InvokerLeir Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
1	Wife asked for a divorce, how much do you think I’ll loose ? NAL. Upvote to u/digcycle points. Just because she doesn’t/chooses not to work, doesn’t mean she gets a free ride. A good lawyer might be able to make the argument that she COULD be employed for X salary/year and she could be held to that for purposes of her income vs your income when computing spousal support. Also, spousal support isn’t guaranteed for the entirety of the time. It’s designed with the intent of supporting the ex spouse while they become self sufficient. If she is not making a go…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/12/25 06:09 PM
3	Waiting until after the holidays, getting ready for Divorce. Turning 47 and scared honestly. I don’t think anyone is advocating not paying child support. In most states you’d have to run away to a non-extradition country to dodge that, anyway. But, you can’t pay child support or be there for your kids if you live in a cardboard box. You MUST protect yourself and your assets to the best of your ability because paying support for two kids for the next 12 years is going to crush you if you don’t put some safeguards in place.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/12/25 04:10 PM
1	Divorce stuck in limbo after separation, no-contact, and mixed signals Sounds more like she’s dragging this out to do as much passive damage as possible to our guy’s future relationships. NAL, but would definitely start filing for a Conference of Status (or something akin to it) to push her into finishing her side.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/12/25 01:38 AM
4	Dragged to court again - how can I make it stop? Divorce settlement should have a clause in there that the loser of any court action pays for the winner’s legal fees. Definitely bring that up if you win.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/12/25 05:30 AM
1	Will I not have enough to live? From what I’ve seen, it’s generally based on equalizing disposable incomes and on your visitation % with the children. The bigger the difference in your incomes the bigger child support you will likely pay. What’s rough is they base their calculations on your gross income and the use some magic formula to determine what your net should be (even if it’s not what your actual tax/withholding bracket is). 18K gross is awesome on paper before you get hit with a 46% California tax/withholding bracket …	/r/Divorce_Men	12/12/25 01:34 PM
2	Will I not have enough to live? NAL and not advising you to hide it. But if you get a second job and she finds out, she can file for an adjustment to CS/SS based on your significantly higher income. Many states base their CS law around the concept that children should benefit from the lifestyles of both parents - so if you earn more, the court sees that as a better lifestyle that can be shared with the child via CS increases.	/r/Divorce_Men	12/12/25 05:13 AM
3	Will I not have enough to live? An Ostler-Smith order might have helped in that scenario. They remove the bonus pay from your annual income for computing monthly support and then assign a flat % of your gross bonus (and other variable rate income) pays. That keeps your monthly lower and ensures the bonus pay that your ex might have gotten is proportional to the total.	/r/Divorce_Men	12/12/25 05:04 AM
6	Strategy regret Exactly. A lot of states provide at least 30 days minimum to respond to the initial filing. Even for temporary orders, she can likely ask for a continuance to provide time to respond.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/12/25 02:11 AM
2	I got screwed but is there a way out??? What’s crazy is the judge is supposed to evaluate the agreement to ensure it’s fair and equitable before signing off on the judgement . Yeah, they are powering through their docket, but something that lopsided should have been throwing some red flags.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/11/25 04:19 PM
2	I got screwed but is there a way out??? Instead of calculating variable rate income, like bonuses or RSUs, into your monthly income for purposes of monthly CS and/or SS, they take a percentage of those variable incomes. So your monthly support payments go down a bit and are normalized at just your wage value. When you get paid a variable bonus income, they take a percentage of the gross (not net, and that fine print needs to be understood) from those bonuses, RSUs, etc. This helps some folks who make yearly bonus income that changes b…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/11/25 04:11 PM
2	It's Over! Take a look at Gavron Warnings. Support is intended to assist your ex with getting a better career and being self sustaining. In some places, if you can show they aren’t doing that, you can get a judgement to have support stopped.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/10/25 01:53 PM
2	Told my wife of 15 years that I was considering divorcing her. In many cases, you have to establish residency in the state you want to divorce in. Usually 6 months. Surely most commenters on here assume that is common sense, but someone might read what was just said and think they can drive across state lines and file - that just doesn’t usually happen.	/r/Divorce_Men	28/09/25 03:21 PM
1	Any last minute advice, Texas default divorce. 15 hours to go How did it go?	/r/Divorce_Men	26/09/25 04:36 PM
1	I feel screwed NAL, but live in CA. In California, if you cannot locate your spouse to serve them, you can file a Motion for Alternative Service. You must document your diligent efforts to locate them. If documented, you may be able to File by Publication. Once filed by publication, your spouse has 30 days to respond (using the California FL forms). If they don’t respond, you may file for a default judgement. In the meantime, recommend filing a Request for Order for to restore your visitation rights and/or lim…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/09/25 06:36 AM
15	Just Venting It doesn’t. When it comes to divorce, you are basically mortal enemies. Women tend to have the upper hand because they plan this moment in advance and, if you read most stories, have already emotionally divorced you 6-12 months before they tell you. Legally, divorce separates assets. Whoever has more assets will fight to keep them. Whoever has less will fight to take them. That’s how it works.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/09/25 06:10 AM
2	After thinking about it for a few months, I got a lawyer. If there was a divorce filing, the papers you were served with should also have a temporary restraining order stating that neither party may make large expenses or remove large amounts of money from accounts. It’s designed to protect both parties from the other depriving the of funds. While she may be entitled to half, that’s for the courts to judge what her half of the assets is. If such a TRO was issued, she should not be moving money around and definitely not to a place you can’t see it. In m…	/r/Divorce_Men	25/09/25 09:03 PM
7	After thinking about it for a few months, I got a lawyer. Having just been drug through the higher earner portion of a support order, here is my advice. NAL. Get a lawyer and have them issue a demand for discovery. You know about the accounts and finances she told you about, not the ones she didn’t. If she doesn’t produce all facts about accounts and balances that are requested in discovery, she can be held to account in court. Make sure the discovery is a continuing one, so any new changes to her finances must be reported in a timely manner. You do no…	/r/Divorce_Men	25/09/25 06:23 PM
4	Subpoena for records Her lawyer has a right to this information. They call it Discovery. The depth they are asking for is to see if you have additional jobs/income which they can use to increase their ask for child support/spousal support. If you do not disclose accurate information, they can use it to make you look dishonest in the eyes of the court, possibly in perjury. As others have said, you also have a right to your ex’s information. Lawyers love this because it increases their billables. Expect her lawyer to …	/r/Divorce_Men	18/09/25 02:48 PM
1	Here we go again marriage has fallen apart, again! NAL. In some places, when a spouse leaves the home and it’s understood that they are leaving for good (not just to grab a melon from the store), they have no right to return to the home without the remaining spouses permission. The other spouse can call the police on you as a trespasser in a home you might still consider yours if you voluntarily leave. Secondly, while your finances may be of concern to you, if you suddenly make as much or more than her, when she files for divorce and support, yo…	/r/Divorce_Men	14/09/25 08:42 PM
5	Ex is contentious This and at-birth paternity tests before signing birth certificates.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/09/25 06:08 PM
3	Wife is done with me, but wants to live together Not a lawyer. Make a separate checking account and change your paycheck deposit to it and watch how fast the tune changes. You still might have to provide her some level of support. But the sooner you separate your finances, the safer you will be. In some states, personal pay like disability, etc, can be seen as community property if you were depositing it into a joint account.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/09/25 04:58 PM
1	Trying to reduce alimony in California Also NAL. Dealing with something similar. If you look through the spousal support laws, the goal is to help the ex become self sufficient. If they can’t show that they are working to obtain education and/or jobs that make them self sufficient, they can be held to account with the Gavron clauses. They have to show an effort, and that may mean they have to change jobs to make more money.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/25 05:05 PM