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I_got_BAnaNaS Archive

View 2 posts and 279 comments by I_got_BAnaNaS on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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21

Your wife’s childish behavior will make it that much easier to get over her. If you’re like me, you’re mourning the loss of the life you should have had - not the loss of your unrecognizable wife.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 02:23 AM
1

It adds up fast unless the judge orders OP to pay for it. Don’t move out until you have an agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 01:02 PM
3

First off - I am sorry you are going through this. It is messed up. I’m no expert, but it sounds like your lawyer isn’t advocating well for you. Have you interviewed other lawyers? Often you can do that for free. Get some perspective. How do you go from SAHD to the GAL recommending the minimum allowed under the law? Did you abuse your kids? Do you have a drug problem? Or is Mom alienating you from the kids for her ego and to avoid child support. You should be getting 50-50 and child support. Ple…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 01:05 PM
1

This is fucked up. Also, why would her lawyer submit to evidence that she is a scheming piece of shit? I don’t get it. BTW, how old are your kids? How long were you a SAHD?
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 12:39 PM
3

You pay proportionately more because you earn more, except that some of the money she earns doesn’t count and her books are secret? Is that a joke? Do not have kids with this woman!!!! You are so lucky she doesn’t want kids. End it now. Find someone less selfish. Sell your house if you have to.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 12:33 PM
4

Dude!! You don’t have kids? Thank your lucky stars. Drop everything you are doing. Download divorce papers. Fill them out. If you have assets that need to be split up, try to do it fairly with her. Don’t be petty. Give her the papers to sign and get it done before someone gets angry. Once lawyers get involved, legal fees are usually tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars when people can’t agree. Add that to your stress.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 12:23 PM
2

It probably depends on the state, but women can pump. Dads can bottle feed that breast milk. Also, there is formula. Breastfeeding is no excuse for her to have more custody.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 03:24 AM
2

Prenup or not, an angry spouse can make you miserable. I know several people who spent over $100K defending against false criminal allegations with no repercussions to the accuser. Prenup only prevents them from getting as much money. It doesn’t necessarily prevent the gray hair.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 04:29 AM
1

Ouch. I got a whole set of silver-plated flatware I had never seen before. I didn’t realize how lucky I was.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 03:19 AM
1

Wow. I learned a few new words today!
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 04:20 PM
2

A friend did this. Smart way to go.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 09:07 AM
1

This. Get the parenting plan done written and signed before things get ugly.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 12:45 PM
10

I agree with you. Trying to get you indicated for child abuse is worse than cheating. My wife accidentally injured our toddler during an argument. She then called the police and told them that I did it in hopes of getting me arrested. It may not be the worst thing she’s done to me, but definitely top 5.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 12:33 PM
5

She got 80% of your income? That’s messed up.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 12:23 PM
4

You can’t predict what twists your lives will turn and who your gf will be many years from now. You’ve got a 50% chance if you get married. But if don’t marry her, you still have basically a 50% chance… but it will cost you a lot less if it doesn’t work out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:00 AM
8

“If I knew you personally, I’d be there whether we agree or not.” This. Too bad we thought our ex-wives would behave the same way.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 01:51 AM
1

Whatever you do, DON’T have a child with her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 09:21 AM
0

I’m naive. What’s wrong with tattoos and piercings?
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 01:39 AM
4

She can weaponize your young kids as well as falsely accuse you of domestic violence or sexual abuse towards your children, triggering a criminal trial that can cost you six figures and, possibly, your sanity. Read some of the older posts here - you’d be surprised at how often it happens. Protect yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 02:29 AM
3

In addition to what everyone on here is saying, it could also be a chance to get to know your co-workers’ wives who have single friends.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 05:14 AM
3

And try with another counselor if this one isn’t working. Some are better than others.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 01:08 AM
3

Divorce can go that way. But if you can mediate before filing, it may be easier to come to an agreement (as long as you don’t let yourself get steamrolled.) People sometimes get greedy when they consult with a lawyer. Watch “A Marriage Story” it is depressingly accurate in a lot of ways. Also, in the beginning, people are often willing to make a better offer - especially if they feel guilty for leaving. As they get angrier, that can change. No.. my divorce didn’t go that way. We went the lawyer …
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 01:06 AM
3

Why is your STBX filing for divorce rather than the two of you mediating? If you have to go the trial-lawyer path, the chances of you being friends is low. If she offers you 50% of the assets and proper child support and if necessary alimony, and doesn’t try to screw you over, then do your best to continue working with the counselor to become friends with her. It will be better for your daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 01:03 PM
1

One of my friends’ fathers actually had a kid with his sister-in-law. My friend found out when he was 30 that his cousin was actually his half-brother.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:18 PM
3

You are thinking marriage gives you security. It more likely only gives her power over you via a financial incentive to leave and/or screw you in court if she gets angry.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:22 PM
10

“Marriage is the new retirement pension for modern women, rewarding them for breaking a contract.” So true - make no mistake - it isn’t free retirement for the woman. It is at the cost of YOUR retirement.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:07 PM
5

I am not in your situation, so my advice is not from experience.. I would write your daughter: “I will get therapy, starting with your letter at my first session. Please consider getting therapy yourself, starting with your letter at your first session.” Some folks criticized you for involving your 9-year-old. However, if your wife is poisoning her, you have to defend yourself. Doing the “right” thing and leaving her out of it will result in her being poisoned. On the other hand, there may not b…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:55 PM
1

Dude. That is messed up. If she called the cops 26 times and you only got arrested twice, that’s an amazing track record. I can’t believe that there were no consequences to her for all that abuse of the system.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 04:25 AM
6

Thank you all for sharing your stories and advice!There were more positive outcomes than I expected to hear, which has been really encouraging.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:51 AM
2

A lot of folks are jealous of the AP. This is the way to go. AP wakes up every morning thinking your broken ex is the woman of his dreams…. Sorry you got arrested for it. Congrats on your divorce win!
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:45 AM
1

Good on you for being prepared. And congrats on getting the case dropped at grand jury. I’ve heard that is rare.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:41 AM
2

The first time I saw Marriage Story, I hated it. I watched it again during divorce and realized how eerily accurate it is.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:38 AM
5

When they issue restraining orders, they should also make it a crime for the “victim” to bait the restrained party.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:28 AM
5

I love to hear the rare story of the cops realizing the truth. Sorry your kids were exposed to it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:25 AM
2

Wow. Good advice and what a story! Thanks for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 02:20 AM
5

Are you getting laid? If not, it’s probably your hormones. Find a low drama woman who doesn’t need a forever man and you’ll see instantly that any woman in the world is better than your ex-wife.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 03:08 PM
1

Same here, except not as nice as Hawaii.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 02:49 AM
3

All but the first one.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 02:46 AM
4

So familiar…so true… …but it’s not as much about who you marry as who she is when you divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 02:32 AM
6

No good deed goes unpunished. I am sorry for your wife’s selfishness, and for the state allowing the legal system to be abused. That happens all to often, it seems.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 04:32 AM
5

Either “Do Not Answer” or “SPAM”
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 04:15 AM
3

This. She justifies her actions by blaming you. And she’s irresponsible, giving you chlamydia while you’re married.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 02:37 PM
3

Calling the cops over fake stuff should always mean it’s over. Threatening but not actually calling the cops was enough for you since you clearly still want a divorce a year later. Considering her pattern of going nuclear, I recommend you record her all the time (If legal in AZ) once she is served divorce papers in case she does try to get you out of the house via false DV accusations. Also consult with a divorce lawyer in advance and a criminal lawyer to protect you from the above.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 02:29 PM
3

You gotta write her and ask for the desk and chair. Keep it professional. Keep on her. We all have a list of items we were attached to that we lost. Folks shouldn’t be calling you petty. However, you got your musical instruments back and are ahead of a lot of people on this forum. Most of us would give up a desk and a chair for the $100K+ in legal fees, equity, child support, retirement, or other financial damage our exes cost us.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 12:07 PM
2

Double upvote here.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 11:59 AM
1

(Wait ‘till the judge makes you pay her legal bills, alimony, and/or child support. You are not done being robbed.) I am sorry this happened to you, too. But thank you so much for posting - it is helpful to see how many other people relocated for their families just to get screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 11:53 AM
15

Or have your kids then dump you a year afterwards for maximum child support.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 04:15 AM
2

I don’t regret marriage counseling. It gave me confidence that divorce was the right option. My wife hadn’t totally checked out yet, though. Also, you may want to be able to tell your kid that you tried counseling. And if you do that, you should actually really try. (But without being a SIMP).
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 04:56 AM
2

Do not leave the house without an agreement - that can be seen as abandoning the kids. Also, her bringing a new boyfriend to the house is providing a negative example for your kids. Divorce law is an entirely different world/language. You need a lawyer to tell you what matters.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 12:38 PM
1

Ugh. Sorry guys… I’m a jeweler and these answers are killing me… If you had a $400 stack of cash left over from your marriage, would you toss it in the river? No! If your wedding ring is gold or platinum, it is money. Either, 1) sell it 2) keep it in a drawer for later 3) take a jewelry class (where you will have mostly female classmates), and make it into something else. If your ring is cheap like tungsten or titanium, toss it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 03:24 AM
2

Even if you talk to complete strangers over 45, about half of them are divorced and know what you’re going through.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 04:45 AM
3

The grass is greener where you water it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 11:44 AM
2

Happy to when it’s over.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 03:58 AM
2

Trying to save the marriage can possibly screw you later in divorce. So talk to a lawyer and ask what you can do for your marriage that won’t screw you later. For example, you can use what is said in marriage counseling against your partner (at least in some states).
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 01:44 AM
2

But if he files immediately after she leaves with the kids, it’s easier to get them back. And she can’t leave with the kids after she files, usually.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 01:33 AM
0

You can move anywhere, do anything, and rebuild your life. I recommend cutting it off with her almost completely for at least a year. Don’t be her emotional crutch because you hope to reconcile. Had she divorced you right after having a baby, you’d probably be stuck in her hometown and paying child support for the next 18 years. You might have dodged a bullet.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 12:40 PM
1

Sorry you are where you are. 1- If she just wanted it over, she would move out. But she wants you to move out. Because it’s over AND she wants the kids and the house. 2- she’s threatened DV charges. You never used the word “false.” Did you ever hit her, and she is holding that over your head? Or would it be a false accusation? Either way, consult with a criminal attorney about exactly what you should and should not say to the police if she calls. 3- assuming her accusations are false, go to the …
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 12:19 PM
2

I read your other post on AITAH that anywhichwaybutpuce posted repeatedly. It is useful information, and proves how easy it is to forum shop for advice on Reddit. And I applaud you for posting on this forum that will NOT be supportive of breaking up a family and blowing up your kids’ futures unnecessarily. First of all, your PARENTS LIED to you your entire life about your race. THAT WAS RACIST. You say nothing about wanting to cut off your relationship with them. You seem to be blaming your husb…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 03:27 PM
1

Yes. Sometimes people can reconcile successfully and sometimes not. You know the situation better. A few thoughts: You need couples counseling. If she isn’t willing to do that and take it seriously, move on. While you we’re separated, it wasn’t really cheating in my book, but having slept with someone else is a hurdle she has to overcome if she wants you back. If you want it to work, you need to trust her again. She lied to you at first. Is she still lying? Did she only sleep with him once? Did …
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 11:54 AM
1

Big upvote here on the same sex divorcee posting. Getting screwed by the system via angry spouse is a lot of what this forum is about. Sorry about your legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 01:52 PM
6

50/50 custody and no child support is better than 90% of divorced dudes with kids. She felt guilty = your cup is 90% full. AP took your cheating wife off your hands, if you are able to see it that way.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 03:39 AM
1

The system is so messed up. She doesn’t pay you child support to raise the kids but you’ve got to pay alimony? Or is it just that she is a deadbeat and won’t contribute anything towards college, etc? Sorry you’re in this position.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 05:08 PM
2

“Light switch effect”
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 12:55 PM
1

Hedgehoghole said it: file for exclusive occupancy. She shouldn’t be adding roommates during a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 12:43 PM
2

Glad you clarified that. :)
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 12:35 PM
2

And she isn’t paying child support?
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 12:29 PM
1

Pull the diamond and keep it. Sell the ring for it’s precious metal value. Don’t give the diamond to your kids. Give it to one of your future girlfriends in a pendant or something. She’ll most likely be ok with the history if she’s getting a free 1.75ct diamond. Otherwise, you’re taking a huge loss. BTW, I get the “cursed” thing, but families in Sierra Leone were getting their hands cut off over our engagement rings but the diamonds are only cursed once the marriage fails?
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 04:31 AM
1

Also, I’m not sure if it is a typo or your step-daughter’s name in your post. If it’s the latter, you should edit it out asap.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 03:12 AM
1

Clearly, you’re much better off without your POS ex. As for your kids, they are 7 & 4. They’re too young to understand that your ex is lying out of spite to poison your relationship — unless you tell them. That long explanation about what actually happened is not the way to do it. You regretting it makes you sound like you were in the wrong. Your step-daughter was misbehaving and she fell while you were protecting your French doors. It probably wasn’t a big deal at the time. Your kids don’t need…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 03:08 AM
1

It’s not just divorce. If someone breaks a contract and fucks you over, you have to come up with the money to sue them. Or if someone sues you, you have to come up with the money to defend yourself. Our system blows. But you have a lot to gain since you have a strong case. Maybe you can get a loan if you can show what a strong case you have to the right lender.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 02:40 AM
3

I don’t believe it’s considered infidelity in West Virginia unless she’s having sex with someone OUTSIDE the family.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 02:17 AM
2

If she isn’t trying to repair the relationship through counseling, it is because she doesn’t want to repair the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 02:10 AM
4

Child protective services can take your kids away…. But you usually have to do something wrong first.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 03:04 PM
4

Your lawyer also *didn’t tell you about a court order for which you are now facing contempt accusations. I say get a new lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 03:59 AM
15

I know someone who had a kid with a surrogate so that his new baby couldn’t be taken away from him as easily.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 03:40 AM
7

You aren’t stupid - you’re a good parent. You want the family together for your kids. But as everyone here is saying: she made up her mind, and sadly, you can’t stop her. She won’t take responsibility for her wretched judgment, and even if she did, you wouldn’t/shouldn’t trust her. Sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 01:52 AM
1

She would have been better off if she hadn’t gotten anything.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 01:48 AM
2

Great!
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 01:46 AM
6

Tell me more. There are so many horror stories here, don’t short us the positive divorce outcomes!
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 03:44 AM
2

You said you spend every other week without your kids. So does that mean you also spend every other week with your two beautiful children? How old are they? Do you feel less empty on those weeks? Eventually, you will fill those empty weeks with interests, people, and hobbies. It feels awful now. It will get better, if you let it. Consider seeing a doctor/psychiatrist in case meds can help you cope in the short term. Your last thought: “I didn’t do anything to deserve this.” Your wife and MIL fuc…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 03:34 AM
2

You’ll have time when your kid is older. A 4-yr old needs too much attention.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 05:36 AM
2

She’s mad because you’re following what your lawyer says instead of rolling over and giving her everything she wants.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 05:20 AM
1

I’m sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 11:44 AM
1

No, but she might try to get child support from you. Can you afford that, plus rent? Are you the primary earner or caregiver? Get ahead of these questions so you don’t get fucked like so many guys do in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 11:44 AM
1

Talk to a lawyer and protect yourself from losing the house and having to relocate away from your daughter. Then try couples counseling if you haven’t already. If she won’t do it or she’s showing up but not trying, it’s over.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 01:02 PM
1

Search online for some advice (women tend to prefer more photos of men NOT looking at the camera, for example). Draft a profile. Then ask a couple of your friends to improve it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 12:57 PM
1

A 16yr old girl shouldn’t be exposed to this at home. Document it, take it down, write a short direct letter. Her stupid games affect your child.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 10:31 AM
1

You said at the end of your post that all you want is to be a dad. You can’t do that with your new job that has crazy hours. If you’re locked into child support based on that income, you wont ever be a dad. So you need a new part-time job that allows you to take care of your kids a minimum of 50% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 11:16 AM
2

OFW notifications have never worked on my phone for some reason. Tried to fix it but could not. No complaints.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 05:29 PM
1

You’ve gotten a LOT of advice on this thread…people have it pretty much covered. So I will answer your specific question: what would I do? I would tell her that we’re either fixing the problem together (couples counseling) or I’m fixing it alone. If she refuses counseling, I would ask if she is ok with me sleeping with someone else. If so, I would get it in writing. If not, I would bring my job down to part-time and start taking care of the kids at least 50% of the time and take over at least 50…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 05:23 PM
1

Don’t know why you got downvoted.. one of the best answers here.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 04:51 PM
1

Paragraph 1 - you’re right. Don’t be dishonest. Paragraph 2 & 3 - get your head out of the sand. Do you think MacKensie Bezos “deserved” half of Amazon? But she didn’t walk away with nothing out of pride. Talk to a lawyer who will explain to you what you are entitled to under the law, then you can offer her a settlement that is more reasonable than the law and see if she accepts. Maybe she will. Or maybe she’ll fight you because she believes you deserve as little as you believe you deserve… or l…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 12:42 PM
4

Don’t forget the kids that get fucked over by mothers turning dads into parasitic hosts.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 02:01 AM
2

Agreed. And in my state, judges dont look at expenses, either. I know two people who had to move in with their parents in their 40’s because they couldn’t afford both rent and child support. And for what it’s worth, one is a woman. So even the ladies get screwed occasionally. And the post-tax vs. pre-tax is utter bullshit. I heard that changed in 2019. So you can live in poverty but not be eligible for any support because your taxes still show strong income.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 01:57 AM
7

Oh don’t worry: they’ll make you buy life insurance to cover it in case you die early.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/23 01:39 AM
1

You’re such a narcissist :p
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 02:07 AM
1

That’s fucked up about your son. I hope he is ok now.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 03:05 AM
2

This
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 11:03 PM
1

Thanks for the dog story. So true on the trauma ceiling.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 12:42 PM
4

If the abusive emails are frequent and still affect you, talk to a doctor about anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds. They can be a temporary assist for the bullshit that you are going through and could help you sleep bettter.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/23 12:35 PM
1

First of all, I am sorry you are going through this. You invested in this relationship, and she didn’t. It sucks, but it takes both of you to make it work. You are right to feel betrayed. Forget the bullshit about her being lesbian. She is just as bi as she was before. It is just an excuse for her not being attracted to you anymore. Straight women stop fucking their husbands all the time. Forget about the advice on here about polyamorous relationships not working. Plenty of monogamous relationsh…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 04:01 PM
1

And you didn’t send them, so you didn’t do anything illegal. Did your ex-girlfriend do anything illegal by phishing you?
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 03:00 AM
4

First I want to say, on this forum full of men who have gone through hell divorcing wicked women, it is very rare to se such universal advice NOT to divorce. Take that in context. Considering you have kids, I agree to try counseling. Also, since your post states that everything is fine except the sex and you’re not in love, have you considered an open relationship? If she is ok with it, a side piece may be all that you need to be happy.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 01:52 PM
2

Cheating aside, most women have a financial incentive to divorce, whether it be alimony, child support, or merely getting control of half of the marital property.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 04:18 AM
1

I would encourage you to enjoy the new lady. If you have a great time, it confirms your choice of splitting. If she’s batshit, maybe you’ll appreciate your STBX more. Just keep it light. Don’t try to jump into the same depth of relationship that you’re leaving.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 04:11 AM
0

Or his friend could fuck him over as well
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 10:48 AM
3

https://www.goldbergjones-or.com/divorce/move-out-divorce/ https://www.divorcenet.com/resources/divorce/marital-property-division/should-you-move-out-family-hom There was a better page I read a while ago, but can’t find right now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 02:49 AM
2

Record every single interaction. Some people say to record 24/7. She may actually think she is a victim or she may be planning to get you arrested on fake charges. That recorder could save you tens or hundreds of thousands of $$ and a whole lot of stress.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 04:08 PM
4

Cameras and an audio recorder. But not cameras with audio recording unless they’re legal in your state. No point in defending yourself if you can’t use the evidence in court. Check the rules first.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 04:46 AM
2

As a man, your case looks like a total win. Meanwhile, if a woman doesn’t put her ex husband into poverty for child support, it’s a loss. Good on you for single-parenting your kids with no support, while protecting them from your ex’s mess.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 11:06 AM
1

I’ve been on the r/Divorce forum and have been disappointed at the nastiness. I’ve read frequent encouragement towards vindictive behavior over petty problems. The reaction to my recommending couple’s counseling is what made it clear that forum is not for me. I am sorry that our forum is behaving the same way. You’re here to see how men, many of whom have been through very high conflict divorces from women who have easily abused a biased system, manage to put their kids first and take the high r…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 10:58 AM
9

You’re not a bad person for sleeping with a woman who has hurt a man in her past. Just don’t get hurt yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 02:08 AM
1

And everyone hates you as well when you’re a family attorney, including your clients.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 03:19 AM
2

This right here!
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 03:14 AM
3

I think I read it happens in 25% of divorces. But that is not confirmed. Sorry dude. Protect yourself and do NOT violate the restraining order.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 12:38 PM
3

Please elaborate on the game theory!
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 12:11 PM
1

Good on you for wanting to continue to raise the child you’ve been raising. I’ve heard that sometimes courts want to keep families together, which would support your position. I don’t know how that would play into the baby, though. It probably isn’t old enough to be established within the family. Are you shooting for full custody or just 50/50? If full, you have to prove that she is incompetent or has a substance abuse problem.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 12:07 PM
1

What state are you in?
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 11:50 AM
1

I’ve met at least 100 fathers who have relocated and are minimally in their kids’ lives. Most didn’t do it because they don’t care about their kids. They cut their losses. Our system is fucked up. I’m sorry you’re in the position you’re in. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 03:59 AM
1

Your reply just made my day. Counseling rather than denial :) Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 03:42 AM
3

This is not sugar-coated but is very true for many of us. Thanks for posting.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 03:36 AM
5

I might get downvoted for this: I know several men who have taken less than 50% to keep it civil for the kids. It isn’t fair, but none of them regrets it. A lot of women will justify burning down bridges and alienating kids because they somehow justify that it’s right from their end-of-relationship anger. Men don’t do this as often. So men settle for less for the good of the family. The only 3 women who have told me that they divorced amicably are ones who offered to take less than 50%, BTW. Not…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 11:41 AM
1

This!
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 11:31 AM
2

Your cup is either half-full or half empty, OP. You’ve admitted you have anger issues, she’s gotten a protective order, she accuses you of stalking her and you “barged in her house. That’s half empty. She is withholding the kids, you’ve relocated to DC for the kids, you’re making doctors appointments, and going to their school, all while fighting false accusations of abuse. She is lying from both sides of her mouth to alienate the kids from you. As for your anger issues, did you seek counseling?…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 11:29 AM
6

Holy shit. I’ve never heard of this before but it is uncannily accurate in my relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 02:27 AM
15

“Entitled” is the word. How many of our exes grew a sense of entitlement like nothing we had ever seen before in a human being?
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 10:30 AM
4

In some states, introducing your kids to a new lover before the divorce is finalized is a big no-no. Ask your lawyer about it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 05:33 PM
2

I had fun with my kids handcrafting an adorable Mother’s Day card for my ex. I didn’t do it for her. I did it for the kids. She left me some pathetic handouts filled out by the kids at school. It made me happy to know that I am a better parent. Don’t get bent that your ex is an ass. And don’t help her with her alarm. You’ll just be disappointed by her lack of appreciation. Help yourself by helping your kids instead.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 04:35 PM
2

My heart goes out to you and your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 02:45 AM
2

She will take probably take half, or more, and it will be painful. If you have kids, she will take half, take your kids, and make you a financial child support slave until they are 18yrs old. Get out now.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 02:32 AM
2

I’m glad you caught it in time. I know a guy (in person, first hand) whose wife mid-divorce fled the country with his 9-year old daughter. The judge and police said “sorry - that sucks - nothing we can do.” He didn’t hear from his daughter for 17 years. When she was 26 years old, living in Thailand, his daughter emailed him and asked him why he abandoned her. He wrote back and explained that he had been waiting 17 years for her to contact him. She moved back to the US and they have a good relati…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 08:38 PM
2

In most places, it isn’t considered cheating once you’ve separated. Your retaliation plan will hurt you, your STBX, and most of all, your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 04:57 PM
3

Wow.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 04:41 PM
1

I just read all of the comments, and I agree with everybody. I just want to add: you say that you realized you are not the only one in pain. Are you thinking that helping her might help you with your pain?
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 02:17 AM
2

Fuck. Ouch.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 03:26 AM
1

Depending on the state you live in, the judge may award you $31k more of the house because of the larger down payment you put in before marriage. But expect any increase in value during the marriage to be split 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 12:14 PM
4

I can’t advise on the PC problem, but as for the messaging: Less is more!!!! Try writing 5-10 generic copy/paste-able responses that will fit most of her accusations. i.e… your accusations are untrue this conversation is unnecessary please keep it on the topic of parenting stop blaming stop micromanaging sorry Etc. if necessary, elaborate a bit. Don’t argue - she will (almost) never see it your way. let her waste her time messaging you. Know that she is angry every time she messages you. Or she …
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 02:52 AM
2

OP - your wife alienating the kids from you is 50x worse than your cheating. Her emotional abusiveness is worse as well. There are some men (and women) on here who feel very strongly about cheating. You aren’t married to them. There are plenty of men on here who didn’t cheat who were emotionally abused by their wives, alienated from their kids, and financially raped by the courts. You aren’t in this position because of your cheating. It was going to happen anyway. Plenty of people get cheated on…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 02:19 AM
2

OP - please see InsaneDivorce’s recent post and tell us about ruining people’s lives. She’ll find someone new. So will you. You’ll both be better off.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 05:14 PM
1

So many couples are madly in love when they have kids and still half end in divorce. You two don’t even get along. Unless you plan on becoming a stay-at-home Dad, you’ll be paying child support until your kids are 18. Depending on your state, add alimony and you won’t be able to afford to travel or do anything for yourself. There is a reason 70% of divorces are initiated by women. You are 31. You have your whole life ahead of you. Put yourself first and find the right woman. Once you have kids, …
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 05:07 PM
1

But google says that tax debt can be.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 05:39 PM
1

My heart goes out to you. I have met dozens of men in the past who relocated away from their kids. I had always wondered why they left their kids behind and now I know.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 11:21 AM
5

What are you talking about?? Plenty of judges put one parent into poverty. Our CS system is terrible, and got worse in 2019 when CS became non-deductible. And I’ve heard first-hand from two men who got slapped with punitive payments that lowering CS is insanely difficult. I am so sorry that OP got stuck in this situation. I’ve heard that they can jail people for non-payment of CS, but I don’t know the specifics. Anyone out there know? Constant fear of prison is a tough way to live.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 11:13 AM
4

You cheered me up
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 04:35 AM
2

OP - this forum is populated by a high percentage of men who have been royally screwed by their wives and/or the system. These are the 5-10% worst cases that are warning you not to be side-blinded at any cost. Their protective advice may not entirely apply to you, but please don’t call them jaded. There are a lot of men who have spent six figures defending themselves from false rape or DV criminal charges in addition to six figures in legal fees for divorce court. There are men who did not see t…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 10:49 AM
1

Good for you for gaining custody. Sorry it is bittersweet.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 10:21 AM
5

This from objective_problem is even more truth than the original post. I know a guy who lost his daughter in his divorce, then went overseas and had a child with a surrogate. At first it seemed extreme and made me sad that he felt that way. Now I respect him for it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 11:21 AM
2

So true
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 11:11 AM
1

I’ve definitely gotten the impression that a woman can lose custody, but that a man can’t win it. What kind of mental issues? Diagnosed or just poor mental health? What kind of stuff did she do?
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 08:23 PM
1

How did you get full custody?
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 02:38 AM
1

“Literally home free” is one of the best things I’ve read on this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 12:57 AM
3

It will take time for you to trust again. But there are a lot of single women at every age. Just a lot of them are divorced in their 40’s.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 10:39 PM
3

I’m the same age, with kids. Being cheated on sucks, but not as much as your POS cheating ex also stealing your children and the court making you pay her a third of your pre-tax salary for the next 15 years in alimony and child support. Whenever you think about her cheating, please think to yourself, “Thank god we didn’t have kids.”
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 01:20 AM
1

Why not just continue renting until the kids go to college? Buy after you split up and, if you need, get a tenant who is not your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 04:09 PM
2

Dude.. that is fucked up that she got child support after abandoning the kids for a few years! I am sorry. May I ask what state you live in?
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 04:50 AM
1

I hear you, but she has filed criminal charges against you. It will be easy to explain to your kids that you needed to do it. For God’s sake, you got to the point where you’re living out of your car and can’t afford an attorney before considering the nuclear option. And it isn’t like her separating you from your kids for over a year and accusing you of false criminal charges isn’t nuclear. I have a hunch that most people will advise you the same if you lay it out for them. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 10:02 PM
1

Her removing you from the kids’ lives isn’t good for the kids. You getting ass-taped in prison isn’t good for the kids. They kids are getting fucked either way. You have to choose you over her and defend yourself…. Then take care of your kids. But don’t assume that submitting videos as evidence will ruin her life. Assume she will immediately drop charges if they are that damning. I hope that helps.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 04:34 PM
1

First of all, I am very sorry you are going through this. Most of us on here are or have gone through some heavy shit or we wouldn’t be here. We want to help. Some of the comments are in a gray area of maybe tough love and maybe nasty. But please don’t alienate all the folks trying to help by calling them hypocrites. Take the advice you agree with and pass on the stuff you don’t. As hard as it is, keep positive. You have every reason to be angry and out of control considering what you’re going t…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/23 04:26 PM
3

No protective order?? A man leaves the toilet seat up and a woman gets a TRO around here.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 02:17 AM
1

She’s clearly never divorced a BPD.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 01:26 PM
3

As you can see, there is a wide range of right answers here so far. For example, where I am, it isn’t considered cheating once someone has FILED for divorce. The divorce being final can take years. I know two people personally who are 6 years in. Some couples have to live together for years during divorce. So… Congrats on moving out. It should be way easier to date now that you aren’t living together. :) A lot of women don’t want to date a guy in a divorce because of the drama. They don’t want t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 02:17 AM
0

Yes, this. There are a million amazing women out there who are beautiful on the inside. It is easy to date after divorce if you are less superficial.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 09:28 PM
1

Good on you for recognizing the POS members of your family. Don’t give them another thought. Or your ex. Don’t live well to prove them wrong. Live well for yourself. These are words easier said than done.. I hope I can follow my own advice when I’m done with the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 09:24 PM
1

You’ve spent $200K and are NOW trying mediation? Is this post-trial? How did it get so expensive?
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 03:24 AM
1

How did you get the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 03:15 AM
2

A lot of women are like that. Once they’ve made up their mind to dump you, they can’t stand being around you another minute. Ignore her anger. Just take care of yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 03:14 AM
2

Dealing with constant BS but keeping it together. She’s still trying to get me out and now is unfortunately involving the kids. I hope the judge will recognize this. But omg the $$$$ wasted… How did yours pan out? Or is it still going?
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 09:00 AM
2

Does your ex have to carry insurance to cover child support if SHE dies? Because you’ll be taking care of the kids if she dies, and should be entitled to support.. no?
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 04:37 AM
3

Good luck in court! Random Reddit dude’s fingers are crossed for ya!
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 04:35 AM
2

I’m rooting for you and hope that I can post a similar headline someday!
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 07:40 PM
2

Update: reading that book was one of the best things I’ve done during this divorce. I would recommend it to anyone in a high-conflict divorce. Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 07:38 PM
1

Is someone a 3 because of how they look or how they treat you? I’d rather date a 3 than the zero that I am divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 07:31 PM
2

Amen.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 07:29 PM
2

Sorry dude. Mine is doing it, too. Breaks my heart how much she is involving the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 04:21 AM
1

What has she done?
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 04:12 AM
1

This
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 03:25 AM
1

Thanks for your perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 02:05 AM
1

The Tits from Dunning Kruger
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 12:23 PM
2

Take all that effort that you’ve been putting into your relationship and instead put it into your kids and protecting yourself in this divorce. Limit your. Intact to minimal pleasantries with your wife from now on.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 03:05 PM
5

When she filed for divorce. It took about five days.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 02:41 PM
2

This sounds like BEC to me. She seems pissed off at anything you do because she is angry at you. You can either have a heart-to-heart about what she is really unhappy about in your relationship (and not harp on the minor details) and both agree to fix it, or you can get divorce-raped now rather than divorce-raped after several more years of misery. If you don’t BOTH try to fix the relationship, don’t bother. It takes two.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 02:37 PM
1

Roy Moore, for example :-?
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 08:26 PM
2

3 lessons here: 1. Leave the kids out of it. 2. She shouldn’t be recording the kids. That is far worse than your comment about the lawyers. 3. You need to record her saying shit in front of the kids. Free advice: 1. Congrats on not moving out. Keep it that way. 2. You aren’t a bad parent for not giving your 3-year old milkshakes and cookies. It’s sometimes ok to give kids unhealthy food, but it is always ok to not give them unhealthy food.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 03:07 AM
1

Please tell us about how it worked for you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 02:58 AM
4

Red flag. She’s already looking for reasons to dump you. And also, red flag - you’re on Reddit asking permission to date her. :)
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 11:16 AM
5

You’ve written “fight fire with fire” twice now because you’re both lawyers. She’s 36 and wants a baby. She isn’t going to wait several years. You want one, too. Don’t do it unless you can legally write up a 50-50 parenting plan and handle child support in a prenup in your state. Her desperation may be your in. Maybe she’ll always love you for giving her the blessing of the beautiful family she always wanted. Or she might do that for a few years then resent you over some bullshit reason and fuck…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 11:09 AM
3

So glad to see the term “divorce-rape” in writing.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 10:52 AM
8

Is she blaming him for not being supportive enough? How was she supportive of HIS grievance and loss? You said she blames him for the genetic condition that he did not disclose, which is kind of blaming him for the death of their (pre) child. You’ve heard only one side of the story and I’ve heard none. But never ever get in a relationship with a blamer.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 10:45 AM
1

Of course they aren’t equal. That is truly messed up. I am so sorry. My fingers are crossed for good luck on your trial next month!
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 11:43 AM
0

Both OP and I referred to PAST drug use. That’s 50% of Americans.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 11:34 AM
1

What state are you in? How did she get exclusive use of your pre-marital home?
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 02:37 AM
0

I agree with a lot of the very supportive comments here. BUT I want to add my two cents on this part: “She's done a lot of shit I think is fucked up, but again I wanted to give her a chance. She's fun and we get along well but I can just tell she's been through some shit I would never do, maybe drugs.” You’re looking for a friend with benefits. You’re “horny as fuck” and she probably is too. You don’t need to be so judgmental. If the fucked up things in her past is raping and trafficking underag…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 02:31 AM
1

Hey OP - you need to talk about this with your friends who know you and your wife. You’ve bottled this up until your ready for divorce without talking to anyone?
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 12:46 PM
2

Get video of her hitting you if you can. Record audio of your fights if legal in your state. If she leaves a mark or causes you to bleed, call the police, get her arrested, and get a restraining order. Do it before she does. Do it before your daughter grows up to think that Mom hitting Dad is normal. If I had a dollar for every woman who made false DV allegations against their husbands during divorce, I could pay back the legal fees of every single man on this forum.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 03:49 AM
3

Keep the thought that the protective order will make her look bad in your divorce proceedings. It will help you deal with how fucked up our legal system is. But be prepared for disappointment, because our legal system is fucked up. Good luck! And congratulations on being important enough to merit a congressional inquiry!
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 03:36 AM
2

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss of a child. There are no words to describe how awful that is. Asking her again to make sure divorce is what she wants is different from pleading with her to stay. I would ask again (in person) and file if she says yes. If she says no, give her a chance to meet you half way but divorce her if she isn’t wholeheartedly trying to fix things.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 03:27 AM
1

What was the value of the house when she moved in, three years after you bought? What is half of the principal that was paid down during the marriage? And can you rent a room out to help with the mortgage?
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 06:04 PM
1

Why on earth aren’t you getting custody of both your kids if she is abusive?
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 09:00 AM
1

Why are you letting your ex move your kids an hour away?
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 08:53 AM
6

Second that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 08:43 AM
3

Get an audio recorder. Run it any time you are with your spouse & father-in-law (if it is legal in your state). Until then, use your phone to record. As you have already discovered, you are guilty until proven innocent in this journey.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 08:32 AM
2

I’ll quote an attorney I interviewed: “I believe in marriage- I’ve been married 26 years. But in my entire career I have found one thing to be true: by the time someone is sitting here in my office, it is over.” If she wanted to work it out, she’d be going to couple’s counseling with you and would be actually trying to make it work. I tried to work it out for the sake of the kids, but, as other people have mentioned, when a woman is done, she is done.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 10:00 AM
1

If you punched her in the face and broke her nose, and then said, “It’ll get better,” everyone would advise her to leave you. So… have you left her yet?
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 03:38 AM
5

Is there an r/divorce_men_accused_of_rape sub yet? Or is that just all the men on here instead of r/divorce? Glad you have a enough evidence against her that you don’t have to take the accusation seriously.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/23 11:29 AM
5

$36K? You forgot about legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/23 11:13 AM
2

Great question- I hope to see more answers as I am in an earlier stage.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 12:09 PM
3

Yes!!!!! Get a mediator, make sure the agreement is as airtight as possible. Maybe consult with a lawyer privately to get advice ahead of time and maybe to look over the agreement before signing. If you both do it through lawyers, her lawyer will probably encourage her to take more. People have suggested an affair, but it’s also possible that your wife is depressed. Either way, it doesn’t matter. She’s asked for the divorce, given up her kids and divided property in her head. Her mind is made up…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 02:33 PM
20

If your wedding ring is gold, take a jewelry making class and make it into something else. You’ll be in a class with (probably) all women and you’ll learn a sexy skill.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 02:43 PM
2

I’m so sorry - I know how painful it is. It is hard to think about anything else. If you can, focus your pain on using the proper channels to swiftly get the upper hand in the legal system. When she resurfaces, she’ll look like a kidnapper. If you do nothing, she’ll look like the primary parent.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 02:27 PM
1

It really depends on what state you live in.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 03:39 AM
2

File for divorce asap. Establish that your residence is the marital residence. Also, your wife took off with the kids. That is unforgivable. Filing false criminal charges is unforgivable. If you haven’t already, fall out of love with her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 03:23 AM
2

Do you think she feels guilty for getting you out of the house, surprise filing, & slapping you with alimony? You claim in your post that you tried for years to make it work while she was checked out. Unless there’s a lot of stuff you’re not sharing about the mistakes you made, you did your part. Feeling guilty will only serve to allow her to take more from you in and out of court. Is that healthy for your kids?
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 01:02 PM
2

Don’t get hung up on the fact that you sent dirty texts. Dont let her take advantage of your guilt. She just accused you of plotting to kidnap your son. That is fucking crazy. You gave her an inch, don’t let her take a foot. Document everything, Don’t escalate.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 03:20 PM
1

That’s why you need a recording device. Have it on 100% of the time when you are around her. A lot of watches can record - that is the easiest way. (If it is legal to record her in SC.)
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 02:10 PM
1

Have you talked to a therapist? There are therapeutic techniques specifically to help people be less fixated on their problems. ACT is one of them. I’m in a class/support group that is currently working on this. It has been helpful for me.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 04:04 AM
3

“The person you married is not someone you will even recognize.” How true.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/23 02:37 PM
2

I know a couple people who have gone through this. It is so messed up.. I am sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 01:23 PM
4

I got my STBX an Xmas gift that clearly says, “you’re worth $10 or less.” What my kids see is a gift for mom under the tree and that’s the example I want to set.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/22 04:44 AM
4

You’re worried that possibly she is serious about fixing the relationship? Ok fine… consider dating her after you’ve divorced. You seemed to have a better relationship when you were unmarried.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 05:16 AM
3

What state do you live in?
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/22 03:19 PM
1

Why does no one care that she’s spending it on weed instead of the kids? Are you documenting this? Yes it’s her money, but if you’re in disagreement over custody, you probably have your golden ticket right there.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 12:53 PM
3

Does it count that my STBX accused me of gaslighting so frequently that I looked up the definition to make sure that I wasn’t actually gaslighting her?
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 04:22 PM
1

Family law IS gender neutral. It just isn’t applied neutrally in court.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 12:06 PM
2

It’s pretty normal to lose your appetite and not be able to focus on work when you learn about an affair. It’s normal to be angry. Wait until after your divorce is finalized before you make waves. Divorce can be spectacularly expensive and stressful. You don’t want to start a feud in a system that often holds bias against men. Read through this forum and see the number of restraining orders, rape allegations, and 6-figure legal bills men have endured because their borderline or narcissistic part…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 11:53 AM
3

Your kids are being uprooted because she filed for divorce. Not because she has to pay you temporary maintenance.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/22 04:03 AM
1

Yup. A judge can find a way around it. I know a guy who paid $120K child support from $100K of income because the judge felt he had too much money.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 05:48 AM
3

I wish I had met you between my first wife who wanted nothing (no kids), and my second wife who destroyed my professional career and wants full child support for 50/50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/22 06:20 AM
1

OP there’s a lot of good advice on this thread from people further down the road than you are. You seem well-meaning. In court, your prior generosity can be used against you. The fact that you’re unemployed won’t get you out of child support payments if she asks and is awarded them. Courts look at “income potential” if your income is low. The system is cruel, and in the eyes of the court, you walked out on your kid.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 03:48 PM
1

I love this advice. Alternately, you can change your wife’s name in your phone to “stop texting me where you are”
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 02:58 AM
1

It gets easier once you realize she will be reaming your ass with a cheese grater covered in chili sauce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 02:54 AM
1

Oh.. and #4: you should worry that she’ll accuse you of abuse or child abuse and get restraining orders on you and call the cops etc…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 02:50 AM
2

Everything all these guys said. Move somewhere cheaper if you can. And consider giving up two of your jobs and spending 50% of your time with your daughter. Both because you’re less likely to get fucked in court and because you might not see much of her if the court fucks you over. It depends a lot state-to-state so get advice from a local lawyer. The earlier you start protecting yourself the better your chances. And try to work it out if she isn’t totally insane. Maybe you taking on more of the…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 02:48 AM
1

I have a friend who cheated and they worked it out and get along swimmingly now.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/22 02:41 PM
1

If you’re thinking of breaking it off, protect yourself, and your relationship with your kid. (Assuming you want that.) Talk to a lawyer in your state - the rules are different everywhere. Are you the breadwinner/work full-time? How much time do you spend with your child? Consider going part-time and caring for your baby 50% of the time. That might help your relationship if she feels overwhelmed by parenting, and could help you in court if you choose to divorce. Just an example… I don’t know you…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 03:32 AM
2

A lot of women have made up their minds before even trying couple’s counseling. If your wife is willing to try in therapy, and you are as well, I’d say give it a shot.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 03:25 AM
2

I feel very much the same as you, friend.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 01:49 AM
1

OP - you have to yell at your kids sometimes. It is normal parenting. Dont let her scare you out of parenting and disciplining your kids. It depends on where you live, but CPS will not likely take your kids away for raising your voice to discipline them. Your ex is ridiculous. However, her behavior hurts the kids. My understanding is she should generally not be recording the children and certainly not disseminating that recording to the community.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 01:43 AM
1

Um… YES! Maybe.. depending on your state. I learned the hard way that it isn’t considered cheating if you’ve filed for divorce. So maybe wait until you file. And don’t take it home until you separate. And your kids can’t know about or meet her. And don’t put anything on an online dating profile that can be used against you. (Like a photo including your kids’ faces). Divorce is fucked up and you need emotional support. Btw, why are you waiting for your kid’s birthday?
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 03:41 AM
1

If it isn’t too late, I would encourage your STBX not to use an attorney to file for divorce. It will more often slow things down and make the divorce contentious. Mediation is usually faster and cheaper. Or just file yourselves if you don’t have assets or kids to fight over. Once she files, you should get served within a day or two.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/22 04:00 AM
2

Do not move out!!! Courts in most states frown on a parent moving out without a written parenting agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/22 03:54 AM
5

Wolverine - what is 5???
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/22 03:47 AM
2

Thanks for a very different perspective. I just want to point out that in some states, moving out = losing custody if a legal parenting agreement isn’t already in place.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 11:15 AM
4

My STBX actually said “a switch flipped” and she wasn’t ok with me anymore. At least OP got 25 good years first. I only got 5. But we have 2 kids and she wants 20 years of child support.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 11:49 AM
1

Furious moustache: Thank you. My wife is in poor mental health but I’m not qualified to diagnose her. However, I have never seen a book or any product with better reviews than the book you just recommended. I am ordering right away!
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/22 02:37 AM
1

And then when she doesn't get me arrested, she just gets a restraining order instead.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/22 06:47 PM
1

Thanks for the advice. My STBX has occasionally said inappropriate things in front of the kids and has used the kids in a way she shouldn't. I'm collecting all that for my lawyer. I just feel from talking to nearly every man who has been divorced that a mom can get away with nearly everything and a man can't make any mistakes.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/22 06:45 PM
1

Thanks R-Potato. I am a year into the divorce and made it clear that I am not leaving until we have a custody agreement, but she is trying to make it as difficult and expensive for me as possible. I am keeping a journal (probably too much info that I am keeping). Every nasty stupid thing she does, my lawyer gives the same response: she shouldn't do that but none of this will ever add up to custody. It seems that substance abuse or child abuse are the only things that lead to father custody.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/22 06:41 PM
1

That was a great link - thanks. She has called the cops twice on me with false DV accusations, and they have not arrested me yet but she will keep trying. I will spend more time on that forum.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/22 06:37 PM
1

I second this. Staying together in an open discreet relationship may be better for everyone - especially the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 02:05 AM
1

Unfortunately, in NY moving out of the house = losing custody without a signed agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 01:47 PM
2

I can’t wait to not be living with someone who regularly calls the cops on me for fake reasons and has me under bogus restraining orders. (And yet she is still angrier than I am.)
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 02:25 AM
1

Violet rose said it already. She is entitled to half the increase in value from the date of marriage to the date of filing for divorce (I think). So if you bought it for $1M, and it was worth $1.2M when you got married, and it is worth $1.5M now, she is entitled to half of $300K, or $150K. It doesn’t matter who paid for what.. unless it was inherited. If you inherit a house for $1M, and she helped make renovations that increases the value, she can make a claim for equitable distribution. (I thin…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 02:32 AM
3

Thanks for posting.. your insights are appreciated. Unfortunately, in my case we did have those conversations at the beginning of our relationship. But then my wife got angry, and all bets were off.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 01:35 AM
2

Thanks for a feel-good comment.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 01:16 AM
2

Did you do this? Can you elaborate on your experience?
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 03:34 AM
1

Stop beating yourself up over an emotional affair that occurred years ago. That is insignificant compared to the other issues at hand.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 03:24 PM
2

Nothing compared to the legal fees when she divorces you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 02:53 AM
3

Yup. I had a prenup. Still getting fucked.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 02:41 AM
4

I heard in NY unmarried women get custody more because family court is more sexist than NY Supreme Court where married couples divorce. On the other hand, I also heard that unmarried couples with kids split up less often.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 02:38 AM
1

It is common to change representation- especially when you are the defendant. Not everyone picks right under duress on the first try.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 07:52 AM
1

I am in the middle of a nasty divorce and am getting financially bulldozed. So I agree with a lot of the comments above to financially protect yourself. However, before she filed I was fighting for the marriage (for our young kids, which fortunately you don’t have). At least try to go to couple’s counseling before filing. But maybe talk to an attorney first and be careful what you say.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 01:53 AM
1

Amazing advice, bravo! And sorry about the TROs and temporary support.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 01:43 AM
2

I know your joking but no one should ever do this to an unborn child. Have kids with a woman who isn’t rotten.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 01:41 AM
7

Everything he said. If your wife has no filter and says stuff in front of the kids that is damaging, it might be useful to get recordings (if legal) before you serve papers. For what it’s worth, knowing you’re collecting evidence might make life with her a little more tolerable.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 01:32 AM
1

OP that is really fucked up. I am so sorry. It is unfortunately common during divorce. So common that I read that women get custody 10% less often when they accuse their husbands of child abuse. I hope that can give you a glimmer of hope during such a dark time.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/22 03:02 AM
2

I remember you from another post. Yours is one of the toughest stories I’ve heard so far. Respect for getting through such a mess and remaining sane.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/22 02:48 AM
6

WTF?? I wish my STBX said some of those things. All she says is “I’ll call my lawyer and he’ll call your lawyer you’ll pay for both of them.”
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/22 02:55 AM
0

Make sure life doesn’t teach you the lesson that, since the precedent is you paying the bills, you’ll be paying her child support while she takes the kids and fucks her new man.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/22 02:19 PM
1

Omg $150k for a rape allegation. So sorry you had to go through that.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/22 04:42 AM
2

My STBX did that to me. It hurt to write a check to the asshole my wife hired to fuck me over.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/22 04:34 AM
3

Dude - this is all you need to cope: thank god you don’t have kids with her. Just think that phrase every time you’re angry. That got me through the easiest divorce in history.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 10:51 AM
2

To know that your child is terminal sounds like the heaviest weight imaginable. To deal with that, plus the ex that is taking advantage… I don’t know how you do it. My daughter was severely ill for a year, and spent nearly 5 months in the hospital. She got through it, but several other parents I met during that time lost their kids. It was horrible to see. Can you lose the debt through bankruptcy? Did your lawyer really suck? In NY, the moneyed spouse has to pay a portion of the other spouse’s l…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 10:44 AM
2

I agree with you on the false allegations being worse than infidelity
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 10:18 AM
3

Whoa. That’s the highest I’ve ever heard. How did it get so high?
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 10:14 AM
1

Talk to a divorce attorney now about how not to get fucked. Laws differ a lot state to state, so advice on here may not be accurate for you. But male breadwinners usually get fucked. Then see if you can go to couple’s counseling to find out what’s really wrong that she is angry at you all the time. And be open to the idea that the problem can only be resolved if both of you work to fix it. And please don’t call your wife caring for a toddler from 6am-4pm unemployed. I take care of my kids 4 days…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/22 02:23 AM
2

My wife had trauma growing up - I was impressed with how well-adjusted she seemed until we had a shitstorm of bad luck and she snapped. I became the devil in her eyes and she is trying to get as much money from me as she possibly can in this divorce. Dear OP: thank your lucky stars you don’t have kids. I’m sorry you are going through this. It sucks. It’ll probably take a year to get through it. But when you’re feeling down, remind yourself how fucking lucky you are that you don’t have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 02:10 AM
1

I was divorced 8 years ago w/o kids in NY - I downloaded the paperwork from the NY gov website and divorced for $35 I think. I don’t remember having to go before a judge.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/22 01:52 AM
1

I’m not 100% sure and it probably varies from state to state but… You’re upset about the “blackmail.” That is not the evidence. If you have a tape showing her as the aggressor, proving that she filed a bogus TRO makes her look bad to the judge. Unfortunately, people do it all the time in divorce, so it isn’t that big a deal. Btw, my wife has called the police on me three times (no arrests) and filed two TROs. She is desperate to get me out of the house and is falling apart as I stand my ground. …
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/22 02:22 AM
4

Forget about whether she is cheating. She said you living together is unhealthy for the kids and you agree… DON’T MOVE OUT unless your willing to give up your kids. 1) Talk to a lawyer immediately for advice on not getting fucked. 2) try to end it through mediation and counseling rather than lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 10:55 AM
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