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Islehaven Archive

View 0 posts and 35 comments by Islehaven on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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12

All personality traits can be described in negative or positive terms. A nonagreeable personality can as well be described as forthright, persistent, independent, candid, all of which will be attractive to someone who likes those qualities. You can certainly learn new skills. Someone low in agreeableness may not have bothered to learn how to be pleasant, for example. That doesn’t mean you can’t learn how to be pleasant while still expressing your personality such being pleasant and forthright, p…
/r/RedPillWomen14/07/21 01:28 PM
9

If your desire is to find someone to be your captain, find someone who’d be able to handle you. Edit: I see that my point has been misunderstood. You can always learn skills, and that can certainly be valuable. That’s not the same as changing or masking your personality. Not everyone finds agreeableness an attractive personality trait. Nor does someone who’s a leader always need or want someone who, for example, isn't clear and forthright about their own opinions. To the extent that you successf…
/r/RedPillWomen14/07/21 12:27 PM
1

I asked H if he'd consider delaying the wedding until I was mentally in a better place. He implied that doing so would lead to a breakup. Your heart didn’t consent to this marriage. Not then, not so soon. You did, with your logical mind. In the eyes of law. In the eyes of the church, no doubt. Yet not your heart. If you go for a walk alone in a quiet place, and listen to your heart, what does your heart say? What does your heart want? What does your heart ask for?
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/20 10:03 PM
6

Tell him that he’s so amazing that you’re strongly attracted to him even though you’re usually more attracted to women 😉
/r/RedPillWomen20/06/20 08:16 PM
8

Habit change is both simple and difficult. Simple: notice when you’re lying, and then stop. And do it again. Each and every time you notice that you’re lying, stop. Over and over again. This is a practice, just like practicing a musical instrument. You practice and practice and practice and practice and eventually you get good at it. Difficult: you gain short term advantages from lying, which is why you form a habit of lying in the first place. Even though lying has long term negative consequenc…
/r/RedPillWomen20/06/20 12:25 PM
7

Your honor is what you know to be true of yourself. Your reputation is what other people think of you. It can be very painful when these are divergent. Yet we’re most effective when we focus on what is most under our own control. Working on influencing your reputation can take a lot of time, energy, and attention, while producing only a small result. (Think of politicians). Your honor is your domain. This is where you have the most influence, the most power, what will give the best result over t…
/r/RedPillWomen20/06/20 12:17 PM
2

By the way, you may find it helpful to clarify what you’re afraid of... in your post title, you say you fear being sexually desired, but in your post body you explain that what you actually fear is unwanted sexual aggression. Being clear can help you focus on getting what you want while avoiding what you don't want 🙂
/r/RedPillWomen02/06/20 03:33 PM
1

You’re welcome!
/r/RedPillWomen02/06/20 01:25 PM
3

As you say, eating is a defense mechanism which protects you from unwanted sexual aggression. Here’s the question: if you’re not going to use eating, how else are you going to protect yourself from unwanted sexual aggression? How will you avoid unwanted sexual aggression? How will you respond if it does happen? What’s your plan? And maybe it never will happen, just as you can wear your seat belt every day and never get in a car accident. But decide what you’ll do in the worst case scenario. Once…
/r/RedPillWomen02/06/20 10:35 AM
2

You have a problem (you’re overwhelmed with childcare) and a proposed solution (your husband takes a break from work). You've proposed your solution, but your husband believes he needs to keep working and doesn’t welcome your solution. I don't know if this would help either, but have you tried engaging your husband with your problem? Perhaps something like, “There's something I’d like to get your advice about”, and if he says “yes?”, say “I’m starting to feel overwhelmed by the amount of childca…
/r/RedPillWomen09/05/20 04:00 PM
1

It’s sad and unfortunate that his family is acting that way, but in what way has he let you down? Would you like him to stop trying to get you to prove yourself to his family when that isn’t working?
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/20 09:47 PM
6

From facts (such as "they threw rubbish on the floor") we form judgments (such as "I'm being disrespected"), and from these judgments we generate feelings (such as annoyance). I'm just speculating here, but is it possible that they're just messy? If you weren't there, would they pick up and clean themselves because you weren't doing it? Or would they be unconcerned that they were living in a trash heap? If they're just messy (and this is just if), the reason why they don't have gratitude and res…
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/20 09:27 PM
1

Envision this situation as a golden opportunity for practice. Perhaps never again will you be in such close quarters with someone who is so expert in pushing your buttons. Each step you take in responding more calmly is a step you take towards being able to handle anything.
/r/RedPillWomen21/04/20 08:48 PM
3

The most important thing is to have patience. Give yourself time. He’s a strong possibility, but you haven’t actually met him yet, not for real, not in terms of dating and finding out whether this is someone you want to spend your life with. In terms of red flags, well, you might like to read Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum. It’s written from the perspective of figuring out whether problems in a relationship are so serious that you’d be better off leaving… but, if there’s …
/r/RedPillWomen21/04/20 01:57 PM
6

The first aspect of this situation, that you get to have your own boundaries and you don’t need to do things that you aren’t willing to do, has been well covered in other comments. The other aspect of this situation you mention is that you’d lose respect for your partner if you did try. This is a different issue. Our sexual interests are never going to line up perfectly with another person. That’s part of being in a relationship, sometimes you need to say “no” and your partner needs to be able t…
/r/RedPillWomen21/04/20 01:26 PM
11

Knowing what you know now about what you want and what you need, if you currently weren't in a relationship and he was available, would you choose him today as the one to get into a relationship with?
/r/RedPillWomen19/04/20 08:58 PM
9

Now that you’ve had some experience, what qualities do you think would be desirable for you in someone you were choosing as your captain? What qualities would be essential?
/r/RedPillWomen19/04/20 08:14 PM
12

In fairy tales, the prince doesn’t care if the princess is poor, is dressed in rags, is forced to work as a scullery maid, if she grew up with a step mother who hated her. He cares that she acts like a princess, thinks like a princess... thus sharing his values, his outlook in life, his mannerisms. That she is like him, comfortable to him. The greatest secret fear of people in a social class is losing what they have and being forced to become a member of the next lower social class. The upper mi…
/r/RedPillWomen18/04/20 06:43 AM
3

If you want someone to be your captain, you need to let them problem solve. Right now you’re presenting two options: A) You blurt out things that you want to say, that are important for him to know. B) You keep quiet. Both A and B are about you being in control. The other option is to let him know that there are things about your past and your childhood that would be important for him to know. And then let him pull information from you. If he wants to. Which would be hard. He may likely not pull…
/r/RedPillWomen17/04/20 12:09 PM
6

Don’t relax your standards for making a lifelong decision because of a temporary situation.
/r/RedPillWomen13/04/20 11:42 AM
4

I think encouraging a relationship with your brother sounds great! Here's your homework... You're doing a good job as a parent to your daughter. There's an additional step, which is as an adult dealing with someone who is acting childish (whether they are actually a child or not). As adults, we sometimes need to deal with people who cross boundaries in childish ways, that we may not have authority over. I understand that you didn't want to cut it short for your parents. However, that would actua…
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/20 01:37 PM
3

There are two aspects of this. One is that boys learn how to be men from men. While this might take some effort, ideally, you’d find a successful man who has a similar personality as your son, and see if he might be able to spend say one hour a week in a mentoring role. The other is children learn the most from what you do. To help your son learn how to deal with someone crossing boundaries, practice keeping strong boundaries. Be a good role model. You said you tolerated your daughter being rude…
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/20 12:31 PM
3

I recommend Games People Play by Eric Berne.
/r/RedPillWomen09/04/20 11:21 AM
7

How can you help him understand the risks? Unfortunately, the first thing you tried, giving your own explanation, didn't help. Another way you might try of helping him understand is to find someone similar to your husband, who used to think like your husband did, and who has since changed his mind. For example, if I were talking to a doctor who currently isn't concerned about COVID-19, I'd point him or her to https://twitter.com/MedicinePrimal/status/1246420458460844033, where a doctor talks abo…
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/20 04:43 PM
3

Indeed, it will take time, both for tests to become widely available, and for people to change their behavior. We haven’t had a pandemic in the US for over a century, so we’re building these habits now pretty much from scratch at this point :)
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/20 01:48 AM
5

Fortunately (if it helps), the economic dislocation won't need to last long. Singapore, a country with 5.6 million inhabitants, has only 313 known cases, and 0 known deaths. The malls are open. Schools are open. Shops and restaurants are open. People are walking around, mostly without masks. How did Singapore handle the epidemic so successfully? A strong public health system. Lots and lots of testing. Contract tracing for people who test positive. Isolation and self-quarantine for those who are …
/r/RedPillWomen18/03/20 11:59 PM
1

In any relationship, there are things you need (you can’t be in relationship without them), things you want, things that are boundaries or limits for you (you can’t be in relationship with them)... and then, usually, there are a rather large number of things that you can be willing to do for your partner. Even if you might not be intrinsically interesting them for their own sake. As long, of course, as it doesn’t go too far, isn’t too one-sided, etc. “Would you please pass the salt?” Of course, …
/r/RedPillWomen29/02/20 04:13 PM
3

It sounds like he’s finding that giving up is comfortable. If he did what he needed to do to keep you in his life, he’d need to keep doing that. And he’d have to face his anxiety about his willingness to keep on doing what he’d need to do to keep you. And it doesn’t matter how much work you’re willing to do for him (like solving these little issues) if what he wants is to give up. I was concerned by your response to my earlier comment when you said you’d make a game plan and you’d give him tiny …
/r/RedPillWomen05/11/19 12:47 AM
1

We could always only do things that we know for sure will work, but if we never take risks we would never live up to our potential. Your boyfriend took a risk in attempting the university program. He failed, and feels bad that he failed. What he doesn’t see right now is: He has courage. Someone without courage wouldn’t have attempted the university program. He is smart and conscientious. He applied himself to the university program, even though that particular attempt turned out not to be succes…
/r/RedPillWomen04/11/19 03:12 PM
7

I had a thought about one particular aspect of this situation, so I’ll remark on that in case it might be helpful. Is your boyfriend feeling defeated? I’m just guessing here, reading between the lines. Ignore me if I’m wrong. Playing video games can, of course, be healthy relaxation and recreation. It can also be a way of artificially fulfilling our need for success, when real life success is elusive. If so, he might like to check out https://www.selfauthoring.com/. For men especially, having a …
/r/RedPillWomen03/11/19 05:42 PM
1

I found this comment by /u/Whisper perceptive: Someone with great intelligence and deficient social graces is obnoxious and arrogant. Someone with great compassion and no wisdom is an SJW. Someone with great social skills and no intelligence is a fuckup. Someone with great wisdom and no compassion is a tyrant. And so on. If you decide you want to tell your friend the truth, this suggests a structure for doing so. Start with the compassion you see in her. Continue with how you see her not being w…
/r/RedPillWomen01/11/19 01:45 PM
2

Here's the part that you have control over: you could tell her the truth. You could tell her that you're worried about her. That in your observation, she has a nasty attitude and is bitter. That she's losing friends. That you see her mental health spiraling out of control. Or... you can continue to avoid telling her the truth because you want to avoid conflict. And you face a decision: which is a higher value for you? You get to choose. You can choose that avoiding conflict is, for you, more imp…
/r/RedPillWomen31/10/19 10:28 PM
2

Mmm, in terms of your own psychological reaction, whether he’s in the wrong or not may not matter that much. I’m glad to hear that you’ll be able to see a counselor 🙂
/r/RedPillWomen25/10/19 07:42 PM
3

Was what he did justifiable because I wasn’t doing that part of my job? No. He was lying to you. When he wasn’t getting something he wanted, he chose to break his promises to you instead of helping you. This was not justifiable. Secondarily, even if hypothetically he had been honest with you, he would have been proposing to make a big change to your relationship in response to a temporary issue. This is unlikely to have turned out to be a good idea. I have heard of polyamorous couples where ther…
/r/RedPillWomen25/10/19 05:27 PM
3

Have you sought counseling? For how to begin healing your trauma after being forced to continue having sex after you withdrew your consent, seeing a sexual assault counselor would generally be a good starting point.
/r/RedPillWomen25/10/19 05:02 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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