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Learningtolove2021 Archive

View 1 posts and 256 comments by Learningtolove2021 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Wow, with all due respect your perspective is extremely skewed and bears very little relationship to reality. As I stated in my original response, some people are more sensitive to worries about their looks than others, and this is true of both sexes. I will give you the benefit of the doubt because you did not grow up as a girl in this culture. I did - grew up as an ugly girl, in fact - and it crushed my soul in ways I can’t find words to describe. I am older but I not only do I not think this …
/r/ExRedPill28/12/21 08:05 PM
3

Women are taught to believe that their worth, especially their sexual worth, is dependent upon physical appearance. Women want to be desired by their partners. Not sure what’s difficult to understand about that.
/r/ExRedPill28/12/21 05:54 PM
2

Really? Men compare women so ruthlessly, how could women not compare themselves to each other? Especially because men care more about looks when choosing a mate, and women are evaluated primarily on their looks and only secondarily on any other criterion. It’s interesting how men are finally getting exposed to maybe 10% of what women have been dealing with for decades and don’t even recognize how women have been ripping themselves to shreds over their appearance all this time.
/r/ExRedPill28/12/21 05:37 PM
6

I will give a somewhat different perspective. It is normal to compare ourselves to others and to evaluate where we rank in the social hierarchy, on looks or other things like money or career success or having a good relationship. We were evolutionarily designed to do this because in ancestral conditions, having good status within the group could determine survival. But those groups were small, 20 to 150 people. The likelihood was that maybe one, possibly two, of the people in one's group were ou…
/r/ExRedPill27/12/21 03:50 PM
9

Right, I was acknowledging that it is unfair. There are a lot of things about sex differences that are unfair to both sexes.
/r/ExRedPill14/12/21 02:40 PM
7

Unfortunately, lacking social skills will be a huge disadvantage in the dating world - just like it is in making friends/having a social circle and for many in the workplace as well. I am a woman who has some autistic traits and it has absolutely been a huge disadvantage for me. Women tend to be able to conceal these traits and connect with others somewhat better than men, so I have always had friends and dates, but I was quite glad that I was socially let off the hook in terms of doing the appr…
/r/ExRedPill14/12/21 12:32 PM
15

I think it's relatively rare for people to be hateful for the sake of it or because they enjoy it - I'd put my money on deeply insecure. Nonetheless, his beliefs are toxic to a relationship. If you are interested in making at attempt to salvage things, I would suggest couples counseling with a male therapist (sadly he is more likely to listen to him than either you or a female therapist) who can disabuse him of these toxic views. But as you say, you have options...and if he shows any reluctance …
/r/ExRedPill11/11/21 06:19 PM
9

This is a good question. My partner is convinced that the reason incels are incels is because they are in one way or another bad people, and having too high standards is one of those subcategories (and probably overlaps others). I do think that social media has taken status competition and dialed it up to 11, and what you get when you date a swimsuit model (or whatever equivalent) is status among both men and other women. Shame and pride are the moral emotions that evolved to give us feedback ab…
/r/ExRedPill09/11/21 10:30 PM
11

Are women often disappointed by the recognition that they are aging? Sure. But you have to remember that aging doesn’t happen in one day or even one year. It’s gradual, and any reduction in attention or whatever is likewise gradual. Most people are not super thrilled about getting older and their bodies falling apart, and many take steps to slow the process as much as is practicable, but what’s the alternative? The idea that not being 22 anymore makes women mentally ill is just silly.
/r/ExRedPill07/11/21 02:44 PM
1

If your issue truly is looks…I don’t know what to say to that. I will say that I think those cases are rare, but I won’t say they don’t exist. My view is that in the past there were multiple ways to be considered a valuable worthwhile person. Now, because of the internet and social media, among other things, looks have eclipsed everything else and it is harder to get a foothold in terms of having people value you for intangibles. And the less time we spend interacting with each other in person, …
/r/ExRedPill29/10/21 01:46 PM
1

Couple of things: first, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, men care far more about looks than women do. The black pill notion that the opposite is true is absurd. Have women been allowed by various cultural developments (birth control, financial independence and education, etc) to be more selective in all ways in choosing partners than in the past? Absolutely. But honestly, it’s the non physical factors that are mattering just as much more. Women (not all but many) would rather be singl…
/r/ExRedPill29/10/21 12:42 PM
15

Man, it's amazing how distorted the views of dating and sex that young people have are. Yikes. Let me break it down for you: when I had casual sex, it was for validation. Period. It had nothing to do with being attracted to the guy. Often, I wasn't. I was attracted to him being attracted to me. It was purely self-serving. Now by the same token I never made boyfriends wait for sex. My current partner and I had sex on our first date. I barely remember anyone I had casual sex with, much less fantas…
/r/ExRedPill25/10/21 12:39 PM
3

Ummmmmm...that's not really how any of this works. By definition there is no love present in casual sex. That does not mean that the same person cannot later meet someone he or she does love and have a healthy relationship with that person. If someone would prefer to only engage with a potential partner who has not ever engaged in casual sex, that is their choice. But there are plenty of people out there who have had casual encounters and gone on to have healthy loving monogamous relationships. …
/r/ExRedPill20/10/21 02:59 PM
4

I don't think it would be sexist, necessarily, because a woman could set the same parameters for choosing a partner. But having had casual sex once or a few times doesn't destroy one's ability to love. For example, my partner had a number of casual encounters when younger, and that reflects his insecurities at the time but is not an issue for me. If he had only had those and no LTR that would be a red flag.
/r/ExRedPill19/10/21 09:31 PM
1

No. I mean I guess if I had to choose between being rejected and doing the rejecting the latter might edge out the former by a hair, but there is really nothing remotely enjoyable about either. Anyone with a reasonable level of empathy hates having to hurt someone else.
/r/ExRedPill19/10/21 07:27 PM
5

I don’t have a preference on this score, per se, but I will say that the personality of someone who has had previous long term relationships would probably be a much better match for me than the personality of someone who has had a lot of one night stands. What’s important about experience is having learned to read body language and other sexual cues in order to be a responsive and solicitous lover. Number of anything is not that important.
/r/ExRedPill19/10/21 06:36 PM
1

Actually my current partner doesn’t have a graduate degree. It’s not so much the degree that is a requirement, just intellectual curiosity. But yes someone who runs the type of business you describe is probably not a match for me. Admittedly I am an odd duck so don’t read anything into it.
/r/ExRedPill19/10/21 02:06 PM
16

Being handsome in the sense of Hollywood leading man/model is really, really not a prerequisite. And, I have passions and hobbies that are interesting (to people who share them) and am a great conversationalist in addition to keeping up my appearance. So it's not like women don't have that same experience. If men don't care if she's interesting or can hold a conversation...that says a lot about those men.
/r/ExRedPill18/10/21 09:47 PM
10

Unlike some women, I cannot tell if I am attracted to a man simply by seeing him. For me there is an intelligence prerequisite, and that is far more important than looks. Basically appearance is a bar that has to be cleared but it's just one step. 95% of men would not be compatible with me based on intelligence alone. Then you add in values, socioeconomic status (by which I don't mean the guy with the most money is the most attractive, but that I prefer men with a similar background to mine), ed…
/r/ExRedPill18/10/21 09:42 PM
5

Personally I have never cheated or wanted to cheat unless I was very unhappy in the relationship I was in.
/r/ExRedPill18/10/21 02:25 PM
5

Yep. Men think that because they reduce us to one variable that we do the same - sorry guys, it doesn't work that way, I hate to burst your bubble and undermine your pat narrative for why you're not getting laid, but (most, I'm sure there is the odd exception) women do not reduce men to looks alone.
/r/ExRedPill18/10/21 02:14 PM
1

Eh, I don't know, I got divorced in my early 40s and had no trouble finding a new relationship. Of course, I have done a lot to keep myself up so I am in very good shape. I was talking to the young people because they are the ones I see most on reddit really freaking out about never finding a relationship. But yes, looks do fade and men then benefit from the fact that the physical expectations placed on them are much lower in the event of divorce or just being single later in life. I think most …
/r/ExRedPill16/10/21 03:36 PM
6

There was an interesting essay called The Right to Sex that was published a few years ago, which I read at the time, and then a book of the same name containing that essay, expanded, plus others, that was published last month. She really engages with the idea that sexual desirability is a political issue, and that this is what is driving incel ideology and culture. It is not that they want sex per se - they want the status that accrues to them from being desirable to women who are considered des…
/r/ExRedPill15/10/21 01:54 PM
3

I didn't say it was fair - it absolutely is not. I would understand if men were turned off by my insecurities but for some reason they have never had much of an issue with it. 🤷‍♀️
/r/ExRedPill11/10/21 05:16 PM
4

The explanation I was given (this is not my view, I'm just repeating what I heard or read somewhere else) is that Asians (I think referring to East Asian ancestry) are perceived as having more feminine physical characteristics, which is good for women and bad for men. Black people are perceived as having more masculine physical features, which is bad for women and good for men. It seems probable that cultural factors could amplify these perceptions. It is extremely well documented, as I understa…
/r/ExRedPill11/10/21 01:40 PM
3

I think what people mean when they say confidence is attractive is more that obvious insecurity and neuroticism are unattractive and drive women away. I am an insecure and neurotic (in the clinical Big Five sense of being prone to rumination and negative affect) woman and even though it is highly hypocritical I can confirm that these traits are a huge turnoff in men. Confidence in the sense of the absence of major insecurity issues (not cockiness, which is also a turnoff) is not a magic bullet, …
/r/ExRedPill11/10/21 01:25 PM
1

You’re not wrong that people with poor character often still are successful in dating (well, depending on your definition of successful- I don’t think they are successful in the sense of having loving lasting relationships, but they do get laid). Anyway, your post made me think of this essay by my favorite blogger. Good news is, this guy did eventually find love, so all hope is not lost.
/r/ExRedPill29/09/21 10:59 AM
3

And that's an understatement. Literally every psychological study on this subject that has ever been done has found that men care more about looks than women do. Every single one. Too many to cite but here is a link to a recent one that cites others.. So the idea that the opposite is true is just laughable on its face. What's happening is that men have started, just a little tiny bit, to be subjected to like 10% of the objectification that women have been suffering from since birth and from time…
/r/ExRedPill27/09/21 09:11 PM
2

All of this. 👏👏👏
/r/ExRedPill27/09/21 09:05 PM
4

I think that the role of the popularity of anime, both pornographic and not, in all of this has been vastly underestimated. It has moved the goal posts such that no real human being, no matter how attractive, can meet the absurd standard of having cantaloupe sized real but extremely firm tits and a 12 inch waist.
/r/ExRedPill27/09/21 09:02 PM
1

To be sure, many women have sex under less than ideal conditions and that likely affects desire. But I am still convinced, based on the evidence I've read, that there are fundamental biological differences between men and women, and while there is a lot of individual variation, the difference in testosterone levels alone would dictate that on average women would not be as motivated by sex as the average man. (A quick look at stats about gay and lesbian relationships, respectively, does much to s…
/r/ExRedPill25/09/21 02:06 PM
1

More women than men are celibate by choice. If single, they are more likely to wait for a relationship than have casual sex. There are sound biological reasons for this - evolutionarily speaking, the cost of sex for women is far higher, thus we would expect that they would be more selective and have fewer sexual partners. Birth control has changed this equation a bit, but evolution can’t be wholly undone in 50 years. Moreover, women on average have lower sex drives than men. For all these reason…
/r/ExRedPill25/09/21 01:26 AM
1

Not true. Sexlessness is up for both men and women compared to previous generations, though it has increased more for men. This is due to a delay in marriage, fewer people in committed relationships (where most sex occurs), more young people living with their parents, and several other factors.
/r/ExRedPill25/09/21 12:32 AM
1

And this comment right here, OP, is why trying to explain the 100% true fact that women are not attracted to pure physicality in the same way men are is a waste of time and energy. These young men have been so pussified and indoctrinated by this ridiculous narrative about 6-6-6-6 and Chad and jaw lines that they'd rather sit home with their dicks in their hands complaining about women than actually try to talk to one. My bf says this is all for the best as these folks should not be propagating t…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/21 02:02 PM
2

Maybe that’s the difference between men and women. For me, factors that are somewhat physical but not about purely physical evaluation of attractiveness are more important than where someone might be deemed to fall on a “10 point scale” (which I put in quotation marks because it’s a cruel and dehumanizing way to think about people). Those intangibles can be called chemistry or maybe something else but they really are everything in the sense that they can take someone from a probably to a no way …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/21 03:23 PM
2

I think this is spot on and good for you for being able to own your choices and see things in a factual way. As a woman who has a very similar personality, it was a huge advantage in my book to be female because men came to me - I didn't have to take the rejection risk. If I had been born male with my same personality, I'm quite certain I'd have had to really push myself to try to date. This is one of many ways in which the sexes are different and it is not equal or fair (nor will it ever be). A…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/21 04:11 PM
–

👏👏👏👏👏👏 well said.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/21 03:30 PM
–

Why would you assume that divorces are caused by lack of physical attraction to the husband? That's absurd. Every relationship fails for different reasons. If it was because of lack of attraction on the woman's part wouldn't it be men initiating the divorces to get out of DBs?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/21 03:27 PM
0

Don't waste your breath, hon, they don't want to hear anything that doesn't confirm their self-pitying narrative or that would require them to stop being bitter toward women as a group and actually put forth some effort to be a decent human being. I've tried to argue this point and explain why women's attraction works differently from men's until I'm blue in the face and it falls on deaf ears. They have latched on to an ideology that presents things as very simple and clear cut so that they don'…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/21 03:19 PM
–

Hmmmm. Well I assume he had the girl's permission so okay. The rest of my comment stands.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/21 11:02 PM
4

I have an opinion but the truth of it is that this picture was (probably) taken from somewhere, these are real people, and as long as they are happy together who cares if random strangers on the internet think they are "looksmatched"? Actually, I'll go a step further and say that I hate myself for falling for this question, looking at the picture, and making such a judgment. Shame on me and shame on the absurdly shallow culture we live in that such a question would even be asked, that people are…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/21 08:11 PM
1

So I really think that this has causes beyond "women's physical standards are too high now" (which incidentally I believe might be more common among young women now than women from my cohort, but still is not terribly common statistically). First of all, I think the internet and the exponential rise of at-home entertainment options (gaming, Netflix, porn, etc) has a great deal to do with this. People don't interact with other people as much, ergo they don't have as many chances to meet new peopl…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/21 04:22 PM
1

That's strange given that RP ideology is based on the principles of evolutionary psychology. If what you are saying is that the current situation is in some ways unfair to men, I whole-heartedly agree and have been saying so for literally 20 years. This is a moment in history where things have changed a lot for women in a positive direction and we have not yet figured out how to resolve the resulting problems that have ensued for men. Many people won't even admit that there are problems. So, thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 09:27 PM
1

On the contrary, I think examining the differences in what men and women think about while masturbating is probably quite illustrative of some of the ways in which men's and women's sexualities are on average different from each other. Which based on our evolutionary/biological imperatives makes sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 09:20 PM
0

If what you're asking is do some women also have shitty personalities, the answer is yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 09:17 PM
0

The other major cause is socioeconomic and educational. Girls do better in school, earn more higher education degrees, and are less likely to live with their parents. Now that women don't need men to support them financially, there is an identity crisis because men don't know what their role is. That combined with the decline of middle income jobs causes a mismatch between men and women in terms of education and status that renders a larger swath of men undateable than in the past. There are oth…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 09:16 PM
1

That's a fair point. It will be interesting to see what future studies on this subject find.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 08:58 PM
1

So, I guess what I would say to that is what I've heard red pill guys say (not black pill, which is very different): men shouldn't want to be desired in the way women want to be desired. It's feminine to want to be seen as a sexual object in that way, and because women aren't men, they are generally unable to fulfill this request in any event. Women are the decorative sex. Our sexuality is more likely to be responsive, eg based on being wanted. That is our biological role. Men's role is to pursu…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 08:56 PM
1

It's hard to pin down. Voice was definitely a big part of it, and just how he carried himself. I mean I guess it's like a woman who has a super high squeaky voice or a really bad valley girl accent or sounds like she's been smoking since birth. I would imagine that any of those things could make a woman who from a picture looks great, less attractive sexually.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 08:48 PM
1

The only thing I think is problematic is if a body part in the abstract is so important that it would eliminate someone from your dating pool if that part was not what you'd choose out of a catalog. Now that I've been with my SO for a while, there are parts of him that I particularly enjoy - his strong legs, his hands, etc. He particularly compliments my butt often, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love all of me. So I don't think enjoying a body part of an SO is inherently problematic. If I was…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 08:44 PM
2

Finally, a voice of reason who understands the meaning of the word nuance.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 08:14 PM
3

Yep. It's defeatist and also has the benefit of being factually incorrect. Get off the internet and get a life and you're halfway there. I'm so sick of hearing this utter BS about how looks doom most men to being undesirable and unloved. What a load of crap. I've never dated anyone who the men on this sub would rate above a 6 and I've loved some of them and had great sex. I totally get wanting to avoid trying things you're not guaranteed to be good at immediately, but this is an extremely dysfun…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 08:07 PM
-6

My hypothesis is that most sexless men are sexless because of personality factors (social awkwardness, insufficiently masculine personality traits and presentation, mental health issues, and so forth) and/or an unwillingness to put themselves out there. By which I mean doing the pursuing. That is the man's job, biologically speaking. I read a blog post by a red pill adjacent man recently that said every guy should go out there and over a reasonably short period of time ask out or flirt with 100 …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 08:01 PM
3

It's not just a her thing, this is how my fantasies are too. They are story focused, I'm not even always in them, and the people who are there are very fuzzy, they don't really have faces or many clear details, they are there for their role in the narrative, not for body parts. I guess men really have an inability to understand that not everyone's sexuality and fantasies are just like theirs. Doesn't fit the narrative so it has to be disregarded.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 07:52 PM
2

Another woman who could care less about body parts checking in. They do literally nothing for me whatsoever.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 07:47 PM
2

I have no idea who any of these people are who are constantly talked about as paragons of male attractiveness. 🤷‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 07:44 PM
2

Yes. Everything you said here. Voice, mannerisms, presence all matter more than looks. Let me give an example. I met a guy once on reddit. We texted for a long time before meeting, I had seen a few pictures and didn't rule him out from those, we had amazing conversations on text but never talked on the phone. Went to meet him and I knew within 30 seconds of being in his presence that it was all wrong. I couldn't rule him out from a picture, the intellectual and flirtation part was there...but I …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 06:24 PM
1

Same here. I get more out of looking at a picture of a cute kitten or a beautiful landscape than a guy I am allegedly supposed to find "hot".
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 06:19 PM
1

The studies show that it works the other way as well - people become more physically attractive based on personality. And as someone who has only ever dated men that this sub would say could never get dates - but who in fact all went on to get married and had dating histories before and after me - this assertion simply does not comport with my life experience or that of anyone I know. Young men are looking for an excuse to give up before ever trying and it's complete BS.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 06:16 PM
1

That's a great point. It still indicates perhaps that women are pickier on average (which would be consistent with our biological differences) but on a broader range of factors, and unclear exactly how heavily looks are weighted. Also, reporting on studies is generally crap. Because all media is now about getting eyeballs on a story rather than reporting facts and truth, anything that even mildly contradicts something reported previously is going to be the focus. This is also a problem in gettin…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 06:12 PM
2

Well, what does "more than likely" mean? Ostensibly if you're in a relationship with someone, you know whether they find you attractive. What I'm hearing from a lot of guys on this subreddit now is that it does not matter if a female partner says she finds you attractive. What matters is the narrow set of standards you have decided that all women want and decided you don't meet. Therefore, any woman who claims to find you attractive is lying, and thus there is no point in even bothering to try t…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/21 06:04 PM
4

You don't want to believe there's any hope. Confirmation bias at its finest. If you are determined to be miserable, that will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/21 10:47 PM
6

Calling people who are engaging in sincere debate liars is not going to persuade them to consider your point of view, if you even care. If you're just here to spout your hatred of women, there are other fora for that.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/21 09:18 PM
-1

Physical attraction is important, but it does not follow from that either that all women find the same men attractive or that physical attraction is not impacted strongly by interpersonal factors.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/21 09:15 PM
1

Seriously. I was just listening to a podcast yesterday citing studies indicating that personality factors alter perception of physical attractiveness. Anyone who has dated for more than 5 minutes and has two brain cells to rub together knows that a physically attractive person can become a turnoff if they are a jerk, or dumb as a box of rocks, or whatever.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/21 09:10 PM
2

I'm glad someone is pointing out that the literature from the past 30-40 years had all indicated that on average, men value physical appearance when selecting a partner more than women do. That never meant women didn't care at all, or that some women didn't care more than others, or that all men cared about it more than all women. But the group averages indicated that any randomly selected man would be more likely to weight looks more strongly in mate selection than a randomly selected woman. If…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/21 09:07 PM
2

Well there you go. I mean obviously not all women are like me, and not all men are like you. But on average we are probably more representative than not. People are shocked when I tell them I was over 40 before a specific person I knew appeared in a masturbation fantasy. And that was a current partner. I have never masturbated to fantasies of a specific person I don't know (eg celebrity or the like). Nothing about that appeals to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/21 10:22 PM
2

That's totally fair. I agree, neither is simple or complicated as a group, on average, just different.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/21 12:30 PM
3

I think men can make that decision for themselves, although I doubt many women keep a scrapbook with pictures of all their hookups so I'm not sure how they'd know unless it all happened within one school or friend group...
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/21 12:28 PM
11

That's a great way to describe it. All my fantasies are narrative based, and while I can see people in them, they are almost never specific people and details are very fuzzy, like I rarely see faces at all. Maybe this is because I'm nearsighted so without my glasses/contacts that's all I'd be able to see lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 10:22 PM
2

I think it's being unnecessarily obtuse and also denying evolutionary biological differences and thus disparate incentives to posit that female sexuality is the same or very nearly the same as men's. Moreover, this does not need to be the case for there to be mutual respect and affection between partners. The push to deny biological differences is political, and strange to find on a sub that is devoted to the subject of differing biological incentives re mate selection.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 10:19 PM
3

Sorry, but my sexuality is in fact holistic, complex, and context-dependent, highly so in fact. Perhaps this is true of some men as well and not true of many women. I don't know, as I have never been any man or any woman other than myself. So I can only describe my own experience, but those three terms you used pretty much describe me to a T. I'm not trying to act superior - there are aspects of my life, for example my strong desire to have children, that I can see were very heavily biologically…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 10:14 PM
2

They say it because this is what scientific research has shown so far, that on average men prioritize appearance over other factors in mate selection and women prioritize things like resources, for evolutionary reasons. Evolutionary psychologist David Buss has a new book out and was recently on both Sam Harris's podcast and the Sex and Psychology podcast covering some of this ground. Heather Heying is an evolutionary biologist who has talked about this as well. It's basically textbook social psy…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 10:09 PM
1

That's fair. I mean I think ideally we would all prioritize character over looks, but the current culture doesn't offer as many opportunities to do that. I remember slower days when you'd meet someone in a setting like school or work or church or whatever in which you'd get to know them over time, and often once personality shone through that is what drove attraction. I remember doing online dating in its early days, before smartphones, and saying to my best friend how I really didn't like it be…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 09:57 PM
1

See I would think being thirsty and inexperienced would make one less sincere and more likely to have unrealistic expectations due to having little to no exposure to real women's bodies and only to idealized images. But maybe not...I'm unclear on how interested young men are in pair bonding versus just being content with their hand and a screen.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 07:48 PM
17

Yep, precisely. Men are constantly complaining on here about alpha widows and beta bucks, and this is the flip side of that. Given that men care more about looks than women do, I am definitely not about being anyone's B plan.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 07:41 PM
–

Re the last 5 years, the exponential growth of social media and the constant exposure to idealized images is a big part of it imo. And when I say idealized I am including animated images in that. There was this Pixar thing that went around on fb recently where you could make yourself or your family look like animated characters where your eyes take up a third of your face and your nose is a tiny little button and it made my blood run cold because I no longer think that sort of thing is benign, i…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 06:10 PM
2

Really? All the virtue signaling I see on Reddit threads from women asking men about preferences says different. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen men say "all boobs are good boobs" or "as long as you're clean, IDGAF about your public hair or labia length". No one actually believes this, but people (men) still say it because social desirability bias teaches us to shade the truth in order not to hurt people's feelings (or get downvoted into oblivion, one of the two).
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 05:59 PM
2

I wish I could upvote this comment a thousand times.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 05:20 PM
1

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 04:52 PM
1

Yeah, kind of like when men claim to like small breasts, longer labia, or bigger women. We kind of all know what the cultural ideal is so it doesn't make sense to us that someone could prefer something different. But I have heard of these "non-mainstream" preferences enough that I imagine not all of those guys are lying. Just like the women are not lying.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 04:50 PM
–

Well look, you've never been a woman and I've never been a man, and the variations of subjective experience within each sex are probably greater than those between them based on culture of origin, personality traits, generation/age, and many other factors. But, while many men perceive themselves as having a broad range of what they could find attractive as individuals, the experience they've never had is being reduced to appearance and nothing else. From day one girls are taught that nothing els…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 01:04 PM
–

Yeah this sub has been absolutely overrun with black pill ideology. It used to be more interesting before everyone decided to give up on ever having sex if they don't have a 6 pack and a jaw line that can cut glass.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 01:16 AM
–

I don't mean to be unkind, but men who are just now being judged for their looks a little bit more than in the past - and still nowhere in the same universe of how harshly women are judged for theirs - can cry me a freaking river. I disagree with it, I don't engage in it, and I strongly believe that two wrongs don't make a right. And on some days I have empathy because being unwanted because of physical traits you can't change is fucking soul crushing. Women know this better than anyone, and it …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 01:14 AM
1

In fairness I was half in the bag when I wrote that. But I do believe it.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/21 11:26 PM
1

Highly recommend learning about Lincoln, he was flawed of course but overall a truly amazing human being who had an instrumental role in keeping the United States one nation during the first major crisis that threatened to tear it apart. A brilliant politician, deeply moral person, and amazing people skills. If you're not a book person, Spielberg's 2012 movie was incredible. For a one volume history of the American Civil War, Battle Cry of Freedom by James McPherson is amazing. I also found Eric…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/21 01:28 AM
0

Slow clap. Thank you for saying it more eloquently than I could. There is a robust body of psychological research dating back to the 70s demonstrating that exposure to idealized images of women raises men's standards and causes them to think of normal women as less attractive...but WE are the ones with high standards. FUCK THAT. I just heard a highly educated intelligent woman yesterday on a podcast describe how a guy asked her in high school at a drunken party if he could finger her "to practic…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/21 08:44 PM
1

Um, so there's a lot wrong with this post, but Lincoln used the phrase "better angels of our nature" long before Dr. Pinker, who I quite admire incidentally, wrote his book of that name.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/21 08:28 PM
3

YES. I went on the OLD market in my early 40s and many men my age looked 10-20 years older while I look 5 years or more younger. Sunblock, wide brim hats, and staying out of the sun are your friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/21 03:21 AM
12

It sucks. It's dehumanizing. It makes you feel like there is no way to be good enough. Even when I'm being supposedly admired, unless it is by a partner with whom I have a close and loving relationship built on respect, it feels icky and disgusting. Thanks for at least trying to understand what things are like for women.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/21 02:02 PM
1

Ah, good to know. I've never looked at it in detail but I'm definitely biased toward that app over others since I found my partner there.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/21 04:32 PM
1

Except...I never dated anyone on the basis of looks then either. I think if this exists it is generational. Like social media made people shallower etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/21 04:30 PM
2

How old are you? This may be a generational difference. I'm...not young. 40s. Or, maybe it's an intelligence thing and dumber women are more likely to experience attraction and relationships on a primitive level. I'm an unusual person in a lot of ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/21 08:31 PM
8

I'm sooooooooo tired of hearing about that stupid OK cupid study that wasn't even peer reviewed. Women's attraction works differently from men's. Women care about looks less than men do, and more about the type of intangibles that do not convey in a still image. I can't tell whether I am attracted to a man by looking at pictures. Video might get closer but still not all the way there. Online dating has been an absolute shit show for men not because women have impossible standards, but because we…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/21 06:47 PM
1

Well, I'm an atheist. I don't think that the research or the science is well developed enough to state much conclusively in addition to many of the studies that have been done being biased toward one side or the other. I compare it to alcohol - some people can drink socially and function fine, and some people become alcoholics. Likely the person and their underlying issues is the more important variable. Nonetheless, on balance, I think instant and constant access to pornography is not a positiv…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/21 06:12 PM
0

I have no idea what SWERF means...and I have an Ivy League graduate degree if you want to play the educational credential game.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/21 06:22 PM
3

I agree. I don't expect a partner never to have watched any or been exposed to it, that's unrealistic. But I don't want to be disrespected while I am in a relationship when I'm available for sex, nor will I put up with someone who has death gripped himself into being unable to cum from sex with a real person rather than his hand.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/21 02:01 PM
2

Okay, well, I was asked why I didn’t change my name and I answered. I didn’t like the connotation and I still don’t. I think anyone with even a rudimentary knowledge of history understands that women effectively didn’t have choices 300+ years ago. You could technically be a spinster or a prostitute but neither of those options was particularly attractive for various reasons. Or a nun, in some places.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/21 06:39 PM
5

In the more recent past it was - it was called coverture. I’m not going to go off and write a dissertation about it but I am quite certain that it was pretty close to ownership even though women were not technically enslaved in the usual sense of that term.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/21 06:23 PM
–

Haha, tell that to my n count. Of course, I’m an old woman, so 🤷‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/21 06:21 PM
1

I thought about how during summers when I was a kid I would read for hours and hours. Reading is something that also has no natural limit except for attention span, but of course my bias is that reading makes one smarter...depending on what one is reading, I suppose.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/21 04:35 PM
1

I would definitely consider a third name, though that's easier to pull off when you're young for a number of reasons. For me it ended up working out to keep my name because my first (only, thus far) marriage ended. And the last name was not one I liked (would have been a big downgrade) so I really had zero incentive to change it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/21 04:32 PM
9

For me, the historical basis of the tradition made it a nonstarter. I know a lot of women find that easy to overlook and say it's for family unity or they like their husband better than their father and it's patriarchal either way, but the feeling of it signifying ownership was just too icky for me. I belong to no one, no matter how intertwined our lives become.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/21 09:22 PM
1

So this may be a radical idea these days, but reading and commenting on something - anything - any subreddit or any topic - does not make one a kool-aid drinking cult member. Exposure to different ideas is important to keep up with cultural developments, develop and maintain critical thinking skills, and generally be a well rounded person. I have been on PPD under various usernames for about 4 years, so this is obviously a topic that interests me. I have looked at various red pill and offshoot s…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/21 06:12 PM
1

I'm not a member of any group, I just read a lot and make observations. Red pill and other manosphere groups are equally cultish and problematic, and yet there are ideas within each one that have some validity. Life is complicated that way. Critical thinking and ability to understand and appreciate nuance are key.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/21 05:57 PM
1

That's a really good point.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/21 03:39 PM
1

I read a thread in a women's sex subreddit the other day (an advice sub) and heard from dozens of women who could tell when their SOs had been consuming because of the change in demeanor and the difference in how they related to them sexually and emotionally. Without even having had direct knowledge of it. I compare my current SO, who does not currently, to my ex, and the difference between how they related to me and how they treated me both in bed and out is night and day. Porn had so destroyed…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/21 01:14 PM
1

Okay whatever, believe what you want. I don't know why I bother trying to convince manosphere types that women are human beings, they've already made up their minds otherwise so it's a fool's errand. Good luck to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/21 01:04 PM
2

Yeah I am struggling with what to tell them. But I think there are still good people (women or men depending on their orientation) out there so in some sense I'm hopeful they'll find one. They are all really smart, kind, complex humans and I want the best for them. It's hard to be a misandrist when the most important people in your life are men and boys.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/21 10:36 PM
1

Those are new words to me! I must be really out of the loop.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/21 10:29 PM
1

Re men being called out more, in some respects there is a double standard and I've been saying so for 20 years. Porn has been around, but far less accessible than in the past 15 years or so. In my day to get video you were going to a grimy theater, a shop or video rental place with a sticky floor, or watch pay per view or skinemax. Other than that it was magazines. The amount, content, and variety is simply worlds different. I watched this happen. Though not an avid consumer, I've been around th…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/21 10:23 PM
1

I have sex with him more than once a day most days unless ill or separated, but if we are apart we will often video chat so I can "participate" and he has lots of pictures and videos of me. At other times he just uses his imagination. I actually didn't ask him to use that stuff, it was completely his choice and I was pleasantly surprised. I wouldn't discuss the issue with him at all for months, and once I did I only said that addiction and/or frequent use was a deal breaker but not occasional us…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/21 03:17 PM
2

Well, I have an equally big problem with men being objectified, to the extent that occurs. I refused to see Magic Mike back in the day, Jason Mamoa and Chris Hemsworth memes annoy the crap out of me, I don't find celebrities attractive, I am not attracted to anyone other than my current partner and that's how it's always been. I'm not even on Instagram bc I think it's toxic AF, and I think porn damages men's self esteem by distorting their perceptions about dick size. I think shallowness is bad …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/21 01:27 PM
2

I actually just watched a TED talk by anthropologist Helen Fisher yesterday that addresses some of this. It's called Technology hasn't changed love or something along those lines. I actually think the low marriage rate and the rise in sexlessness is concerning. She interprets it as extreme caution due to fear of divorce and there may be some truth to that. Again, just because I have read a sub doesn't make me a particular type of person. I'm old and super intellectual so this sort of stuff inter…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/21 01:12 PM
1

I wasn't arguing or rebutting, I was responding to your post overall. Had I wanted to argue, I would have done so, but it was obvious you weren't open to hearing a different point of view.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/21 01:11 PM
2

You know it's funny, I didn't even know what FDS was until about 9 months ago, I lurked/observed on the sub and commented occasionally for a few months until the misandry threads got too frequent for me, I have all sons, and I'm in a long term relationship with a man, and suddenly I'm an FDS woman who is to blame for male sexlessness. I think our culture is in quite a quandary and that the enmity between men and women is a serious problem. Women are human beings who are just as likely to have th…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/21 01:08 PM
3

That women watch doesn't make it less deleterious.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/21 02:16 AM
1

The problematic elements of the sub bothered me enough that I felt on balance I didn't belong there. But the basic idea that women shouldn't put up with shitty treatment in relationships and should be single rather than a doormat I think is sound.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/21 02:15 AM
2

I don't anymore really. I unsubscribed when when I was trying to clear my feed of things that would upset me.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/21 02:13 AM
2

It's not a unified group, it's an umbrella, and there are some problematic attitudes among members just like RP or any of its offshoots. Never said otherwise. But by and large humans desire pair bonding, is my understanding of the scientific evidence, and so those attitudes are often the product of negative experiences rather than the progenitor of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/21 02:11 AM
2

It wasn't that many words for me. Far shorter than my usual comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/21 02:08 AM
6

There are men like this, believe it or not. I am not going to go into detail but let's say that men my age tend to find me extremely attractive and I fit certain cultural ideals. I dated a bald guy who was 50 lbs overweight and covered with hair and he was critical of aspects of my body where I could have cared less because I (stupidly, in hindsight) loved him as a person. And I've heard countless stories just like it where women who were far more "cultural ideal" looking than their bf were sham…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/21 03:21 PM
9

And yet we do need a whole subreddit because most women put up with poor treatment from their partners and it absolutely has to do with the fact that there are so few men left who have even an ability to respect an individual woman with whom they are in a relationship, much less women as a whole. This was much less the case in the 90s based on my personal experiences and what I have read. I don't have perfect data and neither do you. So you are no more convincing than I am but if you know a shit…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/21 03:11 PM
9

Agreed. Men with the traits I listed are rare as hen's teeth.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/21 03:04 PM
6

You sound very invested in defending pornography. You're in good company. Sadly, I will not be joining you. I truly believe that one day we will look back on it like we do cigarettes now - still legal but understood to be trashy and unhealthy.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/21 03:02 PM
5

But 10 year olds aren't lonely! It's really the early age of addiction that is causing a lot of the problems. If guys were being exposed either around the same time or after they had already had real sexual experiences then it would still be problematic but when it replaces the normal experiences of adolescence, first crush, first kiss, losing virginity at 16, developing one's own sexual imagination...then human connection is lost. And fulfilling sex with another person is so vastly superior to …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/21 03:11 AM
8

Oh lord, where do I begin...there are so many things. To hit some of the highlights: (1) the industry is full of drug addicted, sexually abused, groomed, trafficked, or otherwise downtrodden women; (2) a fair amount of stuff is posted without the consent of the woman and/or the woman is underage (pornhub only has started to take some of these down because they were exposed by Nicholas Kristof in the New York Times and were hit with a class action lawsuit); (3) because the average age when young …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/21 01:14 AM
1

I obviously can't speak for every woman on the planet, but merely based on my experiences having women friends, colleagues, and so forth, no, women are not superhuman but neither are they animals operating solely on biology. This is what makes humans distinct from other species - we have the ability to reason and our brains and cognitive processes and emotions are so much more complex that we do not act solely on biological instinct with no mediating influences. I may be an outlier among women i…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/21 11:47 PM
15

My impression from my time on FDS is that HVM referred more, at least originally, to men who are not sexist, desire a monogamous marriage, do not consume pornography or follow half naked women on Instagram, don't neg, don't cheat, are financially responsible in the sense that they have a reasonably good job and are not in severe debt, treat their SO with respect, know how to communicate with their partner, are not selfish in bed, and that sort of thing, not to looks. Obviously attraction will co…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/21 11:41 PM
6

Yes, I agree it's awful. Even if men do call women names, two wrongs never make a right. I'm not saying women shouldn't have standards and boundaries in their relationships, but epithets, even if one were to make the case that "they only apply to bad people," are not the answer. Jerk or douchebag when referring to a specific individual who treats women poorly will suffice. The word scrote was created to demonize all men and I am not on board with that at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/21 11:32 PM
31

I would consider myself more of an observer of FDS and occasional commenter than member, but my take on it is that as gender relations have unraveled, and there are many explanations for why this has occurred, many men are increasingly hostile toward women, even those with whom they are in relationships, and women are sick of being treated in a shabby and demeaning fashion. Because it is the nature of humans to desire strong attachments and intimacy, it is the path of least resistance to be a pi…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/21 08:52 PM
–

I can't speak for young women but I do not compare the men I have dated to each other. At all. Never have. The only exception would be if my current partner treats me so much better than the immediately previous one that it's impossible not to feel grateful for being treated like a human being for a change. Anyone I've dated is an individual human being and is evaluated on his individual merits and compatibility with me. RP ideology has some valid points but you people are way too pessimistic an…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/21 08:34 PM
2

Yeah I’d be noping right out of that. Anything above 20 is problematic and anything above 50 is highly problematic. Triple digits is beyond the pale.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/21 06:12 AM
4

What is “a good woman” and why is the dating pool trash? (I don’t disagree, I found it to be trash as well from the other side and I don’t like many people of either sex, but I’m curious how you specifically would define these things).
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 08:47 PM
1

Exhibit A has entered the chat.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 08:43 PM
1

I also wonder what kind of man would do that, but if you read r/sex or any of the relationship advice subreddits you will see threads quite regularly from women with live in boyfriends or with husbands who won’t have sex with them even when they are offering or even begging for it because they would rather rub one out to a screen. It seems like a fairly common thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 08:43 PM
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I feel sorry for you and everyone you have ever been with, as well as OP. This is an extremely toxic way to think and to live. I think that’s it for Reddit and me for today.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/21 03:50 PM
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I would encourage you to read the post again. At a minimum it posits that anyone lower than, generously, an 8, will never experience another person being sexually attracted to them. How depressing would this be if true? The logical conclusion is that those people shouldn’t exist because they cannot by definition have full and happy lives. Most people don’t fit the description in the last paragraph. And I’m saying this as a fit woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/21 03:16 PM
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So basically everyone who isn’t a 9 or 10 should either commit suicide or be euthanized, is that what I’m hearing? This is really where we are as a society now, that only conventionally attractive people are allowed to be loved or enjoy their lives? I can’t even believe what I just read. Are you trying to convince yourself that no one will ever love or accept you for yourself? It’s really easy to do without trying to drag everyone else into it and ruin their lives too.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/21 03:01 PM
2

I have never been interested in dating anyone more than 5 years older or younger than me, and the closer to my own exact age the better. So, for me that’s a hard no.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/21 12:01 PM
1

Well, after the initial incident we decided to be open and he slept with more people than I did, including prostitutes, so he forfeited his ability to divorce me on fault grounds. I don’t think he actually knows how he felt or feels. If he did he was unwilling to say anything to me. Even if he did have conscious awareness and said anything, you can never be inside another person’s mind by definition. All I had to go by was his actions. I have specific reasons for my interpretation as disrespect …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/21 06:20 PM
1

I didn’t have a complete understanding of what was wrong at the time. And yes my current partner does know everything - he has really helped me process it all. In retrospect, I should have been more assertive in asking my ex to communicate with me (I gave up too easily when he shut me down by refusing to engage in any serious conversation) and demanded counseling if he still wouldn’t. But, I had a lot of fear due to being financially dependent and felt trapped and like I had no right to assert m…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/21 07:36 PM
1

Where did tattoos and bizarre hair colors come from? Lol. Personally I’m not young but I’m also not overweight, I’m an outlier for women my age. I do have 2 small tattoos but my hair is its natural color. What does boring mean? Truly curious. I probably try to live up to the porn standard too much. While I can’t break free of it, it has made me fairly miserable. So I’m happy for any woman who genuinely feels good about herself since I’ll never get to experience that. If she’s fat with green hair…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/21 03:05 PM
1

But even those judgments are themselves somewhat derived from a pornographic culture...
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/21 01:30 PM
1

And I’m not limiting my analysis to romantic relationships either. We are less social as a species in all realms of life. We are less likely to live near our families of origin so fewer kids grow up knowing their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins (if they have any). Fewer people attend a house of worship on a regular basis, which is another major institution that provided social interaction and support. There are no more bowling leagues, Rotary or Kiwanis clubs, the Junior League, etc. Pe…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/21 01:23 PM
0

I can’t go back and erase what I did. I had never cheated on anyone before in my life and don’t intend to again. Once I met enough men who cheated without remorse it became as disgusting to me as it is to you. Do I regret it? Yes. But I’m not going to think of myself as irredeemable for the rest of my life for having made a mistake.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/21 01:13 PM
0

No, I thought everyone knew that term but maybe it's less common than I thought? I'm not going to go further into everything that led up to what happened or defend my decisions, suffice it to say that many people who cheat because there are problems in their relationship have tried many times to address them and feel desperate. I think that as a person with no income and no career, not taking the step of filing for divorce is understandable. It is scary AF to step into the abyss that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/21 11:31 PM
1

All possibilities. I’ll never know the complete story, but I guess sometimes it’s better that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/21 04:26 PM
1

Not exactly. I’m saying that in a number of ways our culture is moving toward individual isolation and away from the kind of social relationships that made humans so successful as a species to begin with. The fact that so many people no longer find human relationships, including but not limited to sexual ones, worth the effort, and would rather amuse themselves alone with screens (again, including but certainly not limited to pornography) is a really big change in human history and it will be in…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/21 04:20 PM
4

Well, I can’t speak to the experiences of generations older than my own, but as someone who came of age in the 90s, the man’s ability to produce pleasure in his partner, at least for something beyond a drunken hookup, was absolutely a point of pride for nearly everyone I encountered. And orgasm was important to the women my age - we expected to at least get a shot at it. So maybe back in the 50s and 60s a lot of men didn’t care but by the 90s that had changed. Obviously anecdata isn’t scientific…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/21 04:13 PM
2

Oh, there’s no doubt his side of the story wouldn’t even closely resemble mine. Again, lack of self awareness on his part will prevent him from ever knowing that he bears any fault whatsoever. I did try to communicate on several occasions but was always shut down. IMO, the fact that our stories if read by an outsider wouldn’t even sound like they were about the same couple is solid proof that divorce was the correct decision. We are both much happier with our current partners than we ever were w…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/21 04:06 PM
1

Sure. But people are also fallible and there are multiple factors that lead people to make the decisions they do.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/21 10:17 PM
3

No argument here.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/21 10:16 PM
13

I am older and I can tell you that erectile dysfunction and delayed/inability to orgasm through sexual contact with a real woman among young men was absolutely unheard of when I was a young woman except for the occasional case of whiskey dick and the like. I first encountered this just a few years ago and I was...surprised. It was absolutely related to overconsumption of Internet porn and death grip. In my day to get videos you had to watch Skinemax on Saturday nights or go to a shop with a stic…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/21 10:12 PM
0

Infidelity isn’t the cause of a breakup, just a symptom that something else is wrong. (To adulterate when Harry met sally).
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/21 10:00 PM
17

Knowing a fair number of divorced people in addition to myself, I would say that every marriage is different and therefore every divorce is different. In my experience, the common thread that all of them share is that some sort of fundamental incompatibility emerges, which may or may not have existed at the beginning of the relationship, or may or may not have been obvious as a fundamental incompatibility if it did exist. Over time, people evolve and change. Sometimes they evolve together and so…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/21 09:55 PM
1

We’re divorced and both have other partners now...interestingly both of them are polar opposites of us (different hair and eye colors, height, body type, facial features, and personality - we were both slender brunettes but are both now with fluffier light haired light eyed partners. Coincidence? Who knows). It’s waaaaaayyyyyyy more complicated than beta bux, and I’d wager he is much happier now.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/21 07:10 PM
1

I’m in your same IQ cohort and I assure you it’s true. Call me a sapiosexual, I guess, even though I hate that word. I can’t be attracted to someone I can’t have a good intellectual conversation with. I fully admit I am an outlier though. I have been with men from 5’7 (my height) to 6’4, never mattered much to me. I didn’t even start to notice height in men beyond extreme outliers until I started reading this sub.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/21 01:42 PM
1

Haha tell 28 year old me that - I definitely did not select for genetics bc I married a short skinny guy. Smart with good earning potential, but definitely not my looks match.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/21 01:38 PM
1

Well, I can’t speak to any other individual woman or for women as a group. But I know that for me, intelligence comes first. That eliminates about 95% of guys in the right age cohort (+/- 5 years) right off the bat. Of the remaining 5%, looks either eliminate you from the pool or they get you to yellow (yellow=maybe). But even there, what I am calling “looks” isn’t really just looks, it includes what comes through about personality from a picture - style of dress, backdrop, facial expression, po…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/21 01:16 PM
1

We have already changed a lot of things about our “natures” and btw plenty of men without 6 packs or slender arms are getting laid regularly so this whole thing is ridiculous.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/21 01:02 PM
3

This whole thread with the exception of one comment stating what the true answer should be is depressing AF. Is this really where we are as human beings, analyzing body fat percentages and shoulder to waist ratios and height and bone structure instead of caring more about a person’s character, personality, sense of humor, confidence, intelligence, kindness, honesty, hell, even compatibilities wrt religion, politics, sex, values? I know this isn’t what the OP was asking because OP, I have been th…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/21 03:52 PM
1

Yeah I think for me the being attracted part is as much of a problem as the acting on it part. So I don’t find the “sure I think my friend is hot but I would never act on it” trope comforting.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/21 02:30 PM
2

Haha oh you mean to have a real male friend. I wouldn’t go out of my way to do that anyway but I don’t think new opposite-sex “friendships” are appropriate for someone in a committed monogamous heterosexual relationship. I see your point though, like maybe Jason Mamoa or whoever women think is the it guy could actually be friends with me because I’m not in his league.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/21 02:27 PM
1

So a woman who doesn’t have big boobs isn’t attractive? Good to know.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/21 02:23 PM
1

Right, but I specifically excluded coworkers in my post. Definitely we don’t have control over who we work with in many jobs.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/21 02:22 PM
1

Why on earth would I want to do that? Besides, looks don’t determine chemistry.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/21 01:00 AM
3

Thank you! People are so motivated to be PC they aren’t attending to the details. I have a female friend who I text with regularly and others over the years I’ve talked on the phone with for hours and traveled by plane to visit. If I had that sort of relationship with a heterosexual man other than my SO now, he absolutely should do more than raise an eyebrow, particularly if I had slept with the guy within the past 5 years. I mean, seriously....🙄
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/21 12:58 AM
1

It was worded as a general CMV because I genuinely hold this view as a general principle based upon my personal experiences and what I have learned about the psychological research pertaining to the subject. But, at the same time, I do have a directly related issue going on in my life atm, so I was curious what people had to say on the subject generally and if it could inform or alter my perspective in any way. I’m as guilty of confirmation bias as the next person, but so far, I’ve mostly seen a…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 07:21 PM
-1

Well, we’re not allowed to ask for personal advice here and though I see this as a general rule, the more I got into the comments I see that there are a lot of factors that can affect things I wasn’t taking into account bc I mostly am focused on my personal experiences and this one inappropriate friendship. Length of friendship, friend groups, age, area of origin, religion, and many others.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 06:20 PM
3

The inevitable comment telling me that I’m the problem. Surprised it took this long. It was abusive for a bf who had been cheated on to give his cheating gf a second chance but not want her to have further contact with the man she cheated on him with? That makes (made, since he is no longer with us) him an asshole? Seriously? I guess my comment did not make it clear she was already seeing this man when the drunken hookup took place. Hopefully this clarifies that it was not remotely abusive. If a…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 06:16 PM
7

It happened 4 years ago, they were mid to late 30s, stopped all contact soon after, contact resumed 2 years ago (initiated by her, understandable bc she was grieving and needed support, my SO was single at the time) after the bf passed away. I think maintaining the friendship now is inappropriate. Trying to figure out how to navigate the situation. Blech.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 05:40 PM
0

Well, I know everyone on this sub will love me quoting the most hated show in red pill history, Sex and the City, but I agree and so did Samantha: “women are for friendships, men are for fucking”.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 05:32 PM
1

So you think it’s actually better that they hooked up a long time ago? And the fact it hasn’t happened again means it wasn’t “the right fit” so it can now be platonic? That’s a new and different perspective I’ll have to mull over.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 05:29 PM
6

Oh, believe me, I know.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 05:27 PM
0

Yes, but if you want to have sex with her it is not platonic even if you choose not to act on your attraction.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 05:27 PM
2

Wow. That’s a strong view. I don’t like most people very much, male or female, so I’m not going to say it’s wrong, but it takes moxie to say it out loud.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 05:25 PM
1

Thanks for the uninvited insult, I appreciate it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 05:22 PM
1

It’s not arbitrary or a rule because it describes the specific situation about which I am asking. Also, how old are you? The last time I had a friend group was in college. Finally, I specifically asked about long distance friendships. If a friend is local one would be more likely (but not at all guaranteed, it depends on interests) to meet that person’s other local friends. For people who live where they grew up and their friends do too that probably seems like the norm. If you left your area of…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 05:19 PM
2

What if the “friends” slept together once while drunk soon after they met, she cheated on a new love interest to do so, and then after he died she got back in contact with her “friend”? Still platonic in that situation?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 05:12 PM
2

To me, if there is any sexual desire, even if not acted upon or even given conscious thought to, it’s not platonic. Maybe I should use a different word, I dunno.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 05:08 PM
-1

In this particular instance they slept together once a few years ago (drunk, but it happened). When she confessed to her new boyfriend, the bf forbade her to talk to her “friend” again. After he died, she got back in contact. Still think it’s platonic?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 05:04 PM
3

Wow, this video is spot on. Thanks for sharing it. I was absolutely horrified by those girls on Instagram.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 04:59 PM
2

Haha well, I don’t think she’s attractive, but his track record is not to have super high standards (I’m definitely an outlier compared to any previous partner I’ve seen pictures of). They talk/text far less often than they did before he met me, which I suspect is partially because he found someone “better” and partially because he’s no longer her orbiter or a potential relationship possibility for her (so, less motivation on both their parts to keep in close contact). My guess is that the relat…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 04:08 PM
5

As I stated above in another comment, I am not referring to familial relationships in any form or fashion, but rather unrelated individuals close enough in age to roughly be peers. Nor am I referring to groups of friends, but to one on one friendships with no mutual friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 03:52 PM
-2

Um, the incest taboo?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 03:49 PM
2

So that’s a yes I agree with you men and women in said circumstances cannot be fully platonic friends then?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 03:45 PM
3

I would also consider a lifelong friendship with someone you knew in a nonsexual way for a long time because you were children to be a different sort of case.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 03:44 PM
1

I’m not talking about friend groups. I’m referring to a one on one friendship with no mutual friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 03:42 PM
5

These two responses confirm my hypothesis. If you have to compartmentalize, not act on it, but it’s always there, sexuality is still present in the relationship even if sublimated.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 03:37 PM
4

I am referring to unrelated individuals, not family members.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/21 03:34 PM
1

All of this. Plus the economic issues outlined by a previous commenter that fewer young men are participating in the work force because there are so few good jobs, making them unmarriageable and thus less attractive...it’s a perfect storm. But isolation/lack of social contact caused by the internet (as well as gaming, Netflix, more home based entertainment options) is a huge, huge part of this. You can’t get better at something if you don’t practice and the path of least resistance is just to op…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/21 02:13 PM
1

I know right? I was flabbergasted but didn’t know much about the subject at the time. A little digging was all I could stand before I became too nauseated to continue. But yeah. Apparently it’s common along with a lot of other f’ed up shit.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/21 09:15 PM
1

I quit Instagram.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/21 06:54 PM
1

Yep. I give thanks every day that I am part of the last generation to grow up without the internet and have a partner who would choose sex with me over porn any day of the week.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/21 06:48 PM
3

Worse than live action porn because it gives even more unrealistic expectations to the boys who consume it about what women and men look like and how their bodies respond sexually. I legit saw a thread on r/sex a while back where a young woman’s boyfriend thought there was something wrong with her or that she lied about orgasming, I can’t remember which, because milk didn’t shoot out of her nipples during sex, which he had been led to believe was biological reality. Fuck hentai.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/21 06:44 PM
1

Ummmmmm....what do you think men did for hundreds of thousands of years to rub one out before the internet and smartphones (and magazines if you care to go back that far in terms of the definition)? If they thought about anything at all, instead of just enjoying the physical sensations, they used their imaginations. Amazing how all of human history before the 20th century somehow doesn’t count.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/21 06:40 PM
1

Women don’t feel the same about looks as men do in my experience. Men do care about personality for a relationship but women care more. And less about looks because (as I keep trying to say and no one ever believes me) my evaluation of looks is dependent on personality.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/21 01:00 AM
1

So that’s a yes, then? Got it.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/21 12:57 AM
1

I mean...no one wants to feel compromised for. I guess thin women with big tits are the only ones with value?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/21 12:56 AM
1

And it’s straight fucked up both ways. How shallow are we going to get before we hit bottom?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/21 07:56 PM
1

But they would prefer it.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/21 07:50 PM
1

Yes, they are, and they are doing a major disservice to the women they are using.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/21 11:12 AM
2

Nonphysical attraction = friendship, not a romantic relationship. A romantic relationship includes sexual attraction by definition imo. If he was not attracted to her body but liked her as a person, he should have sought out a platonic friendship, or at a minimum have told her upfront that he was not physically attracted to her.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/21 08:21 PM
2

Exactly. Men are so visually focused that they fundamentally misunderstand the nature of female sexual attraction. A picture of [fill in male celebrity of the moment here, I don’t know any of their names] does absolutely nothing for me sexually. Zero. Nada.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/21 07:32 PM
0

Omg I am so sorry you went through that. No one deserves to be strung along for 2 years by someone who is just using them or staying out of convenience or whatever it is. You deserve so much better. Don’t settle for less. Hugs 🤗
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/21 07:29 PM
2

I read the title of this post and laughed out loud. In a word, no, I would never be okay with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/21 07:19 PM
1

That’s such a load of crap. Women may articulate it more but men are the ones who care about boobs, chub, cellulite, cankles, whatever. It’s not like women are going around seeking reasons to hate themselves. They come to us.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/21 03:15 PM
3

So everyone should get a BBL to achieve this fetishized body shape that comes from animation. Got it.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/21 02:40 PM
5

I’m saying it’s not realistic to expect that any but a handful of women’s bodies naturally look like that. This is an ideal that comes from video games and anime and it’s complete BS.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/21 11:40 AM
3

Ummmm, you know that most of those women have had a BBL, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/21 11:18 PM
1

Pretty people deny it because it benefits them. Average and ugly people who deny it do so as a cope. And frankly because it’s depressing AF. We are hardwired to even treat our own attractive babies better than our less attractive ones. There is no way to fix it or make it fair. Life outcomes hinge on dumb genetic luck (not just with respect to looks). It can make you want to run out and get hit by a bus if you think about it too much.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/21 01:17 PM
4

The scientific research on this is crystal clear. While there are a lot of individual variations, on average men have higher sex drives than women.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/21 11:28 AM
9

Women are almost universally shamed by both men and other women if they have breast implants. I mean there are a few exceptions but the accepted view is that it is a bad thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/21 04:27 PM
2

Thank you. I could not have explained it better.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/21 09:54 PM
22

I relate to this so much. I went from a relationship where my husband never communicated with me out of conflict avoidance while secretly nursing resentments to a relationship with a narcissist with whom I was always walking on eggshells and never trusted a word he said. Being in a relationship with a HVM is worlds different. If something makes me feel uncomfortable or upset, he doesn't get defensive, we talk about it, and if I need things to be a certain way because that's what makes me feel sa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 12:53 AM
3

Interesting coincidence, I'm currently taking a personality theory class and I was just reading the chapter on personality change last night. While personality does change over the course of the life span (eg, conscientiousness tends to rise, neuroticism tends to lessen somewhat), individuals are remarkably consistent with their personalities from birth. Not only that, but your inborn personality affects how your parents and everyone else responds to you, creating either positive or negative fee…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/21 11:23 AM
2

I think at the time that she wrote this (like almost 35 years ago), it was probably mostly true. I still personally believe men and women can't legitimately be friends, but maybe that's because I've never had a male friend who didn't want to have sex with me - acquaintances certainly, but not a friend.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/21 02:30 PM
0

I wish you hadn't removed your post, fortunately I read it before you did. As a woman who has had social difficulties at times in my life and has felt unattractive at certain stages, I have some sympathy for young men who feel like the deck is stacked against them romantically. But, to completely opt out because you believe there is no hope is to reduce women to a Stacy stereotype that simply isn't true. There is a lid for every pot, truly. I know the process of finding that person can suck, but…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/21 08:27 PM
17

Anecdata here, but I'm white and have a BMI of 19, considered attractive by many, and I read that sub. I'm not drinking kool-aid and I don't agree with all of it by any stretch (e.g. putting men down as a group, using epithets, body shaming men) but I find it interesting and some aspects of it refreshing. I consider myself more of a lurker but I am subscribed and have already gotten banned from another sub for ever having commented there.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/21 01:03 PM
0

I think that is true for some people but I conceptualize and experience it differently. Looks are like a pass/fail bar you have to clear in order to then sexually attract me. There are some men I would never be attracted to regardless. But if you clear that hurdle looks become very unimportant (within reason, I wouldn't be okay with a partner gaining 100 lbs for example). Maybe we are saying essentially the same thing in two different ways. But it is true that men weight looks more heavily than …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/21 02:01 PM
1

I haven't been in male-only spaces so I can't speak to that side of it, but I have heard it in popular culture (like if a man is a jerk to someone or buys a large vehicle people will often say he's making up for that) my whole life. There was a storyline in Sex and the City in which Samantha dated someone who was an outlier on the small end (3 inches hard) and she eventually broke up with him but there were a lot of jokes before she did. In real life, I haven't heard a ton of it, but women do co…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/21 01:50 PM
1

Yeah, it's a fine line. I have been in relationships with guys who were very attracted to my body type and while I'm not offended per se, I like to be found attractive like anyone else...when someone picks me because I fit some 0.5% of the population narrow ideal they have for appearance, that makes me very uncomfortable as it indicates that they are extremely shallow and would lose attraction to me if something about my appearance changed, so they aren't genuinely interested in me as a person. …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/21 01:11 PM
1

Perhaps that was a bit unfair; what I meant to say is that I believe men weight looks more heavily in assessing whether they want to be in a relationship with someone than men do. Like if women weight looks at 15-20%, men rate them at something like 35-40%. It doesn't mean you can be a bitch and get away with it just because you're hot indefinitely.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/21 05:34 PM
1

I'm just confused now. I don't understand what you're trying to prove or why you insist on telling me that I am lying when I have literally no reason to do so. I understand having a belief that runs so deep that one can't believe that anyone could disagree. I believe that all men prefer extremely large breasts on a thin body. No matter how many men tell me this is not their preference, that they prefer small, that they don't care, that it's not important to them, whatever, some part of me cannot…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 06:20 PM
1

I did not say I settled. I said that he is different from most men I've dated in the past (hair color, eye color, build) and that I wouldn't have chosen him solely on looks -- because I wouldn't choose anyone solely on looks. I did not use the word settle so please stop saying I said something I did not say.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 05:51 PM
1

I did not say that I settled for him and I don't feel that way in the slightest. If anything, I don't deserve him. But if you want to ruin your life with black pill ideology, go right ahead. Just leave me out of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 05:23 PM
1

In fact, I do. But you will believe what you want, again because you think that women's lust works the way men's lust works. It does not, at least not for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 04:40 PM
1

I just don't really understand this point of view at all. The only way I can make sense of it is to say okay, for men other attributes are simply weighted less heavily than raw physical appearance, and for women it is the opposite. And there are all sorts of biological and evolutionary reasons why this might be the case. To the extent that young women today are adopting a more male perspective that looks matter above all else, if indeed that is happening, I find that tragic. Social media is fuck…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 02:57 PM
1

No one wants to be settled for.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 11:42 AM
2

I'm sorry your view of the world is so dark. I am physically attracted to him, physical attraction is holistic, it is not about 6 pack abs or a jaw line you can cut glass with. Maybe as you get older you'll start to understand this. I'll tell you what will keep you from ever being happy though: deciding it can't happen before you've ever even tried.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 11:39 AM
-1

I match(ed, since I'm taken now) based on the profile and my perception of our potential compatibility. I'm not going to say that I never ruled people out based on looks, but I have never swiped right on a 8-10. Never.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 06:06 AM
-1

I think cold approach is frowned upon now bc of OLD but in any event you don't have that much more to go on. I'm taking about either meeting through traditional channels (school, work, mutual friends) or a deeper dive OLD. I met my bf on OK cupid. I couldn't tell much about his looks from his pictures and he is a different physical type than I've ever dated in several respects. But we had 97% compatibility on the app's algorithm and we just started talking about politics and shared interests and…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 06:02 AM
1

Y'all are going to believe what you want to believe. And maybe younger women are more shallow (I'm old), but I'd be willing to bet even then it's only the most vapid and looks obsessed women (obsessed with their own looks) who are this way. It does not jibe with anything I've ever experienced in my life.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 05:52 AM
1

I mean I guess if you're talking about hookups, maybe. But when I'm looking for someone to love, looks are a relatively small part of the equation.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 05:49 AM
-2

I think this is a misunderstanding of how women experience attraction. Men think it's all about looks because for them it is. Women (most of them anyway) don't operate like that. I can't swipe right on a picture because a picture gives me very little information, not nearly enough to know whether I would be attracted to that person. I don't know until the in person meeting. That's why women only swipe on 20%; they can and would be attracted to a broader range but cannot tell that from a picture …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 02:27 AM
4

I find it hilarious that men think that women have higher physical standards than men do for their relationship partners (everyone knows men will slum it to get their dicks wet). That just has not been what I have witnessed at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/03/21 02:16 AM
1

I don't know. I think I didn't like myself very much and thought I didn't deserve better (still don't, truth be told).
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/21 01:17 AM
1

Well mostly I didn't know they were awful people until after.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/21 05:24 PM
1

In this particular instance, the personality differences between the two men were preexisting and had nothing to do with me except insofar as my ex's personality interacted poorly with mine. (Not to get into too much detail but he is a people pleaser, conflict avoidant in the extreme, and has hangups about sex, among other things, and I am none of those things). I understand what you're asking and what I'm saying is that in this particular case - not speaking to anyone else's experience - the pe…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/21 07:01 PM
4

Well, I do love him more as it happens. But, the point I was trying to make is that sexual attractiveness is not reducible to physical appearance. There's a lot more involved, including compatibility. So my situation doesn't follow the 6-6-6-6 framework or whatever the kids are saying women require now. The reasons my current partner is more sexually attractive are primarily about personality.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/21 05:49 PM
7

I know what you want to believe - that no one could ever truly love you because of your looks. Welcome to women's world. But, if I showed you pictures and resumes of both of them side by side, you likely wouldn't be able to guess who was who.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/21 05:35 PM
2

It works better because he knows how to communicate and our personalities are more compatible, imo. If you never argue, that's just as much of a bad sign as if you always argue. Learned that the hard way.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/21 04:56 PM
6

Divorce. After a number of years. I am now in a relationship with someone to whom I am highly attracted (not just physically, he's not a model, but we are compatible and that is inherently attractive) and I finally understand what is possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/21 03:44 PM
3

Frankly, I didn't understand what sexual attraction was back then. I liked people who liked me, meaning attraction was always initiated by the other person, I never got crushes on anyone after one experience asking a guy out in high school. The best sex I'd had was with men who I didn't like very much, awful people who I'd never have a relationship with, and so any attraction to someone who showed interest and seemed like a good person to share a life with was a vast improvement over everything …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/21 03:39 PM
5

To be perfectly honest, there was a little attraction at first but not much, and it did wane, but it was more the result of sexual incompatibility and his refusal to talk about sex at all (among other factors on his side) that killed the attraction. I don't know what settling is. Does it mean any relationship in which your partner is a human being with flaws? Any relationship in which your partner isn't a collection of the body parts you would order out of a catalog? As others have said, relatio…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/21 02:59 PM
1

Sure, there are men who I would never be attracted to regardless. But I can't tie it to anything concrete like height, hair color, eye color, facial hair, body type, etc. It's idiosyncratic.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/21 12:13 AM
1

I care more about personality, intelligence, and chemistry. That's what makes a person physically attractive to me. Maybe I'm weird but that's what I like. 🤷‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/21 11:39 PM
-3

I think it's incredibly shallow to have a physical type in terms of hair color, eye color, and such. I can understand not wanting to date someone obese but beyond that I also think it's shallow to have a body type preference. My type is intelligent, can hold his own in a conversation with me, is sexually compatible, is attracted to me physically, and treats me the way I deserve to be treated. (And is within my age range of course, not looking to cradle rob). And there are damn few men out there …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/21 10:27 PM
1

Yes, I define myself primarily by my physicality. It's an extremely psychologically unhealthy way to live, zero stars, do not recommend.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/21 05:46 PM
78

And what does it say about popular entertainment that we all thought "Outlander" immediately because we can't think of any other scene in any other show where a man is sexually tortured?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 05:21 PM
8

I have to admit, as a 40something woman with a BMI of 19, being slim and fit is like currency in the dating world. Especially at this age, it is pretty rare (less rare among urbanites but still not anywhere near ubiquitous).
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/21 08:36 PM
3

I would not date a man who I thought was "out of my league." I'd be too insecure that he'd find someone more attractive and never be able to relax in the relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/21 10:10 PM
9

I had never thought of it this way before but this is 100% spot on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 05:31 PM
102

As a woman, I used this feature so that I didn't get a bunch of low quality matches to have to wade through. I wanted the pool of men who could see my profile to consist only of those who met my baseline standards. So it can be used legitimately. But I can definitely see how men could use it to cheat as well. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 03:54 PM
25

All of this. Someone once asked me to name 5 celebrities I was attracted to and I couldn’t think of even one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 01:11 PM
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