GraceDunne Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
790	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women	CULTURAL MISOGYNY	GraceDunne	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	09/01/21 10:09 PM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
31	Piggybacking off of the not clapping back at men who neg you post. What are some examples of negging that men have done to you? Oh GOD same! Went on a date with a guy who has a masters, I am in my PhD. He would always be almost theatrically surprised that I am smart. Woooow you are so smart, woow I did not expect you'd know this, oh you actually know about this? He'd also belittle stuff I was doing constantly, or would ignore it entirely. They will also try so so hard to convince you they are on your level by talking to you about your own research and having "deEp PhIlOsOpHiCaL dEbAtEs" (ehem monologues) with you because…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	22/11/21 09:52 AM
12	Do not let men of color triangulate you against women of color I literally just broke up with a brown guy after it came to light that he sought me out because I am lighter than women of his own ethnicity, not because he was attracted to me for me. He was nice and sweet and then tried to pay me a compliment by saying that I am much lovelier than the girls of his nation. When I pressed him on it, he backpedaled very fast because he knew I caught onto his BS. So I dropped his selfhating ass like a hot potato. So please beware: this is not just limited to black…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	16/11/21 03:20 PM
20	How all of the "Chad" stuff really sounds And adding to that - just being nice is just not a compelling persona. I do not know why men think being nice is a full personality if you do not bring anything else to the table. The clownery is endless	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	09/07/21 05:10 PM
5	Tl;dr I hate that my girlfriend is more successful than me and takes decisions about her life without consulting me I was gonna write the same. As someone in gradschool who needed to apply for scholarship and loans to finance her PhD at least 8 months in advance - one does not simply go to grad school ON A WHIM. Which he would know... if he went to grad school.	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	30/06/21 09:57 PM
38	For those of you looking for signs of him being "Just Not That Into You": this is it! I wish I could yell all of this at my 18 year old self. It's been a long road of hard lessons to realize all this	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	22/03/21 11:33 PM
11	Why do men feel entitled to participate in spaces made for women? I have seen those women-carriages when traveling in the Middle East, where gender segregation is suuper-common - and men still complain about those too and squeeze themselves into these carriages because "it's unfair that women have more space in their carriages than us". When I was in Tunis, the most baffling thing to me was that there were hardly any women in public spaces - men-only cafés, restaurants where only men hung out, markets where you only had men. So, I 100% agree with you and belie…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	12/03/21 11:11 PM
42	Anyone notice how toxic masculinity has now become the ultimate excuse against bad male behaviour? Male mental health bohoo. Women have mental health issues, but do not turn into family annihilators because they want to be with someone else. Women do not shoot up schools because they were bullied. The vast majority of terrorists are rat-moustached incel turds whose origin story in 9/10 cases is that they could not find a girlfriend. Serial killers in history often specifically target women. Men get lighter sentences on femicides if the woman initiated the breakup, that is IF they even get cha…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	12/03/21 06:18 PM
20	Why do men feel entitled to participate in spaces made for women? I am also regularly baffled by the audacity of masculinity. In Germany, you often find parking spaces specifically meant for women/mothers. They are typically slightly bigger for anyone using strollers and for kids to enter safely, but also close to the entrance of stores and escalators and well-lit. Anyone woman who ever walked across a dark parking lot knows exactly why this is important. However, in 2019 some douchebag lawstudent man-baby in Bavaria filed a lawsuit because he felt that parkin…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	12/03/21 06:00 PM
42	All it takes is attention to detail Where I am currently doing my PhD, having a proper graduation ceremony is not common at all - no cap, no gown, you just get your diploma and a glass of champagne - or orange juice if you don't drink. Which sucks immensely. I still have a while to graduation but the lack of official ceremony has me bitter about it since the day I started my PhD - and that's before Covid! Obviously you don't do a PhD for a celebration, but imagine sinking tens of thousands of Dollars, years, nerves, and your menta…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	23/02/21 03:24 PM
26	What is with men not being able to hold a conversation? Men being completely incompetent at conversations is the reason I have not had anything beyond a first date in 10 years, and literally none of the first dates were rewarding or interesting. It's like a damn Alexa but completely useless; they just wait for a voice prompt from you, give some half-assed one word answer and go back to stand-by thinking if they give three answers you will magically fall in love. Actually, I'm sorry - at least an Alexa gives you full sentences and retains information …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	14/01/21 04:17 AM
1	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women I just thought of a few books that are that I can recommend. First, is a recent book that is not about the male gaze in particular but on how our allegedly objective world is still coined by male standards; Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez. Sex, Gender and Society by Ann Oakley was a great read. A Social History of Women and Gender in the Middle East by Meriwether&Tucker is also on my re-reading list. I will add more books as I think of the…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 11:44 PM
6	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women Thank you for your lovely comment. And please, you're not a weenie at all - life is hard if you are sitting between cultural and religious chairs. Dealing with discrimination, especially if experienced the first time, is a tough learning process on top of trying to find your own identity. You have every right to indignation, but you also have every right to take it one step at a time and be frustrated when things are hard. I wish you all the best and endurance in your journey and hope you stay s…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 05:44 PM
0	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women Edit: Reposting my answer because I accidentally replied to the wrong post (sorry, u/namhars - agree with you) "Aha - this was the sort of backlash I anticipated, but I am glad this sub proved me wrong. Let me respond nonetheless to you because it's an importat discussion to be had. Someone on this sub just literally wrote they do not feel like they belong in feminist spaces and your comment summarizes all the reasons why. You just read a perspective and personal account straight from the horses…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 05:31 PM
4	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women Hey - happy to! So some classics in sociology are available online (older papers tend to be more feely available than newer papers) and I am linking a few selected PDFs here, but if you cannot access them, let me know anytime. First is West and Zimmerman's Doing Gender which is a classic in gender studies, basically describing how gender is something we perform in a certain way when we interact. Erving Goffman is a microsociologist who analyzed how gender is depicted and used in commercials. Her…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 05:17 PM
3	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women I'm very sorry you went through that. You are right, we really can't win either way with men in the equation. But what we can do is support each other in making choices that make us feel happy or just comfortable - I hope you feel okay now with your choice and I wish you all the best!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 04:55 PM
-3	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women Agree to disagree. There is more than one way to empowerment, but dismissing millions of women because you had a bad experience with the community is just as unconducive to this discourse as claiming universality. Oh and btw - yes, there are tribes where men cover up more than women, but for the non-nomads; the difference is accountability. Society does not care if men adhere to their faith, modesty, and it does not hold them accountable for harrassing women and abusing scripture for their own g…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 04:51 PM
3	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women Thank you for your kind words, though I feel you about not being excluded from feminist communities. I was super-hesitant to even post this here and am so overwhelmed by the responses and even the few muslims in this thread who have come forward :) We are valid, and so is our struggle. Edit: I am noticing a lot of downvotes on posts by muslim women in this thread	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 04:05 PM
7	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women Thank you for putting this so pointedly. I did not think about what this may entail for all the other women you mention, but you are absolutely right. If they don't think you are fuckable, you're automatically either "one of the dudes" or just an object (object as in lampshade collecting dust in the corner).	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 04:00 PM
1	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women Perhaps I need to specify that I talk about a particular brand of libfems (as defined in the FDS-Handbook, not feminists in general). You know the terre de femmes-types or Alice Schweizer-kind that absolutely have a problem with islamophobia and, in Schwarzer's case, proximity to white supremacists (plus both are transphobic and not intersectional - huugely problematic) and tend to bulldoze over WOC's and trans+non-binary womens' voices. Sadly, I experience the polar opposite in my white circle …	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 09:26 AM
5	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women Honest to goodness: it was a long process to get to this point in my own journey. I think the first days the scarf was wearing me more than the other way around (literally; I had not figured out which size of scarf and had yet to learn that some fabrics just don't work as a hijab). And I did notice the change in behavior from muslim men (my post is focused on western men). Have patience and only wear it on your terms when you feel ready because you will deal with a lot of BS from both Western an…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 07:28 AM
1	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women That's so beautifully put - thank you for sharing ❤	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 06:26 AM
27	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women Yes, and I heard it is trending and quite rising in popularity in the porn industry. But think about what it is that is so enticing to these men about this particular genre of porn; it's the idea of uncovering or freeing some prude demure woman with the magic of their dicks which sounds very familiar to how particlarly Asian women are depicted in porn. Or the fetishization of the idea that they can get to uncover or conquer allegedly poor, weak and subservient women - which, again, is such a com…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 06:22 AM
10	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women Thank you so much, I'm so happy you enjoyed <3 There is some sociology-literature that deals with breaching behavioral expectations and gender accomplishment/performance that really helped me make sense of how and why modesty in particular is alienating in a Western context. If you're interested, I am happy to share more about it with you! Have a lovely day :)	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 03:31 AM
12	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women I lived in Eastern Europe for a while, where headscarves (not hijabs, but generally headscarves) are still common and also at times part of traditional clothing (that was typically modest) in more rural areas. So that is why I was hesitant about cultural appropriation. Though you are also completely correct that in a Western context, specifically Muslim hijabs (so, not nun's headscarves) put a literal target on you because it's an easy target for islamophobes. The line between cutural appreciati…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 03:02 AM
36	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women Thank you so much - I think you put it quite nicely :) It means something to me and I also had the freedom and tools to explore what it means to me	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 02:50 AM
17	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women Power to you, I'm happy to hear! If I remember correctly, Billie Eilish also says she feels more comfortable in wide clothes because she does not want to be objectified - it's a non-issue and yet it was so controversial and widely discussed in media. And on a different note: I commend you taking care of your skin and prioritizing it. Nothing beats wide linnen clothing in a gentle breeze on a beautiful evening :)	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 02:40 AM
34	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women Agreed :) Do what feels most comfortable to you - no one culture has ownership over the idea of covering one's hair :)	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 01:36 AM
47	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women I'm of Egyptian origin by the way, so no need to tell me how clothes do not prevent or cause sexualized violence because I have experienced it in Egypt with and without hijab. I can only emphasize again and again that this is one experience as a minority in a white western context, and that I am discussing observations I made in this particular setting which do not negate what you say in any way. That said - agreed, fuck those men. Respect 'despite being a woman' is a sweeping insult to every si…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 01:20 AM
79	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women Thank you for sharing your perspective. Harrassment of women is a global phenomenon, one way or the other which is why I think it is also important to share a non-western perspective on this. I could write a whole book on sexism in the Muslim community and patriarchy in the Arab World where headscarves have become a battlefield for women's dignity. But again, that is why I am specifying that this is a small window into an experience into one specific environment with one group of males. This doe…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 01:06 AM
29	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women Thank you so so much <3 All my best to you!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 12:54 AM
75	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women I agree with you. Banning women to wear hijabs and forcing them to take it off at its core is about men policing a woman's body - I won't stand for it and am in solidarity with any sister fighting against it being forced on or off her. But that is also why I specified that I'm in a Western context where hijab-bans are more common. And my gosh yes with the appearances. I noticed that I get treated a lot better and do not get questioned as expert in my field when I look put together. Verbal harras…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 12:53 AM
24	Here is what my hijab (headscarf) taught me about male entitlement, the male gaze, and the conditionality of men's treatment of women Thank you so much for educating me on this, I was not quite aware of the impacts of tattoo policies. The fact that this is happening in a private school may seem minor to other people but is representative of so many obstacles to upward mobility for specifically indigenous people. It is straight-up insulting that tattoos that represent a long proud heritage, history, and belonging - that are constantly erased and disenfranchised by white people - are conflated with some meaningless tattoo on the…	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	10/01/21 12:42 AM
6	The growth of FDS is a sign of where women's empowerment is headed towards My sister is 14 and knew what a pickme is before she actually knew the term pickme. FDS also seems to resonate with girls her age and I am more than happy to teach and share!	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy	02/01/21 07:51 PM