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View 2 posts and 103 comments by Its_a_stateofmind on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
13

Its_a_stateofmind/r/Divorce_Men07/07/21 09:50 PM
5

Its_a_stateofmind/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 12:41 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

This is good advice. I have started seeing some of this partner pleasing stuff in my past relationship and actively working against it in my new one. It actually works. Boundary establishment and honouring that boundary are key. And a little communication. Goes a long way. Cheers mate.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 09:46 PM
6

If you want it to hold up in case your relationship dissolves, hire a lawyer familiar with family law in your area.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 09:58 PM
1

It’s the moments - fleeting as they are for us - that stay forever. The quality over quantity…they remember the quality. Doesn’t heal the pain, but helps to carry the burden.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 04:56 PM
8

The only way to mentally get there is to hold in your mind that the money is going to the kids…if it doesn’t, and it gets siphoned by the ex, that is on them..their conscience…. From my experience, that is the only line of thinking that shelters me from going to negative and assuming it is just a cash grab.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 08:03 PM
1

We process differently
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 04:11 AM
3

I second this vote.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 06:19 PM
2

Oh no man…totally…country music all the way ;)
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 09:02 PM
2

And a journal, a guitar and a dog.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 12:21 PM
10

We all are. We’re all broken. Some just cope and manage it, other revel in it, some use it and weaponize it, some can’t handle it at all…some just make it work. But we all broken
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 01:28 PM
5

Not every problem can be solved…but they can all be acknowledged…and sometimes can only be accepted. And that acceptance ultimately leads to peace.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 02:57 AM
-2

Does for me. Don’t get the complete “empty” feeling. Still worth it though. I got my two kids; don’t miss condoms; wouldn’t go back if I could.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 03:00 AM
2

No, but I do miss that balls empty feeling…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 02:33 AM
2

I don’t wish abuse on my ex…a good tongue lashing maybe?
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 03:58 PM
1

Blink of an eye my friend, blink of an eye. Go out, have fun. Just don’t get serious with anyone…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 01:08 AM
4

Wait a year is the generally accepted advice.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 12:54 AM
1

Unfairly!
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 01:14 PM
2

I love this answer and wish so much I had approached my relationship from 25 years ago that has since failed that way. I now do this actively in my current relationship and it is soooooo much better.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 05:21 PM
1

Curious. How can you tell?
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 01:08 AM
3

Dude. If you see these warnings and have these feelings, you gotta try and fix that somehow. Don’t lose you…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 06:20 PM
3

One of life’s greatest mysteries
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 05:17 PM
1

Bonus for you. (That she hated them).
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 09:18 PM
3

It was never discussed. Dog came with me; she took the cats. It was never a question.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 08:47 PM
2

😟
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 12:37 PM
3

If dad wants to buy OP out, sign on to mortgage as guarantor…that is the only scenario I see this working. Bottom line, OP needs to extract his equity out of the house, and name off the deed and mortgage…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 05:09 PM
0

I like this comment. I left my ex. I wanted her to fight just a little bit for us. She lamented at the loss of her lifestyle; at losing the kids for part of the time - all understandable losses to grieve for…but she never once lamented the loss of us…our relationship was always just “ok” for her. So rather than fight for us, she just turned into anger, resentment and hate…which I understand…but it’s like she went straight to hate…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 05:18 PM
5

I think OP means 50/50 later is a promise that may be made, when now is 70/30 or something less than 50/50. Eluding to a false idea that young kids are better off with their mothers, and that fathers are less important at that stage of life…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 03:29 PM
1

For me the not knowing would be tougher. I would rather know - then it is resolved at least. If it were me, I would call - be open, tell her your intentions behind the call; that you would love to get together for a coffee and just how she responds. You got this bro.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 11:00 PM
1

Dude. You literally have nothing to lose. Be open; be vulnerable; tell her how you feel. Worse case scenario - nothing. Best case scenario - everything. What the hell are you waiting for???
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 10:18 PM
2

Why lose your son? Don’t give up on him. I doubt he will give up on you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 12:19 PM
2

Right on man. Good for you. 😉
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 12:39 AM
1

This. Once your head is in the right space, you can get back to getting your head in the right space.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 12:30 PM
12

The fact you are asking for this for the betterment of your son suggests you are not as toxic as you are making yourself out to be.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 05:36 PM
1

Agree with you there OP
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 12:21 PM
4

Nothing wrong in my books with kids to know that mom and dad have emotions and can be vulnerable in front of them by showing them. There is a balance of course to not wallowing in misery and tears constantly, but sometimes showing emotion is leading by example. Grown men cry too.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 12:20 PM
3

The fam is already destroyed. But I understand where you are coming from I think. IF we could rebuild to what we had, the fam would be better off. So it is worth the fight. I don’t know what the stats are, but I also know a leopard can’t change the colour of its spots.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 01:47 PM
4

Damn it! Lost opportunity…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:12 AM
4

Haha
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 02:12 AM
1

Was wondering who would join in…lol. Spank the monkey
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 04:25 PM
7

I’m old school and just beat the bishop.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 08:23 PM
1

Never been happier
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/24 10:42 PM
2

I came here to say this
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 08:09 PM
1

Sound baths
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/24 08:09 PM
10

Lawyer dude. You need a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 03:43 PM
4

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 02:41 AM
5

Don’t leave just because she tells you to. Get a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 09:02 PM
7

Don’t move out until you have at least an interim sep agreement that states you are moving out to create space, but that it does not prejudice any future child custody arrangements, nor does it relinquish any claim you have of the matrimonial assets…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 07:34 PM
3

This ☝️👆
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 09:10 PM
1

Anything less than 50/50 is the hill for me to die on…but in Canada that is the starting place.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 08:14 PM
1

Love it!!
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 08:05 PM
1

Empathy is being able to relate - if I haven’t experienced something, then it is difficult if not impossible to empathize. However, (most of us) have a decent moral compass, and a little compassion goes a long way. I love how you framed this. Add some compassion into your beautifully framed prose, and then you will capture the entire spectrum that is the human condition. Deep down, biology will prevail…and when the proverbial shit hits the fan, we retreat to the selfish ways of our collective ra…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 02:42 PM
2

This really resonates with me. Thanks for posting.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 07:41 PM
2

Here here
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 01:18 PM
2

I view it as this - not giving a fuck implies you are not willing/needing/wanting to put emotional stock and effort into a particular situation - we only have so much emotional currency, and we have to choose in life where we want to spend it. Indifference from my perspective is not caring…that implies a lack of an emotional attachment. When we choose to not give a fuck, we recognize that we could care - and we would if we chose to give a fuck. Indifference is a lack of empathy and compassion. N…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 06:01 PM
1

Troll much? Maybe sort your own shit out, and don’t wade around in places you know sweet fuck all about?
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 01:54 PM
1

Get a dog. They check a ton of boxes
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 11:32 PM
8

Lawyer. Lawyer. Lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 02:43 AM
1

I am going to go out on a limb here - you have been cheated on? You spend your days trolling through posts, and responding and attacking people based on your own experience? The world is very black and white for you isn’t it?
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 02:58 PM
1

What the fuck are you going on about? You are drawing conclusions based on what? When did I ever talk about sharing presents? Take your own experiences, and extend them to me? I don’t want her to be pleasant and chummy. When did I say that? Do you even know what I mean by toxic? What the fuck are you going on about? And of course I am still processing my break up…why wouldn’t I? That is what people do.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 02:45 PM
1

Oh - and fuck of? My dad was a serial adulterer. Now you want to comment about my parents? Jesus man…really - fuck off.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 02:32 PM
1

Ahhh. Quick to judge without actually knowing the situation. Nice one! Good for you internet troll. You have read three threads. Well done for your deep insight based on a personal rejection likely in your own life. In fact, I have come to realize that she has always been toxic. So here is an idea - why not ask questions, and try to understand someone’s situation, vs judge them? My ex is toxic. She has deep issues that were never addressed, and still hasn’t. She spent her life blaming others for…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 02:05 PM
1

I knew my parents were unhappy. When I was going through my own breakup (well, I still am), I asked my old man how long he knew that he wasn’t in love with my mom, before he eventually left her…he said 10 years. Kids know. They see the chemistry, or lack thereof. You can’t hide this stuff. It is never an easy decision, but, if you are miserable how can you be the best father for your son in that scenario? You can try bringing this to your wife. Try therapy; try reconciling; but be prepared for m…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/21 02:59 PM
2

Nope - not overreacting at all / she is though. I get the same. A form came home from school when I had the kids to verify addresses, etc. The only part that was wrong was my address - so I filled it in, and sent it back. She then complains that she didn’t get a chance to view it. I told her the only information that needed update it was mine, so I didn’t bother to bother her. She then asks me how she can verify that the information is correct - I told her I did (unless she has moved without tel…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/21 05:00 PM
2

Don’t move out until you at least have a signed interim separation agreement…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/21 02:32 PM
3

Ur good fucking people dude….good fucking people. Props
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/21 11:00 AM
13

Nothing else to add, but if you think your kids don’t realize you are in a shite relationship, think again. You can’t hide this from them either…heck, the dog probably also knows….
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/21 10:38 PM
4

There are some REALLY good comments here. You have to be very careful - she is absolutely using your core desire to be with your kids against you. Go in with your eyes wide open buddy!!
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/21 03:07 PM
7

If you spend your life in the could have’s, you will lose everything, because nothing will ever be good enough. You need to see a therapist and work through this. It will take time. Suicide is not the answer, brother. You’re worth more. Go to an therapist; speak and see your friends and family. Get a dog. Go see a therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/21 11:49 PM
5

I didn’t move out until I had an interim separation agreement. It is what allowed me to leave without jeopardizing getting 50/50 custody of my children
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/21 03:51 AM
1

God bless indeed. My Pooch is getting on in age. I am going to be a disaster when she dies. when we split it wasn’t even discussed who she will go with. My ex wouldn’t even use the dogs name…! I moved into the spare bedroom for a few weeks before actually moving out - dog slept in my room. It was simply known that she would be coming with me. The two basic things that I would have died over were 50/50 custody and 100% custody of dog. Fortunately, with the exception of a minor blip, I got both…th…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/21 01:13 PM
9

Myself, Dog, Close friends, Family. In that order.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/21 12:54 AM
1

How am I gaslighting her? I accept the role I played in the demise of my relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/21 06:27 PM
11

I give a shit. And many other do. I will say this - there is somehow this negative stigma of men and crying. That if we let others see us cry we are viewed as weak. I am not afraid of crying. For me, I feel better after a good cry - I would venture you did too. There is nothing wrong with it. You are not a lesser man because of it. In fact, I would further venture that it takes an even stronger man to cry around those he loves and that love him.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/21 04:51 PM
4

Mediation is certainly cheaper, but you will still want to get a lawyer to review your draft separation agreement on your behalf.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/21 02:25 PM
4

I saw the writing on the wall. My eyes were awakened. I broke up with her because nothing was ever going to change. I got out before it was too late.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/21 07:26 PM
2

Nice one 👍😎👏
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/21 01:09 AM
2

Agree. This smells like a money grab.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/21 04:08 PM
3

It’s not. She is too mad at me to be even willing to put her feelings towards me to the side to coparent. My kids are nearly 15 and 13.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/21 02:36 PM
4

I do - but she sure as hell doesn’t reciprocate. My kids are 13 and 15, so technically they should have the impetus to do so themselves…but here we are.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 06:39 PM
2

What’s the chance you can hang in there until all of you go back to the US next summer. If you leave them behind, is there any chance a lawyer/judge can make the claim that you are abandoning your kids? If you absolutely need to get back to the US before your stbxw and kids, you should consider trying to draft an interim separation agreement that makes it clear that you are going back but without prejudice against any future claim or parenting agreement that gives you 50/50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 01:37 AM
1

Fuck….that is brutal.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/21 02:00 PM
1

Agree - 50% was my goal, and I got it. In Canada that is the starting place…is that not the case in the US as well?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/21 12:01 PM
1

Pretty sure both sexes have said that, and I am pretty sure, given the prevalence of that phrases use, that it sums up quite succinctly much of what happens when relationships fail….
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/21 12:00 PM
4

Your kids probably already sense the issues.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/21 03:33 PM
8

Two days before I left mine we had the best sex of our relationship…up until that point it was good/mediocre, with a few greats sprinkled over twenty years. But what I never had, among a whack of other shite, was reciprocated tenderness, affection and attentiveness.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/21 10:35 PM
5

Oh I will absolutely be setting up trusts for my kids. Once my SA is finalized, things will be established. I have already lost a shit ton of money, and I don’t want to lose anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 04:19 PM
2

Thanks. We are trying to navigate, aware of pitfalls. She has even offered a pre nuptial before we take any other steps. We are wary of the cliche recipe for disaster… but we are also wary of the successes we can have if we take things slow - and two years seems a good amount of time. If we jumped into the relationships feet first, moving in together etc, I feel that would set us up even more for failure.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 04:16 PM
4

Yup. Common law. Basically not being married means she can’t touch my pension…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 04:14 PM
4

I was with someone for 20 years, not married. - two kids, mortgage, etc. It has been nearly 18 months. I left her for a whole host of reasons, Including realizing she was sucking the enjoyment for life out of me - we didn’t do anything together. I met someone else who shares my interests, who has passion, and is passionate about life - she was also in a marriage that sucked the life out of her too…so we each called it quits, seeking happiness together…but we won’t get married, but we do plan on …
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 02:47 PM
10

Never. Stop. Communicating.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 12:19 AM
1

Either way…it’s walking a fine line, and if it were my texts that were being posted, I would not take too kindly to it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 04:29 PM
3

And she may know you are posting it. You are not making your situation better; there is breach of privacy potential too. You really should stop, as you are not helping yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 04:18 PM
1

Totally agree.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 02:24 PM
2

I am in Canada, so this is my experience up here - I have been paying child support for a few months now, and I have a few years to go yet. It starts with assumption of 50/50 parenting. CS is based on income, and will go up or down based on difference of incomes. So if your salary goes up, so will your child support, assuming her salary stays the same. Child support will end for a number of different reasons, and can even be paused for times when the children are not living in either home, but a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/21 02:59 PM
1

Well...what created grief/frustration/friction for you? Communication? Sex? Chores? Money? Activities? Religion? Kid health or education? Etc. Start there... it’s kind of a loaded question without context. 😁😁😁😁😁
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/21 02:56 AM
2

Are you trying to draft a post nuptial contract, and looking to prepare a legally binding document?
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/21 02:36 AM
5

Courage! Follow your heart ♥️
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/21 01:32 AM
2

Yeah. I don’t think that would work for me. I need a social life...need to rebuild your life, and You can’t do that in that situation
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/21 02:42 PM
2

We do 50/50 right now, alternating weeks. I very much like it, as we switch on Friday afternoon. I think my kids like it because we have the Friday night and weekend before school starts. Plus I get a weekend solo, which I spend with my gf. If you can push for week on week off, that seems to be the least disruptive for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/21 01:58 PM
3

It wasn’t easy, not by any stretch. Our marriage was dead for years...plausible denial is a real thing.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 02:11 PM
3

Will do. That said, I have met her family, met her friends, and there is zero evidence that this is anything but two broken hearts that found each other. But I appreciate your sentiments, and it is always good to have sober thoughts...
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 02:11 PM
5

I acknowledge the emotional affair. We are separated, and have been for over a year. Like I said, I’m posting my story - not seeking judgement or forgiveness.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 01:51 PM
4

Perhaps. We didn’t cheat on our spouses, but we did fall in love. We broke up with our partners before ever having any sort of physical relationship. But I see why it may belong in adultery...I won’t get into debates, and am not making any apologies for what happened. I appreciate your thoughts though.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 01:31 PM
0

Well...you deserve to be happy- there is that. Something I was told when I was going through my breakup. You can’t please anyone if you are unhappy...eventually you will have to tell her, or she will figure it out. When way or the other, it will come out. Hopefully by then, you will know what you need to be happy. Is it with a renewed relationship built on open communication, or is it with someone else? Surely it won’t be what it is now - bottling it inside, going through “the motions”, and not …
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 11:55 AM
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