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ImpermanentSelf Archive

View 0 posts and 182 comments by ImpermanentSelf on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
8

You miss the routine and familiarity, our brains don’t like change when it feels like losing something.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 08:54 PM
2

When people met organically they didn’t have new 100 men/women to choose from to approach, if you met a woman at church and asked her out and she turned you down, you probably didn’t immediately ask the next one. But you can find 100+ new profiles to swipe every day in major cities
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 01:33 PM
3

Who else is gonna teach timmy the proper way to load a crack pipe? You don’t want them learning that from strangers
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 11:08 AM
17

Her friends and support group aren’t actually going to help her grow, they will just validate and agree with whatever shes feeling, most likely the therapist will do the same.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 10:56 PM
1

The problem is that information along with the number of people in the apps starts making us picky, we focus on things that don’t or shouldn’t matter as much. It starts to feel like comparison shopping, and we start feeling like we are being compared to hundreds of other men, because we are. It does a of harm to the social structure and our psychology to start viewing people as a label on their profile rather than human beings.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 05:40 PM
2

Find a male therapist that feels like a bro.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 10:17 PM
2

I think we have collectively lied to ourselves that apps are the main way to meet people. We all need to get out more, focus on meeting people and stop focus on meeting dates. A random woman in my neighborhood stopped me yesterday on my walk to tell me she hasn’t seen me since before winter and that I am looking good. She was a little old for me I think, and I am not looking to date right now anyway, but it doesn’t hurt to be friendly and introduce yourself. Bring up a conversation one day and m…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 02:53 PM
8

I think the best dating strategy is to not look, don’t use apps, avoid people who do use them, avoid any group activity looking, just get out where you might meet people. Yes there will be very few opportunities, but the quality of people will be significantly higher. Apps and speed dating attract certain types of people, and those are exactly the people you don’t want to date. Theres maybe 5% of people in those that are worth dating personality wise, and they often leave. Better to have a few c…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 10:43 AM
8

I thought mine would be over in months, so did my lawyer. It’s been 14 months paying apl while she makes unrealistic demands of alimony on top of the significant assets. No kids, just a grown ass adult that doesn’t want to support herself.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 10:38 AM
2

If I was a pimp I would be getting paid for her having sex with other dudes…. Im fighting this right now. No kids, so should have been an easy case. Significant assets more than 500k less than a mil to be split, so she’s not going to be destitute, she’s fighting for 4 years of alimony, married 11 years at filing. She moved her boyfriend into our marital home 3 weeks after I moved out, but they broke up and hes gone now so the court doesn’t care. Been paying apl for 13 months while she drags her …
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 10:56 AM
2

Why did you ask, you don’t need her permission
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 02:33 PM
1

Im looking at something similar, I wish I had your positive attitude, but Ive been working for 20 years and Im burned out and was looking forward to an early retirement.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 10:50 AM
1

Still in process but I don’t plan to open any, all our cards were single named even when assets were all in shared accounts. I just have one through my bank and I think one other bank.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 04:25 PM
2

Moving money out of your 401k while the value is dropping is generally a dumb move, the market goes up and down, your 401k should be diversified. That is unless you are on the cusp of retirement, which going into a divorce is unlikely. That value also shouldn’t have been 1:1 assuming your 401k is pretax dollars, they are only worth 80 cents or so of post tax money.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 06:11 PM
3

Mine filed last January and I am only now getting a conciliation conference, failing that I will finally be able to push to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 06:25 PM
9

Is she still seeing him? If she moves in with him you have a golden ticket out of alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 02:09 PM
1

Im curious to find out if that still applies if cohabitation started and ended after separation and before the divorce was finalized. My stbxw moved her bf into our marital home 3 weeks after I moved out, they got a job together, she drove them to work cause he didn’t have a car or license, but it ended and he moved out a few months later.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 11:30 PM
2

You sure you want an equity buyout? Do you have the funds or do you need a loan? When was the house last appraised? You can bet she will want a current appraisal.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 09:01 PM
1

If she had asked for 20-50k more I probably would have just gone for it, but she wanted over $100k in additional alimony above what was already a generous offer. The judge will likely award significantly less than my offer, though the duration might be longer. This was in addition to a 50/50 asset split. She could literally go back to school for another degree with the settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 07:23 PM
1

Not only that but they also know the judges and other court officers. They are all colleagues. Realtors are similar. At the end of the day anyone with experience in fields like this will have an idea of what the likely outcome will be, they have seen comparable situations. Quite a bit of what your own lawyer does and says is a performance, they make more money if they get you upset. My lawyer is quite busy with other cases, I think thats a blessing, it means she doesn’t have much reason to push …
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 07:12 PM
1

If she has marital debt it will be shared, ie if she ran up 50k in credit card bills in the last 3 years you own half that debt, it generally does not matter that finances were separate, you are married. The only thing that can matter are assets (money) you had before marriage that was never mingled with marital assets.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 12:13 PM
1

Did you actually go to court before a judge? What state?
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 06:24 PM
1

Have you actually been divorced? Houses get appraised or sold, they will impute your income and they can find your assets if they aren’t offshore. They can get financial records for the past decade, unless you carried cash to another country they will find the accounts you moved money into from financial records and tax records.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 06:08 PM
5

Welcome to the great wealth distribution that is divorce. Marriage is a scam.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 12:24 AM
0

Thats great advice, get held in contempt instead and end up losing everything.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 12:21 AM
5

Stay in the house, get a lawyer, she abandoned her family and the home, do everything you can do with the lawyer as fast as you can to not let her back in. You cannot afford to think she is going to play nice.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 12:37 AM
3

You don’t need typical liquidity for a buyout, you can trade retirement assets for it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 12:17 AM
6

I would just pay the lawyer, but then again my divorce has 2/3 million of assets to be split
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 02:08 PM
3

You need some individual therapy, it’s hard to find a good therapist, but worth it. Why the hell do you think you are just gonna end up on drugs? You need to learn to live your best life on your own, only then will you attract the right people to your life.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 01:48 PM
7

Im wondering why you got married again too
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 12:41 AM
3

Time to stop wasting money on couples therapy, and start wasting it on personal therapy and probably some for the kiddos too.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 12:01 PM
1

Ive noticed the recent version of chatgpt has been doing this less and less, its challenging me, that or I have just gone off the dipshit end and its finally had enough of my shit.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 12:12 PM
15

I would say don’t threaten a divorce in the first place. Using the threat of divorce is a good way to end up divorced. Don’t use the word divorce before you are sure it’s over.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 11:42 AM
1

Thats ridiculous. They would absolutely impute your income if you lost your job.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 02:34 PM
1

If he does like it will make the ex more uncomfortable, which is bonus
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 09:17 PM
2

Exactly! Also, “I loosened em up for ya so they aren’t so tight”
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 06:57 AM
12

Ask him if he wants your old used worn out underwear too.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 02:03 AM
2

Ya, point being that there is a record that the money is being used for the child. Parents could of course just have an agreement to avoid the hassle, but if one ones to dispute it then they resort to accounting.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 02:18 PM
10

CS makes sense, alimony doesn’t. Though I think CS should be handles by documenting each party spending the money on the child rather than transferring money between parties. Ie if your CS is $1000/mo, you don’t give the money to the mother, you buy clothes and stuff for your kid and document it throughout the year. This way parents cannot use CS money on themself.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 01:26 PM
13

Consider that what she is asking for isn’t necessarily what she wants/needs but what she thinks she wants. She needs you to make her feel a certain way. The things women ask for often don’t actually give those results. You probably feel and act beaten down, it’s understandable. You need to stop acting like the beaten down man and be the confident man she desired in the first place. It’s not that she needs things taken off her plate she wants you to lead and make the plate for her. Tl;dr women do…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 10:21 PM
2

It was, it was back in May, I stayed at Skyland. I kinda picked it randomly as I had a 1 day work trip and chose to drive, I was just trying to find something to do that would take advantage of the route I had to drive home and it was only maybe an extra hour of driving on the 5 hours I had to drive anyway, so I drove there Thursday after my work meeting and stayed til Sunday, did a lot of hiking mainly. I think I am planning to make it a yearly pilgrimage sorta thing. There are like 300 trails …
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 03:03 PM
3

Those were 2 separate statements.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 04:38 PM
8

Dude you cannot even write off alimony or temporary spousal support. Family court fucks over anyone who makes money and there is systemic bias against men.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 02:24 PM
25

More young unmarried men need to read these stories. They need to opt out. Marriage is not worth it in this modern world
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 02:54 AM
1

Happens to me, the advice I have been given is no contact, try to change the subject in your brain when it happens, and give it time. It was described to me like building a muscle. The more you do it the easier it becomes. I honestly can’t tell you if it works or not. I think a low commitment sexual relationship works better. It’s certainly more distracting.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 01:24 PM
6

Go hike, cry when you need to cry. The squirrels and chipmunks won’t judge.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 10:33 PM
2

I think he probably realizes that.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 10:31 PM
1

I didn’t have a problem getting into a nice apartment after paying mortgage for ~9 years. That is as long as you have an income 3x rent.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 02:36 AM
1

To be fair, I was stupid too. Im not judging OP, just trying to tell him what I wish people would have told me
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 10:55 PM
14

You have custody, block her and go no contact. If she shows up get a restraining order. For fucks sake dude she tried to accuse you of SA your ass could he in jail right now if she was a better liar what the fuck are you thinking? Giving her another chance to lie? I wouldn’t talk to her and I sure as fuck wouldn’t sleep with her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 09:43 PM
3

Glad I moved out so I don’t have to see her, my world can be peaceful, the only chaos is in my head. No kids fortunately, she’s dragging the divorce out, I can’t imagine how she would behave if there were children. Made a turkey breast, sweet potato casserole with pecans and brown sugar topping, some canned cranberry and stuffing. Was gonna bake some home made rolls, but figured that was way too much food already and it was. I started cooking all my meals when we separated, mostly out of necessi…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/25 01:30 AM
3

Glad I moved out man. It was brutal being alone today, I am still debating between finishing the wine bottle of hard cider I opened and… I dunno something else, seconds of the dinner I made, popcorn and tv, still working on that. I assume you have kids?
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 09:36 PM
1

Thanks man, you put it well, she put herself in a position to lose me and she did, she didn’t protect the relationship. I had removed all possible temptations from my life, didn’t make friends with female coworkers even, and she went looking for male attention.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 12:26 PM
5

My wife claims she joined a dating app and opened our marriage for me because I needed it to be happy. When it all crashed I stopped seeing the women I was seeing, she couldn’t let go of the guy, she still wanted me, said she was gonna end things with him, kept dragging it out, hurt him pretty bad too poor guy tried to kill himself.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 12:53 AM
3

You should check another lawyer, debts incurred post separation should not be considered marital liabilities. My lawyer had me do an inventory at time of separation. There’s no way her family loaning her money should be included, if courts allowed that shit fraud would be rampant. Does she have detailed records and bank account statements to back all of this up?
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 11:09 AM
7

Tell her if she wants you out you will… if she signs a separation agreement that your lawyer draws up.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 09:39 PM
9

Not divorced yet… My wife doesn’t want the divorce, but she also wasn’t willing to do anything meaningful to save the marriage, for instance she couldn’t stop lying to me and talking to the other man. She kept saying she was gonna “fight for us”, but she couldn’t even stop talking to him, I can literally see when she calls him on the cell phone records.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 07:02 PM
2

Were condoms involved? That was a big problem for me
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 01:04 AM
3

You can try counseling, my last counseling session together actually had the goal of helping us both with the separation and divorce. Fat load of good it did in our case, but I can thought it was useful at the time.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 12:51 AM
3

Why would you? What is there for you to gain?
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 10:21 PM
9

I think a lot of western women, especially American women, took the pros of feminism and wanted to keep the pros of traditionalism. They want a guy to pay for the dates, be the breadwinner, mow the lawn, while also being able to live as a modern woman. My wife was exactly this, she wouldn’t let a man tell her what she could do or how to behave or dress, but she also didn’t think she should have to work of contribute financially in any way, despite having no children. There are a lot of women not…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 03:47 PM
25

Women have the lowest self reported happiness in generations. Their friends and social media tell them many things, among them is that if they aren’t happy it’s their husband’s fault. (Also they would be happy if they had a career instead of being mothers, most all advertising is aimed at women because women are more likely to buy things they think will make them happy, etc). Anyway… the women cheat or divorce, if they are young enough the cycle repeats, until they eventually go from being unhap…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 12:13 PM
4

She might just be biased, my lawyer is a woman and has been very aggressive. I suspect some of it is for show though, at the end of the day these lawyers all generally see each other all the time in court. I was also up front that I wasn’t trying to make things difficult for my wife I just wanted the matter settled. I made my wife a very reasonable offer in the very beginning and she refused it asked for a crazy amount more. When I talked to a lawyer she basically said my wife is an idiot, that …
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 12:06 PM
1

You can retire a lot sooner than you think, you have to recognize how much keeping her costs, and theres no gaurantee she doesn’t leave you the moment you retire and take lifetime alimony and force you back into the workforce. Im 41 not quite as well but did decent and sitting at a similar income. Divorce asap. Talk to a lawyer, if you don’t have kids to worry about find an aggress lawyer they may have some strategies for you to get her to settle quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 11:32 PM
1

Much better than my situation, not my bosses decision but they decided to stop paying our health insurance premium as they have done forever, since I am court ordered to carry my wife on my insurance as she drags out the divorce I got effectively a ~$500 a month paycut while I am paying 1/3 of my net to her for spousal support until the divorce is finalized, which she keeps delaying even though she filed.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 03:52 PM
8

They do this because money was the only reason they were with you, with that gone they stop pretending to like you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 01:11 AM
2

It’s around 90% for divorced men vs divorced women.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 01:05 AM
13

My $0.02, stop looking for purpose and live in the moment. Go hike and just watch the trees sway in the wind, watch a squirrel, when you do try to imagine the squirrels life and perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 12:10 AM
2

What happens next will depend on your location and situation, you need a lawyer now
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 08:27 AM
1

How do you plan to actually retire?
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 10:49 PM
1

I have had an aggressive lawyer since before she even filed, my state has a 1 year wait before I can force it before a judge. (1 year separated)
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 07:17 PM
1

Im trying, she won’t even let the divorce happen. Even though she is the one who filed her lawyer keeps delaying and filing a continuance. The kicker is she doesn’t want to get divorced, she wants to keep being married so I have to support her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 09:45 AM
27

Accountable? Never. Realizing shes fucked? Immediately, still not even divorced yet and she knows it. Even with the half million or so she is gonna get she still has to work and support herself. She knows it’s very unlikely she will find another man that can support her and provide the kind of life I provided. What I still don’t understand why is why she was so incapable of changing her behavior when she had second chances, you would think she would shape up and actually try, she can’t stop lyin…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 04:47 PM
1

12 years, looking at losing around a half mil between assets and alimony. Been through all of it with my lawyer. Really just trying to get it done and figure out if its +- 50k what I expect overall.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 09:35 PM
3

There are no children involved. My wife and I never had any children together or with anyone else. So kindly go fuck yourself with your bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 09:07 AM
2

Lawyers are involved and mine is doing everything the law allows to move things forward. Just because you don’t want to believe something doesn’t make it true. The reality is the law generally takes from the high earning partner and gives to the lesser earning partner, since often women are the lesser earning partner it means the law often benefits them. Lesser earning men can do the same, but often feel shame for doing so and don’t. Many women apparently feel entitled to money from their spouse…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 02:56 AM
2

My lawyer is trying, unfortunately she can delay quite a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 09:55 PM
9

No kids, currently paying alimony pendent lite (spousal support) of about 1/3 my net while she delays the divorce she filed (in January) I moved out in February. She refuses to even discuss or negotiate any divorce terms.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 08:17 PM
4

Quit drinking and start working out. I go walk for 90 minutes in the morning and try to hike on the weekends (in addition to weights). It’s the only time I feel at peace.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 10:55 AM
8

Most people don’t even know the correct pronunciation of narcissist
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 10:37 AM
12

I don’t have any advice, but this is exactly why I am getting divorced now at age 41 and 12 years married rather than giving her another chance. I can sorta recover my retirement/financial plans if I divorce now, but now that I have seen a different side of her I cannot trust her with my future again, or any other woman for that matter. I will never be legally responsible to support someone ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 03:30 PM
1

I think it depends, if she comes onto me she will come onto other guys, but Im not gonna be the one to try to tempt her by making the first pass.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 09:33 PM
3

Then deciding you will just manage without lol
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 01:00 PM
4

The men that actually have all those things want women who meet an equally long list of requirements. Those men date lots of women looking for one that does, all those women they date think they deserve that type of man, but he will go through hundreds looking for one worthy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 11:46 AM
12

Then they cry on tik tok how much living alone costs, and how none of the men they meet in their 40s want to wife them up.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 11:44 AM
1

California doesn’t technically have a max though, so it’s always possible. There are some horror stories of California divorces on this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 12:31 PM
1

You are in California, hopefully you don’t get stuck with lifetime alimony, if so a portion of those rsus will be going to her as alimony anyway as they count as income. You did hire a lawyer right?!??
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 09:10 PM
1

As far as the federal government is concerned thats income when it is vested. If you quit the job you would have lost it. Imagine if you also owed your spouse RSUs granted during the marriage and you lost the job before vesting.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 08:44 PM
2

Ah ya kids change things. Careful if she doesn’t get her way she may file a bogus report against you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 01:45 PM
1

How do you think its gonna be? Something you are gonna learn is it doesn’t matter whether you can accept things or not. I am gonna be honest with you, you really don’t wanna stay in the same place as her anyway. The only reason to do that is if kids are involved and you are trying to keep custody rights. It will be a whole lot better for you if you start focusing on the new life you are going to create for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 12:52 PM
6

I moved into the apartment I wanted to live in. Sign a lease and take whatever you can with you. If you have money you should have a lawyer advising you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 11:10 PM
2

PA is “equitable distribution” not 50/50. It can range anywhere from 40-60 generally. But is also only factors increase during the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 07:38 PM
2

You got this, message me if you need a friend. Your life isn’t over, a new life is around the corner. I am 41 and while not every day is peachy, I am building a new life entirely of my choosing.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 02:53 AM
6

I want her to be well and find happiness and have a good life, but I no longer feel any responsibility for it. I gave her every opportunity to earn back my trust, to try to help her, and I got burned over and over again. I was open to reconciliation and at one point all she had to do to stay married was just stay home and do nothing and she couldn’t do that, she came up with lie to leave and go see another guy.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 12:17 PM
3

Did either of you actually file a divorce complaint yet?
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 11:12 AM
1

You just have to learn how and where to look. Work on your own glow up, start working out, it will increase your confidence, even if you don’t look any better the confidence will get you in a woman’s bed easier.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 10:31 AM
2

Basically ya, you are gonna negotiate for the home you want. Since you have adequate retirement money to make up the difference. It probably wont be dollar for dollar equity difference, you might need to give $1.30 of retirement per dollar of equity. Pretax dollars and all that.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 11:51 PM
3

Shenandoah during the divorce. After the divorce maybe Bermuda.(not divorced yet)
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 11:08 AM
1

“Only” 4 fights that ended with you leaving? Wtf. One would be all it would have taken me to nope the fuck out. Thats toxic as shit.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 01:20 PM
12

Fun fact a lot of covert narcissists call everyone who doesn’t go along with them a narcissist.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 04:58 PM
1

I did, I am unsure now with my age. If I was 5 years younger absolutely yes. 5 years older probably a solid no. Being 60+ when my kid graduates high-school seems unfair. and selfishly I could be retired by then if I don’t have children.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 07:48 PM
4

41, I will probably never marry again unless Im on my death bed and I really love her. For me to even consider it they need to have a similar income, or maybe just maybe if kids are a possibility, I am aging out of that zone though (no kids so far). That said it would really have to be the right person, sign a prenup, etc. Most likely I am just gonna live alone and entertain some casual relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 04:45 PM
3

My wife wanted an open marriage after 11 years. She insisted we should only have one other partner each after I had started dating two women so I cut one off. Then she hid a 3rd guy from me and her other partner, thats what prompted me to finally want a divorce. No sooner than I moved out she moved the other guy in so they could play house. She still wanted me back, possibly still does, she already sees the consequences, but even when I gave her a second chance (really like 10th) it wasn’t enoug…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 06:56 PM
3

Thats what I did, I offered her significantly more in alimony before I got a lawyer, she wanted 2.5x as much I offered. My lawyer told me a judge will likely award her half of what I initially offered. (Just going by total, rate and duration being different). She still thinks she is gonna get 2.0x or 2.5x but she most likely getting 0.5x, and have to pay a ton of money to her lawyer in the process. The total for me will probably be about 1.0x since I am paying spousal support in the mean time an…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 01:08 PM
2

Half is hers, this is why they call it “cashing out” for women. My employer puts money into my retirement account, half of that is also hers, despite the fact that it is an individual retirement account and has individual federal limits that do not change with marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 01:00 PM
6

That was a rough phase, I did a lotta self help meditation, solitude, the comfort crisis was a great book for the journey I highly recommend it even though its only tangentially related it helped me form a new outlook on life as a whole. Heres the opportunity you need to focus on. You get to create whatever new identity you want. I know the void you are talking about cause I went through it, I am not trying to downplay it, but now you get to be whatever you want. My life now… I cook every meal f…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 01:33 PM
3

She had a job for 21 an hour after we separated, she was working with her bf, but then she quit. So at the very least they should impute that income. The fact that she quit reinforces the case that she is voluntarily unemployed.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 06:29 PM
3

I am hoping/expecting that since there were no children and she can’t claim to have been a busy sahm the judge sees through her bullshit about not being able to work. She also has a bachelors and 2 associates degrees. She could work if she wanted to, she could even be doing gig work right now but refuses even though she used to do a little bit of it during covid when she was bored and tired of being stuck at home.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 05:59 PM
2

Ya no kids, at this point I just need the divorce finalized and get this support reduced so I can afford to actually live. It’s been 6 months separated, she got a job then quit. I am trying to fight to get the divorce moved forward so the support turns into alimony and gets reduced. Since her boyfriend moved in with her after separation and was cohabiting and I can prove it, I have a good argument to deny alimony altogether if she wants to fight over it too much.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 05:56 PM
3

My wife stands to get half the marital assets or slightly more, something like 350-400k. She also wants alimony, I offered her 2 years of 3500 a month, she wanted 5. I got a lawyer the next day. We were only married 11 years total. She worked maybe 4 months of part time jobs spread through the marriage. No kids.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 05:37 PM
3

It was a complex situation, my wife wanted to open our marriage after 10 years together, my wife started dated a 25 year old (wife is my age), a month after I started dating this woman who is a few year older than me. Wife lied, eventually caught her with a 3rd guy she lied about behind my back and behind her other guys back… my wife could have told me and it wouldn’t have been cheating, but that would mean she would have to admit being a hypocrite because at one point I was seeing 3rd woman as …
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 05:33 PM
5

Oof 7 years, how long were you married? I had a woman very devoted to me right after separation but it was too fast for me. My divorce isn’t even finalized yet and she was talking like she was ready to be my next wife. I understand from her perspective, she wanted to lock me down, but I needed more time before hearing that kinda talk. I was very up front that I don’t think I ever want to remarry. I am 41, and unless we are gonna have kids I don’t see the point.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 05:18 PM
2

Well thats a good way to get the judge to side with them and give them everything.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 06:39 PM
11

Find a lawyer and start preparing your defense. Shes gonna checkout now and take as much money as she can. Don’t be surprised if she comes back when she finds out the dude loses interest in here, 50/50 chance of that. It’s a lot easier for a man to seem charming to a woman when she doesn’t live with him. Three weeks after I moved out my wife moved her boyfriend into our marital house that I paid for, it took her less than a week to realize the grass wasn’t greener, she realized he would rather s…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 01:19 PM
5

You gotta talk to a lawyer, it varies state to state. But in general, you are fucked, the only question is how bad and how long. Someone told me you have to think of it as buying your freedom from them.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 06:01 PM
5

Funny… all my legal documents have a disclaimer that ai was not used. You might want to pay for an hour of a lawyers time to review it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 12:55 PM
3

Never able to influence positive change…. Yup right here with that one
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 10:31 AM
1

Don’t marry someone who makes less than you, if that means not getting married then don’t get married.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 04:54 PM
1

You sound like the type of man that make the rest of us look bad, do us a favor and go fuck off.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 02:29 PM
2

You might find yourself detained at an airport one day.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 01:33 PM
3

If you aren’t hiding it they can order you to move the funds, when you don’t you will be in contempt. It doesn’t really matter if they have the physical ability to access the money or not.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 12:32 PM
3

If they can find records of the transfer they can take other funds instead of garnish your wages until you repay the difference with interest. Same goes if you go blow an obscene amount in a casino or give it to someone.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 12:05 PM
4

What do you make and what are your marital assets? If she had contributed to a 401k you would be entitled to a portion of it (and her a portion of yours). Seems reasonable on the surface to me though, I have already spent about that much on spousal support and I haven’t even gotten divorced yet. I basically have to support her with 1/3 of my income until we get divorced and figure out the long term arrangement.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 12:30 PM
11

Prenup is usually not going to do much if you had a stay at home spouse for 10-20+ years.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 11:13 AM
1

If you make more than her you are gonna be paying alimony if it goes to court.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 10:05 PM
8

I have come to realize how I have spent my entire adult life either prioritizing someone else or compromising. I barely spent any of my adult life single. Now I am the priority. My physical and mental health are my top priority. I was never in good shape really, so this is a low bar but I am the healthiest I have been since I finished college and getting better by the day.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 09:22 PM
8

My first long term partner of ~10 years died young (never married legally), and I am now divorcing my wife of 11 years. Im 41 and I feel the same. If the right someone happens to stumble into my path so be it but I am not gonna go looking
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 09:03 PM
5

I don’t know if it’s “normal” cause I don’t know what is normal, but starting a new life by getting rid of the old makes sense. I didn’t really want much of what was “ours” just stuff that I identified as “mine”.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 01:15 AM
13

I think part of the problem us men have specifically is we are ingrained to keep trying to make things work. In the cases you describe and my own the changes were noticeable early on, but rather than either push our partners unacceptable attitudes and behaviors and push for divorce if they don’t change we stick it out. Premarital assets are generally not considered for asset division in divorce, and alimony generally does not get awarded for short term marriages. On the same coin… we need to rea…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 08:10 AM
1

Focus entirely on not biting your nails, be bored intentionally
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 12:02 AM
3

Embrace the discomfort, sit with it, don’t try to distract yourself from it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 09:09 PM
7

Alimony usually doesn’t go up after the divorce afaik, it can generally only go down. Child support is different.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 12:55 PM
4

Cut off your ex completely, she is your ex for a reason. It almost never works out getting back with an ex, you are spoiling your current relationship by fantasizing about a relationship with your ex. If you don’t do this you will ruin your life if you haven’t already. Most likely your ex only wants you because you have someone else now.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 10:56 AM
4

As long as she doesn’t mind me going on vacation and going out hiking and what not without her it sounds fine to me. Im past wanting to start a family, and if I ever do start dating again I don’t think I want to cohabitate. Divorce rates increase with every marriage, statistically its only a matter of time before the relationship fails, not living together makes it easier when that eventually happens, in the mean time enjoy each others company when you can. Also Id rather not share my living spa…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 11:07 AM
7

They can impute her previous income if it was that recent. Also you can out for there to be some kinda review of her attempts to find work. I forget the term. Also.. you can file to get alimony reduced later if she starts working or cohabiting with other man
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 01:58 PM
2

Oh I didn’t mean just being civil, she started coming on to me sexually daily or even multiple times per day even though we were separated and didn’t live together. This was a woman that told me she was demisexual and thats why she never wanted to have sex.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 01:09 PM
3

The rough part is after you start the divorce and suddenly she does a 180 and is being a perfect angel. I went through several cycles with my wife. The problem is after a month she slipped back to the same woman I want to divorce in the first place.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 11:10 AM
3

Go out in nature. Go hike, go walk in the woods. Literally touch grass. You need a psychological reboot
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 10:36 AM
2

All the papers I have seen include a signed statement that AI was not used.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 06:09 PM
5

If your spouse runs up $100k in debt you are now $100k in debt. Get divorced. The tax situation is only an advantage if one of you makes significantly more than the other.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 06:21 PM
3

Are you required to goto court? Usually the best bet is to settle out of court. I don’t know your financial situation… or where you live but you could end up paying spousal support until the divorce is finalized. My lawyer knew this and pushed my wife to file instead of me filing so that she cannot delay the divorce as long.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 03:40 PM
13

She is trying to figure out how to maximize her cash-out, you should he figuring out how to minimize your damage, why aren’t you talking to a lawyer?
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 01:29 PM
3

Find a lawyer you can talk to sooner
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 05:53 PM
2

Retirement amounts before marriage shouldn’t be subject to equitable distribution, this works both ways, premarital assets unless commingled often remain separate. The court can impute an income she has made before or is capable of making to calculate alimony, given the duration of marriage alimony would be minimal in duration. If her income was recently similar to yours you wont pay alimony, a person cannot choose underemployment to collect alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 05:47 PM
1

Is she working? Cohabiting with her AP can get you out of alimony, talk to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 12:19 PM
2

The 84% really doesn’t make sense, and alimony duration seems high. I mean you are still screwed, but those seem excessive.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 08:19 PM
3

Have you gotten a second opinion? That makes absolutely no sense to me…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 06:04 PM
1

Ya, but sometimes they just use minimal wage, a spouse simultaneously did “all of this hard work” that they deserve half of the assets but conveniently have zero ability to earn a wage and need alimony, which is it? Did you contribute or not?
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 05:18 PM
5

My wife had more education than me, she had just finished a degree, I figured she would do something with it given a chance. Maybe “stay at home” spouses should be paid by their spouse, then that income can be used as their impute income at divorce. If they really have the skills to raise kids cook clean etc then they should have no problem finding a job at a daycare or as a house keeper. I should at least be getting my place cleaned if I have to pay alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 04:15 PM
8

No such thing as a rock solid prenup. Any judge can toss it like a used tissue
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 04:11 PM
1

Why are you not divorced?
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 07:46 PM
3

No, be single, learn to enjoy solitude, only date if they add something to your life. And absolutely do not go from one relationship to another like a monkey. Also why the fuck haven’t you divorced yet?
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 11:16 AM
2

Narcissism is usually learned from parents or other parent like figures. Often one is a narcissist and the other a codependent.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 09:17 AM
3

Check the paperwork, mine said I had to provide health insurance and wasn’t allowed to change beneficiaries, also in PA
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 08:11 PM
5

Ya even without the disability he is looking at lifetime alimony. No court would expect her to start supporting herself at 55 after being out of the workforce for almost 30 years. Does she collect or eligible to collect disability? Is she able to work at all? OP will be stuck with alimony but might be able to reduce it with an imputed income. The degree of the disability probably matters. Some people get disability for anxiety or learning disorders. I knew a grown adult that had it because he co…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 12:15 PM
6

Good chance it will come back to bite you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 12:03 PM
2

It’s important of the fire just needs kindling or if someone sprayed a fire extinguisher on it though. My wife absolutely wants to rekindle the relationship, why wouldn’t she it was amazing for her she had all the benefits with none of the work, but I tried time and time and time again before, and even with a pending divorce it wasn’t enough for her actions to change, the only things that changed were her words. She says things like “I am doing everything I can” but in reality she is only doing …
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 11:23 AM
9

Have you both tried to work on that connection? Are there actual problems in the relationship or just no fire? Because the fire will eb and flow, thats the point of making a commitment, to get through the low points. I wouldn’t immediately turn to ending a marriage from a lack of feeling.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 01:21 AM
3

Therapist are a must for us, we usually don’t seek them, which is I think WHY they help so much (if you find a good one). I think the people who seek their therapist at the hint of any emotional discomfort get the least out of it. My stbxw has been seeing one for a couple decades but I think she has a similar unhealthy relationship with them as she did with me where she gets emotional support and validation but doesn’t actually learn and grow.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 12:08 PM
3

Well the divorce isn’t final, but I have moved out into my own place, it’s exactly what I want right now. It’s close to everything, but I still have a foresty view and see lots of animals and deer. I can easily walk to the park and walk around for exercise and safety without having to walk on a road. As a result I walk almost every single day. I have taken a small vacation by myself, the first ever, and it was amazing and empowering. I didn’t have to ask/discuss/guess what someone else wanted to…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 03:09 PM
5

That means shes not really trying. My wife was in therapy for over 20 years, while not romantic, I think she developed more of an unhealthy coping relationship with her therapist rather than one of growth. Rather than build the mental tools to get through life herself, every time something happened she turned to her therapist. The goal of therapy isn’t to get through a crisis, it is to grow so that you can get through them on your own.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 02:38 PM
5

Odds are she didn’t just develop this, she just stopped hiding it. If shes not in therapy and actually trying to work on it walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 02:15 PM
14

Alimony too right? See she wants away from YOU, but your money can stay
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 11:05 AM
4

You might wanna read the human magnet syndrome. Im reading it now (well listening) and it’s really helping me understand. I also recommend getting a therapist in addition to a lawyer, make no mistake you will need both. In retrospect I realized my stay at home no kids wife didn’t reciprocate my care and support when she wanted to still go on a vacation without me when I became to ill to go and I had to beg her to stay home, I wasn’t just sick there was a chance of it developing into a permanent …
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 10:36 AM
5

This is the reason I am pushing through a divorce now rather than giving my wife more time to attempt reconciliation. Id rather lose a chunk now and have time to rebuild than lose a much larger chunk in 15 years
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 01:34 AM
8

The court doesn’t care.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 09:29 PM
1

I think this is why my lawyer had me piss off my wife so that she filed the paperwork. The one who filed cannot draw out the process as much. If you are paying support, you can probably push for a professional to get involved to determine if she is making meaningful attempts at employment, I forget the term, but they will review the jobs she is applying to and determine if its reason effort and if they are realistic. Its not full proof but having someone breathing down her neck is likely to moti…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 01:36 PM
3

There may be other reasons but they tend to take advantage of your naivety. I went for an aggressive female attorney, she quite frankly scares/intimidates me a little and I am glad I am her client and not the other way around. I think honestly you want an attorney that knows the judges, not that the judge is going to do them any favors, but because they will be familiar with what is realistic from the judge. Also, beware that a lawyer with a lower hourly rate won’t necessarily be cheaper, my wif…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 02:01 AM
5

If she is seeing someone already there is a good chance she was already seeing them while you were together or had them in mind. So yourself a favor, just work on yourself, pick yourself, make friends if you need to be social. Put some time into your hobbies, learn to embrace solitude. You will probably find that you are a whole lot happier. The divorce process itself sucks, but I am finding I really like not having to guess where someone wants to go eat when they tell me to pick and then say no…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 12:42 PM
4

Things will change when she realizes everybody wants to have fun and nobody wants to settle down.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 12:23 PM
1

Honestly I think that at first it was all a ploy to get more attention from me, that she figured she would go out once or twice and I would suddenly try to win her back.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 11:24 AM
2

Alimony is generally between 1 year for every 2-5 married, but its based on the difference on your income, your ability to pay, and their financial need. Child support is gonna be a lot more. Generally if they get a good paying job you can make it go away, if they were making more (before divorce) they would pay you. If they move in with a new partner you can get it terminated.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 07:41 PM
5

Not an affair, but similar romantically. My wife and I started an open relationship at her request, she started seeing someone first, but a month later when I started seeing a woman, and then briefly another she got very insecure, turned into controlling. She treated me like I was having an affair, acted like what I was doing was wrong, but somehow what she was doing was perfectly acceptable. She wasn’t gonna divorce me, and I refused to end things because 1) I suspected she wouldn’t follow thro…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 11:49 AM
1

Outside of a rare at fault divorce, theres often no winning situation for the man socially. If you focus on her actions you are trying to ruin her reputation. Yes this is biased. My wife told all her friends I cheated on her years ago, when in reality I flirted and briefly talked with a woman, I was having a lot of doubts about my marriage, but I felt bad and immediately told my wife. My wife on the other hand got caught by me chatting with a guy for weeks that she told me was just a friend, in …
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 01:05 PM
3

Affairs rarely matter in divorce, most people go through no fault divorce these days.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 11:47 AM
3

I still have a lot to do to make it mine, but putting up a couple decorations that I chose really helped. I love the parking situation, I can walk to a park safely (sidewalks) so I have been getting exercise daily and not stuck indoors. It’s the perfect place to heal.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 02:14 AM
4

Find yourself a cozy little apartment where you don’t have to take care of shit or stay with your parents a while and bank money. I absolutely love my apartment, it’s mine and only mine, I arrange it out I want, I still have stuff I haven’t put away and thats fine. Dishes are the way I like, no extra crap in the kitchen I don’t use. I only buy what I will actually want to cook and eat so I barely ever have to clean out the fridge.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 12:33 AM
1

They will look at the previous year’s income.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 11:09 PM
2

Afaik they will look at how much she is capable of making, they will look at last year’s income, unless she is going to become employed soon you might be better off filing now. Talk to a lawyer of course. My lawyer had me take all the money from the accounts and force her to file. I think the strategy is that since my wife filed she can’t delay the divorce. Things are messy now though, we are talking about reconciliation, but she has lied and dragged her feet getting rid of her bf while I ditche…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 07:44 PM
2

Social norms focus on the romantic aspects of marriage and not the legal ones. I would absolutely get married in a social sense again, its the legal sense thats wrecking me
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 05:56 PM
1

Did you get a lawyer yet?
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 04:01 PM
1

Are there any support orders currently in place?
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/25 03:16 PM
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