GunnarReade Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
1	One year out. I’m doing all the “right” things but it still hurts like hell The first one I found was a Divorced Dads group on Meetup. When I reached out to the coordinator, he met me that evening. It was the first time that I felt much relief in knowing I wasn't alone anymore, and had real support. The other was through a colleague I had known briefly, and felt comfortable opening up to him when he asked how I was doing. He introduced me to several local and county Mentor Discover Inspire (MDI) teams. These were not specific to divorce, but more about building integrit…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/07/26 01:06 PM
3	One year out. I’m doing all the “right” things but it still hurts like hell You’re welcome, and I hear you. As far as getting over it quickly, it sure as hell didn’t feel that way at the time. Focusing on my own well-being became the key. The more I did that, the faster time seemed to move and the sooner the healing started. A mantra I repeated a lot early on (and still use when needed): “The most important relationship I will ever have is with myself.” I would even gesture to my head and heart with my left hand as a physical reminder that they’re connected. Regarding y…	/r/Divorce_Men	25/07/26 11:23 PM
1	One year out. I’m doing all the “right” things but it still hurts like hell Sorry you’re going through this. Year one is brutal. I’ve been through it twice. The first time was with no kids. I did a lot of the same things you’re doing - staying busy, trying to distract myself - and still felt the anger and hurt in the quiet moments. Music and dancing helped me a lot. They interrupted the toxic thought loops. Years later I remarried, and that one ended after nine years (this time with kids). The pain was deeper. What made the biggest difference the second time was getting…	/r/Divorce_Men	25/07/26 04:24 PM
2	In middle of silver bullet, could use support or advice EPO's vary, but if there is a provision in there for no contact, then absolutely, do not respond to her at all.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/07/26 11:28 PM
5	In middle of silver bullet, could use support or advice I'm sorry this happened to you. I've known a lot of guys who got hit with a similar “silver bullet” - accounts drained, house emptied, EPO served in the middle of the night, and suddenly no access to their kids. For most of them, the first 12-18 months were the hardest, but they did pass. Many eventually got more parenting time once the protective order period ended and they showed stability. I was lucky enough to see it coming when our accounts were half-drained in an afternoon, so I was able t…	/r/Divorce_Men	23/07/26 11:08 PM
9	3 years after... First of all, congratulations on raising two adults now in college! That's awesome. Part of your doing a good job is them not needing you as much as they did when they were younger. Someone once told me that 90% of the amount of time you spend in life with your children is during the time before they turn 18. I was also told as fathers in general we go through phases with our children (and typically, we do/did with our dads) - the "god" phase when dad can do no wrong (infancy to teenager), the "…	/r/Divorce_Men	21/07/26 06:26 AM
3	Avoid Premature Attachment Yes indeed...here's my advice: Enjoy it! You deserve it. If you're worried about premature attachment, the solution for me was to spin plates, post-separation/divorce. A friend encouraged it, and I hesitated, thinking there was something wrong with it. As it turned out, there wasn't anything wrong with it at all. It allowed me to take a unique path of discovery about women, relationships, and more importantly, about myself - allowing me to realize what my own needs are in a more focused manner. …	/r/Divorce_Men	20/07/26 05:27 PM
3	How to proceed? You're right - the push is real. Women account for around 85% of all purchase power. Just look at all advertising, TV programming, mainstream media, the Top 10 Pop charts...it's all there - appealing to a specific demographic. And what better way is there to get your demographic's spending power to replenish itself, each month, on the 1st and 15th? When you think about it, every entity has been forced to update itself due to the changing of times - except Family Court. There's a reason for that,…	/r/Divorce_Men	18/07/26 10:37 PM
2	How to proceed? Sorry to hear you are going through this. Most of the comments here are helpful and correct, IMO. I'm in alignment with moving on. It worked for me. A better life awaits you. You're much closer to it than you think.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/07/26 10:28 PM
3	I'm checked out of my marriage I get it - you are cognizant of her feelings and want to respect them. You don't want to do anything to hurt her. Your intent is admirable. But at what cost? I was in a similar situation - we were both miserable for our own reasons, but my presence in her life was very convenient for her. Any talk of splitting up was met with similar drama. What made me finally pull the trigger was when I went to visit my family 3k miles away for a week, without her. On the second night, after dinner while walki…	/r/Divorce_Men	18/07/26 07:45 AM
4	Married for 10 years and confronted four times in the last two months when I found my wife cheating. I don't know. Sorry to hear, this is tough. But...you have no kids? And you don't have significant money or assets to split? This is much easier than you think, and a no-brainer, compared to what men with children and assets go through when it comes to dissolving a marriage. And yes, this is not salvageable at all. The infidelity is maddening, sure. She can't be "fixed," nor should she. People are going to do whatever they want. This might be hard to hear, but the bigger issue here is you going through her ph…	/r/Divorce_Men	18/07/26 07:23 AM
3	It is so hard to be the asshole... This is true. And you will have many more opportunities to do exactly that!	/r/Divorce_Men	08/07/26 07:09 AM
3	Trying to deal with extreme isolation amid divorce Sorry to hear that, but there is a lot of good news here for you. First of all, you're no longer in a relationship on a daily basis, living with someone who doesn't respect you. Better to be alone than with someone who is a net negative on your life. Next, 36 is early in life. You have a lot of life ahead of you, and a lot of experiences and adventures coming your way. Time goes by fast, and years from now when you look back at today, this will be a small but necessary chapter. And finally, when…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/07/26 04:47 PM
13	Final court date All men want the same thing deep down, and it starts with an "S." No, it's not that. It's Serenity.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/07/26 04:30 PM
1	Just had the talk Sorry to hear that, but what you're experiencing is a standard. My kid's mom hired a ruthless mercenary attorney who hates men. After meeting several men who had either hired her or their ex's hired - the pattern revealed was almost every female client that walked through her doors she talked into filing domestic abuse charges against the male (whether it happened or not), and any male clients she took on, she'd sit on their case, but somehow find a way to keep the meter running with useless fil…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/07/26 03:25 PM
5	What to do during free time? mid 30s divorced men What a gift! Free time! Music is my life, so that's what I've spent most of my free time doing - creating, writing, producing, mixing, and now putting it online. It's been a constant in my life for over 4 decades. I also like writing short stories and books. Other things I did post-divorce(s) were running/walking at the beach, mountain hikes, mountain biking, yoga, and online dating. And as for online dating, picking more physical things to do on the first date, like playing pool, tennis, riding…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/07/26 06:36 PM
2	Little rant: First ever 'pull' in a pub, couldn't do it Good judgment on your part. An encounter with a tipsy stranger is extremely risky, both legally and ethically - impairment can mean there wasn't valid consent to begin with, not just that it looks that way later. I was in a similar spot years ago in New Orleans, and like you, didn't engage. For what it's worth, none of these moments define who you are or where you're at. They just teach you more about what you do and don't want. That will pay dividends.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/07/26 06:09 PM
2	I thought my year long nightmare was finally over… Sorry to hear about your mediation experience. It sounds uncomfortably familiar. My mediation started with her demanding supervised visitation, which threw me for a loop, because it was completely unfounded. Then again, she had a mercenary of a lawyer that tried to talk her into creating false DV charges against me (it didn't work). I would suggest to prepare for the worst. Remember, for a lot of women, divorce is a business enterprise. The balk at mediation was probably because she thinks if it…	/r/Divorce_Men	01/07/26 05:57 PM
2	Just had the talk Expect everything she says to be contradicted within the next five minutes. If you find that YOU'RE not happy, it doesn't look like things will get any better and you don't want to be privy to your life decisions being dictated by her mood swings, file and serve her ASAP. There have been a few successful cases of men I knew who were able to sit down with their STBX's, get a piece of paper, draw a line in the middle and decide who gets what, put the result into legalese and file it with the court…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/06/26 04:46 PM
2	I don’t know if I’ll ever marry again, but that seems so lonely. Sorry to hear what you're going through, and it sounds oddly familiar - the finances in disarray while in her hands, her gaslighting, the negativity... You are actually very fortunate to be in your mid-20s and your divorce being close to final. You will notice a lot of men on these boards find out much of what you are finding out now in their late 30s and 40s, and then get stuck with perpetual alimony payments because the marriage lasted 10 years or more. You have a lot of life ahead of you at 2…	/r/Divorce_Men	29/06/26 05:06 PM
3	Seeking advice from divorced men Your nervousness and anxiety is a good sign. It means that deep down, by your entering this institution, you are compromising yourself somehow, and ultimately setting yourself up for heartbreak, financial devastation and psychological trauma. You'll hear it countless times on these boards - men marrying their "soul mate" or "the perfect girl" where "everything was perfect" and then once the vows are exchanged, you really get to see who she is, and in every single case, she's someone different, a…	/r/Divorce_Men	28/06/26 07:28 PM
3	My [40m] 5 year marriage to my wife [40F] just blew up and my wife ended up in jail and I don't know what to do. I agree with this 100 percent. I've met many divorced men who experienced something similar, and wished that they had cops urging them to press charges to start off their court case. Most of them had wives that did what the OP's did, and SHE called the cops and had him arrested! Then he ends up with a dad's special (20/80 custody), a Restraining Order against him, and in some cases, unable to interact with his children for up to 18 months - all because she lied and the system is always going to …	/r/Divorce_Men	27/06/26 05:57 PM
2	My [40m] 5 year marriage to my wife [40F] just blew up and my wife ended up in jail and I don't know what to do. I agree with this 100 percent. I've met many divorced men who experienced something similar, and wished that they had cops urging them to press charges to start off their court case. Most of them had wives that did what the OP's did, and SHE called the cops and had him arrested! Then he ends up with a dad's special (20/80 custody), a Restraining Order against him, and in some cases, unable to interact with his children for up to 18 months - all because she lied and the system is always going to …	/r/Divorce_Men	27/06/26 05:57 PM
1	My [40m] 5 year marriage to my wife [40F] just blew up and my wife ended up in jail and I don't know what to do. First off, it doesn't matter that she is your wife and mother of your two kids, thus you might feel a need to protect her because of that - she is committing criminal acts that threaten your safety and has crossed lines that make her a danger to both yourself and ultimately to your children. I would suggest to prioritize yourself by keeping you and your kids safe. Secondly, yes - press charges. If you think this is a one-time occurrence, it won't be. And if/when it happens again, it might be wor…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/06/26 05:46 PM