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ImportantRecipe3087 Archive

View 1 posts and 104 comments by ImportantRecipe3087 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
8

ImportantRecipe3087/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 05:34 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
8

Never talk to this woman again (directly) for any reason.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 01:09 AM
15

I totally understand where your girlfriend is coming from. Buying gifts for exes/former romantic partners is never going to make your new partner feel safe whatever the circumstances. The right decision is to apologise to your new girlfriend for being an idiot and buy her a gift instead.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 06:54 AM
5

What marriage? Your so called ‘wife’ has zero sexual attraction towards you and once that’s gone it rarely returns in my experience. Sounds like you’re just being used for now until she’s ready to ditch you and she probably knows you’ll put up with it because of the kids. Just a case of how much more of your life you’re prepared to waste being with someone who’s using you and has no respect for what you need from a relationship. It was clearly over sometime ago and if I were in your shoes I’d ma…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 03:36 AM
7

Probably two reasons. First, hope that things might change. Is that realistic? What can you do to bring about the change you want? Have you tried everything to achieve it. You need to go through a process of actively trying to fix the situation with a time limit. Once you’ve done that and if it doesn’t work then the hope for change should be gone. Secondly it’s the fear of the unknown. All the ‘what if’ questions you have. All you can do on that front is to face your fears by knowing that you do…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 04:46 AM
6

Cheating and getting caught has a far higher social and financial cost for married men which is possible why less men risk it (or resist it) even when in an unhappy sexless marriage. I think this can even be subconscious. If I knew consciously I would be fully protected by society and the law even if I got caught cheating perhaps I would have given in to temptation and risked a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 04:36 PM
2

Yep - call her bluff. Stop paying the mortgage. It’s the only way things will change. Or carry on doing what you’re doing and watch how nothing changes.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 06:30 AM
7

Sounds about right. Barely getting by is the name of the game for divorced men. There are exceptions of course as no doubt some will point out.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 04:27 PM
7

You hit the nail on the head when you say she thinks you won’t leave her. You’re tolerating her poor behaviour which actually means you’re encouraging it and she will not change whilst she has you just where she wants you. I think your gut knows what you should do.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 09:23 PM
6

Why is this such a familiar story. You would think stories like this would be few and far between. How do others explain what’s happening?
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 09:14 PM
6

It’s just a coping strategy albeit an unhealthy one. Try if you can to replace some of the drinking with a more healthy strategy if you can. But it sounds like you’re in the eye of the storm right now and when it passes you’ll find better ways to cope. Don’t be too hard on yourself when you do turn to drink as it’s perfectly normal to deal with hard times this way. If you don’t see this improving once your situation gets better then perhaps seek professional help for addiction but I suspect it w…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 07:20 PM
5

In my experience women don’t get in trouble for lying. That’s why they do it because as a society we protect women at all costs and they know there will be no repercussions.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 06:09 PM
2

My kids were exactly the same ages as yours when I went through this and I felt exactly how you do. Trust me when I tell you your kids will be totally fine with it. I still have moments of guilt but my kids could not care less and never give it a second thought. It’s all me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 09:25 PM
1

If it were me I decide if I wanted to keep the house and could afford to buy her out. If not I’d ask if she wanted to buy me out. If she didn’t the only way to move forwards would be to sell and split the proceeds so that’s what I’d insist and on if neither person is going to buy the other out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 07:36 PM
2

If she’s said it’s over only she can feel it if she wants to. There is nothing you can or should be doing to win her back. I’d suggest you regard yourself as single too from now on. What do you enjoy doing for yourself? Do a lot more of it. Also focus on all the stuff that will make you attractive to other women when you eventually split. Practice flirting with the opposite sex as much as you can.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 06:29 PM
11

I believe we should take some accountability in expecting our partners to remain ‘in love’ simply because we took on the provider role however successful we might have been. If I had another go at it, I would have spent more time on myself and on efforts to keep her interested (not just paying bills/doing chores) and if it didn’t result in me getting my needs met I would have been the one to walk away. In short I settled for a very mediocre marriage and take accountability for not addressing it …
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 06:02 PM
4

Hey dude - I hear you. There’s a lot of people in the same boat and I’ve come to accept this situation isn’t something you really ‘get over’. I’ve got just over 3 years left of child support payments and I can’t lie that I think things will be a lot better when that stops but who knows. 15 years is a long time and you can’t put your life on hold waiting that long. But 2 years is not long and I’m sure you’ll feel a little better as each year rolls by. I find that setting little goals and achievin…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 06:24 PM
1

I guess it boils down to how quickly you expect to be able to repay the debt vs how long it would take for your credit rating to improve - and your quality of life in the meantime. If you expect to repay the debt faster than your credit score would repair and can put up with the debt repayments in the meantime then bankruptcy probably not the best option. Head down and just take one day at a time is perhaps the only advice for now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 09:58 AM
1

Look into bankruptcy. Start again from zero instead of minus £12K. Unless you think you could live to 120!!
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 08:59 AM
2

Divorced July 24 - married again November 24. Wow you don’t hang about!
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 06:48 PM
2

Usually this is to avoid the receiving parent having to use their own income to support children. As she builds her career post divorce she will be able to keep all of her income for herself without needing to use it for the kids. Of course she can and probably will use some of it to benefit the kids but the point is she doesn’t have to. It’s designed to aid women going to work more as they’re unlikely to do so if they don’t get this support from their ex.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 06:24 AM
1

The trouble is we men will often sacrifice our needs indefinitely whereas women will start looking for the exit and put up with it only until the right moment comes along to leave. What you, me and plenty of others on here should have done was raise the fact our needs weren’t being met early as gently and compassionately as possible and if things didn’t improve, do what most women would do and start planning your exit strategy (not letting on that’s what you’re doing of course). The only problem…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 07:08 PM
3

You’ve just experienced the typical post divorce relationship. Don’t beat yourself up. Dust yourself off , take some time being single (not forever) then have another go. It’s all a learning experience so enjoy the ride and remember- self compassion at all times.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 11:44 AM
5

It doesn’t get better but you get used to it so it feels different. It’s the new normal and eventually you find peace with it and if you can’t - then a new relationship is probably the best alternative and definitely solves one problem.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 03:25 PM
6

Time to gray rock. Don’t get into any discussions- heated or otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 08:33 PM
13

Erm…the bit about it being an amicable divorce. From my experience that will be the case for as long as you agree to everything she wants and expect the goal posts to move often. The moment you say no to something is when the full scale battle will commence (I suspect). Obviously you realise financially this is likely to be the biggest hit you ever have to take in life but it is what it is so no point dwelling too much on that. Sounds like you have a job which can give you plenty of distraction …
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 06:18 AM
1

Ah that sounds like a pretty toxic situation. You cannot negotiate or co-parent (amicably) with someone like that. I’m afraid you’re on your own here so you need to do what’s best for you first ( so you can be the best parent for your child) and try not to let anyone guilt trip you into doing what’s best for her at your expense.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 07:28 PM
1

I think it always helps to imagine her response if the roles were flipped - I.e. you need to pay for childcare on your time and you ask her to contribute. If you feel she’d gladly pay you whatever you need without any fuss then you should do the same as that’s only fair. You’re only doing what she would happily do to make things easier on you and there’s no reason to treat her differently.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 07:00 PM
4

From my experience your kids will wonder why you didn’t just get over it and move on like your ex did. I know my kids wonder why . But you can’t explain it to anyone who hasnt experienced it and fingers crossed they’ll never be put in the same situation to understand. Perhaps you should force yourself to have fun with someone new without any expectations or guilt if you don’t choose to progress it or it doesn’t work out.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 05:54 PM
3

Understandably she wants to maintain her lifestyle just with you out of the picture (except to bank roll it of course) has anyone told you to do it ‘for the kids’ yet as that usually is enough to get a man to roll over and take it LOL! Of course you must do you but I suspect you could do with your £50k asap and to be debt free to restart your life especially since you’re about to be taking a £1k a month pay cut for the foreseeable.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 04:32 PM
6

Don’t blame yourself. Try to realise that she lost respect and love for you a long long time ago but didn’t tell you. Instead you no doubt picked up on it, tried to be better and when this didn’t work you became frustrated and said all those hurtful things which you now beat yourself up about - but it was already too late to save things probably. The reality is likely to be that she checked out emotionally years ago and it’s taken until now for her to be ready to let go of everything you’ve been…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 03:08 PM
1

Was where you are three years ago. It gets better eventually. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 08:04 PM
3

And just to be clear do not expect her to stick to any of the boundaries you think have been agreed. She will likely regard herself as single long before the separation start and the separation itself will just be the green like to act as if you guys never met.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 04:14 PM
8

Familiarity breeds contempt as they say. I think the best option here would be to give her the gift of missing you. Book yourself a solo holiday (or with friends) for a minimum of two weeks and don’t contact her too often while you’re away. Then see how she is when you return. If she jumps into your arms or seems angry that you left her those are good signs she still wants you. If she didn’t notice you were gone? Well, that’s a bad sign.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 07:36 AM
2

I’d suggest you gift the properties back to you parents asap!
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 07:26 AM
1

I’m sorry dude. Been there and you’re absolutely right about how it feels like a betrayal. But I suspect you’ll work out that she checked out of the relationship long before she even mentioned the d-word then she’s had another 7 months of effectively being single in her own mind at least. It’s pretty unlikely she hasn’t found interest from other guys in all that time but you can’t let that get your head too much - do not press her for details.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 06:54 PM
2

‘Hypothetically what would you feel like if she started dating’ = she’s already slept with at least one other guy. Girls are funny how they sometimes feel obliged to appear to be letting you down gently to help ease their conscience. First thing to work on is to mentally put her in your past. Like a complete stranger or perhaps a distant friend who you found out had died. Once you feel that way about her you’ll know you’re over the worst of it. To get there just takes time and doing all you can …
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 06:28 PM
3

I don’t understand why people who want to keep this stuff for themselves for their own reasons need to convince themselves they’re doing it for the kids. My kids are a bit older and couldn’t care less about whether I have photos of their mum and me. I think it’s ok to admit you want to keep them because it represents a big part of your life and maybe you can enjoy looking back at the time you spent together. Just don’t force your kids to do it LOL 😂!!
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 04:55 AM
3

You’re possibly expecting too much too soon. Perhaps it will take 10, 15, or even 20 years to reach the place you want to be right now but you can’t rush the process. And there’ll be plenty of ups and downs on the way. I used to wonder if I should be ‘over it’ after 6 month, a year, two years, then I just thought f*** it! If it takes 10 years for me then that’s what it takes. And if I never completely get over it then so be it. Not the life I wanted but it’s the one I got so I just have to live …
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 09:15 PM
7

It’s funny how guys are expected to fight for half. Women take getting their half as a given and their fight is for a proportion of the man’s half on top of their half. You should adopt the same strategy. Fight for more than half but be prepared to compromise at 50:50 as your worst case scenario.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 08:22 PM
9

I have no communications with my ex. That’s how I deal with it. I drive to her house, kids get in my car and we leave. I bring them back and they get out. I do a bank transfer for the child support each month. So no need to have any conversations which is perfect for me.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 03:52 PM
1

Great post. Glad to hear things are going in a a positive direction.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 09:51 PM
6

I think it’s unlikely she will fall back in love with you and there’s certainly nothing you can do to make it happen. Most of the things you think will work will likely have the opposite effect. I think you need to give her an ultimatum. Either she chooses to do the work to get the relationship back on track or you explain you will walk away and not look back. Be calm but explain this is her last opportunity to have you and in her life and if she chooses she wants to go her own way act completel…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 09:26 PM
7

I experienced something similar. We’re now divorced. Looking back it was kinda obvious it was over but she never would’ve admitted it because she was still benefiting from my paycheque. You’ll only come back from this temporarily if she doesn’t find anyone else and you’re content being the backup until she does. Time for you to take control and move on
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 05:57 PM
8

Just goes to show how far men have got to go when it comes to divorce. This result ought to have been worst case scenario yet it seems like a victory because of how skewed things are to start with.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 07:37 PM
1

Wait for them to ask. It would be weird if they didn’t ask about your situation early on. Then just keep it simple and to the point. No special detail or emotional rubbish and move the conversation on to something positive. If she presses for more details just decide for yourself how much you’re prepared to share. Of course don’t say anything that isn’t true but I’d avoid making the topic a big issue.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 12:57 PM
10

And women will generally have all their feelings validated so they won’t second guess themselves. As this reply shows, when a man expresses his feelings, the advice will be logical to show why he ought not to feel that. When a woman does the same, she will be told how right and true everything she is feeling is. That’s actually what helps them move through their feelings faster whereas men get stuck because people just throw logic back at them.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 09:06 AM
14

Such a common situation. I don’t know how the guys who roll over and ‘do it for the kids’ after their ex wanted to destroy them manage it. I would be civil to my ex if we were in the same place and the kids were there but generally I ensure our paths don’t cross as I dislike her immensely for how she acted during our divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 09:02 AM
1

Same here. Hate to say it’s what ‘they’ do, but………
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 11:25 AM
1

I’ve seen this question a lot and in my mind I think what it covers really comes down to how much you pay. The more you pay the more it covers surely? I don’t understand there being a list of items it does and doesn’t cover no matter how much you pay.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 10:07 PM
3

Yep. Think the thoughts are pretty normal which is why so many do it. Make sure you get help if you think it’s getting beyond just thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 04:45 PM
3

Seems like a wasted opportunity if you go from one relationship to another when it sounds like you’ve not been single in forever. I’ve had one longish/serious relationship since my divorce and realised I’ve seen biggest personal growth come from the times being on my own. I hope to meet someone again one day and perhaps not too far off in the future but for me, there’s so many personal benefits from being able to focus solely on me without any distractions.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 09:14 PM
20

This is a generalisation, but my view is that as soon as a man needs a woman more than vice versa, the relationship is doomed. Perhaps there are some truly equal relationships out there but my view is that the secret to success (I.e. a relationship that lasts) is to make sure she always feels that she needs you more than you need her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 09:13 AM
6

I has this same worry/experience. What I learnt is that she wanted her own life and free time so didn’t want the kids around 24/7. Sure she used contact as a weapon from time to time in the beginning but she needed me to have the kids so I always got regular contact. It can be a very stressful feeling you always have to be available in case saying no makes her cut you off but I also found this didn’t happen. My hunch is that she will let you see the kids although probably not as much as you’d li…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 10:52 PM
4

Yes you are better off just look after yourself. Whether you ‘move on’ is such a vague and individual concept it’s not worth even thinking about. But do just look after yourself from now on. Every one else will do the same!
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 09:55 PM
3

Basically it’s a grieving process so just expect to feel all the emotions. You never get over it but you learn to live with it. If you feel you’re getting stuck in the negativity at any point try therapy to move forward. I wouldn’t set a time limit on ‘getting over it’ either as it all depends on the individual and the support you get.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 07:52 AM
2

Starting point is 50:50 split of all marital assets. Get a lawyer. Make an offer (you must get a clean break) then based on her response you’ll know how messy it’s gonna get. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 08:49 AM
4

“I was the best version of myself in my life with her. So open goofy and vulnerable. We spent nearly every weekend together we could” “….while I tried to be calm and talk through feelings.” Classic nice guy sounding stuff which typically leads to the issues he faced.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 08:56 PM
4

I’d recommend you get yourself a copy of No More Mr Nice Guy so you can understand what it is you are doing to cause her to treat you this way and what you could do to potentially improve the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 03:58 PM
2

It’s all very individual and the only way to find out if it’s the right time is to give it a go. People make such a big deal of ‘hurting’ someone but you can’t have a meaningful relationship without the risk of you or the other person getting hurt along the way but we all grow from relationships so there’s no reason to avoid trying . Enjoy yourself!
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 09:00 AM
5

I’m working on this too. You don’t need external validation from anyone especially from a woman/romantic partner. That’s just a story which for whatever reason you like tell to yourself. Perhaps you can’t make it go away but try to remind yourself that it’s just something your mind tells you which doesn’t make it true. We can all give this advice to someone else but I do appreciate it’s not easy to change your own stories. I’d also say get more hobbies but not because you want to avoid feeling l…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 05:49 AM
6

Stop seeking support from anyone who hasn’t been through this. They’ll never understand and their advice will only make you feel worse. I and most on here can relate to what you’re experiencing and if it helps at all, we can’t all be controlling narcissists can we?
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 04:43 PM
3

Morning texts? That is too involved in my book but glad you’re having some fun - all part of the healing process. 👍
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 06:27 AM
15

What you need to discover is that it is a test which even the women doing it don’t fully understand. If you were to acquiesce to every demand you would think they would be happy but in fact they will respect you less and lose attraction. The trick is to never get butt hurt by such demands and only make the changes which you want to make for yourself - not to try to make her happy. Counterintuitively, this will make you far more attractive to her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 06:03 AM
1

Yes this is standard. I had this a lot. Glad to hear I wasn’t just unlucky!
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 03:56 PM
3

Yep I’m with you on this one. I’ve started to see it as a wound (the grief of missing out on my kids lives) which I get to poke every fortnight so it never quite heals. My youngest is 15 though so it’s not going to go on too much longer and then the real healing can begin.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 12:47 PM
15

Sounds like she has you right where she wants you. Get ready for what is going to be a very tough period in your life. You’re not the first and won’t be the last. Hope you come out the other side soon without too many scars.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 05:30 AM
4

It’s always good to get that first post divorce relationship under your belt but I’d advise to just have fun , let it run its course and then move on . Do not get too hung up on this one and you won’t feel anxious.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 05:03 PM
-2

Start bringing girls home. She’ll soon leave 😆
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 04:15 PM
8

I could have written your post a while ago. I think it’s a stage a lot of us go through. I stuck it out for almost 18 months although in hindsight I knew I wasn’t ready for anything serious after 6 months and should have pulled the plug sooner. Been single for over 12 months now and it’s been what I needed. I occasionally go on dates and would want a serious relationship one day but for the time being I really enjoy the freedom of a single life.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 10:25 PM
2

In the UK child maintenance is not dealt with by the courts. The parent who receives child benefit is entitled to claim child maintenance from the other parent. The amount is based on the other parent’s gross income and the number of nights per week that the child spends with the parent. If you truly have 50/50 you can argue that no child maintenance is payable but it can be a drawn out process if one parent doesn’t agree.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 06:04 PM
3

Make sure you get equal shared care of the children even if that means reducing your working hours. If she becomes the primary care and entitled to claim child maintenance from you then I’m afraid you are screwed financially for the foreseeable. Don’t move out of the marital home either until a financial settlement is finalised.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 11:47 PM
2

I’ve experienced this. You have to accept it’ll never feel as much like home as the place she spends most of her time no matter how hard you try. Just do your best to make her feel comfortable when she’s there but I’m afraid it’ll always be second best to the place she’s most used to. It’s not personal so don’t beat yourself up about it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 10:45 AM
1

That’s a great question. I can’t remember when the crying stopped for me. At the time it felt like it would never end but it did, somehow, and now I’ve forgotten when it stopped. You’ll come out the other side like everyone else but how long it takes is just an individual thing and it needs to run its course for you. I’m four years out and I’d say the hurt doesn’t disappear completely ever but I can now see it has helped to improve the way I live my life now. My best advice would be to just take…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 06:36 AM
2

Get your own place so you can have your kids. You won’t get these years back. You’ve got your life to pay off debts but only now to have your kids. And if you die before you’ve paid off your debts I believe that’s a win! 😆
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 06:33 PM
5

LOL! Keep us updated on how this pans out. Even though we all already know 😆
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 05:08 PM
15

16 years gone but a lot more than that ahead. And you’ll be much wiser. Glad to hear you’re staying positive 💪
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 08:07 PM
3

OP if you’re in the slightest bit tempted to consider the convenience of parents of other kids ahead of your own feelings, I urge you to do some serious work on your own self esteem as you should not care less what other people think of your decision. You’re the only person who matters in this decision and don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise!
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 06:44 PM
7

You need to put yourself first. You’re no good to your kid if you don’t so don’t listen to anyone telling you to ‘suck it up’. Kids do just fine. If it were me, I’d probably feel like killing myself if I had to go watch my ex play happy families with my replacement so I’d definitely be doing my own thing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 05:45 PM
15

You were never ‘friends’. She’s just confirming it for you with her words and actions so you can move on. Saying mean shit to someone who’s hurt you isn’t acting like an asshole so go easy on yourself and start by working on that mindset that probably played a big part in the failure of the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 07:18 PM
-1

Ditto. But you should try to accept that saying you ‘can’t’ quit your stressful job is just an excuse not to do it. I’m not being judgmental, it’s your life after all, but it is an excuse nonetheless.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 05:39 PM
4

Ha ha hahaha ha ha 😆😆😆😆 ha ha ha 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 NO!
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 06:39 AM
2

Get a dog!
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 05:55 AM
9

Yep. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 04:06 PM
2

I’ve come to the conclusion that whether we like it or not, it’s ultimately the man’s sole responsibility for keeping a woman interested in the relationship and therefore someone we would want to be in a relationship with. When we fail to do what it takes, eventually the relationship will die and then some women and some men will cheat, some will just walk, and others will stay in unhappy relationships because of the fear of the unknown.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:53 PM
3

Sorry to hear you’re in this situation. I’d say always try to remember you’ll be fine (and hopefully even better) when you come out the other side of this process. If you can bring yourself to read or listen to a self help book, I’d recommend you get a copy of ‘No More Mr Nice Guy’ by Dr Robert Glover. It might help you understand why you’re in this situation and, quite possibly, how you’ve brought it on yourself. If you can make changes quickly, you could turn things around with her but you may…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 05:53 AM
3

I call mine whenever I want. They’re a bit older so they both have their own phones. It’s hit or miss if they answer but I think the fact they can see I’ve tried calling is important even if we don’t speak.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 05:19 AM
0

Bin it! 😆
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 05:57 PM
12

Yep they do this. They’re guided entirely by their own emotions (they can’t help that) but you can’t negotiate using reason or logic - it’s simply impossible. You either keep fighting to the bitter end or when the money runs out, or you give up - thems the options I’m afraid.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 04:31 PM
8

No female is ever going to care about you - they will only care about how you make them feel. I thought I would just point this out so you have your eyes open when starting your next relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 02:04 PM
2

If other men can deal with it - and they can - so can you. Never forget this fact.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 05:49 AM
2

I can resonate with this. I had low self esteem throughout my marriage and blamed my ex for it. But I know self esteem has to come from within (hence the name) and that’s what I try to work on now. Hoping that your ex or friends/family will openly acknowledge the fact that it takes two people to make a relationship work or fail is futile and won’t really benefit you in the long run even if you got what you want. Finding what works for you to boost your self esteem regardless of what anyone else …
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 07:26 AM
12

I’ve found that having to start from scratch is quite empowering and good for the masculine identity which a lot of us have suppressed in the past. Sure it would’ve been easier to not go through this and on some levels I’d be ‘better off’ had I not had to start over, but knowing you can hit rock bottom and still recover using your own abilities is pretty awesome imo.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 07:48 AM
5

It’s time to make your needs a priority and let go of any guilt about how it might affect your boys. The truth is it won’t. Don’t let anyone else persuade you you’re not the most important person in your life. Your boys will be absolutely fine. It took me too long to learn this.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 07:23 AM
6

Yep rejection sucks. It’s never nice when you get replaced but that’s the risk of being in a relationship. The funny thing is, even though she was the one who rejected you , I guarantee when you meet someone new she will have the same feeling of rejection to some extent (although you’ll never hear it directly of course ) It’s how it is and your feelings are completely normal.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 06:41 AM
5

Yep! Dropping the kids off, or picking them up, can often be a trigger for me. It is what it is and I don’t think there’s a solution (for me) and it’s just a thing I realise happens and I let it pass. It sucks but it’s normal for some of us. Perhaps that’s weak minded but who cares? One day we won’t have to deal with it and I try to remember that too. I’d say go easy on yourself for feeling how you do. Trying to fight it can often just make it seem even worse.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 07:05 PM
15

‘Should be’. You bought into the myth like many of us and now you pay the price. Try not to let the hate turn you into someone you don’t really want to be. Life can still be good and even better now you understand what can happen if you let it. Failures are really the only thing that help us grow in my opinion so have no regrets.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 07:41 PM
1

Embrace the loneliness. It’s just a state of mind. Avoiding loneliness is a common but terrible reason to start a relationship. Like everything, loneliness passes so don’t ‘worry’ about it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 12:18 PM
4

Happy Birthday dude 👍
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 08:07 PM
7

Once you move out, you will be powerless regarding seeing your kids again. You will be wholly reliant on your ex to agree contact and you shouldn’t think that what you think is in your kids’ best interests will be the same for your wife. If I had my time again, I would have stayed in the family home until I had a legally binding custody agreement in place or a I was compelled to move out.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 05:00 PM
17

Do not believe things will stay mutual. Her aim will be to get as much from you as she can. Your aim should be to give her as little as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 06:48 AM
8

Acceptance is the key. She has probably moved on emotionally already and has no feelings for you anymore and will probably be seeking the thrill of attention from someone new already which she won’t have any trouble getting if she’s at least average looking. Modern dating is tough for men. Just treat it as learning a new skill. Trial and error. No such thing as a bad encounter just another learning opportunity and you’ll have some great stories to laugh about later.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 09:43 PM
3

I think the fact you’re the one who has a restraining order against you when you did nothing wrong should be enough to show how the system works. Just go with your gut feeling and be satisfied with that. You have zero control of the outcome.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 06:31 PM
5

I would avoid trying to use logic in the hope of an end result. That’s not how divorce works. My advice is do what you feel is best for you (no one else) and leave logic out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 05:20 PM
6

It’s always the man’s fault. You’re never gonna change that or persuade anyone who hasn’t been there any different. Save your time and energy. You know the truth and that’s what matters so hang on to that.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 06:37 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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