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LucianU Archive

View 0 posts and 375 comments by LucianU on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

What do you mean by "bossy" exactly? What do they say or do?
/r/seduction04/07/24 02:57 PM
1

You can replace "I love you" with "I like you"
/r/seduction19/06/24 11:50 AM
1

You might. In Europe at least, I think latinos have some good stereotypes going for them, like latino lover and all that.
/r/seduction30/08/23 06:14 AM
2

you're welcome
/r/seduction31/05/23 02:13 PM
3

keep in mind that this self has layers and most, if not all, of us are social deep down. we're just held back by a lot of fears, so when we get comfortable with those fears, we get comfortable with people.
/r/seduction31/05/23 06:26 AM
33

If you make her feel loved, she won't care about any fancy place.
/r/seduction23/05/23 06:40 AM
6

Ok and why do you want to stop that? Isn't it better to just enjoy your time with that person and not worry about whether they will leave? Ironically, that makes them more likely to stay, because she will appreciate you not being hang up on her.
/r/seduction15/04/23 09:59 AM
6

Why?
/r/seduction15/04/23 07:15 AM
10

It's more likely something in your attitude that keeps men at a safe distance. Judging by your other comment, I'd say you are insecure. Why else would you fixate on a guy for 7 years? It's like your sub-communicating: I don't think I will find someone else who will like me and who is right for me, so I should try my best to get this guy.
/r/seduction15/04/23 05:57 AM
7

It doesn't have be a competition of who connects with a woman in a more impressive way.
/r/seduction15/04/23 05:51 AM
10

Best advice on handling rejection?
/r/seduction07/11/22 09:45 AM
1

What happened to your relationship with your ex? Why did it end?
/r/seduction29/10/22 02:27 PM
0

To add to what fatnfurius said, the outcome of being able to take time for yourself is that, when you're with her, you're really there with her. She will feel this and feel secure in your relationship. She will trust you more and trust that, when you take time for yourself, you both benefit.
/r/seduction29/10/22 02:02 PM
2

Love this!
/r/seduction29/10/22 01:57 PM
5

If you disagree with the points OP is making, argue against them.
/r/seduction29/10/22 09:55 AM
12

Maybe by going off and doing your thing from time to time. Not always being in her presence. Giving her a chance to miss you. But don't do it as a gimmick, to make her miss you. Do it because you need time for yourself or with other men doing men things.
/r/seduction29/10/22 09:47 AM
7

Bingo. She snuffs out controlling guys and is very adverse to it. I have little availability which helps and hurts me. She wants more time with me but I can’t give it to her. I let her know point blank that we are friends and that she can do what she wants. While I do have feelings for her I can compartmentalize the relationship and set her free. She wants me more when I make this clear.
/r/seduction28/10/22 07:54 PM
1

One could start this way..... Although it could easily turn into a series of excuses to not go. Sometimes it's best to just rip the Band-Aid off. These events might seem daunting in the imagination, but they are literally designed around strangers meeting strangers.
/r/seduction24/10/22 07:01 AM
1

1 How do I manage loneliness better so that it doesn’t disrupt my life? It's unfortunate but much of the seduction community is so focused on the part about getting laid that they neglect looking at their lives in a holistic way. Life isn't just about sex, obviously. And if you neglect too many of those other things, you're going to have a bad time. In this case, the thing you might be neglecting is the development and maintenance of a healthy social life. That's really the only way to deal with…
/r/seduction24/10/22 01:55 AM
2

Sometimes it's not about you and you did nothing wrong.
/r/seduction21/10/22 03:12 PM
4

The only solution I know is not a short-term one, but it's a robust one. Cultivate more sources of joy and happiness in your life. You might be seeking a woman's company so you feel validated. Or you might crave affection since you haven't had it in some time. But if you feel fulfilled in your career, or at least if you do things just because they're fun. If you have good friends who you care about and you feel they care about you. These things will tone down the neediness. Basically, if you're …
/r/seduction21/10/22 02:23 PM
2

Because it sounds like you can't keep it casual.
/r/seduction21/10/22 07:41 AM
3

Is it possible you're scared of being hurt (after the last experience), so that's why no woman matches what you're looking for?
/r/seduction21/10/22 07:24 AM
6

Your post reads like "As a tiger, I find hunting really easy." If you haven't been like that, you don't understand what's it like to be a man with insecurities when it comes to women. As a man with insecurities, you question everything you do. You are needy and it shows no matter how much you're trying to hide it. You repel the opposite sex, because your attitude screams "Please, love me, so I feel better about myself!". So, just going to a woman and being chill is impossible for a man in this s…
/r/seduction19/10/22 07:34 AM
2

Great leaders are humble. It's hard to be humble when you have an ego. Ego is also fragile. Even a small blow will hurt, like demonstrated in this thread. Also, don't confuse ego with confidence. Ego is trying to uphold a polished image, one that doesn't allow any flaws or insecurities. You can't overcome your insecurities, if you don't accept them first.
/r/seduction19/10/22 07:24 AM
1

I've done it before with my eyes closed!! Hottest girl in my English 101 class in a Summer Semester! Girl had a boyfriend, her confidence level was sky high because she is hotter than all my other female classmates! Me without really feeling too motivated decided I shouldn't leave that semester without scoring with her. On the last day, I just decided to flirt and get a tight hug. Bam. I did. A hug that lasted five seconds as I got to feel the warmth of her body for a bit. And that's me not even…
/r/seduction19/10/22 05:34 AM
3

It sounds to me like you gave off a player vibe and she was afraid you'd just fuck her and move on.
/r/seduction17/10/22 12:46 PM
1

It sounds like it would help you a lot to work with those beliefs, so you realize: 1) they're wrong 2) they're stopping you from having fulfilling relationships with women.
/r/seduction17/10/22 08:02 AM
1

Did you grow up in a conservative family? Maybe sex or talking about romantic relationships was tabu, so you considered these things as bad, something you don't want to associate with.
/r/seduction17/10/22 04:44 AM
1

I know what you mean. Here is how you can deal with that. Just because she's seems to be interested doesn't give you a free pass to do whatever crosses your mind. Instead, you can read it as: "hey, so far I like you. Let's explore this and see if we still like each other." Basically, assume that she likes you, but if she clearly signals that she doesn't anymore (she refuses an invitation, she avoids you) accept that and move on. Don't insist because you think she's playing hard to get.
/r/seduction17/10/22 04:41 AM
22

Do they typically just make random excuses to talk to you? That's basically it. If a woman talks to you for no apparent reason, she's likely interested.
/r/seduction16/10/22 07:34 AM
36

You probably couldn't picture the fact that a woman could be interested in you.
/r/seduction16/10/22 07:32 AM
7

How the fuck do you balance not caring about the outcome and actually trying with approaching, flirting, getting their number and making an effort?
/r/seduction12/10/22 07:45 AM
1

Why is rejection bad then?
/r/seduction09/10/22 05:16 AM
3

He meant that, if you had to ask here, you're not confident enough or have the skills to pull this off and you might fuck things up.
/r/seduction09/10/22 05:01 AM
1

Gain confidence from having a successful and balanced life and flirting will come naturally. Flirting is basically talking to a woman in a playful way, a sort of banter which also has some sexual innuendos, at least sometimes.
/r/seduction08/10/22 04:52 PM
1

One reason is because you might have a fun interaction with them. For example, maybe you discover she has a quirky sense of humor which you like. Or that she likes video games (if you do).
/r/seduction08/10/22 05:30 AM
5

Arrogant means seeing yourself above others.
/r/seduction08/10/22 05:28 AM
2

I was thinking about that as well, but if he's a control freak, he might have a bad trip.
/r/seduction07/10/22 05:34 AM
1

It means to be able to be playful and not robotic. To be able to make jokes, to engage in banter with your friends, for example.
/r/seduction06/10/22 08:29 PM
4

If you are not afraid to show her you find her attractive, there is no risk you put yourself in the friendzone. That means looking at her in a certain way or talking in a certain way. If you find it difficult to do that, it might mean you've internalized the belief that it's wrong to show a woman you're attracted to her.
/r/seduction06/10/22 07:53 PM
13

It sounds like you need to loosen up. Have you tried any practices that help with this? That would be either yoga or tai chi. There's also a practice called Non-Sleep Deep Rest: https://www.youtube.com/results?search\_query=non-sleep+deep+rest
/r/seduction06/10/22 07:44 PM
1

Then you have your answer :)
/r/seduction06/10/22 02:33 PM
1

The idea is to spend time talking to each other or doing something active. Not looking at a screen or a bunch of people (theatre) for 2 hours.
/r/seduction05/10/22 05:50 PM
1

I think you're selling yourself short. I think what happened is that you've internalized more and more the principles you're talking about. And people (including women) have started to notice. If you really accept loneliness, it's not something you *have to* change. Someone coming into your life is more like a bonus than a necessity.
/r/seduction27/09/22 12:07 PM
3

Have you noticed any women showing interest since this change? Or it's something that you don't even want to have an eye for anymore?
/r/seduction27/09/22 06:58 AM
1

online dating
/r/seduction27/09/22 06:57 AM
3

Realize that feeling bitter about the fact that you were dealt a horrible hand is as absurd as being bitter because the dinosaurs disappeared. It may sound like an absurd comparison, but both events are in the past and you can't change the fact that they occurred. What you can change is the course of your life from this point forward. Accept the fact that maybe for a long while you won't find a partner. Consider paying for sex so at least you get to feel the touch of a woman from time to time. I…
/r/seduction27/09/22 06:56 AM
2

If they are impossible to achieve, that means they're realistic. If you mean that there's still some small probability of achieving them, see if you can take joy in the process of reaching them. Because only having achieved them will not fuel your motivation. You have to find small victories that keep you going.
/r/seduction26/09/22 10:34 AM
11

They are insecure and they feel threatened by your success.
/r/seduction26/09/22 06:35 AM
1

It was most likely because she felt, at least subconsciously, that you were desperate for her. And that was a turn off. You are still seeking some validation, especially if the woman is very beautiful. The more you will feel good in your own skin, the less you will *need* to be validated by an attractive woman. You will want them, but you won't have that desperate need.
/r/seduction17/09/22 01:47 PM
5

Yes, that will likely continue to happen until you manage to change how others perceive you. And that depends on your attitude, what kind of emotions you put out there. As I said, join a club and learn how to fight. Not to beat people up, but so they know that they can't give you shit. They will feel it in your attitude. You won't even have to say something. Hopefully, you'll also make friends in that club.
/r/seduction16/09/22 06:59 PM
1

What you expecting to hear? Unfortunately, some people have a victim attitude that only draws more abuse. It's not through fault of their own. They've just been subjected to enough abuse that they develop a victim identity. They need to know this, so they can change it. Learning to fight would be a good first step. They need to learn to feel empowered, to know they can stand up for themselves. But they need to understand that they're the ones who need to take action. If they're expecting people …
/r/seduction16/09/22 06:40 PM
2

Learning to fight would be one way (through a martial arts class or something else).
/r/seduction16/09/22 06:30 PM
9

You're probably looking to sex to satisfy a need it can't satisfy. Maybe you missed the part in OPs message where he says that he doesn't just pump and dump. So it sounds like he also develops a connection with the women he sleeps with. So that's likely to make everything more fulfilling.
/r/seduction12/09/22 04:58 AM
5

He said he mostly goes out in the evening. That means he can spend the rest of his day doing other stuff he finds interesting. It also sounds like sometimes even the first date will lead to sex. Since he has a few women he's seeing regularly, he's probably very non-needy. He knows that, even if nothing happens with the woman he's out with at the moment, he has other women he can sleep with. And the woman who's dating can feel that and finds it very attractive. That's why a lot of these dates lea…
/r/seduction12/09/22 04:57 AM
7

He wrote in the post that he finds them either in bars or from online dating.
/r/seduction12/09/22 04:47 AM
1

I agree. In depends on how relaxed in the moment. If you're relaxed, you could say something like: "What are you doing now? Do you want to eat together (or go for a walk or whatever)." That means you feel comfortable to continue the interaction right then and there and aren't worried about what you will do or say.
/r/seduction11/09/22 05:35 PM
2

Do you like her as a person?
/r/seduction11/09/22 05:00 AM
1

What does working on yourself mean for you? If you work on overcoming fears, on becoming more confident in more areas of your life, do you think that doesn't make you attractive. Imagine having confidence to start a business or to build something that you're passionate about. Do you think that's not attractive?
/r/seduction06/09/22 06:28 AM
1

I agree
/r/seduction27/08/22 07:05 AM
1

The "you have pretty eyes" line may be overused, but I genuinely see a lot of women with beautiful eyes. So that may be the reason why it's used so much, not because of lack of observation skills. Edit: Why do you think it takes minutes to notice that a person's eyes are beautiful? It's just something I notice right away, like their hair or body shape or legs.
/r/seduction26/08/22 05:54 AM
0

How is lying the same as being honest?
/r/seduction22/08/22 07:28 PM
3

I'm one of those people. It helped a lot to get rid of the burden and to feel more comfortable whenever the topic of sex came up in a conversation.
/r/seduction12/08/22 04:37 AM
4

It will rid you of the burden of being a virgin. Also, you'll get to experience a woman's touch. Some escorts actually enjoy fucking some of their customers. Others treat like a job.
/r/seduction12/08/22 04:36 AM
64

Get a job, even a part-time one, where you are exposed to a lot of people, including women. This will gradually help you become more comfortable around women, even if you don't act sexual towards them. Working in a hostel would be an example. An alternative would be volunteering. At least with volunteering it's not the same level of commitment as with an actual job, so it might be easier for you.
/r/seduction12/08/22 04:31 AM
2

A few things would help: - do not be ashamed that you find a woman sexually attractive and want to have sex with her. do not be ashamed to show her that through the way you look at her or how you behave. at the same time you accept and respect that she may not feel the same about you - be comfortable with setting boundaries. you can give with an open heart when you can give freely. if you don't want to do something, don't do it, even if you think it will frustrate the other person. women actuall…
/r/seduction10/08/22 04:35 AM
1

I know, but it doesn't mean you have to stay that way. I mean, you can still be the down-to-earth, honest guy, but gain a more laidback, flirty vibe.
/r/seduction09/08/22 06:12 PM
1

You're too much in your head, trapped in your thoughts and fears. One way out is to learn a fighting sport, like martial arts, which will give you confidence and put you more in touch with your body.
/r/seduction09/08/22 04:03 PM
2

You may give off the reliable vibe rather than the casual, have fun vibe.
/r/seduction09/08/22 06:04 AM
1

Not all women are into the same thing. That means some are ok with you being a virgin. Keep trying!
/r/seduction03/08/22 01:28 PM
1

Dominating to me means that you impose your will over hers. Stating your desires fearlessly is about saying what you want from her while not being afraid at all that she will say no. I think the second one is more powerful and more attractive, because it shows you are not at all bothered by not getting what you want.
/r/seduction19/07/22 08:32 PM
1

Stating your desires fearlessly and dominating are two different things.
/r/seduction18/07/22 07:14 PM
5

He was joking.
/r/seduction10/07/22 10:02 AM
1

If it's just two interactions, they might not mean anything. They're not statistically significant. Or you might be matching with women who are the more serious type.
/r/seduction08/07/22 07:18 PM
11

Nice! Keep it casual.
/r/seduction08/07/22 07:16 PM
4

He said in another comment that he's been traveling in Europe, so he doesn't get bonus points for being white.
/r/seduction05/07/22 05:12 AM
3

Cute is not a lower quality than Hot or Sexy. Some may even place it higher. Cute means you have a pretty face but also a nice demeanor. It's hard to have a resting bitch face and be cute at the same time. A woman can be cute and sexy, which is a jackpot combo.
/r/seduction03/07/22 09:44 AM
1

You don't ghost her. Just stop trying to set a date with her. It's clear she's lost interest. If she keeps texting you, answer back, but don't put in more energy than you're willing, if the expectation is that you will not be together. Ironically, this might mean she will start to seek more of your attention, because she will be surprised you stopped trying. At this point, I would do the following, if I were you: tell her you don't have much experience. You like her, but you don't know how to co…
/r/seduction03/07/22 08:21 AM
4

It doesn't matter whether she's busy or ignoring you. If she's not seeking your company, there's no point in trying to get her attention (after you've tried once or twice).
/r/seduction01/07/22 04:14 PM
2

Since you do weightlifting, have you considered learning martial arts? I ask, because learning how to defend yourself instills a stronger feeling of security. If you know that few people can give you shit, it will make you feel more at ease and relaxed even in social situations. Plus, it would be another way of meeting people. Regarding approaching people, try a different attitude: You're going to them with the intention to give them a positive experience. You have no intention of hurting them. …
/r/seduction29/06/22 05:06 AM
1

Aggressive how? In your last message to her? If she doesn't have any options (and judging by the way she behaves, it's likely she does this with all men she meets), she will contact you again at some point. Just be aware that this woman is likely to have lots of anxieties around dating. She might not have a healthy attitude towards sex either and have lots of shame towards it, for example. You're better off dating around. That way, you'll have options and not expect much from her, because you so…
/r/seduction27/06/22 09:01 AM
2

It sounds like she chickens out. There's nothing you can do to prevent that, so stop giving her attention. If she messages you again, you could address this directly: "hey, we tried to meet up twice and you bailed on me both times. Are you uncomfortable with the idea of a date or what's up?" Maybe this will help her relax and actually come to the date. If that doesn't work, just ask her to come to something that you're doing anyway. That way, if she doesn't show up, it doesn't affect you.
/r/seduction26/06/22 06:52 PM
1

Of course you should ask her. What have you got to lose?
/r/seduction25/06/22 10:24 AM
2

Hard to say. Maybe it's the angle or the expression on your face, but you don't look as good in that picture.
/r/seduction25/06/22 04:33 AM
1

If you want to have men approach you, try and be more welcoming. Make eye contact, smile a little. Have the attitude that you would be happy if they came and talked to you. Also, it's normal if you feel nervous at that point. Remember that he's probably nervous too.
/r/seduction25/06/22 04:29 AM
2

They're more likely to assume that you don't find them attractive. Then, some of them may tell themselves that you're probably gay. That makes it less of a hit to their ego.
/r/seduction22/06/22 08:38 AM
1

So going to college at the right age is the only positive human experience that you can see.
/r/seduction21/06/22 10:04 AM
2

Guess what, you're not really keeping it a secret. People can feel it in your attitude. You're basically letting something that you can never change dictate your future. You can't go back and be 18. But you can slowly start to change your life, to have more of the positive experiences that you want. Small steps are the key. One example: instead of wanting to do a 1-hour workout, sprinkle some sets throughout the day. Do 5 push-ups when you get up from your desk, then go back to what you're doing…
/r/seduction21/06/22 05:32 AM
15

Stress more the second part than the first, and I'll agree with you. People don't realize how difficult it is for some of us to act cool and relaxed in front of women or to have to balls to ask them out or ask them to make out. For some of us the thought alone causes shortness of breath, stuttering, heart beating like crazy. You can overcome this, but it takes a lot of fucking work and exposure.
/r/seduction19/06/22 07:52 PM
1

Do you ever talk or are you just looking at each other? You could initiate small talk or ask his advice about something. Hopefully, that will encourage him to ask you out.
/r/seduction18/06/22 07:46 PM
1

Tell that friend to try and see :)
/r/seduction18/06/22 05:14 AM
22

Make it easier on yourself by setting the stage for it to happen. For example, watch a movie together and cuddle. While cuddling, you might like to play with his hair, or touch his face, or something that will get you closer together. Also, can you tell why you feel nervous? Maybe it's something you can discuss about with him. If you think you can't discuss it with him, why is that? (You don't have to answer these questions here. Answer them for yourself).
/r/seduction17/06/22 05:02 AM
6

So you don't see how or why a man can be attracted to an older woman. If you're thinking about the way they look, some of them actually look good, because they take care of themselves. And older women, if they're not bitter from too many bad experiences, have a certain attitude and confidence that comes from life experience, which I find very attractive. Unfortunately, I haven't met many women like this.
/r/seduction15/06/22 10:55 AM
4

He never chased her. He never expressed interest. I think that's OP's point.
/r/seduction13/06/22 12:52 PM
1

Keep working on yourself. Also, create more sources of joy other than relationships. I realized recently that I was hoping a relationship would provide all the joy and happiness I want. This puts a lot of pressure on finding someone and on the person you find. On the other hand, the more things we have that bring us joy, the less pressure there is on finding someone. And being more laid back tends to work in your favor.
/r/seduction12/06/22 07:57 AM
2

Did you put yourself in the friendzone because you didn't have the courage to tell her you liked her? If you did, that's why she's not attracted to you, because you weren't open with your intentions. You shouldn't feel bad about it. Instead, you can work on developing a more confident and assertive personality.
/r/seduction12/06/22 04:40 AM
1

Don't dwell on it, because that's in the past. Just try to change your attitude and be warmer towards him. Hopefully, he'll get the message and act. I hope something nice comes out of this for both of you!
/r/seduction12/06/22 04:04 AM
2

For some men, it's really difficult to approach. I've recently started doing cold approaches and the first few times were really difficult. I was stuttering. I felt I couldn't breathe. My heart was beating like crazy. It's even more difficult, if the woman doesn't give some signs of encouragement. Know that he wants to approach you, but he gets too nervous. The fact that he tried to ask you something and had trouble articulating is a testament to that. What you could is to act friendly towards h…
/r/seduction11/06/22 06:52 PM
4

Real Social Dynamics
/r/seduction08/06/22 06:16 PM
15

If you fall hard too fast, that might be your answer. Even though you think you don't show it, the guys can tell and they're overwhelmed by that strong energy. How does your life look like in general? Do you have things that bring you joy? I ask, because some of us tend to expect that all our joy come from a relationship. That increases the expectation and the neediness and it tends to chase people away. It's like you're saying "please fill all this void in my life!".
/r/seduction08/06/22 05:01 AM
9

The answer lies in your post. Your behavior towards her changed, because you liked her so much. You couldn't stay casual. You became desperate for her presence in your life.
/r/seduction07/06/22 04:06 AM
3

Have you asked yourself why you don't drop hints? What are you afraid will happen if you do?
/r/seduction07/06/22 04:02 AM
4

You're probably very sexual, and you ignore the connection part. Do you ever want to get to know them more as people?
/r/seduction05/06/22 09:08 AM
1

Unfortunately, confidence is so attractive, that even an abuser will find women who are attracted to him. The problem with OP's advice is that it's not actionable at all. I think a better first step is to look at where you have shame in your life. That means you have low self-worth or you think it's wrong to be that way. A good example is sex. Many men feel that it's wrong to feel sexually attracted to a woman and to show her that. They're ashamed and afraid even to look at her that way. It's he…
/r/seduction05/06/22 08:05 AM
1

Do you ever look at women with desire or a sort of sexual playfulness? This is not the same as staring. You just look in a way that is saying "I find you attractive" or "you're sexy". In general, if you believe or feel that it's shameful or wrong to feel attracted to a woman and show her that, then that's what's blocking you.
/r/seduction05/06/22 07:55 AM
3

Do you mean socially apt? Inept means incompetent.
/r/seduction04/06/22 04:07 PM
2

Have you considered learning martial arts? It will give you a lot of confidence and a feeling of safety from being able to defend yourself. It will also be an opportunity to meet people and make friends.
/r/seduction03/06/22 06:30 PM
4

So at what age do you think a woman is capable of making a decision about who to have sex with/date?
/r/seduction01/06/22 07:55 PM
3

Do what exactly? Date several people at the same time or invite them at the same event? If it's the first, exclusivity is not the default anymore, at least in some cultures.
/r/seduction28/05/22 07:14 PM
1

What went wrong?
/r/seduction25/05/22 02:58 PM
1

Why is it cringe?
/r/seduction25/05/22 02:58 PM
0

Have you tried being really good at something? Delighting in doing it? It doesn't have to be something grand.
/r/seduction25/05/22 07:05 AM
1

You can change the way you relate to women and other people. You can become more secure and less needy in your interactions. Look into attachment theory as an explanation for your current situation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2s9ACDMcpjA There are a few therapeutic approaches to work with this. Someone recommended Internal Family Systems. That's one of them.
/r/seduction25/05/22 07:00 AM
1

Can you give an example of something that didn't work out?
/r/seduction22/05/22 04:32 AM
4

It's easier to work on getting richer and more fit, when you feel good about yourself.
/r/seduction21/05/22 04:50 AM
1

Look up Internal Family Systems.
/r/seduction21/05/22 04:49 AM
1

It's that feeling of failure that's holding you back. You're afraid to try stuff, because that feeling might show up, if things don't go as planned. So try and believe less in it, since it doesn't help you. Especially since every day is an opportunity to get better at something. I hope you find something that works for you.
/r/seduction21/05/22 04:48 AM
3

Seach "Here come the pain" and start reading from there.
/r/seduction21/05/22 04:44 AM
1

Look up Internal Family Systems. It's a more formal version of what OP said.
/r/seduction21/05/22 04:36 AM
1

Yes, that system would help a lot of people, if they knew about it.
/r/seduction21/05/22 04:34 AM
3

Bad behavior comes from hurt parts of us. If those parts are listened and accepted (without engaging in the behavior they want), those behaviors tend to go away.
/r/seduction21/05/22 04:32 AM
2

Well, if he's seeing someone, he's not rejecting you. He's simply unavailable.
/r/seduction18/05/22 03:48 PM
3

I meant it only as a way to lose your virginity. Since the fact that you're a virgin is affecting your confidence, this would be a quick way to get rid of the problem.
/r/seduction16/05/22 02:18 PM
8

Consider paying for sex to lose your virginity.
/r/seduction16/05/22 07:45 AM
3

Why did you leave out the other part of his comment?
/r/seduction16/05/22 07:42 AM
4

Yes, the reason has to do with how our brains generalize experiences.
/r/seduction16/05/22 06:11 AM
3

Your take is completely different from the one above and it's the one I agree with.
/r/seduction16/05/22 06:10 AM
9

Maybe you feel shame towards sex. You may feel it's wrong to show a woman that you are attracted to her. Deep down you don't feel it's natural to be sexually attracted to a woman and to show her that somehow.
/r/seduction12/05/22 04:25 PM
4

Or you could start right now to work on your mental health and try to get laid at the same time. Having a better mental health will also make you more attractive.
/r/seduction10/05/22 05:10 AM
1

Find out what her journey on this space rock is like.
/r/seduction06/05/22 12:35 PM
2

Well, if she ask you whether you're a virgin, tell her the truth. If that causes her to lose interest, then there isn't a match between the two of you.
/r/seduction06/05/22 09:49 AM
5

It really depends. It's one thing to be open and direct: "hey, I like you. Let's go out". It's another thing to be needy and desperate to have someone in your life. The latter is usually a turn off. At the same time, there are men who are not used to women being direct. If you know you're not needy but you just like to be direct, keep trying. You'll find someone who appreciates directness.
/r/seduction26/04/22 03:55 AM
2

I'm glad to hear that.
/r/seduction25/04/22 04:50 PM
7

I hope that means you managed to move past that moment and heal.
/r/seduction24/04/22 06:09 PM
1

Do you have any good friends? You might be looking at a relationship to satisfy your social needs. I agree that current culture doesn't favour committed relationships. Now, it's more common to start casual and develop into a committed relationship if both of you feel you want to commit to each other.
/r/seduction21/04/22 05:17 AM
2

No, you have to become physically and mentally strong. Learn to fight. You will develop a strong feeling of security knowing that you can defend yourself and that nobody can give you shit. Develop financial stability. I'm not saying to get rich. I'm saying to feel secure financially.
/r/seduction18/04/22 05:00 PM
1

You might not even need to tell her you thought she was cute. Something she says could make you think of a booth or other place and suggest you go together. Of course, if nothing comes up, you can still be more direct and ask her to do something together.
/r/seduction15/04/22 06:44 AM
1

Try to get her to commit to the date. In the end, that's what it comes down to, seeing each other face to face. If she doesn't, stop giving her attention, if you don't feel like just talking to her. You don't have to give her a reason. You're simply showing her that she hasn't given you reasons to give her more attention.
/r/seduction12/04/22 09:26 AM
3

It's not necessarily that she's disinterested. It's that she pretends to, so she's not considered a slut. The more afraid of being considered a slut, the more she will wait to show interest.
/r/seduction12/04/22 09:25 AM
1

It might take him more time, but there is a chance he will get more and more comfortable and stop asking.
/r/seduction04/04/22 07:08 AM
1

You find activities that make you feel good about yourself and (ideally) also raise your self-confidence. A team sport or a martial art are good examples, also because they're an opportunity to make guy friends. A man should have other men friends. He shouldn't rely only on women for all his social needs.
/r/seduction03/04/22 04:10 PM
1

You're both right. What most people call their self is a bunch of behaviors and attitudes learned throughout life. These behaviors come out of fear, shame or guilt and stop them from showing more of their more authentic self. It takes work to let go of these behaviors and for someone to truly accept themselves.
/r/seduction03/04/22 04:07 PM
4

It's not about the words, it's about your attitude. Are you excited or bored? Are you nervous or mesmerized by her? That's why there are guys who seem to be talking about nothing and still draw the girl in. They are relaxed, genuinely interested in the woman they are talking to, but they're not needy.
/r/seduction27/03/22 01:39 PM
4

I encourage you to slowly but surely let go of this identify of a person who has gone through trauma. It doesn't define you, although it's left its mark on your personality. There are many paths you could take. One I find useful is to start going to a martial arts class. Why? - because it will give you an increased feeling of safety to know you can defend yourself - it will increase your self-confidence because you will have a strong and agile body and a strong will - it will give you a chance t…
/r/seduction25/03/22 04:51 PM
1

I like your use of similes
/r/seduction25/03/22 04:28 PM
6

That list is important when you doubt yourself. It's a good reminder that some negative things you believe about yourself are (partially) false. It's evidence supporting your positive image of yourself. In the beginning they will be small things, but as time goes by they will become bigger and bigger.
/r/seduction14/03/22 07:07 AM
11

The word "casual" doesn't seem to apply to her.
/r/seduction11/03/22 05:39 AM
1

Yeah, you should show her you're interested.
/r/seduction09/03/22 04:46 PM
1

Be ok with messing it up, because it will ease the pressure off of you. You will be more outcome independent and your interactions with her will be more fun.
/r/seduction09/03/22 05:52 AM
1

Of course you don't, but the more you value yourself, the more women will start to notice. At the same time, the less you will be affected by a particular woman not showing interest in you.
/r/seduction09/03/22 05:51 AM
2

I have the feeling he meant that your attractiveness as a man influences the interaction.
/r/seduction03/03/22 02:02 PM
1

There are many ways to teach a lesson and not all of them involve hurting the other person intentionally. It's true, sometimes you have to fight back, but otherwise I prefer the peaceful approach.
/r/seduction02/03/22 09:05 AM
7

Then he would be acting as immaturely as her. There's no need for revenge. The healthy way is to not give her any more attention.
/r/seduction02/03/22 06:17 AM
22

PUA Knowledge is not useless. It's just that 1) it either feels like work 2) the satisfaction you get from fucking those women may be short-lived, if you don't manage to also create a connection And yes, I agree that a woman can like you a little and become more interested as she gets to know you. It's not a black and white thing as some people make it seem.
/r/seduction26/02/22 09:59 AM
3

It's one thing to be interested in women and another thing to deeply need them, to seek their validation.
/r/seduction25/02/22 12:21 PM
31

To add to your comment: a lot of times you need to do some digging in order to discover that self of yours. Because for most people it's hidden under fears and shame.
/r/seduction25/02/22 12:17 PM
1

Your experience was most likely with talk therapy, which can't solve certain big issues. I recommend looking into other modalities: EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, Internal Family Systems are some examples.
/r/seduction17/02/22 05:44 AM
1

Did you find her sexually attractive? If you did, then you most likely find it hard to show a woman you're sexually attracted to her. Maybe you have shame surrounding sex.
/r/seduction26/01/22 06:25 PM
3

It sounds like you were afraid of a rejection and that's why you didn't escalate. But it's pointless to feel bad about it now. See what you can do next time to get past the fear.
/r/seduction25/01/22 10:20 AM
3

It doesn't matter whether you're controlling or not. If her behavior makes you uncomfortable, you should tell her clearly. Otherwise, you will start to resent her and it will show in your relationship. Also, you are clearly not on equal footing if she doesn't want you to have a girl friend, but she can have a guy friend.
/r/seduction21/01/22 07:58 AM
2

You may have misunderstood what the person you responded to meant by "own it". I think he meant: don't be ashamed of it. Just act as natural as possible.
/r/seduction18/01/22 02:29 PM
6

What idea will it give you?
/r/seduction18/01/22 11:22 AM
6

What part of what I said is confusing?
/r/seduction17/01/22 04:29 PM
2

That's a great recipe for never having a healthy relationship with a woman.
/r/seduction17/01/22 12:41 PM
1

That makes sense. I wonder where you can find that kind of women that you also find physically attractive.
/r/seduction10/01/22 04:23 PM
1

Can you give an example of something that would be a dealbreaker for you?
/r/seduction10/01/22 12:57 PM
3

Have you looked closely at your dealbreakers? If it takes years to find, then it could come up at any point in your relationship. That means, you'll never be confident that you found someone you could commit with.
/r/seduction10/01/22 07:33 AM
0

Since you mentioned the word niceguy, do you know the book No More Mr. Nice Guy?
/r/seduction03/01/22 04:49 PM
1

In my case, I simply wrote him a message, because I don't feel that comfortable to have this kind of conversation face to face. I told him I felt him insecure about the interactions between me and his girlfriend. Then, I told him I would never do anything to harm his relationship with his girlfriend, because I treasure our friendship. He denied there was an issue, but I felt that he was more at ease the next time the 3 of us met. You don't necessarily have to do this, if you feel that your frien…
/r/seduction02/01/22 03:39 PM
1

Yeah, I can understand that. That's why I mentioned it. The only thing you can do is to talk to her less, not give her so much attention, because you have no control over how she behaves. But I don't agree with the others who say that you change your behavior to appear less attractive. Instead, if you notice that your friends see what's happening and are bothered, you can assure them that you won't do anything to come between them and their girlfriend. You can say that you treasure your friendsh…
/r/seduction02/01/22 10:51 AM
3

Why do you feel uneasy with the IOIs? Is it because you also find her attractive? If you do, there's nothing to be ashamed of. It just means you need to put some distance between you and her, reduce interactions. This way you avoid any situation where you act out on your attraction.
/r/seduction02/01/22 07:19 AM
6

Your train of thought sounds like this: if she feels uncomfortable, she has no way out. The way out is silence. I'm assuming you can tell whether she doesn't want to talk to you anymore. At that point, you stop talking and you act normal. You just tried to have a conversation, but it didn't go anywhere. There's no reason to feel bad about it. Even if she will feel uncomfortable in the beginning, she'll see you're not pushing it, so she will relax. It also helps to use a low-stake opener: where a…
/r/seduction29/12/21 10:40 AM
3

Then it's possible the issue lies with your self-esteem. Maybe you expect them not to find you interesting, especially because of the past failures you mentioned.
/r/seduction07/12/21 01:19 PM
1

Ask yourself: what would happen if I acted like my old self? What reasons come to mind? You don't have to post them here, but it could give you clues. Those are most likely fears that you will lose something (self-esteem, respect, something else).
/r/seduction16/11/21 07:22 AM
10

I find this the most balanced response. OP, give this some thought!
/r/seduction08/11/21 09:22 AM
10

I think they meant "strong frame". Meaning, it helps to not feel ashamed for what you're asking. You like her and you want to kiss her, so you tell her that.
/r/seduction04/11/21 09:01 AM
4

Do people tell you that you seem dependable?
/r/seduction26/10/21 04:26 PM
1

That's gold, Jerry! Gold!
/r/seduction25/10/21 08:21 AM
8

And he gets sucked back in. He still sounds desperate about her. A serious case of one-itis.
/r/seduction22/10/21 04:11 PM
2

Seek therapy, if you can afford it. They can guide you on how to slowly improve all aspects of your life: career, meeting people, finding hobbies, dating, sex, etc.
/r/seduction11/10/21 06:13 AM
6

He sounds desperate, so the chances for this kind of conversation are very low.
/r/seduction21/09/21 01:43 PM
2

I disagree. Here is why I find how you feel important. You can decide to move on after she flakes once or twice. But you can feel resentment towards her and maybe towards women in general, because they're unreliable and not true to their word. You might carry this resentment in your future interactions with women. Or you can understand that fear got the best of them and not take it personally. This allows you to still keep a positive attitude towards women.
/r/seduction16/09/21 06:17 AM
3

That's not my goal. One other way you can look at it as a man is that her rejection has very little to do with you in this situation. So there's no reason to take it personally. You simply realize she can't get out of her head and you move on instead of taking it as blow to your self-esteem.
/r/seduction16/09/21 05:40 AM
1

Don't you have situations when you want to ask a woman out, but you're afraid? So even though you might miss out on meeting a great woman, the fear is too strong. This is the situation I'm talking about but in reverse.
/r/seduction15/09/21 01:56 PM
1

Can you clarify?
/r/seduction15/09/21 01:55 PM
-2

She cares, but her defences are stronger. She's afraid, that's why she flakes.
/r/seduction15/09/21 06:01 AM
13

I suggest taking some time and listing all the things, all the actions that you don't want to do. Things like "I don't want to dance" or "I don't want to approach a woman on the street and start talking to them". The goal of this exercise is to become aware of all your blocks, all the walls that stop you from taking action. Some of them might have legitimate reasons behind them, but others might be because of fear or shame. Maybe you tie your self-esteem to the outcome of some actions and that's…
/r/seduction15/09/21 05:18 AM
6

Sounds like you still have some suffering and consequently have a bit of resentment towards them (not surprising considering what you went through with them). I say this not as judgement, but to point it out so hopefully you can heal and move past that experience.
/r/seduction15/09/21 05:03 AM
8

I would say that women are attracted to men who are themselves, the self behind the trauma.
/r/seduction14/09/21 04:19 AM
5

So you can feel that someone appreciates you. For the emotional and physical gestures of affection.
/r/seduction10/09/21 06:24 AM
1

This is the book I read https://www.amazon.com/Reinventing-Your-Life-Breakthough-Negative-ebook/dp/B0776JJ6L8/
/r/seduction08/09/21 05:51 AM
2

One thing that might help is to ask yourself: what qualities make someone worthy of the affection of others? Do you need a lot of money? Do you need to be good looking? Do you need a high-paying career? In my opinion the important qualities are: - be able to set boundaries. Don't compromise on yourself, because you hope others will like/love you. When someone does something that bothers you, tell them in a non-confrontational way - be affectionate/supportive. Hug, kiss, give compliments, not bec…
/r/seduction08/09/21 05:51 AM
3

If believed I had quite a few things for that list, I don't believe I'd have low self-esteem in the first place lol. Well, here are 3 things to get you started, things that others would die to have: - you are tall - you are fit - you are physically strong ​ Yeah, this just wouldn't work for me as my brain has already made up my opinion of myself, but it's definitely an interesting suggestion that could could people who are still early in their low self-esteem path. Maybe my own story will make y…
/r/seduction07/09/21 12:07 PM
1

You could tell him you enjoyed the conversation you had with him and that you want to hang out and do something you discovered you both like.
/r/seduction07/09/21 07:38 AM
11

Your approach anxiety most likely comes from a really low self-esteem. You don't feel like a prize. Maybe you're looking for a woman to love you, so you can feel valuable as a person. What you could do is list out all the things that make you attractive and a catch for women. I'm sure you have quite a few things to put on that list. Then practice *feeling* like you are a catch. You have the list to back up the feeling. Do it often, because you have to override years of feeling worthless. That lo…
/r/seduction07/09/21 07:10 AM
26

Being in shape cuts out more insecurities you could have and that could stop you from approaching women, but it doesn't cut out all of them. You could still feel insecure about the fact that you don't know how to hold an interesting conversation or that you're ashamed of showing you're sexually attracted to a woman. Each of these you need to target specifically. You can do that by putting yourself in situations where you feel relatively comfortable, you do the action you're afraid of and you not…
/r/seduction07/09/21 05:41 AM
4

Yeah, I imagine that is discouraging. Just like in relationships, you don't necessarily find the right person from the first try. It also depends on the school of thought they follow, because there are many. If you want to try to do this by yourself, you can. You could read a book about Internal Family Systems and try the process they describe there. Another therapeutic approach that could help is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Or you could look up the book The Body Keeps the Score. …
/r/seduction26/08/21 03:48 PM
1

Would you feel bad if that woman found out you have desire for her? Because she saw it in your eyes, for example. I second the suggestion someone else made in the comments: therapy can help with this. A therapeutic method that could help is named Internal Family Systems.
/r/seduction26/08/21 03:28 PM
3

Do you have shame around sexuality and around expressing your sexuality? Do you think it's "bad" for you to feel sexually attracted to a woman you just saw? This could be one reason for your fears: you're afraid of being judged for showing that you want to have sex.
/r/seduction26/08/21 02:51 PM
50

His focus on race comes from the fact that a lot of Asian guys are insecure about their race when it comes to meeting women. So he wanted to show that it's not a show stopper.
/r/seduction24/08/21 01:53 PM
6

Glad I helped you become aware of this. If you want to look into it deeper, this is the book I read on schema therapy: https://www.amazon.com/Reinventing-Your-Life-Breakthough-Negative-ebook/dp/B0776JJ6L8/
/r/seduction22/08/21 05:45 AM
8

Have you considered she just wants to fuck?
/r/seduction22/08/21 05:03 AM
1

That's just one of the signs. The more of these behaviors she displays, the more likely it is that she's not interested. If it's just this, then she probably doesn't spend much time on the phone.
/r/seduction22/08/21 05:00 AM
37

Even if she likes you, she has too many insecurities that make her go cold on you when you get too close . Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about it. You have to let go of her. One thing to be aware of is that you might have a pattern of feeling attracted to this kind of women. One sign would be if you feel uncomfortable if a woman is very friendly and forward and shows clear signs she likes you. If you're curious about the psychology, you can read about schema therapy.
/r/seduction22/08/21 04:57 AM
2

You sound confident. That's what probably drew her in.
/r/seduction20/08/21 05:22 AM
1

Ok, it sounds like you have a method that works for you, since you are that cocky. I understand then why you won't listen to something that contradicts what you're doing. If what you're doing makes you happy, keep doing it. If it doesn't, reconsider your beliefs.
/r/seduction18/08/21 06:22 AM
0

If your instinct tells you to impress her, you convey the message that you aren't likeable enough just as you are. Think of it like this, do you believe Leonardo Di Caprio feels he needs to impress his dates? "Of course not", you will say, "because he has very high status". But you don't need his status to be liked by women. It's enough to feel good in your own skin and to be able to offer affection with very little drama. If you don't feel you have that, therapy can help. Or you can read about …
/r/seduction18/08/21 05:12 AM
22

Here's a more specific example: Don't pretend that you like something only because she likes it. Own what you think and feel even if she disagrees. Of course, don't try to convince her you are right and she is wrong. You simply have different maps of this reality. You've worked your whole life to build these maps, so don't shit on hers (like she shouldn't shit on yours), even if it seems wrong.
/r/seduction18/08/21 04:56 AM
1

Likely because you don't have low self-esteem for example. If you did, maybe you looked for a woman to love you so you could feel valuable. That would be a major turn off for her.
/r/seduction12/08/21 07:41 PM
2

I would say the key to social circle game is that people have a healthy attitude towards sex (less or no shame). That is, if we find each other attractive and have sex, great. If that stops happening from one side, there should be little to no drama. This may be harder to find depending on the culture of your country. In this respect, cold approaching does look simpler and also gives you more options. The main thing is to push through the initial fear and have enough awareness that you gradually…
/r/seduction12/08/21 01:09 PM
2

It's not dirty if you see making friends as a goal in itself. But if you find it hard to connect to people that will be difficult to do. It's not something to feel bad about. But it's something you can work on through therapy. I know because I've been there. I've only recently started to feel comfortable around people and just enjoy meeting and spending time with them.
/r/seduction12/08/21 04:47 AM
1

Good luck!
/r/seduction12/08/21 04:34 AM
1

Good luck then!
/r/seduction11/08/21 02:44 PM
3

Sure, and some can while others can't. Those who can't hopefully seek help in one way or another.
/r/seduction11/08/21 02:40 PM
3

You could put some of that big bank account into therapy. You will enjoy life more.
/r/seduction11/08/21 04:51 AM
5

Why do you say that?
/r/seduction11/08/21 04:46 AM
1

Would all this matter if you approached them to ask for directions?
/r/seduction11/08/21 04:43 AM
2

Do you believe you can't find people with a growth mindset who can be your friends?
/r/seduction11/08/21 04:40 AM
2

I think there is a key point in your success. You act confident and you interact with people and they respond in a positive way, right? This is what is turning that fake confidence into real one, because your mind discovers that some of the assumptions it made were wrong. Not saying this to detract from your point. Just trying to find an explanation. In any case, I think it's great that you found a method that works for you and thanks for clarifying. Now I understand where you're coming from.
/r/seduction10/08/21 06:31 PM
1

I agree that you can override these negative patterns with things like self-talk, visualisations, etc. Of course, the stronger the patterns, the longer and more consistently you have to use these positive reinforcement mechanisms. At the same time, positive self-talk can simply be a way to ignore reality, so there is some nuance to how you use it.
/r/seduction10/08/21 03:37 PM
4

I get where you're coming from. There is a therapeutic method called Internal Family System. It says we have something called Self. This Self is open to experience. However, certain adverse experiences create parts of the mind that are afraid, angry, or ashamed for example. Then, every time that situation repeats itself, that part springs into action and drives our behavior. These are usually child parts, because the adverse experiences happened in childhood. When that child part gets triggered,…
/r/seduction10/08/21 01:51 PM
1

You're welcome!
/r/seduction10/08/21 08:34 AM
3

I didn't make this up. Look up attachment theory and schema therapy. They talk about this in more detail and also give you methods to work with.
/r/seduction10/08/21 08:34 AM
7

Not everybody can fake it. Some men have self-esteem low enough that their neediness comes off in every interaction. Or it comes off at the important part: when they ask her on a date or when they want to escalate.
/r/seduction10/08/21 05:08 AM
44

The thing is that insecure, low self-esteem, needy self isn't your real self either. It's more like a child version of you that didn't receive enough love and considers itself unworthy and unlovable. With therapy, you can help it realize that, as an adult, you have more agency and you're not so dependent on other people the way you are as a child.
/r/seduction10/08/21 05:04 AM
1

Sounds like you might have a low self-esteem. If you can afford therapy and feel comfortable with it, I recommend doing that with the therapies I mentioned above. Otherwise, there are books about these therapies that also have practices. You read those, do the practices consistently and you will change for the better.
/r/seduction03/08/21 05:14 AM
1

But like in general who cares what you look like? Why can’t people just be nice lol. I'm assuming these are rhetorical questions :) Everybody is carrying around different levels of trauma. It makes some aggressive and others passive. But it's good you found a way to increase and protect your self-esteem. That's important.
/r/seduction29/07/21 03:50 PM
2

I can relate to at least some of your experience. I've worked on myself a lot, both inner work (heal trauma, integrate limiting beliefs) and also "outer" work (get in shape, let my hair grow long, grow a beard) and I noticed that some people (both men and women) tend to be more aggressive in some situations. I think it's because they assume that I've always looked like this and I have a high self-esteem. I think it's also because, if they like you, they feel vulnerable, because they think you wi…
/r/seduction29/07/21 07:19 AM
1

You're welcome!
/r/seduction28/07/21 02:40 PM
2

I know the feeling. I used to be there and I still have a bit of that. There's one process you can try: it's called the Ideal Parent Figure Protocol. Its goal is to seed in the mind wholesome, positive emotions you might have not experienced from your parents (or not enough). Here is a guided version of it (you can skip the introductory part if you're not into Buddhism, meditation, etc.): https://anchor.fm/mxa-with-george-haas/episodes/The-Ideal-Parent-Figure-IPF-Protocol-eiue2j There's a lot to…
/r/seduction28/07/21 07:30 AM
3

Did you manage to overcome your insecurity?
/r/seduction28/07/21 05:37 AM
5

Have you considered therapy. It's possible you have low self-esteem. The goal is to feel like coffee. Some people hate it, but if coffee were a person, it would know that it's valuable because plenty of people love it. What this translates to is that, even if a woman turns you down, you know deep down that you're ok. It's not about you, it's about you not matching what she expects. Depending on your personality, you might not feel comfortable looking for a therapist. Maybe you're more comfortabl…
/r/seduction28/07/21 05:37 AM
14

I would replace "worth" with "compatibility". It doesn't mean she's less worthy if she doesn't have what you're looking for. You two just don't match. You can both be valuable as people but not compatible.
/r/seduction27/07/21 09:24 AM
25

Women have been in plenty of situations where politely saying they're not interested wasn't met with acceptance and understanding. That's why they have to lie in these cases. Don't take it personal. Rather learn to read people and you'll know if she's into you or not.
/r/seduction25/07/21 08:08 PM
6

Outcome Independence is a better phrase than indifference. Indifference implies that, even if she says yes, you won't care. It's more like, even if she says no, you will not be sour about it.
/r/seduction22/07/21 05:01 AM
1

I'm also not a native and he didn't sound disrespectful to me.
/r/seduction20/07/21 07:00 PM
0

That's true, probably because they wouldn't need to feel validated by sleeping with a beautiful woman. But seeking validation is not the only reason why you might want a beautiful woman. You can just like her a lot and think you can both have a good time if you get together. You can also keep in mind that she might have the wrong impression of you, if she rejects you from the start. In any case, I think most people shouldn't attempt this. It's one of those cases where, if you need this advice, y…
/r/seduction15/07/21 07:11 AM
0

It sounds like the key part is that he didn't take the rejections personally. When you take them personally, you get sour and she feels that because you communicate it non-verbally. The interaction can only get worse from there. I think only people with good self-esteem can pull this off.
/r/seduction15/07/21 06:04 AM
2

It sounds like you have low self-esteem when it comes to interacting with women. I mean, in other parts of your life you seem to be doing well, but when it comes to speaking to a woman you turn into that shy boy who thinks doesn't have something interesting to say or can't be liked by a woman for who he is. Your goal is to convince that little boy that what he feels is not true anymore. And you do that through a gradual process. You can remind yourself of all the things you have to offer and do …
/r/seduction15/07/21 05:55 AM
7

You can be the man and still find something that she enjoys as well. And one way to find that is by asking her what she likes, hobbies and stuff.
/r/seduction12/07/21 05:39 AM
2

Fair enough!
/r/seduction10/07/21 08:22 PM
2

You don't want to be approached, even if you find the man attractive? You're worried the interaction will be weird or why?
/r/seduction10/07/21 05:13 AM
2

I don't know how many there are, but I see from time to time comments from women who are as you describe them. Actually, I think your post got hate from two sides: - men who envy you - women who hate you because you're a "player" My feeling is that, even though you go out with so many women, you respect them. Maybe it will help at some point to drop the canned stuff and be more authentic, but that will probably come with experience. Good luck!
/r/seduction30/06/21 04:14 PM
0

I recommend you look at your comments in this thread and see in how many you're shitting on people and in how many you are encouraging. Is that the person you want to be? And if the guy is fake bragging, why does that bother you? How does it affect your life?
/r/seduction30/06/21 05:53 AM
8

Second, you say there was no eye contact after saying you are not attracted to her. Did we read the same post? He said: The girl is really badly shy and barely speaks. There's also zero eye contact. Since I'm not very attracted, I'm not very cheerful to her, Which I interpret as she was so shy that she couldn't even make eye contact. I can't tell what exactly in his post triggered all the women in this thread to be so negative towards him, but to me it sounded like he had a decent attitude towar…
/r/seduction30/06/21 05:47 AM
2

I understand you. I recommend looking into attachment theory[1] and schema therapy[2]. Either you find a therapist that works with this or do practices yourself. A practice designed to work with dysfunctional attachment styles is Ideal Parent Figure Protocol[3]. [1]: https://attachmentrepair.com/attachment-theory/ [2]: http://www.schematherapy.com/id73.htm [3]: https://anchor.fm/mxa-with-george-haas/episodes/The-Ideal-Parent-Figure-IPF-Protocol-eiue2j
/r/seduction28/06/21 03:28 PM
2

Your standards are only as good as how much you can afford to be picky. I mean, if you have a lot to offer, then very attractive women will be attracted to you. Also consider looking into the fact that you don't have great self-esteem and you're looking to women to validate you, to make you feel you are valuable as a person. This holds you back because attractive confident women can afford to be picky and don't want to be your trophy. They want to feel loved for who they are. Just like you do, b…
/r/seduction28/06/21 04:20 AM
1

There are signs, but it's best to just ask if you suspect it and feel comfortable with asking such a direct question. Otherwise, it's just a guessing game.
/r/seduction27/06/21 03:05 PM
1

That's understandable and fair. I was just answering your question, because it seemed that you didn't believe some men do this. I realize now it was more of a rhetorical question.
/r/seduction27/06/21 02:13 PM
3

No, I'm not a therapist. I just read a lot of psychology, because I was trying to understand my fears and what was stopping me from being more comfortable with women. My understanding is that events in our childhood make us have a low self-esteem. In some areas of our lives, we can overcome this. For example, professionally I feel confident and successful. I know I am valuable and even if a client gives "negative" feedback, it doesn't sting that badly. But when it comes to women, I've never felt…
/r/seduction27/06/21 02:01 PM
2

Of course they do, because they're afraid that if they show too much interest, they'll come across as desperate. The problem is that if they're needy, that will show no matter what they do.
/r/seduction27/06/21 01:43 PM
3

It's possible she was interested, but she backed off, because she felt you are needy. The fact that this affected you so much might be a clue that you have low self-esteem and you're looking for a woman to love you, so you feel better about yourself. I say this, because that was my pattern for years and I only recently discovered it. Other clues to support my hypothesis above: - you feel you don't have much to offer - you feel you need to impress women so they like you - you don't understand why…
/r/seduction27/06/21 01:40 PM
6

I'd recommend Mode ONE. Using the terms from that book, you're hovering around Mode 4 now with Mode 1 being the most effective.
/r/seduction27/06/21 01:31 PM
1

I know that is the test that these things I'm talking about help with real life: if I actually get the girl. Well, no, I'm not with a girl I like yet. I've only realized the things I'm talking about around a month ago and my mind is still integrating them. However, I do find it easier to talk to women I don't know (yesterday I chatted with an exchange student at a terrace). I'm also not afraid to show a woman I find her attractive (while keeping in mind she might not be interested, so I don't pu…
/r/seduction26/06/21 05:57 AM
6

Sounds like you handled it with tact.
/r/seduction24/06/21 05:35 AM
2

I've had experiences similar to yours: women would show so many signs they were attracted to me, but I was to afraid to act. Sometimes I did act though, but they turned me down every time. This was baffling to me, but I think I found an explanation. I think this strong fear of approach comes from the fact that a possible rejection is a reminder that we feel unloved and maybe unworthy of love. Since we had so many years of loneliness, this need to feel loved has grown stronger and the pain of not…
/r/seduction24/06/21 05:31 AM
1

Where did I say anything about manipulating? When I said methods, I was referring to therapeutic methods. I said from my first comment that it's all about working on your self-esteem and the rest will follow. How did you get the idea that I'm suggesting manipulating anyone?
/r/seduction24/06/21 05:00 AM
1

There are men who have never been with a woman, even though they are in their 20s or 30s. What do you think they are more likely to believe: a) they simply haven't found someone to appreciate them for who they are OR b) there is something wrong with them, they are unlovable Even though b) is wrong, it's what these people end up believing and it acts like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I agree with you that they can work with this, but they need the right methods and they need to be aware that this …
/r/seduction23/06/21 07:59 AM
1

I'm assuming you've tried a lot of things to give you more courage or feel better about yourself. And they didn't work as you would have liked, so you feel discouraged. If that's the case, I can only mention some directions you could have missed. Maybe they take you were you want to go. You most likely have a dysfunctional attachment style (this term comes from attachment theory). What this means is that you probably have low self-esteem and you feel that people wouldn't like or love you for who…
/r/seduction23/06/21 05:39 AM
17

Who said it was a competition? That was to show he rarely finds women he feels attracted to. Hence the starting question. Sure, he could have worded it differently, but you don't have to automatically assume it's only about the numbers.
/r/seduction23/06/21 05:31 AM
6

All these things come naturally, if you work on your self-esteem. It's hard next to impossible to be confident and relaxed when every interaction with a woman can be a reminder that you feel worthless as a person and don't deserve to be loved.
/r/seduction23/06/21 05:20 AM
2

You're welcome! Yesterday, an idea related to cold approach popped into my head. Maybe you'll find it useful. Normally, we approach a woman because we want something from her (sex, affection). Especially, if we have low self-esteem, we feel that we have nothing to give. But if we focus on the fact that we can also give (sex, affection, a laugh), I feel that changes the feeling around the approach. We're less afraid to do it, because we feel we're giving her something of value. Of course, she mig…
/r/seduction19/06/21 05:10 AM
1

If your strategy works for you, then keep doing it. But if you're starting to notice fewer and fewer good interactions or relationships with men, consider the fact that you're overly cautious. You could work on your feeling of safety in general, because I suspect you feel unsafe most of the time when you're walking about. You might consider this feeling normal, but it's not (unless you live in a place with a high crime rate). I a man and I used to have it, although I didn't live in a shady neigh…
/r/seduction18/06/21 05:28 AM
2

It's ok to tell her you liked her and that was your reason for approaching her. You're just making intentions explicit. It's called a direct approach as opposed to an indirect approach where you try to find a valid reason for the conversation.
/r/seduction18/06/21 05:13 AM
1

They're not shitty people. They're in a shitty place mentally.
/r/seduction18/06/21 05:10 AM
2

Since you're the do it yourself type, also look into attachment theory (and ideal parent figure protocol) and schema therapy. The idea is that some things can't be healed with spoken therapy. That's where the ideal parent figure protocol comes in. If you've been alone for a long time, you most likely give a needy vibe, a vibe of "I need you to like me so I can feel valuable as a person". You can message me if you have questions about these things. I've been going through the same process.
/r/seduction18/06/21 05:08 AM
1

I've had the same issue for the longest time and I think I figured out why. It's because you're a different person when you're approaching than when they're staring at you. When you're approaching, you're nervous, you possibly come out as needy since you haven't been with a woman in a long time. It's also possible you're looking for a woman to like you so that you feel valuable as a person. All this puts a lot of pressure on the interaction and on her so of course she tends to blow you off. What…
/r/seduction18/06/21 04:57 AM
2

Yes, that's a healthy outlook.
/r/seduction12/06/21 03:06 PM
4

I'm glad to hear you're at that point. We need more women who feel secure and confident with themselves. That way their passion and love are stronger. Yes, the mindset is a lot. I get a lot of attention now, but my self-esteem is still fragile. That stops me from being more forward when I see a woman I like, because a rejection reminds me of how unloved I feel. I'm working now with that part of my mind to help it realize that that's an outdated response.
/r/seduction12/06/21 08:15 AM
6

There's another benefit to working out (especially with heavy weights) that people don't consider: it increases your testosterone and you feel more confident. So, go for it. Start small, get into the groove of lifting. Don't go all out from the beginning. You'll be too sore and you're mind will find any kind of excuse to avoid working out after that.
/r/seduction12/06/21 08:05 AM
9

Those introverted guys who worked out may look like a prince, but on the inside they still feel like a toad. This is the situation I'm in right now.
/r/seduction12/06/21 08:03 AM
3

Would you say that you have an issue with your self-esteem? Like you wouldn't understand why people would want to be your friends. Or you feel you need to impress women in order to like you? If that is the case, you're afraid of approaching women and showing them you like them, because a rejection is a strong reminder that you feel undesirable. You could work on this with a therapist. Or, if you're more comfortable working on your own, look into attachment theory and schema therapy.
/r/seduction12/06/21 08:00 AM
1

Calling people's parents intellectually disabled is helping them? Careful with how you justify your behaviors to yourself. It might take you to a dark place emotionally.
/r/seduction12/06/21 07:55 AM
7

How comfortable are you with showing a woman that you're attracted to her? Can you show her that just from the way you look at her? To put it another way: look for how much shame you feel towards sex.
/r/seduction11/06/21 06:17 AM
1

I know.
/r/seduction10/06/21 06:49 AM
2

I've been there (still am a little bit), so I know how that feels. The problem with this perception is that it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. For one, it stops you from being more playful and creative. And playful and creative people are fun to be around. Maybe you're already like that or funny or caring and that's why friends and family are fucking with you, as you put it.
/r/seduction10/06/21 06:48 AM
3

Most likely, deep inside you don't feel valuable as a person. In that case, a rejection reaffirms that feeling that you're not valuable, so of course it hurts a lot. In Schema Therapy, there's a schema called Worthlessness. People for whom this schema is strong don't understand why people would want to be friends with them. Or they feel they need to impress a partner in order to be liked. They can't fathom being liked just for who they are.
/r/seduction10/06/21 05:37 AM
3

Having solved their attachment issues for one (see attachment theory). Most people don't feel whole and they seek someone to feel complete or valuable as human beings. This seeking has a slight or strong sense of desperation (after all, who feels comfortable with a part of them missing?) When you feel whole, you perceive someone's presence in your life as a bonus not as a necessity.
/r/seduction10/06/21 05:33 AM
1

If you're feeling bad, hurting others won't make you feel better.
/r/seduction31/05/21 05:53 AM
10

I like the way you think!
/r/seduction31/05/21 05:42 AM
2

You do have a bank of things. You're not aware of it, because your mind blocks it from coming into consciousness. You can even describe what you see in front of you to get into the groove of just talking casually.
/r/seduction24/05/21 05:07 AM
1

As far as it feels comfortable. You shouldn't strain. And you're not focusing. You're opening up your awareness of the periphery. You're becoming aware of the blurry parts at the sides of your field of vision. Also, don't worry about getting this perfect. You're most likely already able to do it, but you're worrying about not doing it "right".
/r/seduction21/05/21 05:28 AM
2

It's easier if you start by sitting somewhere and looking in front of you. As you do that, you can widen your field of vision. If weather permits, you can go outside, lie down on the ground and look at the sky. Your field of vision will widen naturally.
/r/seduction20/05/21 07:17 PM
3

You're not focusing on them, because you're still looking straight ahead. But if you're looking very focused, you lose awareness of the peripheral vision. Another way to put it is that you're widening your field of vision. You're becoming aware of what you see with the corner of your eye, without directing your eye there. Maybe it helps to imagine that you're looking through the eyes of a video game character, like in a first-person shooter.
/r/seduction20/05/21 05:43 PM
2

It's not bs. Try it!
/r/seduction20/05/21 01:27 PM
3

Become aware of the things that are in your peripheral vision. Normally, you're only aware of what you see in front of you, but you can also become aware of the fuzzy stuff found at the sides.
/r/seduction20/05/21 01:24 PM
2

I think she just wasn't into him and she wanted to let him down nicely.
/r/seduction18/05/21 11:32 AM
7

Alphas don't worry about the drinks they order
/r/seduction14/05/21 05:33 AM
9

Maybe they test you, because they feel that you're faking it. Or they're insecure and they constantly need reassurance. If I checked once whether you speak Russian, why would I need to constantly keep checking?
/r/seduction11/05/21 05:50 AM
5

Confident women don't do this. Just insecure ones.
/r/seduction11/05/21 05:48 AM
3

I like your outlook in life!
/r/seduction11/05/21 05:44 AM
1

It can help you heal the emotional scars that make you afraid to talk to women, for example.
/r/seduction08/05/21 07:23 AM
2

If you want to understand why your mind reacts in that way, look into the book The Body Keeps the Score. It also has some therapeutic modalities you could try.
/r/seduction08/05/21 07:19 AM
2

At the same time, having sex will solve one of the causes of his neediness, because he's probably needy. He could also become more comfortable with sex, because he might have issues there as well.
/r/seduction28/04/21 01:37 PM
2

Some sex is better than no sex.
/r/seduction28/04/21 01:32 PM
3

Stop going to that sub then. It gives you a distorted view of reality.
/r/seduction28/04/21 05:42 AM
1

I'm not saying the people in the article don't exist. They may even be in the majority. But not **all** people are like that. However, imagine the guy in the video you gave me, and picture him constantly looking down or having shifty eyes and making awkward pauses. Would women find him as attractive? Looks matter, but looks without self-confidence don't matter as much as people think. I would wager self-confidence matters more, because it shows you have your shit together and can handle whatever…
/r/seduction27/04/21 06:16 AM
1

Ok, I hope your beliefs serve you well then. Or if they don't, I hope you realize it sooner rather than later. In any case, I wish you well!
/r/seduction26/04/21 09:15 AM
3

There was a comment in another thread today from a guy who is disfigured and he still had sex. Maybe that will help you let go of this limiting belief that you need good looks to find someone.
/r/seduction25/04/21 05:04 PM
10

You don't need skills. You need to solve your traumas. You don't need to add stuff. You need to integrate all those experiences that made you not believe in yourself, not be able to love yourself and others. Look up attachment theory, schema therapy and The Body Keeps the Score for ways to go about this. Good luck!
/r/seduction25/04/21 05:01 PM
9

I think OP missed to emphasise a point: it's not about how much money you have. It's whether that influences your self-esteem and self-confidence. You can have little money, but value yourself and have confidence in yourself. You can also have money but lack confidence. Then women will only fuck you for your money and you will tend to draw that kind of women. It's true that money can reduce your worries, but you still have to work on your self-esteem and self-worth if you have issues.
/r/seduction13/04/21 01:13 PM
2

If you can't be open about this next time you're with a woman, I recommend seeing a therapist. You've developed a fear that you will be lousy in bed and now this acts like a self-fulfilling prophecy. A good therapist will help you learn how to be relaxed next time you're in bed with a woman. That will allow you to not put pressure on yourself and enjoy the moment instead.
/r/seduction04/04/21 02:44 PM
1

You know about what *you* like not about what every woman likes. At the same time, yes, a guy shouldn't assume women like to be chocked or spit on or whatever. Check with her or try and see her reaction if you think you can read people. Better to ask if you're not sure.
/r/seduction04/04/21 06:49 AM
8

Next time you're with a woman, you could tell her about the fact that you tense up. She will most likely be understanding and you will also relax. You could also ask her what she likes, if she knows, and ask her to guide you. You're not a performer on a stage. The idea is to enjoy each other
/r/seduction04/04/21 06:44 AM
2

If you were to assess yourself, what do you think you're doing wrong?
/r/seduction04/04/21 06:40 AM
1

The idea is to be assertive. One way to show you're assertive is by setting boundaries. A lot of attractive women can manipulate men, because those men want to sleep with them and they think that by pleasing the woman they will get to fuck her. In reality, the opposite happens. The woman loses interest and she just uses them man for validation and free stuff. On the other hand, if you value yourself, you won't put up with her shit. You'll set boundaries and she'll respect that. Further more, she…
/r/seduction03/04/21 10:56 AM
5

Sorry, mate, but you sound bitter. Keep in mind that this might come off in your interactions with women. So if some of them go south, this might be a reason. I'm telling you this with the best intentions. I hope it serves you well!
/r/seduction22/03/21 07:17 AM
1

Hope it serves you well!
/r/seduction21/03/21 06:09 PM
2

Look into Schema Therapy and different schemas that we adopt through out our lives. It sounds like you have a few. Here's a page about it: http://www.schematherapy.com/id73.htm
/r/seduction21/03/21 05:40 AM
1

They are visible through the actions someone takes.
/r/seduction16/03/21 06:50 AM
2

Find a different therapist. Not all methodologies and not all therapists are equal. For example, look into attachment theory and schema therapy.
/r/seduction14/03/21 08:00 AM
1

I think you are confusing two things. I'm not saying good looks don't make it easier to get women. Yes, good looks make it easier to get women. What I'm saying is that you can compensate the lack of good looks through: wearing nice clean clothes that fit, being in good physical shape, grooming yourself, having self confidence, having a pleasant personality. If you don't accept this, then what's your alternative? Resign yourself to the idea that you'll never get a woman you want?
/r/seduction03/01/21 08:22 PM
8

Consider the fact that you could have unconscious behaviors that make you unattractive to women. Imagine a man who is playful, relaxed, making light banter and not getting defensive. Do you think women like to hang around him? I'm not saying you should feel bad or a lesser man for not being like that. I'm saying that you have certain beliefs about the world that stop you from being like that. I second looking at therapy. If you want to read more about it, you could look into Schema Therapy. It t…
/r/seduction03/01/21 08:16 AM
1

Overthinking is a symptom of insecurity. That's like telling someone "Stop being insecure!". You can't do it if you don't heal the causes.
/r/seduction25/12/20 01:05 PM
1

This is the answer, but it's hard to replicate if you're not there mentally. It's hard to tell you're being needy while you're being needy. But do the work: therapy, meditation and you'll get there.
/r/seduction25/12/20 01:00 PM
1

Just remember that those men are actually hurt, traumatized people. They want love just like everybody else. Unfortunately they don't know how to get it and end up hurting others.
/r/seduction19/12/20 01:32 PM
2

Besides what the other person said, you could look what you're putting in your friendships unconsciously. You could be giving out a message that draws the wrong people. One simple example: how often do you complain in a given day? Btw, I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. We all have our blind spots. Hopefully you realize which ones you have and draw around you the kind of people that will lift you up.
/r/seduction14/12/20 07:25 AM
2

How will you meet someone if you don't get over this?
/r/seduction07/12/20 01:44 PM
3

Some thoughts that popped into my mind: You could become more efficient with your learning. There's a thing called spaced repetition and an app for it (Anki). This allows you to memorize things more efficiently. There's also a book called Ultralearning by Scott Young with many tactics and tools for more efficient learning. Another thing: more time spent learning does not equal more retention. Breaks and walks help the mind process information. Regarding the other people: look for partners who wi…
/r/seduction06/12/20 08:35 AM
0

I wasn't forcing anything. I was making a suggestion that they could take it as a compliment, if they can do that. He answered below that sometimes they insist, which I understand is unwanted and even uncomfortable.
/r/seduction01/12/20 08:29 PM
1

If they insist, then I understand why it's uncomfortable. I don't know if you're giving the wrong vibe. You could ask the next one, if you're feeling bold enough :)
/r/seduction30/11/20 03:34 PM
1

I recommend therapy or other tools to develop your self esteem. For example, it's healthy to learn to set boundaries and tell people that they make you feel uncomfortable. Or ask them if they want to tell you something. This might be something you're not even dreaming of doing now, but it's something you can grow into.
/r/seduction30/11/20 02:25 PM
3

Why do you want it to change? Just take the compliment. I'm sure they can tell from your response that you're not interested, so they won't insist. If that's what you're afraid of.
/r/seduction30/11/20 02:23 PM
2

I was talking to the person who said they were shy and awkward, but it's good that you're doing it and I'm glad it's helping. Wish you well!
/r/seduction28/11/20 04:14 PM
2

Can you afford therapy? It could help you with your shyness.
/r/seduction27/11/20 08:21 PM
2

Have you experimented with meditation? There's a particular technique that will help with your self-esteem, if you use it consistently.
/r/seduction05/11/20 02:54 PM
12

I'm sorry, but most nice guys do think that their niceness is genuine. However, what would possess you to give so much of yourself if you didn't expect her to reward you with her affection? It sounds like you went out of your way to be there for her. You didn't have something better to do with your time? And btw, there's nothing wrong with wanting affection from a woman. It's perfectly natural. But acting nice in order to get it is not the way, as you have discovered. It's only a path to frustra…
/r/seduction02/11/20 08:25 AM
1

I agree with you about betting on Inner Game. With my questions, I wanted to hint at the fact that we are loveable just as we area. But, because we believe we're not good enough, we sabotage ourselves. We don't even try to talk to that cute girl who's looking at us. Sure, that doesn't mean that we should let ourselves go. But if we accept ourselves, the opposite happens. We start to love all the parts of us and we start living a life that is healthy for us. Because we let go of all the coping be…
/r/seduction28/10/20 07:12 PM
1

What if women find you attractive the way you are right now? No improvements necessary. How does that make you feel?
/r/seduction27/10/20 08:02 PM
1

See if working with these questions and ideas helps: https://drive.google.com/file/d/19BCxcTlM1loSwpnmZSNtyp_jQsNtDDJS/view
/r/seduction27/10/20 07:59 PM
1

And you don't want to do that?
/r/seduction04/10/20 07:08 PM
1

How do men meet women where you live?
/r/seduction04/10/20 07:36 AM
1

Ok, then you read a woman in the same way. She may bitchy or she may sarcastic, because that's how she's used to interacting with men who approach her. Each of these emotions feel differently. With one she seems serious, with the other there's a joking air to it. One extra difficulty might appear if you're nervous when you interact with a woman for the first time. This could prevent you from reading her.
/r/seduction03/10/20 06:24 PM
3

Can you tell from the body language what emotion someone is conveying? Are they joking? Are they serious? Are they shy? Maybe you're not in contact with your emotions enough. Usually, your mind can read the other person's emotions, but maybe you're not consciously aware of it. Meditation can help you get access to that information, because you develop your (internal) awareness.
/r/seduction03/10/20 06:06 PM
3

If you feel shame, you could think about the fact that it's perfectly normal: - to feel attracted to a woman - to show her that Of course, the fact that you're showing her you're attracted to her doesn't imply any obligation on her part. You're simply letting her know. And if you're doing it in a more subtle way there doesn't have be any awkwardness. For example, you can look at her or smile in "that way". If you don't know how to do that, you could look at Hank Moody from Californication or at …
/r/seduction25/09/20 10:09 AM
6

How do you feel about showing a woman you feel attracted to her? Do you feel fear or shame at that thought? Because that's what might be stopping you from creating that sexual tension.
/r/seduction25/09/20 05:47 AM
4

I recommend going to therapy if you can afford it. A good therapist should be able to help with the anxiety. Alternatively, look into meditation, specifically a practice like metta (loving-kindness). Don't think it's just a sissy thing. There are studies that show it helps with anxiety.
/r/seduction25/09/20 05:43 AM
3

It's about how you feel inside, not about the words. It's the emotion you convey.
/r/seduction16/09/20 06:24 AM
2

Can you talk more about the process through which you identified your ideas, values, goals?
/r/seduction16/09/20 06:21 AM
5

I identify a lot with his words. Even more, if I had to pick something from his comment, it would be this: "I spent a lot of time really thinking about who I am, what I want in a relationship, what I want in my life, and how I want to get there. I gained confidence in that way because I knew where I wanted to be and what it takes to get there. And that inherently made me value myself more." Having a clear answer to this really gives you a lot confidence in everything. You know you want to get to…
/r/seduction16/09/20 06:20 AM
16

What you look like is not only about the shape of your body. It's also about posture and the emotions you show on your face and your body. And those are related to who you are. Women are attracted to confident men.
/r/seduction11/09/20 06:18 AM
3

Look up a meditation technique called metta or loving-kindness. In case you find it hard to give yourself love, look at a related practice called forgiveness meditation.
/r/seduction11/09/20 06:16 AM
1

Are you aware of the normal distribution? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normal_distribution
/r/seduction23/08/20 04:08 AM
1

It can be, but not necessarily. A normal height or weight aren't subjective.
/r/seduction22/08/20 01:41 PM
4

There are multiple definitions of "normal" and you seem to be operating with different ones. One definition just means that normal is the norm, aka the majority. Another definition implies that not normal means there's something wrong with you.
/r/seduction21/08/20 11:15 AM
1

It's also possible she's afraid of commitment. I don't know if there's anything you can do in that case.
/r/seduction19/08/20 07:01 PM
2

To me it sounds like you have some neediness. Even the fact that you want to flip the script shows that and she can feel it. You're going to lose her anyway, so you might as well accept it. That will make you act more casual around her and she will feel it if that happens.
/r/seduction19/08/20 03:45 PM
3

If I understood you, you are afraid you will lose her?
/r/seduction16/08/20 02:22 PM
2

You're welcome. I hope you give it a chance or that at least you find what you need.
/r/seduction30/05/20 06:40 PM
3

Man, considering looking into trauma release and integration. You may believe you have no such thing, but we all do. I'm not talking about war veteran level trauma, but if you can't be yourself, it means you learned early in your childhood that it's not safe to be yourself. A good overview of how childhood trauma affects and what we can do about it is in a book called The Body Keeps the Score.
/r/seduction30/05/20 07:42 AM
3

I agree. I think most people's issues with dating and finding a partner lies in their developmental trauma (their childhood experiences). It's those experiences that made them stop loving each other or become needy and stressed or fear abandonment, like you mentioned. This subreddit and not only could have a big poster saying "Heal your trauma!".
/r/seduction23/05/20 07:18 PM
9

I really hope people read your comment, even though it's a longer one. If offers a really valuable perspective.
/r/seduction23/05/20 01:38 PM
1

Well, it does hurt, but isn't it true that we are nothing to some people? Also, there might be a different reason for the ghosting. If some guy blew up at a girl who rejected him, of course she will be more inclined to ghost the next guy she doesn't like.
/r/seduction23/05/20 01:36 PM
3

Look into Schema Therapy. It has a systematic approach to these lifetraps as it calls them: abandonment, vulnerability, worthlessness.
/r/seduction27/04/20 09:04 AM
1

Good for you. Wish you well!
/r/seduction16/02/20 06:08 PM
8

Look into a book called No More Mr Nice Guy. From what I can tell, you tend to put others' needs above yours. Maybe you also have shame regarding showing your sexuality as a man. For example, there's nothing shameful about being attracted to a woman and wanting to have sex. There's nothing shameful about showing her that, as long as you accept that she has the right to say no.
/r/seduction15/02/20 01:05 PM
2

I recommend reading No More Mr. Nice Guy. The book will help you identify and eliminate thought patterns that make you act weak, needy and fearful around women. It will help you learn how to be a man, how to set boundaries, how to feel like you can handle stuff that life throws at you. It will show you how to grow into a man that women find attractive as long as you do the work.
/r/seduction24/12/19 01:22 PM
1

Kindly please learn to speak to a stranger without insulting him. Cheers!
/r/seduction30/05/19 05:45 AM
2

You can lift weights and work your heart and lungs at the same time. If the weights are challenging enough, you will make that heart work plenty. All I'm saying that if you were to choose between weight lifting and cardio, you should go with the first, since it also works the circulatory system.
/r/seduction28/05/19 11:47 AM
5

First, stop doing cardio and start lifting weights. Second, I'm not saying it's not harder to make girls attractive to you, if you don't look that attractive. But women find self-confidence a lot more attractive than looks. So at least work on what you can improve.
/r/seduction26/05/19 08:29 PM
1

I think you should try different things, but the outcome should be the same: you should feel that you've forgiven yourself for something you did or didn't do. Just like you feel you've forgiven someone else. ​ Remember or imagine how you felt when you last forgave someone and direct that feeling towards yourself.
/r/seduction21/12/18 06:45 PM
1

Well, you don't try this shit in Walmart, just like you don't go hunting in the desert. You go to the right places.
/r/seduction17/04/18 05:36 PM
1

I recommend Mark Manson's book, Models. It describes well the qualities that women find attractive in a man.
/r/seduction26/02/17 06:45 PM
1

I will give an example to better explain what I mean. Let's imagine a woman with a boyfriend. She goes out with some people and in that social circle there are also men. She will have her guard up, because she doesn't want to feel attracted to some of them. But if she speaks to a guy who has the right qualities, she will start to feel attracted to him, even if she doesn't want to. She can't make herself not feel those feelings. Just like you can't make yourself not love someone, once you've fall…
/r/seduction25/02/17 05:22 PM
6

A woman can make a conscious decision to not be attracted to you, thus that woman has made a choice that you are not attractive to her. I don't agree it works like this. Maybe a woman can decide at one point that you're not attractive to her. However, if the interaction between the two of you continues and you behave in a certain way, she will start to feel attracted to you. Most women are attracted to certain personality traits and if you display them, they will start to feel attracted, even if…
/r/seduction24/02/17 10:17 PM
7

Do the Mountain Pose every morning. It helped with my posture. http://www.yogabasics.com/asana/mountain/
/r/seduction15/11/16 08:36 PM
3

I recommend Mindset by Carol Dweck. It talks about fixed vs growth mindset. I thought I had a growth mindset and the book made me realize I was wrong. Well, I mean I had and I didn't. The book doesn't apply just to dating but to life in general.
/r/seduction14/11/16 02:21 PM
1

Metta (loving kindness) meditation. Through it you condition yourself to feel less afraid of people. It can also help you practice accessing specific emotions (like calm or enthusiasm) until they become automatic. It helped me let go of a lot of my anxiety. Here are some instructions: http://www.theworkbook.org/lovekind.htm If it's not clear to you how this would work, ask away.
/r/seduction19/10/16 01:11 PM
7

That's true. For those people it will be harder to approach a woman. They have to work harder on their personality and self-confidence. I think it's doable though.
/r/seduction14/09/16 07:20 AM
2

You haven't seen hot women with not so good looking men? You believe that all those men have money? Also, do you believe that if a woman doesn't like a guy at first, she can never change her mind?
/r/seduction04/09/16 07:48 PM
1

I understood your English perfectly. What exactly are you doing that you don't like?
/r/seduction31/08/16 08:46 PM
1

I'm glad it helped.
/r/seduction28/08/16 04:08 PM
10

Let's play an imagination game. You're a rock star. You can have any woman you want. You're literally swimming in pussy. Picture that. Imagine how you feel. You don't feel needy at all. You will meet a woman you like, but since you're not needy, you don't express that. Showing attention and showing neediness are two different things. So you will give her your attention, but if it doesn't work out, you won't lose any sleep over it, because you know you'll find five others who you will sleep with.…
/r/seduction26/08/16 09:04 PM
2

What do you think you can't change?
/r/seduction19/08/16 08:32 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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