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HistoricalRich280 Archive

View 0 posts and 323 comments by HistoricalRich280 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Sure. What is your solution then if the parents don’t agree
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 10:19 PM
1

If you can’t agree, then the court decides. Unfortunately many of us don’t have a reasonable coparent. The judge has been far more reasonable than working w the ex. Unfortunately
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 10:15 PM
6

Are you lost? This is a Divorce support site Pretty sure none of the people who are divorced especially with the kids, wanted that
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 10:13 PM
3

Yes, that is possible. Only recommended if you are splitting somewhat amicably as it will financially tie you to her and will make it harder to move forward
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 04:42 PM
2

Get off YouTube and get yourself a therapist. Maybe she doesn’t want to be recorded in her home? Yes, If you cut her off of things, she could do the same. Get legal advice. Get yourself some Help. Recording someone is unlikely to reduce conflict. If there are no kids, cut ties and leave. All your actions are escalating the conflict
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 06:13 AM
4

No offense, but it’s not just your last name. She gained it when you were married, and can keep it or not as she prefers.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 08:41 PM
3

Referring to your spouse as dead weight is a clear indication the resentment is cemented. Divorce is imminent.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 02:16 PM
0

In my experience those with personality disorders give off all kinds of confusing signage. It’s a total mindf$&! But is not being blindsided. I knew they were unhinged thereby anything possible
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 09:59 PM
3

I find it hard to believe that any partner has truly never been given any information before the call to divorce. If so, yes that sounds truly awful. But my guess is that the person wanting to leave feels that it was communicated.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 05:47 PM
2

This was what happened to me! My ex wanted unending indentured servitude while berating me constantly and being separated in the same home. And was shocked I had other ideas.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 12:12 PM
7

Without question, my unhealthy marriage resulted in numerous health issues for me
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 09:15 PM
1

This guy knows.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 10:28 PM
5

each of us has parts of the relationship that we would opt to keep while tossing out those parts that don’t work for us. And in my one time limited experience, it seems that each person tries to or is willing to keep some parts of the relationship or marriage, and struggles to realize that the entirety of all the different elements are going to change in the divorce. I try to spin the long drawn out court process as helpful as it takes time to mentally and logistically deal with all those small …
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 01:19 PM
2

I’d say it depends on what kind of value you think there is in this jewelry. If you have to argue back and forth over it with attorneys and that is going to cost more than the actual jewelry then don’t bother please. Also, it was gifts if you gave them to her. Did she give you nice gifts in the marriage and if so are you going to evaluate those items? Price paid for jewelry is often much higher than resale value you can get. I do think it’s petty if you are talking 5k or under in resale.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 02:00 AM
2

If your therapist is recommending it, your marriage is probably taking an invisible and slow toll on your overall health. It can take untold time to recover.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 10:55 PM
1

You are talking bout doing some class with your ex. Don’t do that. But do a class by yourself
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 07:56 PM
11

I would work on yourself, you cannot control your ex and should clear your mind of her really
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 03:30 AM
1

She is babysitting?
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 03:26 AM
2

Also, I would think there are many combinations of that. Maybe some things you can coparent on, but others you know you don’t agree and have to let it be
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 11:45 PM
3

Parallel parenting. True coparenting means making all decisions together- similar routines and rules at both homes etc. Parallel parenting is agreeing/discussing major items that are a legal requirement and otherwise minding your business and managing your own parenting time
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 11:24 PM
1

Inaccurate
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 03:16 AM
1

Stop giving this 50/50 guidance. It is not standard practice and is harmful/misleading to men.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 03:15 AM
5

I know the feeling of wanting someone to take care of me. I yearned for it in my marriage and did not receive. My family of origin is wonderful and thus I remember how it feels. If I was unwell, it would stress the ex out and led to increased mistreat ment
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 04:39 AM
2

Talk to three attorneys now, before you make any Decision or say more words to her
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 03:17 AM
8

Sorry Donkee Butt, I think you are saying too much for their age to process. Do you have a therapist/family therapist? Do the kids have therapists?
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 03:10 AM
3

My ex does this same thing asking kids to let them know what they are doing and going to. So gross.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 06:40 PM
2

Completely agree
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 06:39 PM
-1

I guess I don’t understand why or how you wouldn’t know the shoe size of a child in your care? How could that even happen if you have been purchasing their shoes through the seasons, taking them to skating rinks, making sure they are properly cared for?
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 06:26 PM
3

You are in a cycle of abuse. I have been there. Years from now you will look back and securely know that you are already past that point. Make an exit plan. Don’t leave home without temp custody orders. It is going to get really rough before it gets better but you will pull through to a better day. Steel yourself. Ready your social network. You will need every person and every kind of support.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 04:12 AM
3

Petty people are going to be petty. Remember the lawyer costs 500/hr so sometimes it’s easier to just pay and mind your business. Personally I would just submit the receipts, consider any reimbursement from them a bonus surprise. If they don’t, make sure there is a record in case necessary in the future. In order to purposely involve an attorney though, I think my threshold would be like 10k before considering. Not worth it. Let little stuff go. Sucks and plenty to be frustrated with but there a…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 02:02 PM
1

I do understand. But quarterly is four times a year things could go horribly wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 02:21 AM
2

It’s true but the damage done by fracturing the relationship early can never really be “fixed”
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 01:16 AM
1

They will ask/look into if she has an alcohol problem, whether or not you continued to allow her to care for the kids after being aware or what kind of preventative measures were taken etc. If she was primary caregiver but driving kids around drunk regularly with your knowledge, court might deem equal fault. Not saying that is true or okay!
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 04:31 PM
2

Yuck, I’m so sorry. Depending on situation, court might advise supervised visits only if these instances were recent.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 03:46 PM
2

Get yourself together. Move closer (like within 10-15 min of the ex closer), get a job (unless you are independently wealthy). Start working w an attorney. Long game.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 03:10 PM
1

Mic drop. Thank you. Thank you. Nothing against OP. This guy knows and has the priorities straight.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 03:07 PM
3

Hard to prove. Might be most useful in mediation
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 03:05 PM
15

Most the men posting here are fighting for time with their children
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 02:52 PM
1

I think parenting differences would be a large contributing factor for many w kids. Your situation sounds a bit more extreme than parenting differences. Sounds like a high stress situation either way. Doesn’t need to cross a legal threshold for an environment to be toxic for all involved.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 01:37 PM
3

It’s not petty. My ex also wanted to enjoy last times together in the house and it was just unbelievable. How on earth could I be enjoying being in your presence? It’s like a nice thought but not reality when emotions are running high
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 12:10 PM
1

I feel like it would only make sense if there was significant distance between you and ex. Less handoffs is way better for me. But my kids want to see us both every day when they can.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 09:45 AM
1

You should get temporary orders before leaving the house
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 04:38 AM
1

A calculation is done to even out your finances, so the way you are describing, that you are the only contributor- does not work to your benefit the way you seem to think.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 03:54 AM
2

An uncontested divorce is still going to involve more paperwork than it seems you understand. She can’t just type up a paper saying this is not contested, have you sign it and take it to a notary. You need an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 03:50 AM
3

Sorry, you need an attorney. I’m not following why you would wait for her to file etc and you would do nothing. I’m not sure how that is in your best interest to let her lead.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 09:46 PM
3

You will need an attorney guidance. My immediate thought is if you have 50/50, I don’t see any reason judge would allow one parent to move w the kid out of state here. Not for her to date 🤷‍♂️ The only thing that gives me pause is that it sounds as though your kid is pre elementary… Once your kid is in school I feel like this is locked in. But because your child hasnt started yet, if a move was going to happen now would be the time. Say no way, get attorney, be consistent and reliable, don’t giv…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 12:09 AM
3

And money
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 06:20 AM
3

This child is 14 years old and four years from being a legal adult. Whatever your ex is doing/has done with your child, if he is happy and enjoys his life, how to you think that you forbidding him from participating in his chosen activity and completely changing everything in his life will be helpful to him? If you and the ex battle this out in the way you are describing, it will be years until a resolution. He will be an adult. It seems you let everything go and she made the decisions for 14 ye…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 04:09 PM
2

Especially if you don’t have specific parenting time, I would take your kid whenever she asks. I wouldn’t give extra money. I would try to get through the process quickly to move on w life.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 04:17 AM
3

I’m confused as to what you are seeking here. You want a parenting plan where you don’t have the child if they or you are sick ? That is not a parenting plan, those are play dates
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 02:35 AM
0

Sorry, OP. I will say though, from the children’s perspectives… if you have two in high school, I would think their opinions may be given some weight here as well. Mine much younger but I’ve heard that 50/50 can be a real pain in the a for older teens who may have difficult coursework, jobs etc. and realistically aren’t spending as much time in the home as out of it usually. If those are your only two kids and both in high school, and you guys are trying to be amicable, is some kind of nesting a…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 06:13 AM
-1

Sorry, OP. I will say though, from the children’s perspectives… if you have two in high school, I would think their opinions may be given some weight here as well. Mine much younger but I’ve heard that 50/50 can be a real pain in the a for older teens who may have difficult coursework, jobs etc. and realistically aren’t spending as much time in the home as out of it usually. If those are your only two kids and both in high school, and you guys are trying to be amicable, is some kind of nesting a…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 04:52 AM
1

Wholeheartedly agree with you on written communication. We use a court app to keep everyone behaving
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 04:45 AM
2

Sorry, I’m bitter due to being forced out of my home by similar behaviors. Sucks bro. You can use devices to seek hidden cameras, you can turn the devices off. But long as you both are in there, no telling :/
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 08:59 PM
3

Well then have fun with that.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 08:56 PM
1

Doesn’t matter what I explain to my ex. I could say the same thing every day multiple times a day, doesn’t mean she will listen. And I definitely can expect adherence to something we agreed on months ago unless I have legal backing me up. She will say one thing in a message and then contradict within a week. Even if we agree on something, will come back and say she understood something different to try and spin the meaning to accomplish her desire of the day. It’s endlessly maddening. I try to j…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 08:56 PM
6

Happened to me too. They can put them up, you can take them down. Best to find separate places to lives asap
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 08:51 PM
2

Vent away. It is frustrating. Sometimes things are so frustrating with coparenting and I come to understand that it perhaps wasn’t any one parties fault but just the dynamic of coparenting that leads to the disconnect. And it sucks and it’s not what you want for your kids. Are you in the middle of a legal process and she is trying to compile evidence or prove some point? If not, I’d say to leave it at venting into the void. The legal system doesn’t often block therapy of any type and sounds like…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 04:36 PM
3

And will depend who you are talking to and how much explaining you feel like doing. There is life on one side of filing and then after final judgement. In between is messy.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 12:31 AM
2

You will get there. If you haven’t even filed yet, no rush. Even in the process that often takes months to years, she is still technically your wife. But as things progress, it will feel less and less that way
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 12:30 AM
1

I’m not a troll. The question was genuine, I’ve known a mother who could be called that and it would be understandable. Typically, if you have a decent or better relationship with your mother then yes that would be a horrible thing to say. But your post didn’t have much context so I was inquiring. My ex would be the first to call out her own mother this way
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 10:12 AM
1

I think that yes you should make the moves sooner than later, but that could still be awhile ( like months/years) if you await family court/custody orders until you split. Things to think about here - the long game with your child (and co parent). If you are the one wanting the split, and she is unaware and not working while caring for your nine month old baby, this is a delicate situation. Is the mom aware that you are wanting to separate? Agreed to it? If not, maybe make a longer exit plan, se…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 08:26 AM
4

He retired. That’s plenty enough on its own.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 07:22 PM
7

Your feelings are completely valid, but from a legal perspective please don’t do this nor provide a trail back to you on social media
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 08:00 PM
0

Well is she a POS
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 04:58 AM
2

Able excuse, you are a man able to put your kids needs first and I respect that entirely. Too many these days are concerned with things being fair for the adults.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 09:25 PM
7

I would only be bothered by something like this, if it bothered the kids. I do think this kind of thing would bother my kids… if they noticed/knew about it. Ideally all parties should be there to focus on the kids and not extracurriculars, but smiling and talking to someone is hardly a crime. Please separate yourself from what she is doing, it’s not your concern
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 08:58 PM
1

Solidarity. My expectations on the kids are low the first 24 hours and don’t fully think they are acclimated til day 3. I think that’s just how it is when they are going back and forth. You can have different expectations than the ex, and ask kids to adhere, but as they are going from one house to another, have to loosen those expectations a bit
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 06:07 AM
2

Honestly if you are rushing to label your ex as a narcissist, I might consider examining your own behavior. From so many it seems to be the one mostly loudly calling that out, is the one exhibiting more traits
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 06:55 PM
1

Hey ! This group is about escaping exclusivity, not getting back in it! What I remember from dating 20 or more years ago. If you are sleeping together and enjoy company, would like things to go further, would be a good idea to check in before you go on an official date or sleep w someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 11:52 PM
2

Please listen to this OP! Vast majority of posters here say, you will get 50/50 - fight and fight. That is not true in all jurisdictions and Texas is one of those. Texas has a standard schedule for noncustodial. No, I would not take what she is offering. Sounds like you guys are very early stages and not quite accepting the changes that will have to happen. Makes sense. It will take time.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 10:10 PM
2

Yes! I have seen men behave in the way many commenters describe women here, emoting all over etc. it’s not women/men but adults who were children whose needs were not met. They are incapable of full adult relationships
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 10:03 PM
7

Beautiful women are a subcategory of women though. Like stop in your tracks kind of beauty. And Those women do have a whole different life and expectations than others. They often struggle a heck of a lot more with aging and would be more inclined to have midlife crises.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 09:58 PM
5

Which feelings? They are all still there. I would like to get rid of the anger first,
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 04:24 AM
2

Sooner the better. Much harder on kids in middle and high school from what I hear… my own kids included
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 04:17 AM
1

Here’s the thing, attorneys near me are 500/hr. So You either are going to pay to fight this and lower monthly or pay the monthly. Do The math and what makes sense
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 09:54 AM
1

Was there a question in there?
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 09:44 AM
2

They just aren’t that into you or emotionally available? They are close when thy want to be close. It’s entirely on their convenience
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 09:11 AM
1

Absolutely. Other people want to help but have trouble comprehending the absolute destruction and overhaul taking place. Especially if you have a not agreeable divorce w minor children involved. Everyone is like, okay, is it over with? Hahaha nope! Just moved on to the next level of purgatory.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 01:27 AM
2

Anyone who knows her, knows that Teddy. It may take some time to settle for you. My ex was hopping around acting like everything was amazing right off the bat, over sharing on social media. Everyone reaching out to me like wtf is going on w this person. I was just like yeah. Facade is shot, they are out in the open with their insanity. If it’s too painful, block it. If not just keep it peripheral. Live your life, know your truth. Walk and talk with semi rational folks and be well.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 12:08 AM
7

Rushing to post on social media screams needy and pay attention to me. Nothing else.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 11:20 PM
2

Give up now. Mourn, grieve. If you can manage to not be in same physical space definitely do that
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 03:30 PM
2

I always think the person amplifying things on social media is not making themselves look too great. If the daughters hang out, and the women also got together, I think that is life and you cannot control have to let that go. But her sharing it on socials knowing you will see, yep it’s vindictive, there is just no reason for that. Easy enough to keep things dormant on the socials. And strongly recommended in the midst of the legal process.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 01:25 AM
4

Threatening divorce regularly is an abuse tactic. Typically not with actual follow through. It’s just meant to get the other person to do what you want.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 12:40 AM
3

Yes, you have already chosen your option. You have already checked out of this marriage and are engaging in infidelities and now verbal abuse of your spouse in the presence of your child. Your wife is not without fault, like any woman or human. But having already made your decision, and then remaining physically in the marriage, your behavior and her reactions will continue to devolve from here. She is going into full on lock down protect herself against you. That is not a place to build from.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 10:26 PM
2

Eek
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 10:19 PM
1

Our conversation with the kids was rough because the ex kept contradicting and arguing with what I was saying. To do again, I might pay a family counselor to be present virtually at least.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 04:11 AM
1

I would switch your schedule around. Visit mom on your weekends without your son, and maybe once a month take him to spend the day or one overnight
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 04:30 AM
1

I guess I’m misunderstanding and I apologize. I thought you said she was home w kids all the time. Your arrangement sounds really complex, and I wish the best for your family
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 04:20 AM
1

If she were to pass tmrw, all four would be 100 percent your responsibility 100 percent of the time. Sounds like that would be terrifying for you, so perhaps show some gratitude/ cooperation w your stbx in this situation
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 05:25 PM
1

I actually applaud you for acknowledging your parenting limits honestly, but I wouldn’t make it about what she is doing/ not doing. You are telling her and us, that it’s too hard for you and you want her to continue to shoulder the majority of the parenting. Sounds like you are willing to do majority financial even in divorce so i think if it works best for your family it is good. Just not sure why you would use phrasing like she is going to force you to take your kids three days as though that …
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 05:21 PM
1

In standard 50/50 arrangement, you would have all kids 50 percent of the time. Three nights a week is not 50 percent. Taking one kid at a time and leaving her with three is not even close. 🤷‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 05:17 PM
1

That’s not even 50/50. Disappointing
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 05:27 AM
5

I think commenters are missing some of the detail here. It sounds as though one or two or the children have mental health issues to the extreme that they may not be safe to be around the rest of the family without close supervision. But the custody schedule you are suggesting OP still sounds absurd. Of four children, you are willing to have one each weeknight? Is it the one with the high mental health needs (that might make it more reasonable )?
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 11:08 AM
1

I would Just tell her what is going to happen in advance, we can have a set call at x time. We have something happening 15 min later at this other time and he will say goodbye then. When call starts, just remind her/ them okay talk to mommy we have 15 min and then a super exciting thing will happen. When time hits, okay bud say bye mommy ! Have a good night, disconnect. Or just put paw patrol on while they are talking loud enough he can hear…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 08:03 AM
1

I would have the call scheduled where a definite end point is built in. Have to go to bed now or an activity or school. And just say okay we have to go now say bye to mommy and that is it, disconnect.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 05:33 AM
1

It’s like a daycare drop off though. Better to do it quick than drag it out. That makes it harder on the kid as well.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 02:38 PM
3

5 min call max. And I would plan the call to happen right before something the kid really wants to do to prevent the difficulty in breaking off. Like let’s call mom and say hi and then watch paw patrol. An hour with a three year old is so invasive. Unless she doesn’t see him for like a month at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 02:37 PM
2

Totally. Although for me an ideal relationship would have enough freedom within it to make me not need to escape
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 09:09 PM
13

People in general prioritize things differently. Whatever she needed that wasn’t in your relationship, it mattered more to her than having a garage.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 03:43 AM
16

If you don’t have kids, happily part ways now
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 09:22 PM
2

I live a block from the ex. Long as it’s not the same house, I can do it for all our kids
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 01:00 PM
2

Stay in the same town. The benefits to moving a town over can wait six yrs
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 05:45 AM
2

Means you have the upper hand if she can’t get control of her emotions. Run w that and move quick
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 05:40 AM
4

To each their own. I appreciate celebrating a fresh start. With kids involved I think tread lightly though. Not a thing for them to be exposed to.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 05:38 AM
4

Hey. I have been there. So many things w my ex, I thought were annoying but not so big a deal and that I could manage. 15 years in, I couldn’t physically leave, but mentally I left. Another decade and finally crawled out of there. I was dying in there. Slowly coming back to life now but it’s hard to explain how much damage I did to myself.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/26 01:56 AM
1

The battle cry for 50/50 is a racket that activates our manly ego and takes focus away from quality of our children’s lives. Judge has said what they will give. After this time, take it man. Move on with life. Enjoy your children with the time you have.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 04:27 AM
1

Yes. Unless she agrees with custody split. since custody is based on overnights and kids are clearly mostly comfortable w her at night, you are going to have a problem.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 02:56 AM
1

A handful of states default to 50/50, more lean that way but many factors are taken into consideration. Telling men over and over again to fight for 50/50 when it may not be feasible in their situation is harmful. This fallacy can cost us hundreds of thousands of dollars.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 02:21 AM
2

That outcome would vary considerably depending on jurisdiction
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 02:18 AM
1

It’s not true. Most states are not 50/50
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 02:16 AM
1

Those three kids are still sleeping with your wife… you sure about getting 50/50?
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 02:12 AM
2

80/20 with parenting time? Or just financial needs? It’s up to you to decide what you want to help her with unless court ordered. Don’t extend yourself beyond what you are willing and able to
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 09:07 PM
1

Guessing it will be the same Equal deduction
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 02:27 PM
5

I left. Get temporary parenting plan filed w court and then leave. Agree it is insane to trap the entire family in that mess.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 01:36 AM
3

This year was the first time I said no to the ex’s presence. I’m sorry my kids don’t have both parents at the same time but there is a reason for that. I am a shell of myself at best if forced to be in the same place as the ex. That isn’t the parent they deserve. I am feeling newly liberated in not needing to be so dang accommodating. They will ooze into every unprotected crack and no one is necessarily better for it
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 07:58 PM
1

I don’t know how old the kids are or how toxic your ex is… but if they are under 16 I would handle communicating schedule w other parent myself and not involve them. As this is already a repeat occurrence, probably don’t agree to a couple hours within your time again. On a holiday that can really suck for kids to not just get to relax and enjoy one place and instead feel rushed and pressured from two parents
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 07:52 PM
2

Yes, you are being emotional. Everyone goes a little cuckoo over first grandbabies. First time mothers and newborn mothers often want to keep their children safe from germs. Some even try to keep their babies insulated for a couple months. You had a cold couple days ago? The newborns are not going to remember this moment. Take the safe route, stay away from those babies if that is what the mother wishes. Don’t worry about your ex. What she says or doesn’t say. Communicate with your son and daugh…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 06:32 PM
1

Not if mom is staying in district. Ideally he would be sorting out his life with the children’s needs as top priority. And he is. His post says that they want to keep the children in district. Not sure why you are so committed to him moving out of state and uprooting the kids. Unless his ex wants to move out of state also, that would likely mean a loss of time. But please, continue on your parade of championing that men only look out for themselves and then wonder why women still get the lions s…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 03:52 AM
1

Yes. 100 percent. If he goes out of state, his custody will be minimal. Plus that would absolutely feel like abandonment to his kids. Divorced and coparenting is the opposite of free. If you want to be an active and involved parent, you should be living within an hour. This convo is off topic though, as OP is wanting to stay in the house and keep kids in their school district. As he absolutely should be. Middle school is hard on kids with no other life drama.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 02:56 AM
1

What, really don’t put the kids first. Changing school district at these ages is a huge deal.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 02:35 AM
2

Let it go. Not worth the fight. Also the value on most rings is drastically reduced. But engagement ring typically considered a gift to her unless she is flexible and willing to give back
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 12:42 AM
1

He doesn’t mention social media
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 05:32 AM
7

Try to gather your strength, step up and lead your family like you would a team at work. When your wife says what she needs, ask questions and be curious. Of course do this during a time when you are capable of doing so and have your own emotions in check. Many men expect to be respected as the leader in the home and spend all their time resentful of not getting that respect… without doing the work to earn it. Want to be respected as your family leader? Act like it and take ownership for the sta…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 10:13 PM
1

Let it go man
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 09:46 PM
2

Working and burning out
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 01:46 PM
8

Yep. The childhood trauma of my ex did us in as well. Although we were doomed from the beginning because due to the childhood trauma, she was a people pleaser and love bombed me/told me she was a version of herself that didn’t exist.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 12:38 PM
8

Yea. Anytime mine would leave I was rejoicing
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 08:36 AM
2

Alimony is to split incomes after long term marriage where decisions were made on investing in each other’s careers. If there is a high earner often the lower earner contributed to their ability to become a high earner. After a 20 yr marriage, you can get a job but not a job that equates to a 20 year career with a spouse who handles home and children for you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 03:06 AM
6

OP you are doing great, your impulse to GTFO makes complete sense and is fine. I wouldn’t respond to her msg. At some point, you will be at an event w this person. You can have time and decide how you might handle in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 01:35 PM
3

My ex is awful in the same way. Every single week telling the kids things that are happening during my time. It’s disgusting. I do think you should let go of the frustration directly related to the Christmas date. Sounds like she will be coming to you to hang out that day anyway. Expectations are the killer of happiness. If you don’t have an order saying that you are doing every other with holiday weeks, then any expectation of that is futile. You can work w your attorney to get some kind of tem…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 07:34 PM
2

I had to google. I think you need to get out in a hurry to try and miss the ten year mark. It’s not like the marriage is going to get better.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 11:03 AM
1

My state has very clear alimony laws and a calculation. Is that not the case in SC
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 08:34 AM
4

I think you need to give it some space for a bit. Often we feel that we are reviewing potential candidates for certain roles in our lives. But their interest vs what we decide to cast them as is likely not identical. Even in the case that you both wanted to date. Or be married. My spouse and I disagreed entirely as to what that would look like. Seems he isn’t romantically interested. Or at least I would definitely take it as such unless he clearly, in words and actions, tells you otherwise. The …
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 05:52 AM
2

Unfortunately being willing to argue makes it last so much longer
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 04:13 AM
7

Relationships do not all result in an output. They can be wonderful for what they are and were in the moment. And for the crucial childhood relationships, you may have made all the difference. They may choose a relationship as adults, they may not. That doesn’t take away from the relationship you had.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 07:49 PM
1

Makes sense in an equitable relationship. If they had to contribute both 50/50, then the higher earner would have to be willing to live at a lower price point for the lower earner to afford it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 01:32 PM
1

Is your conflict able to be resolved? That would determine whether it’s healthy. If you have a conflict, it sucks but you resolve it in an hour and this happens … once a week or less. I think you are okay. With my ex at the end, so much resentment on both sides for years, speaking at all meant conflict. Unfortunately I don’t think I’ve had a healthy romantic relationship. But I definitely have many healthy friendships and relationships with family members and this is the trademark. There will be…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 01:35 AM
3

Ladies in their 40s are open for business my dude
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 01:33 PM
1

Well nobody wins a divorce. But if you were the one making the final decision to end, then she likely does have some feelings to work through.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 03:30 AM
1

Sexiest aholes all of them
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 07:03 PM
5

She wants to know what is coming legally before a conversation with you where she agrees to things without understanding the consequences. Makes sense to me
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 07:03 PM
3

If there is anything you can do to keep things stable for the kids, do it. Can you regain home ownership? Buy her out? Is she able to find another place in same neighborhood? If possible, I would try to reach out to her on this item and say hey, I’m concerned on stability for the kids and would love to prioritize keeping them in school/w friends. I’m willing to be somewhat flexible on things in our split to make this happen if you are on the same page. (Sounds like you moved out of that area? An…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 07:01 PM
6

Is the story meant to say widow? I was getting confused. But yes, there is a system and it is possible to take advantage. Just like a life of crime, if that effort was applied in another way it could be used for good. I guess the takeaway can be to not ever fully rely on someone else or take roles for granted. It’s unfortunate like in a job as soon as you get comfortable things constantly change every six months.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 06:52 PM
1

So what was your final custody split
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 03:22 AM
10

Her response is completely rational and spot on. Your proposal traps the entire family in a horrible limbo that will not be pleasant. This break will be far easier on a 3 yo than a 6 yo.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 11:55 AM
5

Sure, but that sounds like not your problem. Take care of yourself, live your truth.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 04:06 AM
2

15 years married typically means alimony. Check w your state. If you make more, that will mean child support. These will be included in her income moving forward, so she will more than likely be able to afford family home just as well as you can. Divorce is intended to flatten the financials out to give partners an equal start. You can attempt to negotiate for family home. I would ask her how she envisions an asset split. Important: she will not think the same things as you. She doesn’t necessar…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 11:49 AM
4

Your transgressions seem pretty trivial.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 11:43 AM
2

I think take it one event at a time based on how you are feeling. Don’t put something like that in a court order. But whoever has the parenting time can invite the other parent. That parent can decide how to handle. If I was invited and it was extra time I didn’t have with the kids, I would go every time. I wouldn’t be inviting my ex over right now but might do something at third party location etc if necessary. I’d rather not be with them but can suffer through short periods as needed.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 11:37 AM
2

In my experience the women who envision single parenting are those who did it all in their marriage. So it’s pretty easy to visualize doing it without a person making you feel terrible all the time on top of handling it all.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 01:51 AM
1

Yes keep kids Safe - Of course. But also Remember you set an example for them in life. Full custody and cutting another parent out completely is rarely in their best interest.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 12:46 PM
2

Anxious and avoidant are drawn to each other. This concerns me for future dating as well.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 05:59 AM
0

That’s a great way to build a good co parenting relationship and set an example for your kid. Pretend to be helpful and then fleece his mom during her time of need. Applause
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 04:30 AM
1

That was really good of her actually. I stayed far too long until the childhood trauma of my ex seeped in and affected every part of my being.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 03:33 AM
2

How long have you been married
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 01:25 AM
1

The easiest way is if you can work with the ex on a resolution. If there is anything at all you agree on, write it down and go from there
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 01:24 AM
5

Yeah mine does stuff like this too. Dumb
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 09:26 PM
3

In fairness, her having a new romantic partner is no longer your business. But her making schedule changes on you is where you can focus your concern. Are the changes disruptive for the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 12:56 PM
8

I have about zero expectations for my ex. Keeps things easier. Cannot control, do not understand, not my problem anymore (although that’s not accurate w the kids)
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 07:56 AM
2

I’m so sorry. Mine too
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 05:31 AM
6

As a divorced person, I would never promote divorce. My ex was very suspicious of any divorced people in our orbit though, as you describe. The ex was so fearful of abandonment/divorce that she drove the relationship there. If your relationship is strong, unhealthy people might cling to you both as a place of refuge. If your relationship is not strong, work on that, not trying to control who enters your orbit.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 02:22 PM
3

Okay I was enjoying your little story until you made yourself the sun, gives too much narc vibes.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 03:33 AM
10

Because you don’t want to fight, you want to get away. NPD wants to fight and will do everything possible to get you to continue to engage and steal your peace
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 10:50 AM
-3

If you consider child support to be payment that excludes you from purposeful involvement and paying for child needs, then I hope your parenting time reflects that mom will be the sole caregiver for the child with occasional help from “dad”
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 05:11 AM
3

24 years - she will be entitled to alimony, child support, and half of all marital assets including your retirement. You can potentially negotiate to keep your retirement by offering something else. You likely need to buy her out of the house. Try not to expend too much emotion towards the financials. VERY IMPORTANT- yes, consult an attorney but if she wants to move to an apartment now. Do not get overly upset with her about other details and get stuck in the weeds. Focus on helping her get ther…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 01:39 PM
–

I know scary women, believe me. I know the experience of living w a not sane person and doing everything possible to stay out of the way. This is difficult to quantify because the same wording can mean totally different things to different people. If you are living in the same home w children and a crazy, your responsibility as sane person is to be as involved w them as possible. Would the psychopath you mention refuse to allow the man to speak to the children? To do any chores? Or the psycho ju…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 06:31 PM
1

For sure dawg. I’m not referencing fathers who were maximum involved outside of work. I’m talking about those men who didn’t bother because that was “her job” and didn’t build relationships with their children or prioritize them until the legal system was involved. If it takes the legal system for you to get involved in childcare ( I’m not saying doing 50/50 beforehand- I’m saying actively involved), it’s not in the best interests of the kids for you to have them 50 percent of the time. If you t…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 02:12 AM
2

Women are surprised when they have done the vast majority of caring for the children. If you weren’t caring for the kids in marriage, demanding 50/50 is surprising. If you wanted to be involved with your kids, why would that only be after the relationship has ended and not always?
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 08:14 AM
2

My state is lifetime alimony after 20 years so you may be lucky w that 9
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 11:57 AM
1

The difference is that custody decisions are meant to be made in the best interest of the children, not out of fairness for the divorcing parties.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 11:55 AM
15

Wonderful MONTHS together. Your college age child has more foresight than you. Help her move. Don’t move her in.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 02:22 PM
1

I hear no mention of children and that is wonderful. Stay far away.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 11:45 PM
2

I have this about every time the kids are gone. Just a crash out. About one year post divorce, I can feel that it is slowly getting better. I have more desire to do things. Everyone around you wants things to be better fast. The reality is that this is grief. It is slow and long lasting. You can take your steps slowly too. Do t be too hard on yourself but do make small moves in a positive direction. People are always asking what I do when kids are gone and I don’t have much to report. See a frie…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 08:27 PM
2

The successful marriages I see, both partners are involved in all aspects rather than the silos of responsibility. I lost my marriage and definitely felt like we should stay in our own lanes back then. But now looking around. Our friends who seem to have the most marital success are truly a team that share the ins and outs of most daily responsibilities . Can’t say I know how to do that. Many courts do consider how involved you were before the split so it’s better too if you were always interest…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 02:38 AM
1

Of the maybe 12-15 couples I personally know well who have divorced, only one was due to woman cheating and that was within the first year of marriage with no kids. Almost half where the man cheated and the rest due to marriage being toxic/unhealthy w emotional and or physical abuse. And one where the woman was a terrifying shewitch. I see the videos and memes out there encouraging women to get theirs etc that fit what you are saying. But it doesn’t ring true to what I’ve personally seen in real…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 04:08 PM
0

Absolutely, good on you to help. Following your own moral compass isn’t stupid. Now if you were putting your own financial security at risk, that would be a poor choice. if you have more than what you need, always take care of your kids even in this way
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 11:49 AM
1

If no one else is doing the housework, then clearly an adult in the house needs to do it. But I didn’t say anything about housework. The branch buster said that no woman wants to parent alone. It is quite common for women to parent alone inside of a marriage. And that is a reason women are leaving marriage -without a man to branch to. They realize they are doing it all on their own already. That wasn’t my situation and I contributed what I could. But I have seen it. And women are the default par…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 07:57 AM
1

Okay. You are 100 percent right. No woman actually does the majority of parenting. All women bad. Cheaters. Selfish. Looking to date and sleep around and not looking out for best interests of their kids.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 07:49 AM
-1

Many women feel they parent alone while in a marriage. MBB, you know 100 percent of women? Over generalization may be helpful from a support standpoint when lifting others in this group up. But perpetuating villain narratives isn’t really helpful long term. Guessing from your name you had a poor experience. But that same experience doesn’t apply to us all.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 12:04 PM
-2

It doesn’t necessarily mean cheating. It’s a common theme in this sub and so many respondents project hard. They say, all women are the same woman and all do the same exact thing and it’s just not accurate. Many women leave their marriage and aren’t interested in dating at all.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 04:50 AM
4

Forcing a situation where kids will be in a toxic home indefinitely is not in their best interest
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 04:12 PM
2

I’m going to give it to you straight from a stranger on the internet who waited til midlife children and home to deal with it. This is how you describe your marriage: Too volatile for children or a home Struggling Communication issues Sex life IMO you have already left this marriage mentally. You just don’t know how to make that Happen in the physical world. I won’t lie to you. It’s gonna suck. But will be better once done. You are dying inside the marriage. You are unwilling to move forward wit…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 02:38 AM
2

I don’t know if gender matters in terms of an exit plan. I would prefer same gender for therapist though but that is me. You would need to tell your therapist- I know I need to leave this relationship for my health. My goal in working with you is to take next steps and move towards that goal.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 03:00 AM
8

No kids, no home, you have got it made. Get a therapist to help you w exit plan and break free
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 07:09 PM
1

If the ex doesn’t want 50/50, and wants majority custody. Then it benefits her for you to be a short distance away. I would present it that way. If you are willing to give her the greater custody, she will like be more flexible w involving you either the kids. Do whatever you can to be willing and available for their extracurriculars, Helping with sick days, letting your ex know that you being further away does not mean unavailable to the kids. If she gets the House and majority custody, she rea…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 09:37 PM
6

Viking, no, you would not be a bad father. I know this because you have already made choices in best interest of everyone else of the family rather than yourself. Allowing the kids (and your ex) to comfortably stay in their home was a sacrifice for the greater good. Children do well when both parents are heavily involved in their lives and put them first. I actually think that the almighty battle for 50/50 takes the focus away from that to an extent. Both parents do not need to have the exact sa…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 09:31 PM
2

I think it’s okay at their ages to give more information as you did
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 03:45 AM
8

Either the complaint had merit or not. If it had merit, the relationship is too toxic to return to. If the complaint she made to the police did not have merit, then the relationship is too toxic to return to.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 03:37 AM
1

And be extremely supportive of her search for work
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 06:57 AM
7

Most domestic abusers feel That they are the one being wronged Any poor behavior of theirs is the result of what the other person did wrong first Very unlikely for them to clearly see the problems in their own behavior without significant outside intervention And often they are so deluded they think others would see the same I’ve been sent a recording of myself being abused and told listen to yourself and what a problem you are! Make an exit plan girl be well
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/25 03:32 AM
3

Recruiting others on the internet to assist w sexual and other harassing behaviors is not going to help your case.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 04:54 AM
1

Maybe hold off on divorcing your current free child care until there are more concrete solutions
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 04:52 AM
1

At just a couple months post partum though, it will be brutal on your wife. And might affect the amount of parenting time you can get if she is breast feeding
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 10:07 AM
2

Those are actually good ages for the kids to manage an amicable split
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 10:05 AM
2

Alimony is pretty standard and just a math calculation if there is an income disparity. Honestly it sounds like you guys are doing pretty darn well in terms of being amicable in the same house. Try to gray rock with all her conversations about trust etc. probably a bit of spiraling on all the change. Just say yes sure of course. Even though in reality you are forging a brand new relationship with her and should have basically no expectations. Don’t expect a flow through of information especially…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 03:36 PM
1

Talk to a lawyer. But I believe if you put only that inheritance money into a trust, you can keep it separate
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 03:02 AM
2

No kids. Wonderful. Do it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 07:33 AM
1

I think sports are important and meets many needs that school cannot. I’m not sure how old your child is. Pulling a kid from sports if he loves them to focus only on an area where he is failing could have an adverse affect on his mental health and life outlook: His grades sound abysmal and yes, that absolutely needs to be the focus. Perhaps sports can be limited. There are casual play only one day rec teams vs travel where things are going on daily and weekends. Also for younger kids practices a…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 05:31 PM
1

I don’t think it’s great for your 13 yo to have to be responsible for the five year old all week during the work week. An hour here or there is one thing. But to me, that is too much. At least the 5 yo, it would make sense they be with an available parent during the day rather than being under a 13 yo full time supervision. I would establish boundaries that this means she cannot ask for more time etc based on this but why not have them w a parent rather than sitting home alone. My kids at simila…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 12:44 PM
-2

She doesn’t feel the need to tell you because she thinks you already know what the reasons are. Do you? I can feel the anger radiating off your words here. Does your anger scare her?
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 01:05 PM
1

From personal experience, can you say why you felt your mother having you 100 percent would have led to a life of crime? I’ve read the research but wondering what the lived experience is
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 01:04 AM
4

I have the same situation. I think on some level the kids do know but they also love extra attention and when a previously inaccessible parent is now involved it feels good, they want their parents to care. You can’t do anything about the other person. And she may put on a show or actually turn a bit of a new leaf. All you can do is keep showing up. You are the consistent and reliable parent. Your kids know. Or they will. And it’s not like you are parenting for the accolades anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 03:58 AM
1

Any financing for your lives is considered to belong to both of you. You won’t get to decide whether you can afford to give her how many dollars or down payment etc, unless you and her are in complete agreement. Unlikely when already not getting along well and then both kick into survival mode. Better idea- Start setting aside just in case money Encourage your wife to find work with the time she has. Gently. Or help her to set a plan for whe. The youngest starts kindergarten to begin full time w…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 04:36 PM
1

Policy is that the household where child spends more time or primary should be listed on the FAFSA. Many people might put lower income household but that is not what is supposed to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 11:03 PM
1

Sick, please don’t do “shit tests”.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 07:27 PM
1

I hear you and believe me, I completely understand. You can set the boundary, “please communicate with me by set time in advance if you would like my assistance”. But then you must follow through. Is it more important to you that your ex is held accountable or that your child see that you are always available and willing to assist. You can’t control your ex. I see many that would say set your boundary and hold it so she doesn’t take advantage. For me, I’d much rather the tome w my child and that…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 03:17 PM
1

It’s not wrong, but will it increase conflict and lead your ex to seek alternatives? Would you rather have the time w your child and let it go
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 01:57 PM
2

Paying for two lawyers
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 09:40 PM
1

One on one interactions over the phone is hard even now that my kids are older. It’s almost nicer just to hear about their moments fresh from them when they are eager and willing to discuss so you can bring it up to them later. And they know you cared and thought about them
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 04:18 AM
2

That sucks. She doesn’t want calls when he is with you? Or even just a video msg that your son could record and send. That way timing doesn’t matter and you/she don’t have to interact directly. Having both parents acknowledge what is happening in your life is only good
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 03:40 AM
1

Does she work at the restaurant? If so, this sounds like just regular banter w customer.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 10:54 AM
1

It is a lease? Can it be broken, how much longer do you have on it? It’s just you, no kids. Can you stay with a friend, family, extended stay hotel, a tent. So many times I was dreaming of just curling up in a corner of anyone else’s house. Not an option for me because kids. No kids and I would have been gone much faster.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 01:57 PM
13

It’s just twisting the knife of the loss of the whole family you wanted. A certain kind of life. That’s the loss, not the individual person.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 04:18 AM
1

I guess we have different experiences. I stayed in a bad marriage for a couple decades so it doesn’t really matter who asked for the divorce. Divorce and suicide are not the same. At some point choosing to leave a relationship that is unhealthy, makes more sense than fighting to stay in it. If your priority is on the children’s wellbeing then you won’t want to harm their relationship with either parent by pointing fingers or assigning blame. Children will have their own experience over time. Whe…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 11:29 PM
1

Children should absolutely be reassured that they are not to blame. Telling them only one person chose to end the relationship is not appropriate. 8 yrs and 15 yrs are very different ages in terms of their level of understanding etc. and may seek different information. The 15 yr old would be capable of understanding more relationship nuances than the 8 yr old. But in no way is it appropriate to point the finger at one party. Marriage failed, that is on both.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 12:34 PM
2

You have value that no other person should need to validate in order for you to feel respected. Other than by my children, I have never in my life felt like “omg someone else doesn’t respect me” This seems to be an issue for those with weak egos and low self esteem. If you constantly feel disrespected, it’s not about the other people.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 02:11 AM
1

Wait, what are they going to hear in court, and why? Is it typical for kids to be in court? I would do everything humanly possible for that to not happen
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 02:52 PM
1

I would think depending on kids age, if parents don’t have some big plan, a birthday party would be up to the kid invited
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 03:20 AM
2

Could be for mental health not necessarily drug-alcohol
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 02:59 AM
5

Out patient treatment?
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 02:34 AM
5

For sure it is a dystopia. Find a couple real friends or parts of your life that are solid to cling onto
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 05:53 PM
3

Yuck red roof inn. Check for bed bugs
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 05:47 PM
3

Just say, I know buddy, I so understand and I’m sorry you can’t have us both at one time. What can I do to help? If they don’t have a quick answer, just be present for them. Offer a couple options. Always keep it about them.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 05:36 PM
1

That is a great point. Just make sure that the way you respond encourages them to always keep sharing their feelings with you. Not that they need to make you feel better. This is one of my biggest concerns as I know the ex puts the kids in the position of soothing her emotions
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 05:34 PM
-2

Is there another third party you could speak to her with - counselor, mediator etc? I wouldn’t one to one that conversation.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 12:27 PM
6

That all sounds good. Get in writing with attorneys and leave
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 07:51 AM
19

I have been there. My work completely tanked after having my first kid, never mind divorce. Have you gotten negative feedback at work? I found that when I had lost work focus, my direct supervisor saw that but also that I was still overwhelmingly viewed as a top team member. I had just gone from The Top or top couple to a regular above average. Sometimes it is okay to not be the best and focus elsewhere. And if you aren’t the highest performer for a couple months while other things are going on,…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 05:45 PM
1

Where are you located. The situation you describe may not exempt you from alimony depending. She may have minimum wage assigned in the calculation if you have to pay. When you say full custody, do you mean 100%? I believe that is extremely unlikely unless you have evidence of abuse/neglect. She will need to figure out a post divorce situation, but you supporting the family while married is unlikely to weigh against her in any significant way. Nor the whole “didn’t watch her for two consecutive d…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 02:51 AM
3

Yeah, don’t tell the wife - she will only perceive it as emotional blackmail from you trying to get what you want. And in terms of your daughter, be careful letting her think that she would be responsible for that decision. A clean break is easier than back and forth for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 05:00 AM
2

My guess is her biggest concerns were resolved- home and children. Now she has no fire lit. She’s probably focused on rebuilding life. And from the sound of it the only thing remaining to do is split her retirement so that is less than exciting for her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 04:54 AM
8

I am leaving a 20 year marriage and I don’t think we ever shared body count. I don’t think you should have to
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 02:36 AM
1

If you almost have everything settled, do not touch and stay away. Why create more mess and fallout that could prolong the process? The longer you focus on her, the less you are focusing on your own future.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 02:51 AM
11

Yes, for any occasion, I have the kids pick something out. They try to pay with their own money, what they have of it, but I cover what they can’t with no expectation of repayment etc. Nothing huge but 30-50 price range, and let them pick it, wrap and sign. Just guide them through the process. They are learning from you how to treat people in their lives. Their other parent isn’t their ex, only yours. It’s the other most important person in their lives
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 02:37 AM
1

I know it feels that way. But “like everyone else” is a mirage. Everyone has their own problems they just may not share w the world
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 11:00 PM
3

It’s the absolute worst! Mentally I think it would help for you to approach this the same as you would if you had to leave your child with a daycare provider though. You love them, will be thinking of them, it’s so hard to be apart, but you know they are in a safe place w someone else who will care for them until you can be together again. Make the transitions as brief as possible, quick love you/hug and go. Maybe don’t even get out of the car. And perhaps talk w mom and she could have something…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 12:50 AM
2

I think as long as you aren’t changing providers, it can be a quick fyi, but you should loop in. I usually did those tasks as well, but the ex has kicked into high gear now pretending to be involved. So that may occur for you as well.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 12:23 AM
2

Can you get a parental coordinator to make the decision on glasses?
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 11:19 PM
3

Get a parenting plan in place first, then go. Ideally the first night you spend in the new place, the kids would spend w you to avoid the abandoned feeling/perception.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 06:57 PM
6

Strongly agree. Terrible for everyone’s mental health.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 03:17 PM
8

Don’t move. Figure out something else so your child doesn’t have to be uprooted. Brother, you only have four years until this young man is an adult. Don’t leave him with the woman who will neglect him. These are important years. Do whatever you need to do for at least four years. For us adults, four years is the blink of an eye. Four years from 14-18 is huge.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 03:58 AM
2

I’m renting now after being a homeowner for 15 plus years. It’s expensive on one hand, but on the other, nice to have a landlord covering larger home expenses. I don’t have to worry where money will come from to cover a new furnace for example. And it keeps options open until divorce is final. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 09:03 AM
1

Consider from the kids perspective. If you are able to keep that marital home for their comfort and their friends, at least until your ex decides on a final location to settle down, I would do so by any means necessary. They have enough change happening. Once she decides, then you can consider other options. But that means the kids are only adjusting to one new home at a time. And you being close to their current friends is GOLDEN.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 02:03 PM
1

Cause it is cheaper to keep her
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 01:08 AM
1

Or the relationship/living in the same home feels just that awful
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 11:00 PM
8

She is creating some kind of narrative. The best way to deal with that. Is to just live as you would normally, and only pay attention to her in the peripheral if you have to. Do not create a social media post saying anything. I think most of us realize that it is those who spend their time insisting on a narrative that are the concern and least reliable narrator.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 10:59 PM
11

If you are just now starting to deal with your life long trauma brother, don’t despair. But also, you cannot stop. You stop, you sink like quicksand. Keep moving. New therapist, EMDR. Let your wife go. Once you have worked through your childhood trauma, you will have gone through a transformation. Find support networks- church, workout group, local men’s group of some kind. If nothing else, volunteer, be part of a community. Be intentional about spending time with your son.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 01:40 AM
1

I’m so sorry. Although just throwing this out there, if it’s miserable between you and your spouse that could be contributing to the current anxiety. It’s been five months since we had told the kids and they now say they are over it. Therapy started immediately. And it’s all the better that she already has a therapist lined up that she is hopefully comfortable with.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 01:25 AM
5

Have therapists at the ready
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 03:58 AM
3

10 yr old will likely be the most difficult
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 03:57 AM
21

Any effort you put into mind games with her is a total waste of your energy and time. And will do nothing but cause more mental confusion and trauma for you both. The fact that is your response to a divorce request tells me this relationship is already unhealthy past the point of redemption. Focus on yourself future and put your energy there.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 03:42 AM
3

Brother, this same is happening to me. The ex is even doing things w the kids that I always did/they never did. While we were still living together, they would mirror my movements w the kids, going so far as to take notes. And now is seeking out and purchasing doing things I always wanted or always wanted them to do. It is an alienation tactic, sure. But here’s the thing, kids know what is happening on some level. But also I take it to mean that the person who is rushing around and trying to cha…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 08:02 PM
1

I see why you are here
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 03:47 AM
-10

How often did you go down on her, more than once a year?
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 03:31 AM
1

She’s going to take a 2 year old to church haha. Unless they have childcare, that will last all of the 5 min a 2 year old sits still.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 08:03 PM
7

You may be paranoid. You may not be. At this point, you are no longer talking about an infant but an 18 year old. Is it worth damaging your son’s entire identity to find out? You stayed for 18 years after.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 07:59 PM
2

Control what you can. I think that most people can see through, that when people find it necessary to rant about an ex, post about their ex and situation constantly to others who aren’t close contacts, that something is wrong with the person over sharing. I just left an unhealthy situation after 20 years. They had some awful behaviors, mine were t always perfect. I keep most of my speech on them to neutral and social media blank. They run their mouth all around our contacts with negativity. It a…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 03:50 AM
1

Therapy and meds can really help. I hated the idea of meds but also have adhd and have been taking adderall and a low dose anxiety med since they were little. Huge help w lowering my anxiety/yelling w kid studf
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 10:54 AM
3

You become primary so sons life is not uprooted. But she could then have most of summer/holidays
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 02:01 AM
2

I will say that although you can’t control your spouse, you have an obligation to let them know that you strongly feel it isn’t okay to speak to your child this way. If this is like daily and not a once a year built up frustration outburst, and she won’t hear you and try to work on it, to couples counseling we go.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 04:49 AM
3

Phew. I don’t have daughters and I was reading that like whhhhhaaaaat. I mean yes, it happens where parents are jealous of their children in this way. But I wouldn’t think it’s normal and healthy. I was a daughter and I was horrible to my mother in teen years and she didn’t talk to me this way.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 04:46 AM
1

I guess just the sound bite of wanting a woman who helps as the only distinction of a feature desired… makes it seems like an advert for “help”
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 03:09 AM
-4

“Helps a man” ? Are you seeking a partnership or “help”?
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 03:37 AM
2

Well, your daughter has already given you a conversation starter. She asked for help, you guys are the parents - time for a game plan. Does she see a therapist? I would just say, “hey I’ve been thinking a lot about our daughter’s request for more attention/time. Do you have any thoughts on anything we could do to better meet her needs?” Then perhaps suggest some things - perhaps your older daughter could have specific one on one w each parent when the littles aren’t there. That’s nice for the pa…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 01:38 AM
2

Brother, loneliness is real and painful. But long term it will be better to wait. I’ve seen it where first hook up accidentally becomes relationship and now your life is a total mess. Get yourself together first. FWIW, I think much of the advice given on this sub is due to the fear of the absolute worst case scenario, which I understand to be that your ex would accuses you of unfounded abuse and involve police, file restraining order, and thus secure her position financially and with the kids. U…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 01:25 PM
1

What is soy boy
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 10:47 PM
2

Ha, yes they do. I am also guilty of being passive and letting others drive too much. Where I can feel like hmmm how did I get here. But I will also acknowledge that I appreciate some of those efforts while others feel very pushy or almost like an attack. My marriage was often like this especially at the end, where I was constantly being pushed to one thing or another. I just died mentally in there relationship
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 10:46 PM
1

Many small seemingly unimportant decisions are still necessary for someone to make
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 10:43 PM
4

Possibly you don’t like making decisions. “Bossy women” are women who are willing to take on all the mental labor for you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 08:52 AM
7

That’s good brother. Don’t forget that you are whole without a woman too.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 09:10 PM
2

Yes. This is parenting. At times rewarding and others is thankless. With a supportive partner it could be easier to do the thankless parenting work while leaning on each other. In the absence of a partner, it doesn’t change the parent/child role. Parent lead and provide. Child follow and be nurtured.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 05:06 AM
6

I didn’t give my mother time of day from age 12 until 24. My parents weren’t divorced. We are very close now. Parents need to be there to support their children unconditionally. Especially in divorce situations, be cautious to not expect your children to meet your adult emotional needs.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 05:02 AM
4

I would say many teens and young adults tend to turn to their parents for mainly financial type support, whether divorced or not
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 04:57 AM
31

Brothers. No matter what age your children - they are your children. They are not beholden to you, it is the other way around. All you can do is make yourself available to support them as much as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 02:24 AM
1

lol. It’s funny, but some women got some balls and she might like it
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 06:09 PM
5

Think they should come from you and the boys OR a very clear message like to a wonderful mother
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 03:42 AM
1

To keep your brain from circling on this. Just remember that you previously came to this conclusion over and over. Forget fault etc. just know something is/was very wrong for you to constantly question your relationship and that your decision is sound.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 02:55 AM
1

Right, that is not love
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 02:25 AM
8

lol. Yes, you are supposed to sacrifice for the kids. “Parenting” or you can move and attempt some kind of seasonal parenting schedule. Splitting the kids up would be horrific, please don’t suggest or think that through further
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 04:24 AM
2

Get on meds for anxiety. If you want to be in his life, move a lot closer.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 03:27 PM
1

Perhaps discuss giving you both a chance to save money for future split. Seek out and encourage other hobbies
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 12:09 PM
2

This is often what marriage has been about through the ages
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 12:07 PM
2

If you want to do something kind for her, no reason not to give her something small. But not if you expect the gift to fix or change anything. Only if given freely with no expectation in return. My ex and I got each other small things for bday and Christmas (kids are still young and we were still in same home) But made no mention of anniversary
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 08:23 AM
8

Rent and work your ass off with side jobs or skill building anytime kids aren’t w you
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 04:17 PM
1

Here’s the good news. If you need to make a big change, your child is young and it would be easier on them to do it sooner than later. I have been there and constant days like this are life ruiners. I would give therapy and outside help a try. I’m going to suggest a Gottman approach and individual therapists. And have her checked for postpartum. If it feels toxic all the time, physical separation could be a good option. If you are going to do that, agree to a custody/parenting situation first an…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 04:00 PM
3

Borderlines are insidious and terrifying OP. The affliction is within the family I married into, and the traits are a significant part of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 03:54 PM
1

Definitely what is best for the kid should not be about what is best for either parent. Problem is if the parent, either one, puts themselves before the kid. Or intentionally blocks the other parent out of kid lives.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 01:08 PM
1

Those stats are skewed by income disparity. As 50/50 just became the trend, no one can really speak to whether it is better or worse. Obviously having two involved and loving parents is the best thing. Demanding exactly equal 50/50 in every situation is a bit silly. 50/50 could be calculated in so many ways. It is done by overnights but many also consider equal quality time instead (like not counting while you are asleep or kid is in school). It should be about what is best for the kids. Not hav…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 07:22 AM
2

In terms of the four days you work ten hour shifts, will you live close to the ex if you split? Perhaps you can do a dinner one or two of those days. And the. You get the three days you are off… although if those are weekend days and she doesn’t like that, may need to be flexible. Sounds like you have at least one weekday off - that day is all yours. And at least two of the weekends. Maybe you could have a third weekend with the ex having at least one weekend a month is she is doing the work dur…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 05:16 AM
2

Ask to meet at the park first rather than a drop off play date for your younger two. You make friends with the parents. Doesn’t matter if you are social or not, just do it. Do it until you find people who are a good fit. Or frequent all the local parks and find people there.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 03:07 AM
2

My stbx was much happier during covid with no outside forces taking attention off of them 🤮
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 06:42 PM
1

Absolutely
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:55 AM
1

This is very common. Men getting the free labor from the woman, why stop a good service. Sucks because there is no consideration as to what is best for kids.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 04:22 AM
5

Ugh that makes sense. Too calm in my family. Snoozefest. Married into what seemed entertaining turned out to be terrifying and still trying to claw my way out.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 04:57 AM
1

Yeah I wouldn’t want one in the house with all the animosity right now
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 05:51 AM
1

Are you a minor?
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 05:11 AM
1

Probably from self preservation
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 01:46 AM
3

People can change drastically when kids enter the picture
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 06:17 AM
1

This was the last years of my marriage and now. All day every day, letting me know of every “mistake “. I learned that tossing it back would only exacerbate the issue. Then I tried, “hey notice how in this instance I am giving you grace and helping you solve the issue while being kind and loving versus snarling at me that I forgot something at the store” I begged. Daily . please don’t treat me this way. Agree with the poster on doing the absolute most to ensure you don’t need anything from the e…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 04:01 AM
1

In my state, alimony is very straightforward and will likely not consider things like addiction, etc It’s based on income and length of time together. He might be better off offering her a one time settlement to completely cut ties.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 01:33 PM
2

Men can absolutely be good communicators. I will say there is a significant difference though between professional interactions and home life. Often home life has so many built in expectations/patterns from our own childhoods, and there is no larger social accountability within the home to keep us on track as there is in work or social life
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:44 AM
2

I’m sorry you are being downvoted for this sentiment OP. Unfortunately, by the time a divorce is imminent, priorities and perspectives of the two parties have diverged so much that even if you feel you are acting with integrity and honor, she may disagree as to what that ought to look like. My ex wanted the house and the kids. I said no way. I wasn’t going to be an ahole and said she could stay in the house until she got on her feet. She felt entitled to more.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:30 AM
3

Say nothing. Not engaging is the only way to win. Get your stuff and yourself to safer location.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 10:27 AM
9

Brother, your and your kids future well being is going to be built upon your mental stability of today. Real talk, if you are having emotional breakdowns and bursting out into tears uncontrollably, having memory issues, and have called an emergency line more than once… get yourself some help. Your kids are young. Work on yourself now so you have a future with them. Some of the things you are describing could lead to an unsafe situation with the kids you could regret forever. So many here will vi…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 04:56 AM
0

I think once a day is okay, especially if the break is fresh. Let’s be real, the quality of these calls is questionable. Kids are often not in the space to have great phone communication. I would try to get ahead of it and have them call her first thing so you don’t have to hear about it. Or during a transition time so there will be a firm end time. I don’t think it’s bad for kids to connect w each parent every day. Once your kids are older, mine are 10 and 13, if they have their own device, I w…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 04:44 AM
21

20 years married is considered lifetime alimony in some states. So your brother in law chose to buy her out rather than pay her alimony for forever.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 03:33 AM
3

Thing is in marriage, the decisions and consequences are mutual or looked at that way in law. In staying home, she gave up her current and future earnings abilities as well. Which is why maintenance/alimony is set over a period of time that depends on the length of marriage and incomes of both. He was making 120k but her earning capability would be much lower due to the marital decisions made. Now whether he influenced that decision more or she did, and whether she did what he considered a good …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 03:32 AM
2

Do you have another trusted adult/family member who can be with you to “supervise”
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 01:01 PM
3

A step up agreement can be put in place.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 11:02 PM
2

Ahhh if it wasn’t for the coparent
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 01:50 PM
1

If you can stay w your child, and they are sick. Do that. Take care of your sick baby.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 05:19 AM
2

No, I think you are doing it right King. Showing your kids how to be a man/good father and be willing to prioritize your children’s well being rather than trying to win. Good on you. Too many on the threads trying to fight like hell in divorce. It’s horrible guidance. Do what is best for your family.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 04:14 AM
3

Yeah, that is way too much specific information. I have a kid the same age. I just learned that is how support works myself. Of course she could overhear things etc but the way it was directed at you in terms of this specific situation is spot on. I get kids have a say in where they go, but unless abuse/neglect is occurring, I think 11 is too young and parents should be deciding those details with the court as needed. Specifically for this reason- kids should not feel pulled in this way and in c…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 03:56 AM
3

Sure, it may not be the most effective discipline. Welcome to parenting. It doesn’t hurt to limit screen time for kids on them all day at school and home.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 03:49 AM
3

Just ignore the posts and carry on according to plan. Find other things to focus on so these little things don’t bother you so much. She is more emotionally reactive/impulsive than you so she may not have thought things through. Sounds like this is the right move. Couples counseling could help but would likely delay the inevitable.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 10:46 PM
2

No, but my understanding is that you can make deals when it comes to maintenance payments
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 10:58 AM
1

Dad is home and stepdad if he’s trustworthy. So kids are not being left alone. I think OP clarified that they are on separate floors though. The baby on stepdads belly sounds gross to me. And to block the father from his kid, not okay
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:33 PM
0

I’m confused how this woman constantly leaves her children. But you are home and are their father correct?
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 08:33 AM
4

I’m going to give you the real deal here. It’s not worth the legal fees to get it back. Document everything in case of future issue. For the love of god, secure all your valuables moving forward. Lock box, at a friends place etc. You could ask her for it in a moment when she wants something else from you. Otherwise consider it an investment towards a clean future. Oh and move out? What are you waiting on?
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 11:57 PM
7

I’m so sorry for your loss. But perhaps consider that you have been given a gift, to rebuild your life based on decisions you make now rather than many years ago. If you crave social connection and networks, then you need to take actions that support that. You have the time. Once a week or once a day, whatever you can handle, reach out to an old connection. And join a group or two of people with a shared interest- church, sport, social.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 03:01 PM
1

Would you like a closer relationship with your son? Perhaps look at this as an opportunity to support him rather than your ex. I would not directly take on the care giving of your ex. But if your son is assisting with her care, perhaps you could go with him for emotional support once or twice, take him for something to eat. Make sure that he is being taken care of. Be his shoulder to lean on. For your ex, I would keep direct care to something you might do to assist a more distant friend or relat…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 03:35 AM
7

Long term it is never going to work. Please start to figure out an exit plan. In your own best interest and the kids, if you can manage/ handle a long exit plan it may take some time. Can you stop working one of your jobs and convince her to return to the workforce? Do not tell her straight out what you are thinking. This is very difficult for those of us who prioritize honesty but you can not tell her that your plan is to leave. You would maybe say, I think it would be so good for you to spend …
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 12:54 PM
3

I’m hoping this is fake. In two weeks you did intensive therapy, came to terms and started a new relationship?
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 06:02 PM
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