HerukaArisen Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
49	Two years and counting		HerukaArisen	/r/MarriedRedPill	16/11/18 12:39 PM
34	FR: The dread is real	Field Report	HerukaArisen	/r/askMRP	16/07/23 09:30 AM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
3	FR: The dread is real no point on giving free advice We seem to agree on the value of your unsolicited advice.	/r/askMRP	17/07/23 06:07 PM
3	FR: The dread is real No, I really have no need for you to tell me to do the work.	/r/askMRP	16/07/23 08:58 PM
10	FR: The dread is real You have it all figured out for others, haven't you?	/r/askMRP	16/07/23 08:57 PM
5	Filing for divorce and the no contact rule Look, I understand it is tempting to try lure us into making this decision for you, but that is not how it works. The point is to learn to trust your own estimation of the situation and to own your decisions. What do you want? What do you think you should do to be the man you want to be?	/r/askMRP	10/12/19 09:09 PM
2	You can't get better without doing. And you can't do better without thinking. Roger that.	/r/MarriedRedPill	29/07/19 07:42 PM
2	You can't get better without doing. And you can't do better without thinking. A good catch. Nevertheless, I'd still say that going from "I need sex" to thinking "I'm gonna fuck her so good she will come for more" is an improvement. The same as lifting thinking this will make my wife want me is better than not lifting at all. But you're right, I am guilty of all these covert contracts. And they just become more subtle and more difficult to catch once you get rid of the blatant ones.	/r/MarriedRedPill	29/07/19 05:52 PM
2	You can't get better without doing. And you can't do better without thinking. My thoughts exactly.	/r/MarriedRedPill	29/07/19 10:34 AM
8	You can't get better without doing. And you can't do better without thinking. What I find most challenging in RP is not so much doing what is required or even reconsidering and realigning what you are doing based on experience. The real challenge is seeing what you have not seen before. And I'm not even talking about starting to think "I need to stop being a lazy fuck and start putting in some real effort because it's my fault." I'm talking about something more fundamental. Kind of the proverbial red pill. Your example of going from "we want you to buy this" to "we have s…	/r/MarriedRedPill	29/07/19 10:33 AM
2	How to deal with sexual urge? Read this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bifc3w/where_sex_fits_in_thoughts_on_mindset/	/r/askMRP	23/07/19 08:20 PM
2	MRP Audiobook Recommendations You're absolutely right. All the PUA shit needs to be taken with a pinch of salt. And The Game is certainly not without flaws. The Disney ending is pathetic, and all in all, the whole book is pretty blue pill. Having said that, I did like the book. I also feel that, even though I'm not going to buy the whole package, I have nevertheless learnt small useful things from the PUA books. I use them to game my wife but also other women pretty much everywhere. I'm talking really basic stuff, such as ne…	/r/askMRP	23/07/19 08:13 PM
1	MRP Audiobook Recommendations There are a lot of PUA books as audio books, for example Bang and Day Bang by Roosh and The Natural by Richard La Ruina. I also liked The Game by Neil Strauss a lot, since it is well written and a narrative instead of a collection of opinions. A couple of very good non-MRP audio books are 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson and The Secrets of a Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. The last one is not the same as the book but some kind of a lecture or something. But in my opinion, it is highly…	/r/askMRP	18/07/19 09:05 PM
2	I was told this was a better place for my post I'm shocked and appalled with how nice everybody is to him! Are the red berets asleep?	/r/askMRP	17/07/19 06:35 PM
5	Don't know how long me (29) and my wife (34) will last - 5 years married & autistic son, feeling stuck, bored, and like we're not really friends anymore. I wholeheartedly agree with most of what you write. However, I'm not entirely sure quitting porn needs to be top priority. It is a fucking waste of time and detrimental for his sex life. However, it also sounds like porn has been his main hobby for nearly 20 years and he also has a religious background = a lot of guilt issues. "Quit the porn" may be easier said than done. When you start lifting, reading the right books, working toward meaningful goals and also having the right kind of sex, porn …	/r/askMRP	16/07/19 01:58 PM
4	What to do when anniversary is coming up? What should a husband in a sexless marriage (because of his wife's choosing), do when his wedding anniversary is coming up? Well, he probably tries to come up with all the possible overt and covert ways to make her wife have sex with him. What he SHOULD do is the same as what any man should do: whatever fuck he feels like doing.	/r/askMRP	11/07/19 11:55 AM
1	Quit Being Angry at Bob Vila FFS. That was beyond horrible.	/r/MarriedRedPill	09/07/19 09:41 PM
5	Discussion about the fundamentals of MRP Anyway, I'm hoping that in a sub that seems to be so based in knowledge and learning that maybe someone can help to either see where I'm missing the mark, or direct me towards a similar, but less extremist alternative. You can always head to /r/relationships and /r/DeadBedrooms Plenty of useful advice there. /s	/r/askMRP	26/06/19 07:35 AM
2	What is the main event? Thank you for this. There have been too many "I guess I'm having the main event" type of posts recently. Lately, I have been questioning the usefulness of the 1000 ft rope metaphor. It is very useful in making you understand that you shouldn't be expecting immediate results. It should also make you realize that "boundaries" you think you are setting after a couple months of lifting and reading are most often futile attempts to prove yourself something, since your wife clearly isn't even paying a…	/r/MarriedRedPill	21/06/19 07:44 AM
2	Strategic Thinking Help Needed – Boundary Violation Consequences I'm starting to feel sorry for you man. You are a smart guy and you make big bucks, yet at the same time you are totally unable to see your own situation. It is difficult to see things that are too close. But the reason I'm feeling sorry for you is that you are not unlike me. I, too, have felt that I'm being taken advantage financially by my wife, when the real problems have been my oneitis and my inability to take responsibility of my own actions. Stop thinking this is a puzzle that can be solv…	/r/askMRP	17/06/19 09:45 AM
6	Strategic Thinking Help Needed – Boundary Violation Consequences I think she is sexually attracted to me. I don't think she ever wants to divorce me. Stop wasting your time and our time with this bullshit. You have absolutely no idea how the female mind works. Read The Rational Male 1-3. When you're finished, start all over again. Relatively speaking, there is only a handful of men your wife wants to fuck. You are not in that handful. Your wife absolutely does not want to fuck you. Neither does she think you are very capable of fucking other women. Why else w…	/r/askMRP	16/06/19 03:53 PM
35	She's a reflection of me There is nothing you can do to make her have sex with you. It's totally up to her. What you can do is make yourself a man women want to have sex with. It's pretty clear you are not such a man. The recipe is the same as with everyone else: sidebar, lift & STFU. What makes you think you and your little (well, large) snowflake are somehow special?	/r/askMRP	15/06/19 06:14 AM
3	Depressive and Anxious Wives: Transformation and Building Escape (Part 2) It's funny. I remember reading your original post (pt. 1) and somehow not really being able to digest it at the time. When you keep hearing "It's all your fault" over and over again, it can also feel discouraging and depressing. But it is still the truth and will always be. As long as you think that in order for things to change, someone else needs to change, you really have not swallowed any red pills whatsoever.	/r/MarriedRedPill	14/06/19 09:56 AM
2	Introduction - Slow gains Others have pointed out fallacies in your story. I'm going to point out one more. I'm not doing this out of ill will. I'm hoping this will help you stop being a faggot. In all honesty, she is a good mother for our daughters and not a bad woman. No, she isn't. She sets a piss-poor example of a woman for your two daughters. She is able to do this, since you, Sir, are a pussy who lets her do that. We say "We save men, not marriages." However, I think you also owe it to your two daughters to start b…	/r/askMRP	11/06/19 05:18 PM
3	Bumps in the road YMMV, but in my marriage, I have come to understand that leading sometimes also includes explaining why certain things are done in a certain way. Not deering, not whining, but simply making sure the crew understands why we are going a certain direction. Sometimes people get mad if you are not listening to them. However, I have noticed that people often get really enraged when they realize that you are listening but still decide to do things your way. You simply need to be able to tolerate this a…	/r/askMRP	07/06/19 09:48 AM
7	Vent Also, get her off the pedestal... assume she’s already left you. Start from there. This is where you’re headed anyway unless you start making changes now. easier said than done Look, the world is half full of women. She may be a quality woman, but there are plenty of those. Your life is a total mess: no job, no money, no friends. Start getting your life together, FOR YOU. I have failed as a leader, again. Dude, nobody wants you to be their leader if you cannot lead yourself.	/r/askMRP	06/06/19 06:12 PM
1	Some things that I've noticed. On me and her. Wardrobe getting better (last weekend she told me: where are you going with shirt and shoes?? You look good.). Doesn't it feel good to be approved by mummy.	/r/askMRP	05/06/19 09:28 AM
2	10 ways to fail at MRP The thing is, I really don't care what she says about alpha, attraction, sex, our relationship or most other things. The tricky things are our children and our finances. These two things are not the same as "relationship", yet they are not entirely separate from it, either. And yes, more often than not, my view on these two things is probably more thought-out, rational, practical and so on. But since our finances overlap and our children have two parents, if I autistically ignore her view, in th…	/r/MarriedRedPill	30/05/19 01:35 PM
1	My wife was never that interested in sex, until she asked for an open marriage to explore her sexuality As pathetic as the story sounds, it’s a text book response This is actually my main concern here. OP has read the books and knows the lingo. He tries desperately to impress us with his "honesty". I have a feeling he has no clue about the gravity of his situation and his own pathetic behavior.	/r/askMRP	30/05/19 11:34 AM
3	Went Rambo and may have fucked up but don't give a shit. You sure you're not a troll?	/r/askMRP	26/05/19 08:39 PM
8	Navigating "I need you to communicate" When a woman wants to "communicate", it doesn't necessarily, and most probably, mean she wants YOU to talk. She just wants to share her feelings and connect with you. If you can hold your frame, it is perfectly OK to let her do these things. You can even use it to your advantage. There is a great section on active listening and assertive speaking in the book How to Stop Feeling So Damn Depressed by Jason B. Horwitz. That chapter is really worth the price of the Kindle book even if the main topic…	/r/askMRP	26/05/19 04:07 PM
1	10 ways to fail at MRP You're absolutely right. Somehow the more autistic ones of us, like myself, manage to take "Do not listen to your wife" too literally and turn it into some sort of autistic version of Rambo, thinking that not paying attention to anyone else is leadership.	/r/MarriedRedPill	26/05/19 10:24 AM
2	10 ways to fail at MRP Thank you for this post. There is a lot to digest here. This has been a tricky one for me: You listen to your wife Don’t. Listen. To. Your. Wife. It’s that simple. What she says has no relevance to making you or her happy. Yeah, I'm one of the autistic ones. I agree with all the basic RP truths, such as "Pay attention to her actions, not her words." But at the same time, I have made mistakes by doing things the way I want with no consideration at all for what my wife thinks. I have had to recons…	/r/MarriedRedPill	26/05/19 09:14 AM
6	What to do with my insecurities? You're on the right track. You just have to give it time. There are no shortcuts or magic tricks, only grinding. You cannot control how other people act, only how you yourself react to everything and how you move through the events in your life. This is basic Stoic shit. I would add that you cannot even fully control your thoughts. They come and go. Stop taking them and yourself so seriously. For the most part, your thoughts are surface-level shit with no great meaning if you just briefly manage…	/r/askMRP	26/05/19 07:59 AM
2	What tools and techniques do you use to internalize a frame? I'm not sure how easy this is grasp, but I have found it helpful to view frame as a bodily or an embodied experience. You can get a hang of this in simple situations, for example, when you are laying in bed with your wife, about to go to sleep. When you're thinking "I wonder if she wants sex?", you can feel how your mind is not "in you" but where your wife is. By contrast, when you're thinking "I want to have sex", you are most definitely "in your body". Similarly, compare how the thoughts "I wo…	/r/askMRP	25/05/19 05:10 PM
2	What is a man's mission? Doing the exercises in the chapters on mission, conduct and goals turned out to be very useful to me. I have been setting goals for myself for years, also post-RP, but I now realize that they were, to an extent, someone else's goals. For me, the conduct has been even more useful than the mission (which, I admit, is still a bit shady). The conduct gives me integrity. I know how I want myself to act in very practical terms. EDIT: He uses the term Code, not Conduct like I somehow remembered.	/r/askMRP	24/05/19 06:50 AM
16	FR: THANKS!!!! Not a nice thing to find out, but surely better knowing than not. Stay strong and keep your cards to yourself. Don't tell your wife you know. A moment of releasing frustration is not worth losing a good position in the battle.	/r/askMRP	22/05/19 04:49 PM
1	[FR] Sort Of - [CN2] - Cliff Notes 2, For Intermediates: What Happens Next Paying attention to an individual situation can uncover a pattern. This is why we do field reports, too, right? recognizing the problem is but the first step in breaking through and destroying it. You're absolutely right. Then again, not recognizing the problem may lead to trying to fix the wrong thing. One's wife, for example.	/r/MarriedRedPill	22/05/19 02:53 PM
1	[FR] Sort Of - [CN2] - Cliff Notes 2, For Intermediates: What Happens Next You are prioritizing your needs. Always. Regardless of outcome. This has been really difficult for me. What helped me, was going back to a very specific situation in my childhood where I learnt that compromising my own needs will make me loved. In my case, this was an incident where I learnt to prioritize my mother's needs over mine. When you realize how fucked-up this is, you can easily let go of it. This may sound like faggotry, but it was the thing that finally liberated me. First, I understo…	/r/MarriedRedPill	22/05/19 10:32 AM
1	AA/AM/Stfu is not working A lot of people here have told you to next your woman. I am not going to do that. To me, you sound like a mess. Your neediness and validation-seeking reek miles away. You spend incredible amounts of energy trying to convince us how fucking awesome you are and how hard you work. It is very difficult to imagine you being anything else toward your woman. Of the three basic tenets of MRP101, STFU, read and lift, you seem to understand only the last one, and even there you are faking it. If I was you…	/r/askMRP	22/05/19 06:24 AM
2	I Fucked up should have STFU Do not overcomplicate things. You have made some n00b gains but do not let this fool you into thinking that you have your shit together. It is quite clear that you have many covert contracts going on. You also have a long road into realizing your wife may end up giving absolutely no fucks about you in the end. You need to build yourself into an extremely high value man and be ultimately willing to burn the whole marriage down. At that point, you will know if your wife is even worth it. In this r…	/r/askMRP	20/05/19 12:53 PM
3	E3D Time Management I liked The Unchained Male a lot. It is not perfect. He admits himself he's not good at lifting. And in the section on parenting, I felt he was trying a bit too hard to convince what an awesome dad he is. But like you said, the part about the mission and the conduct is very good. I still do think that both of these systems, Checks and E3D, are too complex for me. Even your post is fucking too complex for me. But I am happy that this system works for you, really. For me, the key insight was picki…	/r/MarriedRedPill	17/05/19 08:38 AM
5	Dealing with extremely narcissistic wife Saying "She is a narcissist" is just another way of saying "She is special" or "My situation is special", when, more than likely, she isn't and it isn't. Yeah, she might have some narcissistic issues, but so might you. And even in the unlikely case of her being a true narcissist, it is you who fucking married a narcissist, thinking that it would somehow miraculously turn your life wonderful with next to no effort from your side, apart from recurring periods of kissing her ass. Now get back to wo…	/r/askMRP	10/05/19 06:14 AM
14	Dealing with extremely narcissistic wife She, she, she, she, she. Maybe your wife is a narcissist, maybe she's not. In my opinion, the approach is the same as for everyone else: STFU (doesn't seem to go too well atm), lift (hopefully not just pull-ups) and read (what have you done so far?). I understand that it sucks being in your situation, but the only way out is to start concentrating on what you do and not what your wife does and, especially, says.	/r/askMRP	09/05/19 01:53 PM
2	Two Year Progress Report Thank you for your post. I got a lot out of thinking about it. My initial impulse was to lash out, like many seem to have done ("You call this progress!" and "WTF why are you even married?"), but I didn't do it. I know it is very easy to tell others what to do. I'm also convinced that many of the things you have done over the past two years have actually been challenging steps for you. And you went through the trouble of writing a coherent and thought-out post, which is more than most of the guy…	/r/MarriedRedPill	05/05/19 12:05 PM
2	LTR of 5 years is about to dump me. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. The fuck do I know. Go lift. It's always fun. Read a book. I'm currently reading "Sex at dawn" and enjoying it. Not sure if I can recommend it but I'll soon find out. Phone a male friend or reconnect with an old one. Don't have any? Go somewhere you can start making friends. Or do you mean what should you do with your girlfriend? I don't really care about her or your stories about her. Go do something useful.	/r/askMRP	03/05/19 02:33 PM
2	Where Sex Fits In: Thoughts on Mindset This was a very good post. I needed this. My sex life is pretty good and it is much, much better now than what it was before Red Pill. But I'm somehow still stuck in this mindset of wanting more sex, of wanting and needing more sex than my wife, of wanting more varied sex. In a weird way, I'm still in this mindset of neediness, and this fucks up the power balance. It seems tricky to change this mindset, but this is what I now need to do. OK, I'm just rambling, but I think I understood something …	/r/MarriedRedPill	30/04/19 10:57 AM
3	How to deal with a gf who soft nexts name? Dude! Your post is pathetic. Read the two stickied posts and come back when you have even the slightest clue.	/r/askMRP	28/04/19 06:38 PM
5	What's next? There is nothing, absolutely nothing in your story we haven't heard hundreds of times before. Yes, your wife has been using you. But she has not been doing this because she is bad or evil. She has done this because she is a woman. It is in her nature. In a way, this is what she needed to do in order to protect herself and her children. And you have let her use you because you thought it would benefit you. Now you are "Just trying to figure out where to go next." Guess what? Exactly where everyon…	/r/askMRP	28/04/19 11:35 AM
1	Damnit - Infertility and Me I don't even want to imagine having five kids! Three is more than enough for me. And it is definitely more than enough with this wife. I've been thinking about it for a while now and I started getting these thoughts like "What if my family dies? Would I want a new one?" and "What if I get divorced and meet someone I really want to have a child with?" I can see these thoughts are irrational, but they come nevertheless. But as I'm writing this I now understand that these thoughts are just sneaky w…	/r/askMRP	24/04/19 04:44 PM
2	Damnit - Infertility and Me > I had my tubes cut. My feelings changed a lot. It was a decision that was in my control. Care to elaborate a bit how your thinking changed? The reason I'm asking is that I'm currently in the process of doing this. Things should be straightforward (48, 3 kids) but I have encountered some unexpected resistance in my mind about the whole thing.	/r/askMRP	24/04/19 12:43 PM
3	How to begin leading your kid away from wife’s negative influence? > Didn't want to have to tell my daughter that her mother is acting like a bitch and a loser and to not emulate her mother. OP, you seem to me like a guy who is genuinely seeking for advice. I give you credit for that. What you need to understand is that this is not about your wife. Never was, never will be. The problem is that YOU are acting like a bitch and a loser and setting a bad example for your child. The good thing about this is that this problem really can be fixed. It can also be fixed…	/r/askMRP	20/04/19 08:52 AM
1	Sex God method and She comes first Well I've been married for 17 years and I got several insights from it. At first I was a bit annoyed by the attempted humor: it's kind written for the Average Joe. My biggest takeaway from it was understanding better how men and women really think very differently. For example, how big a role fear plays in women's life. This is very relevant from the RP point of view. I also liked the fact how well it is backed up by science tather than anecdotal evidence.	/r/askMRP	10/03/19 07:54 PM
2	How bad do you wish you had your pre-kids wife back? Yeah, but none of us can tell how your husband will react to you having children. Even he cannot tell you that, because he doesn't know it yet. So what are you going to do about it?	/r/askMRP	08/03/19 10:03 PM
3	Sex God method and She comes first I've read a lot of books on sex recently. I hated She comes first. My favorites are: John Gottman: Man's guide to women Esther Perel: Mating in captivity Emily Nagoski: Come as you are But the thing is, they are not really Red Pill, so you really need to know your RP to benefit from them. As an example, the last one on my list is written for women, by a woman with a purple hair, who probably fucks women, and, at times, the style of the book was super annoying. But despite all that, I actually le…	/r/askMRP	08/03/19 07:22 PM
3	How bad do you wish you had your pre-kids wife back? My wife had our first two kids (out of three) with 18 months between them. Yeah, there were changes. Short-term, it took a while to adjust to them in my head. Long-term, I actually wouldn't consider this a major issue in our relationship. My wife keeps herself in shape and sexiness so much more than appearance. Nobody knows what will happen. But life cannot be planned to the full, it's meant to be lived. If your husband wants kids and you really regard him as your captain, I think it is pretty o…	/r/askMRP	08/03/19 06:58 PM
2	How bad do you wish you had your pre-kids wife back? Sounds like you have a lot of work on yourself in front of you, mate.	/r/askMRP	08/03/19 06:35 PM
11	Don't be me - I got cucked! Well, you're somewhat correct. Red Pill originates from PUA. But if you read The Game by Neil Strauss, you also realize it is possible to be a PUA and extremely blue pill (e.g., searching for the Disney princess, losing your shit in an LTR). This is why many of us consider MRP as Red Pill on hard mode: it is not easy to keep your frame and maintain your game when you are married or in an LTR.	/r/MarriedRedPill	01/01/19 11:42 AM
1	What do you guys do when your wife comes home from work frustrated? The thing is, "the right thing to do" and also advice given here are always contextual. They also depend a lot on the state of your frame and what you are aiming to accomplish with your wife. As an example, my wife likes to start talking about her "issues" (mostly her work and our teenage daughter) when we go to bed. I don't like this, because I think our bed is for sleeping and fucking. I may respond a bit but then I shut up and make it clear I'm not interested any more. It's not like I don't c…	/r/askMRP	24/11/18 09:39 AM
1	Two years and counting You're right, I need to get back on my MAP. I'd appreciate you sharing yours. I will PM you. Don't worry: My "new" car is actually a used car. However, it is fancier than the previous one, which I also bought used and drove until it was nearly falling apart. However, I have a big family and, where I live, cars are pretty expensive. I think I can make reasonable decisions concerning big purchases such as this, but since my overall budget is not in control, this does nevertheless put financial pre…	/r/MarriedRedPill	20/11/18 07:04 PM
3	Two years and counting I have indeed gotten some very good responses. It will take some time to digest it all. The description by /u/matrixtospartanatLV felt quite accurate: I have put in a lot of work and achieved a certain level. Nobody will push me to go further, except for myself. But I do know this will happen. I won't be happy if there is no sense of progression, similar to what /u/headbangerJd was saying. I actually already took one big step forward yesterday: I applied for a job outside my own field I have bee…	/r/MarriedRedPill	20/11/18 06:57 PM
1	Two years and counting I'm not entirely sure if "a lot" is quite true, but I did post some. I have limited time for online discussions, so I stopped doing it. But I do remember your tough encouragement, Persaeus. Anyway, I think I should start doing OYS again, even if it were concise and once a month.	/r/MarriedRedPill	20/11/18 06:02 PM
1	Two years and counting This was beautiful. Thank you. I might meet you on the plateau but I suspect, by then, I have already left to continue upwards. But maybe our paths will cross at some point.	/r/MarriedRedPill	19/11/18 12:48 PM
2	Two years and counting You know what? I think you hit the nail on the head here. This is my main problem. I am very good at ceasing opportunities but I struggle to be the center of my own universe. This I need to change, in all areas of my life. Thank you.	/r/MarriedRedPill	18/11/18 08:30 PM
2	Two years and counting This is a very good point. I need to remember this. Even the uncomfortable feelings have a function and can be utilized, if one wants to work on oneself.	/r/MarriedRedPill	17/11/18 08:54 AM
2	Two years and counting I don't disagree with you. But, for the most part, you are kind of stating the obvious. Of course, it is my responsibility to change my lackluster sex life or my unsatisfactory career. And those questions were not exactly addressed to you. But I think I would actually benefit from spending more time discussing with others, rather than reading my books and meditating my navel. I'm actually a big fan of Gary Vaynerchuck. I used to watch one specific talk by him over and over again, because it was …	/r/MarriedRedPill	16/11/18 09:06 PM
9	Two years and counting You're right. But I do dance pretty, don't I?	/r/MarriedRedPill	16/11/18 02:06 PM