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Hot_Wasabi_4270 Archive

View 3 posts and 56 comments by Hot_Wasabi_4270 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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33

I don’t think you did anything wrong here. Sounds like you know you were being overly sensitive - it happens to all of us - but you didn’t overreact, which is the whole point of STFU. A good rule when someone you love does something small that bothers you is to wait until you observe it 3 times before you say anything. Sometimes it’s just a weird one off and out of character, or you’re just being extra sensitive that day. But if it happens 3 times and bothers you every time, now you’ve got a pat…
/r/RedPillWomen27/11/22 02:18 PM
13

You can take responsibility for your mistakes and immaturity in the relationship AND also still leave him and never talk to him again. This relationship sounds like a complete disaster and of course you contributed to that, but nothing you could have done would have saved this man or this relationship. The worst thing you could do now is imagine that if you just changed slightly everything would have been okay. Remember all the ways you already changed for him and it just made it worse? Become a…
/r/RedPillWomen19/11/22 01:55 PM
2

Even though I agree that repaying rent is not really ideal, it is what OP agreed to. I think since she agreed to this it is very sneaky to go backwards and make up a new rule that says she actually doesn’t owe because of all the housework done. That is dishonest and her bf will not respect that. OP, you should plan on honoring your commitments and Best case scenario is that he only lets you pay back a little or none at all because HE realizes how it doesn’t make any sense.
/r/RedPillWomen20/07/22 10:18 AM
5

I wish I had had this advice 7 years ago.
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/22 11:54 AM
2

Do you work outside of the home or is taking care of babies and the house your primary job? At 6 weeks you are still healing, you have a toddler that was sick, and you have a newborn. It’s a lot! It’s good to hear you have a wonderful husband that helps out when asked directly. Keep asking for help when you need it. But honestly, most of this is on you. You’re the mom. You’ve got to figure it out - sleep schedules, nursing, toddler discipline, how to take care of yourself. Pretend you don’t even…
/r/RedPillWives17/06/22 04:39 PM
5

I do not think the part about him asking you to pay $600/month for rent is sketchy. That’s a totally reasonable amount for a working woman to contribute a household. However, I think what most people are trying to tell you here is that there bigger moral and logistical questions at hand.
/r/RedPillWomen22/03/22 07:47 AM
33

Is this just $600 month total toward living expenses? So an increase of $100 total, it’s just that he’s using it for a mortgage now instead of rent? Or do you mean $600 plus the $500 you already contribute? Either way, $1100 is not too bad for living expenses, including rent/mortgage and all utilities, so it doesn’t sound unreasonable to me. It’s hard to find a decent rental for that price in most of the country. You don’t get paid to clean your own house and the domestic chores you do for your …
/r/RedPillWomen21/03/22 09:58 PM
2

Thank you for this thoughtful comment! This is so helpful for me to keep in mind and I appreciate you taking the time to write it.
/r/RedPillWomen04/02/22 05:54 PM
1

I’m glad you found it helpful! I find third party perspective to be a huge help as well - it’s sometimes hard to see our own lives as clearly as we can see someone else’s. Just one more piece of advice after reading your reply - it’s probably time to go to individual counseling and start working on the separating your identity from what your parents think of you. As you move into adulthood, you’ll need to be able to stand on your own with confidence, whether it’s regarding who you pick for a par…
/r/RedPillWomen04/02/22 05:52 PM
14

He might have some minor insecurities about the income discrepancy and he blurts out weird things occasionally because of that. He sounds like a really great man and he responded to your challenge about the gift appropriately. Did you say anything back to the “house husband” comment? Have you talked about what your future may look like if you had kids? I would proceed with caution - I think because of your family inheritance you could possibly end up in situations where men take advantage of you…
/r/RedPillWomen04/02/22 12:21 PM
2

I will check that out, thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen01/02/22 01:10 PM
2

Thank you, I love this point.
/r/RedPillWomen01/02/22 01:09 PM
7

I’m in!
/r/RedPillWomen04/01/22 02:18 AM
7

Please get some space from this man until you figure out what’s real. Do not stay with him out of pity. That is the worst recipe for a relationship. I highly doubt the “involuntarily drugging” and sort of doubt the cancer too. These sound unlikely and way too much like something concocted to pull at your heart strings. Men of value are not liars. I know it sucks to now know so much of what you had was a lie. You’re going to need time and space to grieve this loss. If you don’t get him out of you…
/r/RedPillWomen03/01/22 01:16 PM
5

I think processing this trauma would go a long way for you. If you want to give your children the best life possible, they need a mom who is present and her best self. It may take years to fully process what you went through. I recommend finding a licensed counselor with whom you feel safe and connected - you may have to make multiple attempts until you find the right one, so don’t get discouraged if the first attempts don’t pan out. Hopefully your husband will agree that you all can find the mo…
/r/RedPillWomen28/12/21 01:06 PM
1

I agree that this kind of parenting will be disastrous for his life. It’s a disservice to him and if it continues he will have every right to be resentful when he grows up that no one taught him any better. However, bad parenting is not connected to autism. Stepson is picking up perfectly on cues. He makes a nasty joke and dad laughs. He is a total nightmare and stepmom makes him treats. He knows he doesn’t have to clean up after himself, or even clean himself, and he still gets all the privileg…
/r/RedPillWomen26/12/21 03:05 PM
6

I agree that showing your vulnerability here might be a cue for your husband that this is NOT okay. However, she should keep in mind this should be authentic. Fake crying for little kids occasionally might work, but a lot of this post is encouraging OP to find her authenticity and I think that’s great. OP - Don't fake cry (just like you should also not be fake nice or fake like this isn’t awful). If you feel like you’re going to cry, however, do it. Let your husband and stepson see it. Don’t pus…
/r/RedPillWomen26/12/21 02:57 PM
3

This is a super interesting response- thanks for sharing.
/r/RedPillWomen01/12/21 01:42 PM
2

Good for you!
/r/RedPillWomen01/12/21 02:28 AM
12

Your boyfriend’s top value is community, so why are you setting up play dates for him? You feel resentful because you’re taking on a burden that is no way your responsibility. It sounds like you’re enabling his social anxiety. Because it has been the pattern for you to plan for him, I think you can simply say that you’re not going to plan social events for him anymore, but you’d be super happy and excited to go with him to whatever he plans. Then you will have to find a pleasant and detached way…
/r/RedPillWomen30/11/21 02:18 PM
2

If you want to end up engaged or married, I think it makes sense to give up some of the optional commitments. Where can you make more time for self care and in turn, be more present in your relationship? I’m sure he admires your drive and your ability to take care of yourself. A lot of women are a lot less driven than you and it’s quite admirable. Don’t quit your job or anything that keeps you stable. But stop volunteering for new things for awhile and maybe there are one or two commitments you …
/r/RedPillWives28/11/21 02:22 PM
7

You can’t do it all. Being a good partner takes time and effort. Think of bringing your best self to the relationship as another one of your responsibilities. You are failing at this one. You’re probably used to nun mode and having all your time to divide up as you please, but now that you’ve met this amazing man you need to decide what your priorities are. For me, I always say relationships come first. I sympathize with being an over-achiever. However, I’ve learned that most important are relat…
/r/RedPillWives28/11/21 02:07 AM
2

Came here to recommend YNAB! If you commit to this app and the budget you set up, you can’t spend a dollar you don’t have. I have a bad tendency of buying something on a credit card and then saying “well I’ll cover that on the next paycheck” and then end up saying that about more than I have coming in. This app helps with that, definitely recommend!
/r/RedPillWomen05/11/21 11:17 AM
1

Figure out your hard deadline for an engagement (and it has to be a real date and you have to be true to yourself when you say you will walk away from the relationship) then, when you have your date night convo, throw this into the conversation ONE time after you’ve talked a bit about the importance of marriage. (“Well, I would expect to be/need to be engaged by the end of March.”) Listen and gauge his reaction. Maybe you need to adjust the date slightly if he makes a reasonable point, but don’t…
/r/RedPillWomen05/11/21 02:20 AM
10

It sounds like with all your cutting back you’ve forgotten yourself and self care. Maybe it’s time to make a list of things you love to do that are free!
/r/RedPillWomen02/11/21 11:50 AM
1

Dad Starting Over is relationship stuff for men. I originally heard him on the Susanne Venker show. :)
/r/RedPillWomen15/10/21 10:25 AM
5

I think I left grad school for clinical psychology dumber than I went in. Laura Doyle talks about how terrible marriage counseling is for most relationships and her advice is to only seek guidance from women in successful relationships. I think the same goes for any counselor you may seek out. It’s not like they have to be perfect, but what’s their relationship status? Are they leading a life you respect? It may be hard to find out personal information on your therapist, but sometimes you can re…
/r/RedPillWomen13/10/21 01:49 AM
25

Exactly. When he told you he wasn’t ready for a relationship, instead of saying you care for him, you support him, and you’ll wait for him, the appropriate response would have been, “thank you for being honest with me, I care for you very much, but I’m looking for a relationship right now” and wish him the best. I know why you held on for for 2 more months, but it hasn’t done you any good. And honestly, he probably cares for you and respects you MORE than the women he had dated in the past. It s…
/r/RedPillWomen03/10/21 09:47 PM
6

I’d be vary wary of saying I love you first. Only say it first if you are 100% okay with him not returning it back to you. I know you feel confident now but this has to be a no strings attached kind of deal. Would you be really sad and confused if he did not say it back to you? Alternatively, If he does return your I love you, you may not be sure if he said it back just to appease your feelings or if he was ready to say it also. I personally like allowing the man to lead here. It makes me feel c…
/r/RedPillWives24/08/21 08:11 PM
11

I agree with this. Also, remember it sounds like you want to be a RPW to a man you didn’t RPW-vet at the beginning. You can’t apply all of these principles to a man you didn’t vet. He is abusing your trust and your vulnerability. Trust your gut. I do not think this is going to get better. Learn from your mistakes and move on.
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/21 01:01 PM
1

I know exactly how you feel. I did the same thing at least 5 times with my exbf too. This relationship will never get better. But there is hope on the other side of this - there will be something better for you. Your bf may have some fair criticisms of you, but you will be able to heal and improve more on your own, outside of this toxic relationship. Wishing you the best.
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/21 01:24 AM
1

So glad to hear that!
/r/RedPillWives06/07/21 11:01 AM
2

Only on men of quality and only on men you’re married to as well. The surrendered wife is only for wives. If he was man enough to marry you and take on and love your children as his own, this would be a different situation entirely.
/r/RedPillWomen06/07/21 03:07 AM
1

I agree with the comment that men are better able to make these tough decisions! I feel like there’s a compromise on the dogs - maybe giving them away is too drastic, but why do YOU have to keep them? Can they stay at a kennel or dog watchers? Could you split them up among a few friends or family members? This might give you some peace and send the message to your husband that you’re listening to him.
/r/RedPillWives02/07/21 02:30 AM
1

3 dogs might absolutely put me over the edge here too. It doesn’t sound like you’re taking any of his feedback seriously. You have to care for your siblings, but the dogs and sorting through your moms stuff is too much and you’re not listening to your husband. There is a middle ground here on both these things and I bet you two could figure it out, but you’d have to be willing to let go of some control.
/r/RedPillWives01/07/21 12:01 PM
5

Hugs to you. I know how hard it is. A reminder that this doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t “crazy.” ;) it’s possible that you are neurotic AND he’s behaving unreasonably. You could leave AND still improve yourself. Don’t trick yourself into thinking you can change him though. Best of luck!
/r/RedPillWomen28/06/21 07:44 PM
17

Sounds like lifestyle incompatibility to me. :( unfortunately some people grow apart and in different directions. I worry about you finding a way to respect this man when you’ve chosen such a different lifestyle for yourself.
/r/RedPillWomen28/06/21 07:17 PM
5

I know it’s so hard. I’ve been in a similar place with a boyfriend in the past and I completely understand being torn and trying to figure out who is being reasonable. I think you are being reasonable, but it really doesn’t matter what I think. What you think and how you feel is pretty clear. I hated it when I was in your shoes. It made me feel like I had to be his mother or boss and it never worked, because I couldn’t nag him or encourage him into caring about things the way I did. You’re becom…
/r/RedPillWomen28/06/21 07:15 PM
6

Sounds like you’re incompatible and that you will probably never have a lot of respect for his lifestyle and work habits, despite his ability to provide. It doesn’t sound like it’s something you could just let go and a relationship where the woman doesn’t respect the man is doomed. Unfortunately this is one of those things you want to vet before moving in with someone.
/r/RedPillWomen28/06/21 05:20 PM
8

I agree with this comment. Do not pursue him, do not try to have any more talks with him, don’t text him first and don’t call him, just go about your business and enjoy yourself! It’s time to get back into the things you loved doing before you were spending so much time with him and if he realizes he loves you too, he’ll come to you and tell you.
/r/RedPillWomen26/06/21 08:46 PM
2

Read the book and she also has a support group that costs money but might be exactly what you need.
/r/RedPillWomen26/06/21 04:50 PM
10

My boyfriend of about 5 months told me loved me last weekend. It felt so surreal. We were on top of platform over a pond laying under the stars. I had been wanting to say it to him, but was really trying hard to play it cool and let him take the lead. I’m so glad I did. He told me that he knows I’m not perfect, but that I’m perfect for him. I just can’t believe how well things are going between us.
/r/RedPillWives23/06/21 05:41 PM
–

The reason we’re asking bigger picture questions instead of specifically answering the one question you asked is because this may be a big picture problem. You are correct that intimacy doesn’t necessarily have to be physical at all. That’s not the reason we’re wondering about the LDR and it’s impact. Resisting and holding back affection is a protective measure. It may be something you need to break down over time with him or it may be something that is doing you an awful lot of good in this cur…
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/21 05:37 PM
1

I think being in a LDR is absolutely relevant. What you’re talking about here is intimacy - something you can’t rush and can’t be faked.
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/21 11:42 AM
1

Agree. And sounds like you’re only hung up because he’s good looking. Broaden your internet dating to guys who are like a “maybe” in terms of looks….”maybe…if I met him in person and he was really funny, or maybe…if he was a friend of a friend.” And then chat with him for a short bit to see if he has good values, if he’s interesting, if he’s willing to take the lead etc. Don’t talk to anyone you find repulsive. But the super “hot” guys are usually not the type of guy who makes a good partner (na…
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/21 11:18 AM
16

It sounds like you’re looking for the clues on how to live the “perfect” life, and you might want to let that go. Everyone’s life will have imperfections. Perhaps your MIL is missing something fundamental and perhaps she’s not - you can always ask her and continue the conversation, but you’re never going to find the recipe to make your life perfect. I’ve found one of the best things you can do to improve your life is focus on gratitude. Developing a habit of gratitude despite life’s sufferings a…
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/21 11:22 AM
2

Very true. And we’ve usually made enough mistakes to know which kind of toxic coparenting situations to avoid!
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/21 11:25 AM
5

I think this depends on a lot of factors, and one very salient one would be your age and your potential bf’s age. If you’re both young, you may want to and may be able to skip this. There are a lot complications with a mixed family - ex-wives, scheduling conflicts, limitations on where you can move, parenting differences, not to mention jumping into being a parent with no warm up to a child that you haven’t known since birth and that has likely experienced at least some mild trauma. However, as …
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/21 08:22 PM
2

I agree with this. There is no way you should approach this as trying to “convince” him in a redpilled way. Trying to convince your husband of anything sound very anti-redpilled to me. However I do think you can and should bring up how you feel and why. Be sure to phrase it as an “I” statement and understand he is under no obligation to concede to your wishes. If you’ve already decided he is your life partner and you’ve already made this agreement regarding the timeline with him, then it’s actua…
/r/RedPillWives15/06/21 08:10 PM
3

It is a common decency and you can be sure he doesn’t have it! It sucks, but the good news is you can move on with no qualms or hesitations now. What he does always speaks volumes more than what he says.
/r/RedPillWives10/06/21 10:15 AM
3

I’m an introvert and I’ve always been attracted to extroverts. I love knowing I can lean on my man to take the lead in social situations. I don’t think I could date some as introverted as I am. I don’t really like being the center of attention, but I love it once every one is settled in and I can get into a good conversation with another person or 2. I would also always like it when I get a night alone because my extroverted partner wanted to go out. I not only think a relationship is able to su…
/r/RedPillWives10/06/21 01:44 AM
12

Your path is YOUR journey and don’t compare your timeline to anyone else’s. After everything you’ve been through, rushing into finding a man might lead you to the wrong one. 30 is still plenty of time. I’m divorced and 36 with two children and am finally dating a good man I adore. When you do decide to date, take it slowly, you’ll likely have to date around for a bit before finding your perfect fit. I recommend reading The Surrendered Single at that point. Great work so far! Keep it up!
/r/RedPillWomen01/06/21 05:32 PM
1

I really like this thoughtful and kind but firm approach. Thank you for your input! This is exactly what I was looking for.
/r/RedPillWives30/04/21 07:42 PM
1

Perfect! Thank you!
/r/RedPillWives28/04/21 01:31 PM
1

Thank you for your feedback. I’ve been having a really hard time telling if this is me making a mountain out of a molehill or actually significant.
/r/RedPillWives28/04/21 11:16 AM
1

I think he is a bit blind to it. I haven’t explicitly said anything and I’m wondering IS there a way to explicitly say like hey your dog really needs some behavioral training? It is really common to see out of control, anxious dogs, at least from my perspective, and I don’t think most people know what dogs need. I think he thinks his dog is normal, but anxious and quirky. I really appreciate your feedback. It’s been hard for me to tell if I’m being over-reactive and making something big out of s…
/r/RedPillWives28/04/21 11:15 AM
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