Hunkaflesh13 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
132	What we all knew already		Hunkaflesh13	/r/Divorce_Men	20/08/23 04:09 PM
15	It's been a long journey...almost there.		Hunkaflesh13	/r/Divorce_Men	10/04/24 02:57 AM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
1	Emotions with divorce It does get easier, and the pain and anger do fade, but it takes time. And there's no set time for any of it, because everyone is different. Your story is similar to many of us here, but we each have our own ways to deal, and have to find our own path to heal. Hit the gym to work out the anger, work on hobbies to find your peace. Do what you want to do, and need to do for yourself. But most of all, work on you. Therapy helps a ton, only if you put in the work to learn, figure yourself out, and m…	/r/Divorce_Men	17/06/26 01:17 AM
3	False promises on separation Yes. 100% this man speaks truth. I just wish I would have found this place and read this advice before I got swallowed by that lie.	/r/Divorce_Men	09/02/26 03:46 AM
4	Why do some dads stop trying after the divorce? Genuinely curious, I’m 19 and still waiting on mine That's a difficult question to answer without knowing more about him or the situation, as it could be any number of reasons for his behavior. I usually try to think the best of people, but I don't know him, so I can only guess. It could be he feels shame of the situation, or has deep depression. Could be he feels like he's to blame, so he thinks others, like you, must blame him as well. If he blames himself, or believes he failed you, maybe this way he thinks he keeps from hurting you more. Or, …	/r/Divorce_Men	09/06/25 12:36 AM
2	How many of us were actually abused? I'm having one of those bouts of anxiety and stress right now, and for the same reason. It's especially frustrating when just last week I felt so confident and hopeful. Just gotta keep reminding ourselves that this is temporary, and it will get better, each at our own pace and in our own time. I don't know of it helps you, but for me, it's huge to remember that everyone has to heal and grow at their own pace. Don't let anyone tell you that you should have moved on by now, or you should be good a…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/05/25 06:57 PM
8	How many of us were actually abused? My brother, I feel you. It took over two years of therapy for me to fully realize that I was in an emotionally and mentally abusive situation. I went to therapy in the first place because she had convinced me I was the one being abusive. The situation is obvious now in hindsight, but for years I never even entertained the thought. When I tell people, even my own family, half the time it's not even acknowledged, if not outright denied that a woman could possibly do such a thing. The double standa…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/05/25 06:08 PM
3	For those who didn’t choose this… This right here, plus the realization that the one person I thought knew me the best, either didn't know me at all, or did but didn't care at all. I don't know which option is worse.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/02/25 02:09 AM
1	Ex lazy during marriage but not after divorce? Sorry I disappeared there for a bit and didn't see your reply. Half of all assets, and I gotta pay her for 10 years. My state is a no fault state, and classified us as a long term marriage, so in court I would have been on the hook to pay her forever. We cut a deal so it is only 10 years. Your state/country may vary, and it depends on respective salaries, assets, lifestyle, kids, and other stuff. If you don't have a lawyer, get one. Absolutely essential to navigate this mess. Was for me anyway.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/01/25 02:08 AM
1	Wife with past trauma Absolutely. I'm angry about what happened and how. But I can't be angry at her because I know what she went through, and none of it was her fault. There's no way that wouldnt mess you up. Neither one of us asked for this, neither one of us deserved it. And if you need to hear it, you didn't either. Thanks man. I am moving forward and still doing my best. All I can do, and I hope you are too. Had the kids this weekend and had a blast! My focus is on them and me now.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/01/25 01:54 AM
5	Wife with past trauma Boy did it ever. She had trauma from 9 years of continual SA from 7 to 16 yo. Perp never brought to justice because he was "family". Rather than getting her help, her parents sent her away to live with an aunt and uncle, neither of which were ever home. She never got help. I met her 2 years later. Married 4 years after that. I tried my best to accommodate and help, support and show her she was loved, but little lies and behaviors kept bothering me. Couldnt put a finger on it, but still I did my …	/r/Divorce_Men	13/01/25 01:38 AM
8	Imagine being bitten by a snake, and instead of focusing on healing from the poison, you chase the snake to understand why it bit you and to prove to it that you didn't deserve to be bitten. Thats damn good stuff right there.	/r/Divorce_Men	10/01/25 09:17 PM
5	Ex lazy during marriage but not after divorce? Mine was like that. She was a SAHM, I worked. Yes, she took care of the kids, but that's about it. Even when the kids got older and became teenagers and didn't need to be cared for as much, or hardly at all, thats all she did. I worked 40+ hours a week, did all outside work and home maintenance, cooked, did laundry, cleaned dishes, etc. I would ask her to help, she'd say she would, then hardly ever did anything. I'd get upset, an argument would start, and somehow, someway, it was my fault and I …	/r/Divorce_Men	07/01/25 05:56 PM
7	How did you overcome emotional detachment post-separation/divorce? It comes with time. And everyone is different, so don't judge and compare yourself to what others here say and do. You do what you feel comfortable doing, keep working on yourself, and you will get to a point where you are ready and willing to dust yourself off and get out there. I'm on the same journey you are, just maybe a bit further down the path. And if you feel old at 31, think of us old farts in their 40s! Keep going friend, it gets better. Slowly but surely, it gets better.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/12/24 09:36 PM
3	I missed her… Ah yes, my trusty jeep. And now I have more time to take care of her properly :)	/r/Divorce_Men	23/10/24 04:14 PM
6	She's not doing anything!!!!! I feel ya. In my case as well, she drug her feet on the whole process, start to finish, on the divorce she wanted and started. Was finalized in April. Our retirement accounts remain undivided because she hasn't signed/approved the paperwork yet. Literally waiting on her and it's done. Over 6 months. I'm convinced its a power play. Meant to keep me hanging and keep some control over me. I'm not gonna let her do it, and you shouldn't either. Do your thing, keep at it, and do what you are in contro…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/10/24 08:50 PM
3	I Still Couldn't be more on point.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/07/24 03:23 AM
2	How does wife feel? I feel you. Been and sometimes, despite everything, still am in the same boat. Unless she tells you, there's no way to know how she feels. Read through this subreddit and you'll see this feeling is rather common. Lots of guys here, if not most, who loved their partners, and those partners just stopped loving back, sometimes for no discernable reason. At least not one that makes any sense. Unrequited love. It's a nasty thing, and until you dig out of it and move on, all you'll do is spin your whe…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/06/24 05:57 AM
3	It's been a long journey...almost there. Yeah, started out as a sahm, transitioned to years of empty promises of going back to work. Covid didn't help with the kids schooling at home, but even after that, nothing. So I'm paying a higher percentage of support so that I keep control of some substantial personal assets. So she's getting just over 50% of my current take home , but I got enough stashed away and enough potential at work to make this work. In my state, 20 years is long term, and as such she was likely to get permanent support…	/r/Divorce_Men	10/04/24 04:15 AM
3	Did you see red flags in your inlaws, specifically your ex-MIL? My STBX-MIL seemed sweet and caring at first, when I was just her daughter's boyfriend. I started seeing some things later on but blew them off as no big deal: selfishness, overbearing, demanding, a need to always be right, etc. My STBXW would even talk about the stuff her mom did over the years that upset her, or could easily be seen as neglect and emotional abuse. You know, things like sending her daughter away to live with an uncle when she found out her daughter was abused and raped for year…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/02/24 07:56 PM
3	Double Whammy I feel you brother. Less than two weeks after the separation, I had to put my dog to sleep. It was like my whole world ended right there in that two week time period. My stbxw actually went with me to support me, but it was a show and I could tell she didn't hardly care at all. And truth be told, the tears that day were not just for my little buddy. She saw me at one of my lowest points, then in one of our later discussions after filing, months later, used it against me. That said, I know how yo…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/11/23 11:23 PM
17	Does your ex refuse to see reality, understand what she did? I'll never forget how as I was packing my stuff up, how she went on and on about all the things that were my fault. Her health problems, her screwed up life, her lack of friends, money, and a job, her fear, her trauma (that happened years before I met her) you name it. Same blame she laid on me for a long time, with rewritten history and gaslighting, she was a artist with the manipulation and guilt. Then, right after all that, she looked me dead in the eye and told me that she couldn't possibly …	/r/Divorce_Men	27/09/23 01:50 AM
40	Does your ex refuse to see reality, understand what she did? Coming to this place is what finally showed me I wasn't alone, and actually part of a very large group of guys going through or been through the same thing. Also showed me that the woman I thought was one in a million, was just one of a million.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/09/23 01:38 AM
2	Decision paralysis ?? I'm in the same boat. Some days I just want her to fuck right off and leave me be, forever. Others, I care about her, wonder how she's doing, and wish her well. I've determined I will likely get to a point where both exist simultaneously, in a weird way. A kind of "Good bye, I sincerely wish you well, and I hope I never see you ever again" situation. It feels like that would put me at peace, but I'm not there yet, and not sure how or when I will be.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/09/23 08:28 PM
2	My hoarding has been cured! My man, you ain't kidding! My new place has counter space and room to cook/prep without moving a bunch of stuff. I can use my bar and kitchen table without cleaning and moving stuff, not just on top but on the stools and chairs too. I cn walk down my hall or across the room without avoiding boxes and clutter. I can find things. All of it her projects and stuff she bought for a later time. Things undone, unused, and stacked around. I can't begin to list all the projects and promises that went und…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/09/23 04:27 PM
1	9 months There are many of us who have been there, my friend. It's like the first thing on their shared playbook/checklist to call us the narcissist. And when you read up on it, guess who actually fits the description. It's wild, it's widespread, and it's messed up.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/09/23 04:08 AM
7	I must share Sometimes, it's the little things that make life seem not so bad!	/r/Divorce_Men	07/09/23 07:19 PM
2	The toxic friend Can confirm that certain types of friends will certainly destroy a marriage. My stbxw went through many friends over the years, besties then enemies, and on to new besties. Heres my twist: stbxw suddenly decides to be best friends with someone who, she had been telling me just months before, was someone who treated her badly all her life, long history of neglect and abuse. Was a big part, maybe even start, of the problems in her life. They suddenly reconciled, began talking all the time, got tat…	/r/Divorce_Men	05/09/23 01:18 AM
3	Walk Away Wife I feel you brother. Our stories are similar in so many ways, and as you've no doubt seen, it's similar to so many stories here. It may not feel like it now, but you will find your way. You will make it through this, and come out better, wiser, and stronger on the other side. We got your back.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/09/23 12:56 AM
2	While separated, did anyone shifted their paycheck to their own separate account and just sent portions to the joint account through the month? I did exactly that the day after she served me. Works for me.	/r/Divorce_Men	31/08/23 05:27 PM
3	What we all knew already Haven't heard the term, nor have I seen the movie, but that makes sense. My situation started long before movie came out, but those things don't get made in a vacuum, I would guess. Thanks man, yeah, still working on myself best i can. I know I'll get there one day, but damn it ain't easy.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/23 05:14 PM
3	Is Your Ex Wife Or STBXF Always In Your Head? 9 months since separation, 3.5 months 'til D is done, and I'm the same. I'm same as you and feel everything you said. She's still in my head, all the time, no matter what I do. But I know it's getting better, slowly, but surely. There is hope. Know how I know? Last time I saw my stbxw, she looked just like her grandma. It was shocking, and i knew then that this woman was not who i married, and the woman in my head didn't exist. Now, i mourn.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/23 12:27 AM
3	What we all knew already Thanks! Son is going into electrical, and he knows there's good paying work EVERYWHERE. Smart kid saw how the college situation was, especially with loans, and said no to that BS. Couldn't be prouder.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/23 12:16 AM
3	What we all knew already I'm sorry you had to deal with that, brother. I am 95% sure there was no physical affair in my story ( trauma stuff on her end, story for another day), but am 99% sure there were emotional ones. That's what the counselor called her out on. Boggles the mind.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/23 12:14 AM
5	What we all knew already Oh I had that too. And damn right I was a sucker.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/23 12:08 AM
9	What we all knew already Don't get me started on couples counseling! Useless. Everything was on me, she was blameless and justified for everything. One time, the counselor called here out on something, and boom, stbxw didn't like that and got mad about it, threatening to quit going.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/23 12:03 AM
5	What we all knew already Amazing video... thanks for the link!	/r/Divorce_Men	20/08/23 10:29 PM
10	What we all knew already Oh believe me i count the blessings she waited until the kids were this old. I'm in OR, so I pay child support until 18, unless they go to school, then it's 23. Anyway, son is going into trade, so all good there. Don't get me wrong, I'll gladly pay whatever my kids need, for as long as I am able, just don't want any of it going to my stbxw.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/08/23 10:11 PM
18	She's not the woman you married Mine isn't over yet, but you just described my feelings and situation to a T. I think I still need to really feel and know what you said about caring for a woman who doesn't care for me. I did have an experience this week where I went pick up the kids and saw her face to face for the first time in weeks. And didn't feel anything. I wasn't attracted to her. I still feel sad, but why? I figure it's for what she was, and/or the idea of her. Or maybe it's just for the life I had. Such a weird, but s…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/07/23 10:48 PM
16	Why do I keep trying? I, hell almost all, of us have been or are going through this same thing. You keep trying because you still love her. The hard thing you have to realize, and really truly know, is that she doesn't feel the same way anymore. And she hasn't for a while, likely longer than you think. It happened to me too, brother. Long before I had any idea there was anything wrong, she was already done. Nothing I said or did was going to make a difference, but i kept trying. After months and months , i fnally sai…	/r/Divorce_Men	25/07/23 01:06 AM
3	Did you always mean what you said and said what you meant? Did your ex always question and second guess you? There was some significant trauma. She said she was over it, and like everything else, I believed her words over her actions. It's a long story, one I will tell here one day, but not yet.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/07/23 08:26 PM
8	Did you always mean what you said and said what you meant? Did your ex always question and second guess you? It's funny, I just spoke to my therapist about this. I said what I meant, and did what I did for the reasons I did them. Yet she always took everything I said in the worst possible way, thought everything I did was with the worst possible intent. No matter what I said or did to explain or try to prove that wasn't the case, it didn't matter. So then I would apologize and take it as my fault. I started to doubt myself, and over time, I believed I didn't know how to talk or express myself. So I did…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/07/23 06:05 PM
4	Let her go!! This is an incredibly validating post. And the responses too. Thanks for this, it has helped me realize I am not the crazy man my STBXW tried to make me believe I was.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/07/23 12:42 AM