HalseyPlzHoldMeDown Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
2	What to do with the home? I would come up with a few scenarios you are both okay with (her staying for 5 years, her refinancing and buying you out, etc) and then go together to an attorney (to avoid appearance of scheming behind her back) and discuss with them any risks, then have them draft the separation agreement. DIY is usually fine but if you want to do something a little unusual with the house, I suggest an attorney since they can draft in a way that avoids misunderstanding and headaches down the road.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/10/22 10:51 PM
1	When is the cut off date determined for asset loss/gain division? If you haven’t filed, then in most states you are fine to sell an asset and use it to pay reasonable expenses/debts (so not on affair partners or gambling). Once the money is “gone” from the marriage, ie it’s in a third-party’s hands, it’s no longer divisible in divorce and she cannot claim half of the asset’s value. Now, if you sell an asset but keep some of the cash proceeds in a bank account, it’s likely still marital funds and will be divisible.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/10/22 10:46 PM
1	self employment and divorce /spousal support and child support I think you know this already OP, but do not quit your job. This is just dumb. If you quit or try to 0 your income, her attorney will ask for a vocational evaluation to impute the amount of income you should be able to make. If that happens, you’re now out of a job and STILL have to pay money like you have one.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/10/22 10:42 PM
1	What should I expect If you think you can agree on terms, I always advocate for dissolution and most couples in your position (no kids, few assets) can DIY. I would encourage you to find an example separation agreement (one drafted by an attorney, not the template standard court one) and borrow some of the language to make the terms of alimony and asset division a little more “airtight.” Specifically, provisions for how lease break fees will be split, how/when titles will be transferred, etc. It may seem like overki…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/10/22 10:36 PM
2	When to change attorney? You should find a new attorney. The most telling part is that they are not sending you bills. If they can’t even find the time to put the work in to get paid, they are almost certainly not finding the time to do work on your case (and the facts seem to support that). Don’t waste anymore time, money, and frustration trying to force someone to do a job they are being paid well to do. Find a new lawyer before you fore the current one.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/10/22 10:06 PM
1	I left! I was in a 10 year marriage and I left! Where do I go from here? By leaving, you likely severely harmed your chances of getting custody because you’ve changed the status quo, and courts generally like to keep the status quo. If you want any chance of getting parenting time with your son, make sure to make regular visits back to see him and the court may at least award you long-distance local rule parenting time. But, unless your ex is actively harmful/abusive to your son, your chances of convincing the court to order him to live with you are relatively small.…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/10/22 10:02 PM
5	Blatant disregard for parental rights Depending on your state, if there is no order granting her exclusive use, no order mandating certain parenting time or drop procedures, and you jointly own the house, you can probably walk into the house to see your kid. There’s no court order which prevents you from doing that. You can be polite but unyielding.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/10/22 09:59 PM
3	False accusations This honestly really isn’t all that true. Sure, whoever serves decides when you go from an uncontested to contested divorce (since serving means it’s contested in most states), but if they’re serving you it probably means it wouldn’t have been uncontested even if you wanted it to be. Once the Defendant is served, the playing field is level. Anything the Plaintiff asks for, so can Defendant. And, even if the plaintiff chose not to ask for something (like a guardian ad Litem) the Defendant can ask…	/r/Divorce_Men	11/10/22 11:30 AM
3	New here, struggling There are times in life where we are gifted a perspective on ourself that differs from how we see ourselves. It hurts when your eyes get involuntarily opened to how your behavior has hurt the people you care about. The best thing you can do for yourself, for your future happiness, is to take the pain you’re feeling right now, and put it to work for you. Lean into the painful revelations about yourself, be curious about why you are the way you are, seek out a professional who can help you break i…	/r/Divorce_Men	14/09/22 05:08 PM
3	My wife is wanting to leave me. What do I do? Let’s say she goes to an attorney. Even if she files first, it doesn’t automatically put you in a bad position. If she files, you go get an attorney and go from there. You can also consult an attorney before having a conversation with her so you know more about the process and what the outcome might be if you went to court. I’m just saying that I wouldn’t advise going in guns blazing (filing, having the attorney send a letter, etc) until you have a conversation with her where you guys talk openl…	/r/Divorce_Men	11/09/22 03:46 AM
1	My wife is wanting to leave me. What do I do? With all kindness to my fellow lawyers, I think we make things adversarial just by being there. People are so focused on being in a “position of power” during divorce that they lose sight of the goal: make sure both parties are financially stable as they can be, kids get what they need, etc. If you can’t show a good faith effort with your spouse by even getting in the same room with them to talk over what you want the process to look like, I guarantee your communication isn’t going to get better…	/r/Divorce_Men	11/09/22 03:34 AM
7	My wife is wanting to leave me. What do I do? Look. It’s really devastating to hear your spouse say they fell out of love with you. You’ll have a lot of pain, confusion, and probably struggle with self-confidence for a while. All of that is normal. It’s part of the grieving process when you lose something important to you. But, the people here telling you to go nuclear in a legal battle in response are setting you up for more pain and a $30,000 attorney’s bill. A long, drawn out battle on custody and support fucking sucks for everyone invol…	/r/Divorce_Men	10/09/22 11:15 PM
11	Ex’s family is buying her a house. Is there anyway this can be accounted for when calculating child support payments? I’m in MA. You make 200k a year and 24k in child support a year is going to make you live paycheck to paycheck? How in the math does that happen….? Sure, you lost savings/retirement in the divorce and equity buyout but you make somewhere around 11k a month and only pay 2k….	/r/Divorce_Men	10/09/22 12:22 AM
1	Ex is driving me to bankruptcy What’s preventing settlement in your case? Is it finances, kids, something else? Depending on what it is (finances for instance) my advice is to take the hit and move on. You’re spending 60k a year on lawyers fees, plus your time and sanity. How much is that worth to you, more or less than you’re fighting over? If it’s kids, obviously this becomes harder. You mentioned you had a CPO against you— are you still fighting it? If there are kids, I get fighting it. If not, you may want to consider jus…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/09/22 12:31 PM
7	Best Mom Ever! This person’s answer is the only one I would listen to. Every other answer provided here is encouraging to make your kids an emotional football.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/09/22 01:55 AM
4	I am open to having another child... What the fuck… dude, come on. Don’t be a caricature of ‘the bitter woman-hating divorced guy’	/r/Divorce_Men	02/09/22 01:02 AM
1	Wife actually smacked me I’m very sorry that you have to go through this. If this is your Wife’s way of “getting through to you,” I think that’s tells you more about her character than you ever wanted to know. I hope that the divorce goes as smoothly as possible and highly encourage you to see a therapist before, during, and after the process. Being abused by your wife can cause a lot of shame in men, who then bottle it up because if embarrassment and never fully process it. I think people tend to be happier with themse…	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/22 02:12 PM
2	Divorced but not divorced? If you’re comfortable with where things are at financially, then just let her keep the house you left, etc. Maybe she would agree to repaying half of the down payment to you and she keeps the increase in equity?	/r/Divorce_Men	20/08/22 06:42 PM
3	Divorced but not divorced? My advice is that you find a time to sit down with her and try to hash out what to do with your assets from the marriage. You and she should read up on how assets/income are generally split so you know what you’re both “entitled” to if the divorce were to actually get to a contested hearing. The more talking you do between the two of you, the less you have to have the lawyers do it later for $300 an hour. In all honesty, divorces usually end up coming out around an equal split even when spouses …	/r/Divorce_Men	20/08/22 06:40 PM
2	retainer fee gone? If you’re the plaintiff/petitioner, your lawyer probably spent somewhere around 2 hours for initial meeting, 3 hours drafting pleadings, another 1 in communication with you to ensure they’re correct. So, 6 hours on just the basics. If you had your attorney write a letter to your spouse or negotiate in any way, that can pile up quick. Like others have said, emails and phone calls with your attorney add up quick because we charge .25 of an hour even if you only call us for a few minutes. My advice…	/r/Divorce_Men	19/08/22 12:08 PM
1	Wife actually smacked me Just in case it happens again— though I really hope it doesn’t— send a text or call someone right after describing what happened. You may be able to get around the hearsay rule because it may be an excited utterance or present sense impression, meaning you could have the person you call/text be a witness who testified to what you said.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/08/22 11:08 PM
2	Wife actually smacked me The only thing that this could impact is probably custody. However, by having it in your back pocket, you might be able to better negotiate terms of divorce, but that’s a hard maybe. Either way, find a way to document this if you can. Filing a police report is best, but in lieu of that, take a picture of there is redness/bruising, and send a text to a friend or family member right after describing how she hit you. There’s no guarantee either can be later used as evidence, but your odds are much …	/r/Divorce_Men	16/08/22 01:11 PM