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KendhammerJ Archive

View 2 posts and 37 comments by KendhammerJ on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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11

This is the exact reason why men don't want to get married anymore
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 02:44 AM
12

Once a woman decides its over there is nothing you can do. Begging her to stay is going to make her even less attracted to you. Only thing you can do is focus on how you can improve yourself and figure out what kind of life you want to live going forward. I know it's tough brotha, but there isn't much else that can be done
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 02:44 AM
3

Yeah I had that feeling, but assumed it was normal and that it would work out. We made it 12 years, but we never seemed very happy with any of it. Listen to your gut. Divorce is not easy to navigate
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 12:58 AM
1

I got divorced at 34 and had all these same concerns brotha. I am now 42 and dating girls in their mid 20's early 30's. You can definitely change your life around and attract women that are a much better fit for your life. Focus on becoming a more valuable version of yourself and don't let yourself settle for someone who is not good for you. I made a few videos on my YouTube that could be helpful for you. I know things feel hopeless right now brotha, but trust me you can make this the best thing…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 04:42 PM
6

Sounds very similar to my situation. Was married 12 years and she came home and told me she was with her co-worker. I was devastated and took me a while to recover. That was 8 years ago now though and it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. We were very amicable and it was pretty easy to sperate everything. She kept the dogs and I moved out of my small town to start a new life. One of the most useful things I did was figure out - Where I am right now (How I'm feeling , the k…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 04:12 PM
6

I always pay for the date since I am the one who invited them out. I would stick to drinks only though as dinner dates are not great for building attraction and it is a lot of investment for someone you don't even know
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 04:15 PM
8

This is the struggle of most men going through divorce. It's easier to stay stuck in familiar pain rather than facing the unknown. I struggled for months focusing only on the good things about the marriage rather than all the times I was miserable. I am 42 now and I have such an amazing and completely different life. This could be the best thing that ever happened to you brotha. Take some time to reflect on the kind of man you want to become and some of the blessings you've been given. I actuall…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:36 PM
14

Hypergamy is real and if she thinks she can find a better option she will go for it. Read the Four Agreements. Don't take anything personal and take personal responsibility. She cheated, it sucks, but you are in control of your actions now. You can decide make this the best thing that ever happened to you, by becoming the best version of yourself you can.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 03:41 PM
1

I think the faster you get back into dating the better. You can start to figure out what kind of women you actually like and it will keep you from dwelling on what happened. Put in the effort to get quality photos and get into online dating, but also build up your masculinity by taking to girls during the day. This can be the best time of your life brotha. If you want some actionable steps let me know
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 04:58 PM
2

It is tough brotha and will take some adjustments. I found the best thing for me to do was to sit down and reflect on where I am in life at the current point in time and where I want to go now that the relationship is over. Many men struggle for a long time after a divorce or separation because they focus too much on the past instead of what they want their life to look like.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 07:29 PM
8

I didn't go through this kind of living situation, but you guys need to split up asap. If she doesn't love you then she needs to go out and get an apartment. Sounds like you may still be using Nice Guy Behaviors to cater to what she wants instead of what is best for you. I know it sucks brotha. I went through this 8 years ago. It is a rough situation, but can end up being the best thing that ever happens if you want it to be. Let me know if I can offer any advice
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 02:07 AM
3

Sorry to hear brotha. You cannot go back to this relationship ever. I'm sorry but you will have to go through this pain. You will never be able to trust her again, and she will never respect a man who takes her back after she fucked another dude. I'm betting the only reason she wants to work it out is because this guy is unwilling to commit to her. He had his fun and now realizes she already has 2 kids and he doesn't want anything serious with her. I know this sucks, but once you've processed th…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 01:55 AM
0

Your first sentence tells a lot about you brotha. It sounds like some terrible circumstance, but looks like you are blaming her for all your problems. Check out the book Extreme Ownership by Jacko Wilick
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 03:51 PM
2

For me if I had gotten into a new relationship right away it would not have been with the quality of women I was looking for. I was overweight, no goals, never traveled, was still a "Nice Guy", etc. I would have never had the chance to work and build myself up into the man I wanted to be. I wanted to travel and date around to figure out the kind of girls I wanted
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 03:08 PM
5

I actually just made a YouTube video about this. Here are 5 things I would to get back into the dating scene after a divorce. Identify the kind of life you want and the relationship you want - If you are like me you settled in the divorce and didn't go for what you wanted. Don't make that mistake again Improve your Sexual Market Value - Style, grooming, charisma, taking feedback, etc Take the time to get high quality photos Man up and start talking to women during the day. It will grow your masc…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 08:51 PM
3

Read the title only - 100% No. There is no benefit in this for you. She wants to be done then she needs to go off on her own. She is going to look out for her best interest and when she has another option she will not hesitate to move on. I know this is tough brotha and you want to be a stand up guy, but you have to move forward. Divorce can be the best thing that ever happened to you if you let it. Best of luck bro
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 07:13 PM
3

She was probably saying that because she wasn't sure if this guy would commit to her or not. Sorry brotha there is no going back. You would never trust and would always resent her, and she would lose respect for you knowing that you have no boundaries and would take her back after she cheated. You would just be delaying the inevitable. In the words of David Goggins "F*ck Her". She wants the divorce and wants to move on, then great. Give it to her and become a man that she is going to regret leav…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 02:20 PM
5

Yeah get this shit done immediately. Too much risk involved
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 05:20 PM
14

Sorry to hear brotha. When my wife left me for another man I felt the same way. I would say you have two options. 1. Feel emasculated and focus on her being a slut and how she is now going to be sad and lonely when she realizes none of these guys want to be with her long term, 2. Feel emasculated now and use that pain to become a better version of yourself and date higher quality women and make her regret the decisions she has been making. You can be living the dream in a few months while she is…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 05:19 PM
3

Dude that feeling is the worst. I went through it for months when my wife left me. It's something that takes some time, but actually going out and meeting women will help you get over it faster. Otherwise you just sit around and focus on her and her new guy. Not healthy. I talk about my experience with stuff like this on my channel if you're interested. https://www.youtube.com/@JohnnyKendhammer
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 06:32 PM
4

A women doesn't just decide to leave randomly. It is a build up of being unhappy. I struggled for months with the divorce, but eventually I realized how grateful I was and what I could do with my life now. Might be different with kids, but your only really only have two options Be Miserable and do nothing to improve your life and your situation, or be miserable, but take steps that would improve your life and your situation. I have. a YouTube channel dedicated to recovering after divorce. Maybe …
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 06:10 PM
2

I was pretty terrible at sex during my marriage, but it is something you can learn. I was in a similar situation. No real experience, married a girl very young. Married 12 years, and she left me for her co-worker. I read books to have better sex and many of the girls I sleep with will tell me it is the best sex of their life. Check out Sex God Method, Multi Orgasmic Man and She Comes First. Also learn to make a girl squirt
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 06:06 PM
15

She made out with her co-worker on her birthday. Luckily she ended it or I probably would have taken her back
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 04:04 AM
2

Hey brotha sorry to hear this. I went through a very similar situation. My wife and I had our ups and downs (married 12 years) and there were a few times I wanted a divorce, but I couldn't make the difficult decision either. It wasn't until she found another option that a hard stop was initiated on the marriage. I had no close friends or family either. This is too familiar. I actually made a video about how divorce saved my life though so perhaps it can give some inspiration. Best of luck brotha…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 11:29 PM
1

My wife came home on her birthday and told me she had made out with her co-worker. From there they immediately started dating - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_Z560cMuuk
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 11:06 PM
2

Wow brotha, 20 years is a long time to be holding on to this pain. It sounds like you might have some troubling finding the gratitude that it is over and that you have your freedom to find a better fit for a mate. I went through my divorce 8 years ago and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I made a YouTube video a few months back if it helps inspire at all - https://youtu.be/hwh04R6fJms?si=O9fz-pmztcWjGiph
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 07:13 PM
3

Yeah brotha it is the worst feeling when this happens. You lose your entire identity as a man and a husband. You also lose really the only person you confide in if you were like me and didn't have many friends. It took me months to even start to recover, but being 8 years removed I am grateful for everything that happened. Here is my story if it helps give some hope for the future. Shoot me a message if you want any advice on what worked for me - https://youtu.be/hwh04R6fJms?si=O9fz-pmztcWjGiph
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 07:03 PM
6

I thought therapy was useful so I had someone to talk to, but I really didn't start moving forward until I took responsibility for the actions I was taking after divorce and made the right improvements. I felt like therapy was just talking about my problems that it is ok to miss my spouse, but it didn't truly change my mindset. I got a lot more value from books like The Rational Male, No More Mr. Nice Guy, 12 Rules or Life and The Four Agreements I am grateful as hell that I went through the div…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 06:51 PM
7

It was a weird situation for me. My wife left me for her co-worker and because I was overweight and no social skills it took me a while to find someone new. Because I wasn't able to attract anyone new I focused on her and her new boyfriend a lot and didn't progress or heal. Once I did work on myself and had my first hook up I still felt a little guilty even though she had moved on months before. I think I thought I was some how betraying her or that I wasn't the "great guy" who would wait for he…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 04:55 PM
1

For me I remember her birthday and when it ended for sure because they happened on the same day. I do remember the anniversary as well because of how close it was to her birthday as well, but it was not as much of a turning point for me. Other than that I don't really remember any specific dates now that the relationship has been over for so long
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 04:47 PM
1

Yeah I thought Chicago seemed pretty good
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 08:49 PM
1

Nice. I thought Guatemala City was pretty cool. Playa for.a honeymoon and for dating are way different my friend haha, just saying. Cool you're traveling quite a bit. Any idea what you're ultimately looking to do in the future?
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 08:48 PM
2

Sorry to hear that brotha. When I was married my wife and I had these kinds of ups and downs all the time too. I feel like once the word divorce is thrown around there is really no going back as you lose a lot of trust that the person will stay and it makes it easier to throw around later. It's a devastating scenario especially since you have things planned. The best thing you can really do is focus on improving yourself and doing things that will make you happy and will improve your life. I bel…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 08:37 PM
3

Sounds like we were in similar situations. My wife left me when I was 34 (42 now). I met her in Warrensburg MO which is about an hour from KC but we moved to WI after the military. I wasn't a fan of KC either. After the divorce I moved from small town WI to Boston. It was a pretty good city and had a lot larger dating pool than I was used to which was good. I actually liked it, but decided I would move to Las Vegas with a friend after only a few months. Vegas is great to meet plenty of women if …
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 07:07 PM
3

Your story sounds a bit similar to mine. I got divorced at 34 after 12 year of marriage. I had trouble meeting women for awhile and then I practiced social skills so I didn't have to rely on dating apps. The way I go about meeting women now is typically talking to them on the street, grocery stores or coffee shops. I will also use dating apps as it is more time efficient and you can meet great women there as well, but I don't get the same level of satisfaction from it. I might be able to give yo…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 04:49 PM
2

Out of curiosity what keeps you in the relationship?
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 01:39 AM
5

Sounds like a tough situation brotha. What's been going on?
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 11:43 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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