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JasonInNJ Archive

View 0 posts and 47 comments by JasonInNJ on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

It’s a good thing that she doesn’t get to make decisions for you anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 02:57 AM
3

If you were the one with a DUI you’d maybe be able to take your kids for ice cream every other Thursday for 2 hours. Our system favors the mothers, even if they appear in court injecting heroin into their eyeballs in front of the judge. You can spend hundreds of thousands trying to fight it but it’s like swimming up a waterfall.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 06:05 PM
2

Walk. So worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/21 05:53 AM
7

I'm no expert, but I know that, here in NJ, maintaining status quo is important to a lot of judges. So, if she's portraying things as you wanting to move to a new school district and her wanting to stay, you may have an uphill battle. I'm not sure if you could frame the situation differently, but it might help. I was going to move to a different town about 15 miles away where I had been renting (we had a 50/50 nesting arrangement during the divorce), but I finally realized that the commute was t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/20 06:03 PM
5

Unless there are documented instances of abuse and neglect (and even then, good luck), the court will almost always judge in favor of the mother. That's over the father, and it would certainly be over a step-parent. It's not a possession that you can leave to somebody else. You can specify what your dying wish would be, but that's not going to do much. I'd have to imagine that Texas courts are at least as conservative as NJ courts in regards to preferring to have the child remain with the mother…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/20 07:11 PM
3

This. Spent weeks with my therapist worrying about what people thought. She asked how what they thought would impact me in any way. It didn't. My ex was making up stories to her female friends. Was I going to hang out with her female married friends now that I was getting divorced? No. Was I going to hang out with our married friends now that we were divorcing? No. Weird. To scary to them. It exposes what they are afraid of in their own marriages. The truth comes out anyway. In my case it did an…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/20 07:53 AM
11

Also, beware of people showing you Facebook messages from your wife. Are they trying to help you? No. They want some drama and excitement. You are the clown in the circus and the bull in a bullfight. You are their entertainment. They want you to be their train wreck. Cut those people out of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/20 07:47 AM
21

Divorced almost two years now. When we got divorced, I seriously fought the urge to tell anybody besides a therapist, but one day, my neighbor acted all concerned and wanted to know what was going on. I told him just a bit of the situation in confidence. Then, he told his yenta wife, and that was the end of privacy for me, for my ex and for our kids. Anyway, I'd advise you to keep things close to the vest. Literally, nobody gives a shit about hurt feelings, doing what you are saying accomplishes…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/20 07:44 AM
5

I believe that you are making a bigger deal about it than the kids ever will. They've just had their entire lives changed. The tattoo will be weird to them for a few days and then part of the new normal. Just don't get them tattoos until they are 18. ;) I dated somebody who was recently ex-orthodox (but not orthodox prior to marriage) at the start of my divorce. She went as far as to pull her kids out of a yeshiva and put them into public schools. The yeshiva education was REALLY bad, really exp…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/20 01:13 PM
4

Men have an uphill battle even when the mom is unfit. You lawyer’s reasoning for documenting is sound and not for nefarious purposes. I wouldn’t lose sleep over it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/20 06:22 PM
6

Dude, you aren’t on the lease? Get out of there and RUN to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/20 06:32 PM
3

It's perspective. Right now you are in the thick of things, but you are also in one of those limited number of times in your life where you can make seismic changes that matter for you and your kid. You get over it by working to put it in the rear view mirror. Don't wallow. I'd recommend therapy or a support group, but also things that you can do on your own time. In my case, it was joining a running club, hitting the gym, and when I felt up to it, dating again. I also put my free time into grow…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 02:06 PM
6

You will also get some props for saying “I’m not going to say anything bad about the mother of my kids.” Anything you say is definitely getting passed back and forth. People are such little shits. Lol. Don’t give them gossip fodder.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/20 11:06 PM
5

Honestly, though, don’t get into details with married friends. If you need to vent go to a counselor or support group. Don’t air your dirty laundry. Married friends especially don’t know what to do with it. You will probably lose some friends and gain more. Do you think your married friends’ wives want a divorced and eventually dating guy hanging out with their husbands? You think you are gonna hang out with your friends’ wives? Haha. No. Don’t tell friends. They will dig but all people basicall…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/20 08:37 PM
3

You can not be on the feed and you’d still be entitled to half. I was on the deed but not on the loan because I started my business during the Great Recession (and bought the house then) and they required two years of self-employment behind me. My ex was in a field that was doing better during the recession. At the time of the divorce, I didn’t recall if I was on the deed and my lawyer said it didn’t matter. It’s a marital asset.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/20 07:11 PM
8

But my feeling is that if she wants a divorce, whether she is having an affair or not who really cares at this point. Use her apparent desire to do it quickly to try to get it done without going to court. I mean, still get a lawyer to write up a decree but you might be able to use her current state of mind to make a fair deal. But, if it goes to court just remember that a divorce trial (and the court dates leading up to one) is a war waged with money. The lawyers will know exactly how much you a…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/20 02:25 PM
6

Whether a spouse has an affair or not will have no impact on child support unless she’s so unfit that she doesn’t get custody. And, trust me on this, even if the mother of a kid is injecting heroin into her eyeballs in front of the court, she’s not getting zero custody. Now, if it’s the dad, that’s another story. The system seriously favors mothers in that regard. My divorce story was fairly crazy and I ended up settling with 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/20 02:20 PM
5

If she definitely wants a divorce, I’d go, like tomorrow, and secure at least half of the funds in an account in your name. Some say to move it all, but I figured who can really argue with half? We both had the same amount to put towards lawyers, etc. If there is someone else, trying to catch it doesn’t often change things unless the guy is like a drug dealer or something where you’d want to avoid him getting near the kids. It wouldn’t free you from child support but it could impact alimony, esp…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/20 02:17 PM
4

Sounds like her not working is, at least, partly due to the birth of your son. You say she hasn’t work for 8 months and your son is 7 months old. She could be suffering from postpartum depression, and if she is bipolar that can really aggravate conditions like that. Does she take any medication for it? Does she see a psychiatrist? In terms of assets, if the house is sold, the equity could be split and it’s at least a strong possibility that you’d be on the hook for alimony, and almost certainly …
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/20 02:01 PM
16

Sorry dude, I agree with above posters. This usually explains the sudden change. If you have joint accounts, secure at least your half of the money. She might abscond with all of it. Let the court order you to give some back. Until then, at least you can continue to fund your attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/20 01:43 PM
5

Don't give any money yet. Speak with a lawyer. Potentially move the money to an account that cannot be accessed/drained by your STBX. The court would have to order you to do anything else with it. Document anything that you do with the money. Very often, both parties in a divorce are entitled to use joint funds to pay their attorneys. I'd argue you might not want to speak on the phone and instead document everything via text and email. She's going to be entitled to something, but that's somethin…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/20 11:49 PM
1

I saw that you had another thread about whether guys with kids prefer women without kids. Most of the women that I dated had kids. I thought, perhaps mistakenly, that we’d have more in common. That’s one of those generalities that can come back to bite you (see my statement about blind spots). You can have kids and have plenty of differences, both in other areas of your life and in terms of parenting style. I dated someone with twins, same age as mine. In theory, we had a lot in common. It was a…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/20 07:52 PM
3

Honestly, probably a dating app like OKCupid. Law of large numbers says that guys who fit those criterion are out there in gen pop. Source: I’m 48 with twins and 50/50 custody and met my 47 y/o GF two years ago on OKCupid. She doesn’t have kids but loves kids. We live together now. My advice, though, is not to make the profile about that. A certain number of guys that you find would probably fit the bill by focusing on interests. There’s no shortage of divorced dads, lol, especially in our age r…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/20 07:42 PM
3

When I went through my divorce, I took all of those feels and funneled them into working out at the gym, especially on my days without the kids. Ease into it, as you don’t want to go too fast and hurt yourself, but Monday (national chest day) was my favorite day of the week. There are so many bad vices you can get into as an outlet, it’s good to have one that burns off all of the negative energy and leaves you healthier and strong. Also, so many people don’t stay fit, so you’re already improving…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/20 06:30 PM
2

I did not know that Buffalo Wild Wings made good chicken wings. 🤡 Ideally, find some other divorced dudes to befriend, though.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 01:49 PM
1

A million people have my last time anyway. It’s not like soap. It’s not wasted if someone else uses it. 👍
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 08:45 PM
3

I was running through the parking lot cheering.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 08:40 PM
3

The contortionist misses the steamer trunk too. You need to adjust. Don’t rush it. It will happen.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 08:35 PM
-1

Sounds like she might be doing this in spite, but nobody will ever admit to that, am I right? :) I’d review your divorce agreement to ensure that you are not obligated to pay somehow. If you aren’t then that settles that. As far as what they do on your time, I paid for a very nice summer camp and my kids didn’t go on the days that my ex had them and there was nothing I could do about it, nor did I care one way or the other.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 06:19 PM
2

Agree on this, although the mediator probably went with something better than what courts might have decided. The courts are pretty stacked against men in terms of custody. I got 50/50 custody but was originally seeking primary custody. I won't get into the issues as to why I sought primary custody, as this is not a throwaway account, but it's best not to try to challenge reality unless you have unlimited resources. My first judge always ruled heavily in my favor when it came to temporary custod…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 04:39 PM
1

My former roommate became a successful R&B producer for a while. By successful, I mean he had produced and co-written a top 10 global hit. It was a one hit wonder, but it had crazy traction. It got to the point where I couldn't go anywhere without hearing the song. We even met for lunch when I was working at BMG Entertainment and the song came on in the restaurant. LOL. We'd been bandmates for 4 years of college. I was happy for his success. Unfortunately, since then, the royalty gravy train dri…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 04:09 PM
2

My recommendation is that you find out if you can drop in on some classes, or if a school allows you to spend a period of time there. My college roommate and I were competitive with each other (in terms of trying to get into schools) and both attended law school for a semester before dropping out. Not great schools, but not the worst. Cardozo and Brooklyn. I got into Brooklyn, Rutgers Newark and Cardozo. I did not get into Fordham. I think I went to Brooklyn mostly because the scholarship made m…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 03:17 PM
4

I dropped out 25 years ago. Lol. I was at Brooklyn Law and wanted to be in the entertainment field. I learned that my prospects for that out of my school were dim and I was generally pretty bored with it. I told my parents after my first week that I already knew I didn’t want to be a lawyer. Brooklyn Law is a private school, with private tuition levels, and even with a scholarship, I was panicky about paying for a degree I didn’t think I wanted. I took a few years to figure out what I wanted to …
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 01:25 PM
5

My ex still uses my last name. What does it matter? Is your last name some really rare name?
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 01:08 PM
8

We ended up approaching a mediator later in a protracted divorce. If it had been possible to mediate from the start, that would have been my preference, but it was not until we were mostly on the same page that we were able to seek a mediator. We tried to do it with our attorneys present, but our attorneys definitely complicated things. Then my soon-to-be-ex met up at a Starbucks and made a list of all the things we agreed on. We found that we basically agreed and that there were some details (5…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 01:07 PM
2

I’ve been there. There are ups and downs along the way, but we adapt. And we also learn that the very same adaptation was capable of leading us into pretty intolerable situations in the past, so hopefully we do better next time.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 11:28 PM
2

Anytime
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 09:00 PM
13

If you are having doubts, examine the source of those doubts. They can get noisier over time.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 05:02 PM
2

Welcome to divorce where every ex is a narcissist and your soon-to-be-ex's lawyer will make you sound like a maniac in court and yours will do the same to her. What you are going through is pretty normal. My feeling is that everything comes out in the wash. People know the kind of person she is and what kind of person you are. She might be saying things, but thanks to divorce, you probably don't have to deal with those people anymore, and if you feel like you want to, you probably shouldn't, and…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 05:01 PM
1

Most judges these days are pretty amenable to 50/50 arrangements. They are not going to want the kids to only have ice cream with the dad for a few hours during the week as they did long ago and the truth is, if you can make it work, the kids will do best seeing both of you often. But, that cuts both ways. Even if the mom has a lot of problems, she’s going to get half of the time with the kids most of the time. And smoking pot and drinking in your own home isn’t even illegal in a growing number …
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/20 01:18 PM
2

I like paying for the phone and supplying the phone so that I can have the ability to locate my kids if necessary. This should be considered by the OP.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/20 03:56 AM
1

Also, if you can get 50/50 without litigation, you will have some funds in reserve, hopefully, in the event that your ex takes a turn for the worse, at which point you can always involve child protection and seek to modify custody in the future. However, sometimes you have to get a lawyer. If someone is drinking or on drugs, they might not be acting rationally and might not be someone that you can negotiate with. A few other things that I learned along the way. If you have joint access to funds,…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/20 03:55 AM
2

Courts are very rarely going to take a child from the mother, especially absent any arrests for drugs or DUI. Unless your STBX is shooting heroin into her eyeballs in front of the judge, she's getting at least 50% custody. Look at how much money you have to spend on lawyers and understand that a legal victory can leave you with very little, or less than nothing in the bank. The lawyers will have you fill out a CIS (case information sheet). They will know exactly how much money you have to spend.…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/20 12:56 AM
2

Is she litigious? If she's going to file a motion to compel you to pay for a phone, the legal fees for an hour of lawyer's time can exceed the cost of a year of cell phone coverage from a budget provider. The phone is going to you be your lifeline to your daughter when she is not with you, so it sounds like a reasonable investment.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/20 05:16 PM
1

Where are you in the USA?
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/19 05:21 PM
4

First it feels wrong, then you meet somebody who blows you away. You tell yourself that it's not a rebound and convince yourself that everything is great. Then the rebound ends and you realize that it hurts more than the divorce because you've been carrying all of that weight from the divorce and the rebound seemed like the answer to everything. Maybe you'll find that you've jumped off out of the frying pan and into the fire. You found someone totally different but still like your ex. Then you d…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/19 06:15 AM
1

I was you a few years ago. I met someone awesome last year and I tell her that I wish that I could show me-two-years-ago how much happier I am now, and how well our kids adjusted to everything.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/18 02:03 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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