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Heavy-Bench-5378 Archive

View 4 posts and 251 comments by Heavy-Bench-5378 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Thank you, yeah, he was a man of many vices, but would light up a room, he was a short man (5'5") with a big nose, but a contagious smile and a twinkle in his eye. My Mom was close to her Dad until he moved out of my grandma's house, she stopped calling him Dad at that point, more than half the family turned on him. My Dad (his son-in-law) would say he was very charming but always had that wandering eye for the ladies and a screw that was a little loose too, but he was always that way. My Dad al…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 06:31 PM
1

That's one way to look at it, but it is not the whole story... the main driver in the US for the steady decline in the divorce rate is the much lower rate of marriage among young people, many are delaying or holding out all together from marriage, this also leads to a decline in birth rate and an increase in children born out of wedlock. Gray divorce is up, so not sure the aggregate divorce rate is telling the full story when the net number of marriages has dropped like a rock, about a 60% drop …
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 03:28 PM
0

Yes, thank you for the reply and I am noticing the same things. People are throwing away marriages and relationships and not willing to put the work in that the previous generations have. My folks would have divorced long ago if they were from the current generation, they've been together since the 1970's and my Mom is pretty nuts. my Dad confided in me that he thought about it but didn't want my brothers and I to be raised in a broken home, they worked on their marriage and my mom's temper cool…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 03:21 PM
1

I agree, as Europe is not just a single nation, but, in specific, much of Western Europe such as The Netherlands, UK, France, Denmark, Belgium, Czech Republic, Sweden are all majority non-religious whereas in the US, non-religious folks are just 22% of the population. These are facts, we can argue about how they got there but not about the statistics/facts.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 01:27 AM
2

I did swear, and it is true I've wanted peace for years, so I've stuck it out, but now she's been asking me to file for divorce amicably, wants to avoid a contested divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 12:11 AM
1

fair point, and I entirely agree. Big Agri-business and factory farms are what have destroyed our lives and are literally killing us
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 12:01 AM
2

I didn't catch that, thanks for pointing this out, it was unintentional, I was paying attention to the figures of the Swiss females on my trip. Let's roll with that though, according to your stats, men are 19 lbs heavier. Women are 28 lbs heavier, it is even more pronounced since proportionally, the numbers are even more pronounced. American women are 19.7% heavier than Swiss women, whereas American men are only 10% heavier, nearly twice as obese as the Men are.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 12:00 AM
1

excellent breakdown / analysis. Yes, processed food, care dependence, social isolation, are killing not just marriages but also our health.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 10:50 PM
2

yes, agreed. it starts with physical attraction, when that fades, the rest will collapse.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 10:17 PM
2

thank you, yes, I agree, poor communication and social media are both guilty of killing countless marriages.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 10:16 PM
0

Yes, seeing these stunning Swiss ladies got me thinking. They are all more active than Americans, whether they hiked, or rock climbed, swim, cycle or kayak, they are all up to something, and they eat much healthier too. It is what got me thinking. Plus the stares and smiles, they are very direct, some were 10, 15, 20 years younger than me, but it didn't matter, they let it be known they were interested. I was out there with my son, and I am not yet divorced, so couldn't act on any of the invitin…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 09:36 PM
2

yes, my wife peaked at 41/42, now at 44 she's showing a little bit of age, some wear and tear. my issue with her isn't her looks, it is that she's hit perimenopause and it sucks. been tough to deal with her for years now and I just want peace.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 09:31 PM
0

great points. yes, I believe you're right, as we turned away from our traditions, we did so at our own peril. The institution of marriage paid the ultimate price.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 09:29 PM
3

great advice. I might be divorcing soon, I have a very attractive and in shape wife, she's 5'3" and 118 lbs, is 44 years old, but we are not compatible, been hanging in there for 18+ years, but I get the whole 'production' part, I grew up blue collar and she grew up wealthy, she's all about image, and we are polar opposites. It'd be great to meet a gal that is more into what I am, country music, can drink a beer, can go camping or hiking, my wife is a city gal and I'm from out in the country.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 09:27 PM
3

one of the guys left his wife of 30 years, she was English back when they dated, she moved to the states to marry him, but after the kids were big, she had grown cold, so he left her. Then at 58, he met a then 22 year old Filipina, they've been married for 10 years and have a young son. He's 69, happy as a clam.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 09:23 PM
1

thanks for this link. I ned to brush up on dating. It sounds like my wife and I are heading to divorce, will be our 2nd attempt, a few years ago I moved out and started dating, but she asked me to move back and try again. we threw counseling, and she's in great shape, 5'3" and 118 lbs, but her hormones are a mess, she's been in perimenopause, takes meds/injections, but nothing really works as good as I had hoped it would.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 09:21 PM
4

Yes, seems it is mostly the ladies doing this, once she loses weight, she goes out and tries to land a better mate than her husband and the marriage gets toss out the window.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 09:16 PM
1

yes, good point. our sedentary lifestyles and poor diets can't be good for our sex lives either, thanks for adding these to the discussion.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 09:14 PM
3

I am sorry you went through that, yes this is also a thing, some women get compliments on social media and start thinking they can do better than their husbands.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 08:51 PM
2

got it, yes, this makes sense. A few of my friends also said they had dead bedrooms and didn't want to die in a sexless marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 08:50 PM
0

You provide some nice contrast, and I must admit that I should have done a little more research before jumping on here. However, I would say that the Swiss, like much of the rest of Europe has shifted away from marriage and 'family formation'. Cohabitation is more the norm and most of Europe is now post-Christian, it is theorized by many sociologists that as people became less religious, they stopped getting married and procreating, which is cause demographic problems for most of Europe. Our Div…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 08:48 PM
1

Thank you. Yes, I got into Kevin Samuels' work back during the pandemic, sad he passed so suddenly but he definitely told us what we all needed to hear, not what we wanted to hear. I'm also familiar with Jordan's work but the other two I will research. I hope my questions were not too controversial but it is something that seems to resonate with me as I've traveled the globe and with just a few exceptions, we are nearly unmatched with our ability to be overweight here.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 08:38 PM
2

This book is awesome, I'm 1/3 of the way through it. Read a little each night. Already paying back dividends, with strangers that approach me at the bar (I am the prize), or daily mingling here and there, even my ex-wife, she just invited me to join her on vacation with her and our kids to Cabo San Lucas in 2 weeks. She's sensing that I'm back on my feet.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 06:23 PM
2

that's terrible. I am sorry that happened to you. some women will pull the dv card with false allegations and nearly 2 years is a vert long incarceration, keep your head up and avoid the crazy ones.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 02:20 PM
1

Yeah, it is absolutely the trend. Ladies all now have this inflated ego, thanks to social media. Instagram and dating apps have convinced them they all can get and keep a high value man. What's really happening is these Chads on the apps and IG are just pumping and dumping them. Situationships / hookup culture... and so these average or below average ladies feel entitled to that type of guy, they set a high bar, then are surprised when they are old and alone. Last Saturday night, I went to my lo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 09:22 PM
2

Thank you for sharing. I've heard good things about some of the granola-eating, fit, and sunshine-loving Colorado gals, maybe I need to book a trip out there to take in a hike or two. I was born and raise in California, and though well-traveled, I've only lived here, so I appreciate when transplants share their observations the contrast between us and some of the other states. Sad to learn that most of the country has gone down the gutter as well. Definitely a societal issue, wish that wasn't th…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 10:10 PM
1

Thanks for the reply. Yeah, I am learning that we're facing a global epidemic, women have morphed into dominant masculine creatures, tattoos, drinking habits, etc, finding a traditional woman is like chasing rainbows or hunting unicorns, at least in California. I was born and raised in Northern California and well, you're right. Less surgeries up North, but the ladies often are overweight, dying their hair purple, and have kids in tow. I don't want to lower my target age into the early 20's beca…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 07:06 PM
1

very unique perspective there, and agreed. at the end of the day, we're social creatures and create certain stories or narratives about ourselves to fit nicely into our peer groups. I've tried not to fall into that trap and am always trying to see myself from many different angles. Pursuing both growth and excellence. At times, I need to remind myself to stay the course, but usually I don't stray too far.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 02:46 PM
2

thank you, and yes, completely agreed. I have to remain in the "glass is half full" mindset. That's what got me here, I need to stay the course.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 02:42 PM
2

Yeah, that's what I keep hearing. I get plenty of ladies here, the problem is American ladies in my area, say in their 30's, are not aging well. They botch their bodies up, same with their faces, have tattoos and high body counts. I'd rather import a natural woman than settle for someone that doesn't measure up to my standards.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 02:40 PM
1

This! yeah, woman can have standards but if we express a preference, the flip out.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 12:52 AM
2

Thanks for sharing. It sounds like the UK is a ton of fun, but you too have to travel elsewhere to meet women that are traditional and worth your time and energy. Sorry to hear about your ex. My ex-gf / mother to my illegitimate daughter is an addict and alcoholic, lost her pharmacist license to her problem, would steal pills. My daughter followed in her footsteps but being an adult, not much I can do. Its an American epidemic, the pills and booze, lots of people messed up here as well. My ex-wi…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 11:28 PM
2

yes. I blame his young adulthood. He was an ugly nerd, didn't get much play in his youth, married MacKenzie Scott, which was a big win for him, but the little head overrode the big head and married a botched woman with kids from two ex's and a thirst for $uscessful men.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 09:10 PM
4

Yes, a lot of American ladies are overweight, the ones that are not, are full of tattoos, botox, filler, injected, etc... they look weird, unnatural. In my area, they have butt litfs, lipo, or breast augmentations. I traveled while married, stamped my passport, I need to get back out there on my own. I am thinking Easter Europe, but open to suggestions.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 09:01 PM
2

Thank you sharing. I am excited to read this book. Yeah, Bezos is a rich moron. No way would I have even looked twice at Lauren, not sure what he sees in her. She's trashy too, cheated on her then husband to hook up with married Jeff.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 08:57 PM
2

Thank you! I was in London back in 2017, I saw a lot of parallels between British and American gals. Tattoos, surgeries, promiscuity, not very traditional, etc... so I can see the appeal of Eastern Europe. My ex-wife was pregnant on that trip, had a headache and sent me to the pubs while she slept. I passed on all the British chicks, but there was this very sweet Italian girl, maybe 21, from Milan originally, working as a waitress. We hung out for a few hours after her shift but I couldn't cheat…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 08:00 PM
1

Thank you! I'll have to plan a Eastern Europe tour, have you gone out there alone or do coordinate with other bachelors? usually I go lone wolf, locally I am out in full force with my friends but when I leave, I like to go with the kids/ex wife, or alone in stealth mode. I try to avoid the gold diggers but they are pretty good at sniffing out $$. I have yet to ever pay for a professional, I like the thrill of the chase, but some of my friends are into the hobby. A big reason why I don't invite a…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 06:41 PM
2

Thank you! I appreciate the offer. I like Ventura County, haven't poked around out there in years but recall the crowd was pleasant there back in my 20's.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 06:30 PM
2

Thank you. Congratulations! I am glad you were able to form a new family after your divorce. I have 3 children, but with one grown adult, another is an adolescent, I only have one small child, she's 7, but I would be open to one or two more with the right lady. I just want to avoid another costly divorce and though I had a good run with my ex-wife, the marriage is over, she's still mourning the loss, I mourned it last year, and sure I wish it had worked, she's very attractive, fit, and classy, s…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 06:27 PM
2

Thank you. I'll read this article, Croatia is on list but will probably move up to the top after I do proper research.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 06:21 PM
1

That's a fallacy. Usually, a single dad has the kids half the time, often a little less than that. One week on, one week off is my current arrangement, we're nesting in our main house. please also note that,] a cultured, educated, handsome, tall, athletic, healthy, and wealthy man has plenty of mainstream appeal. Many ladies may pass on the short, fat, bald, and broke divorced man, but a high value man, a man that travels the world, last year alone I was in Porto Cervo, Paris, The Hague, Amsterd…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 06:19 PM
2

Thank you. I don't know anyone that has successfully found someone via a matchmaker, even some of my higher net-worth friends, usually they met their wives on their ascent, as their careers were taking off, they met nice ladies and married them. However, in SoCal, a matchmaker may be worth it these days, the apps are great for hook ups but it has evolved into a meat market, endless dates, situationships/hookups with broken women is not my goal. Did you wind up forming a new family? How long did …
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 05:00 PM
3

thank you. Yeah, these surgeried and tattooed ladies all sort of blend together, I don't pay attention to them once detect the enhancements or ink. I'll keep playing the field and keep an eye out for the more traditional gals that are worth my time, effort, and energy.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 04:55 PM
3

Thank you! Yes, SoCal is where these trends were all started, here and NYC. Thanks for recommending this book, I'm getting it for my Ipad and will be reading it asap. I also just checked out that song you sent, was the laugh I needed this morning. You're right about not chasing, in my prime, when I had a line of desirable ladies I dated, I didn't used to chase. I was at my peak fitness, socially rising, career was getting off the ground, and I'd just meet all these ladies, cold approach, or via …
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 04:53 PM
7

This is true. When given the option between single moms and childless ladies, he's chooses the latter. How could this be?
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 04:44 PM
4

Everyone can have a preference and/or standards. I was very honest and open about mine, not sure why you though it appropriate to want to bury me far away, but Bless Your Heart, and best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 03:43 PM
3

great advice. I need to head out to the desert more often. I like those kind of gals, they tend to be very fit, healthy, polite, and you can have some very deep conversations with them. Thanks for the tip!
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 03:41 PM
2

That has always been a fear I've had. I would not want a gal that is with me just to get a green card. If I marry again, it needs to be till death. family court is too draining and takes a toll on the heart and decimates your finances.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 02:25 PM
3

Im not subscribing to being alone the rest of my life, but girls in the church will take issue with my divorced status so I will have to look outside of my Church.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 02:22 PM
2

Yes, Newport, HB, Irvine, Laguna, Downtown Fullerton, West LA, Beverly Hills, Long Beach, Santa Monica. I live in Corona but we're a bedroom community/suburb, lots of families live here not many singles. If I venture further inland, some of the ladies get pretty rough. I haven't tried most of LA, Pasadena, or other areas that might have more traditional ladies.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 02:22 PM
2

Agreed on the protection of assets. I am paying out my wife a settlement in the 7 figures, I will not do that again. It was unavoidable because she married me when I was broke, but now I am not broke, and need to only marry if a prenup is in place. I am a devout Catholic and couldn't become muslim nor desire 4 wives, but I do need to look for greener pastures for traditional women, the enhanced / modified ones here just don't do anything for me.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 02:17 PM
2

The Catholic Church is very large, especially in my area, but the ladies there won't got for a divorced Catholic. Has to do with the Catholic Laws/Rules.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 02:13 PM
2

thanks for sharing. We visited my ex-wife's sister 2 years ago in Wisconsin, and yes the people in the midwest are very friendly, it was almost like I went back in time 5-10 years, but not far back enough to avoid this divorce plagued time that we find ourselves in.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 02:11 PM
2

You're right. How are the apps? I was on hinge last year and matched with a lot of ladies on there, went on some dates, however, only met one that checked off all the boxes on my list. I was undecided then about kids and she wanted to experience motherhood. I regret not staying the course, soon after, my ex wife and I tried and failed at reconciliation.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 02:04 PM
3

I know, what I meant was that Catholic Gals won't choose to go for a Divorcee unless he's been annulled. It is a Church thing. I usually attend Sunday Mass and am pretty devout. However, I am not going to stay alone. I probably can't hunt for a very devout Catholic as she won't want to be with a man that is still married by how the Church defines it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 01:58 PM
2

You've got a good point, instagram has pushed these trends to even the smallest towns across the nation. My ex-wife's college friend moved to Utah, was married to a mormon guy (she converted too) and had 4 kids, well she booked a trip to Miami where she proceeded to have a mommy make over. Breast, lipo, tummy tuck, and brazilian lift. Before her surgery, her ex bf that lives out there picked her up, she stayed at a hotel with him then, her husband never knew. She's no longer mormon, filed for di…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 01:55 PM
2

Yes. Instagram has got everyone brainwashed into getting botox, filler, face lifts, etc... and they look worse after. I don't mine a few wrinkles, but the plastic/stretched look is a huge turn off. Same with silicon breast, I'd rather natural of any size than those things. I'm old fashioned. I'd leave SoCal if it weren't for my two younger kids.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 01:48 PM
2

Living in SoCal, I need to make the effort to get to greener pastures a lot more.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 01:45 PM
1

there are some guys that will, but it is usually because they cannot attract a desirable lady so they settle for a single mom.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 06:19 AM
2

I have options, I just choose not to pursue women with kids. I have several that have messaged me on social media, I'm not interested in adding any stepkids to my plate, I have 3 kids, 3 dogs, a business to run, property, other investments, and it doesn't make sense to me to pick single moms when I can choose childless women.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 06:13 AM
3

exactly. It's a preference we have. Just like many women won't date short bald guys, it is a preference, but women can control whom they procreate with. If given the choice of an attractive woman with zero kids and an equally attractive woman with 4 kids, 99.99% of men would choose the childless option. I am a Dad, doesn't mean I want to take one a StepDad role, I'd have all the responsibility with no authority, and if I ever split with the mom, the connection with the stepkids vanishes.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 06:11 AM
1

Thank you. I'll have to head over to the Balkans.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 06:06 AM
2

You're right. I was born and raised in Northern California, used to live in San Jose back in my prime, and yes there are a lot more competition there due to the high incomes and surplus of men thanks to the tech sector but women were a lot more natural up there. I was just at Cinnabar Hills for my cousin's wedding last month and it was refreshing to see how a lot of ladies up there were more natural looking. I also got used to having a very attractive wife by my side. My ex-wife is smoking hot, …
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 06:04 AM
2

I am Roman Catholic and unless I get granted an Annulment, usually divorcees are a no-go for devout Catholics. I may explore the Orthodox Church if my Annulment doesn't go through.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 05:56 AM
0

Yeah. I can pull those ladies but I don't like plastic breast or enhanced butts. Back in my 20's, I'd hook up with an enhanced girl here or there, but would call them for an encore, only dated women that were naturally beautiful. Occasionally, a girl had a tramp stamp, or an ankle tattoo, but now, girls have ink on their chest, or multiple tattoos all over, or even full on sleeved arms or down their whole leg. I consider tattoos trashy. Same with piercings other than the ears. I have to plan mor…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 05:55 AM
1

Sounds like you're in very fertile grounds for finding some really nice ladies. What you described no longer exists in California. Especially in the area I live in, the ladies are all hooking up, with guys like I used to be back in my prime. Back then it was blockbuster and a pizza, or heck even the NBA double header on a Tuesday. Late night bootie calls, etc. Now the apps have made that much worse, which is fine if all you want to do is pound some flesh, but not if you're looking for a monogamy…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 05:50 AM
0

exactly, I'm not a huge fan of Cuban-American ladies, I dated a few, banged one, they tend to be arrogant and yes very pretty but they are often loud, culture is off putting. If they are full of ink, then it is a hard pass. I was hoping to har that Eastern Europe still had traditional ladies. Last year I dated an absolute stunner from Moldova, she was 5'7", blonde with green eyes, swam daily, she had moved to the states 10 years earlier, was and Engineer in her mid-30's and a US Citizen, we hit …
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 04:00 AM
3

Nope, it's 100% accurate. Wondering where others go to find ladies that are natural, not botched, that don't have implanted body parts, that skipped on the tattoo fad, and that are in shape and feminine. Not a lot to ask for. I am willing to travel anywhere. I can't move away due to my shared custody with my two minor kids.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 03:55 AM
-1

Not all good wives are already wives, it's a number game, I understand that I may have to go 10 or even 15 years younger but there's got to be some nice ones out there that are not all full of ink or surgeries. I run a successful business, own a larger home, net worth even after the divorce in the low 7 figures, I am also 6'3" and athletic, am in the best shape I'd been in the past 15 years, I'm traveled, educated, and attractive. I dress nice and have plenty of charisma. It's just that I am no …
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 03:52 AM
1

That's true for a lot of guys, but not me, I am attracting plenty of childless women, they don't care about me being a Dad, I'm in great shape, charismatic, yes I've got salt and pepper hair but that hasn't scared off women 10, even 15 years younger, it's just that in my area, they are all full of tattoos, and/or surgeries, etc... Southern California is saturated with plastic surgeons. I am asking if it is just a California thing.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 03:48 AM
1

great advice. Yeah, I need to get my divorce settlement on the books and move on from my failed marriage. I'm attracting ladies, but not the ones I want. It's been nearly a year since my ex-wife and I split, she's hoping I find someone special and is predicting I'll have another kid. I think she knows I can attract a younger woman, I just wasn't expecting them to be all full of ink, surgeries/fillers etc.. I'm in the best shape I've been in 10 years, eating right, working out, and have taken on …
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 03:43 AM
2

if you don't mind me asking, why would the happiness not last? I thought midwestern gals made good wives.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 11:25 PM
2

I may just try my hand at being a passport bro, I like to travel and have been to a lot of different countries when I was married.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 11:24 PM
3

We all have our preferences, mine is for all natural beauties with traditional values, tattoos I never got into, it's like seeing a Ferrari pass by with a big dent on the side.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 11:10 PM
0

well they definitely are not in Southern California. The surgeons are botching up all of our women. My ex-wife doesn't have surgeries, she's old but she's got good genes. However, out and about, they all have all this work done on them in SoCal.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 11:08 PM
1

good to know there are some good ones still out there. Might just be harder to find natural beauties in my area since surgeons are quite prolific here.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 11:06 PM
3

I've never liked tattoos but they all have them, even the fat / ugly ones are full of ink.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 10:38 PM
3

Yeah, that is also true. The amount of surgeries / procedures these women get done is obscene. I don't like the look at all. It's like a forever shocked expression, and that's the only one she makes too. The smile, they stare, they laugh, same expression.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 10:37 PM
1

I see, thank you for sharing these insights. I didn't know this about the farm / rural gals. I think the internet / pop culture has exported some of the toxic thinking out to the eastern nations as well.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 10:34 PM
1

thank you for the advice. Yes, I've heard the Eastern ladies sometimes just want a ticket out of their homeland. I guess I'll have to just look a little better for a good woman here at home.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 10:30 PM
1

Thanks for the reply. I guess I am back to square one.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 09:52 PM
0

I hear you. My ex-wife has half of my net-worth, fortunately there is still enough there for me to land on my feet. Since I grew up as a poor Mexican-American, I was not very attached to my wealth, I am seeking to find true happiness. My ex is on a trip right now visiting her aunt and uncle in Spain, I like Spanish women for a short time, but they are too feminists/atheist to make good wives. By chance are you in Eastern Europe? if not, have you heard about those ladies? Moldova, Romania? Czech …
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 09:24 PM
1

Thanks for the offer. I was vacationing in Western Europe last year (Italy, Holland, France) and the ladies there are not much better, though Eastern Europe I hear is where it is at. Have you tried Moldova? Romania? or Czech Republic?
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 09:20 PM
1

I guess we could always look abroad for a traditional lady, Eastern Europe maybe?
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 09:16 PM
1

Yes. LTR. In my 20's, I got the urge for multiple ladies out of my system, I slept with over 100 ladies. these days, I just want an acceptable replacement of my ex-wife.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 09:14 PM
1

Yeah, that sounds about right. They're pretty bold too, this false sense of confidence they have doesn't belong, they think that if they approach me, or stare, I'm going to pay attention to them. As soon as I see the sleeved tattoos, or the expressionless/botched faces, I am out, I look the other way. My ex-wife is natural, fit, and a Southern California 8.5, she checks off every checkmark on my list, even now that she's in her 40's. Our path diverged but she's proving very hard to replace, even…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 09:11 PM
1

I've noticed that there is a distinction to be made between educated and highly educated. A Bachelor's is educated but I wouldn't consider it highly educated. 39% of women in the US, over 25 have a Bachelor's. A mother's education is the the strongest predictor (correlation) for the educational achievement of your offspring, even stronger than a father's education level. That said, it doesn't necessarily mean go out and find a breadwinner wife, but do avoid women that are bartenders, hair stylis…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 05:58 PM
0

Yes... here's my multi-pronged approach. The height will help you, being 6'4" is a huge leg up. Thanks to minoxidil and caffeinated shampoo (Alpecin) I put a halt to my receding hair line. Try the drops and shampoo so you hold on to what hair you have left. My grey hair has started to take over, sideburns like Mit Romney, I don't dye it. Ladies like the silver fox look. Make more powerful friends, business owners, executives, people going places. You need 3 or 4 top caliber friends, those friend…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 09:52 PM
-2

I posted a similar question. I've been separated since last year and currently negotiating a divorce settlement. I am in my 40's and have 3 kids, 1 adult and 1 adolescent, and a 7 year old. The ladies that are interested in me, and I in them, are all childless and younger than me (30's). I tend to avoid single moms, and being 6'3", attractive, in great physical shape, and financially very successful really opens up the dating pool (I have grey sideburns and a salt and pepper goatee, still doesn'…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 04:52 PM
1

thank you for the kind words. I was second guessing myself because I told my daughter, as she was moving out, that if she left she could never come back. I explained that I have her younger siblings to protect and that when she's ran away in the past, she declined mentally and was abusing substances. She required mental hospital stays when she previously ran away as a minor. As an adult, it is not a runaway, it is moving out, so I couldn't stop her and I wished her luck but couldn't condone what…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 04:38 PM
2

Thank you for sharing. I was at the bar on Friday with 4 successful, all married friends, one of them was like heck, I have a friend from high school she's very attractive, single, childless, and a little younger than but she's serious about looking for a good guy (she's works as a Law Enforcement Officer), he sent her my pic and she replied asking him to facetime, after the facetime she texted him that she's interested. It was a good feeling knowing that I still got it. Therapy helped me level …
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 09:41 PM
1

Yes. I let it be known early on that I have a a 7 year old daughter and an adolescent son that I am responsible for and very involved with. I also have an adult daughter that is estranged from my whole family, she's on drugs, has declining mental health and living quite recklessly after she moved out of our home. I haven't heard from her and she asked that we not try to find her. I always share my story right out the gate. Has been well-received and ladies really appreciate they transparency.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 06:21 PM
1

Great advice, and yes, it is a values based decision to actively seek out a woman to build a new family with. I'm very involved with two of my children, from play dates, to sports events, tournaments, travel, weekend activities, etc... However, when you split, those are reduced by close to 50%. I can attract younger, beautiful ladies, I was out on Friday at a sports bar with friends. My friend Mike told me about his friend of over 20 years (he's married), she's blonde with green eyes, in shape, …
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/25 04:28 PM
1

If she is single, probably. I hadn't had this sort of connection since the first few dates with my wife. I've always punched above my weight class with the ladies, my height and looks help, but I am also very successful and women pick up on that, even when I show up in my 10 year old pickup truck.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/25 04:10 PM
2

Thank you for the reply. Great advice, I've traveled a lot, just last year I was in Holland, France, and Sardinia. Previous year spent 2 weeks in Fiji, I'm always finding excuses to stamp my passport. I'd love to find a nice lady that I can plan trips with. Even when not abroad, I'm usually up to something. For example tonight I've got a "business roundtable" mixer at a local sports bar and grill, about 10 of my business contacts/clients, from various sectors, are getting together for cocktails …
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 04:41 PM
2

thank you! I have a long list of things I am looking for in a suitable partner. I found it within a month of being on an app last year (she also looked like a model and is a Structural Engineer, lived 80 minutes away from my parent's house in NorCal) but I ended it because my wife pleaded with me to attempt to reconcile (we were unsuccessful). My list: natural, no surgeries, no tattoos, good relationship with parents, educated (Bachelor's degree) and in a career, no history of drug use, no athei…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 04:13 PM
2

Yeah at 45, you would likely need the help of a talented fertility doctor. My soon to be ex-wife's friend Karen struggled with infertility for over 10 years, then, after many failed treatments and miscarriages, a talented doctor gave her and her husband Doug their first child at 44 (he was 47), and last year, at 46 she had her 2nd daughter, Doug celebrated 50th with his two girls and Karen just turned 47. Yesterday, they had a playdate at the beach with my 7 year old daughter. It is not impossib…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 04:08 PM
2

I am so sorry, I can't imagine the pain of watching your new marriage implode just as you welcomed a new baby. That would be terrible gut punch for me, and the main thing keeping me away from having more kids than the 3 I already have.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 04:02 PM
2

great advice. I want to live alone for a bit, but I honestly don't envision myself growing old alone. My folks have been together from their youth until now in their elderly years and yes they bicker on occasion but they have this harmony and are together every day. I'd like to find a woman I can retire with, maybe that gives me a child or two and we can have a family the right way, without conflict. Maybe I am asking for too much but that's been my vision.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 05:19 AM
2

great advice. However, as a Catholic, I might have to change Churches since mine doesn't allow divorce. It will really pain me if they don't grant me an Annulment
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 08:37 PM
2

thank you for your reply. Yes, the math doesn't look great, my Dad was 64 when my kid brother graduated HS, he's still around, is 78 and my brother has two boys, ages 3 and 1. My elderly parents help watch them 2 days a week. The other grandparents do more of the heavy lifting because they are younger.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 06:15 PM
1

Sounds like you got this, don't worry, at first the pain of a split will hurt, but a year from now, you won't even blink when her name is mentioned. Your Dad is one smart man, sorry for the loss of your Mom. Most of our Dads have seen a thing or two, especially with the feminist movement in full swing back then. My Dad has always had my back, even when it came to getting my Mom to stay in her lane as I grew up and later in my 20's when she was a bit overbearing. I think depression and menopause …
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 06:13 PM
0

great reply. yeah, I hadn't dated in 17 years last summer, and the first date wasn't great, lady was younger, in her 30's but about 40 lbs heavier than her pics. All she got out of me was a hug. The next date, this lady was amazing, she was extremely attractive, even more so in-person than on the app, 5'7" and 120 lbs, daily swimmer, no drugs (ever) no tattoos, no surgeries, blonde with green eyes, no kids, attends church every Sunday, we talked for a month before meeting (I had a lot on my plat…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 05:56 PM
1

thanks for the reply.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 05:45 PM
2

yes! I'm going out more often now. I know there are better days ahead, just need to keep leveling myself up, am in the best shape I've been in about 10 years, had a physical last month and all my labs are normal/healthy. I've been going back to Church and I can't complain much, have to keep chugging along.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 05:39 PM
1

I've never dated a single mom, thank you for the heads up, I never thought of that angle. I don't think I could ever allow myself to date a woman with kids that are competing with my kids for love and attention.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 05:41 AM
6

It's not an insecurity, at least for me it is not. I long for another child, I truly enjoy being a Dad and raising my kids. I'm in great physical shape and in good health. I'm not too worried about the costs, I run a successful business and money is not an issue.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 05:39 AM
1

Yeah, I've seen it make my wife 10x worse than before. She cries a lot, she's really easily triggered. Has become cold whereas before she was very warm.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 05:00 AM
3

that's a great outcome. I am happy to hear you've got yourself back on your feet. I hope to one day find someone that compliments me in a way my soon to be ex wife never did. Someone calm and understanding, not so demanding and that can coast and ride out her emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 04:59 AM
2

thank you! I'm lucky to still have my Dad, he's buried 4 siblings, he goes to the gym 6 days a week and stays in good shape. He beat cancer and his active lifestyle has helped him with his Parkinson's, sort of served as a lesson to me to keep myself fit and active. Thank you for the kind words and advice!
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 04:56 AM
3

thank you for sharing. For now, I've been contemplating it, since about last year, but maybe he feeling goes away with time. Unless I meet an amazing woman that can help facilitate in welcoming new children.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 02:02 AM
2

thank you! His doctor was pretty upbeat, told him he got it a little late, won't slow him down for another 10 or more years and he's already nearly 80, might not have enough left to be truly impaired by it. I still don't take him for granted, am often driving up to my parents place to spend time with my Dad, maybe share a beer (he can't have more than one or two, even then once in a while) but it's kind of nice to slow down and go at their pace. My Mom's got health woes too, but it sort of comes…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:59 AM
5

2 of my kids are older, one of them is an adult on drugs (out of the house), the other is doing pretty good but he's at that age when lose them to their friends. My little one is about to turn 8, kind of miss having a little one running around the house.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:54 AM
3

Sorry you went through a rough patch there, I was in banking in 07, lost my job and learned about it thanks to CNN, our stock was delisted and I was out of work just like that. It was a scary time. However, in 2011, I decided to go off on my own and never looked back. Been on my own ever since. With a prenup, even with CA Divorce laws being what they are, marriage to right woman could make sense, but she's got to check off on all the boxes, be pretty darn special. I grew up out in rural Northern…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:50 AM
5

great questions. I am a business owner, my income is quite high, even by California standards. I am also very low maintenance, I drive a 10 year old pickup truck, overhead is lower, though that will change when I buy my next home after my divorce settlement. My plan was to retire at 59 1/2 but with my divorce, that's been adjusted to 61 or 62. If I have another kid or two, I will have to work until 66. I do work remotely (my office is in a detached building adjacent to our house, we call it the …
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:15 AM
3

Good advice. Yeah I had kids in my 20's and 30's, I don't know if it is the reminder of the finality of my own mortality or a few friends that have had kids later in life that inspires me but I do often find myself longing for one or two more kids. I tend to date childless ladies in the 28-35 age range and with that crowd... openness to having kids is a hard requirement.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:09 AM
2

Thank you! Yeah, I am open minded, I tend to think of myself as a student of life. Have amazing chats with my Dad, he's seen a lot. Has Parkinson's but it hasn't slowed him too much yet.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:03 AM
1

you always could, I'm a man of Faith and Tradition, not as easy for me to pull off due to personal convictions.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:02 AM
1

Yeah I've never dated single moms, so I'm not too knowledgeable in that demographic but too many of my friends were stepdads and after their divorces they lose all rights to the kids they've bonded with or partially raised. Heartbreaking really. If you're sure about her, that she won't bail, then it could work out, but having kids over 40 for a woman really spikes up the chances with down and other conditions, maybe that train left the station.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 01:01 AM
2

yeah, if you've got physical limitations, it's even tougher to keep up with young kids.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 12:57 AM
1

yeah, I learned the hard way about Perimenopause, my wife is in denial about her condition, refuses to even speak about it because she looks amazing for 43, no wrinkles, surgeries, 118 lbs, 5'3" and doesn't wrinkle thanks to her black mom, her white dad has bad skin, her skin is light but thick like her mom has. I'm Mexican but am starting to show some wrinkles.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 12:56 AM
1

I see, yeah it's a huge decision. I have 3 kids, adding number 4 and 5 would be amazing but only with the right woman. A humble, caring and nurturing woman of faith. This time I'd like to get it right, have an unbreakable bond with healthy habits and someone with a less strong personality than my soon to be ex.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 12:53 AM
1

yeah, that's true. mine was pretty much over it when I enforced my boundaries and assert my autonomy, she was raised by a very successful father that is her Mom's servant, her Dad has been through more than I have, and he's there just saying "yes dear". I'm just not that guy, for years I resigned myself to be him but I wasn't true to myself. Only choice is to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 12:51 AM
2

yes, that's the plan. I'm getting back into resistance training and have cut back my drinking significantly. I'm like the Phoenix that rises from the ashes.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 12:36 AM
1

thanks for the reply. Yeah, you need to find another lady without an ex that's a drugie, he'll always be around due to the kids. If not now, later, and if that's whom she chose as a dad, then she's got serious judgment issues. Not adding you on socials is a huge red flag, she's likely prone to promiscuity, no other real reason not to show her circle you're her bf. cut and run.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 12:35 AM
1

that's funny, but also hits home. divorce is a total nightmare.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 12:32 AM
3

Yeah. I met one last year, she's been in the US for 10 years but originally from a Slavic country (US Citizen). Blonde with Green eyes, smile that lit up the room, naturally sculpted body (a daily swimmer), in her 30's, no children but wanted at least 1, church every Sunday, and let me lead her (said it was natural since that's how she was raised, Men leads, woman obeys). Looked like a model, works as a Structural Engineer. I'm still kicking myself for asking for time/space, then that gave my wi…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 09:18 PM
1

yes! bingo.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 09:12 PM
2

yeah, I hear that. Well, keep yourself in pursuit of greatness and avoid the messed up ladies, I'm sure you can check Maui and Honolulu for better options.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 08:54 PM
1

Hang in there, and I'm praying for you. You've got a lot on your plate and have had a hell of a run, sometimes it's bad luck, but often we also need to look out for the red flags that sometimes we don't pay attention to early on. I have been guilty of this myself. Listen to your Dad, I have been listening to mine and have a lot of trust in his wisdom. You've got this, but yeah, you've got to bail. The positive is that you don't have kids together and you're not married... that is huge.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 08:53 PM
3

Yeah, Asian wives are hard to beat, they are very opposed to divorce and believe in gender roles. I am Mexican-American, but very much Americanized (born and bred in rural NorCal) and women here have rejected traditions. The mother of my adult kid is a White American lady, she was a fling but would go on to become an addict has BPD, depression, after we split up.. My wife is mixed-race (Black and White) and her Black Mom gave her this explosiveness, has worked on it but the damage has been done.…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 08:38 PM
2

I will hold firm on the belief that you're right. Will go out and find a good one to rebuild my life with.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 08:28 PM
1

yeah I know a guy living in Kauai, won't say his name here but he's from the mainland, had his daughter at around 50 and yes, lots of $$ with a small dating pool. His ex is a local/speaks Pidgin, and it fell apart due to infidelity (her). His kid is grown up now, but yeah he's mentioned the limited options on that island.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 08:28 PM
2

That is an amazing story, you're living the dream. An outcome like this is all one could hope for in a 2nd marriage. Probably night and day vs life with your ex. Thank you for sharing!
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 08:23 PM
1

yeah, challenging times that we're in. I've seen old couples that are miserable together, definitely not what I want to emulate. Our society has shifted away from traditional marriage AND from traditional gender roles. This new women are the same or better than men is a over simplistic and misguided, we are getting hit from all directions, might be a huge risk to remarry only to wind up with someone even worse.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 07:10 PM
2

My two mentally healthy kids are supportive, as is my Dad, and my soon to be ex is predicting I'll have another one. I'm open to it, especially since my adult kid is hooked on substances and renting a room in a trailer park in order to continue her illicit relations with an underaged boy. I'm cutting my losses with that kid and need to replace her on the revocable trust.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 06:44 PM
1

Yeah, some ladies are single for a reason. Sort of disfunction, and bond for the wrong reasons, I'm all for the fireworks in the bedroom, but that can't be solely what you build something with. Seek out a lady that is stimulated by your insights and leadership, not just by what goes on in the bedroom.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:55 PM
0

I look forward to a more peaceful environment and the opportunity put my acquired parenting experience into practice if I have any new kids. The toughest part of this whole thing is having to select the right lady to have another child with.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:53 PM
2

thank you for replying.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:20 PM
1

How was it as an older Dad? Were you a better Dad with all the acquired wisdom and the calmness that comes with middle age?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:17 PM
0

Freedom is great, until you keep aging. My Dad's older brother passed a couple years ago, he was 86. Passed alone, a lifelong bachelor, a very slow and sad death. He suffered through illness in his apartment, the kids he had he did not raise, they resented him. I asked him if he was happy without a wife to nag at him, said no, he was lonely, nobody to check on him, nobody to talk to, all his friends and relatives had families, grandkids, and well, he regretted not settling down. He had a 'recrea…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:16 PM
2

yeah, a large family isn't for everyone, especially later in life.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:13 PM
1

yeah, hang in there, you've got a large window to consider more kids, albeit with the right woman. focus on the kids but better days await you ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:11 PM
1

very valid concerns. sorry your going through that, jump into therapy, with a straight male therapist, grow your circle of successful guy friends, lean on healthy family members. Plus stay away from the bottle, at least on a regular basis and workout. If you do these things, you'll get back on your feet.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:10 PM
2

that's a good point, my Dad was 64 when my kid brother graduated high school was already retired and a grandpa. I asked him about more kids if I remarry, my Dad says he doesn't regret it but recalled how him and my mom were always asked about their adorable grandson. I did help change his diaper and dropped him off at kinder and 1st grade in my car. He was a good kid, has a family of his own now and in his 30's, my Dad's almost 80. My brother was a bonus after they though they couldn't have any …
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:08 PM
2

you're a lucky man. glad you found love again.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:05 PM
2

this is very true, I've noticed the same thing. How about importing a wife from eastern europe?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:03 PM
2

She lived 650 miles away, her mom was a fling that moved away, hid the pregnancy until my kid was bigger and she wanted child support. (lied about birth control too). My daughter started messing up in the 7th and 8th grade, I had summer visits and alternative holidays, but hard to parent from so far away. I got full custody when she was in 10th grade, after years of fighting, plus CPS and law enforcement help, and thousands in legal. She was too traumatized and had these terrible habits that wer…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:02 PM
1

yeah, that's why we have to date plenty, learn to recognize and avoid the ones with the red flags. Or just casually date with lots of precautions.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:57 PM
1

there's a lot contained here in your statement. a lot of appeal to no commitment and the freedom and peace that comes with that.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:55 PM
1

yes, seems that we came to the same conclusion.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:54 PM
1

Yes, 1 adult, 1 adolescent, and a 7 year old. However, my adult kid is half siblings with my two younger ones, but she's pretty messed up and declines any help. Her mom and stepdad badly abused her, I got custody when she was an older teen but by then, she was too traumatized and addicted to things for the help to take hold (even mental hospitals, iop, partials, emdr, medicines, nothing really worked out). So yeah, I'd like to add to my flock, at least to take up the spot in the family trust tha…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:53 PM
1

its' interesting, this is the majority response, though some guys would have a kid but never remarry. I guess it depends on their experienced in family court.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:49 PM
1

Good question, a even better observations. Yes, I long for a partner and at least one more child, a chance to get it right this time with a more feminine woman. Right now, I'm in my office, a detached building from my house, and I can hear my wife giving my son hell. She becomes irate and curses, screams, just a very unhealthy way to live. My son is crying now (he's an adolescent taller than her) I know at least for the half the time when he's with me, he will have peace. I'm no saint but I don'…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:47 PM
1

Yes some will get thrown out if deemed unfair or signed under duress, but in California, they generally are enforced and valid. A good lawyer will walk you through the necessary steps needed to prevent them from getting tossed. They don't make a lot writing them but a good prenup is worth more than most of the facts being on your side in family court.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:40 PM
1

I might wind up there, but not just yet. At this juncture, I am still open to one more kid, especially since my adult kid wound up like her mom (reckless and on drugs, renting a room in a trailer park on the wrong side of town).
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:37 PM
1

understood. many have been through the ringer in family court or in bad marriages and I can see where you're coming from.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:36 PM
1

Thank you for sharing, and I am sorry all this has happened to you and for the very unfortunate circumstances you've had to live through. I am glad you got off the booze. It mirrors my buddy's story, came back from his deployment 15 years ago to find out that his wife of 16 years was sleeping with his best friend and fellow career sailor. He loses it, transfers to Coronado and is placed on various 5150 holds. Doesn't see his daughter for years, wife takes him to the cleaners, including nearly ha…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:34 PM
5

good point, yeah it's kind of like last call at the bar for me. In my 40's I'll have one or two more, if I meet the right gal, but if not, I'll throw in the towel.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 07:14 AM
0

More of a religious and tradition based legitimacy than any legal benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 07:07 AM
2

I think it is a little bit of both. If I were to have another child, I would prefer them to be born within the structure of a marriage with two loving parents. I also understand that my faith and traditions has instilled in me this institution as old as our civilization is.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:03 AM
-5

That's true, maybe he can't pull ladies, or maybe he could if he just level himself up. Andrew Tate is an idiot, I can't stand him, I am not one to just harp on the ladies, it is not all their fault. and sure I'm speaking in generalities but if you're in good physical shape, are well-groomed, well-read, traveled, learn to behave yourself, are a true gentleman and have your career on track, you've got lots of options with the ladies.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:54 AM
6

that's a great point. there is nothing to be gained, mostly unnecessary risk.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:47 AM
-14

maybe once the wounds heal and the loss is a distant memory, you might reconsider. Especially if you level yourself up (fitness, mindset, career/business) and you gain access to ladies you only dreamed of before.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 04:05 AM
3

yeah, that's a great point. Loss is part of ride. I am fortunate to still have my folks, they are in their golden years, thought my wife and I would have the same outcome but looks like we're at the end of the road. I am optimistic about the journey ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 03:58 AM
3

thank you for replying. Kind of like "last call" at the bar...
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 03:56 AM
2

thanks for the reply.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 03:55 AM
2

you make a good point.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 03:55 AM
1

yeah that's always an option. I'd prefer to make a child with a solid chick, but absent that, maybe surrogacy?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 02:32 AM
1

yes, right reasons and with the right person.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 02:29 AM
1

thank you for sharing. I've heard this before. Hang in there and this does give me a little bit of room to pause and reflect on what I am contemplating. I also would need to push out retirement from 60 to 66 if I were to have another kid or two.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 02:22 AM
1

I also am open to one more kid. Especially since I've disowned my adult daughter. I've only got two kids now, and although they are doing very well, and on track to do some big things, I would like a 3rd child I lost to drugs and a bad lifestyle.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 02:20 AM
5

you found a good one!
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 02:18 AM
7

thank you for sharing. I'm sorry for your loss.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 02:17 AM
3

yeah, I don't want her coming after my two good kids and attempting to contest the trust. I warned her, there's no coming back from this, if you leave you won't be allowed back home (I knew she'd decline and go back to drugs like when she lived with her mom). I've never done drugs, neither has my wife, nor my son, but my youngest carries a bad legacy from her mom.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 02:16 AM
0

I've got two amazing kids, my messed up one was raised/ruined by her mom, we got her too late, but my two other kids were raised by me and my wife, we've seen them really blossom. Yes, I'll be forgotten in a few generations but my kids and their kids will live on.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 02:13 AM
3

that's a great point, it's almost like the women out there are like children, looking for a man to solve everything for them.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 02:12 AM
2

that's a good point. a kid with a gf that lives with me is appealing. However, morally, the ladies I tend to attract and the ones I like (Church-going, from nuclear families, upper middle class) won't usually go for live-in GF status but if I meet one then yeah, it could make a lot of sense.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 02:10 AM
2

You've got your hands full with young kids. I have 3 kids. 1 adult, but she's in college moved out and decided to experiment with drugs, she's a bit of a mess, so sort of crossing her off my legacy list/inheritance. My son is becoming a young man, more into his friends and discovered the opposite sex. Plus his basketball travel ball and school. It's my baby, she's 7 and well, I can't lose focus of her as I'd never forgive myself if I ever made her feel left out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 02:08 AM
1

yeah, my son's more into friends now, and as he enters his manhood stage, I'm already sort of losing him, but my 7 year old will feel it, I have to make sure she is not neglected or made feel like an outsider.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 02:04 AM
1

yeah, for the past 2 years I've been in various stages of divorce/separation, the haze that we're in as we reckon with divorce is tough. I mostly have shaken free of the mental hangups, but they were very debilitating. I'm going out with my friend group, none are mutual friends. I've been rebuilding my social circle. A bit more bachelor and businessman focused than the Dad crowd I'd roll with when the marriage was healthier. It's been helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 02:02 AM
1

that's true. We're scheduled for a settlement 3 way next month at my attorney's office. I'm offering very fair terms, if she accepts, it will minimally disrupt our kids. In the next 4 months I'll be moving from the guest room to the pool house, same property but will facilitate with the mental separation from my wife.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:47 AM
2

She comes from old money, and yes, in America, depending on your state, mine is a community property state so we have to divide every marital asset in half, plus my business since I opened it during the marriage. She keeps all her premarital $$, which is significant. Child support is significant but not that big of an amount because of a 50-50 custody split. 7 figures American kept and 7 paid still stings. Especially since I've been the economic engine, but nothing I can do to change it. Just lo…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:45 AM
2

yes, true, I am open to more kids myself. But I noticed that the ladies I tend to meet are the ones that are traditional and naturally beautiful, no surgeries, no tattoos, no substances, maybe just alcohol socially, in good shape, educated and from good nuclear families... ladies that match this criteria almost all want a kid, or two.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:40 AM
2

thats a very interesting perspective. I'm looking at 50-50 custody, kids will shuttle back and forth, if they come home to a nurturing stepmom and a new sibling (big age gap though) would be a welcomed change from the friction my soon to be ex and I have had. It's been years since we've had real peace.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:37 AM
1

Yes, great point. With a divorce, I'm going to have to lose half my time with 2 of my kids. My adult daughter already moved out and she's been experimenting with drugs, not doing well, so she's a non-factor, can't and won't help a reckless adult. My son is doing great but he's discovered ladies and in another year or two he'll be spending most of his time with fellow teens. So I'm down to half of my time with just one child. A new baby would have plenty of my attention.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:34 AM
2

that's a great observation. I'd have to test her out for a year or two before committing that way. My 7 year old keeps me young and on my toes, I'd love another little one but with the right woman. My (soon to be ex) wife's too old and we've had too many cracks in the marriage to salvage it, but with the right woman, I'd be a little more motivated to have another kid.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:32 AM
1

that's very true. The right woman makes a world of difference, especially when having more kids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:27 AM
1

that's awesome!!
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:26 AM
-1

Great question. It is about legacy. My adult daughter has screwed up her life since moving out, her Mom gave her with a slew of issues, by them time my wife and I got custody and tried to help her she was messed up, is now down the path of drugs, recklessness, and now almost homeless. I've cut her out, she's getting exactly$1.00 from me. For all purposes, I have 2 kids, would like to add one or two more, expand my legacy for when I'm 6 feet under. Also, most all of the very good looking /younger…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:26 AM
2

exactly, this is something I can envision for myself. My wife also is rooting for me to have another kid, she's the one that planted the idea in my head. She's too old to have any more, but she's said "I'm predicting you'll have one more" and with each kid I've learned to be a more involved and active Dad. I'll make sure I screen the next one good.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:21 AM
0

I think you need to go out and take a look at what's out there. I met some ladies that made me change my mind. I'm also in Southern California, it's kind of ridiculous out here.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:18 AM
3

that's a good point, my friend Troy told his gf he'd give her a kid but not a signature, so they just stayed bf/gf and have an 11 year old. He didn't want to lose his house and pension, she was fine with it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:17 AM
1

thank you for sharing. yeah, I have never dated a single mom, I have an adult daughter from a gf I had back in my prime. Then had two kids in the 17+ years I'd been with my wife. We're divorcing next month and I'm trying to sort out what's next for me. I'm leaving her the house, will need to buy another house, too many bad memories and I want a fresh start. How'd your youngest son take the news about the divorce? My son took the news pretty hard.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:15 AM
1

for me, I have to pay my wife 7 figures in the settlement in splitting half of my business, real estate, and investments. Child support on a 50/50 custody split is not too bad. Plus I'm paying some spousal, it was the assets that really stung.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:12 AM
-1

to be honest, women with kids sort of run for the hills when I'd tell them I have 3 kids. Only was able to secure in-person dates on the apps with childless women. Also, some of the single moms out there will expect you to help out with the kids and if you get attached to them, and it doesn't work out, you lose the stepkids (happened to several close friends).
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:09 AM
1

yes, that is a good point. I am one of the older Dad's with my 7 year old. I remember years ago when my adult daughter was playing HS volleyball, basketball, and softball how I was one of the younger Dads, with my youngest and if I have new ones, I'm going to be a grandpa-dad.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:06 AM
2

I don't date ladies in their 40's. I go 36 and under. Its easy with the apps, and in-person. Walking into a venue, 6'3" and athletic, fitted clothes, nice watch, well-traveled and groomed... I don't even dye my grays anymore, they don't mind them. Like I said I have the option, now I have to decide if I should exercise it. I don't like promiscuous women, and as far as wealthy, my wife was much wealthier than I was, however, those are her premarital assets, even without a prenup I can't touch the…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:04 AM
2

I hear you. I'm and American of Mexican heritage, so a large family sort of comes with the turf, and it is common for Mexicans whom get divorced will start a new family, if they can exercise that option.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 01:00 AM
0

most folks have an expectancy of 75-85, my Dad's 78 and he's still doing pretty good. He had my younger brother at 46, my brother is now 32, my folks help him out a lot with childcare because they are retired and just hang with the grandkids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 12:59 AM
0

good advice. Yeah, most of what I'm up to day-to-day and weekends is being a Dad, this summer I'm teaching my son how to hunt, we're going to camp, I paint my 7 year old's toe nails, yesterday she and I were swimming in my backyard pool, just doing laps/racing, it was a hot day here in California. My son was working on shooting in our basketball court, he's usually in the backyard 2 hours a day working on his shot, he plays travel ball. Being a Dad is what keeps me going.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 12:57 AM
1

my settlement is 7 figures to my wife, yes it stings, but we did not have a prenup, she met me when I was broke.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 12:21 AM
1

even with a prenup?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 12:20 AM
1

yeah, my Dad had my kids brother at 46, well past when he and my Mom were really trying for kids and he was 64 at my brother's graduation. I was already a Dad and with kids when my little brother was hitting his milestones. My folks would get asked if they were his grandparents.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 12:20 AM
1

good points. adding a 4th and 5th kid to my plate will demand a lot out of me, though two of my kids are on the older side, I still have a 7 year old little one.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 12:18 AM
2

I didn't do much of the heavy lifting with feedings and diapers with my 3 kids, but as I've grown older, and my wealth (well half of which after my divorce) would now afford me the free time pitch in some more.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 12:17 AM
1

good points, thanks for the reply.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 12:15 AM
-2

Thank you for the reply. A very good point. I have an adult daughter, she's now on drugs and left the house, declines any offers of help, so in a sense I'm down to two good kids. My middle child is getting older, and my youngest is just 7. That said, I have a very specific type: Church-going /believer, educated, in-shape, no tattoos/surgeries, childless, and very good looking. None of the ladies that check off on those boxes has been okay with a no children policy and I do think I would like to …
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 12:14 AM
11

She's got red flags galore in just these 3 and a half lines you gave enough for any other guy to cut and run. 2 kids from a convict? never added you on social media? plus she's your rebound... I'm in my 40's, separated, divorcing soon, I have 3 kids, and I do not date single moms. there are plenty of attractive, younger, childless women out there. You've got this!
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 05:13 PM
3

I'm navigating these waters right now. Avoid the hanging with the regulars are your local watering hole or you'll become one yourself. It's okay to exchange pleasantries, but most are either severe alcoholics or really repressed, maybe both. Go to your local meet ups, try hiking, speed dating, reach out to the friends you do have from the past and reconnect. Find local public events, such as chamber of commerce, business roundtables, trade groups. Church is a big one. If you have kids, their spo…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 06:10 PM
1

this is terrible. My wife asked me to find a mediator or we come up with a fair agreement, my lawyer advised a 3 way conference, we're going to try it next month. 50-50 assets, some spousal, and child support, plus she keeps all her premarital assets. I could fight and gain the upper hand but at a big legal cost, north of 150k. I need to keep my head on straight in order to survive with my business intact.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 08:21 PM
2

It's okay to be sad, your marriage is definitely over, have to pull yourself together and elevate your mindset. Pick up more hobbies, stay busy, meet new friends, head out on a hike, Go to the beach, anything and everything to get you back out there.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 06:44 PM
1

Yeah, should be easy enough, I only date childless, younger women. She doesn't know very many of those. I live in a very populated area, plenty of options out there. Last year when I was separated, I matched with several, went out on a couple dates, back then I didn't want any more kids, which seems to be a theme for ladies in their 30's I'd meet. Since my eldest is self-destructing, I would be open to one or two more children, with the right woman of course.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 05:52 PM
1

Yup, I got this!
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 05:46 AM
1

I did get a DVRO against her and dismissed it without prejudice meaning I preserved the protections it afforded me. Moving bacj home was a mistake, one that I can undue but I was trying to make it work, she's just too far gone emotionally, just no coming back.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 01:55 PM
1

Great advice, yeah, I have to maintain clarity as I navigate the marriage dissolution. I don't think the old man is going to jump in, my MIL would beat him silly, I just found out 2 years ago, frantic call from him to my wife, my MIL whaling on him. He's not my fan, nor are we speaking, but it falls on him for not stopping the DV before it hit the next generation. Plus my wife's got a 7 figure payout coming her way and controls half our liquid and can tap into another half mill in pre-marital, s…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 12:46 AM
2

Great advice. I've got the attorney already from last year. My wife wants to avoid lawyers this time around, mine has in-house mediation, which she has agreed to. You're right, I've got to shed all of everyone else's drama and mental problems and focus on me. I am very mentally healthy, my therapists says I just have this load of outside stress I've got to off load. He's been telling me I've got to hit eject and not delay if this thing doesn't turn around. This Therapist is pretty good, but I am…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 11:53 PM
3

Thank you. Yes, at lunch today, first time in weeks, my little one and I shared a laugh and I recalled a game we hadn't played in years, she remembered instantly, its a version of 'cats got your tongue' depending on what are of the room we're in. She had a blast, my wife has a puzzled expression but seemed to appreciate that I am reconnecting with my little one. Tomorrow, we're visiting my son's friend's house, I'll drink a few beers with his Dad, they do not know about our past issues, will be …
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 10:37 PM
2

Perfect answer. Yes, it's about time I start living for me. I need to dig deep to where my confidence has been sheltering and bring it out to the surface. I am wealthy, charming, smart, self-made, I can attract females and friends, I used to work any party, social function, etc. That's what attracted my wife to me in the first place. I need to get back on the horse, maybe not get remarried, but go live a little. Sitting at home, liking my wounds, and worrying about my wife's issues or letting my…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 10:31 PM
2

Yes! I needed this, it's obvious to me now that I need to thrust myself back into getting my business back on track. Clients are reaching out, business climate is good, it is more me that's in a rut. I'm above ground and need to rock and roll now.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 07:17 PM
3

Great advice! Yes, my business is all that I can really control, everything else is beyond my reach. I have been spending more time with my son, which has helped, we've had some good conversations. At times, I miss being able to escape with a nice glass of Scotch or Bourbon, but that never resolved anything. A few of my friends have been inviting me out, I'll start heading out in 3 weeks or so, once I'm in a better mindset. Thank you for this!
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 07:15 PM
3

Hang in there and you've got this. I haven't yet hit eject because I need to find a way to reconnect with my little one. She's been pawned against me by my wife in very subtle ways, but I see my wife is having mixed feelings about all this when I asked her to look up statistics of fatherless girls. In her core, she knows it won't end well for our daughter if this rift continues for the long-term. Yes, my wife would also ration the sex, used it as a means to control me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 06:36 PM
1

Thank you. Good advice, first I'll tackle all the issues I can, will keep working on myself then will hit the dating scene, eyes wide-open.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 06:28 PM
2

Thanks for the heads up. You've got a point, first I'll tackle the issues with my Mom, will ask my Dad to assist. Then my little one, will see how much help my ex will provide, but willing to handle it solo if needed. Starting mediation might also help give me the closure I need to start fresh. I promised my son I'd teach him to hunt, and I'm a little late on that, no better time than the present. How do you weed out the crazy ladies on the apps?
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 05:52 PM
3

Thank you, well, I'm rusty, yet curious, when it comes to dating. The apps didn't exist back when I dated, I tried app dating last year for a month, and matched with 30 gals, but only asked out 2. One was 30 lbs heavier in-person. Not as good looking as her pic. The other looked like an angel that fell from heaven, blonde / blue eyed, only deal breaker was she wanted to have at least one child (I can still have kids, not sure I want to). 2 days later, my wife reached out to please for reconcilia…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 05:49 PM
2

You're a bigger man than I am. I could not forgive infidelity but your statement is a testament for the love you still have for this woman. Its sad she'd walk out on her 5 kids but she wouldn't be the first and certainly won't be the last. Work on yourself, stay strong for your children, buckle up for the courtroom drama, and most importantly, properly mourn the death of your marriage. You'll find love again later, for now, be the best Dad you can be and put on a brave face for your children. Go…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 09:54 PM
4

You sound like a stand up guy. A lot can be forgiven, except cheating. Ready yourself via therapy to move on. Do not take her back, if she cheated now, she'll cheat again later. My wife and I were in the middle of a high-conflict divorce and custody battle, neither cheated but marital problems plus history of domestic violence. I "won" in court, but it did not feel like a win. I had full custody of my 17 year old, and half physical custody of my two younger kids. 2 of my kids had to shuttle back…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 04:39 PM
2

In the future, hard pass on single moms. Unless her husband died, she either is the reason he left, or she had poor judgement in whom she chose to procreate with. Cheating is not a forgivable offense in my book. File, and get the heck away from this lady. Tons of people get divorced each year, you'll be alright, but get a Therapist to help you along your path.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 02:40 PM
1

Yes. We officially reconciled last week and we are now living together again. We went to Sunday Mass together, with our kids, and it was great. I fully disclosed to my wife that while we were divorcing I dated other women, and that I had mourned our marriage ending, she understood and stated she hadn't dated anybody, but would not fault me for dating. She just wanted me back and I decided to give her a shot. We're both happier and I now have my voice in my house. We're in Therapy and working ste…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 09:08 PM
1

I was on the apps. Agreed... I matched with over 30 ladies, I have a lot to offer, I am 6'3" and in my 40's, athletic, newly divorced, have 3 kids ages 17, 11, and 7. Full custody of the eldest, half custody of the younger ones. Consider myself attractive. Liking my wounds from the divorce, I met one lady, from her pics she was average looking, a little thick but athletic. Well she show's up 40 lbs heavier, not as pretty as the pics. Nice person but no physical connection. I then matched with a …
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 11:23 PM
2

Yes, it appears so. I don't know what kind of radar or spider sense my ex-wife has, but yesterday, when we did the child exchange, she asked if she could have a private word with me, I said yes. She shared that she's done a lot of therapy, and wants me back, that I should dismiss my restraining order and move in back home. She claims she can see that I am different now, that she's tired of being in charge that wants me to take charge and run things as the man. I told her she needs a lot more the…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 11:21 PM
4

Yes, Dating culture in the US is broken. A little background on me: I'm in my 40's, recently divorced, I had been with my wife for 16 years, am a father of 3 with 50% custody. My ex-wife is very beautiful, in-shape... same age as me, but was physically violent for years and ran the show at home, "happy wife, happy life" was he motto. I got no respect despite me footing the bill for everything, bought her a big house, luxury vehicle, showered her with gifts and made plans, we circled the world on…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 04:01 PM
7

Call the Professionals... 1. Lawyer and a Mediator. 2. Therapists. 3. Personal Trainer. Lean on 1. Family, stay with your folks for a bit. 2. Friends, reach out to them. 3. Church, if you're religious. It sucks, but you'll need each of these. You'll be fine in another year. Try to stay away from the alcohol.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 10:40 PM
2

Congratulations on being cordial with your ex-wife. I do not have a great relationship with my ex-wife. She went to jail for domestic violence and has resented me ever since for calling the police when she hit me. I have 3 kids, one is turning 18, the rest are 10 and 7. My ex has the younger ones during the week, I get them weekends, the eldest lives with me full-time. I am not sure I'd want the added workload of more children to worry about, my three keep me plenty busy. If it works for you, th…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 07:43 PM
2

very very hard. She was arrested for DV, facing criminal charges, made false allegations in family court against me, omitted that she was arrested for DV and got a restraining order against me. I had to move out of my home. She coached my son for his testimony and by doing so she picked up a witness tampering charge. She has emergency custody for my 7 and 10 year olds, I have sole custody of my 17 year old. Judge ordered weekend supervised visitations, I have a court-approved monitor, I have nev…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 10:40 PM
4

I am 42, in June, my wife was arrested for domestic violence. She filed for divorce a week later. Splitting up my 3 kids was the worst experience of my life. My 17 year old came with me, my 10 and 7 year olds stayed with my wife. We're fighting over custody of them. My advice: Reach out to family asap... I drove up to my parents' place, stayed with them for a month, with the exception of weekends (visitations with my younger kids), it was a 6 hour drive. My Mom and Dad helped patched me up, my b…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 08:28 PM
5

It is time to let your folks know that this lady is not mentally right and they need to limit their interactions with her. My stbxw did not allow my parents to see my two youngest kids for the past 2 years, I objected but she still would get me to cave in. She also was trying to kick my 17 year old daughter out of the house (I have full custody of her). I overlocked her mental decline, undiagnosed depression (both postpartum and regular depression) that followed, her violent fits of rage when sh…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 04:23 PM
1

try it, I felt like a giant weight lifted from off my shoulders when I told my mom and dad that I was hit multiple times by my wife. That she threw water, hot coffee, and a lot of other things at me. It felt really good seeing how I still had the support of my family, the tribe came together to uplift me. I look forward to meeting a lady that will respect me and treat me right.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 03:25 AM
1

yeah, the other night I polished off most of a tequila bottle. In the moment I felt good, but the next day I paid for it. It does help when I have to take the kids back to my wife. She's burning through our savings fighting me and now fighting criminal charges. it's a huge mess she created.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 03:23 AM
5

It's excruciating, my wife was arrested for DV, so was her Mom, I was granted an EPO, while I was waiting on CPS to allow her visitations before asking a judge for a DVRO, she got her own DVRO against me thanks to omissions and lies, she also filed for divorce. Got the house and my two younger kids. My teenager left with me. We've been homeless since late June. Staying in a combination of hotels and my parents' home 350 miles away. Deputy DA calls me on Friday, says your wife has a criminal hear…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 05:09 PM
1

thank you. The kids are doing alright, I however have been better. I do have a date lined up for tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:23 AM
2

Pretty normal, my stbx (she filed for divorce) has a long history of violence with me, she'd hit me when we'd disagree or argue, it got pretty bad for many years. It made sex difficult because I wanted it all the time and she would use it as a bargaining chip. It was as I was getting older, she's the same age but got more combative with age whereas I mellowed. The last year or so it was difficult to get in the mood, I'd get hard, and she looks great, but couldn't hold a hard erection and it was …
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 05:43 PM
1

Good for you! It is awesome that you are open to reconciliation and she's in therapy. My wife neglected my 17 year old for the past 2 years (since the courts sent her to live with me) and my 10 and 6 year old were treated much nicer. My wife did not do any individual therapy despite two marriage counselors strongly recommending. I did do Therapy and it helped me be a better dad and husband. My wife was arrested for hitting me in June and she then filed for divorce, as well as a false allegations…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 05:09 PM
3

You did not have to emotionally neglect my daughter, she called you Mom, while you called her evil. She invited you to church and you always declined, saying you didn't want to pretend to be family with her. You've needed therapy for years, yet would send me (and I went) all the years of violence and manipulation you put me through were not okay. You deserved to be hauled off to jail, along with your mother and I do not regret reporting your violence. I took dozens more incidents that never got …
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 04:54 PM
2

Find a good Therapist. After 16.5 years together... my wife filed for divorce last month. We split the kids, I have my eldest daughter and she has our younger two kids. We're fighting for custody and it is getting ugly. My parents are still married after five decades of marriage, they are elderly and retired. My Therapist has helped me make sense of a lot. My wife was physically violent for years, I swept it under the rug, until I filed charges and she was arrested. She and I do not communicate …
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 07:43 PM
1

Absolutely. My parents have been married for 43 years. Through ups and downs, they've stayed together, devout Catholics, no history of violence. My in-laws have been married for 42.5 years, for the entirety of their marriage, my mother-in-law has hit and emotionally abused my father-in-law. I've witnessed several such events. They have no friends and his side of the family absolutely hates her for what she has put him through. He's a miserable man, sweeps everything under the rug, and suffers in…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 06:50 PM
1

Not having my kids with me has nearly destroyed me, I share your sorrow. I was with my wife for 16 years, she was fun, caring, passionate in her 20's. Now in her early 40's she's not the same, slowly but surely she peeled off most all of my friends/social circle, relatives, even not allowing my elderly parents to see my two younger kids for 2 years. She also became violent. She was finally arrested for DV, then she filed for a DV against me, which I am fighting actively since it is based on fals…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 06:46 PM
1

I formerly had a large network of friends. Little by little, my wife cut them out of the picture and we defaulted to the husbands of her friends became my friends. My college buddies... gone. My cousins... gone. My parents and brothers...gone. All but 2 friends. My wife became friends with one of their wives and now that she filed for divorce, he defected to her side. My family is 350 miles away, recently my 17 year old and I drove up to my hometown and I was able to lean on my huge extended fam…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 04:56 PM
1

It should not be difficult at all. Definitely consult an attorney but generally speaking, since she is not yet legally a resident, and you haven't been married that long, your path to divorce is easier than mine. I'm American, my wife is Venezuelan, she was a legal resident when I met her 16 years ago, but since we were married so long, all these issues popped up such as splitting all our assets, spousal support, and despite no infidelity, she was a very violent person, was arrested for DV a few…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 04:08 PM
5

I'm in a very similar situation. She was arrested for DV, I was granted an Emergency Protection Order. I caught her on video hitting me, my son told police he saw her hit me. I had a video of her hitting me violently with a metal bottle last year. Her lawyer filed a TRO for DV against me, left out that she had been arrested, and it was granted on false allegations alone. My lawyer said my videos, texts, and pics will get my DVRO to take effect at our hearing and she'll lose the kids again. She a…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 10:52 PM
2

I'm in the middle of my divorce and DV court case in California. My wife was arrested for hitting me, she's been a stay at home mom and we were married over 10 years. That said, California laws protect violence victims, so my lawyer explained I wouldn't be required to pay spousal. I would have preferred my wife go to treatment but she filed for divorce. Divorce really sucks, I have a therapists and family helping me through this tough time.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 10:42 PM
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