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JoanHollowayWannabe Archive

View 1 post and 262 comments by JoanHollowayWannabe on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
580

MINDSET SHIFTJoanHollowayWannabe/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 04:46 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
21

I simply cannot move past the fact that men's educational attainment just keeps decreasing, without a gun to their head, and they wanna blame women. How is it women's collective fault that their own misogyny prevents them from valuing education? My gut tells that this "college is stupid" rhetoric started popping up after women started enrolling and succeeding in academia en masse....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 11:07 PM
3

Gosh it's so nice to hear stories like yours. I'd like to think that "care work" gives men a real sense of pride and purpose. Could be a whole masculinity revolution if they'd just stop screeching for a moment and do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 08:46 PM
28

1) YOU GOT THIS GIRL, congrats! 2) please tell me that is a panic at the disco reference in the post title
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 02:52 AM
4

Watched, this was SO good!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 08:37 PM
64

I was just about to say all the women I know who've lost significant weight went from "ope, excuse me, sorry" to "MOVE, GET OUT THE WAY" with a quickness what is he talking about lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 02:06 AM
14

underage cartoon girls these erectile dysfunctioned Western men have been furiously tugging their limp noodles at since they were 11 this is poetry
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 01:02 AM
26

Oh my gosh when you lay it out like this....I just realized this is a perfect articulation of my friend's recent quick engagement and marriage. Her bf sent me and other close friends a word doc with tasks to do FOUR DAYS before he wanted to pull off this elaborate(ish) public proposal involving as many close friends as possible. They were married less than 5 months afterwards, in a pandemic, with her family begrudgingly giving the religious blessing needed in their tradition. This scrote had let…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 07:45 PM
27

yooooo that speech is my favorite f*cking thing it lives rent free in my head all the time
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 07:39 PM
44

Many times it’s that he got an opportunity with someone, realised his time was running out, and quickly married her to secure a lifelong partner Can I just say that dating in my late 20s/early 30s scares the hell outta me for exactly this reason. I would hate hate hate to end up with a guy who pursued me just because "it's time to get married" or they had some realization that their sexual opportunities were going to decrease, not increase, with age and I was the nearest schmuck available.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 04:13 AM
206

because men with low ethics view absolutely everything as a transaction
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 08:37 PM
26

Isn't it fascinating how differently ugly men and "ugly" women live their lives? Women who aren't conventionally attractive typically don't spend their time fuming, taking it out on the world, and looking for brand new fucked up ways to abuse men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 06:37 PM
268

Your quality of life observation is so on point. There are numerous working class women I know with decorated, adorable interiors that they will thrift and paint and coordinate on TIGHT budgets just to squeeze a little extra joy and dignity into their family's home life. Shout out to gran's bowl of sweets on a doily on a damask tablecloth covering a dining table older than her. Much respect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 06:13 AM
452

Bahaha this is why the courtship expectation for modern Chinese men is no house = no wife. Women are strongly discouraged from marrying unless the man owns a whole ass house for her to live in. A concept.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 04:16 AM
6

Omg this woman is so so funny thank you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 08:25 PM
14

I really appreciate you shedding light on how dating and courtship have changed - we tend to think the power structures we're subjected to are 'natural' but they truly aren't. All things socially constructed, including modern 'dating' can be deconstructed, refashioned, or removed. Women have more power than ever to refashion society to suit us and our needs, and your historical reminder serves as great inspiration.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 09:53 PM
55

This is a lot more common than people realize. As in, I don't have a Black friend who hasn't had at least 1 relationship like this. They are soul-destroying and make it that much harder for people who are genuinely open and interested in HVM/HVW across ethnic "divides". VET VET VET, my babes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 08:38 PM
6

Honestly that second paragraph is a whole post - I am consistently surprised that many men lack the emotional maturity to cede the emotional "room" to their own children when they arrive. Also we need to be teaching men that periods of celibacy within marriage are normal - women are not supposed to be having PIV sex immediately after childbirth!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 08:11 PM
35

Olivia Rodrigo is that you?? lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 11:49 PM
35

The delusion some of these guys have about what their attractiveness level is....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 04:23 PM
135

I absolutely love that for y'all, make them suffer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 03:50 PM
27

preach hunny! if by some miracle I married into a wealthy family, I would be grateful to learn all I can from the HVW among my in-laws!! why can't some guys adopt this attitude instead of taking everything as an affront to their egos??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 06:46 PM
97

there was a post a while back about austria's top female divorce attorney who said men almost never initiate divorces unless they have someone else ready. ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 06:36 PM
137

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/02/04/parenting/covid-pandemic-mothers-primal-scream.html?searchResultPosition=5 Hell is a place women are currently living apparently.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 06:37 PM
9

she should totally be in FDS-approved youtubers
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 04:03 AM
90

Also, guys aren't that unique. You really think you'll never meet another guy with commitment issues, a good dick and half a personality? You will. took me tf out lol, thank you sis some of us needed to hear this today
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 05:03 PM
25

This this this I am so skeptical of men with little kids who seem to have all this 'me time' or free time to be out and about without their families. Kids are the opposite of low maintenance, so to me its just a sign he's abandoning parental duties, abdicating responsibility, and dumping 100% of the load on his wife. Classic LVM behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 06:10 PM
48

My take is that women in general have really interesting, creative ways of expressing deep rage that aren't just punching a wall or shouting or beating someone up. Way that are both more clever and better than pretending nothing happened, which only aids male misbehavior. Hear me out: Taylor Swift (emblematic of a lot of female singer-songwriters) is actually really good at expressing her anger in socially acceptable/"feminine" ways ie singing a nice pleasant song, which is one reason among many…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 05:28 PM
25

And they do the work where they're most effective - WITH OTHER MEN because heaven knows they don't listen to women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 06:27 PM
27

Ok tbh this is one of my pet peeves - everyone on earth knows that 50% of the population experiences some type of period discomfort for 3-5 days a month and instead of yknow...planning for that and being considerate and taking care of us when we aren't well....they call it gross. Selfish af.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 11:44 PM
78

There's a book called At the Root of This Longing: Reconciling A Spiritual Hunger and a Feminist Thirst by Carol Lee Flinders that might be of interest to you OP - its been sitting on my bookshelf unread, but this is the kick in the butt I needed to finally crack it open.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 03:18 AM
136

Omg yes more positive content like this on the sub please!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 06:20 PM
55

Ugh that literally makes me wanna vom - how could anyone be so cruel?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 03:49 PM
14

Thank you for sharing!! It can be really hard to reconcile when you've "fallen" for a sex scam, especially when on paper you're leveling tf up and well on the way to HVW, but the more we talk about it the more we can protect ourselves and regain trust and self esteem!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 11:38 PM
20

How sweet, smart, and protective of you and your friends to keep such a good eye on one another, we love to see it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 11:45 PM
42

Sis are you me because I had this ex try to hoover me on LINKEDIN. They truly will exhaust all options.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 07:19 PM
19

ok but can we talk about how Donna Meagle is an underappreciated FDS queen?? with compassion and empathy to try to help her pickme ass coworkers through their trials and tribulations? who also had nice clothes and a nice car and literally invented TREAT YOURSELF? a feminist icon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 07:24 PM
98

I started researching homelessness and was shocked at how distinctly single and male a phenomenon it is - even advocacy nonprofits can't fudge the numbers. Married men are virtually nonexistent in this population. So you are 100% right, they are way, way worse off often due to their own propensity to self-destruction working in concert with the existing structural issues. They could try being better partners...but they want to have their cake and abuse it too, so who could be surprised when wome…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 07:50 PM
17

I do not have a well trained enough ear to distinguish which Eastern European accent this is, but I always feel like I'm getting the truth when I hear one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 09:46 PM
51

Same, that's what kept me here in FDS. I actually tried y'know setting a gd boundary and having standards for dates and OLD (for once) and was FLOORED by the results. I was like wow, deadass, I've been 100% that b*tch this whole time, and the patriarchy convinced me otherwise?? Scary. I don't use it much now but it is an eye-opener.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 05:36 PM
14

You know I flipped the genders in my head as I read this comment and realized how right you are. Some of my friends had abusive mothers, and if their fathers recovering from those relationships formed a community to support one another and spot that behavior early, I'd be THRILLED, not discouraging them! Everyone in society benefits when abusive behavior isn't tolerated. It just speaks to how far gone we are that so so many young women have been dealing with this sick, abusive, manipulative beha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 05:17 PM
79

"Being LVM is my culture" is one of the most hilariously idiotic defenses I have ever heard. There are HVM and LVM in every culture! Every. Single. One.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 05:11 PM
36

WITH the sign of the cross, I'm dead
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 09:15 PM
151

"They think you’re a public utility of pleasantry, like those hand wave automatic paper towel dispensers in public bathrooms. Do we spend any time contemplating the humanity of those? No. We don’t." THERE IT IS, LADIES. Damn that's a great turn of phrase, "public utility of pleasantry". If you've been conditioned too hard to people please even in the most quotidian aspects of life, try directing that energy to only other women. Been really helpful for me personally. The vast majority of kindness…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 08:06 PM
248

Watching LVMs' faces drop when I say "I don't drink" never never ever gets old. I'm almost bold enough to laugh in their face. Fuck off and find a personality you pathetic, rapey, undeveloped excuses for men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 05:48 PM
73

Like thanks for buying me the cheapest thing you found at the Saint Laurent store, but now i want an actual purse and that will cost you $3000. fellow fashion enthusiast detected, heyyyy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 12:25 AM
13

A friend's husband proudly calls himself a manchild with this shit-eating grin on his face at least once a week. Brag about it? She got a custom piece of art of the two of them together, and reading your story I'm becoming more and more doubtful he got himself into the master's program he finished last year...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 06:41 PM
8

Love love love this song, it's an anthem for the times! Listened to it nonstop since the album dropped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 03:42 PM
21

Random story: I am accustomed to men I'm introduced to hitting on me immediately or paying an uncomfortable amount of attention to me regardless of the context of our meeting. A week or so back, I heard my new roommate coming up to our place with her boyfriend in tow and they came in before I could jump up and run to my room. He was very handsome and in classic HVM fashion, greeted me politely and went to wait in my roommate's bedroom while she showered and took care of a couple things around th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 02:23 AM
18

I feel you, FDS has truly given me new perspective on some of the men in my various friend groups, like I can't unsee it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 01:48 AM
3

is unable to derive enjoyment from the company of women who won't sleep with him YOOO this is how the patriarchy wrecks men too. Men who see women as people rather than (primarily) sex objects to be exploited can form meaningful platonic friendships with them and avoid this situation but nOOOoOOoOo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 01:41 AM
88

so many stories of girlfriends and wives who will spend hundreds on their husbands/bfs to show appreciation while their SO’s never reciprocate. OOF I'm having flashbacks to spending excessive amounts of money showering my ex with thoughtful gifts and experiences while we were together.....only for him to unceremoniously dump me then subsequently "win me back" with a cheap necklace from carson's. Can we please have a confessional thread about money we spent on dudes who actually didn't like us, l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 11:56 PM
174

Wow it's a whole Friday afternoon and FDS chose violence because I feel personally attacked lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 08:17 PM
266

I think part of the appeal for me is that this gentleness is telling of a larger green flag: that a man can have power and not abuse it. For example, a longtime male friend of mine almost never smashes bugs that don't bite/sting humans. He's a stocky dude and could just hulk smash everything, but he gently scoops them up and deposits them back into nature. A man being kind and caring to a pet, a being which he has an inconceivable amount of power over, can elucidate his relationship to power in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 06:54 PM
16

Funny you should say that because I know someone who was proposed to with a taco bell sauce packet. Yes, you read that right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 09:46 PM
14

Maybe this is discussion for another thread, but sometimes I genuinely wonder if there is such a thing as a woman being able to do 50% of childcare when she made 100% of the child (in the majority of cases). Babies are chemically bonded to their mothers, their voices are the first sound babies recognize, and if a mother breastfeeds she is literally their primary source of life sustenance. How is it even possible to split that, y'know? And yes babies become toddlers and kids who are less wholly d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 01:39 AM
46

Wow this hit different. What an insight!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 09:20 PM
13

Wow wow wow please make a post, I had no idea this was the case legally and single women need to know!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 03:25 AM
27

Thank you oh learned one, all hail a science podcast hosted by two women!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 10:31 PM
143

The girl sounds like she needs FDS. Good on your for maintaining your cool and trying to help her out by telling her how he speaks about her to others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 07:11 PM
209

You're not allowed to just .. not want to drink. This is a whole post in and of itself - I don't drink much and especially not around strangers, and it's absolutely terrifying how many men think it's 100% ok to grope and rape drunk women. That's why they've successfully normalized binge drinking in dark rooms full of men as a sign of "independence" and "empowerment" (libfems, ugh!). No, he doesn't want you to 'have a good time', he wants to ignore your boundaries and NOs with plausible deniabili…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 02:04 AM
29

Now THERE'S a dating strategy, cull the pool lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 01:02 AM
5

This is why I'm not scared of aging, every time I find a new grey hair I'm HYPED.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 04:16 AM
43

I believe she also makes a point to patronize women-owned small businesses in Ireland!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 10:53 PM
8

Well, one of the earliest assertions in the book is that marriage is unnecessary for women who don't want children. The author's point of view is that long-term relationships are a better deal for women if and only IF no children will ever be involved (seemingly anti-FDS but the data she presents supports her interpretation, and it is presented without the least bit of vitriol). I think a lot of the things she discusses as "wifework" can apply to women in long term relationships without children…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 10:47 PM
234

There is a WONDERFUL book I just read about this called Wifework: What Marriage Really Means for Women by Susan Maushart for those interested. I'm so glad I read this book as a single woman, really opened my eyes to how much women's labor goes into the average marriage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 05:17 PM
8

wreckade is what I'm calling my 20s after I turn 30 lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 12:35 AM
7

Omg I thought I was the only person with this problem!! I've taken to just trying to uh fap less because I literally cannot summon fantasies devoid of the scrote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 05:17 PM
27

Yep, everyone wants to blame feminism when it's really porn. Women didn't do this to men, men did it to themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 05:12 PM
19

YES, I know women with chronic diseases that make it hard for them to keep or put on weight, and magically everyone assumes they are "healthy" or "fit" when its exactly the opposite. They're chronically underweight, frustratingly weak, and yet everyone acts like its normal because insecure men (meaning society) LOVE women they can easily physically overpower. Infuriating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 05:24 PM
36

Adele is richer than they will ever be, women made her so, and weak ass men are lashing out. What a cope, they cannot stand that women made a person who "men" find sexually undesirable rich and powerful. Also how coincidental that she became rich singing and writing songs about the emotional turmoil she suffered because of her male partners. There's so many levels to unpack here, but Adele can do whatever she damn well pleases and that scares the shit outta them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 05:21 PM
50

That vid is fire, "HOW DARE YOU" yesss aunty spit these facts
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 08:17 PM
32

this is my formal petition for a thread about publicly-maligned "golddiggers" and how we can learn about misogyny from their treatment in the media, starting with theeee miss anna nicole smith. the you're wrong about podcast episode on her was so illuminating and obviously i'm still not over it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 04:30 AM
11

The full article is a so good!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 03:16 PM
18

Yes, the context of mom-cohabitation is theeeee most important thing. I won't fault a man who's risen from an impoverished upbringing and lives with his mom to provide for her. Single moms can't catch a f*cking break and if their sons can provide some comfort or an easier lifestyle as they age, I totally get why a man would do that. HUGE green flag for me if a man is unselfish enough to legitimately take on caring for his relatives by continuing to live with them and take care of them after he's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 01:40 AM
9

Well through the examples she gave of other women's dynamics with their boyfriends and husbands, I could relate a lot of my own experiences and analyze them more critically. She also seems big on getting her readers to a state of self-awareness, because women who repeatedly have these messed up relationship dynamics with men actually subconsciously seek them out, similar to addiction, and I found this to be the case for me upon further reflection. This review from right after the book came out s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 05:35 PM
20

To add onto that - if you have a big family and want to channel some of that nurturing energy into children generally, build your relationship with female relatives who have small kids. They'll be glad for the help and you'll get some practice for when it's your turn. Or you might find you're perfectly happy being the involved aunt and get to form a beautiful bond with the next generation. Kids need lots of good adult role models and caretakers, it takes a village!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 03:49 AM
3

LOVED this book when I read it - couldn't stop talking about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 03:45 AM
6

Speak on it sis! I have a small handful of close male friends, mostly 'grandfathered in' from childhood. It's not that hard to recognize the difference between healthy cross-gender friendships (boundaries galore!) and....whatever the hell is happening to OP. And skkkrt did the girl with the keys really ask OP what they did the night before? After walking into the bedroom the morning after? What?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 03:06 AM
6

I'm good friends with a couple shy dudes and was shook (in a good way) at how decisively they pursued women they wanted. Like dang, okay, get it boy - dudes who barely gesture at the wait staff for extra ketchup in TGI fridays suddenly, miraculously turned into james mf bond. Ladies, if he wanted to, he would!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 03:49 AM
28

Also, burner phones y'all. I have a whole phone and number just for strangers. Budget plans are plentiful and it's a small investment (usually $15 or less a month) to maintain some technological and psychological distance from people who need to be vetted. Friends and family get my regular number, unknown dudes get the burner phone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 01:14 AM
13

Thank you for pointing out this hypocrisy from the media!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 01:09 AM
170

Why did I read that in Oprah's voice lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 10:47 PM
24

It's really helpful to hear this perspective and OPs in case we ever find ourselves in that situation - I've always felt torn like maybe it's "not my place" or perhaps I'd just be bringing more pain unnecessarily to a messed up situation. Yet you both make a good point that perhaps it would be helpful to a woman who is being gaslit to infinity and beyond to actually regain a measure of sanity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 11:42 PM
6

Exactly! They get the memo and keep it pushin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 09:18 PM
18

Yes! This! I tend to do no more than two things at a time (stylish outfit w/heels, coiffed hair, full face of makeup) because with all 3 I get an uncomfortable amount of attention. Shout out to the bombshells out here living life - I can't do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 09:56 PM
6

Flatforms are "in" for spring if you're looking for the height! They can be really fashion-forward and are way more practical for most women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 08:57 PM
29

This is actually really informative - I had no idea that indigenous Hawaiian chiefs actually banned prostitution in their nations to protect young women from being trafficked. Turns out the sex trade came to the islands with Europeans, surprise surprise. Flies in the face of the "bUt It'S nAtUraL, mUh PeNiS" logic of LVM. Turns out these old-school Hawaiian HVMs were repulsed and disturbed by the sex trade, had respect and empathy for women, and actually tried to protect their fellow human being…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 02:46 AM
16

honestly that's what got me, someone's friend/sister/etc literally lunged after one of the girls being dragged away by the police, horrific
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 07:25 PM
7

Take ALL THE UPVOTES.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 11:21 PM
37

YOOOOO thank you for bringing the class aspect in here - my parents fought and clawed and scraped their way outta poverty and I'll be damned if I piss away their hard work on an LVM. No thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 09:19 PM
146

I have to say I do enjoy seeing men have cultural references for women that romanticize them (a bit) AS WOMEN and not possessions or objects. So refreshing to see a man ascribing value to womanhood as foundational to society and worthy of respect on its own merits, and not just relative to his individual sexual pleasure or enjoyment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 05:50 PM
8

Literally you could have a whole post about this. SATC is a cautionary tale, not aspirational. People should watch it the way they'd watch a reality show - entertained but thinking 'wow nobody should act like that in real life'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 02:26 AM
156

I NEED a hairclip tiara stat
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 10:53 PM
17

You're living the dream, kudos!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 10:16 PM
26

Girl, right?! I was like wow imagine letting the nation's leading photojournalists document how useless you are as a husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 04:27 AM
1

I think an interesting aspect of this theory is the instant, inherent conferral of social status to the dude who's with a HVW, regardless of whether or not he's objectively HV. Some guys just want to impress other men higher than them on the pecking order, and once they do that usually the increased attention from women follows, which is an aspect of this preselection phenomenon you've cited. I wonder if anyone has quantified the financial and social benefits to men who enter into relationships …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 07:18 PM
74

Honestly, focus on building your friendships and preparing for your post-college career, be it grad school or entering the work world. I hardly dated in college (not for lack of trying lol) and don't regret it. I got to date plenty after college and I have rock-solid relationships with many of my college friends who are still in my life 7 years later. Most of the dudes they dated during undergrad are history. The ROI for investing in female friendships is, in my experience, much higher than dati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 10:16 PM
3

Honestly this is the energy I wanna radiate in 2021
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 10:41 PM
8

you have hit on some interesting points which warrant further discussion - should engagements be this big showy surprise thing or should they basically be a start of negotiations? like in the old days, when love marriage was relatively novel and the families of the brides publicly announced engagements mere weeks before marriage because they'd already negotiated all the financials/succession/living arrangements and other important things?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 06:56 PM
5

Some women feel that living alone is a sign that they have “failed” to attract a man. you ain't have to come for me like that sis
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 12:24 AM
59

I feel like multiple Republican 'family values' types have left their sick wives....I'm not imagining that am I? Didn't John McCain do something similar? Isn't it basically only Mitt Romney who DIDN'T ditch his wife when she got sick?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 09:58 PM
62

honestly sounds almost academic to me, like "yah I double majored at amherst in engineering and lesbianics"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 07:12 AM
3

*distraught Tyra voice* WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU! WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 11:16 PM
6

Happens to the best of us girl. You live and you learn. If we're sharing.... ~Embarrassing Story Time~ Once I dated a guy who I "trained" to open doors for me by just physically stopping when we reached an entrance. I simply would not take another step. It was like xtreme dumb foxing, I just pretended I had no idea how doors worked. Oh that's the restaurant? Cool. Guess I'll just stand here and look at it until you OPEN THE DOOR. He rolled his eyes so many times when I did this that I'm surprise…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 11:12 PM
12

I will say as a fellow lightskinnded mixed girl that BM who say this are just threatened that ALL Black women will wake up and realize that they have options beyond "the community". Mixed/lightskinnded Black women already know this is because, well, colorism. I had plenty of non-Black boys tell me how pretty I was, have crushes, date me, introduce me to families, etc throughout my upbringing, and so I have the lived experience to know that my options aren't limited to only BM (as much as I genui…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 11:59 PM
90

Yes let us drag this please. Unless she is the ULTIMATE 'cool girl', not a single gd woman I know would want to go to bdubs for her anniversary. Nope nopity nopesauce.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 02:08 AM
46

I was JUST thinking about this the other day watching the take on youtube as they alluded to the "fat guy with a beautiful wife" trope in sitcoms. I was like wow men really wanna push the idea that beautiful eligible desirable women with many options would choose someone morbidly out of shape who offers her nothing. It's the same as the older man/young woman dynamic, it's wish fulfillment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 08:09 PM
2

Wow I've never heard of this org before but seems like a good look - thanks for recommending!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 01:40 AM
34

BOOSTING the anti-porn movement whenever I see it. Can we get a PR team on this? Can we get hats? Slogan tees? Someone brand this. Someone start a hashtag. Seriously, this is a huge huge social issue and sadly the right wing nut jobs have a monopoly on framing it as such. We need to change that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 08:53 PM
29

WE WANT PRE-NUP
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 08:36 PM
20

I just asked about home security on r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy and dogs came up multiple times for EXACTLY the same reason! Really excited to one day be a homeowner and have my own personal K-9 unit reporting for duty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 06:21 AM
78

Girrrrl it's so hard to find/nurture HVW friendships in a pandemic. I love my friends but I also realize I'm growing and need more female friends in the same frame of mind as me. It's so hard to build that closeness in adult friendships that you did in college, high school, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 01:54 AM
15

Seriously, started a quarantine vegetable garden and it was a game changer. From time to time I see fellow FDSers comment about reserving your nurturing energy for children or pets and NOT putting it towards men because that just attracts man-babies and LVM and I couldn't agree more. Now that I have living things to actually nurture and care for and help grow I'm not funneling that energy towards grown ass men. My garden just helped me realize that I needed an outlet for my caregiving instincts.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 03:30 AM
3

username checks out lol, love it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 10:41 PM
210

Well put, I really wish women could unite against this! Liberal, conservative, black, white, brown, green, purple - this affects all of us. We should be able to say out loud that porn is extremely psychologically damaging to men, and that women suffer for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 09:42 PM
2

People are on OLD to date. You know what, you're right. How tf is he scared to ask me on a date...ON A DATING APP? Cancelled lol. I would rather have zero prospects than a weak-ass one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 07:57 PM
1

Update: I suggested it and he immediately proposed a day...when pressed on why he hadn't brought it up sooner his claim was not wanting to "scare me away" and being "terrible at making the first move". Really on the fence now, I'm quite a woman and a man lacking confidence really isn't going to make it past a first date with me.....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 06:33 AM
6

Meeting in person is non-starter due to my being in a high risk category, yes. I mentioned neither on my profile but I've had at least 1 guy suggest video chatting and follow through, so I don't think it's a crazy expectation?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 04:20 AM
8

Just gut checking here - if a guy is texting regularly on OLD but doesn't ever bring up video chatting he's just stringing me along right? I'm well within my rights to drop him even if he seems "nice" right? I know this seems so stupid to ask, but how do I politely say 'hey yeah i'm actually looking for something real and your lack of planning any sort video meeting is indicating to me that you aren't so baiiii'?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 03:35 AM
24

they have to come correct and you have to cum correct poetry
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 04:16 AM
2

GO AWF QUEEN
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 06:06 AM
13

Not sure what I was thinking but I joined OLD this weekend. Made a profile, walked away from it for a day and came back to lots of 'likes' - but woooow are these guys testing me. Lots of boundary-testing out the gate. Some gems from my FIRST DAY back on OLD: "How do you feel about meeting up?" (In a pandemic bro??) "Would you say you don't put up with much because you're used to being alone?" (Obvious neg) "HMU *fire emojis*" (original, really...) I've gotten most of them to 'heel' but then it k…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 01:14 AM
1

Also recently rejoined OLD - interesting indeed. I actually have a separate phone/line tied to my account so even if I do give someone my "real number" its not my real number lol. Also keeping men quarantined from my real life on a separate device makes managing it a little easier. I can just put the phone in another room and walk away - I'm doing it on my own time rather than getting all those annoying pings between texts and calls to actually important people in my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 01:00 AM
99

young leo was real easy on the eyes, being LVM ages men like trash
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 08:50 PM
22

Scariest part? This man is about to graduate with a top 30 MBA and be allowed access to halls of power and influence you couldn't imagine - stay woke ladies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 08:47 PM
6

great strategy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 07:39 PM
33

Story time: I was into someone who TOOK these types of photos of women and claimed it was a "hobby" - my friends found his 'photography' insta (I'm not on instagram) and were appalled. I'm pretty sure he cons women into posing for him by making friends with 'aspiring models' and offering 'time for photos'. But he isn't a legit photographer and he just keeps the pics for insta to jerk off to instead. GROSS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 07:38 PM
6

I totally forgot how deliciously sleazy Jon Hamm was in that role, thank you for reminding me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 02:58 AM
34

FDS homesteaders 2k20, I'm in
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 03:04 AM
72

Okay I've seriously been thinking about this for like the last week - a female friend and I have a pact that if we're both single at a certain age we'll just marry each other (as a financial/homemaking arrangement rather than a romantic thing) and she can adopt or use a sperm donor and we'll have a family of our own - I think we're on to something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 01:23 AM
11

It's not an expectation I have, no - if a guy doesn't initiate, I've never thought to request it. Male-to-female oral sex is historically less charged and has fewer negative connotations than female-to-male though. Women don't go around insulting other women by telling them to lick their cl*ts (unless you're Nicki Minaj lol), for example.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 12:12 AM
57

As a woman who is and has always been deeply uncomfortable with oral for the reasons mentioned by OP, it's really nice to feel not so alone. I think fellatio is a man-derived thing - no woman comes up with that 'on her own' because she derives no physical pleasure from it, and for hundreds of years it was considered an act only a prostitute (ie someone who was forced) would have to perform. Probably gonna get downvoted but I really think we need to talk about whether all the acts we've been cond…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 05:44 PM
24

I honestly applaud your discipline, totally trying to get there myself! I get that it's a giant red flag to be quasi-obsessed with someone who you haven't known for more than a couple months but its a RUSH and it feels like PASSION and rewiring my brain to like "boring" is such a process lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 03:39 AM
0

Preach, girl, preach!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 08:36 PM
7

I loved how you framed this in your mind though - basically, going on a date with any man has a real opportunity cost and in your case it was literally hundreds of dollars. Any woman who has worked in a field with an hourly rate should run the numbers after every date lol. Would really put in perspective how totally reasonable it is to expect a guy to pay on dates. If a man can't recoup the $40-60 spent on a date in less than a week, he has MUCH bigger issues to take care of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 06:12 AM
2

Wow that was a rabbit hole to get lost in, phew. There's a whole section of the internet I didn't know existed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 03:17 PM
7

a WORD wow
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 07:56 PM
8

THIS this this is the question we all need to ask ourselves when we think about doing something "nice" for a man we barely know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 05:57 AM
19

"I will EAT GLASS" took me out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 01:15 AM
14

What a coincidence, I'm reading it too! It keeps getting better and better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 08:38 PM
17

anxious attachment gang ayyyeee
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 06:07 PM
8

BIG Greek Goddess Hera energy from the wronged wife here, yas. What a role model.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 02:11 AM
9

Love the vibe, but I will say in a pandemic all of this is much more difficult if not impossible. I haven't done any dating IRL or OLD for over a year, and this summer I set a goal to put myself in more social situations (aligned with my interests of course) that might lead to meeting more HVP. Then boom, pandemic. Unless I want to wait another year to two years to "meet someone" organically, unfortunately OLD is the only safe option rn :/ Super not looking forward to wading back into the OLD ce…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 06:26 PM
7

Just wanted to post something positive. My bestie of 14 years recently waded into online dating, and is really excited about a woman he's been getting to know. He's already coming up with creative ways to impress her, even though they've had the equivalent of 3 dates and have never met in person. She mentioned she loved baking, and so does he, so he's gonna make her cookies. He and I share a chronic illness that makes us EXTRA vulnerable to covid, so smexual activity is not on the agenda for the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 05:35 AM
4

Re-gift it or donate it and block him, sounds like breadcrumbing. He got extra desperate/alarmed that you're actually done with him ("oh no, my placeholder girl won't be my placeholder anymore, muhh diiick") so he's resorted to something big and dramatic to get your attention. But I'm no expert - just my 2 cents!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 05:03 AM
20

How has no one mentioned Spice World the Spice Girls Movie?! I was honestly shooketh the first time I watched it as an adult and realized it had very very little romantic subplot and was totally focused on them and their wacky adventures. Is it top quality cinema? No. Is it a lot of fun and full of 90s Spice Girls bangerz? absolutely
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 05:10 AM
42

im sorry come again they're dragging her on her looks? she's GORGEOUS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 04:53 PM
21

To echo what others have said: You don't owe anyone a long, drawn out explanation. You can just say it didn't work out and leave it at that. I was in a similar position where I fell for someone at school and somewhat publicly chased him (ugh). Obviously it didn't work out, and I found it therapeutic to talk about it with my girl friends. None of them looked down on me for having been sweet and emotionally close to someone who didn't deserve it. You have wonderful qualities. Any guy who would dis…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 02:09 AM
66

Let me stop you right there you should be DAMN PROUD of yourself for stopping this bs in its tracks. Hell, I'd throw you a one woman ticker tape parade. You absolutely did the right thing and he's the one who should be ashamed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 05:56 PM
151

SPECIAL BENCH?! ?!?! ?!?!??!?!?!? *screams internally* giiiiirl you done dodged a bullet the size of a campbell's soup can
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 05:44 PM
7

Exactly! I'm always telling my homies that if you're just f*cking a guy HE ISN'T YOUR FRIEND. Don't call him your friend, don't treat him like a friend, because real friends respect your time and energy. LVM who try to rope you into a FWB situationship and use you are the furthest gd thing from a friend you'll ever have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 05:41 PM
211

The poor baby - you can see how hard this was for her but I'm so proud of her too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 05:21 PM
20

useless, oxygen-wasting meatbag *chef's kiss* magnifique honestly this sub be so CREATIVE in describing trash men its just...so beautiful
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 11:25 PM
14

Wrote his college essays...Wrote his CV Girl, I have a friend who also did something similar with her LVM. She didn't tell anyone until after he'd cheated on her and left her - meanwhile he was enjoying a lot of privileges because of the positions he'd won from application essays SHE WROTE! He was out here frontin' like he was the king of the world when he hadn't earned a damn thing on his own merits. So don't beat yourself up, this is more common than you think.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 04:16 PM
177

Also what kills me is that they act like in the past 200 years, men were evaluated on "who they are as people". Boy crack open a history book. Men were EXPLICITLY evaluated by their financial means in the past, mostly BY OTHER MEN who had to approve their daughters' matches and marriages. Marriage is first and foremost a contract, so why be upset that women want to negotiate the terms?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 03:55 PM
11

Would you recommend not living together until engagement or marriage? Genuinely curious based on your experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 02:47 PM
13

Really appreciate your openness and honesty here! I once consoled a friend of mine while we were both whining about being single that "getting married doesn't solve any of your problems, it just gives you different ones" and while that might seem harsh, I think there's some truth to it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 05:04 PM
23

And I oop
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 01:47 PM
2

Cynical me also believes that it’s profitable for corporations to inspire nations of singles, who are unsuccessful at relationships and therefore consume more goods and services than stable married households Yoooo I thought I was the only one! Seriously, the more that communities and families deteriorate, the more shit they can sell. If you don't have any friends/family/support system, the cost of the most basic shit skyrockets. Friend can't drive you to the airport? That'll be $40 to uber.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 03:08 AM
7

There are sooo many examples of this among virtually all male celebs - it's sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 12:58 AM
1

honestly can't wait until FDS is widespread enough that 'scrote' enters the national lexicon
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 08:45 PM
29

FOR WHAT? COMPROMISE FOR WHAT? You must think on that one again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 07:04 PM
3

Lennon Stella is so underrated!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 01:43 AM
4

I guess it just really validated a lot of FDS principles, so it didn't change so much as reinforce the choices I was making. It was really insightful for understanding more of the male side of this though, and how 'cheap sex' has transformed their behavior for the worse over the last few decades.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 01:27 AM
8

Co-signing. Men are dumb enough to think that women are kindness vending machines that dispense sex, so use it to your advantage. I rarely carry heavy items in public, have negotiated discounts by batting my eyelashes, and even gotten access to exclusive places because every simpleton, regardless of his relationship status, wants to make a pretty girl smile (so that she'll fuck him later). tl:dr, Men are gross, use your singleness to play them like a gd guitar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 01:39 PM
42

Dumb fox method is the goat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 01:28 PM
6

This book is amazing! I read it all in about 2 sittings. Some hard to swallow pills for libfems and men alike, but absolutely illuminating and accurate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 01:23 PM
9

That's a great compromise - lets me take out a big chunk of the pretenders without making a hard-to-reverse gamble. Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 02:15 AM
7

Has anyone read Meagan Good's book The Wait? Any thoughts? I've been completely celibate for over a year since the end of my last relationship, and was thinking of just keeping it going until I'm married - though this will obviously change a lot of my dating prospects. Are there any FDSers who've done this or read about it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 02:17 PM
2

It sounds like you want to enjoy high-cost, high-quality dates and food, which strikes me as a touch unrealistic on a student budget especially if you don't plan on tapping into the bank of mom and dad. You may need to spend some more time getting used to 'crap food and activities' - in fact, living more frugally may have a lot of long term benefits for you lifestyle wise. That said, I think you should opt to date those who can budget for and cover dates completely. $60 for theatre tickets twice…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 02:05 PM
15

oooh this sounds interesting - link plz to the study?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 01:42 PM
1

Mostly by only responding to me/my jokes either verbally or in the group chat. Or making jokes about me/my behaviors and no one else's.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 08:06 PM
2

Not directly - yet another sign I was just his 'backup' chick. Occasionally he'll try to get my attention in our virtual friend group events, which is rude as hell since his gf (whose apartment he is quarantining in) is usually sitting right next to him. LVMs gonna LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 07:58 PM
14

The thing was, I felt a bit bad for her knowing what I do now. She was really serious about him, brought him around to meet her family, went on lavish instagrammable international vacations with him, the whole nine yards. She perceived (correctly) that I had unresolved feelings for him and that my presence presented a problem. His solution? Gaslighting. "I don't know why you're making this such a big deal, we're friends" "Stop being hysterical" "Are you going to do this every time I talk to her?…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 12:06 PM
158

Wow my wig got snatched so ferociously its now in earth's orbit. Ladies, as a former 'emotional support ex' i'mma tell y'all right tf now: RUN. All of your instincts are right. If you're in the mood for a story, read on. I was this 'emotional support ex' to a guy I've known since I was 13, and dated on and off. His last girlfriend literally got in shouting matches about me with him, and of course, he defended our friendship every time. My wake up call was a few months ago. He had a new girlfrien…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 12:19 AM
66

Even so, it's extra based that her entire staff is in formation to ice this man out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 02:03 PM
14

This format is such a classic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 02:56 AM
7

It would be a plot twist if this is actually part of pickme brand strategy to make influencer cash money from sad internet men/women who want to believe the pickme fantasy. Reminds me of those "hot" "conservative" girls who could give 2 shits about politics but just pose with guns and the American flag and watch the clout roll in. Best case scenario she just holding that sponge for the pic lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 06:17 PM
11

THAT is turning lemons into lemonade girl, props!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 06:09 PM
41

Many live their lives to impress other men. Read it, read it again, read it one mo' time, and live for yo damn selves ladies. If you don't believe it, Dr. Michael Kimmel has several fantastic books on this very premise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 09:24 PM
10

Absolutely - my paternal grandfather was unreliable and not present in his kids' lives. He had 4 sons, and 3 of them are phenomenal fathers because they all chose to break the cycle. The last one? Gave in and started hanging around the deadbeat dad once he left home. Choices.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 07:28 PM
1

Engagement car is based.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 06:43 PM
18

Say that girl, set-your-loins-on-fire hot guys are so rare that when I see one I get ALL excited. But just because they're hot doesn't mean they're a good person or HVM - it just means they're even more used to women chasing them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 03:40 AM
2

My mans mixed and laid, and installed new flooring by hand. I can't even clean my floors without robotic assistance. He's the real thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 03:21 AM
38

Gorgeous writing too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 07:52 PM
6

SO GOOD. I love when the scrotes self-deport from my DMs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 05:05 AM
90

Raise your hand if you've ever felt personally victimized by Regina George this sub. Savage in all the right ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 04:29 AM
30

legendary
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 06:29 PM
1

Reminder that dating is the absolute worst time to think about virtue-signalling and not being a hypocrite. *Church organ zing* CAN I GET A AMEN?! My parents are divorced, and though they are loving, friendly with one another, and both deeply involved in their children's lives, to this day (they've been divorced 10+ years now) I have not seriously dated a man with divorced parents. Its that important to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 06:28 AM
12

During a fight, an ex once told me he was sick of me 'walking around like you're some hot piece of ass, like you're so much hotter than me!' For context, I'm tallish, and slender with clear skin and decent, dare I say fashionable outfits - meanwhile he was 70+ lbs overweight with a gut and wore screen tees and ill fitting jeans. I almost burst out laughing. The audacity child, ooohweee
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 05:36 AM
4

#yeethim2020
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 04:18 AM
23

I am screeeaming
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 11:58 PM
5

Awesome idea!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 03:18 AM
16

Like OP, I too sometimes find myself jealous of women who appear to have taken "shortcuts" to their enviable lifestyles. I think she's just realizing, as I do often, that taking the supposed 'easy' route is never, ever what its cracked up to be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 03:14 AM
2

Same! I have it saved in my phone in case I feel myself wavering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 06:01 PM
17

One must only look at the superb track records of many female rulers and heads of state, most of whom held their positions well into their 40s and 50s, to see why men might have projected this myth of 'irrelevance' to neutralize our ambitions to power and therefore the competition.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 07:36 PM
30

*Clears throat, taps podium mic*If a child is born out of wedlock to straight parents, they should be given their mother's last name by default. A father should be involved in raising said child for 10+ yrs for his surname to even be on the table. At 18, everyone should get a freebie name change whereby they can 'reward' their involved HVM fathers for their role in raising them by adopting their surname. My paternal grandfather was not involved at all and my grandmother didn't give him the satis…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 02:35 AM
22

I wanna be you!! Working so hard to re-train my brain to be attracted to affectionate, showy guys and turned off by emotional aloofness. It's so hard because my Dad sounds exactly like yours! FDS has really helped though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 03:31 PM
25

big oof energy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 03:29 PM
29

every version of this painting that I've ever seen is fire
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 11:13 PM
28

Once a guy I wasn't interested in dating further wanted to know why. So ridiculous. I got so fed up with the whiny questioning, I finally gave him a very diplomatic answer. Me: You're not an intellectual. Him: So you think I'm dumb? I'm not smart enough? Me:..................*crickets*....................
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 04:08 AM
7

At the risk of getting downvoted, let me just say I was once the "ex he was over" in this situation and you should absolutely leave him - his heart ain't in it sis. He may not admit it now, but eventually he will. After you've invested time, money, and precious memories. And to add to the above comment, yes, she will ramp it tf up if she starts to feel like she's 'losing' him to you. I know this game because I've played it. She's starting a tug of war and if he's even entertaining this BS, she k…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 11:28 PM
3

That was a fantastic analogy, you are so right!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 12:59 AM
4

Exactly! They could have plenty of reckless casual sex if they wanted - they'd just have to pay for it. But they don't like the cost when a woman puts a real price tag on casual sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 11:56 PM
2

Not a single lie detected. Go off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 05:18 PM
4

Yeah I really think people mistake any attention from men for high-quality attention from men. "I'll be asked for sex weekly, but asked on a date every few years or so." SO TRUE. I have had plenty of guys tell me I'm beautiful out in public but almost none of them actually ask me out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 04:56 AM
21

"I've lived my teens and early 20s in the library, and know exactly the amount of male attention that I got, and that is jack s**t. They ignore the existence of the ones that don't tingle their fee fees, until only later in life, that they realise they want a "good girl". I felt this in my soul, girl. Also guys want a library chick until they realize she's actually smart and they have to actually impress her with their intellect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 02:07 AM
23

I have a medical condition that prevents me from drinking - and people never give me grief about it. Just say "I don't drink for medical reasons" it has a 95% success rate, people accept it and drop the questioning. The guys who push it and ask "so nothing...ever??" are basically signaling their own low self-esteem. That question is them realizing they can't rely on me being drunk enough to ignore their lack of an actual personality/charm/intelligence. If they don't think they can interest a pre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 08:16 PM
40

This. I was skeptical when I read it in the handbook, but its a great way to gauge a guy's social skills, and verify that he looks like his pictures on OLD. One guy I video chatted beforehand was noticeably heavier and more unkempt than he appeared in his photos. He suggested a coffee date at the end of our little chat and I just smiled and told him I had to go. Didn't bother following up and he didn't either. I would've been so annoyed if I'd carved out time for him IRL just to experience such …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 08:05 PM
8

Definitely trying to do this - I wish spotting HVW and FDS-minded women was as easy as spotting LVMs
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 03:58 AM
6

Yeah the current weekly megathread isn't being utilized enough! Wish there was a way to encourage other users to put their rants/questions in there more often. I always try to post my rants in there to avoid cluttering the sub.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 01:57 AM
15

Yes, HUGE difference. Always always date multiple men until one of them proves worthy of your time and love! Keeping my options open is one of the best things I've learned from FDS - makes nexting the losers so much easier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 01:46 AM
19

local politics!! city councils, county boards and state legislatures have a lot of sway over the things that affect your daily life! get informed, get in there, and make a change for the better!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 07:02 AM
2

Preach, girl! Thank you so much for the support. I truly wish there were some mechanism for us FDSers to meet IRL because I really need to surround myself with women who are on this journey too, for my own sanity lol. So far the best I'm able to do with my current friends is to verrry sweetly ask them questions that get them thinking about reciprocity. But it's really hard to convince a woman who believes she deserves nothing that she deserves everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 05:51 PM
11

Quick rant: It's getting really annoying to hear my friends talk about their situationships and LVMs. If I push back even a little I'm 'judgmental'. Probably because I'm not that nice about it. I just get so frustrated that my beautiful, successful friends think a guy asking their when their birthday is or like, actually listening to them when they talk is somehow 'rare' or 'special'. Like...no it's not. Especially not when you'e fucking him. Of course he's acting interested and attentive. He wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 03:11 AM
3

The book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller has whole chapters of advice for anxious types, so I'd highly recommend checking it out from your library if you can! One thing they recommended that I implemented was dating multiple people at once, as to minimize the brain's ability to romantically fixate/attach to any singular person too much. I followed FDS principles and only went out with guys via OLD who had pursued me/asked me first. I paid for nothing, I didn't double text, and I didn't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 02:26 AM
3

So I just finished this book called Cheap Sex and it talks about this very concept in depth - you're really onto something. highly recommend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 12:15 AM
15

A QUEEN
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 03:14 AM
19

I was in the exact same situation! Go on those dates girl - they're a great reminder of how desirable you are and how truly abundant d*ck is. I've had (well dressed, gainfully employed) guys sitting across from me on a dinner date who were so nervous they couldn't string together a proper sentence, or look me directly in the eyes for 15+ minutes. I felt like Rihanna lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 11:15 PM
11

Can we also put some respeck on Glenn Close serving us look after gd look in this film? The costume designer and the screenwriter must have been in cahoots because looking THAT savagely avant-garde while delivering lines like this is a whole mood.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 09:10 PM
13

Haha fair enough, I did ask for one lol. But yes in general women in power aren't dishonorably discharged due to sex scandals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 08:57 PM
33

SPEAK ON IT, SIS Can you think of one woman in a position of power who has had a sex scandal? Do any come to mind? Even one? Literally just one? I'll wait. And guys wanna act like we're the loose cannons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 08:51 PM
18

Yeah, anxious attacher here, it has taken months for me to even begin to appreciate and be (a little) attracted to secure guys, and you're right it doesn't feel 'thrilling' at all. But day by day I'm getting a little better. I think in about 6 months I'll be in a place where I'm actively turned off by guys who start playing these little games with me. I really tend towards emotionally unavailable/avoidant nerdy genius types (think Sheldon) and HO BOY is that bad for me. It's taking everything I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 08:44 PM
9

Voila! r/AnxiousAttachment
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 08:35 PM
3

Sidenote: your username is a gift.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 09:10 PM
6

I could not agree more. Wow, wonderfully stated. Take my upvote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 09:09 PM
21

I also have a chronic illness and I had an ex wonder aloud if we should be together since he didn't wanna be a widower (thanks). The silver lining to chronic illness is that if it flairs up I get to see how my romantic partner reacts. This can be so telling. Having chronic illness means you get to see, in real time if he is even half as emotionally strong as you are, and if he's serious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 12:38 AM
4

I sometimes dive into a hobby that gets me out of my own head for a bit: for me it's singing. I'm NOT a professional, but just focusing on breathing technique or harmonizing with my favorite song (blared through my apartment) helps me put the negative thoughts out of my head. If you have something, anything that gives you this kind of zen and shuts off that negative internal monologue, do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 12:17 AM
9

"because he had no job nor post secondary education" The only hobosexual I've ever met IRL had this very profile. Dated a friend of mine who had a MASTER'S DEGREE at the time. At first he'd make himself useful around the house at least but eventually he just ended up being kind of a parasite. Cheated on her too, which is wild because she was the best he was ever gonna do and his whole family knew it. She wasted damn near two years leveling him up and now he's going off to make 6 figures at Amazo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 12:13 AM
24

Pro tip to my fellow students: search your campus library - I found a digital copy of this book in my university's collection, with online access! Edit: This book is FIIIIRE 100% recommend to FDS-followers
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 11:15 PM
5

I had to stop scrolling and run that one back. There are really enough pickmes in this world that a man thought this was a perfectly reasonable request. Wot in tarnation?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 11:09 PM
101

I've been shook and appalled at how well men respond to MINIMAL effort on my part. Flowers, paragraph-long text messages, endless compliments all when I'm paying barely any attention to them. I've been damn near openly disinterested expecting that guys would next me but NO. It's so disheartening.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 10:45 PM
6

An underappreciated BOP
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 04:19 AM
63

"when she has a whole entire child that should be occupying the biggest space in her heart..." I thought I was the only one who noticed this! I always listen to Jhené's songs thinking what they'll be like for her daughter, who will soon be old enough to start understanding the themes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 10:27 PM
4

For Valentine's day I made and delivered goodie bags to all the girls in my classes (I'm in grad school) and have never felt so appreciated. Doing nice things for your friends is an awesome and super valid way to celebrate!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 09:13 PM
6

I constantly have to remind myself not to praise dudes, be too nice, or really even let them vent about their problems to me. My praise and undivided attention should be earned, not freely given to men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 04:58 AM
8

"Boys Ain't Shit" by SAYGRACE. First 8 seconds of the song: These boys ain't shit I'm not here for it If you want me, act like it Act like it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 01:44 AM
12

Please read about attachment theory because this sounds like textbook anxious/avoidant dynamics. This roller coaster is not 'loving and affectionate', it's your anxiety getting triggered. Heightened stress and anxiety are a chemical rush to the brain, but not a healthy one! Good guys will feel 'boring' to you - because they're less dramatic and don't play games. I too struggle with not feeling 'the rush', but I'm verrry slowly learning to recognize what healthy courting and attraction look like.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 02:15 AM
6

create my super herd of wiener dogs *slow clap* Shout out to you, I love this. Big sexy goals like education and wealth get a lot of praise here, but sometimes when you lean in to who you are, some truly wonderful stuff like this pops out. Let's celebrate women who are re-discovering their weird, wonderful selves after a long time thanks to FDS! Good luck and god speed girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 12:29 AM
24

Oooof I needed this. Had a really emotionally hard time socializing with an LVM 'friend' I cut off weeks ago. He's been slowly trying to jump back into my life (we're in a small grad program so harder to avoid him), and I haven't been ruthless enough about shutting that all the way down. One of my new friends really proved exactly how much of a HVW she is and talked me out of wasting more time with him using almost exactly this argument about being a source of amusement. She told me "He's never …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 12:35 AM
101

Ok but I do love the idea of having a very thorough prenup written up before you say those vows. A wedding is a party, but marriage is a legal contract and should be treated as such. Also if he turns out to flip the script and be a LVM, easier to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 12:21 AM
2

Well since I follow FDS principles and am getting a lot better at staying distant early on/not getting my hopes up over bare minimum behavior, it feels like...a barely inflated balloon popping. Not too impactful. Certainly better than the emotional roller coaster of putting all my eggs in one basket and then watching the guy whip it off a skyscraper.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 03:53 AM
6

For me its not a matter of getting their attention - they pay attention to anyone they'd like to bang. It's getting the consistency, commitment, genuine interest, etc that is elusive. Most of them peace out as soon as they realize I have high standards and/or won't sleep with them in a 2-4 week timeframe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 03:46 PM
7

Honestly I understand where you're coming from. As liberating as FDS has been, it's made me realize it might be a really long time before I can love freely and completely again, which is a little depressing. I'm in my late twenties and at this rate I might not marry before my mid thirties. My sense of wonder (in the romantic sense) is diminishing. But deep down I know "being closed off, calculated, and emotionally distant with them" is much better for protecting myself from a whole world of fuck…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 05:59 AM
22

This is purely conjecture based on my personal experience but 'rich' guys in NYC who chose certain careers because they are lucrative (ie - bankers, PE, consultants etc) are usually overcompensating or trying to overcome some type of self-esteem issue from earlier in life. They construct a persona that's a far cry from their authentic selves because deep down they think they're not good enough. But don't be fooled, many of them are former dweebs. You have to be in order to earn the qualification…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 06:21 AM
3

LOL wow men be lyiiin "the wall" is only a thing for them. Lowkey, young Blake could've convinced me to go on a date, darn tootin'. Really impressed he pulled this off tbh, Gwen is a ah-may-zing (if problematic in retrospect).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 10:33 PM
9

Hear hear! I spent a year living/working in Dublin of all places, and had a wonderful relationship with a loving (lily white, damn near translucent lol) Irish lad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 11:05 PM
19

One of the professors at my college actually wrote an entire book on black woman/white man couples, just studying their dynamics and challenges. Her conclusion was similar! Really wanna pick it up sometime. "The book, Judice said, is not intended to dismiss black men as loving, suitable partners. Although she’s certainly heard that criticism. I say, ‘I have no intentions to diminish African-American men,’” Judice said. 'There simply are not enough of you.' Black females begin to outnumber black …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 10:56 PM
8

Yoooo I was thinking about cross-posting this too, I'm glad a braver soul than me did it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 10:33 PM
3

A pro tip if I ever saw one. Thanks girl!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 10:26 PM
7

Ok so logistical question did you just ask the guys whose dicks you liked how long they were? Do men know this information offhand?? Otherwise, I'm hilariously imagining whipping out measuring tape post-coitus. "It's for SCIENCE, stay still..."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 01:24 AM
14

You right, you right. And over winter break I did go on some proper first dates, and am getting to know a guy who has shown much better behavior. He's the pursuer, thoughtful, consistent, communicative, etc. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm really physically attracted to him, ugh! But he's been a good reminder of what it looks like when a guy is unequivocally into me - no excuses, no games. My classmate ain't it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 05:14 AM
8

Hellloooo ladies! New to reddit and FDS, happy to finally post (sorry this is gonna be a long one)! So, I need a little moral support blocking one of my classmates. Long story short I was being kind of a pickmeisha last semester with a guy in my class. Nothing ever got physical (I have a strict no-smexytimes rule until after an exclusive, public, titled relationship is initiated), but we spent a ton of time together and got to know one another pretty well. He paid for meals occasionally, complim…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 04:52 AM
16

I never ever start convos after matching with guys on apps for this very reason - if they can't be bothered to type out a 'hi', they're obviously just fishing for pickmeishas to hookup with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 05:31 PM
24

Honestly, I understand that mentality. Its taken therapy (and this glorious FDS community, bless y'all) to even begin to move past it. Once, after a break-up, I told my mom "I just don't know what I'm going to do with my life now. I feel purposeless." She nearly stopped the car and started almost-screaming at me, not out of anger but just heartbreak. She's sacrificed so much for me to have a life she couldn't have even dreamed of. I've lived abroad, traveled to at least a dozen countries, gradua…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 04:22 AM
41

Preach! Earlier in my twenties, I had a friend who often interpreted meeting a guy's friends EXTREMELY EARLY as genuine interest or a step in the direction of commitment. Often, it was just out of convenience for the guy (he had pre-existing plans with his friends and didn't mind if his f*ckbuddy joined), or another breadcrumb tactic used to string her along. Tellingly, guys who did this rarely spent time in/around her friend group. I've learned that guys who actively avoid meeting my friends an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 05:49 PM
13

Yes, wonderful phrasing! I had to do that recently with an LVM, and let me tell you, it hurt way way less than if he'd unceremoniously cast me off when he was done using me for my emotional support, time, and affection. "You'll be much more gentle with it in the process than he will." Truer words never spoken.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 05:27 PM
6

Good for you, honestly kudos. That takes discipline, because they will say anyyything to try get your attention/affection back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 03:55 AM
50

SAME! I read some of the comments for this post and had to stop.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 07:11 AM
11

So I started a job today in a bakery to make some extra spending money while I'm in grad school. A very sweet coworker who has been showing me the ropes works THREE jobs in total, all in catering/restaurants. I had to fake smile and laugh as she 'joked' about how her husband (and father of her three sons) literally will not cook/food prep or do anything beyond laundry and taking out the trash. She sometimes tells people "I have four boys" (as in 4 male children). She is out here busting her ass,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 04:51 AM
8

Yeah, college student here. There is such a thing as a campus job. If he works literally 5 hours a week he can probably afford a fast-casual dinner for two at the very least. If he's trying to date properly he'd budget for that. I've had multiple 'broke college guys' pick up the tab, or come up with some sort of creative way to pay for dinner for two (burger/wing specials at campus hotspots, student discounts, etc) without me having to reach for my wallet. If there's a will there's a way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 10:44 PM
9

Learning about attachment styles is really helpful! Once I discovered I was anxiously attached, that knowledge prompted me to examine why I was repeatedly drawn to emotionally unavailable/avoidant types. FDS gave me tools to weed them out faster and get out of a shitty situation before it starts. It's been a really eye opening experience and I'm so hopeful for the future now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 04:44 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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