Imswim80 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
8	First night		Imswim80	/r/Divorce_Men	01/11/20 06:57 AM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
2	My kids basically begged me to stop the big weekends… so I said forget it and bought a $30 soccer goal Kids don't need the big production. Its not an awful thing, and its still good to do occasionally. What they NEED is just presence. Be there. Be You. Relaxed, comfortable, no forced fun. Let the Fun happen. Those are the best memories.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/05/26 03:54 AM
4	Would you take her back? I hear a stage of grief screaming out in this question. You're in a bargaining phase. It's okay to feel this way. Its even Normal to feel this way. I did too. Sometimes I still do, because grief isn't linear, its something you have to learn to walk with until it fades down. Just because you feel it or wonder doesnt make it a wise idea. Let alone a possible one.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/02/26 12:50 AM
2	Why did therapy not work? Be honest, don’t give me the polite, mature answer. I think its because the breaking point has already passed before the first therapy session. She's done, she's moved on. Change often takes time, on both ends.	/r/Divorce_Men	09/12/25 07:26 PM
8	If family court is about ‘best interest of the child’ why do kids come out broken? Because everyone comes out broken. Some come out with more money than others, but its all a breaking process.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/08/25 11:56 PM
10	What are the odds of me getting 50/50 custody of my daughters? My offical D-day was 5/2022, in Ohio. We separated 10/31/2020. I slowed it to protect my custody. March 2021 i had my first meeting with my attorney, where we reviewed her/her lawyers ideal decree. It included a literal "poison pill," where if I did not do x,y, and z in perpetuity, she could have unilaterally reduced me to every other weekend and one week per summer with our kid. She did manage to lock me out to every other weekend, Friday to Sunday, for a few months, till our mediation meeting …	/r/Divorce_Men	25/05/24 05:10 AM
7	Today is the day of my divorce and I'm just so sad. I feel you man... My divorce was finalized about 2 years ago. The courthouse was about 3 blocks from the church we got married. From one, we arrived separately, celebrated with family and friends, and left together. 15 years later, we arrived separately, she with just her mom and lawyer, and me with my attorney (all separately). No one threw confetti at us, no one cheered. And i left that courthouse more alone than I've ever felt. I sit with you. It is a sad day.	/r/Divorce_Men	10/05/24 12:39 AM
6	Anyone thinking of dating a single mom? I am a single dad. I'm not sure I'd want a "marriage," per say, but companionship, for sure. I'm also iffy on adding another child support payment, so I'm leaning towards a vasectomy sooner than later. But, 1) i can't expect my future companion to be something I'm not, so I have a kid, she may have a kid. 2) kids are awesome people. Its fun to watch them grow and learn. I love being a dad to my son. I'd be down to "dad" another kid, but that title must be earned. 3) I expect her to get on well w…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/12/22 06:38 PM
4	How would you feel about EX's fiance watching child? details inside Are there reasons this individual should not be watching your child? (IE, name comes up on the sex offender registry?) No? Unfortunately tough cookies, they can watch your kid. Feel free to observe your kid for s/s of abuse (hand shaped bruises, bruising or cuts in areas not consistent with normal falls. And teach and practice consent and other child safety things, like "no secrets. Surprises are welcome, but we don't keep secrets."	/r/Divorce_Men	02/12/22 06:23 PM
6	Should I let my ex-wife fail with our 5 y.o. son? So, I'm kind of here too... my kid is 7m. Four weeks into school, and there have been 4 incidents between her and the school, ranging from the semi-benign and easily explainable to honestly alarming. One a week. ●Week one, she failed to pick him up on his first day, despite her telling me in text she'd have him that night. Her mother, the emergency contact, came to the rescue. Emergency net worked. ●Week 2: She dropped him off to school in a SCREAMING fight. To the point he had to spend time in …	/r/Divorce_Men	19/09/22 01:44 AM
9	If I leave the country do I need to pay alimony still? Was in central Mexico once. Took a tour to a restaurant in the boonies. Proprietor was a fellow with a Brooklyn accent so sharp you could cut yourself on it. Second I heard him, I thought "that there is a man with a nasty alimony and/or CS debt on his shoulders back North."	/r/Divorce_Men	29/07/22 10:31 PM
10	I still sort of miss my house I gave up in the divorce. Same. We had a big backyard. Out in the country. The lot next door was grown for hay. When it got long, butterflies would almost swarm it. Summer nights had a TON of fireflies. Our dog could run around in the yard. She gave away the dog after the split. We rented from her dad, so that house wasn't a fight I'd win. Plus it was an hour from work. I don't miss the commute. Or the heating/cooling issues. I do miss the butterflies and the fireflies. And the dog. He was 12 when she gave him up, we had…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/07/22 04:18 AM
3	Ex Wife Can Barely Function As you don't have children, and all the legal things have been settled, there is little reason to contact/converse with her. You are not her secretary. You are not her password manager. You are not her Google. She can absolutely search out the solutions to the questions she asks you. My ex struggles to set up online accounts for her accesses to our kids medical records or school. She doesn't like sitting on hold for any length of time for the help desks. In the past (pre-divorce), i would do tha…	/r/Divorce_Men	28/06/22 06:50 PM
7	My cheating ex is struggling right now. I hate that I care. I told myself early in the process that (apart from introspection on my own failings) this doesnt need to change me into a bitter, hateful person. I operate with kindness. So before I left our house (we rented from her dad), I put up the external christmas lights (it was late November). I did take my ladder with me though.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/06/22 12:20 AM
2	She told me my son didn’t want to see me today. For a while, my son (5 at time of separation) didn't like speaking on the phone with the non-custodial parent (ie, if he was with me, he didn't like to talk to my ex. If he was with my ex, he'd dismiss my calls.) Its hard when they're so young. Their world is fracturing. It takes them time to navigate the new rifts. And phone calls are still quite abstract to small brains. (My kiddo would dismiss us with "I'll call you back" even when he just picked up. Further attempts at communicating would re…	/r/Divorce_Men	21/06/22 05:02 AM
2	Anyone have any good stories about arbitration/mediation successes? Yes. So, prior to the mediation, my ex decided that "every other weekend and one week of the summer" was just how it was done, so despite the fact we were doing 50/50, and I told her that i would not accept anything less than 50/50, she prevented my parenting time. Consulting with my lawyer, we had a mediation date arraigned, we endured about 2 months of that asshattery, and the mediator flat out told her NO, not how that works, the kid and your husband have every right to that time.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/06/22 04:37 PM
2	It is over, it is done Dog tax, dog tax, dog tax!!!	/r/Divorce_Men	09/06/22 10:23 PM
1	stbx wants to come to a deal financially. 1) definitely get a lawyer. 2) just because you start at a reasonable position, doesn't make it a "starting point" eligible to be moved back. Reasonable starting points (say, 50/50 splits of financial and custody) can stand. Particularly if you have a decent attorney.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/05/22 06:48 AM
3	Moving On One of the kindest things a stranger said to me. I was taking some of my new, plentiful alone time to go to a favorite museum, and really take my time. Explore in depth, read every display, even compare stuff back and forth, and chat up docents (Air force museum, many of the docents are retired USAF folks, and some actual pilots and techs/mechanics are there and can tell you ALL about a particular bird, including missions flown.) Anyway, I mentioned in passing my fresh divorce, and the fellow (K…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/04/22 03:41 AM
3	From Feeling Generous to Cheap I had a similar journey. Initially, i blamed myself, and was all set to try to give a generous offer. Then I discovered a love note to another man and realized she'd been cheating. At which point it all fell in place. So now I don't settle for anything less than half. Including 50% custody.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/03/22 06:53 PM
1	I just don’t understand. My ex made me fight for 50/50, but she dumps my son off with her folks for over half her time.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/03/22 06:16 AM
3	what to do when your soon to be ex starts a propaganda war with your young kids? Suggest, on an evening with your kids, watch Disney's Tangled. Ask the kids if Gothel really loved Rapunzel. Ask them if the King and Queen did. Not trying to engage them in a counter offence. Don't defend yourself or anything, just ask the questions, back it with proof over your time. Start equiping them to recognize manipulation	/r/Divorce_Men	02/03/22 05:33 AM
2	Divorced. Sigh... I need to reschedule. Was about to sign a few weeks ago, but weather went to shit and my attorney is in the sticks (local to old county. I moved from the house we rented from her dad to town, closer to work and my support). She's threatening to file. However, she's a piece of shit who is all about being a show parent but leaves 80% of the parenting to her mom. I wanted to give my kiddos (6) psychologist an opportunity to look for signs of neglect or emotional abuse. Some, but not enough.…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/02/22 07:21 AM
7	Hung up on ex having accused me of being a narcissist on her way out... You're getting a lot of fellows chiming in to say they've experienced the same. Add mine to that. In retrospect, I probably should have seen it coming. She usually pouted when we went into a store I liked (libraries and bookstores were frustrating). My mother was (according to her) a narcissist (source of tension for some early years, as my mom is generally one of the most giving people you'll ever meet. Like seriously. Fostering kids. Helping troubled people all her life from adult literacy to …	/r/Divorce_Men	10/02/22 03:30 AM
1	Can my ex hire my divorce attorney? Thank you.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/02/22 08:48 AM
2	Can my ex hire my divorce attorney? So, lets say ex hires your attorney for a custody rearrangement. Breach of interests, not okay. But lets say your ex remarries and then seeks a divorce from the new spouce, your assets or children are not involved. She could then hire them. Is that the gist of what you're saying?	/r/Divorce_Men	03/02/22 07:14 AM
2	Music to cope with After the separation, "Next Right Thing" from Frozen 2 was pretty comforting. As time went on "Spring to Come" from John Butler was helpful, as was José Gonzalez "Stay Alive." And of course, gotta mention two great songs from Thomas Benjamin Wild Esq, This is Shit and No more Fucks to Give.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/01/22 12:45 AM
4	Is it supposed to get worse? Grieving is always taught as linear. Denial, anger, grief, bargaining, acceptance. Thats horseshit. Its not linear. You'll bounce back and forth and sideways. You'll think youre through one phase and then wake up and feel so ANGRY again, or find yourself thinking of how to get her back (revenge or return/restoration). Its normal. It sucks. Bear through. You think of all the stories of abused/battered women, and how so many keep going back into the cycle. That cycle will reach out to you. But rem…	/r/Divorce_Men	29/12/21 07:43 AM
1	Wife on the fence Yep. Happened to my friend. Worked long enough they decided to have a second rescue baby.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/07/21 02:13 AM
4	Wife on the fence God, please do not try to salvage things by having a kid. As it stands, its just your world breaking. You don't want to watch your kids world break too. And it will.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/07/21 01:40 AM
1	My 20 month divorce summed up in a gif. (Hang in there fellas) u/savevideo	/r/Divorce_Men	16/07/21 05:38 AM
1	When you leave your Ex on read while sexting your new girlfriend: just over her things. r/restofthefuckingowl	/r/Divorce_Men	15/07/21 10:20 PM
1	Losing my mind Yes. Narcissists project. Mine definitely did.	/r/Divorce_Men	10/07/21 03:30 PM
2	Don't watch the tomorrow war I have a hypothesis: The amount of advertising a movie does is inversely proportional to the quality of that movie. So if it's an absolute stinking turd, it'll saturate every 3rd Reddit/YouTube/Facebook ad And billboard. So far Tomorrow War has hit that point. So no, won't be watching it.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/07/21 04:42 AM
8	Wife cheated and the abandoned kids and I. What's my best option? Never take legal advice from your adversary. And never represent yourself.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/06/21 12:17 AM
1	Playlist for ex's wedding No more fucks to give by Benjamin Wilde	/r/Divorce_Men	05/06/21 03:14 PM
1	So stupid… Years ago (back before I thought there was trouble) she said something to that effect (its controlling to meddle in her business with who she's out with and what they're doing). I replied (with some heat) that as I'm the first person the cops are going to come to chat with when they find her body in a ditch, it's good for me to know what direction to point them. That seemed to have straighted her out for many years. Not enough though.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/06/21 03:07 AM
4	So stupid… r/restofthefuckingowl	/r/Divorce_Men	05/06/21 03:04 AM
6	Don't know how to get through this Two major legal wisdoms here. 1) Never take legal advice from your adversary. 2) he who represents himself has a fool for a client.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/06/21 01:04 AM
2	This is hands down the best sub on Reddit for men. Yep. Just worked 48 hrs a week on a pandemic unit after moving to her hometown and having to commute an hour each way.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/04/21 02:06 PM
2	Need help supporting newly separated man with his relationship w/ his daughter Kids respond to presence. Especially at that age (and the next several.) I wouldn't be swift to bring another lady around. (Another family, sure.) I'd tell him to be there for his daughter. Spend the time she needs with him. Take interest in her and her activities and interests. Be steady and consistent. Have rules and stability.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/03/21 08:06 AM
2	Telling my Child!! Stress that you love her, its not her fault. My son (5) told my mom he was afraid he'd be "left outside by himself, in the cold." We stress every time that he will always be with an adult he knows and trusts (a grandparent or his mom or me.) Call as much as you can. When she calls, be positive, talk it up. Support her and their relationship.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/02/21 06:17 AM
1	Need New Mantras New beginnings	/r/Divorce_Men	08/01/21 07:42 AM
4	Vision issues the days after d-day? Dont know if theres any genuine medical term for it, but I certainly felt very shattered, depressed, broken. Can be a manifestation of the situational depression. I'd reach out to medical experts if theres a decrease in sensation on one side or sudden weakness on one side, true loss of vision or difficulty speaking (signs if stroke). It doesnt hurt to discuss any of this with your physician.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/12/20 02:01 AM
4	Week 1 Week One was absolutely awful. After that experience I cannot say I have never ideated on suicide. (I got help immediately, reached out to emergency counciling via my works assistance program and got set up with a face-to-face counselor.) I still have random moments when I burst into tears. Thanksgiving was hard. So was our anniversary (29th. 12 years.) I've been leaning into family and some friends. My coworkers are great (nursing unit. Work relationships are a little different when you're liab…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/11/20 02:50 PM