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GarbanzoBenne Archive

View 0 posts and 19 comments by GarbanzoBenne on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Generally speaking, sure. But he's coming here looking for encouragement.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 01:03 PM
3

She's never valued you or ten years of the most beautiful loving marriage? Which is it? Sounds like something changed and you're rewriting history to help justify what you're planning to do. I find it interesting that something changed in her after she lost her job and she refused to stop hurting you, then you also suffered a mental break and are refusing to make changes until she proves she loves you. Sounds like you are both broken and your plan to become a YouTuber sounds a bit like a midlife…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 02:19 AM
5

There's absolutely a chance, but there's nothing you can do to guarantee it, only work towards the best chances. There's a lot of (often justified) negativity from those who weren't able to save their marriage and got screwed over in the process. So, be sure to take that bias into account. I do know a few people in real life, and many online, who were able to save their marriages. I also know quite a few who were not successful. Cheating was not a universal factor. It's especially difficult if s…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 08:04 PM
6

And this is exactly how therapy is stigmatized. Therapy is absolutely able to help people through emotionally difficult times.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 02:03 AM
5

A therapist can't set this right but can help a bit. Decide if it's useless after you have a session.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 01:26 AM
7

I dunno man, "toxic" is pop psychology nonsense but just trying to kiss you to fix whatever's going on isn't really serious either. You gotta give her the same chance you'd expect to get to work on the relationship through some program or therapy. If that doesn't work, then you've got your answer and should have no regrets. From what little you've written here and how you've phrased it, I question the regard given for such a big decision.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 01:34 AM
2

Six months? That's not just a honeymoon phase, that's the short end of a dopamine-fueled infatuation period which biologically does not last. Something like only 5% of affairs result in marriage and 75% of those fail in the first 5 years. So you've got a 1.3% chance of this working out. That's on top of all the reasons that screwing over your wife and kids is a dick move.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 10:08 PM
3

IDK I'm in a marriage support group with both genders and it seems like this behavior is unfortunately common in both directions. Even the midlife crisis thing is stereotypically male but it hits both. It does seem like women tend to let it fester for longer before they take action, which puts us closer to the point if no return of we want to save it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 06:17 PM
2

What if you had feelings for her and she came to you saying she wants a divorce because she wasn't feeling it anymore and referenced a few things you talked about years ago? That's what I'm going through right now. I think you should at least try to give it one last shot. It's possible to rekindle those feelings if you both try. If she doesn't want to, then you have your answer and can proceed without risking regret.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 06:11 PM
0

IMO there's a lot of value in marriage but we need a course correction on what marriage is all about. For the past few decades we've been going down this psychological road that people need to do what makes them happy, yet no one seems to know how to be happy. Therapists help people explore what they want and then encourage them to do it, under the false belief this will make them happy. So people break relationships, act selfish, hurt others, then--surprise--they aren't actually any happier. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 08:24 PM
2

It's interesting that you say that as most criticism I hear about couples counseling is that it only really makes you better at fighting. Successfully dealing with conflict is more complicated than who wins an argument. In many ways, if either person wins, you both lose.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 07:56 PM
3

Honest question: have you clearly communicated to her that there are problems significant enough to affect the future of the relationship? I see way too many situations where one spouse has been complaining for years then the other gets blindsided when divorce is brought up, thinking some problems are just normal and not realizing the severity.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 08:01 PM
1

Stop begging. If you want to try to save this marriage, take ownership of yourself and the issues. Change your actions, don't just talk about changing. You have to focus on the emotions and not logic right now. Don't listen to people telling you just to accept and move on if you don't want to. People do dismiss divorce and it's not unheard of for divorced people to remarry each other. Statistics show that most people tend to regret that they didn't do more to try to save the relationship and und…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 06:28 PM
4

People have a tendency to rewrite history to fit the way they currently feel. It's not fair but it's just how our brains work. The only thing I can say is that she used to feel differently and her feelings can change again. Nothing's guaranteed, but it's possible to turn this around. Some of that's in your control and some isn't. Work on yourself, be curious, and think about the long game.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 07:46 PM
3

Generally speaking women need an emotional connection before a physical one, where men lead with a physical connection followed by an emotional one. How's the emotional connection between the two of you? Possible something could improve there?
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 06:49 PM
1

100% agreed with this. What she did was unacceptable, but jumping to divorce is also a huge leap. Everyone should be given a chance to answer for their mistakes and make amends. We also don't know the details and history of his wife's conflict with his mother. Details of that could add a lot of context which, while it doesn't justify this, put it in quite a different light.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 04:44 PM
3

I realized that hard work is pointless if it's not the right work. My prior philosophy was to push through the hard times, because life was just hard, and there would be better times ahead. But that'll never happen on its own, I need to continually consider what a better time ahead would look like and how to get there through behaviors like humility.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 04:33 PM
6

The whole point of marriage is making a commitment that's stronger than a friendship or dating relationship. Saying "I made a mistake, I'm not happy" isn't enough of a reason to just walk away. Saying you realized you made a mistake on the day you said "I do" just sounds like dismissive BS. I'm not saying you should just stick with it and be unhappy, but the source of your unhappiness isn't likely what you think it is. I have no idea what your real issues are, but it seems your husband is willin…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 03:19 PM
1

I am in a similar situation right now with my wife realizing that she is gay or bi. We've been in crisis for over a year and initially it all focused on my attitude issues, which I've made huge strides in addressing. Only recently has the orientation point come up. It didn't surprise me because I knew she was curious 25 years ago when we first met, but I will say it poses an interesting challenge now. With all the effort I've put into improving myself and trying to save our marriage, I can't bec…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 02:07 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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