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Legitimate-Error-633 Archive

View 0 posts and 99 comments by Legitimate-Error-633 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

I’m not bitter about romance or marriage, but I’m bitter about the ambition I had to be a “good” man. To live with honesty and integrity. Happy wife, happy life. That hasn’t worked out well for me at all. It always ends in cheating. In that aspect, divorce is exciting. Clean slate. It’s now about me.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 11:21 AM
2

It’s actually a lot of fun. Once you are ready though. Also know there is no age limit for dating BS like ghosting. I waited about a year, then had a year of fun with the apps and now I’m just ready to live life and eventually organically run into someone. The apps don’t give you that butterfly feeling of chemistry before you go on a date. I wouldn’t dive straight into dating, as this is a unique chance to evaluate your life and decide how you are going to shape the rest of it. Plus, unresolved …
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 11:53 AM
1

Don’t go off Reddit, but head to r/Infidelity You’ll find hundreds of similar cases there & advice on how to cope with the betrayal.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 01:06 AM
8

You have integrity, well done.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 06:41 AM
5

I know it sucks to be in this situation, but since it involves your daughter’s school (? Or just Jiu Jitsu school?): do you want your child to be subjected to that drama at school? My wife cheated with her boss but I decided not to out them as I didn’t want my kids to pick up on bitter co-parenting. I still told people close to me what happened - some already guessed.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 01:57 AM
5

Don’t let her pull the wool over your eyes. The coworker was around before she left you. That’s how you get the ‘It came out of nowhere’ rug pulled from under your feet. There is always some bs story about ‘we have been growing apart for years’ without a single mention of that other guy who ‘just gets me’.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 01:19 PM
2

I’m not even sure if alimony is a thing in Australia (where I live) but here it was pretty much a formula: parent A earns X percent and has the kids Y percent of the time, parent B earns Z percent and has the kids A percent = child support is XX and should be paid to parent XX The trick here is to find the break even point. My ex asked to have the kids just one more day per month - surprise surprise, it would have tipped me over from receiving to paying.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 12:14 PM
5

And the irony, it’s women that make the biggest fuzz about writing these vows. Like poems. Well actually that’s all they are now, just a poem.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 10:11 AM
8

I don’t think I’ll marry again. I don’t really see the point of it. Thought I’d found the one, that exploded - 20 years down the drain. Dating? Sure. Living together? Maybe.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 02:46 AM
3

I thought exactly the same. Infidelity can destroy. If yes, do both of you a favour and get divorced. Lawyers and the law will determine how much will change after that point.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 03:05 AM
3

I hate the sunglasses on dating apps. How can I see what you look like when on every photo, you cover your face with sunglasses!
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 02:19 AM
5

Tell him to get lost. And you are right, you are under no obligation to tell any of them (including their mum) what you are doing with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 12:50 PM
2

That’s right, “you should have put a ring on it” doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. They pull the same stuff anyways, married or not.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 12:32 AM
5

I want to find someone who likes me just as much as I like them. Someone who communicates openly. Also giving up on the concept of finding ‘the one’. Any red flags regarding past infidelity are a hard no. I don’t care what your reasons were. I never want to go through that crap again.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 09:39 PM
6

💯 In my case she was cheating. I had to give up on the idea of justice in the form of her admitting. I just went with her actions and the truckload of information I had and left. I can still hear her justify sneaking another man into our house, “we just talked, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to upset you” - and of course it took CCTV footage for her to admit the dude was there in the first place. Their actions, not their words…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 10:00 PM
12

I really don’t want to pigeon-hole entire genders, but the thing I learned from my failed marriage is that women don’t seem to be the great communicators they claim they are.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 09:47 PM
2

Universities pay well, at least where I live. And they have a clear career path, from research fellow, doctor, associate professors to professors. And within the uni you can be course director, associate head of school etc. Professors in Australia earn over 200k per year. I know because my ex hooked up with one :(
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 08:56 AM
6

Yeah, it’s hard but just assume she is sleeping with someone else. Don’t do detective work: it will destroy you mentally and you will never get the truth out of a cheater (if she already did when you were together).
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 05:27 PM
3

Funny, most of the stuff you mentioned was my responsibility in our marriage. Who would have thought you can’t pigeon hole a whole gender in the lazy box. Also when we got divorced, I booked all the appointments, got mediation and councelling organised, lawyers, got HER a place to live as well, organised the sale of the house including landscaping, marketing, photography, open houses, got the kids some counceling, renovated a bathroom, painted all the walls, organised our finances (of which she …
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 08:46 AM
6

It’s all “Happy wife, happy life” until you find out her happiness is all about her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 08:33 AM
3

Learnt some living? What?
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 08:31 AM
1

Depends on who is asking: if I don’t want to tell the truth, I usually say something like “I could no longer continue like that and had to end it” or “I would have fooled myself had I stayed”. Me being male and the person that left, is usually enough for people to draw their conclusion of what happened. So they know, without me having to explicitly tell them. You do have to bring it like that because else people are quick to think you abandoned the family.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 02:27 AM
8

Whenever I feel this way (and I do), I remember her AP was just as much a lying a-hole as she was.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 10:42 AM
15

It just sucks that they don’t share that information with you early enough. I don’t want to judge an entire gender, but I get the impression that on average women really aren’t the great communicators they think they are. At least not in relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 06:38 PM
3

This 100%. Don’t let it show that it upsets you. That’s probably where her smile came from! Any reasonably-looking woman gets approached at some point so that’s just something we have to deal with as exes.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 10:38 PM
0

I respectfully disagree with the “this almost never happens” on the accidental text part. I know so many occasions of this happening, it happened to me twice. How do I know they didn’t do it on purpose? Because they came up with the most ludicrous, panicking lies trying to cover it up.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 11:18 PM
6

Send them return Sender!
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 11:15 PM
7

Yeah one thing I have learned: if it’s not a ‘Heck yeah!’, it’s a no. Find someone who likes you just as much as you like them.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 07:41 PM
3

I had zero confidence after years of being cheated on & being shown zero affection. It has been an eye opener to see multiple women making their interest known to me. I know this might sound weak but this kind of marriage was my reality for a few decades.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 11:16 PM
1

There is little nuance needed when you talk about cheaters (women or men). It is never someone’s fault being cheated on. Marriage failing? Sure, it takes two to tango. But that never justifies being cheated on
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 11:11 PM
4

Yes totally. I have zero affection left for my ex wife. She is a good-looking person but I know what she is capable of. Zero integrity.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 11:27 AM
1

Yep. Use it or lose it, lol. I compare it with regular exercise vs taking a few weeks break. There are some cremes and sprays that do wonders btw.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 03:00 PM
4

I’m in a similar situation and have learned: find someone who likes you just as much as you like them. Then it will all go fluently. If they don’t like you as much - you’ve seen how that feels. If they like you too much - I met a girl who wanted to build a house with me after our third date… that’s not it either.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 02:56 PM
14

Yes. Down to the little things. My ex had a habit of putting empty food boxes and wrappers back in the pantry/fridge etc. Whenever I called her out on it, she would get almost angry and blame me or the kids instead (the wrappers would be way up too high on the shelves for kids). Of course when she ended up cheating it was another web of lies, she even blamed me for the fact she secretly invited the other guy into our house. I occasionally visit her at her new home and I laugh now when I see her …
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 02:31 PM
5

The divorce was relieve, but the years of being cheated on prior did a number on me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 10:48 AM
2

When you are around that age and single again, you realise there isn’t really a stigma against divorced people… because lots of your dates will be divorced. The stigma is more against people who have never had a proper relationship at that age.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 03:43 AM
8

Cheaters will do and say anything to hide and shift blame for their affair. They can’t be the villain of their own story. I would take anything she has accused you of with a grain of salt. She cheated. That’s all you need to know. Good luck with your recovery.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 09:42 AM
13

When I finally dragged my wife to couple councelling, she told the councillor and myself that “we had obviously been drifting apart for years”. It was the first time in 18 years together she ever mentioned anything like that. The way I experienced it, she had suddenly become distant, cold, was on her phone texting a lot & protecting the thing like a hawk, didn’t want to go on dates anymore, didn’t want intimacy, started dressing a lot better and spent an awful lot of time and energy with her bos…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 12:08 AM
14

Have a look at r/Infidelity OP. I have a feeling you’re going to need it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 09:46 AM
7

Yup I concur. Lots of red flags.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 09:42 AM
10

I’m with you. The cheater spider sense is going off reading OP’s story.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 09:38 AM
1

Yeah in 2026 I’m going to focus on health and social life. Sorry to hear you are in an isolated town as well, at least I’m in a metropolitan area.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 08:24 AM
8

What part is gaslighting though?
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 08:21 AM
4

Yeah I hear you, I moved to the country where my (now ex)wife is from, which is about 10,000 miles from my home country. Literally halfway across the world. It sucks having to go through this alone.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 08:17 AM
9

Yes. It’s cheating. Emotional cheating, which many people will describe as just as hurtful as physically cheating. My ex wife did both (first emotional, then physical). 4 years later, I don’t care about them doing it anymore, but the emotional betrayal still hurts to the day.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 02:07 AM
3

I told my boss and they were actually very supportive (they went through the same). I’m glad I did because in all honesty, the ordeal did affect my performance at work a bit. Ruminating thoughts, lack of sleep, legal appointments, how could it not? Good people leaders should be emphatic as well, my boss even figured out my partner cheated. I never told her but she implied after a few drinks during the Xmas office party, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 08:30 PM
16

Usually when they are talking to someone else at the time they ask for a separation, you can safely assume that is part of the reason - another person in the picture. It’s called monkey branching (or depending what they already did, it’s called cheating). Never chase someone who doesn’t want you. Silver lining, it’s time to focus on you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 08:07 AM
6

That’s not the part I celebrate. I celebrate the release from the mental load of being with a lying manipulating cheating person.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:14 AM
2

“Amazing glow up over a year” My spider sense is going off. That glow up might have been for someone. Not that it matters now….
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 12:32 PM
2

Only had that one twice, and it was jokingly. But still not nice to hear.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 11:11 AM
5

I get the “why did she leave” or “what did you do” occasionally. What did I do? I divorced her rear end after she was screwing her boss. Even if I explain the cheating, I sometimes get the “what did you do to make her cheat”. sigh
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 05:27 AM
12

Most cheaters don’t feel guilt, like at all. Cant be the villain in your own story. So they make you the villain. The proper term for this is cognitive dissonance. They can’t mix their belief of ‘I am a good person’ with the fact they did a horrible thing. So they come up with a narrative where they just had to cheat. Criminals do the same: I just had to steal, I had not choice.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 09:49 PM
3

I can’t stress this enough. OP, don’t cheap out on legal advice. You are in the fortunate position to be able to afford it. And lots to lose. For each grand you spend on legal advice you probably save a hundred-fold of it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 11:50 PM
5

It doesn’t matter in which account it is sitting, it all goes on one pile when it gets to asset division. Cars, shares, evrything will be counted and you are not allowed to withhold Information. Your lawyers will be able to tell you what the rules are regarding divorce and inheritances. If you can’t agree with your wife on an arrangement, the law can tell you. Your wife might say she is entitled to some/half of the inheritance, that doesn’t mean it’s true. Ask your lawyer. Don’t get emotional, k…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 11:27 PM
0

Yeah my guess is she does want to buy a home, just not with OP. Sorry OP!
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 08:37 PM
12

“There was no affair”. Are you sure? Cheaters lie and my spidey sense is going off just reading this.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 06:17 AM
5

She cheated. Did the whole spiel of ‘we have been growing apart for years”. Therefore, I hope to find someone who can communicate properly including when times are bad, and someone who doesn’t spread their legs when they receive some compliments from the other sex.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 02:22 AM
1

Just treat it like white noise. Her trying to trigger you is not your problem anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 06:18 PM
7

Mine too. I have her on video with her AP in our house. It’s pathetic.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 06:15 PM
8

I noticed her moaning, not mourning.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 05:29 PM
10

They are all the same. Cant be the villain of your own story. They are like criminals getting caught.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 05:24 PM
13

As soon as I read “our marriage has been over for years” I knew your ex was a cheater.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 05:20 PM
5

It was amazing. The sex with my ex had stopped 2 years prior, and was of abysmal quality anyways (she was cheating at the time, and stopped any effort in our bedroom). It was so nice to be with someone who was actually excited to hit the sack with me and rip the clothes off my body. There was zero weirdness, it was more a realisation of what I had been missing out on & what sex is supposed to be. “See, it wasn’t for my lack of trying” is what I said in my head.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 05:23 AM
18

I love the implied contradictions in these lists. “Looking for kind, calm, assertive, approachable successful CEO who spends heaps of time with me and the kids. Must be comedian too” kind of thing. She who casts the first stone…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 03:40 AM
2

To be honest it was mainly a problem in the first few months of our separation. She would also bring them presents here etc., crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 10:25 PM
6

When my ex started doing this, I asked the kids to talk to her in their rooms. I didn’t t tell them the reason though, which is that her voice is triggering me. Once it became clear to my ex that I wasn’t aware of when she was or wasn’t calling, she stopped calling so often. I also told the kids no screens/phones between 8pm and 8am, as it interrupts bedtime and getting ready for school.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 12:09 PM
8

Nope. We didn’t have sex for the last two years of our marriage, and none afterwards. She was cheating for years and that made her unattractive to me anyways.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 06:52 PM
6

This is true. But hopefully without the admin trail this time.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 10:12 PM
9

“Husband, I dont want you to hang out with Comfortable-Angle anymore, he has a bad influence on you!”
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 09:46 PM
6

Nah mate not me, I went along the first time and that just ended up with her hooking up with her boss. I will never be the easy-going, peacekeeping “happy wife, happy life” guy again.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 09:43 PM
7

I went on a health binge: proper food, gym and exercise, lots of water and sleep. If you keep doing that, there will come a moment that other people will come to you and tell you that you are sexy and confident. That’s when you know… you’re back. The mental aspect, still figuring that out.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 07:13 AM
3

This has got to be fake… “I cheated discretely, out of town. It’s ok because I didn’t get caught.” Get out of town! Take accountability for your actions. In a way you are no better than she is.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 07:09 AM
15

I wasn’t attracted at all anymore. There was infidelity and she refused to admit, despite glaring evidence. That made her character so ugly that I wasn’t interested in the rest anymore. Sure sometimes I peek at her behind if she wears good-looking jeans etc. but I do that with any woman.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 09:19 AM
3

None of this excuses infidelity. Accountability nowhere in sight. Sometimes the women are just the shitty person in the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 01:17 AM
2

Yep. Little research has been done, but from memory the research that exists shows that about 95% of relationships born out of infidelity do not last. Once the cheaters fully commit, the thrill is gone and the realisation that the foundation of the relationship is born on lies, dopamine and manipulation is a harsh truth. Hey they would never betray ME right? Just their partner in marriage. Source: Not Just Friends by Dr Shirley Glass.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 01:15 AM
2

Sounds like your wife underestimated your ability to meet other women. Are you sure she didn’t just suggest an open marriage as an excuse for her to see someone she already met? And then the shock of realising that open marriages actually work BOTH ways got to her.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 01:12 AM
15

OP, this is very relatable. My situation is almost identical, we separated about a year ago and divorce is nearly done. I moved halfway across the world (Europe to Australia) to be with my then-wife, so the invisible leash is strong here. My support network is about 10,000 miles away (literally) and of course I want to stay near the kids. A few things I have learned: - comparison is the thief of joy. People are rarely honest about their finances (‘I worked hard for this’ could be an inheritance …
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/25 07:52 PM
1

Healthy cooking and drink plenty of water. I’ve been told that a man who knows how to cook is sexy, so there’s that… it’s an investment for your future dating life as well.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 11:51 PM
1

Word of (hopefully) wisdom, and fishermen won’t like this: most women are not a fan of the fish posing pics. So keep your hobby to yourself if you wish to meet someone lol.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 11:50 PM
3

To be honest I’d prefer dating a single mum. At least they have experience with kids and you shouldn’t have to confront your kids with a lady who has never dealt with raising kids before. The conflicting schedule sucks though. Would your ex be open to moving weekends around?
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 11:31 PM
9

Yeah a lot of red flags in her behaviour there. You say you are hyper-vigilant but your partner is literally away from home almost 50% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 03:21 AM
4

Wasn’t it statistically proven that happily married couples live longer? Got to be a reason for that.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 08:02 PM
4

‘In her mind’. Don’t you know, we are all supposed to read our spouse’s mind.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 09:49 PM
17

I’ve also accepted that women get chased by men continuously - married or not. So there will always be a chance some other dude is trying to get into her pants. I will never ignore red flags again, and if they are open to that external validation, go be single.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 12:47 AM
33

I’ve thrown the pedestal in the bin, never to be used again. In my next relationship, we will be equals. Warts and all. No more ‘happy wife, happy life’. Instead it will be ‘happy pair, that’s fair’. Happy wives get bored and start affairs.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 12:36 AM
2

She tried to dump the dog with me, even though she was the one that wanted to get a dog. I love the dog but don’t want her full time (she has anxiety and doesn’t handle being alone very well). The dog now goes with the kids. So when I have the kids, I have the dog as well. The downside of that is that there is more contact with the ex at handover, because we need to hand over the dog as well.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 09:23 PM
7

I was lucky, she left her phone face-upwards in a rare occasion and I saw a notification pop up from an app called Wickr Me. Took me two months to see the messages. Good luck, it will be a shock but also relief when you find the evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 08:17 AM
12

Sleeping with her phone is another red flag actually, IMO. Is she protective of her phone? Tilts the screen away from you when you walk by, leaves it face-down during dinner, etc? Closes apps when you pop up next to her? Red flag parade.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 08:11 AM
10

IT guys will like Signal, Telegram, WhatsApp or Discord. Or second accounts for email. Check their battery usage or if you have access, their app purchase history. Of course I’m not a fan of snooping, but I’m also not a fan of spouses f-ing other people.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 08:08 AM
16

Check her battery usage. It will show which apps are being used. Common apps for affairs are Signal and Telegram, as well as more common ones like Snapchat and WhatsApp but also things like Discord and just plain email. Mine used Wickr Me before that got dismantled by Amazon because it was notoriously being used by criminals and pedophiles. Class act she was!
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 08:04 AM
1

Also, this might sound stupid but it also helped to hear that her AP had medical issues. He needed neck surgery, did his back and (just like me) he started to bald. It made me realise that I wasn’t abandoned for some sort of Adonis, just another dude with bad morals.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 08:02 PM
2

Yeah it’s but one of many examples how cheating destroys. I just didn’t feel wanted and attractive. Hence, it’s a good time to work on yourself in the gym and in the kitchen. The little guy will wake up in time.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 07:59 PM
9

I think this is completely normal for men who have been cheated on. Happened to me as well. I’m 42. ED for ages. And then, one day, the libido just came back. For me it was the realisation that it was just the cheating ex who was no longer interested in me - but other women very much were. Once I was ready to start dating again, there were no issues.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 02:53 AM
3

Same with gaslighting. True gaslighting is horrendous, it is cringeworthy to see it being used as a buzzword.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 12:52 AM
2

40/60. It’s been ok so far.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 08:10 AM
1

This is a good call-out. I just started our schedule and am not sure how to communicate with the kids when they are with their mum. Only the oldest has a messenger app. They contact me occasionally and vice versa, but definitely no routine ‘good night/morning’. I might reach out to them more often
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 11:22 PM
1

But it does adversely affect him. She told some lies about him to her family. That can hurt him in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 07:18 AM
12

She doesn’t want to hurt you but at the same time bad-mouths you to her family. Yeah, that doesn’t fly. I would tell her family. They will of course still pick her side but at least you get to keep your dignity and respect.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 06:52 AM
9

Yeah I recognise this feeling. It’s early days, separated in April this year and have been on a few coffee dates and been chatting & texting. I feel a bit like I’ve awoken from a time capsule from 25 years ago, and the dating world has changed. Being ghosted, being one out of many men competing for the attention of one girl via constant online validation, dating apps, it’s just so… exhausting. I think I’ll spend a decade alone and work on myself instead.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 11:07 AM
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