TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

LieberAal Archive

View 2 posts and 147 comments by LieberAal on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
8

I also went out with an economist before and he was a catastrophe as well. Identified as a libertarian, worshipped Amazon and Elon Musk and felt so smart while arguing inane points like he'd be a millionaire if we lived in a society without a state. Lol dude, you're on the bottom of the food chain and will be the first enslaved by your boss and slumlord.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 01:07 AM
6

I don't think I possess the right words to properly express how I feel about your mother treating you like this. Parents like this can get fucked - or actually, better not, as they should have never procreated in the first place. You and I and all other children going through this deserved monumentally better parents. I do view my dad with pity these days, because how weak does one have to be to tear down an innocent child. My dad used to say the same as your mother, that I couldn't possibly be …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 12:23 AM
21

I'm so proud of you telling him to fuck off and I understand the struggle only too well! Especially the part where you said "he was almost everything I wanted", I'm sure I've said something along these lines before. It helped me to understand that most attributes I look for in a man are bloody important factors in the overall equation, especially his decency. If his decency is a 0 (like your guy's decency when he played you for sex only to slide back into your DMs after ghosting you for a year) …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 11:33 PM
3

Your words mean a lot to me, thank you so much kind stranger! :-) I think I could have just as easily turned into a ruined existence, but my dad's poor opinion about my worth + the bullying in school had instilled in me that I needed to prove all of them wrong (which in itself is not true and a harmful way of thinking). But it did keep me safe of more immediately self-destructive compensation behaviours like alcohol, drugs or aversion to authority in school etc. As a child/teenager I always felt…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 10:53 PM
7

I think you might be onto something. It's quite interesting that he couldn't present any major milestone/achievement (getting published, overcoming childhood trauma, deciding that he wants to start a family) where there hadn't been a woman helping him to get to that point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 10:29 PM
3

Tell me about it! Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. It's overrated and a waste of energy, no need to ever repeat this pointless journey.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 10:25 PM
4

This is exactly why I love FDS too!! While my heart aches for my sisters not exactly being showered in the HVM they deserve, it's also enormously encouraging to see that not only we're not alone but that there are so many inspirational, capable women who go through the same thing and still come out stronger and shining brighter than ever at the other end. I wish to you from the bottom of my heart that a kindred spirit HVM will cross your path but even if he doesn't materialise, never stop valuin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 10:22 PM
0

This was my impression as well. "The one" just recognised him as the narcissist he is and chose better. The others got swept off their feet and lost themselves and any notion of what's an acceptable treatment in the process. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 10:07 PM
6

This is such a good point! I think there have definitely been men in my past that looked much better through the rose-coloured glasses of selective memory and nostalgia.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 09:24 PM
6

I do actually agree with this. In my experience a single guy in his 30s is bad news. He is either a serial monogamist, strung along a forever girlfriend or has been sleeping around for a decade. But what does that mean for ladies in their 30s when it comes to dating (obviously they can still live their best lives single)? Should they just give it up for now and wait for the first batch of HVM widowers to become available (as harsh as this sounds) or should they age down and date guys in their tw…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 09:08 PM
1

But I said again and again that I only wrote about the date to help other women on here. I meant to make this post as a kindness for a community I appreciate and want to contribute to. Yet you make this out to be some "disturbing" and "worrying signs" about my mental health when I literally just wanted to share an experience to FDS that would be as helpful to others as their posts of their dates have been to me. You never said anything about me? Yes of course you did. You said that I was replayi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 08:09 PM
-1

Wait, where did I write about his family having money and connections? They are artists and philosophers. I don't think they have much money at all, it's not like these professions pay much. Honestly, why are you all inventing things?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 07:46 PM
-1

God you are condescending lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 07:41 PM
0

Sorry but you are simply wrong about me. Idk what else to say, you are obviously free to have your opinion, even though your assumptions about me couldn't be more wrong. :/ I didn't find him intriguing because of his "pedigree" as I'm neither a dog breeder, nor British. If you must know, I consider class hierarchies as detrimental to any society and especially so in the British case. As stated clearly in my OP, I had been looking for someone to share my interest in arts and philosophy for many y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 07:38 PM
7

You encapsulated everything I tried to express poorly with far too many words (thanks ADD lol) so eloquently in three sentences. This is wisdom right here and deserves its own post!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 07:10 PM
7

You got this! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 06:54 PM
6

Actually his accent was an unexpected disappointment too! XD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 06:21 PM
15

Right?! Then again it does seem to work on many otherwise intelligent women and I can confirm that it would have worked on me in the past. I suspect there are enough women out there conditioned by trauma to put up with shit like that and still thank him for it. These narcs just need to go on enough dates and they'll meet another victim eventually.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 06:02 PM
23

Omg I had the exact same thought during this date!! You are spot-on with your analysis of guys like him. I too am absolutely convinced that one day he'll marry whoever comes his way that moment. I never gave him my number in the first place and unmatched him on the dating app as soon as I got home. XD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 05:47 PM
11

I'm sorry but if you blatantly misstate the situation and paint me as some crazy, overly emotional woman, who drags out childhood trauma on a first date, I cannot imagine your condescending and frankly unnecessary advice coming from a kind place. It's "touching a nerve" because you lie about me and draw a very offensive caricature of me based entirely on your (false) assumptions. Of course I'm annoyed at someone taking my story and twisting it so that it couldn't be further removed from reality.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 05:32 PM
12

Holy shit, I did NOT talk about any pain and trauma to this guy. I mentioned this in this post to draw parallels to my past pickme behaviour and explain why this shit would have worked on me pre-FDS. I did not tell this guy anything about any pain or trauma of mine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 04:38 PM
26

He proposed the casual relationship at the end of the date when we had already finished eating. I just said "I'm sorry, but this isn't an option for me. It was nice getting to know you a bit better but I think I'm ready to leave". He then paid, helped me into my coat and waited with me for my Uber. He even offered to order me an Uber, but I refused as I didn't want him to have my address. I had never given him my phone number in the first place and unmatched him on the dating app when I got home…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 04:33 PM
26

I completely agree with you. It was rude and unnecessary to keep bringing up other women at a date with someone, who should have been his entire focus. He wasn't socially unaware as far as I could tell. It was more a case of him getting away with it all his life thanks to the libfem society we live in. I'm sure plenty of women have told him how awesome he is for speaking so highly of his exes, for sharing his "vulnerabilities", for "putting his mental health over a relationship" (as if the used …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 04:16 PM
15

They did actually come up more organically in the conversation than my write-up makes it seem like. The ex, who helped him with his masters thesis, came up when we talked about university and our degrees. The ex, who got him into therapy, came up when we talked about both of us having lived abroad in the same city years ago. I asked him why he left that city and he told me, his mental health had been on the decline there, that he had that ex who helped him through it, but in the end he still cho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 03:51 PM
17

You are a wonderful commenter <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 03:39 PM
17

The behaviour you described from this guy is appalling wtf. You don't want to be friends with someone, who is comfortable with using and then abandoning you so callously. What an awful awful person. I have been there and I know it's so hard to turn away, because you always think you can get back that wonderful person from the love-bombing stage if only you are patient and self-sacrificing enough. It's a monumental fallacy as that person was never real. That wonderful person never existed in the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 03:38 PM
5

Thank you so much for the kind words! :-) Yes, drawing the parallels I found so important and it was my objective for the whole write-up, but I think this is precisely what made the whole post confusing and messy to read lol. Oh well...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 03:10 PM
7

The chivalrous and well-mannered behaviour I observed at the date. So, for instance, he got up from his chair to greet me, pulled out my chair, took my coat (and later helped me put it on again). We were given only one menu at first, he immediately passed it on to me, asked me what I would like in a way that was different from the question when it's being asked in a purely functional manner like "so what are you ordering". I cannot remember his exact wording, but essentially he asked in a way th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 02:59 PM
31

I agree 100%! The "moving on to focus on you" part is the most crucial.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 02:38 PM
54

Even better, I never gave him my number in the first place. We only texted through a dating app and I unmatched him immediately. ;-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 02:24 PM
54

To be fair, the exes came up in the conversation more organically than my run-down makes it look like, but it doesn't matter. You are 100% right, it still was highly inappropriate to mention them at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 02:21 PM
52

It's completely fine and to be honest, I found this to be a rather entertaining experience, seeing for the first time how accurate FDS is in real life. At one point when he mentioned that girlfriend, who he used as a therapist, I actually had to cover up a chuckle with a cough because I was like "WTF, it's like he's parodying the scrote-archetype of some FDS post" ... only the field-meme was missing XD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 02:12 PM
25

Wow, no I'm just a "wordy" person, who always struggles to express herself concisely due to ADD. I certainly didn't need to spend hours analyzing him as it was all very apparent and clear right in that moment. Of course I vetted him if he could be a permanent life partner, but I wasn't invested in him. I didn't know him in the slightest and I found him pretty unappealing once he gave me a glimpse of himself. My post was only meant to be a service to other women... I'm feeling pretty embarrassed …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 02:01 PM
32

I don't think you understand me well, I'm sorry. How am I still a pick-me if I don't ask any scrotes to pick me? I wouldn't dream of settling for this guy (or any guy like him). The only guy I'd ever want is a doting HVM unicorn, who probably doesn't exist. I have made peace with the fact that I will most likely not find him and I know that I don't need a man to live a fulfilled life. However, I'm still a sucker for romance and unfortunately, romance is the one type of love I cannot give to myse…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 01:53 PM
53

You are so spot-on. Men with these interests are indeed rare, just look at the gender imbalance in any arts and humanities faculty. And of course they know and exploit it, they will always remain scrotes. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 01:22 PM
185

Triangulation is exactly what it felt like! I think you are spot-on!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 01:10 PM
114

Lol absolutely! I didn't write it for him but for other women, who might find concrete examples of red flag behaviour helpful. I for sure do! :-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 12:52 PM
21

Meh, red flag right there if he didn’t even bother to take you to a field he knows
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 03:48 PM
10

Kit Harington even had the guts to claim that the photos showing him from a million different angles weren't of him. Must have been his long lost identical twin brother then... 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 08:40 AM
74

I have realised, they don't use their words right. "Logical" to them means "callous". But of course, saying a male politician will make better decisions than a female politician, because he will have no issue ordering military strikes on civilians in a callous and maybe even spiteful (emotional!) manner, while she will likely find a diplomatic solution due to being driven by logic and ethics, doesn't sound good. So her combination of logic and ethics is painted as "emotional", while his approach…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 11:17 AM
38

Reminds me of a line in my Arabic textbook. For context: Arabic has masculine and feminine versions of "you" and gender-specific endings for verbs in the you-form / imperative. The line was "Now [feminine imperative] stop crying and fetch the broom" ... raised a few eye-brows even amongst the pickmes in class.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 11:58 AM
33

You don't know what childhood abuse taught her to think that this is as good as it gets. This woman doesn't seem like a judgmental pickme, but like a genuine victim, who cannot grasp what's happening to her even thought it's starting to dawn on her that this can't be right. I was conditioned by my abusive father to think that abuse from men is not abuse, just part of love. It took me until the end of my twenties and many abusive relationships later until I finally learned that none of this was a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 10:45 AM
39

Many years ago I read an article in the Guardian (I think) where SAHMs from a wealthy London suburbs told how it was very common in their crowd to negotiate a salary and even high bonuses every year with their husbands for the work they do at home. IIRC they even drew up legal contracts for that. These were well educated, wealthy women, who gave up high paying careers to be at home. They were essentially the managers of the household and paid accordingly as well as given staff (like cleaners, a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 02:04 PM
12

She’s so lonely and terrified of the pain and her perceived worthlessness if nobody wants her. I know because I was her. 😞
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:15 AM
9

What were the lawn chairs for? To sit in this field he knows?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:00 PM
13

I moved to Egypt from central Europe as naive 19 year old girl to work there as an au pair. The omnipresent sexual harassment on the street quickly escalated into full-blown sexual assault on multiple occasions. I felt so steamrolled and shell-shocked and confused, especially because a lot of the pickme expat girls in my friendship circle in Cairo told me to not be so uptight and "just ignore it", "you have to understand them, it's not their fault they think that all white blonde girls are porns…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 01:39 PM
38

That field will forever be a meme on here XD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 10:37 PM
22

Most posts here detail the many abusive relationships most (all?) of us here had / are still in. Are they stupid lol?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:46 PM
10

Thank you so much for the compliment! :-) It took me so many LVM, so many tears and so much misguided attachment (while they had long forgotten about me) to get here. I’m so proud I made it. 10 years ago, I would have never been able to remain so detached and cool with any man, but now the veil has been lifted and their spells don’t work on me anymore. If anything, I’m a bit wistful about the disenchantment of falling in love, because it was a sweet feeling to be so excited about a possible Prin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 09:45 PM
41

The last FwB I had (a year ago) told me when we started seeing each other, that he didn't consider me girlfriend material because I wasn't as hot as the Instagram models he claimed to have been dating before me. He also informed me that I had to do 3 things in order to keep his interest and not lose him: 1) Shave down there, 2) wear strings and 3) let him do anal. I refused all three, but I saw immediately what a PoS this guy was. I let this go on for a couple of months because I hadn't had sex …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 09:47 AM
319

EDIT: Oh wow thank you for the gold, kind stranger! :-) -------------------- I agree with you. I find it so hard to not be upset at RBG for not retiring when offered under Obama. Then again, who could have possibly predicted just how dire democracy's situation would become only a few years later? RBG certainly thought Hillary Clinton had the election in the bag, as did most of us, that's how absurd it seemed that this caricature Donald Trump would win in the end. Still she should have played it …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 09:19 AM
2

Great taste!! I love Monica Vinader!! My favourite treat to myself too... looking at a stack of their boxes as I type this ;-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 08:09 PM
3

The sad truth is that I think it's a miracle that you got to the age of 24 without ever being sexually assaulted before. I know you'll get through this. Statistically, even the most successful women on this planet have most likely all been assaulted too at some point in their lives and yet, they didn't end up defined by that experience and continued to kick ass. And so will you! :-) Also don't feel bad for massaging his shoulders or playing nice in that situation. That was a smart move and I did…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 11:43 AM
108

I mean, it literally says in her twitter handle. Why are they so dumb? Or is it just negging?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 09:39 PM
41

I dated a string of narc abusers and ended up so traumatized that in between some of them, I was single for years on end and didn't even go on a date. I was so incredibly lonely and starved for human affection at the time that I felt physical pain. It didn't help that so many people told me that I needed to date and that I needed to hurry because I was getting old. After 4 years being single, not having sex, not even sharing a kiss with someone, I fell for another abuser, dated him for a year un…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 07:09 PM
12

Hugs to you too. It breaks my heart that you were subjected to this as well. It is so sinister. This form of abuse wrecks your entire life without the guy even laying as much of a finger on you and it's so hard to articulate to others and ourselves what the hell is happening to us. I remember telling a few friends in the early days and they were as confused as I was and kept asking me about "the other half of the story". I'm like "there is nothing else, this came out of nowhere" and they insiste…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 04:02 PM
17

You are so spot on! The love bombing is what makes all of this work. They find a vulnerable, best a previously abused woman, who is starved for love and human affection and pretend to give it to her with that love bombing. Being shown kind words and physical affection would always make me so eternally grateful and devoted to them and when they'd then flip the table I'd scramble to do everything to prove my love and my worth to them and make them stay, that's how desperate I was to not be starved…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 01:48 PM
9

I totally know what you mean with the puzzled feeling about their absurd statements. I didn't connect the dots that all of this was severe abuse until many years later. Quite to the contrary, I thought it was statistically impossible that I'd only meet abusers, so in my mind myself as the one common denominator was most likely the bad one and the problem. But even there and then in the moment I was always like "Huh... wait what ... no? This is absurd". Unfortunately I had such low self esteem an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 01:37 PM
49

Are you me? Same here... I feel like I lost my entire young adulthood to abuse by narcs from all different flavours. It took a string of 8 abusers until I finally caught on. Now I'm turning 30 and finally understand that all the pain I allowed them to cause me was pointless. Since finding FDS a couple months back, I've gone from "Now I'm strictly filtering for an HVM, should he appear: great. Should that not happen: no problem either" to "Actually, I cannot be arsed to vet men anymore at all, it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 01:08 PM
34

The one time I snooped, it turned out that the guy in question apparently secretly hated me, made up lies about me to his best friend while at the same time being super-nice and lovey dovey to my face. This LVM I dated when I was in my early 20s. He used me for money, gifts and sex until he didn't need me anymore (his parents who had kicked him out earlier, allowed him to move back in with them). The night before he dumped me, he came over to my place at 10 pm and had requested that I made him M…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 04:52 AM
8

Very recently I also dated an anarcho-capitalist, so I've had tastes from anarchists of the entire political spectrum, from left to far right. You are spot on. They are all borderline insane. They like to vaguely complain about "the state" without putting any effort into understanding why we as a society need some kind of commonly agreed upon laws, judiciary and executive in order to stop/prevent the exploitation of the marginalised. Funnily enough all these anarchist crowds, no matter if commun…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 02:23 PM
18

You might laugh (and you'd have every right to!), but even the most unequivocal asshole behaviour didn't strike me as such for the longest time. Like I had guys flat out insult me in my DMs with no subtlety whatsoever and somehow I still thought that I was "damaged goods" and that I needed to prove to them that I was still a kind person worthy of love despite all of my perceived flaws. It took years until I was able to say "wait a minute, no, this random guy isn't being constructively critical, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 11:01 AM
43

I feel the conversations are helpful because as a much younger woman, I was completely unable to see the red flags in them. I simply didn't know what was normal and what was a red flag, nobody ever taught me. Every time a conversation gets analysed here is a learning experience for me. I think this is really valuable!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 09:45 AM
47

A friend of hers, who visited her today, is quoted in the Guardian saying "If she chould have held out any longer, she would have" ... makes me want to cry. Truly, what an icon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 04:47 AM
26

Romney's spokesperson apparently just confirmed that he has made no such vow. I want to throw up honestly :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 04:43 AM
5

I'm quite sure that the reason why I put up with it, was my history of being starved of human affection and being emotionally and physically battered all throughout in my childhood. I was starving for any form of affection, be it (fake) kind words or (fake) kind gestures, like a hug or a kiss. Neither of my parents ever hugged me even once, sounds stupid, but I remember a girlfriend hugging me in high school for the very first time in my life and I had a minor panic attack because it felt so for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 04:20 AM
7

Unfortunately, it took many more LVM of many different flavours until I finally learned the lesson you described. But now, 10 years later, I truly get it and it was such a relief and disappointment at the same time. Disappointment because who is happy finding out that at least 50 % of mankind will only ever see you as something to exploit and control, not as a human soul. Relief because I finally see that this is just another part of the human condition, a law of nature, nothing that I can chang…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 03:52 AM
19

I do laugh about it now, but it took almost 10 years for me to register how well this guy had manipulated me. I think that's a really important lesson for us all, especially the younger ones here. Don't ever underestimate what LVM are capable of and how sinister they truly are. They appear like bumbling idiots, but they know what they are doing. Even though I found this guy repulsive ever since meeting him (TRUST. YOUR. INTUITION.) and especially after he discarded me in this unnecessary cruel w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 03:23 AM
88

When I was 21 I met a guy I had zero attraction for. He was 15 cm shorter than me, physically not attractive to me, always acting very weak (easily crying to get his way and then claiming he was just a super sensitive feminist and woke etc). He was actually quite intelligent, did a degree in history of political thought at UCL in London and graduated with a first. But in real life he was useless. A hoarder (and this is not exaggerated in the slightest) whose room was filled with so much literal …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 08:56 PM
19

It doesn’t even exist in wolves apparently. That one study that claimed so turned out to be erroneous lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 10:15 PM
4

Thank you so much for your thoughtful post as well. It really is awe-inspiring (and not in a good way) how easy narcissistic men, who in my experience usually aren't the sharpest crayons in the box, have it with finding their victims. We are all so different with so many different paths, different trauma and different coping mechanisms and yet, they sniff out ways to con us all (until we wise up at least). It is so sinister.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 02:50 PM
14

While I think your observations are 100% correct for yourself, I'd just like to add that the opposite is possible too. Many women fall prey to LVM precisely because they believe their fake love-bombing that makes many abused woman feel better than they ever felt before. I was extremely lonely all my life. Grew up as an only child to a very abusive father, who'd tell me every day that I shouldn't have been born, who never called me by my name but had a cruel male (!) nickname for me. Every time I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 01:15 PM
5

You're so right. There was nothing left to be said. I used to believe that I needed to spell out to assholes why they are assholes and that the "ignore it and move on" approach is weak because it gives them the chance to spin the story in their favour - how some rude girl had ghosted them out of nowhere when they had been nothing but nice to her. But this experience shows me how far gone from reality they are. No angry rant at this guy would show him his errors. Would it ever occur to a normal, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 08:10 AM
11

In almost 10 years of using OLD I've never had a guy offer dinner. When I'd suggest it, they'd insist on going Dutch or flat-out decline to meet at all. Which is not a problem, but where are those dinner-offering men on OLD? Almost 10 years and I haven't gotten a single one in different countries and with many different nationalities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 06:06 PM
42

Just deleted Tinder and OKCupid for good. In almost 10 years of using them, they have only yielded low effort walking/coffee dates with socially awkward men-children that collect fantasy merch fulltime and lie about their height, or roided up airhead gym bros, who can’t stop chuckling at “a girl who is interested in politics WOOOOOW”. Deep down I knew from the beginning that the guys I desire aren’t on there. But society kept convincing me otherwise, how “normal” online dating is these days, and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 04:57 PM
6

They also tend to articulate it with this cringe-worthy fake concern/backhanded sympathy (mild form of negging) and it's just ... ew. A few days after hearing about my past abuse (in the context of my happy and proud story of finding empowerment and loving life), the guy from above said with sad doe eyes out of absolutely nowhere "If you take anything with you from this time with me, I want to help you to be more confident" and started hinting at not being sure if he could see us long-term (even…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 10:22 AM
15

They would be intensely love bombing me until I mentioned a bad experience from my past (always in an uplifting context of how I found empowerment). Then, almost over night, their tune would change dramatically. Suddenly they are not sure about you, they have to think. They see red flags in you, you need to prove yourself. They try to pick fights in order to get a reaction out of you that they can hold over your head and use to accuse you of being a bad person (since you haven't said or done any…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 11:01 PM
6

Completely agree! I found this rather amusing and I was really happy/proud of myself to have finally found the clarity of vision to be detached enough to see them for the jokes they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 07:52 PM
8

I didn’t want to date these guys at all (I was only looking for a FWB after not having had sex for over a year and really wanting some action) but if you want a relationship definitely jump ship at this point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 05:38 PM
39

In my experience, it's the moment you unload that trauma that they switch from fake HVM behaviour to their true LVM selves. I used to be so shocked by that bait and switch and thought my trauma made me "damaged goods", thus their quick change of heart and onslaught of disrespect, devaluation and abuse as soon as I disclosed it. Turns out they just realise they have a perfect victim on their hands and no more acting is necessary. Now I make it a point to not be emotionally invested (I find that h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 03:31 PM
16

I think he did look at them but in his mind there WAS nothing wrong with them. It's the only way I can explain his dirty many months old bedsheets that gave me skin breakouts and UTIs, the crusty dirt creating its own layer in his never-cleaned carpet, the pee stains all over his toilet room, the mould in his flat (he never cracked a window and had his curtains always drawn 24h, rendering his flat a humid, smelly cave). Like he had to be able to acknowledge all of this and see nothing wrong with…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 07:02 AM
40

If I had to guess, they probably have them and think it’s a magic device that renders all future washing unnecessary. Case in point: I had an ex (with gross pillows, incidentally) who proudly showed me his super expensive fridge that pulled out all the stops during one of my first visits to his disgusting, dirty flat. At some point I went away for a few weeks and still had fresh blackberries left over that would have been a shame to throw out. So before I left, I gave them to him to use. Fast fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 06:14 AM
25

I think it’s because they never wash them. Like so many of exes were incredulous that you even can wash pillows (not just the cases, which often would go for months without a wash too). I suppose the pillows are rock hard with all those built up facial oils, drool and hair grease that accumulate if you sleep in them for 10 years without washing them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 05:34 AM
1

No idea who he was. He could be living in that residential area or just use it to commute away from the busy main roads. That happened a few years ago, luckily I never saw him again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 10:52 PM
38

There is also so much aggression from other male cyclists. A few years ago I got myself a bike and started to ride it just up and down my residential street to get my bearings and become confident on it. I wasn’t going to ride it on the road to work until I felt like I could handle it well. So one afternoon I was practicing turning and giving hand signals (difficult when you are just learning how to ride a bike with one hand) in my very quiet residential street. There were no moving cars or peop…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 10:55 AM
7

Wtf all of this is so absurd ... this truly is the weirdest timeline lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 01:31 PM
9

Didn’t Karma get him a while ago? Last thing I’ve heard was that he ended up a vegetable in some clinic in Moscow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 07:21 AM
14

I actually have cankles caused by a condition called lipoedema. It has several stages, is genetic and very common. I am an early stage 1, completely slim (60 kg at 175cm) but with just completely shapeless legs that look like columns/tree trunks. I never noticed my legs since I always perceived myself as the skinny person I am, but when I started wearing mini skirts/mini dresses like all my girlfriends when I was around 20, so many guys began commenting on my "elephant legs". One guy, who was li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 09:39 PM
123

Omg I also had a super nice elderly landlord (80s) who always looked out for me. He once said in a conversation about politics "The world would be a better place if it was ran entirely by women" and when I said "Well, I don't think corruption of power is a gender issue, and surely not all men are *that* bad" he looked at me really sad and said "No, they are" ... totally libfemmed brainwashed as I was, I kind of rolled my eyes and winked and repeated "Surely not all men though" and he just sighed…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 10:44 AM
15

Men often lie about being cheated on. My last fwb ranted so often how his cruel ex from 10 YEARS AGO had cheated on him when he moved to the capital and that this was the reason why I really needed to prove myself to him (by letting him do anal, wear only strings and shave down there) for him to be able to trust me. He also told me that this cruel ex then got pregnant from the guy she cheated with and had a miscarriage and that this was her karma. Like wtf. It doesn't end there though. I ended u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 07:03 PM
8

That they are not only hateful, but also really stupid. Which is curious, since I always thought that men were the lOgIcAl gender ;-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 06:34 PM
14

OMG ... mindblown, once again. I only had truly good sex with one guy so far, interestingly enough the most cruel and sadistic of them all. He literally never ever said a single nice thing about me, constantly negged and devalued me under the guise of encouraging me to "self-improve" (he thought of himself as some kind of self-help / yoga guru). During sex, however, he seemed so friendly and warm, like he had such a kind mimic, warm friendly eyes, the most sensual gentle touches, he knew exactly…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 12:13 PM
2

"Can't get behind" sounds like it's about supporting other women, having their backs about something. English is not my mother tongue, so I might have misunderstood.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 11:58 AM
10

Oh wow ... she's living the dream :-) Good for her!! :-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 11:52 AM
6

Who is forcing you to have an abortion against your will? I'm pro-choice but would never have an abortion myself. But I can always get behind fellow women who need one. Who am I to tell another woman what to do with her body? Who am I to judge their circumstances?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 11:48 AM
12

It's not just guys, so many women are stigmatizing other women. BUT you're never allowed to stigmatize back, cause "that's rude" and "uncalled for" as motherhood is everything in life. I've had so many female family members and acquaintances telling me that I was basically living an empty, meaningless life because I moved around the world, studying, working and being independent while they were stuck in small towns being PrOuD MoMs AnD WiFeYs. I would always politely say that I wasn't interested…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 11:36 AM
8

Because EqUaLiTy!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 10:25 PM
4

It’s truly THAT awful. I feel like if a guy is on OLD it should be an automatic disqualifier. So OLD only works as a filter for who not to date lol 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 10:21 PM
26

They just loooooove a good trauma-bonding lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 08:30 PM
10

No but didn't you read? He *was there* himself, he understands. He's one of us!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 08:29 PM
50

Ewwwwwwww. They are always so cheesy! "I know what you are talking about, I've been there" ... they think fake gravitas like that makes girls swoon when it actually is cringey as fuck. My ex-fwb of three months, who was a complete and utter POS, used to do the same for literally completely benign things. He had told me early on in very offensive terms that he didn't deem me worthy enough for girlfriend-material, but when I answered "fine with me, I only want a fwb situation" he quickly scrambled…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 07:35 PM
47

That it's the VAST MAJORITY of men, who is trash. Even way back I was able to understand that some of the abusers I was dating were manipulative gaslighters, but I thought they were the exception. Maybe every woman dates one awful guy in her life, but statistically the others will be decent. I remember even googling the percentage of narcs in a society and was shocked that the number I was discovered was only like 11% or sth like that (absolute bs numbers anyway, because no self-respecting cover…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 10:17 PM
24

Holy shit the entitlement of this guy being so confident that a female client won't rat him out to HR for violating all sorts of privacy laws. I cannot imagine a female professional (bar some extraordinary cases of mental health breakdowns) would be so nonchalant about risking her job like that. There is a super cute guy, who stops by my office every few months and I'd love to flirt with him more than the few minutes he's here every time, but even though I have access to his contact details, it …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 11:45 AM
4

They also volunteer to get pics of them surrounded by poor (usually black) kids for OLD. It's disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 10:58 PM
14

Yep. They are everywhere here (a capital city). I actually rarely get the crusty long-haired redneck LVM that is often described here, but much more often these guys. They suck and truly they are all covert narcissists in my opinion. I've dated them all, tech bro, finance bro, law clerk bro. Smoke and mirrors. Many of them literally don't own books and get their "intellectual nutrition" from libertarian facebook groups or "self help" gurus that tell them it's virtuous to exploit everyone around …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 10:53 PM
29

Had that happening last week. Matched with a guy at like 10pm on a Sunday night and he proceeded to ask me to meet him for a walk right there and then. I told him I was happy to meet him if he would propose a proper time and place (just for an academic interest in seeing how much of scrote he actually was ... I already realised he was a LVM and would have unmatched anyway). Instead of jumping at his chance, this guy proceeds to whine around and neg me that I'm "all talk" about being confident if…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 10:46 PM
10

I didn't really think about it until reading your comment, because in my interpretation she was incredulous about this question due to her still being really young herself, hence the "already".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 11:57 AM
10

Ding ding ding! Right on the money sister
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 09:47 AM
24

Personally I hate receiving oral and can’t come from it, but all of the abusive pieces of shit that I have dated in the past were most insistent to eat me out. I’d keep telling them that I didn’t want them to do it and that I really really hated it, but they kept begging like “you only don’t like it, because I haven’t you eaten out yet, once you had me do, you’ll love it” and pout that “girls always complain that men don’t pleasure them and here I’m offering and you reject me”. I’d be like “Real…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 03:26 AM
96

Out of 8 guys I have dated only 3 had clean and tidy flats. The others were seriously living like they should be on the TV show hoarders. You couldn't see the floor at one guy's place, because it had been covered for YEARS in layers upon layers of dirty clothes, shoes, crusty plates, cables, plastic shopping bags, old ripped tights from ex girlfriends and a lot of dirt from the street as he wouldn't take his shoes off at the door. Another had mould growing in his flat, which you could smell and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 11:38 AM
1

I think you’re on to sth here, great take!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 07:43 AM
2

That is very true! Onwards and upwards! Hugs to you as well ☺️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 05:28 PM
18

One of my exes and I were dating long distance. It later turned out, he was cheating on me during most of this time. Whenever I visited him (he wouldn't visit me as he was too busy) for a long weekend every few months, he'd tell me ahead of time that he'd take a day or two off work. I'd get there on a Friday afternoon, we'd have a nice weekend and on Sunday evening he'd hit me with "What are you going to do tomorrow for your last day?", I'm like "We could go for brunch or take the train to the s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 09:21 AM
22

Got told that right after sex for the first time. His devious ex had cheated on him 10 (TEN!!!) years ago and he was so damaged from that still that he couldn't trust any woman. Luckily, it was a pure hookup situation for me, no feelings for that guy. He didn't seem to believe me and told me he would reconsider offering me a relationship if I let him do anal, would wear only strings from now on and shave down there. I told him that I wouldn't change anything about me and do nothing that made me …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 11:08 AM
13

The "philosophers" that I dated all were highly manipulative and some straight out abusive without ever laying their hands on me. In a way, I find them much scarier than a physical abuser, because that one you easily recognize once he begins shouting and threatening with violence. In that case, I walk away, always did, because I'm not attracted to brutes like that. With the philosophers it's different, they have the ability to gaslight and tear you down at your very core without you even realisi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 10:30 AM
56

Do they really treat the next one better though or is it just window-dressing for social media? I feel like a leopard doesn't change its spots and if he truly did and became a better person, he would have stayed with the woman who dedicated her life to him. Since he didn't, he clearly is still a LVM and thus won't treat another girl better than the first one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 12:55 AM
3

Yep, he was. Back when we were dating, I described him here (still under the false impression that he was a good person at heart): https://www.reddit.com/r/TheMajorityReport/comments/dafdfm/easy_to_digest_readings_for_an_illinformed/ We broke up after dating for no more than 3 months, shortly after he went on a work trip for 3 days into a different country. He worked for a bank, which had branches in another European country and he and his colleague were sent to train staff in an office there. A…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 09:23 PM
6

OMG my most recent ex (a very dark character, who had constantly some kind of rage simmering at any time, which lead him to verbally lash out at "lazy poor people", "social democrats who all want to steal his money", "women who make up fake rape accusations" while still love-bombing me) said while we were watching a movie on our second date "You've had bad stuff happening to you, didn't you?". Note that I had nothing disclosed at that point and was always making cheery and superficial small talk…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 06:34 PM
3

I‘m definitely inclined to agree with you that it is nature over nurture, but I wonder what it is about little boys that makes them often really sweet and caring. I have two little nephews and they are really sweet, gentle and compassionate towards others. So I think it must be the testosterone that becomes the cause of losing these traits once puberty hits them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 10:19 AM
21

EXACT. SAME. EXPERIENCE. HERE. I also thought I had to be upfront over past abuse because one early bf instilled it in me that it was „tricking“ guys into a relationship with „damaged goods“ if I didn’t. They only guys that stuck around after i disclosed this stuff were narcissistic abusers, which in turn made me doubt if what they did to me was really abuse because how is it statistically possible to only date one abuser after another. The only common denominator was me and I thought, well mayb…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 08:00 AM
7

I think that's a really good question that even warrants its own thread....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 02:38 PM
7

If he is only chasing the "excitement", I doubt he even has any interest in creating stability with her or any woman. He'll want to feel that excitement of "winning" her against all odds every single day. But once they are in an official relationship, live together, maybe plan the future, this will wear off eventually. I doubt a user like that cares about the specific person behind the "prize" he is dating. I doubt the person is worth keeping to him, he needs the prize and the rush of winning, s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 02:37 PM
10

I get that, but isn't the end goal still to find someone you are allowed to love (even if you invest only 60% of your emotions and energy in him, never more than that). This guy from the OP would bail at probably 10% of emotional reciprocity of the woman in question. I certainly have no interest in being with someone I'm not allowed to care about AT ALL. In that case, why even bother with a relationship? I'd much rather stay single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 02:34 PM
6

Honestly, if she can, she should get a restraining order on him if she feels threatened by him destroying things in the house. I would hope that no cop and no judge is going to tell a heavily pregnant women no if she wants the guy out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 12:28 PM
7

Agreed :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 08:52 AM
82

I wonder what will happen once the aloof girl feels secure enough to reciprocate his love. My guess is, she'd be out very quickly. At first, he'd act upset that "things have changed", "the spark isn't there anymore", but he "cannot put his finger on it", guilt-tripping her for doing something different that results in him losing his pathetic feelings for her. For the girl out of nowhere he will ghost her. He will have emotionally cheated in the search of a new "spark" and thus feel convinced tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 08:48 AM
10

Let me guess, he also found it in him to paint your absolutely valid and understandable emotions as "acting crazy". They are such shitbags, honestly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 08:08 AM
10

Our four-legged companions are really pure bundles of love. My cat is my best friend in the whole world and that's not hyperbolic. I'd do everything for him. Can't say the same for any guy I ever met.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 08:05 AM
7

Been there done that, especially the lying to the surgeon about the aftercare. :( It breaks my heart that you went through the same shit. You deserved someone helping you. Shame on that dirtbag of an ex. Hopefully he'll learn one day how it feels to be sick and abandoned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 08:02 AM
10

Oh they always make such grand statements. They think it's the most romantic and most profound shit ever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 08:00 AM
4

Same :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 07:47 AM
16

Sometimes I wonder WHY they feel so cold and careless towards us. Is it just partriachial conditioning? Is it the testosterone? Like what is it that makes men so callous and cruel as opposed to us, who want to help even when it means self-sacrifice?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 07:47 AM
6

So happy to read that you managed to leave with your kids! Never look back! :-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 07:43 AM
27

She probably didn't even cheat and just left because he was an abusive asshole towards her. I've lost count how often guys would tell me teary-eyed about how they were cheated on by their mean exes, only to learn over time that it was THEM cheating on their exes. They would also quickly start gaslighting and manipulating me, flat-out inventing things that had never happened. I'm sure they did the same with their exes and told everyone that they were cheated on when this probably was nothing but …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 07:41 AM
13

I hope your ex will find himself all alone when he is sick and in need of comfort too. But even that probably won't serve a lesson to a guy, it will only reinforce their belief that women are bad and worthless. They really do live in a different world... So glad that your current SO is the exception of the rule! I wish you a speedy recovery from your injury and good fortune with managing your hypothyroidism. A family member of mine has it too and after a year of figuring it out, she now lives pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 07:37 AM
3

Thank you so much, my username loves you too :-) (Couldn't believe that it wasn't taken yet, it's like the most obvious dumb word play ever lol). I'm so happy to be here and that you and all the other amazing ladies have arrived here too. I sincerely wish that we all get to live the lives we deserve in peace from now on! Onwards and upwards! :-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 09:12 PM
2

I think you are spot on and I sent lots of hugs back your way! The more, the merrier :-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 08:59 PM
2

Thank you so much for the kind words! I'm so happy to be here and so happy that you and so many others also have found this wonderful place! :-) I wish you and every lady here the same good things! Now it's our time to live life to the fullest. No more shit from anyone! :-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 08:59 PM
4

I'm so sorry that this happened to you too and it's really, really strong of you leaving all those shitheads behind you! Don't ever look back! :-) You're 100% right that victimhood in childhood sets us up to be victims in adulthood as well. But often familiarity alone is not the reason. It's also the lack of healthy socialisation in isolated childhoods that leaves you unable to identify less overt abusive behaviour patterns. In my case, my dad was a very direct kind of abusive. He didn't really …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 08:49 PM
6

I was so shocked when I read this! I thought, I was just thoroughly unlucky that many ex-bfs liked to torture me with talking about the cool stuff they wanted to do with future girlfriends. Whenever I'd say "we can do that too" or "that is harsh" they'd accuse ME of trying to pressure them to committ their lives to me when I hadn't proven myself worthy yet. I got uninvited by 2 different guys from summer vacations we had planned and paid for together (50/50) so that they could take another woman…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 03:21 PM
25

In my country it's illegal to not stop and help someone struggling ON THE STREET, let alone in your own house. This could quickly add up to manslaughter in court, should someone die because they haven't received help from someone nearby.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 03:06 PM
18

You are so right: They are masters of confusion and turning every issue back at you. Once I mentioned in a conversation that I didn't aspire to a digital nomad life, because to me it didn't seem excactly like progressive thinking, especially if you are into environmental protection which a lot of digital nomads claim to be. You fly a shit ton more than you normally would and you are still a tourist at your destination (which usually is a poor country) causing the same problems that ordinary holi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 09:59 AM
3

Yes, other women and men always told me too that all that shitty behaviour was normal and that something was wrong WITH ME for being in pain over being abused and constantly threatened. I had physically and emotionally abusive exes rally their pickmeisha female friends to tell me that I needed a therapist because I wasn't okay with always getting hurt by my SO. It confused me so much why not only the men I loved but also other women would tell me that my pain was my problem and not the problem o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 04:45 PM
3

This has happened so often to me. I would tell guys about my trauma from past relationships, they'd act super understanding and then do the SAME thing to me and get aggressive or belittling when I'd point out my shock and pain over their actions. They are such gaslighters and manipulators. From now on: First strike and you are out. No second chances.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 04:34 PM
1

I would still reply in that case, because I don't want to make it THAT easy for these POS to invent a new reality where they are always the victim. I'd reply "I didn't meet anyone, but I realised I don't want to meet you in particular again.". Then block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 04:18 PM
13

Listen to your gut. I've been in exactly your situation. Abused as a child, unable to form many friendships, deperately lonely so I'd stay with guys I didn't fancy. I thought I was self-sabotaging too. But it turned out, all the guys I didn't find attractive even though they were great on paper had it in them to be just as manipulative and abusive as the obvious bad boys. Only they hide it very well and enact their abuse with a lot more manipulation, so you don't catch on for a while. Learn to t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 11:30 AM
7

I dated a loser a couple years back. He had a so called hair system glued to his scalp because he was balding at barely 30, but thought I couldn't tell even though that thing smelled like plastic, felt completely unnatural and looked absolutely bizarre. I never said anything about it, because I know how it is to feel self-conscious about one's looks (because - you guessed it - men including my own father have torn me down for my facial features all my life). Just some background info to put his …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 10:57 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter