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JustOkIsOk Archive

View 2 posts and 59 comments by JustOkIsOk on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
27

JustOkIsOk/r/Divorce_Men16/05/20 03:58 AM
16

JustOkIsOk/r/Divorce_Men26/04/21 05:15 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Sorry, I'm just seeing your reply now. Sounds like you had a quasi strict agreement with a few potential loopholes in it and you just closed those loopholes. Our agreement was and still is a very loose agreement, thinking good faith would be the bottom line. doesn't appear to always be the case.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/21 09:56 PM
1

Oh no! I would never do that. Just feel like that at times. The couple of functions I did have for the kids at the house where her family came included her as well. It wasn't even a thought. In fact, we got a pool 10 years ago specifically for the kids. I'm not a big swimmer and have used it twice a summer if that. After she moved out I told her that she was welcomed to swim in the pool. I'm mad at myself mostly, but get upset when she says "I picked up the bill for the therapist this time, can …
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 07:07 PM
1

The language that states that we agreed to split costs! I'm yelling at myself, not you. We both have started compiling a list of costs or expenses that we assume, such as haircuts (I really miss Great Clips), therapy sessions, vet visits for the dog, etc. So, to answer your question, Split Costs and/or Expenses. Hoping, by documenting the unknown costs, it will paint a picture for her that is closer to reality of our lives. The problem is remembering to document those costs.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 04:26 PM
2

No. In my case, the court or judge just agreed to what we had in the agreement, which is why my lack of desire to obtain my own counsel left me exposed and in the position I'm in. As another person stated, in her mind it's fair that we split the cost. What my ex is missing is I have the house. Yes, I agreed to buy the house. However, we both agreed it would be in the best interest for our kids for me to buy the house. Also, it shortened the finalization of the divorce. Had we put the house on th…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 04:20 PM
1

Yes, we were trying to keep the costs down. Stupid on my part. I don't want her to come off as this insidious person that schemed this in advance. I wanted to hand over x number of dollars out of emotion and guilt, and they told me wait a second, how about 1/2x, or we could try 1/4x, and as a matter of fact we're not obligated so let's just wait...stuff like that. YES!!! That's why I wished I would have had a lawyer. She wanted to move on with her life. She was, at one point, accusing me of drag…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/21 04:33 PM
1

How it happened? It happened because I'm a schmuck! I just didn't anticipate some additional expenses coming AFTER the divorce. I didn't anticipate the kids spending a majority of the time at my place. It's their home and it's the reason I agreed to buy her out. However, there is a difference between 2 1/2 weeks of 15 min showers, groceries, video games, etc and 3 1/2 weeks. I guess I decided to be cut some slack for paying the higher bills at the house as opposed to the condo where she lives. T…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/21 04:26 PM
1

At least you had child support baked in. We just decided to share costs. She lives a few miles away and in our dream scenario, the kids float back and forth, spending time and both places. She has a 2 bedroom place, which is great, but 2 teens don't want to share a room. They are at my place a majority of the month, which also drives up costs. Hate nickel and diming my kids, but the 15 minute showers kill me! To her credit, she does pick up a somewhat variable tab for one thing, but based on wha…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/21 04:16 PM
1

It's a sticky and layered situation. I'm still close with her family. How strange is it where I want to have a small birthday gathering for my son, and want to invite her family, but not her?
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/21 04:07 PM
4

No! We agreed to split costs such as the kid's cell phones and insurance. Now, here comes a deductible for a medical expense since the kids are on her insurance and I am paying her monthly. Look out! A cost for school clothes just happened (yes, the kids are remote until next fall). She is discounting the fact that we agreed that I would buy her out for 2 reasons - 1) The kids can remain in the house a little while longer and enjoy the only home they've ever known. 2) Putting the house on the ma…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/21 06:33 PM
3

I'm glad you dug in your heels. I completely agree. When things are spelled out, t's crossed and I's dotted. Wishing I had dug in my heels. Seems like I'm just digging my financial grave.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/21 05:41 PM
2

Thank you. Best of luck to you as well and stay safe. Onto figuring out dating in my 50s, lol
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/20 06:29 PM
1

It's a journey, but you will get together. I was where you are now in August of 2019. Hopefully you and your ex can be amicable. Made the process easier and cheaper. Only one lawyer involved. A lot of emotions. Hope you are in a better place as well someday soon. I mean, the whole process of divorce sucks. Never thought I would get divorced, but, eh. It happened. Good luck to you as well and stay safe.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/20 06:19 PM
1

Just saying thanks to everyone who offered helpful feedback over the years. nothing more, nothing less.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/20 06:15 PM
1

I hear ya. This is difficult time for a lot of people. I am mostly content doing work, cleaning house, but I do have a desire to meet up with the couple friends I do have, go to the store, sans the mask and gloves or sit in a coffee shop. I actually met a girl on an app, but we are stuck because we can't meet. There is no logical 'next step' or gradual incline to take. I am, genuinely, worried we won't have much more to talk about. I was addicted to the apps for a while and finally deleted them.…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/20 05:41 PM
1

Try the dating apps again, but don't invest too much into them. Don't hang your dreams of happiness solely on the dating apps. It's a crap shoot to say the least. A match can depend on a lot of things. Message me back if you want and I can give you my whole thought of everything. Distance plays a part. Profile pics and profile play a role as well. Fake the confidence for now. You have nothing to lose at this point. And don't put yourself as a 4/10. See yourself as a 8/10 for the right woman. Thi…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/20 03:01 PM
3

Probably thought of this already, but is there anyone else you could stay with at either location? Friends? Cousins?
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/20 07:18 PM
1

Yep. My finish line was April 6. Now, who knows. So close. My friends were going to take me out. I had a divorce cake picked out. Now, possibly no court case. And we might not even be able to actually go out anywhere because the place my be closed. That being said, we just need an empty courtroom. Hopefully, they can just let us and the lawyers inside. I'll bath in hand sanitizer and where a hazmat suit. I just want this to be over.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/20 12:17 PM
5

That is sooooo wrong, it's not even funny. I take it you guys never agreed to anything previously, regarding the amount of time passes before introducing someone to the kids? There should be website links you can send her about doing this like the following: https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/5-rules-for-introducing-new-partner-to-kids My ex and I agreed that we have to be in a serious relationship of 8 months or more. Not just dating, but discussing long term plans, like moving in with each other …
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/20 05:29 PM
1

Any chance she has postpartum? Diagnosed for anything else? Otherwise, it sounds like it is over for the two of you. Right now you are sitting in a dingy hotel room, away from your kids. You are worried that if you divorce your kids will be in a broken home. I get that you may be homeless, but can you afford a small apartment for now? Just to put a roof over your head and the heads of your kids when they are with you. Not sure which state you are in, but how does it work where she makes double, …
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 05:00 PM
1

THIS! She should have told me instead of agreeing for me to try for 8 months to make us better as a couple. I tried my butt off. It was over once she decided to get on Bumble and making plans to hang out with guys, platonically. Of course, there were things before that I could have done, such as spend more time with her, not work as often, no do a majority of the chores, not do a majority of the cooking, etc. Darndest thing - if I didn't do that stuff then who would have? Never married would mea…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 03:02 PM
4

wow, outside of the age and the behavior of your STBXH you sound like my STBXW. Just keep doing what you are doing. it's obvious he wants to make you think he has moved on. He wants you to think he has something going on with another woman. Possibly trying to entice you to reconcile. Like a kid don't give in to him demanding attention. Just do as you have been doing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/20 05:39 PM
5

Really happy to know you have moved on and you are enjoying a better life. Hope it happens to me and everyone else who did and continue to do the right thing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/20 11:37 AM
1

doing fine for a Friday and about to leave work soon.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 08:29 PM
1

hi
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 06:28 PM
3

Do you have kids? If you do it would make sense for her to keep your name. Also, less of a pain for her to have to fill out a ton of forms to switch everything back to her maiden name.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 12:40 PM
1

Sorry to sound so shallow for anyone reading this, and not to go on a tangent, but no oral for you during marriage? Ugh. I've been dating someone for 2 months and I am in that situation. I guess I am shallow because I can't see going the rest of my life without that. I've performed that act on her a few times. Anyway, for her, it may have to do with everything being new and possibilities. For instance, maybe she is thinking he will be the one to take her dancing like she always wanted. The possi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 04:22 PM
3

True. And honestly, I don't see it lasting that long either. Like I mentioned before, my ex jumped into something the night we decided to separate (she made it official I guess, but they were platonically hanging out). That relationship crashed and burned after the 2 of them being hot and heavy for 5 weeks. Actually hurt to see her more torn up from their relationship ending than her after our marriage ended. What is the guy's status? Was he married? Maybe he doesn't want the committed relations…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/20 06:50 PM
2

That's just wrong. Try to establish something now so it applies in the future. Can't do anything about what happened. But you can prevent her from introducing the next guy she thinks is Mr. Right too soon.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/20 05:21 PM
3

I hope she doesn't keep introducing guys. I went through this growing up where I met 4 of my mom's boyfriends. As long as your ex keeps your kids in her life and makes time for them it shouldn't be bad mentally or emotionally. Did you guys establish a time period on how long you each should wait before introducing a special someone to the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/20 05:10 PM
1

wow! I don't have any custody issues so far, but have a lot of respect for you guys going through the battle. Best of luck to all you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/20 04:53 PM
2

Going through this right now. My STBXW wants to leave badly. She says it is MY house (since I did a majority of everything in and outside of the house, though the decorating was her idea). Get a budget. call for your best refi options. Plan your monthly bills and try to get them reduced if possible (homeowners, cable TV, etc). See if you can defer some of the payment to her after the sale of the house. That is what my ex and I have worked out. Nothing is signed yet, but I have things worked out …
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/20 07:11 PM
3

2 pieces. First, Be prepared, regardless of how amicable the separation is at the time. It might get bloody, especially when it comes to dollars and cents. Second, if you want to meet someone try, but there will be more opportunities once you are "divorced". Others have had success, but I am currently a dating pariah as being separated. My soon-to-be ex wife, on the other hand, has not encountered many issues.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/20 05:57 PM
1

My kids are teens about my ex and I want them to have some stability before, so that will happen by me buying her out and living off of Cup of Noodles and Ballpark Franks (Oscar Meyer will be out of my bracket) for the next 3 years. I hope she buys you out as well. New beginning for you at that point. I'm sure over time your paycheck will grow and allow you to cover those unexpected things. if Xbox can entertain you then more power to you, lol. I still have scars from my Sega addiction from the …
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/20 05:09 PM
1

I am EXACTLY where you are. I am going back and forth as to whether I can afford to buy out my STBXW from her part of the house and not have to work an additional job. I also added in things such tax prep fees, vehicle maintenance (hope you never need it, but you never know), etc. Lawyer fees? Looks like you will have $100 per month to play with. do you go out? Any hobbies? I also added in a few dollars a month for "social" - getting a beer with the guys, ball game, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/20 05:40 PM
1

Got it. Sounds the same way my spouse and I are/were - we look and act like a normal couple, but, now, we both want to go on with our lives. After my ex explaining how she felt, what she wanted from life, etc I was, eventually, okay. Yes, I was kicked in the stomach at first, but I see her sides of things. And we have the same goal of putting the kids first. You have one still at home. I said all of that to say when you do tell her I hope, eventually (like myself) she will see things from your p…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/20 05:10 PM
2

Our money is still pooled together. Things will change once I obtain a loan/mortgage to buy her out, but for now nothing has changed as of yet. We are civil with one another (even get a drink every now and again). We both pay for bills they way we have previously. I have my budget ready for when the divorce goes through and I start paying the bills myself. Shared costs will be the kids and any expenses paid when prepping the house for sale in a couple of years (she will get the rest of the buyou…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/20 04:21 PM
1

Mine started out the same way as yours. We have 2 kids. I would keep the house and she would keep the apartment. Still take trips together. Neither one of us would get into a serious relationship and just focus on the kids. We would try to get a mediator or low cost divorce with shared custody, yada, yada, yada. Well, we are still in the same place, but she is bearing more teeth as we progress. she has a lawyer, but only because the online divorce would not work for us and you can't have a lawye…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/19 07:50 PM
1

My guy, I lost 3 women, mentioning my ex. Only the last one was kind enough to offer constructive criticism and advice. You are mentioning your ex matter of factly, but your date or person you are interested in sees it as you not emotionally ready to move on. Call it what you want, God, the universe, whatever, that time not having a woman in my life (though I thought I was ready at the time because my ex was already involved) really helped me put things into perspective. Things happen for a reas…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/19 07:36 PM
4

Thank you. Going through the divorce/uncoupling process right now. Hoping I can pass some wisdom on to this sub when my divorce has been finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/19 09:11 PM
2

It appeared to have been working. You can see my post history, but a Cliff Notes summary is she was on a dating app so find friends to hang out with because I didn't want to hang out in clubs. I capitulated and started going to clubs at times, but not as much as she desired. I made weekend plans for us out the wazoo, but she would still hang out with some guy, from time to time. Platonically, according to her. She did tell me her needs and I thought I was finally meeting her needs. Things were p…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/19 12:53 PM
3

You have an uphill battle after the no connection comment, my friend. So you have been married 10 years and she expects you to transform yourself to the point to where you can resurrect the guy she hoped you would be one day? I really hope you can form a connection. I went through the same thing as my ex said to me she felt we no longer had a connection. Wine tastings, shows, nights out dancing, texting her, sending flowers and strawberries to her work, etc. It was all good (or so I thought) unt…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/19 08:44 PM
0

If she is around for you she will be there for you. Basically, if it was meant to be then it was meant to be. You did the right thing by wanting to date other people. I'm in a similar position where I took time to work on myself and met someone. Is she it? I'm not sure at this point, but I would like to date someone else. For you, just look forward to the date next week. If you feel she is the one then don't let her get away. Don't get down on bended knee, but tell her how you feel. Let her know…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/19 01:55 PM
1

Stop kicking yourself for hoping for something. You didn't know. You do now. Now you can formulate a plan and move on. No more sitting around wondering. I have done. Many others before you have held out hope to save their relationships and many after you will have held out hope as well.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 07:27 PM
2

I have your mentality at this point. I have not dwelled on my decision to move forward. I'm no longer waiting around for her to change her mind. That ship has sailed. Bon Voyage. I would hate to ruin the universe's plans for us to reconcile, but that ain't happening. I can be kind of heartless when it comes to past relationships, but when they are done then they are done. The relationship ended for a reason. I tried to save our marriage (since I was the problem child, apparently) before, but a f…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 01:05 PM
1

yeah, not a problem. It is a process and it sounds like you guys are doing a good job with the process. My ex and I are working on housing and who will live where and in what. I'm glad you have the settlement framework in writing. And I like the advisor idea. Wondering what the price tag is for that. I want to make sure we hit every point. My ex started dating a guy and has been for a while. I took some time, got on some dating apps, but had no luck. It was God's or the Universe's way (not sure …
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/19 03:00 PM
1

not a problem. It helped me to read other's perspectives, 5 months later. Still a work-in-progress.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/19 01:30 PM
2

We are in the same house for the time being. We live separate lives within the same house, but talk like friends would. We talk about the guy she was seeing. We talk about our work days. We talk about the holidays. We talk about our next moves, regarding what to do with the house, splitting finances, furniture, etc. Some of the conversation, and the reason we must remain civil with each other, is to discuss a medical issue with one of our kids. I will NEVER forget the first night we split. Came …
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/19 01:01 PM
1

She will keep hers and I will keep my stuff. My investments have been okay, but I'm a low ball investor at this point. Just doing it through E-Trade and it only yields a little. She makes 10K more than me now. We know we both have to take care of the kids, as well as ourselves and have started an ever growing spreadsheet of finances. Time not with my kids will allow me to jump start my career and hopefully bump up my salary. We are both aware of things in the future, like kid's college, assistan…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/19 12:47 PM
1

Amen to that. I am 10 years older than you, but you sound more mature than I was at 40. I would have played the blame game, but I don't see the point now. We just didn't have enough in the tank to take us the distance. I have friends in my ear tell me to keep my head on a swivel in case she tries to do something insidious, but so far we have been in communication with each other. I am keeping notes, but just for my own sake. We don't want this to be a costly process. She makes 10K more than me, …
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/19 12:40 PM
3

My STBXW and I ended our marriage with no big problems. No cheating (none that I am aware of) occurred. She changed, not necessarily for the bad, and we just were not compatible. I tried to change for her and with her to accommodate her new lifestyle. Eventually, she wanted to pull the plug and move on with life and I didn't fight her. There is someone out there that is a better fit for me and a better fit for her. No animosity other than our kids being impacted and having to split and undo ever…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/19 05:26 PM
4

I am in a similar situation where my ex wants to leave and wants me to keep the house for the kid's sake. She makes 10K more than me. I am doing my budget now. I would prefer to get a condo nearby so the kids can be near their friends. We have a 1,700 2 story house that I (for the most part) take care of. However, my ex did point out I should see the rent/lease/mortgage of places nearby and compare it to a refinance or home equity loan to buy her out and keep the house. My Dad did this for my si…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/19 06:04 PM
10

Adorable kid. I'm sorry for this. You're a good parent, doing what you can to be there for your child. Prayers and belief that things will get better. Belief that your little guy will grow up with the support of 2 loving parents.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/19 10:39 AM
1

Moral of the story.. They're an ex for a reason Yep. Took me a while to realize that, but you are so correct!
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/19 12:56 PM
2

This. My ex is great with our kids and does chores here and there, but she is usually too tired from work. So I carry the ball, cutting the lawn, weeding, cleaning bathrooms, some laundry, cooking, etc. And because I was unable to create "us" time through the years on a consistent basis she wanted more. I still do love her, but it was uncommon for her to come in the house, say hello, sit on the couch and go on what ever app she goes on to lose herself for an hour until dinner was ready. She did …
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/19 05:38 PM
6

#1 could not be more true. You might even be at a point of no return. She/He might agree to counseling, but that is only to confirm their feelings of wanting to end the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/19 08:30 PM
1

I want to join. More people surrounding me with the possibility of offering advice the better. I can get into some kind of "oh no, she is going to screw me over" whirlwind if I read too much on here, but that is all on me. She and I are civil (so far). Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/19 05:01 PM
2

Same as you. I moved down to where her and her family live. We got married, bought a house, started a life and had kids. 20 years together. My trips and hour away to see my friends were less and less over time to where I only see them the night before Thanksgiving and a couple of special events (reunions, etc). Reddit has been great for feedback and strangers helping you get through it. I will starting seeing a therapist, but brother_meowzone is correct - my therapist won't help me mourn the los…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/19 04:00 PM
1

I need something like this as Reddit has been wonderful for me during this turbulent time, having a couple of friends that will let you crash on their couch or hit some golf balls, but don't want to hear about your problems. My best friend was my ex, and though we are civil towards each other I can't bring myself to telling her about how I thought it was an incredible turn around going from "I don't think this is working for me" to "I'll be be on Sunday morning" a week later. We are separated, b…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/19 03:49 PM
1

Only for divorce or Separated with no chance of reconciling as well?
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/19 03:23 PM
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