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View 1 posts and 1,032 comments by JustGeminiThings on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
22

Question For MenJustGeminiThings/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 10:48 PM
Showing the 1,000 most recent of 1,032 comments.
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Where did I say that. I said he should stop backpedaling and just own his own post. Reread!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 10:16 PM
2

What did I make up precisely? In my comment?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 10:07 PM
5

Or you could just own your post and stop skuttling backwards, trying to split hairs?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 06:48 PM
-1

Someone's never met a self-centered mom, lol!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 06:31 PM
7

Number one, some of y'all are missing out on the Kardashian Kolloqium - an amazing account that does sociological analyses on the Kardashians and people's reactions to them. Number 2 - some of us have range. I can talk pop culture and politics, fashion and history, etc. I just have to find the subject and the person I might be discussing it with somewhat interesting.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/26 06:30 PM
2

But that's absolutely why some cultures demand you gift your bride gold! And why dudes running the streets tended to wear a lot of jewelry - you get arrested and it gets logged and usually returned to you. Money doesn't.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 06:21 PM
0

So much lack of nuance and context. 1.Pure nuance and context, but most people don't believe that an actual mask can hold. Maybe over time you see that this guy has some slightly chauvinist ideas, but you do expect high levels of insecurity and resentment to spill out sooner rather than later. Sometimes hindsight is 20/20 and you realize that you were giving the benefit of the doubt, a little too invested too soon. People are a mix of good and bad qualities. Nuance and context, stop being so lit…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 06:17 PM
5

Nuance. Context. And once things start escalating, then people are just saying defensive or aggressive versions of their positions, especially online, especially here.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 05:59 PM
2

I think you're exaggerating a lot here.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 02:07 PM
–

Except that when multiple women here try and explain that they have felt legitimate attraction to people who aren't conventionally attractive, it gets brushed off as being about money or settling.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 12:56 PM
–

It's because admitting that chemistry matters would upset their entire world view.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 04:39 AM
–

It's because we're trying to describe chemistry and charisma in more tangible terms. And in this particular space spark and chemistry get dismissed, hard. It's subjective, can't be quantified or turned into a formula to follow, so it gets dismissed as a factor. It's why OLD is terrible and we're forced into weighing looks higher than we might otherwise - it's the most we have to go on.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 04:36 AM
1

But why pop up on this one and not 60 11 others? Patterns.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 04:17 AM
1

Wow, this one really brought them out of the woodwork!
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 04:07 AM
5

Some people use appeal as a verb.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 03:51 AM
2

And he sounds like a troll, and like someone so triggered by the OP that he can't make sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 03:50 AM
0

Which loads of men here like to use!
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/26 03:47 AM
2

This is all so pouty. Someone with either their own experiencesor their own inclinations and will is going to reject some ideas and desires. Maybe they're too narrow minded to be a good partner for (universal) you, maybe they're willing to experiment and explore a lot of other things. That's just what happens when you deal with a real person.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/26 06:22 PM
1

So this is just a more specific way of complaining about studies the general public think are "common sense?"
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 07:44 PM
–

Is this post in bad faith or just fucking stupid? Also, I watched the Americans! The Husband Spy set a lot of homey traps - why isn't his training being posted on X, lol!
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 06:56 PM
–

Can we flip this over to the other question for women regarding how long a dude has to take the trash out when asked? How long does Mom have to give that BJ? AWALT!
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 06:54 PM
–

Generalities, especially one based on Russian spy are so much more useful than anecdotes!
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 06:52 PM
8

If you're black and white thinker with no capacity for nuance. Why aren't you learning and growing? Why is learning and growing only about baggage. We get most of our baggage handed to us as kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 06:40 PM
6

Well many times that's abstract - it was about time and place and you weren't there to be chosen or not chosen. But why can't you guys grasp right time and place for a woman desiring whatever it is you're fretting about: a hook up, a sex act, whatever? Also, you already have part of the answer - that choice led to bad outcomes, led to learning what she didn't like. That's about her, why make it about you? And the biggest question of all - why don't you know her reasons? You were with her, you ne…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 02:18 PM
5

Sure, you should want to be intimate with your partner and please them as well as want to be pleased - but you also need a certain natural compatibility and to balance your needs so you don't get lost in the relationship - but this underlying idea, that a woman is only ever reacting to her partner is so common here. In all sorts of posts. It always boils down to "why him and not me," andshe her own desires, quirks and timing is never, ever a factor.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 02:08 PM
11

In scenario one, how on earth do you know what her future partner and her get up to? Also, in none of this do you ever frame her sexuality as hers. Why is that? Why is it never about what she likes, is currently desiring, is curious about all on her own? Why is her sexuality primarily a reaction to you? You even land on it when you reference the "living fuck doll." Did she enjoy that? Is she bored of it now, all the dopamine gone? Is she traumatized by it? Why is this deeply intimate, primal, pe…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/26 01:58 PM
0

The aggressive stupidity in these comments is breathtaking.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 09:09 PM
2

I can to, or at very occasionally or almost more frequently. However, the intense focus that I need for that is much harder to achieve if I am with a partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 06:11 PM
1

That's the least fun part!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 06:06 PM
0

Then why on earth would they engage in debate? Just lurk and up vote/down vote.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 06:04 PM
1

You can use a wrong word, or you can make a really bad argument. Filling in big gaps and saying "oh, well they clearly mean cy or z" is rarely done just because someone used simple or in exact words, it's usually done by someone who sees a way to use that as a foundation for their argument. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 06:02 PM
1

Yeah, but you can point out that their exaggerations and hyperbole are actually undermining their points. They're just ranting.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 05:59 PM
–

What? Do you even know what alimony is? It's court ordered. It's much more rare for a woman to have no source of income of her own so therefore it's become more rare for courts to order it.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 02:07 PM
–

So few men pay alimony any more!
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 05:21 AM
–

If you're an idiot.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 11:26 PM
1

I wish people who use that as their go- to would actually say more about voting demographics, especially over time.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 11:08 PM
1

I guess I have experienced that ambivalence in myself and others. You (universal)can absolutely fall in love with someone and also secretly, from even yourself, love whatever obstacle is keeping you two from that next milestone.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 07:06 PM
0

One's own fear of committment is huge in getting into a situationship! You don't look at it to closely, you get to feel all the feels, and all the longing, and never really confront anything - especially yourself!
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 06:44 PM
0

Best answer here really! But yeah, cool- girl syndrome, overestimating your ability to do casual, poor boundaries does a lot. But so does ambivalence, emotional unavailability, and our own fear of committment. Longing for something you're in absolutely no danger of getting is some serious dopamine.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/26 06:39 PM
3

This sounds strongly like you really resent any sort of social nicety or sensitivity. I'm wondering what the "special treatment" is, and why you seem so out of sorts about having to get along with people in the workplace. We all have to navigate groups of people we didn't choose. Women don't get out of that, we simply have more socialization around it.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 06:39 PM
2

It's sounds like you dated a toxic person. And understanding that relationship and what it showed you about yourself is probably more important than making it about gender, or something impersonal.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 01:56 PM
3

And that's your question to answer. Overtime most people learn and grow, but they don't deeply change. They can build skills, like communication, and you can get to know one another better, but true change is rare and internal. Genuine mutual understanding is part of compatibility - so we all have to decide if we like and can accept the person sitting across from us as they currently are.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 01:53 PM
6

So a couples therapist would recommend taking the break in conversation in order to stay regulated and present, but would push you both to commit to returning to the discussion and giving that a time limit. "Give me 20 minutes so I can calm down a little and stay articulate, but I want to come back to this." The example you gave is common to men and women, but the extra step is what sometimes needs to be learned.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 01:42 PM
–

Hysteria
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 03:15 AM
–

Cases. Did you read the word cases? Not 3-4 percent of births or people, but 3-4 percent of paternity cases.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/26 03:11 AM
1

Sure, when you take accountability for not understanding voting patterns and useful demographics
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 07:22 PM
1

No, you'll have to leave in that case. But everyone knows you trashed your marriage because of your own insecurities. And I don't care about the hot neighbor, because I don't care about you anymore. And you'll do anything for an excuse not to come home to the poisoned well. And it's what you get. We were together for years before we decided to have that baby. You not only accused me of adultery, you accused me of stupidity. And that's unforgivable.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 03:54 AM
2

Nah, I'll get over it and divorce you. Your mom still won't speak to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 03:42 AM
1

Never happen. Might as well just get the divorce, especially since I started cheating on you already - I mean, why not do what you already accused me of.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 03:34 AM
1

Just as healthy as your insecurity! But eventually I would give up and suggest a divorce, if you hadn't already. After all in my scenario we're a long term couple that planned a child. And then you pop up with your accusation.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 03:25 AM
2

Right... because you're all oil magnates. And anyway, a gold digger who was smart and could play a long game would actually have his child. That would really infuriate the first wife's kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 03:18 AM
1

I would be hurt, angry, and offended. And assuming you just popped up out of nowhere with this demand after I had already given birth, and I presume, planned this child, I would absolutely let my shadow take over. I might not move towards divorce immediately, but I would make sure everyone in our families knew that you had accused me of having someone else's child, and there would be no more intimacy of any kind. No talks, no affection, certainly no sex. And definitely some periodic rages where …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 03:14 AM
2

Like what kind? Link a case.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/26 03:00 AM
1

I wish it was heavily modded and higher standards.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 08:23 PM
1

But it's so hard to actually get complexity and nuance here.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 08:21 PM
5

Except for the amount of sheer stupidity and disingenuousness in the "debates."
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 08:20 PM
2

Do you guys envision a planned pregnancy? Like you made it through a couple of years of dating, maybe got married, definitely talked about starting a family, and then set about doing that. And you still have these trust issues? And you still went along with it? And you aren't willing to at least accept that this is an accusation on some level and things may never be same again?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 05:29 PM
2

But that's like nothing? I like looking at Michael B Jordan, so I went to see Sinners. He's not taking up space in head.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 08:53 PM
2

This seems like such a very youthful thing to me. Like I can't imagine after a couple of longer relationships, this would feel like a reality. But I don't know - I was into everyone I got into a relationship with until we no longer worked. So maybe I just don't get the unrequited love thing, or putting someone up on a pedestal.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 08:52 PM
2

If you use the word desperation, then people are going to talk about desperation. They aren't going to talk about goals, strategies, disappointment or making healthy compromises while be true to one's self.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 06:23 PM
1

I hate that question! I usually just stare kind of blankly, and then ask if they think sex is crazy. And then I'll maybe talk about what I like. But I tend to date in sex positive/kinky communities these days, so that phrasing is even more of red flag now.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 03:43 AM
1

Women are constantly cautioned not to do that. There's just a competing cultural pull or something that creates that impulse. Mix that in with personal baggage and have people trying to change people.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 10:36 PM
–

If you cared about libido and dead bedrooms you could learn about them, from reputable sources. You would learn how much can affect any given person's libido, and yes, especially women. You could learn about ADHD and libido, long term monogamy and libido, when testosterone starts to drop in women and men, the effect of SHBG and all sorts of things.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/26 09:54 PM
1

Chat, is me disapproving of something someone else wants and giving them shit about it the same as a false accusation? Why are people so fucking stupid? Also, why are so many of the men who post here so worried about other people's opinions?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 05:59 PM
–

But human nature and life isn't black and white, or this rigid. Context matters. But if you can only see the world in black and white, and you can't understand contextual differences and nuance, then you'll just be perpetually on this treadmill and trying to force people into unnatural behaviors. Sounds frustrating and maladaptive, but mostly it seems erender discussion pointless.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 08:13 PM
–

One hundred percent! It's a little quieter society wide, now. But it's definitely in the culture, and it's definitely still in conversation world views.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 08:00 PM
–

Do any men exist who aren't either criminals and abusers or passive "nice guys" who always lose? Can people just be a mix of positive and negative qualities? Can some decent people still be bad partners? Why do we always have to talk about cartoon villains? My exes aren't terrible human beings, but they were terrible partners for me. These people are so self-focused and inexperienced that they take this personally, no one else is comparing these two men, but this guy, making these conclusions is…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 05:02 PM
–

Men rarely see that other men are shitty. There are so many accounts of guys saying they've never seen their buddy doing anything bad, he's a great guy, they can't believe he'd act like that, etc. So it really sounds like a male version of the so-called "women are wonderful effect.". The "he's a good hang effect." People have baggage, and relationships that trigger our baggage are psychologically alluring, but that's not gendered.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:54 PM
–

Why can't we ever talk about normal flawed relationships here, dissatisfaction, and incompatibility? Why does it always have to be extremes? That's not a lot of people's lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:49 PM
1

What's the name of it?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 09:27 PM
6

How has his administration served you? Being self-serving doesn't have to mean "fuck everyone and fuck everything," it could mean you are actually looking for things that do serve you. But that's too constructive for someone throwing a tantrum because they wandered into a hostile sub reddit.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 07:51 PM
3

Sigh another PPD inability to understand people. Charisma and social skills are often found together, but they aren't the same thing. Social skills without a lot of charisma is pretty common - it reads as pleasant, polite.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 06:57 PM
1

No, but this almost cultural inability to keep it to yourself instead of announcing it whenever possible does feel like bullying. We regularly ask here why you can't swipe left (so to speak) and it keep it moving?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 06:54 PM
0

I wish you would pop up in more posts about how hard things are for men that they can't get laid easily.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 02:58 AM
2

You mean women? Were these publicly funded scholarships or private scholarships?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 02:55 AM
-4

Show some proof.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 02:54 AM
2

Baby boys are not legally required to undergoe circumcision, and as I commented earlier, it's becoming less and less of a default. Feminism isn't keeping women out of selective service. The same people that only want men in the draft also oppose women's rights, and the trend in this country to make military service more difficult for women. And that is losing a right for women who actually want to serve, and those who want equal opportunity.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 01:40 AM
4

They arise because of life experiences. Perhaps you also should avoid friendships with people who've had different life experiences than you? Sarcasm, because that's the last thing most people here need.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 01:10 AM
2

By what metric did you prove anything?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 12:56 AM
–

This sounds like it's about two very specific people.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 11:22 PM
1

How?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 10:51 PM
2

I disagree that they have done that. This example isn't gendered shouldn't be - In the course of living life, if you evaluate yourself and see that you haven't treated anyone badly, have you gone above and beyond or have you done what someone should do? Do you expect gratitude?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 10:51 PM
2

1-3 are all under attack. Men can also surrender a child. Safe Havens are meant to be a safety measure for infants. No, "financial abortions" are a legal non-starter. That puts children at obvious risk and puts tax payers on the hook. A baby not being born doesn't do those things and so isn't really equivalent.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 10:14 PM
1

See my explanation of selective service above. What is a beige owned advantage program? DEI for wippy po? Both men and women have access to full benefit health insurance that can't penalize pre existing conditions under the Affordable Care Act, and both are subject to tax penalties for not getting coverage. None of this differs by gender under the law. Women have historically been been deliberately under-researched in health care. Men have been the physical standard in healthcare until the 1990'…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 10:05 PM
2

I just replied to someone above you about the non-correllation with FGM, as well as selective service. Feminism isn't keeping an anti male circumcision movement down. You need a movement. I think it's already less of a default procedure now, and more common to find uncircumcised American men. Roe V Wade was a clear roll back. And it's part of a whole movement attacking contraception as well. It's already had immediate impacts on women's health. There's attacks on anti-discrimination legislation …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 09:49 PM
2

That's true. And I think the answer to this is that you need a movement. FGM was foreign to the US, so making it illegal was easier than something a huge amount the country thinks is normal. Feminists and Feminism aren't stopping that.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 09:41 PM
2

By extra I mean more "above and beyond" but in one's behavior, not in what in one receives.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 09:38 PM
2

So circumcision is a religious/cultural/psychological issue - not a legal one, at least not in my country. And the draft, or in the USA, selective service registration - the reason women don't have to participate is becauseof conservative and patriarchal values. It's the idea that a nation's women can repopulate the country, that they are inherently unable to fight, that they are a sexual distraction to fighting men is what Feminism and women who care have to fight against in order to be in the …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 07:14 PM
3

How they better rights? I am talking about legal rights. What legal rights do women have that you do not?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 06:55 PM
4

The most hypergamous people are parents, traditionally. Whose that guy's family? Do they have any connections? How will we look?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 06:12 PM
6

If we both have a life with equal rights and opportunities in the world, then how does gratitude play into things? I am grateful to God and my ancestors for the goodness in my life but I'm only grateful to individual people when they do something or add to my life when they didn't have to. When they really show me how much better they make things. When they do what they should do, when they meet the expectations we have of adults with a baseline level of responsibility, ethics, development you d…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 06:10 PM
8

Yes, I was just going about my normal day when I got the news about DeCaprio! /s Fucking ridiculous.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 05:54 PM
6

No, they need to start with just meeting an actual woman. Any woman, and not to date. Maybe that's not even the first step, maybe just meeting and talking to real- life humans. That's the real start.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 05:51 PM
4

Caveat- I am not talking about getting a date, getting laid, or strictly casual. Dates in early relationships, do serve to create interest and dopamine, but more importantly let you get to know one another and see one another move in the world. They let you share one another's interests. And from there you start to see if you can do life together. In established relationships dates get you away from your mundane, every day grind of life. They keep things from getting stagnant and stale. Both par…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 05:42 PM
10

Who wants to tell him what a "think piece" is.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 02:39 AM
4

And this is where the idea of "rape culture" comes from. Super common reaction and attitude. It was really built into the justice system too. And women are still reacting to this - but here in PPD we get tons of men who act like this is not the case, that this is not a widespread attitude, and why would we have any safety concerns, any social concerns? Why are we all misandrists acting like anything could go wrong with the "average man?"
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 06:13 PM
2

That's such a hard lesson to learn. Baggage just gets in the way.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 04:03 PM
2

The whole comment section proving the poster right - nothing but "nuh uh" or "what about this other thing!"Anything but engage with something uncomfortable.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/26 04:00 PM
–

The most qualified person possible, when picking a running mate, is usually someone who balances out your main candidate. Who hopefully brings along a demographic your main candidate doesn't have as strong support from. I actually didn't like her as a candidate when she ran in the primary, but Biden's statement wasn't the problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 08:01 PM
–

But they had the presidential candidate, was that not enough? And we're they genuinely potential Democratic voters? Because if they were actually aligned with most of the party's values but were like 'no, I need both the President and the VP' to look like me'... I'm going to question your genuineness.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 07:21 PM
7

Do you think she has no imagination? That she's never talked or read about sex ever? She's going to develop a sexual point of view that's her own.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 07:13 PM
0

Your local Pride Parade sounds lit. Ours is far tamer.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 07:05 PM
1

Society wants nice unattractive people to pair of with other nice, unattractive people - that way no one has to feel bad. Society historically, and somewhat currently, wants to police women heavily and control who they choose or totally pick their partner - so women being straight forward about their base, physical attraction to someone is new and still sort of subtly discouraged. Here on PPD that impulse takes the form of complaining about Chad, hypergamy, how there's going to be a violent revo…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 06:54 PM
1

Women can't vent online either. Men complain about women complaining all the time, that's why we constantly hear things like "you had better not go online and say men are all trash, or the bar is in hell. Men aren't being singled out with this.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 06:29 PM
1

Interesting, women who talk about leaving their church often talk about being shamed, about how pastors expect them to accommodate their abusive husbands rather than try to counsel the husband. How did you miss all of that? Or were you even looking?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 03:02 AM
1

It's incredibly common and not just in PPD.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 02:23 AM
2

Diminishing the impact of sexual assault with some completely reductive and poorly thought out comparison is super common.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/26 02:22 AM
3

People ignore the fact that "settling" and "good enough" carry connotation. And that connotation is not one that focuses on the positives of your choice, the qualities and combinations that you are unlikely to find in anyone else. If you add in the fact that not everyone reading is out there comparing people to celebrity crushes, the one who got away, or some other fantasy, then it starts sounding and feeling even more negative. Some people have a list of specifics that they are going off of, so…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/26 06:29 PM
12

There's no need to justify women pursuing careers. Just like there's no need to justify men doing so. Equal economic opportunity. Economys have changed over time. How does someone justify saying something like "selling things at the farmers market is one thing, but a lawyer?" How is that justifiable?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 05:45 AM
5

Do have a historical reference? Lots and lots of women were living and working farms - their family's farms and that was a lot of work, not just inside the farm house.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 02:06 AM
8

It's wild, when it's so easy to see that in most places, in most times, everyone in a household has had to busy themselves with bringing in either money or goods.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/26 02:03 AM
2

It cannot be incumbent on the women in a societies dating pool to "tame" men. That high of a number of men who don't enjoy any part of "village" life? No friends, family, anything they care about? No one with any sense is encouraging their daughters to date an unsocialized man. Very few women want to date unsocialized men. Where is idea of 80 percent coming from? That seems wildly exaggerated. I assume there would be a matching 80 or so percent of women who have also never been touched?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/26 01:58 PM
2

Let's examine that "unpaired male" bit. Why are they troublesome? What about men who aren't paired because they don't want to be? What at about paired men who cause trouble? Is this some sort of benevolently sexist idea that women have a "taming" effect? Why isn't it on society as a whole to send better messages? What about when the "taming" doesn't take? Lots and lots of examples of that.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/26 04:07 AM
2

I mean "trad" as we talk about it in America right now. It's ahistorical and imo, unrealistic as well as unappealing. What are we doing that is so wrong? We live in a complex and sophisticated economy that doesn't reward early marriage or early family formation, and we are have a more individualistic culture. A lot of things besides the dating scene are leading to low birthrates. We have a huge problem with social isolation - independent of dating choices. A grand bargain? Two compatible and att…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/26 03:35 AM
4

I don't necessarily agree with any of the premise here, and I think there's a certain lack of both creativity and intentionality to it, but the real rub, if we just take it on face value, is that men don't have to bear the brunt of childbirth or childrearing. If they follow the "trad" path, then they just get to do their thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/26 02:19 AM
6

Why? What does that accomplish? It's easily weaponized. It's, imo, a private tragedy, not a social threat. So what does that actually accomplish?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/26 08:26 PM
10

Because "extreme carelessness" is well-defined and could never be weaponized in the legal system /s. And because prosecuting a miscarriage is important for society? And accepting it a positive move? No.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/26 08:04 PM
5

People who truly like or love the thing they chose that was also within their reach don't feel like they "settled." Settling has a distinct connotation and that's what so many of you don't seem to get. Is English your second language? Healthy people don't demand a fantasy, but they do demand genuine attraction, satisfaction, love.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/26 07:24 PM
3

Very, very few I would imagine.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/26 05:19 PM
1

Not related to my statement, I perceive them as sounding like no one ever brings this up as an issue here, when they very much do. It's a long post, only one small paragraph talks directly about pressuring. What's your point?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 10:36 PM
4

The number of commentors acting like we haven't had so many debates here about retroactive jealousy, and how "if she is different with you than an ex then she doesn't really want you," is staggering. The level of bad faith is wild.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 06:49 PM
1

No. No, you don't.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 06:26 PM
1

How are those two groups the only options? Why do y'all always think in such extremes? Why don't you know more average people?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/26 06:04 PM
-1

Hmm, oddly enough I can believe in events I am not aware of, given a credible source.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/26 03:05 AM
1

Slop comment. Why can't young men leave Germany? Is there an age restriction? Are these young men adults? Are they not able to travel to other EU countries? Does Germany not issue passports to "young" men?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 06:09 PM
0

I guess some very young, kinda naive and romantic girls think in terms of "reserving" something. And when I was very young, I didn't make distinctions like "this guy is hot, but not relationship material, maybe we'll have a fling or a FWB deal." So that part of the OP just sounds weird and from a bygone time to me. I am a whole person, with my own sexual and emotional needs and interests, and I am bringing that whole person to all my serious relationships. What determines the sexual experience m…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 05:01 PM
1

Not all questions are framed well, or even just framed neutrally without bias. I think more framing should be challenged, rather than allowing an incomplete or unreasonable answer because the framing was rigged and distorted. Or worse your answer is now "clippable." Besides, context can tell you if there was an unwritten or unspoken "yes" and "no."
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 09:18 PM
4

Something coherent, I think, is what we'd all like you to say.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 04:04 PM
5

The word silly is a very strange choice. Why is less legitimate than male sexuality - or is it simply inconvenient for men?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 04:02 PM
4

Yeah, it's always "What? How could my extreme examples do anything but prove my point? Why won't you let me now pivot to moderate, barely noteable position?!?!?!"
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 03:23 PM
2

Thank you, pop evo-psyche is rotting people's brains.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 08:44 PM
0

This is the perfect moment to say...ahem... women are not a monolith. Some of us like a little length, some of us like some girth, some of us are size queens but most are not. And some of us like them slightly above average in size, straight, well-formed with nice skin. Most of us enjoy someone with a good stroke game.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/26 03:45 PM
1

No, their whole point is they can't get laid/how to get laid.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 02:42 PM
1

And I simply disagree on all counts. This apple/orange comparison should be rejected and reworked.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 01:49 AM
1

Yes. I have a problem with how this is framed. And I think framing in general should be challenged more often. I think the asymmetry and the blatant ignoring of context undermine the OP and create a leap that is illogical, and those things make this premise one to reject. Up the game, because while you are willing to do a lot of work on the OP's behalf, I am not.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 01:41 AM
1

The logic fails because comparing crime and violence to dating preferences is so asymmetrical. To try and do that, and then hand-wave away the extreme differences, undermines the OP's point. Ignoring the context of how those two phrases, those two types of generalization, are used is illogical, like shooting yourself in the foot. Now the whole post just reads like "if you can do it why can't I?" I just think we should have higher standards, and stop talking about logic, and maybe use some.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 01:29 AM
1

Comparisons and context matter. It's really poor framing, especially for any sub about debate or discussion. Those phrases have common themes, and the OP is demanding a leap that ultimately fails and is illogical.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 01:19 AM
1

Either you talk about crime or you talk about differing dating preferences. Those two things are not even close to equivalents.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 12:37 AM
1

Makes zero sense, but sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 12:35 AM
–

Listen here, idiot. You don't see Ukrainian women picking up guns to defend themselves and their country? I do. Of course not all. But their are women in armed forces all over the world. I'm a feminist and a veteran.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/26 10:05 PM
0

"Women aren't a monolith" is typically said here when women disagree about dating preferences - things like approaching attractive strangers in public spaces. You have decided to compare that apple to the orange of crime statistics. What is the logic of this? I mean, it's just another "Women bad" post, but just how did you decide to make that leap?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/26 06:30 PM
-1

Hypocrisy? While the OP confidently conflates statistics about violence and crime with differing opinions about dating preferences? Sure?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/26 06:27 PM
12

And a large segment of white women have been part of the Republican base for decades. If you, or anyone here, cared about political demographics they would realize they need more than 'white" and "women" to reach any useful conclusions.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 01:14 AM
2

Are you talking responsive desire the way therapists and sexologists do, or some other dynamic that sounds like it should be called that? Because it has a defition and it tends to be at play within long term relationships that are past the honeymoon stage - so not super relevant to the discussions about dating here.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/26 08:06 PM
4

This is exactly the comment I see here that I was thinking of! And wondering why no one else did. There's also a flipped version where men insinuate violence if women don't start dating more men, or that the "builders of society" will all just live in huts and refuse to do anything and we'll all be fucked.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/26 02:13 AM
3

Do you seriously think anyone gets those things without a lot of class privilege?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/26 07:26 PM
1

I love this idea!!!
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/26 03:51 AM
5

That is simply untrue. Most people know the differences between fantastical fantasies, fantasies that are probably unwise to recreate, and fantasies they could actually try out. Sexuality is complex and just as psychological as it is physical. Everyone has fantasies that are just theirs, that aren't connected or related to any particular partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 06:22 PM
3

Sure, we use language lazily, and in passing they are definitely synonymous. When we speak with more intention we might use them more deliberately. Kind is a little more specific, nice always is a bit surface level. If I am talking about someone I always have brief interactions with I will probably always go with "nice" because I am not perceiving anything under the surface or intrinsic about them that would lead me to say "kind." But there's also been a small cultural conversation about the dif…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 05:11 PM
1

What is a pregnancy shenanigan?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 04:40 PM
1

Was this post written by an idiot? What the fuck do they even want to debate about?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/26 03:17 PM
1

Why are dudes here so obsessed with bigger women? Like, you tell at a glance and just keep it moving.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/26 06:52 PM
0

Right, and that's your "contemporary" viewpoint about modern marriages? Did they cryogenically freeze you after binge watching "Married with Children?"
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/26 06:37 PM
3

The MF'ing tax code isn't gender based.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/26 06:28 PM
6

Do you have any sense of how people would react if they knew that a given woman that were acquaintainted with had done this? No matter why or how long ago? Do you know any people? How on earth does a safety net for vulnerable infants support your "women bad" philosophy?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/26 06:27 PM
1

Why can't completely stupid posts be banned?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/26 03:07 AM
4

Can you name a scholarship that's only available to women that isn't privately funded?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 02:27 PM
2

If you want to claim legal discrimination you have to point to a law.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 01:33 PM
2

Context matters, we don't live in a vacuum. We live and work right next to people who have experiences that we haven't had. We are informed by these experiences and shapes by them. Even if we "live in the present."
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 01:31 PM
3

That's an internal decision, not based on law or rule. Bad management , potentially. And also, this place had hired mostly men it sounds like, so it's not exactly like they were discriminating against them. It's hard for me as someone who works for a state agency to be sympathetic. I know how rigid our hiring process is, how rule based, how subject to challenge and audit. I know what gets you preference points and it's neither race nor gender. Our DEI program was entirely cultural, about creatin…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/26 01:29 PM
3

I'm always prepared to pay, and I will offer to split. I won't push for it though, unless I the date has gone some kinda way. It's not a deal breaker but it's something to note and observe. I also don't expect, or even desire, lavish first dates.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 05:52 PM
8

Most of those scholarships are private. And I just don't see these fantasy hiring quotas.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 05:47 PM
11

We could have made adjustments to immigration and protected workers and industries at any time. Without the drama and the violence that's happening now. We could have put the onus on all the industries that we know depend on lower cost, exploitable labor.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 05:46 PM
4

I think of it more of a cycle keeping us at reinventing the wheel. Maybe Gen Z and A will regress, we'll lose rights and options, and some social "progress." The same old ills will become predominant and then we'll have fight the same old battles. Rinse and repeat. We don't seem to be able, on a collective level, to just rebalance things, we have to swing wildly from pole to pole.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/26 05:41 PM
9

Sure, but those hierarchies are more important the younger you are and the more forced into a big social group - like school, where you have all these people around you based on age. And then they all sort into groups. So sure, there's mean girls, popular girls, pretty girls, nerdy girls, smart ones etc. You get older, you get a career, you create your own more individual social group and then it becomes less obvious, and less strict. But sure, class and age is always there, sometimes as a posit…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 02:31 AM
–

That's not about semantics, tho. It's condescending at worst, and an attempt to read tone at best. And it is frequently used here as a low value comment, that I notice is mostly made by men in response to a woman's comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/26 01:04 AM
–

But if someone chooses emotional language and they get reactions to the emotions they are conveying, they can't expect to receive no pushback on their wording or their framing. "Oh you're just caught up up in semantics of"slut." No, I'm reacting to the mindset behind those words, and how most English speakers would expect that word to land. Especially when the context of that example can often be found in posts that are essentially about"why can't men have preferences?!?!?" Well you can, but lan…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 10:54 PM
–

And here's a perfect example of the semantics argument: justice has a higher meaning. Rules are rules, they can be unjust, unreasonable, anything. Justice, in English, means something different, something more. And culturally we use it differently. If I don't challenge the semantics of this statement then I am accepting the unacceptable idea that men care more about justice than women.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 10:32 PM
–

And I would argue, based on my observations, that more men here than women can't or won't understand metaphor or analogy. And sometimes they aren't employed all that well.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 10:29 PM
–

There's also the fact that Reddit attracts ADHD ND types as well, and some of us tend to be good at language and get just as focused, but on things like context, nuance, and social interaction. Mixing the styles can lead to so much frustration.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 10:27 PM
–

Completely off topic and not about wording. You see something that's a particular pet peeve or a triggering issue, and instead of keeping it about communication you have to start a side bar argument. And then later deny what you're doing.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 10:22 PM
–

You must have sucked at literature and rhetoric.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 10:13 PM
–

This whole branch of comments is the answer to your question. Clarifying what someone means isn't just hair-splitting and semantics, it gets to the whole viewpoint and framing. If I don't agree with someone's framing then breaking it down to actual meaning and explicit view points has to be done. Or else there's no point. And in a lot of cases if there's not clarifying (semantics if you prefer) you'll just talk past people.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 10:11 PM
1

Why can't people here understand that responsive desire and spontaneous desire are terms with actual definitions and contexts?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/26 06:42 PM
3

Wanting to feel desired is very important to a lot of women, and probably some men, my partner definitely shares that to an extent. I tend to see (and experience) that in terms of wanting men to make first moves and pursue a little. Sex therapists actually define responsive desire as something that emerges as an issue in longer term relationships once the honeymoon phase/new relationship energy drops off. And it's also defined and described as needing physical, sexual, interaction to begin befor…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/26 03:31 PM
3

Show me the history that supports that.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/26 02:23 PM
4

And we wouldn't have it without Feminism and Civil Rights. Men aren't going to University because they aren't applying, but mostly my point is about what Feminism actually is, not just slapping the label on things you don't like about women.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/26 02:08 PM
4

No, it helps me with like, equality under the law and equal opportunity.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/26 04:19 AM
3

Well my statement to you was my offence is surrounding the chronic lack of nuance, and in order to defend leagues and the framework around them, commentors will immediately jump to an extreme and ridiculous example. I also just don't see so many women jumping into casual relationships without understanding that the relationship is casual. And that subjective shit makes and breaks a lot of dating opportunities.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 08:48 PM
–

You aren't exactly sounding rational or intelligent here
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 08:21 PM
5

If all those people are getting into mutually satisfying situations, then they're the ones doing something right. Choosing has to be mutual.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 08:16 PM
3

These comments are full of extreme examples because the concept of leagues is being attacked. But on PPD a lot of posts and comments are earnest about leagues and red more like 'why is that 6 talking to an 8, the best they can do is a low 7.' And now it's like, 'Oh, well, are you saying an obese, balding, 40 something can't get a slim, cute, blonde, 20 something?' There's rarely nuance in the leagues that are presented here, it's primarily Looksmatching scores and market values. It rarely takes …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 07:56 PM
3

I discovered Bossman Dlow because of my boyfriend - much, much less sexual than those two, lol! People critique TSwift all the time for not being sexy.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 07:47 PM
1

I sort of agree, but feel it's a good thing. Opportunity is good, self-actualization is good, the chance to live life on your own terms is amazing. Hyper-individualism isn't, but humans have a tendency to swing to extremes.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 07:41 PM
5

Women get mad when men mislead them about what they want. If it's fairly honest, then there's nothing to be mad about. Women disapprove of what they see as potential harm to vulnerable people, but that's not related to their dating success. But ultimately this just bolsters the idea that leagues are b.s., they're just mechanisms of control, not how happy, reasonable people date.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 07:25 PM
3

I'm more offended by the idea that leagues boils down to extremes, when the posts and comments here only bring up extremes when the validity and value of the whole idea of leagues gets brought up. If it were about the extremes, we wouldn't bother with these debates
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 07:08 PM
5

Extreme examples are pointless. The league thing is frequently talked about in terms of number ranking, Looksmatching, and however someone has defined someone else's SMV. If it were limited to people shooting their shot with people they have nothing in common with and are wildly different in terms of physical looks, class, and ages, it would be a very short conversation, not an endless debate.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 06:48 PM
2

Exactly, those simple beliefs lead to disappointment and bitterness - even though the whole world was demonstrating how untrue they were all along.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 06:06 PM
2

And you will still only want to be with people you genuinely find attractive, likeable, and compatible. That doesn't guarantee a specific outcome, but that's because everything isn't under your control.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 06:05 PM
6

It strongly does imply that, along with all the other context that's loaded into the comments of people who habitually, and I assume sincerely, frame dating in terms of what everyone does and doesn't deserve.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 05:57 PM
3

Or you could just not be prone to either fantasy nor self-limiting beliefs, and go for people you genuinely find attractive and likeable. Instead of fretting constantly about what other people do and don't "deserve" based mainly on how they look.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 05:52 PM
3

Leagues are actually increasing the sense entitlement and superficiality in their people. This idea that if you accurately calculate each league, but then don't take into account the stuff you can't control for, like chemistry and compatability, it makes you feel entitled to someone in the "correct" league. It also reduces everyone down to their looks and material status, and ignores who they are as a person.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 05:49 PM
6

Yeah no. As the "smart one," don't do me any favors. Shoot your shot with who you really want. We'll all be fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 05:41 PM
5

My point is it isn't about not getting your ideal or your fantasy, but if you're getting something genuinely good and desirable to you, you would probably never frame it as settling. If it's not at all what you want, then you choosing it will feel like settling.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 05:33 PM
8

Ultimately, if you feel like you are settling, if the idea of 'I'm going to settle' is in your mind, there's trouble and unhappiness down the road.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 05:27 PM
8

Why is your version of reality more compelling or true than hers? What are you on about a "pick and choose" mindset? If you want to date someone you have to choose them and they have to choose you. If don't pick someone who seems willing to choose you then you either pick someone else or choose no one - at least for the time being. It's about what comes together and is mutually desired - not this frantic calculation, and 'OMG, am I too far out of my Looksmatch zone?' 'what if I don't deserve the…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 05:25 PM
10

It's always framed as this rigid equation, and this underlying toxicity of "deserving," and gives no allowance for actual humanity. But sure, you can go to an extreme example like you did to support the usual framing.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 05:18 PM
8

That's because people here frame them that way - until, of course, someone challenges the framing they prefer.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 05:16 PM
11

Not to mention the hateful idea of a person or relationship that you either "deserve" or don't. It's rigidity and negativity that's probably poisoning all their interactions.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/26 05:15 PM
2

Feeld is a VERY specific dating site - not really the general population.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/26 09:56 PM
7

This is standard conservative Christian philosophy about relationships. If you don't fit a narrow mold and want to fill prescribed, complementarian role, it isn't going to work and you'll make yourself and your partner miserable trying.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 11:15 PM
17

Then let us react poorly to you and accept the "trade-off."
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 07:55 PM
5

Are there women in your personal life who are open to your critiques? Because that's your arena for "teachable" moments and your "big girl lessons." You don't have that much influence over anyone else.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/26 02:54 PM
1

And then what, tho? Men will listen to one less annoying video? Read one less annoying post? Why does taking accountability for one's own algorithm never get traction? Or taking accountability for setting boundaries with people in his own life who like to complain? And what about the fact that for most people there's a process, and complaining is just one part of the process.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/26 03:58 PM
1

It's simply not a gendered issue. You don't know any guys who don't want to get out of responsibility? Most women I know blame themselves for every little thing and sometimes self reflect to the point of rumination, and a lot of women here are saying the same thing. But it's mostly done privately. There's not going to be some big, public mea culpa moment. But you don't get those from men either. And that's why most of us just aren't having it. That woman on tik tok might say something reflective…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/26 03:54 PM
2

You can't defer and disagree at the same time. Well you could I suppose, if you were loud about how you disagreed but were going along with it anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/26 06:20 PM
1

I'm always a little over-dressed, and I always look more dressed up than my man. I'm used to it, and I know that I love style and an opportunity to dress up a little. I don't hold that against him. But I also know that he can dress appropriately, and for certain types of dates he'll ask me, or already know, how dressy he needs to be. I also know he'll be showered, his beard will be touched up, and his hair will look good. He has style, it's street/casual. For a first date/early date I expect app…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/26 08:42 PM
4

And in the meantime, in another algorithmic universe, there's a constant drum beat from dating coaches and groups that focus on women, that really pushes the slow burn, giving attraction a chance to develop, and really pushes that "spark" and "chemistry" can come from a toxic place. This is all mostly about OLD, not meeting people in the wild, not going on a date with someone you know from proximity. If he's subscribing to the "red pill," and she's subscribing (not literally!) to the slow burn p…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/26 07:33 PM
1

Anymore or from the jump? A lot of people mix in initial attraction with attraction after a relationship has become long term and it's really apples and oranges.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/26 07:26 PM
1

The way social messaging and consequences are ignored by people who take approaches like this makes me think you were all hatched out on a stump by the sun, as my grandmother would have said. And that's relevant because for generations and generations a woman who is the victim of sexual assault is at fault. Full stop. What was she wearing, why was she there, did she lead him on, did she provoke him, OMG the shame she's brought. To ignore all of that, to pretend that isn't in our collective consc…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 05:31 AM
2

Are you referring to "toxic masculinity?" As in a core concept being described as "toxic?". Because it really isn't - not contextually, not linguistically. What do you get out of framing it that way?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 05:09 AM
1

I'm not sure where this idea that introverts don't like to go anywhere or do anything came from - it's not low level agoraphobia, and it's not mandatory to post date pictures online. And introverts are usually great in one-on-one situations. However, people with ADHD (don't know about autism) often struggle with task switching and transitions, and can end up not going out, even when the idea sounds good. I suspect that might play a part. It's a killer for me, but I try to use tools to overcome i…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 04:05 AM
2

Emotional labor originally referred to workplace dynamics, everything from just being in customer service, to expecting the women in the office to organize birthday parties, or some awkward conversation about someone's b.o. or inappropriate clothing falling to one of the women in the office because we're more "sensitive." Most of the examples around birthdays are more like his favorite nephew has a birthday coming up, but she's the one who remembers the date, gets a gift and a card. Or when his …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 03:17 AM
3

I have experienced everything from 3-6! The more promiscuous options were never a guarantee, just a combination of goals, mood, and mutual chemistry.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/26 01:52 AM
2

Not really. I mean I'm the product of an individualistic culture, and I am independent, and I am on the other side of the wall - plus, I actually like things. And before you tell me how easy I have it because I'm a woman - I happily go 50/50 and make compromises.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 06:19 PM
1

Because stepping outside of your daily routine and environment is refreshing and exciting. And that sidestep away allows you to really see your partner and share something with them. And the little burst of extra energy can be poured into one another and the relationship. Never leaving the comfort zone can be an easy slide into a roommate situation where you struggle to find the dopamine and desire to engage sexually and romantically.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/26 06:11 PM
–

I would love that to happen on a first date! It would totally expose our fundamental incompatibility while being hilarious at the same time!
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 09:41 PM
–

I sort of agree, but there's other algorithmic audiences where the dialogue that's gaining traction has a completely different perspective. I frequently wonder what would happen if we could just swap people's algorithms for a week.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 09:18 PM
1

And that's your right, with a side of ownership and honesty.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 09:03 PM
1

Hunting, gathering, farming, reproducing, developing economies, war, creating art. The usual.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 08:48 PM
1

In some imaginary tribe?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 08:46 PM
1

This effort argument doesn't take in the woman's perspective at all. Most of us aren't engaged in this old fashioned contest of he's going to try to score and she's got to block him. Like that's ridiculous. Only some of you are playing that game. Many women are just trying to date the way they want and /or have a satisfying sex life. The challenge is in vetting - for safety and satisfaction. That's the goal, it has nothing to do with your goal.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 08:45 PM
1

We won't agree - at all, about much. But this "guys see her as an easy lay" 1. Isn't necessarily true and 2. Has nothing to do with her perspective or agency. You see her as an easy lay, and how she sees herself and life doesn't factor at all. Super common, and a big unacknowledged factor in these discussions about who gets casual sex and who doesn't. Men tend to make it all about him or the other men - the idea that a woman could go out in the mood to have sex if everything went right, and the …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 08:39 PM
1

Learning to focus on the relationship you are in, and not the ones you were not in is a whole life skill/level of emotional maturity.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 08:28 PM
2

Part of that comes from the fact that in these discussions and in real life, you have men insisting on how important sex is to them - but those of us who have sex with men (i.e. aren't super conservative and inexperienced) have noticed how many don't really invest in being good lovers, don't seem truly interested in the erotic, aren't that open to experience - so we conclude what is actually important to a lot of men is 1. Getting off, and 2. Getting validation.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 08:19 PM
1

You can enjoy connecting with someone else via sex without needing love and commitment. You can want a sex life even if a long term relationship isn't right for you at the moment. That's what doesn't seem to be understood, no matter the frequency or intensity.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 08:13 PM
1

There's "just anyone" and there's must be in love, must have the trappings of respectability. What defines "just anyone" to you?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 08:11 PM
3

Think about it from her perspective and with agency. She was interested in sex, she wanted experiences and connections. Went out and got them, learned many things, and now she wants you.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 08:07 PM
1

💯 "Don't be shallow," "Give him a chance," "Don't judge a book by its cover," and on and on. And the messages aren't wrong, they're about finding a good person not just a hot person, but they also police and judge our attraction heavily.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 05:42 PM
–

Probably because we have a set of beauty standards drilled into us from childhood. Ever hear about women trying to deliberately offer non-looks based compliments to little girls? That's how pervasive and unconscious the message of how your looks matter so much is. And yes, we have lots of tools at our disposal, and even if you like them and want to use them, they take time, money - sometimes a lot, and sometimes a pain tolerance. And even so natural beauty is the gold standard, and it's easy to …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/26 03:37 AM
1

But almost everyone can evaluate if something they're doing is successful for them or not, can't they? And if it isn't working and you hate it, shouldn't that tell you something?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 05:58 PM
1

So many posters this past month or so really sound like they should really be over at r/guycry or some vent sub. It's been so incoherent and tantrumy here lately.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 05:53 PM
1

Introverts usually do well in one-on-one situations, especially when there's some established reason to engage with someone. You got them to agree to a date.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 05:14 PM
1

You'll get a relationship out of it? You're sure? Have you gotten one from it? Sounds illogical to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 04:59 PM
2

Because I only have sex with people I like.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 04:47 PM
1

But is it even working? Because based on the comments here, it doesn't even sound effective.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 03:54 PM
2

He might want to get laid, but he clearly prefers being otherwise alone.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 03:50 PM
2

Why should someone have sex with a person who doesn't want to talk to them or enjoy their company? There are plenty of men who don't have your problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 03:47 PM
2

Do you not understand the concept of "context?"
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 03:46 PM
1

Have you ever experienced joy? It doesn't get in the way of being an adult. Are you so bitter that someone adding something fresh and beautiful to your life also means you can't be an adult?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 03:44 PM
1

It's not a nutty conspiracy, it's historical context. No one arose out of thin air, this idea that nothing beyond the last ten years counts is what's nutty.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/26 02:05 PM
2

There's dating as a whole process and going on a date. The former isn't always a lot of fun. The latter should have the potential to be fun. Okay, so yeah, rolling a conversational ball up a hill isn't fun. It's also a sign to politely end the date and go home. No chemistry. Unsuccessful date. It happens.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 11:58 PM
12

If you don't want to hear people complaining then why don't you set boundaries? There's nothing more ironic than people who complain about other people complaining.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 11:44 PM
2

You refuse to give an example of what makes you feel like a dancing monkey. My imagined bland slob, as you say, is completely pieced together by comments I have read on PPD. "Women are boring" "Women always want to go out" "You have to be funny and interesting" "Don't complain about dressing up, men don't want that!" So a reasonable person would conclude that going out on a date sucks, and if there was some other way to procure sex (for free) or an insta relationship, the men complaining about b…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 11:33 PM
–

Speaking from the other side of the wall, I can lead with desire when there's chemistry, attraction and potential, but infatuation doesn't kick in right away anymore. Also, it's different on OLD. You go on a date with someone you have had proximity with and it's on! It's a little different going out with someone who's a complete stranger and there's been no real life feelings brewing in the background. I'm not jaded but I am wiser and more tempered, more in control. If things keep growing and ge…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 10:51 PM
2

Are we?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 10:31 PM
3

It kinda sounds balanced tho, the way you put it. Neither gender is happy with their viable options, and a percentage of each can't successfully compete.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 10:27 PM
3

And if you add "nice" and pretty back in with slender and young, you have "Stacey!"
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 10:21 PM
2

It just has narrow appeal.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 10:10 PM
1

The right partner can definitely give you a new lease on life and introduce you to new or forgotten things! Which is close to feeling young again!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 10:09 PM
0

Are you a school teacher? What if there's a shooter? What about the kids kids in your neighborhood being bombed? Are they on their own? I'm really just rolling my eyes at your "not dying for a kid..." Like, my stepfather and I never found ourselves in a life and death situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 09:53 PM
2

Like a flair or a Reddit award? "Congratulations, you've earned a "picky woman" badge!"
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 09:34 PM
3

It would be nice if he'd actually explain what he's doing in his monkey dance
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 09:30 PM
3

That's what I assumed, although in a lot of other discussions here it gets mixed in with men who complain about women being boring and sounding like he's overall unhappy about having to go out on an actual date. In this thread it's sounding yet again like a bunch of guys complaining about not getting laid at the end of the night- which makes the whole thing confusing and pointless.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 09:29 PM
1

So a wannabe player with no love for the game? That's not exactly a stance that garners sympathy.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 09:24 PM
2

Oh, well no. I was responding to the "you don't think about the one guy who rocked your world." Part of your comment. If you don't continue dating people who don't rock your world, this is a non-issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 08:52 PM
1

I totally could, and it's a long answer, but I am not going to waste my time after you have clearly signaled you aren't going to have a good faith conversation because you got an off-hand comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 08:32 PM
1

What's even funnier is the number of guys who will tell a woman, usually when they first start dating, that they are bad at compliments and noticing the details of her appearance. It's such a thing!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 08:29 PM
1

Nice go to there at the end! No point in asking me why I think it's annoying.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 08:19 PM
1

Sugar babies and boy toys have to put the work in and target strategically!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 07:26 PM
1

This is annoying. Like, there are so many resources out there to teach people who actually take seriously and prioritize it.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 07:16 PM
3

Then she should definitely leave you in the lurch! We'll need your testimony on the next "orgasm gap" post/comment!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 07:14 PM
2

Okay, so you should be at least tactfully honest about being primarily interested in casual sex. And yeah, you're going to need game for that. And sometimes it's not going work. But you'll have to get out there again regardless. To use an old expression, "hate the game, not the player."
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 07:05 PM
-2

Men seem to ignore that a woman can want to have sex for her own reasons - not just in response to a particular man. A lot of times, at certain points in time, sex was agenda before the partner was chosen. He just needed to be hot enough and not fuck it up.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 06:43 PM
1

So do your hook ups get awkward? Do you just ignore their requests? Does she ever call a halt and leave? Do you never want to hit again, it's all ONS?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 06:39 PM
1

I mean there's been more than one, and I would never get into a relationship with someone who didn't. So I am not missing out and haven't settled in that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 06:36 PM
1

Go to sex parties, become the guy who gets invited back. Gain perspective.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 06:32 PM
3

Okay. So she's a bad chatter? She's ambivalent? You match energy and cut your losses. This very similar scenario happens in platonic contexts too; you can't put so much weight on it.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 06:28 PM
2

And what is a court jester or a dancing monkey? Like if I go out on a date and I look like a slob and I have no interest in talking, flirting, and listening - then why am I there? This phrase always makes it seem like putting your best foot forward and at least being interested in your date and being out is some onerous task - but I do all that. It's the whole point of being there. And maybe there's no overlap but at the same time there are all these guys expecting nothing less than to have thei…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 06:16 PM
2

I too would like to block voters that don't share my views or vision - but "something, something... representative democracy!"
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 06:08 PM
2

So what is the unsustainable part? National debt? Social spending that is dwarfed by military and paramilitary spending? Lack of meaningful environmental regulations? The lowest tax rates in history? Unregulated capitalism and it's incentives? Short-term quarter based thinking that prioritizes even the smallest gains for stakeholders overall? Let's get substantive and logical!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 06:07 PM
5

See the 6000 posts here made by men who complain that women don't work in those fields and refuse to acknowledge that the biggest barrier to entry is blatant harassment.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 06:03 PM
1

In my workplace DEI was just some lectures and some voluntary presentations about the difference between equality and equity and the value of diverse perspectives. Our codified hiring practices were not at all affected.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 05:57 PM
1

Quotas and whatnot...Quotas in what industries? How do these quotas work? Do they affect the mandatory and/or preferred candidate qualification?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 05:55 PM
3

And if the vast majority of women under 25 continue to reject this - so much the better. These dudes can just yearn for the unobtainable or maybe pull it together and shoot their shit with that absolute hag of a 26 year old.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/26 03:21 AM
3

Why can't we ever talk about ordinary, poor partnership? Why does PPD insist on extremes? Abusers, criminals, etc? Normal guys that are attractive and hooking up without lying or making promises they can't keep? Why do they need their reverse pretty privilege/just world that defies human nature? The ugly yet ever so grateful guy?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 10:58 PM
5

That's because "settling" has a negative connotation, and we weirdly think here, in PPD, that we all "settle." People who don't feel like they settled don't frame their choices as settling. They don't think "fine, I guess it's time to settle, can't be alone anymore." They frame things positively, they think and talk about what they are getting. When I go to the store with a craving, and the store doesn't have what I want, and doesn't even have what might be my second choice, then I am leaving wi…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/26 07:43 PM
–

People want certainty. And wanting to narrow down, litmus test any given women's choices, and even more so, project anxiety over all women making choices they disapprove of - "leaving out of nowhere because she's bored" - just reflect that anxiety and lack of control.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 08:49 PM
1

Just...no. Responsive desire isn't the same as demi sexuality. Plenty of women find men physically attractive - doing something about the attraction is a different issue. Responsive desire responds to arousing actions and situations, and really only comes to the fore after a woman (usually) has been in a long term monogamous relationship for a few years and the dopamine has dropped out. So she's sitting at neutral until something pleasurable starts to happen. An emotional connection is defined d…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/26 08:23 PM
4

And then come here to complain about complaining, and it's like a. Welcome to human nature and b. Set some boundaries!
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/26 06:02 PM
0

Anymore it just seems like a coherent discussion is just impossible here.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/26 05:59 PM
1

Yeah no one here acts like they've ever heard of ambivalence or emotional unavailability.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/26 05:29 PM
4

Men also breakup with people. I know we act like that can't happen because they have a scarcity mindset, but in the real world they do. Men also "monkey branch." And no one is handing over their life choices to some random people making a rule about how quickly they can date again just so hypothetical people can feel more comfortable.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/26 05:19 PM
3

The leaving in good terms - or bad - part rarely has anything to do with sex. It usually has to do with actual relationship issues. And those often develop over time, well after the honeymoon phase is over.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/26 05:15 PM
3

Who are these helpless people? Are they being used as a rebound? Are they the ones originally being broken up with? Not that it really matters, our world views might as well be in separate universes - from our attitudes about sex in general to our perception of relationship dynamics.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/26 05:13 PM
9

When someone pops up with a whole screed about how no one, but in this case especially women, deserves anything, you don't think they carry that attitude to the rest of their communities? I highly doubt it. That sort of attitude doesn't just stay neatly contained. Enabling and pandering doesn't help them in any area of their life. The antisocial attitude towards everything and everyone was right there in the post.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/26 06:02 PM
8

Then sit on the sidelines of society, with no community, and accept your isolation. I know, this is just about women and dating, you'll cry. But the attitude spills out everywhere.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/26 04:48 PM
–

Why would I do that? They see a guy's profile, they say "He's open to casualand long term? What does he want?!"
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 11:52 PM
–

I get it! But I like my middle lane where nothing is off the table but nothing is guaranteed either. I also don't have big life goals like starting a family that make me feel like I can't be wasting time. So that leaves me being a woman who resembles what some complain about - I'm a bad texter and I go with the flow, lol!
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 11:20 PM
–

I don't know if they're being misread but they are very different lanes with very different women - from my perspective. I have mostly taken a casual, but romance isn't off the table - and I'm usually hoping it goes there. There have been a couple of times when it was clear it would only be casual, and I have either dipped or accepted. A few times I tried the "dating with intention" approach and hated it. I notice a lot of frustration from women with men on OLD who select all the intentions - ca…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 10:57 PM
2

Because some of us don't think it's your business. Body count issues aside, direct communication and truth do not obligate anyone to answer questions they don't feel are anyone else's business or that are premature.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 10:23 PM
1

That is a great example. Adults do the exact same thing and it seems like it's not just directness they want, but vehemence. They want to push until you are ready to drop any explanation and practically yell "I said no, and that's final!"
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 10:20 PM
3

Are you wearing a fedora right now? Smoking a cigar? "You can't vet me, I'm vetting you!". What the actual? We're all evaluating one another if we're at all smart.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 07:33 PM
1

Sigh a lot of what attraction and relationships do is activate our baggage, childhood patterns, and attachment issues. Luckily for most us it's relatively minor - "he's emotionally unavailable like Dad!" "She's depressed and never satisfied like mom!" And for some it's unfortunately full blown crazy.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/26 07:08 PM
2

I think you might be projecting the desperate for citizenship and steady retirement on the woman's part. Of course loot and slavery was a motivation. But that's a mercenary motive, not a romantic motive that gets men signing up for war to protect home and family.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 04:30 PM
7

I'm thinking of earlier times, earlier wars.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/26 12:57 PM
1

? That response doesn't make sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 11:53 PM
5

A lot of people seem to think that agreeing to clear communication is going to give them a pass on saying something hurtful, insulting, or even just bringing up a problematic issue. Clear communication just might be fast-tracking some necessary conflict. In that case it's not about the style but the content.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 10:43 PM
1

Open communication doesn't mean open book, or that someone has to answer any question they're asked at any given time. But on the topics they are willing to communicate about, they could be clear and direct.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 10:39 PM
2

How do you define clear communication? I typically find myself asking for it when talking to someone who is more indirect, and won't come out with what they actually want or how they feel. But I also don't do well with people who are overly literal in their communication. That's a common point of irritation for me. And sometimes people who claim to be direct or clear are downright insulting because they can't or won't modulate anything they say and then play the "just being honest," card.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 10:30 PM
1

I fuck guys I find very attractive. Everything is casual until it's not, so I only date guys that I both am attracted to, enjoyed fucking, and really like/feel compatible with. And marriage is the final step. There's never been a separate checklist, just situations that didn't last and relationships that didn't grow.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:37 PM
19

Lots of young men, based on personal accounts, ran off to sign up for war, join the army or whatever, because it sounded romantic and exciting. It sounded like an adventure. And most of the families they had back home were the families they were born into.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 09:16 PM
–

And trying to get these MF's to distinguish systemic and institutional bias from people who hurt their feelings is impossible.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 02:44 AM
3

Historically, hypergamy has been common in parents.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/26 08:40 PM
1

Who's life isn't hard? Who doesn't struggle? Who doesn't have to work for what they want?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/26 08:21 PM
1

What is with these dim MF's and safe havens? How does this seem like the gotcha they've been waiting for? Safe Havens aren't privileges for either adult or reserved for one gender. They're simply meant to keep newborns alive and out of dumpsters. What the actual fuck?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/26 08:20 PM
1

They would rather be all of those things than be curious.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 03:47 AM
1

It's "devoid of logic" because so many people don't understand symbolism or metaphors - or even the very real reason a lot of women would never go camping alone. And the response is always a weird, butt hurt argument about bear behavior, what kind of bear, embellishments, and odds (but never statistics.)
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/25 03:45 AM
1

Aside from the potential risks and social consequences, everything requires an innate knack for it to be successful at it. Content creation of any kind requires a vision and consistency. I would be a terrible content creator.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/25 09:52 PM
1

True, true - especially the reading the article part.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/25 12:33 AM
3

The reactions here are so fucking weird. I've paid for a number of weekend workshops to improve my skills at all sorts of things I have been interested in. Sure, I may not have gone from novice to expert, but that format really built my skills. And yes, it was on me to continue to use them and build on that progress. It's not going to totally change someone, but it can certainly improve someone. But here it's all "that can't work," "it costs money!" If this is something actually important to som…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/25 11:51 PM
0

Yes, sure. Although I live in black bear country and seems a little overwrought. I'm not a true crime fan, but every few years there's a news story about some young person who was kidnapped and kept captive for years. Then there's the more prosaic, common crimes. Then there's the low level intrusive and pressure with some interactions - the point is knowing all that, experiencing at least a little of at least the low level stuff - that's why it's not a meant to be literal weighing of probability…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/25 07:21 AM
0

I knew the point. You don't get my point - you could have all thatplus a side of psycho-sexual trauma.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/25 06:12 AM
3

So the hyperbole and the analogy are just too much to deal with? Or would that be going in too deep on the experience being expressed?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/25 04:25 AM
0

So would you rather be sa'd or bitten by a pitbull? I think both are presented as terrible experiences, but would you rather have a helping of psycho-sexual trauma alongside the tissue damage or nah?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/25 04:23 AM
1

Jesus Christ, most of the people on this sub cannot deal with anything that isn't literal. They absolutely short circuit on analogies and metaphors, and don't have an ounce of interest in how everyone fills in the empty spaces with assumptions that say an enormous amount about them and their experiences. It's painful to discuss here.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/25 04:20 AM
1

Family members are notorious for pushing against other members boundaries. It's a weird sense of feeling like they know you, they get to define you, and you being a resource. You asserting your own identity, whether it's a nickname you don't want anymore or goals they don't either understand or value, they experience an urge to "correct" that back to a reality of you that's more familiar. And if that's your family dynamic, then that's really easy to recreate in your romantic life and difficult t…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/25 03:39 PM
2

You're the one who brought them up!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/25 12:20 AM
4

Men don't want to run businesses and make money? Men don't want violence against men to be recognized? Those things depend on a civil, orderly society. Why do you think immigrants are criminals?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/25 11:28 PM
5

Underrated comment! A stable, prosperous, and interconnected world reduces violence. Not dominance and escalation.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/25 03:48 PM
10

A civil society is better protection overall than depending on one man. Even men want the benefits of a civil, mostly orderly society. Even men in the 1700s were demanding something be done about highway men. It's ridiculous and inefficient to think that safety in a healthy society means needing a man's physical protection everywhere you go. So in my country and city, with a little common sense and awareness, I can go every place I want on my own, and I'm not cowering in fear of home invasion.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/25 03:42 PM
9

The actual reality is we are all dependent on one another in a society. There's no "dependent" gender and "independent" gender. That's not how the world works now or ever.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/25 09:53 PM
8

Then working women are also self sufficient, based on your own logic.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/25 08:58 PM
3

I think it's just about subscribing to certain gender roles - I'd be wary of those rose tinted glasses!
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/25 08:57 PM
–

Very few things are harmless. There's a risk/benefit choice with almost everything, but especially medication. Having reliable, easy to access control over our own fertility isn't just life changing, it's world changing - and I wouldn't trade anything for it
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/25 08:53 PM
1

And what percentage are the average, "meh," men? You know, he doesn't want go anywhere or do anything, he wants to get off but isn't actually interested in sex, he isn't emotionally regulated, sometimes he's a jerk but nothing extreme?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/25 08:35 PM
3

How dare you promote Betabucks! All these average dudes who will never experience primal passion!
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/25 08:30 PM
9

By your logic men are also financially dependent on men.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/25 08:20 PM
3

Trad wives don't automatically enjoy touch or are automatically affectionate.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/11/25 08:18 PM
1

What only reveals this? Also why can't you engage with questions? Why did you change the original hypothetical to some something more narrow and defined? Don't you think you are losing the part where people illustrate their own experiences and telling assumptions?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/25 08:14 PM
0

Your user name is appropriate. Why are you engaging with women willing to answer your question like this? Is this discourse to you?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/25 05:56 PM
1

The best reaction I have seen to the original version was from a man who actually lived out in "the country," where wilderness areas were accessible. And he also chose the bear. He was reacting to the idea that while he knew what he was doing out there, he had to wonder what a stranger was doing? Was he about to cross paths with a poacher, stumble across an illegal grow operation, etc? The whole thing is about what you picture - are you the strange man? Are you the back country hiker or resident…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/25 05:41 PM
2

Do you think you're doing that successfully?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/25 05:18 PM
2

What is the point of your rant? And why haven't you factored in analogy and metaphor - the actual language being spoken? And the fact that originally it just says "the woods.". Everyone's interpretation of "the woods" tells us a lot about who they are and what they are envisioning and reacting to. Why do none of you consider reacting with more questions rather than babbling about bear attack statistics and what it's like to be killed by a bear? Why do you picture yourself as the man in question …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/25 05:07 PM
–

Why are you repeating yourself, and why the shout out to UPS?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/25 06:58 PM
–

Fucking brilliant!
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/25 06:57 PM
1

It's a totally different situation., and sometimes people just need to learn and understand what's happening and make some choices. I know a couple where their therapist recommended scheduling sex, basically, and one of them absolutely refused. So to me it's one thing to not really understand what's happening and just needing some insight and tools to handle a really common phenomenon and flat out refusing to either acknowledge or try to fix the problem. And hey, friends.can also speak and say "…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/25 03:35 PM
1

Oh it can be a real issue! But if both of them understand what's going on, and both want to do something about it, it's not that difficult to overcome.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/25 03:20 PM
1

I have a slightly different understanding, and I understand it to typically be an issue in long term relationships. The couple is fine, they aren't suffering from long standing resentments, and they think the other partner is attractive, but one has spontaneous desire, that often really just matches their own baseline libido, and the other mostly only has responsive desire, so their libido only ignites in response to stronger stimulus, usually the beginning of sexual activity. So the responsive …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/25 02:46 PM
1

I don't think of seeing something as a physical activity. I mean touch, kissing, etc. Erotic action has to begin to ignite the responsive desire. Responsive vs spontaneous, not visual vs physical action.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/11/25 02:02 PM
1

That's not what sex therapists of either gender mean by responsive desire. Responsive desire literally means desire is ignited by intimate, physical activity. So she doesn't initiate because she isn't spontaneously interested in sex. But because she does find her partner attractive, she gets aroused once the partner initiates.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/25 08:27 PM
1

Yeah, relationship posts never do well because most here just want to talk about early dating - in part because they haven't gotten to the ltr part of life.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/25 08:17 PM
1

More effort. I love aesthetics, I appreciate effort, and I enjoy looking at people who make the most of what they've got.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/25 08:51 PM
1

Oh. You just have your own axe to grind aside from the topic at hand.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/25 03:58 AM
1

Are you just a disagreeable troll, or do you honestly not understand the difference between real life and fiction? Rape culture affects real life and is imposed. Fiction is something you can choose, and when you stop reading you go back out into the real world and your real life.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/25 03:19 AM
3

That has nothing to do with erotica.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/25 03:04 AM
-2

And despite all the endless discussions here, ya'll still don't understand the difference between fantasy and reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/25 02:40 AM
9

I like going out in general. Festivals, fairs, restaurants, nice bars, sitting on a patio and chatting. Window shopping, listening to music. Gardens, museums, galleries. I also suggest date activities and plan some dates. All a first date needs is an agreeable activity and location. Enjoyable company and getting to know someone is really the focus. There's no real substitute to doing that in person, and you can actually get energy from being out in the world, or at the very least you experience …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/25 06:34 PM
2

Ignoring my point with the same tired nonsense. My point is about differing goals in the face of this standard argument about "work" or effort.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/25 12:35 PM
6

So, it's my last chance to eat pizza, but I know you are offering me shitty pizza? I'm turning that down. I already know it will be bad, and knowing both that and that it's my last pizza would make the shittiness that much more so. Look, this whole thing is dumb, and I am well on the other side of the wall. When I got divorced I knew that I might not ever have a significant romantic relationship again. And in context, I was fine with that. Overall, life would be better.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/25 10:08 PM
2

Kudos. I need to do something about my closet, and the bathroom needs some work. Deciding what day I am going to do those.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/25 09:30 PM
4

Except that finding someone attractive, fun, and reasonably well vetted that you are on the same page with isn't all that easy. And if my goal was to have a fulfilling, active sex life at some point where I don't want an ltr, why wouldn't I prioritize my goal? Why would I view my goal through your lens of "finally! It was so hard getting laid!"
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/25 09:06 PM
2

Yeah, especially when I have other things to do besides clean. What the actual...?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/25 08:59 PM
2

Hard choices and problems solved. Understanding that things can go wrong and taking steps to mitigate is responsible, just throwing your hands in the air and living worse lives is not.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/25 08:42 PM
–

Most people objectified in media are above average.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/25 01:28 AM
–

And sometimes it's just a bit of fun and novelty for a man to be objectified in media for once, and it's not necessarily any deeper than spicy entertainment.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/25 06:49 PM
1

Exactly, I am going to be focused on the environment and the activity, and possibly getting a little bored. Even if I like the event, like going to a museum or a gallery, I won't be sure how much I like him.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/25 09:38 PM
1

I don't think we should. And I think when someone fills their whole profile about what they don't want and who shouldn't match with them that they scare off prospects who match what they want, and still get people they don't want because inevitably those people don't read. Men seem so upset by getting any pushback, but also want to rant about fatties and single moms. Like, either be as insensitive to the pushback as you are to these women, or be sensitive and keep it subtle. That's the thing, so…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/25 09:30 PM
1

So why do you guys need to say "no fatties?". Why not just not match with anyone you don't like the looks of? I know, I know "there's no one else!" But why do you need your preferences respected, when you don't even hold to them? You can set boundaries and standards, without being in everyone's face about them. You could gain a little strength and self esteem in the process.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/25 09:11 PM
1

Oh the women get posted in those groups too, it's just that there are usually more straight women in those groups. No one thinks it's "acceptable," or pressures guys into giving them a chance. I don't know why some of you take this victimized stance because there are undesirable women in the world. And if this is about people giving you a hard time about your "preferences," that's probably more about how you frame them. And even if it isn't, you still don't have to date any of these women. I thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/25 04:49 AM
1

There's a lot of groups where people post crazy dating profiles they come across! This is a tame one. And there's loads of "pilled" men, and I say that because they hit a lot of the talking points, who have full on tantrums in their own profiles. Why they don't just deactivate their profile and take and break I'll never understand. But hey, they're quick and easy left swipes.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/25 08:10 PM
0

He's fine. He doesn't have to date against his preferences.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/25 08:56 PM
1

I have much less beef with primatology. Evolutionary psychology is just a lot harder to study in credible ways, and now that it's loose in pop culture...I wish Alex from Date Psychology was still making videos. His stats and study interpretations were at least solid.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/25 02:26 AM
2

But if you dig into things like why some groups practice out marriage versus in - that's usually environmental. And from there you've got new sets of constraints and incentives. I think there's an awful lot of nuance when it comes down to what is about being a higher order primate and what is something that specific that a group of humans came up with and now views as universal truth.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/25 02:06 AM
1

I wouldn't mind, but I was a cultural anthro major and didn't like chimpanzees enough for Physical. Our external environmental pressures do a lot to shape culture and behavior, so much that it can be very difficult to recognize. So much of pop evopsychobio just sounds like an excuse "Sharon, you know I can't see faces, I can only see moving objects!" 😉 To extend the "hardwired" theme, I actually don't think the problem is so much a hardware problem as a software problem. The last few updates hav…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/25 02:01 AM
1

I do think that in traditional arranged marriage situations, parents are looking to increase social standing and gain a little economically. And marriage has been a pragmatic matter for both parties, a very long time. As my grandmother would have said, "it's just as easy to marry a rich man as a poor man.". But most of the time, even in the modern age, people marry across. They choose partners who fit in with their family and their class. Guys love to say they'd date a hot fast food worker. And …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/25 01:55 AM
0

I would rather marry a rich Phoenician merchant. We can hire some guy with big muscles to do some work around the villa.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/25 01:46 AM
2

This shit isn't hardwired. It's cultural. If it wasn't cultural we wouldn't be having these social, gendered identity crises. The fantasy of the American mid+century wouldn't have people in a chokehold. And we would be able to pull back and realize that economies and structures were just different than they are now, in the West.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/25 01:41 AM
5

Except for when they weren't around. When they were off raiding, fishing, fighting a war. Meanwhile, organizing yourselves creates safety, and fields need to be worked, you better be hustling at that market, wool to be spun, and kids need to learn chores and livelihoods.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/25 01:38 AM
5

There's no proof that these things are genetic traits. If you look at cultures all over the world, in most periods of history, a family is an economic unit. And most members participate. Actively. Parents, traditionally, are the most hypergamous people of all! Your dad has his eye on that neighbor's field. Your mom wants you to marry well, and raise everyone's status. Y'all need history! Most people are a little materialistic, and they enjoy the idea of a better lifestyle, and if they do have to…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/25 01:34 AM
5

The problem with asking someone about something like that so much later is that time changes everyone. To be the person that woman was when she was asked that question means she has a completely different perspective and set of experiences than the woman that rejected that guy in the past. There's no guarantees they would have been a good match or that she wouldn't have ended up regretting something else. Sliding Doors. This is just the human experience, and none of us have a time machine. Sitti…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/25 11:02 PM
2

It's a realization that can inform one's relationships. Especially the way you're talking about love, in this incredibly limited way.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/25 12:06 AM
2

Here's the thing tho - having someone or something to truly love gives your life meaning and richness. It gives you hope. And that's worth a lot more than dating leverage.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/25 08:56 PM
6

The infrastructure bill was misandrist? The respect for the rule of law was misandrist? The lack of open corruption?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/25 01:49 AM
2

That's a good question, but very complicated. And part of the complication has to do with life and relationship experience, as well as self knowledge. Is the honeymoon stage fading? Is the over-compromising person cruising towards sunk cost fallacy or co-dependency? Is the Never-Compromiser on track to never being happy? Did their potential partner just dodge a bullet? If someone tries to learn and grow and they still feel like it off, then maybe it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/25 08:37 PM
20

I think settling is found in the feeling of settling. Like I have never been big on specific checklists, never tried to recreate an ex, never big on celebrity crushes, so it's not about being realistic about an ideal, but if I found myself trying to talk myself into attraction or being happy about being with someone, I would consider myself trying to settle.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/25 07:13 PM
20

So many of you guys miss that hookups often happen because a woman is either in the mood for one, or in a place life-wise where casual makes sense. And the guy is attractive, but the whole process is more "he's hot, he's fun, this is exactly what I want" not, "OMG, he's so hot, I'll accept anything just to be with him for one night!" The latter is your fantasy because you're making it all about you, when in reality, for the woman, it's a lot closer to "he'll do."
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/25 02:31 PM
9

Maybe we should just walk away and end relationships after the first time someone tells us to "shut up." Or don't and turn their ass in for DV if necessary.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/09/25 02:05 AM
2

No idea why you're asking me, when I was simply clapping back at someone extremely rude a few days ago. But here's something you guys never seem to take into consideration - sometimes a woman on a date is simply in the mood for sex, and sometimes she isn't.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/25 12:34 PM
2

Gotta match my freak!
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/25 11:22 PM
–

No not 100 percent one or the other, but the pop culture's fascination with evolutionary biology, a field that often struggles with the type of studies and testing demanded in academia, has people wanting to brush off how powerful the components of nurture are and getting simplistic about disentangling these two elements. Evo Psycho Bio is on trend.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/25 10:07 PM
0

What if she's casually hooking with mid dudes for some reason? Is your argument seriously that mid guys won't be able to get girls if she's seen a hit guy naked? That must be so depressing
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/25 09:39 PM
2

So don't have any pleasure in your life? People have favorite songs and favorite foods. People don't look for crazier partners, they look for healthier, better partners. People explore, they learn what they like, and they set goals for the type of sexual and romantic life that they want.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/25 09:36 PM
–

If there isn't a strong case for spousal maintenance then it's not an effective bargaining chip. But regardless, no maintenance is no maintenance. And in my state, gender parity laws there's more than a few cases of men being the ones to bargain away maintenance.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/25 06:24 PM
–

I miss alex.datepsych YouTube channel: https://youtu.be/BocSLZYis-E?si=9bXxbmPRyieA8_sL
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/25 06:18 PM
–

These can all be explained by "nurture" - the being hands on with kids, the caring professions, and the EQ. Girls, probably less now, have traditionally been encouraged to do nurturing play, like dolls, house, toy kitchens, etc. Even if a little girl doesn't seek it out it's all around her. Caring professions are visible for kids, and you probably have a few family members in them, and I think we forget how important it is to be able to see and model something. So basically I think that it's so …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/25 06:02 PM
5

You chopped a lot off of the comment you're quoting to conveniently avoid the point she was making.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/25 02:30 AM
2

Why do you see Third Wave feminism as the issue? Do you object to intersectionality, sex positivity, or something else? Third Wave Feminism differed from earlier movements by focusing on the diversity of women's experiences and the intersectionality of various identities, such as race, class, and sexuality. While Second Wave Feminism primarily addressed the concerns of white middle-class women, Third Wave activists sought to include voices from marginalized communities and recognized that women'…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/25 01:51 AM
18

But what has that got to do with anything other than you going "I had to work with some bitches... anyway, Feminism is bad!"
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/25 01:44 AM
0

Where's the data? Can you link it?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/25 01:40 AM
8

Show us your historical references. And some science on this looks match pair bond please.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/25 12:26 AM
3

We all pay taxes and none of us get a direct choice about where they go. Stop acting like women don't pay taxes.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/25 12:18 AM
2

Re-read the OP
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/25 05:59 PM
3

That's exactly it! Their brains just short circuit into "body count bad!"
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/25 05:50 PM
1

This! One of the problems women have with men online is when they insist on walking into a "room" and loudly announcing "no fatties, no single moms!" This serves no purpose to most of us. Someone reading that isn't going to suddenly sit and be like "I've seen the light, I'm finally going to lose the weight!" No, it's a turn off to most, no matter if they fit the description or not. And we mostly wonder why they don't just swipe left and keep it moving?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/25 05:26 PM
3

Why can't people read the fucking question?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/25 04:55 PM
1

Re-read the OP
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/25 04:52 PM
1

Is the wealth trickling down yet?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/25 09:06 PM
7

I am, more or less. If one of us, either one made significantly more than the other, I would expect a more equitable arrangement, but as long as we're roughly on the same financial level we should be contributing equally to the major expenses and savings goals.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/25 09:03 PM
1

This sub's obsession with bad boys, and talk of leather jackets, is so weird and dated. In reality, it's mostly just dismissive avoidants and the anxiously attached attracting one another, with a helping of fantasy and envy from you guys on the side rounding out the projection.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/25 04:10 AM
1

Because of the constant repetitiveness of some of this shit.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/25 03:32 AM
0

Feelings come from your fucking brain.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/25 03:18 AM
2

A lot of women actively want careers and want to be out in the world, making their small mark on it. Maintaining a sense of identity outside of the relationship. And some of us know things can go sideways, and having two people with active work histories is better than one, unless there's a specific reason to not do that for a time. And some of us want to be part of a power couple, or at least just do little more with more.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/25 07:54 PM
3

Not only that, these tasks have agreed up on hours and limits. If her employer is unreasonable and doesn't provide competitive compensation, she can look for another employer to make a deal with. She doesn't have to have a deep relationship with her boss. This whole talking point is pure craziness. Get some work life balance, some life experience, and stop feeling like a submissive at work!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/25 07:44 PM
1

Alcohol? Attraction plus assertiveness, sure, but also the decision to go out and have a good time, that she already made before even getting to the club. Doesn't necessarily mean she was aroused in that moment.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/25 04:18 AM
1

The blank slate is pure fantasy fodder and highly underrated in these discussions.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/25 04:13 AM
4

Republicans have always had a base of women voters. Religious women, uneducated women, suburban family women. A feature of the 2004 elections were "Security Moms." But we're all context-free these days.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/25 06:23 PM
1

It's also rarely rewarded. Neurodivergence leads to deep knowledge of niche interests and is really only enjoyed by other neurodivergent types. Most of us are taught to mask that and not talk people's ears off about niche subjects - unless we're in a hobby space.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/09/25 04:56 PM
3

You are not at all alone. Even in good relationships with guys who I think believe themselves when they say they want to know me better, inevitably interrupt when I try and share about something. Sometimes it's important enough that I will call them out and insist on continuing, but a lot of the time I just let it go and let them comment that I am a lot quieter than they expected the more time we spend together.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/25 10:04 PM
4

Strangely, demographers were surprised by the Baby Boom, because the birthrates had been dropping prior. And then they were surprised that the Baby Boomers didn't replicate that boom - despite conditions being completely different. Speaking as an American, we could make different budgetary and tax decisions. We just won't. We prefer culture wars to realistic tax rates. We live in a complex society with highly effective birth control, a complex economy that does not incentive large or early famil…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/08/25 12:52 AM
1

And for a lot of people that life becomes much happier after the "blindsided." So maybe this idea that essentially says nothing can ever better needs to be reexamined.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/25 02:33 PM
0

It's not about mind reading. It's about engagement. The problem has been expressed and described. You are a full partner in this relationship, so you either take part in coming up with a solution or you are part of the conclusion that there isn't a solution.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/25 02:20 PM
1

I'm not ruining my algorithm more than necessary. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/22/sports/soccer/us-womens-soccer-equal-pay.html?smid=nytcore-android-share And what is it that you want to say about this? https://www.wgea.gov.au/the-gender-pay-gap
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/25 02:03 PM
-1

So you are objecting to equity? Regardless of the movement or the population that equity would presumably benefit? Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/25 01:58 PM
1

- and? - Power is what really shapes society. So who has power where and when matters. And yes, there are Patriarchal women, if that's what you are getting at. 3 - Equal outcomes is the goal of equity. And more movements than Feminism value equity over equality. It's where intersectionality comes into play. It's saying that it's not enough to stop actively handicapping (think horse racing not disability) a group for actual equal opportunity. Lots of people oppose this, especially if it looks lik…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/25 01:40 PM
0

Do you know where the attitude that men can't be raped comes from? The attitude that thinks a young man exploited or coerced into sex is actually lucky comes from? And what philosophy/movement points it out and pushed back against it? Back when women were either expected to not be educated, or to drop out early, men built a system where boys were expected to sit still and raise their hand and work at a desk. Albeit with corporal punishment. And that's why when all of these arguments lead with Th…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/25 12:41 PM
10

The OP gets some basic facts wrong. Women fought to be allowed into the military - and got massive push back. We have fought steadily for increased roles and opportunities in the military. Not being required to sign up for selective service is because Conservatives don't want that. And that is completely tied to Patriarchal views about the role of women and that we are valued for the babies we can have. Access to birth control is what drove the sexual revolution. Feminism fought for the right to…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/25 12:08 PM
1

So what part of "welfare" do you object to? Medicaid? SNAP? AFDC? Do you only object to women or to the poor and disabled as well? I already get that you object to women having the rights of full citizens.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/25 03:08 AM
1

Maybe the right could stop toxicly funneling more and more tax dollars to billionaires, and stop undercutting public health, education, and the environment. Maybe they could actually understand the value of a middle class and stop having melt downs over living in a diverse society.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/25 03:03 AM
1

The short lived (career-wise) pop star?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/25 03:00 AM
1

What duties do you see as keeping society running?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/25 02:58 AM
2

Long term relationships drop in excitement and passion because those are unsustainable. They're created by brain chemistry, and eventually that levels out. It doesn't mean you have to fall out of love or lose attraction, but you do need to be realistic and prepared. Or just chase new relationship energy constantly.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/25 12:48 AM
1

Men are more unified than not, and also want conformity. The masculinity crisis is in part because men want a script, and they want everyone on script. Women gain power and support through social connections. We know that if you denigrate one woman, you'll denigrate us all sooner or later. Now if by strength you actually mean power, then we're not that far in disagreement. But while men are more openly competitive, and openly intimate one another - in Western culture! - they're just as social a …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/25 12:29 AM
1

Of course. But even high status males are subject to the dynamics of their group and their species.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/08/25 11:54 PM
1

This! Dudes want to walk into a room, metaphorically speaking, and shout "no fatties and no single moms!" Like, a. Who asked? And b. Hush. Why can't you just swipe left?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/08/25 11:01 PM
1

Even bands of gorillas and chimps are structured. No one "runs around taking what's theirs." Throws a history book Throws a primatology book
/r/PurplePillDebate18/08/25 10:55 PM
1

Primates aren't pack animals, but they are social animals. Men don't get things done alone either - actually look at society and put down the pop evopsychobio.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/08/25 10:52 PM
–

How so? Show me in the tax code. Show me in the budget and if you want to mention welfare, then break it down by TANIF, Medicaid, and SNAP. Please and thank you. These claims are talking points and they are never backed up.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/08/25 10:11 PM
1

So, sure, this discourse is popular now, and Influencers are going to repeat it for views. So the Evopsychobio stuff isn't going to be consistent because it's just watered down pop culture now.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/08/25 08:21 PM
2

And it's not like virgins can't find out about sex. So if there's something their partner won't do, or is always demanding that they don't like, there's going to be issues. They are actual people.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/08/25 01:47 AM
10

I can see him just as clearly if he's walking towards me as I can if I am walking towards him.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/25 06:41 PM
5

And what happens when your man gets laid off? When his whole industry is "disrupted?" When he gets disabled, depressed, develops a drinking problem, etc? Did Grandma never experience hard times? What if Grandma was unhappy and unfulfilled? Yeah, you probably can't have it all, but you have options and rights, and you can have some
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/25 04:23 PM
1

To be fair the discussions here are full of guys complaining about having to spend time with women, complaining about having to go out, talking about settling for women they don't even like but wanting consistent sex. It's an ongoing narrative.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/25 02:20 AM
3

No, we insist that husband material encompasses hook up material because a lot of us hooked up with our husbands. Women I know dated guys they were attracted to, and then they eventually married one of those guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/25 02:08 AM
4

Why do you think families deciding about their daughters' marriages had anything to do with choice paralysis and not everything to do with utility and social standing? That literally makes no sense. Yes, we are an unprecedentedly individualistic society right now - and that offers incredible opportunities and incredible challenges. But I would rather suffer choice paralysis every day (I totally don't) than just be handed a path and a script that society will demand I stick to no matter what.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/25 01:59 AM
2

I think we take it as downplaying women because of the post that you wrote, and the title that you also wrote. Don't be disingenuous. You could have made this about men's issues and society.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/25 02:07 PM
–

Sure, there's some nuance, but that will all depend on how much this person sees things as complaining or negativity. Life is full of negativity, and sometimes demanding peace all of the time means they're going to leave you to handle it all on your own, won't be willing to be interested in what's going on in either your interior or exterior life, and generally only want to be there when things are light. Which means you don't have a real partner, just someone who splits the bills.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/25 09:24 PM
1

Well he doesn't need to, and he's far from poor. And again, he would understand, at least to an extent, the pressures of fame. And if she's being stalked constantly she's probably hiring a professional, not telling Jason to fly back from training camp or whatever.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/25 08:55 PM
1

He's a rich sugar baby, lol!
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/25 08:47 PM
1

Even in less developed countries dudes are doing normal jobs like selling things, driving for Grab, being tour guides, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/25 08:43 PM
1

Or maybe Taylor enjoys dating a man who's almost as successful as she is and understands the challenges of fame?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/25 08:41 PM
3

It's so fucking weird how we look at the past. Like there weren't men upset with the local Lord for not having secure roads. Like civil society doesn't benefit everyone and isn't something most people throughout time valued. Like for centuries upon centuries there weren't normal tradesman, and merchants, and peaceful farming communities. Like there weren't clerks and scribes, and lawyers. Priests (all kinds not just the ones who took a vow of celibacy) and teachers. Why is there this fixation on…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/25 08:37 PM
–

Just be braver and a little more honest - you would probably get a lot out of polyamory or some form of ENM. At least youlike women.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/25 05:06 PM
–

This is the kind of shit you need to be honest about. And we need to filter for harder than everything else. No one should settle for anyone who feels this way about you.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/25 05:00 PM
–

I agree. When you can't open up to someone, share things that are on your mind or troubling to you, then you have a superficial relationship and that leads to him either having a strictly utilitarian purpose in your life, or just a fun, casual thing - assuming he's fun.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/25 04:51 PM
3

In a lot of cases, this person is high status. They may not be high status in terms of income potential but a lot of people who feel free to study very academic subjects, the humanities, some social sciences, etc., are able to do so because they come from high status families with a lot of resources. Most of these discussions get so myopic here. Class and status isn't just income, and it isn't just looks.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/25 04:06 PM
–

I think it's the implication that this guy is going to go for a woman he considers less attractive. And that's sort of a negative focus, rather than a focus on what the woman you would go for has as attractive qualities. And if one of those frowning women happened to be someone this guy did go for, he's totally killed the vibe.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/25 09:30 PM
11

At some point, hopefully, we'll all stop concerning ourselves about relationships that we aren't in, and start focusing on the ones we are in, or could potentially be in. Are you being treated well? Are your needs being met? Are you attracted to them and do they make you feel attractive? Are you enjoying spending time with this person? Are you on the same page? If not, now what? No prospects at all on the horizon? Maybe it's you, maybe it's circumstance, maybe it's timing. Do what you can.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/25 04:31 PM
–

More logical than families trying to preserve their reputation in small communities that want everyone on the same page because they don't value individualism? Or secure something of value for themselves via their children? Children aren't a cultural investment? And there's so much travel and contact all over the world for so long, that there's really very little isolation. The few cultures that stand out for being matrilineal or taking a more collective view of offspring undermine the insistenc…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/25 12:48 AM
1

I don't think it's so very binary if we're talking about actual dating. If we're talking about say, whose thirst trap I'm going to like, then it's pretty simple. There's looks I like and a basic vibe. But for the most part, I don't date men I don't feel attraction for, so even if those guys didn't look much like some model I follow on Instagram, I was still attracted to them. And that fact makes this question seem weird. If they weren't compatible with me, but we hooked up or were close to it, t…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/25 03:18 PM
-2

The biology and evolution argument is pseudoscience. Once again, culture is like this 800lb invisible gorilla in the room. So many cultures have placed sexual restrictions on women, for so many centuries because women were considered property, any thing they did was a reflection on their family, and it was always spelled out pretty plainly. Are there solid reasons to be picky, to use discernment - of course! And they are all taught and enforced by the culture, and the culture has clear expectati…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/25 01:52 AM
0

That's why we have audits. If you qualify and follow the rules of the program you receive the benefit. But cash benefits are extremely limited, most Americans are receiving Medicaid and maybe SNAP.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 08:33 PM
1

It's actually conservative women (and men) who openly enjoy the idea of rape as part of criminal justice. They value "being tough on crime," and think that adds to the deterrence, and they hate the idea that prisoners have rights and that rehabilitation is a part of the system.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 08:11 PM
4

I think everyone should be - men and women. People are flawed, but they can try. But regardless of sulking about ethics, it would make these discussions better.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 04:21 AM
5

No idea! I've never had anyone tell me that was her intention, and it's never been something I've done!
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 04:12 AM
6

Helps the discussion. Discussions about getting laid are very different than discussions about relationships. And yes, be clear with the person you're trying to pull - it's about ethics and maturity.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 04:06 AM
2

A significant number do, but even more don't due to access, cultural ideals that essentially tell women they're not supposed to have a libido, and push-back.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 02:52 AM
1

Those are supposed to help us not date the same guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 02:42 AM
8

Lots of genuine desire, but not that much compatibility equals casual and very short term. Which is fine if that's what you want - just be clear.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 02:36 AM
1

No argument there.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/25 02:31 PM
1

That's a manifestation of your own drive, your own libido, and that's connected to spontaneous desire.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 11:56 PM
1

You're in an empty room alone - can you get horny and want sex?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 09:21 PM
1

This whole debate/conversation is completely nonsensical and pointless. We are all imagining different contexts and different types of people. And most of us have no idea how much material from the past you have to compare yourself too - and where it came from. Or what stage of life and dating any of these hypothetical couples are in. So a lot of just ends up sounds like projection, bad communication, and insecurity.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 06:29 PM
5

I don't understand why so many people here think that the Body Positivity movement was about being attractive instead of just trying to meet people where they were and feel self-worth regardless. The fact that this is somehow more about insulting men's libidos rather than creating a positive media message for people who are just living their lives is totally puzzling. That Dove ad wasn't for men or about men.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 02:14 PM
8

That's not what most people are typically talking about when they are talking about withholding sex and manipulation. Or what most people here are talking about. You are talking about dating dynamics, sexual culture, and two people who haven't even formed that kind of relationship. Most of us are talking about something that happens within an established relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/25 05:46 PM
35

Exactly, when I am angry and upset with someone then I am not going to be able to enjoy intimacy and pleasure with them. If I feel contempt or disappointment with them then I can't genuinely be with them like that. I also don't feel like giving them pleasure. So when there's a lot of pent up, unresolved issues, particularly in an ltr, then dead bedroom here we come! Come to a resolution and repair, and then we can both enjoy make up sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/25 05:23 PM
1

Why don't you break down why you think these situations are analogous? And also, do you not have rights and boundaries at work?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/25 05:18 PM
1

I mean, I don't really disagree.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 04:47 AM
6

Ugh. I have a friend who actually said once that he was worried about the tax rates, and that eventually he would be moving into a higher tax bracket. At that time he was writing people's college papers for a living and literally living rent free in his parents basement. Literally. "There's a sucker born every minute."
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 04:32 AM
0

But the social and media discourse, that gets magnified, is about identity. And I have heard/read various focus groups and post election polling coming up with a lot of guys, white guys in particular, saying they weren't mentioned by the Harris campaign, mentioned in the policy statements (although the idea of these guys, and unfortunately most voters, actually reading through a policy proposal strains my credulity,) and it very much gives "where's my Men's History month?" Which is incredibly ol…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 04:29 AM
3

😂😂🤣🤣🤣
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 12:28 AM
10

I think that there's confusion about spontaneous desire - it's a spontaneous arousal and an expression of pure drive. It doesn't require someone else to even be around. So no it isn't looking at someone in particular's hot ass - it's wanting some hot ass in general. Instead of being in a neutral state and needing a trigger for arousal. And it's much more of a thing in long term relationships than early dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/25 04:12 PM
7

Have you looked at the studies of sexuality? Is this based on anything but mental meandering? In a moment where everyone is so into the evopsychobio of it all, and magnifying any possible gender difference, you would think there would be more acceptance of a difference in sexuality and sexual dynamics between men and women. Spontaneous desire and responsive desire are both natural expressions of sexuality and they aren't about transactions.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/25 03:49 PM
1

I'm not interested in that question. The question comes from this flawed framing of historical and personal context - and that's more interesting to me. But it's not like voting rights generally, in my county at least, are some sort of resolved issue, irrelevant today.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 06:36 PM
2

Not the holistic point I am trying to make - but stay dedicated to that deflection!
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 06:23 PM
2

My grandmother would ask you if you were hatched out on a stump by the sun. You don't exist in a vacuum. Where we find ourselves as a society, a nation, a family, and even an individual, is in part a product of the past. Especially when that past has people who lived that are still alive. History is our context, and culture has roots - without understanding that one might as well have the memory of a goldfish.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 06:06 PM
1

This is a disinterested, I agree, approach - but it's also hyper rational in a way that isn't about actual logic, but is sort of avoidant and emotionally unavailable. It sounds like a kind of person that expects things to fit neatly in a box, fit strict definitions, and just ultimately be unrelational. That reads as disinterest in this context, and avoidance in other contexts.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 05:38 PM
1

How is this a gendered issue? We're all aware relationships go through some observable phases right? And we know all people are flawed, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 09:10 PM
4

Show us where? And also, why would non-Christians or Jews hold themselves to it?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 08:17 PM
2

You sound like you don't actually know anything about therapy, types of therapy, and what people might be trying to accomplish.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 06:22 PM
18

I completely agree. This nostalgia has become toxic as people long for an economic reality that simply isn't possible. And a lot the focus on manufacturing in the US is completely based on this and is completely blind to what a desirable, modern manufacturing base would look like, or what those jobs would like like. This nostalgia never looks at the real lives of people running a farm, or looks at other classes and cultures where almost everyone is out hustling for some money to bring home.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 06:21 PM
2

Why do you correlate the desire or need for therapy with a lack of introspection? Neither self-criticism nor introspection offers tools to move out of that and into a space of better managed emotions, communications, relationships, executive function, etc?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 05:30 PM
1

None of that is relevant to what people get out of different types of therapy. None of that is about getting tools to manage behavior, communication, develop greater emotional intelligence, or work through psychological road blocks.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 05:14 PM
0

Your description of therapy doesn't match any therapy session I have ever been in. Therapy is work, it's digging deep, it's pondering open, leading questions, learning to use tools and then trying to use them outside, irl.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 01:32 PM
–

There's often a gap between discussion and execution
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 01:50 AM
1

Chemistry is not an emotional bond. A photo isn't an accurate judge of sexual attraction. A photo is a two dimensional image with no energy, no scent, no movement, no eye contact, and no voice. All of those things drive primary sexual attraction. A good photographer and a good model can create a lot of appeal - but that's pretty rare for your OL dater. Very few people think that vibing in person for a few hours means that an emotional bond has been created. Why do so many people ghost, both men …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 06:58 PM
1

No. And most demisexuals would disagree as well. Women often feel attraction, but then due to many other factors don't act on that attraction. That's not being demisexual. Wanting to be intentional in dating isn't being demisexual. Feeling like attraction has led someone in the wrong direction isn't being demisexual. Let the demisexuals have their word. Demisexuality is a term used to describe individuals who rarely experience primary sexual attraction[3] – a type of attraction that is based on …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 06:35 PM
3

Actual sexual attraction that doesn't emerge until some level of emotional bond is formed. Not needing to be "in love" necessarily; not the same as being attracted but needing to feel somewhat safe or liking their personality; and it doesn't mean being unable to perceive that someone is good looking.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 05:15 PM
3

It's inevitable.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 03:04 PM
5

It's just a very specific word about how attraction works for some people - and it was already kind of complicated and misunderstood, but now it's on the loose, sounds appealing, and will soon lose all meaning and become useless.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 03:02 PM
11

No, don't use that term. It has an actual meaning. Saying someone wants an emotional and intellectual connection as well as a physical one is what's going on.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 02:46 PM
2

I'm always hoping that dread gamers girlfriends will have the attachment issues that lead them to just say "go ahead and go!"
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 07:57 PM
2

It's so friendly as to be dishonest.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 07:39 PM
0

This seems massively sanitized!
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 07:20 PM
4

If you keep someone at an emotional arms length, which I have certainly done before, then you don't develop emotional intimacy because you don't get to the point of caring, or at least not caring much.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 07:18 PM
2

I know exactly what you are talking about. It's not about a peak experience and needing to repeat that. It's about a certain flow and vibe - and if I feel like I'm talking to a nice neighbor or peer support group member, that's not the vibe. Do I want to lean into or away from that casual touch? Can I imagine kissing this guy? Can I imagine a second date? There's spark or there isn't.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 12:13 AM
1

No, Demi doesn't actually mean that at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 10:43 PM
1

Ambivalence is a powerful feeling!
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/25 06:46 PM
1

There're absolutely things it can't overcome - but it has to be there.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 04:51 AM
1

I have no idea. I seek out a bit of metro sexualness. But I imagine it's because the gay male bestie slots in between the familiarity of a femme friend with a touch of masculine perspective.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/25 07:10 PM
–

So men don't have to be accountable for not using a condom, trusting her when she said she was on the pill, or discussing what should happen if things go wrong? Because of their sex drives? That's wildly unaccountable. And women aren't being accountable when they are making choices about using a reliable birth control method, knowing about and accessing Plan B, and, worst case scenario, making the difficult decision to have an abortion? Or even deciding to have a child with a seemingly willing p…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 08:42 PM
–

But what is there to take accountability for? That more women will complete the legal process? Yep, I admit it! That many women will walk away from a relationship that isn't working for them? Yep, I admit it! But there's no details unless we are talking about a specific relationship. And there's always this little, weird small print disclaimer at the end, like, well if you actually voiced your issues and tried, then fine. What? Why wouldn't that be the case? We can only assume it isn't if we are…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:36 PM
–

Who's to say she doesn't? People usually go in phases. Lots of women I know blame themselves for everything. Is that online? How is that even supposed to work, especially since the real work and process is often done in private. All bets are off if it's influencer content. Is it in person? Are you close enough to this person to observe their process? Do you want to call them out? Make them go away?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:24 PM
–

They never, never have an answer.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 01:59 PM
5

That's very true, but I think that we need to stop expanding the idea of "settling." Settling has a negative connotation. 'Alright, I need one of these, none of them are great, so I had just better pick one and go with it.' There, you've settled. Understanding the phases and challenges of a relationship, while understanding that this person really is a great partner for you, is just realistic and mature.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 02:25 PM
2

Wow. This is clearly a type of guy - the type to avoid. Cut them off immediately.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 02:45 PM
7

So you've learned that the wrong person is worse than no person. It's a valuable lesson.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 11:06 PM
1

King of Queens - the ultimate in this trope.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 11:03 PM
2

Some therapists identify a larger, more chronic version of this as the under functioner and the over functioner. It's a type of codependency, and toxic for both parties.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 10:45 PM
2

I mean, if you need to frame it that way. Most people need to be better at setting the boundaries they need in relationships. They also need to be more reflective about their patterns and baggage that relationships trigger, and more active in dealing with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 04:59 PM
0

How so? Where are you getting that solution from?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 04:34 PM
2

And then a little later in the episode, Jerry understands the concept of "bad naked!"
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 07:23 PM
5

Projection, again. You have no idea what I do. And since I do go on dates I'm clearly not rejecting everyone. Also, what don't you lot get about the fact that I am responding to a specific comment?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 04:54 PM
6

Hmm, might be interesting
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 04:46 PM
4

You are projecting right now.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 04:42 PM
4

What are you actually responding to?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 04:42 PM
2

No of course not. But an awful lot of inbox messages are. And that's part of the disconnect.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 04:41 PM
4

It's not even a little bit about commitment. It's about rolling a conversational boulder up a hill, which I know everyone experiences. And that means that nothing is flowing, and nothing is happening. And that's completely ignoring the ones who act a fool on like message two or three. I describe OLD as flat because it's the best way that I can describe the experience of looking at average photos of average strangers who have a bio that just doesn't make them come alive. That's not a personal att…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 04:39 PM
5

Or because OLD is extremely flat and it's difficult to perceive all this, or much at all initially. And experience has also taught that the majority of times you take the time to draw out that low effort comment, it just doesn't go anywhere. But the OP is about projection, and that's exactly what our friend the commentor is doing.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 04:10 PM
-1

But complaining about a projected fantasy is?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 03:57 PM
6

I do actually. But bullshit framing like I responded to isn't realistic and certainly won't garner any validation or sympathy. Yeah all the junk in my inbox is from a guy who's just a proactive initiator, planner, and all around amazing guy. He only had time to send a quick crude message or a quick "wyd" because he was planning an amazing date already. Get real. I am responding to a specific comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 03:55 PM
-2

I'm on apps. Your framing is still ridiculous.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 03:25 PM
2

That's so brain dead. It's wading through people who don't seem at all compatible, and this paragon of planning, initiation, and escalation is, in reality a bunch of messages going "Hey," or saying something really crude. "Oh my God, some generous go getter just flashed you, you're so lucky!" Are you genuinely this horny and braindead?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 02:57 PM
-1

You are never going to have this much control over life and other people. No one does. Live life or stay frozen in fear. You're already so afraid of being alone, while actually being alone that you might as well try to work on the fear because the end result right now is exactly the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 02:48 PM
6

It was terrible naming. The second it escaped academia it ran into a vernacular that associates "privilege" with rewards and silver spoons.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 04:42 AM
2

You can always ask someone you're dating what they see in you and why they like you.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 05:20 PM
2

I don't think this is a question that should be literally asked. Ask someone what they're looking for. Ask yourself what you're looking for. Be self reflective, sure. Ask yourself how you feel when you are around this person. Spend time together, communicate, but don't ask those stupid table questions. The whole point is to see what someone might add to your life, but you determine that, you don't ask someone else to tell you.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 04:46 PM
1

An emotion as it is defined here isn't the same as an overall feeling between two people. Long term resentments are a thing, alienation, grudges, loss of positive feelings are a thing. Old emotions tied to experiences flare up out of dormancy. This is all part of the human experience. There's no relationship that doesn't have some flaws, issues, resentments. Something like that, being sprung on someone is going to take all those relationship negatives and blow them wide open. Add in the new stre…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 11:41 AM
2

LOL! Short lived emotions! Baby...you have no idea.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/25 11:04 PM
3

Have you ever seen restitution checks from people who don't really have any real money? They're pretty symbolic, more than anything. So, ok, this dude is getting $8 every two weeks. Is it from the kid? Because money you spend on a kid is for them. If you can prove foreknowledge and intent on the woman's part, then ok, there's some sort of fraud case - take her to civil court. Take her to divorce court if applicable. You can probably do that right now. But most of the time it's going to be messy,…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/25 10:56 PM
1

Many middle aged women are on anti-depressants because 1. It's a challenging time of life. 2. Since the WHI scare med schools stopped teaching anything about menopause and too many doctors are afraid of prescribing hormones.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/25 03:37 PM
2

People also confuse active respect with consideration. I am considerate and polite to people I don't know or simply have a neutral feeling about. People I hold in some regard get active respect because of the regard I hold for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 08:59 PM
3

WTF? People want good paying jobs that play to their strengths.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 05:34 PM
3

This is exactly it. It's "I can't, it won't work, why should I, I hate it - anyway, can we get back to how all my problems are the fault of women?"
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 05:13 PM
1

Have you ever called in a noise complaint, lol? Nothing happens.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 05:11 PM
1

Landlords are against a lot of stuff. You take reasonable chances.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 05:07 PM
3

I think it's the opposite. When there's whole institutions and rights on the line in Western Societies, huge issues of class and justice, and remaking economies then being apolitical seems like the real luxury. To feel like neither you nor anyone you care about could truly be affected? Sounds incredibly luxurious.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 04:56 PM
2

That's because there is no "correctly." That will always be judged subjectively and history will have the final word. Human nature - and this sub should quickly disabuse anyone of the notion that there's a "logical" sex - isn't rational. And in politics the name of the game is to advocate and fight for your corner. Yes, true leadership is going ahead and making decisions that will create winners and losers - but what information is being used? What value? What beliefs? Then mix in some money and…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 04:43 PM
2

I think there is a point to be made about bubbles, and the ability to exist in them. Geographic mobility has dramatically risen over the decades, and it's become incredibly common to move for work, careers, or even because your friends have moved and there's this cool scene somewhere else. I think that's actually the beginning. Then social media gets more traction and platforms, and mainstream media really declines and tailored media starts rising. But the media issue has older roots - people ge…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 04:36 PM
2

Well nothing can compare to social media in general for commanding people's attention. If someone is inclined to be apolitical then they aren't necessarily less absorbed by social media, they're just telling the algorithm to show them less political subjects. But people had political voices and used them in the past. There's a line of continuity, even if social media has amplified things.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 04:15 PM
7

Water finds its own level I guess. Those people need to find other people with the same mentality and process of making decisions.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 04:09 PM
5

So they enjoy the noise and fear-mongering on the Right? How is it a peaceful place over there? I mean, if they genuinely don't agree with the Right more than the Left? If they do, then they aren't actually apolitical.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 04:05 PM
1

I want strong yet sensible environmental regulations so we can have cleanish air, water, and soil. I want criminal justice reform, I want less money and blatant corruption in politics, I want penalties against work place harassment and equal opportunities that support a diverse population and yes, allow women to consider working in trades and infrastructure without having to fight huge destructive battles while working at the same time. And yes, I want reproductive rights and representation in m…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 04:02 PM
6

And I'll toss it back. You can do both. Most people who volunteer at soup kitchens, for the homeless, whatever really can also be active politically. Voting, engaging with politicians occasionally, paying attention to what's happening locally and at least making your opinion known as a citizen - it's not that much. And if someone genuinely cares enough about something or some people enough to volunteer consistently, they probably see the connection between politics and what they care about.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 03:57 PM
2

Young punks - political. Protesting Apartheid - political. Protesting the Gulf Wars - political. Getting interested in Israel - politics. Environmental causes from hiking with the Sierra Club to tree sitting - political.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 03:50 PM
6

But if we dig a little deeper, then I and this other person can both be concerned about inflation. But I am wondering why this person sees Trump as having a solution. And how inflation and the perceived solution stacks up against everything else. Now I see us as fundamentally incompatible for anything aside from superficial interactions. Like, I don't understand this person's thought process or world view. I am questioning quite a lot, so even if they aren't a bad person, they definitely aren't …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/25 03:43 PM
2

I tend to enjoy talking politics, and it's almost impossible to avoid talking about current events. Someone not wanting to bring politics up would make me suspicious, although I understand if that's not what someone wants to spend most of their time talking about. So, yes, I do screen for that, and it's important in the broad strokes.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/25 07:46 PM
11

I love it. But it's compatible with my temperament, and what I genuinely enjoy in a man. I'm not interested in the stoic model. However! And this is big. It has to be balanced. Don't do things for people that don't want those things or ask for them, or show that they appreciate them. Or appreciate you. So don't do too much too soon and think about what you want in a relationship from a partner - and not just sex. Ask for those things. Reciprocity keeps things balanced, and avoids resentment. Thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 06:31 PM
1

We need a monthly challenge! We should announce that June is "Humans are Inconsistent!" Month. After a couple of weeks our valient mods can use the post requests to cobble together two mega posts about why men and women claim to want two contradictory things, and then we'll get a notification about when they post. We have 24 hours to fight it out in both of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 03:56 AM
7

Not the commentor, but I think a lot guys, and maybe a few women, don't like sex so much as they like getting off. They just want that feeling and not so much of an experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 03:34 AM
1

I think duty sex lumps in the consciousness decision to have sex even if someone isn't actively wanting it. Not repulsed, or miserable, but needing to make a conscious decision about ensuring they and their partner regularly have that intimacy, otherwise it would be on some really paltry frequency.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/25 10:12 PM
1

I mostly agree and like your description of the dynamic, but I don't think it has to be like the duty sex (this is a really shitty term) partner doesn't show or express any desire. I think even more often that partner isn't feeling spontaneous desire, but often enjoys it and more importantly, values it, once things get going. They just don't initiate, and maybe need to have a scheduled date so they can be in the right head space.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/25 09:31 PM
17

I actually think takes a little time to properly gauge. A serious lack of EQ is relatively easy to see. But it takes a little time and a little friction to truly see someone's emotional intelligence in action. Not years, but maybe months. You can see good indicators like how considerate someone is, how they communicate, how they treat people - social skills are close, but emotional intelligence is a little more, imo, than how polite and socially skilled someone presents in the early days when ev…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/25 10:07 PM
1

From an American perspective, and someone in a state that has made legal reforms to increase gender parity in divorce and family court, you would have to reconstruct a lot to create the same kind of legal and social pressures that punished women for cheating and encouraged wives of cheating men to look the other way. And there's a lot of downsides for both men and women in going back to all that. Social circles can let you down, and they can take sides in predictable ways. Ultimately the persona…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/25 08:51 PM
1

Sometimes , some women, (disclaimers in place: not all not every) actually do want to be friends with a guy because that's where they thought things were going or thought they were already friends. You genuinely like them, enjoy their company, and think it's possible. But if he wants to date you or fuck you then it will feel like a downgrade. All of this complaining about support sounds either like people who are terrible friends in general or normal things that friends do for one another but no…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/25 08:24 PM
1

School administrators not teachers hold the cards when it comes to policies about things like class size, length, whether or not there's PE or recess. And those are things that have a major impact on how the school experience goes for a lot of students.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/25 08:06 PM
15

Yeah this is exactly the experience of ADHD girls, and why we were overlooked for so long. If I liked a class, I excelled because I was interested. If I didn't, I was quietly checked out, not being disruptive. Prepubescent. Socialization is huge, and while less fashionable than Evo Bio right now - plays a huge part in how successful ADHD girls can be at masking.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/25 07:15 PM
3

Also the British system - which demands attention and order but used corporal punishment and hierarchy to enforce orderliness and deliverables. It was designed by men for men, but I think took that "civilizing" approach - albeit in a highly uncivilized way - and that's why I think a lot of women have a hard time accepting points about education not being designed by men. The structure isn't that different, it's just gentler and expects self motivation.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/25 07:09 PM
1

I think women are trying to say something about the guys they are actually in a relationship with, or are considering in real life - and it has to do more with relationships than getting laid, it might have to do with the intangibles, and it has a whole lot to do with offline dating and proximity. It has a lot to do with attachment after you develop feelings for someone, and trying to navigate the fact that maybe something physical about your partner has changed and you do feel less desire but n…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/25 06:56 PM
9

Do you base your impression of reality on television shows?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/25 02:43 PM
10

This is such a weird twist on the "nice guy." The small segment of very women who find criminals compelling and fixate on them doesn't choose "nice, average" criminals. Is reality in the room with us right now? Can we access it? What this tiny, unique subset likes is high profile criminals. Maybe criminals that fit a certain profile because they're already obsessed with certain types of crimes - real crime girlies who've lost their grip. No one is going over the police blotter with a fine tooth …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/25 02:42 PM
5

The action in question is reading, not sex, not dating - reading.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/25 02:34 PM
12

We're back to people not understanding the difference between fantasy and reality. Pure fantasy isn't reflective of what most people want in real life. A risque beach read really shouldn't have y'all in a choke hold like this.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/25 02:33 PM
1

The thing is, is that an age gap of less than 5 years is barely a gap. There's no difference in life stage unless someone is like 17 and 21. The celebrities you mention are also sex symbols for older people - young Millennials and Gen Z aren't checking for any of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/25 01:42 PM
6

Gestures to vastly more decades prior.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/25 05:47 PM
3

Not to mention that the economy of that era was built on conditions that can't be replicated. That moment was vastly different than the ones that came before it, and the one that has come after it. But the questions of how to deal with todays challenges and needs are difficult. Nostalgia is easy.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/25 05:53 PM
2

Anyway - now what? It's to some degree easier. And straight women can have their own issues too, that don't automatically get tons of interest. The difficulty comes in the second stage. But you got your validation, and there's a lot of gnashing of teeth and unpleasantness - feel better? Anything change?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/25 10:44 PM
-4

The framing of this is way off and doesn't match well with what dating and connecting is about.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/25 10:40 PM
-2

Maybe. You don't actually know that - and I say that with some compassion. The stuff we have to work on within ourselves only gets amplified when we're with others.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/25 10:38 PM
10

Okay. Women have a certain advantage in getting online matches and probably actual dates. Now what? That's just the very first step in getting what you want.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/25 08:54 PM
6

Perhaps. I don't even buy the whole protector/provider Evo Psycho Bio schtick. But how is that a question that someone else should answer for you? You are supposed to be figuring out what they bring to the table - that's the whole point of dating. And people are unreliable narrators - why would you listen to their answer instead of observing and coming to your own conclusion?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/25 05:52 PM
1

As long as you're honest to yourself - no one else necessarily needs to know. I find this hyper focus on honesty about preferences strange, and the communication about it never gets clearer. And a lot of friction is caused by this insistence people have about walking into spaces, virtual and otherwise, just to loudly announce "Ew! No fatties!" (Or no single moms, or whomever makes you lose your boner.)
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 07:40 PM
1

That wasn't the purpose! I've seen this several times on PPD - why do you guys think it was about you? The tagline was "love the skin you're in," not love the skin they're in. The idea was that you have a body, you have a life, both are going to be better if you don't hate yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 07:31 PM
1

How do you define "worked" in terms of the body positivity movement?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/25 07:14 PM
–

If they are neets one presumes someone is taking care of them? Are they on the street? Have they never heard of situations getting worse? I just don't get it. A lot of us didn't get what we necessarily wanted in life, but it's easier to get closer to it when economies are stronger and there's less chaos in our every day lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/25 08:28 PM
–

I don't understand your comparison? You brought up taxes and redistribution but apparently can't talk about where in our budget that happens?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/25 08:25 PM
1

A good roommate can do those things. There's also less housework when there's only one person to clean up after. He gives the bare minimum as you stated, a healthy person doesn't perceive that and stay.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/25 06:59 PM
1

Show me in the national budget where taxes are redistributed to women and what percentage, under what program.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/25 06:45 PM
1

I don't understand how Me Too, which was mainly about workplace sexual harassment, led men to pouting about not being able to talk to women?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/25 06:34 PM
1

But do they honestly think that trashing the county's economy, credit rating, biomedical research, reserve currency is actually going to help them? I'm low-key afraid that's true since there seems to be all these apocalyptic fantasies about struggle - as if they really think being a subsistence farmer or working in some widget factory would actually lead to a better life.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/25 06:33 PM
1

No. That would be dumb. The most common, numerous, wide-ranging bear is the black bear.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/25 06:13 PM
22

If I knew all that? I'd have to leave.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 03:39 PM
3

I'm more taking issue with the idea that someone with no one to abuse can be defined as not an abuser. Number one, it kind of reminds me of the concept of the "dry drunk," two - anyone , not just the superficial way the OP divided people up, can grow up in environments that tend to create abusers. There's just no substance to this idea.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/25 03:29 AM
3

People who have abusive tendencies, or fit the patterns that tend to lead to abusive behavior, don't lose those simply because they don't have someone to trigger their issues.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/25 03:14 AM
10

Great portraits, that are actually much more grounded in the reality of people than the fantasies here about how awesome the guy who never gets a chance would be.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/25 03:07 AM
5

So you're a selfish lover. Cool.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/25 03:24 PM
3

That's not what I mean at all. I believe that being a good lover, prioritizing having a good sex life requires knowing your own sexuality, caring about your partner's experience, and understanding that it requires real, even if casual and short-term, connection between two people. That two people together create a third energy. What I am reading from you sounds like you just want a short cut to getting off, and hoping that works for whomever you can talk into bed?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/25 03:15 PM
3

Why is that your interpretation of truly getting interested in sex? I'm genuinely curious?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/25 01:59 PM
2

Actually get interested in sex. Get interested in good sex, and what it takes to be a lover
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 09:51 PM
0

They're from frequent posts and comments right here on this subreddit that you are also on.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/25 02:35 AM
1

These two things are not related, imo. Agribusiness and lobbying have nothing to do with social pressure regarding thinness and striving to appeal to the male gaze and gaze of whatever the current trend in body types is. That pressure comes from culture - and isn't aided or alleviated by the ubiquitousness of high fructose corn syrup in the food supply. How do you see them linked
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/25 05:41 PM
5

It doesn't matter if you think they are beautiful or not - that's the point. They have the body they have, and they have a life to live. Diet culture and body consciousness for women has been the norm in Western culture for decades, if not centuries, and the movement is connected to that specific context.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/25 03:36 PM
–

And fifthly, a lot of people here need to stop talking about heavily policed communities that they don't belong to and understand even less than they understand people in their own communities.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/25 05:19 PM
–

And the average woman, not writing letters to men in jail, is going to socially isolate a handful of women she doesn't know and has no contact with? Y'all need to meet more people!
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/25 05:15 PM
2

So balls over intelligence and the common good?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/25 01:34 PM
3

You say this, and yet there are so many other stories about guys who insist all the guys they know are good guys, and they've never seen any bad behavior from some guy in question - a guy they've only ever experienced in one or two contexts.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/25 04:16 AM
1

Such a neat clean layout - pity a bunch of messy, complicated humans aren't going to fit in it.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/25 04:14 AM
5

It's a pattern for some people, and if they could step outside of themselves then these conversations wouldn't be necessary. And guys are on here all the time talking about their abuse. And you can withhold all the sugar you like - that just ends up isolating the person, tho. Really, if someone can't empathize, they can at least withhold judgement and keep it moving.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/25 04:08 AM
0

You married someone with the mentality of a ten year old? Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/25 03:56 AM
3

Why do so many of you not realize that women all throughout time, all over the world have had to work? And that crime is a problem for everyone, regardless of gender?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/25 03:49 AM
2

So a lot of what I have seen is impatience and overt crudeness when casual sex is potentially on the table. Especially online. And when it's not necessarily on the table, and the woman is trying to date seriously, they'll be three lines into an online convo with a total stranger and then he finds a way to make a sexual remark. And these women who are looking to date seriously lose it! There's even a term for it now "sexual nonsequiter."
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/25 08:57 PM
–

You really want to take it beyond being settled for - you want someone who fantasizes about smothering you in your sleep.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/25 01:10 PM
1

I would hope you guys would start taking selfies - all this self-improvement and gym-going but you won't learn to market yourselves?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/25 03:25 AM
1

It does come across exactly the way you describe, but a lot of your examples would be better described as expectations, deal breakers, and rules. Rules are super unpopular. Boundaries are really supposed to be about you, and what happens when a boundary that you have set within yourself is violated or handled poorly. The important thing for all of them is what happens when someone goes against any of these things. If I set a boundary with myself that I will not text and chat on the phone after 1…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/25 12:22 AM
10

That is exactly how it works. And you explained it beautifully - when you try to explain the power of proximity and x-factors here it creates a lot of angst. And for those guys online dating - it's an extreme disadvantage because all of those things that might be attractive arent visible in photos and that limited bio.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/25 08:47 PM
1

You haven't proven any of these broader psychological and behavioral patterns. You are just repeating very culturally driven, traditional, Christian seeming attitudes towards sexual behavior. These aren't universal truths or supported by genetic science or even psychology. They do seem to reveal a preference for one type of familar model for sexual relationships and a discomfort for any other type of less familiar model.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/25 08:38 PM
1

I find it strange that "discipline" and something like impulse control is thrown in there. If an adult has a goal of having an active sex life, and isn't looking for a LTR, then their goal would be to find a casual sex partner. Where does a lack of discipline and impulse control come into that goal setting?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/04/25 08:28 PM
-2

And this is essentially the study that backs up what a lot of women say about not giving the less attractive, humble guy a chance, because when she's tried, it's gone worse.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/25 04:24 AM
3

Oh jeez. It wasn't a question, it was an agreeing comment in response to your "She probably picked a deadbeat over me?! How dare she?”
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/25 06:50 PM
1

And how is this the scenario? Like, is there a line up where I have to pick A or B, and then A doesn't work it, so then I circle back to B? I mean, maybe, in some insular small town? But still - time didn't move along? B didn't go on to have life experiences, some of which may not have worked out well? And how does that even work when two people couldn't have possibly met earlier in life?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/25 06:43 PM
5

That's a real truth. I've finally come to the realization that for some issues all I can say is that is doesn't matter what I tell someone, what the truth as I see it is; they have to tell themselves, and actually believe it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/25 06:39 PM
1

Apps are very different than in person. It's harder to judge from some photos. But I'm fully capable of judging how superficially attractive someone I meet in real life is, according to my taste, and then yes, x-factor things like chemistry do come in to play. I think this idea of "pick A or B, all things are equal" is incredibly artificial and unrealistic.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/25 06:32 PM
4

You push back by voting in your city or state when bills about tipping come up, by helping get something on the ballot. By resisting tipping creep in contexts where staff are paid a regular wage. And of course my perspective is American, that's why I contextualized it. And if you are going to live someplace for a while, you interact with a community. If it's short term, then sure, you're just a guest - but why be a bad guest?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 01:38 PM
8

Servers don't live anywhere on the globe, they live in the country they work in and they are subject to that country's cost of living. In the United States, where I am, they are deliberately paid less with the understanding that they will be tipped. We also have a very weak safety net. Not understanding this would trouble me. Putting an abstract principle above the people and community that's actually around you, would be the red flag for me. Along with a sneaking suspicion that you might also j…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 12:50 PM
1

That's never going to happen. There's you, there's them, and there's the two of you together. No one is interchangeable like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/25 05:07 PM
–

Yeah, but add be interesting, passionate, and some charm.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/25 02:20 PM
3

It wasn't some sort of timeless wisdom. It was about making alliances, social status, family reputation, and a lack of reliable birth control. And she never, ever, would have "ran towards you" as the OP stated. Your dad and her dad would have run towards one another, so to speak. Marriage wasn't even a little bit romantic. Culture and society changed and now there's all this angst and ungrounded romantacism that comes from Purity Culture.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/25 08:37 PM
2

This is what the Red Pill should be leading y'all too! Stop thinking small.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/25 04:51 PM
1

It actually can be intangible. It can have nothing to do with height, weight, muscularity, face card. You guys hate this answer, but it's all about the energy between two people. Sure, if there's something extreme about your physical appearance, that's an obstacle, but beyond that it's intangibles and compatability.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 11:46 PM
1

Even though I disagree with the OP - that wasn't feedback or constructive criticism. That was a rude person with an off the cuff remark, and now you've let them make a lasting impression about how you perceive yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 11:40 PM
2

This must be the same attitude that has some men marching into "rooms," so to speak, to loudly announce their dating preferences when no one has asked them. "I don't like fatties or false eyelashes" And then get upset when it's not well recieved. Have your preferences and zip. it.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 11:16 PM
2

Lot's of people have covered the risk/safety angle. And that's a big one. The other thing is, I don't get any sense of satisfaction out of being harsh, or breaking down someone's appearance or personality to the n'th degree. And sometimes it isn't about all these details you want - it really is lack of chemistry/not feeling it. Or some sort of incompatability that isn't something that can be changed. And if you meet someone from an app, then you may not realize that until you meet in person. And…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 11:08 PM
1

Taxes are bad and unrealistic, but a unfair payscale is good and realistic. Got it.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 09:01 PM
25

False scarcity. A need to hurt those already in the profession based on gender. And a total lack of vision regarding what might incentive more men to enter the profession.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 01:38 AM
1

The problem with the whole concept of "settling" is that it sounds negative - and that's because if you have a great partner that is compatible, and you enjoy being with them, feel attraction to them, and love - you would never think "I settled for this person." If you are thinking that you settled - then you have made a bad decision.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 01:27 AM
41

God forbid we raise all boats.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 01:24 AM
3

Get an NA, more and more places are offering good, interesting options. I'm a light, social drinker - if my companion doesn't make it an issue, it's not an issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/25 05:14 PM
–

8.2 Billion people on the planet - I think the collapse of humanity might be a bit overwrought.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/25 01:48 AM
1

Regrettable, like murder.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/25 01:25 AM
–

Let's just vote for longer spans and maybe make some posts about how men's life spans should be longer. Solved!
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/25 01:15 AM
–

"Plenty of Shit like this" - please cite where we shipped people to a foreign prison for over staying visas, disposed of due process, defied the Supreme Court, threatened law firms and universities, and sued media firms?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/25 01:12 AM
1

Exactly! It's a proxy and the easiest way to meet someone while giving yourself and him a chance to grow and mature.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/25 12:51 AM
–

This is simple minded. Yes, I say the law is law. Then we say the law says this and not that. Where's the loophole? How do we overturn or undermine the law. If I like the law then the process is the same but preferably while it's in draft.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 05:23 PM
1

Show us where marriage-mindedness is mapped on the genome?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 02:12 PM
1

Most dating coaches would say to focus on positive things about yourself and what you are looking for in a person or a relationship. Those of us who follow that advice love seeing the contrast in profiles that focus on negatives and all the people they tell to swipe left because that makes for an easy cull.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/25 07:52 PM
2

When you take away the things that make relationships sweeter, add to intimacy, and reduce friction then you have to have very specific goals and purposes to have this person as a life partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/25 04:21 PM
2

Yes! You don't feel anything in particular towards belonging to any grouping you perceive as a default. Not gender not race
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/25 03:32 AM
3

How was she responsible for that?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/25 01:34 PM
–

That's highly irrational, fully cultural and mindset related. But since you dudes claim to need all that experience it somehow doesn't make you a used, dirty toothbrush.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/25 01:29 AM
3

I will partially agree - menopause is a big dramatic change, and one that neither women themselves or their male partners are well prepared for. And men in mid-life are very different in more subtle ways. Sometimes more set in their ways, often less dynamic and less engaged in their relationships and multiple parts of life. And they're facing big life changes and stressors that can easily pull apart from one another.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 10:27 PM
–

So it's all about men vs women and not about being a citizen, a neighbor, a fellow human being? Cool.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 10:20 PM
1

The key is understanding what might change, and what won't. A passive person isn't going to start helping you with the mental load. But their body will change, and they may become set in their ways, no longer willing to extend themselves in ways that maybe they were pushing themselves to do in the early days, or age and circumstance made easy. And that's the hard stuff! Codependency can give you an inclination to fix and rescue, despite the fact that you might be otherwise independent and not un…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 10:15 PM
5

But this post, and plenty of others as well as the comments, are pointing out that we do indeed know the difference. Guys ask what's attractive to women, we answer, they get frustrated that our answers are about what attracts us to a relationship, instead of what gets our panties to drop.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 10:05 PM
–

How is it a bullshit comparison? Expand upon that. And I will expand on my feelings about the OP's issue - it's censorious. You can't discuss a lived experience, or just vent and shit talk a little, because this other broad group who hold systemic privileges get their feelings hurt. Shh, be nice now, or the people you are critizing will allow crimes to happen right in front of their face. To a fellow citizen. I have seen plenty of posts comments along these lines that actually do threaten legal …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 09:58 PM
–

And yet, the internet still feels different, thankfully, than every day real life interactions. I read so much on Reddit that makes people sound as if they were hatched out on a stump by the sun - like they have absolutely no people in their lives. We aren't allowed to talk about race here, but this is essentially the equivalent of if I decided that I no longer believed in civil rights because I had listened to enough online conversations that not only weren't about me personally, but weren't ev…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 09:40 PM
2

It's hard to articulate, and even harder to do in an actionable way. Humor is easy to identify. My current boyfriend isn't especially funny. I have dated guys who have made me laugh way more. But what he is, is easy to talk to, sociable, and a good listener. He's polite and considerate to strangers. He's easy and comfortable to be around, while at the same time having a touch of intensity and passion. He feels safe in the ways women want to feel safe, but he's not all sugar, he'll challenge and …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 09:36 PM
–

I assume that the men who feel this way about random women venting online are men who don't really have any real relationships, of any kind, with women in the real world? Because most of us balance the misogynist vitriol we hear and read with our interactions with real men in our real lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 09:16 PM
1

It really boils down to are you asking for advice about getting laid or getting a relationship? And in what context - IRL or online? When you have real world regular proximity to someone, then a lot more than looks can come into play because you are more visible as a whole person. If you are at least in person, shooting your shot, a little more of your energy is in play, and if it's online then it's going to be superficial because that's all there is to go on. So if you want to ask for advice yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 06:01 PM
1

My argument is that this would undermine the whole concept of personal accountability, self awareness, and transparency. We need to see our partners as clearly as possible. If a given man is really insecure about this issue, has cold feet and wants an out, has been influenced by social media, or is projecting his own cheating, his partner should know that's what she's dealing with. Ideally well before she decides to commit and have a child with him, but if not, that's still some clarifying infor…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 02:50 AM
1

No but you can refuse to let their kids in a classroom and your very private industry employer can refuse to let you into your workplace and not offer you any off-site options.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 02:21 AM
1

So much for public health!
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 02:19 AM
1

Do you honestly believe that "trust but verify" b.s.? I'm pretty sure that when our IT department says that, they just don't want us giving them a hard time. Our employer absolutely does not trust us, lol!
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 02:17 AM
1

Most of us imagine a relationship that is established and presumably built in mutual trust. I also imagine most modern couples make a deliberate decision to plan for a child. No one really cares about some casual situation where a mistake was made. No one is surprised if a couple has been having issues with fidelity and other behaviors. So when this guy pops up all "hey, uh...you could totally be a cheater trying to defraud me right now," we take it personally for some reason. Or you have a sick…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 02:12 AM
1

I think a lot of men in this situation are low-key hoping the opposite because they're freaked out and have cold feet. This is their last out.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 02:01 AM
1

I've seen that, but more in social media groups and in real life. And honestly, for a lot of women if a guy is really big, like 9" or more, that size is something that you have to adjust for in a few different ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 01:51 AM
1

How are those obligations defined?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/25 08:54 PM
1

Oof. That means it's time for a lot of reflection. How is the communication between you? How do they feel about one another overall? What do they say about why there's so much anger and bickering? Is couples therapy an option? If those answers lead you someplace negative...then you have some decisions to make.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 07:20 PM
1

Does he just find something else to be anxious and doubtful about though?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 06:55 PM
1

That's an extremely rosy view of health insurance.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 06:48 PM
1

Totally. It's been a few years, the relationship seems good enough to contemplate going ahead and having kids and now it's real rather than hypothetical. Bring it up again before you start trying - that way either one of you can change your minds about having kids together.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 06:44 PM
-2

How is it not relevant?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 06:37 PM
-1

That was a bit dramatic of me. I want to truly see the person I might contemplate having a child with. If they harbor these types of concerns and insecurities I would rather know sooner than later so I can make a fully informed choice. Not have it obfuscated by the law or hospital policy.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 06:23 PM
1

Conflict at some level is inevitable between two people in any type of relationship. Resolving conflicts is an absolutely necessary life skill. It's not easy, my impulse was to avoid or dread them, for a long time. But that leads to really poor outcomes and actually weakens your relationships. If a conflict can't be resolved, then each party has to decide how important and fundamental the conflict is.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 05:25 PM
-1

This is exactly why I would oppose it being mandatory. If you need it, go through the fire and get it, King!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 05:18 PM
2

That's a terrible analogy. The issue is trust and accusation - health insurance has nothing to do with anything like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 05:17 PM
1

You will inevitably upset her, and vice versa. It's better to face and resolve conflicts than devolve into people pleasing. That doesn't mean be inconsiderate or selfish, it just means means that building a relationship isn't about keeping the peace no matter what.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 05:00 PM
1

Boundaries. Have them and hold them.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 04:57 PM
1

That's concerning - people need to meet more people.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 04:39 PM
3

I feel like everyone just believes anything they hear or see on a medium that's basically entertainment and views driven. How does anyone think this is reflective of every day mundane reality?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 04:38 PM
1

Feeld is a very niche group!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 04:34 PM
3

But that's a completely delusional view of the role, and completely ignores what it means to manage a household and family.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 04:28 PM
–

That sounds like you don't actually know what I am referring to.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 03:07 PM
–

My comment is about how social messages impact everyone, and aren't so easy to simply ignore. I have no idea why you think I am saying you can't have a preference, except that must be the topic you actually want to discuss - time for your own post!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 03:05 PM
-1

Nothing rational about it, for either party!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 04:23 AM
0

More like years.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 04:19 AM
17

Exactly! At the same time you are talking about whether or not you want children, bring this up as well. Don't waste one another's time.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 04:13 AM
–

And we'll lose everything they fought for if we get complacent. This view of society, culture, and history is myopic.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 03:53 AM
2

This is what I don't get - if we each have something then together we have more!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 02:41 AM
–

That applies to the majority of Americans of all genders.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 01:28 AM
–

What kind of goldfish brained culture have we developed that we think our grandparents experiences have no relevance? How did the idea that cultural change happens so quickly that a few decades of change just wipe out centuries of culture and mindset? Especially in a country where we can see the beginning of rights our grandmother's won being rolled back? That's wildly ungrounded.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 01:27 AM
–

And ironically there are discussions about how white people will interrupt conversations aimed at a black audience with cries of #notallwhitepeople. And for white people who are trying to be allies, they're explicitly told not to do that. Derailing people's discussions about common experiences and common issues that involve a broad group of others to pop up and make it all about "you" is considered problematic and says "you" care more about drawing attention to yourself than listening.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 01:23 AM
–

But social messages matter - that's the OP's whole point. Social messages are social pressure and part of the culture, and men here seem to be saying that's the misandry they are upset about. Yes, of course, have your preferences. It's about awareness.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 01:10 AM
–

Bull. Shit. Women have had incredible pushback and harassment when it came to trying to enter these fields. https://csw.ucla.edu/2020/10/15/sexual-harassment-and-occupational-segregation-the-impact-of-sexual-harassment-on-women-in-the-trades/ https://iwpr.org/discrimination-harassment-and-a-lack-of-respect-threaten-to-drive-women-out-of-the-construction-industry-according-to-new-institute-for-womens-policy-research-iwpr-report/ https://newyorklaborhistory.org/resources/book-reviews/alone-in-a-cr…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/25 10:03 PM
2

So this is an argument for regulating access to social media - which has been brought up and is always highly unpopular with a lot of different people for different reasons. I think it's a good idea - but a crazy hard sell.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/25 07:50 PM
6

You don't have to give me answers to my questions - but you should consider giving yourself those answers.
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/25 07:34 PM
8

How do you see that happening? The part about him changing because you're a soft space? Do you feel like he likes you? Respects you? You clearly fulfill some sort of function for him - but that's not the same. You just went through a major power struggle - do things feel balanced now?
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/25 06:17 PM
2

Interesting take. My experience both personal and observational has all been of long term child-free relationships. So I agree to an extent about codependency and passivity - most people regardless of gender struggle with these things. But if one partner is communicating clearly and being direct, and the other is blowing them off and playing the blindsided card - then leaving is passing a test of sorts.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/25 08:48 PM
2

How is any of that relevant, regardless of whether or not I agree, regardless of the drive to assign blame, to whether or not someone can recognize a growing problem that can endanger a relationship, and claim that they didn't realize it was an issue because there was no ultimatum explicitly laid out? Edited because I forgot I was in the "blindsided" spin-off post.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/25 06:44 PM
1

This sounds disingenuous. A vent, a complaint, isn't the same as a repeated point of conflict. And although most people try to avoid ultimatums, they can and do speak clearly about issues that truly bother them, and the emotional tone is definitely there as well. My boyfriend and I have an issue with running late. We both do it, I get anxious about it sometimes, but we mostly laugh and apologize, and try to mitigate. We know it's minor because we've specifically discussed as an issue we have, an…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/25 05:44 PM
2

But you can see patterns right? Regardless of apportioning blame - which people do prioritize - you can still see the pattern. And if the pattern doesn't change, and the conflict is never truly resolved, you can see the end coming, right? Just like I can see clouds gathering and the sky darkening.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/25 04:58 PM
3

You are talking about geopolitics but in a weird, bubble-like way. There were other things happening in the world that led the US to be strong economically and militarily. None of those events that to American ascendancy are directly or strongly related to Feminism as a movement or Patriarchy as a system. Why are you trying to force huge geopolitical shifts into this tiny bubble? And how are you defining strength? Peace and relative prosperity typically do lead to more liberal social mores and m…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/25 04:27 PM
2

No, but we are more nuanced and not as hung up about our sexuality being called out (there are other issues instead!) as well as culturally being accustomed to women being objectified. Which all makes it possible to enjoy looking at someone, be a little playful with them, while at the same time not desiring any full on sexual contact with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/25 02:42 PM
3

Don't know about the OP, but I certainly have, and maybe you should as well. Scrolling on is too damn easy.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/25 02:30 PM
8

Conversations/Debates here are completely frustrating. People get wrapped around the axle about examples and things they would rather talk about. If I say "I need help with x" "I need this dynamic to change, what can we do" "please stop y" "please start z" it doesn't matter what XY and Z are for our purposes. The relative clarity of the statement is there, in my example you have heard this at least twice now, but likely more times. How are you blind to issue XYZ? Are you not listening? Did you d…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/25 02:26 PM
3

How do repeated discussions not imply a recurring issue? So without stats and an ultimatum, there's no relationship issue worth addressing? Interesting approach.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/25 12:29 AM
4

When you repeatedly have heavy discussions or arguments, and make no consistent effort to change anything - what other outcome can there be? It might take a while, but eventually? And again - why the retreat to "blindsided?" Why not just admit they didn't think anything serious would happen and their partner would be ok with indefinite dissatisfaction?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 11:15 PM
3

That's what happens! But why do these guys go with "it came out of nowhere!" Instead of "holy shit, I didn't think she was serious about that?" That would be the more understandable response.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 10:27 PM
5

Most of us are talking about people we actually know, based on the comments I am reading. But you aren't trying to hear any of that.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 10:19 PM
5

I somewhat agree, but I also know that a lot men retreat into this excuse, or feel somehow helpless, when they have clearly heard "I need help." "Things need to change." "I can't deal with XYZ anymore." Despite women being painted as nags, a lot of us aren't. And it isn't a sustainable way to live to have constant 5 alarm fires and have to threaten your partner. When my current partner expresses a need, desire, or complaint, I am very focused on what I can do and if it's something I can accommod…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 09:49 PM
6

Most women ask themselves those questions all the time. I certainly have, and most women I know well enough to have these conversations with have. And ultimately you get stronger and you give up and walk away after you have had your issues, attempts at repair, and requests ignored time after time. Boundary held, man "blindsided" that this could have happened! How is "I never saw it coming" when it was clearly expressed an example of introspection?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 09:41 PM
3

No. The basis for dealing with actual people who claim a label is based on what they actually espouse - not the dictionary definition of the label, not the history behind it. Otherwise you get arguments from self-styled conservatives about voting rights where they try and deflect with the fact that they belong to the Party of Lincoln, for example.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/25 03:11 PM
5

And therefore actually relevant - unlike political history, when it comes to dealing with our fellow citizens.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/25 01:43 PM
2

I can do casual, but I have to like them, feel relatively safe with them, and have chemistry. My casuals have almost always turned into more, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 11:17 PM
1

Exactly this! I have had so much media aimed at me as a woman, and personal conversations, all surrounding men, and what it means when he says, does whatever. It's ubiquitous. Women just don't usually try and come up with equations and scales. But tweak your algorithm a little and you'll see so much of the feminine version of decoding men.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/25 08:17 PM
1

I still maintain that X Factor can't be faked. But I was talking about a certain type of chemistry that I look for (and find.) I do acknowledge that some people have enough rizz that everyone feels something in their presence. I also maintain that plenty of women bring charm and conversation to the table, put effort into their appearance, effort into vetting and early conversations. And that's where we diverge - Beyond initiating, I think the effort is equal.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/25 12:11 AM
1

No, what I am strongly implying is that the X factor is a big part of what gets me into bed.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 11:00 PM
3

There's nothing about fault in this. I don't blame dates when it's not there it's just an awkward reality. And knock it off with the top 1 percent nonsense. It's not about that either. And I have experienced it enough times to know that.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 10:58 PM
1

Attractive is a spectrum, and I noticed how you conveniently ignore the fact that I, as well as most women, get dressed up and make conversation. Doesn't fit your narrative. And just this week someone asked about approaching in person. Anyway, not to get you off your talking points, but yes, I pay my share of the bill. And I too get disappointed when a connection isn't there. This side bar wasn't about all the woes of dating, there was no denial or gaslighting - it was about the X factor that ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 10:56 PM
1

Of course I am talking about genuine chemistry and spark! You've never made intriguing eye contact with a stranger? You're missing out - it's the key to the cold approach. I have had plenty of dates where the conversation was fine and none of these dire missteps occurred but that type of chemistry wasn't there. In fact, I can tell it's lacking when I start being extra entertaining. And yes, plenty of women are good company and can hold up their end of a conversation. We have our own versions of …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 10:08 PM
2

Eventually you're going to have to be yourself. The mask will slip. If you're just trying to get laid, then ok. But if we're actually talking about dating - that's just going to push the problem off. But I don't know how your sad sack in question is even managing to fake it through a whole date.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 09:46 PM
2

Absolutely a difference. I know it when I feel it in person. Online it's a toss-up.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 09:41 PM
4

Please do! Men would have to manage their sex drive, learn about boundaries, learn about co-dependency, and build enough social lives to deal with actual, general lonliness. This idea that I see here time and time again that "men have to settle for what they can get," is absolutely f*cked in the head. Picking people you aren't attracted to and don't actually like is a completely losing proposition. And that's what men time and time describe themselves as doing but taking no accountability for - …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 09:39 PM
5

You can sometimes feel it online, I agree. I have successfully met people online that I got involved with. But I've had it work the other way too - good messaging online and then no where near as much flow and interest in person. It's just a harder online.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 09:32 PM
4

No. You don't get it. It's either there or it isn't. You can't perform it. I've been on plenty of perfectly fine dates where I was plenty entertained and it wasn't there. Nothing I described is work you can put in. And if it's that damn much work to put on something decent looking, groom yourself a little, and go out and be yourself - then maybe dating really is too much for you guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 09:30 PM
5

It's one of the most frustrating features in these discussions. That the X factor is so hard to explain, and the X factor is hard to determine on OLD. Yeah, looks do matter, especially when there's no IRL proximity to go on, but in general. It's way more flexible though when there's spark and chemistry. I have to feel something when our eyes meet. I have to feel a casual touch and decide I want more of that. There has to be a certain flow of energy. And I'm not even opposed to casual - It's just…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 08:48 PM
–

No one is talking about rape except you. We're all talking about unsatisfying sex with men we aren't even attracted to or interested in. You know, the big privilege you think we have.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 08:26 PM
–

When you write this out, does it sound appealing to you? This is really saying "if I have no standards, and for some bizarre reason just want someone to stick it in, I could make that happen." How does that sound like a privilege? Or in anyway desirable? Guys get stuck on this and it sounds absolutely gross and alien to even the most sex-positive women.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/25 08:22 PM
–

Like a Snickers wrapper?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 09:52 PM
1

People like what they expect and are used to. They don't want "weird" things suggested to them. They like it simple, with everyone doing everything the same way.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 06:47 AM
1

No, polyamory has a very specific definition, and that doesn't even come close. But it's having a moment so it's now a word more people have encountered. This is some lukewarm version of non-monogamy.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 06:45 AM
1

Because cheating is a violation of your relationship agreements. Polyamory and even ethical non-monogamy runs on honesty, communication, and upholding agreements. It is not "cheating."
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 06:40 AM
1

Yeah it's not a deal breaker. And although it sounds trite, knowing how to use what you've got really is important. But hey, you know...not going to complain.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/25 03:35 AM
0

A strong butch lesbian hired by the local fire department?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/25 08:47 PM
2

This is altruistism - not unconditional love
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/25 08:44 PM
1

One of my favorite therapists on Social Media states repeatedly that adults love conditionally. The condition being satisfaction with their relationship. Really think about what unconditional love is. What are the consequences of feeling and giving unconditional love to an adult romantic partner? Unconditional love is for children. And even then sometimes parents have to say "I love you, but we can't continue in this relationship like this."
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/25 08:41 PM
1

It was a steamy beach read. Most women know the difference between that and a real life relationship. Too many men here do not.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/25 11:10 PM
4

That's very true. As we get older, our feelings just don't have that intensity as they did when we were younger. Not just for new people, but also things like books and music.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/25 08:12 PM
1

Sexuality is multi-faceted and complex. What turns someone in a fantasy that they routinely masturbate to is different than enjoying some male eye candy on screen or in real life, and that can be different than how you react to your real life lover's body and presence. It's both complicated and simple at the same time.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/25 07:40 PM
4

Two things can be true at once. Women as a whole are placed under a lot of pressure to be attractive. We are absolutely valued by society for our looks. And at the same time, when it comes to casual sex, men aren't picky. But casual sex doesn't get you a good relationship, status, or anything else. If that's what she wants, then great. But to be upset that she can get some is a reflection on men, not beauty standards for women.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/25 02:50 PM
2

Because they're usually pretty crude. Because they're from a stranger that you haven't even vetted for anything. Because it lacks social common sense, and ultimately it's about them and what they want from any woman they interact with - not aboutyou at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 11:43 PM
1

Absolute best answer. Should be in some sort of resource section, since so many men here struggle to understand the difference between wanting the fantasy of something vs the reality of something, and definitely can't get their minds around actually acting it out in a controlled, consensual way that might range from gritty and realistic to not at all realistic.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 11:29 PM
2

You see it all the time on totally vanilla online dating apps. You're 4 lines into a convo with a total stranger and out comes the most sexual comment. And it tanks the whole thing. Because how else is she supposed to feel other than objectified? The really funny thing is that on kinkier and more alternative sites it seems like there's more understanding that we're actually going to have to talk a bit.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 11:10 PM
1

I don't think it's some evo bio thing - novelty is powerful and supplies a lot of dopamine. Then it drops off.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 11:02 PM
2

See, I don't think this makes sense for either sex or pizza, lol! I might be so wildly obsessed with a certain type of pizza that it's all I want to eat, but other types of pizza barely count as pizza. Obsessive compulsion meets obsessive desire - the intensity is there, it's just highly focused.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 11:00 PM
10

Women have very different ideas about this. I like effort. I enjoy a man who is at least aware of his appearance and grooming. Some women like the rugged look, though - but that's never been my type. I like a well-groomed pretty boy with at least a passing interest in street wear.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 01:34 AM
5

But getting into a sub-par relationship isn't the best answer to an economic need. That's all I am saying - and I have seen people make that mistake. So, it's one factor in the whole landscape of why someone may still be dating in their thirties or beyond, and what that should say about them.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/25 09:43 PM
2

Yes, lots of women do this. It's something that seems pretty common. I have done it. You express your needs, what's going wrong. You try to fix it with them. Nothing changes. Repeat cycle. Take it to - another level, maybe couples therapy. Not enough changes and you might get some negative clarity. Check out kind of begins here Still not ready to blow everything up and start over? Can you change something about your approach? Figure out what you can live with/without? Now you're really starting …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/25 09:03 PM
6

That's a current economic problem, though. And if the main goal is splitting the bill on living expenses, you can get roommates and other communal situations.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/25 07:59 PM
0

And your confused brain never switches men for males? Or at anywhere near the same frequency? It's almost always a rhetorical choice.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/25 07:50 PM
1

That is such a declasse trope. I would never go through my man's phone. The urge to do so indicates something wrong in our relationship or wrong in myself. Either way, it needs to be directly addressed, not pacified.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 07:29 PM
2

Ok - but you can be cheating too, and possibly hiding a drug habit. And did this guy not want the child? Because he actively participates? Let's go with this pointless, no trust relationship where we behave as if we barely know one another.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 04:36 PM
3

The level of accusation is intense, even if you want to minimize it. Especially if this hypothetical pregnancy was planned. And then if you factor in projection, the level of chronic insecurity and mistrust potentially at play - because again, I am thinking of a planned pregnancy in an established relationship. This is clearly not an ideal partnership.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 04:29 PM
3

A one off check that strongly implies that I deliberately planned to deceive a partner that I planned to have a child with, and deliberately cheated on him while trying to get pregnant.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 04:15 PM
3

An hour? Oh buddy. If it were me, you'd be subject to two piss tests a year. Or your phone would never be private and all social media accounts would be joint. I'm just verifying, baby!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 03:57 PM
1

"Here, have some saltine crackers and a glass of water."
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 03:16 AM
3

Well that's a better approach than some guys describe.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 03:13 AM
5

There could be potentially attractive men in there, or even just an interesting comment. But the scatter shot "likes" ruin it.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 02:23 AM
9

It's exactly that. And it drains your enthusiasm for the whole endeavor. Like, I have a bunch of app notifications and even thinking about going through them sounds like a chore.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 01:51 AM
6

The physical spaces are there, but the willingness to plan and actually be social isn't. And if you can't cultivate social connections, then you can't use them to meet potential romantic partners.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 01:48 AM
8

That's some impressive hair splitting. Especially when "trust but verify" is an institutional platitude.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 10:33 PM
3

Hell yeah - make that the most expensive lab test to exist.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/25 10:29 PM
3

And do you know why sexual assault against men isn't taken seriously? Patriarchal attitudes and world views.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/25 04:41 PM
3

Social class matters whether we like it or not. It's refreshing that someone is honest about that instead of pushing the weird manosphere idea that it doesn't.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 05:40 PM
3

Yeah, we don't really disagree, I just framed things differently.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 12:57 AM
0

Introversion/extraverson isn't gendered. Any people try to school on this because social media has made introversion into this crippling social problem when it, by itself, isn't. Name the actual issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 12:01 AM
3

It's still a turn off for many. It's highly unlikely he won't have a child support award. And things are going to come up, even if the order is only every other weekend. A lot of people without children want someone as unencumbered as they are, and equally able to pour into a new relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 12:00 AM
2

Cool. I think I misunderstood your comment initially.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 10:52 PM
1

Hold up - when exactly was it socially acceptable to to be loud and critical of other people because "you" didn't find them attractive? The media, especially media directed at women has always been doing that, and instilling self-critism in women. What benefit does it give to anyone at all to support dudes just randomly walking into a room and being like "yo, you're fat and ugly!" And that's not acceptable for women either. Yes, there are bullies, especially when very young. And yes, men and wom…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 10:46 PM
0

Introversion isn't the same as being socially anxious or inept. Introversion is simply an energy style. Socializing and being out in the world takes energy rather than gives it, and we tend to like one on one interactions or smaller groups. That's all. Being antisocial, unwilling to leave a comfort zone, or anxious is a layer on top of that. I'm an introvert, and I enjoy going places, socializing, talking, all of it, if I have the energy - and I know lots of people, both genders, who are like th…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 10:16 PM
1

I've had four serious relationships in my life. Two with guys who were average looking at best, and two with very good looking guys. They all had/have issues, and they all had/have good things going for them as partners. None of our issues had to do with them being non-committal, dishonest, or overly egotistical. So I don't really believe this. It's a trope. But you know what else is a trope - the guy some woman thought she was setting for because he would be loyal and appreciative and then he t…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 09:48 PM
7

A dad without full custody is still a single dad. Those kids are still his, and he has obligations to them. Which is a turn off for many.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 09:36 PM
0

No.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 06:59 PM
1

People are used to sex being on autopilot - an easy spontaneous expression of desire. In general, in the wider culture, we don't commonly and openly discuss how to both keep sex fresh and alive, not just between two specific people but within an individual as well. What happens when things get familiar and reliable, what happens when we're exhausted, distracted, sick? It's huge and we tend to hand wave it away as something that will inevitably die, or you should just go through the motions about…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 06:20 PM
29

The thing about talking about preferences is how it comes across. Discussing people in a way that comes across as loud, rude, unnecessary or irrelevant makes the preference look bad. I don't know what happened in this convo, but in many other conversations it's this dynamic that causes people to be insulted and think poorly of the person stating their preference. Also, know your audience. I have preferences too - and no one except a matchmaker needs to concern themselves about them.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 06:08 PM
1

So what's your strategy then? Wait for her to approach? Don't send any messages at all? Does this work?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 10:09 PM
1

How so?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 09:29 PM
3

What I don't get is that guys are also admitting that their strategy isn't actually working, but they are sticking with it. That's completely illogical.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 05:09 PM
3

That's a basic foundational strategy!
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 04:53 PM
4

But you yourself say that your strategy isn't getting you any real results! The logical thing to do would be to rethink your strategy.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 04:52 PM
5

Yeah, that's meant to help people who can't think of what to say about themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 04:48 PM
9

We're trying to say this approach isn't leading to success.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 04:43 PM
11

OMG, the "just ask!". If I had the energy I would be all "tell me about yourself," and then tell them they should put all that in their bio.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 04:42 PM
34

In response to everyone who insist that women don't read bios either - I absolutely read bios. I mean, there's so little to go on as it is that I am absolutely reading them. Yes, I look at photos first, then the bio, the analyze the message if there is one. Sometimes I actually start with messages or comments. Other women are reading them and dissecting them in Facebook groups. I'm pretty sure the Burnt Haystack group has no bio (for guys) as an automatic "block to burn." The numbers game guys r…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 02:32 PM
9

Even if I intellectually understood it, I think it would be a vibes/emotional record scratch. If I was really into him, then he's probably stuck waiting for the next date!
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/25 02:02 AM
-1

The fact that women participate in this isn't being denied. Not by me or by Feminism. Women are part of the culture and get the same baggage installed unless they are exposed to other dynamics and ideas.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 09:48 PM
2

He doesn't need to! If he tells me the NSA stuff then that's all I need to know. I don't need to see into his mind or anything. I need to know what's on the table for me. I don't have to care about what's on the table for someone else.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 09:37 PM
–

The problem with the whole "standards" discussion is that everyone has a different context and is envisioning either themselves, or someone they know. And the basics we don't know is if we're talking about people in real life proximity to one another, on a dating app, very young, or more mature. Proximity is a game changer for all the superficial stuff, and online dating elevates the superficial because that's all there is to go on initially. Really young people have a lot to learn. If you are a…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 09:28 PM
–

But that's running up against the cultural reality that far fewer early 20 somethings are ready to get married at that point. And by the time you are ready, you could easily be meeting people you didn't know in your early 20's - so it's not like this new potential husband material person has just been waiting in the wings.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 09:13 PM
–

I frankly don't want anyone doing me any compromise "favors." If he's sitting around low key wishing I had bigger boobs, different hair, all of this - I would prefer he cut me loose so I can find someone enthusiastic about my boobs and hair. If someone is genuinely, actively attracted to someone, they might marvel a little at how attracted they are to them despite the fact that they aren't their usual type, but I doubt they would actually think that they compromised or settled.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 09:07 PM
0

They (Feminisim) will point to this exact model of society not taking the abuse men receive seriously, as how the Patriarchy also hurts and damages men. IMO this is a pillar of Feminism and really clear. Patriarchy is also the reason for the "women are wonderful" halo in general. It's why there's so much dismissal of the idea that a woman could even hurt a man. It's why there's so much social shame around some of our favorite topics, like women being loud and explicit about their physical standa…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 08:56 PM
1

"Feminism has made progress in proving that women can be strong, and that women should be proud of their strength. But there has been very little effort put into allowing men to be weak, so we tend to hide our pain to maintain an illusion of toughness." Feminism would also point to that same issue as a result of a Patriarchal culture, and part of what is "Toxic Masculinity" is about. And why Feminism says that the Patriarchy hurts men too.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 08:49 PM
1

Socially, culturally, men who are victims of abuse are dealt a terrible hand and receive no where near the support they need or deserve. However, abusers don't typically see themselves as abusers. And that's part of their whole complex, and why it's so awful to get sucked in by one. So that isn't gendered, and is part and parcel of the whole problem. Men don't like seeing themselves, or men in general as abusers. Hence what seems like a knee-jerk desire to diminish a woman's negative experience …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 08:44 PM
5

💯
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 08:00 PM
–

And if a woman figures that out, and has enough self worth, she should drop that guy who's just "in like." Long term relationships and partnerships take effort and love needs to be there. Everything will get stress tested and diminished over time. Don't start off with someone who is only "in like" with you. Keep looking.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 07:43 PM
–

Work on yourself to find the best, most sustainable version of you. Can you commit to a gym routine and a skin care routine regardless of if it directly lands you a date? Can you get a good haircut that works for your features? That's reasonable and leads to the best physical version of you. If you can't grow a good beard or don't look as good with one, then don't worry about beards being popular. If you are short, then look good in other ways - leg lengthening surgery sounds out of reach for mo…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 07:14 PM
–

And it's ok to complain a little as long as you are somewhat self-aware and keep moving forward in your life. I can grumble about the ice cream shop and know that I am making a choice too. And my friends might get annoyed, but they can either deal with me complaining a little, or tell me that enough is enough and they don't want to hear anymore.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 07:00 PM
–

Men here seem to think there's some virtue in loudly announcing what qualities you are attracted to or are not. And I think that's a major point of divergence. Most women who aren't just engaging in some private girl talk or making social media content don't see the need. When it comes to physical qualities, I know what I like, and I'm the only one who needs to know. If I am not attracted to a guy I will not make a move or accept one. Simple as. I don't need to march up to people, figuratively s…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 04:34 PM
–

No one should want to be settled for. Everyone wants a partner who is genuinely, actively, attracted to them and enjoys spending time with them. And that attraction is going to be made up of a combination of factors. That's what you should give, and that's what you should get. When I go to the ice cream shop and they are out of the flavor I want, then maybe there's another flavor I am also intrigued by, or I would have debated between that one and the one I had in mind. But if not, even if I kno…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 04:27 PM
0

And because we do that, we don't understand why men have to send messages to their matches, or announce in comments sections and other corners of the Internet, that some woman doesn't meet their standard. Like, hush! We know you don't like overweight women or single moms - but here they are just living their lives - you don't need to engage!
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 02:10 PM
3

That sounds amazing!
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 01:21 PM
5

Feminism is, at its core and foundation about civil, economic, and social rights for women, bodily autonomy, and creating a culture of sexual consent in opposition to sexual assault and harassment. How is incentivizing healthy sex lives being laid at the feet of Feminism? In America at least, we'd pickup at understanding consent, and then deal with our Puritanical legacy - and ask Gen Z what's going with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/25 02:54 PM
1

What is it called when someone sounds like they want advice, but they have some reason to reject any piece they hear? As if they really want their problem to be unsolvable?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/25 11:43 PM
–

I would say that she'd be better off trying to understand her own needs, and what it takes to makes a long term relationship fulfilling, and make sure she's vetting well. Because although developing sexually and maintaining your looks is important and ultimately fulfilling, some of that is simply out of your control. And if she's going to go to so much effort, it needs to be given to a deserving party and sustainable.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/25 09:48 PM
–

You know what would be amazing? If all these dudes in a panic about dead bedrooms would actually take a look at how they occur. It's rarely this moment when some woman goes "ugh, I just can't fake it anymore, and he's trapped!" But apparently the logical sex stops short at approaching a legitimate concern logically.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/25 09:44 PM
9

I'd be curious about his pleasure; it's refreshing when men actually explore pleasure and don't get into some weird ego battle about toys.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/25 09:06 PM
1

I think that's a bit much. Sometimes you have to get out there and try and fail. What's the difference between a self limiting belief and being practical? I think that can be a very thin line. Learning about failure is valuable in and of itself. Self introspection without experience, without that balance, is a limited way of understanding, and the learning can end up being more hypothetical than real.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 06:48 AM
1

No, those virtues listed are a combination of nature and nurture. If someone reaches adulthood without them, it will take some dramatic life events to push that person into self reflection and development. That has nothing to do with gender or dating. And there's a lot of ways to interpret the literature: https://datepsychology.com/is-the-dark-triad-really-attractive-a-review-of-the-literature/
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 06:38 AM
2

No proof of that last bit - nor any proof that that all these dateless dudes have any of these ideal virtues.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 05:41 AM
1

Life is supposed to teach us things. People should be learning and growing.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 05:36 AM
3

So if most men don't like most women - why should women treat them with consideration or respect? Let the lonliness epidemic sweep across the land and the birthrate plummet to hell if that's the case.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 05:34 AM
6

So you're prepared to settle. You aren't looking at an actual, individual woman who's not a 36DD, and feeling attracted to her and generally good in her company. You're settling. She'll do.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 05:27 AM
2

And this leads you to "real intimacy?"
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 05:25 AM
4

Then he's just determined to be unhappy, and is setting himself up with self-fulfilling prophecies.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 05:12 AM
2

No, honestly. I have a type. Creative, sensitive, smart. Masculine with a nurturing side, more of a cute, pretty boy physically.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 02:00 AM
3

I don't believe that's common. I've never observed it or done it. I've had hook ups who turned into boyfriends - I treat boyfriends way better.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 01:57 AM
2

What is the difference? And how did you witness this? Were you a fly on the wall of their rooms?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/25 01:55 AM
6

I think that's a pretty accurate suggestion. Men in general maybe, and definitely some sexually naive people. So it just gets weird when someone reads way too much into a woman who wants to unwind with some wine and a cheesy soft-core movie like 365 Days has discovered something deep, when she's just indulging in a junk food version of self-care. Or even more alarmingly, doesn't understand that some dark erotica that serves to push someone over that climactic edge is something that acted out in …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 06:05 PM
3

Anecdotally I see a lot more politically "mixed" marriages among Boomers, and fewer and fewer in younger generations. I think that goes hand in hand with more equal partnerships and less traditional gender roles. There's some consternation in the media over Gen Z having a gendered political divide and being less willing to bridge that divide, but at least one survey showed that the perception of that gap to be bigger than the reality of it
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 05:50 PM
8

This argument is human nature - do we embrace simplicity and high social control and cohesion - and drive corrupt and hypocritical behavior to the shadows, or do we accept more individual choice and multiple models - but deal with the fact that people often don't act in accordance with their ideals and our values? It's not even inherent to sexual behavior, but all behavior. It's a complex world filled with shades of grey trying to pretend it's simple and everything is clearly black and white jus…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 05:36 PM
5

It doesn't bother me, it just illustrates something troubling about the mentality of those here who constantly point at it. They don't understand sexuality or the difference between fantasy and reality. And kinky sex is complex, and ideally involves a lot of informed consent and communication.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 04:51 PM
9

A lot of "rape" fantasies are actually ravishment fantasies anyway - so pill poppers who think they're really on to something should understand the difference between the two. But that's ambitious, we're still trying to get the bulk of PPD to understand the difference between fantasy and reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 04:19 PM
6

No, some of us like the contrast in one person. Someone with just a little edge, adventure, and sex appeal with a sweet sensitive side.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 04:14 PM
0

So who isn't standing by their choice? Of course there are hypocrites in the world - that's just one of the uglier sides of human nature. And there are people who want the right to exist even if that's not a choice they would make for themselves. What's accountability have to do with it?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 04:09 PM
1

Unhappy for a day? A week? A month? Years? At some point you have to decide if you really want to live your life in an unhappy relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 04:00 PM
1

Exactly - it's preemptive anger. It's also just a statement leaves big questions about how much this person understands relationships, what tools they have, or are willing to get. How do they feel about couples therapy, communication workshops, understanding attachment styles? That kind of thing - or are they just about making big statements?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 03:52 PM
6

Because you're going to have a hard time hiding that in an actual relationship? Because it's cruel and unethical to try?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 03:35 PM
-1

And if we use the abortion example paired with your definition of accountability vs responsibility - then accountability sounds like a demand that a woman who finds herself facing an unwanted pregnancy is being told to sit there and accept bad outcomes because she "brought it on herself," instead of embracing solving the current problem, taking responsibility, and making the necessary, often difficult, actions to course correct. Why is one of those things preferable? Because I will take solving …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 03:26 PM
0

How old are people typically when they start recognizing platitudes for what they are? Because it's been so long for me that I can't even remember believing in them, lol!
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 03:04 PM
-2

Oh please - there's probably at least three posts from dudes every two weeks about criminals in this subreddit!
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 03:01 PM
1

Thanks for saying it! The obsession with criminal and socially marginal behavior here is wild! Like how big is the Venn overlap between the Pills, Reddit, and the trailer park?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/25 02:59 PM
-3

Yet another PPD dude who doesn't understand the difference between fantasy and reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/25 02:58 AM
2

Resentment is a real issue when you think about dating "down." Those messages about masculinity and gendered expectations don't just go away, and in some guys they metastisize.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/25 11:26 PM
2

You are basically talking about E Harmony; don't know what's going on with that these days, but I am guessing it skews older.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/25 11:19 PM
6

There's fat acceptance and body positivity, and then yes, the idea of body neutrality. The last two I actually think are important because most people aren't going to make huge, lasting changes but they are going to have a body and have to move through the world in it, and being made miserable isn't productive or helpful.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/25 05:07 AM
5

No one cares in any significant way about the health of some stranger on YouTube or a dating site. If Americans cared about public health, talking about Americans because I am one, this country would be very different.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/02/25 05:05 AM
1

Well, that's what I meant by interest - taking it beyond a quick bit of flirting. Otherwise it's just a little spice in my mind. Lust? Sure, I'm alive and awake. But it all depends on our relationship agreements. So no, I might be in love, but that doesn't mean I don't feel attraction to anyone else, but motivation to do anything about it is a different matter altogether.
/r/RedPillWomen14/02/25 12:00 AM
1

Maximal results for minimal effort needs to be actively stamped out as a relationship expectation or goal for either sex. That thinking leads to stale, bare minimum relationships that either party will start contemplating ending. AKA - being taken for granted.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/25 09:12 PM
2

Well, I already suggested 50/50, so not really my point. I'm more commenting on your idea that sounds like waiting to put in effort, and reserving certain types of dates for later - wait too long and the conclusion might be that those kinds of dates aren't something they can expect. So, as someone who does enjoy evenings out, I would start assuming that's not on the table in any meaningful way.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/25 08:42 PM
2

It's not even so much about him paying for me - at some point after the first few getting-to-know you dates there's going to have to be some dinner dates because that's what I like doing, even going 50/50. Withholding these "better" dates while you wait to see how it goes, which you seem to suggest in many comments, would make me wonder if we were actually compatible despite any attraction I might feel. Only relevant if we're actually talking about genuine dating though.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/25 08:15 PM
1

Attraction doesn't equal interest. I see and notice attractive men all the time. I enjoy a quick, breezy little flirtation with guys working in shops and cafes - but that's all it is. It's some eye candy and a little boost in my day. Any genuine interest in any of those guys is usually non-existent.
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/25 07:37 PM
1

Is he sad about a sad thing? Is he feeling normal heavy emotions? Then I genuinely do hope he opens up. Is it a constant loop of dysregulation? A constant mood over the same recurring issues? Then there's a problem because he needs tools and help, and the motivation to go out and get them. I can't do that for him, and now it doesn't feel like opening up and being vulnerable so much as dumping.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/25 12:09 AM
6

Is this debate about dating or boners? Because if it's just about boners then it's pointless. But the OP seems to actually be talking about dating
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/25 05:56 PM
1

I think plenty of men care. Men who can see themselves as part of a power couple care; men with certain kinds of ambition care, they may see themselves as needing a certain type of partner; and men who are truly part of a higher social class care, your partner has to fit in with your family and peers. Men also social climb. I'm close to someone who doesn't only like his girlfriend because she makes money and comes from money - but it's definitely a factor. He grew up poor, and he's never going b…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/25 05:51 PM
2

I know EvoBioPsycho is trendy, but concepts of masculinity and femininity, and those are "supposed" to be performed are highly cultural. A lot of those expectations change when you look at very different cultures.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/25 05:05 PM
3

Yeah, there's always a perfect plan that gets executed flawlessly.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/25 08:25 PM
1

Head. Desk. Fantasy is different than reality. Some people in this discussion reported they don't fantasize much at all - for them it's all about physical sensation. Some people fantasize about scenarios they would never want to act out, and some people fantasize about nameless, faceless people who are doing things to the fantasizer. None of this has to do with "are women attracted to men?" And no, I wouldn't say "a lot less.". It's just more complex. Things about an actual person sitting across…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/25 08:24 PM
1

I don't think that's true, that women aren't as aroused by men physically. But women's desire isn't as straightforward as men's. But that comment of mine about fantasy was literally about sexual fantasies. And there's a difference, which is an argument I have here with alarming frequency, between something that is arousing as a fantasy, and what it would be like in real life. Desire and attraction to a given man is an entirely different conversation.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/25 08:00 PM
1

No. Not exactly at all. I'm talking about fantasy here. Real life attraction to real people is...real. Women are attracted men. There are lots of examples of this. Minds are complex, though. I was having brunch with my boyfriend yesterday, and I found myself looking at him and marveling over just how attractive he is - but that has no bearing on how fantasies work for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/25 06:31 PM
10

The choose better narrative also works best with dramatic problems. But a lot of relationships don't work out over smaller, but still corrosive issues, that aren't about abuse but dissatisfaction and incompatibilities. And it completely ignores the fact that we all have baggage and vulnerabilities to face, and that internal struggle is a huge factor in staying in a relationship that isn't working.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/25 05:10 PM
–

It's not a stage, and they probably expect to give you the same support when you need it.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 10:23 PM
8

Actual alimony is rare - do you mean child support?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 09:37 PM
2

I don't actually disagree with your assessment of self-help. But from your Mom telling you to not to squirm, not to touch everything; to the girls at school enforcing social behavior; then to Cosmo giving you 10 new sex tips a month and the rest of media telling you who's hot and who's not; and then Iyanla Vanzant telling you how to fix your life - women are used to the idea that we need to change. Up until very recently most relationship advice was directed towards women, and often advized her …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/25 05:43 AM
1

The point being, your Mom and your Grandma are just not going to do this. They aren't comfortable enough with their children becoming sexual beings to have these conversations. And then there's the uncomfortable fact that whether it's natural qualities, an environment with better modeling, or a little bit of both - some guys have game and don't necessarily need this.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/25 04:53 AM
8

The person who is actually supposed to drop a little wisdom on you is the cool uncle, or your friend's older brother! Mom and Grandma just want you to know how to behave.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/25 03:20 AM
1

Most of us who tend to want to give advice, or "solve" other's problems, eventually learn that others don't always want that. And then we eventually learn to ask if someone wants advice or to just vent.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/25 12:08 AM
1

Dissatisfaction is dissatisfaction. As opposed to a conscious "they'll do for now" strategy.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/25 12:01 AM
1

I think Monkey Branching is a little different than playing the field or having a roster before committing. That being said, it does seem like you're saying men pick placeholders deliberately? I think a lot of people don't prepare to monkey branch until they are dissatisfied with their current relationship though, or meet someone that motivates them to leave that unsatisfying relationship. I see that a lot IRL in both genders.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/25 11:54 PM
1

I didn't get that at all out of her comment - what I got is that men and women "monkey branch" differently and for different reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/25 11:48 PM
6

No, after a while that app notification either feels like a chore reminder or actively gives a little anxiety.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/25 11:43 PM
2

Well, I guess if it's a ONS.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/25 10:36 PM
3

Improve over time yes, of course, no two people totally new to one another are going to have amazing sex. But here has to be potential. If he's just hoping his looks are going to do all the work, then he's going to get dropped. Neither lover should be pillow princesses. That's moving the goal posts a bit thou, because what you actually said was worry about being cute, not delivering orgasms.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/25 09:54 PM
3

But that ideal is internalized because we are all aware of the male gaze. Magazines, at least they used to be, were full of sex tips "10 ways to blow his mind.". Women are self help consumers because we are conditioned from childhood to be different, more, less, etc. The idea that we need to change something about ourselves is ingrained and the message of "girl, you don't need to change" is a reaction to that.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/25 09:50 PM
2

Well, as a woman, I strongly disagree. I connect quickly and easily if there's attraction and rapport, but I don't get attached quickly. So if I don't think you are good at sex, I'm gone. There's no point. So this all seems like a weird twist for someone who wants to be intensely lusted after. My boyfriend is conventionally good looking, very cute. But what turns me on the most is knowing what I'm getting behind closed doors. That's what led me, a fairly sexually forward woman to go from "he's c…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/25 09:38 PM
3

What do you base this on? Have you ever seen a "woman's" magazine? Listened to afternoon talk show hostesses and seen the demographics of their audience? Editing to add - diet culture is something all Western women are familiar with, whether we are embracing it or resisting it - and most of it is absolutely is about catering to the male gaze https://blog.marketresearch.com/self-improvement-market-recovers-from-the-pandemic-worth-13.4-billion-in-the-u.s
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/25 09:20 PM
3

Wait, did you just suggest that looks are more important than skill, as a lover? Because the sexually forward woman you are describing is one hundred percent going to be viewing this early sex as a test drive. If you don't show potentially with actual sexual compatibility, then the "intense lust" for you is going to drop way off!
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/25 08:59 PM
6

Our culture only recently has started to tell women not to change. There's a reason women are the biggest part of the self-help market. We are constantly being told to change. Told how we need to fit this or that ideal. Women are constantly expected to fix themselves, adapt, manage situations. This is just a little blip in reaction to all of that.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/25 07:52 PM
8

I think the wording of the OP is just florid and dramatic. Of course desire is important, and good sex is important. If there's physical attraction, chemistry, and no red flags - why shouldn't it be on? That doesn't mean she doesn't want you if she doesn't ravish you on sight! It also doesn't mean that she just really might be in the mood - and you are only part of that equation. Levels of passion and spontaneous desire change not only over time but day to day. This is just super melodramatic wi…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/25 06:28 PM
10

Listen, I am new to some of these Red Pill for women ideas, but what he wants is unsustainable in a long term relationship. Responsive desire is incredibly common for women, especially after a relationship is no longer new - and then add in real life stress, and this is where you are at. I don't know how you will balance house work and school. But the best thing I can recommend is keep planning the sex. Plan date nights at home and focus on what you need to feel good. Lingerie, candles, erotica,…
/r/RedPillWomen04/02/25 12:46 AM
–

As a woman I really don't understand this mindset of thinking the same women gives different treatment to different men based on hotness, and some visceral level of desire. For me, and most women I talk to it's 1. Is he attractive me? Y/N Do I want to touch him and be touched by him? 2. Are we sexually compatible? If not then the attraction starts to die. 3. Do I like being with him? Meaning actual dating and relationship. 4. How do I treat my partners in general? That's a thing. We are the cons…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 04:05 PM
1

Admittedly, I am struggling to imagine doing this if everything is genuinely good and love is there. I feel like there has to be some level of dissatisfaction, lack of feeling, some incompatibility. But it seems like a lot of commenters, yourself included, reference extremes like abuse and infidelity. So I land in the middle between you and the OP - dissatisfaction and incompatibility that hasn't improved with communication and effort aren't likely to get better, no need to be miserable because …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 03:42 PM
3

Exactly. I spend some time in women focused dating groups and it's strange to me how strongly so many women feel about not having so much as a hint of sex in the first few dates, sometimes even in the first several dates. I always felt like when I knew I knew, and it was never an issue - almost every one I had sex with early on became a relationship partner. Partly that's the benefit of dating people I already had some IRL proximity with. Edit - and no, I am not talking about crass messages righ…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 02:47 PM
7

I've noticed that the way I talk about exes and past relationships, both mine and his, has changed over time. I would recommend to women that they should talk about past relationships in terms of emotional dynamics and lessons learned, center yourself in your own experiences: for example - "I feel likethis builds closeness and makes me feel xyz" not "Bobby was always so abc." If and when you get around to talking about sex, again, keep it focused on you, what you have figured out you like, disli…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 02:27 PM
–

This advice is perfect.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 05:04 AM
0

But if it's struggle after struggle, and your main struggles are with one another, then there's no point in wasting your life being unhappy. After a certain point you just have to cal and feel grateful that you can do that without being a social pariah in a community that for some reason would rather you be unhappy than change.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/25 03:14 AM
–

A guy that's good looking, confident, capable, and charismatic is on his way to getting laid. He can still fumble it by showing that he's not kind or respectful. That's what we're trying to say. If it's a hook up then there's less time for him to fumble. If he goes on a couple of dates there's all sorts of opportunities to fumble, not create sparks, whatever. It's not a secret.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/25 03:54 AM
0

I think for either gender there's a fine line between wanting to be your most attractive and changing/improving yourself specifically, explicitly to attract someone. Like sure, I work out, watch what I eat, have a skin care routine, and get my hair done because I want to look as good as can. And I would do all of those things even if I didn't have a boyfriend or decided to drop out of dating for a while. But there's a line. Like, I'm not getting a boob job, no matter what. I don't want one. Gett…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/25 01:13 AM
3

Part of the popularity is because writing leaves room for your imagination. You have to go from the words to your mental and emotional image. Visual, especially, a video, doesn't give you that. You get the people in the video looking how they look, acting how they act, doing exactly what they are doing, how they are doing it. And a really good writer can take a kink that I don't even like and make me understand why the character likes it.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/25 12:57 AM
3

Ok, I could on about a lot here, but you made this a gendered thing in your post. If you had a male friend who confessed that he had gotten himself into a bind with sports betting or something, do you think he would inherently approach things in a more self reflective way due to some inherent gender difference, or could it easily look and feel similar?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/25 12:48 AM
4

Ok. So, what does her lack of accountability look like?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/25 12:04 AM
3

But ultimately, no one has a time machine. What now? What will actually work for the person you are concerned about?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 11:54 PM
3

A crime is a crime and has to be dealt with. Anything else is either constructive and ultimately supportive, or is an issue of setting your own boundaries around people you can't support in whatever context.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 11:39 PM
6

But your annoyance isn't productive. You can also state that you can't be a supportive listener in this context and tend to your own boundaries.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 11:37 PM
4

Most better choice people argue as if there's a time machine that the person in question are refusing to use. Whether it's a frat party, not having flawless vetting, having issues that block assertive action, or even abortion. Solving the current problem or listening never seems to be enough, people go for this 20/20 hindsight lecture that really isn't productive and can lead to actual bad results for actual victims of crime.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 11:33 PM
8

The whole goddamn point was that bears are just doing bear things, and you can predict their motivations and their actions to an extent. As opposed to encountering a strange man on the trail and everything you need to consider and think about as a woman hiking alone. But that point got washed away in tsunami of self-centered hurt feelings and weird overly literal deflections.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 11:29 PM
6

And that tells women to ignore red flags, ignore their intuition. There was just a post on here where someone commented that a man she was talking to about her dating strategy told her "she'd get what she had coming." Of course when other commentors pointed out the fact that a statement like that doesn't just roll off the tongue and is threatening and ominous, the dismissals continued. So socially there's this super common dynamic of undermining women and their concerns, followed up with a deman…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 11:25 PM
4

This desire to point out everything that the "victim" (I am using this term for convenience,) has potentially done "wrong" is more about the listener's sense of rightness. They want their "I told you so moment," they want to lecture and fix, not empower, not push for justice, not listen, not offer sympathy or empathy. But this doesn't right any wrongs, it doesn't help the "victim" make any progress or process the situation, or whatever they might actually need. It centers the listener and the li…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 11:19 PM
2

I know people who have dated within a big social circle, and just decided to handle any potential drama, and others who didn't act on an attraction because it could cause drama. So, it's not a guarantee.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 12:04 AM
1

Substantive reply!
/r/PurplePillDebate28/01/25 02:29 PM
1

Thank you! You were more willing to break this down than I was, but this sub has dudes tripping about people they don't know, don't run with, don't live around, and think somehow the fact that, like most people, they have relationships somehow means something to their dating life.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 09:02 PM
0

Tell me you can't have a substantive discussion without telling me.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 08:50 PM
0

Oh I will tell you straight up that I am a feminist! I didn't say anything about incels. This sub just has a weird idea about crime, criminals, and the people who date them.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 08:47 PM
–

Except that's a rosy view as well, when it's often true that those people aren't guaranteed to vet well, and don't see people terribly clearly, and let things like social status blind them. Or the fact that someone knows how to show up well groomed and polite.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 08:44 PM
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It's also the fact that everyone here likes extreme examples of abuse instead of the subtler bullshit that lots more people have to learn to identify and figure out. And that's stuff that often emerges over time while dating, after you've usually gotten attached.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 08:42 PM
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What makes them/you think she's on a dating app swiping left on you? It's just weird. Like, I see some profiles being shared on social media, but other than a curiosity, it doesn't seem even remotely relevant to anything.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 08:39 PM
–

Why are these women relevant to you? Or to any discussion here? Why are convicts relevant?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 08:34 PM
0

Do you know what a subculture is? Do you know how you can come up in proximity to crime and low key accept it? Are you ride or die? Can you just hold this for me, babe? I'll be right back for it? Are you not getting matches because women not in these subcultures are looking for guys who are?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 07:27 PM
3

"Make better choices!" "OMG, why do you think he meant it like that?"
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 03:44 PM
1

That would be a really weird linguistic choice. "You're going to get what's coming to you," doesn't roll off the tongue and it's deliberately both vague and menacing. This is all one incredibly common reaction to diminish what a person (usually a woman) experiences. "Oh he couldn't have meant it like that!" Why? Why couldn't he? What's "not so bad?" What happens if we say, "Wow, that sounds incredibly hostile and like he's coming from a place of ill will." Seriously, what does the diminishment p…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 02:50 PM
0

As a feminist, no. I really don't think feminists say or think this.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 01:26 PM
–

A lot of women have lived through economic downturns, or at least have family members who have, and have seen what can happen when you depend on one person who's whole industry can be turned upside down. Feminism at least gives her more options than running an unlicensed daycare or taking in mending like it's the old days, when it's going to take everyone to keep a roof over their heads.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 06:34 AM
5

That is a threatening statement. I see no way to argue that it isn't. Why do you not see it that way?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 04:51 AM
3

That's not how it goes. It's often more like, "I knew you weren't happy, and you get upset, but you've never done anything about it except talk. Now you're doing something and *that* is coming out of nowhere!"
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 02:00 AM
1

It's a lens through which to view the human experience, and it's our first clock and calendar. And it's only weirdly gendered like this discussion is in the West, among casual enthusiasts. Not among professionals, and not in the East. Culture is like a 300 lb elephant in the room in most of these pill discussions, because EvoPsychoBio is currently fashionable.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 01:42 AM
0

But in the days of male dominated and designed classrooms disruptive behavior would have just resulted in corporal punishement. Not more freedom to be rambunctious or disorderly.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 01:22 AM
0

Ok, so what are the barriers to doing better on all the first four points? The reluctance to view white men as disadvantaged has to do with the fact that for a much longer period of time there were systemic barriers that POC and women faced. Editing to add that I'm an American.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/25 12:42 AM
0

Wasn't actually meant as an insult! We all have an ideal.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/25 06:51 AM
1

No. It's that people don't just type every step out. You bring issues up - how do they respond? You listen to what they tell you about themselves and they show you about themselves. If the same issues keep reoccurring, if they won't work with you, or are closed off to working on building tools to deal with conflict then there's no point in expecting people to change who they are. Now you have to do the hard work of recognizing and accepting that, then making necessary change. Which people like t…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/25 06:19 PM
2

We lost the war in alternative media. And a bunch of people voted for actual harm, instead of imaginary harm.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/25 06:09 PM
1

So that's your type!
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/25 05:59 PM
2

It also affects men and women equally. I know plenty of guys who crave that rush of the shiny, new relationship and the romance of it all.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/25 04:14 PM
4

And that's exactly my point. If you're actually into the new relationship, then that dopamine is going to carry you through.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/25 04:09 PM
4

Most do, though. The "honeymoon phase" usually lasts at least a year, sometimes two. And during that you are building a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/25 03:42 PM
3

You are missing the sheer amount of dopamine that a new relationship provides.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/25 03:31 PM
3

I suggest trying to vet in messages or chat after matching. But again, don't go straight there!
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/25 02:24 PM
14

I get it. I suggest in messages - but not right away. I also think he's got the wrong idea about real passion, if we really mean passion and not just a high sex drive. Sex on the first date can be about passion, but it can be about other things as well. This is just going to end up being off-putting, for so many reasons. I belong to a couple of women's dating focused groups, and I can just see the comments now. I'm actually massively under reacting to this in comparison.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/25 06:19 AM
17

It's too entitled, having it on his profile, and almost like a "policy." There's so many other ways to convey that that is what you are all about. And a lot can be communicated in the lead up to the date. Even guys on Feeld don't necessarily go about it like this, and it's way more accepted/expected there for sex to be on the table at some point, if not pretty much the whole point of talking for some. And I just think it would lead to so few options on a vanilla dating site, that it would be cou…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/25 05:55 AM
–

Her videos are really well done and quite watchable - if you're dreading the length. She also takes on EvoPsychoBio - and even if you are prepared to disagree, she asks good questions and makes very solid points while being entertaining.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 10:20 PM
10

Woulda shoulda coulda - if you've never made a mistake or had something go wrong you can that first stone. When you can honestly tell the difference between a birth control strategy and an act of mitigation maybe there's a good faith discussion to be had.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 01:42 PM
6

I'm not totally sure what you are referring to, but let another possibility - casual doesn't necessarily equal ONS, or so horny and they need an itch scratched, or no vetting at all. It's more about wanting to date, wanting a connection, but leading with attraction and passion, and being willing to see how things go. And yes, valuing sexual chemistry.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/25 10:19 PM
8

I guess it's just the same tired response - women are not a monolith. Especially now that we aren't being pushed hard into following the script and path. I think the women I'm describing are outliers, but they certainly exist and probably use OLD and have fewer complaints than the women trying to date with intention online.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/25 09:26 PM
9

I mean, not all women date with "intention." For some of us it's casual until it's not. And for some of us that works, especially if we don't have big, definite life goals that we want no matter what. Women can go with the flow too.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/25 08:45 PM
-5

Oh my god! I am dating a water sign guy right now. He's amazing but he's so, so indirect. I feel blunt next to him, and I am usually not at all. I am constantly having to listen for little clues, and come at him indirectly.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/25 09:51 PM
2

I have never heard women use a looks scale. Talk about looks, yes. But not use a scale.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/25 02:17 PM
6

But it sounds like you are associating "peak sexual pleasure" with penis size. When there's so much more to it. Size is, pun intended, taking up way too much space in the conversations and in guys heads. Men are the real size queens.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 08:44 PM
7

It's the pseudoscience for me. And the dudes trying to crack some sort of code by creating an equation that uses an N count, some other number derived from a percentage of perceived enthusiasm, her Looksmatch TM number, and the number of intrusive thoughts per day you've had about her ex.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 08:16 PM
3

Holy hell. A. It's being appliedto women. B. This is part of the problem. This mentality has a bizarre idea about sex and what makes sex pleasurable between two people. Put down the spreadsheet and go to a Tantric workshop or something.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 08:10 PM
6

Sure. It's a mentality, and one that's very unrelatable to a lot of women. Just an observation.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 06:54 PM
6

And it's this mentality that so many women can't relate to and find off putting. The constant math. The weird looks scales, the mental ranking and percentage calculations that feel not only meaningless but disconnected to many of us.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 06:17 PM
6

Can you relate that to what I said about women's varying reasons for wearing "sexy" clothing when going out?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 06:02 PM
5

Yeah, maybe you are. But this complaint/argument has existed for a very long time, and the reasons for the disconnect remain the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 05:45 PM
3

Feminists don't claim that all women hold Feminist values. People who have been paying attention to American politics for more than a minute know that a big block of Republican voters are women. They are usually "profileable," like the "Security Moms" of the early 2000s.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 05:41 PM
4

Some people, usually Liberals, believe that citizens should have the same basic rights across their country. Why should someone born in Texas not have the same rights as someone in Colorado. Why should people have to leave their communities and families because they don't want to be disenfranchised? Why do we want to run a nation like that? And at the same time we're having this big discourse about community, and polarization, and hyper individualism - how does saying "just move" factor in?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 05:29 PM
3

And before the riots came police violence. And plenty of black people have been pointing out lingering systemic racism and injustice in this country.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 05:23 PM
4

The problem here is the lack of nuance. Some women feel like "looking good" looks one way and they want to look good when they go out. A lot of women do want people to look at them and think "damn," with absolutely no intention of entertaining any of them, and many just want to be at the same level of their girls when they go out. There's even more truth to dressing for yourself or friends if we're also talking about makeup or just fashion in general - not necessarily sexy clothing. And it ultim…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 05:18 PM
2

I'm not entirely sure. Currently American conservatives seem to want to roll back reproductive rights, attack voting rights, and have been historically hostile towards any attempts to legally end discrimination or increase equity. Conservativism by it's very nature values the status quo and seems to long for an idealized past, or at least sees changes towards more equality and equal opportunity to take something from them. Liberals aren't perfect or free from bias, and sometimes come up with fla…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 04:35 PM
4

Did the slightest suggestion that you aren't fully in control of everything distract you from everything else?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 04:24 PM
1

The most basic definition https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patriarchy You can like it, you can embrace it, or reject it. But you might as well understand it. It's a concept with a meaning.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 04:06 PM
1

In the US capital C conservativism embraces patriarchal attitudes.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 04:01 PM
6

What if at every turn you are blocked, no matter how hard you work? How far could you take all that talent and hard work if there weren't deliberate obstacles in your path? What if you care about your community as well as yourself and object to only a few exceptional (and lucky) individuals being able to participate in the full promise of society?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 03:59 PM
0

Those traditional norms come out of a patriarchal culture. People can like a patriarchy, and many do.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 03:49 PM
0

A broadbrush on my part. Women legally restricted from military service until 1948 in the US, and even then there were role restrictions until 2016. They are exempted from registration but I suppose they could if they desired. I don't know what would happen with that registration. But the patriarchal attitudes in the US are why women have had to push to be included in the military.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 03:31 PM
–

So many people insist that attraction can develop. I have never experienced that. There's always been at least a little draw, a little spark for me, a touch I can imagine leaning into. I truly don't get it. Maybe it works better when they are naturally in your proximity first. With OLD I have been on some perfectly fine dates with perfectly fine guys, had a nice time. But I couldn't imagine the second date or summon up anything from a casual touch.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 03:23 AM
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8/10 He wasn't the most bantery or flirtatious, I don't think our first conversation was terribly memorable but it flowed easily, and his energy felt good. He was very attractive and attentive, and we ended up kissing. That's my litmus test, it was amazing. We hit two years next month. Everything has just gotten better.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 03:18 AM
–

I used to think the Pear Ring was a good idea - but then everyone started pointing out how vulnerable you could be making yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 03:13 AM
2

By typing
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 03:01 AM
3

You've moved the goal post. If this is what you want to debate, then make your own post.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 02:57 AM
4

Sure. Understanding what reality is actually like, what the trade offs are between what you fantasize and daydream about, and who you actually are, mean that a daydream is just a day dream. Sexual fantasies are frequently even more divergent from reality. Gross, hostile gotchas about rape and feminists are a form of fantasy for some of you, I suppose. Which is disturbing, considering I have to explain that to a presumed adult.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 02:47 AM
6

It's a persistent set of beliefs and assumptions that don't just go away. It's why women both aren't allowed and don't have to sign up for selective service. It's why men are discouraged from expressing emotions and are pushed into a narrow definition of true masculinity - just to name a couple of big issues brought up around here.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 02:41 AM
4

You need to do some serious mental work if you honestly don't understand the difference between fantasy and reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 02:37 AM
5

The cultural idea would have been more along the lines of sex is a woman's duty to her husband so rape is impossible; paired with the lingering idea that she's his literal property.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 11:11 PM
5

First Wave Feminism took place in the late 19th Century through early 20th Century and focused on basic legal rights for women like property rights, access to education and employment, the right to initiate divorce, and of course the right to vote. The Second Wave starts in 1960's and goes through the '80's roughly and is focused more on actual equality in all walks of life, and ending discrimination. The Third Wave starts in the 90's and it's a little off to compare its ideals to entertainment …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 11:08 PM
2

Yeah, the bell curve, the social norm is there. I don't think anyone is seriously trying to say the norm doesn't exist. But it's a wild exaggeration to act like a woman in her early thirties is unattractive and infertile, and just done! And for any women who are trying to live their truth and find their way, but the hateful rhetoric getting to them, some of us stand as examples that it really can be ok. Our lives don't always follow the idealized script - sometimes they end up better.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 07:06 PM
10

I'm well on the other side of the wall. Looking good, having a great love life, as well as living my best life in general, and taking out White Walkers left and right!
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 03:49 PM
1

Very similar to myself. And my partner and I treat each other, and anyone else in our lives really well. If we didn't value one another we wouldn't bother with one another. There are all these happy, sex positive people in the world living their lives, having fulfilling relationships and encounters and completely capable of talking to one another about love, sex, and what they are looking for. This idea that you only deal out positive treatment (courting, I guess) to your partners if they pass s…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 01:09 AM
1

Yep, glad I found him!
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 07:14 PM
1

It does seem to be the trend. I am a little older, and was in a longer relationship that ended. So when I was in my 20s and dating a lot, nobody in my kind of alterna scene had a lot of money, so it would have been a lot to expect one person to pay for any and all dates.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 04:36 PM
1

Wow. I can see maybe on a first date. Although I never go on a date without being able to pay my share. I kind of go with the flow on that, and don't really have an issue unless the date was really modest. But once I am actually "dating" someone, that just seems too limiting and unrealistic. But I'm not very traditional and prefer more egalitarian relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 04:05 PM
1

There are two narratives. It's complex.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 05:46 AM
4

Ah, "out of love." I posit that it's often not about love. We don't always do something for someone else out of love, there's less wholesome reasons, or reasons that are entirely about us, not them. And since everything must be about them, then it can't ever be about her. And the cute stuff you mention, isn't necessarily on the same level. If he felt nagged about dressed up, that hits different. If one day you sat up wondered why you waste so many hours playing a game you don't even like, and yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 04:58 AM
7

But they also can't grasp the fact that women could do or not do things for reasons that have nothing to do with them. Maybe she didn't like who she was when she was organizing threesomes and allowing anal. Maybe she found herself and found her boundaries. Maybe she's just been there done that, and it wasn't all that. Maybe it caused other issues that she doesn't want deal with again. And what she does now is what she wants to do. But because somebody's buddy was all "Dude! Do you know what she …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 03:46 AM
2

Probably because I'm dating a man who actually enjoys going out.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/25 03:12 AM
2

I've been tempted to get a fish, but they seem so fragile and high maintenance. My cat can clearly communicate when I am not meeting his needs, lol!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 08:12 PM
0

I can vote, I can control my own fertility, and can have a public presence and life. I can earn and bank my own money, and I am not forced onto a narrow path. Feminism did all that. And if anything ever happens to your provider man or his industry, Feminism is what will help you step up and keep a roof over your family's heads. Real talk.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 06:00 PM
4

We can do a lot more, do bougie stuff, etc if we go roughly 50/50. It's a win/win.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 05:29 PM
9

This is such a point of departure! Like WTF! I pay my half, I ask if he has any interest in any given place or activity we go. I try plenty of his ideas. And I think this is normal. When I do insist on something I know is really my thing, it usually doesn't actually cost that much, or if it does I offer to pay. This is actually pretty rare. If most of our dates are things he's doing to "appease" me - then that MF'er needs to speak up!!! We have a problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 04:58 PM
-2

This!!!!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 04:01 PM
2

I'm not literally looking for a Chad, I actually am dating someone pretty great! It was more of a funny but true point I could make because so many people wanted to talk about kink but clearly don't know anything about "KINK."
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 03:49 PM
1

I clearly do - that sounds so weird to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 03:26 PM
1

I think for most women the framing of their actions and motivations that happens in these discussions is just so strange and foreign, and bears absolutely no resemblance to our own experiences, and those we know well - that it just sounds malicious and made up almost. It's full of thought processes of men that are completely unrelatable, and feel like bizarre projections that are being applied to women. At best it sounds like a description of the most immature people possible who are living thei…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 03:24 PM
1

You've clearly never been to a kink community event! I'm still looking extremely hot, muscular too men there, lol!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 03:11 PM
3

Oh, he can fumble it for sure. Just because I can decide if I'm attracted pretty quickly doesn't mean I'm in the bag! But that's a process that kind of goes quickly from "maybe" to "oh yeah" and then starts steadily moving somewhere or it's "never mind."
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 03:09 AM
1

Mostly we're here talking about sexual behavior, and all the wild things guys insist their girlfriends were doing with their exes.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 02:56 AM
3

I'm sure there's some Greek tragedy with a similar theme.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 02:21 AM
2

That makes a lot of sense to me. And I have probably come across like the women in your last example because I am trying to talk about me, and an experience that I have had - not go on and on about some ex.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 02:20 AM
4

Honestly? That's wild. And I don't understand that. Like, Hinge has matched me with people I didn't find compelling and I just didn't reach out.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 02:00 AM
4

I'm not a slow burn girly, for better or worse. But meeting online is way different from knowing someone from some IRL context and then going out with them. Online is much harder. Some people are good at chatting and some really aren't. And you have nothing to go on but a profile and some photos. Most people's photos are kind of mid and so are their profiles. It's not an attack, it's just the way it is. It's very lifeless, so it takes more to stand out, it takes more to make me feel curious. IRL…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 01:51 AM
8

Oh that's rich. And telling. She opens up and gets vulnerable, shares that she's had some bad experiences and your reaction is "why didn't I get to give you that bad experience? Why did you find boundaries in time to date me?"
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 12:59 AM
6

This is the exact picture that gets painted! And the rest of us are like HUH?!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 12:57 AM
2

Maybe the RJ sub needs to function as a match-making service for their members.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 12:43 AM
2

Life teaches a lot of us that the wrong person is so much worse than no person.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 12:26 AM
1

RJ?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 12:25 AM
5

That's pure bad faith. Because if you can't handle the fact that someone has some exes, then you better nail someone down while you're both still in high school.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 12:21 AM
3

This is exactly what I think - but I don't know why it's hard to say hey, why don't you want to try that with me? And it only makes sense if you found out that from her ex or a "buddy." Otherwise I imagine you'd just find out something dull and disappointing like she was an insecure people pleaser and thought she had to, or that was before she was diagnosed and on meds.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 12:12 AM
2

Because a lot of us do treat our next partner better, at least in our eyes, as well as ourselves because we learn and grow.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/25 12:02 AM
5

Yeah, it seems so weirdly messy to have the kind of details they allude to.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 11:04 PM
3

Not an answer
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 08:29 PM
4

Bad behavior hurts everyone in a relationship. If we don't have a foundation of trust and honesty, if you can know who I am and still suspect something like that then 1. Why on earth did we agree to get married and have kids? And 2. Why not double down on the negative possibilities. No trust at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 07:33 PM
5

What? It's about trust, our relationship, who we are individually and together, and the environment we're trying to create for said kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 06:51 PM
0

The hobby advice is really just short hand for developing yourself so that you have something else of genuine interest in your life that could give you a little fulfillment, and so that you go out and have a reason to socialize. So you have a hobby but now you have to go meet people doing the hobby and learn to talk to people and develop some connections in your life. If you have a social group already, or you are extroverted enough to just straight up join a singles group - then you don't neces…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 06:34 PM
2

Totally, it's both a means to enrich your life and socialize. But if the average guy is actually interested in the hobby, then he needs to get past the shitty pots phase. Resist the urge to not let yourself be beginner - it's hard, and I low key want to quit my new hobby because it's a totally new skill and I suck right now.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 06:24 PM
7

Maybe her strong spine is what allows her to walk away from this insecure b.s.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 05:39 PM
3

Nah, you could go wrong in between. Once a year. Trust but verify, baby!
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 05:21 PM
8

That seed of doubt was created by something deeply rooted. First it's this, then it'll be something else. Get to the root. And she's also now thinking that you might just be looking for an out.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 05:19 PM
2

Is b.s., and you know it hence the winky face.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 05:14 PM
2

That's just just a talking point for your IT department so they don't have to deal with negative attitudes while they try to do their jobs. We all know damn well our employers don't trust us. "I trust you baby, now hand me your phone - I'm going to be a while."
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 05:12 PM
5

Substance abuse issues are a leading cause of divorce, and can often be hidden for a period of time. If I agree to your paternity test demand, which you want even though you totally, 💯 believe will come back in your favor, then you'll be cool with the pop piss tests I'll be subjecting you to - right?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 04:38 PM
1

100% This is what's really going down. This whole convo is just strange.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 03:18 AM
2

What about ordinary, sexually active women who are casually dating for a while? Can we talk about them or are only the extremes interesting? Who are you more likely to meet?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 01:46 AM
2

I agree with everyone who points out it's not the literal spaces, the "no third places" argument, it's the fact that people just don't socialize outside of people they don't already know. The overall tolerance and ability for people to just strike a conversation with a stranger, make some small talk in the public square is so low. A while back there was this thing called the Pear Ring, that was supposed to signal that you'd be open being approached by a stranger in public, and at least one reaso…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/01/25 12:07 AM
2

That makes no sense. Independent doesn't mean that she doesn't need or want anyone, it means she has flexibility and doesn't feel stuck, and she can do some things on her own. If my boyfriend doesn't have much money, then it affects things like being able to move in together and having that be a win/win, it affects the types of dates we can go on, and the types of trips we can take. Sure, beyond a certain level, maybe it matters less - but I am thinking about middle class people. Not the very we…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 05:09 PM
1

A lot of women want independence and equity in their lives. To just totally depend on someone is to put yourself in a very vulnerable position. Lots of women have their own ambitions, and even more people want more. Two relatively high earners can save a lot and still have a really nice lifestyle.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 03:04 PM
1

That doesn't necessarily mean she wants to quit and depend solely on him though, people really do have ambitious lifestyle goals.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 02:48 PM
4

The not "het up" is provocative, but really a lot of us are just nonplussed because it's not a reality we expect or see around us. Most of us want someone who can carry their end and create a situation that increases our lifestyle and stability as a COUPLE! I don't know any couples where one half just sits around doing whatever while the other providers all the financial support. So it just doesn't seem like real life. I'm too old to buy into the "soft life" as a goal. That seems unrealistic and…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 02:45 PM
2

Ah, okay. We agree. At first I thought you were trying to say that if the ex/Camaro reappeared I (and every other woman) would want them again - despite being in a happy, newer relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 02:08 PM
1

What's that? I was actually off on a date!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 01:28 PM
3

No. I didn't forget who they were, the problems we had, and why it ended. Most people move on, most people have new feelings for new people.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 01:27 PM
0

Nah, the Camaro was scrapped for parts ages ago and as I said, I take very care of my Prius.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 01:22 PM
2

Responsive desire means that if you plan sex, plan a date night, approach it with deliberateness and intention, then you have something to respond to - rather than depending on spontaneity - that's maintenance sex. Making sure sex happens and not depending on spontaneous desire to make it happen.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 12:42 AM
1

I strongly disagree. How many long relationships have you been in? Like over two years?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/25 11:23 PM
6

One of the problems with this whole discussion is I don't know anyone, any women, who aren't really immature, who divide guys into "bad boys" and "safe options." Even women with high libidos. Even women who are deliberately dating casually. And when those women stop dating casually, they want to find an attractive partner that they can have a fulfilling sex life with - but also have shared goals and values. Because they're normal! Eventually we all realize we need to pay attention to the red fla…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/25 09:50 PM
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