard AF.” “IDGAF mode activated.” ”I crawl even farther up her ass.” “…and try to appear unphased.” ”I LARP hard.” “Something something “gift” then whine about it.” ”I keep score like a little bitch.” “…period…but not before getting a HJ.” ”I’m such a faggot that I won’t even carry luggage without being “…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/25 03:40 AM
2

Resentment Ok, so how do you want your wife to be held accountable? I’m guessing you don’t think she should be punished for having a past, especially a reasonable one and/or one she disclosed. Instead, think about why the thought that your wife might have given her best (to-date) to someone else bothers you. What insecurity or perceived deficiency is it exposing? Is it one you can correct? If so, what do you need to do to correct it? If not, what do you need to do to accept it for what it is? Bt…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/02/25 07:20 PM
1

I’m not super familiar with GZCL, but I’m sure it’s fine. Your intensity is what I’d worry about.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/25 11:29 PM
2

Orbiter I think you’re generally right that it’s on your wife to shut it down. I don’t think a calm, one-time statement to her about not encouraging that type of behavior would be weak though, especially if you can also indicate that you aren’t intimidated by the guy. In my case, wife was apologetic and made clear where her priorities are (and followed through with action). I think she was a little in the separated mindset still when it began and wanted a little petty revenge for the separation.…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/25 09:45 PM
1

Yes, 1200 at 3-5 reps. I don’t ever do 1RM. Jacked is relative. I’m in good shape and look great but I wouldn’t use “jacked.” Regardless, the point is that you have a long ways to go. Bc bro, 13” arms and 21” thighs? Start squatting like you mean it and hit some bis & tris bc 13” is sad. Squatting with some real weight and pushing yourself will do wonders for you in putting on size and triggering hormones.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/25 02:37 PM
1

Yes, I’d suggest grounding your world view in reality, but even then there are different ways to look at the same events or actions. Find the set of interpretations that are useful to you and reflect your beliefs. Your frame should fit you like a well-tailored suit. It’s comfortable and natural because it’s yours and while others could put it on the proverbial suit and wear it ok, it was made by and for you. But even that analogy falls short because your frame should be part of you. It’s develop…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/25 02:14 PM
1

Instead of gambling and OLD, hit the stair stepper or similar hard for three months. Also, more protein and less carbs.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/25 08:49 PM
2

Orbiter Have you said anything to your wife or directly to him? I wouldn’t just let it slide if you want the marriage to work. I’ve had to deal with this a little too because a guy going through divorce latched onto my wife as support and they bonded over being left by their spouses (as we started to reconcile). Fwiw, I told her I don’t like the optics and that while I trust her, I think he’s a little too comfortable around her. Then I took him to coffee, offered to be a sounding board if he nee…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/25 08:43 PM
2

Mission Instead of stating it in the negative (“discontinue validation seeking behaviors”), I’d suggest reframing it in the positive (“become my own mental point of origin” or “the only judge that matters”). Frame Why do you think your wife responded this way to your new approach to handling it? Not DEER-ing doesn’t happen overnight. Awareness, catching yourself quicker, and doing it less is progress. Keep at it while you work on becoming your own judge. OI Amazing how much easier it is for both…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/25 07:59 PM
3

Why don’t you finish the full inventory and find someone to tell it to before you go off half-cocked with a shitty plan to “fix” yourself. Lots of us grew up that way. Turning yourself into the black sheep is not the answer.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/25 05:30 PM
4

I was going to respond but I’ll just echo this. OP’s insecurity and desperate need for validation jumps off the page and manifests in frantic, needy energy thrown at covert contracts that of course go unfulfilled and then he stomps off like a bratty little child. Thank GOD he got the (throwaway) text back from JLO or he’d really be spiraling. OP - stop pretending and LARP-ing. Go actually fucking lift for a while, work on your covert contracts, and stop chasing validation until your own approval…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/25 05:17 PM
6

Frame is not about adopting some amorphous, ill-defined RP worldview (inherently someone else’s or a combination of other people), it’s about developing your OWN worldview, perspective, and values that YOU believe in and from which you operate. This doesn’t mean your opinions can’t change, but you’ve got a perspective and it sits on a solid foundation.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/25 04:34 PM
3

It’s not smooth, easy, or linear, and it requires consistency and frame. I praise progress but even moreso effort, and I wouldn’t say I ever “settle into a new normal” because I don’t want to rest on my laurels. I’m constantly working on myself and giving to others, including the gift of higher expectations. Then do it all again (it’s iterative). I try to make it fun and appreciate the good along the way. I also accept that there is a gap between the current status and “ideal” (whatever I think …
/r/MarriedRedPill31/01/25 12:51 AM
1

Tears may or may not be a form of manipulation. Either way, you don’t have to “fix” them. You do have to be responsible for your own actions and words (and own/correct, if/as appropriate) — just not the response to them if they are said or done in accordance with your values and beliefs. But yes, do what you want or believe you should do given your beliefs and values. What you tolerate (and encourage) will largely be what is reflected back to you. What I realize now is that I was especially angr…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/25 07:18 PM
4

It’s not an obvious thing. We talk about shit tests all the time, and I’ve seen comments about how shit tests ramp up when a guy changes (the woman testing to see if it’s real / going to stick), but idk if I’ve seen the term “congruence test.” Hearing them described as “fitness tests” (especially in the dating context, I think it was in Mystery Method) really helped me understand them better but it’s a little odd to say your wife is testing your (mating) fitness when she’s already (presumably) c…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/25 03:27 PM
3

Logistics I obviously have no idea. I’m just wondering aloud, but whether my suspicions are right or not, framing it that way for a while might help you approach it differently. Validation Glad you can separate. It’s a lot like the OI thing…who is the answer / action really about? But also, we teach people how to treat us by what we allow (and encourage). Athletics - I chased acceptance / validation / love through academic, athletic and professional achievement too. I got pretty far in each, but…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/25 03:08 PM
5

Her tests are an inquiry into whether you will put yourself back in the box that you kept yourself in for so long. Shit tests are also called fitness tests, but in a marriage context, they could also be considered congruence tests. They ramp up when you make a change because the woman is trying to figure out what to expect — more of the new behavior or a reversion to the old behavior.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/25 04:32 AM
3

I smell bullshit. I suspect you’re either full of shit, delulu, or leaving out / lying about some critical details. 40-something guy that is 5’9” and 150 lbs is not pulling a 9 / “young JLO” off the apps. And she sure as shit doesn’t walk in and think “THIS is the prize I’ve been looking for.” I’ve done the work trip dating app thing. I’ve never not closed if we go to the hotel, let alone the room. Clothes are coming off immediately if we’re going to the room. The LMR I’ve gotten at a hotel was:…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/25 03:40 AM
2

Quality of sex does NOT directly correspond to attraction, which you seem to believe is solely looks-driven. First, have you seen some of the men that get held up as sex symbols? Women’s attraction is far less tied to looks than it is for men, and biggest driver is arguably your degree of IDGAF. Search for the burqa analogy post. Second, you are responsible for the quality of sex. I have no doubt my wife could find someone she was attracted to if we split up, but there’s no way anyone could fuck…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/25 09:49 PM
2

Logistics Are your wife’s emotions your responsibility? Might her anxiety even be a way for her to gain a false sense of control over a situation she can’t control? Or a way to get validation for herself (from you and/or others) that she’s doing all she can in a situation beyond her control? Your validation needs Did a prior gf cheat because of an issue or problem with you or with / in them? If it was due to an issue or problem with you, have you addressed what you could? Or, was due to an issue…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/25 09:40 PM
1

Logistics Why do you feel the need to explain yourself? Why isn’t? “No, I’m going to give it to her at X time” a sufficient response? OI Progress. Keep doing this until it’s second nature. Validation & Insecurity So what is the exact nature of your insecurity? Ex: “I seek my wife’s validation because I never got it from my mom.” (Or whatever it is). And why did you feel the need to tell us about your raise and promotion?
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/25 06:56 PM
3

Fear of being rejected What’s the problem here? Frame. Did you notice how you felt the need to downplay your problems or insert some positive caveat throughout your response? That tells me you care too much about what I or someone else might think…because your self-approval isn’t enough. Insecurities In other words, you have some insecurities to work out, which you reluctantly acknowledge. Look, everyone has some insecurities to some degree. You have to either address the underlying problems (if…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/25 05:28 PM
3

There’s a lot of truth here. I had to learn to set boundaries and instill structure through some hard times, which probably contributed to my anger and hardness. I also had to re-learn how to give. It took not giving for a stretch / giving to myself, then giving to strangers or people who couldn’t give me anything, and eventually giving to those who can give to me. I’ve always had a lot to give, but I needed to give to myself and re-learn how to give to others. No coasting here though…it’s a jou…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/25 05:08 PM
3

OI What you described is the approach I took along the way. It looks and feels way less butthurt to have your own agenda and/or not have to run away when she doesn’t want to have sex. Initiating This is (or can be) a process, not an event. Sometimes I’ll be really direct and overt , but most of the time sex is just the natural result of us both being fun, playful, confident and hawt (and having my shit together). Also, don’t sleep on a woman’s desire to admire her man for his ability to really e…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/25 08:15 PM
1

You’re unemployed…how do you not have time to hang out with your friends? Take your daughter with sometimes when you do. You have no idea how easy a single one year old is until she’s 3 and you have another baby… But more importantly, get a job. Any job. Then you can look for a better one. You do not want to be the guy with a baby and no job.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/25 02:19 AM
1

Shoulder (rotator cuff), which led to a bicep tendon issue as I overcompensated. I’m doing PT now and have (finally) accepted that I need to back off completely until it’s healed. Good points on the other two.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/25 02:13 AM
3

You’re on the right track. The internal stuff is the hardest part. Keep practicing. Awareness comes first, then clunky attempts, then actual improvement. Be intentional and focus on slowing down first. Her list is pretty weird but whatever. Kill any one-itis you have left. She’s just another girl and they all have a past. As long as it’s not heinous, get over yourself. And anxious attachment…realize that women don’t want to be needed. Desired, yes; needed, no. That makes them feel like your mom,…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/01/25 11:13 PM
2

I am future-proofed. I’ll leave it there.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/01/25 10:52 PM
1

I’m going to duck the question about timing details for opsec reasons, but no, it was never finalized. Before the divorce process, I had stopped the standard covert contracts, but I guess you could say I still had some more generalized covert contracts (expectations) about what I “deserved”. And, yes, in leaving (and not expecting to return), i let go of the resentments I had held onto and the expectations about what I deserved. My perspective about certain things also changed, which was easier …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/01/25 05:30 PM
2

Good prompt. A few of the things I’m working on: Working my way through the 12 steps in AA; Considering / evaluating a change professionally; Making the men’s get-togethers more regular and giving them some structure; Adding in more cardio and sports (especially outdoors); and Exploring different modalities (?) of spirituality. In terms of weaknesses, drinking was the obvious one. I could be more fulfilled professionally (exploring options there). My spiritual practice is nascent and wide-open. …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/01/25 03:58 PM
12

OYS 70-something 40M, 5’8”, 175 lbs, 13-14% body fat Lifts: Bench: 245x5 - Squat 435x4 - DL 455x4 - Chins BW+90x6 Reading “Think Like a Monk” right now. Physique Largely in maintenance mode and trying to heal up some nagging joint issues, but I still lift 4x a week. L/MISS 1-3x a week. 2250 calories / ~225g protein daily. (Not) Drinking If anyone remembers my OYS history, I frequently mentioned wanting to cut down on my drinking, with limited success. While I was far from a hopeless alcoholic, m…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/01/25 09:24 PM
7

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/s/CK9TpfrZln Great, now ChatGPT can grade your LARP-ing.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/01/25 08:40 PM
4

This is one of the better OYS I’ve seen recently. You are acknowledging and owning your flaws and taking meaningful action. That’s a great start. And I’ve been in a similar place to you. What had you a restless anxious mess before? What is really driving / behind your anger and resentments? I’d suggest doing a step 4 (from AA) inventory. List out (privately / for yourself) all your resentments, the harms you’ve done, relationship issues, and (last) your fears. You’ll be surprised how common them…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/01/25 04:02 PM
8

Physique At this point in your physique, I’d focus on adding muscle vs. shedding fat. Why not eat at maintenance and increase your lifting intensity? OI / Butthurt I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — leaving the house after a rejection is operating in her frame because you’re reacting to her. Definitely have reasons to get out of the house in general, but it comes across as weak if it’s in response to her rejection (imo). It’s not OI. OI is still being playful and kind but saying (effect…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/01/25 04:00 PM
2

To stop reacting (anger) more naturally, it helps to understand the why behind it because anger is generally a secondary emotion. Otherwise, you’re just trying to muscle through to a better response. If you can disentangle what’s really going on and address the underlying issue, the anger response doesn’t have to be white-knuckled. Instead, a calm, congruent response comes naturally.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/25 10:16 PM
6

Or…learn to like feeling hungry. It’s just a sensation.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/25 09:59 PM
2

I find it really interesting that she seemed to recognize so much of what you had been doing for exactly what it was. She’s smarter / more emotionally intelligent than most for being able to identify and explain it. Most women can sense it but not put it into words. Either way, the key point (for all those paying attention) seems to have been congruence. When you treated her / your relationship like a video game or Pavlovian experiment, she could feel that and resented it. It wasn’t authentic. O…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/25 09:45 PM
2

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/s/zTE72kZhBf
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/25 09:34 PM
3

But to u/environmental-top346 — don’t be looking for a main event or worry if it doesn’t come. It can’t be forced.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/25 03:36 PM
7

This OYS sounds different. Keep this mindset. I might also suggest that you space out your OYS a bit now. Maybe 1/month. Focus on you / action. Goggins quote - said differently, confidence comes from competence proven through action.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/25 03:35 PM
3

Last comment - stop deferring. Don’t wait until you’re x% bf or make $y or whatever. The world opens up when you realize life will never be completely sorted out. New shit will come up. You deserve to accept, love and value yourself as you are right now. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t also work on yourself (love your ability to grow).
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/25 06:23 PM
2

Honestly, I’d just turn her down if I got the sense she was giving off that vibe because accepting that energy tells her where you’re at. A couple times, I’ve said, “If you want it, I’m down, but if you’re just doing it for me, I’m good.” You have to actually mean it, and I wouldn’t make it a frequent thing, but it can be pretty impactful. Hell, even being a little less enthusiastic at some points raised questions. So does not finishing…remember, women derive even more (albeit somewhat different…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/25 05:37 PM
1

Do the inventory in detail (privately). Journal about each resentment, relationship, and harm done. Then, we’ll talk.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/25 05:24 PM
3

I’m going to say the same thing as u/wmp_v2, but in a slightly different way. Your wife doesn’t have a “nice card” to play because she’s not playing a game to try to get an outcome out of you. Two things drive your wife: fear and greed. Women don’t necessarily fear you fucking another woman. They fear you leaving and/or diverting your resources (time / $ / energy) to another woman IF AND ONLY IF she could not easily replace you with an equivalent or better version. She may also fear a loss of so…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/25 04:57 PM
1

Define unenthusiastic. Idk if it’s applicable to you, but some guys mistake passive for unenthusiastic. Passive is fine with me because I like running the show and I bring the energy. Also, do you know who places the most value on sex and monogamy? Men who don’t get laid. I had a run at one point where sex might as well have been a high five. It was inconsequential and held no “special” value (still doesn’t) — it was just another recreational activity, and my only concern was risk management. Sh…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/25 04:38 PM
1

I’m not telling you to go (or stay). I was just surprised that someone a year into this, has a job and isn’t in terrible shape would go sexless on a big vacation. No judgment, just surprise. As for the rest of it. Sure, there are implied contracts, norms, expectations and whatnot, but they have limits. Don’t let your past be your prison.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/25 04:09 PM
1

What’s behind anger… This graphic might be helpful: https://wholeheartedschoolcounseling.com/product/feelings-behind-anger-free-poster/ Your example about the hamster was pretty vague and hard to follow, and kind of conflicts with your anger. Because if you are reacting in anger, I doubt you are calm enough to really make her hamster run (meaning making her anxious / worried about losing you). I’m not really a big fan of removing time & attention in response to bad behavior. This still has you o…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/25 03:12 PM
1

Mental Did you ever do the Step 4 inventory we talked about? Anger is a secondary emotion. What feelings or emotions are behind it? How are you punishing her? Does it actually affect her or are you kind of punishing yourself in the process? What is it that triggers your reactive anger? before you react, play the tape in your head. You probably know how it’s going to end…and I doubt it’s actually what you want. So what is your objective? You set boundaries…let’s hear some examples of your boundar…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/12/24 05:02 PM
1

And don’t cover that salad with shitty dressing made from soybean oil. Vinegar and EVOO or dry. Not fucking…I can’t fathom being in a sexless marriage let alone one before kids…while going on a big vacation. Is there something else going on here??
/r/MarriedRedPill31/12/24 04:53 PM
2

This also reflects a mindset that food is a reward instead of food being fuel. Once that is really engrained, the thought of eating garbage is revolting. Sure, I’ll have a bite of a dessert here and there, but the thought of gorging myself with chocolate cake (or whatever) has zero appeal to me. Same goes for cigarettes and alcohol too because i value my body.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/12/24 04:51 PM
2

If you’re 39 and the best player on a pick-up court, you are finding a shit game unless you played college ball. I play occasional pickup where I’m the oldest guy by 10 years, usually the shortest, and often the only white guy...
/r/MarriedRedPill20/12/24 10:17 PM
2

Approaches I guess credit for making the approach, but going overtly, aggressively sexual from the jump…lmk how that works out for you. Sex Making her orgasm a quest is horrendous idea. Even your rationale for DNGAF is in her frame. Good sex FOR YOU is your responsibility. Her enjoyment is secondary. Its derivative. AND THATS HOW WOMEN PREFER IT (this assumes you know a little about foreplay and last more than a minute). Have you ever heard a woman fantasize about getting eaten out? Maybe they c…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/12/24 03:51 PM
1

Your lifts are sad. Work on those while you look for a job.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/24 11:30 PM
4

Your attempts to reconcile MRP with your desire to be seen as the good guy are kind of painful. Also, we don’t care about your basketball skills. You jumped at the opportunity to solve your MIL’s problem before she even had to ask. That’s a classic STFU. If she looks at you more, “I’m sorry, was there a question in there?” Statements don’t require responses (nor are you necessarily required to answer a question, but more likely to need to say something in response). A lack of shit tests is not a…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/24 11:28 PM
1

Is 15.2% what the DEXA said? ETA: I’m guessing the DEXA said 18-19% but you didn’t put that # (since you didn’t change your # from the prior week). Gender shouldn’t matter for a DEXA. If your ego won’t even allow you to post the real bf% here, what else is it keeping you from doing or being honest about?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/24 11:17 PM
4

He’s got plenty of stored energy. The main thing he needs is a deficit, and to get there, his fat intake needs to go down.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/24 10:46 PM
2

You are at least 25% body fat with those measurements and lifts, probably closer to 30%+. If I were you, I’d be 200g protein / 2k calories. Keto if you want, but your current fat intake is absurd and completely unnecessary. Do you walk or do any LISS?
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/24 04:23 PM
2

Don’t let off the gas.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/24 03:04 PM
4

This is what action does and progress looks like. Be careful not to enjoy the validation too much, but some of that is natural. Ultimately though, confidence (and self-esteem) grounded in competence (based on action) is sustainable progress. Plus, you’re more fun to be around! Also, note how much you feel the increase in confidence / self-esteem (relative vs absolute) and how it’s connected to the action you have consistently been taking. ETA: I’d suggest using a tape measure on various body par…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/24 02:47 PM
1

What are your goals or what gives you purpose? Are you enjoying your dating life? How long has your separation been going now?
/r/MarriedRedPill08/12/24 02:39 AM
1

These “mini-main events” — are you sure that’s what they are?
/r/MarriedRedPill08/12/24 02:20 AM
2

https://symmetricstrength.com/ Your biggest areas of opportunity are also the largest muscles - legs & back. Stop half-assing those.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/24 03:27 PM
1

Are these tested or calculated 1RM? What are the actual weights / reps?
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/24 03:09 PM
1

What have you been doing the first 25 OYS? Also, you want to put on 45 lbs in a year and you’re not working out for a week? That’s some serious cognitive dissonance. If your stats and lifts are real (I have my doubts), you are pretty ripped and should be gaining ~1-2 lbs a month of muscle. Are these lifting #s goals? e1rms? Your financial goals are sad. Get your financial house in order and stop living hand to mouth.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/24 02:49 PM
1

Yea, I probably went too far on that point you disagreed on. Sounds like we agree on the gist though. Agree on the upper body emphasis. I lift 5x a week and do PPLPP given the relative progress. I would probably benefit from more hypertrophy in general, especially upper body.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/24 07:48 PM
1

I’m not stopping behavior sometimes and allowing it other times. There is stopping bad behavior and encouraging good behavior. If you teach enough good behavior, you don’t have to stop bad behavior at all (theoretically / eventually). If all you do is stop bad behavior, then your woman only knows what not to do (but not ALL the no-go’s) but she doesn’t know what you want her to do yet. [btw, it’s not like vitamin d / sex is all I respond with…there are other behaviors I direct her to as well] If…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/24 05:03 PM
3

My “vitamin D” comment is anything but appeasement (nor is it faux amusement). It’s essentially refusing to engage on her bitchy / snarky / whatever terms and nudging her off the loop she was on to then engage with me on more fun, playful terms. It’s not quite the Socratic method, but that’s the gist of it — help lead them come to their own conclusions (which you’ve already worked out). If they refuse to follow the trail that you clear for them and want to be shitty, THEN boundary enforcement is…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/24 03:08 PM
1

Guy2 = my experience. “Believe me, this guy is a miserable MF when he’s a 6.5, but his potential is insane.” I didn’t have any idea how high my potential was. I couldn’t even think in that way because I was such a type 2 drunk captain.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/24 03:58 AM
4

Maybe my scale is off, but IMO, a 20th percentile man would be like a 7, which actually leads into a thought I had. It’s just a thought I’m putting out there to get feedback. It’s not well-formed yet. The dating / relationship market for men and women is not just two sides of the same coin. The distribution of women is relatively narrow — there’s a large pool of unqualified women, and then there’s a smaller but still sizable pool of qualified women. [By qualified, I mean she does not have clear …
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/24 02:32 AM
3

Yea, after our exchange I thought through a couple scenarios and I think you’re right. Scenario 1 - “Average” / “Normal” Guy Let’s say he was a 6.0 that married a 6.0, but life and BP conditioning wore him down and he’s at a 4.0. Meanwhile his 6.0 wife has fallen to a 5.0 as time, kids, and a shit husband mean she hasn’t had to try for years. Most guys can “win” a relative SMV/RMV (I’ll treat them as interchangeable for the rest of this) race with a wife that started out with a similar SMV (wome…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/24 12:00 AM
3

Actually trying out the material > more reading. Get comfortable saying “I won’t be spoken to like that.” Also, “No.” (sans explanation) I assume 0/0 sex / initiations, correct?
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/24 08:34 PM
2

Are you indifferent to sex or have OI? To me, those are pretty different things. Indifferent - I think I turned down sex once and phoned it in once. Both were met with meltdowns. Oi - Conversely, it took a while to really be OI. To the point that I’d have use negative inquiry to highlight that I was actually OI (she’d claim I would be upset about not getting laid, I’d ask her what about my words or actions indicated I was upset…silence / end of accusation).
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/24 08:24 PM
1

Spot on, but I’ll add something here. Leading your wife from meek, vanilla sex to wild hot monkey sex or whatever version you want it to be is difficult because you have established norms and patterns. Suddenly you want to change the dynamic after 10 years of check-the-box sex, and she’s wondering what happened. Change = shit tests. Shit tests are women’s way of gauging how real / congruent the change is. Expect resistance. Be consistent and persistent but don’t force it. Her acceptance / embrac…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/24 07:30 PM
5

I wholeheartedly agree that you don’t have to go through life eating shit. I’d probably revise it even stronger. However, I’m not sure I agree with the controlled anger tactic. As the article suggests, you don’t actually want to escalate and follow-through with anger. You want to be above it. Instead, I think everyone needs to find the “go to” responses to brattiness that work for them, but I prefer an AM-style approach because it shows I can’t be dragged into a stupid fight. My personal go to i…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/24 07:14 PM
1

To be clear, I wasn’t making myself scarce to appear scarce. I just didn’t want to go to the next place so I declined the invite. I didn’t even suggest she not go — it wasn’t a thought. I value my own time. I choose what to do with it. If I don’t like the plan, I pass and/or make my own plan. I didn’t try to create any false pretense, try to make her qualify, or do anything fake. Your girl in the anecdote sniffed this out. I just did what I wanted / what worked for me and didn’t worry about the …
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/24 05:33 PM
3

Why put 205 in your stats when you’re actually 212? You’re probably closer to 25% than 20%. It’s just one day, but that’s a lot of fat. What are you eating? I’m 5’8” / 175 lbs / ~13/14% bf. I target 2,250 calories, 250g protein, 70g fat, 155g carbs. A willing wife is a gift. Don’t waste it. I was grinding, put on 20+ lbs of muscle, low-teens bf% and my wife was hearing thirsty comments about me before she started trying. And even then she complained about it incessantly. Don’t just log your food…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/24 05:13 PM
6

“I don’t have to do this with you if you’re going to have a bad attitude.”< What if you instead said, “You’re welcome to stay (or go?) home. I’m leaving in 10 minutes.” (And follow-through with OI)? Do you ever tease her in a fun, playful way? Also, did you really use controlled anger and nuke it or did you just admit to her that she gets special kid glove treatment? We teach people how to treat us (even if inadvertently). The good news is you showed some backbone and she responded. Note that he…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/24 03:34 PM
4

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/s/9sxfoGit6z “I’m certainly not saying you shouldn’t do it for some moral reason, but I would caution you not to get sucked into the dopamine / validation vortex of getting matches or thinking that chatting is the same as irl dates, escalating and closing.” U/ouaaia - see my comment to someone else last week re OLD. This woman got your time and attention (validation), and your false confidence front crumbled at the first sign of resistance. Even worse, you…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/24 02:57 PM
1

Different but not. I’m basically addressing the “See…for betas […]” issue. You (U/Teh1whoSees) address that aspect and explain levels beyond it. For 90+% (?) of the guys here, I’d argue that the area of overlap between our comments is all that matters. To operate at the level you’re on, the woman likely needs to admire (not just respect) the man speaking in order for them to be that open to it. That’s relatively rare for anyone at 10+ years of marriage, but particularly so for guys who wash up o…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/11/24 06:45 PM
3

I’ve been there. Practically speaking… I primarily wanted a market / reality check on where I stood. I got it and wasn’t wrong, but it was a pain in the ass to get a reasonable sample size without “complications.” OLD is tricky because the vast majority are going to want something “legit” (especially or at least until enough DHV, which really needs to be done in person, especially if OPSEC is a concern) even if they are willing to be a FWB/FB. But the bigger issue is what you identified. I’ve al…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/11/24 03:47 PM
2

Fair enough. I’d guess that the 1/10 estimate of guys willing to do the work is high too because of a combination of laziness, settling for a small uptick in sex, and Rambo-ing. As for your path…maybe I need to go back and re-read it. If memory serves though, your (second / current) wife was a model or something like that, so you must have had at least some decent qualities to start with, even if you’d fallen beta for a period of time, no? Fwiw, I probably started off better than I realized as w…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/11/24 02:30 AM
3

There are some things I’d like to tease out. I’m curious where you agree or disagree. First, 80/20, 90/10? Probably even less. BUT nearly any guy can move himself into the top 10% with fitness, frame, game, and being a reasonably successful guy with his shit together. And if/when you can be a top whatever % it takes, quality pussy is almost comically easy to get. Second…the idea that a man is more likely to turn his wife into an absolute slut than he is to be able to get that on the outside. Man…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/11/24 12:15 AM
2

I’m certainly not saying you shouldn’t do it for some moral reason, but I would caution you not to get sucked into the dopamine / validation vortex of getting matches or thinking that chatting is the same as irl dates, escalating and closing. I’ll come back on the rest when I have time.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/11/24 11:48 PM
1

Teasing You couldn’t help opening your mouth, could you? That invited the dumping. Sex Validation / orgasms… link.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/11/24 08:08 PM
2

Cutting alcohol for 7 days won’t tell you anything. Eliminate alcohol & weed for three months and see how you feel. I’m four months sober and my sleep is still meh. But whether it’s booze, weed, or porn, the theme here is lack of disciple and/or avoiding your real problems.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/11/24 07:41 PM
1

What are you actually hoping to accomplish with the OLD stuff? Passive feedback = validation. This OYS feels pretty self-congratulatory. What’s your biggest weakness and/or area for growth and what are you doing about it?
/r/MarriedRedPill27/11/24 07:29 PM
1

“Creating that deficiency is clearly serving me somehow” Is it serving you or are you serving it? What if instead of “needing that struggle” the self-created struggle is just…familiar?
/r/MarriedRedPill27/11/24 07:17 PM
2

“Boyfriend material” Not a catch-22. You are seeing things from her perspective and then acting. That’s operating in her frame. She’s deciding whether you qualify. What if you didn’t worry about what she thought that she thought about you and just assumed she had an open, impressionable mind (and that, if or because you are awesome, of course she would be interested in you in whatever form you decide)? And then YOU decided whether she qualified. Way too many buzz words here, btw. Squat - fair en…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/11/24 04:00 PM
2

Number 1 - Quit bitching. Number 2 — in all likelihood, she didn’t know she was doing it the whole time and doesn’t connect her comment about you being great overall. She was subject to the same blue pill conditioning that you were. It’s not like women get together and take a training course on how to be hypergamous, solipsistic, and harpy.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/11/24 02:15 AM
1

You allude to some unspecified other material. Cite it or drop it. I didn’t say “better” (or worse), just different. Her communications aren’t about the logistics (or content of the communications whatever it might be). They are about your lack of self-respect (and thus tolerance for shit treatment), which causes her to lack confidence in your ability to navigate the world (hence the hen-pecking and second-guessing).
/r/MarriedRedPill27/11/24 12:16 AM
1

It’s not abstract at all. You’re avoiding finding out if you can measure up by allowing yourself to be distracted because you’re afraid you don’t (or, less likely, that it’s not actually what you want), so you avoid finding out. But if you face the fear, push through it, you can overcome and break through instead of playing this small ball BS.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/11/24 12:11 AM
2

I think the concern or risk is that asking a newb whether they have been a woman’s fantasy triggers dancing monkey / video game mode for them and some new sexual obsession to chase that lives rent free in their head (and maybe double so via thinking about who their wife DOES fantasize about). Getting in shape, improving style and learning some game might even work for some in the short term or do enough for them to be content with a still shitty situation where their wife puts out a bit more and…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/24 11:32 PM
1

“It’s become very clear to me that she views me as boyfriend material.” Do you understand how and why this statement encapsulates your problems? And why don’t you squat? Mental / Sex - Did it ever occur to you that women derive even more validation from sex than men? If you accept that (even just for the moment), how would it change your approach to sex?
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/24 07:09 PM
3

It’s amazing what being honest with yourself (about diet in this instance, but it applies generally) can do. Burn that lesson into your brain. You do realize that not being shredded is not what’s held back your sex life, right?
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/24 04:41 PM
5

Your vision is the definition of LARP-ing. You don’t look good, you just look better than you did. I’d suggest you let your weak ass squat talk to you for a while. Don’t give me the improved form excuse either.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/24 04:35 PM
2

Mission You can’t command respect (or desire). You can respect yourself with enough work and honest introspection. Desire may or may not come and is fleeting. Communication Idk what materials you’re referring to but my take is that men and women “communicate” differently. Men typically want to deal in facts & logic. Women want typically want to deal in narratives and emotions. The sooner you realize and accept that most conversations (ie, non-logistical ones) with women are not about the exchang…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/24 04:28 PM
2

Squatting is life. Put some real weight on there, get under the bar, get low, head up, shoulders back and drive that MF up. Then do it again with more. Eating like shit, spending too much, smoking / other bad habits…there is a theme here. Everything you want is on the other side of fear. Also, far too soon to think about nuking your family. Stop being a shit man, father, husband for a while first. The good news is your wife likes to get fucked by a man with confidence. Go do stuff to create a so…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/24 04:15 PM
1

Divorce I don’t recall the details of your situation, but most states have calculators that pretty well inform the outcome unless there are unique circumstances. With one shared kid that will be 18 in a few years, child support will be pretty insignificant in the grand scheme. Beyond that, you likely split assets and owe some alimony for a few years, but nothing you can’t overcome by eliminating the drag she’s causing. Prep for Post-Divorce Dating I’d suggest consistently putting yourself in soc…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/24 04:39 AM
2

Idk if I’d say sex “isn’t anything inherently” because then what is anything inherently? I’d actually argue that sex is as inherently something as anything else. But going down that rabbit hole seems like a waste of time…. Yes, right-sizing is calibrating the importance of something. However, guys often say they’ll calibrate their actions based on their wives’ responses (I’m not a fan), so I tend to avoid that word. My game comments were just an example, but I would suggest thinking about whethe…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/24 11:32 PM
2

Basics: “Excuse me?” “Would you like to try that again?” “I won’t be spoken to like that. Come back when you’re ready to have an adult conversation.” Eventually, you may graduate to: “You sound like you need some Vitamin D” (dick) “Do I need to spank you?”
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/24 10:17 PM
1

You shut that shit down in its tracks.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/24 09:11 PM
1

Sex You say that “sex doesn’t mean anything anymore” (to you) and then say it’s loss of meaning “makes (you) sad” and it “made sex feel cheap.” You do realize you are still assigning it meaning, right? You’re just mourning the death of the idea that sex is some magical thing… Sex has whatever meaning you assign to it. It’s neither the meaning of life nor meaningless. Fwiw, I just try to keep its importance right-sized. We evolved in such a way that it is pleasurable, meaning that it triggers or …
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/24 08:42 PM
2

Sex You say that “sex doesn’t mean anything anymore” (to you) and then say it’s loss of meaning “makes (you) sad” and it “made sex feel cheap.” You do realize you are still assigning it meaning, right? You’re just mourning the death of the idea that sex is some magical thing… Sex has whatever meaning you assign to it. It’s neither the meaning of life nor meaningless. Fwiw, I just try to keep its importance right-sized. We evolved in such a way that it is pleasurable, meaning that it triggers or …
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/24 08:42 PM
3

You know what makes haircuts look better? LIFTING (for real) Seriously. I’ve changed my style a couple times in recent years. Now I’m a buzz cut with stubble / short beard. Nfw could I have pulled it off without a decent physique and the self-confidence earned by doing the work. But you’ll keep tinkering around the edges and avoiding the hard work, so this message is really for others.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/24 05:50 PM
1

I think I said last week that if it’s really 4-5 drinks for the week, I’d put my focus elsewhere. But your quotas (was that one with each?), blowing through them and blaming others and society for your need to drink are changing my mind because you don’t seem to want to be honest with yourself about it. Don’t wait until something else happens before making a change you need or want to make. That’s BS. Especially work…people respect guys with self-control and self-discipline. Btw, I haven’t drank…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/24 05:42 PM
3

“Creating a more interesting life will make it possible for me to create a stronger frame.” No…the “if I just…” or “once I…” thinking needs to stop. Frame is internally developed. If it’s based on things that can be lost or taken away, it’s not frame. “…with me taking her pants halfway off.” What?! They come off in one fell swoop if she isn’t already taking them off herself. This is a direct result of your hesitation, uncertainty and/or anxiety. She should be able to sense that you have no doubt…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/24 02:24 PM
5

Amplifying these… 1 - Don’t argue. Women don’t care about facts or logic, especially in emotionally charged moments or when they don’t serve her. 2 - Frame the conversation. Take a minute to gather yourself before you interact. Have an objective in mind. If you don’t have an objective, whats the point of the interaction? If you’re not in the right frame of mind, “Now isn’t a good time for me.” You can decide whether it warrants offering a time to follow-up or not. These will help with 3 & 4. Sty…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/24 12:33 PM
1

200g+
/r/MarriedRedPill18/11/24 12:40 PM
1

Word salad, DEER, & self-deprecation. Just take the re-direct (or not) and go do it. Also, eat some animal protein - fish, chicken, beef, whatever. And 1RM from a 10 rep set is silly. If you think it’s legit, put 275# on and knock out 5-6 reps or whatever it says you can do. If you can, it will who you how much you’ve been pussyfooting around. Squat and DL - yes, I went up more than 10# at times for my top set (6-8 reps). Maybe I’d only get 2-3 reps, but I feel like pushing the weight higher and…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/11/24 02:54 AM
1

I’m 5’8” - 175 lbs. 1300 big 3. ~13% body fat. A sub 15% body fat doesn’t mean shit if you don’t have muscle. 90% of my progress towards that was in the first two years (started at the same height & weight with much lower lifts and 24% body fat). I’ve stayed between 170 & 180 the whole time except for a ~2 month period when I pushed up to 187 lbs and lifting my face off. I lost too much mobility and range of motion for my purposes though, so I brought it back down. Zero alcohol the last four mon…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/11/24 08:18 PM
1

Part I Background Lots of similarities to me — high achieving, sports success, academics, etc. But don’t hate on the 32s. When you hit 40, they are a good speed. Self-acceptance/ self-compassion There are no good or bad feelings. They are just different feelings. Meditation and journaling, especially, but also affirmations and psychedelics are all useful tools. What worked for me… [Idk if this fits with MRP dogma or not, but I’m putting it out there in the vein of “sharing notes” because I found…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/11/24 04:29 PM
2

Why would you want to be 5’10” & 155 lbs? If your 23.3% / 195 lbs is correct (45 lbs of fat), your goal implies that you want to lose a bunch of fat and LOSE some muscle (bc you aren’t going to be just 5 lbs of fat). By all means, lose some fat, but if you really want to be 155 lbs, you are going to be weak AF and look disgusting. I started at 5’8” & ~175lbs with 23.4% bf (dexa) 3 years ago. Same height & weight with ~13% bf…so I traded roughly 20 lbs of fat for 20 lbs of muscle by eating clean,…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/24 10:44 PM
2

Um, no. I’ll breathe a little heavy after an intense set of 10+, but I’m not sure what you mean by lungs giving out. At your overall age & stats, I’d be surprised if your cardio was that bad. Maybe your posture / form is off? I look at the corner between the wall and ceiling, think about my hip hinge and dropping my ass into an imaginary bucket, then drive up through my heels, and finish with the hip hinge again. Pause in between reps of you need to but a heavy 4-5 rep set shouldn’t leave you ga…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/24 05:01 PM
1

https://symmetricstrength.com/ I never understand why guys don’t put more effort into squats. Hitting them hard will have all sorts of positive cascade effects and if your bench is anywhere near your squat, you’re not trying. Mine (@ 40yo - 5’8” - 175 lbs) - bench 275x4; squat 425x5; DL 455x4; wtd chins BW+100x6. I am not a lifelong lifter either (~3.5 years), and the vast majority of my development was the first 2 years. Favorite workout: Squat 315 for 100 reps. However many sets it takes. I gu…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/24 02:36 PM
2

There’s no such thing as shameful honesty. It’s likely what facilitated the progress you’ve made since getting sober. You’ll be amazed how the prison of your own mind’s making dissolves when you start being honest with yourself & others and stop letting shame control you. That look of hers that you mentioned…it’s because she knows. It’s time to start owning your shit and being authentic. As the say in the rooms, keep coming back.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/24 02:06 PM
1

I didn’t mean just the origin of it. I meant how had it manifested in your past? What are some common patterns of behavior (like my example of dating women that I knew couldn’t work for some reason, which gave me an out)? I chased achievement & professional success for a long time - school, grades, accolades, the perfect job, starting a company, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to succeed, but I’m not desperate to succeed now bc my sense of self doesn’t rely solely upon what I achieve. ** Y…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/24 06:00 AM
2

Great comment and perspective on anger / resentments.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/24 05:35 AM
1

I appreciate the honesty, but let’s try to keep things proportionate. You don’t have to spiral and make some grand conclusions. You have flaws and insecurities like every one else. And you have some faulty wiring. Let’s take a step back. Are you continuing to tell new lies or just trying to maintain old lies? Either way, you are not being rigorously honest, as the AA program requires. You also said you make a searching and fearless moral inventory every night, but your subsequent responses under…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/24 05:31 AM
1

What do you lie about and what do you think is behind that? Don’t just say fear of abandonment. Explain what defects you are hiding and what exposing them would say about you.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/24 05:06 PM
5

Appreciate that.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 08:30 PM
1

That’s just quoting what the step says to do (and then step 10). I asked what you learned. I’ll rephrase: What are the underlying themes across your resentments, fears, harms and sex conduct?
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 08:29 PM
3

Kids / discipline. Do you play with them too? I play with mine and let them get away with a little more, but then when I draw the line, they know it’s real and not moving. You might even say it’s futile for them to fight me. If your wife gives an instruction, let her enforce it. If the kids still don’t comply to a reasonable ask, then they’d be breaking a rule of mine (respect their mom), which I enforce.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 05:40 PM
5

Now we’re getting somewhere! I appreciate the honesty. I felt / feel similar. That’s where you were / are. It will likely always be a tendency even if you address & overcome it. Not a bad thing, just a thing. Why do you feel unworthy of love (ie, what in your past led you to that conclusion?) and what would it take for you to be / feel worthy of love (not “loved” but “worthy of love”)?
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 05:13 PM
3

Not drinking is not an excuse to avoid socializing. In fact, isolating will probably only put you at risk of relapse. I’m ~4 months sober and just push through the awkwardness. Btw, when people realize I don’t drink, they respect and often admire it. Your wife’s (or anyone else’s for that matter) emotions are not your responsibility. You are only responsible for your own words & actions. Why the duck are you talking about shit from 2018?! Stop re-apologizing (I’m with u/hornsofapathy on this). A…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 05:06 PM
3

Don’t congratulate yourself. You’re not exactly killing it. Preferable: Put your phone down and do something useful. Don’t jump when you hear a ding. Minimum: “No, I’m still here.” What was the purpose of offering to tuck her in? That’s such an impotent thing to do. Story time: I was hanging out with a 24 year old girl for a few months recently. She’d often tell me about her orbiters and how they would profess their love for her, get emotionally needy, and tell her how great she is. She’d occasi…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 04:37 PM
5

Emotions are like crude evolutionary heuristics and originate in the amygdala (lizard brain), especially fear. They can often be a helpful to keep us alive (fear, disgust) but when survival isn’t at risk, they can lead us astray in these modern times. So feel the emotion, recognize it, understand it, but don’t just react to it or try to ignore it. Rather, right size how you respond to it (if at all). [Btw, women largely live by and for their emotions, which aren’t logical. Remember that the next…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 04:15 PM
3

Anger - what’s behind it? We (men) tend to feel / show anger but there’s usually something else underneath it. Keep peeling it back and look for patterns.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 02:58 PM
3

This is pathetically try-hard. Your wife had a possible whiff of dread (did you leave?) and you stamped out any potential spark by rushing to offer beta. Stop validating and assuring her that she can do nothing for you and still be perfectly cared for. Unless you want to be tucking her frigid ass to bed the rest of your life.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 01:16 PM
2

You’re tall, skinny, weak, and lack a spine. Hit the gym, eat, and develop a backbone. No one will respect you if you don’t have self-respect. Divorced. How long? Why? Have you gotten laid since? Did I read that you withdraw affection from your 8 year old daughter when she cries?
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/24 01:02 PM
3

Attraction is definitely part of it, but attraction alone won’t be enough for some wives. Being hot, fit, successful, charming, trustworthy, confident, and NGAF about what others think goes a very long ways and would cure most dormant sex lives, but not all, especially if she can get attention, validation and feelz from you without it and/or she has some engrained issues around sex. If you get to that point, you’ll (rightly) wonder if she’s even capable of doing it (spoiler: she is). Then, you h…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/11/24 04:35 PM
1

Mental Not every week needs to be a revelation or breakthrough. Stop looking for the silver bullet or the one thing that explains it all. As for sex and standards, get out of your own head. When you’re single and fucking around, women have NRE, want to have fun, have less stress and/or a desire to get the ring / commitment, so they’re naturally willing to do more. That’s why MRP is hard mode, but the true hard mode is MRP with little kids because of the stress and hormones you have to overcome (…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/11/24 03:29 PM
1

Weight Bro, nice job sticking with it on the weight loss! 240 -Initial goal? Ankle I had a cortisone shot in my shoulder and it wore off. Ortho wanted to operate. I said I wasn’t ready for that, but I’d do another shot. He said ok, and that + bpc 157 (not sure which) did the trick ~2 years ago and going strong. Fwiw…idk anything about your ankle obviously. Dating I went out with a woman this summer. Was upfront that I was still married and she was cool with it. First date wasn’t great and she se…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/24 10:09 PM
3

Diet Yes, a latte fucking counts. Abs are made in the kitchen, but I’m also a big believer in LISS. Get the blood flowing and activate all the systems. I prefer rucking outside. Sprints are also great. Not a fan of long duration mid-level cardio. Lifting I hate artificially starting at really low weights. Intensity is ultimately what matters. Do extra negatives at the end and let the muscles really stretch where applicable (pulling). Game Flirt with the world. Observe and comment (FFS don’t comp…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/24 09:52 PM
2

Fuck right through her period. She will if she wants to. I was with a 25 year old this summer. First night, pulled her back to mine and she mentions her period as things escalated. My response: “I kind of like period sex.” Her: “That’s hot.” Game on. Never stopped me with other women either. I guess she was used to younger guys who get freaked out by periods. Idk / idc. Don’t use cycle as an excuse.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/24 08:44 PM
1

Lifting Would I do something differently? Yes, I’d lift harder and eat at maintenance. You aren’t lifting hard enough to warrant any extra calories. I’m 5’8” & 175 lbs ~13% body fat (dexa). Bench 275x4 & Squat 455x5. When I started started lifting, I was 172 lbs and 23% bf. My bf% steadily declined while my lifts progressed and my weight stayed between 170 & 180. By far the most progress was in my first year. Sex Stop trying to read tea leaves or goat entrails or trying to read her mind. She doe…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/24 12:38 AM
2

With those lifts, is bulking really necessary? You’re still on the steep part of the curve. Tell us less about your thoughts about possible actions and more about the actions you actually took. Game - flirt with everyone. Flirt with the world until it’s a habit to just be playful and flirty. It’s not a “healthier” mindset to assume attraction. It’s a more useful mindset. I’m going to assume no sex since it wasn’t mentioned despite the topic. Is that correct?
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/24 07:23 PM
2

Ashwaganda - concern is anhedonia (I think via cortisol).
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/24 07:33 PM
1

Stbxw is actually pretty hot, and she really whipped into shape in the later stages of my MRP run. However, her natural / default mode seems to be especially lazy and selfish (AWALT, but there are still degrees). Probably to be expected for an attractive woman who grows up in a privileged setting in a major metro (United States) unless there’s another influence. I don’t harbor any animosity towards her — that’s just who she is and what she could bring. I appreciate her for our kids and good co-p…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/24 07:30 PM
2

Vasectomy - fair take about it being elective. I think the 2% is lower than reality too. If you do go that route, go to someone who specializes and interview them. I passed on the first referral I got because he was older and not as steady-handed. Progress - It’s amazing what you can achieve in a couple years with reasonable effort, huh? I had a similar experience (more progress than I could have hoped for), but I still pulled the chute. Keep your focus on you and the rest will take care of itse…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/24 02:57 PM
1

Iron - A friend of mine training for a triathlon was having energy issues and it turned out his iron was depleted (he needed blood & iron transfusions and still looked like death warmed over for weeks). Cast iron skillet ftw. Vitamin D - no, I don’t think I’ve heard that. I suspect our bodies absorb what they need (if available) and excrete the rest. You might need more cholesterol / saturated fat to absorb it and/or for your body to make it. Do you get much sunlight? Blood donation - do you hav…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/24 02:50 PM
2

Anger So, you rediscovered anger when you started trying to overtly (and covertly) manipulate your wife and it didn’t work, correct? It was your (attempted) manipulation that didn’t work though. So why aren’t you mad at yourself? Either that or she doesn’t feel compelled to follow the direction you give bc you aren’t much better than the alternatives, no? Whose fault is that? It’s not easy to consistently get someone to bend to your will (implied…against their own will) unless you’re willing to …
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/24 09:42 PM
1

Sex The question isn’t whether she enjoys it, it’s whether you enjoy it. If you can enjoy starfish, cool. If not, don’t let that be the accepted standard. Ex: My stbxw was relatively passive, but that was fine bc I like taking the lead and/or giving direction. But if she’d start to resist my direction (but not take the lead), it was less enjoyable. Vision Recharge, but don’t lose your ambition. What helped me was writing out what I wanted my life to be / look like over the next 3 years, 3-10, 10…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/24 08:08 PM
1

Energy - yea, likely different. I’ve never been low energy but my energy dipped off and on for a year or two but has been better in recent months. I also stopped drinking completely and significantly reduced my dairy intake though. I should have mentioned those as factors for me. Fwiw, I’ve heard / read that you want vitamin D to be at or above the high end of the range. Make sure you have enough vitamin K(2) also. It’s kind of the complement to Vitamin D for calcium regulation. B vitamins also.…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/24 06:31 PM
1

Married 2 years, no kids and already a DB? Iron rule #7. You know what dries up a vag fast? A guy that plays video games.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/24 05:01 AM
2

“Dbthrowaway…”
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/24 01:16 AM
4

Anger Have you ever noticed how you don’t really get mad at anyone or anything when you’re alone? That’s because it’s a social / secondary emotion. So what’s the underlying emotion? Fear? Inadequacy? Other? Or is she just the target / outlet for something else that is bothering you? If it is lack of appreciation, does she know how you want to be shown appreciation? But also, women are just a little crazy and are conditioned to think they can and should get everything their heart desires “just be…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/24 01:15 AM
1

Energy Have you gotten labs to see if you have any deficiencies? Fwiw, I switched to a methylated multi-vitamin and that seems to have helped me recently. Presumably better absorption. I swear fish oil helps me too. Game Flirt with the world. I think that’s from Russell Brand, but wherever it came from it resonated with me. Basically, just lighten up, be playful, and consider conversations as opportunities to elicit emotions rather than as dry exchanges of information. Flirt with older women. Th…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/24 12:44 AM
4

Other guys focused on the hitting, but idk how you tolerate the disrespect. If I heard any of those, my response would be. “I will not be spoken to like that. Come back when you can have a grown up conversation, and do not speak to me like that again.” That, or I’d just say that it sounds like she needs some vitamin D(ick). My wife came to realize I was right about that actually.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/24 12:34 AM
3

The next time she phones in sex, stop in the middle and tell her “This isn’t working for me. We can try again when your head is in it.” Why? It raises the bar. It means you aren’t going to accept just any sex; she can’t just check that off now. Your fitness seems reasonable enough. Career and finances in good shape and trending up? Style, hygiene, and grooming at least a 7/10? How’s the social life? Any obvious areas of weakness? Is your wife SAHM? If so, any childcare? Encourage her to have som…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/24 12:23 AM
8

You had purpose and took action, not for validation but because it just needed to get done. That work is / was rewarding and felt good. Sear that into your memory. That is what being a man is about and, shocker, it’s attractive to women. Now apply the same kind of initiative and action-orientation to your day-to-day life as well (if / where you aren’t already…idk your story well).
/r/MarriedRedPill22/10/24 11:57 PM
2

Agree. The less I talk, the easier it is whether it was with my wife or with single sloots. OP - The more you talk, the more you are likely trying to qualify yourself in some way. But if you DNGAF because you have well-founded confidence, you won’t feel a need to fill the dead space. Just throw a wink at that point. Or have her do something for you. Or lean in and whisper something foreword. But before any of that, start lifting like you actually give a shit. Edit: added “OP”
/r/MarriedRedPill22/10/24 11:47 PM
2

1-2x a week before / without kids or other major stressors? Unacceptable. Non-reactivity… RUCCE. Relaxed, UNAFFECTED, calm, confident, and idk. Also, reacting = amygdala (lizard brain). Respond = pre-frontal cortex (higher level) thinking. So If you REACT, you are a simpleton responding to a threat like a basic animal and too easily ruffled to be trusted. But if you take a beat and then RESPOND, you are using the part of the brain that makes us apex predators. Conversations A lot has already bee…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/10/24 06:05 PM
2

Too early to say for me. Divorce isn’t even final yet. I see my kids a lot (3+ times a week), and that will likely remain the case. So far they’re doing pretty well, but the one that’s most attached to me struggles a bit. Stbxw has been decent / good about not alienating, but I also hold the cards, so she might just be playing nice for now.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/10/24 03:09 PM
2

Having a handful of good guy friends (whether they are also friends with each other or not) has all sorts of benefits.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/09/24 03:34 AM
1

Do you have guy friends?
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/24 09:17 PM
2

Do you work from home? Travel for work? Imo, the ribeye is fine, the pie is the one to avoid.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/24 03:52 PM
3

Does your wife work? Did you ever invite her along on the post-dinner walks? Sometimes we can get a little too in our heads when we’re on this track. Remember that she’s trying to figure out wtf is going on too. Don’t wait until your physique is better to up your game / attitude. They both require work / practice and complement one another. Eating out - look at the menu ahead of time, avoid appetizers, desserts, bread / chips, and limit alcohol. Rejections - I faced the same rejections right up …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/24 02:13 PM
1

I have to say, I’m surprised your wife is ambiguous and/or ambivalent about wanting to have kids given her age. Kind of makes me think there’s something more there (?). Is she on BC? Shark week…I’m so tired of hearing guys mention (DEER) this. I met a new girl last week on bumble. 24 yo “girl next door” look. Maybe it was her LMR, but as we were fooling around she says she “just started [her] period” (somewhat implying we couldn’t have sex). My response: “Period sex is hot” (and it is). Smash.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/24 02:30 PM
1

Wait, have y’all not discussed the kid (or no kid) plan?! Initiations…what are you doing? Ffs, just pick her up and set her on the counter. There should no ambiguity at that point. “Go get naked and put a blindfold on. I’ll be there soon.” Wink at her.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/24 04:36 AM
3

Wtf is this? Your career comments have been mouth noises for more than a year. Sex comments are vague AF (likely ego protection). Unless it’s problematically early, don’t worry about when you finish. It’s the most honest compliment you can pay her and she cares more about validation from a stud than she does about a mundane orgasm. Yea, drop porn yesterday. Otherwise, get out of your head about sex and try enjoying it (for yourself).
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/24 04:18 AM
2

Agree. You sound like you’re justifying something preemptively. Mentioning out-earning her so quickly is also weird. Add in the SMV comments and I sense some insecurities. U/Environmental-Top346 needs to see it through a different prism. He’s still stuck on the “attractive, classy woman” image. ET - If you can’t close more than once a week at this point, you’ve got a problem. Be honest with yourself…are you bringing it? Frame, game, looks, swagger. If you are, then she’s either getting it elsewh…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/24 04:01 AM
1

How the fuck do you go 10 days without sex when you don’t even have kids and you don’t suck completely? Stance on kids. Idc what you decide. But a couple questions: - is this a change in your views / plans? - is your wife pressuring you about kids?
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/24 03:48 AM
1

You’re welcome.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/07/24 12:17 AM
1

Feeling validation from her contacting you is a double problem -- general need / desire for external validation & her “specialness”. I know you mentioned being the postcard couple or something last week. The fact that it made it into your OYS probably means it affected you in some way. Look, I’m sure your stbxw is attractive. So is mine. So are a LOT of women. That’s also why your date with the 34 yo is not a big deal. Nor should you be affected if the other prospects you have don’t pan out. The…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/24 01:57 PM
2

Rotator cuff I play a good amount of tennis too. Mine was hurting / nagging for 6+ months. I tried backing off, pushing through, building strength. I think what ultimately healed it for me was a round of BPC-157 (peptide). Fwiw. Sex Her ideal frequency. Ignore this. Or at least consider it her ideal frequency “for now” or “with you.” Rag doll / related suggestion - lift hard. U/tkarrde38 is spot on. Sex can’t be your mission. But also, improving sex is not something you can talk through. Lead it…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/24 12:45 PM
1

People you haven’t seen since last summer - irrelevant. You’re just a passing conversation topic for them. Lots of “she” here. Don’t get sucked in to thinking about her perspective. Her narrative will evolve to fit her circumstances and/or justify her actions after the fact. Nostalgia…remember that we’re generally wired to forget the bad.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/24 08:09 PM
3

Take things less seriously Yes - just be above that shit. If there’s nothing you can do about it in that instant, accept it and move on. Preferably with a light-hearted attitude. Length / depth So, this sub doesn’t tend to get too detailed on sex advice but I’ll offer some thoughts because I’ve had the same issue. 1) Needless to say, don’t just go punching the cervix. 2) Longer warm-up / more foreplay. The vagina expands with arousal. Ideally she orgasms at least once before penetration…oral, fi…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/24 11:04 PM
2

Backcountry skiing example - you set a clear expectation and then trampled it. You know this though. Porn - if you need to, add a barrier or step (or two) that makes it less accessible. Once you break the habit, it’s easy. I was daily-ish for years, but a month of not using it AND reframing it in my mind, and it doesn’t have near the appeal it once had. Hard No’s Short answer: teasing her about it (ex: “idk, you’re looking kind of pale. I think you need some vitamin D”, and laugh it off; but wha…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/24 01:26 PM
1

“That is your ego writing that narrative.” Actually, a a few of them replied to the wrong group text chain with a series of comments before they realized it was the wrong one, so it left little to the imagination. They tried to walk it back and spin it, which was kind of comical. I just didn’t respond or comment. Being vulnerable - good prompt. Mission I think my frustration is that from about 16 y.o. to ~35 I knew what I wanted and pursued my main objectives. I have to admit I miss the certaint…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/24 12:34 AM
4

Being dominant (or at least assertive) and having expectations is the opposite of being unlovable and unlikable. Until you establish who you are and where your bounds are, there is not a distinct YOU to like (or dislike). Pacifying and bending to her emotional whims hasn’t produced peace, tranquility, or sex. Truly absorb that. She has to first and foremost respect you and trust your judgment. If you can’t handle her emotions, how can she trust that you are going to be able to handle it when rea…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/24 11:59 PM
14

Frame Have you ever read The Fountainhead? Howard Roark is Frame personified. “My relationship sucks.” Your relationship with your wife is what it is (whether great or terrible). Expending energy worrying about it or assessing it is a waste. You build a great life and invite people in that add value. People that don’t add value get left out / stop getting invited. Then you go on to say “Fuck I love my life.” You’re clearly building the life you want. That’s awesome! My questions for you: are you…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/24 03:25 PM
6

6’0” - 225 lbs - 10% bf - “not in great shape, but returning to my roots and hitting the gym hard.” Did you mean 30% body fat? If you can’t be honest with yourself, no one can help you.
/r/askMRP16/06/24 12:27 PM
2

OYS #60-something 40M, 3 kids under 10. Divorcing. 5’8” - 183lbs - 14% bf Lifts: Squat 455x6 - Bench 275x4 - Wtd Chins BW+90x5 Physical Lean-bulking 4 weeks now. 3k calories - 300g protein - 300g carbs - 60g fat. I allow myself 2 drinks if it’s social / date. 5-day split that hits everything twice. Instead of bumping the weight when I get to 10 reps in my heaviest set, I’ve moved that to 15 to make it more hypertrophic. Also drop-sets and/or slow negatives as a final set (at a lower weight) to e…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/06/24 04:52 PM
1

Owning your fuckups like a man isn’t Deering, though the words used may be the same. Correct me if I’m wrong. Not wrong. It's called Negative Assertion (WISNIFG). shit test passing techniques are really just boundary enforcement tools, and are only useful once you know what your boundaries are, which is fundamentally the process of building frame - as I build my frame, how I handle shit tests will become more natural and less of a considered/intentional act, so the best thing I can do is just ke…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/06/24 07:32 PM
2

Grandpa I get that it sucks for him to waste away for years before dying, and I hated seeing that for my grandparents too (similar dynamic for my last two), but there isn’t really a good alternative and I took some solace in the fact that their good years weren’t cut short. Nuclear shit tests You can A&A or use AM, but you can also just nuke it, especially when she goes off the rails. Ex: “I’m done talking about that right now” (and mean it), or something to that effect. Ultimately, women need a…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/06/24 06:26 PM
2

My Grandfather died on Sunday. This is rough. He was non-verbal and bedridden with dementia for the last two or three years. He’s been gone for a long time, but now he’s really gone. I cried when my mother told me on the phone. I feel numb a bit, and have already compartmentalized this, but I know there will be more to this process. I’m certainly not going to be spewing my feelings onto my woman. Both the guys I hung out with this weekend were helpful to talk with. Considering your grandfather's…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/06/24 05:14 PM
2

"My mission is to lead a life of abundance and purpose, inspiring others through my pursuit of long-term happiness and passion for personal growth. I will learn to love accept others as they are, while encouraging them to realize their fullest potential." A couple suggested edits..."inspiring others" relies on others' approval. Think of it this way: If inspiring others conflicts with your long-term happiness and passion for growth, which wins out? *IDK if this fits with 'social' or not, but I fi…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/06/24 04:30 PM
1

Why are you being passive about such a major life decision? Decide what YOU want and go from there. Ex: I wasn’t ok with the old (blue pill) paradigm. I preferred to stay together on the right terms, and made the expectations and standards clear (it was kind of inadvertently overt dread prompted by my wife asking if I was thinking about divorce). But after a while, it was clear that my wife couldn’t (or didn’t want to) meet those standards and expectations. At that point, I chose divorce. In oth…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/24 04:20 PM
2

My history is deleted out, but I hung around and gave an extra chance. In the end, I pulled the plug, but I think the benefit of playing it out was add’l confidence in the decision. Consider that an observation not necessarily a recommendation. Do you have temporary orders in place yet? If not, I assume (hope) you’re still in the house…in which case, your logistics for other women is terrible. By all means, build the pipeline, but don’t start funneling / filtering until you have separate quarter…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/24 03:28 AM
5

Wow! Most eligible guy in the county?!? Nfw! Has anyone else ever noticed how people that refer to their county live in places that are largely unpopulated? You’re so busy smelling your own farts that you don’t realize your wife just learned to pacify you by stroking your fragile ego. Btw, your mission is shit.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/06/24 04:30 AM
3

What a Successful Mind and Marriage Looks Like Blarg wrote some great stuff. Read the comments there too. Thoughts on Frame V. good and succinct. Men with No Frame and the Things They Do Instructive.. RT on the Proper Frame in MRP Sound familiar? Principle of Least Interest - Core of OI & Frame
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/24 06:25 PM
3

You’ve been working on tearing down the shitty pls framework of covert contracts and other Nice Guy thinking. That work continues, but it’s also time to start building some new mental models…lots of overlap among them but: OI, congruence, DNGAF, mental point of origin, and FRAME. Keep in mind, these are PROactive, not REactive. You set the tone. You are in charge of your life. Own it.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/24 03:57 PM
7

Ah, so you want the easy way out? Fuck that. Don’t give away your agency. It’s not “time to move forward to finding the kind of relationship (you) want” — it’s time to move forward creating the life you want irrespective of your relationship status. That’s what you control. On that front, you’re doing well - physically, professionally, hobbies, etc. However, you are still stuck on either having your wife or some other woman fill a void by submitting to you and giving you boundless affection (val…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/24 02:52 PM
8

Not married and no sex? Iron rule #7
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/24 11:42 AM
1

Dude, this is the opening of a lifetime. All it takes is a mild show of dominance, which means she’s begging for polarization / a show of masculinity. Take it and make it your own.
/r/askMRP03/06/24 11:55 PM
3

Mission: start with objectives / goals to build daily / weekly / monthly purpose. My (stbx) wife used all the same lines (yes, shit test). I told her she should be worried when i stop wanting sex from her. You mention HH income but not the split…makes me think she’s not a small portion of that…sometimes that affects the dynamic. Kino / game / “balance” - be a fun, cool guy who has a lot of stuff going on in his life. That makes your time valuable. You’re not going to sit around listening to a wo…
/r/askMRP03/06/24 10:44 PM
8

The line mentioned above and “does that make it easier or more difficult?” Were the two that stuck out to me. You came in strong and played it well in general, but the willingness to walk away (believe you are the prize) is what differentiates. It’s fun though, isn’t it?
/r/MarriedRedPill01/06/24 02:14 AM
1

I could be off base, but it seems like you two don’t have real problems so she decided to create one to test you. And then you fail it by playing into the drama and exaggerating the power of this pushy priest as nearly cucking you… But what if, instead of being so reactive, you just calmly said, “thx for your input, but this is between my wife and I” — would you still feel so emasculated? In other words, what if you developed your own frame and thus didn’t care what others’ opinion was?
/r/MarriedRedPill31/05/24 04:51 PM
1

How different are the beliefs of these two churches?
/r/MarriedRedPill30/05/24 09:47 PM
2

Yea, I think it’s one of the better explanations of female attraction. Shit tests are also called fitness tests sometimes…they are testing to see if we are fit to mate with in a sense. So think of these tests as a woman mentally poking you to see where you are weak or soft. Those concepts helped me appreciate the tests.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/05/24 02:53 PM
1

You’re right. It’s in your head. Don’t use being in a small town as an excuse. How’s the divorce planning? Do you plan to stay in the small town? What are you going to do with this new beginning?
/r/MarriedRedPill30/05/24 02:42 PM
2

Bruh...Way too long. re: your field report -- so you can "see the matrix" now to an extent. The problem is that you want to treat it like a video game where your wife is the game and you are trying to remember the right pattern of buttons to push. What happened to the guy who wasn't looking over his shoulder? Shit tests are often how women try to figure out what is real, so women shit test more around newness / changes. They're trying to figure out how attractive you are or if your changes are g…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/05/24 07:56 PM
1

“I’m still nice and it sucks.” Fuck your whiney shit. You know what will suck a lot more? Not learning now. Developing frame - it’s necessary for all men. And not just necessary…paramount. Worried about the immediate future. You’re 29 with no kids. Your immediate future is inconsequential. Your long term future is far more important. Your happiness…You have agency. Use it.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/05/24 12:04 AM
1

IMO, “calibrate” is too often code for being in her frame and just adjusting the dancing monkey tactics. If you insist on calibrating, calibrate to general / overall attractiveness (not to one woman specifically). Else it’s an excuse to be weak.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/05/24 11:53 PM
3

This is one of the better comments I’ve seen in a while.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/05/24 11:46 PM
1

I answered in your DM.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/24 02:53 AM
1

I’m all for using the wife as a sparring partner as you prepare to exit (if that’s the decision), but if your description is accurate, she’s not even worth practicing on. WISNIFG should be your bible, especially the assertive rights.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/24 02:52 AM
1

Of course I’m not suggesting you give her veto rights over your sex life. I’m just suggesting discretion so as not to fan the flames. Bait…I filed six months ago and I still get the bait every few days. Different but similar circumstances. “Sure it is, but being money obsessed is dumb TO ME.” Stop there. That’s all you need.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/24 10:00 PM
2

Know your state divorce law. Ex: In Texas, you are married until divorce is final and adultery (even after filing and living apart) can be considered in the split of community property. Credit card statements and the like are all discoverable too. Make sure you consult an attorney or three so you know whether you are getting a fair shake with the mediator. Say as little as possible. Even if you are giddy, present a very muted front (“it’s sad / unfortunate we couldn’t make it work.”). There’s no…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/24 08:04 PM
2

I hope you stick around because you will benefit from this process more than most. You have never valued yourself and your own happiness. That changes now. The general advice (and I agree with it) is to consider your wife "good enough clay" and to stick around and work on yourself for a while first. Your wife isn't even clay, let alone good enough clay. She's shit. Btw, her temper tantrums are a learned behavior. Her reactions and emotions aren't your responsibility any more (they never were). I…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/24 02:32 PM
5

Wait, you guys have your 7 year old daughter doing deadlifts? Please tell me there is no meaningful weight on the bar / strain from it… So I’m going to go with either (a) you’re both retarded for having a 7 year old girl doing heavy (to her) deadlifts whether her form was good or not, or (b) you got ego invested on something that didn’t matter.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/24 01:38 PM
3

I discussed not having my advice valued by my wife leading to an emergency room visit last week. It looks like it's time for me to STFU less and lead more. So, that's what I've been doing. It's a little more subtle than this, but, basically, when I hear pushback, instead of just STFU and walk away as I was doing, I decide if any more explanation could be helpful. If yes, I give it. If no, I nuke, then walk away. I made an effort there and it's gone well so far. I got shit tested hard a few times…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/24 05:00 PM
3

If you're doing it in reaction to her or just away killing time, women often see through it. When it works best is when you are away because you are out slaying dragons, meaning you are out doing something of value that you care about. For me, that is / was often pursuing a difficult new project or case (doesn't have to be work related though...just some worthy pursuit that you care about). At that point, the value of your time (to you) is highest, your wife likely senses it and probably feels t…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/24 04:30 PM
2

Game / Escalating So you're comfortable flirting but not escalating? What if you move your proverbial line in the sand from "but i won't escalate" to "but I won't be physical"? Make it a game to see how close you can get to throwing down before you cold stop. OLD Considering your other concerns, I would not advise this. It's basically asking to get caught and you already said you can't handle the consequences. Doing it carefully is very limiting anyway. DM me if you want to discuss some ways tha…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/24 04:11 PM
2

I got the snip, but i banked some sperm first. That was critical to me even though I didn’t want more kids (certainly not with my now STBXW). It’s liberating, especially if you are fucking strange. With that said, I understand the reluctance some feel. To each their own. Just be well informed and be prepared for scenarios that seem impossible. Life can change quickly.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/05/24 06:18 AM
1

Horny but had a headache? Orgasm is a headache cure. Wtf is “emotional warming up”? Bc acting like a girl doesn’t turn a woman on.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/05/24 05:59 AM
2

Been there, done that. You can’t supply the motivation, framework, or whatever you want to call it…Option 2 is the only way. Also, Iron Rule #7 is a thing for a reason.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/24 04:28 PM
2

Lol. Not having OI emotionally = not having OI. What’s your / her SMV? Do you have any game? Is your sex life restricted in ways that matter to you? I’ll bet you give a lot of Fs too. My point is that if you level up, you don’t have anything to worry about bc you are her best option by far. DNGAF becomes default. You seem to want to say “I’m already there.” Keep at the OYS for a few months and then ask yourself if you are really there.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/24 10:47 PM
3

FYI, you basically said frame three times. And, yes, frame is ultimately the trump card. However, I think frame is (in almost all cases) built, not just conjured from the ether. Build yourself up physically, mentally, emotionally (give u/rianstone ‘s books a read) to the point where it’s not a question of whether you are OI about a divorce threat…but a divorce threat is fucking comical. Then you’ll know what OI is and you are making the stay or go decision instead of ringing the alarm bell for a…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/24 10:27 PM
1

What do you think? Surely you have some ideas.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/24 09:55 PM
1

A lot of cope in that post. Do you know what helps OI (sex, divorce, whatever)?
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/24 09:52 PM
1

You are obviously leaving some key elements out. Don’t try to BS your OYS or yourself about what’s really going on.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/24 09:36 PM
2

I can’t imagine running a trail ultra at 226. That’s awesome. Good stuff all around. Don’t let off the gas.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/24 03:29 PM
2

Why can’t you fuck her on her period? I love that shit. It reduces cramping too (that’s not a suggested line of approach…).
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/24 05:08 AM
2

I’m not falling for that again! Haha I’d gladly trade some lower body lift #s for upper body mass, but past a certain point, it’s just for yourself and to impress other dudes. Diminishing returns w/r/t women. That said, I’m starting a bulk now to see if I can put on 10 lbs of LBM over the next 6 months. Won’t you still have 25 lbs on me at that point?
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/24 05:00 AM
2

I think a timeline is helpful but don’t be captive to it. I’d suggest giving your all this summer. Be focused and purposeful about what you need to do to get where you want to be (primarily, FRAME). Consider doing OYS monthly during this time so as to be living it more and thinking / talking about it less. But also, have some fun. Take your kid swimming, to the park, all that good stuff. Consider (almost) everything your wife says and does an opportunity to flirt and/or establish and hone your f…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/05/24 11:46 PM
2

Lifting - consistently / purposefully for 3 years. Inconsistently before that (#s similar to yours when I got started and was over 20%. I did dexa scans. Max noob gains = 2 lbs / mo of LBM, so you’re putting on 4 lbs of fat a month. I’m sure you “carry it well” though… Tracking her cycle is gay because it means you are operating on her terms / her hormones’ terms. Drive attraction and it won’t matter where she is in her cycle. Example of self-congratulating: mentioning more blowjobs lately than …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/05/24 10:30 PM
3

25 lbs in 4 months is going to be mostly fat. You’re dirty bulking and 4k calories isn’t necessary or healthy for a desk jockey. 1-2 lbs a month is a much more reasonable trajectory for LBM. I’m 5’8” / 175 lbs / 14%. BP: 265x4 & Squat 455x5. I’m guessing you are closer to 20% bf (or higher). Kids don’t get cheaper as they age… Get rid of that CC debt and stop justifying bad decisions. Tracking her cycle is gay. Nix the self-congratulatory stuff that keeps you from facing the truth and addressing…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/05/24 05:20 PM
4

She is awake when I get home so I tell her that I only want to have sex if we’re both fully into it. For a long time I’ve just accepted any sex I can get but I don’t want to do that anymore. If I feel like we’re not both fully into it I’ll tell her that and I’ll stop. She replied with something about how asking for blowjobs isn’t a good way to get her to want sex, and that I’ve been making her feel like she’s not good enough and that she feels like she’s disappointing me. Do you know what gets a…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/05/24 04:45 PM
0

If she’s off BC, don’t fuck her even once. If you think telling her you want a divorce is hard now, imagine doing it with little kids. You don’t have the stones for it (by the sound of it). Don’t tell her your plan. Real Gs move in silence. Talk to an attorney and get a plan, then execute it. No kids and limited duration…you’ll be fine but the private biz complicates things. Also, you contradict yourself about the success / value of your biz, so I’ll assume you’re full of shit there. Start doing…
/r/askMRP07/05/24 01:49 AM
7

Every unhappy wife is a rape victim. It will offend you, but it’s what you need to hear. My wife was the same (inexplicable “pain” during sex). Once I stopped being unattractive and started being attractive, there was no pain from sex, lights were on, and inhibitions fell by the wayside. Get to work.
/r/askMRP03/05/24 04:59 AM
2

What did you decide to focus on for picking a direction, committing to it, and seeing it through? I've been making a conscious effort again to strongly initiate when I feel like it, and making sure to get out of the house if my initiations are turned down. I know this is the classic advice here, but it just seems reactive. To me, you should just have a full, busy life with shit to do that often takes you out of the house. That should be independent of whether you got turned down or not. Reactive…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/04/24 11:32 PM
1

With everything going on, I've been thinking about the goal of a "problem free life". I think killing that helped a lot. There is no such thing. There are, however, men who can face the inevitable challenges that come their way head on with confidence grounded in competence...and ones that can't (or just try to avoid them).
/r/MarriedRedPill30/04/24 05:09 PM
2

Initiated and fucked twice. One was average and the other one was pretty good. I don’t think my behaviour had much of an impact on either of those sessions, yet they were almost exact opposites. Perhaps it had something to do with me being away for a while. Your sex life will be what you make it. Shed your fear and insecurities and try some shit. You'll be amazed. I probably approached more women this month than I did in my entire life up until that point. There is still a lot of work ahead of m…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/04/24 04:52 PM
3

Step 1: work on you. Step 2: repeat step 1. Read 3KL’s post if you need details…and the same concepts apply to your wife’s weight. I faced a similar situation. I tried involving her, making suggestions, etc. You can’t transfer your motivation to her. She will or she won’t do it on her own. Being in way better shape than her, having your shit together, and having options is the most effective approach…whether it be your wife or the next woman / future women.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/04/24 01:33 PM
3

TLDR. I’m amazed you got as much feedback as you did.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/04/24 01:08 PM
3

Guys should always start with the assumption that it’s their fault and look at themselves and what they are / have been doing wrong. The MAP concept is a good one for this. Stop being unattractive, start being attractive. Externally, but also (and especially) behaviorally. But at some point in the MRP journey, there has to be a (slow / steady) transition. Keep checking yourself, but like I said above, if you have your shit together and are doing what you need to be doing, she’ll likely come arou…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/04/24 03:39 PM
3

This all seems so wishy-washy. Even more so after skimming your recent OYS. It's like you dabble a little one way, then dabble a little in another way. You aren't happy with the results, but you aren't unhappy enough with them to really change direction and do something about it. You want passive income, but you get distracted (prior OYS) or like working on a team. Two months ago, shrooms made you "clearheaded and simplifies (you) knowing what (you) need to do" but now they "completely fuck up (…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/24 11:13 PM
2

Meanwhile, I had another kid who ended up spending about a month in the ICU before coming home. ... Gamed my wife through childbirth. Last kids, there was a hard limit out to 6 weeks and then a slow return of vanilla, low enthusiasm sex. This time, I was working on blowjob training by week 2 and ended up being asked to fuck her in the ass because she was "too horny" and her pussy was still wrecked and painful. This shit was the final bit of evidence, in case I was still uncertain, that RP is rig…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/24 10:43 PM
1

“You’re such a silly girl.” That’s a simple, basic one, but it reminds her you are a man and she’s a woman, and is also a tease / flirt. “Go grab us some drinks. The men are going to talk now.” It’s differentiating men and women (you / her). Don’t think of your conversation with her as an information exchange. That’s how men talk to men (facts / logic). Women think much more emotionally.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/24 07:10 PM
2

Role play -- shit can be fun, right? but admittedly I messed up and came too early without getting her off. Don't worry about her having an orgasm every time. She had fun and got to satisfy you. That's her reward -- that a HVM desired her and she satisfied him. Of course, know how to get her off and do that too, but if you think every session has to include an orgasm for her, then even sex is in her frame... I didn't do anything too retarded I can't recover from Stop apologizing For example if I…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/24 04:26 PM
3

You were pretty ambiguous about the “leadership”stuff, so it may or may not be relevant but your wife being helpful (aka adding value) isn’t a bad thing, especially when it allows you to put your time and energy to better use. I.e, don’t confuse being a plow horse for “leadership.”
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/24 01:53 PM
1

You do realize in both instances you responded dismissively and then DEER’d why you have to anyway (and threw in a lifting excuse to boot), right?
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/24 09:55 PM
1

The fewer fucks you give in general, the better. But yes, definitely don’t sweat inconsequential shit that may or may not happen. Also, don’t settle for the brief uptick in mood…Now play off the “good girl” thing and drive it towards what you want, sexually and/or otherwise. Women gobble up the emotional ride to such a degree it blows my mind as a rational / logic driven guy.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/24 07:50 PM
2

The point of my comment was to wake you up. It doesn’t seem like I was very effective though. Actively deciding that you are going to check out on the marriage (and stay or go) is one thing. That doesn’t seem to be what you’re doing though. Your wife even called you out on it with some passive language (“the relationship” needs sex…). Have you figured out what you want? There aren’t any right or wrong answers, and the answer(s) can and will change, but I’d suggest you put some thought into what …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/24 07:21 PM
2

Are you willing to set boundaries and say “no” to your kids and work? Are you willing to delegate and let others operate (and fail if necessary)? Do you set expectations?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/24 02:57 AM
5

So, training is hard, you aren’t initiating or fucking, and you’re not approaching women like you intended. Why the half-assed, shying away from challenge attitude (goes with my comment that you sounded mopey about leading sex last week)? Is there something else going on that you aren’t mentioning? If you need a week to recharge, fine. But this passive, defeatist attitude is lame AF. Or maybe you’re just passing time before your May deadline, but not working on yourself in the meantime is still …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/24 12:03 AM
5

Might not be a popular opinion, but IMO “comfort test” is kind of an oxymoron, especially in the context of marriage. She’s got kids, access to finances, a govt-backed contract with you, and you return home every night. That’s her comfort. Bending to her whims (ie, when it’s not something you want to do / provide) risks (re) beta-zation. Don’t believe the words. I’m not saying you should be mean for the sake of it. Just operating in your frame. “Does she need comfort?” Isn’t your frame. For me, …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/24 05:17 PM
7

Sex I still had to lead the interaction, which is fine and as expected. This sounds mopey. Do you want her leading it?! You leading sex isn’t “fine”, it’s fucking awesome. You get to make it what you want. Push through light resistance. Try some new shit you think you (or she) might like. With firmer resistance (that isn’t “fuck no”), you can say, “I’ll give you a pass for now, but it’s coming.” Girls love all the aggressive stuff and want to explore, but they aren’t going to lead you there. The…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/04/24 02:58 PM
3

The government isn’t itching to get in. They’re already in. They are a silent (until divorce) party to the marriage agreement. Just to be clear… But the fear / scarcity mindset I’m talking about is how you consider the prospect of paying what the courts require to get your freedom back to be insurmountable. $5k (after tax) a month is a lot. I get it. I’m likely going to be paying that or more for the next 15 years. Fortunately, it won’t break me. But having to pay that doesn’t put me at her will…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/24 08:26 PM
4

Ok, so she likely cheated, might still be cheating (better than 50/50?), and reacted viscerally when you acted controlling about a setting that may or may not have posed a threat… There’s a decent chance the roller coaster isn’t a function of just you and her. If she is or was cheating, would you still stick around? Divorce advice: move to TX. Alimony is only in rare circumstances. 3 kids caps out at $3200/mo in CS. She gets half of the community property. But seriously, your plan basically soun…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/24 06:37 PM
2

What’s the 10% of your diet that’s not dialed in? What prompted her to threaten divorce? Also, your wife being “so in love with you” one month and then threatening divorce the next month is what women do. Those are all words. What are her actions?
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/24 04:35 PM
1

Narcissistic fantasy…must be why I’m so damn attractive. U/Ripped_bandaids1 was pretending to be DT (or thought he was) but he acknowledged it isn’t who he is (his inner bitch…). Btw, I don’t view his actions as DT. He’s just uncomfortable not being “nice” (placating). What I’m suggesting is that he works and focuses on himself and building a more durable, congruent base of confidence (and learn to be comfortable being assertive) instead of pretending to be DT as a short-cut to being attractive.…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/24 02:46 PM
1

Dark triad traits are not inherently attractive. They are traits that often correlate or rhyme with the traits of an attractive, high value man. Reliance on them is a crutch. Actual, underlying strength, power, conviction and well-founded confidence is the real stuff. Build and work yourself towards that instead of using a dark triad mask.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/03/24 02:55 PM
7

My path was fairly similar. I hit the gym hard, got in shape, improved my looks & style, and did a lot of reading and attempting to implement things. But I still didn’t have a solid frame. I was still annoyed that I wasn’t getting laid as much as I wanted (and quality sucked too), my wife was lazy around the house and she wasn’t trying to get into shape. In other words, I was still focused on her as a measure of my success. But frame is one of the harder concepts to really grasp and attain (for …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/24 08:31 PM
2

Don’t over think it. Keep progressing at the gym. Continue being or becoming assertive, direct, congruent, self-interested. Do what you need to do professionally to advance and put yourself in a good position. Have and cultivate a life of your own with hobbies and interests that you like and care about. Be and have fun. I know I’m at my best when I’ve got things I’m pursuing, developing, and being challenged -- gym progress, a new business idea, run a marathon, learn to speak Spanish, whatever. …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/03/24 03:56 PM
3

You got a lot of the right advice but I’ll add mine / summarize it. She doesn’t fuck you because she’s not attracted and she doesn’t think you could do better (or at least that you wouldn’t actually through with divorce). You can’t direct her self-improvement. At best, she’ll improve and resent you. All you can do is improve yourself. She gets on board or doesn’t. Do your thing to improve yourself so that you have the best outcome possible no matter how the chips fall. That’s the real outcome in…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/24 02:52 PM
1

She’ll say it anyway. Women change the narrative to fit the outcome, regardless of the facts. My Wife didn’t want divorce, begging for a chance to do better until I was very clear it was happening no matter what. Now all her acknowledged faults are gone and she is finding all sorts of faults in me / the past. It’s just the way it works.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/24 02:47 PM
5

Just treat your wife as a sparring partner. Try out different styles / techniques of flirting. See what feels good / natural to you. Fuck or not, who cares? You don’t have anything to lose. It’s a skill worth improving for whenever you decide to unleash yourself into the wild. Fun, positive energy, can’t be phased by grumpiness, etc.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/02/24 04:23 PM
7

https://www.pdf-archive.com/2014/09/10/day-bang-by-roosh-v/ There’s this new thing called google. Check it out.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/02/24 04:07 PM
4

Shit lifts and discussion of form. There should be a rule 9 equivalent for this trash. Eta: Shark week “I won’t take shark week as an excuse.” (But I’m going to mention it because I’m actually hiding behind that as my excuse.) Gaaaaaay. I like period sex. Make it primal. Use it as war paint. Verbal excuses When she says, “let me get some coffee and I’ll get back with you,” she’s really saying, “I can’t bare the thought of fucking you so I’m going to run and hide for a while and hope he forgets o…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/02/24 03:49 PM
3

Who’s got two thumbs and fits your description?
/r/MarriedRedPill20/02/24 03:43 PM
4

Re Slaying Strange I did this before I was contemplating divorce (and stopped well before I started the divorce process). For me, the real benefit of it was (1) confirming my attractiveness / improved SMV and (2) helping me shed the shitty mental model that my primary value was being a provider. On the other hand, if you can’t figure out the logistics to fuck your own wife, you don’t have a prayer slaying strange more than one-off. It’s fun but it’s also a big hassle and comes with lots of risk.…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/02/24 03:41 PM
3

“Humble pie.” As long as you are doing what you can, hold your head high.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/02/24 03:27 AM
2

Not a lawyer, but… Where I am (US / community property state), lawyer fees and expenses while the divorce is pending are paid out of community property. So as long as you have access to accounts, you’re fine. If they drain accounts to prevent it, they’ll get raked over the coals by a judge. Also, you should never leave the house before you have temporary custody orders. But like you said, the other aspect of my comment is more applicable for now.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/02/24 01:23 AM
4

You’re on the right track. You also do a good job pf cultivating a full life (not just work / family). Don’t forget to invite your wife along now and then.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/24 05:24 PM
5

Imagine what you could pull off if you actually lifted… Idk what your jurisdiction is, but in the ones I’m familiar with, there isn’t much point in trying to separate funds. They’re all communal anyway (unless from before or inheritance). I’d suggest a better approach is to be more involved and assertive (if / once knowledgeable) about how / where money is used / saved / invested. The question isn’t ownership, but rather control.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/24 03:19 PM
5

U/vitrael2 is spot on, but I’ll add a couple things. She says jump and you jump. How high? Higher! You impressed her or “earned” your place by grinding. Covert (and occasionally overt) contracts. That’s the only thing you know how to do. Grinding harder isn’t the answer. Try being fun and interesting for a change. A bit unpredictable. Go out and meet some new people. Do some catch and release (or more if you want). Stirring different emotions is powerful. You’ll need to re-learn that when you’re…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/24 02:57 PM
4

How are your three kids doing? Especially with the loss of their sister. I don’t think I’ve seen you mention your relationships with them. Btw, you don’t have to fix her feels, but have you given your wife an opportunity to just talk about her feelings? You guys have been through a legitimately very difficult experience. Have you processed your own? Also, how’s the career / professional side of things?
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/24 02:39 PM
2

“Will you stay with me even when I get unattractive?” “Of course, [you’re right…I won’t keep up the self improvement and I’ll accept your lack of effort]” No! She asked for a license to get fat & ugly and you willfully gave it?!? Classic nice guy shit.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/02/24 02:42 AM
3

Just know that all of this is stuff you are doing to yourself. And it’s nothing that can’t be overcome with a little effort & focus (far less effort than you put in at the gym btw). Also, the stuff we each hold onto from our past might seem significant, but it’s only as relevant as you make it…ex: I was 19 when I lost my virginity. That fact could not have any less bearing on my path now. Mystery method is good too. There’s a great summary on MRP for it. Edit: link for Mystery Method summary
/r/MarriedRedPill07/02/24 12:22 AM
5

Ok, so you don't think your wife is special, you just think that you suck that badly?? And/or you over-value the institution of marriage?? I mean, three years ago I could not have imagined getting divorced. Hell, one of the things that I looked for in a wife was an in-tact family. What ultimately shifted my thinking was realizing that (i) no one else is going to have my happiness as their top priority, so I needed to start looking out for myself and (ii) we only get one life and my best days are…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/02/24 09:56 PM
4

Scarcity I don’t think you put her on a pedestal bc of her mom skills. So it’s probably sex and/or looks that are causing you to view your wife as irreplaceable, right? You don’t even know how much easier it is to game and pick up women in your 30s vs when you were 22. It’s comical. Try it out. Fucking a younger, hotter girl (or taking it as far as you are willing to) will eliminate that scarcity REAL fast. Insecurities That’s how she pushes your buttons, right? What are you insecure about and w…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/02/24 06:37 PM
4

Nuking a Shit Test Maybe others can chime in, but I wouldn’t consider what you did “nuking the shit test.” To me, nuking a shit test means stopping it dead in its tracks in such a way that she realizes she just fucked up. It’s not a threat, it’s a jolt bc she touched the electric fence. I also reserve nuking for disrespect. Otherwise, you just come across as angry. Game & STFU A while back, I got my wife a pair of volleyball knee pads and gave them to her one night after we got the kids to bed. …
/r/MarriedRedPill06/02/24 06:02 PM
2

Not initiating when you haven’t put in the work… Covert contract. Acting single is a good practice, but so is learning to direct others to add value. Just don’t keep score.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/02/24 04:34 PM
5

Did you fuckup? You kind of gave her a shit test by demanding a blow job without any warmup / game / transition. Did you actually expect to succeed? I’m guessing not (and not just bc she never would). Then she gave you a shit test and you escalated further. Is escalating with thinly veiled threats (“…perhaps you should reconsider being part of this family” and “Oh I think about it a lot. Trust me.”) operating in your frame? They sound like things a chick would say. What do you achieve by tipping…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/02/24 04:16 PM
3

Why are you asking a lawyer about whether therapy will work? It seems like you’re trying to get someone else to answer the “hard” question for you. My experience has been that couples therapy rarely works. Both people go in wanting the other person to change or fix something. Neither view themselves as the problem or they’d do individual therapy. By contrast, individual therapy or any other pursuit to improve one’s self (e.g. MRP/OYS) has a lot better chance of succeeding bc it starts with the m…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/02/24 03:50 PM
2

What’s the point of being married to your wife? You want to improve your finances and social life? Divorce. $ earned during the marriage (including interest and divs) are community property. Then again, she prob had you sign a pre-nup, didn’t she? Business - starting your own thing can be tough. You have to have a compelling value proposition, find people willing to listen / take a shot on you, and get a little lucky. You better be ready to hear “no” a lot and keep going.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/02/24 08:02 PM
2

What about trying something that stretches you in a different way (a la dancing) and makes you more interesting? What I mean is that your ideas are either physical or pretty isolated.* That’s kind of why I suggested toastmasters or improv — social and makes you learn some very different skills. Becoming a better speaker / storyteller would be a good skill…they are on my list too. *I did some woodworking for a couple years. Other than neighbors stopping to chat about what I was building, it wasn’…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/01/24 04:15 PM
3

Tanning more and 6%? Are you competing? The potential hobbies you listed aren’t particularly social… Is there a team sport you’d enjoy? Or something you could do with your daughter? Or something more intellectual? Toastmasters? An improv class? I’m just spitballing.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/01/24 03:05 PM
1

Agree he shouldn’t focus on it. Disagree on this tactic. It’s a fun one. I like edging a girl, dragging it out, and sometimes even intentionally not getting her off while I do. But one or both of them don’t know how to get her off. I’d say get a bullet vibrator and find a position they like that gives him good access to her clit. Then work the outside with the vibrator and angle so he can grind slow against the other side of that wall. Lots of times you have to break down the barrier before you …
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/24 05:06 PM
2

I meant OYS is for what you’re struggling with — the challenges you have at present (“your shit”), more than for self-congratulations.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/01/24 10:16 PM
2

I think I’m at the point or close where I could watch her get railed and not care. You still give too many fucks. Felt really present in the moment, and the girls had a good time. Validation / their frame. Where’s the struggle / challenge?
/r/MarriedRedPill27/01/24 09:37 PM
2

I won’t pretend I understand why Think of it as proportionality. If she really gives you a “nuclear shit test”, you nuke that shit. But if it’s garden variety, A&A/AM/tease/flirt. By default, you’re just above taking the bait from a silly girl. However, if she wants to know who is in charge / where the line is, you let her know.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/01/24 07:06 PM
2

I’m in a top 20 metro where no one really takes public transportation. I’ll be within a 15-20 minute drive of any reasonable option (+ my kids and all their stuff). A wider set of options is another 15-20 min away (‘burbs), but they’d rather come my direction. If I spend a month or two elsewhere, I’ll definitely prioritize location. I like the idea of a beach shack.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/01/24 06:54 PM
2

Since you brought it up and it was apparently significant for you, what happened in your childhood that you needed to resolve? I wouldn’t extrapolate your still-early individual MRP journey to explain the overall failure rate. But also, I don’t think the high failure rate is a mystery. Guys drop out far a variety of reasons. Some get a pickup in sex and “declared victory,”some didn’t want to do the work (reading, gym, etc.), and some don’t like the discomfort of changing their mental models and …
/r/MarriedRedPill25/01/24 02:18 PM
2

Yea. Bc I struggled to answer the question. I guess my thought was that he shouldn’t apologize and run after her to provide comfort after flirting bc there’s nothing wrong with it. I should have stopped there. However, my error was in throwing out a different standard without really thinking about it. “Disrespectful” seemed like a reasonable standard before I actually had to justify it.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/24 04:31 PM
3

I surrendered to the Pill yesterday Don’t surrender to anything. “The Pill” is not some higher power. Instead, attack the shitty mental models by experimenting with the tools discussed here to build new mental models. See what works for you and what doesn’t. parental abandonment that left me vulnerable Victim mentality. Knock that shit off. There’s also a lot of pride / ego here. A certain amount of it is healthy but don’t let it hold you captive.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/24 02:53 PM
2

What does “being disrespectful” mean? Kind of a feel thing but examples (LTR context) might be: - Making out with another woman - Getting another woman’s # / making plans for a date
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/24 08:26 PM
5

Legs…I’m going to assume you don’t want to involve any upper body (ie, no squats, lunges, or anything where your hands / arms are involved). But can you load plates onto a leg press or hack squat? Regardless, I’d suggest two leg days a week. One for higher weight (strength / 5-8 reps per set) and one for higher volume (I like doing 20-30 reps). I’d probably pick one compound-ish lift (I.e., leg press) and 3-5 accessory lifts (extensions, curls, calf raises, ab/adductors). Basically PHUL but only…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/24 08:14 PM
3

Meh, comfort is overrated. As long as you aren’t being disrespectful in some way, you’re fine. She said she chose you…for now. You don’t have to “enforce this boundary like a hawk.” Almost the opposite — you should be indifferent as to what she does, but clear and firm about the consequences.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/24 07:18 PM
5

What’s the motivation? Some possible feedback about the trade offs of going in-house vs. not A little bit the mental commitment to the timeline Anecdote from the ski trip
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/24 07:06 PM
7

Comparison is the thief of joy. The question isn’t whether you are getting her “best”. That’s a dumb, hypothetical question. The real question is whether you are getting what YOU need / want. If you aren’t getting what you need / want, check yourself. If you’ve got your shit together such that you can go get what you need / want, she gets the first shot to satisfy. If she doesn’t step up, go get it elsewhere or eject.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/24 05:46 PM
3

OYS ~59 40-ish; 5’8”, 179 lbs; 13% body fat 3 kids, divorcing Lifts: Squat 485x5 - Bench 275x5 - Chins BW+100x6 Physical Largely in maintenance mode lately while I prioritize other things. Still lifting 3-4x a week though. Sex / Relationship / Divorce Sex is on tap, but I’ve reduced frequency so as not to muddy the waters too much. I slow played the divorce in Nov & December to keep things cordial through the holidays. That and/or my timing was probably a mistake bc it gave her some false hope. …
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/24 05:13 PM
3

Are you trying to be in ketosis? I added sled work in to leg days too. Backward stuff really hits the quads. You say your drive is low but you want daily sessions. Is that so you feel validated? Good that you are at least recognizing your need for validation, but also start thinking about how you’d handle it differently. I just think about being playful — life is fun, enjoy it, tease your wife and kid. Also, get that kid to sleep in their own room / bed. For everyone’s sake.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/24 04:06 PM
3

Doesn’t post lift #s (just post what you did) and leaving two reps in the tank (wtf?). You are a lifting newb. Each set should be to failure (except a warm up set), you should be increasing reps each session, and increasing the weight weekly.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/01/24 07:24 PM
2

What are the top 3-5 things you can do to increase your SMV? Next OYS, I want to hear at least three instances of fear addressed. MRP is not on autopilot in part because your mission / main objective is sex. Go start killing it in other realms (gym, work, hobby, whatever) and watch how sex falls into place bc your time and attention are suddenly valuable and sex is how a woman gets your time & attention. I think you used to talk about a “plate” but never had sex with her. Am I remembering correc…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/01/24 04:01 PM
7

Only answer you need: Iron Rule #7. But also: Don’t let guilt be your guide (shitty mental model) DYEL. Seriously. Lift and eat like it’s your job for the next year if you want to fuck any women. 143 lbs is unacceptable. Use her for practice if you want but don’t delude yourself
/r/askMRP18/01/24 03:05 PM
3

Things were going well…and that spoiled you into fearing rejections? Wtf? That’s not OI, abundance or frame. If you feel fear, you should immediately run into it to smash it (assuming the fear isn’t a legitimate risk of physical harm or something). You manufactured brief abundance via overt dread / threat. It worked for a bit and now things have settled back in towards the old norm but with some improvement. Is that a fair summary? You say the relationship has slipped as your focus was on work. …
/r/MarriedRedPill18/01/24 02:40 PM
3

I don’t think what I said was blue, just congruent. He’s on a path. If he keeps on the path but hedges by being “nice”, they both lose. He doesn’t progress and/or she has no chance of getting on board. If instead he stays on the path but is honest and direct about expectations (congruent / alpha behaviors), she might have a chance. Whether she makes the cut or not at that point is up to him. In the long run, I think this is the right approach (thus, “not treating her badly” which is very vague a…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/01/24 10:53 PM
6

Fwiw, One benefit for me of going to couples therapy was an intake questionnaire that documented (per wife’s responses) there was no physical, verbal or any other kind of abuse. The rest of it was unhelpful. “Treating her badly“ You’re not treating her badly. You’re just treating her differently and you are feeling that new-ness. It’s really just a matter of perspective. In the long run, treating her badly would be NOT taking the steps you are taking to make improvements that allow for a (possib…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/01/24 03:10 PM
6

Blowing up at her is rarely a successful tactic. You didn’t create a boundary, you demonstrated weakness (inability to handle a situation without anger). She’s sucking & fucking bc she wants the ring. It’s overt dread - you laid out the terms and she’s trying to meet them (for now). 5’8” / 143 lbs. if you think you already look better now, imagine what adding 30 lbs of good muscle would do. Non-monogamy just means your gf will be getting railed by someone else and looking to branch swing. Just f…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/01/24 02:49 PM
2

It may be legally ok to fuck strange as soon as you file, but it will be more headache than it’s worth. Get into the process a bit and make some progress before introducing distractions and/or enraging the other side. Ideally you’ll have the basic structure of the agreement in place before you start pulling strange.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/01/24 04:51 PM
2

Is your wife SAHM? I don’t recall. Fwiw, I always had more success when I set up the process and got the ball rolling as opposed to just delegating. Custody being highly skewed…in my state there are a few kind of default / standard options that seem skewed at first blush, but adjusting for sleep & school time work out closer to 40-45%. They are also appealing for me & the kids in certain ways. DM me if you want to discuss. Asset split - what can’t be replaced? Consider liquidity, flexibility, an…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/01/24 04:47 PM
3

Isn’t it amazing how focusing on yourself can cause other things to fall into place? Btw, your wife taking action of her own volition is far more sustainable than her doing those things at your direction. Lesson: Instead of trying to drag someone along with you, just forge ahead for yourself. If others want to be a part of your life, they need to keep up instead of you slowing down to carry them. I did the same for too long…never again.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/01/24 03:37 PM
3

Sex What I’ve experienced is that my sexual energy helps ignite my wife’s sexual energy. Say it louder for the guys in the back. I figure this is due to her desire for emotional connection during sex. Nope. Your willingness to connect was likely always there. Your primal desire to fuck her was not there. That’s the difference. And this makes perfect sense. Why would a woman be excited to fuck someone who isn’t bringing something to the party? Is she supposed to be excited to fuck the same listle…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/01/24 03:25 PM
1

I’d suggest not just ignoring shitty / bitch behavior. It can’t be tolerated bc you’re not giving her a line / boundary to respect. She’s basically a kid who hasn’t learned how far she can push you bc she keeps getting away with it. If you want to pull her aside next time and tell her this is her one warning but that such behavior / tone / attitude is unacceptable so as not to escalate, fine, but I’d skip the pull-aside. Btw, why are you afraid to escalate when she’s clearly not? After that,, “[…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/01/24 05:45 PM
2

Ok, that’s starfish. I just ask bc some guys cry starfish when the woman wants it but wants to be fucked by a man who knows what he wants. The reverse re-comp and focus on weight vs body fat is a cope to justify not working harder (as you know). My stbxw declared victory when she got within 10 lbs of pre-babies weight but she’d lost a lot of muscle from being so inactive for so long. She’s still got ~20 lbs of fat to lose (and needs to put on some muscle too) to be in shape but that’s not my con…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/01/24 03:37 PM
3

Never follow a woman around, but especially not to talk. Don’t tolerate bitchy behavior. She’s giving you shit tests when you initiate and/or re sex. Treat them as such instead of treating them as logical / real questions. Hell, she even said she didn’t know whether she wanted to have sex or not after implying (via shit test) that she didn’t. She was just checking you and you have a womanly response (“Then I don’t want to either”). Starfish - what’s your definition? Your wife will get in shape w…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/01/24 02:51 PM
9

The problem with “withdrawing time & attention” immediately after getting denied sex is that it’s reactionary and, therefore, in her frame. As you admit elsewhere, you don’t have a full, interesting life. You claim to “work” from 9 to 11pm but that includes a lot of not working and naps. Also, you don’t leave the house and your inter-personal skills are terrible (the lunch thing). She’s understandably bored bc you are boring and not attractive (and arguably unattractive). Hence needing a vibrato…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/01/24 02:19 PM
2

Disagree. I’m getting divorced too. I don’t lead with, nor do I apologize for, anything about my status. “I filed for divorce. It’s in the courts. Idk how long it will take.” Tbf, I’m not doing online dating or anything like that. I’m focused on getting the divorce done well first, but it still comes up in social settings and that response hasn’t affected interest from women. If anything it seems to increase interest. I suspect it’s bc IDGAF what anyone thinks and bc I had the stones to walk awa…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/24 11:29 PM
2

Idk what you’re putting out there online or IRL, but the fact that you are even entertaining the idea of a 49 yo that you rate an SMV 5 tells me all I need to know…and that’s your better-than-IRL “online game.” A quick skim of your other comments / posts confirms it. But I’m not saying what I said to best you down. I’m saying it to point out that you have work to do and that the choice is yours — you can either do some hard work now and get your shit together to enjoy life or you can keep compla…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/24 10:56 PM
3

Vasectomy I’ve got three kids but i banked some sperm before getting snipped, just in case. $15/mo and I can turn it off any time. Now I feel like I have the best of both worlds. Dating You aren’t attractive. If you were, women wouldn’t give a shit about the stage of your divorce. Ask me how I know. The women you’re talking to are inquiring about how soon you could become their new beta bux provider. Since (i) you aren’t attractive physically or mentally and (ii) you aren’t yet available to be t…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/01/24 07:25 PM
3

Fear about losing the savings you invested You make $400k and don’t have kids. You are worried about LOSING savings instead of being excited about what the new business could become. That’s a scarcity mindset. I’m a white collar guy too. I started a business. Struggled, then crushed it, then had a big (“yuge”) downfall. I didn’t have an income to rely on either.* Then I rebuilt in a different way (it took years). Sure, I’d do some things differently if I could redo it but I can’t, so I just lear…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/24 09:14 PM
2

Why are you letting your vague ab / pelvic issue fester for ten years? I’d guess it is either a muscle imbalance or flexibility issue, but that’s conjecture. Take agency over your body & health. You didn’t mention sex, so I’m guessing you pretty much never fuck your wife. Your mission is about other people. Classic nice guy. You are in a lame power struggle with your wife. She knows you don’t have anything better to do. That’s on you. Relatedly: “My marriage is still nowhere near where I want it…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/24 08:26 PM
2

I think your comment was fine. Good even. Then she tossed you a shit test to see if you being funny / clever was real or a fluke. You indicated it was a fluke. The same shit test is addressed elsewhere in this thread. See u/the_iron_temple’s OYS & the comments on it. “Not psyched to be traveling” Why? Why not take the perspective that it will give you an opportunityto calibrate, walk a bunch outside, try out some new things, whatever? You’ve got some other pity party comments. Fuck it, moving fo…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/24 08:08 PM
1

Whether you want a side piece or not, be careful with opsec. But good on you for opening them and playing with it. I like to fuck too. Often. In different ways, different places, etc. I also find that when I’m talking to women other than my wife (with at least some degree of sexual interest), I have more sexual energy. But that’s just the novelty factor. If I’m not doing that, I still like to fuck, etc., but I can also redirect my energy to other pursuits. I agree with horns - give him a copy of…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/24 07:40 PM
5

I got the “sex-obsessed” accusation too along the way. I handled it a couple ways: 1) At first, I’d just respond “you’re welcome.” 2) After enough times, I responded like you but more forcefully: “I’ll never apologize for having a strong sex drive because it is the same thing that drives me to work hard, achieve things, make money, and overcome obstacles.“ Cue primal fuck and not getting shit-tested about it again. Tbf, you have to be on point to pull it off though. You can decide if you’re ther…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/24 06:25 PM
1

I for sure dragged my feet and left myself open to manipulation. Staying in the house while divorcing does the same even if it’s necessary (and it is).
/r/MarriedRedPill01/01/24 01:59 PM
1

She’s scrambling to prove she can but it doesn’t matter at this point.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/12/23 11:09 PM
2

Razz is a tougher customer than I am, but he’s led me in the right direction. Maybe he’s right, but to each their own. I’m comfortable with the approach I’ve taken even if it was a bit slower than he’d have recommended. With that said, I ended up in the same place and appreciate his comments / wisdom.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/12/23 08:13 PM
2

Dude, I have three kids. The youngest is three. They only become bigger cockblockers (fewer naps, later bedtimes, etc.). At one point last year, I was at 8-10x a week (wife tried testosterone / HRT and it was game on), but even without the HRT tailwind I was initiating 5-6x a week and fucking 4-6x a week when I wanted to. I don’t say that as a brag, I’m just telling you a single two year old is not an excuse.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/12/23 08:08 PM
2

Because, after doing the work, I was indisputably her best option. Despite this, she would not make any effort to improve (let alone keep up). It was only when I blew up the “imaginary prison” that she got in gear…seems like a fair indication that she didn’t think I would be willing to “be the bad guy.” The thing is, her absolute unwillingness to budge until shit got real for her was the biggest tell that I would never be able to trust her efforts.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/12/23 01:05 AM
1

So why aren’t you initiating at least daily then?
/r/MarriedRedPill30/12/23 04:01 PM
2

Hopefully you don’t have to get to the point of potentially nuking your family. If she’s smart it won’t come to that. Mine wasn’t. She thought the imaginary jail of kids & societal expectations would hold me such that she could coast. Even if it does come to that, get to that point and live there for a bit before doing so. 3-4x a week For me, that’s a decent steady state / rhythm, but I wouldn’t call it satiety. I mean until you would actually decline.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/12/23 11:41 PM
1

This is a whole lot of cope. You missed my point about height. I was saying that it’s not as limited as you think. Your perspective is the bigger limiting factor. I can pull a woman 3” taller than me bc IDGAF. And the % of women taller than 5’10” is minuscule. You aren’t unable to escalate, you’re unwilling bc of fear. Try it, fail, learn, adjust, try again. No one throws a perfect pitch the first time they pick up a baseball. Don’t expand about your shame in the next OYS, tell us what you did t…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/12/23 04:24 PM
3

I see some similarities in your experience and mine… She doesn’t workout and is focused on the baby… Pop the kid in the stroller and walk to a park. Bring the wife. Do that a few times on the weekend and mention how much the kid loves it. Keep emphasizing how good it is for the kid and how much you appreciate her doing that. She’ll start doing it on her own. ”knowing that she may not want to change” My experience is that women don’t often WANT to change, but they will if they need to. And they f…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/12/23 03:27 PM
6

Insecurity over height and overall look… I’m 5’8”. I spend zero time worrying about my height bc I can’t change that. If I get shit tested about it, I have a line prepared (“yea, but ambition adjusted, I’m 10 ft tall and bulletproof”…end of shit test). Otherwise, it might matter to some women (ok, fine, not in my opportunity set), but to the vast majority, our height only matters if it matters to us (insecurity). You CAN change your look though and you’ve started taking steps to do so. Keep at i…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/12/23 04:47 PM
1

Watch actions, not words. Words are cheap and women’s narratives shift with the wind. What they do is a lot more telling. Ex: My wife to this day claims she was just as attracted to me when I was 25% body fat and was the classic beta dad prototype. Now I’m 12% at a higher body weight, cut out a lot of unattractive behaviors, dress and carry myself far better, etc. We fucked a lot more at 12% (and she put in more effort generally) than at 25%. [Divorcing anyway but the point stands]
/r/MarriedRedPill28/12/23 02:08 PM
1

Are you eating accordingly? To be big(ger), you’ve got to eat big(ger). At least 3k calories. Meat, potatoes, rice, whole milk, yogurt, etc. Feed the beast inside you. Chocolate milk and peanut butter & jelly sandwiches are the fastest & easiest ways to add calories, albeit not the cleanest. Btw, eating and lifting like that pairs + your “just shut up” list of not complaining, whining, etc. = massive increase in masculinity / polarity. Also… Your wife wants another kid, but what do you want? Bei…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/12/23 02:01 PM
1

Validation - if you do something for external validation, you aren’t your own mental point of origin. You are acting on someone else’s motivations instead of your own. You won’t break your body squatting 225, but there are alternatives that achieve similar (leg press, hack squat, barbell lunges). I did barbell squats until I hit 475. I do more lunge and squat variations now bc I worry about serious injury pushing that much weight. I still barbell squat heavy occasionally though bc it hits a litt…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/12/23 04:17 PM
2

Lots of external validation popping up here. Examples: “Regain social status of life of the party and center of attention” Self-congratulations (throughout) Evangelizing as an objective New guy / “My change in looks is brought up to us often and that feels pretty good.” If that’s what you are posting, it’s probably even worse IRL. Wtf is a Barbie sized bone? 25g of fat seems absurdly low. We’re you the guy who said that’s his non-protein source fat? Idk how you really separate the two because lo…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/12/23 02:53 PM
2

Wait, you mean guys shouldn’t use “correcting form” as an excuse for dropping their squat down to 95 lbs?!? Heresy.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/12/23 10:25 PM
6

MRP doesn’t advocate anything. It’s just a place to compare notes. With that said, many guys here advise against getting married. Many will also advise against blowing up a marriage before doing at least some work, but the decision is and always should be yours and you must own it. Not married, no kids? Do whatever you think is best for you (also the answer if married with kids). If that means staying for a bit to practice with her, fine. If that means breaking up, fine. Your choice. Eliminating…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/12/23 01:59 PM
1

Smart to reduce the # of initiatives. You were trying to run in a lot of directions. Caretaking - I get it. I was there too. Wife wouldn’t follow my suggestions. Eventually I dropped it and just mentally accepted that she would either figure it out herself, ask for help when she’s ready, or I’d hit exit point. They can only bare so much SMV discrepancy before they take action or give up. Not your problem to worry about though. STFU - it’s emphasized for a reason. I suspect it is especially chall…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/12/23 01:51 PM
3

Raise your standards (gradually…or not). Your wife, and people in general, will treat you how you allow them to treat you and…if you are willing to cut out the people that don’t provide the value required, people will either provide the value you require or choose not to be part of your life. The more you respect yourself, the more they will respect you. Develop that self-respect / worth by building yourself up. Who cares if she wants a divorce or not? That’s passive thinking. Figure out what YO…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/12/23 05:37 PM
5

Sure, U/KeeblerF6’s mission isn’t technically a mission, but it’s OYS #1. He’s got some goals and direction. That’s fine for now. The rest addressed to u/KeeblerF6… Reading - focus on NMMNG & WISNIFG. Really absorb those and then go from there. What makes your marriage “pretty good” when you’re doing the cleaning and sex is limited (god help you if you have kids at some point)? How fucking low are your standards? Do you want kids? Between the SSRI and weed, your wife is going to get fat sooner o…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/12/23 03:41 PM
3

You acknowledge seeking comfort is indulging weakness and then try to justify doing so “in appropriate places” as if that will actually constrain you. Idk, a hug from a woman wouldn’t do anything for me unless I was in a really fucking bad place. I’m talking multi-year struggle / failure and not seeing a way out, not just having a bad day or week. But let’s be honest, that’s still putting that woman in the mommy role. So, short of being in a really bad / desperate situation and just needing to h…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/12/23 01:17 PM
5

There’s no such thing as a problem free life. Even if there was, it would be boring AF.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/23 08:08 PM
14

Stop looking for comfort in your marriage. When you want comfort from a woman, you are putting her in the mommy role. Why the fuck do you want that? Moreover, you’re demonstrating weakness and low value because you need her comfort and security when you’re supposed to be the strong, confident, masculine presence. In fact, stop looking for comfort at all. What does comfort even do for you? It doesn’t make you better or stronger. It does the opposite. Embrace uncertainty, adversity and challenge a…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/23 07:23 PM
1

What you described about that other woman online is nothing novel. It’s what all women want. It’s not that she was particularly kinky, maybe just more self-aware and direct. Wife, plate, random chick at the hotel bar, they all want to experience masculine energy, drive, confidence and strength. Sure, they might orgasm easier from oral and they need to get warmed up before you pound away, but when they fantasize, they think about getting ravished and fucked by a MAN who has to have them. It is wh…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/23 07:02 PM
1

How / why bulk without any leg goals? It’s your biggest opportunity to put on some quality muscle mass. Especially at 6’2” - 188 lbs. Stop sleeping on leg day. It’s glorious and embracing it will help you embrace doing other hard shit. Curious why you only have 50g fat. That’s on the low end of acceptable even in a cut. Also, what is the quality of your carbs? Are we talking potatoes and rice or sugar / simple carbs? I’m a believer in the quality of the calories and what they can do in terms of …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/23 04:47 PM
4

Why are you still with a woman who cheated on you (for an extended period no less and did it as you got married and stood up in front of friends and family pledging fidelity)? Hell, it was even before you’d had time to fuck up the marriage. Questions you need to answer for yourself honestly: - Do you actually respect yourself? - Do you think she will ever respect you? - How can you trust this woman to be the mother of your children (and know that they will be your children)? Assuming you want ki…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/23 05:45 PM
1

In addition to the rule against simple sugars, I’d suggest a few other guidelines: drink a glass of water before you put anything else in your mouth (snack or meal). nothing out of a wrapper / bag. eat from the fridge, not the pantry. plan meals with protein and fiber. Have you ever had a steak and plate of steamed broccoli for lunch? I’m barely hungry for dinner and certainly don’t snack when I do that. With a lean cut, you can stay under 400 calories at 8 oz.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/23 06:48 PM
2

So you can game random women who aren’t fucking you, but not the one you know better (but also isn’t fucking you)? Is this a Madonna-whore thing? If so, just imagine all the filthy shit she would happily do with the next guy if you got hit by a bus. She’s not special, and that’s a good thing. Capitalize on it. You’re both sexual beings, right? Do you embrace your sexuality or repress it? Does she know (without you saying it) that you are a man who can’t be denied for long because it’s just your …
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/23 06:22 PM
2

Calibrating J10 has a good post or comment about how over-correcting from a total beta to an asshole is especially annoying (?) for the wife because at least the beta was nice. Now she’s got an (uncalibrated) asshole who is trying to project being a HVM…but he’s not one (at least not yet) and he’s probably over-compensating. For similar reasons, especially with very young kids and/or pregnant wives, I generally recommend treading lightly on the attitude adjustment / paradigm shift early on and f…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/23 03:05 PM
1

Good point. I wouldn’t even say a speedy settlement is necessary (though I don’t want it to drag out). I just want a “good outcome” for me and the kids, but that also probably means a good / fair outcome for her as well. Fortunately, I think I hold most of the cards I NThe negotiation. The caveat is that means her only “leverage” is to be shitty / drag it out, so I’m being vigilant about that too. BIFF - thx. Sound WISNIFG-ish after a quick look, it I’ll read more about it.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/11/23 01:15 PM
1

Thanks. Good reminder that you have to be ready for it to go off the rails. What I’ve discussed with my lawyer is a two track process: we offer an olive branch to get a speedy, fair settlement, but we’re prepared to litigate if it’s not accepted. We won’t allow stall tactics and we use leverage to bring her to the table. Ex: I nixed the “collaborative divorce” approach because there’s a path there to drag things out. Basically they could run the process, not take the settlement and force a reset…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/11/23 07:18 PM
3

Appreciate the warning & vigilance. I’m going to go back through this guy’s OYS to see what I can learn. u/NorthernFacing — what made this drag out for so long? My settlement offer is teed up and will be provided in January once temp orders are in place and I’ve moved out. It’s the best deal she’ll get but also addresses both or our priorities. I haven’t spent a second chasing pussy. There will be plenty of time and opportunity for that soon and my attorney has stressed the benefits of having “c…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/11/23 06:06 PM
2

No frame. Every guy that talks about his wife’s cycle lacks frame. You talking about ovulation is absolute scarcity mindset. “Why am I the only one initiating? I’m the prize, I shouldn’t be needy.” You initiate if/when you want to fuck, prize or not. She doesn’t initiate bc she doesn’t feel the need or desire to fuck you (for whatever reason). Your comments also reveal that you don’t really believe you’re the prize. Knock off the passive aggressive shit. Divorce prep - at least for me, it was he…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/11/23 05:25 PM
2

As tempting as it is to write off your wife as shitty, almost anyone that arrives at MRP has some stuff to work out for themselves first (as did I). So, unless she has done something that truly can’t be forgiven, I typically suggest putting your head down and focusing on yourself for at least six months before even contemplating a change in circumstances. Worst case, you’re in better shape to be single and haven’t wasted much time anyway.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/11/23 01:36 AM
3

Sex 1) Drop the “evil” and other heaviness. Sex matters, but you’re assigning way too much weight to it. 2) Have enough self-respect to say no to something that is substandard. If you accept substandard, that’s what you will get because that’s all you can demonstrate that you’re worth. The first time I told my wife “no” (and meant it) was an inflection point. My wife also used to not get aroused or orgasm. She does now. 3) Breaking “nice guy” tendencies isn’t easy. It’s natural to want to lash o…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/11/23 07:16 PM
1

5’11” & 153 lbs — don’t worry about body fat (it’s probably relatively low), worry about adding muscle because bf% doesn’t matter without any muscle mass.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/11/23 06:26 PM
2

OYS #58 40-ish, 3 kids under 10, divorcing 5'8" - 180 lbs - ~14% body fat Lifts: Bench 275x5; Squat 445x5; Chins BW+100x6 Physical Cutting. Slow but steady progress (-1 lb) that seems visible. I’m at ~1900 cal / 200g protein (~600-ish cal deficit). Increased cardio and MISS (sports) mostly for the mental benefits. Divorce Inching forward. Wife hasn’t hired an attorney yet. I told her I wouldn’t rush her or push anything as long as she kept it together through the holidays for the kids but that s…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/11/23 08:59 PM
3

I’d go off mall and read some reviews. Give them one low risk garment at first. Another way to do it is to get friendly with a salesman at a nice shop and ask them if they outsource any of the tailoring.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/11/23 08:31 PM
7

TLDR but saw a few things. When an OYS is this long, the guy is over-thinking it and either not DOING enough or trying to do too much (and thus not don’t anything effectively). Start with the basics (lifting, diet, stfu) and execute quietly for a while until you make those a habit. Then, start stacking habits. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You don’t un-fuck your life in a week (or month). TRT - NMMNG talks about being integrated. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and have your actions be congr…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/11/23 08:29 PM
3

Self awareness and being honest with yourself is the first step. Now be vigilant about not falling back into old patterns.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/11/23 06:09 PM
2

Used something like this. On pull days I did extra curls, pulls, and pull downs. Push days I did flies, tricep push downs/ups, and lat raises. Leg days lunges and wall sits.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/11/23 09:31 PM
5

Lack of time and opportunity don’t stop a woman from fucking if she really wants to fuck. As far as I can tell, you saw a lustful on your wife’s face. Did she talk to him? Say anything explicit? Did she follow up with him? Make plans? If not, then your wife just saw an attractive man and had a lustful moment. So what? She’s a sexual being. That’s a good thing. Do you have Madonna-whore issues? Here’s a different context. My son’s best friend’s mom is a hot little thing that gives me the “fuck me…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/11/23 02:57 PM
3

I did it for about the first month of my bulk. I definitely added mass then, but it’s hard to say how much, if any, was attributable to that vs eating more and lifting hard. I will say the band work and stretching I did seemed pretty complimentary and hypertrophic without being too taxing on the joints. It felt like a good (+ cheap and convenient) way to add volume. I just did quick 10-15 min circuits of 2-3 exercises for 3-4 sets of high volume at home or at the office, working the same muscles…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/11/23 02:30 PM
2

You’re going to have to be a little more explicit…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/11/23 04:01 AM
2

OYS #57 40-ish, 3 kids under 10, divorcing 5'8" - 181 lbs - ~14% body fat Lifts: Bench 275x5; Squat 445x5; Chins BW+100x6 Physical Finished bulk and now cutting. I target 1800 cal / 200g protein. I typically hit protein and end up closer to 1900 calories. Increased cardio and MISS (sports) mostly for the mental benefits. Divorce Discussed and filed last week. Waiver of service this week. Preparing my proposed settlement offer which prioritizes what is best for the kids, is generous to her but no…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/23 11:06 PM
2

So, you’re sure she does pick up on your neurotic obsession with sex, but you DEER’d why that shouldn’t matter. It sounds like emotionless autopilot. Women aren’t rational, but that’s a feature not a bug. Have you ever painted a mental (proverbial) image of the future for her? Give her a vision to buy into and emotionally invest in. Generic example: “The kids and dog will be running around the yard. I’ll be throwing the football with them while I grill some steaks and and you mix up some cocktai…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/23 05:44 PM
4

If she was really ready and willing to fuck another guy, what stopped her? Why don’t you respect yourself? Can you pause the downward mental spiral long enough to take an honest self-inventory of your own strengths, weaknesses, etc.?
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/23 04:17 PM
2

Don’t react. Respond. I can’t find the post (on mobile), but this link covers the general idea. Also, even if you manage not to say anything about it (which I kind of doubt), do you think your wife doesn’t pick up on your intensive focus on sex, her enthusiasm level, and your performance management? Being neurotic doesn’t make pussy wet. Idgaf, abundance, oi, confidence, frame…those things make a pussy wet.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/23 03:43 PM
10

How do you change the script without blowing it up? SLOWLY. Start stacking good habits. Start getting out of the house by going to the gym. Take your wife and/or kids for a walk or go by yourself. Pick one room (preferably kitchen or room where the most time is spent) that YOU take care of without saying anything about it. Eventually, they’ll start to notice how nice it is to have a clean, orderly space. Maybe they follow suit, maybe not. But you have one space that you know will be in shape bec…
/r/askMRP14/11/23 02:49 PM
2

I’m not saying it is your fault. I’m just posing questions. I think it’s important to first be introspective. But as some of my questions implied, no woman (or man for that matter) is always super enthusiastic. Do I remember right that you have only ever been with her?
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/23 01:32 PM
2

What are your goals and ambitions besides "genuine desire"? What are your professional ambitions? One thing about the vets / success stories that has stuck with me is that at some point, they were getting as much sex as they wanted and, while keeping that at a high level, they also had other things to focus on for fulfillment. I think of it like moving up Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (because that's what it is). If you don't have other ambitions, then you kind of can't help but be looking to sex …
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/23 09:27 PM
1

At some point, which I’d guess is 15% +/- 2%, putting on muscle is more attractive than leaning out (unless already jacked). Chicks dig muscles, and with your height, looking lean is going to be easier than looking jacked (I’m the opposite) so I’d caution against obsessing with body fat when you don’t have much muscle.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/23 02:07 PM
1

Your body fat math seems off. There shouldn’t be a 12 lbs difference to shed 2.3% or an 18 lbs difference to shed 3.4% bf. Even tolerating some imprecision in the calls, 30 lbs on 207 should be a lot closer to 15 pct points than the 5.7 pct points you have there. 177 @ 6’4” sounds awful and unattractive. It certainly doesn’t project strength.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/11/23 10:34 AM
4

Age, Height & lifts? Have you read NMMNG & WISNIFG? Purpose: 2/3 are outcomes you don’t control. My kids are similar ages. House used to be a mess. It’s not perfect now, but it’s tolerable. Sundays are a great day for the family to clean up and prepare for the week. Also, recruit your kids. Make it a game. Praise wife & kids when it happens. Is it that your wife won’t quit her job, or that she won’t stop contact with the other dude? You & her having an active sex life doesn’t mean she’s not fuck…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/23 04:01 PM
7

OYS 56 (ish) - Late 30s, 3 kids, (newly) divorcing. - 5’8” - 182 lbs - 14% (ish) body fat - BP: 275x4, Squat: 450x5, Chins: 100x6 Physical Finished a ~5 month bulk that took me from ~170 to ~185/186. Cutting to 175-ish. I like cutting through the holidays bc it’s like a double cut. Avoid the holiday weight gain + the cut itself. I’ve transitioned to hack squats (vs barbell) bc I can go to failure without risking injury. Also pushing more volume (sets of 20-25) while still increasing weight. Adde…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/11/23 03:48 AM
2

I re-read your OYS above. You also mentioned a fear of intimacy and said something like “not knowing the real you (cheating)”. My impression is that you didn’t cheat on your most recent LTR until recently - is that correct? I suspect that you hold back more out of a fear of intimacy / vulnerability because you believe you are inadequate or “bad”, as your imposter comment further down implies. Here’s the thing: No one is always or uniformly “good”, perfect, solid, stable, brilliant, trustworthy, …
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/23 02:35 PM
1

Fear of abandonment I wouldn’t really call this shame. Nonetheless, Why do you think you’re not worthy? What do you depend on them for? What makes them irreplaceable? Look, hopefully one’s parents don’t abandon them, but other than that, people come and go for all sorts of reasons (many of them illogical). However, if you can get so that you aren’t dependent on others for the necessities, then build yourself up so that you have abundance (and thus outcome independence) in the areas that require …
/r/MarriedRedPill01/11/23 03:31 PM
3

Re toxic shame - just own it, whatever it is. Shame is a false prison. Whether it comes from someone else trying to shame (manipulate) you or from your own baggage / perceptions, the result is the same. Once you own whatever the perceived flaw is (btw, everyone has faults), those prison walls disappear. It is one of those “seeing the matrix” moments, and it’s LIBERATING. Try it the next time you sense shame and report back. Ex1: My wife once tried the ol’ “all you care about is sex.” My response…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/10/23 06:08 PM
5

Program doesn’t matter. The most important part of your program should be: beat the log book. Intensity trumps anything else.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/10/23 05:43 PM
6

Re Parties / barbecues OP- Accept the compliments. Know that they thoroughly enjoyed it and you already went above and beyond. Be proud of your ability to execute. Action is the essence of masculinity. It’s admirable. And accept their offer to help. If it was an empty offer, they won’t offer next time and you didn’t put them out. I host parties too. We (I) probably host the neighbors and their kids 1-2 times a month. I organize it, I do the cooking, and I play with all the kids after, which I en…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/10/23 03:14 PM
3

Nobody wants a weak man. This is so true. My wife still shit tests me occasionally by saying she liked me just as much when I was flabby and weak, but (1) that’s not true (see: blowjobs) and (2) what she liked about it was that she didn’t have to try. There’s only so much gap in fitness / SMV gap they can tolerate. But it’s not just women. Men respect and defer to you more, and kids feel safer and enjoy the physicality.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/23 10:52 PM
2

It was kind of obvious there was a hole by the fact that you didn’t post weight / lifts but posted very precise bf% changes and (based on your OYS) seemed to do no wrong. Why the ego protection? Especially to an anonymous board?
/r/MarriedRedPill25/10/23 07:07 PM
1

There are lots of options, but I use MyFitnessPal for tracking. Plan your meals ahead of time so you can hit your macros. Calc TDEE (assume sedentary…probably 1.4-1.5x your BMR) and subtract 500 cal. If you stick to that, you should lose 0.5-1.0 lbs per week (on average). Also, avoid sugar, processed foods, and seed oils. Shoot for 200g protein.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/10/23 12:43 PM
2

Changing your mentality is the bigger factor, but sometimes those external changes can help you make the shift.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/23 11:55 PM
1

What you’re doing isn’t working, so you need to change it up. If you’re not willing to, that’s fine, but don’t expect different results. I highlighted some areas where you could make some changes. It’s up to you to take action.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/23 09:15 PM
2

Yea, that’s not accurate at all. Especially not to 0.25%. Strongur puts you at 20.5%. You have pretty limited muscle mass with those lifts. Navy method is another decent approach.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/23 07:41 PM
1

Are your glasses stylish? Do you have more than one pair? When was the last time you changed up your haircut? LL Bean is your look all the time?!? Can you be any less dangerous? Do you think your overall look, style, attitude, etc. gives off a “man who fucks” vibe? Do men you don’t know mate-guard when you’re around? Also, re-read that last paragraph a few times. “Easier than sticking my neck out” is telling. I don’t doubt you “do a lot of really great stuff” as you said, but for whom are you do…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/23 07:34 PM
1

What are you using to calculate your bf %?
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/23 06:54 PM
4

I use crest whitening strips (with the blue light but that’s not necessary). My dentist also gives patients a mold and whitener, so I’ve used that too. Both worked well for me and weren’t much hassle.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/23 06:53 PM
2

How’s your style & grooming? Have you changed anything up in those regards over these 6 months (whiten teeth, change hair style, facial hair)? Try changing something in a way that takes you out of your comfort zone. Relatedly, has your psyche / self-perception changed at all? Do you see yourself as more than a plow horse?
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/23 04:42 PM
2

Post your weight and lifts. I smell a lot of validation seeking behavior. What are your other challenges?
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/23 04:00 PM
12

When I hear that now, I laugh and say “so they say.” And the commenter’s shoulders automatically drop…”yea…”.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/10/23 01:34 PM
43

Weddings are the best…now. (Women’s) Emotions run high and it’s a great place to take stock of where your SMV stands. If you’re doing things right, it’s built-in dread. The poor grooms though…getting terrible hushed beta advice left and right. I still remember that.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/10/23 02:19 AM
5

Priorities: 1) Get a jump on the divorce stuff. Be organized and read extensively. Law firms put out guides for this. Find a few good ones. Make notes and have a question list for when you have your 2-3 (more if necessary) consults with divorce attorneys. There are 4 big areas: Custody, Child Support, Alimony (if applicable), and Asset Split. Figure out what the default / baseline answers are for these as well as the range of outcomes. Then figure out where you’re willing to compromise (and wher…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/10/23 05:49 PM
5

Temporarily winning doesn’t make a winner. Nor does failing make someone a failure. It’s about process and what you do next. Build discipline through habits. I’ve taken tons of Ls in sports and professionally, but I’m also taking on challenges that few others would. Does that make me a loser / failure? Of course not, because I pick myself back up, smile, learn from it, and go after it (or something else) again. You say progress has been a drug for you, but what you describe isn’t how most people…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/10/23 04:07 PM
3

You shouldn’t be struggling to get to 120g protein. That’s a low bar. Plan your meals ahead of time. Even just the night before. Enter them in an app and see what you need to adjust. Remember: Food is your fuel, not a reward. Also, eat protein first and plan your meal around it. - Breakfast: eggs or a shake. - Lunch: chicken breast (bake or use slow cooker to cook a few on Sunday). With rice+veg or salad but no salad dressing (EVOO with vinegar if you want). - Dinner: 1/2 lb lean-ish ground beef…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/10/23 03:39 PM
3

Stress pops up all the time. Don’t use smoking as a crutch. If you use that as an excuse now, you’ll use it as an excuse the next time you feel stress too. I smoked cigarettes at one point too. For me, quitting was largely about having a lot of little mental strategies. Focus on how disgusting it is -- smokers fucking reek. I would never date / kiss a woman who smoked now. It ruins your teeth too. It’s also a total waste of money — even two packs a week is ~$1,000 (after tax) going up in smoke, …
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/23 01:16 PM
2

Have you discussed this new entity / consultancy with your divorce attorney? Starting it now might make it a four-way split instead of three since you’re still married. Why wait a couple days to quit smoking? No reason to delay.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/23 02:05 AM
2

I'm a paper alpha whose never gotten a girls number or successfully asked a girl out on a date. I feel like an imposter in the body that most people couldn't pay for, holding a career making more money than most ever will, and I don't know what I want out of life. I don't know if my wife is the best I'll ever get, or if she's even giving me her best. I've never been with another woman and I have nothing to compare my experiences to. You are not a "paper alpha" because of those things. You are no…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/23 05:28 PM
2

It’s hard to break old habits and getting called out about faulty thinking is one of the main benefits of OYS. Otherwise, it sounds like you’re making progress. Don’t let up.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/23 04:54 PM
3

Then stop letting life happen to you. Start happening to life. Or don’t. I can’t imagine you’ll be around for more than a month and/or actually do the work. Btw, having auto-immune (ish) issues and not addressing your diet is dumb AF. Then again, you seem to prefer playing the helpless victim and you probably want to preserve your excuses.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/23 02:59 PM
4

Lol. When you’re so whiney and pathetic that your fiancée tries to red pill you.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/23 02:06 PM
4

I’ve got a similar ability to endure physical and/or mental pain & suffering. However, I use that ability in pursuit of things that I want, rather than suffering “in service of others”. The only reason one might willingly suffer in service of others is to get their ego stroked for what a nice guy they are (Goggins included). It’s just another covert contract. —- TWOTSM - I picked up a couple things from this book, but I don’t understand the obsession. —- Have you decided whether you want to have…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/23 02:01 PM
4

This is a decent start — awareness and ownership of your faults. There is no going back. There are no do-overs. Eyes forward. I’d suggest you make quitting cigarettes your top priority. It’s absurdly unattractive (bad look, awful smell, waste of money, horrible for health). What’s your plan to quit? Books, apps, pharmacological, nicotine replacement? Have a plan and be accountable.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/23 01:22 PM
3

Your call. Fwiw, I was told early on not to worry about the 1000 foot rope bc it means you are gauging your progress by her (re)actions instead of being your own point of origin. At some point, you have to assess whether to keep her around and then it becomes relevant, but keep the focus on you and your own progress as much as possible.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/23 10:14 PM
3

The exchange above is all you really need to know about mine, but I’ll summarize it anyway: Had the financial / career stuff on lock to start with; Did the physical work (got jacked / recomped, improved hair & style, whitened teeth, etc); Read the core materials a few times (esp NMMNG, WISNIFG, Rational Male, etc.); Learned enough game to be dangerous — and applied it in the field; Learned (more) about sex, techniques, etc. Developed frame (last essential piece to fall into place); Made lots of …
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/23 10:08 PM
3

What did she lie about? Threatening to leave is not comfort, but it is how women act. Don’t threaten to leave. Just be so awesome that she wants to earn her spot with you. If she isn’t earning it, lay the groundwork to leave and execute if / when you deem it the right time. Acta non verba as they like to say around here.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/23 09:15 PM
3

F, this (blue settle / red MVP) strikes a chord. Btw, I went back and read a lot of u/hack3ge’s comments and posts after you mentioned him in a prior exchange. Idk if he ever hit eject, but it seemed like he wished he had — he seemed to be looking for a reason to move on. ETA: I never had a real main event but I didn’t give a speech about what I needed either. I was just at the threshold leaving and she knew it.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/23 04:05 PM
2

I don’t know that I like her any more or less, but I find that I tolerate her BS a lot less. I recognize that she is who she was (probably an improved version in some ways actually) and that my perception and/or perspective are what changed.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/23 03:40 PM
5

Truth time: Your wife isn’t the sexual retard, you are. If my wife were dumb enough to attempt a branch swing, she would be absurdly disappointed because no one could possibly bring the kind of sexual energy, variety, dominance, and confidence that I do — mentally and physically. That is taking ownership of your sex life. Go plant some mental seeds, build some tension, know what you’re doing, tell her what to do, tell her you know what she needs, demonstrate your strength and power, exert your w…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/23 03:24 PM
2

I’m not sure if it matters, but I wouldn’t call mine a proactive speech. I was just prepared to divorce when my wife realized it (possible she snooped but idk), inquired about it, and begged for another chance. In a sense, my wife realized that I’m far and away her best option…and that I wouldn’t accept the then status quo any more. It’s been a more sustained improvement than I expected it to be, but I’m not sure it’s enough. I’ve got a decision to make. However, of I had just talked about it pr…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/23 02:28 PM
2

Up the alpha. Frame, game, looks.
/r/askMRP15/09/23 09:41 PM
2

I think it was u/_RPeed but might have been someone else that recently said “beat the log book”. That’s the real key. Whatever the program, get after it. I do a PPL-type program that rotates exercises but track the workouts and push the weight and/or reps higher each time. “Deloading” is when life gets in the way for a few days. Otherwise, charge ahead.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/09/23 03:09 PM
3

Something isn’t adding up. You know what to say but your actions don’t line up. If your LTR is getting the job done and is high quality, why go fuck an intern from your office? At a minimum, you’re an idiot risking your job. Sure, practice game and try shit out. And if you want to fuck around, fuck around. But do it congruently and without risking your job.* Figure out what you want so that you can live congruently. And that doesn’t mean you have the answers to all questions…just that you know t…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/09/23 02:45 PM
1

Do you always have a hard time admitting you don’t have all the answers?
/r/MarriedRedPill15/09/23 01:58 AM
3

Wasn’t sure if you misspelled or meant that. Shame & guilt - what beneficial purpose do they serve? All they do is artificially box you in. Own the “shameful” act sometime and see what happens (hint: nothing…poof goes your imaginary jail). Question: what is keeping you from dropping the LTR? No kids…hell, you’re not even married. If she’s not getting the job done, why not move on? [Iron rule of Tomassi #7]
/r/MarriedRedPill15/09/23 12:04 AM
1

I also realised that business success was not going to change anything because I know that I am competent and can deliver on that front even if it hasn’t been made evident to others. I read this and I hear "I could do that if I wanted to." For all your talk of actions, this doesn't fit. Are you sure you aren't just coping away your professional frustration / disappointment?
/r/MarriedRedPill14/09/23 03:03 PM
3

We have different definitions of “ripped.” To me, you have to have some actual muscle mass to qualify as ripped. 6’1” and ~178 lbs is skinny. Those lifts are weak.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/09/23 02:50 PM
6

This is some hot garbage all around. It’s been 18 months yet you still barely lift and lack any semblance of frame. At a minimum, ditch the shame and guilt. Btw, RP/MRP is amoral, not immoral. What do you want and what are you doing to get it?
/r/MarriedRedPill14/09/23 01:25 PM
1

Hear ya. I was praising specifics (trying to provide positive feedback) and pulled back on that bc even the specific praise seemed to result in less effort. Just passing on my experience bc the experience of compliance / effort fading after praise sounded familiar.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/23 03:59 PM
1

“As mentioned in my last OYS, (paraphrasing: i was too focused on the relationship, realized it, but I’m still focusing on it nonetheless and once I solve the relationship issues I’ll have more time / energy to do other shit.)” [Proceeds to talk about the relationship at length] Your last paragraph seems like an attempt at a stick save with generic descriptions of activities you may or may not actually be doing. Maybe I’m wrong, but if not, consider truly focusing on yourself. I made the same mi…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/23 03:15 PM
3

I’ve been trying to lead by example and tell my wife what I want without arguing/engaging in unnecessary debate. It follows a pattern along the lines of: I say what I want. I get push back. I refuse to engage. Time (usually about a day) passes and I start seeing partial compliance. I praise. Compliance fades over time. Repeat. Try dropping (or limiting) the praise. I swear every time I praise(d) my wife, she took it as a sign she could relax and revert. So I'm more limited in my praise now. If a…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/08/23 09:24 PM
1

Feminine grows through vocal praise but it also responds to action. I whined on here about my wife being overweight, etc. Tried (and failed) verbalizing it. What worked? Me looking / being fit AF and upgrading my look (aka dread, or as a friend likes to say “you gotta stay dangerous”).
/r/MarriedRedPill19/08/23 05:20 AM
2

Comfort or shit tests in your “moment of weakness”? Women don’t seek comfort from weakened / depleted / etc men… Women want to see strength. Always.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/08/23 05:08 AM
2

Wife being pregnant does mess with things. Her hormones (and yours), so I’d suggest not overthinking it too much if it’s new. Ex: when my wife was first pregnant with our first kid, I wanted her even more than before. Late in pregnancy, it was tougher to build up desire… With that said, I went through a phase more recently where I couldn’t finish (unrelated to pregnancies). It was mostly mental and an unwillingness to give her that bc I was still frustrated / resentful. Once I let go of the rese…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/08/23 05:04 AM
2

Remove “unless…” for the foreseeable future. It’s still in her frame. Try this: “Zero percent chance until / unless I am prepared for kids and believe she is the right woman to have them with.” This isn’t a “good enough” question.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/08/23 04:48 AM
2

“Giving it a chance” etc. is one thing… But you buried the lede for a while here (but it was predictable AF). She’s post-WALL and staring down infertility as she approaches 40. So she ducked the shit out of you to rope you in and got you to commit to trying to conceive on a particular timeline. In the meantime, she’s withholding sex to make you desperate. OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK. Be prepared for shit test after shit test. Absurd amounts of guilt. “You knew the deal.” And on and on. You have to …
/r/MarriedRedPill19/08/23 04:45 AM
2

“Oh and I’m amazing at blowjobs” - perfect opportunity to neg: “Every girl who ever said that gave a disappointing blowjob.”
/r/MarriedRedPill17/08/23 10:41 PM
0

Or is this all another way of saying that significant weaknesses (whatever they may be) inevitably manifest as weak frame?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/08/23 10:13 PM
2

Good stuff. Why do you think she disrespected you in the first place? What’s the next (or current) challenge you’re taking on?
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/23 07:32 PM
3

“I also think about why she chose now to stop faking being less slutty than she is, and feel like it’s because she’s less attracted to me and doesn’t care if I’m angry or disinterested, which pisses me off.” [because I realize it’s my fault she lost attraction and respect for me and has become apathetic.] You’ve probably got 50 lbs to lose (ignoring any muscle gain), and you have no muscle mass or frame. Start there.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/23 02:17 PM
2

You mention a lack of respect from your wife…you’re still using her to measure your progress. Do you respect yourself? How completely? A little similar (though different paths) to u/Brilliant-Recover163…y’all got the sex / relationship you wanted and kind of think, “now what?”. The commonality is a lack of mission / other goals / pursuits. So I’ll ask you the same questions: What are you chomping at the bit to do or accomplish that has nothing to do with your relationship or sex? What skills are…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/23 01:43 PM
2

Try putting your actions and challenges in OYS. Getting called out when your thinking is bs is where the value is. Is there a lot of garbage and chest thumping? Sure. But take the valuable parts and leave the rest.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/08/23 07:04 PM
1

Body fat I think I’ve said this to you before, but body fat doesn’t matter if you don’t have any real muscle mass. 139 lbs is too small for a man. Even if you’re ripped (which doesn’t seem to be the case based on your comments), at best you’ll look like a 15 year old boy… I’m 5’8” - 182 lbs and ~13.5-14% body fat…you can put on a lot of mass. Libido Q - did you ever fuck this (or any other) plate you mentioned? IMO, the fact that your libido and perspective of your wife are shifting in response …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/08/23 06:51 PM
2

They’re both right. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/15f6ew8/own_your_shit_weekly_august_01_2023/juqc4li/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3
/r/MarriedRedPill09/08/23 12:36 AM
1

I didn’t say anything about intrinsic value. I’m essentially agreeing that “control game” (and the idea that it is or has to be different for LTR / marriage) isn’t worth it…rather, do the work and “alpha up” (frame / game / looks). Overt dread optional.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/23 10:41 PM
1

When I think of control game, I think of this post. I disagree with a couple aspects of it and/or think of things a little differently. Think differently: instead of LTR / emotional investment, I think wife / legal attachment. Disagree: the post says you can’t be completely outcome independent. Idk, maybe I’m a psychopath, but I don’t have much (if any) emotional investment in my wife at this point (clearly no one-itis). She’s a woman with some good and some bad characteristics. I like that she …
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/23 06:29 PM
3

Every time I read about someone’s wife’s cycle, I know that they are letting life happen to them instead of the other way around. And/or they are just not attractive so they have to wait for a sufficient hormone stimulus for decent sex to happen to them. Stop tracking her fucking cycle, faggots. Drench her panties every day of the month with your awesomeness.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/08/23 03:59 PM
2

Anal training in progress.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/08/23 11:55 AM
2

OYS #55 Late 30s, Married, 3 young kids 5'8" / 183 lbs / ~13.5% bf Lifts: Squat 445x6 -- DL 455x4 -- Bench 280x5 -- Chins BW+100x6 Reading: Recently finished Iron John, Praxeology/Frame, Cant Hurt Me. Just started Psycho-Cybernetics. Physical Bulking with high protein and clean foods for ~6 weeks now and setting some new PRs (bench in particular). With that said, I’m doing more hypertrophy work as I think the risk-reward of pushing higher weight isn’t there any more (especially on squat and DL).…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/08/23 08:41 PM
2

Look, I get the wanting a clean house. I want it that way so that things are where they should be, it minimizes waste, and I can think more clearly. Notice how none of those reasons were about other people. I’ve had the same challenge ad you — my wife is a bit of a slob and lazy to boot. But the answer is not being huffy and rage cleaning. That doesn’t motivate anyone. What’s been more effective for me? - dread (generally)…my wife knows this is something I value so when she wants to contribute v…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/08/23 12:45 PM
2

No one should be ready to nuke it at OYS 5, so don’t worry about that for now. However, get selfish. Think about it this way — who is prioritizing your happiness? No one, right? Well, that’s your job. Btw, your wife ACTS overwhelmed because you respond to it. Tease her about it next time instead (“oh, is it so hard to make little man’s lunch?”). Why are you afraid of losing the relationship? Is your wife some sort of magical unicorn? Have you let yourself go or dramatically fallen short in some …
/r/MarriedRedPill02/08/23 02:41 PM
3

This is the most solid and grounded in your own frame you’ve ever sounded.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/08/23 01:08 PM
1

Yea, it’s not “true” RP material - his motivations are muddled and he’s a good boy plowhorse for the military. With that said, his story is still inspiring and there are some lessons to be taken from his journey. Inspirational - He had every excuse to give up and be a piece of shit. Instead, he mustered the inner strength to face and overcome a lot of his fears and challenges. Lots of lessons about mental fortitude and untapped potential. Take the good, recognize and leave the rest.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/08/23 01:05 PM
1

Why you must be willing to nuke your nuclear family I think this might be what you were looking for.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/08/23 02:55 AM
2

He should absolutely enjoy the ride, but he shouldn’t think he’s arrived. His OYS have been full of discussion about her alcoholism, general shittiness, and long dry spells. This is just a dead cat (dry pussy?) bounce. That’s why I’ve been on him to focus on himself and doing the work regardless rather than worrying about how she reacts (or doesn’t) to each incremental move he makes.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/23 09:28 PM
5

Be need-less but not want-less. Ex: - I don’t need my wife to contribute financially, but I want her to be prudent and respectful with money. - I want to have healthy, well-prepared meals but I don’t need my wife to cook them bc I can (and/or I can replace her). - I want a clean house, but I don’t need my wife to clean it bc I can outsource it. - I want to have wild, filthy sex, but I don’t need my wife to fuck me bc I can go get laid elsewhere (short term or long term). If / when you get that k…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/23 09:01 PM
3

“5’6” - 142 lbs - 19% body fat…isn’t exactly what I’d call “swole”. My man, she’s giving you the validation she knows you’ve been seeking and she’s just trying to talk (guilt) and fuck you back into submission. Sex - do it if you want, don’t if you don’t. Not wanting to “halfway perform” means you are still seeking validation through sex. Btw, this is still the same (alcoholic) woman that hasn’t been worth putting any effort into (per our exchanges for several weeks). Except now she’s a little w…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/23 08:43 PM
1

Thanks for the thoughtful response. This really helps. Yesterday, I started reframing the situation. Instead of observing every little interaction and conversation with my wife in hopes of intimacy, I reframed the problem into "what am I doing now that increases my SMV." On a small scale in terms of a day, this led to buying new clothes, shaving, scheduling a hair cut, being casually social with other women, and getting some sun on myself. Good reframe. Keep taking actions. It's funny. I remembe…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/07/23 07:35 PM
2

She did you a favor. Now is the time to invest in yourself and increase your SMV and the timing is perfect -- you have complete freedom and a huge opportunity to improve yourself physically, professionally, and mentally. Imagine how much hotter of a woman you will be able to get once you've improved on those fronts and developed some frame and game. On the lifting front, I'll bet you could put on 20+ pounds of muscle in a year if you commit yourself to it. Video games won't benefit you at all th…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/07/23 11:55 PM
2

Tread lightly with RP with a baby (especially your first). With that caveat, the degree to which she lives rent free in your head is absurd. "I want her to brag about me because that would demonstrate..." That's just painful to read. Demonstrate competence. Pick a task and do it well -- solely for the sake of doing the task well. Respond, don't react. "Chill out" -- never has saying this (or similar) resulted in a woman chilling out. Don't forget about negative assertion -- owning your mistakes …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/07/23 11:23 PM
4

Questions Impressive lifts, especially at that height/weight. Fair to say you're pretty ripped? How old is your youngest kid (and are you done having kids?)? What hobbies, interests, and friends do you have that aren't gym-related? Relationship So you've been the one trying to solve the (your) problem of insufficient sex by using traditional beta tools and covert contracts. Your wife senses your desperation more than you know. The answer is outcome independence: To make it more concrete, I’ll go…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/07/23 10:17 PM
2

Good stuff. Fwiw, I dropped the deadlift from my rotation because the risk / reward just wasn’t there anymore (I tweaked my back a few times), especially over 4 plates. Do you have guy friends that you respect and will challenge or check you?
/r/MarriedRedPill26/07/23 09:45 PM
1

Go read “Cant Hurt Me” by David Goggins and barrel through those “plateaus”. As you noted, they’re purely mental. I’d also suggest eating at maintenance. You are small / early enough that you can recomp and muscle will do you more good than looking like a skinny little kid. Relationship - enforcing boundaries is great but she isn’t even worth dreading. Focus on yourself. Plate if you want but don’t let it distract you from working on yourself.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/07/23 03:26 PM
6

I’ll echo u/FunkyModem re respect. This is what stuck out: “And my frustration is feeling that the lack of respect is probably deserved.” “So, I recognize that I need to believe I am a man worthy of respect.” But instead… “So, I recognize that I need to BE a man that I respect.” “Believe” can be a false belief. Be. Worthy of whose respect?? Your own is all that matters.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/07/23 03:10 PM
1

In 80 days between posts did you do anything besides get sick and lose 30 lbs? There’s not much else here.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/07/23 09:17 PM
3

No one cares what your lifts once were or might be in the future. Post what they are now. Also, “reading is hard.” Lulz.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/07/23 10:30 PM
2

https://therationalmale.com/2014/09/23/the-burden-of-performance/
/r/MarriedRedPill19/07/23 06:30 PM
2

Lack of cuddles If you don’t need or want them (and I’m guessing you don’t), i wouldn’t worry about it. My wife is the same. Or maybe we need to defile them more… Lack of shit tests These things cycle. Her reading that book (I know of it but haven’t read it) might be contributing. Just don’t get lazy in the meantime. I’ll try find the link, but you might search “burden of performance” in MRP / TRP.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/07/23 06:21 PM
1

Relationship She can smell your neediness and her comment is dripping with disdain. If I were you, I would give her zero attention, energy, etc. She’s a poison-filled parasite. But here’s the thing: despite her shittiness, you haven’t done the work to know and believe that you deserve better (honestly, what would your prospects be if you hit eject?). If I were you, I’d pay her zero attention. I’d probably stop initiating too (others might disagree) because you should ONLY be focused on you and w…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/07/23 05:36 PM
1

Broke a two month dry spell…wtf?! Oh wait, OYS 29 and your fitness & lifts still suck. This plus the sudden realization that you’re a nice guy… Those are basically the first two things to work on. What have you been doing this whole time?
/r/MarriedRedPill19/07/23 03:48 PM
3

I’m not moralizing or telling him to stay (or telling him to do anything for that matter). I’d leave too. My point is that he’ll have the same problems as before if all he does is blow it up and does nothing to address the reasons for his “failure as a captain” as he put it. Said differently, yea, have the backbone to walk away from a cheating cunt, but don’t skip the self improvement.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/23 01:37 AM
1

“Friends and colleagues have asked what the fuck happened to me for me to have such a change in appearance. I tell them my wife fucked another guy. I’m getting in their face and generally telling people to fuck off.” Also, give a quick skim of his responses to his last OYS & the related comments. Reactive.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/07/23 10:47 PM
1

My cuck comment was unnecessary. If I were him, I’d leave too. I’m just saying he still has work to do based on his reactivity.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/07/23 10:21 PM
1

I didn’t mean it as advice really, just an observation. He can do what he wants, but he seems to be reactively thrashing about. My story? I’m also eyeing the exit, but not bc I got cucked. Been OYS since ~ Feb ‘22. 39, 3 kids, BSD > 1300. The funny thing is his vision and mine aren’t that different. I wish him well, but I question whether he can go live the life he dreams of without doing more internal work (frame). That was my only point.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/07/23 09:59 PM
12

You said “Wife gets the house and I pay her to look after the kids.” And you “love them (your kids) but they remind” you a lot of her and then said “Reminder of my failure as a captain and a man.” That sure sounds like running away from your issues.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/07/23 01:19 AM
5

Re covert contract — You can only control your actions. Maybe she responds well, maybe she doesn’t. Whatever that outcome, you have to be ok with it and then act accordingly…but that’s clearly not your mindset. Instead, you want a particular outcome, which is for your wife to revert back to some prior version of herself. I hate to break it to you, but that isn’t going to happen. However, if you stop watching for how she responds to every little move you make, maybe you’ll step out of her frame a…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/23 06:20 PM
13

“I tell them my wife fucked another guy. I’m getting in their face and generally telling people to fuck off.” Why? What does this accomplish? “and I used ILYBINILWY” Why? What does this accomplish? Your “vision” is to run away from your problems and issues - you’re scared and reactive.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/23 03:39 PM
1

Disagree. Having a kid or not is a simple and fundamental fact. A&A (or similar) is for shit tests - opinions / unimportant facts / testing frame. I guess he could say, “only one…that I know of.” But I’m not sure that’s any better. Lying (or even playing off) about a simple and fundamental fact demonstrates discomfort (shame) with who he is. That’s a massive weakness in frame. It’s also a nightmare to handle if he’s interested in dating this girl or making her a regular part of the rotation. One…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/23 12:30 PM
3

Lots of context missing but if you’re using overt dread to make her feel like shit and then you’re surprised she doesn’t want to fuck, you’re doing it wrong. A DHV alone doesn’t make her wet. Parlay that DHV — tease her, flirt with her, give her an emotional ride (with a HVM) and then she’ll be wet.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/23 03:07 PM
2

Great response re life plan / purpose. That was honest and congruent. The lack of congruence in your interaction with a smoke show belies more inner work to be done on that front though. I think the fact that you lied about having a kid was what made me jump on you about it — why is that something to be ashamed of? Why would that hurt your chances? Similarly, why would being divorced be a knock on you? Think of it this way: “that relationship just wasn’t the right one for me so I had to move on”…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/07/23 02:44 PM
3

1) Don’t believe for a second that it was only an emotional affair. The only thing that keeps it from being physical is logistics and your wife had a LONG time to make it happen. 2) Don’t be too confident that her (presumably verbal / unrecorded) admission of an “emotional” affair will suffice to limit alimony. You’ll likely need hard evidence that it was physical. (Not a lawyer / varies by state, but “emotional” is nebulous from a legal perspective).
/r/MarriedRedPill05/07/23 03:29 AM
6

You’re getting some praise for the FR. Good on you for trying shit, but I’ll play devils advocate. You have no purpose (“life plan”), and you had to lie when confronted with basic shit. Congruence is irreplaceable. How will you handle similar shit tests going forward? How are the career / finances? I recall that being a concern / weakness a while back.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/07/23 03:13 AM
9

I used to get similar “I appreciate that you desire me” type comments. They were often (but not always) followed by comments that I should appreciate that she had sex with me even though she didn’t necessarily want it for herself. FUCK THAT. That is an early / interim stage. I don’t mean it as a criticism of you or even her. What I’m saying is don’t fucking settle. Because it’s still obligatory and (to varying degrees / depending on the woman) likely still pretty constrained. Work the program, p…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/07/23 02:41 AM
1

That’s the one. Thx for linking.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/23 11:01 PM
1

The 8 weeks i previously mentioned was the outside date, and included a few windows within it. I narrowed it to within 5 weeks from now (outside date), in which there are two windows.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/06/23 01:28 PM
1

So your gf told you she didn’t have much sex with her last LTR bc she wasn’t attracted to him, just liked the comfort…same woman is now your LTR and she isn’t having much sex / isn’t into it because … ? And what did you do? You went and bought a house together (beta / comfort). Disentangle the asset ASAP. Make it hers or yours and one of you can pay rent (or not), but all the house does is increase friction costs. Otherwise, Iron Rule of Tomassi #7 It is always time and effort better spent devel…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/06/23 12:44 PM
3

I'm not a fan of the coconut spa or similar "high effort" attempts to stage sex unless the sex is already mostly on tap because it comes across as needy. My 2c anyway. Someone else tried that not long ago (maybe 6-8 weeks ago?) and failed miserably. I'll try to find the thread.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/06/23 11:46 PM
2

OYS #54 Late 30s, Married, 3 young kids 5'8" / 173 lbs / ~12.5% bf Lifts: Squat 445x5 -- DL 455x4 -- Bench 255x5 -- Chins BW+95x5 Reading: Iron John & Atomic Attraction (just finished; basically a recap of RP / MRP concepts, but not bad). Physical Lifts: Feeling strong and setting some new PRs for the first time in a while on both weight and reps. Diet: Constantly full from 4 high protein meals a day. As a result, I'm snacking less. Trying to keep the calories relatively high but also clean. Wor…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/06/23 11:36 PM
2

Height & weight? What is this magical calisthenics routine? And how bad was your fuck-arounditis at the gym before? What would you rate your gf (scale of 1-10)? How does your SMV compare? What is unsatisfying about your sex life? What’s missing? What are you doing to change that?
/r/MarriedRedPill22/06/23 01:26 PM
2

Not sure what to weather though. She's acting ridiculous and knows it deep down. I'm not sure what to say/do if I'm going to stick around her. In the past, when I didn't set this boundary, she would stop bitching about the specific thing eventually and still go through the motions of a normal night but just act like a pouty bitch the whole time, even if she ended up agreeing with me and/or apologizing. I would prefer not to be around her like that so I disengage and find something I would rather…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/06/23 08:57 PM
3

Agree not to react / “match her emotion” but I wouldn’t be too quick to withdraw from the conversation. There’s something to be said for being able to weather it without getting phased though. Hitting a plateau - this is only a plateau if you allow it to be. Are you satisfied with blowjobs being limited to special occasions and a list of “off limits” acts being rattled off before sex? Don’t get complacent. There seems to be a mild obsession with D/S among MRPers. Idk if it’s because a bunch of g…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/06/23 06:36 PM
5

OYS #53 Late 30s, Married, 3 young kids 5’8”; 171 lbs; ~12.0% BF Lifts: Squat 445x5 -- DL 455x4 -- Bench 255x4 -- Chins BW+95x5 Reading: Iron John Physical My lifts are right back at the highs (was down a rep or two and/or 10-20 lbs lower than peak) after starting to eat more. I’m playing around with macros at the moment. Currently going very high protein and moderate carbs & fat (280g protein / 190g carb / 70g fat), which requires very intentional planning and I’m full all the time. Conversely,…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/06/23 06:13 PM
4

Fuck her all you want, just know that her getting (being?) pregnant is a big fucking problem for you whether it’s yours or not. I think pregnancy can even be grounds for denying a divorce in some states (not 100% on that). That’s why we advised for birth control in some form…but it’s your call at the end of the day. Also, the “about to get my period”…were you off on your timing or is she just bullshitting you? Lawyer - have you met with more than one (I’d rec interviewing 3-4)? The advice you’ve…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/06/23 03:17 PM
2

2500+ of active calories burned on top of 2000 BMR seems implausible unless you’re working construction or something similarly physical all day. 3-4 miles of running certainly doesn’t cover more than 500 calories. Are you taking something to accelerate the weight loss? The pace is impressive (even outside this one week change). What do you want from the relationship?
/r/MarriedRedPill20/06/23 02:48 PM
2

Is explaining why you’re upset about something your wife does considered DEER’ing? First mistake: letting it upset you. Second mistake: DEER’ing about it to her. If she crossed a line, she knows it. Engaging about it is doing so on her terms (in her frame).
/r/MarriedRedPill20/06/23 01:57 PM
1

If she “finds you’re confident, non-judgmental, and down to do it” - nailed it. Horns has written some stuff about safe words. One thing that’s worked for me is to start to do something (say choke or whatever), do it lightly and pause with eye contact. You’ll know from their eyes if they’re game (or panicking), or they might even nod to say keep going. It’s still got to be confident though.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/06/23 01:33 PM
2

Agreed. The apology is for her, not for you.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/23 02:13 AM
1

Um, yea. Stfu about relationship dynamics for sure. Btw, given the age disparity, I’d say you have to be even more adult/oak/ on top of your shit than most to not fall into the mommy/child problem.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/06/23 10:40 PM
1

Lots of “she” here. You do you, but I never understand the 28M/35F relationships. Stop tracking her cycle. It’s lame AF and won’t matter if you’re attractive enough. Or maybe she’s trying to get pregnant. How’s the STFU / not DEERing going?
/r/MarriedRedPill15/06/23 06:38 PM
3

Re Lacking abundance wrt sex How fuckable are you really? 21% bf (and going the wrong direction), inching into intermediate level lifts, and afraid to approach. I mean, how hard are you really working? Btw, short guys like us (I’m 5’8”) have less margin for error — we need to have more muscles, better, tighter game, and rock solid frame. Where do you stand with each of those? Because when your wife won’t fuck you because at some point she will get her period, she’s not even trying to hide her un…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/06/23 05:21 PM
2

Coming back to this…even though your legs are already big, don’t skip leg day. It’s huge for hormone production and more testosterone will help you lose weight (nutrient partitioning).
/r/MarriedRedPill14/06/23 04:40 PM
3

You sort of pre-empt this by saying you know you shouldn’t seek it, but I’m calling you out in the external validation anyway. Here’s why: “it helps motivate me and tell me I’m on the right path.” If you don’t already know you’re on the right path because of your own assessment of where you are and where you want to go, then the temptation to chase that validation can (and will) steer you awry at some point. ETA: Get a butt plug for her and use the threesome stuff for dirty talk. My 2c.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/06/23 04:33 PM
4

If you’re just going to lie, I’m not going to waste my time.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/06/23 02:53 AM
1

Good progress. Keep after it. Agree the body fat % isn’t super important until you get low enough.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/06/23 12:25 AM
3

OYS #52 Late 30s, Married, 3 young kids 169 lbs; ~11.5% BF Lifts: Squat 445x5 -- DL 455x4 -- Bench 255x4 -- Chins BW+95x5 Reading: Iron John & Breath Physical Weight finally dropped. I’m shifting to a bulk. I’ve been underfed for too long and it’s time to make some progress on my lifts and add some muscle mass. I’m excited. I plan to lean bulk to ~185-190. At 0.5-0.7 lbs per week (~300 cal surplus / ~3k total), that basically takes me through the rest of the year. I’ll get at least 200g of prote…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/23 09:48 PM
6

I hear you, but you’re relying on logic. married + pregnant + at least some sex = liability. If she knows it’s not yours but the branch swing didn’t work, she will fight you on getting the third paternity tested. At a minimum, you’ll probably have to wait until the kid is born (even though there are non-invasive ways to paternity test during pregnancy now). If she acknowledges being late, have her take a pregnancy test “just so you know”.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/23 09:04 PM
4

I agree with u/deerstfu. You seem to be holding something back. Have you researched your state’s divorce laws? Assets (separate vs marital/community), alimony / spousal support, child support, and custody. Child support and custody often have guidelines and/or formulas as long as both parents are competent. You say she doesn’t see you as the prize. Do you see yourself as the prize? Why aren’t you her best option? What do you think your post-divorce life / options look like? The disrespect needs …
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/23 08:54 PM
1

Lifts? Est bf? Also, I assume you’re trying to lose weight (fat). If so, post your w/w change in weight.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/23 08:30 PM
3

“Just a handjob…as I’d mentioned a few times that day.” That’s not giving her your authentic desire. That’s being needy and child-like (”do this for me mommy. I’ll be upset if you don’t.”). What if your wife told you a few times that day that she just wanted you to finger her that night. How enthusiastic would you be for that? Channel & redirect the energy.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/23 08:24 PM
1

Is there any form of birth control in place? I’d suggest implementing one if he really thinks she might be pregnant (by someone else) to give additional basis for the eventual paternity test request. That ship has sailed to some degree, but do what you can…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/23 08:13 PM
4

Definitely making excuses. I have come across this kind of sexual "openness" very few times in my past (across a broad enough sample size). I am used to 1 or 2 positions and nothing non-vanilla if not agreed to beforehand. Crazy chick saying "everything is available tonight" I have to wrap my head around. It isn't a huge problem yet but she is messaging me asking if I can cum in her mouth or asking why I haven't fucked her ass yet...etc. I've never been told "everything is available tonight" but…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/23 03:51 PM
5

Great job staying sober. ​ Everything else fell into place when body and money was sorted. Why do you think that was the case? What is the "everything else"? How will you avoid complacency? ​ I need fucking results. I need to stop being a fuck tard piece of shit. I am getting there but the true self is a fucking immature lazy dumb cunt. Does the self-loathing abate when money is sorted out? ​ triggered alarm bells in my head for BPD. At one point, I was trying to diagnose my wife as BPD too. The…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/23 03:03 PM
1

Loved the link. Thank you. I certainly don’t intend to micromanage. What’s my leadership model? When I had several people working for me, I set the standard for hard work, set expectations, gave them a lot of latitude, provided feedback, listened to feedback, and if/when things were not being done up to the standard, I’d pull them aside privately and express my concern. I loved it and so did they. I also only hired smart, hard-working guys who knew how to work on a team. That’s how I’d like to h…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/06/23 08:29 PM
1

Well said. Thx.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/06/23 05:50 PM
2

The problem isn’t keeping her on board or attraction, it’s getting her to pull her weight / provide value beyond sex.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/06/23 04:32 PM
1

I think we’re on the same page. Well said here.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/23 08:10 PM
1

He’s 7. I don’t think I’m just looking for faults to be upset about. I’m not upset at my son for his wanting to wear pajamas, I just think it’s a bad habit and I view instilling good habits as one of the best ways to prepare my kids to survive & thrive on their own. And I agree, correcting a bad habit isn’t easy. I weathered his whining fine.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/23 07:33 PM
2

I can’t imagine it’s really her 100%, but I know she feels like she’s trying. However, you definitely hit on something. I’m from a small-ish town in the Midwest. Work ethic was always emphasized and laziness looked down upon. Lots of sports. Vacations centered around physical activity. Meals were health-conscious, limited sweets. By contrast, my wife is from a major metro southern family that highly values leisure time. Almost no sports growing up. Vacations centered around lounging around. Meal…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/23 07:24 PM
1

Great perspective and comment. Gratitude and focus on the process are great reminders. Those turn it back inward, as it should be. Fwiw, I always expect to put in disproportionate effort (in any endeavor), and I’m fine with that. I’ve adopted that grinder mentality into my personality. However, I’ve got to disagree with your last comment (“The world won’t fuck if you bring to it the expectation of what you’re due.”). First, I’m going to re-word it slightly though… “The world won’t spread its leg…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/23 06:45 PM
2

Good points, thx.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/23 06:20 PM
2

Thanks. I’m probably an intermediate. FFMI is 23. Did some reading on Doggcrapp and I’m going to incorporate some of these concepts (rest-pause for last working set + extreme stretching). I’ll read some more and then likely decide between DC & west side conjugate for my next program (seems to use some PH concepts like u/hornsofapathy mentioned). I’m finishing up a cut and due to try a lean bulk for once (former chubby guy afraid to bulk, so I’ve just done a constant re-comp for ~20 months). Fwiw…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/23 05:35 PM
1

I want him to get dressed for the day as a habit. It can be shorts and a t-shirt, just not pajamas. It’s a physical cue to prompt a mentality…pajamas are for relaxation / sleeping. I want to instill the thought that “We don’t lay around all day. We get dressed and go do things.” He’d go to the park in PJs if I’d allow it.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/23 05:23 PM
1

That day he had a dentist appt. Other days this week, not as much. Chores? The oldest has a couple but we’re not good about enforcing them. He’s a good kid, just coddled. Outside? Yes, I take them outside all the time. Before school, before bed, all weekend (swim, park, neighbors, etc.). Do they help me with tasks? Yes, if/as appropriate (ages), but especially picking up toys, building something, watering the garden, etc.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/23 04:32 PM
1

Appreciate the notes. You seem to have / have had more faith in your wife’s ability to step up. I just don’t consider what I’ve seen so far good faith best efforts. The backsliding is too quick / frequent. Last night my wife brought it up actually. She said she feels manipulated by the threat of divorce (to be clear, I don’t bring it up or reiterate the “threat”). I fogged by saying, “well, really that threat is always theoretically there for both sides” and I asked her what she was doing differ…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/23 04:26 PM
1

One line I’ve been using recently when my wife gets a little sassy is: “it sounds like you need some vitamin d.” (Code for dick). More often than not her answer is “you’re right, I do.” It also shifts the conversation and keeps me from engaging with whatever nonsense she’s harping about. Alternatively, I’ll say “I think what you’re trying to say is [insert something unrelated, usually humorous or sexual].”
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/23 04:25 PM
2

I’ve definitely got a little bit of a chip on my shoulder professionally. Wife / KTB / “alpha the fuck up” I certainly bought into the idea that domestic life with kids naturally provides / requires enough beta that intentionally providing more isn’t necessary. In addition, I think it was the constant beta / giving more ground that got me into the mess I was in, so logically I didn’t view it as a viable way out. I appreciate your perspective and don’t think it’s wrong, but I do think it’s situat…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/23 04:03 PM
1

This would be great if women were rational and words could be trusted. Does she want to be part of my vision? Absolutely…in theory. But inviting her along requires trusting she will provide the value necessary to be worth it. However, her actions consistently demonstrate that she will effectively re-trade that explicit agreement to get things on her terms. In other words, she doesn’t choose the energetic power couple or the lazy single mom…she chooses the lazy wife with a great lifestyle, and sh…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/23 03:46 PM
1

Agreed. It is not an excuse for not doing the work, but that doesn’t mean he has to stay with her.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/23 02:41 PM
1

Yes.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/23 01:34 PM
1

I am. Unquestionably.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/23 11:31 AM
1

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7: It is always time and effort better spent developing relations with new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/23 12:33 AM
1

Favorite hypertrophy program(s)?
/r/MarriedRedPill06/06/23 08:09 PM
5

OYS #51 Late 30s, Married, 3 young kids 171 lbs; ~12% BF Lifts: Squat 445x5 -- DL 455x4 -- Bench 255x4 -- Chins BW+95x5 Reading: Iron John & Breath (pretty interesting so far) Physical: Managed to get my cholesterol #s (mainly LDL) way down (roughly 330 to 230) in ~8 weeks by doing more cardio, adding a lot of fiber, and taking a few supplements (citrus bergamot, red yeast rice, and vitamin K). Stalled on the cut, but I'm seeing more abs (unflexed) and have veins on my thighs that weren't there …
/r/MarriedRedPill06/06/23 07:15 PM
3

Don’t be Stu: https://youtu.be/y_5YoG-iXjQ
/r/MarriedRedPill06/06/23 05:45 PM
5

I’m guessing you are more hypertrophy-oriented, correct? What program do you use? 12% at 210 / 5’10” is a lot of muscle mass. Fwiw, once I quit porn, i masturbated a lot less. I feel like it gave me more energy overall and more sexual energy ti direct towards my wife as well. I don’t think Rollo is a terrible place to start but NMMNG is definitely the most essential reading (followed by WISNIFG), IMO. I suspect your biggest challenge will be pushing through “good enough”…you’re in good shape, pr…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/06/23 05:11 PM
2

I would hope the hygiene goes without saying. Fwiw, I trim instead of shaving to avoid stubble. I also have a coconut oil based lube that has a hint of vanilla that women gobble up. Emotion - good point about that. I guess bc I’m married I thought about the emotion more in a life / connection sense, but that’s certainly not the only emotion one can amplify. Immersion - a bit more nebulous. I’d also suggest a blindfold or eye mask (on her) for this.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/06/23 02:06 PM
2

What are you waiting for or looking to learn from the attorneys before moving forward? Your OYS gloss over non-sexual details. Is there something you aren’t mentioning?
/r/MarriedRedPill06/06/23 01:55 PM
3

Good stuff. Curious how your using implementing the E & I of DEVI in the plate context.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/06/23 12:38 PM
1

Agreed with this. Also, the initial filing is not a big deal. It’s a boilerplate filing to get the process started.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/05/23 10:40 PM
1

Sex is good, the rest is “fits and starts.” She’s a natural slob, which is odd because her parents are pretty neat / organized. They often talk about how difficult she was though, so I think they just kind of checked out. Good point about prioritizing. That’s kind of why I left the home office alone…I go to my office outside the home anyway. For me, it’s the kitchen and great room because other than the bedroom, that’s where I am. She (and/or the nanny) have gotten a lot better about the kids’ t…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/05/23 10:33 PM
1

Trust me, you can still get a thumb in to rub it. The slower rock/rub/grind makes for better, more consistent contact for both. It’s also a wicked an workout.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/05/23 02:53 PM
1

“Mandatory doggy style” Try prone bone next time and rock / grind instead of jackhammer. Can hand her a vibrator too.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/05/23 02:46 PM
1

Good comments. I was using frequency as a proxy for abundance, but good clarification. To be clear, I wasn’t saying one couldn’t push the limits at all, just that going all out with some big experience is likely to fail if you’re already facing a lot of rejections. At that stage, smaller changes are likely a better path to success.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/05/23 02:43 PM
1

No. I've actually been erring on the side of less comfort (other than sex).
/r/MarriedRedPill24/05/23 09:00 PM
2

I’ve tried similar without much success. I’ve been more successful when I straight delegated or just gave a clear expectation. I might be too skeptical, but I suspect that it’s at least partly a case where my wife is trying to figure out what she absolutely has to do. So she knew she needed to step up, but didn’t know exactly how much. Well, she stepped up, got some positive feedback, and now wonders how much she can dial it back (whereas I view it more as initial progress). Kids: Yes, to a degr…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/05/23 08:41 PM
1

I like the lifting goals much better here, but you know you’re going to want to make that squat 405! Good recognition of the nice guy stuff. I get something new out of NMMNG each time I re-read it and the general refresh helps too.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/05/23 07:23 PM
1

Her diet is ok, but not that good. Her iron levels are ok but not great. She got an energy boost for a while from B vitamins, but that seems to have faded. She acknowledges being really tired lately, but that doesn’t really solve the problem. I’ve advocated for more exercise, with limited success. Did my wife give weird deflections to praise re sex? Somewhat. There was a general awkwardness about it for a long time and an unwillingness to talk about sex at all, in part from a lack of experience.…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/05/23 07:12 PM
1

Yes, praising any positives (not just sex). I’ve emphasized smaller tasks and practices (ex: don’t just dump your dishes in the sink) first and left the office for a later date (likely when I can help clear it out). I also try to emphasize how staying consistent once organized is the key. Sleep / energy has always been an issue.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/05/23 03:11 PM
2

Is sex at the place I wanted it to be? It’s rapidly approaching it, but I don’t have a checklist. More of a general feel / approach (openness to exploration and few inhibitions), which we are getting closer on. Am I still questioning the motivations behind it? Other than the threat of divorce, what had contributed to it? No, not questioning the motivation really. I think it’s been a couple things. First, her HRT. She had already been prescribed before but didn’t follow through with it until a fe…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/05/23 01:36 PM
3

OYS #50 Late 30s -- Married -- 3 young kids 171 lbs -- ~12.0% bf Lifts: Squat 445x5 -- DL 455x3 -- Bench 255x4 -- Chins BW+95x5 Reading: Iron John Physical: Still cutting until 168 lbs. Even though I've been strict on the diet and doing a little more cardio, the scale isn't moving. However, I'm seeing more and more definition and vascularity, so I still feel like I'm going in the right direction. It will just take me a little longer than I'd intended. Once I hit that goal, I'm going to start a l…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/23 06:03 PM
7

In my experience, having a big plan or making sex a production is counterproductive when frequency is low (1-2x a week). It reeks of neediness and sex is novel enough at that point. It’s only been more recently (as frequency increased) for me that I get a positive reception to some extra novelty. Your response to the comfort test (do you want the relationship) was rough. I get that you didn’t want to sound unconditional, but you didn’t provide any comfort. Not sure why you said “this too shall p…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/23 03:36 PM
3

“Accepting of my situation” - why do you want to be accepting of an unacceptable situation? “Churlish frigid shrew” / “while I jerk off” - As you said earlier, you played a role in it. Now you need to re-establish boundaries and expectations and make her want to comply because you’re just that awesome. Otherwise, I like the attitude and actions. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, brother.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/23 03:00 PM
4

Wife With divorce openly on the table, you ABSOLUTELY have to keep your anger / emotions in check. You are doing and recording things for your file…she very well could (and likely is) doing the same thing even if it’s “just in case.” Also, you are no obligated to respond. It’s called STFU. Another tip: Don’t React, Respond. Reactions are quick, emotional, and have not thought through. Responses are calm, deliberate, and intentional. Kids It’s amazing what consistency, modeling behavior, and a li…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/23 02:49 PM
4

My wife suspected me of cheating at various times and did a few things to keep an eye on me. You know what that made me want to do? Cheat. But more importantly, WT actual F are you thinking? How is any of this productive? Between your view of your “friends” and your wife, you are guaranteeing bad outcomes. If the people around you suck, find new people. But if EVERYONE around you is awful, it’s time to look in the mirror. Also, why would your wife want “outside dick”? Give her that “inside dick”…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/23 02:33 PM
1

“I overthink things” … “I need to get better at knowing the “Why?” I want to fuck…” You’re doing it again (overthinking). Don’t twist yourself around. You know the feeling. It’s visceral.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/23 10:39 PM
1

Coming back to this…you’d like your wife’s body with another woman’s mind. What do you mean by this? Is it her attitude? Lack of intelligence? Political views? Is she small-minded?
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/23 05:19 PM
1

Coming back to this…you’d like your wife’s body with another woman’s mind. What do you mean by this? Is it her attitude? Lack of intelligence? Political views? Is she small-minded?
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/23 05:19 PM
3

Yes. Discipline is what aligns actions and intentions. Whatever the cause of the contradictions,^ your response was telling. People DEER because they need or want the other person to understand, agree, etc. I.e., for external validation (or similar). ^ btw, I have to defend and explain my arguments, analysis, etc. constantly as well (legal context), but that’s because I need to convince (or help convince) a judge. If I don’t need to convince someone of something (esp re my actions / decisions), …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/23 03:23 PM
1

What is VS behavior that you mentioned? I could be in the minority in this, but I don’t like the “withdraw attention as punishment” approach. Just give attention if you want to give it and don’t if you don’t. Otherwise, it’s reactive and becomes a contentious game when it should feel more like teammates than competitors. Initiated one time. Did you really only want to fuck one time all week? Squat like you mean it and I’ll bet that # goes up.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/23 03:00 PM
3

How old is your kid? What’s the backstory? You talk about unfucking your life but don’t really describe any ways in which it’s fucked. 160-182 lbs - that’s a wide range unless I’m not understanding it. But also, 160lbs at 6’1” doesn’t make sense. Pick a basic program and stick to it. Post your lifts each week. Sex: Why are you telling us if / how you make her cum? It’s irrelevant. Is 1-2x a week sufficient for you? I’m guessing not. No mention of career / finances / ambition. Lots of “she” in th…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/23 02:50 PM
1

Right. What you wrote was full of contradictions. What causes actions to align with intentions? … Then, you DEER’d. Why do people DEER? What’s the difference between being alone and being lonely?
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/23 02:25 PM
1

I worked with what you wrote. Yes, I work (and workout) on holidays, but that’s not the point. I’ve played tennis 4-5 hours a day for months on end, but that’s not the point. I have not seen Morocco, but that’s not the point. I didn’t call you gay, but that’s not the point. So what was my point? And what does your response say? Also, loneliness can mean suffering, but being alone doesn’t necessarily mean lonely (or suffering). Can you be alone without being lonely? If not, why? What is the conne…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/23 02:02 PM
2

Age 29; LTR of 8 years. Do you want kids? I’d imagine you’re getting some pressure here. What’s the plan / vision? 5’9” & 141 lbs? Damn, you’re skinny AF. Post your lifts once you have them and get after it. Over the course of a year, you can put on 20 lbs of muscle to that frame if you eat enough protein and lift hard (I’m a lean 5’8” / 171 lbs @ ~12% bf; 18 months ago I was a chubby version of you physique-wise). I’d suggest increasing to at least 3x a week lifting and posting notes about the …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/05/23 01:52 PM
2

Do I like my wife? Somewhere in between sometimes and most of the time. But the OI makes handling and SHAPING her behavior WAY easier because I have a sense of calm / abundance about my alternatives and willingness to pursue them if that’s the direction I end up choosing to go.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/23 02:36 PM
3

Does any of this sound familiar? On My OYSs 40yo, 3 kids, married 15+y, 5'8", 178#, 15.7% BF I'm dissatisfied with how I own my shit here. I never really have been pleased with my past runs at it. I've deleted out three times. Twice because I felt frustrated not being understood. The last time I got frustrated with myself. I realized that all the work I told myself I'd done hadn't amounted to much If I didn't have frame. And since that's the most important part, I hadn't really progressed where …
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/23 09:10 PM
2

Platitudes about suffering and pain. Followed by “drunk and smoked in surf camp and hostel.” “Week off” and didn’t lift. “Detoxifying from sex addiction and enjoying celibacy” followed by “have three plates lining up”. Do you see a common theme here?
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/23 08:57 PM
1

Yea, backbone / spine. No woman loves a man she doesn’t respect and she can’t respect someone without a backbone.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/23 01:09 PM
1

Was there a time you liked your wife? Either way, use your wife as a sparring partner. Practice setting and enforcing boundaries. Practice flirting, initiating, and fucking. I completely get the negative side effects of being interested in divorce. I felt that at one point too (and still do to a degree). But if you can dial back the feelings associated with it and just know that you’ll be fine (of not better off) if that’s the way things go, I think you might be able to open a door or two for yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/23 12:52 PM
2

You sound like my wife. Incredibly vague (“it’s the deepest of all things”) — dude, you haven’t even said anything. “You don’t understand” (Paraphrasing) “my issues / thoughts / emotions are way bigger than anyone else’s” I (and others) were just trying to give you some feedback. Take it or don’t, but I’m going to end my participation here.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 04:57 PM
3

We understand. It’s not that deep. And I couldn’t have felt diminished or belittled by your comments bc I interjected myself into the thread. Even if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t care and I doubt they do either. You seem to be drawn to the intellectual stuff, and you’ve probably been told how smart you are all your life. But sometimes that shit is just mental masturbation that keeps you from actually doing things like the house projects you keep putting off.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 04:38 PM
1

Unmotivated Why? Because you expect to be rejected? Because she’s not attractive? Because the sex sucks? Afraid of getting what you want? Or something else? Potential Plate My 2c: Fucking a random you just met is playing fast and loose. STIs and potential blowback aren’t worth it. If you’re going to spin plates, do it intentionally and intelligently. Separate but related: You have to be willing to nuke your nuclear family. (I’ll come back with link).
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 04:15 PM
2

That’s all well and good but until you get out of your wife’s frame it’s all just details. Do you see the need to harden the fuck up yet? If so, what are you going to do about it? It’s like you are afraid to swallow the pill so you just dance around it and do a few RP-ish things. Do you know the most attractive body part on a man?
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 04:01 PM
2

SQ 175 lb Swole? Were you the guy with a huge debt problem? I remember someone with a bunch of kids did, but your first few OYS are gone…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 03:50 PM
2

“That’s how it is when you’ve embarked on a project or journey that another person just simply doesn’t understand.” Smug alert! But seriously, you sound like a bad imitation of blarg here. Put my name on your responses and re-read them. You’d be checking me too.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 03:41 PM
1

Famine to feast is pretty accurate. I think most progressions are non-linear, but mine took the extreme version. What do I want long-term normal to look like? Good question. It’s not exactly this, but this is a good start. A self-perpetuating (and continual) progression of this is what I’d like (and what I think would be ideal for both of us, but especially me).
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 03:30 PM
2

“It hit me pretty hard” “…weak and powerless” For me, the events / developments/ outcomes that are hardest to process involve cognitive dissonance because it means something (fact or concept) I firmly believed was flat wrong. “When it all turns out fine…” Be careful not to underestimate the challenge in front of you. Hope and confidence are good things, but assuming success can cause you to overlook things that might be essential to succeed. All that said, I wish you the best on this.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 03:15 PM
3

Agree with this. I’ll add: - Respond, don’t React. - Feel your emotions, acknowledge them, but don’t let them control you. - RUCCE: relaxed, UNAFFECTED, calm, confident, ego-centric. (I’ll come back with a link or links)
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 02:35 PM
1

It’s natural to enjoy external validation and be motivated by it. The problem arises when you start chasing it or become reliant on it. Then you are beholden to those external sources and do what you think they want (nice guy shit). But if you keep putting in the work, especially the mental work, you’ll break through. Maybe not all at once, but in components as you shed insecurities. Ex: For the first 6-9 months of my physical transformation, compliments helped fuel my efforts. Now, 18 months in…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/23 01:47 PM
2

Wait a minute. This “business partner” didn’t contribute anything but his resume at the beginning (per last week’s comments), unambiguously fucked your over, stole from you, and doesn’t pull his weight (per last week’s comments). And he’s still your “business partner”? Ok, NICE GUY. You do you, but I would not stand for that. Btw, I’ve been there with the career shame, with higher highs (making 7 figures) and lower lows (broke, $250k in debt, jobless, pregnant wife), so I get it. It can be excru…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 02:57 PM
1

Ascent is a process, not a destination. You should always be working on “be attractive, don’t be unattractive.” Re Mindset Below is part of what I wrote to u/CaptainRianTomasso yesterday. I’d ask you the same question — what’s your current mindset towards women? Hell, I’m older, shorter, probably not as good looking, and I’ve got a wife, 3 kids, and even more lawsuits pending. But I’m good enough looking, fit, I’ve had some success, done some cool shit (professionally and otherwise), I’m ambitio…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 02:01 PM
2

Physique wise nothing obvious but it’s only been a couple weeks. Possibly some added muscle endurance. The biggest benefit is mental — a boost of energy and increased sense of achievement. For the bands, I just add high rep sets for the body parts worked at the gym that day. Ex: Push day I’m doing flies, tricep extensions, and lat raises (i. addition to the push-ups). High rep, minimal rest, to exhaustion. The dynamic (?) (meaning higher tension at the end of the rep) aspect of the bands fits we…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 01:49 PM
1

Awkward, right?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 02:21 AM
1

Beat you to it.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/23 02:08 AM
0

I actually don't like fogging because of the ambiguity of it, but I see its use. The fogging phrases that stuck out for me were "perhaps" and "you might be right" (and other, similarly ambiguous responses). ​ She got defensive and then started criticizing me. When my mind finally caught up to the fact that she was arguing with me in words, but was really simply reacting to me treating her like a man again, I fogged "Yeah, I am being blunt and direct right now." Is that really fogging? I then sel…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 11:23 PM
1

How are you going to use that time TONIGHT?
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 11:18 PM
8

OYS #49 Late 30s -- Married -- 3 young kids 171 lbs -- ~12.0% bf Lifts: Squat 445x5 -- DL 455x3 -- Bench 255x4 -- Chins BW+95x5 Reading: Iron John Physical: Two weeks left to drop 3 lbs to hit my target. I'll continue to cut until I hit my target. Still doing 200 push-ups a day + band work on top of the usual lifting schedule. Sex: Frequency is at all time highs. I don't keep track, but probably 8-9x over the last week. Quality continues to improve and I continue to push the bounds. I've only be…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 11:15 PM
1

It's not even mediocre though. You're choosing to sit on the couch and drink instead of doing something productive that you've been talking about doing for weeks. And for what? I doubt you feel better for watching TV, but doing a little manual labor and seeing the tangible result of it? That feels awesome. Even better if you can involve the kids and teach them something. I like this "Treated her more like a MILF than a mom."
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 09:47 PM
1

You describe fogging and it's purpose well. Deflect was probably the wrong way to describe it, but the examples and umbrella in the rain analogy mostly align with your description -- its being present and listening and acknowledging without being defensive but also without being affected or caving. But I disagree that deflecting is defensive, especially when done well (Always DARE, never DEER).
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 08:05 PM
9

TLDR: Figure out what you want. The rest is just details. You seem to want to berate yourself and be berated. Everyone makes mistakes. Also, you are early in your (M)RP journey and shortly into it you (seemingly) discovered your wife's affair. That's a lot to take in at once. With that said, the future and outlook remains the same as it did before your "fumble". Didn't tell her I was filing You can still file for divorce; Took control of the treasury and moved money I assume you didn't move the …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 07:43 PM
3

Goals Maybe think about what you want your life arc to be like. Or at least what you want your life to look like in 10 years. Do you want kids? What’s important to you? Once you have your finances in order and you’re consistently getting laid, then what? Those are “necessary but not sufficient” components of a good life. Btw, you don’t need to have the answers figured out as you work on the rest. Keep moving forward. Dating / Sex Just my 2c (and I think I said similar before), but I’d suggest ta…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 07:00 PM
3

“Really I don’t need to prove anything to anyone and if they have a problem with me, oh well.” Great start. Re: SMV. The point of the comments last week weren’t an assessment of your SMV, just a commentary on how a high SMV man gets to set his own rules. The minute you think you have to prove something to women or get caught up in a relative SMV mindset, you drop a notch or two. Just focus on upping your own SMV, get out there and have fun with it — enjoy the process. If it’s awkward, laugh it o…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 02:56 PM
1

Sex: Having an infant (especially early on post C-section) is one of the few times you should be more tolerant of limited sex. Breastfeeding also does a number on her hormones. Affair: How long did it run and how long has it been done? Do you know what type of drunk captain you have been? I can link if you can’t find it. Lifting - good starter goals, but you’re not going to blow anyone away with your build at those #s. You can get to those lift #s long before year-end if you get after it. Probab…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 02:10 PM
2

Dude, fuck your wife and her cycle. Whose life are you living? Btw, it’s an annoyingly recurring theme in your OYS. My 2c: You need to harden up and decide whether you or your wife’s moods are going to dictate your life. J10 wrote some great stuff, but he also often represents a “softer” version of MRP. You’re already soft AF. You need to be reading u/SBIII, u/red-sfpplus, u/killingtheblue, or similar “hard edge” guys. Consider this post from u/barracudarp. Re: healthcare system - is it somethin…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/05/23 01:38 PM
1

Read this from Ragnar. ETA: If you engage in a power struggle, you’ve already “lost.”
/r/MarriedRedPill15/05/23 02:40 PM
1

Glad I could make you think a little. Agreed, MRP is just what each of us landed on as a potential solution. Guys invest because it’s different from what they’ve tried (unsuccessfully). Any zealotry to MRP is silly (as is most zealotry). Once I learned RP originated from empiricism, some things clicked — it’s about trying things and seeing what works not dogma. With that said, I think the zealotry comes from how different the lessons are, especially when it works after nothing else has. That’s a…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/23 04:07 PM
2

Going back to where this thread started, u/oobertas_ said: Another way is to simply drop the expectation altogether and be outcome independent about your side of it. I disagreed with the idea of simply dropping expectation and jumping to outcome independence and said OI should be earned. If a man simply drops expectations and becomes OI without "earning" his OI, he can only really be OI by being indifferent between getting laid and not, which either smells like BS or self-immolation. What I mean…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/23 08:12 PM
1

I think the difficult piece is that one necessarily needs to complete their first unplugging before unplugging from unplugging. Yet, for many, this place is their first unplugging. So when /u/FutileFighter says "earn your OI" (obvious call out that "earn" implies someone other than yourself holds the keys to unlock that OI and you need to prove to them you are worthy...further reference that the "key" is under your mother's pillow implying she is actively hiding it there...but when you go to ret…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/23 05:18 PM
1

I think you missed the part where I just handled it (“so I just proceeded with bedtime”).
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 04:40 PM
1

Maybe I’m thinking about covert contracts differently (wrong?). In this instance, there was no “give to get”. Rather, I viewed it as…hey, with three little kids, we don’t leave the other to manage them solo for extended periods unless it’s discussed ahead of time. It was out of character for her to do it (work or weekend, we give each other heads up on this stuff). I get the point that I had a covert expectation though, and I shouldn’t react to an unmet expectation if I don’t communicate it (and…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 04:08 PM
1

I was calm. Her strong reaction showed she knew she broke the established norms. It’s similar to how I would say something if I wasn’t going to be home at my usual time after work…she doesn’t need to assertively communicate that she expects me home at X time bc we have established norms / standards and if I’m not going to be there, I communicate that. I’d say I was just clear that she was out of line and (re-)established the boundary / norm.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 02:45 PM
1

Good questions. I think the testing = attraction is more applicable to dating / early in relationships, but it’s still a way for them to check our frame. The flirting and sexual undertone of the relationship has really ramped up in recent months, along with the frequency of sex. I don’t mind shit tests until they become disrespectful and/or inconsiderate. So what happened was my wife had organized an event for a non-profit she’s involved with. I had the kids all day and brought them to the event…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 01:58 PM
1

I would think having it be a constant discussion would be exhausting. Instead, I said my piece at the time, I answer questions if/when she has them, and otherwise just operate as usual. Re leadership - an example is meal prep / cooking. I ask her to cook 2x a week and otherwise have things available for me to eat for dinner (leftovers, etc). I usually cook 1-2x on the weekends. This was a frustration for me because before I’d have to cook my own dinner after the kids went to bed, thus eating lat…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 01:39 PM
1

Is the work ever “done”? We’re the Deida lectures on YouTube or elsewhere? Would love a link. I understand and somewhat like the deathbed prism, but be careful not to get into a fear mindset — fear of not having done it all. Fear of having left something undone. Fear of having missed out. I’m not saying I have a better prism to use in its place, I just don’t think it’s the end all be all perspective.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 12:13 AM
2

Is she exhausted from dread? Maybe, but throttling back doesn’t seem like the answer either. To be clear, I said I wanted a divorce and she asked for another chance. It’s not an on-going discussion. Am I sure they aren’t comfort tests? I’ve noticed more comfort tests (ex: now there’s occasional disappointment if i forego an opportunity to give her a tap on the bum as I pass…I give extra affection if / when I notice or she comments) and fewer shit tests. I typically AM for most shit tests unless …
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/23 12:09 AM
2

Why is it best to initiate divorce in the next month? STFU also means don’t whine like a woman and THEN STFU. What are you doing to build your own frame?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/23 11:14 PM
4

Is the “co-dependency” reciprocal or are you just describing validation seeking and being needy? In what way are you emotionally dependent on your business partner? He sounds dependent on you practically (but not emotionally). Also, what does he bring to the table? It sounds like you just have nice guy behaviors towards him and that he’s deadweight (based on your comments alone).
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/23 10:43 PM
1

OYS #48 Late 30s -- Married -- 3 young kids 171 lbs -- ~12.0% bf Lifts: Squat 445x5 -- DL 455x3 -- Bench 255x4 -- Chins BW+95x5 Reading: Iron John (really enjoying it so far). Mission: To embrace and enjoy the journey, come what may. Physical Inching lower on bf. ~172 lbs is historically where I've "declared victory" on mini-cuts (at higher bf), so I'm motivated to break through this time. My goal remains 168 lbs (~10%) by 5/31. I'm seeing more leg & ab veins which corroborates the scale. Lifts …
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/23 09:28 PM
7

Drop the fancy labels (co-dependent/ covert narcissist). Diagnosing and obsessing about shit that’s in the past won’t change it. It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past. You had one-itis. It happens and it’s common considering the BP conditioning we’re all subject to growing up. Research is fine. Obsessive researching is mental masturbation. Research, decide and act. You’ll make mistakes, but you’ll learn more (and remember it) that way than you will obsessing without acting. The way FORWARD is THRO…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/23 03:24 PM
1

Women make rules for betas / LVM and break rules for alphas / HVM. Like Horns said, lifting will solve a lot for you. I also agree you shouldn’t conceal anything. You don’t have to volunteer anything you don’t want to (or answer anything you don’t want to), but actively concealing is wasted energy. Is “AM” Ashley Madison? That’s explicitly for people looking for affairs, so they like the mutually assured destruction. That’s a different game than you are playing now though.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/23 03:05 PM
3

“But I have made significant strides despite not having an upbeat tone to this OYS.” Who cares about the tone of your OYS? This was a great OYS. It was introspective yet focused on actions. You gave us a little inner monologue about your text hamster, but whatever, the rest was pretty damn good. Who are you co-dependent upon? Fwiw, I got more from NMMNG when I re-read / re-listened with some experience under my belt. Otherwise, try things and see what works for you. RP is about empiricism. And n…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/23 02:45 PM
3

FFS, You even dream in your wife’s frame. You also flirt like a needy girl. You handled the food stuff better though. Lifting 4x a week is plenty if you bring the intensity (will also help you sleep). What split or program are you going to use? Protein hack: 6-8 oz Fage yogurt + whey protein. ~50g of protein. Minimal carbs / low fat. Filling and not easy to eat quickly. Also, pre-plan your eating for the day. I input my planned eating for the day in the morning and adjust as needed. Here’s what …
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/23 02:30 PM
2

I disagree with the “just become OI” approach. OI is great, but I’d suggest the better way to get there is to earn your OI. What I mean by this is level up repeatedly (especially re frame / game / looks) such that it is excruciatingly apparent that you are a man who can and will fuck because no one doubts that it’s available to you and you won’t be denied a fundamental joy of life. Then your wife steps up or doesn’t, but she won’t be surprised when you get it elsewhere at that point (nor will an…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/23 01:57 PM
2

Types of Drunk Captains. I suspect you are/were Type 2 (as I was). BP conditioning from the start. It takes a while to break down old mental models and replace them with ones that actually work.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/05/23 06:57 PM
3

Ok, I had assumed the infidelity was on your side. Search for the J10 post or comments about the types of drunken captains. I was the same as you — BP conditioned / plow horse nice guy. I don’t think it’s a nice guy trait to care about your step son. If you are wanting to see him out of a sense of obligation or bc of what others think, yes. But if it’s because you enjoy spending time with him and genuinely care, there’s nothing wrong with that. So what are you doing differently with the gf than …
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 03:12 PM
3

Why is it her beach house? More importantly, why does she own your mental state and processes? Why does she own your time and labor (unable to reign in spending)? Start being selfish. “[You’re right. And that was a mistake, but ] I can’t change the past. I can only change things going forward, and that’s what I’m working on.” [optional / if relevant] Read tater & tits’ bullet points on frame in his OYS this week.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 02:29 PM
1

That was quite the puke. If asking for sex worked, would you be here? Are you really surprised that the dynamic is different with marriage + kid than when dating? Think about what your wife’s motivations are vs those of a gf. It’s not being stoic that works at home. It not being unattractive. Imagine if you did that consistently and added some attractive qualities. Then maybe you wouldn’t have to debate asking for sex (knowing it will fail) and you could just go get it.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 02:13 PM
1

Why did you divorce?
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 01:46 PM
3

Bf% from a scale is unreliable. If your weight is moving down and your lifts are going up, you’re making progress. RUCCE - Relaxed, UNAFFECTED, calm, confident, egocentric. A vet (don’t recall who offhand) recommended that acronym for how to think about the attitude you want. I capitalize unaffected for a reason. So your wife sucks and you’re over it. Ok, but are you ready to pull the chute? It sure doesn’t seem like it. You need to be ready physically, mentally (frame), and be organized / prepa…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 01:32 PM
2

At 6’4” & 192 lbs, I can tell you your body composition for free: skinny & weak. Lift & eat until you can bench 225x5 and squat 315x5. You could put on 20+ lbs of good weight.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/05/23 12:37 PM
3

Sure. I’m just saying ambition of some sort is a separate aspect of attractiveness. I asked because I didn’t see any career or other type of ambition mentioned (didn’t check prior OYS though).
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/23 11:32 PM
1

Women are de facto nice guys? In what sense? Sure, they might have some covert contracts, but much less than beta males do and I don’t think I agree with the general premise.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/23 06:28 PM
1

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1wwpqc/why_women_love_assholes_an_alternate_view/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&utm_content=2&utm_term=15
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/23 06:26 PM
2

NMMNG is great. I don’t recommend involving your LTR in your reading / processing of it though. If that self-admission is the most embarrassing thing you’ve admitted to yourself, you haven’t dug very deep. Re Shit tests…it helped me understand them better when they were described as “fitness tests” as in, she’s testing you to see if you are fit to be a mate because the qualities women look for in men are more attitude / behavior based. There’s also a great post on the TRP subreddit about it that…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/23 06:24 PM
2

What non-MRP goal or ambition do you have? Professional or otherwise.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/23 04:50 PM
2

You’re right on the first two. Tines’ question about FOMO was a good one (though identifying it doesn’t resolve it). The third, maybe but I don’t think fearing complacency is a bad thing. On the fourth, I’d say wanting a reset is embracing the unknown which is sort of the opposite of wanting a problem free life.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/23 07:19 PM
2

What do you think the downsides of OYS are once the fucking part is fixed? I could also see a scenario (and there is at least one example this week) where sex is readily available but the guy is a lame, weak BPer who would really benefit from taking the pill.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/23 02:48 PM
2

Don’t rush the stay / go decision. You’ll learn a lot about yourself from this process and be in a better position to go (or stay) if you work the process before making that decision. What is your primary goal / ambition right now?
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/23 02:30 PM
2

Great point.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/23 02:26 PM
6

How did taking over the treasury go? You mentioned it as a plan for February but I didn’t see a follow-up. What made the divorce lawyer conversation surreal? I found it pretty normal / straightforward. If you think that’s surreal, you probably can’t fathom telling your wife you want a divorce. I’d suggest just ignoring your wife for a while. She’s not fucking you anyway, so why waste the time and energy? You might also try smiling whenever your wife starts talking. It might be genuine, mocking, …
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/23 02:12 PM
1

Squats will engage your core. Start at whatever weight you need to. Also, planks are the go to core exercise. If your sole purpose of doing yoga is core strength, there are much more efficient ways to get it.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/23 01:58 PM
3

A lot has been covered here, but I’d add that your wife doesn’t respect you because you don’t (or haven’t) respected yourself. You are now taking steps in the right direction, but you can’t think or worry about her reactions until you respect yourself. That means staying clean of the shit habits, getting yourself in shape, handling the basics of adult life, and having ambition in some form. This is about improving you first and foremost. The marriage / relationship may or may not be salvageable,…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/23 01:50 PM
1

Great perspective. Thanks for passing that along.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/23 01:12 PM
2

You’re not wrong. I’m familiar with the maze analogy and in one of my OYS or responses, I mentioned how my wife knew exactly where to go to get out of the maze once that was a priority for her. I’m largely getting the effort I had been looking for but there are still some selfishness issues (not just garden variety girl stuff) and I’m still working on the quality of sex (quantity is plentiful now). I didn’t date around / sleep with a lot of women before, so maybe that’s part of it…an abundance m…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/23 01:06 PM
2

“Basically only protein/fiber” Lol. I’m reading this while I eat a bowl of 2% Fage yogurt with whey mixed in and a few blueberries. 50g protein / 5g fat / 10g carb. Less than 300 cal.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/04/23 05:02 PM
2

Thanks. After re-reading it and taking in KTB’s feedback, I’d say the Sex section was kind of field report-ish and the real problem was my Relationship stuff. I’m unnecessarily trying to get inside her head to see some underlying motive instead of just acting and considering her actions. Also, setting traps so the decision is made for me or whatever you want to call it is lame as you and others (rightly) called me out on. Appreciate the feedback.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/04/23 02:38 PM
2

Good call-outs. Especially pedal to the metal. Maybe I was getting a little comfortable and lazy. Regardless of the reason, point taken. Thanks. Rewarding behavior — affirming or complimenting the effort + time/attention. Agree on natural / experienced sluts.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/04/23 11:57 AM
3

OYS #47 Late 30s -- Married -- 3 young kids 172 lbs -- 12.5% bf Lifts: Squat 445x5 -- DL 455x3 -- Bench 255x4 -- Chins BW+95x5 Mission: To embrace and enjoy the journey, come what may. Physical: Tracking diligently again and seeing things tighten up. 168 lbs by 5/31 remains the goal (~10% bf). Work: Frame test / How it relates. I'm involved in a lawsuit and a party on my side of it has been dropping the ball yet billing a fuck-ton. However, they are absolutely critical to the case and we might n…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/23 10:53 PM
3

It's a little tiny bit of a sugar coating over an extremely bitter pill for the poor guy to swallow This is what I was referring to. Even though I was responding to you, my comment was for u/YDDMS. I'm just suggesting that he hardens up about this and doesn't fall into the misery / commiserate trap. That was all.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/23 09:53 PM
3

When I go out to eat, I look at the menu online beforehand and select what I'm going to eat so I can input it into MFP and adjust the rest of my day accordingly.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/23 09:44 PM
2

My comment about women was actually more about you moving away from being the bitter divorced guy. Your STBXW is occupying too much of your mental headspace. btw, glad to hear you're backing away from junking up your diet (or was that u/CaptainRianTomasso? I swear y'all could be brothers).
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/23 09:42 PM
2

I know you’re just trying to be NICE, but he doesn’t need your pity, nor should he want or accept it. Wallowing in it would be a waste.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/23 09:32 PM
2

It’s not a perfect analogy, but the idea that you are / have been playing a different game than she has can be a helpful prompt to shift mental models.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/23 04:24 PM
2

I think this might help you out: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/8k13xf/game_theory/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&utm_content=2&utm_term=15
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/23 03:22 PM
3

Frame is kind of a nebulous concept until it clicks. I like this post on it: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7lolrm/thoughts_on_frame/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&utm_content=2&utm_term=15 ETA: The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, specifically Howard Roark’s character, is one of the best examples of frame I’ve found. He’s got a distinct view and mission and pursues it authentically and relentlessly. Others can’t phase him because he knows who he is and what matt…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/23 02:43 PM
8

Don’t confront her. You already know. It will just tip her off. Your job is to get your ducks in a row for divorce on your terms when you’re ready. In the meantime, she is just a sparring partner — practice setting boundaries, gaming her, STFU, initiating, fucking her how you want, DEVI (SGM), and pushing limits. It’s no pressure practice time. Make the most of it. Fwiw, my state only requires 6 months residency. You can probably google to double check. You don’t need to retain an attorney yet, …
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/23 02:23 PM
1

Women are what they are. Sure, they vary in some respects across attributes, but they’re solipsistic AF and they operate with that mindset within the context they’re given. One might even say they take the shape of the container you give them…you gave your STBXW a divorced single mom receiving little / no (?) alimony container. She’s filling it. Find an attractive woman (or 3) with their shit together and give her / them a playground within your frame. How’s the work / financial front?
/r/MarriedRedPill25/04/23 02:11 PM
4

“Oh, are you giving me the silent treatment?” Followed by: “That’s cute.” Or “you’re cute when you’re mad” or “I kind of like it, can we make this a regular thing?” [Amused mastery]
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/23 01:54 PM
2

Infidelity (aka getting railed by Chad) is definitely a well-accepted but unstated boundary. There might be other types of “infidelity” that have nuances, but outright fucking is not one of them. With that said, my wife has always known that I’d drop her like a bad habit if she cheated. Surely the topic came up along the way (ex: y’all heard a story about someone cheating and you said, “yea, that would be the end of us, no discussion.”).
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/23 01:44 PM
1

Do I know what I want? Yes, and I’m now getting a low- to medium-grade version of it. However, I would prefer to get it from a place of desire / motivation / inspiration (whatever the right word is) rather than a place of fear & anxiety. Why does it matter? Because getting what I want by making a threat (even though that’s not what I did, it’s effectively the same) means that I have to keep that threat present and maintenance will require a degree of constant enforcement, which is a (relative) w…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/23 03:02 PM
3

Well put. To try to put it in my own words to make sure I understand it…The “decision” is the vision and framework. The specific path and outcomes are a fallout from the interaction between that vision / framework & events beyond one’s control. I’d add that, while the vision and framework can evolve, they have to be sufficiently solid (well-constructed & enforced / enforceable) in order to remain proactive as opposed to being reactive.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/23 02:46 PM
3

Agree with your bullet points. I’d add: Related to your third point, the duration and degree of your beta behaviors will affect whether / how quickly things can be reset. Like I mentioned in my post & replies, there are probably some personality and/or pre-relationship experience / conditioning / factors that affect a woman’s response / responsiveness. The funny thing is, my wife knew exactly what she needed to focus on when she decided to (when divorce became imminent), so I know it’s not that …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/23 02:37 PM
1

I think that even within my frame (or maybe regardless of frame?), I can assess whether a woman is more naturally a giver or taker (maybe this is better verbiage). I think my wife is a taker (tendency to be more selfish & lazy than usual). It’s just acknowledging what her models are (in your parlance), which I can influence but probably not completely re-wire. Narratives - this makes sense. Thank you. Re stay plan / go plan - “it simply happens” …this sounds rather passive, no? Again, not lettin…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/23 03:53 AM
2

Not sure I understand how distinguishing between allow and deserve (there’s probably a better word but that’s what I used) generally puts my wife on a pedestal. Who is in charge of the container? Every person decides how much they give. The recipient decides whether that’s enough given the rest of the proverbial equation. Agree there’s no cabal and hypergamy is natural + women are shaped by their own experiences, local cultures, etc. I agree my wife isn’t responding to some level I “deserve”. Sh…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/23 02:51 AM
1

With the fears, how about imagining every single one of them occurs in a way far worse than you initially imagine. Then what? Good exercise. The only one that would be concerning is if it really adversely affected my kids. What about your decision actually prevents any of those fears from actually materializing? I'm not sure I follow this. How much of what you fear here is really permanent? Good point. They are mostly issues that are temporary, with the possible exception of how my kids are affe…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/23 08:03 PM
3

OYS #46 Late 30s -- Married -- 3 young kids 173 lbs -- 13% bf Lifts: Squat 445x5 -- DL 455x3 -- Bench 255x4 -- Chins BW+95x5 Mission: To embrace and enjoy the journey, come what may. Physical: Back to tracking everything in MFP to actually lean out. I'm setting my goal at 168 by 5/31 (the goal is really 10% bf, but over the short term weight is a decent proxy). Obviously diet is 90% of that, hence the tracking. In addition, I'm adding GSLP style "homework" / conditioning to that as well because …
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/23 06:05 PM
4

Re anger / resentment about prior treatment. You basically addressed this, but I just want to emphasize that (1) you can’t change the past, (2) all that matters is the future*, and (3) you get the treatment you deserve and/or allow. Hell, I had to walk right up to the red line (divorce) and was ready to walk across it. I’m still operating on the assumption that it’s hysterical bonding, but the last ~3 weeks have arguably been the best in the relationship because, until recently, I allowed selfis…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/23 02:10 PM
3

This guy gets it better and quicker than most. Probably because of the pre-existing discipline. When I saw 15% and the rest of your #s, I didn’t think it made sense. Then I saw your sliced or diced comment / 10%. Makes sense. I love it when my wife is away for a few days. Maybe it says something about me (and you) that we execute much better, tackle projects, and the house looks better than ever when the wife returns (and not out of validation). STFU - great work here. Wife is bawling bc you’re …
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/23 07:47 PM
1

I’ve done both. Trying to get more conditioning in first thing / fasted now. I used to lift fasted but felt pretty flat, so now I eat a light breakfast before lifting.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/23 09:46 PM
1

Thanks. I’ve always followed a powerlifting type approach in part bc then I knew I was progressing. I do need to switch up programming though. I’ll check out Creeping Death II and Conjugate (KTB mentioned previously) as well as PHAT and PHUL.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/04/23 07:27 PM
1

Few if any of us are so optimized that we need to worry about catabolism while cutting and even then, it’s just part of the deal. Sure, I might lose a little muscle, but with sufficient protein and lifting, the loss will be minimal. I’m also not cutting to an extreme. Somewhat to your point / question — over ~18 months, I’ve lost 20 lbs of fat while I gained 25 lbs of muscle (per dexa scans) and I stayed between 170 & 183 the whole time. So apparently I was in a very modest surplus, but I was st…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/23 08:38 PM
1

I’m 5’8” so I’m pretty compact. My FFMI is 23. Recent pics: https://imgur.com/a/EFbMDo1 One is with a pump and the others are after a sauna / run. My arms are pretty vascular, I’m starting to get the shoulder/chest veins, and I’ve got the start of some ab and thigh veins, but I carry all my fat around the middle, so if I want a six pack, I’ve got to shed some more. Plus, I think the muscle will pop a little more if I’m just a bit leaner. I’m fairly broad, so I don’t think I’d lose the masculine …
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/23 05:49 PM
3

You're welcome to question anything. Go ahead and start with my OYS. I'd love some philosophical MMA. We're all here to learn and you're free to take what you want and leave the rest.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 11:05 PM
6

Feedback: Tread lightly with the receptionist at work. You seem to be lashing out and creating a mess at work would not be helpful. You're lashing out because your ego got hurt. Your wife's presumed affair is exposing your insecurities. Address the root cause of those (ex: lose weight so you aren't insecure about being fat). You've been coasting lazily through life and it shows. Now you're getting a wake up call. Consider the wake up call a gift and don't waste the rest of your time here.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 11:00 PM
1

I like and use this one: https://symmetricstrength.com/
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 10:19 PM
1

You’re probably right. I let the sense of obligation create artificial time constraints. At the same time, there are some practical considerations but they aren’t the real limiting factor. In terms of mission, embracing and enjoying the journey means seeking out and tackling challenges. In a professional & intellectual context these are often complex financial puzzles of one sort or another that require large blocks of time to analyze. So I guess the trade-off is being home most evenings at 6:30…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 04:19 PM
1

Great point, and I agree. If it was just about sex, my wife wouldn’t stand much of a chance. I think of sex as table stakes in a sense -- the quantity and quality have to be sufficient (by one’s own definition) so that deficiencies don’t become a distraction, but one can’t get (higher level) fulfillment from sex alone. I think the bigger question for me is whether I want the added freedom / free time to pursue my mission than I want that time to be with wife & kids.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 03:44 PM
2

Thanks. I’ve gone back and forth too. I decided to do at least some IF as a way to instill discipline (especially late in the day, which is where the calories add up for me) and for the insulin-sensitivity effects. I also try to avoid snacks / grazing for the same reasons. With that said, i appreciate the points about protein consumption. The old 30g 6x a day bodybuilder approach seems to remain pretty valid if you’re looking to build muscle. That’s secondary for me at the moment though, so I’ll…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 03:20 PM
1

I’m surprised you haven’t lost any weight since cutting out alcohol for two months. Are you bulking? I like the focus and mindset. Btw, trajectory > status. You are controlling what you can control. That’s what’s important. Just my 2c, but I’d rather just rub one out than call a fat girl if I need a release. It’s way more efficient and the more you accept / invite fat girls into your life, the more you will subconsciously think fat girls belong in your life.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 02:10 PM
1

First few paragraphs of your response = DEER. “I’ve been a slow learner.” - better. At least it’s honest and shows ownership. Beta —> honest & self-interested dick isn’t a volume knob. They are on different planes. You can dial up or down how “in-your-face” the honesty and self-interest is, or how transactional vs relational (long term self-interest) the self-interest is, but I’d suggest thinking about it differently than being the same thing but with different volume. Because they are very much…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/04/23 01:55 PM
3

This is why KTB said your wife likely has a sex life even if you don’t…she looks better than ever (or something like that) and at the same time she not only stopped initiating, her rejections have an animus to them…it happens. Watch out for pregnancy cover-up sex. Setting that aside, kids need discipline. You should know that better than most and can work on that regardless of how your relationship goes.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/23 11:12 PM
2

How recently did she lose the weight? Did the dead bedroom just start in the last three months? ETA: Tease her however you want. Whatever comes natural for you.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/23 10:22 PM
2

Do you have links to the villain challenges? None of the links I found on tigerdroppings worked. Thx!
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/23 10:03 PM
4

You and I have some similarities. Make this your mantra: the stay plan is the same as the go plan. What that means is that the work you need to do is the same either way. Whether with the current women or another one, you need to develop OI. Think about this — how has being whiney and butthurt worked out for you? Terribly, right? It not only doesn’t salvage sex when you want it, it also ruins your chances the next time or five. So what’s more important, airing your feelings or improving outcomes…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/23 09:44 PM
6

OYS #45 Late 30s -- Married 8 years -- 3 kids 173 lbs -- 13% bf Lifts: Squat 445x5 -- DL 455x3 --- Bench 255x4 -- Chins BW+95x5 Mission: To embrace and enjoy the journey, come what may. Physical I saw a couple pictures of myself late last week and I was a little surprised at how thick (muscular) I looked. I still feel small and/or forget that I've put on as much muscle as I have. My real takeaway from the observation was that I've got enough muscle now that cutting / really leaning out would hav…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/23 08:36 PM
4

How have you been here a year? Is being self-interested and honest about it “being a dick”? Ditch the feminist conditioning. I suspect your “nice card” is actually reverting to a BP approach — is that right? To me, playing the nice card is inviting her into your world to do something fun or interesting. Ex: For date night, my wife is helping me build a piece of furniture she wanted. And she’s stupid excited for it. Ditch the BP shit. While you’re at it, ditch the covert contracts and ditch being…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/23 03:56 PM
5

I feel like I heard the song “everything is awesome” playing as I read this. I guess you’ve got it all figured out… With that said, you seem to bristle at taking advice / input because you think you already know better (or should). A little humility goes a long way. Is the plate stuff new? How does it fit into what you’re trying to accomplish?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/23 03:16 PM
4

The emotional roller coaster is for her. You should be operating the roller coaster (and thus unaffected by it), not riding it. There is also a lot of “we” in here and some aggrandizement of RP. RP isn’t an identity. This isn’t a fraternity. We’re not your bros. We each come here to learn and give input. Be your own man. “I need to be busy with MY mission.” FTFY (Delete the rest of that paragraph) As in, that’s it. The end. Mission is purpose. “Giving your gift” is not the end all unless that is…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/04/23 02:59 PM
1

This is spot on and helpful. After the initial shitstorm of reactions and emotions, my wife seems to have accepted that there’s only one path left. I wouldn’t say I see the whole matrix, but i feel like I see enough to avoid the big pitfalls and occasionally see around a corner. It’s been strangely nice and easy, and as you said, she is happier…as long as she doesn’t stop to think about how she no longer has any leverage (cracks in the facade on this front already). It’s hard for them to let go …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/04/23 04:45 PM
1

Straps - yes, for the higher weight sets.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/04/23 04:17 PM
2

Shame gone - amazing how that prison vanished, huh? Keep that in mind. Father - By my read of it, your father wasn’t bullying you. It seems like he meant well. He was probably just trying to have fun with you (practical jokes) and giving you low-risk reps to learn to deal with bullies or similar. Orbiter - He doesn’t deserve your respect. If it’s a family activity or event for your kid (trying to envision the scenarios), he needs to know his place, which is in the background. One more thought - …
/r/MarriedRedPill06/04/23 06:21 PM
3

Is your disgust because she’s unattractive or because you think she’s cheating? The good news is you’re being honest with yourself and you know the first couple steps you need to take. Don’t let up. Channel the anger into the gym, and don’t let it bleed into other areas (kids / work).
/r/MarriedRedPill06/04/23 01:24 PM
1

Re-read (in a judgmental way) what you wrote but imagine someone else wrote it.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/23 10:30 PM
3

I wouldn’t say my path was ideal, but I kept at it and tried to be open to feedback. “And mean it” — You need to be VICIOUS about eliminating any nice guy behaviors. It might cause a problem for someone? So what, not your problem. You need to focus on what’s right for you and you alone (and your kids). I’m not saying go dark triad, but recognize when something you do adversely affects someone else…and be ok with it. (Re-)establishing boundaries and expectations after routines & norms have been e…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/23 06:18 PM
1

Do you feel the need to read someone’s prior OYS’ before commenting? If not, why did you feel compelled to apologize? It’s more nice guy shit…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 11:57 PM
3

You have to own the decision, whatever that decision is. You understand and appreciate what she went through, but that doesn’t give her any rights to force anything on you. So do your research, make your decision and inform her, but be clear that you alone will make the decision concerning a (presumably) irreversible procedure. Also, you can bank some sperm ahead of time as a relatively cheap insurance policy.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 08:36 PM
1

I haven't done conventional in a long time, so I don't even have a # to reference. I took a break from DL because I kept aggravating my back / sciatica doing conventional DL, and I read about trap (low) bar DL as a slightly more back-friendly approach, tried it out and haven't had issues, so I stuck with it.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 07:54 PM
2

You’re going to have decide if you want to live your beta revenge fantasy, own what is you want and provide some leadership, or just cut your losses. No choice is wrong. If there were any schadenfreude aspect to it, I'd just shut it down. She knows the way out of the maze and always has, and I'm praising her for it now. She just wasn't willing to do it until now. ​ And It sucks to feel like you’ve worked yourself into ground only to see someone who appears to have only put in a marginal amount o…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 07:40 PM
1

I started paying attention to my habits of thinking about judging others, comparing myself to them, and think about them as sources of negative or positive validation Being judgmental of others means that you think others have the right to judge you (and that their judgment matters). Unless they are doing something that affects you, who the fuck cares? And the corollary -- why would you care what they think? Can you not form your own opinion? Beyond that, there is a ton of ego, guilt, shame and …
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 06:51 PM
3

OYS #44 Late 30s -- Married >8 years -- 3 kids 172 lbs -- 12.5% bf Lifts: Squat 445x5 -- DL 455x3 -- Bench 255x4 -- Chins BW+95x5 Mission: To embrace and enjoy the journey, come what may. Divorce Conversation Fall-Out After telling my wife I wanted a divorce, I got all the expected reactions (a sampling below): Guilt: "What about the kids?!? I'd stay for them even if I was unhappy!" Guilt / shame: Attacking me for not "fighting for the marriage." Deflecting -- "I think you're actually unhappy ab…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 06:27 PM
2

Why would divorce wreck you? If you are an intelligent, capable man you can always recover and thrive. And if someone is trying to hold you prisoner by threatening to light your “stuff” on fire, don’t cower to them; offer to douse it in gasoline for them (and mean it).
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 05:17 PM
11

Don’t tell her what you’re going to do. During the day, tell her either: what she is going to FEEL (describe setting, build-up, non-explicit stuff — you’re working her mental runway) or what she’s NOT allowed to do (my go to: “you’re not allowed to cum without my permission”). “The coming week is going to be a challenge…” “and I’m looking forward to it”. FTFY.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 04:00 PM
10

Re: Daughter What needs of hers are not being met? One thing I’ve learned / embraced over the last year is that kids don’t need two moms. Meaning, I don’t need to be that over-involved parent to the detriment of other goals, especially when all of their needs are being met. The goal of parenting (IMO) is to prepare kids to survive and thrive on their own. Have you ever noticed how kids naturally gravitate towards their fathers over time? Particularly when the father is successful and/or goes out…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 03:18 PM
1

You said conception problems caused the first turmoil in the LTR. You also alluded (elsewhere) to emotional trauma without explanation. What I’m asking first is: Did the inability to have your own biological kids — and how YOU handled that — cause a meaningful shift in the relationship?
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 02:47 PM
1

How much does that explain the change in dynamics (including her subsequent work / travel, if the two are related)?
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 01:54 PM
1

Why junk up the diet? As long as you are still making gains and the weight is steady, you are likely building muscle mass. Do you really think your muscle growth is held back by calories at 3k? I think you’re just on the less steep part of the development curve. Porn / Masturbation - Once I kicked porn, I went from once a day-ish to once a week-ish. Its even lower now because it’s not even satisfying anymore. Once I adjusted (after the first week or so), I felt more sexual (and overall) energy. …
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 01:26 PM
2

How was conception / child arriving “resolved”?
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 12:54 PM
1

Yea, one has to find the RP, not be led to it. I just gave him NMMNG (which I read before I found RP) and told him I found it helpful. Asked once if he’d read any of it, and I’ll leave it there. Without discussing RP, he knows I’ve hardened up and that I’m here if he ever wants to talk. I won’t push it though.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/23 02:47 AM
1

True, women don’t want to be dominated by marshmallows, but frame alone could probably get you there. I’m the meantime, lift like you mean it (your lifts seem to be roughly flat since you started under this username) to put on 20+ lbs of muscle and then report back. At that point, she’ll like it when you toss her on the bed, pin her hands above her head, flip her over, and grab her hips forcefully.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/04/23 07:05 PM
1

Include your lifts each time. I didn’t go back and look, but assumed they were pathetic based on your OYS. They aren’t terrible, but don’t accept that you are at the end of gains just because they slow down. My lifts were somewhat similar to yours a year ago, but I put 50 lbs on my 5 rep bench (205->255) and 60 on my 5 rep squat (385->445) since then. Keep grinding. Lifting builds mental strength as well as physical strength, so possibly related. Covert contracts - Needing everyone to know how d…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/04/23 06:37 PM
1

Do you think repeatedly shrugging and rolling over to sleep in response to her LMR is masculine? I’m all for OI, but you seem to re-engage bc you like her attention. You’re kind of playing the chick role. No wonder she doesn’t want you to be dominant. What if instead you were steady in your desire and pushed through the LMR bc you wanted it for you, then exerted your physical dominance congruently from there? Also, your focus on her orgasm (and reporting on it to us) smells of validation seeking…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/04/23 06:20 PM
3

TLDR: Excuses for not lifting & so weak he won’t list lifts. Covert contracts + validation seeking at work. Wife views him as a beta plow horse to reward for being a dutiful provider. Your approach at work was extremely feminine (making sure everyone knows how difficult and stressful it is) and a waste of time and energy. A masculine approach: here’s a problem, let’s fix it. The end. You need to lift & re-read NMMNG more than you need to learn seduction / game.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/23 01:15 PM
1

Fair enough and a legit concern. I’ve done some form checks (video and others’ eyes), generally spend more time at slightly lower weights with higher volume (6-12 reps), and supplement with hack squats and leg press (among others) where I think the comparative weights check out. Plus I’ve got ~24” thighs.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/04/23 06:36 PM
1

Thanks. Good feedback on trusting actions “right now”. Squat - I’ve done a video to check that I’m breaking 90 degrees, but it’s not a full ass-to-grass squat. DL is also trap bar DL, so it’s a little more similar to squat than traditional DL. Those factors might explain the difference.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/04/23 02:02 PM
2

You might want to check your math there.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/04/23 01:37 PM
3

The lawyers thought it was good to have a witness / third party there because you never know how she’s going to react. It keeps her from going off the rails. I will say the one real benefit of counseling was getting documentation / third party verification of your wife saying there’s been no abuse, addiction, etc. (our therapist had us fill out a survey that included those questions). I’ve confirmed with attorneys we could subpoena for that if necessary. Financially, I’ve had things in place for…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/03/23 01:34 PM
2

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/11ktm8s/own_your_shit_weekly_march_07_2023/jbleoxh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3 That response & subsequent discussion covers most of my goals.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/03/23 01:33 PM
3

You’re on the right track. What you should hear when other women say you’re such a “good (“nice”) guy for tolerating that” is…”ugh, if only you had a pair of balls, I’d fuck the shit out of you…too bad.” Dropping the nice guy and validation shit will go a long ways. My MIL is an alcoholic. She’s hit bottom so many times I’ve lost count because my FIL won’t follow through with his threats. Set boundaries and enforce them. Actions have consequences. Actions HAVE TO have consequences or she’ll just…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/03/23 01:32 AM
4

OYS #43 Late 30s -- Married >8 years -- 3 kids 172 lbs -- 12.5% bf Lifts: Squat 445x4 -- DL 455x3 -- Bench 255x4 -- Chins BW+95x5 Mission: To embrace and enjoy the journey, come what may. --- Guys Trip Went on a guys ski trip last weekend. Three great days of skiing with two buddies I grew up with and we've always stayed pretty close. I gave one of them a copy of NMMNG last year, but he hasn't read it even though he needs to. Normally, we would just have fun and generally keep things pretty surf…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 10:11 PM
2

For the ripped callus (or popped blisters). Cut to size. Put some flexible, waterproof tape over it and you wont even know it’s there. Spenco 2nd Skin Moist Burn Pads, Medium (2 x 3 Inches), 4-Count https://a.co/d/36mOR1n The argument in which you didn’t want to apologize…were you in the wrong or not? If you were, negative assertion and own it. It’s liberating. Don’t avoid apologizing just bc you don’t like apologizing or think it makes you look weak (insecure). It’s much weaker to avoid apologi…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 02:50 PM
3

Search for “drunk captain” and figure out what kind you were / are so you learn from it and don’t make the same mistakes in the future. As with nearly everyone new here, developing your frame will be critical. Your lack of one was a big contributor to your marriage deteriorating. If an orbiter situation arises in the future, how will you handle it differently? Agree with the others, you are skinny AF and 10% body fat doesn’t matter without at least some muscle. At a minimum, you can put 20-25 lb…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 02:20 PM
2

How do you correct misconceptions? Gather information and prioritize truth & reality over bullshit. You do realize where “red pill” comes from, right? As for overcoming unrealistic comparisons, I think we just have to recognize what we can change, focus on that (as well as progression over stage / status) and accept the rest. Mindset (by C Dweck) is a great book in this regard.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/23 10:35 PM
2

Welcome back. I remember your username from when I started (early ‘22). So what do you think happened? Were things just going your way so it was easy and then you crumbled when some challenges came along? Or we’re old mental models not fully discarded / replaced by solid new ones? If you want to ditch the ego, worry less about who may or may not be eye-fucking you. Whatever they may or may not be thinking shouldn’t matter. Also, I always find it interesting when guys brag about how much others a…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/23 10:05 PM
5

I think doing a consult with a divorce attorney is generally a good idea, but don’t rush it. You can also learn a lot just reading free stuff lawyers in your state post on their websites (as well as just reading the state statutes). Your #s are good, so I assume your physique is pretty good. Have you made any other physical changes? I changed up my haircut / hairstyle last year for the first time in ~15-20 years to good effect. I also updated my wardrobe a bit as my physique improved and I’m doi…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/23 07:25 PM
3

Maybe her blow jobs suck because she can sense the covert contract you have about them re cunnilingus. But if she’s doing half of the other shit you say she is, then the path to great blowjobs seems fairly obvious — become a guy women would want to fuck and stop whining about them / begging for them. In fact, I’d tell her she’s not allowed to suck your dick. Turn it into something she has to earn.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/23 02:06 PM
2

Last OYS you touted a spontaneous blowjob and a spontaneous request for anal. Now you are complaining that her blowjobs aren’t enthusiastic enough. It sounds like you are trying to get validation from sex, and despite your wife apparently being game for pretty much anything with her skinny-fat husband, you are putting blame back on her. This is 100% your fault. She’s ready to be whatever kind of slut you want her to be. You just need to be attractive, not be unattractive and go for it. Either th…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/23 05:37 AM
1

If you are content, do you really need to worry about what you might be missing out on because you aren’t even aware that you might enjoy it? My answer (for me) to that is “no.” I want to grow and evolve, but i don’t need to try everything before I can say I’m happy. In fact, I’d say hamstering is worrying about what you’re missing out on when you’re otherwise satisfied. Especially w/r/t sex, which is great, but not the end all be all of fulfillment. For example, do you need to try being a cuck …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/23 09:30 PM
1

I have a pretty good idea of what I want, at least baseline-wise on those fronts, as well as things I’d like to try & play around with more. Tastes change and people learn, evolve, grow, so it’s a moving target in some sense, but it doesn’t move that quickly or dramatically (at least for me). For example, with a plate last year, we had a great sexting dynamic that created a lot of build-up and anticipation. I’d tell her the filthy shit I was going to do to her and she’d respond with voice messag…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/23 09:20 PM
2

Good self-reflection. Sex isn’t everything, but it is important. In some sense it’s table stakes — if it’s inadequate (by your own definition), it can be very frustrating. At the same time, it’s important to realize that sex alone won’t provide fulfillment. That’s why you see vets shift their focus if / once sex gets to a sufficient level. I’m glad you got the full menu & ate your fill. My wife still isn’t filling the fridge or making enough meals (let alone new ones)…and believe me, I’ve tried …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/23 07:04 PM
4

Re sex - If you got what you wanted and wouldn’t be satisfied then you don’t know what you want. Assuming your wife isn’t really defective in some way, you should operate on the assumption (for now) that your wife is “good enough clay”. I’m on mobile so linking is difficult, but u/hornsofapathy had a great comment or post about this.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/03/23 09:36 PM
1

By “bag” I didn’t mean just financial, and I agree with you about the prize mentality. In fact, I think my wife does consider me the prize and that she badly wants to stay together. I’ve also tried to show her the way out of the maze. However, she is unwilling or unable to walk out of it. I can speculate on the reasons, but they don’t matter. Re “nuking just to be red” - I agree that would be dumb. But that’s pretty different from acknowledging that MRP = hard mode. Re nuking decision - it doesn…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/03/23 05:11 AM
2

I understand the concept, but I disagree with it. Guys are de-loading so often they never break new ground (I.e., make actual progress) and develop fuck-around-itis. I know the idea is to continue making linear (ish) progress, but hitting reset to do so isn’t the way IMO. I prefer to push up the weight, then backfill with volume and grind through any plateaus. Because the goal is max progress, not linear progress. That’s just my 2c though.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/03/23 07:24 PM
1

Absolutely. It’s almost axiomatic that being married makes one’s woman / wife less motivated to add value because she’s already secured the proverbial bag. I’m still just mentally processing some aspects and working to shed the remnants of faulty mental models. I’m curious what situation doesn’t warrant a red pilled man getting divorced. And I agree I’m not an exception. If anything, I’m on the other end of the spectrum (divorce is far better for me).
/r/MarriedRedPill22/03/23 07:01 PM
2

Why is deloading so popular? Intentionally going easy just teaches you to slack off. If your body needs a break, take a few days off. But when you’re in the gym, go fucking get it.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/03/23 03:35 PM
4

Great job ditching the “drinking buddies” and taking a break from alcohol. I remember the drinking buddies from one of your first OYS and I think I jumped on you for it. Also, glad you’re taking more responsibility re work. I know that was (and prob still is at least for now) a weakness of yours. Calorie surplus - I’d be surprised if 3300 isn’t more than enough. I prefer the more gradual, sustainable changes / tweaks vs aggressive bulk/cut cycles. Squat & DL - they may not show off as well as be…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/03/23 03:18 PM
3

Thanks for the tip.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/03/23 01:10 PM
5

OYS #42 Late 30s -- 171 lbs -- 12.5% bf (ab and chest/shoulder veins starting to come through) Lifts: Squat 445x4 -- DL 455x3 -- Bench 255x4 -- Chins BW+95x5 Reading: RM #2. It might just be because I've read enough RP material over the last year, but I'm 2/3 through it and haven't come across much that seemed very new or different. Mission: To embrace and enjoy the journey, come what may. What I Want: Exhilaration, Challenge, Discovery, Development -- Physically, Intellectually, and Professiona…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/23 08:40 PM
1

Thanks. Good point. My plan is to focus on divorcing well first. However, whenever my attorneys say it won’t risk blowing up negotiations (~3-6 months), I plan to try out a few different styles of relationship. My starting point will be HSP’s “Bitch Management Heirarchy”. I’ll likely avoid ONS just to limit risk, but otherwise, I’ll start out spinning plates and/or finding a FWB (or three). Until I’ve spent some time operating in the new regime (work, custody, other obligations), it’s hard to sa…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/23 09:17 PM
1

Physical - Challenge / Development: SQ 505 & BP 315; 10% bf; 16” arms. - Discovery / Exhilaration: Sexual exploration of some things I haven’t experienced but find intriguing. - (Debating on this one) win two rounds in a professional tennis qualifier. Intellectual - Become fluent in Spanish - Explore new cultures & geographies (LatAm & Asia) - Learn about Tao and/or Zen Buddhism to see if I want to incorporate anything from those approaches. - Develop my (pick-up & social) game skills to the poi…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/03/23 09:44 PM
3

I’m suggesting OYS is for owning your SHIT (challenges, struggles) so that you can learn, grow, develop, etc. That’s also why there is an emphasis on the things we’ve actually done, so we can learn from them. Posting self-congratulatory notes don’t serve much purpose (hence my barb about the shoulder / neck).
/r/MarriedRedPill08/03/23 07:58 PM
3

Did you tweak your shoulder / neck patting yourself on the back? What are your struggles / challenges? What are your lifts? At 6’ & 177 lbs, I’m pretty sure you’re not pushing much weight. Your back soreness will abate if / as you strengthen your core by doing squat & DL with real weight.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/03/23 05:58 PM
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